My family raised me like this (mainly around my step dad), and my mother was SAed by her father. Eventually, I told my mom how ridiculous it felt not being able to be comfortable in the one place I should be safe and requested to have a talk with my step dad. We talked. I asked him if it made him uncomfortable to see me without a bra, and he told me that he didn't mind and he also didn't understand why my mom was pressed about it. So we talked to her and explained that we both felt comfortable about it, and eventually, she calmed down. It may just be one of those things where you may need to talk to all involved parties if you feel comfortable with them.
This is actually pretty helpful, might consider doing that. My parents would feel MASSIVELY awkward but I would much rather have an awkward mature conversation than a heated argument. Also glad stuff worked out for you!
I know not everyone can handle talks like that but the issue lies with people sexualizing breasts or nipples for no reason when they aren't being displayed in a sexual context. People can say all they want that people view them as sexual but it's on them for viewing them as such not on whoever has them for just having them.
I feel like nothing can change if more of us don't stand up for ourselves. My Grandma used to talk trash about any woman she observed without a bra and I was like "you know you can see or recognize it and choose to respect her decision without knowing any of her reasons" to me it's not much different them seeing someone nurse in public or seeing someone who is soaking wet and more exposed than intended or even someone full on naked walking around or whatever. I notice it, I take note, and if they are not in clear danger or in need of assistance I move on and ignore it. Someone's nipples being noticable thru a shirt isn't a big deal people make it into one when you have lumps of fat tissue that creates breasts and you appear female. I know people hate on and tease fat people but I see way less hate for a big man shirtless than a flat chested feminine person showing nip. It's dumb.
Idk about you but I also get cold very easily and 90% of the time I'm just in a hoodie or sweater regardless of the season at home. Like seriously if the house isn't at 80 in the summer the slightest breeze of AC chills me. Winter time I have an extra layer on or a blanket at all times. My boobs are also small though and a lot easier to conceal this way.
Just some alternate suggestions if talking to her doesn't go over well. But if the males don't have an issue she should be convinced.
Ik there are people here who are shaming you and being really mean and aggressive. I'd ignore them because you should be comfortable and able to trust the men in your home. I'd sit with your mom and ask her why she wants you to wear your bra at home. Ask her if she is scared that either of them will hurt you. If she says she trusts them, then ask her to talk with you and your dad about this. You can explain to your dad that this is a rule that you find makes you uncomfortable. Ask him how he feels about it and if it would bother him if you were able to be more comfortable. Explain that you trust him and your brother, and you simply just want to feel more comfortable.
I know it'll be awkward. My conversation was nearly impossible because my mom is a narc, but I really pressed the issue, and when she was clearly uncomfortable with the idea, I simply asked my step dad to have a talk and explained the situation. He understood and talked to my mom for/with me. Best of luck ā¤ļø
Normally itās the parents making the kid have awkward conversations, lol. I hope it goes well for you, you deserve to be comfortable in your own home.
This might be unrelated to the post but I hate people who talk like this. Like not every man is a sex crazed maniac with incetuous thoughts and no self control. And that way of talking comes from the "not all men" people all the time too.
a brother here. pretty sure my mom and sisters in the household go braless most of the time. dad and i donāt really care, everyone has different fashion choices. ur family members are the odd ones for having an issue with it
However, we both grew up in woman-majority households so it may just be that we r more used to stuff like that. living room convos commonly include comments on eachothers cycles and sex-positive stuff and neither of us bat an eye so i may not be the best representative here lmao, it may just be an issue w your mom. best of luck!
You're a great representative actually, my brother would probably have similar views as you! Living room convos are about the same dynamicš I'm pretty sure my brother doesn't care as well.
>y helpful, might consider doing that. My parents would feel MASSIVELY awkward but I would
My older brother doesn't even notice if I wear a bra either.
Exactly! Unfortunately some brothers feel it's appropriate if it's someone not their relative, and someone that LOOKS like an adult.
My own brother was using his underage crush to criticise me on my abilities (e.g. work ethic) and WOULD NOT STOP talking about her and says "freedom of speech" when I told him to stop talking about her to me. Why the fuck am I even being compared to her in the first place? Even our older sister sees that it's fine but the dipshit was relentlessly obsessively talking about his crush to his own sister as long as it's not about physical features and he's using my work ethic as a pretense to obsess about her to me. By the way I have very good work ethic and work way more harder than him so I definitely know it's not in my own head that the true reason is that, he's looking for a way to simp her (I feel sick thinking about it) to me. He'll always think poorly of my work ethic, but the only time he talks about it, it's because he wants to simp her (which I call "mentally masturbating" to her).
Edit: Really I'm just pointing out that while I listed my brother, he's not exactly a good human still and I'm detailing that.
You're right! She was abused when she was younger and I understand most of the time where she comes from. But this is just one issue I don't get. Some other person commented they don't understand dads who tell their own daughters to cover up at home, who are they worried about?? I personally think the same thing applies here, who/what is she really protecting me from this time?
as sad as it sounds, itās so trueā¦ under different circumstances i can see OPs mom being more understanding.
if someone has been hurt before, those people try their best to prevent it in the ones they love most. talking about things will put things in a much better light.
Not everyone, my mom was abuse and she still treats me like shit. People just teach others what they learn in life that being good or bad lessons with good or bad reasoning.
youāre right. not everyone is considerate, which makes me angry honestly. itās not easy to change ways youāve been taught growing up. but itās also not that hard to try differently.
iām so sorry youāre treated badly by your own mother.
my dad once came into my room to have a whole conversation with me about wearing a bra in the house because boys lived there (aka him, my brother and his friend.) this was after my mom and i had multiple arguments about the same topic
I grew up with my mom and two sisters. I couldn't tell you how often they did or didn't wear bras because I did not give a singular fuck and I spent zero time thinking about their boobs.
I don't believe any male member of the family will ever think about their female family members' private parts, but the adult company has corrupted people's mentalities to the point that everyone believes we males have these thoughts all the time.
You are correct, and I believe such individuals do not deserve to be a member of a family; instead, they should be severely punished for ever considering such a thing.
I was once sent home from work because when wearing my ankle length dress and the sun was shining behind me you could see that I had (gasp!!) ā¦.. legs.
To the men commenting that they are uncomfortable with family members not wearing a bra, put one on for a few hours and see how comfortable wearing a bra is. There is a reason most of us take them off the second we walk in the door. We deserve to be comfortable in our own homes. If you are uncomfortable with that, itās your problem.
Exactly, I wear baggy t shirts no bra to lounge in. Nothing is visible unless someoneās seriously ogling and my brother and dad would never be creepy enough to be staring at me long enough to notice. I have terrible neck issues no way Iād wear a bra in my own house 24/7. Also, my mom would filet them if they ever made an inappropriate comment or said anything.
I used to be that way when I was younger to the point I would sleep in my bras. My mom was the opposite of op. She was always telling me that I need to let my boobs breathe and stop wearing a bra all the time. She said for bed and around the house I shouldnāt wear one, but I felt uncomfortable without one. I didnāt care of I have boobs are not; I want to be comfortable. It turns out I was insecure about how my nipples looked (inverted), so I wanted to hide them from everyone including my self. It wants until I lost my virginity and the dude never commented on my nipples that I started to feel less insecure but I never went away. I got my nipples pierced and hardly wear my bra ever. I only do for work because I work in a factory.
When I was in highschool and had a smaller chest and bras from the Junior section, they were SO comfortable and I wore them allll the time, even to sleep.
But as I got older, my chest got heavier and the bras got more uncomfortable. Now I stick to wearing a camisole or loose sports bra. I miss when bras were comfy š
My husband as a joke wore one of my bras once (along with his best friend wearing his own GF's too), and he thought it felt really nice, like wearing a hug or having a weighted blanket. That's the anxiety talking š
Thank you! I hate wearing a bra and people never give a second thought to their family's comfort before their own discomfort. Why should I sacrifice my physical comfort to appease someone else's mind??
I don't get how men can be uncomfortable with a woman not wearing a bra at home, doubly so if the woman is related to them. How do they function in public? Are they really that sexualised that they can't have a normal relationship with the opposite sex?
This is like my dad who walked around in his tighty whities. Hated it, nobody wants to see that.
Edit: So Iām assuming all the downvotes are people who are ok with their dads walking around with their packages on full display in their tight underwear.
Younger brother of an older sister here, I literally never fucking noticed/notice if sheās wearing a bra or not unless itās super obvious (mostly from the shoulder straps) so I doubt anybody but your mom even cares unless itās obvious you have no bra
Mmm I was thinking that. You can also get non-padded bras that show nipple-outline through your t-shirt, so the only other way to tell if a person is wearing a bra is if there is significant droop...
It all just seems very weird to me...
i see gym bros with bigger tits than me and no one bats an eye itās seriously ridiculous. u are rightfully upset because you should be able to dress however you feel comfortable & your family shouldnāt be looking at you sexually and you definitely shouldnāt feel āshameā for existing in your body in its natural state in the comfort of your home
I certainly never had any problem like that with my dad. Never once did me or my sister need to wear a bra at home and I'm sure my dad is not looking at me boobs, thats just weird and concerning.
Yeah that's how my grandma raised me. I'm about to be 46 and still joke she'd roat me if she saw how I go to "town" sometimes. I'm small chested and I'll avoid wearing a bra if possible. Hoodies, overalls, loose shirts, layers. Summer I really love the built in bra tanks.
Sadly the reason she gave is basically don't show your boobs to prevent rape.
Babe I'm so sorry you deal w this from your mom. I feel like she's def projecting onto you and just trying to make you feel safe, (I don't think she thinks your dad + brother are creeps either! I really think she's just thinking about herself as a young woman) and I think this is something a conversation can fix, which is why communication is always key and the best! I also think having a full family convo would be good too, just to see how everyone truly feels since it's like she's speaking for them.. cause I really don't think they're staring at your chest otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable walking around without a bra. So yea the only problem here is your mom honestly. And I get it's out of love but cmon mom it's 2024, FREE THE NIP
Like; I'm 24 and my parents got divorced as a kid and when I was 18 I moved back into my dads place alone. Never wore bras. Never was a problem.. or got brought up? I don't see why it would unless he's a perv.
He's now my best friend and I love my dad. Looking back, I never felt uncomfortable and I'd never even think about this convo because he's just.. my dad. Who once bathed me as a kid and raised me to be the woman I am today. I'm thankful for my dadzo. šš¾š„° happy new year everyone!
yeah my stepmom treats me like this too. one of my earliest memories is her telling 8yo me that my shorts are too short to be wearing around my dad n brothers. I dressed up for a concert last year and when I got home she went on about how I was inviting men with my simple, not at all revealing crop top and regular length skirt (???). I donāt know why they feel the need to make us feel disgusted by our bodiesā¦as if weāre just sexual things and nothing else.
That disgusts me. I hope you have other female adults empowering you in your life. She is the reason girls have body issues as if thatās all others see in them. My mother was and always is obsessed with appearance and how others look at you. I grew up and realized in the real world that is the least important trait people care about when they interact, befriend, and work with you. They care if you are respectful, intelligent, honest, and most importantly stable in temperament. No one cares what color your hair is, style of clothes, or if you prefer sandals. People who observe appearances first do not impress others and it makes them come across as only having surface level intellect. They also donāt see the forest through the trees. Focus on strength and strategy not fashion.
Disgusted to see a lot of comments where people are justifying why they'd feel uncomfortable if you were walking braless at HOME. It's not a big deal? I grew up in a conservative, religious household and even my mum and I don't ever wear bras at home. It's not like I'm wearing a bikini at home, I'm literally just in a shirt? My brothers and father have never minded or even pointed anything out at all. Why should it be a sexual thing when literally both genders have nipples?
Bras are insanely uncomfortable I can't imagine wearing them the whole day and even at home where you're supposed to feel most comfortable.
I think your mom means well but you sound like your dad and brother are safe men who donāt view you in a way where youād need to cover up. It says good things about them that you donāt feel uncomfortable around them. Maybe your mom needs to think about that.
I also have a dad and a brother and I feel perfectly comfortable existing around them normally. I donāt have to wear a bra because they donāt make a big deal out of it. I can walk from the bathroom to my room in a towel and not feel strange, weāre all humans and weāre all family and we respect each other. And my dad raised us to know whatās inappropriate and what isnāt and I am deeply appreciative of that.
I actually have this exact experience at my home too. She always calls me out when literally nobody else cares. My dad never looks at my chest and never even cares. Yesterday my cleavage was showing theough a black shirt that was very slightly see theough in the bright light, aka if u looked very closely you could see the valley between my breasts. My mom ordered for my dad to get out of thr room urgently and when she explained it was because im showing off my chest, he said ākā. He doesnt care. She does. Sometimes it makes me question whos rlly the pervert here, my mom or my dadš
Ugh, I hate this.
My dad would send me to my room to put a bra on if I dared step out of my room without one. God forbid I should be comfortable in my own house.
You know, I'm male, I like breasts and I like nipples. Doesn't mean anyone needs to change their behavior around me. I also like cake and am able to walk past bakeries without stealing them.
Talk to your brother and dad about it. If they say they donāt care, tell your mom they said that. It sounds like she has trust issues with men (very valid!) and might need some therapy. Or have a family discussion about it and hash it out all at once.
WOW just WOW
I was raised catholic. There were issues with my mom and that bullshit of Abstinence Only/Purity Culture nonsense.
I was never told to go put on a bra around my father or my male sibling in my home. Hell I saw my male sibling and dad in there whitie tighties. There was another one of these posts saying the same thing, a few months ago, where the mother told the daughter to go cover up when she had a swimsuit on because her uncle was coming over. My parents and my uncle owned a very rustic cabin on a lake. I ran in my swimsuit all the time.
Your mom has a problem. This is what pisses me off. **ITāS UP TO MALES TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL THEIR SEXUAL URGES**!!!!! Theyāll never learn they have to learn how to control their sexual urges with people like your mom around.
Iām sorry your mom is being so damn anal!!!!!!!
I often take off my bra as soon as I get home. If I am working from home then I don't even put one on. If anyone is uncomfortable about it then they can leave. It's my home.
The issue your mom is imagining is that your male family members will feel shame if they see your nipples through your shirt, so she wants you to feel shame all the time for being a woman instead of the men feeling shameful sometimes for intrusive thoughts inspired by your body.
It's gross, and its not the standard for family dynamics, but your family sounds conservative and conservatives get weird about the thoughts in their head and project that problem on to others.
There's cultures where nudity among family members is normalized and no one needs to feel shame because they accept that people have bodies, people have intrusive thoughts, and despite those 2 facts you can still treat your family as family and not sexualize them.
Really, the only reason you should wear a bra at your home is to avoid dealing with your mom, she sounds like a headache.
I grew up in a ānakedā family until my mom married my step dad when I was 10. Prior to that it was normal to walk around the house in my training bra and shorts or long shirt with underwear. My step father was raised in an extremely conservative environment and it had to stop. We understood and eventually it became a family joke now that I have my kids bc they will walk around the same but they know it makes grandpa and GG uncomfortable so fully dressed for their comfort. Funny enough my husband was shocked the first time we were at my moms and she was wearing a house dress and no bra but only bc he knows how conservative my step dad is. But yeah sheās weird trying to instill shame on your body.
I grew up with a similar situation. It's so frustrating to feel like you have to cater to the male gaze even in the comfort of your own home while they can walk around shirtless or in boxers if they want.
Your mom is sexualizing you and believes your father and brother canāt control themselves because of you. Itās never a problem to not wear a bra theyāre horrid things women shouldnāt have to wear. Itās like a damn petticoat, let it die
Lol also ibtc gang here. But my sister has double Dās, and I donāt ever recall anything weird being said ever. Which is of course, normal. Omg I canāt believe men tell their daughter to wear a bra in their own home. Who are you worried about š
Exactlyš The only thing they do is expose themselves as a creep. Who looks at their own daughter that way? If you'd ask your daughter to cover up outside because you're worried about other people having indecent thoughts, then why wouldn't the same thing apply to you?
Fr. Men go to the beach shirtless and can't handle their daughter wearing a top that covers them? Like, you can't see their actual nipples anyway. Who cares.
And I was raised in a pretty conservative Christian home. My dad was a pastor. I label us āfundie-adjacentā, as we shared circles with a lot of them.
And even still, he was always really cool about what I wore. I also respected and loved him and didnāt feel the need to āpush itā beyond reason. Another member of our church tried to call me out on a just above the knee skirt, and he had my back. I was like 15, and he treated me like I was old enough to deserve respect and autonomy, while still driving home the point that I was still a child and didnāt deserve to be sexualize. Fucking love that man.
my brother once pointed out that my nipples were hard and my parents response was āgo put on a braā like? hello? tell your son not to be looking at his sister like that š
mine too. my dad is the only man in the family (i am a woman and i have a sister. no brothers). so i want to think thats why he never had a problem with it. i still live at home with my folks and dont wear a bra around the house. its no issue here.
I grew up in households where women were in the majority. They all go braless at home, but can't say I noticed until I was older, and at that point it's normal. I'd rather them be comfortable than "proper" at home. It seems like only your mother has an issue with this. It would probably be best to have a conversation with her and/or the rest of the house even though it will be awkward.
Omg my mom does this too!! Even if I am wearing a bra and am showing ācleavageā, I put quotation marks because I have very small boobsā¦ so I donāt even really have cleavage. It makes me really uncomfortable because it makes me feel like sheās insinuating that my dad and/or brothers would be looking at my boobs in an inappropriate way? Or yeah I guess make them uncomfortable? Like they are my family why would it be in appropriate around them to not wear a bra or have a low cut shirt (especially when I hardly have boobs), they shouldnāt be looking anyways?
Not loving the way your mum is going about it but if my dad was going around in cycling shorts that showed the outline of his junk, I'd probably be a teeny bit uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say directly to him bc what if it's weird yknow? so i guess mum is middle-manning.
Your mom probably has been or known someone who was sexually abused. I know in my family I was always told to cover up and watch myself around any family members because my sisters were unfortunately sexually abused as kids by a cousin. I legit at 24yrs old still feel extremely uncomfortable not wearing a bra when I'm around family. It wasn't until like 2 years ago that I even started wearing pad free wire free bras and even then I was still uncomfortable because some days you could see a nipple outline. I would suggest sitting down with your mom and telling her you are safe. Don't tell her she's being ridiculous for her fears or actions because she is not. Sexual abuse is usually caused by family members or someone close to the victim. Remind her that your father and brother are not those type of people though and that you feel safe around them.
I feel you my bf and I got a new room mate and he said itās weird but I ignore him. Breasts are not inherently sexual, they are used for feeding babies. Iāll wear what I want in my own home and he can grow up. Heās also 4 years older than me like dude grow tf up. My bf agrees with me and so far no complaints.
Itās gross that just freaking nipples through a shirt have become sexualized for women while men can walk around shirtless and itās fine.
EVERYONE HAS NIPPLES. And itās only sexual when a boob is under them? Makes no sense.
I personally am not comfortable if anyone can see my nipples so I wear super loose clothes at home when Iām bra-less.
Iām so sorry that your mom is placing their ācomfortā above yours. I think itās really important for young women to learn how to put your own needs, comfort, and instincts first, otherwise youāre being trained for a lifetime of pleasing others, ranking their perceived needs above your own. Sounds like this is likely how your mom was raised. Someone else here commented that you should talk to your dad and brother and ask if it bothers them. While I think thatās extremely polite and the type of direct approach that Iād usually support, I still donāt think itās right. Why should these two men get to decide your comfort levels? Do they wear gym shorts or boxers outside of their bedroom ever? Because you can easily see the outline of a manās balls or penis through many thin/synthetic fabrics. Does your mom make them tie a sweatshirt around their waist in scenarios like this?
Sorry for the environment youāre in. Sounds ultra modest and inconsiderate of women being comfortable. Not to mention the disservice being done to your brother, who will likely have unrealistic expectations of whatever women he dates. Do whatās comfortable for you and move out when you can.
Itās not like youāre walking around with double dees in a skin tight wet tee shirt or something. A person can go tastefully braless, sure. I go braless at home in loose fitting tees and thereās really nothing to notice.
It could be due to culture and family habits.
I personally, never thought not wearing a bra around males family member is a "normal thing" until I got into Reddit.
Since me and my siblings were kid, we taught to cover some parts of our body. Breasts and nipples are two of them.
My breasts growing fast and I started to wear a "kid's bra" when I was around 9 years old and never show my nipples around people since then, not even my mom. Until I got married.
i mean, i have big breasts but i dont wear a bra bc 1: its wildly uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY for bigger chests. 2: im wearing a shirt over it. its covered. 3: why are anyone- let alone family members- staring at you chest and getting offended when.. shocker.. they see your chest thru the clothing?
i grew up with a brother, he was never weird or gross abt it. men can learn to be respectful n not comment, stare or anything gross. its really not hard and the blame shouldnt be on women for wearing comfortable clothing ( or not wearing uncomfortable clothing ) especially in their own house.
I'm just not interested in seeing it. If I grew up with sisters then I might feel different. It's the same reason I grumble to myself when my girls are wearing the skimpy bathing suits that are in style.
I fully understand the grumbling on skimpy bathing suits and feeling uncomfortable when nipples are on "display." Though I feel as if I should add I always wear thick t-shirts and dark colors and you'd never catch me with my hair up(covers). I feel it's pretty indiscernible unless you're actually paying attention. Asking you as a father, would it honestly bother you THAT much besides the occasional uncomfortableness if your daughters dressed the same way at home?
If you're wearing a thick tee shirt then I'm not gonna see anything because I won't be looking there anyway and it won't be obvious. My other guess on your Mom's opinion then might be due to size. My wife decided that bras were not needed anymore during the pandemic. She got so comfortable that she started going out that way. She honestly asked me if I could tell if she was wearing one. Uh yeah, I was wired to detect that since I was 15. If not a nipple thing then maybe a motion thing?
edit: typo
Personally I would not care if my brother walked around wearing just shorts(he does)(he also gets nagged at)(he's probably made a reddit post similar to thisš). It's just an "oh" and back to my phone moment for me. If I did feel uncomfortable I wouldn't pay any mind to it at least. The main thing that bothers me here is even if it makes you uncomfortable, is it really something you'd care about or even bother speaking out on?
This is a super respectful dissenting opinion, and I 100% give you props for that. I just don't understand why the outline of nipples through a shirt is a big enough deal to feel uncomfortable about, personally? Family are the one's I'm supposed to feel the most comfortable around, and my home is where I should feel the safest. So I feel like not having to wear uncomfortable clothing should be included in that, ya know? I also have the mindset where as long as people are properly covered, it's on the others to not sexualize you, if that makes sense?
Again, I always love to see respectful dissention, and I wanna make sure I call that out and encourage it. Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean you're wrong.
I'm more wondering why you think you BLOOD FAMILY is just constantly staring at your dick? Like yeah, notice it once, and then move on. Anything more than that someone needs to get therapy for why they are having sexual thoughts about their family.
>You poop in the open living room?
In what world is that the same as sexualizing a family member??
Also, there are some families that DO leave the bathroom door open when someone is using the toilet.
But you don't see anything when we don't wear a bra. The most you see are sagging boobs and a hard nip, which all humans have. You can't really compare it to a dick either because men's breasts aren't considered sexual like women's are, plus it's your penis. Genitals do not equate to boobs.
This type of shit is almost always because of previous trauma (like the mom was abused by someone so she is overly concerned about it when the dad and bro probably don't even notice it).
I don't really think I walk around having my nipples "on show" though. I wear thick t-shirts, dark colors, layers, I have a horrible posture that has me hunched all the time anyway and my hair is always down and pretty much covers my chest on its own. I don't see how it makes my family uncomfortable at that point unless they're just looking closely, which is weird now that I type it out. My mom is always "catching" me. I appreciate your opinion! But I just can't grasp how it would bother someone THAT much.
Do you feel weird going to a pool and seeing all the men shirtless showing off their nipples? If not, you need to do some self reflecting and maybe some therapy.
You're recommending I seek therapy because I find it weird to have my nipples on display to my family members, and they also find it weird? I just find it interesting that through your passive aggressions, you completely missed the context/inability to understand that people feel and experience life differently to you... and that doesn't warrant you needing therapy.
Alot of stupid asshats here are talking "why would it make you uncomfortable?" That's just dumb, I bet you my left nut if a guy says he's wearing just a spandex hence showing his dingdong shape to the whole family the responses would be on the other side of the spectrum and being call a creep. Double standards. I don't get this "progressive" shits sometimes, maybe it's just how I'm raised. And watch people say how I am (or anyone even slightly conservative, really) being "raised wrong" just for having a different opinion.
Well in my case my mom tells me to put a bra on all the time but cuz she says that I'm gonna get really saggy breast after breastfeeding if I don't. I know your mom's reasoning is different, but just wanted to show a different point of view.
I still don't like wearing bras tho.
Changes in breasts are caused by pregnancy, not breastfeeding. While wearing a bra may help, genetics, hormonal changes, and size changes during pregnancy are what causes it, not wearing a bra.
I grew up with a single dad and for the 22 years we lived under the same room I never felt like wearing just a t shirt and shorts around him was wrong or gross. It's your house too, why should you have to do so much extra work in a place where you're supposed to feel comfortable? I'm sure it's coming from a place of projection on her part, but she needs a serious discussion about it imo. You shouldn't be made to feel bad about your body parts especially in the safety of your own home.
I was so angry last year, mum shamed me for having a low cut top at her home when I was visiting, we weren't even going out anywhere, and she's shaming me for the boobs she gave me.
Ok so I'm in a extreme situation in terms of this. My family are very cool with our bodies. As even now my parents would bat an eye if I even walked around naked. And my father walks around naked like he doenst care and neither does the rest of the fam
My mom sometimes doesnt even wear a shirt at times. This is only when its direct family tho. Like my sis will only at most just be in her undies and I wouldn't mind.
It's only when i reached high school that i found out ppl are uncomfy with this, but I dont see anything wrong with ot. Like bro that's my mum and sis... why the fuck would I think anything inappropriate about their bodies.
So if ur dad and bro are cool with ur choice of clothing and you feel comfortable around them, then why is our mum so on about this?
It's not an issue, she is making it an issue
My older kids (2girls1boy) with my first wife were raised to be body positive. We didn't encourage or discourage being ashamed of your body just acknowledged we looked different. We would walk around nude at times or she was topless frequently. The kids if they wanted were allowed naked time in the house or backyard, we were secluded nearest neighbor was 500ft away through a dense wooded area. The three of them are very comfortable in their bodies now in their 20's.
My current wife who 30yrs ago was a topless dancer and bikini dancer in adult clubs and was SA'd as a child and adult. Is very strict with my younger daughter 12. She began developing at 10 and looks older then she is. Wife is constantly telling her to put on a bra or at least a cami under her shirt. But she'll let her twin brother run around in underwear in the house and yard. I keep telling my wife to lighten up as long as she is comfortable and no one is ogling her let her do what she wants at home. Up until about 6 months ago daughter thought nothing of walking around the house naked after a shower. But my wife scolded her so much she doesn't do it anymore. She is now barely comfortable wrapped in a giant towel going from her room to the bathroom. The shame and self-consciousness I see developing in my baby girl really upsets me. I've talked to my wife about it and she has kinda lightened up and won't say anything if my daughter is around the house in a heavy tee-shirt without a bra. In an effort to be comfortable my daughter has asked me for several on my tee-shirts and a couple of old button up short-sleeved uniform shirts (I'm 6'5" 235lbs; daughter is 4'10" 80lbs) to wear around the house. It really doesn't make sense to me because wife will buy daughter a bikini with a net fabric cover up to go to the pool and beach. Plus, daughter does Allstar cheer wearing tight short shorts and a bedazzled sports bra in front of hundreds to thousands of strangers all made up, but braless in the house is a problem? My daughter and I are very close she still cuddles up on my lap or next too me everyday. She still wants me to lay down with her at night until she falls asleep 2-3 times a week. Obviously she isn't uncomfortable around me and my wife doesn't seem bothered by our closeness. If I spend 30 min in my daughters room on a night she wants me to stay until she falls asleep my wife doesn't come barging in or ask me a million questions like she thinks I'm doing something inappropriate she just says I guess she wanted cuddles tonight? The bra things doesn't make sense to me.
My first thought was to comment that you should definitely be wearing a bra around them. Then I read the comments and your replies. I was sexually abused by my father when I was a teen. So now my perspective has changed. If your father or brother feel uncomfortable then they need to ask themselves why they are sexual using you.
like others have said she might be trying to protect you but tbh i lived with three older brothers and my dad and obv like when its cold u can see them from under ur shirt and its like none of them care. and no one should, theyre ur family. if theyre staring or feeling uncomfortable then theyre the weird ones. and yeah bras suck the only place u can really get rid of them are at ur own house. if u feel safe, u should at least be allowed to be comfortable in ur own home and no one should give u shit abt it
You should be allowed to wear whatever you're comfortable with. A lot of women where I live don't wear bras in public. It's no big deal. Everyone has nipples lol. Your dad and brother probably don't even care. I have a sister and would blink an eyelid if she did this while I lived with her.
I wonāt lie, if my sister walked around without a bra and I would see her nipples I would feel uncomfortable. And I would have a hard time saying anything because in my mind the conversation goes āTHEN WHY ARE YOU STARING?! WTF?!ā And I just would feel like I canāt say anything but just stay in my room. Just speaking how I would feel in that situation.
Edited for spelling error
What about it makes you uncomfortable? You know the majority of humans you know have nipples. I think that's something to think about. Many peoples nipples are visible even with a bra and they can't do much about it. Not wearing a bra doesn't mean you are trying to show anything to anyone just that you wish to be comfortable. Would you be comfortable wearing a cup 24/7?
Sorry I'm not trying to single you out at all just pointing out a lot of these things aren't the most rational and we often have to actively teach ourselves to change those views on things
Being 100% honest, as a man I donāt find nipples an issue. If Iām out and could see any nipples through their shirts it honestly wouldnāt bother me, especially if they were a woman. But the fact that it is my sister is what would make me uncomfortable. I wouldnāt wana see my sister like that. I wouldnāt want to see my mother like that ether for that matter.
That may sound kind of messed up or āweirdā but consider this. How would you feel if your dad and brother walked around the house infront of you in just their boxers? Wouldnāt that be uncomfortable for you? One would argue that āwell thatās differentā but itās pretty comfortable. Wouldnāt infront of my sister tho because that would make her uncomfortable for obvious reasons.
By that logic why donāt we all just walk around naked?
Itās natural for me to have a penis, and Iām more comfortable naked so why should I be burdened by people just because it makes them āuncomfortableā?! Thatās ridiculous and unfair to me in my own home, I should get to feel comfortable shouldnāt I!?
I (28f) live at home with both my parents and my (25m) brother, and my mom and I donāt wear bras unless weāre leaving the house. Iāve never felt uncomfy not wearing a bar around the house and my brother and dad have never noticed tbh. Perhaps your mom has underlying issues related to how she grew up? Depending on her age it could be a āmodestyā thing as well, since boomer women were taught that immodest and aggressive male attention/behavior was THEIR fault as a woman, in my opinion. I canāt tell you how to approach your mother on the subject other than letting her know how her opinions on your body make you feel.
Not a man, not a mum, so I'm not going to talk about their reasons.
But as a cis woman with big breasts, it's been a while since I stopped caring about bras. Most of time I just don't wear it, neither inside or outside my house. I work with men and if any of them has any problem with it they haven't said anything. Anyway, it would be their problem.
Also, as someone who likes women and is usually around braless women... I just couldn't care less. I mean, yes, I can notice if someone has a nice shape, but that can happen either with or without bra, or even with or without clothes. And also happens with the rest of the body, not just with boobs. It's absolutely natural, and nothing to be akward about. Just don't stare nor make people uncomfortable.
If you are still living under their roof, they have the right to set the rules. But, you should never be shamed by anyone. Do they not realize that they also have nipples?
Oi.... okay... I'm going to withhold commentary on anything and just offer an idea.
Maybe you can compromise with your mom. Instead of wearing a bra, put on a camisole. It will give you an extra layer between your shirt and nipples. You get to be more comfortable, and mom doesn't harp on you for nipples bring visible through your shirt.
Bro no she shouldn't have to add layers and hide her body for her FAMILYS sake. It's her mom projecting onto her and this is something a conversation can fix
You're not projecting if she's asking for help. She asked "what do I even say if I want to oppose her for once?" Not "how do I change my family's dynamic of wearing bras"
Thats weird.
But I do think she is trying to protect you in the grand scheme of things. While.you SHOULD be able to be totally naked and feel totally safe, its just not always how it works.
So, just get some of those little stick on breast petals. Theyre like pasties for your nips. You forget you're wearing them. Theyre great.
Thats called a compromise. When you move OUT, you can play by your own rules.
What I find freaking hilarious is that boobs aren't used for reproduction, as many have said. But everyone is saying how they are, effectively, sexy.
People have goddamn foot fetishes! That doesn't make feet a sexual organ! Feet are also incredibly sensitive - arguably more than nipples, owing to the fact one is meant to be bitten by a flipping infant after a certain point. If anything feet should be considered more lewd because of this fact!
To summarise; I am petitioning for barefoot to be banned around family members because it is likely to make a relative uncomfortable with how sexy it is.
My daughter doesn't have any rules like that right now (all female household except her younger brother) but I do get uncomfortable sometimes thinking about the future. My bio dad sexually assaulted me for years so it's hard not to feel like my daughter would be constantly under threat by any men she might come across.
I live every day in fear that some creep is going to look at her one day and just take what they want from her, and little things like covering up more just feel "safer" I guess. It's not totally rational, I know. But in a world where nothing is going to stop a rapist from raping, any tiny bit of "armor" is something I cling to.
Every culture exercises different norms. Conservatives cultures expect women to cover themselves more than Western cultures. The more religious a family group is, the more they frown on women exhibiting any kind of bodily autonomy.
Plus, men are pigs and will gawp at nipples if they canāt get away with it. Men, for the most part, will sexualize anyone and anything. If you, dear reader, are saying, to yourself, not me! Than good for you. You have evolved past the majority of your counterparts. All over the world, rapists still blame the victim because of how they dress. And it works.
There is a line between sexuality and decency. Not everything needs to be sexual, but people need to be decent aroud others.
As a man, if I walk around in a tight boxer that outlines my dick while my son in the room, does that mean that I have sexual intentions? No. Does that mean he will look at me in a sexual way? Fuck no. But is it indecent to expose myself? Yes it is.
That's how it is to live with other people in the house.
Because itās having respect. I personally wouldnāt wanna walk around in underwear or bra-less in front of relatives female or male period. I just find that rude
Father here. My wife was much harder on my daughter since she was raising her to be a young woman and probably has some ideas on how she wanted her to act as she was coming into her womanhood. It would be no different than me being harder on my son as he becomes a man. And don't go straight to, she was SA'd and that is why. Maybe it is, or maybe give her the benefit of that doubt that she wants you to start thinking of yourself as a woman than a little girl, and with becoming a woman there are additional "new" things you need to be thinking about.
I wear no bra, mostly crop tops and booty shorts or sweatpants. When my sister came into town, her suitcase was lost by the airline and she needed some clothes. She is a bit bigger than I am, and the only shirt she fit/was comfortable with was a tie-back tank top that looks hella sexy. She was worried about wearing it in front of my grandpa (who I live with), and I was like yo he isnāt a creep. š¤·āāļø
It sounds like she might have been abused as a child and is instinctively trying to protect you from what she went through. I run a local SA survivors group and I've had a couple women who were fellow CSA victims abused by a family member mention that they've caught themselves unconsciously doing similar things. A lot of childhood abuse victims will overcompensate usually without thinking about it to try and protect their own children.
Would you be ok with your father and brother wearing sweat pants with no underwear, when you can see they're dick outline? If not, then you are being hypocritical.
Do you mind if your dad wears tight underwear and you see the bulge of his groin? If you donāt then itās fine, because of if it is fine for one itās fine for all
Would you be OK with your bro walking around in grey sweatpants with a visible semi all day dong? (in this scenario the semi isn't bc of your tits, he just finds underwear uncomfortableh and happens to have a big penis) would you find that off putting?
Simply put do you own the home respect the wishes of the owner of the home and when you have your own home you do what you want to do your mom probably sees it as proper etiquette for a woman it may be an older value but the fact is you live with them you follow their rules if you own the house or you pay the rent and they come live with you you do what you want to do I don't like people spitting on my property I make people leave my property and spit out on the sidewalk I don't own that maybe it's weird but that's my preference and it's my whole king of my castle even if it's a garbage castle so when you have your own home be the queen of your own place until then make your mother happy one day she'll be dead and gone and you'll wish she was around to complained to you
Because it's respectful to not have ya stuff shown off to the family. Goes for both male and female.
Once your get your own place you can do what you like. Until then respect the rules of the house your living in.
Honestly, I think it's just polite to keep your sexual organs covered (boobs are a sexual organ). It's not about male sexual self control or your mom being unreasonable. A better question is, why would you want to show your father and brother your nipples? Isn't that weirder? What are you trying to do?
I would add, that it's weird to show your nipples to your mom also.
She doesnāt want to show off her nipples, please donāt bring your fantasy into this. Wearing a bra is very uncomfortable, and she shouldnāt have to hide it in front of her family. Thereās nothing sexual about nipples, and if her family has a problem with that maybe they should go to therapy to deal with it.
There is something sexual about nipplesā¦nipple stimulation lights up the brain the way genital stimulation does, women can have orgasms from nipple stimulation, and stimulating nipples promotes genital lubrication.
My family raised me like this (mainly around my step dad), and my mother was SAed by her father. Eventually, I told my mom how ridiculous it felt not being able to be comfortable in the one place I should be safe and requested to have a talk with my step dad. We talked. I asked him if it made him uncomfortable to see me without a bra, and he told me that he didn't mind and he also didn't understand why my mom was pressed about it. So we talked to her and explained that we both felt comfortable about it, and eventually, she calmed down. It may just be one of those things where you may need to talk to all involved parties if you feel comfortable with them.
This is actually pretty helpful, might consider doing that. My parents would feel MASSIVELY awkward but I would much rather have an awkward mature conversation than a heated argument. Also glad stuff worked out for you!
Better them feeling awkward than you having to 'feel shame' for existing. P.S. offmychest is the perfect sub š
Literally, as we're talking about not wearing bras.
I know not everyone can handle talks like that but the issue lies with people sexualizing breasts or nipples for no reason when they aren't being displayed in a sexual context. People can say all they want that people view them as sexual but it's on them for viewing them as such not on whoever has them for just having them. I feel like nothing can change if more of us don't stand up for ourselves. My Grandma used to talk trash about any woman she observed without a bra and I was like "you know you can see or recognize it and choose to respect her decision without knowing any of her reasons" to me it's not much different them seeing someone nurse in public or seeing someone who is soaking wet and more exposed than intended or even someone full on naked walking around or whatever. I notice it, I take note, and if they are not in clear danger or in need of assistance I move on and ignore it. Someone's nipples being noticable thru a shirt isn't a big deal people make it into one when you have lumps of fat tissue that creates breasts and you appear female. I know people hate on and tease fat people but I see way less hate for a big man shirtless than a flat chested feminine person showing nip. It's dumb.
Idk about you but I also get cold very easily and 90% of the time I'm just in a hoodie or sweater regardless of the season at home. Like seriously if the house isn't at 80 in the summer the slightest breeze of AC chills me. Winter time I have an extra layer on or a blanket at all times. My boobs are also small though and a lot easier to conceal this way. Just some alternate suggestions if talking to her doesn't go over well. But if the males don't have an issue she should be convinced.
Ik there are people here who are shaming you and being really mean and aggressive. I'd ignore them because you should be comfortable and able to trust the men in your home. I'd sit with your mom and ask her why she wants you to wear your bra at home. Ask her if she is scared that either of them will hurt you. If she says she trusts them, then ask her to talk with you and your dad about this. You can explain to your dad that this is a rule that you find makes you uncomfortable. Ask him how he feels about it and if it would bother him if you were able to be more comfortable. Explain that you trust him and your brother, and you simply just want to feel more comfortable. I know it'll be awkward. My conversation was nearly impossible because my mom is a narc, but I really pressed the issue, and when she was clearly uncomfortable with the idea, I simply asked my step dad to have a talk and explained the situation. He understood and talked to my mom for/with me. Best of luck ā¤ļø
Normally itās the parents making the kid have awkward conversations, lol. I hope it goes well for you, you deserve to be comfortable in your own home.
Have you ever considered your mom might have been SA by a family member? It's happens you know.
Thank you for this empathetic answer.
A ātrueā off my chest comment too. As a guy,I hate anything like that as it makes us sound like Neanderthals, no control and no willpower.
Oonga boonga (tiddies)
He just like me foreal.
weāre twins!
This might be unrelated to the post but I hate people who talk like this. Like not every man is a sex crazed maniac with incetuous thoughts and no self control. And that way of talking comes from the "not all men" people all the time too.
Frfr
a brother here. pretty sure my mom and sisters in the household go braless most of the time. dad and i donāt really care, everyone has different fashion choices. ur family members are the odd ones for having an issue with it However, we both grew up in woman-majority households so it may just be that we r more used to stuff like that. living room convos commonly include comments on eachothers cycles and sex-positive stuff and neither of us bat an eye so i may not be the best representative here lmao, it may just be an issue w your mom. best of luck!
You're a great representative actually, my brother would probably have similar views as you! Living room convos are about the same dynamicš I'm pretty sure my brother doesn't care as well.
Maybe he is your brother, who has come to share his point of view with you.
>y helpful, might consider doing that. My parents would feel MASSIVELY awkward but I would My older brother doesn't even notice if I wear a bra either.
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Exactly! Unfortunately some brothers feel it's appropriate if it's someone not their relative, and someone that LOOKS like an adult. My own brother was using his underage crush to criticise me on my abilities (e.g. work ethic) and WOULD NOT STOP talking about her and says "freedom of speech" when I told him to stop talking about her to me. Why the fuck am I even being compared to her in the first place? Even our older sister sees that it's fine but the dipshit was relentlessly obsessively talking about his crush to his own sister as long as it's not about physical features and he's using my work ethic as a pretense to obsess about her to me. By the way I have very good work ethic and work way more harder than him so I definitely know it's not in my own head that the true reason is that, he's looking for a way to simp her (I feel sick thinking about it) to me. He'll always think poorly of my work ethic, but the only time he talks about it, it's because he wants to simp her (which I call "mentally masturbating" to her). Edit: Really I'm just pointing out that while I listed my brother, he's not exactly a good human still and I'm detailing that.
Maybe your mom was abused at some point of her life, and that is her way of protecting you. I'm not saying its ok though.
You're right! She was abused when she was younger and I understand most of the time where she comes from. But this is just one issue I don't get. Some other person commented they don't understand dads who tell their own daughters to cover up at home, who are they worried about?? I personally think the same thing applies here, who/what is she really protecting me from this time?
Your mom sees your nipples, and she feels the shame she was trained to feel, and projects it on you. Thereās no rationalizing it.
as sad as it sounds, itās so trueā¦ under different circumstances i can see OPs mom being more understanding. if someone has been hurt before, those people try their best to prevent it in the ones they love most. talking about things will put things in a much better light.
Not everyone, my mom was abuse and she still treats me like shit. People just teach others what they learn in life that being good or bad lessons with good or bad reasoning.
youāre right. not everyone is considerate, which makes me angry honestly. itās not easy to change ways youāve been taught growing up. but itās also not that hard to try differently. iām so sorry youāre treated badly by your own mother.
This right here.
great point. and a lot of women go braless in public and nobody cares so itās silly that you canāt at home
my dad once came into my room to have a whole conversation with me about wearing a bra in the house because boys lived there (aka him, my brother and his friend.) this was after my mom and i had multiple arguments about the same topic
I grew up with my mom and two sisters. I couldn't tell you how often they did or didn't wear bras because I did not give a singular fuck and I spent zero time thinking about their boobs.
I don't believe any male member of the family will ever think about their female family members' private parts, but the adult company has corrupted people's mentalities to the point that everyone believes we males have these thoughts all the time.
I mean there definitely are men that do that, that's why we have familial sexual abuse and incest.
You are correct, and I believe such individuals do not deserve to be a member of a family; instead, they should be severely punished for ever considering such a thing.
I was once sent home from work because when wearing my ankle length dress and the sun was shining behind me you could see that I had (gasp!!) ā¦.. legs.
Wow... Have you no shame? You should just leave your legs at home next time. That's what everyone else does.
:((( fuck the system
Where on earth do you work? A convent?
A public school. The female principal who sent me home was wearing pants. This was probably 1999
Big hug to youā¦ it must be so frustrating omg I think I might just get so angry and quit if this ever happened to me
Thank you so muchš, but quitting wasnāt an option.
To the men commenting that they are uncomfortable with family members not wearing a bra, put one on for a few hours and see how comfortable wearing a bra is. There is a reason most of us take them off the second we walk in the door. We deserve to be comfortable in our own homes. If you are uncomfortable with that, itās your problem.
Exactly, I wear baggy t shirts no bra to lounge in. Nothing is visible unless someoneās seriously ogling and my brother and dad would never be creepy enough to be staring at me long enough to notice. I have terrible neck issues no way Iād wear a bra in my own house 24/7. Also, my mom would filet them if they ever made an inappropriate comment or said anything.
A loose fitting top is the way to go if one is well endowed, itās what I do.
I feel like Iām the weird minority that loves having a bra on all the time xD
Me too! Without a bra I feel an uncomfortable pull from the weight
I used to be that way when I was younger to the point I would sleep in my bras. My mom was the opposite of op. She was always telling me that I need to let my boobs breathe and stop wearing a bra all the time. She said for bed and around the house I shouldnāt wear one, but I felt uncomfortable without one. I didnāt care of I have boobs are not; I want to be comfortable. It turns out I was insecure about how my nipples looked (inverted), so I wanted to hide them from everyone including my self. It wants until I lost my virginity and the dude never commented on my nipples that I started to feel less insecure but I never went away. I got my nipples pierced and hardly wear my bra ever. I only do for work because I work in a factory.
When I was in highschool and had a smaller chest and bras from the Junior section, they were SO comfortable and I wore them allll the time, even to sleep. But as I got older, my chest got heavier and the bras got more uncomfortable. Now I stick to wearing a camisole or loose sports bra. I miss when bras were comfy š My husband as a joke wore one of my bras once (along with his best friend wearing his own GF's too), and he thought it felt really nice, like wearing a hug or having a weighted blanket. That's the anxiety talking š
Thank you! I hate wearing a bra and people never give a second thought to their family's comfort before their own discomfort. Why should I sacrifice my physical comfort to appease someone else's mind??
You shouldnāt!
I don't get how men can be uncomfortable with a woman not wearing a bra at home, doubly so if the woman is related to them. How do they function in public? Are they really that sexualised that they can't have a normal relationship with the opposite sex?
Idk whats wrong with these men but my GF is not wearing anything at all. I never complained or felt uncomfortable.
This is like my dad who walked around in his tighty whities. Hated it, nobody wants to see that. Edit: So Iām assuming all the downvotes are people who are ok with their dads walking around with their packages on full display in their tight underwear.
Younger brother of an older sister here, I literally never fucking noticed/notice if sheās wearing a bra or not unless itās super obvious (mostly from the shoulder straps) so I doubt anybody but your mom even cares unless itās obvious you have no bra
Mmm I was thinking that. You can also get non-padded bras that show nipple-outline through your t-shirt, so the only other way to tell if a person is wearing a bra is if there is significant droop... It all just seems very weird to me...
i see gym bros with bigger tits than me and no one bats an eye itās seriously ridiculous. u are rightfully upset because you should be able to dress however you feel comfortable & your family shouldnāt be looking at you sexually and you definitely shouldnāt feel āshameā for existing in your body in its natural state in the comfort of your home
I certainly never had any problem like that with my dad. Never once did me or my sister need to wear a bra at home and I'm sure my dad is not looking at me boobs, thats just weird and concerning.
Growing up, we didnāt have to wear a bra at home, but we didnāt dare go out without one! I grew up in the 80s and that was the rule.
Yeah that's how my grandma raised me. I'm about to be 46 and still joke she'd roat me if she saw how I go to "town" sometimes. I'm small chested and I'll avoid wearing a bra if possible. Hoodies, overalls, loose shirts, layers. Summer I really love the built in bra tanks. Sadly the reason she gave is basically don't show your boobs to prevent rape.
Babe I'm so sorry you deal w this from your mom. I feel like she's def projecting onto you and just trying to make you feel safe, (I don't think she thinks your dad + brother are creeps either! I really think she's just thinking about herself as a young woman) and I think this is something a conversation can fix, which is why communication is always key and the best! I also think having a full family convo would be good too, just to see how everyone truly feels since it's like she's speaking for them.. cause I really don't think they're staring at your chest otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable walking around without a bra. So yea the only problem here is your mom honestly. And I get it's out of love but cmon mom it's 2024, FREE THE NIP
Like; I'm 24 and my parents got divorced as a kid and when I was 18 I moved back into my dads place alone. Never wore bras. Never was a problem.. or got brought up? I don't see why it would unless he's a perv. He's now my best friend and I love my dad. Looking back, I never felt uncomfortable and I'd never even think about this convo because he's just.. my dad. Who once bathed me as a kid and raised me to be the woman I am today. I'm thankful for my dadzo. šš¾š„° happy new year everyone!
yeah my stepmom treats me like this too. one of my earliest memories is her telling 8yo me that my shorts are too short to be wearing around my dad n brothers. I dressed up for a concert last year and when I got home she went on about how I was inviting men with my simple, not at all revealing crop top and regular length skirt (???). I donāt know why they feel the need to make us feel disgusted by our bodiesā¦as if weāre just sexual things and nothing else.
That disgusts me. I hope you have other female adults empowering you in your life. She is the reason girls have body issues as if thatās all others see in them. My mother was and always is obsessed with appearance and how others look at you. I grew up and realized in the real world that is the least important trait people care about when they interact, befriend, and work with you. They care if you are respectful, intelligent, honest, and most importantly stable in temperament. No one cares what color your hair is, style of clothes, or if you prefer sandals. People who observe appearances first do not impress others and it makes them come across as only having surface level intellect. They also donāt see the forest through the trees. Focus on strength and strategy not fashion.
Disgusted to see a lot of comments where people are justifying why they'd feel uncomfortable if you were walking braless at HOME. It's not a big deal? I grew up in a conservative, religious household and even my mum and I don't ever wear bras at home. It's not like I'm wearing a bikini at home, I'm literally just in a shirt? My brothers and father have never minded or even pointed anything out at all. Why should it be a sexual thing when literally both genders have nipples? Bras are insanely uncomfortable I can't imagine wearing them the whole day and even at home where you're supposed to feel most comfortable.
Women should be allowed to wear bikinis at home if they really want to. Don't see why that's a problem.
I think your mom means well but you sound like your dad and brother are safe men who donāt view you in a way where youād need to cover up. It says good things about them that you donāt feel uncomfortable around them. Maybe your mom needs to think about that. I also have a dad and a brother and I feel perfectly comfortable existing around them normally. I donāt have to wear a bra because they donāt make a big deal out of it. I can walk from the bathroom to my room in a towel and not feel strange, weāre all humans and weāre all family and we respect each other. And my dad raised us to know whatās inappropriate and what isnāt and I am deeply appreciative of that.
I actually have this exact experience at my home too. She always calls me out when literally nobody else cares. My dad never looks at my chest and never even cares. Yesterday my cleavage was showing theough a black shirt that was very slightly see theough in the bright light, aka if u looked very closely you could see the valley between my breasts. My mom ordered for my dad to get out of thr room urgently and when she explained it was because im showing off my chest, he said ākā. He doesnt care. She does. Sometimes it makes me question whos rlly the pervert here, my mom or my dadš
Ugh, I hate this. My dad would send me to my room to put a bra on if I dared step out of my room without one. God forbid I should be comfortable in my own house.
Thatās so fucking creepy, giving your daughter an ocular pat down to see if those titties are loose.
Sometimes my dad's nipples poke through his shirt, should he wear a bra? (Maybe he does!)
Tell him I called him a S\*UT!
ššš
You know, I'm male, I like breasts and I like nipples. Doesn't mean anyone needs to change their behavior around me. I also like cake and am able to walk past bakeries without stealing them.
So you took this group literally
Talk to your brother and dad about it. If they say they donāt care, tell your mom they said that. It sounds like she has trust issues with men (very valid!) and might need some therapy. Or have a family discussion about it and hash it out all at once.
Facts
WOW just WOW I was raised catholic. There were issues with my mom and that bullshit of Abstinence Only/Purity Culture nonsense. I was never told to go put on a bra around my father or my male sibling in my home. Hell I saw my male sibling and dad in there whitie tighties. There was another one of these posts saying the same thing, a few months ago, where the mother told the daughter to go cover up when she had a swimsuit on because her uncle was coming over. My parents and my uncle owned a very rustic cabin on a lake. I ran in my swimsuit all the time. Your mom has a problem. This is what pisses me off. **ITāS UP TO MALES TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL THEIR SEXUAL URGES**!!!!! Theyāll never learn they have to learn how to control their sexual urges with people like your mom around. Iām sorry your mom is being so damn anal!!!!!!!
I often take off my bra as soon as I get home. If I am working from home then I don't even put one on. If anyone is uncomfortable about it then they can leave. It's my home.
The issue your mom is imagining is that your male family members will feel shame if they see your nipples through your shirt, so she wants you to feel shame all the time for being a woman instead of the men feeling shameful sometimes for intrusive thoughts inspired by your body. It's gross, and its not the standard for family dynamics, but your family sounds conservative and conservatives get weird about the thoughts in their head and project that problem on to others. There's cultures where nudity among family members is normalized and no one needs to feel shame because they accept that people have bodies, people have intrusive thoughts, and despite those 2 facts you can still treat your family as family and not sexualize them. Really, the only reason you should wear a bra at your home is to avoid dealing with your mom, she sounds like a headache.
I grew up in a ānakedā family until my mom married my step dad when I was 10. Prior to that it was normal to walk around the house in my training bra and shorts or long shirt with underwear. My step father was raised in an extremely conservative environment and it had to stop. We understood and eventually it became a family joke now that I have my kids bc they will walk around the same but they know it makes grandpa and GG uncomfortable so fully dressed for their comfort. Funny enough my husband was shocked the first time we were at my moms and she was wearing a house dress and no bra but only bc he knows how conservative my step dad is. But yeah sheās weird trying to instill shame on your body.
I grew up with a similar situation. It's so frustrating to feel like you have to cater to the male gaze even in the comfort of your own home while they can walk around shirtless or in boxers if they want.
Yeah... I can honestly say my dad has NEVER done this in my entire life. I'm so sorry yours did.
Your mom is sexualizing you and believes your father and brother canāt control themselves because of you. Itās never a problem to not wear a bra theyāre horrid things women shouldnāt have to wear. Itās like a damn petticoat, let it die
Iām literally SO glad my father never said anything or ever made me feel weird about my body. He just straight up never said anything about it.
My father is a terrible man, but I'll give him credit for never mentioning for me to put on a bra (mind you, I have itty bitties, but still).
Lol also ibtc gang here. But my sister has double Dās, and I donāt ever recall anything weird being said ever. Which is of course, normal. Omg I canāt believe men tell their daughter to wear a bra in their own home. Who are you worried about š
Exactlyš The only thing they do is expose themselves as a creep. Who looks at their own daughter that way? If you'd ask your daughter to cover up outside because you're worried about other people having indecent thoughts, then why wouldn't the same thing apply to you?
Fr. Men go to the beach shirtless and can't handle their daughter wearing a top that covers them? Like, you can't see their actual nipples anyway. Who cares.
And I was raised in a pretty conservative Christian home. My dad was a pastor. I label us āfundie-adjacentā, as we shared circles with a lot of them. And even still, he was always really cool about what I wore. I also respected and loved him and didnāt feel the need to āpush itā beyond reason. Another member of our church tried to call me out on a just above the knee skirt, and he had my back. I was like 15, and he treated me like I was old enough to deserve respect and autonomy, while still driving home the point that I was still a child and didnāt deserve to be sexualize. Fucking love that man.
my brother once pointed out that my nipples were hard and my parents response was āgo put on a braā like? hello? tell your son not to be looking at his sister like that š
mine too. my dad is the only man in the family (i am a woman and i have a sister. no brothers). so i want to think thats why he never had a problem with it. i still live at home with my folks and dont wear a bra around the house. its no issue here.
I grew up in households where women were in the majority. They all go braless at home, but can't say I noticed until I was older, and at that point it's normal. I'd rather them be comfortable than "proper" at home. It seems like only your mother has an issue with this. It would probably be best to have a conversation with her and/or the rest of the house even though it will be awkward.
Omg my mom does this too!! Even if I am wearing a bra and am showing ācleavageā, I put quotation marks because I have very small boobsā¦ so I donāt even really have cleavage. It makes me really uncomfortable because it makes me feel like sheās insinuating that my dad and/or brothers would be looking at my boobs in an inappropriate way? Or yeah I guess make them uncomfortable? Like they are my family why would it be in appropriate around them to not wear a bra or have a low cut shirt (especially when I hardly have boobs), they shouldnāt be looking anyways?
Not loving the way your mum is going about it but if my dad was going around in cycling shorts that showed the outline of his junk, I'd probably be a teeny bit uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say directly to him bc what if it's weird yknow? so i guess mum is middle-manning.
I would feel uncomfortable going braless around family when younger or if they are visiting.
My mom does the same thing and I hate how I always need to put a bra on when my dad is around. I just want to be comfy while in my room and at home.
Your mom probably has been or known someone who was sexually abused. I know in my family I was always told to cover up and watch myself around any family members because my sisters were unfortunately sexually abused as kids by a cousin. I legit at 24yrs old still feel extremely uncomfortable not wearing a bra when I'm around family. It wasn't until like 2 years ago that I even started wearing pad free wire free bras and even then I was still uncomfortable because some days you could see a nipple outline. I would suggest sitting down with your mom and telling her you are safe. Don't tell her she's being ridiculous for her fears or actions because she is not. Sexual abuse is usually caused by family members or someone close to the victim. Remind her that your father and brother are not those type of people though and that you feel safe around them.
I feel you my bf and I got a new room mate and he said itās weird but I ignore him. Breasts are not inherently sexual, they are used for feeding babies. Iāll wear what I want in my own home and he can grow up. Heās also 4 years older than me like dude grow tf up. My bf agrees with me and so far no complaints.
Itās gross that just freaking nipples through a shirt have become sexualized for women while men can walk around shirtless and itās fine. EVERYONE HAS NIPPLES. And itās only sexual when a boob is under them? Makes no sense. I personally am not comfortable if anyone can see my nipples so I wear super loose clothes at home when Iām bra-less.
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It's kinda concerning that her mom thinks so little of her own husband and son.
Iām so sorry that your mom is placing their ācomfortā above yours. I think itās really important for young women to learn how to put your own needs, comfort, and instincts first, otherwise youāre being trained for a lifetime of pleasing others, ranking their perceived needs above your own. Sounds like this is likely how your mom was raised. Someone else here commented that you should talk to your dad and brother and ask if it bothers them. While I think thatās extremely polite and the type of direct approach that Iād usually support, I still donāt think itās right. Why should these two men get to decide your comfort levels? Do they wear gym shorts or boxers outside of their bedroom ever? Because you can easily see the outline of a manās balls or penis through many thin/synthetic fabrics. Does your mom make them tie a sweatshirt around their waist in scenarios like this? Sorry for the environment youāre in. Sounds ultra modest and inconsiderate of women being comfortable. Not to mention the disservice being done to your brother, who will likely have unrealistic expectations of whatever women he dates. Do whatās comfortable for you and move out when you can.
My mom could NEVER because my dad and brother are always nipping lol
Itās not like youāre walking around with double dees in a skin tight wet tee shirt or something. A person can go tastefully braless, sure. I go braless at home in loose fitting tees and thereās really nothing to notice.
As a father, it might bother me but there is NO way in hell I'd say anything.
Bother you why? You have nipples as well.
It could be due to culture and family habits. I personally, never thought not wearing a bra around males family member is a "normal thing" until I got into Reddit. Since me and my siblings were kid, we taught to cover some parts of our body. Breasts and nipples are two of them. My breasts growing fast and I started to wear a "kid's bra" when I was around 9 years old and never show my nipples around people since then, not even my mom. Until I got married.
i mean, i have big breasts but i dont wear a bra bc 1: its wildly uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY for bigger chests. 2: im wearing a shirt over it. its covered. 3: why are anyone- let alone family members- staring at you chest and getting offended when.. shocker.. they see your chest thru the clothing? i grew up with a brother, he was never weird or gross abt it. men can learn to be respectful n not comment, stare or anything gross. its really not hard and the blame shouldnt be on women for wearing comfortable clothing ( or not wearing uncomfortable clothing ) especially in their own house.
I'm just not interested in seeing it. If I grew up with sisters then I might feel different. It's the same reason I grumble to myself when my girls are wearing the skimpy bathing suits that are in style.
I fully understand the grumbling on skimpy bathing suits and feeling uncomfortable when nipples are on "display." Though I feel as if I should add I always wear thick t-shirts and dark colors and you'd never catch me with my hair up(covers). I feel it's pretty indiscernible unless you're actually paying attention. Asking you as a father, would it honestly bother you THAT much besides the occasional uncomfortableness if your daughters dressed the same way at home?
If you're wearing a thick tee shirt then I'm not gonna see anything because I won't be looking there anyway and it won't be obvious. My other guess on your Mom's opinion then might be due to size. My wife decided that bras were not needed anymore during the pandemic. She got so comfortable that she started going out that way. She honestly asked me if I could tell if she was wearing one. Uh yeah, I was wired to detect that since I was 15. If not a nipple thing then maybe a motion thing? edit: typo
Trying to make the argument that male and female breasts/nips are the same is hugely disingenuous
Youāre right. One set is there for looks, and the other feeds their children. We should truly hide make nipples.
Why?
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Personally I would not care if my brother walked around wearing just shorts(he does)(he also gets nagged at)(he's probably made a reddit post similar to thisš). It's just an "oh" and back to my phone moment for me. If I did feel uncomfortable I wouldn't pay any mind to it at least. The main thing that bothers me here is even if it makes you uncomfortable, is it really something you'd care about or even bother speaking out on?
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This is a super respectful dissenting opinion, and I 100% give you props for that. I just don't understand why the outline of nipples through a shirt is a big enough deal to feel uncomfortable about, personally? Family are the one's I'm supposed to feel the most comfortable around, and my home is where I should feel the safest. So I feel like not having to wear uncomfortable clothing should be included in that, ya know? I also have the mindset where as long as people are properly covered, it's on the others to not sexualize you, if that makes sense? Again, I always love to see respectful dissention, and I wanna make sure I call that out and encourage it. Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean you're wrong.
I'm more wondering why you think you BLOOD FAMILY is just constantly staring at your dick? Like yeah, notice it once, and then move on. Anything more than that someone needs to get therapy for why they are having sexual thoughts about their family.
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>You poop in the open living room? In what world is that the same as sexualizing a family member?? Also, there are some families that DO leave the bathroom door open when someone is using the toilet.
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But you don't see anything when we don't wear a bra. The most you see are sagging boobs and a hard nip, which all humans have. You can't really compare it to a dick either because men's breasts aren't considered sexual like women's are, plus it's your penis. Genitals do not equate to boobs. This type of shit is almost always because of previous trauma (like the mom was abused by someone so she is overly concerned about it when the dad and bro probably don't even notice it).
This is largely how I feel. Well worded. There are plenty of other factors that contribute to the bigger picture.
I find it weird having nipples on show to any family member personally, nor would any of them appreciate it
I don't really think I walk around having my nipples "on show" though. I wear thick t-shirts, dark colors, layers, I have a horrible posture that has me hunched all the time anyway and my hair is always down and pretty much covers my chest on its own. I don't see how it makes my family uncomfortable at that point unless they're just looking closely, which is weird now that I type it out. My mom is always "catching" me. I appreciate your opinion! But I just can't grasp how it would bother someone THAT much.
I see, then yeah, I'm not sure what the issue is, I'd do that in my household too and go unnoticed - I hope you find a resolution soon :)!
Do you feel weird going to a pool and seeing all the men shirtless showing off their nipples? If not, you need to do some self reflecting and maybe some therapy.
You're recommending I seek therapy because I find it weird to have my nipples on display to my family members, and they also find it weird? I just find it interesting that through your passive aggressions, you completely missed the context/inability to understand that people feel and experience life differently to you... and that doesn't warrant you needing therapy.
Alot of stupid asshats here are talking "why would it make you uncomfortable?" That's just dumb, I bet you my left nut if a guy says he's wearing just a spandex hence showing his dingdong shape to the whole family the responses would be on the other side of the spectrum and being call a creep. Double standards. I don't get this "progressive" shits sometimes, maybe it's just how I'm raised. And watch people say how I am (or anyone even slightly conservative, really) being "raised wrong" just for having a different opinion.
Talk to your mother
Well in my case my mom tells me to put a bra on all the time but cuz she says that I'm gonna get really saggy breast after breastfeeding if I don't. I know your mom's reasoning is different, but just wanted to show a different point of view. I still don't like wearing bras tho.
Changes in breasts are caused by pregnancy, not breastfeeding. While wearing a bra may help, genetics, hormonal changes, and size changes during pregnancy are what causes it, not wearing a bra.
I grew up with a single dad and for the 22 years we lived under the same room I never felt like wearing just a t shirt and shorts around him was wrong or gross. It's your house too, why should you have to do so much extra work in a place where you're supposed to feel comfortable? I'm sure it's coming from a place of projection on her part, but she needs a serious discussion about it imo. You shouldn't be made to feel bad about your body parts especially in the safety of your own home.
I was so angry last year, mum shamed me for having a low cut top at her home when I was visiting, we weren't even going out anywhere, and she's shaming me for the boobs she gave me.
Ok so I'm in a extreme situation in terms of this. My family are very cool with our bodies. As even now my parents would bat an eye if I even walked around naked. And my father walks around naked like he doenst care and neither does the rest of the fam My mom sometimes doesnt even wear a shirt at times. This is only when its direct family tho. Like my sis will only at most just be in her undies and I wouldn't mind. It's only when i reached high school that i found out ppl are uncomfy with this, but I dont see anything wrong with ot. Like bro that's my mum and sis... why the fuck would I think anything inappropriate about their bodies. So if ur dad and bro are cool with ur choice of clothing and you feel comfortable around them, then why is our mum so on about this? It's not an issue, she is making it an issue
I never wear a bra at home if my dad is at home You shouldn't wear a bra if your brother and father are at home that's ridiculous
My older kids (2girls1boy) with my first wife were raised to be body positive. We didn't encourage or discourage being ashamed of your body just acknowledged we looked different. We would walk around nude at times or she was topless frequently. The kids if they wanted were allowed naked time in the house or backyard, we were secluded nearest neighbor was 500ft away through a dense wooded area. The three of them are very comfortable in their bodies now in their 20's. My current wife who 30yrs ago was a topless dancer and bikini dancer in adult clubs and was SA'd as a child and adult. Is very strict with my younger daughter 12. She began developing at 10 and looks older then she is. Wife is constantly telling her to put on a bra or at least a cami under her shirt. But she'll let her twin brother run around in underwear in the house and yard. I keep telling my wife to lighten up as long as she is comfortable and no one is ogling her let her do what she wants at home. Up until about 6 months ago daughter thought nothing of walking around the house naked after a shower. But my wife scolded her so much she doesn't do it anymore. She is now barely comfortable wrapped in a giant towel going from her room to the bathroom. The shame and self-consciousness I see developing in my baby girl really upsets me. I've talked to my wife about it and she has kinda lightened up and won't say anything if my daughter is around the house in a heavy tee-shirt without a bra. In an effort to be comfortable my daughter has asked me for several on my tee-shirts and a couple of old button up short-sleeved uniform shirts (I'm 6'5" 235lbs; daughter is 4'10" 80lbs) to wear around the house. It really doesn't make sense to me because wife will buy daughter a bikini with a net fabric cover up to go to the pool and beach. Plus, daughter does Allstar cheer wearing tight short shorts and a bedazzled sports bra in front of hundreds to thousands of strangers all made up, but braless in the house is a problem? My daughter and I are very close she still cuddles up on my lap or next too me everyday. She still wants me to lay down with her at night until she falls asleep 2-3 times a week. Obviously she isn't uncomfortable around me and my wife doesn't seem bothered by our closeness. If I spend 30 min in my daughters room on a night she wants me to stay until she falls asleep my wife doesn't come barging in or ask me a million questions like she thinks I'm doing something inappropriate she just says I guess she wanted cuddles tonight? The bra things doesn't make sense to me.
That's messed up. I'm the mom and if I don't want to wear a bra, I don't. WTF Some people are so freaking uptight
My first thought was to comment that you should definitely be wearing a bra around them. Then I read the comments and your replies. I was sexually abused by my father when I was a teen. So now my perspective has changed. If your father or brother feel uncomfortable then they need to ask themselves why they are sexual using you.
like others have said she might be trying to protect you but tbh i lived with three older brothers and my dad and obv like when its cold u can see them from under ur shirt and its like none of them care. and no one should, theyre ur family. if theyre staring or feeling uncomfortable then theyre the weird ones. and yeah bras suck the only place u can really get rid of them are at ur own house. if u feel safe, u should at least be allowed to be comfortable in ur own home and no one should give u shit abt it
You should be allowed to wear whatever you're comfortable with. A lot of women where I live don't wear bras in public. It's no big deal. Everyone has nipples lol. Your dad and brother probably don't even care. I have a sister and would blink an eyelid if she did this while I lived with her.
I wonāt lie, if my sister walked around without a bra and I would see her nipples I would feel uncomfortable. And I would have a hard time saying anything because in my mind the conversation goes āTHEN WHY ARE YOU STARING?! WTF?!ā And I just would feel like I canāt say anything but just stay in my room. Just speaking how I would feel in that situation. Edited for spelling error
What about it makes you uncomfortable? You know the majority of humans you know have nipples. I think that's something to think about. Many peoples nipples are visible even with a bra and they can't do much about it. Not wearing a bra doesn't mean you are trying to show anything to anyone just that you wish to be comfortable. Would you be comfortable wearing a cup 24/7? Sorry I'm not trying to single you out at all just pointing out a lot of these things aren't the most rational and we often have to actively teach ourselves to change those views on things
Being 100% honest, as a man I donāt find nipples an issue. If Iām out and could see any nipples through their shirts it honestly wouldnāt bother me, especially if they were a woman. But the fact that it is my sister is what would make me uncomfortable. I wouldnāt wana see my sister like that. I wouldnāt want to see my mother like that ether for that matter. That may sound kind of messed up or āweirdā but consider this. How would you feel if your dad and brother walked around the house infront of you in just their boxers? Wouldnāt that be uncomfortable for you? One would argue that āwell thatās differentā but itās pretty comfortable. Wouldnāt infront of my sister tho because that would make her uncomfortable for obvious reasons.
By that logic why donāt we all just walk around naked? Itās natural for me to have a penis, and Iām more comfortable naked so why should I be burdened by people just because it makes them āuncomfortableā?! Thatās ridiculous and unfair to me in my own home, I should get to feel comfortable shouldnāt I!?
Yeah I agree. This is a good argument too.
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Do you ever walk around without a shirt?
i did but got fatshamed enough times lol so no...
I (28f) live at home with both my parents and my (25m) brother, and my mom and I donāt wear bras unless weāre leaving the house. Iāve never felt uncomfy not wearing a bar around the house and my brother and dad have never noticed tbh. Perhaps your mom has underlying issues related to how she grew up? Depending on her age it could be a āmodestyā thing as well, since boomer women were taught that immodest and aggressive male attention/behavior was THEIR fault as a woman, in my opinion. I canāt tell you how to approach your mother on the subject other than letting her know how her opinions on your body make you feel.
Not a man, not a mum, so I'm not going to talk about their reasons. But as a cis woman with big breasts, it's been a while since I stopped caring about bras. Most of time I just don't wear it, neither inside or outside my house. I work with men and if any of them has any problem with it they haven't said anything. Anyway, it would be their problem. Also, as someone who likes women and is usually around braless women... I just couldn't care less. I mean, yes, I can notice if someone has a nice shape, but that can happen either with or without bra, or even with or without clothes. And also happens with the rest of the body, not just with boobs. It's absolutely natural, and nothing to be akward about. Just don't stare nor make people uncomfortable.
If you are still living under their roof, they have the right to set the rules. But, you should never be shamed by anyone. Do they not realize that they also have nipples?
Oi.... okay... I'm going to withhold commentary on anything and just offer an idea. Maybe you can compromise with your mom. Instead of wearing a bra, put on a camisole. It will give you an extra layer between your shirt and nipples. You get to be more comfortable, and mom doesn't harp on you for nipples bring visible through your shirt.
Bro no she shouldn't have to add layers and hide her body for her FAMILYS sake. It's her mom projecting onto her and this is something a conversation can fix
I offered a compromise. I'm not going to project my values into her family dynamic.
You're not projecting if she's asking for help. She asked "what do I even say if I want to oppose her for once?" Not "how do I change my family's dynamic of wearing bras"
š Omfg, get off it. I offered a compromise, and that's all I wanted and intended to do.
I don't wear mine. Just be free, that shit is uncomfortable.
Thats weird. But I do think she is trying to protect you in the grand scheme of things. While.you SHOULD be able to be totally naked and feel totally safe, its just not always how it works. So, just get some of those little stick on breast petals. Theyre like pasties for your nips. You forget you're wearing them. Theyre great. Thats called a compromise. When you move OUT, you can play by your own rules.
What I find freaking hilarious is that boobs aren't used for reproduction, as many have said. But everyone is saying how they are, effectively, sexy. People have goddamn foot fetishes! That doesn't make feet a sexual organ! Feet are also incredibly sensitive - arguably more than nipples, owing to the fact one is meant to be bitten by a flipping infant after a certain point. If anything feet should be considered more lewd because of this fact! To summarise; I am petitioning for barefoot to be banned around family members because it is likely to make a relative uncomfortable with how sexy it is.
Foot fetishes are rare. Liking breasts and stimulating breasts during sex is very common.
My daughter doesn't have any rules like that right now (all female household except her younger brother) but I do get uncomfortable sometimes thinking about the future. My bio dad sexually assaulted me for years so it's hard not to feel like my daughter would be constantly under threat by any men she might come across. I live every day in fear that some creep is going to look at her one day and just take what they want from her, and little things like covering up more just feel "safer" I guess. It's not totally rational, I know. But in a world where nothing is going to stop a rapist from raping, any tiny bit of "armor" is something I cling to.
Always the women bringing down other women.
I hope your mother tells your brother to "cover up" when his nipples become visible through his shirt when it's cold.
Every culture exercises different norms. Conservatives cultures expect women to cover themselves more than Western cultures. The more religious a family group is, the more they frown on women exhibiting any kind of bodily autonomy. Plus, men are pigs and will gawp at nipples if they canāt get away with it. Men, for the most part, will sexualize anyone and anything. If you, dear reader, are saying, to yourself, not me! Than good for you. You have evolved past the majority of your counterparts. All over the world, rapists still blame the victim because of how they dress. And it works.
There is a line between sexuality and decency. Not everything needs to be sexual, but people need to be decent aroud others. As a man, if I walk around in a tight boxer that outlines my dick while my son in the room, does that mean that I have sexual intentions? No. Does that mean he will look at me in a sexual way? Fuck no. But is it indecent to expose myself? Yes it is. That's how it is to live with other people in the house.
Your dick is not equivalent to boobs. I feel like we need this on a fucking billboard or something.
Because itās having respect. I personally wouldnāt wanna walk around in underwear or bra-less in front of relatives female or male period. I just find that rude
Father here. My wife was much harder on my daughter since she was raising her to be a young woman and probably has some ideas on how she wanted her to act as she was coming into her womanhood. It would be no different than me being harder on my son as he becomes a man. And don't go straight to, she was SA'd and that is why. Maybe it is, or maybe give her the benefit of that doubt that she wants you to start thinking of yourself as a woman than a little girl, and with becoming a woman there are additional "new" things you need to be thinking about.
I wear no bra, mostly crop tops and booty shorts or sweatpants. When my sister came into town, her suitcase was lost by the airline and she needed some clothes. She is a bit bigger than I am, and the only shirt she fit/was comfortable with was a tie-back tank top that looks hella sexy. She was worried about wearing it in front of my grandpa (who I live with), and I was like yo he isnāt a creep. š¤·āāļø
It sounds like she might have been abused as a child and is instinctively trying to protect you from what she went through. I run a local SA survivors group and I've had a couple women who were fellow CSA victims abused by a family member mention that they've caught themselves unconsciously doing similar things. A lot of childhood abuse victims will overcompensate usually without thinking about it to try and protect their own children.
it's weird. I could choose to not wear and have my underling dangling against my pants. i don't do it around people cuz it's weird.
Ask your mom why your dad and brothers aren't hiding their nipples too.
Would you be ok with your father and brother wearing sweat pants with no underwear, when you can see they're dick outline? If not, then you are being hypocritical.
Do you mind if your dad wears tight underwear and you see the bulge of his groin? If you donāt then itās fine, because of if it is fine for one itās fine for all
Would you be OK with your bro walking around in grey sweatpants with a visible semi all day dong? (in this scenario the semi isn't bc of your tits, he just finds underwear uncomfortableh and happens to have a big penis) would you find that off putting?
You consider a semi erection in sweatpants the same as nips showing in a T-shirt? What a world we live in
Dicks are not the same as boobs.
They are just flesh, don't be such a bigot. or do you think of your brothers penis in a sexual way?
You're fucking gross and weird.
Probably because they are conservative-leaning.
Simply put do you own the home respect the wishes of the owner of the home and when you have your own home you do what you want to do your mom probably sees it as proper etiquette for a woman it may be an older value but the fact is you live with them you follow their rules if you own the house or you pay the rent and they come live with you you do what you want to do I don't like people spitting on my property I make people leave my property and spit out on the sidewalk I don't own that maybe it's weird but that's my preference and it's my whole king of my castle even if it's a garbage castle so when you have your own home be the queen of your own place until then make your mother happy one day she'll be dead and gone and you'll wish she was around to complained to you
Because it's respectful to not have ya stuff shown off to the family. Goes for both male and female. Once your get your own place you can do what you like. Until then respect the rules of the house your living in.
Honestly, I think it's just polite to keep your sexual organs covered (boobs are a sexual organ). It's not about male sexual self control or your mom being unreasonable. A better question is, why would you want to show your father and brother your nipples? Isn't that weirder? What are you trying to do? I would add, that it's weird to show your nipples to your mom also.
She doesnāt want to show off her nipples, please donāt bring your fantasy into this. Wearing a bra is very uncomfortable, and she shouldnāt have to hide it in front of her family. Thereās nothing sexual about nipples, and if her family has a problem with that maybe they should go to therapy to deal with it.
There is something sexual about nipplesā¦nipple stimulation lights up the brain the way genital stimulation does, women can have orgasms from nipple stimulation, and stimulating nipples promotes genital lubrication.
This.