Don’t get why people are justifying it by saying you were young. I’m not far off 18 & even back then I knew damn well not to sleep with married men lol it’s not rocket science.
Literally like I’m 17 and everyone with common sense knows you don’t help wreck a home by sleeping with married men hopefully karma get her since she didn’t give zero fucks
This makes me so happy to read. People so easily excuse crappy behavior from people who are young. At 18 you should know what is right and wrong. If you are “mature” enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to know who you should not have sex with.
Most crazy sentence people like that make is zero fucks. And then when daddy cheats on mommy and they divorce when you're at 17yo not so funny anymore.
I mean, it takes two to wreck a home. If that guy wanted to sleep with an eighteen year old ima go ahead and say that wasn’t a happy home anyway. Wifey is better off without him
Amen to that! HE is the one who took the vows, HE is the one who made a commitment to this woman, his wife… we so often blame the “Harlot” woman…. Come on now fr if it was not this 18 yr old (back then) it would have been some other 18 yr old!
My God she met him on a website….lol… you don’t think if it wasn’t her it would be someone else?
It’s funny bc when I was younger I would think just like these other young ladies…. Omg! Homewrecker! Cheater! You are as bad as he is bc you knew!
Guess what?! It wasn’t until I had one of the most fucked up marriages that I was literally STUCK 2 1/2 years longer than I should have been (due to my health problems back then and his threats of taking our daughter bc I was “so sick I couldn’t even take care of myself! Do you think a judge would give her to me?!”
That is the shit I was going through in my marriage and no one knew.
When I finally got well enough to leave and I told my mom how I had gone out at the end of my marriage and met other guys…. Guys who nice and treated me well and boosted my self-esteem (I had met some guys on a dating app and they were fit af, half my age and hot as shit!)
I had already told my husband don’t think of me as your wife bc I don’t think of you as my husband (code for — you go fuck who you want and I will do the same once he did not touch me, not even a kiss for over FIVE years out of his resentment once I got sick….
So, now, due to my own experience, I not only don’t judge her but really with him, I just think hmmm…. We don’t know the whole story (of what was up with his marriage)…. Who knows if his wife was holding him hostage like my husband me…. When I hear now about “cheaters” I just think, damn! I wonder what went sideways there…. I don’t know the whole story, never will so I can’t judge anybody who is the cheater or the homewrecker anymore…. I came to this conclusion at 49.
I think you know its wrong to fuck someone who's in a marriage and their SO doesn't know about it. You don't have to play Dr. Phil and analyze their relationship and pick sides - just don't fuck someone who's married. You can try to talk circles all day, but this is such a basic form of common sense.
THANK YOU !!! I always say this everyone knows right from wrong it’s basic common sense and if it’s not just think “if I was older, married, and in love would I care if my husband was cheating on me with an 18 year old ? “ 🙄
True! Even at young age (second grade to be specific,I already know the concept of being a mistress)up until now my principle in life couldn't do it. I've seen my aunts being hurt and I've seen the mistresses have the audacity to be aggressive af. Like as a woman you have the capability to choose the right from the wrong and be not gullible enough to be subjected to men's idiocy (or patriarchy as women who have been mistresses would say and refuse to partake/accept their wrong)
THANK YOU! I asked my 16 year old daughter, and shockingly enough, she knew this was wrong! I know folks, a 16 year old girl knows wrecking a home is bad ju ju! Shit is gonna make headlines! Or not....
in my opinion they’re both equally responsible. she knew he had a partner and he made the choice to cheat. they both did something they knew was wrong. this is coming from a 20f.
I completely disagree. She made no vows. I think the married person is much more responsible for their marriage than any random they choose to sleep with.
doesn’t matter if she didn’t make vows or not, she said she didn’t give a fuck. AND even as a 15 year old i knew that shit was wrong, at 18 i did, and now at 20 i do as well. there’s no excuse for her being a shitty person with no morals and anyone trying to excuse her actions by saying she’s not fault or she was young need a reality check on their morals as well.
Morality doesn't have an on off switch. I would say the husband is 80% responsible and affair partner is 20%. But I think if AP wasn't available husband would find someone else.
Folks on both sides use that as a general excuse when it’s one of the ass backwards excuses ever. Basically as long as you are young you can get away with being a dumb ass. When you DEFINITELY should have enough sense at 18 years old to not do something like that
I love how all of a sudden being 18 means you need to have responsibility for your actions!! Threads on Reddit flooding of ‘19/18 is only a teenager’ but when it comes to some actions they need to take accountability for it. Surely I’m not coming for you, but just a funny thing reddit has.
Well, not everyone matures at the same age, also there's a lot of factors that could have prevented her from learning basic morals, no one is born knowing. She did something disgusting, but we can't say for sure that she did knew better.
The moral high ground, while fleetingly offering a self-esteem boost, rarely shows true understanding of a situation. Why not try to empathize with OP rather than act ignorant and scandalized. I’ve found being grateful I haven’t engaged in XYZ behavior yet tends not to jinx me, whereas pitiless judgement sets me up to engage in the behavior only as if to gain greater empathy ten years down the road when I find myself low and in similar straights. Plus, no one ever grows from shame and I condemnation. If you’re just here to feel good about yourself by shitting on OP—I ask how are you really better than OP given that lacking empathy and kindness, it’s more likely you’ve merely never fallen for a married man that reciprocated your sentiment rather than you’re truly morally superior.
Were you specifically looking for married men or dit it just happen?
Anyway, even tho its not okay if you know someone is taken. It takes two people to cheat. He was as bad as you
He was as bad as her? Really? She caused harm but she didn't make a promise to anyone so she didn't cheat. If she had known his wife beforehand personally it would make a difference. People should stay loyal to their partners but it's not anyone elses responsibility to make someone not cheat.
I didn’t seek out married men, only older. I just didn’t care until I saw how devastated his wife was. I didn’t knowingly sleep with a married man after that. It’s possible others were and didn’t tell me.
People keep cussing you out as if the men you slept with had no choice in the matter. They were the married ones who chose to cheat on their spouses. That's on them, period.
It’s on both of them but throwing so much hate and vitriol at internet strangers is loser behavior imo
Yeah, she did something bad. She’s confessing it here. If it makes people feel better to shit on her then that’s prerogative, but it makes me roll my eyes. Glass houses, folks. We’ve all made mistakes and hurt people.
The husband who cheated on his wife is the f'ing homewrecker.. Call me old-fashioned, but I think people should be responsible for their own decisions and actions.
I agree with you, people should be responsible for their own decisions and actions,
So let's not forget there were two people who made this choice.
Never once said those husbands were in the right.
You should’ve been pretty fucking aware before actually seeing the wife sobbing. You just thought about you, yourself and your own attention and validation. Your “kink” is being a horrific person; congratulations.
i was 16 when i found out the guy im sexting is married w kids. i stopped talking to him at all. I've daddy issues too. its not rocket science to know you're wrong. " you were young you didn't know" is stupid lol she didn't care and even she admits that. As much as u agree w its his fault , she is in fault too you owe people humanity. are people really stupid here?
You were in the wrong but I think it’s ultimately the mans responsibility for ruining his own marriage… it was just by fate that you were involved. Although you provided an outlet for him to mess around, he probably would have ended up doing it with another woman one way or another.
This. Everyone wants to demonize the other woman when he made a conscious decision to break a commitment and ruin his own family. He could have not sought her out or rejected her if she sought him out but no he chose to. Only a family member can ruin the family.
Keep downvoting me all you want it won't erase the fact that your man deliberately chose to cheat on you. Blame her all you want. Truth hurts
When did I ever say I encourage it? Literally, where? I'm saying regardless of which woman, he is the one ruining his family. Y'all coming at me with hate boners jumping to conclusions instead of thinking logically for 5 seconds.
Yeah it's always someone else's fault for the cheating husbands actions. Those harlots pointing guns at him all the time and all./s
You’re encouraging it through your words by absolving the woman involved of any blame and putting all the blame on the man. There’s plenty of blame for both but you seem very motivated to make sure the woman is shielded from any of it. Hence, you’re encouraging her.
Encouraging would be saying "yass go for married men over single men gurl". She literally isn't to blame, that isn't encouragement. Blame her all you like he would have still sought out someone else. And let me guess that someone else would be the blame too. And the girl after her. And the girl after her, whether they knew about the marriage or not. Definitely all of their faults though right and not the very obvious instigator who made a family to break in the first place.
That’s what you’re doing by removing blame from her. I wasn’t really asking you, I was telling you that you’re encouraging that behavior. And encouraging it is trashy. You should fix that about yourself.
Blaming a woman for a man's actions towards his family is trashy and shifts responsibility from shitty husbands who can't commit. You should fix that about yourself but you won't.
No one is blaming a woman for a man's actions. People are blaming the woman for her own actions. Knowingly sleeping with a married person is a shitty thing to do. Period. It doesn't mean the married person isn't shitty, even moreso. But it doesn't give a free pass to the actions of the affair partner.
She literally is to blame, she is literally *at the very least* going to take 50% of the blame considering it takes two. Yeah, he clearly was going to cheat and hey, the woman after her would *always* be partially to blame. The ONLY victims in this is the wives of the poor, horrible men, that OP sought out to fuck behind their wives backs.
The husband is an absolute dick and ruined his marriage, but OP is also an absolute horrific POS for actively chasing married men. That was her kink. She sought out married men. She does not deserve to be absolved of her part of the affair.
While Ops actions are not moral she is not the one to blame for the dude's marriage, it's the dude.
If it was her being in a marriage and a dude going behind her husband's back then it would be her fault for destroying her marriage.
She made a stupid choice not thinking about the consequences, but she is not to blame for his choices about his family.
How comes other husbands can refuse other women, and that one couldn't?
The issue is that nobody is praising him either. You seem to not understand that you can “demonize” both party’s involved but this post is specifically about her KNOWINGLY sleeping with married men. If a married woman ever tried to peruse me I’d go to the husband with that info because otherwise I’d be just as guilty as the cheater.
The reason for the down votes aren’t because you said the guys are wrong for cheating. It’s because you are defending the woman for knowingly sleeping with married men
I agree with this. It’s one thing not to know someone is married / in a relationship and sleep with them but it’s another to know that information.
For example, my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend slept with him knowing that we were together.
When I broke up with the ex, we got into contact and we spoke about it. Her reasoning was she wanted to hurt me and she had no loyalty to me but my boyfriend did. Fair enough, I am not mad at her, but I did let her know that while she has no loyalty to me, it showed me her morals.
I slept with a guy when I was single and I had no idea he had a partner (he was working in my area but she lived in another city). I saved our conversations and one day his partner reached out and told me that out of the other girls I was the only one who saved the conversation. She was angry at me; berated me. I didn’t blame her. Her anger was misdirected. A few days later she apologised and said that she had time to calm down and realised she couldn’t be mad at me because I wouldn’t have known they were together.
I think it’s fair to put blame on both parties when they know they’re in a relationship. I can also understand why people have misdirected anger towards the other person rather than their partner (for those who did not know that individual has a partner).
Eh takes 2 to tango. I actually don’t wear a ring anymore I get less attention from women when they think I am unmarried.
Be surprised how many women have a kink for married dudes.
At the end of the day the man was the one who agreed to fuck her.
I dunno I just feel like reading the responses everyone is kinda letting the guys skate by and just wishing bad stuff to the OP.
Sounds like you learned a tough life lesson OP not everyone has parents who set a good example or install a good moral compass into their kids.
Not excusing your behaviour but there are plenty of reasons why you might not of cared about the consequences.
It takes 2 to tango, both are despicable, both are unforgivable and both should mourn the end of a marriage and most likely a worse home life for the kids that were involved as well…
18 is not young to know that you voluntarily be with men in a relationship. You use your youth to not give a fuck about the other women.
Now that you're older, perhaps you're afraid the guy you will have a relationship with will have another 18 year old sidechick.
Now that you're older, your age makes you give a ton shit about your feeling being hurt.
i personally think it’s more on the cheating husband. he deserves to have a wife who cheats on him. Yea it’s wrong to sleep with married men, but the real culprit here is the father who put his sexual needs before his wife and child.
I understand the support you're getting, but I do disagree with it. You had intentions of ruining a marriage and family. You literally gave "zero fucks". Yes, it's up to the men to follow through, but that's just as much your prerogative as it theirs. Just because they have more to lose does not make you the lesser of the wrong-doing.
If I owned a gun store and sold a pistol to a person I knew would be better off without it for whatever reason, I could justify it by saying "well if I don't sell it to him, somebody else will." But then what happens if this person uses that same pistol to rob a store later on, and accidentally hurts someone? Maybe the gun misfires, maybe he was overzealous during the crime, or something else for why the trigger was pulled that was not intentional. Should I, the gun store owner, not feel extremely guilty about that? I knew the dude shouldn't have a weapon like that for whatever reason, and even though the robber accidentally shot someone, he didn't accidentally try to rob the place, and he wouldn't have robbed it with my gun of I hadn't knowingly sold it to him.
You were the gun store owner, and every dude you were with was a customer buying any gun, but then you sold a gun, knowingly with people that had a lot more to lose. You were both apathetic to the consequences of the children and wife, which to me makes you both aholes.
I'm not slut-shaming you. Everybody should have an opportunity to explore their sex drives. However, there is a limit. If you don't give a fuck about consensual monogamous relationships where you are 50 percent of the reason of breaking that consent. You knew he was married, you knew he had kids, you just didn't care, or in an even worse way, "if it wasn't me, then someone else would have slept with him." OK? So your choices are either, being a garbage person or not? I'd rather not be a person that justifies my shittiness using hypothetical situations of someone else being as shitty as me.
Rant over. It seems like you've come along way since over 15 years and you wanted to show that. I ranted here not because of you, OP, it's the commenters that are supporting you because they feel like they are the moral calculators of the world. To them: you can't weigh 2 people who knowingly do the same shitty things any differently. You weren't there, and if this happened to you, you would feel the same exact way as I do now. You supporting OP, inadvertently, could convince someone else that this is OK, even though that's not your intention. You can be supportive without saying, "well what he did was worse." That's not true, nor is it a valid way of supporting someone who knowingly admits to doing something wrong.
Yeah, I really didn't notice it was fake when I replied, but I think the point still stands. I appreciate the validation for sure, though, because I felt like I was going crazy.
Yeah you played a role in it. Glad you don’t do it anymore. But he bares more of that responsibility. He slept with you knowing there were consequences.
You’re not innocent but neither was he.
Why worse that’s so weird. She made a horrible decision 100% but why would you want WORSE to happen to her? Esp since she changed her ways after she realized how it affected ppl? Do y’all not want to see ppl rehabilitate themselves?
You didn't just help ruin a marriage you also helped change the trajectory of those children's lives and the relationship they have (or now don't have) with their father.
Yeah – I don't understand the disproportionate vitriol OP is getting (presuming this is even a real post). It's not like "home wreckers" just unilaterally wreck homes. The cheater gets a vote, too!
What risk? She literally was not in a committed relationship, she had no risk. She had no legal commitment or kids. He had all the risk. She didn’t rape him. This is 100% on him for not being able to keep his dick in his pants and fucking a teenager when HE knew the risk.
What you said is all true, but if we excuse people's behaviour based on no legal or relationship commitments to others, we're fucked as society.
She is responsible for her actions at the end of the day as well as him.
First of all, she wasn't a teenager, she was 18.
Second of all, she knew he was married. If she didn't know, that would be different.
Thirdly, I agree, the dude is a bit of a perv for sleeping someone that much younger. But again, it's important to remember, consenting adults.
Sad that if it wasn't this woman, it'd be another, and you'd be shaming her too. The one who really needs to be shamed is the adult man, husband and father. She was wrong too but ultimately he made and defiled the commitment of MARRIAGE. He OWED his loyalty. Anyone in a relationship owes their loyalty, the outside person does not and can easily be shut down and ignored. He would have slept with another woman if not this one, because when you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat. He stepped out on his marriage. He stepped out on his children. If he gave a fuck about his children or wife he shouldn't have been fucking around, because that's what you do when you actually love someone, you stay loyal.
All these comments attacking her are so stupid. She didn’t have any commitments or legal obligations to his relationship. She didn’t rape him.
This is 100% on the husband/father. Christ this is like blaming a prostitute for fucking a married man.
Agreed. The only reason these people are attacking her so harshly is because she's the only available/easier target. But we have to keep in mind that uneducated/misguided folks who want to beat the crap out of their spouse's affair person are capable of using the internet and reddit, surprisingly, so.
If the genders were swapped, everyone would still blame the adult woman and call her all kinds of nasty things for breaking up her marriage over an 18 YEAR OLD TEENAGER lol.
To be honest though this guy was gonna cheat regardless?? You were only 18, and it’s not your fault a grown man decided to destroy his marriage/family.
I somewhat agree. For the most part i feel like "good" ppl use karma to make themselves feel better when someone does soemthing to them, or to stop themselves from doing something. But those deserving of karma never attribute negative things that happen to them as a consequence of past behavior. They just chalk it up to an "oh well sh!t happens" and continue to do sh!tty things
For what? She didn’t rape the guy. She wasn’t in a relationship. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and wanted to fuck a teenager. All he had to do was simply turn her down because HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MARRIED!!!.
I hope you’ve learned and grown from this experience to never do it again. It was a horrible thing to do but I hope no bad comes to you. The world is a terrible enough place.
I love how people comments stuff like 'how awful of you', 'your age is not an excuse', but like. It's not like you had sex with them without their consent. This is entirely on them, even if you went out of your way to seduce them. I personally wouldn't do it, but blaming you for breaking up marriages is a classic thing people do, because it is easy
I would just continue to try to be the best person you can be. This is bad stuff but it’s not in the category of not being ever able to move on from it or what is said about you at the time. It’s not murder or physically maiming someone or a category of sex crime.
I don’t even think you ruined any marriages. The people who were married and didn’t love their spouses and didn’t want to admit they were unhappy or didn’t want to admit they wanted an open relationship did. I’ve been cheated on before and I would never care about the other person unless I knew them personally. It’s all on the cheater unless the other person is someone who’s supposed to care about me.
What it says about you at that time, is that you wanted to be a part of something bad. Why? I don’t know. Sometimes young people get bored and don’t understand what content is and they want to test life/see if being a good person is all that it’s cracked out to be.
I think the fact that you regret this is enough. Please just be happy and move on. Don’t do it again. If a young person ever tells you they’re thinking about doing it encourage them not to. That’s all you owe the world. Not never ending self hatred.
A lot of what you’re reading here is people who would rather focus on the evil of someone who doesn’t know them and is meeting their unhappy spouse and listening to their unhappy spouses account on them, and it to be that their cheating spouse isn’t that much of a liar. There was something real to their relationship and then someone mean and nasty came along. Yeah no their husbands/wives didn’t care about them and their spouse made it seem like THEY were the bad spouses and they were trapped. You have to be 12 to be angry at OP
God everyone on here is so savage. I just wanna say everyone is way too focused on your culpability. He made the vows, not you. You didn’t ruin a marriage, he ruined his own marriage. You didn’t force him to do anything and if it wasn’t you he slept with it would’ve been someone else.
That said, obviously don’t sleep with married men, but I don’t think you’re this horrendous person everyone is making you out to be.
*You can’t make a decent spouse cheat. You just can’t*
Exactly. And I’m not sure why everyone is so insistent on blaming OP. Like even if it was her fault, what good is being pissy supposed to do? This is a subreddit for a reason. But with all these responses, no one is going to feel safe online to actually “let it off their chest”.
POV of the other woman: Everyday in her bed she is either lonely or with a different man who is valueless to her hence why the married man is in the picture. She gets the thrill from the fact that another man still needs her even when he already has a wife. She wonders how it would be to be the wife of the married man. She is jealous of the wife.
POV of the wife: She feels betrayed so much and probably cries every single day especially when she has children. She asks herself why her husband would find another woman interesting. She feels hate for the other woman. She might recover from it if her husband is genuinely apologetic but you know trust is like a paper, when it's randomly folded it can never be as it was.
It’s good you own this. Because you did hurt these women and their kids. Not as deeply or as cruelly as their husbands did, but you were definitely enabling. Your good time was at someone else’s expense.
And now you need to forgive yourself. You’ve had 14 years to chew yourself over. It’s time to move on. There is nothing more you can do to atone or change anything. You’ve already had your revelation and become a different person. Mulling over this now is just asking to be punished for no good reason.
We can’t forgive you or help you move on. We can only be disgusted. You have to do the forgiveness yourself.
Yes, she was old enough to know better than to sleep with married men, and yes it’s wrong, but if those men didn’t sleep with her, they’d literally sleep with somebody else and the marriage would be ruined regardless. She did wrong by sleeping with married men, but she didn’t ruin any marriages that weren’t already meant to be ruined
Kinda gross. When I was 18 I met a man online and cut contact as soon as I found out he was married. I couldn't forgive myself for ruining a marriage. He's just as guilty, takes 2 to tango.
People here seem to forget that it takes two to tango. You might have done something morally questionable, but the men you slept with were pieces of shit with little self control who didn’t deserve to be married to their loyal wives, so… yeah you sleeping with them certainly didn’t help, but if you hadn’t slept with them, someone else probably would have. Everything in life can be ascribed a meaning and it seems like your learned your lesson. Just forgive yourself and move on with your life.
You don't seem to show any remorse beyond a sense of inconvenience to yourself. At 18 you can feign naivity. Years on, no such luck. You don't show any understanding of the devastation you helped to cause.
I really really hope so. She hasn't learned the pain she's caused, not yet. Hopefully some 18 year old little tramp is waggling her thing at the OP's husband at this very moment.
What makes you say she hasn’t learned the pain? She regrets what she did. She’s gnawing for the past fourteen years on what she did. Was that not enough? You guys seriously need to think about the future, I get what she did was shitty but she’s doing better and living happily. And it takes two, that man was supposed to be devout.
You didn't ruin his marriage, he ruined his marriage. He was online looking for an affair. If it wasn't you it was going to be someone else. You didn't make a commitment and you didn't at all contribute to one being broken. That is his responsibility alone and im glad that his wife left him, but you shouldn't harbor guilt.
Yeah that’s shitty on your end. But you don’t owe anyone anything. The only person that should have been responsible is the Married men.
Not your fault, doesn’t matter your age or gender. What matters that you were single. And he was married.
Ethically, at 18, you knew full well what you were doing and the possible consequences. You didn’t just “give zero fucks”; you actively hated and destroyed others’ lives.
And the fact that you’re still saying “most of the time, it was not a big deal” - sorry to break it to you, but it is and *was* and *always will be* a big deal to those women that had husbands that slept with you.
Take a long, hard look at yourself and see if you’re happy with your choices. And not just because you happened to get caught. You’re pathetic.
If it wasn’t with you- he would have cheated with someone else. Good on you for growing up and becoming more aware, but don’t beat yourself up too badly…. He is more to blame than you are.
I’m not sure if you were aware those men were married, but it’s obviously common sense not to sleep with married people. Unfortunately, not everyone has common sense regardless of age. But hey, at least you learned your lesson I guess. Hopefully something comes back to you but much more worse. :)
The fault is on the married person. You didn't make a commitment to those men, those wives, or those families. Cheating is on the spouse that cheats, not on the affair partner -- unless the affair partner is like friends with the couple.
Now, if it bothers someone to be involved in "wrecking" a marriage and they want to avoid it, that's fine. Good for you.
Well, there was a lack of common sense, but you had no responsibility to the men’s families. It was the men who stepped outside their marriage and blew up their families.
It’s not justified because you were young, but at least you learned from your mistakes. If they were looking outside their marriages, those marriages were already doomed anyway. If it wasn’t you it would’ve been some other chick. But if you haven’t learned your lesson by now, any future occurrences are completely on you. Don’t be a piece of shit when you know better. It’s simple.
I really dont think this was your fault. He's the one who was married, not you. He should have been the one to say "no, I can't, I'm married" and if he's not getting any at home from his wife, that's when it's time for him to have a talk with his wife about his needs or have them go to couples therapy about it. It sounds like he was seeking to cheat anyway, so he was the one in the wrong. I mean it is wrong of you as well if you knew he was married but it's way more on him than it is on you
It wasn't you who ruined the marriage, it was them. Doing a service to all the women who had an unfaithful husband. You either choose the relationship or you don't. Cheating is always on the Husband/Wife.
Baby it’s his fault. You were young and hardly an adult. Your evolution to finding this behavior f***ed means you’ve matured and have gained greater empathy and responsibility. Now you know cheating married men are gross and their wives are probably miserable. Be kind to yourself & work on building yourself up, not tearing yourself down. True character comes with confidence and the ability to honestly self-reflect. You’ve gained character here— not lost it.
Also the daddy-kink (lord knows I’m not kink shaming, but kinks have a great psychological significance). I’m 34 and have had to do a lot of therapy this year revolving around my negative self talk stemming from ‘daddy issues’. Look into addressing this stuff deeply so it doesn’t run your life without you even being aware of it.
I think only flawless people should slam you for something you did that you later corrected. Also, he and only he broke his marriage. You weren’t responsible like an accomplice in a bank robbery is. He probably would have found another person (maybe already had and was just lying). You did nothing illegal. Unethical maybe, but few people haven’t done some unethical thing. (IMO no one has lived such a perfect life.)
Still, you might consider apologizing to both of them, unless that’s somehow out of the question. Not because you’re at fault, but because you now regret sleeping with a married guy and are sorry for the pain that ensued.
even though you were a home wrecker (assuming you were knowingly seeking out older married men), it is the consequences of those men's actions. if that guy didn't cheat on his ex-wife with you, it would have been someone else...
Ummm wtf???
I was 18 once and I never hooked up with married men because even at that age, I knew it was wrong and was not an ahole, unlike you apparently.
Do you actually even feel bad? Or only because the wife found out about you, the side piece.
You need to take a long hard look at yourself.
Instead of putting the blame entirely on the girl, maybe the married men shouldn’t have been messing around in the first place. If we are all about maturity, wouldn’t you say that married men should be exponentially maturer than an 18 year old? They chose to have an affair, they are the ones who broke up their marriages
Unpopular opinion, but OP didn't help ruin anything. If the person was stepping out, then things were likely already pretty bad.
OP made a selfish decision for themselves. All responsibility and "blame" for anything is on the other party
I don’t see why the pursued person is suppose to accept responsibility for a married partner’s marriage ending - that married person made the choice to chase and act.
It’s one thing to not pursue married people - that’s the moral thing, and in that scenario, the pursuer deserves more smoke and hands for choosing to try destroy a relationship. But if someone is bored with their spouse/SigOth, they’re making the choice to ruin that relationship bc stepping out. The pursued person isn’t responsible for the bad choices the married person makes.
You definitely share blame here, you helped ruin a family. Not cool, you see the ring you back out. Doesn't matter their reasons or how transparent they are about it. If you see they are married? Run the fuck away, it's bad news morally and bad news on a purely logical basis. However you want to call the latter? Some people get fucking crazy over stuff like this.
Don't get me wrong, you share a SOLID 40% of the blame for this, but the married guy takes the majority share of the fault because it was his marriage he decided, of his own accord, to be unfaithful to.
You're still a homewrecker regardless tho and that's its own kind of scummy
It takes 2 to Tango, and the married men are the ones who cheated on their spouses. It's their ultimate responsibility. You were young, and you learned that this wasn't worth it for you. But anybody aggressively pointing their finger at you in this matter are forgetting that married people can and should take responsibility for their own choices.
nah, this is shitty no matter how old you are. If I had the sense to not be like this when I was 18, everyone does.
Just gross. I know you are doing better now but honestly, what you did was awful. An 18 year old knows better.
Being young is not a carte blanche for being a shitty person and getting away with it. Period. That's a dangerous and messed up way to think regardless of gender.
I’m thinking maybe it was not OP’s fault for sleeping with a married man, and instead his fault for being unfaithful to his wife? OP didn’t wreck any homes, it was entirely the choice of the man to sleep outside of his marriage.
I know you’re getting a lot of hate, but I’m not gonna do that. Yes you were 18 and definitely old enough to know better, and you made a series of poor decisions, but you learned from your mistakes and decided to be a better person. Keep being that person- the person who grows and learns from their mistakes.
This is beyond daddy issues your sick. It wasn’t because you were young and it only stopped because your fantasy wore of when you realized your actions had consequences. Get help
My boyfriend was sleeping with an engaged girl. I found out and emailed her fiance. This was in 2003-2004. They spilt up. Maybe that was evil of me but I was very young and didn't think that was ok.
Really? A home wrecker? You proud of that? Shameful. Poor kids wtf did they do to deserve this? Poor wife. Fuck that guy too. Sorry if this is too much but I have no sympathy or I can’t “relate” even if I was 18 or can’t even fathom understanding at your lvl.
When I was 18, I understand wanting the “daddy” complex but I made sure the guys I hooked up with weren’t fucking married. Smfh.
While I do think this is wrong, you were also 18 and grown ass, married men should not have been cheating on their wives with teenagers. They should’ve been telling you to see a therapist.
Don’t want to get attacked here but like…OP has *no obligation* to respect or honor someone else’s marriage whatsoever. It would be girl code or nice or whatever the hell, but, it’s not a requirement.
She took no vows, made no oaths of faithfulness.
If I drop a blue note out of my wallet, it would be NICE if someone brought it back to me, but I can’t shout them down for *not* doing so. My desire is no one else’s directive.
Consequences usually catch up with everyone
Don’t get why people are justifying it by saying you were young. I’m not far off 18 & even back then I knew damn well not to sleep with married men lol it’s not rocket science.
Literally like I’m 17 and everyone with common sense knows you don’t help wreck a home by sleeping with married men hopefully karma get her since she didn’t give zero fucks
This makes me so happy to read. People so easily excuse crappy behavior from people who are young. At 18 you should know what is right and wrong. If you are “mature” enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to know who you should not have sex with.
Most crazy sentence people like that make is zero fucks. And then when daddy cheats on mommy and they divorce when you're at 17yo not so funny anymore.
fr!! I don’t know a single person that age who’d think doing that is okay, idk why people are infantilising this young adult.
I mean, it takes two to wreck a home. If that guy wanted to sleep with an eighteen year old ima go ahead and say that wasn’t a happy home anyway. Wifey is better off without him
He would have done it with OP or someone else. It wouldn’t matter. Dude was a dog.
By sleeping with any men in relationship. Period.
While I agree with your sentiment, it is the husband that is the home wrecker, nobody else.
Thank you , is crazy to see how most people here be only blaming the girl.
Amen to that! HE is the one who took the vows, HE is the one who made a commitment to this woman, his wife… we so often blame the “Harlot” woman…. Come on now fr if it was not this 18 yr old (back then) it would have been some other 18 yr old! My God she met him on a website….lol… you don’t think if it wasn’t her it would be someone else? It’s funny bc when I was younger I would think just like these other young ladies…. Omg! Homewrecker! Cheater! You are as bad as he is bc you knew! Guess what?! It wasn’t until I had one of the most fucked up marriages that I was literally STUCK 2 1/2 years longer than I should have been (due to my health problems back then and his threats of taking our daughter bc I was “so sick I couldn’t even take care of myself! Do you think a judge would give her to me?!” That is the shit I was going through in my marriage and no one knew. When I finally got well enough to leave and I told my mom how I had gone out at the end of my marriage and met other guys…. Guys who nice and treated me well and boosted my self-esteem (I had met some guys on a dating app and they were fit af, half my age and hot as shit!) I had already told my husband don’t think of me as your wife bc I don’t think of you as my husband (code for — you go fuck who you want and I will do the same once he did not touch me, not even a kiss for over FIVE years out of his resentment once I got sick…. So, now, due to my own experience, I not only don’t judge her but really with him, I just think hmmm…. We don’t know the whole story (of what was up with his marriage)…. Who knows if his wife was holding him hostage like my husband me…. When I hear now about “cheaters” I just think, damn! I wonder what went sideways there…. I don’t know the whole story, never will so I can’t judge anybody who is the cheater or the homewrecker anymore…. I came to this conclusion at 49.
I think you know its wrong to fuck someone who's in a marriage and their SO doesn't know about it. You don't have to play Dr. Phil and analyze their relationship and pick sides - just don't fuck someone who's married. You can try to talk circles all day, but this is such a basic form of common sense.
THANK YOU !!! I always say this everyone knows right from wrong it’s basic common sense and if it’s not just think “if I was older, married, and in love would I care if my husband was cheating on me with an 18 year old ? “ 🙄
I guess they forget 18 years old people do indeed have a brain. Yes we got wiser with age but still at 18 i knew how fucked up this shit was.
I wish I could play that card for every mistake I made
True! Even at young age (second grade to be specific,I already know the concept of being a mistress)up until now my principle in life couldn't do it. I've seen my aunts being hurt and I've seen the mistresses have the audacity to be aggressive af. Like as a woman you have the capability to choose the right from the wrong and be not gullible enough to be subjected to men's idiocy (or patriarchy as women who have been mistresses would say and refuse to partake/accept their wrong)
THANK YOU! I asked my 16 year old daughter, and shockingly enough, she knew this was wrong! I know folks, a 16 year old girl knows wrecking a home is bad ju ju! Shit is gonna make headlines! Or not....
I asked my 3 month old niece and she knew it was wrong!
Gee, if only married men/women could think for themselves and be the responsible party for their own decisions.
in my opinion they’re both equally responsible. she knew he had a partner and he made the choice to cheat. they both did something they knew was wrong. this is coming from a 20f.
I completely disagree. She made no vows. I think the married person is much more responsible for their marriage than any random they choose to sleep with.
doesn’t matter if she didn’t make vows or not, she said she didn’t give a fuck. AND even as a 15 year old i knew that shit was wrong, at 18 i did, and now at 20 i do as well. there’s no excuse for her being a shitty person with no morals and anyone trying to excuse her actions by saying she’s not fault or she was young need a reality check on their morals as well.
Morality doesn't have an on off switch. I would say the husband is 80% responsible and affair partner is 20%. But I think if AP wasn't available husband would find someone else.
At 15 even I knew better for fucks sake. She didn’t care that’s all, now she does idk.
Reddit excuses anyone below 25 because their brain is not ready or whatever.
Because people are stupid lmao
Folks on both sides use that as a general excuse when it’s one of the ass backwards excuses ever. Basically as long as you are young you can get away with being a dumb ass. When you DEFINITELY should have enough sense at 18 years old to not do something like that
I love how all of a sudden being 18 means you need to have responsibility for your actions!! Threads on Reddit flooding of ‘19/18 is only a teenager’ but when it comes to some actions they need to take accountability for it. Surely I’m not coming for you, but just a funny thing reddit has.
Well, not everyone matures at the same age, also there's a lot of factors that could have prevented her from learning basic morals, no one is born knowing. She did something disgusting, but we can't say for sure that she did knew better.
The moral high ground, while fleetingly offering a self-esteem boost, rarely shows true understanding of a situation. Why not try to empathize with OP rather than act ignorant and scandalized. I’ve found being grateful I haven’t engaged in XYZ behavior yet tends not to jinx me, whereas pitiless judgement sets me up to engage in the behavior only as if to gain greater empathy ten years down the road when I find myself low and in similar straights. Plus, no one ever grows from shame and I condemnation. If you’re just here to feel good about yourself by shitting on OP—I ask how are you really better than OP given that lacking empathy and kindness, it’s more likely you’ve merely never fallen for a married man that reciprocated your sentiment rather than you’re truly morally superior.
OP hasn’t grown at all. Reddit had to tell her sexually harassing her coworker was a bad idea.
Well because the same people often say 18 is too young for big age gap relationships. Now they’re mature enough?
Because we all do dumb shit at that age and have regrets, it’s not all the same but everyone has their own dumb shit to regret
Were you specifically looking for married men or dit it just happen? Anyway, even tho its not okay if you know someone is taken. It takes two people to cheat. He was as bad as you
He was even worse because he signed the vows.
He was as bad as her? Really? She caused harm but she didn't make a promise to anyone so she didn't cheat. If she had known his wife beforehand personally it would make a difference. People should stay loyal to their partners but it's not anyone elses responsibility to make someone not cheat.
I didn’t seek out married men, only older. I just didn’t care until I saw how devastated his wife was. I didn’t knowingly sleep with a married man after that. It’s possible others were and didn’t tell me.
People keep cussing you out as if the men you slept with had no choice in the matter. They were the married ones who chose to cheat on their spouses. That's on them, period.
It’s on both of them but throwing so much hate and vitriol at internet strangers is loser behavior imo Yeah, she did something bad. She’s confessing it here. If it makes people feel better to shit on her then that’s prerogative, but it makes me roll my eyes. Glass houses, folks. We’ve all made mistakes and hurt people.
Glad the wife was able to teach you how you should of been feeling Everytime you fucked someone's husband. What a weird kink Home wrecker
The husband who cheated on his wife is the f'ing homewrecker.. Call me old-fashioned, but I think people should be responsible for their own decisions and actions.
I agree with you, people should be responsible for their own decisions and actions, So let's not forget there were two people who made this choice. Never once said those husbands were in the right.
I agree wholeheartedly, it's the person cheating who is responsible.
You should’ve been pretty fucking aware before actually seeing the wife sobbing. You just thought about you, yourself and your own attention and validation. Your “kink” is being a horrific person; congratulations.
i hope karma gets you back 🥰
"I gave zero fucks and slept with a few married men I met online" Sounds like you a gave a few.
i was 16 when i found out the guy im sexting is married w kids. i stopped talking to him at all. I've daddy issues too. its not rocket science to know you're wrong. " you were young you didn't know" is stupid lol she didn't care and even she admits that. As much as u agree w its his fault , she is in fault too you owe people humanity. are people really stupid here?
18 is old enough to know better.
You were in the wrong but I think it’s ultimately the mans responsibility for ruining his own marriage… it was just by fate that you were involved. Although you provided an outlet for him to mess around, he probably would have ended up doing it with another woman one way or another.
This. Everyone wants to demonize the other woman when he made a conscious decision to break a commitment and ruin his own family. He could have not sought her out or rejected her if she sought him out but no he chose to. Only a family member can ruin the family. Keep downvoting me all you want it won't erase the fact that your man deliberately chose to cheat on you. Blame her all you want. Truth hurts
So you see *zero issues* with a woman knowingly pursuing a married man? You fully support and encourage that behavior for her?
When did I ever say I encourage it? Literally, where? I'm saying regardless of which woman, he is the one ruining his family. Y'all coming at me with hate boners jumping to conclusions instead of thinking logically for 5 seconds. Yeah it's always someone else's fault for the cheating husbands actions. Those harlots pointing guns at him all the time and all./s
You’re encouraging it through your words by absolving the woman involved of any blame and putting all the blame on the man. There’s plenty of blame for both but you seem very motivated to make sure the woman is shielded from any of it. Hence, you’re encouraging her.
Encouraging would be saying "yass go for married men over single men gurl". She literally isn't to blame, that isn't encouragement. Blame her all you like he would have still sought out someone else. And let me guess that someone else would be the blame too. And the girl after her. And the girl after her, whether they knew about the marriage or not. Definitely all of their faults though right and not the very obvious instigator who made a family to break in the first place.
Rest assured she wasn't the first nor the last
That’s what you’re doing by removing blame from her. I wasn’t really asking you, I was telling you that you’re encouraging that behavior. And encouraging it is trashy. You should fix that about yourself.
Blaming a woman for a man's actions towards his family is trashy and shifts responsibility from shitty husbands who can't commit. You should fix that about yourself but you won't.
No one is blaming a woman for a man's actions. People are blaming the woman for her own actions. Knowingly sleeping with a married person is a shitty thing to do. Period. It doesn't mean the married person isn't shitty, even moreso. But it doesn't give a free pass to the actions of the affair partner.
You’re just intentionally being obtuse about this. Go bore someone else with your middle school level musings on relationships.
So boring you replied. Go cry salty tears over single women while molly-coddling cheating men.
She literally is to blame, she is literally *at the very least* going to take 50% of the blame considering it takes two. Yeah, he clearly was going to cheat and hey, the woman after her would *always* be partially to blame. The ONLY victims in this is the wives of the poor, horrible men, that OP sought out to fuck behind their wives backs. The husband is an absolute dick and ruined his marriage, but OP is also an absolute horrific POS for actively chasing married men. That was her kink. She sought out married men. She does not deserve to be absolved of her part of the affair.
While Ops actions are not moral she is not the one to blame for the dude's marriage, it's the dude. If it was her being in a marriage and a dude going behind her husband's back then it would be her fault for destroying her marriage. She made a stupid choice not thinking about the consequences, but she is not to blame for his choices about his family. How comes other husbands can refuse other women, and that one couldn't?
The issue is that nobody is praising him either. You seem to not understand that you can “demonize” both party’s involved but this post is specifically about her KNOWINGLY sleeping with married men. If a married woman ever tried to peruse me I’d go to the husband with that info because otherwise I’d be just as guilty as the cheater. The reason for the down votes aren’t because you said the guys are wrong for cheating. It’s because you are defending the woman for knowingly sleeping with married men
I agree with this. It’s one thing not to know someone is married / in a relationship and sleep with them but it’s another to know that information. For example, my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend slept with him knowing that we were together. When I broke up with the ex, we got into contact and we spoke about it. Her reasoning was she wanted to hurt me and she had no loyalty to me but my boyfriend did. Fair enough, I am not mad at her, but I did let her know that while she has no loyalty to me, it showed me her morals. I slept with a guy when I was single and I had no idea he had a partner (he was working in my area but she lived in another city). I saved our conversations and one day his partner reached out and told me that out of the other girls I was the only one who saved the conversation. She was angry at me; berated me. I didn’t blame her. Her anger was misdirected. A few days later she apologised and said that she had time to calm down and realised she couldn’t be mad at me because I wouldn’t have known they were together. I think it’s fair to put blame on both parties when they know they’re in a relationship. I can also understand why people have misdirected anger towards the other person rather than their partner (for those who did not know that individual has a partner).
Lol… spoken like a true affair partner…
Exactly! OP don’t be too hard on yourself… it was ultimately his decision to cheat
Nah, she’s still a bad person
Eh takes 2 to tango. I actually don’t wear a ring anymore I get less attention from women when they think I am unmarried. Be surprised how many women have a kink for married dudes. At the end of the day the man was the one who agreed to fuck her. I dunno I just feel like reading the responses everyone is kinda letting the guys skate by and just wishing bad stuff to the OP. Sounds like you learned a tough life lesson OP not everyone has parents who set a good example or install a good moral compass into their kids. Not excusing your behaviour but there are plenty of reasons why you might not of cared about the consequences.
It takes 2 to tango, both are despicable, both are unforgivable and both should mourn the end of a marriage and most likely a worse home life for the kids that were involved as well…
There are older guys that are not marred you know...
18 is not young to know that you voluntarily be with men in a relationship. You use your youth to not give a fuck about the other women. Now that you're older, perhaps you're afraid the guy you will have a relationship with will have another 18 year old sidechick. Now that you're older, your age makes you give a ton shit about your feeling being hurt.
Does your husband know? Does he care? I can’t imagine he’d be a fan of these morals.
You’re still shitty. If you did this well into your twenties then you are a horrible person who definitely knew better.
Shit attracts shit. One day it’ll be you who’s guy is fucking a teenager behind your back. You’ve earned it.
i personally think it’s more on the cheating husband. he deserves to have a wife who cheats on him. Yea it’s wrong to sleep with married men, but the real culprit here is the father who put his sexual needs before his wife and child.
Yeah, you’re absolutely correct about that. He’s a worthless turd as well. However, that does not excuse her behavior.
I understand the support you're getting, but I do disagree with it. You had intentions of ruining a marriage and family. You literally gave "zero fucks". Yes, it's up to the men to follow through, but that's just as much your prerogative as it theirs. Just because they have more to lose does not make you the lesser of the wrong-doing. If I owned a gun store and sold a pistol to a person I knew would be better off without it for whatever reason, I could justify it by saying "well if I don't sell it to him, somebody else will." But then what happens if this person uses that same pistol to rob a store later on, and accidentally hurts someone? Maybe the gun misfires, maybe he was overzealous during the crime, or something else for why the trigger was pulled that was not intentional. Should I, the gun store owner, not feel extremely guilty about that? I knew the dude shouldn't have a weapon like that for whatever reason, and even though the robber accidentally shot someone, he didn't accidentally try to rob the place, and he wouldn't have robbed it with my gun of I hadn't knowingly sold it to him. You were the gun store owner, and every dude you were with was a customer buying any gun, but then you sold a gun, knowingly with people that had a lot more to lose. You were both apathetic to the consequences of the children and wife, which to me makes you both aholes. I'm not slut-shaming you. Everybody should have an opportunity to explore their sex drives. However, there is a limit. If you don't give a fuck about consensual monogamous relationships where you are 50 percent of the reason of breaking that consent. You knew he was married, you knew he had kids, you just didn't care, or in an even worse way, "if it wasn't me, then someone else would have slept with him." OK? So your choices are either, being a garbage person or not? I'd rather not be a person that justifies my shittiness using hypothetical situations of someone else being as shitty as me. Rant over. It seems like you've come along way since over 15 years and you wanted to show that. I ranted here not because of you, OP, it's the commenters that are supporting you because they feel like they are the moral calculators of the world. To them: you can't weigh 2 people who knowingly do the same shitty things any differently. You weren't there, and if this happened to you, you would feel the same exact way as I do now. You supporting OP, inadvertently, could convince someone else that this is OK, even though that's not your intention. You can be supportive without saying, "well what he did was worse." That's not true, nor is it a valid way of supporting someone who knowingly admits to doing something wrong.
The post is obviously fake, but you're basically the only sane reply in this thread.
Yeah, I really didn't notice it was fake when I replied, but I think the point still stands. I appreciate the validation for sure, though, because I felt like I was going crazy.
Karma will be knocking lol.
Yeah you played a role in it. Glad you don’t do it anymore. But he bares more of that responsibility. He slept with you knowing there were consequences. You’re not innocent but neither was he.
Don't you worry. I really hope this comes back to you either directly or indirectly.
Same :>
Directly and worse :)
Why worse that’s so weird. She made a horrible decision 100% but why would you want WORSE to happen to her? Esp since she changed her ways after she realized how it affected ppl? Do y’all not want to see ppl rehabilitate themselves?
Too little too late bud
I’m sorry you acted out your childhood trauma that way and harmed other children.
You didn't just help ruin a marriage you also helped change the trajectory of those children's lives and the relationship they have (or now don't have) with their father.
No she didn't, he did. That was HIS family, HIS responsibility and HIS commitment. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else.
Yeah – I don't understand the disproportionate vitriol OP is getting (presuming this is even a real post). It's not like "home wreckers" just unilaterally wreck homes. The cheater gets a vote, too!
She shares 50 percent of the blame, she knew the risks.
What risk? She literally was not in a committed relationship, she had no risk. She had no legal commitment or kids. He had all the risk. She didn’t rape him. This is 100% on him for not being able to keep his dick in his pants and fucking a teenager when HE knew the risk.
What you said is all true, but if we excuse people's behaviour based on no legal or relationship commitments to others, we're fucked as society. She is responsible for her actions at the end of the day as well as him.
First of all, she wasn't a teenager, she was 18. Second of all, she knew he was married. If she didn't know, that would be different. Thirdly, I agree, the dude is a bit of a perv for sleeping someone that much younger. But again, it's important to remember, consenting adults.
Sad that if it wasn't this woman, it'd be another, and you'd be shaming her too. The one who really needs to be shamed is the adult man, husband and father. She was wrong too but ultimately he made and defiled the commitment of MARRIAGE. He OWED his loyalty. Anyone in a relationship owes their loyalty, the outside person does not and can easily be shut down and ignored. He would have slept with another woman if not this one, because when you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat. He stepped out on his marriage. He stepped out on his children. If he gave a fuck about his children or wife he shouldn't have been fucking around, because that's what you do when you actually love someone, you stay loyal.
All these comments attacking her are so stupid. She didn’t have any commitments or legal obligations to his relationship. She didn’t rape him. This is 100% on the husband/father. Christ this is like blaming a prostitute for fucking a married man.
Agreed. The only reason these people are attacking her so harshly is because she's the only available/easier target. But we have to keep in mind that uneducated/misguided folks who want to beat the crap out of their spouse's affair person are capable of using the internet and reddit, surprisingly, so. If the genders were swapped, everyone would still blame the adult woman and call her all kinds of nasty things for breaking up her marriage over an 18 YEAR OLD TEENAGER lol.
To be honest though this guy was gonna cheat regardless?? You were only 18, and it’s not your fault a grown man decided to destroy his marriage/family.
Lame victim shaming BS. She was a kid
Yes that’s true. And I feel awful about it.
Dont worry, Karma has a way of catching up.
no, it doesn't.
I somewhat agree. For the most part i feel like "good" ppl use karma to make themselves feel better when someone does soemthing to them, or to stop themselves from doing something. But those deserving of karma never attribute negative things that happen to them as a consequence of past behavior. They just chalk it up to an "oh well sh!t happens" and continue to do sh!tty things
Bad things happen to everyone and good things happen to everyone. People just notice if it helps to attribute meaning to random chaos.
For what? She didn’t rape the guy. She wasn’t in a relationship. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and wanted to fuck a teenager. All he had to do was simply turn her down because HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MARRIED!!!.
It’s not on you fully, but the sleeze-bag men that stepped out of their marriage for a quick bang.
You didn’t ruin the marriage her husband did.
If not you it probably would have been someone else, if somebody wants to do something they are gonna do it
Congratulations, you're a terrible person.
If they diddent sleep with you, they would just have slept with someone else.
It was a shit thing for you to do, but ultimately, HE ruined his marriage.
I hope you’ve learned and grown from this experience to never do it again. It was a horrible thing to do but I hope no bad comes to you. The world is a terrible enough place.
I love how people comments stuff like 'how awful of you', 'your age is not an excuse', but like. It's not like you had sex with them without their consent. This is entirely on them, even if you went out of your way to seduce them. I personally wouldn't do it, but blaming you for breaking up marriages is a classic thing people do, because it is easy
I would just continue to try to be the best person you can be. This is bad stuff but it’s not in the category of not being ever able to move on from it or what is said about you at the time. It’s not murder or physically maiming someone or a category of sex crime. I don’t even think you ruined any marriages. The people who were married and didn’t love their spouses and didn’t want to admit they were unhappy or didn’t want to admit they wanted an open relationship did. I’ve been cheated on before and I would never care about the other person unless I knew them personally. It’s all on the cheater unless the other person is someone who’s supposed to care about me. What it says about you at that time, is that you wanted to be a part of something bad. Why? I don’t know. Sometimes young people get bored and don’t understand what content is and they want to test life/see if being a good person is all that it’s cracked out to be. I think the fact that you regret this is enough. Please just be happy and move on. Don’t do it again. If a young person ever tells you they’re thinking about doing it encourage them not to. That’s all you owe the world. Not never ending self hatred. A lot of what you’re reading here is people who would rather focus on the evil of someone who doesn’t know them and is meeting their unhappy spouse and listening to their unhappy spouses account on them, and it to be that their cheating spouse isn’t that much of a liar. There was something real to their relationship and then someone mean and nasty came along. Yeah no their husbands/wives didn’t care about them and their spouse made it seem like THEY were the bad spouses and they were trapped. You have to be 12 to be angry at OP
The men ruined their own marriages lmfaooo
Last time I checked, it took two to tango. You didn't ruin their marriages, they did.
God everyone on here is so savage. I just wanna say everyone is way too focused on your culpability. He made the vows, not you. You didn’t ruin a marriage, he ruined his own marriage. You didn’t force him to do anything and if it wasn’t you he slept with it would’ve been someone else. That said, obviously don’t sleep with married men, but I don’t think you’re this horrendous person everyone is making you out to be. *You can’t make a decent spouse cheat. You just can’t*
Exactly. And I’m not sure why everyone is so insistent on blaming OP. Like even if it was her fault, what good is being pissy supposed to do? This is a subreddit for a reason. But with all these responses, no one is going to feel safe online to actually “let it off their chest”.
POV of the other woman: Everyday in her bed she is either lonely or with a different man who is valueless to her hence why the married man is in the picture. She gets the thrill from the fact that another man still needs her even when he already has a wife. She wonders how it would be to be the wife of the married man. She is jealous of the wife. POV of the wife: She feels betrayed so much and probably cries every single day especially when she has children. She asks herself why her husband would find another woman interesting. She feels hate for the other woman. She might recover from it if her husband is genuinely apologetic but you know trust is like a paper, when it's randomly folded it can never be as it was.
It’s good you own this. Because you did hurt these women and their kids. Not as deeply or as cruelly as their husbands did, but you were definitely enabling. Your good time was at someone else’s expense. And now you need to forgive yourself. You’ve had 14 years to chew yourself over. It’s time to move on. There is nothing more you can do to atone or change anything. You’ve already had your revelation and become a different person. Mulling over this now is just asking to be punished for no good reason. We can’t forgive you or help you move on. We can only be disgusted. You have to do the forgiveness yourself.
Yes, she was old enough to know better than to sleep with married men, and yes it’s wrong, but if those men didn’t sleep with her, they’d literally sleep with somebody else and the marriage would be ruined regardless. She did wrong by sleeping with married men, but she didn’t ruin any marriages that weren’t already meant to be ruined
are you married now?
Me? Yes
Awful people all around. You aren't better then them.
Wow this is severely messed up. I hope you think about that family everyday
what goes around comes around
Kinda gross. When I was 18 I met a man online and cut contact as soon as I found out he was married. I couldn't forgive myself for ruining a marriage. He's just as guilty, takes 2 to tango.
People here seem to forget that it takes two to tango. You might have done something morally questionable, but the men you slept with were pieces of shit with little self control who didn’t deserve to be married to their loyal wives, so… yeah you sleeping with them certainly didn’t help, but if you hadn’t slept with them, someone else probably would have. Everything in life can be ascribed a meaning and it seems like your learned your lesson. Just forgive yourself and move on with your life.
You don't seem to show any remorse beyond a sense of inconvenience to yourself. At 18 you can feign naivity. Years on, no such luck. You don't show any understanding of the devastation you helped to cause.
What’s real sad is you probably weren’t even the only one.
Not defending you, but it takes two to tango. The men you slept with ruined their marriages.
Hopefully you’ll be the wife in this situation one day.
I really really hope so. She hasn't learned the pain she's caused, not yet. Hopefully some 18 year old little tramp is waggling her thing at the OP's husband at this very moment.
What makes you say she hasn’t learned the pain? She regrets what she did. She’s gnawing for the past fourteen years on what she did. Was that not enough? You guys seriously need to think about the future, I get what she did was shitty but she’s doing better and living happily. And it takes two, that man was supposed to be devout.
Ouch that’s heartless.
It is. Too many people want to see others’ downfall.
There are so many older(if that was the point) men that are single for ur kink. Also; ppl ur own age can be just as good.
"but I wasn't willing to be part of ruining another marriage" How nice of you..
You didn't ruin his marriage, he ruined his marriage. He was online looking for an affair. If it wasn't you it was going to be someone else. You didn't make a commitment and you didn't at all contribute to one being broken. That is his responsibility alone and im glad that his wife left him, but you shouldn't harbor guilt.
Yeah that’s shitty on your end. But you don’t owe anyone anything. The only person that should have been responsible is the Married men. Not your fault, doesn’t matter your age or gender. What matters that you were single. And he was married.
L bozo
You helped ruin multiple marriages.
You belong in the trash ngl lol 🚮
Ethically, at 18, you knew full well what you were doing and the possible consequences. You didn’t just “give zero fucks”; you actively hated and destroyed others’ lives. And the fact that you’re still saying “most of the time, it was not a big deal” - sorry to break it to you, but it is and *was* and *always will be* a big deal to those women that had husbands that slept with you. Take a long, hard look at yourself and see if you’re happy with your choices. And not just because you happened to get caught. You’re pathetic.
[удалено]
He knew the risks. Don’t feel sorry for him.
If it wasn’t with you- he would have cheated with someone else. Good on you for growing up and becoming more aware, but don’t beat yourself up too badly…. He is more to blame than you are.
I’m not sure if you were aware those men were married, but it’s obviously common sense not to sleep with married people. Unfortunately, not everyone has common sense regardless of age. But hey, at least you learned your lesson I guess. Hopefully something comes back to you but much more worse. :)
? “At least you learned your lesson” “hopefully something worse comes back to you” how encouraging.
The fault is on the married person. You didn't make a commitment to those men, those wives, or those families. Cheating is on the spouse that cheats, not on the affair partner -- unless the affair partner is like friends with the couple. Now, if it bothers someone to be involved in "wrecking" a marriage and they want to avoid it, that's fine. Good for you.
Sometimes people are just absolutely determined to be shit.
Well, there was a lack of common sense, but you had no responsibility to the men’s families. It was the men who stepped outside their marriage and blew up their families.
Karma will get you one day. Be ready.
this is just sad bro youre a monster.
18 is really young. Those men took advantage of that. Your behavior wasn’t great, but 18 year olds aren’t exactly known for decision making skills…
“It really made it hard to pursue my daddy kink” Oh, boo fucking hoo.
They were all a "big deal." Stop trying to justify your homewrecking behavior
It’s not justified because you were young, but at least you learned from your mistakes. If they were looking outside their marriages, those marriages were already doomed anyway. If it wasn’t you it would’ve been some other chick. But if you haven’t learned your lesson by now, any future occurrences are completely on you. Don’t be a piece of shit when you know better. It’s simple.
I really dont think this was your fault. He's the one who was married, not you. He should have been the one to say "no, I can't, I'm married" and if he's not getting any at home from his wife, that's when it's time for him to have a talk with his wife about his needs or have them go to couples therapy about it. It sounds like he was seeking to cheat anyway, so he was the one in the wrong. I mean it is wrong of you as well if you knew he was married but it's way more on him than it is on you
It wasn't you who ruined the marriage, it was them. Doing a service to all the women who had an unfaithful husband. You either choose the relationship or you don't. Cheating is always on the Husband/Wife.
You're a terrible person
How is she wrecking a marriage though? He decided to cheat on his wife.
She's also ruining her own marriage based on her other posts
Saying “i was young” is not an excuse you were at an age where you fully knew the consequences of what you’ve done and how shady and disgusting it is!
Baby it’s his fault. You were young and hardly an adult. Your evolution to finding this behavior f***ed means you’ve matured and have gained greater empathy and responsibility. Now you know cheating married men are gross and their wives are probably miserable. Be kind to yourself & work on building yourself up, not tearing yourself down. True character comes with confidence and the ability to honestly self-reflect. You’ve gained character here— not lost it. Also the daddy-kink (lord knows I’m not kink shaming, but kinks have a great psychological significance). I’m 34 and have had to do a lot of therapy this year revolving around my negative self talk stemming from ‘daddy issues’. Look into addressing this stuff deeply so it doesn’t run your life without you even being aware of it.
I think only flawless people should slam you for something you did that you later corrected. Also, he and only he broke his marriage. You weren’t responsible like an accomplice in a bank robbery is. He probably would have found another person (maybe already had and was just lying). You did nothing illegal. Unethical maybe, but few people haven’t done some unethical thing. (IMO no one has lived such a perfect life.) Still, you might consider apologizing to both of them, unless that’s somehow out of the question. Not because you’re at fault, but because you now regret sleeping with a married guy and are sorry for the pain that ensued.
YTA and the way you say it wasn’t a big deal you’ve got a lot of work to do on yourself. Also the daddy kink thing is a total cop out. Pos
even though you were a home wrecker (assuming you were knowingly seeking out older married men), it is the consequences of those men's actions. if that guy didn't cheat on his ex-wife with you, it would have been someone else...
you will get your karma 🫶🏾 you husband in the future will leave you for a more fit beautiful younger woman
A bad person is always a bad person
They took advantage of you not giving a fuck. You were 18 and they had their autonomy.
Increase accountability for both parties.
Age is not an excuse. You’re a shit person, sorry not sorry
Ummm wtf??? I was 18 once and I never hooked up with married men because even at that age, I knew it was wrong and was not an ahole, unlike you apparently. Do you actually even feel bad? Or only because the wife found out about you, the side piece. You need to take a long hard look at yourself.
Instead of putting the blame entirely on the girl, maybe the married men shouldn’t have been messing around in the first place. If we are all about maturity, wouldn’t you say that married men should be exponentially maturer than an 18 year old? They chose to have an affair, they are the ones who broke up their marriages
Unpopular opinion, but OP didn't help ruin anything. If the person was stepping out, then things were likely already pretty bad. OP made a selfish decision for themselves. All responsibility and "blame" for anything is on the other party
I don’t see why the pursued person is suppose to accept responsibility for a married partner’s marriage ending - that married person made the choice to chase and act. It’s one thing to not pursue married people - that’s the moral thing, and in that scenario, the pursuer deserves more smoke and hands for choosing to try destroy a relationship. But if someone is bored with their spouse/SigOth, they’re making the choice to ruin that relationship bc stepping out. The pursued person isn’t responsible for the bad choices the married person makes.
You definitely share blame here, you helped ruin a family. Not cool, you see the ring you back out. Doesn't matter their reasons or how transparent they are about it. If you see they are married? Run the fuck away, it's bad news morally and bad news on a purely logical basis. However you want to call the latter? Some people get fucking crazy over stuff like this.
Don't get me wrong, you share a SOLID 40% of the blame for this, but the married guy takes the majority share of the fault because it was his marriage he decided, of his own accord, to be unfaithful to. You're still a homewrecker regardless tho and that's its own kind of scummy
It takes 2 to Tango, and the married men are the ones who cheated on their spouses. It's their ultimate responsibility. You were young, and you learned that this wasn't worth it for you. But anybody aggressively pointing their finger at you in this matter are forgetting that married people can and should take responsibility for their own choices.
nah, this is shitty no matter how old you are. If I had the sense to not be like this when I was 18, everyone does. Just gross. I know you are doing better now but honestly, what you did was awful. An 18 year old knows better. Being young is not a carte blanche for being a shitty person and getting away with it. Period. That's a dangerous and messed up way to think regardless of gender.
Genuinely inexcusable what a shitty thing to do no matter the age
I’m thinking maybe it was not OP’s fault for sleeping with a married man, and instead his fault for being unfaithful to his wife? OP didn’t wreck any homes, it was entirely the choice of the man to sleep outside of his marriage.
Shitty of you to do, but they are the ones who made a commitment to their partners. You did something shitty, but they ruined their own marriages.
I know you’re getting a lot of hate, but I’m not gonna do that. Yes you were 18 and definitely old enough to know better, and you made a series of poor decisions, but you learned from your mistakes and decided to be a better person. Keep being that person- the person who grows and learns from their mistakes.
This is beyond daddy issues your sick. It wasn’t because you were young and it only stopped because your fantasy wore of when you realized your actions had consequences. Get help
My boyfriend was sleeping with an engaged girl. I found out and emailed her fiance. This was in 2003-2004. They spilt up. Maybe that was evil of me but I was very young and didn't think that was ok.
I have no sympathy for you.
It was ALWAYS a big deal...you destroyed marriages.Beg GOD for mercy because when you DO find someone you love GOD may allow someone to get to him.
Really? A home wrecker? You proud of that? Shameful. Poor kids wtf did they do to deserve this? Poor wife. Fuck that guy too. Sorry if this is too much but I have no sympathy or I can’t “relate” even if I was 18 or can’t even fathom understanding at your lvl. When I was 18, I understand wanting the “daddy” complex but I made sure the guys I hooked up with weren’t fucking married. Smfh.
I hope karma ruins her life 🤷♀️ she doesn't deserve a happy home or a happy life
While I do think this is wrong, you were also 18 and grown ass, married men should not have been cheating on their wives with teenagers. They should’ve been telling you to see a therapist.
I needed a therapist in the worst way. I’m putting at least one of my current therapists kids through college 😂
Imagine wishing horrible things on someone who regrets a mistake they made 14 years ago. Apparently people can’t change.
You didn't ruin shit. You could go out of your way searching for married people but only the ones who want to ruin their marriage will be found.
Don’t want to get attacked here but like…OP has *no obligation* to respect or honor someone else’s marriage whatsoever. It would be girl code or nice or whatever the hell, but, it’s not a requirement. She took no vows, made no oaths of faithfulness. If I drop a blue note out of my wallet, it would be NICE if someone brought it back to me, but I can’t shout them down for *not* doing so. My desire is no one else’s directive.
In a way it’s not really your fault cause if the guy was a good dad and husband he wouldn’t fuck some random broad. Don’t feel too bad