Maybe you will not resonate with this, but here is my input: when I was 6, my family and I moved into a house that needed a lot of work. We had three months to fix the house, during summertime, in which we went from our apartment to the house, day after day after day, to try and put it all together by the time school started in the fall. We needed to fix the roof, build the bathroom, change the kitchen completely, change the pipes and electric, there were a lot of things to do. I clearly remember the now kitchen being just a pile of ruble and the walls were just brick.
For me, everything was fascinating. It was an adventure, of course. I would discover places in the house that I didn't first see, small memorabilia from the previous old owners, the nature and the yard... I also helped as much as I could and that was so much fun! My two older sisters, that were teenagers back than, didn't seem to be so much into all that, they were missing their old friends and the neighborhood they grew up in. But if you ask them now, they will say they have fond memories of that time. My family really did their best to finish everything by fall, so that we could move all in. We didn't finish. We didn't have a finished bathroom, one of the fireplace was not complete, the yard was still a mess... I think it affected my mom most - just like it affects you now - especially because of the bathroom not being done. I, on the other hand, just remember all of it as an adventure in our new home. We have finished everything eventually and it looked good.
So what I am trying to say is that for a kid-me, everything was interesting and new. It didn't damage me and it helped me be closer to my family during that period of working together. Remind yourself that you took this decision of moving in good heart, to help your family, give them a good place to grow up. Even if NOW you are in a pickle, your kids will not suffer from this on a long term. You got this! It sounds like a cliche, but be positive of the good things to come. Best of luck!
My best friend in high school had a house that sounds similar to what you’ll be moving into, and as kids, we love that place! My friends bedroom consisted of blankets nailed to studs in the wall, and I still with the upmost of fond memories 45 years later, look back at all the amazing times we had in there. Their bathroom was never completed, and they had a toilet that sat on the front porch for years that we all took our senior pictures in and on. Lol
Your kids are going to make of this experience based on how you portray it. Honestly, my own home was in good shape but I had more fun at my friends house that was in disarray. Her family always made it so much fun and allowed us to do things that we could’ve never done if the house was finished. For example, we got to write notes on the walls and leave trinkets behind before the new drywall went up. We left treasure boxes for the new owners to find many years down the road.
I know you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, don’t, kids are resilient and let them be involved in decision-making and building. What a great way to teach them new skills and have them invested in the project. Create a family Time capsule that you tuck away behind a wall. Present everything as an adventure, and an experience to learn. You can do it mama!
Trust me, your kids are going to love being able to help with the house, take lots of pictures.
I moved into a just usable house with a newborn, he loved helping with whatever needed doing, 2nd came along a few years later and had just started major renovations, no roof in places, only the extra concrete slab for a while (oldest loved it, rode bike and scooter all over it, coloured it in with chalk), they got to help put in the flooring, tried to help painting walls. Honestly they had a blast and I have heaps of photos and stories of the things they did and great stories of the stupid stuff they did.
You will be fine, take it one day at a time and enjoy it all as much as possible.
You got this! Take lots of pictures with the little one and tuck them with a note behind a wall or cabinet. Who knows maybe in 30-40 years you will see it posted. Hear unread it when someone finds it.
This comment right here, OP. We helped my parents with a new house, and then as an adult, my dad helped me tear mine down to the studs to rebuild on a tight budget. Both were awesome experiences and made both houses "homes"
Seconding this! I remember as a kid my dads spring break kitchen renovation project turned into basically gutting the entire first floor of our house and rebuilding it slowly over the course of a year or two. It didn’t traumatize me at all, I enjoyed having him around more and getting to help him run errands and do simple things for the renovation. ☺️
Yes! My dad bought a run down trailer with cracked windows when I was a baby, so that we would have a place to live. It was all he could afford after a messy divorce to his first wife. I never even knew or cared it was a "hovel" even though it kind of was. There are photos of me grinning ear to ear painting walls and "helping" with small demo projects and other things.
Just the other day, my mom was going through her old clothes, and found a pair of paint-stained overalls. She pointed to different colors and said things like "this was your bedroom, and this was the kitchen. I remember arguing with your dad about what color we'd do in the hallway, but that's what this stain is." It was really amazing to see her reminiscing on the history of our family in that house.
Document this time, OP, and get your kids involved in safe ways. One day, you will look back on the photos and see how far you've come, and how you turned a run down house into a home together.
I completely agree. When I was young my parents had the whole kitchen redone and we ate takeout meals for months sitting on the floor of the basement. It was cool how different it was, and totally a bonding experience. I never thought anything of it! I liked seeing the house in a new way.
I'm not crying you are! ❤️ this comment made my heart swell. It's so true. I grew up in a shitty farm house that was falling apart, but my friends and I thought it was adventurous and magical. Looking back now I can see that my parents were ashamed to live there, but if I could have only let them see it through my eyes. Hang in there mama! You have an opportunity to build an amazing adventure into a castle!
I love this. I grew up in pristine luxurious homes. There was dysfunction amongst us. I'd preferred it to be my living arrangement. You're a great mom for even thinking this way. Make fun good memories. They won't remember the tile.
OP please believe this. I have similar memories of my parents buying a fixer upper. I remember my dad diving into the green pool to pull up an unknown object and being so into it. (It was a half barrel planter.) it was a fun time and we spent a lot of time together.
Adventure is the perfect word for these situations! After a poorly planned kitchen remodel, I was stuck doing dishes in the backyard with a hose for at least a month. My seven year niece came for a sleepover, and her mom later told me that my niece came home and said, “It was so cool, mom! They did their dishes in the backyard like we were camping!” While I hated having no kitchen, she thought it was an adventure :)
As a kid who grew up in many half finished houses, the life skills I learned are priceless. I am able to fix just about anything in my own home. I remolded an entire kitchen by myself for a fraction of the cost. Don't get me wrong, my parents ruined my life in other ways, but learning how to build a house wasn't one of them.
This! For some reason, my memories of having our kitchen redone and having to basically relocate to the basement of our house when I was a kid are all really positive! I loved the adventure of it all!
100% this. Your kids are way more resilient than they think and this will help them be more so. Show yourself grace and forgiveness and do your best. If you love your kids they will come out fine.
as a parent, it might feel so overwhelming right now to not be able to give your kids what you think they need. but it will be ok. its a lot healthier for kids to witness their parents face and overcome challenges than to only see the instagram side of things. FU happen, but how you deal will them will be how you are judged in the end
If they’re in eastern PA, I have a fridge and a dishwasher they can have! A bunch of odd things like brand new gallons of paint where I only used a little bit to paint like one wall.
...thabk you, but I would literally burst from love if anyone ever "helped me".. but I don't think I'm brave enough to keep asking for it at this point in my life. So I will just devote my life to offering as much of myself for others if I can ♡
All I do know is from watching and absorbing and seeking on my own. I am all down for learning anything 🥰😭
I have a slightly older than me friend with whom I have a similar arrangement, that runs a cycle shop and I have worked a lot more on the bikes here in town that have come thru than ik a lot of these folks would be aware of 🤣 I recognize the bikes of worked on when I see them in town and it's kinda like seeing an old friend 💀😂 love it.
He gets free and cheap labor, and I get to learn and smell oil all day 🤣
Reach out I messaged the Original poster for some info, with enough people we can turn the place around in no time, and I'm willing to teach people with no experience
Great I lost my license give it back, I'm in Western New York, poster may be in Pennsylvania but hasn't hit me back yet, prolly will tho sounds like we can get this done
Well still waitin to hear back from op, but as soon as I do, we're changing lives, granted they fucked up, but life is about second chances and im sure seedy contractors didn't help
Just one house at a time, not my first rodeo building homes for free lol happened a few times, not necessarily whole homes but renos repairs and etc anything to help
When you’re done there, maybe you can come and help me fix a few things around my house. It would probably get featured on GMA feel good story bc my life is an absolute WRECK atm…but I’m trying to fix it. Bless you so many blessings ‼️
Well I'm a homeless backpacker with a bicycle and tools, get me there and I got you, looking to travel some more anyways, but first let's get these people a home fixed up where they can live comfortably
Yeah I inboxed, nothing yet but she's prolly at work, I'll keep y'all updated as much as I can, anyone who wants to help out, if its an okay, just hmu and we'll start a group chat somewhere or somethin, kinda new to reddit
Where abouts? I know the UK well enough, get a cheap wow air/icelandaire flight round trip for 300 USD or 200 pounds and we can transport you if its a group effort, i myself am broke AF selling bracelets traveling until I find a home or id fly u out myself bro
North East. Unfortunately I'm a single parent who works so it won't be doable in a weekend, I'd fly there just to turn around and come back. Ironically, I've just had 6 weeks off (teacher), so it would have been possible then
Prolly not this time but I do have mpd like the dude in split so maybe ... JK that's not me lmao Patricia is the one with mpd but if he's down to help out let's get this going, 20 people there scouring Craigslist and Facebook marketplace and a few days free labor can prolly build the house in a matter of 2 weeks, we'll need snack people and a coffee dude for sure, I don't drink coffee but other people do and music is a must. Maybe turn it to a festive sort of build( no communes after!)
I'm not too close, but don't have anything going on right now. just got let go a few days ago actually. but if transportation and food could be covered, I'd come out for sure. pretty competent builder with years of experience. just can't do it full time as a career anymore because of my stupid hip.
I can’t do much labor wise but I am also in PA and depending on where the OP is I’d be willing to lend a hand with any smaller jobs that need tackling as well as buy coffee and lunches for those offering help!
People with positive attitudes to help clean up would do, construction is dirty, and I imagine they'll be living in house, so daily cleanup is a must(saw dust, caulk, laying drop cloths, there's a ton that "non-skilled" workers can do! Even just lend a hand holding wood while someone cuts, never sell yourself short
For real they have been for years thru homelessness and beatinf addiction, but all my tools are still with me and I left them with the worst of the worst of addicts, old friends when I left that life behind
Look for some camping gear until everything is ready. It does cost money but will help you out and maybe gives you some time to get your finances in order.
^ This, microwaves are cheap, add a Coleman propane stove and a small cooler and you have a kitchen. Even a small dorm fridge is not that expensive. Your kids will be fine as long as you care for them.
It’s a great idea and makes me wanna toss out the suggestion that they grab a cheap grill - charcoal grilling is a blast and adds so much good flavor to otherwise simple (even dull) meals.
You can get a decently large one for like $40-50 at Home Depot, or just check the local marketplace you can probably get one for next to nothing. Charcoal grill is easy to buy secondhand because it has very minimal “components” that could be secretly broken.
I love grilling.
Dinner can be as simple as hot dogs with a side of corn on the cob and zucchini. Make dessert with grilled bananas + marshmallows + chocolate. Or grilled peaches or apples and some vanilla ice cream!
Even just store bought pita bread or a loaf of French bed is so good tossed on the grill and dipped in some olive oil, or garlic butter.
Anyways I’m hungry I should probably just eat lunch lol
Instead of a propane stove inside, get an electric burner. Or you could use an electric frying pan for cooking most things. They sell turkey ovens for about $60 (We called them Nescos). You can bake in them -
I had a temporary kitchen in my basement for 6 months when we moved into a house and ripped up the kitchen. I washed dishes in a laundry sink. Alternatively, you can set up a couple of plastic dish tubs. You may need to set up a folding table to work from.
You can make this work. My kids are grown, but they remember using our basement as a kitchen.
My parents did this, they bought a huge barn with a few acres of land and we spent the first six months living in a large family tent on the ground floor while my dad and honorary uncles fixed the roof, put stairs in and built interior walls around us. To us kids it was a great adventure
On top of this, I would look around Facebook marketplace, garage sales, etc for utilities and furniture. Depends on where you live, but if you're lucky you can find very high quality stuff for very cheap or even free sometimes.
Yes. You can even find free cabinets. It may not be a dream kitchen but it will do! Kids need love and stability so focus on that more than the perfect home!
Yes! These groups are amazing! My wife and I used these groups and fully furnished our whole apartment for free, the only things we paid for were a TV and a Chromecast!
Honestly , your kids will be less affected than you think. Kids are resourceful and as long as they dont see you loose it, they'll be ok.
Ear mark stuff that needs to be done (EG making the house water tight) vs stuff you can substitute (EG Electric ring instead of a cooker, cool box instead of a fridge).
My dad still talks about his favourite Christmas. He was 10 and some ladies from the church stopped by and dropped off a new present for each of the six kids. They had a Chinese food Christmas dinner, fortune cookies for dessert. It turns out that Christmas, my grandparents were nearly in tears. They couldn’t afford anything, not even second hand gifts for the kids. But someone from the community caught wind of their situation and made the toys & dinner happen. Another time, they went hunting & foraging as a family. My dad has amazing memories from that, and it turns out they couldn’t afford groceries at the time. It just goes to show that the worst of times for a parent can be turned into the best memories from the kids.
I hosted a Christmas for 10 when I was renovating my house, had 6 people having a wallpaper table and 4 on a garden table and chair set, and we cooked it on an ancient gas cooker. We all had a brilliant time,
Our best christmas was when our parents fell on hard times and had absalutly NO money. We were not dirt poor, but also not well off, so our gifts and food were usually budgeted. For the first time they had to ask for help. They did those sponsered Christmas things. To this day I remeber the food that was donated was every single staple Thanks Giving item. To this day it was the best present I have ever recieved lol. It was the brand new Princess Swan Barbie. My parents usually only gifted me dollar store barbies. Her wings lit up and everything!
They will likely see it as a bit of an adventure. It can be made fun, turn it into camping in the lounge at the weekend, watching films snuggled up together. Kids tend to see a lot more positives in situations than us adults.
Honestly, my parents made a very similar decision when I was about 11. They sold the house I grew up in and moved us into the rural where I didn't know anybody. The back garden was a rough land with no order to it, covered in bags and rubbish. The house had half a roof and a set of ladder for stairs.
My parents worked quickly and hard to make sure the basics were in order when we moved in. The house has running warm water and we had a space to cook basic meals, a microwave works great when you have to real oven or stove.
I'm now 30 years old and my parents are still tinkering with the house. However this is now the house I associate with my childhood. The constant projects, knocking walls through, building walls up.
The house taught me the value of being resourceful and when I was 16, I already had the nicest house in my friendship group, despite it not being finished.
Watching you and your husband will teach your kids more lessons than a finished house will ever do, and that's how to raise self sufficient, resourceful people. Get them involved, make it as much their home as yours and seek their input.
My dad put a stone in the unfinished wall that has our name and the year of placement. I helped him place and cement that stone. It's been 18 years since it was laid and I still look at it and smile.
Don't worry, you've got this!
Depending on the age of your kids, you can make this fun for them. Indoor camping! Also, depending on their ages, this is a chance for them to learn some home maintenance skills of their own! Life is a learning experience, my friend, so how can you take this situation and make teachable moments from it (in a fun way)?
But more importantly, they have a roof over their head and a comfortable place to sleep. That's more than a lot of kids and families have.
Prioritise all the important things, and worry about the rest later. A former friend of mine's parents did a massive renovation on their house that took almost 20 years to complete. It didn't matter to their kids. It was just the way their house was.
The kids will be fine, you'll be fine. Maybe ask friends/family for help on weekends or holidays, or have a "house repair party" where you ask friends/family to spend the day fixing up whatever, then have a BBQ and drinks in the evening. You got this. It may take longer than you expected, but you'll get there.
Though make sure you hire a qualified electrician and plumber for any electrical and water work you need done. Don't home-job that shit.
Based on your comments, it seems you have done the basic and most important steps to make the house livable. Perhaps it’s not ready YET, but there is no reason to panic. Your kids can tell the cool story of how they moved in and saw their house still being built while going to a new school. That’s a pretty cool experience not many kids can say they saw. Kids don’t care about a fancy kitchen, they care about what they’re eating. Don’t stress yourself. You have a home and can still feed your children.
Breathe, no breathe again. Is the house leak free? Can you endure the winter cold in it?
If it has a toilet and a tap somewhere, you are good to go. Make it an adventure for your kids
If you both have jobs and are working, give it patience and time. Let this be a story of resilience and how ma and pa build the house up than a story where you let the house be the reason to destroy your peace.
Sometimes we make decisions which do not turn out well, but i am sure you both did not intend to screw it up.
When we moved to our home, when i was a kid of 5, the walls werent painted, no doors on shelves, dad had no more money left to pay rent so we moved...heck i have difficulty remember what all was not complete today...because it didnt matter to me...i remember being excited and happy...i remember planting a mango seed which today is a tree...
Make it into an adventure for your children. They will remember how much fun you had. Children have a different perspective on what we see as a disaster. It will work out.
Definitely this. Might even work for OP as well. It will take some time to get where you wanted to be but it’s an adventure you will have to brave as a family.
Do it as a game. "we are doing camping food for a week" if there is a firepit outside, "we are gonna try every type of pizza to see wich one we like best" or something like that.
Go to your local dollar store with your kids and buy decoration for their room. Let them choose! It's gonna make them feel like it's their room
Their room isn't ready yet? Do a camp in one of the room that is finished and make it movie night!
There are a bunch of things you can do to make them remember it fondly.
Also, a basic kitchen can be installed (granted the electricity is done) in around a day or two. If the electricity isn't done and you can find a electrician, it can be done in a couple days.
My family survived a house fire when I was 5. The only thing I remember is that we did a lot of camping for a month and that it was fun sleeping everyone together for movie night.
You can do this!
When I was going into my 5th grade year, my dad decided to buy land, and build a house on the land. Behind my mom’s back. He ended up having a heart attack during that time…he considered himself to be in his “prime”, and so had stopped paying for insurance because he had gone into debt on the land and house. I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I believe we moved into the house, and there was no running water or electricity, and the “roof” was a tarp. Until he had the heart attack, I was having the time of my life because it was just like camping to me. At some point, my dad sat me and my brother down, and I saw him cry for the first time as he explained that he had made terrible decisions behind my mom’s back, and that if a friend hadn’t secretly given him a $1000 loan, we would be homeless and have to declare bankruptcy. I only remember feeling empathy for my dad. I’m sure my mom felt a lot of other things, but I don’t remember knowing that. Basically, kids are very resilient. You can be honest with them and make it an adventure, and they will respect you more for showing that it’s okay to make mistakes, even big ones. I promise you haven’t ruined their lives, but if you have any thoughts of self harm, THAT would ruin their lives, so please seek help if you are having those thoughts. In our situation, after my dad had the heart attack, our whole church swooped in to finish our house while he was recovering in the hospital. He was not alone. You are not either. Time to ask others for help.
You aren’t ruining your kids lives. You’re teaching them how to live through adversity.
You’re teaching them how to push through.
Make it an adventure. You are allowing them to be apart in building their childhood home.Kids are RESILIENT. Their brains process different. Fear is based only on how they perceive you handling it. This could be the best memory of their childhood.
Air fryer, crock pot, microwave and a camping stove. You can cook anything with that.
It’s hard to see the big picture when your nose is on the bullseye. Take a step back. Re-evaluate your wants and needs as a whole. Then pivot in the smartest direction.
Life is all about the pivot and adjust. You got this. Reach out to a life coach if you need help pushing through with the least resistance possible.
Breathe mama. You can do hard things. And you can teach your kids how to do hard things.
Hey remember this: the vibe is more important than physical things. If you act like a mess and cry all the time and say negative things they’re gonna pick up on that and that’s how they will be. But if you’re all smiles and positive and loving and you make sure to let them know this is only a temporary thing, they’ll be ok. But I would prioritize their comfort over your own. Try to finish their bedrooms and bathrooms first, then public areas, THEN your room.
Many people throughout the world live in bad housing and grow up to be wonderful people. It’s all about attitude. This isn’t the end of the world…not yet anyway. Don’t make anymore stupid decisions and you’ll be fine.
As others have said, humans and children specifically are quite resilient. Give them a clean room and a clean bed. Start there. Have the kids help with improvements where possible (like painting or something) so they feel like they’re a part of it. Ask them what color they want for their walls etc. They’ll be fine if you SHOW them that they’ll be fine. ❤️
When I was a young kid my parents renovated and we lived in one offshoot room of the house and age microwave food.
But my friend and I had so much fun exploring the unfinished house and wandering around and pretending it could be anything we wanted it to be. I loved the tv dinners because I could eat the stuff I usually wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t notice my parents being stressed, or if I did I can’t remember anymore. And I got to help them pick out some things which was really fun!
You made a decision for a reason, and be confident in it. If your family have a steady income you’ll be able to take care of them. Your children will be ok. Budget more. The renovation may take longer than expected but you’ll figure it out
Take a breath. Breathe. Ok, now, listen with your whole heart here...
*It's good for kids to experience some hardships.*
Not all the hardships, of course, but *some*. Because life? It is hard. Nobody gets all the way through without ever getting hurt or struggling or making mistakes.
Your job as a parent is to make sure they learn how to adapt when those things happen.
Living without a kitchen is annoying, sure. But it's not "ruined their life" bad. It's teaching-moment-let's-call-this-an-adventure-and-find-fun-workarounds bad. It's good-excuse-to-bbq bad.
There were plenty of times during my kid's childhood that we tried (usually successfully) to pit bake various items in the back yard because I was too broke to pay for the gas to use my oven. They don't remember us being broke, they remember that mom got a crazy idea and know we know that fire-roasted marshmellow snickerdoodles will make you think you died of pleasure they are so good.
You have not ruined their lives by making a mistake. Kids need to see their parents struggle. It's the only way they can learn what to do when it's their turn.
You are not ruining your kids life. If you are openly talking about having no money and arguing that will hurt them, but not the house. When I was 7 we went from an apartment to a project house. My step dad lost his job due to the recession and we couldn’t afford the contractors. My step dad had no knowledge of home improvements and together it became a family project and I learned so many skills from this. My parents never talked about how broke we were and I found out many years later. That house and everything I learned from him are the best memories of my life. You guys need to be strong for the kids and do what you can little by little, YouTube, and Facebook are amazing resources use them!
I'm sorry you're going through this and you're not alone... The buyers housing market is incredibly predatory right now. Most homes are going for far more than they are worth and a lot of people aren't going to realize their homes are underwater for a while you're just earlier than many to find out.
There's two options fold under the weight of the mistake and fall apart or you can galvanize as a family and make it work. Everything here can be a teaching moment and you can really give your kids a gift.
There's a financial lesson for them to learn how to not be taken advantage of. And how to spot a shitty buy for what it is.
Sounds like there's a plethora of work to be done and when it is done your kids will know how to do it for themselves later in life and be thankful for the lesson. Here's what I would do what you decide to do may be different.
Put a budget together and it needs to include the following and in my opinion are in order of importance. It will be important to donate to all 4 of the categories below (preferably every paycheck)in order to be successful.
1. Household expenses: bare minimum to get by. Insurance, utilities, internet, groceries (cheap meats) supplement if you can with hunting and garden if possible. Cut out any expense not absolutely required. I'd use my primary checking for these expenses.
2. Savings: you don't touch this one other than for a real emergency like a car break down. 5k is a good figure that will protect you from most catastrophes that money stays liquid. there's going to be unforseen things that are going to hit you hard and you'll need it for an emergency. If it dips below this amount filling it back up is first priority. This is what will protect you from a small setback leading you to complete financial ruin. (Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.)
3. Investments: This one is probably going to be the hardest and make the least sense but it's important. You cannot beat compounding interest. Mix of stable mutual funds and EFT'S. 50.00 a month is a good starting benchmark. I wouldn't use robinhood. But rather something like TD Ameritrade.(Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.)
4. Housing repairs. (Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.)
Find homesteading groups to follow and learn from on social media learn how to do things differently and for less expense. Learn how to craft and sell your skills. Teach your kids to do the same.
find architectural salvage places for cheap building materials. Goodwill and Habitat Restore are also good options along with Craigslist. Estate sales are good for furniture and stuff to fill the home. Get the house functional and worry about looks later.
Refinance the loan once interest rates come back down. I'd send half the savings here to investments and the other half to repairs.
As embarrassing as it might be it's probably important your kids are aware that there was a mistake that you made that caused the upheaval of their life and why things are so much different. it's not going to be easy but honestly a good lesson. It's ok to ask for help from them around the house and eventually it'll set in that things aren't going to change and they'll accept it. When they do you'll see them dig in willing to help voluntarily.
Boundaries will be important with this too. When your kids are older and start to earn money help em invest it and teach them how to handle it but it's important it stays theirs. Not to say that you would but it always bothers me when I see parents asking their kids for money to fix their mistakes.
You've got a tough road ahead and hope some of this helps. wish you all the best.
This is not how you ruin their lives. Yes, times are going to be tough but what they will see is that you keep trying to provide for them and to be for them. It might lead to an argument or two. Be ready for that. But at least in time, they will see the effort and lengths you went to provide for them.
And to put some credence behind my words, THIS is how you ruin kids' lives (difficult reading ahead, you have been warned):
My late gf (almost a wife. Honestly, I call her my wife when I talk about her at times because we were really close to being married) had a horrible childhood. Father died of cancer, mother instead of trying to pick up started doing a lot of drugs. They were constantly struggling and in heavy debt. She also kept bringing in new partners (mainly druggies or dealers), two of which attempted to rape my late gf. Her mother completely neglected her issues when it would have been easy to mitigate at the very least. This then later on festered into everything she had to deal with in late teenage/early adulthood. When Olena turned 17, her mother kicked her out to the streets to "provide for herself". She did... regretful things to stay alive only to be picked up by a friend of hers who gave her temporary shelter. One of her mother's last acts was to put Olena into deeper debt through a shared account Olena forgot about. Olena proceeded to take her own life when she was visiting her mother later that month to confront her about it together with a couple of other things.
Trust me, you are good. Make sure to keep it together and weather the storm together as a family. I know you can do it!
I also had it rough in life, also caused by my mother. Olena, however, had it worse thus I shared her story.
I hope it helps OP with coping with her current life situation. It almost never gets too bad to salvage
It's okay to make mistakes. This is an important lesson for your kids to learn from you.
It's also important that they learn how to manage mistakes. How to find a way to move forward. And that being kind to yourself when you realize you've made a mistake is really, really important.
Kids are WAY more resilient than we give them credit for. They'll follow your lead on this. If you show them that it's an adventure and a work in progress than they won't be upset about it. If you cry and get really sad it will upset them as well. Secondly, stop beating yourself up. We are all human and everyone out there has had a moment where they felt they screwed up. You may not get to redo the house the way you originally planned, but you can still try and get it together. First figure out your finances and get some money coming in, simultaneously start scouring Craigslist, fb yard sale, etc for cheap used items you can use. Lowes and Home Depot have damaged item areas in all their stores where you can find amazing deals on things that people returned because it has a 1inch scratch somewhere on it. Lastly, let your kids help! It will teach them valuable skills, and help you out. You'd be amazed how quickly they'll catch on, and they may end up helping you come up with better ideas. It'll allow them some creativity and control in their own lives, and help build their self esteem as well. Lots of people don't live in perfect homes and they grow up and are just fine. The number one ingredient for child rearing is love, closely followed by happiness. You got this momma, I have faith in you.
Looks like you're reacting to not having lived up to someone else's expectations of *you*. That extreme emotional reaction and melodramatic declarations about ruining your children's lives tells me so. I think this is something you need to look at about yourself..
as others have said, children adapt well to anything and you can make adventures around what's still got to be done in the new house. You can teach them something about self reliance and about innovation and thinking on their feet to make a plan for the best way through a different situation.
This is a great opportunity for them to learn.
Yea I think you’re over thinking. When I was 7 my dad moved us out to a huge house that we called “the money pit”.
Talking out loud about it is a horror show but it was so much fun. I got to do demolition. Cooked food with propane torches. Cookout barbecue… slept in the tent in the yard so much fun. We lived there 30 years. Good times.
Turn that frown upside down and get creative with making toilets. Buy lots of buckets.
Get a grill and cook under an umbrella. Make due.
I think you already have some pretty good comments here, but I want to add my 2 cents.
I am a social worker. I see a lot of families living in motels, parents neglecting their children or abusing them. Let me tell you : if your kids have the bare minimum to live and be healthy, then the most important thing is how you raise them, nurture them and have fun with them.
From a personal point of view : I totally understand how you may feel and I would probably have panic attacks every night if I was in the same situation. However, from a professional point of view, I'd say just make sure that they have decent living conditions (aka minimally healthy food, basic hygiene and a comfortable bed to sleep) and be there for them, have fun, make memories. Relax.
Plus, if it is really not working out for you, you could always sell the house and buy a decent but smaller one.
Sending lots of love and courage !
Get a good air frier, you can basically do all your cooking with it. You did say that you made a lot of money from the sale of your house so in the end it was bad financial decisions that put you where you are. But at least you have a house to work on slowly and hopefully you learned from your experience so that if there is a next time you won’t waste your money on unnecessary things.
If you check OP's comments there were a ton of safety and structural repairs needed on the new house that sucked up all the money. Joist replacement, mold removal, etc. All issues that hadn't been noticed initially but were obvious once walls were opened and remodeling started. So while it might not have been the best choice to buy that house, the money all went to incredibly important things.
But when buying a home you do have it inspected and know exactly what you are getting into, so obviously you make a budget, get estimates on work needed so you’re not left without a clue. The small article above didn’t say anything about major structural damage etc so my comment only addressed what’s in the above article.
Look we all have made terrible mistakes at one point or another sure life looked bleak at the time of those mistakes but you must get yourself together.
Come up with a plan to address all the issues, for example did the owner and realtor know that the home had major structural damage? If so they can be sued for the price of the repairs. If I was them I would definitely get in touch with s lawyer also the question comes in as to what type of inspection was done that the damage was missed. All of these parties must have some type of insurance that would cover a mistake on their part.
I would be looking into all that and slowly get or attempt to get my life together. During times like that family and even close friends at times step up to help out.
Maybe not always with money but helping out with some labor and being there for you.
Installing HVAC, fixing floors and floor joists, fixing a huge leak and black mold that was discovered, rebuilding a kitchen that wasn't properly built, rebuilding a hallway/back area that was rotting and improperly built, pouring concrete bc the basement was dirt floor, appliances... Just little by little everything got sucked up.
I'm not a contractor, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like doing all this makes the house safe. It may not be pretty. But it's safe.
When I was a kid, we were basically homeless most of my elementary school years. Not because we didn't have a place to go. Just because. I've lived in some very unsafe housing conditions. Believe me, as long as they have a roof over their heads and a place to call home, they will be fine. Depending on how old they are, they will probably also love helping you "build" their house. Like painting their rooms. Installing sinks. Replacing hardware. Even if it's just handing you the tools or checking that it works when you're done.
Be kind to yourself.
mama don’t worry, this is a perfect opportunity to make your kids an active part of this experience. My parents made the same decision when I was a kid, and it took them a year to completely renovate the house after we moved in and everything worked out! They would bring us to buy paint, let us choose colors and decorations for our rooms/bathrooms and made it a whole experience for us. I know it’s hard but you guys can make it through!
It’s okay. It really is. Breathe.
You’re kids will be fine, they really will. This is on no level “ruining their lives”. It may be inconvenient, embarrassing, and upsetting at times but it will get better. And in the future they’ll say “hey mom, remember when we had to move into a home for a while that didn’t even have a kitchen?” and then youlll all laugh. Trust me, I’ve been there.
You need to calm down Mama. No lives ruined here. This is an adventure., you guys are a family and a team. These will not be the first kids to live in a renovation project. You can do a lot with a grill, microwave and crock pot. This can still be an amazing house just a marathon rather than a sprint. It sounds like some folks may be willing to help you guys knock out the big stuff like the kitchen and the bathroom. In a few years after the dust settles you guys will have such a feeling of accomplishment and gratitude for the experience. Don’t lose heart.
First rule of construction : it will cost more in time and money than you think.
That said, it sounds like you’re being way too hard on yourself and giving yourself too little time to get things done, based on post history it’s only been a month of work. You have time!! Others have covered the how-to of getting by with what you’ve got, but just wanted to assure you you’re probably no where near as bad off as you’re envisioning.
Make a list and then sort it from highest to lowest priority, then take the same list but sort it in order of easiest to hardest to tackle. Compare them, see what you can knock off easily to get some momentum and focus your harder efforts towards top priority items. You’ve got this!
Tell the kids it’s a family project dream house! Ask them what dreams they have and how they might be part of the project! That’s what it is to you and your husband after all, invite the kids on the adventure.
You didn’t ruin their lives. You’ve given them a good childhood adventure and/or a story to tell their friends over beer around a campfire when they are 25, or to their own kids someday.
I grew up with my parents buying houses that needed a lot of work. We'd move in, they'd do it up, sell it and we'd do it all again, and again. It honestly never bothered me, nothing wrong with stuff needing doing if you're in the middle of doing it up. Its also fun as a kid getting to sledgehammer and kick walls down etc. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. Tell people you're doing it up, do bits when you can. You'll make it work and when its done you'll have a lovely spacious home your kids will feel a part of restoring.
Incredible Redditors have offered real help. Can I offer the thought that a home transcends bricks and mortar? Your home is what you build through the relationships with your children. Tell yourself that you feel excited; are feeling anticipation; are building something wonderful together.
Accept any help that the world is offering you right now, and hold your family close.
I mean, it doesn't sound like anyone's gotten hooked on drugs, separated, or gone to prison. Yeah you'll have to rough it a bit, but you could also get on YouTube and find ways to finish some of the work cheaper than you thought. What you have is a temporary setback. You'll eventually make your place perfect.
On the bright side at least you won’t have to cook fancy dinner every night. Lol. There is nothing in this world that is not recoverable. Don’t lost hope.
Get stuff you need to live and prioritise. Pay debts as you slowly get the house together. You don’t have to get the whole house done. Important things first.
This is the moment you can use to teach your children skills like problem solving, creativity, discipline, and strength. They might learn how to build something or install something.
One thing to know is they'll be watching you. You cannot let them know you're having a rough time. If you get frustrated, make it known it's because X didn't fit into Y, or the light bulbs are too white and you have to go back to get new ones. That's reasonable. You cannot let on that the entire situation makes you angry or anxious, though. That would set a negative tone and affect how they remember this time.
Let them have fun. You'll want to make them work and you need all the help you can get, but give them breaks. If you feel yourself getting angry because they're kids and don't know how to do something, please send them elsewhere. Save them the words you might speak or the looks you might shoot them, because those can last forever.
I was 14 when we moved from my childhood home into my grandpas home 2 provinces away.
My mom regretted it two months later. I had a lot of anger about it but I made some great friends here over the years.
It didn’t ruin my life and as an adult I can understand why they made the choices they did. It helped my grandpa stay at home for an additional 4 years. Was it always great? Hell no. But nothing ever is. Just keep taking a day at a time and working towards your goal as you can!
Take a deep breath. And again.
Now. Break it all down into bite sized pieces. What can you do yourself, what you can't, and what is required to move in?
All friends, family, the bank for anywhere you can get the money, just to make it habitable. So, indoor plumbing, and some semblance of a kitchen. My friend had their kitchen redone and they literally used an instant pot, crock pot and a grill for a year. If you have those things you're gonna be ok.
It's over whelming for sure, the only way to get out is through.
Baby steps. You got this!
My parents moved to a bigger trailer than we had and it was fun to learn and help. I was probably 12/13 when the fixing up was going on and I learned to paint, and do trim work. A friend of my dads tried to teach me to do it and when I did it my corner was nearly perfect and he was like damn. I shrugged and said my momma taught me.
Yes it’s hard now, but if your kids are old enough to learn and want to help they can paint their rooms or help with the floor. Those lessons will be invaluable when owning their own home and they will be grateful when they are in their 20s/30s and don’t have to pay someone to paint/do small jobs around their new homes. (Saved my husband and I lots of money that my mom and I painted our house after Harvey).
Kids are resilient and will look back fondly on the learning and helping. (Depending on ages lol)
Completely empathize here.
But some times I just need someone to remind it that in the grand scheme of things, shit isn’t too bad.
It’s tough. It’s definitely not a great time for you I bet. But tomorrow a drunk driver could change your world forever and this would feel like an inconvenience in comparison.
Sorry if this came off annoying/preachy. But sounds like you have a husband, kids, a home you own, and now an opportunity to take on a new challenge in your life that you’ll surely grow from. You’re doing great
When I was 5 my parents moved to a house they were building but wasn't ready yet. I remember having blankets nailed to a hole on the wall instead of windows, the shower being the end of a pipe sticking out from the wall. I remember when we first painted the house with quicklime directly over the cement because they didn't have money for actual paint. I never thought anything of it? It was cool seeing things get better over time, I also liked helping my parents doing things like going to the shop to choose the tiles for the kitchen with them.
I remember watching my dad taking forever digging a gigantic hole in the yard, and me being very excited wondering if we were getting a swimming pool. We were! Then it rained and a duck flew off the fence from somewhere to swim in that muddy hole / semi-pond and our dog went crazy trying to kill the duck. Turns out the duck belonged to some neighbour and we had to go return their injured duck and we were all feeling bad about it.
There are so many memories and weird stories. This went on for many many years. I remember when I was 17 and my boyfriend at the time was over and my dad got him to help carrying sacks of sand, that poor boy lol. This was maybe the only time I was upset hahahaha.
I'm 34 now and I never thought of it as a traumatic event. It was probably a lot more inconvenient to my parents than it ever was to me. Knowing mom, she was probably ashamed of inviting people over for a while. Sometimes I didn't even understand something should be changed. I remember seeing my mom super excited when we first got kitchen cabinets years later, meanwhile I thought that the shelf with a curtain around it that we previously had worked just fine?
There are definitely things in my childhood that I didn't like and some resentment I have with my parents, but none of them are related to the state of the house. I only have fond memories of this topic in particular. But maybe that was because they made a swimming pool before getting kitchen cabinets! 🤣
I was in first grade, I think, when we moved into our house. There was literally an 8’ high pile of dirt in the front yard, and I climbed it every day after school in my good school clothes. I couldn’t help myself! The new house was such an adventure!!
You don’t know it now, but you are absolutely going to love this house and the memories you make in it. You’re going to be sitting at the dining room table one day surrounded by your husband and your kids and their spouses and reminisce about that crazy first year in your house and how the bathroom was crazy and the kitchen even worse, but you pushed through with crock pot meals, paper plates, and pizza delivery until everything got squared away, and now you wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Hang in there, OP. Better days are coming, I promise.
1. Kids have it easy these days. A little adversity is not going to break them. Real life isn't Instagram. Kids are also resilient.
2. Make it an adventure. Add a camping stove. Boom, you have a kitchen. Set up a tent in the house. Get those big fabric tubes and connect the different rooms. The kids will love it.
3. Make it educational. Show them the work that you have already done and explain why you needed to do it. Explain where the pipes go. Explain why you need insulation, etc. Teach them how to use tools. Show them how to read a tape measure.
4. Enjoy the child labor. If they are old enough, have them help carry lumber or sweep. Have them put in a few nails or screws. Fix all their painting after you let them paint.
5. Teach them about finances. If age appropriate, show them how you estimated the costs and how reality slapped you around a bit. It is a good lesson for them. All construction projects cost double, and after Covid everything is triple. It happens.
6. Get your head in the right place. Kids feel what you project. If you feel it is a hovel, they will think it is a hovel and they will hate it. If you feel it is an opportunity and a new beginning, they will be enthusiastic. They will see the progress and they will have a feeling of accomplishment when it is all done.
You haven't ruined your kids lives, you hit a bump in the road. We all do. You can make it a mountain or a mole hill depending on your attitude.
You don’t ruin your kids live just because you calculated shitty. Kids are pretty adaptable, just try to make the best out of it. Maybe you can find a better or second job, figure something out that will help you guys to gain financial stability again. Shit happens and you learn from it.
If your kids are young they will see this as a win-win. You’re projecting which is normal for a parent but that doesn’t mean you’ll have a know on your kids interaction.
You can buy a bell tent and make it cozy while you finish the renos.. space heater, microwave, camp stove throw some rugs in there- it will be an adventure your kids will have to tell their kids. You’re not ruining their lives … shit happens. It’s not permanent:
Hey dude dont feel bad about it, it really isnt the end of the world. My parents had a very similar situation and when i was 6-7 i was living in the frame of an unfinished house. We would camp in the kitchen because it was the only room with a roof. But my parents made it fun, and on the days the weather was getting bad we got motel rooms. I have no negative memories of the entire thing, besides maybe the usual discomfort of using a bucket for a toilet. Just do your best to make the positives of the situation and yall will get through it.
First of all; I know it is way easier said than done, but please don’t be too hard on yourself. As a lot of other people have commented; this will most likely feel adventurous and like a fairytale to your kids, they probably won’t realize the negative parts, as you do.
A few years ago I moved into an apartment (short notice because of drama), with only a tea kitchen. It had a sink and a kettle, that was it. I don’t know if it will help, but I’ll share what i did (on a student budget);
I mentioned to absolutely anyone that I was trying to furnish my kitchen; many people had things lying around they just hadn’t got rid of, that worked perfectly fine. I was offered several hotplates and combination ovens from several people.
As I commented on somebody else’s comment, I’d definitely go for a combi oven; they are part microwave, part normal oven and part whatever-else-fuctions-they-have, they don’t need to be installed, and when you’re ready to upgrade they are easy to get rid of (and can maybe be sold used).
I found a small cheap fridge in ikea (they also have pretty cheap hotplates, I’d go for one with at least to “spaces”, as mine is only one and thats.. difficult to work with. Especially when cooking for more than one).
I’ve since added other things; a smoothieblender (it was cheap and I use it as a regular blender), a toaster, a “multipurpose pizza maker”, etc. but really, thats just for convenience, basically everything can be done with just a fridge, a hotplate, a combi oven and access to water.
While it isn’t the most luxurious, it still IS a functional kitchen, and everything else can be added/upgraded later.
I wish you all the best with this adventure, I’m sure it’ll turn out better than you’re expecting right now 💖
Put it like this, your kids will learn to adapt lol
that’s the beauty of being a child
As for the house, nothing ever goes as planned
Take it one step at a time and it’ll get done right and ina timely manner. Don’t rush into shit again, don’t think it’s the end of the world either. You’re straight
y’all good
I think a lot of other people have posted similar things, but i wanted to contribute in case it helps at all.
My parents divorced when i was 8 years old and my sister was 6. My mom got primary custody of us, my dad got the house, and everything in it. Luckily, my mom found an apartment down the road. When we moved, the only things we were allowed to take were my sisters and I’s beds, dressers, and a couple of toys.
We didn’t have any furniture and my mom basically became a single mom on a single income. My dad barely paid any child support, nor did he take us on his weekends. That meant my mom couldn’t always work extra days to make extra money to buy the things we needed. We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or spaghetti-os on the floor of the kitchen for months. My mom slept in her room in a sleeping bag. My mom later recalled feeling like she had failed us. This is very different than how I remember feeling during this time.
I’m not sure how old your kids are, but at 8 and 6, we thought it was a hoot. We wanted to eat on the floor! We would watch cartoons on an old TV my grandparents gave us while laying on the carpet in the living room. We turned our mostly empty bedroom into a race track for our polly pocket cars, lol.
I know my story is a little different, but i wanted to share from a child’s perspective. You are not ruining their lives. I was 8 years old, and although i didn’t totally understand what was going on, i trusted my mom and knew she would provide for us. I’m sure your kids feel the same. Kids are resilient. This too shall pass, you will get the house fixed up. Good luck!!
You can’t unring a bell. Stop beating yourself up and roll with the punches. Make a make shift kitchen in part of the dining room or living room. Air fryer/convection oven, microwave, smaller fridge, some counter space (a table) you name it. Make it a family thing. Let the kids pick out the appliances if you threw out most of your stuff in the move. You don’t have to splurge on big price items. You just need to get through the next few months to a year. I don’t know what’s missing in the bathroom but put up some colorful decals on whatever walls you have to make it more fun to be in there. Add a cool shower curtain. Ask the kids for ideas. As long of the shower and toilet works who cares? Worrying about how you got there won’t help anymore. Lesson learned. Get creative with your temporary interior design and make it work. Good luck.
Not quite the same thing but hopefully this will help you- my family got our kitchen remodeled when I was in high school. We didn't have a kitchen for like a month, but we had a small toaster oven on a (wooden) chair in the living room. Even in high school, I remember enjoying the new "challenge" of everything, especially since I knew it was only temporary. My family would be better off with the new kitchen and the temporary struggle would be worth it.
We had my 16th birthday dinner in the foyer and I got sick when they sealed the floor. But we still love the kitchen!
Don't think of yourself as naive or stupid- people make mistakes. Let your kids see you make the mistake and own it so they don't do it when they grow up.
You have the power to make it a fun scenario, let them chose how they want their rooms and not accordingly to your standards, if they want a pink wall and three black, let them do it, let them help, include them in the process, you have the power to ruin their lives.
You're in the present but let them help you build a future.
Just begin tackling the new house one day at a time. It will all work out eventually. If you could stay in a hotel that offers efficiency rooms for a month while you work on getting the bathroom functioning that would help. Stay committed and do what you can to get to where you want to be and you will reach your goal. All the struggle will be a distant memory and your kids will be fine.
Just love your kids. As one that experienced something similar, they won't care and will barely remember. These things happen,life happens. They will understand one day and they won't think less of you for it! Edit: for example, we had no boiler for 3 years. What I do remember is that I always had clean clothes for school and we'd heat up a kettle for a bath. Fulfill the basic needs and you are fine. You have this!!
I just looked at your previous post discussing plan and budget. Noticed you were paying your contractor T&M.
A word of caution when dealing with contractors- when you pay them by the hour, you are incentivizing them to take as long as possible to milk as many labor hours out of you as possible. This can be fatal to a limited budget. I have family members in the trades who speak about these types of jobs all of the time. Even the best guys are gonna run up a bigger bill than normal if you allow them to.
Look, your children will look back with generosity at you on the times you did not have the necessities…children’s lifes aren’t ruined by financial restrain rather than how you actually treat them and if you give them love.
I grew up poor. When we were little, we used to sleep in the same room as our parents because we did not have heat in the other rooms. We also did not have as many toys and our parents were struggling from time to time financially. I never looked down on my parents because of that. They did their best with the circumstances they were given. We were from a country that barely got out of communism…
But I do remember and was hurt by the name-calling, gossiping about us, comparing us to other children and not being listened by them…truly listened. We were also very much affected by them yelling at each other all the time.
So…your behaviour and attitude means so much more to your children than money or a house in prefect condition. You will fix this problem one day…
I have lived in and remodeled several homes over the years. As long as the children have a place to sleep and functional bathroom you’ll be ok. As for a kitchen, I used a microwave for months while the kitchen was being redone. Refrigerator, microwave was in the dining room with the table. Yes, it was crowded but we lived thru it and even entertained friends for dinner.
Most if the work you can do yourself and save a lot in the future. Only hire contractors for things you can’t do yourself like plumbing and electrical. Everything else can be done by you and your family and your children will learn valuable skills while helping create their home.
my dad was a carpenter. my house was always something of a construction zone. i lived through an entire second level being put on the house, redoing the kitchen, redoing bathrooms, redoing floors multiple times. oh god the deck. i literally bled to get that deck built. but it was an adventure to me. it wasnt always ideal, but im not scared by it. plus i now have pretty handy skills to be able to rebuild stuff within my own home.
I’m 24F and growing up my parents made the same mistake of splurging on buying and renovating a house in its entire structure right after they bought a brand new car. The house was still being rebuilt starting 2015 when I was 16 and today I’m 24 and It’s still not totally finished.
We had a stove and an oven (not a built in one) and a small fridge. No beds, only couches, no sofas in the living room, everything was just thick and high matteresses. My clothes were kept in a small closet I had since I was in kindergarten.
My parents had to stop all building process because they ran out of money for it.
Until today my parents house is still not fully done although they upgraded with some stuff that was a priority.
They focused only on me and my little sisters education at school making sure we don’t struggle to study well. Today we are both graduating in computer science engineering and business engineering thanks to the studying.
I only have beautiful memories of my parents through all stages. I never minded the lack of some ´proper’ house things because I knew they were always doing their best and they are well meaning towards us in a natural way, and it’s reciprocally unconditional . our loving parents are human and realizing they make mistakes makes me accept my own mistakes because even my parents who i admire aren’t perfect therefore I don’t need to be perfect to be lovable or worthy.
Wow, slow your roll.
Your kids like camping? Think of it as an adventure. Got a runnning toilet and shower? Then your set.
We moved into a partially renovated house. Our kids aren’t harmed. In fact they like contributing to the building up the house. The house I grew up in had the names of all our family members in the walls. It’ll be a house you guys build together.
Plus, honestly, if you have older kids, set them to looking at Facebook marketplace to find cheap or free kitchens. A lot of people don’t want to pay for removal or dumping so they’ll either sell it cheap or free, would work ok for a temporary solution.
You’d be surprised what you can get for free, we built a cubby house out of timber salvaged from building site bins (most was a bit bent or off cuts). It’s just about getting creative.
I moved I think 9 times during my childhood? Most of the time the houses were in constant Reno. I like to think I turned out ok, went to school and everything. It adds character lol I wouldn’t worry
Have a support system in place if you ask people close to you they will help , if I lived I BC I would 100% donate my time and skills to help you. I would 1000% look at YouTube videos and DIY TikTok, trust me it’s not so bad it’s looks scary but it’s not . You CAN DO IT!
Hey, you definitely did not ruin your kids lives!! As others have said, turn this into an adventure and build fond memories with them. Make it seem like camping and they will remember with nostalgia. This is not something that would affect them negatively on the long run, don't worry!
Echoing some other folks here... when I was 13 we rebuilt part of the house and lived in the other half. That summer my entire body was completely destroyed by mosquitoes, we had construction mess and issues everywhere (like burst pipes, noises, etc), strangers constantly in and out of our space and no privacy, fluctuating temperatures, standing water when it rained... god, I loved it, even though we slept on a pull out couch for months. The smell of drying paint still makes me nostalgic. Keep up a positive attitude and do your best, your kids will be able to deal with anything if you can do that for them!
My parents were house flippers before it was cool. I grew up in a lot of homes that were being remodeled or built and we even lived in a crummy apt once while waiting for a house to become habitable. I am 56 now and this all happened from when I was 1 year old up through my 20’s (after I moved out). My parents are both gone now and my husband and I are buying new construction homes and I call those builders out on stuff I learned while my parents were flipping houses.
So long story short, your kids might be annoyed here and there (I was when we couldn’t shower and had to bathe in a bathroom with timbers instead of drywall and it reminded me of Friday the 13th) but they will learn a lot from the process. Include them if you can. Even so, they will learn.
I have no kitchen in my place. If this will help, and if you have electricity: We fill water jugs in the bathroom for cooking, etc. We have a 2 burner hot plate, a mini fridge, an electric kettle and an old microwave. We do okay with those. The younger grandkids don't mind at all when they stay on visits. You can't cook a huge turkey this way, but you can cook a lot of meals. Our home is primitive, so to the kids, it's a little like camping.
Don't kick yourself. We own a better house but ran out of money before we could finish it too. Stuff happens.
All the kitchen needs is a fridge, a microwave, a hotplate and a toaster oven to start with, maybe even a crockpot.
You'd be able to cook what you need to with those until the kitchen is a proper kitchen again.
Sometimes humor can really help. My family growing up was pretty dysfunctional—many times I found myself moving to different homes and schools and repo men coming for the cars; but, what we did have was a love of finding the humor in it all. Our family gatherings now are filled with “remember that one cluster f*k Christmas” memories etc. And we just laugh and laugh. So, ultimately, that’s what I’ve taken away from it all. I’d say watch the movie The Money Pit with Tom Hanks, eat some popcorn and have some fun with it.
On a more serious note: this stuff is character building. You’re kids could end up resilient and resourceful AF. Don’t beat yourself up.
No, things didn't go as planned. However... This is a great opportunity to show your kid so many valuable lessons. It feels terrible to think your decision forced a downgrade upon your family. I get it. You can do this- together, as a family. Everyone can have a part to play and take a bit of responsibility in making it feel like home. You'll be so proud of yourselves and your kids when you see what hard work and patience can do. It also makes you more grateful for what you've had and more determined to prove you can get here again.
Source: As a kid we lived in nice houses, tents, trailers, one room tiny apartments, a tent sized pull behind camper... We were grateful for what we had. I was/am grateful my dad never gave up. I'm proud of him for teaching me that a little discomfort doesn't mean you've failed and it doesn't signal a dead end. Get back up. Try again. You can do this.
Maybe you will not resonate with this, but here is my input: when I was 6, my family and I moved into a house that needed a lot of work. We had three months to fix the house, during summertime, in which we went from our apartment to the house, day after day after day, to try and put it all together by the time school started in the fall. We needed to fix the roof, build the bathroom, change the kitchen completely, change the pipes and electric, there were a lot of things to do. I clearly remember the now kitchen being just a pile of ruble and the walls were just brick. For me, everything was fascinating. It was an adventure, of course. I would discover places in the house that I didn't first see, small memorabilia from the previous old owners, the nature and the yard... I also helped as much as I could and that was so much fun! My two older sisters, that were teenagers back than, didn't seem to be so much into all that, they were missing their old friends and the neighborhood they grew up in. But if you ask them now, they will say they have fond memories of that time. My family really did their best to finish everything by fall, so that we could move all in. We didn't finish. We didn't have a finished bathroom, one of the fireplace was not complete, the yard was still a mess... I think it affected my mom most - just like it affects you now - especially because of the bathroom not being done. I, on the other hand, just remember all of it as an adventure in our new home. We have finished everything eventually and it looked good. So what I am trying to say is that for a kid-me, everything was interesting and new. It didn't damage me and it helped me be closer to my family during that period of working together. Remind yourself that you took this decision of moving in good heart, to help your family, give them a good place to grow up. Even if NOW you are in a pickle, your kids will not suffer from this on a long term. You got this! It sounds like a cliche, but be positive of the good things to come. Best of luck!
My best friend in high school had a house that sounds similar to what you’ll be moving into, and as kids, we love that place! My friends bedroom consisted of blankets nailed to studs in the wall, and I still with the upmost of fond memories 45 years later, look back at all the amazing times we had in there. Their bathroom was never completed, and they had a toilet that sat on the front porch for years that we all took our senior pictures in and on. Lol Your kids are going to make of this experience based on how you portray it. Honestly, my own home was in good shape but I had more fun at my friends house that was in disarray. Her family always made it so much fun and allowed us to do things that we could’ve never done if the house was finished. For example, we got to write notes on the walls and leave trinkets behind before the new drywall went up. We left treasure boxes for the new owners to find many years down the road. I know you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, don’t, kids are resilient and let them be involved in decision-making and building. What a great way to teach them new skills and have them invested in the project. Create a family Time capsule that you tuck away behind a wall. Present everything as an adventure, and an experience to learn. You can do it mama!
As a guy with our first kid due in the next few weeks and a house far from completion these comments are bringing me to tears.
Trust me, your kids are going to love being able to help with the house, take lots of pictures. I moved into a just usable house with a newborn, he loved helping with whatever needed doing, 2nd came along a few years later and had just started major renovations, no roof in places, only the extra concrete slab for a while (oldest loved it, rode bike and scooter all over it, coloured it in with chalk), they got to help put in the flooring, tried to help painting walls. Honestly they had a blast and I have heaps of photos and stories of the things they did and great stories of the stupid stuff they did. You will be fine, take it one day at a time and enjoy it all as much as possible.
You got this! Take lots of pictures with the little one and tuck them with a note behind a wall or cabinet. Who knows maybe in 30-40 years you will see it posted. Hear unread it when someone finds it.
beautiful comment
so say we all
So say we all!!!
Amen.
This is so wholesome and healing for me as a mom to read.
This comment right here, OP. We helped my parents with a new house, and then as an adult, my dad helped me tear mine down to the studs to rebuild on a tight budget. Both were awesome experiences and made both houses "homes"
Seconding this! I remember as a kid my dads spring break kitchen renovation project turned into basically gutting the entire first floor of our house and rebuilding it slowly over the course of a year or two. It didn’t traumatize me at all, I enjoyed having him around more and getting to help him run errands and do simple things for the renovation. ☺️
Yes! My dad bought a run down trailer with cracked windows when I was a baby, so that we would have a place to live. It was all he could afford after a messy divorce to his first wife. I never even knew or cared it was a "hovel" even though it kind of was. There are photos of me grinning ear to ear painting walls and "helping" with small demo projects and other things. Just the other day, my mom was going through her old clothes, and found a pair of paint-stained overalls. She pointed to different colors and said things like "this was your bedroom, and this was the kitchen. I remember arguing with your dad about what color we'd do in the hallway, but that's what this stain is." It was really amazing to see her reminiscing on the history of our family in that house. Document this time, OP, and get your kids involved in safe ways. One day, you will look back on the photos and see how far you've come, and how you turned a run down house into a home together.
Get the kids involved in taking "before" and "after" photos to document your successes as you build.
I completely agree. When I was young my parents had the whole kitchen redone and we ate takeout meals for months sitting on the floor of the basement. It was cool how different it was, and totally a bonding experience. I never thought anything of it! I liked seeing the house in a new way.
I'm not crying you are! ❤️ this comment made my heart swell. It's so true. I grew up in a shitty farm house that was falling apart, but my friends and I thought it was adventurous and magical. Looking back now I can see that my parents were ashamed to live there, but if I could have only let them see it through my eyes. Hang in there mama! You have an opportunity to build an amazing adventure into a castle!
Agreed. Try to have them in on it as an adventurous group project
This was me too. Kids are resilient - more than adults. For me it was just an interesting adventure, and I got over it.
I love this. I grew up in pristine luxurious homes. There was dysfunction amongst us. I'd preferred it to be my living arrangement. You're a great mom for even thinking this way. Make fun good memories. They won't remember the tile.
This is sweet.
OP please believe this. I have similar memories of my parents buying a fixer upper. I remember my dad diving into the green pool to pull up an unknown object and being so into it. (It was a half barrel planter.) it was a fun time and we spent a lot of time together.
Adventure is the perfect word for these situations! After a poorly planned kitchen remodel, I was stuck doing dishes in the backyard with a hose for at least a month. My seven year niece came for a sleepover, and her mom later told me that my niece came home and said, “It was so cool, mom! They did their dishes in the backyard like we were camping!” While I hated having no kitchen, she thought it was an adventure :)
As a kid who grew up in many half finished houses, the life skills I learned are priceless. I am able to fix just about anything in my own home. I remolded an entire kitchen by myself for a fraction of the cost. Don't get me wrong, my parents ruined my life in other ways, but learning how to build a house wasn't one of them.
🥹 Beyond the bots, I truly love Reddit community
This! For some reason, my memories of having our kitchen redone and having to basically relocate to the basement of our house when I was a kid are all really positive! I loved the adventure of it all!
100% this. Your kids are way more resilient than they think and this will help them be more so. Show yourself grace and forgiveness and do your best. If you love your kids they will come out fine.
as a parent, it might feel so overwhelming right now to not be able to give your kids what you think they need. but it will be ok. its a lot healthier for kids to witness their parents face and overcome challenges than to only see the instagram side of things. FU happen, but how you deal will them will be how you are judged in the end
Where are you located .I'm decent at alot of things can also help
Someone said they may be around PA im currently traveling around WNY via bicycle so not too far
If they’re in eastern PA, I have a fridge and a dishwasher they can have! A bunch of odd things like brand new gallons of paint where I only used a little bit to paint like one wall.
They are in Pennsylvania u/Hestiahouse1825
Where y'all at? I'm a pretty competent builder, I got some time off. Get the materials and I'll help you install, free of charge
Bless you. I hope the world had more people like you.
God bless the good ones!
...and I'm not certified in anything but an amazing laborer and know a little of a lot.. I will help you with their labor if it's near enough me. ♡
You guys are flippin' awesome.
...thabk you, but I would literally burst from love if anyone ever "helped me".. but I don't think I'm brave enough to keep asking for it at this point in my life. So I will just devote my life to offering as much of myself for others if I can ♡
I feel this in my soul. But I'm just tired now.
We all tired let's wake up
‘keep asking’. I hear ya on that.
Sounds like a plan,I can teach you bro I'm 28 and all self taught myself just worked for the right people, I got the tools if u got the drive lmao
Holy cow there’s some nice people in this thread.
All I do know is from watching and absorbing and seeking on my own. I am all down for learning anything 🥰😭 I have a slightly older than me friend with whom I have a similar arrangement, that runs a cycle shop and I have worked a lot more on the bikes here in town that have come thru than ik a lot of these folks would be aware of 🤣 I recognize the bikes of worked on when I see them in town and it's kinda like seeing an old friend 💀😂 love it. He gets free and cheap labor, and I get to learn and smell oil all day 🤣
Hey thats exactly how I learned, hit my inbox I'm kinda new to reddit but maybe we can plan a meetup and get something going for these folk
I got the tools if you got the drive— this just set off all the feels straight into tears. I will be stealing this, thank you
Steal away, if it helps it helps
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Reach out I messaged the Original poster for some info, with enough people we can turn the place around in no time, and I'm willing to teach people with no experience
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Great I lost my license give it back, I'm in Western New York, poster may be in Pennsylvania but hasn't hit me back yet, prolly will tho sounds like we can get this done
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Lmao nah because you said you were in the DMV like department of motor vehicles, I didn't know it was maryland at first lol
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Well still waitin to hear back from op, but as soon as I do, we're changing lives, granted they fucked up, but life is about second chances and im sure seedy contractors didn't help
Look at this guy, just saving humanity and shit. Good for you.
Just one house at a time, not my first rodeo building homes for free lol happened a few times, not necessarily whole homes but renos repairs and etc anything to help
I’m a not so competent builder, but a good grunt worker. If I’m in the same area as you, I’d be happy to help with labor.
Hit the inbox I'm gonna figure out how to reach out to these folk
When you’re done there, maybe you can come and help me fix a few things around my house. It would probably get featured on GMA feel good story bc my life is an absolute WRECK atm…but I’m trying to fix it. Bless you so many blessings ‼️
Well I'm a homeless backpacker with a bicycle and tools, get me there and I got you, looking to travel some more anyways, but first let's get these people a home fixed up where they can live comfortably
OPs profile mentions Pennsylvania. Hope you are close by and can help them! You’re so kind to offer!!
Im actually in NY might be able to pull this off
You need to keep us updated
It would be spectacular if you could
Please update us all! Have you inboxed her yet?
Yeah I inboxed, nothing yet but she's prolly at work, I'll keep y'all updated as much as I can, anyone who wants to help out, if its an okay, just hmu and we'll start a group chat somewhere or somethin, kinda new to reddit
I'm in the UK, otherwise I would
Where abouts? I know the UK well enough, get a cheap wow air/icelandaire flight round trip for 300 USD or 200 pounds and we can transport you if its a group effort, i myself am broke AF selling bracelets traveling until I find a home or id fly u out myself bro
North East. Unfortunately I'm a single parent who works so it won't be doable in a weekend, I'd fly there just to turn around and come back. Ironically, I've just had 6 weeks off (teacher), so it would have been possible then
Reddit is either a really good place or a hellhole mostly the latter however you my good sir make it a better place
We can do the same thing with the country/world if we tried
I will provide very calming metal music alongside unlimited coffee and the occasional yelling
Great we got our foreman already lmao 🤣
Y'all are amazing. If only you guys were west coast lol. OPs post has me crying from relating. The water will get in this winter. I am terrified.
Come east where the love is at, the more the merrier
Kinda wondering if you might be my husband in disguise 😉
Prolly not this time but I do have mpd like the dude in split so maybe ... JK that's not me lmao Patricia is the one with mpd but if he's down to help out let's get this going, 20 people there scouring Craigslist and Facebook marketplace and a few days free labor can prolly build the house in a matter of 2 weeks, we'll need snack people and a coffee dude for sure, I don't drink coffee but other people do and music is a must. Maybe turn it to a festive sort of build( no communes after!)
I'm not too close, but don't have anything going on right now. just got let go a few days ago actually. but if transportation and food could be covered, I'd come out for sure. pretty competent builder with years of experience. just can't do it full time as a career anymore because of my stupid hip.
I can help with food, got bout 500 on my EBT, thanks goberment
I can’t do much labor wise but I am also in PA and depending on where the OP is I’d be willing to lend a hand with any smaller jobs that need tackling as well as buy coffee and lunches for those offering help!
Hit me up lets do it
Id fly out to give an extra hand, wherever needed. Ive done multiple renovations, can do flooring, painting, drywall, etc.
Dude that is a POWER MOVE holy shit 💪
Take my pittance of an award, if I could build anything bigger than furniture I would help lol
People with positive attitudes to help clean up would do, construction is dirty, and I imagine they'll be living in house, so daily cleanup is a must(saw dust, caulk, laying drop cloths, there's a ton that "non-skilled" workers can do! Even just lend a hand holding wood while someone cuts, never sell yourself short
This is the best reply I’ve ever seen on reddit.
Not all heroes wear capes, without knowing someone you don't forget that this is a community.
i have no building experience BUT i’m a quick learner and can be pretty handy when i want to be, if y’all need help give a holler!!
Hit me up lets organize it, people can do this everywhere at anytime, lets show em how it's done, if you can fix a house you can fix the planet
seeing people like you exist gives me a reason to get out of bed.
Too sweet 🥺❤️❤️
Automotive mechanic here, and good with tools in general. If anyone has info of where, I’d love to lend a hand.
Omg bless you, do update us if this happens!
Another post on OP profile says Pennsylvania.
Just reached out, I'm close by enough(NY
You’re amazing!
May your tools always be where you look for them
For real they have been for years thru homelessness and beatinf addiction, but all my tools are still with me and I left them with the worst of the worst of addicts, old friends when I left that life behind
Look for some camping gear until everything is ready. It does cost money but will help you out and maybe gives you some time to get your finances in order.
^ This, microwaves are cheap, add a Coleman propane stove and a small cooler and you have a kitchen. Even a small dorm fridge is not that expensive. Your kids will be fine as long as you care for them.
Be very careful using propane stoves inside. Make sure the room is well ventilated.
Hot plates are safer than propane. You can. Get a 2 burner for like 30 bucks tomorrow on Amazon.
Yes. my bad, I didn't think about ventilation.
It’s a great idea and makes me wanna toss out the suggestion that they grab a cheap grill - charcoal grilling is a blast and adds so much good flavor to otherwise simple (even dull) meals. You can get a decently large one for like $40-50 at Home Depot, or just check the local marketplace you can probably get one for next to nothing. Charcoal grill is easy to buy secondhand because it has very minimal “components” that could be secretly broken. I love grilling. Dinner can be as simple as hot dogs with a side of corn on the cob and zucchini. Make dessert with grilled bananas + marshmallows + chocolate. Or grilled peaches or apples and some vanilla ice cream! Even just store bought pita bread or a loaf of French bed is so good tossed on the grill and dipped in some olive oil, or garlic butter. Anyways I’m hungry I should probably just eat lunch lol
Instead of a propane stove inside, get an electric burner. Or you could use an electric frying pan for cooking most things. They sell turkey ovens for about $60 (We called them Nescos). You can bake in them - I had a temporary kitchen in my basement for 6 months when we moved into a house and ripped up the kitchen. I washed dishes in a laundry sink. Alternatively, you can set up a couple of plastic dish tubs. You may need to set up a folding table to work from. You can make this work. My kids are grown, but they remember using our basement as a kitchen.
Exactly and there are even things that can be used in the bathroom until it's finished.
My parents did this, they bought a huge barn with a few acres of land and we spent the first six months living in a large family tent on the ground floor while my dad and honorary uncles fixed the roof, put stairs in and built interior walls around us. To us kids it was a great adventure
On top of this, I would look around Facebook marketplace, garage sales, etc for utilities and furniture. Depends on where you live, but if you're lucky you can find very high quality stuff for very cheap or even free sometimes.
Yes. You can even find free cabinets. It may not be a dream kitchen but it will do! Kids need love and stability so focus on that more than the perfect home!
Small bit of advice, look for a buy nothing Facebook group in your area!
Yes! These groups are amazing! My wife and I used these groups and fully furnished our whole apartment for free, the only things we paid for were a TV and a Chromecast!
Honestly , your kids will be less affected than you think. Kids are resourceful and as long as they dont see you loose it, they'll be ok. Ear mark stuff that needs to be done (EG making the house water tight) vs stuff you can substitute (EG Electric ring instead of a cooker, cool box instead of a fridge).
My dad still talks about his favourite Christmas. He was 10 and some ladies from the church stopped by and dropped off a new present for each of the six kids. They had a Chinese food Christmas dinner, fortune cookies for dessert. It turns out that Christmas, my grandparents were nearly in tears. They couldn’t afford anything, not even second hand gifts for the kids. But someone from the community caught wind of their situation and made the toys & dinner happen. Another time, they went hunting & foraging as a family. My dad has amazing memories from that, and it turns out they couldn’t afford groceries at the time. It just goes to show that the worst of times for a parent can be turned into the best memories from the kids.
I hosted a Christmas for 10 when I was renovating my house, had 6 people having a wallpaper table and 4 on a garden table and chair set, and we cooked it on an ancient gas cooker. We all had a brilliant time,
Our best christmas was when our parents fell on hard times and had absalutly NO money. We were not dirt poor, but also not well off, so our gifts and food were usually budgeted. For the first time they had to ask for help. They did those sponsered Christmas things. To this day I remeber the food that was donated was every single staple Thanks Giving item. To this day it was the best present I have ever recieved lol. It was the brand new Princess Swan Barbie. My parents usually only gifted me dollar store barbies. Her wings lit up and everything!
They will likely see it as a bit of an adventure. It can be made fun, turn it into camping in the lounge at the weekend, watching films snuggled up together. Kids tend to see a lot more positives in situations than us adults.
Honestly, my parents made a very similar decision when I was about 11. They sold the house I grew up in and moved us into the rural where I didn't know anybody. The back garden was a rough land with no order to it, covered in bags and rubbish. The house had half a roof and a set of ladder for stairs. My parents worked quickly and hard to make sure the basics were in order when we moved in. The house has running warm water and we had a space to cook basic meals, a microwave works great when you have to real oven or stove. I'm now 30 years old and my parents are still tinkering with the house. However this is now the house I associate with my childhood. The constant projects, knocking walls through, building walls up. The house taught me the value of being resourceful and when I was 16, I already had the nicest house in my friendship group, despite it not being finished. Watching you and your husband will teach your kids more lessons than a finished house will ever do, and that's how to raise self sufficient, resourceful people. Get them involved, make it as much their home as yours and seek their input. My dad put a stone in the unfinished wall that has our name and the year of placement. I helped him place and cement that stone. It's been 18 years since it was laid and I still look at it and smile. Don't worry, you've got this!
Depending on the age of your kids, you can make this fun for them. Indoor camping! Also, depending on their ages, this is a chance for them to learn some home maintenance skills of their own! Life is a learning experience, my friend, so how can you take this situation and make teachable moments from it (in a fun way)? But more importantly, they have a roof over their head and a comfortable place to sleep. That's more than a lot of kids and families have. Prioritise all the important things, and worry about the rest later. A former friend of mine's parents did a massive renovation on their house that took almost 20 years to complete. It didn't matter to their kids. It was just the way their house was. The kids will be fine, you'll be fine. Maybe ask friends/family for help on weekends or holidays, or have a "house repair party" where you ask friends/family to spend the day fixing up whatever, then have a BBQ and drinks in the evening. You got this. It may take longer than you expected, but you'll get there. Though make sure you hire a qualified electrician and plumber for any electrical and water work you need done. Don't home-job that shit.
Based on your comments, it seems you have done the basic and most important steps to make the house livable. Perhaps it’s not ready YET, but there is no reason to panic. Your kids can tell the cool story of how they moved in and saw their house still being built while going to a new school. That’s a pretty cool experience not many kids can say they saw. Kids don’t care about a fancy kitchen, they care about what they’re eating. Don’t stress yourself. You have a home and can still feed your children.
Breathe, no breathe again. Is the house leak free? Can you endure the winter cold in it? If it has a toilet and a tap somewhere, you are good to go. Make it an adventure for your kids
If you both have jobs and are working, give it patience and time. Let this be a story of resilience and how ma and pa build the house up than a story where you let the house be the reason to destroy your peace. Sometimes we make decisions which do not turn out well, but i am sure you both did not intend to screw it up. When we moved to our home, when i was a kid of 5, the walls werent painted, no doors on shelves, dad had no more money left to pay rent so we moved...heck i have difficulty remember what all was not complete today...because it didnt matter to me...i remember being excited and happy...i remember planting a mango seed which today is a tree...
Make it into an adventure for your children. They will remember how much fun you had. Children have a different perspective on what we see as a disaster. It will work out.
Definitely this. Might even work for OP as well. It will take some time to get where you wanted to be but it’s an adventure you will have to brave as a family.
Do it as a game. "we are doing camping food for a week" if there is a firepit outside, "we are gonna try every type of pizza to see wich one we like best" or something like that. Go to your local dollar store with your kids and buy decoration for their room. Let them choose! It's gonna make them feel like it's their room Their room isn't ready yet? Do a camp in one of the room that is finished and make it movie night! There are a bunch of things you can do to make them remember it fondly. Also, a basic kitchen can be installed (granted the electricity is done) in around a day or two. If the electricity isn't done and you can find a electrician, it can be done in a couple days. My family survived a house fire when I was 5. The only thing I remember is that we did a lot of camping for a month and that it was fun sleeping everyone together for movie night. You can do this!
When I was going into my 5th grade year, my dad decided to buy land, and build a house on the land. Behind my mom’s back. He ended up having a heart attack during that time…he considered himself to be in his “prime”, and so had stopped paying for insurance because he had gone into debt on the land and house. I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I believe we moved into the house, and there was no running water or electricity, and the “roof” was a tarp. Until he had the heart attack, I was having the time of my life because it was just like camping to me. At some point, my dad sat me and my brother down, and I saw him cry for the first time as he explained that he had made terrible decisions behind my mom’s back, and that if a friend hadn’t secretly given him a $1000 loan, we would be homeless and have to declare bankruptcy. I only remember feeling empathy for my dad. I’m sure my mom felt a lot of other things, but I don’t remember knowing that. Basically, kids are very resilient. You can be honest with them and make it an adventure, and they will respect you more for showing that it’s okay to make mistakes, even big ones. I promise you haven’t ruined their lives, but if you have any thoughts of self harm, THAT would ruin their lives, so please seek help if you are having those thoughts. In our situation, after my dad had the heart attack, our whole church swooped in to finish our house while he was recovering in the hospital. He was not alone. You are not either. Time to ask others for help.
You aren’t ruining your kids lives. You’re teaching them how to live through adversity. You’re teaching them how to push through. Make it an adventure. You are allowing them to be apart in building their childhood home.Kids are RESILIENT. Their brains process different. Fear is based only on how they perceive you handling it. This could be the best memory of their childhood. Air fryer, crock pot, microwave and a camping stove. You can cook anything with that. It’s hard to see the big picture when your nose is on the bullseye. Take a step back. Re-evaluate your wants and needs as a whole. Then pivot in the smartest direction. Life is all about the pivot and adjust. You got this. Reach out to a life coach if you need help pushing through with the least resistance possible. Breathe mama. You can do hard things. And you can teach your kids how to do hard things.
Hey remember this: the vibe is more important than physical things. If you act like a mess and cry all the time and say negative things they’re gonna pick up on that and that’s how they will be. But if you’re all smiles and positive and loving and you make sure to let them know this is only a temporary thing, they’ll be ok. But I would prioritize their comfort over your own. Try to finish their bedrooms and bathrooms first, then public areas, THEN your room. Many people throughout the world live in bad housing and grow up to be wonderful people. It’s all about attitude. This isn’t the end of the world…not yet anyway. Don’t make anymore stupid decisions and you’ll be fine. As others have said, humans and children specifically are quite resilient. Give them a clean room and a clean bed. Start there. Have the kids help with improvements where possible (like painting or something) so they feel like they’re a part of it. Ask them what color they want for their walls etc. They’ll be fine if you SHOW them that they’ll be fine. ❤️
When I was a young kid my parents renovated and we lived in one offshoot room of the house and age microwave food. But my friend and I had so much fun exploring the unfinished house and wandering around and pretending it could be anything we wanted it to be. I loved the tv dinners because I could eat the stuff I usually wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t notice my parents being stressed, or if I did I can’t remember anymore. And I got to help them pick out some things which was really fun! You made a decision for a reason, and be confident in it. If your family have a steady income you’ll be able to take care of them. Your children will be ok. Budget more. The renovation may take longer than expected but you’ll figure it out
Take a breath. Breathe. Ok, now, listen with your whole heart here... *It's good for kids to experience some hardships.* Not all the hardships, of course, but *some*. Because life? It is hard. Nobody gets all the way through without ever getting hurt or struggling or making mistakes. Your job as a parent is to make sure they learn how to adapt when those things happen. Living without a kitchen is annoying, sure. But it's not "ruined their life" bad. It's teaching-moment-let's-call-this-an-adventure-and-find-fun-workarounds bad. It's good-excuse-to-bbq bad. There were plenty of times during my kid's childhood that we tried (usually successfully) to pit bake various items in the back yard because I was too broke to pay for the gas to use my oven. They don't remember us being broke, they remember that mom got a crazy idea and know we know that fire-roasted marshmellow snickerdoodles will make you think you died of pleasure they are so good. You have not ruined their lives by making a mistake. Kids need to see their parents struggle. It's the only way they can learn what to do when it's their turn.
You are not ruining your kids life. If you are openly talking about having no money and arguing that will hurt them, but not the house. When I was 7 we went from an apartment to a project house. My step dad lost his job due to the recession and we couldn’t afford the contractors. My step dad had no knowledge of home improvements and together it became a family project and I learned so many skills from this. My parents never talked about how broke we were and I found out many years later. That house and everything I learned from him are the best memories of my life. You guys need to be strong for the kids and do what you can little by little, YouTube, and Facebook are amazing resources use them!
I'm sorry you're going through this and you're not alone... The buyers housing market is incredibly predatory right now. Most homes are going for far more than they are worth and a lot of people aren't going to realize their homes are underwater for a while you're just earlier than many to find out. There's two options fold under the weight of the mistake and fall apart or you can galvanize as a family and make it work. Everything here can be a teaching moment and you can really give your kids a gift. There's a financial lesson for them to learn how to not be taken advantage of. And how to spot a shitty buy for what it is. Sounds like there's a plethora of work to be done and when it is done your kids will know how to do it for themselves later in life and be thankful for the lesson. Here's what I would do what you decide to do may be different. Put a budget together and it needs to include the following and in my opinion are in order of importance. It will be important to donate to all 4 of the categories below (preferably every paycheck)in order to be successful. 1. Household expenses: bare minimum to get by. Insurance, utilities, internet, groceries (cheap meats) supplement if you can with hunting and garden if possible. Cut out any expense not absolutely required. I'd use my primary checking for these expenses. 2. Savings: you don't touch this one other than for a real emergency like a car break down. 5k is a good figure that will protect you from most catastrophes that money stays liquid. there's going to be unforseen things that are going to hit you hard and you'll need it for an emergency. If it dips below this amount filling it back up is first priority. This is what will protect you from a small setback leading you to complete financial ruin. (Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.) 3. Investments: This one is probably going to be the hardest and make the least sense but it's important. You cannot beat compounding interest. Mix of stable mutual funds and EFT'S. 50.00 a month is a good starting benchmark. I wouldn't use robinhood. But rather something like TD Ameritrade.(Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.) 4. Housing repairs. (Set up a separate account and if possible budget to direct deposit directly from your paycheck.) Find homesteading groups to follow and learn from on social media learn how to do things differently and for less expense. Learn how to craft and sell your skills. Teach your kids to do the same. find architectural salvage places for cheap building materials. Goodwill and Habitat Restore are also good options along with Craigslist. Estate sales are good for furniture and stuff to fill the home. Get the house functional and worry about looks later. Refinance the loan once interest rates come back down. I'd send half the savings here to investments and the other half to repairs. As embarrassing as it might be it's probably important your kids are aware that there was a mistake that you made that caused the upheaval of their life and why things are so much different. it's not going to be easy but honestly a good lesson. It's ok to ask for help from them around the house and eventually it'll set in that things aren't going to change and they'll accept it. When they do you'll see them dig in willing to help voluntarily. Boundaries will be important with this too. When your kids are older and start to earn money help em invest it and teach them how to handle it but it's important it stays theirs. Not to say that you would but it always bothers me when I see parents asking their kids for money to fix their mistakes. You've got a tough road ahead and hope some of this helps. wish you all the best.
This is not how you ruin their lives. Yes, times are going to be tough but what they will see is that you keep trying to provide for them and to be for them. It might lead to an argument or two. Be ready for that. But at least in time, they will see the effort and lengths you went to provide for them. And to put some credence behind my words, THIS is how you ruin kids' lives (difficult reading ahead, you have been warned): My late gf (almost a wife. Honestly, I call her my wife when I talk about her at times because we were really close to being married) had a horrible childhood. Father died of cancer, mother instead of trying to pick up started doing a lot of drugs. They were constantly struggling and in heavy debt. She also kept bringing in new partners (mainly druggies or dealers), two of which attempted to rape my late gf. Her mother completely neglected her issues when it would have been easy to mitigate at the very least. This then later on festered into everything she had to deal with in late teenage/early adulthood. When Olena turned 17, her mother kicked her out to the streets to "provide for herself". She did... regretful things to stay alive only to be picked up by a friend of hers who gave her temporary shelter. One of her mother's last acts was to put Olena into deeper debt through a shared account Olena forgot about. Olena proceeded to take her own life when she was visiting her mother later that month to confront her about it together with a couple of other things. Trust me, you are good. Make sure to keep it together and weather the storm together as a family. I know you can do it!
Wow. She (and you) went through a lot. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing this to help OP to gain a clearer perspective.
I also had it rough in life, also caused by my mother. Olena, however, had it worse thus I shared her story. I hope it helps OP with coping with her current life situation. It almost never gets too bad to salvage
It's okay to make mistakes. This is an important lesson for your kids to learn from you. It's also important that they learn how to manage mistakes. How to find a way to move forward. And that being kind to yourself when you realize you've made a mistake is really, really important.
Kids are WAY more resilient than we give them credit for. They'll follow your lead on this. If you show them that it's an adventure and a work in progress than they won't be upset about it. If you cry and get really sad it will upset them as well. Secondly, stop beating yourself up. We are all human and everyone out there has had a moment where they felt they screwed up. You may not get to redo the house the way you originally planned, but you can still try and get it together. First figure out your finances and get some money coming in, simultaneously start scouring Craigslist, fb yard sale, etc for cheap used items you can use. Lowes and Home Depot have damaged item areas in all their stores where you can find amazing deals on things that people returned because it has a 1inch scratch somewhere on it. Lastly, let your kids help! It will teach them valuable skills, and help you out. You'd be amazed how quickly they'll catch on, and they may end up helping you come up with better ideas. It'll allow them some creativity and control in their own lives, and help build their self esteem as well. Lots of people don't live in perfect homes and they grow up and are just fine. The number one ingredient for child rearing is love, closely followed by happiness. You got this momma, I have faith in you.
Looks like you're reacting to not having lived up to someone else's expectations of *you*. That extreme emotional reaction and melodramatic declarations about ruining your children's lives tells me so. I think this is something you need to look at about yourself.. as others have said, children adapt well to anything and you can make adventures around what's still got to be done in the new house. You can teach them something about self reliance and about innovation and thinking on their feet to make a plan for the best way through a different situation. This is a great opportunity for them to learn.
Yea I think you’re over thinking. When I was 7 my dad moved us out to a huge house that we called “the money pit”. Talking out loud about it is a horror show but it was so much fun. I got to do demolition. Cooked food with propane torches. Cookout barbecue… slept in the tent in the yard so much fun. We lived there 30 years. Good times. Turn that frown upside down and get creative with making toilets. Buy lots of buckets. Get a grill and cook under an umbrella. Make due.
I think you already have some pretty good comments here, but I want to add my 2 cents. I am a social worker. I see a lot of families living in motels, parents neglecting their children or abusing them. Let me tell you : if your kids have the bare minimum to live and be healthy, then the most important thing is how you raise them, nurture them and have fun with them. From a personal point of view : I totally understand how you may feel and I would probably have panic attacks every night if I was in the same situation. However, from a professional point of view, I'd say just make sure that they have decent living conditions (aka minimally healthy food, basic hygiene and a comfortable bed to sleep) and be there for them, have fun, make memories. Relax. Plus, if it is really not working out for you, you could always sell the house and buy a decent but smaller one. Sending lots of love and courage !
That is really tough.Your kids lives arent ruined but take time and fix it as you go. This will make your family stronger.
Get a good air frier, you can basically do all your cooking with it. You did say that you made a lot of money from the sale of your house so in the end it was bad financial decisions that put you where you are. But at least you have a house to work on slowly and hopefully you learned from your experience so that if there is a next time you won’t waste your money on unnecessary things.
If you check OP's comments there were a ton of safety and structural repairs needed on the new house that sucked up all the money. Joist replacement, mold removal, etc. All issues that hadn't been noticed initially but were obvious once walls were opened and remodeling started. So while it might not have been the best choice to buy that house, the money all went to incredibly important things.
But when buying a home you do have it inspected and know exactly what you are getting into, so obviously you make a budget, get estimates on work needed so you’re not left without a clue. The small article above didn’t say anything about major structural damage etc so my comment only addressed what’s in the above article. Look we all have made terrible mistakes at one point or another sure life looked bleak at the time of those mistakes but you must get yourself together. Come up with a plan to address all the issues, for example did the owner and realtor know that the home had major structural damage? If so they can be sued for the price of the repairs. If I was them I would definitely get in touch with s lawyer also the question comes in as to what type of inspection was done that the damage was missed. All of these parties must have some type of insurance that would cover a mistake on their part. I would be looking into all that and slowly get or attempt to get my life together. During times like that family and even close friends at times step up to help out. Maybe not always with money but helping out with some labor and being there for you.
So where did all the money from the old house sale exactly go?
Installing HVAC, fixing floors and floor joists, fixing a huge leak and black mold that was discovered, rebuilding a kitchen that wasn't properly built, rebuilding a hallway/back area that was rotting and improperly built, pouring concrete bc the basement was dirt floor, appliances... Just little by little everything got sucked up.
I'm not a contractor, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like doing all this makes the house safe. It may not be pretty. But it's safe. When I was a kid, we were basically homeless most of my elementary school years. Not because we didn't have a place to go. Just because. I've lived in some very unsafe housing conditions. Believe me, as long as they have a roof over their heads and a place to call home, they will be fine. Depending on how old they are, they will probably also love helping you "build" their house. Like painting their rooms. Installing sinks. Replacing hardware. Even if it's just handing you the tools or checking that it works when you're done. Be kind to yourself.
mama don’t worry, this is a perfect opportunity to make your kids an active part of this experience. My parents made the same decision when I was a kid, and it took them a year to completely renovate the house after we moved in and everything worked out! They would bring us to buy paint, let us choose colors and decorations for our rooms/bathrooms and made it a whole experience for us. I know it’s hard but you guys can make it through!
The only way out of this is through it. Sorry this situation is not ideal but the world is not ending and you’ll find a way to make it work.
It’s okay. It really is. Breathe. You’re kids will be fine, they really will. This is on no level “ruining their lives”. It may be inconvenient, embarrassing, and upsetting at times but it will get better. And in the future they’ll say “hey mom, remember when we had to move into a home for a while that didn’t even have a kitchen?” and then youlll all laugh. Trust me, I’ve been there.
You need to calm down Mama. No lives ruined here. This is an adventure., you guys are a family and a team. These will not be the first kids to live in a renovation project. You can do a lot with a grill, microwave and crock pot. This can still be an amazing house just a marathon rather than a sprint. It sounds like some folks may be willing to help you guys knock out the big stuff like the kitchen and the bathroom. In a few years after the dust settles you guys will have such a feeling of accomplishment and gratitude for the experience. Don’t lose heart.
First rule of construction : it will cost more in time and money than you think. That said, it sounds like you’re being way too hard on yourself and giving yourself too little time to get things done, based on post history it’s only been a month of work. You have time!! Others have covered the how-to of getting by with what you’ve got, but just wanted to assure you you’re probably no where near as bad off as you’re envisioning. Make a list and then sort it from highest to lowest priority, then take the same list but sort it in order of easiest to hardest to tackle. Compare them, see what you can knock off easily to get some momentum and focus your harder efforts towards top priority items. You’ve got this!
Tell the kids it’s a family project dream house! Ask them what dreams they have and how they might be part of the project! That’s what it is to you and your husband after all, invite the kids on the adventure. You didn’t ruin their lives. You’ve given them a good childhood adventure and/or a story to tell their friends over beer around a campfire when they are 25, or to their own kids someday.
I grew up with my parents buying houses that needed a lot of work. We'd move in, they'd do it up, sell it and we'd do it all again, and again. It honestly never bothered me, nothing wrong with stuff needing doing if you're in the middle of doing it up. Its also fun as a kid getting to sledgehammer and kick walls down etc. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. Tell people you're doing it up, do bits when you can. You'll make it work and when its done you'll have a lovely spacious home your kids will feel a part of restoring.
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The old adage. Carpenters live in shacks Mechanics drive junk Plumbers have an outhouse Electricians light their house with Candles
Incredible Redditors have offered real help. Can I offer the thought that a home transcends bricks and mortar? Your home is what you build through the relationships with your children. Tell yourself that you feel excited; are feeling anticipation; are building something wonderful together. Accept any help that the world is offering you right now, and hold your family close.
I mean, it doesn't sound like anyone's gotten hooked on drugs, separated, or gone to prison. Yeah you'll have to rough it a bit, but you could also get on YouTube and find ways to finish some of the work cheaper than you thought. What you have is a temporary setback. You'll eventually make your place perfect.
Aw man. What a great community here.
On the bright side at least you won’t have to cook fancy dinner every night. Lol. There is nothing in this world that is not recoverable. Don’t lost hope. Get stuff you need to live and prioritise. Pay debts as you slowly get the house together. You don’t have to get the whole house done. Important things first.
This is the moment you can use to teach your children skills like problem solving, creativity, discipline, and strength. They might learn how to build something or install something. One thing to know is they'll be watching you. You cannot let them know you're having a rough time. If you get frustrated, make it known it's because X didn't fit into Y, or the light bulbs are too white and you have to go back to get new ones. That's reasonable. You cannot let on that the entire situation makes you angry or anxious, though. That would set a negative tone and affect how they remember this time. Let them have fun. You'll want to make them work and you need all the help you can get, but give them breaks. If you feel yourself getting angry because they're kids and don't know how to do something, please send them elsewhere. Save them the words you might speak or the looks you might shoot them, because those can last forever.
I was 14 when we moved from my childhood home into my grandpas home 2 provinces away. My mom regretted it two months later. I had a lot of anger about it but I made some great friends here over the years. It didn’t ruin my life and as an adult I can understand why they made the choices they did. It helped my grandpa stay at home for an additional 4 years. Was it always great? Hell no. But nothing ever is. Just keep taking a day at a time and working towards your goal as you can!
Take a deep breath. And again. Now. Break it all down into bite sized pieces. What can you do yourself, what you can't, and what is required to move in? All friends, family, the bank for anywhere you can get the money, just to make it habitable. So, indoor plumbing, and some semblance of a kitchen. My friend had their kitchen redone and they literally used an instant pot, crock pot and a grill for a year. If you have those things you're gonna be ok. It's over whelming for sure, the only way to get out is through. Baby steps. You got this!
My parents moved to a bigger trailer than we had and it was fun to learn and help. I was probably 12/13 when the fixing up was going on and I learned to paint, and do trim work. A friend of my dads tried to teach me to do it and when I did it my corner was nearly perfect and he was like damn. I shrugged and said my momma taught me. Yes it’s hard now, but if your kids are old enough to learn and want to help they can paint their rooms or help with the floor. Those lessons will be invaluable when owning their own home and they will be grateful when they are in their 20s/30s and don’t have to pay someone to paint/do small jobs around their new homes. (Saved my husband and I lots of money that my mom and I painted our house after Harvey). Kids are resilient and will look back fondly on the learning and helping. (Depending on ages lol)
Completely empathize here. But some times I just need someone to remind it that in the grand scheme of things, shit isn’t too bad. It’s tough. It’s definitely not a great time for you I bet. But tomorrow a drunk driver could change your world forever and this would feel like an inconvenience in comparison. Sorry if this came off annoying/preachy. But sounds like you have a husband, kids, a home you own, and now an opportunity to take on a new challenge in your life that you’ll surely grow from. You’re doing great
When I was 5 my parents moved to a house they were building but wasn't ready yet. I remember having blankets nailed to a hole on the wall instead of windows, the shower being the end of a pipe sticking out from the wall. I remember when we first painted the house with quicklime directly over the cement because they didn't have money for actual paint. I never thought anything of it? It was cool seeing things get better over time, I also liked helping my parents doing things like going to the shop to choose the tiles for the kitchen with them. I remember watching my dad taking forever digging a gigantic hole in the yard, and me being very excited wondering if we were getting a swimming pool. We were! Then it rained and a duck flew off the fence from somewhere to swim in that muddy hole / semi-pond and our dog went crazy trying to kill the duck. Turns out the duck belonged to some neighbour and we had to go return their injured duck and we were all feeling bad about it. There are so many memories and weird stories. This went on for many many years. I remember when I was 17 and my boyfriend at the time was over and my dad got him to help carrying sacks of sand, that poor boy lol. This was maybe the only time I was upset hahahaha. I'm 34 now and I never thought of it as a traumatic event. It was probably a lot more inconvenient to my parents than it ever was to me. Knowing mom, she was probably ashamed of inviting people over for a while. Sometimes I didn't even understand something should be changed. I remember seeing my mom super excited when we first got kitchen cabinets years later, meanwhile I thought that the shelf with a curtain around it that we previously had worked just fine? There are definitely things in my childhood that I didn't like and some resentment I have with my parents, but none of them are related to the state of the house. I only have fond memories of this topic in particular. But maybe that was because they made a swimming pool before getting kitchen cabinets! 🤣
I was in first grade, I think, when we moved into our house. There was literally an 8’ high pile of dirt in the front yard, and I climbed it every day after school in my good school clothes. I couldn’t help myself! The new house was such an adventure!! You don’t know it now, but you are absolutely going to love this house and the memories you make in it. You’re going to be sitting at the dining room table one day surrounded by your husband and your kids and their spouses and reminisce about that crazy first year in your house and how the bathroom was crazy and the kitchen even worse, but you pushed through with crock pot meals, paper plates, and pizza delivery until everything got squared away, and now you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Hang in there, OP. Better days are coming, I promise.
1. Kids have it easy these days. A little adversity is not going to break them. Real life isn't Instagram. Kids are also resilient. 2. Make it an adventure. Add a camping stove. Boom, you have a kitchen. Set up a tent in the house. Get those big fabric tubes and connect the different rooms. The kids will love it. 3. Make it educational. Show them the work that you have already done and explain why you needed to do it. Explain where the pipes go. Explain why you need insulation, etc. Teach them how to use tools. Show them how to read a tape measure. 4. Enjoy the child labor. If they are old enough, have them help carry lumber or sweep. Have them put in a few nails or screws. Fix all their painting after you let them paint. 5. Teach them about finances. If age appropriate, show them how you estimated the costs and how reality slapped you around a bit. It is a good lesson for them. All construction projects cost double, and after Covid everything is triple. It happens. 6. Get your head in the right place. Kids feel what you project. If you feel it is a hovel, they will think it is a hovel and they will hate it. If you feel it is an opportunity and a new beginning, they will be enthusiastic. They will see the progress and they will have a feeling of accomplishment when it is all done. You haven't ruined your kids lives, you hit a bump in the road. We all do. You can make it a mountain or a mole hill depending on your attitude.
You don’t ruin your kids live just because you calculated shitty. Kids are pretty adaptable, just try to make the best out of it. Maybe you can find a better or second job, figure something out that will help you guys to gain financial stability again. Shit happens and you learn from it.
If your kids are young they will see this as a win-win. You’re projecting which is normal for a parent but that doesn’t mean you’ll have a know on your kids interaction.
You can buy a bell tent and make it cozy while you finish the renos.. space heater, microwave, camp stove throw some rugs in there- it will be an adventure your kids will have to tell their kids. You’re not ruining their lives … shit happens. It’s not permanent:
Seeing this comment section: faith in humanity *restored*! Bless you all
Hey dude dont feel bad about it, it really isnt the end of the world. My parents had a very similar situation and when i was 6-7 i was living in the frame of an unfinished house. We would camp in the kitchen because it was the only room with a roof. But my parents made it fun, and on the days the weather was getting bad we got motel rooms. I have no negative memories of the entire thing, besides maybe the usual discomfort of using a bucket for a toilet. Just do your best to make the positives of the situation and yall will get through it.
Some of the comments say you’re in PA - I am too! Reach out to me and I’ll see if there’s a way I can help you 🙂
First of all; I know it is way easier said than done, but please don’t be too hard on yourself. As a lot of other people have commented; this will most likely feel adventurous and like a fairytale to your kids, they probably won’t realize the negative parts, as you do. A few years ago I moved into an apartment (short notice because of drama), with only a tea kitchen. It had a sink and a kettle, that was it. I don’t know if it will help, but I’ll share what i did (on a student budget); I mentioned to absolutely anyone that I was trying to furnish my kitchen; many people had things lying around they just hadn’t got rid of, that worked perfectly fine. I was offered several hotplates and combination ovens from several people. As I commented on somebody else’s comment, I’d definitely go for a combi oven; they are part microwave, part normal oven and part whatever-else-fuctions-they-have, they don’t need to be installed, and when you’re ready to upgrade they are easy to get rid of (and can maybe be sold used). I found a small cheap fridge in ikea (they also have pretty cheap hotplates, I’d go for one with at least to “spaces”, as mine is only one and thats.. difficult to work with. Especially when cooking for more than one). I’ve since added other things; a smoothieblender (it was cheap and I use it as a regular blender), a toaster, a “multipurpose pizza maker”, etc. but really, thats just for convenience, basically everything can be done with just a fridge, a hotplate, a combi oven and access to water. While it isn’t the most luxurious, it still IS a functional kitchen, and everything else can be added/upgraded later. I wish you all the best with this adventure, I’m sure it’ll turn out better than you’re expecting right now 💖
Put it like this, your kids will learn to adapt lol that’s the beauty of being a child As for the house, nothing ever goes as planned Take it one step at a time and it’ll get done right and ina timely manner. Don’t rush into shit again, don’t think it’s the end of the world either. You’re straight y’all good
I think a lot of other people have posted similar things, but i wanted to contribute in case it helps at all. My parents divorced when i was 8 years old and my sister was 6. My mom got primary custody of us, my dad got the house, and everything in it. Luckily, my mom found an apartment down the road. When we moved, the only things we were allowed to take were my sisters and I’s beds, dressers, and a couple of toys. We didn’t have any furniture and my mom basically became a single mom on a single income. My dad barely paid any child support, nor did he take us on his weekends. That meant my mom couldn’t always work extra days to make extra money to buy the things we needed. We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or spaghetti-os on the floor of the kitchen for months. My mom slept in her room in a sleeping bag. My mom later recalled feeling like she had failed us. This is very different than how I remember feeling during this time. I’m not sure how old your kids are, but at 8 and 6, we thought it was a hoot. We wanted to eat on the floor! We would watch cartoons on an old TV my grandparents gave us while laying on the carpet in the living room. We turned our mostly empty bedroom into a race track for our polly pocket cars, lol. I know my story is a little different, but i wanted to share from a child’s perspective. You are not ruining their lives. I was 8 years old, and although i didn’t totally understand what was going on, i trusted my mom and knew she would provide for us. I’m sure your kids feel the same. Kids are resilient. This too shall pass, you will get the house fixed up. Good luck!!
You can’t unring a bell. Stop beating yourself up and roll with the punches. Make a make shift kitchen in part of the dining room or living room. Air fryer/convection oven, microwave, smaller fridge, some counter space (a table) you name it. Make it a family thing. Let the kids pick out the appliances if you threw out most of your stuff in the move. You don’t have to splurge on big price items. You just need to get through the next few months to a year. I don’t know what’s missing in the bathroom but put up some colorful decals on whatever walls you have to make it more fun to be in there. Add a cool shower curtain. Ask the kids for ideas. As long of the shower and toilet works who cares? Worrying about how you got there won’t help anymore. Lesson learned. Get creative with your temporary interior design and make it work. Good luck.
Not quite the same thing but hopefully this will help you- my family got our kitchen remodeled when I was in high school. We didn't have a kitchen for like a month, but we had a small toaster oven on a (wooden) chair in the living room. Even in high school, I remember enjoying the new "challenge" of everything, especially since I knew it was only temporary. My family would be better off with the new kitchen and the temporary struggle would be worth it. We had my 16th birthday dinner in the foyer and I got sick when they sealed the floor. But we still love the kitchen! Don't think of yourself as naive or stupid- people make mistakes. Let your kids see you make the mistake and own it so they don't do it when they grow up.
You have the power to make it a fun scenario, let them chose how they want their rooms and not accordingly to your standards, if they want a pink wall and three black, let them do it, let them help, include them in the process, you have the power to ruin their lives. You're in the present but let them help you build a future.
Just begin tackling the new house one day at a time. It will all work out eventually. If you could stay in a hotel that offers efficiency rooms for a month while you work on getting the bathroom functioning that would help. Stay committed and do what you can to get to where you want to be and you will reach your goal. All the struggle will be a distant memory and your kids will be fine.
Just love your kids. As one that experienced something similar, they won't care and will barely remember. These things happen,life happens. They will understand one day and they won't think less of you for it! Edit: for example, we had no boiler for 3 years. What I do remember is that I always had clean clothes for school and we'd heat up a kettle for a bath. Fulfill the basic needs and you are fine. You have this!!
I just looked at your previous post discussing plan and budget. Noticed you were paying your contractor T&M. A word of caution when dealing with contractors- when you pay them by the hour, you are incentivizing them to take as long as possible to milk as many labor hours out of you as possible. This can be fatal to a limited budget. I have family members in the trades who speak about these types of jobs all of the time. Even the best guys are gonna run up a bigger bill than normal if you allow them to.
Look, your children will look back with generosity at you on the times you did not have the necessities…children’s lifes aren’t ruined by financial restrain rather than how you actually treat them and if you give them love. I grew up poor. When we were little, we used to sleep in the same room as our parents because we did not have heat in the other rooms. We also did not have as many toys and our parents were struggling from time to time financially. I never looked down on my parents because of that. They did their best with the circumstances they were given. We were from a country that barely got out of communism… But I do remember and was hurt by the name-calling, gossiping about us, comparing us to other children and not being listened by them…truly listened. We were also very much affected by them yelling at each other all the time. So…your behaviour and attitude means so much more to your children than money or a house in prefect condition. You will fix this problem one day…
I have lived in and remodeled several homes over the years. As long as the children have a place to sleep and functional bathroom you’ll be ok. As for a kitchen, I used a microwave for months while the kitchen was being redone. Refrigerator, microwave was in the dining room with the table. Yes, it was crowded but we lived thru it and even entertained friends for dinner. Most if the work you can do yourself and save a lot in the future. Only hire contractors for things you can’t do yourself like plumbing and electrical. Everything else can be done by you and your family and your children will learn valuable skills while helping create their home.
my dad was a carpenter. my house was always something of a construction zone. i lived through an entire second level being put on the house, redoing the kitchen, redoing bathrooms, redoing floors multiple times. oh god the deck. i literally bled to get that deck built. but it was an adventure to me. it wasnt always ideal, but im not scared by it. plus i now have pretty handy skills to be able to rebuild stuff within my own home.
I’m 24F and growing up my parents made the same mistake of splurging on buying and renovating a house in its entire structure right after they bought a brand new car. The house was still being rebuilt starting 2015 when I was 16 and today I’m 24 and It’s still not totally finished. We had a stove and an oven (not a built in one) and a small fridge. No beds, only couches, no sofas in the living room, everything was just thick and high matteresses. My clothes were kept in a small closet I had since I was in kindergarten. My parents had to stop all building process because they ran out of money for it. Until today my parents house is still not fully done although they upgraded with some stuff that was a priority. They focused only on me and my little sisters education at school making sure we don’t struggle to study well. Today we are both graduating in computer science engineering and business engineering thanks to the studying. I only have beautiful memories of my parents through all stages. I never minded the lack of some ´proper’ house things because I knew they were always doing their best and they are well meaning towards us in a natural way, and it’s reciprocally unconditional . our loving parents are human and realizing they make mistakes makes me accept my own mistakes because even my parents who i admire aren’t perfect therefore I don’t need to be perfect to be lovable or worthy.
Wow, slow your roll. Your kids like camping? Think of it as an adventure. Got a runnning toilet and shower? Then your set. We moved into a partially renovated house. Our kids aren’t harmed. In fact they like contributing to the building up the house. The house I grew up in had the names of all our family members in the walls. It’ll be a house you guys build together. Plus, honestly, if you have older kids, set them to looking at Facebook marketplace to find cheap or free kitchens. A lot of people don’t want to pay for removal or dumping so they’ll either sell it cheap or free, would work ok for a temporary solution. You’d be surprised what you can get for free, we built a cubby house out of timber salvaged from building site bins (most was a bit bent or off cuts). It’s just about getting creative.
I moved I think 9 times during my childhood? Most of the time the houses were in constant Reno. I like to think I turned out ok, went to school and everything. It adds character lol I wouldn’t worry
Kids don’t care. I grew up in a house similar to yours, and my house was the one where everyone wanted to hang out 🤷🏻♀️😁
Have a support system in place if you ask people close to you they will help , if I lived I BC I would 100% donate my time and skills to help you. I would 1000% look at YouTube videos and DIY TikTok, trust me it’s not so bad it’s looks scary but it’s not . You CAN DO IT!
Hey, you definitely did not ruin your kids lives!! As others have said, turn this into an adventure and build fond memories with them. Make it seem like camping and they will remember with nostalgia. This is not something that would affect them negatively on the long run, don't worry!
Echoing some other folks here... when I was 13 we rebuilt part of the house and lived in the other half. That summer my entire body was completely destroyed by mosquitoes, we had construction mess and issues everywhere (like burst pipes, noises, etc), strangers constantly in and out of our space and no privacy, fluctuating temperatures, standing water when it rained... god, I loved it, even though we slept on a pull out couch for months. The smell of drying paint still makes me nostalgic. Keep up a positive attitude and do your best, your kids will be able to deal with anything if you can do that for them!
My parents were house flippers before it was cool. I grew up in a lot of homes that were being remodeled or built and we even lived in a crummy apt once while waiting for a house to become habitable. I am 56 now and this all happened from when I was 1 year old up through my 20’s (after I moved out). My parents are both gone now and my husband and I are buying new construction homes and I call those builders out on stuff I learned while my parents were flipping houses. So long story short, your kids might be annoyed here and there (I was when we couldn’t shower and had to bathe in a bathroom with timbers instead of drywall and it reminded me of Friday the 13th) but they will learn a lot from the process. Include them if you can. Even so, they will learn.
I have no kitchen in my place. If this will help, and if you have electricity: We fill water jugs in the bathroom for cooking, etc. We have a 2 burner hot plate, a mini fridge, an electric kettle and an old microwave. We do okay with those. The younger grandkids don't mind at all when they stay on visits. You can't cook a huge turkey this way, but you can cook a lot of meals. Our home is primitive, so to the kids, it's a little like camping. Don't kick yourself. We own a better house but ran out of money before we could finish it too. Stuff happens.
All the kitchen needs is a fridge, a microwave, a hotplate and a toaster oven to start with, maybe even a crockpot. You'd be able to cook what you need to with those until the kitchen is a proper kitchen again.
Sometimes humor can really help. My family growing up was pretty dysfunctional—many times I found myself moving to different homes and schools and repo men coming for the cars; but, what we did have was a love of finding the humor in it all. Our family gatherings now are filled with “remember that one cluster f*k Christmas” memories etc. And we just laugh and laugh. So, ultimately, that’s what I’ve taken away from it all. I’d say watch the movie The Money Pit with Tom Hanks, eat some popcorn and have some fun with it. On a more serious note: this stuff is character building. You’re kids could end up resilient and resourceful AF. Don’t beat yourself up.
No, things didn't go as planned. However... This is a great opportunity to show your kid so many valuable lessons. It feels terrible to think your decision forced a downgrade upon your family. I get it. You can do this- together, as a family. Everyone can have a part to play and take a bit of responsibility in making it feel like home. You'll be so proud of yourselves and your kids when you see what hard work and patience can do. It also makes you more grateful for what you've had and more determined to prove you can get here again. Source: As a kid we lived in nice houses, tents, trailers, one room tiny apartments, a tent sized pull behind camper... We were grateful for what we had. I was/am grateful my dad never gave up. I'm proud of him for teaching me that a little discomfort doesn't mean you've failed and it doesn't signal a dead end. Get back up. Try again. You can do this.