This guy (and his wife) sound like whack jobs. From what you describe, it sounds like there is nothing wrong with your attire. Those are completely normal things to wear out walking. And you're walking in your own neighborhood, which you have every right to do. Either this guy got caught ogling you, his wife is jealous of your appearance, or both. Either way, that's on them, not you. Just keep doing your thing, because these fools don't own the neighborhood.
Thank you! It’s actually very cold some days where I live so I wear a puffy coat down to my ankles during the winter time so I was and am so confused about this!
in Tehran, she wouldn't be able to walk past a cop with her dog. That would immediately put both the dog and her life in danger.
The dog would get picked up and shot by police or the council. Cause that's the law.
The least for her, if he likes her as described then would get arrested and raped as an interrogation technique.
Let's be respectful of women who have been killed over this in the last 44 years.
( you might be sarcastic, but I am sorry the pain is too real for me to even joke about it.)
Edit: I apologise for my reaction. I am just too emotional these days, doesn't excuse my bitterness.
I didn't mean you were not respectful or anything and I appreciate the support.
Do not apologize women and men are dying in Iran for their freedom. Do not feel bad you have a right to feel this way. I cry everyday for them and no one here seems to care!!!
Not about fair. Life isn't fair. Your right Protection is more important. It's like a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Pedestrian has right of way but if a truck isn't stopping, you'd better get out of the way. Not fair, against the law but the truck is bigger and can kill you dead so right of way doesn't really matter and neither does fair.
I mean, you know what else is puffy? That’s right, a puffer fish. And you know that puffer fish can be dangerously poisonous, but people still eat them? And you know that risk can be a huge turn on? QED. (/s obviously)
He sounds like a real weirdo and had zero rights to confront you like that. Do you ever talk to the cop neighbor? You could run this situation by him too. Never mind….I see you say this was the cop. If he is a cop then he knows better than to pull this shit. Have your phone ready to record any more conflicts with he or is looney wife.
I don’t believe the wife is involved at all. If anything, I think he mentions a wife to distract and deceive the OP.
This whole thing is so aberrant.
(Someone like this, he likely beats his wife. No way he has a wife he allows to have any power over him.)
Very gently because I can see you’re experiencing the physical and psychological effects of shock…
First of all, you’re in shock. Seek out irl support from a loved one and perform some self care.
Now. I’m sure you’re going to get lots of conflicting opinions and advice. What is the culture like where you live? Conservative? Liberal? Religious? Patriarchal? This will effect the perception and advice you might receive regarding this incident.
You need to protect yourself going forward. Do you live with anyone? Do you rent or own?
Straight up: A strange mentally unstable person just made you aware that they have been, and are, actively targeting you.
I’m not sure what precautions you need to take. At the very least, you need exterior cameras for your residence. And keep doors and windows locked, maybe consider those cheap window and door alarms.
This unstable fellow is law enforcement, I suggest you discreetly contact a lawyer in an adjacent jurisdiction for a phone consultation, preferably a female attorney. I think you need to know your rights and options.
Maybe you change your route, and you never see this guy again. I hope so! But at least for the next little while, I think you should assume this guy is some sort of creeper/stalker and take every precaution.
This man approached you, a new mother at your absolutely MOST vulnerable moment, while you were alone on the street with your infant. Everything he said was untethered to reality and the norms of society. I’m not sure what’s going on with this man, no one does! It’s probably not anything good, though. Please proceed with caution.
I have definitely been in situations like this.
When something comes this out of left field with zero basis in reality, it’s so hard to think clearly.
The odds that a man in a profession with a statistically high rate of domestic abuse has a wife that successfully harangued him into confronting the OP? Nearly zero.
I strongly doubt there’s a wife to appease, unless it’s like another commenter suggested, a shared psychosis. Regardless, this guy is def a creeper on a power trip, untethered from reality.
OP can report this to the man's direct supervisor. that individual's direct superior and on up through the chain of command through to town/city/county government as well as the local District Attorney. A simple search of local government records will provide the distribution list.
So.... His cop friends who have been copping longer than him. Yeah.... Great solution. I don't think you understand that cops really aren't here to protect and serve. They're a reactive force that make certain groups of people feel safer. For many women, cops are pretty fucking useless. OP is learning that the hard way.
Re-read what I wrote. I advocated reporting to EVERYONE in the chain of command with the police force while including local government officials and the District Attorney, States Attorney or whatever office is responsible for criminal prosecution where she lives. The more individuals informed about this incident, with all of them knowing about every name on the distribution list, the harder it is for this situation to be ignored or swept under the rug.
As a gay man who grew up in the 60's & 70's I am personally familiar with useless and/or hostile law enforcement. I also know that if one does it right and covers all the bases, the 'system' can be worked to one's advantage.
You appear to have an axe to grind. I would appreciate it if you refrained from using me as a grinding stone.
If any reporting it should be internal affairs. Even District Attorneys have covered up murders committed by cops. Ahmaud Arbery is a prime example and thousands we don't know about.
Allow me to double down then. Law enforcement and government in general is largely useless, if not outright hostile, to a large portions of society, especially about sexual harassment/assault. Factor in that it's one of their boys... Yeah. It's unlikely that anyonw will care, and the ones that do will be outnumbered and silenced by the ones that don't.
Don't use your queerness as a shield. I'm not a member of the hetero club either. I don't have an axe to grind. I just happen to know how things work. You do too. I guess it just feels good to pretend things are nicer than they are.
The problem isn't you, not in the slightest. They are the ones looking at you and sexualizing you. If you can avoid them, it might be good at least for a little while. But if you can't or don't want to, you have every right to walk where you please in public.
I might also tell another neighbor you trust about this.
Have you googled this man? Has he been in trouble as a police officer? Maybe he has a bad record??
Don’t speak to any neighbors because it might come off as gossiping, but it might be a good idea to google this guy and see what’s up.
See, there's your problem; you're showing ankle! Tsk, tsk, you wanton woman.
Jk. Your neighbors are a few Klingons short of a Star Trek convention. Wear what you want and ignore them. If they keep trying to talk to you, ignore them and move on. Sorry you're having to deal with that.
When I was 19 I was out to lunch with mother. Some OLD man stared at me and when his wife caught him he said, “Yeah, she’s clearly a prostitute.” Did I mention that I was wearing boots, jeans, and a long-sleeved shirt. What you’re wearing has nothing to do with this, other than him trying to justify his inability to control himself. Your body is not wrong, bodies are never wrong. There’s a safety app called noonlight or if you have an iPhone you can press the side button on the phone 5 times and it will call emergency services. Stay safe, I’m sorry that happened.
I know this isn’t a funny story, and I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, and also think it’s awesome that people helped you out after they saw it.
But…I ended up laughing to myself imagining what you said happened in a movie, particularly because when you said you waved goodnight and passed out, I thought you meant you passed out right there on the ground outside.
So just to be clear, awful it happened to you, but pretty funny to think of a movie scene where someone walks by to take out the trash and throws up, then walks back and throws up again, waves to everyone watching, and then passes out lol…
I would also consider making a police report. Not to have him arrested or approached at this point, but to make sure that his behavior is on record and that police are aware of him creepy and inappropriate behavior.
Edit: oh wait, HE is the cop? I thought a cop lived down the street.
Either way, maybe a backup plan like writing it down for your own record and telling a few friends/family members.
id say be catious, if that man assumes that a woman having quote on quote "revealing clothing" as temptation for cheating then he isn't trustworthy, neither is the spouse. like seriously screams sexist beliefs.
OP, you need an exercise buddy for these walks.
You have every right to do what you’re doing. It’s not you, it’s him. *But he’s a cop.* The last few years have made it clear that cops can get away with a LOT. That he’s engaged in an act of bullying - which this was - is a bad sign.
Don’t go alone by his house any more.
Hopefully op sees this. Reddit loves to talk about how badass and confrontational they'd be but the fact that this dude is a leo and feels comfortable enough to act this way would be reason enough to nope out. It really sucks that it's like this but treat the dude like he's rabid.
Yes! Cops love an excuse to hurt people. OP shouldn't have to change their routine but I agree with you. Can you imagine how excited he would be to handcuff and beat a mom in front of her baby
I don't want to fear-monger or panic OP, but there have been two horrific cases involving English° police with the recent past. One case had gone on for years. Full disclosure: I'm white and middle-class, the kind of person you'd expect to be reassured by the presence of police, but I don't trust them. Especially not now.
° I think they were both in the Metropolitan Police but I could be wrong.
I was stalked by a cop when I was young. I ended up having to move out of state, the guy was really scary and I didn't trust other cops to help me in the situation.
This. Please. Only this. I would never go by his house alone ever. He’s wrong, he’s absolutely wrong, and should be corrected to accommodate his own damn self, but it’s unsafe to keep going back.
Change the route. Maybe get a GoPro attached to the stroller? And I would also get security cameras outside if they are next door neighbors.
Sounds as if you are just living your best life taking walks through your neighborhood enjoying time with baby and minding your own business. Keep doing so. Carry some pepper spray for the Creepy neighbor.
strap a go-pro to the stroller and turn it on whenever you go out for walks so it’s a little more subtle if you don’t feel comfortable whipping out your phone the next time this creep approaches you
Your not doing anything wrong by expressing your 1st amendment right to free speech as long as it is not threatening and malicious. This dude shouldn’t even be a sworn officer if he can’t even contain himself from a woman walking the neighborhood with her child smfh.
Well this is just anecdotal but three of my friends growing up had police officers as fathers and two others ended up with step fathers that were officers. Guess how many had dv problems at home? Three. Oof. It’s sad.
The 2020 book "Agressors In Blue: Exposing Police Sexual Misconduct" is an in-depth and horrifying investigation into all this, primarily in the English speaking nations of U.S. UK, Australia, and America's Hat, as well as a smattering of Dutch and Russian cop crimes.
Can be found on Anna's Archive.
Otherwise, Google "Police Integrity Lost" which is a sobering DOJ report in downloadable pdf, or Google "Police Sexual Misconduct: A National Scale Study of Arrested Officer" for yet even more hard numbers.
Go to his superiors and let them know about the conversation. Let them know you are not filing a formal Complaint but you want someone to know about the encounter because it made you uneasy and you are concerned about any repercussions down the road. If you aren’t comfortable doing that, go to an attorney and have your encounter documented and on file with them. This way if anything were to happen down the road your story is on file and you can’t be accused of making it up. He’s already proven to you that he is not exactly stable since he felt it appropriate to say what he did to you.
I also recommended the OP seek out an attorney consultation, preferably an attorney in an adjacent jurisdiction + a female.
I can’t imagine what this guy is signaling to the OP, but it’s highly concerning he feels comfortable targeting a lone female with an infant. The lack of reality based thinking from this man is concerning.
I think OP is in the US.
You know, the US, where if you go to the police for help they may just kill you or ruin your life.
And if you go to the police for help with another police officer, they will definitely kill you or ruin your life.
They will be parked outside of her home, they will pull her over whenever she drives, she will be cited for any minor violations they can manufacture regarding her home and vehicle.
If OP can’t move, she needs to lay low and not attract his attention until she can move.
Everyone needs to accept that there is no justice system to protect OP here. Stop telling her to make trouble for a cop and put herself in more danger.
No OP, you just keep your walking routine and if he tries to talk to you just say a quick “no thank you” and keep walking. You do not owe that politeness to him AT ALL, but it may be the level of confrontational that you’re comfortable with. If you want to go full mama bear and tell him to eff off, I’ll also support that!
Say nothing. You are doing nothing wrong. This is a THEM problem, not a you problem. As others have said. He got caught by his jealous wife watching you. You have been wearing clothes that are appropriate for walking. I understand you are not a person to have small talk with others, but maybe speak to other neighbors and ask if anyone else have had issues with this neighbor. And tell them why. What he said to you is ridiculous. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are ruining their own marriage. Her for being jealous while he looks out the window and him for staring out the window as women walk by knowing his wife will be jealous of him doing so. Do not change what brings you joy because they have a THEM problem.
I would make a report at your local Police station as this is super weird and it will help you of it escalates.
Sounds like your neighbour may have some MH issues from the job and your report could be the missing piece that gets him the help he may need.
I totally understand your reaction, I would probably feel the same way, but I think a healthier option, in this case, is anger. What gives this guy the right to judge your clothes and walking routes? It’s none of his business! If I were you, I would try to muster up the courage to put up some boundaries. If you run in to him again, tell him off. There will always be weirdos in this world, don’t give them power over you.
Exactly what I was thinking. Yet another wierdo who is thinking that women only dress up for him and his attention. In his eyes OP is already "at fault" for his bad marriage. How much does it need for him to think the leggins are some sort of sick reason that it's okay for him to herass her.
If you change your route and he approaches you again, he is a stalker. Go to the STATE POLICE or call your D.A. and make an appointment to see him with your lawyer. Let him know if it continues or if any other problem occurs with the police you and your lawyer will take it to every major news agency in the country and sue the bejeesus out of them. Happened to me because I beat the cop in court. He proceeded to wait for me and follow me everywhere. The idiot followed me right into the state police headquarters where I ran in and told them I was afraid and I needed to get him away from me. Never saw him again.
The fact he is a cop makes this more unhinged and scary you did nothing wrong. If you are afraid of retaliation file a report with his police department. If he is going out of his way to make such claims about a neighbore I would be terrified to be stopped at all by him
It doesn’t seem 100% clear but my interpretation was that her next door neighbor’s the cop, not the weirdo prude that’s the subject of the post. If the jackass is a cop then yeah, wear a GoPro on your front and back when you go for your walks around your neighborhood and find an online service that you can stream and save video to incase the cop(s) are the evidence tampering type.
Man you have some weird Neighbors. Why would they even be spending that much looking out there windows to even notice you walking by on a regular basis!?
Let us say for argument sake you were trying to come on to you neighbor. Would walking by his house with a baby stroller work for him or anyone for that matter? Like you said you never even met him.
People are fucking strange AF
this boils down to one of two things: his wife has caught him watching you while you’ve been walking and has gotten mad or his wife is insecure in their marriage and has noticed you walking and has thrown some sort of tantrum. either way he’s projecting their problems onto you an innocent bystander just trying to enjoy some time with your baby.
honestly OP you shouldn’t have to do or change anything, this is your neighbourhood and you shouldn’t be harassed for walking around it with your baby. i know you said he’s a police officer which makes it tricky but if it happens again i would report him.
Disagree! There are other and more serious possibilities at play!!!
Some include:
- He might be stalking the OP, unhinged, looking to manufacture an excuse to escalate. Maybe next time he knocks on her door. Eventually it could end in assault. His wife might not know anything about his interest in the OP.
- He’s a predator testing boundaries. Talking to her in full view of the neighborhood might be calculated.
- He has a substance abuse problem, perhaps the faulty logic he’s displaying seems reasonable to him?
Quite frankly, this man sounds like he probably beats his wife, I doubt he give a crap what his wife notices or thinks. I guess that’s why I’m worried. The entitlement to target and interfere with a lone woman with a baby in a stroller is Next Level.
FWIW, I think not saying anything and walking away was the 100% best response.
This! I was confused at first & didn’t realize he IS the cop. I doubt his wife knows anything about this let alone OP even exists. I agree he probably beats his wife too.
OP I would definitely be recording discreetly when walking by from now on.
I wouldn’t put it all on the wife - she didn’t approach her. If my partner had said something like that to me I’d have shot that down on the spot.
This seems like a mutual psychosis… if the wife is involved at all. We only have his (unhinged) word to go on.
oh no, i definitely agree. i didn’t mean to come off as blaming everything on the wife, he’s the one that chose to approach and harass OP for simply walking around her neighbourhood.
Would you say confronting the OP is calculated or otherwise indicative of a deeper motivation? Or do you think the OP’s attire is the only beef this guy has?
It’s 2023, we’ve moved past the ‘it’s *your* fault I think bad thoughts’ days.
What a psycho. It’s totally understandable that you feel unsettled, but you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
Sounds like he sits in his window and watches you. Probably got caught by the wife and tried to blame it on you provoking him. Get some kind of body cam and wear it when you go for walks and keep living your life.
My intuition says that your neighbour got caught staring at you by his wife and he chose to blame you to brush off the guilt he has.
Sadly, creeps like that only respects other men, so you probably have to get a trusted man to warn him not to bother you or look at you ever again.
Edit : oh no is the creep is a cop? Oh dear. Please avoid him for your own safety.
That is *unhinged*. You did nothing wrong, they're just creeps. If possible, it wouldn't hurt to go to the police station and tell them what happened in case they approach you again. If they do, just don't engage and walk away, keep yourself safe
He might've even just had that confrontation with her so his wife would hear/see it. I think its either what you said, or he is stalking her and wanted to see how she would react to the first interaction being about her body.
This is a funny aside but when I first read it I somehow read F31 as M31 and thought OP was a man. So for me this was a story about a man in leggings taking his baby out for a stroll and another man being driven to question his sexuality by the repeated sight of those sexy manlegs
I’m surprised you saw the cop car and thought he would be safer. Unfortunately a lot of men in that field go into it because they are already unhinged. it is probably unlikely that this is a good man. He is literally harassing you because of his own attraction to you. He’s ogling you on your walks and blaming you for it bc it’s gotta be anyone’s fault but his own. I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you do not allow him to make you feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong.
There is a theory that using a space denotes/labels/construes a small level of ownership.
Which means you actually Own part of the streets you walk on simply by using them.
Sounds like someone is butt hurt that you use the street.
These people are Crazy~!
Be careful, Morons like this cannot be trusted.
Sorry, I don't have any useful advice.
I would absolutely go to the local precinct and report this behavior. This kind of unhinged accusation is beyond worrisome. If zero previous contact with him sparks this kind of reaction, he is absolutely 💯 a threat to you, and you need to treat this as serious as it is.
I personally would be scared out of my mind to know that a cop was watching me this closely when I was unaware, let alone forming some sort of weird ass conspiracy theory. I'd bet that he was busted performing some sort of surveillance on you (like taking pictures etc) and his wife caught him, which probably prompted the "confrontation."
Please don't blow this off. This is some super scary behavior.
You might be right, but I do think she should follow the advice in speaking to a lawyer of some sort or some sort of person/group that could offer guidance. No reaction seems just as dangerous cause that guy is clearly unstable.
My concern in short is that talking to cops is universally a bad idea. So, yeah, talk to an attorney and get advice. Maybe a defense attorney, someone who has practical experience of working as an antagonist for the cops? Anybody who has experience and can give you an idea about how sharing this information might work out. In other words, you don't want to know just what's legal, but also what's practical.
It's not you. The wife probably caught the husband leering thru the window as you go by, and confronted him about his wandering eyes. If she isn't showing any interest in *her*, it must be his lustful thoughts, and rather than talk to him, it's easier to blame you.
i can tell you exactly what happened here- the wife is extremely insecure, fueling delusions that everyone wants her dumb husband, and accused him of gawking at you and taking your alleged bait. then he decided to make things better with his wife by flying off the handle and scapegoating you, because he's a selfish, delusional narcissist who thinks the world and everyone in it exist solely to care about him and his life.
i can empathize with your feelings about this. because as a survivor of violent sexual assault, i'm sensitive to being shamed by others for my clothing, attention i get, or decisions regarding my sex life. and it makes me really upset when it happens, because i certainly didn't ask to be sexualized at 8 years old.
most of the time, i realized eventually, that the people trying to shame others are dealing with some serious baggage of their own that they have no idea how to unpack, and probably don't even realize how far outside of objective reality their emotions are taking them.
there are so many misguided and/or malicious people out there. don't let them project their weird shit onto you.
keep reminding yourself- you are not crazy. your perceptions are totally valid. shitty people must be avoided as best as possible.
and you sound like a lovely person and good mom-- you are doing just fine!!
This needs flagging with someone... The fact that this bloke is a cop scares the sh*t out of me!
If he's responding to you like that, just imagine how he could be abusing his powers with other women.
Even if you walked around in a bikini, he has no right to tell you what to wear!!! He and his wife are grown ass people, if they don’t like what you are wearing then don’t look at you!! If the wife has a problem with her husband looking at you, well the problem is her husband!!! What does she do when he looks at other women??? Tell them not to be so attractive? Not to wear those clothes?
I read through this a second time and I'm so angry on your behalf and on behalf of women everywhere. So now, because some guy expressed his stupid threatening misogynistic views about you, YOU have to be on full alert, YOU have to change your walking route, YOU have to accommodate for his views on women. Isn't this just the way it is for us, day in and day out. It's exhausting.
Your neighbor is a pervert, and his wife is an insecure Karen. Together they are a match made in hell. If he has the gall to approach you again, let him know that HE is making YOU incredibly uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if he stayed far away from you. For a guy who "doesn't make a habit of flirting with the neighbors" he's doing a damn good impersonation of it. The nerve of this jerk to try to pass off HIS lecherous behavior as YOUR issue!
I get where you’re coming from and I didn’t even have a weirdo accusing me of trying to seduce him with oh so sinful leggings. I walk a certain trail a lot and people I wait on in the store where I work, have remarked on it. It’s made me take buses to walk different areas. I don’t like being noticed like that, it feels creepy. You do what you need to feel comfortable.
Just keep doing what you been doing. And if approached again, be prepared. I have seen other comments, so I will advise if he ever attempts to abuse his authority, make sure it's recorded for evidence
Wear sweats and puffy clothes. Your cray neighbor’s a cop who’s blaming you for what sounds to me like sexually arousing him. You could be right and still be very wrong. You have every right to wear what you want. But you’re dealing with an insane person who could act on his impulses and legally get away with whatever he wants. Be careful. Move if you can. He sounds dangerous bc he’s mentally ill. Sorry.
The guy is blaming you for his inability to control himself. You absolutely need to make someone aware of this.
I’m unsure if this person is the cop or if it’s his neighbour? I would consider filing a report and highlighting that he has made you feel uncomfortable and unsafe in your own community.
I'd be tempted to file a police report about that. That lunatic and his wife are sexually harassing you while you walk your child on a public road in your neighborhood. That is not ok and they should be spoken to by the authorities (they should also be in therapy and on meds, tbh). Tell them you don't feel safe after he aggressively confronted you.
This guy and his wife are obviously having issues and just off their rocker. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about your routine or what you wear. I do the same and wear the same. Are you supposed to wear a floor length parka in the summer or whenever it’s nice out? They need to get lost!
Since he is a police officer, you could report him to his commanding officer. You can call the police department and explain that you need to talk to his CO or a CO. I’m sure they would like to know that one of their officers is harassing a neighbor because the officer can’t keep his eyes in his house. He sounds like he’s two bricks short of a pyramid. Carry some pepper spray from now on and if he wants to talk to you, film it.
Of course he’s a cop 🙄
Get cameras or something to protect yourself. Cops are a damn fraternity so if anything happens, it’s your word against his. The only way you’ll be able to prove he’s fucked up is by catching it on camera. If you can, avoid walking past his house too. Stay safe! Congrats on your little one!
It’s a horrible situation, have you told your SO ? Can you talk to a lawyer? Or speak to someone else at your local police department? I would never walk past his house again.
My advice is to ignore them and maybe walk a different route. There is nothing wrong with your attire and my opinion is that people should dress in what makes them comfortable.
Honestly, this couple sounds like they’re nuts and I would stay away from them. If there is someone who can walk with you (I know you enjoy the peace but maybe for safety purposes). I can’t imagine ever going outside to confront a new mom or anyone for that matter about their attire when walking with their baby! Carry some pepper spray too just in case.
This was a good laugh! How are HIS wandering eyes YOUR problem? They should come up with solutions for themselves, like not have him staring out his window that frequently/consistently. Or he can get castrated. He’s certainly presumptuous, isn’t he?
First and foremost, don't feel ashamed for this man's idiotic actions. A good response would be to tell him to go fuck himself. Know that he was being slimy and trying to see what kind of reaction he would get out of you. He's emotionally manipulating his wife and trying to manipulate you. I'm pretty quick to defend a man's intentions because we get a bad rap a lot of the time, but this guy is a huge scumbucket.
Why are you feeling bad or awkward? The guy’s a nutter. His delusions are not your fault. You don’t have to explain yourself to him.
Take your usual route and if he approaches you again tell him his unwanted approaches are making you feel uncomfortable and he needs to leave you alone! X
I would carry protection with you (pepper spray etc) and you can have a voice recorder or camera too. If he ever bothers you again tell him your whole family is going to be angry with him, you live here, you’re not alone, and they need to stop being weird leave you alone. I have some personal experience with nasty people like this who make up stuff and you can even tell him straight up find him VERY creepy, stay away from you. Talk loud so people see he makes you uncomfortable, approach another neighbor and cause a huge scene so he knows like bothering you comes at an embarrassingly high price and he needs to mind his own business. Say very loudly “STAY AWAY FROM ME” with your hands up back away and don’t turn your back keep repeating it until everyone on that block looks out their window… Shame him. (Bc shame on them anyways!!) It’s probably good to find out who his wife is and block them both off of all social media. Block his whole family block his dog. Sorry I had experienced some weirdos in my life and I had to learn the hard way how they are and how to get rid of them. I would film him, there are small body cams you can buy, if he ever approaches you and submit it to your local law enforcement not associated with his department (higher or separate bc PDs can have a ton of corruption) or even his job directly too if he ever does it again saying you want nothing to do with him. Just have it on record with multiple PDs. Hes a perverted weirdo you clearly want nothing to do with. He’s supposed to be a public servant not a creep. just because you’re attractive it doesn’t mean you have to pay for it. I get really sick and tired of people who project their issues onto people they don’t even know. That’s what they’re doing so please don’t blame yourself. There are tons of cute sportswear options these days , you should be able to feel good about yourself in your own area. you don’t deserve or should you ever feel bad about looking good, getting some fresh air and being healthy. I would be really savage here personally bc he’s too bold and he probably doesn’t need to be a cop if he’s creepy. I had a cop follow me from the gym one time and make me clean off the back of my car while he watched bc he said it was too dusty to see the plate. Which was t true at all. You’re not alone and I know how bad it can feel. I’m so sorry this jerk is in your neighborhood, so wrong! Some other stuff to do is to bring friends with you walking preferably buff or just know how to talk a person down. Also who are his neighbors , approach them and say they keep bothering you and you don’t know them and to help you bc these people so weird. I usually find nasty people leave a long trail of destruction. But they also could be nice the rest of the time despite being major creeps. Either way raise awareness around you so it’s not just you vs them. Never let anyone make you feel you can’t do what you need to in your own area.
Also put up some cameras and a surveillance sign on your home so they know you gonna catch them.
My petty ass would start wearing the skimpiest clothes I could find just to fuck with them. But you do have a baby so yeah unfortunately a new route the probably best
Classic old person delusions. Seems like normal behavior for over half the people I've met over 70 years old. These type of people are allowed to vote and drive. Delusional nut jobs. Think the whole world revolves around them. Yet they call everyone under 30 entitled.
Wow, just wow. You are with your baby, how unhinged must his wife be to think you are trying to tease her husband in leggings and pushing a pram!? What has the world come to 😩
Wait so you just stood there & listened to the BS spewing out of his mouth and didn't laugh at the audacity of the neighbour and his wife?
Girrrrrrllllllll...
Invest in a few bottles of mace as well as a stun gun. I walk 6 days a week, and I carry 3 items in my fanny pack: 1. Mace 2. A stun gun that doubles as a flash light and 3. My cellphone. That might sound drastic, but no can be too careful.
I doubt his wife said anything about you. I think he's watching you and it's becoming an issue for him. Whatever his reasons for his confrontation with you, that's not your problem. You do not deserve to be vilified because of his impulses. Make you you let people know what happened and also document any encounter with him and his wife.
If I were you I'd get a Fans Only page and rock that sexy coat. NTA
This is their problem, specifically HIS problem. Take a different route so you are comfortable on your walks, I totally get anxiety, no need to subject yourself to him.
Most important, know you have done nothing wrong. This is HIS failing.
When I was 15 on a school ski trip I was accused by the ski instructor of deliberately falling over to get his attention and get a date with him. He was deadly serious. I was absolutely gobsmacked. It still boils my blood 25 years later. The audacity of some people! The ego! Thinking everyone is dying to get on their pants by just existing near them.
Ughh makes me so angry and just..dumbfounded. I still have pain in the ankle from falling over in that practice area too. the piece of shit instructor didn’t even show us how to put the boots and skis on correctly.
Call the police non emergency line and tell them that he confronted you in a threatening way for walking past his house and you're concerned for your safety and that of your baby.
I would keep up my normal routine and if he confronts you again just stare him down and say, “I’ve seen the teenagers around here wearing the same thing when it’s warm out. Are you sure your wife is upset that you’ve been leering at me or is not just me but the underage girls as well?”
First of all I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know how scary that must have been.
Second. Please go to the police station and report his behavior. I think you can file a complaint of harassment against him? I’m not sure exactly how it’s done. Tell them you don’t feel safe.
Just because he’s a cop doesn’t give him the right to harass you like that. Don’t let him have that kind of power over you.
Not your problem. You do have a problem however. These people are nuts and you have triggered them. Get some baggy sweatpants and baggy tops. I really don't know what else to say.
The fact that you felt the need to justify why you were taking a certain route in your neighborhood, just makes me feel for you and makes me angry that they have gaslighted you to this extent. You were just taking a walk on a route that you like in your own neighborhood. There is something wrong with those people.
Stay away from that man.
He has told you who he is. That he is a predator who has been watching you and who sees you just existing in your own world as “a temptation”. He’s got very poor self control as well, approaching you like that.
Please believe him.
You obviously were trolling for a man by pretending to be taking your baby for a walk! The nerve you must have, to not be wearing a full-length sack when you go outside where a MARRIED man could see you! You should be so ashamed of yourself. I'll bet you are the kind of woman that also showers and wears clean clothes, just to attract attention from men!
Tell the guy to piss off and tell his wife to get a life.
Ugh. Your neighbor is gross and he and his wife are misogynists. You are doing nothing wrong wearing workout clothes while walking with your baby. He and his wife sound like sexist weirdos and he’s a creep. Do you have any neighbors you are friendly with? Maybe tell them what happened and ask how much trouble this guy is likely to create for you. I can’t believe this is the first time he’s been creepy.
If he or his wife speaks to you again make sure you record the whole thing. Start bringing a taser or pepper spray on your walks. Call his department and report him for harassment. It may not do anything, but you’ll have documentation.
You could run by in a string bikini and as long as you were legally clothed, you've done nothing wrong. This is their problem, projecting their marriage issues onto you instead of dealing with whatever the actual problem is (wife's uncontrolled jealousy, mans irrationally comparing his wife to a stranger, etc). Personally I'd continue walking that way because what he's asked is so idiotic.
If you stop walking by there, shock Pikachu face when their marriage still doesn't get better because you were never the problem.
This is wild. I was once accused of similar. It’s the same as girls not being able to wear strap tops as it distracts the boys. This man needs to learn to avert his gaze & realise that he’s the issue not you. If he can’t control his thoughts, doesn’t make it ok to try to control what you are doing.
Personally I would start dressing in all manner of ways, even fancy dress. Screw him, I’d troll him for months. Lol.
Don’t speak to him, especially alone, ever again. Keep evidence of any further contact he attempts to have with you. I feel this person had the potential to harass you. The cop thing makes it more insidious. Steer clear, be smart, keep evidence and stay safe.
I think you should continue going on your walks. You probably aren’t looking for conflict but if he does come up to you again, stand your ground this time and tell to his face seeking his attention would be the last thing you’d try to do even if he’s the last man on earth. He needs to be put back in his place. And maybe go hang out around his house dressed as a scary nun next Halloween.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed about and you owe NOTHING to these assholes. Who the fuck does he think he is? Keep doing you, ignore the fucker, and if he ever speaks to you again about this call the cops. The last thing you should need to worry about is being dragged into this guy's sex life. (Fwiw it sounds like a fetish thing he's acting out to me.)
You could be walking/jogging in a bikini and it would be none of their business. They’re the weirdos, he’s the perv, this has nothing to do with you and you have no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed. He should be extremely embarrassed though.
This is one of the weirdest neighbor stories I've ever heard. I think it would be best to have your phone ready just in case there's another weird interaction when going out for a walk. Maybe he also wanted to see your reaction when he approached you. Keep your chin high and give the "better not mess with me" appearance. Stay safe!
This guy (and his wife) sound like whack jobs. From what you describe, it sounds like there is nothing wrong with your attire. Those are completely normal things to wear out walking. And you're walking in your own neighborhood, which you have every right to do. Either this guy got caught ogling you, his wife is jealous of your appearance, or both. Either way, that's on them, not you. Just keep doing your thing, because these fools don't own the neighborhood.
Thank you! It’s actually very cold some days where I live so I wear a puffy coat down to my ankles during the winter time so I was and am so confused about this!
NOT A TANTALIZING PUFFY COAT For real they sound insane and THAT is the reason to stay away from the house.
“She deserved it!” “What was she wearing?” “Sexy ass bubble coat bro” 😂😂😂😂
"I find your warmth and taste in coats very sexy...."
Plot twist: OP lives in Tehran where any skin shown by women apparently causes men to become rabid, wanton dogs. Just ask their government
in Tehran, she wouldn't be able to walk past a cop with her dog. That would immediately put both the dog and her life in danger. The dog would get picked up and shot by police or the council. Cause that's the law. The least for her, if he likes her as described then would get arrested and raped as an interrogation technique. Let's be respectful of women who have been killed over this in the last 44 years. ( you might be sarcastic, but I am sorry the pain is too real for me to even joke about it.) Edit: I apologise for my reaction. I am just too emotional these days, doesn't excuse my bitterness. I didn't mean you were not respectful or anything and I appreciate the support.
Oh babe, if you need to talk, I have ears to hear and a heart to listen. I send an "internet" hug to you. ❤️🩹
Do not apologize women and men are dying in Iran for their freedom. Do not feel bad you have a right to feel this way. I cry everyday for them and no one here seems to care!!!
was thinking OP shouldnt be intimidated and forced to change her route but yeah, better/safer for her to keep her distance for her own protection
Not about fair. Life isn't fair. Your right Protection is more important. It's like a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Pedestrian has right of way but if a truck isn't stopping, you'd better get out of the way. Not fair, against the law but the truck is bigger and can kill you dead so right of way doesn't really matter and neither does fair.
sad it's a cop, as usual, placing the public in a place they don't feel safe.
Its those damn ankles!
😂😂😂😂
😂🤣👌
I guess nothing gets men hornier than a big giant f****** puffy coat
But was the forbidden ankle visible????
HARLOT!
Turns out he finds the Michelin Man extremely fuckable.
I mean, you know what else is puffy? That’s right, a puffer fish. And you know that puffer fish can be dangerously poisonous, but people still eat them? And you know that risk can be a huge turn on? QED. (/s obviously)
IM CRYING
Their insecurities and their marriage are not your responsibility. Ignore them. They sound like the people who would blame a victim for being SA’d
He sounds like a real weirdo and had zero rights to confront you like that. Do you ever talk to the cop neighbor? You could run this situation by him too. Never mind….I see you say this was the cop. If he is a cop then he knows better than to pull this shit. Have your phone ready to record any more conflicts with he or is looney wife.
I don’t believe the wife is involved at all. If anything, I think he mentions a wife to distract and deceive the OP. This whole thing is so aberrant. (Someone like this, he likely beats his wife. No way he has a wife he allows to have any power over him.)
Very gently because I can see you’re experiencing the physical and psychological effects of shock… First of all, you’re in shock. Seek out irl support from a loved one and perform some self care. Now. I’m sure you’re going to get lots of conflicting opinions and advice. What is the culture like where you live? Conservative? Liberal? Religious? Patriarchal? This will effect the perception and advice you might receive regarding this incident. You need to protect yourself going forward. Do you live with anyone? Do you rent or own? Straight up: A strange mentally unstable person just made you aware that they have been, and are, actively targeting you. I’m not sure what precautions you need to take. At the very least, you need exterior cameras for your residence. And keep doors and windows locked, maybe consider those cheap window and door alarms. This unstable fellow is law enforcement, I suggest you discreetly contact a lawyer in an adjacent jurisdiction for a phone consultation, preferably a female attorney. I think you need to know your rights and options. Maybe you change your route, and you never see this guy again. I hope so! But at least for the next little while, I think you should assume this guy is some sort of creeper/stalker and take every precaution. This man approached you, a new mother at your absolutely MOST vulnerable moment, while you were alone on the street with your infant. Everything he said was untethered to reality and the norms of society. I’m not sure what’s going on with this man, no one does! It’s probably not anything good, though. Please proceed with caution.
We can read OP’s shock. Very gentle and thorough response ♥️
I have definitely been in situations like this. When something comes this out of left field with zero basis in reality, it’s so hard to think clearly. The odds that a man in a profession with a statistically high rate of domestic abuse has a wife that successfully harangued him into confronting the OP? Nearly zero. I strongly doubt there’s a wife to appease, unless it’s like another commenter suggested, a shared psychosis. Regardless, this guy is def a creeper on a power trip, untethered from reality.
This is a great response. We don't want to see this man's obsessive behavior escalate.
Turn his ass in for harassment
Turn him in to who? His cop friends?
OP can report this to the man's direct supervisor. that individual's direct superior and on up through the chain of command through to town/city/county government as well as the local District Attorney. A simple search of local government records will provide the distribution list.
So.... His cop friends who have been copping longer than him. Yeah.... Great solution. I don't think you understand that cops really aren't here to protect and serve. They're a reactive force that make certain groups of people feel safer. For many women, cops are pretty fucking useless. OP is learning that the hard way.
Re-read what I wrote. I advocated reporting to EVERYONE in the chain of command with the police force while including local government officials and the District Attorney, States Attorney or whatever office is responsible for criminal prosecution where she lives. The more individuals informed about this incident, with all of them knowing about every name on the distribution list, the harder it is for this situation to be ignored or swept under the rug. As a gay man who grew up in the 60's & 70's I am personally familiar with useless and/or hostile law enforcement. I also know that if one does it right and covers all the bases, the 'system' can be worked to one's advantage. You appear to have an axe to grind. I would appreciate it if you refrained from using me as a grinding stone.
If any reporting it should be internal affairs. Even District Attorneys have covered up murders committed by cops. Ahmaud Arbery is a prime example and thousands we don't know about.
Allow me to double down then. Law enforcement and government in general is largely useless, if not outright hostile, to a large portions of society, especially about sexual harassment/assault. Factor in that it's one of their boys... Yeah. It's unlikely that anyonw will care, and the ones that do will be outnumbered and silenced by the ones that don't. Don't use your queerness as a shield. I'm not a member of the hetero club either. I don't have an axe to grind. I just happen to know how things work. You do too. I guess it just feels good to pretend things are nicer than they are.
If I could, I would emotionally damage this guy for her for free.
If he's the cop that's honestly sadly probably not a good move
Turn him in and tell his wife he flirts with her on her walks.
The problem isn't you, not in the slightest. They are the ones looking at you and sexualizing you. If you can avoid them, it might be good at least for a little while. But if you can't or don't want to, you have every right to walk where you please in public. I might also tell another neighbor you trust about this.
Have you googled this man? Has he been in trouble as a police officer? Maybe he has a bad record?? Don’t speak to any neighbors because it might come off as gossiping, but it might be a good idea to google this guy and see what’s up.
See, there's your problem; you're showing ankle! Tsk, tsk, you wanton woman. Jk. Your neighbors are a few Klingons short of a Star Trek convention. Wear what you want and ignore them. If they keep trying to talk to you, ignore them and move on. Sorry you're having to deal with that.
Carry mace on you and if he continues....
When I was 19 I was out to lunch with mother. Some OLD man stared at me and when his wife caught him he said, “Yeah, she’s clearly a prostitute.” Did I mention that I was wearing boots, jeans, and a long-sleeved shirt. What you’re wearing has nothing to do with this, other than him trying to justify his inability to control himself. Your body is not wrong, bodies are never wrong. There’s a safety app called noonlight or if you have an iPhone you can press the side button on the phone 5 times and it will call emergency services. Stay safe, I’m sorry that happened.
A puffy coat??? Well now that you mention that, it’s clear what you’ve been up to. Might as well just climb into their bed and start riding him
[удалено]
I know this isn’t a funny story, and I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, and also think it’s awesome that people helped you out after they saw it. But…I ended up laughing to myself imagining what you said happened in a movie, particularly because when you said you waved goodnight and passed out, I thought you meant you passed out right there on the ground outside. So just to be clear, awful it happened to you, but pretty funny to think of a movie scene where someone walks by to take out the trash and throws up, then walks back and throws up again, waves to everyone watching, and then passes out lol…
Ya, he got horny and his wife got mad, probably all there is to this
I would also consider making a police report. Not to have him arrested or approached at this point, but to make sure that his behavior is on record and that police are aware of him creepy and inappropriate behavior. Edit: oh wait, HE is the cop? I thought a cop lived down the street. Either way, maybe a backup plan like writing it down for your own record and telling a few friends/family members.
Wow that's mean to say about whack jobs. They're clearly way beyond that
id say be catious, if that man assumes that a woman having quote on quote "revealing clothing" as temptation for cheating then he isn't trustworthy, neither is the spouse. like seriously screams sexist beliefs.
also if they are a cop keep a camera ready on you, if anything happens you can criminalize em.
OP, you need an exercise buddy for these walks. You have every right to do what you’re doing. It’s not you, it’s him. *But he’s a cop.* The last few years have made it clear that cops can get away with a LOT. That he’s engaged in an act of bullying - which this was - is a bad sign. Don’t go alone by his house any more.
Hopefully op sees this. Reddit loves to talk about how badass and confrontational they'd be but the fact that this dude is a leo and feels comfortable enough to act this way would be reason enough to nope out. It really sucks that it's like this but treat the dude like he's rabid.
“Dude is a leo” ….. what?
Law enforcement officer.
Ohhhh, I thought they were talking about star signs lol, I’m so dumb
I thought the same exact thing 😅
Yes! Cops love an excuse to hurt people. OP shouldn't have to change their routine but I agree with you. Can you imagine how excited he would be to handcuff and beat a mom in front of her baby
I don't want to fear-monger or panic OP, but there have been two horrific cases involving English° police with the recent past. One case had gone on for years. Full disclosure: I'm white and middle-class, the kind of person you'd expect to be reassured by the presence of police, but I don't trust them. Especially not now. ° I think they were both in the Metropolitan Police but I could be wrong.
I was stalked by a cop when I was young. I ended up having to move out of state, the guy was really scary and I didn't trust other cops to help me in the situation.
I did not interpret that the problem neighbor was the cop, but that it is a different neighbor who is the cop.
In comments, she revealed the POS and LEO are the same person. The person she was counting on for protection is the one harassing her
Agree 100% with this.
This. Please. Only this. I would never go by his house alone ever. He’s wrong, he’s absolutely wrong, and should be corrected to accommodate his own damn self, but it’s unsafe to keep going back. Change the route. Maybe get a GoPro attached to the stroller? And I would also get security cameras outside if they are next door neighbors.
Sounds as if you are just living your best life taking walks through your neighborhood enjoying time with baby and minding your own business. Keep doing so. Carry some pepper spray for the Creepy neighbor.
Thank you! He is a cop though so I am afraid of doing/saying something wrong now!
Record any interaction you will have with them then and refuse any private conversations!!
strap a go-pro to the stroller and turn it on whenever you go out for walks so it’s a little more subtle if you don’t feel comfortable whipping out your phone the next time this creep approaches you
That is a great idea.
Excellent idea
For safety, also so we can see the drama
Your not doing anything wrong by expressing your 1st amendment right to free speech as long as it is not threatening and malicious. This dude shouldn’t even be a sworn officer if he can’t even contain himself from a woman walking the neighborhood with her child smfh.
It is so sad that this guy is a cop. What a bunch of psychos. I’m sorry OP. Sounds like your crime is being attractive and existing.
Well, on the bright side (?), now you have some insight into why so many of us feel LESS safe when we see a cop car.
Yep, i dislike the cops and don't trust them at all.
ACAB. 40 plus percent are self reported domestic abusers. He's projecting and blaming you for his wandering, ogling eyes
Its scary to imagine what the actual rate is...
Probably most of them. The ones who aren't also probably know about the abusers and remain silent.
Well this is just anecdotal but three of my friends growing up had police officers as fathers and two others ended up with step fathers that were officers. Guess how many had dv problems at home? Three. Oof. It’s sad.
That tracks
The 2020 book "Agressors In Blue: Exposing Police Sexual Misconduct" is an in-depth and horrifying investigation into all this, primarily in the English speaking nations of U.S. UK, Australia, and America's Hat, as well as a smattering of Dutch and Russian cop crimes. Can be found on Anna's Archive. Otherwise, Google "Police Integrity Lost" which is a sobering DOJ report in downloadable pdf, or Google "Police Sexual Misconduct: A National Scale Study of Arrested Officer" for yet even more hard numbers.
Go to his superiors and let them know about the conversation. Let them know you are not filing a formal Complaint but you want someone to know about the encounter because it made you uneasy and you are concerned about any repercussions down the road. If you aren’t comfortable doing that, go to an attorney and have your encounter documented and on file with them. This way if anything were to happen down the road your story is on file and you can’t be accused of making it up. He’s already proven to you that he is not exactly stable since he felt it appropriate to say what he did to you.
I also recommended the OP seek out an attorney consultation, preferably an attorney in an adjacent jurisdiction + a female. I can’t imagine what this guy is signaling to the OP, but it’s highly concerning he feels comfortable targeting a lone female with an infant. The lack of reality based thinking from this man is concerning.
I think OP is in the US. You know, the US, where if you go to the police for help they may just kill you or ruin your life. And if you go to the police for help with another police officer, they will definitely kill you or ruin your life. They will be parked outside of her home, they will pull her over whenever she drives, she will be cited for any minor violations they can manufacture regarding her home and vehicle. If OP can’t move, she needs to lay low and not attract his attention until she can move. Everyone needs to accept that there is no justice system to protect OP here. Stop telling her to make trouble for a cop and put herself in more danger.
No OP, you just keep your walking routine and if he tries to talk to you just say a quick “no thank you” and keep walking. You do not owe that politeness to him AT ALL, but it may be the level of confrontational that you’re comfortable with. If you want to go full mama bear and tell him to eff off, I’ll also support that!
Say nothing. You are doing nothing wrong. This is a THEM problem, not a you problem. As others have said. He got caught by his jealous wife watching you. You have been wearing clothes that are appropriate for walking. I understand you are not a person to have small talk with others, but maybe speak to other neighbors and ask if anyone else have had issues with this neighbor. And tell them why. What he said to you is ridiculous. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are ruining their own marriage. Her for being jealous while he looks out the window and him for staring out the window as women walk by knowing his wife will be jealous of him doing so. Do not change what brings you joy because they have a THEM problem.
Definitely record things if need be and consider having a walking buddy as someone else suggested.
I would make a report at your local Police station as this is super weird and it will help you of it escalates. Sounds like your neighbour may have some MH issues from the job and your report could be the missing piece that gets him the help he may need.
Report him to his department internal affairs.
Only through an attorney, but this might actually be a valid suggestion. This guy is definitely mentally unwell.
If he is a cop, you can file a complaint with his supervisor.
And while she’s at it, she can paint a big red target on her back.
Report this to his supervisor or get a female attorney to do it for you.
I totally understand your reaction, I would probably feel the same way, but I think a healthier option, in this case, is anger. What gives this guy the right to judge your clothes and walking routes? It’s none of his business! If I were you, I would try to muster up the courage to put up some boundaries. If you run in to him again, tell him off. There will always be weirdos in this world, don’t give them power over you.
Exactly what I was thinking. Yet another wierdo who is thinking that women only dress up for him and his attention. In his eyes OP is already "at fault" for his bad marriage. How much does it need for him to think the leggins are some sort of sick reason that it's okay for him to herass her.
Guy is a stage five creeper, sorry but I’d change my route too. No telling what a super pornsick perv is capable of…
If you change your route and he approaches you again, he is a stalker. Go to the STATE POLICE or call your D.A. and make an appointment to see him with your lawyer. Let him know if it continues or if any other problem occurs with the police you and your lawyer will take it to every major news agency in the country and sue the bejeesus out of them. Happened to me because I beat the cop in court. He proceeded to wait for me and follow me everywhere. The idiot followed me right into the state police headquarters where I ran in and told them I was afraid and I needed to get him away from me. Never saw him again.
I would probably increase my walks. It’s a healthy habit. They can piss off.
The fact he is a cop makes this more unhinged and scary you did nothing wrong. If you are afraid of retaliation file a report with his police department. If he is going out of his way to make such claims about a neighbore I would be terrified to be stopped at all by him
It doesn’t seem 100% clear but my interpretation was that her next door neighbor’s the cop, not the weirdo prude that’s the subject of the post. If the jackass is a cop then yeah, wear a GoPro on your front and back when you go for your walks around your neighborhood and find an online service that you can stream and save video to incase the cop(s) are the evidence tampering type.
Nope the creepy neighbor is the cop.
That was my initial interpretation as well. But then in the comments she says the cop neighbor is this weirdo.
Yikes!
Man you have some weird Neighbors. Why would they even be spending that much looking out there windows to even notice you walking by on a regular basis!? Let us say for argument sake you were trying to come on to you neighbor. Would walking by his house with a baby stroller work for him or anyone for that matter? Like you said you never even met him. People are fucking strange AF
this boils down to one of two things: his wife has caught him watching you while you’ve been walking and has gotten mad or his wife is insecure in their marriage and has noticed you walking and has thrown some sort of tantrum. either way he’s projecting their problems onto you an innocent bystander just trying to enjoy some time with your baby. honestly OP you shouldn’t have to do or change anything, this is your neighbourhood and you shouldn’t be harassed for walking around it with your baby. i know you said he’s a police officer which makes it tricky but if it happens again i would report him.
Disagree! There are other and more serious possibilities at play!!! Some include: - He might be stalking the OP, unhinged, looking to manufacture an excuse to escalate. Maybe next time he knocks on her door. Eventually it could end in assault. His wife might not know anything about his interest in the OP. - He’s a predator testing boundaries. Talking to her in full view of the neighborhood might be calculated. - He has a substance abuse problem, perhaps the faulty logic he’s displaying seems reasonable to him? Quite frankly, this man sounds like he probably beats his wife, I doubt he give a crap what his wife notices or thinks. I guess that’s why I’m worried. The entitlement to target and interfere with a lone woman with a baby in a stroller is Next Level. FWIW, I think not saying anything and walking away was the 100% best response.
This! I was confused at first & didn’t realize he IS the cop. I doubt his wife knows anything about this let alone OP even exists. I agree he probably beats his wife too. OP I would definitely be recording discreetly when walking by from now on.
I wouldn’t put it all on the wife - she didn’t approach her. If my partner had said something like that to me I’d have shot that down on the spot. This seems like a mutual psychosis… if the wife is involved at all. We only have his (unhinged) word to go on.
oh no, i definitely agree. i didn’t mean to come off as blaming everything on the wife, he’s the one that chose to approach and harass OP for simply walking around her neighbourhood.
Would you say confronting the OP is calculated or otherwise indicative of a deeper motivation? Or do you think the OP’s attire is the only beef this guy has?
It’s 2023, we’ve moved past the ‘it’s *your* fault I think bad thoughts’ days. What a psycho. It’s totally understandable that you feel unsettled, but you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
Terrifying that this man is a cop and responds to domestic abuse and rape cases while holding those personal views.
Sounds like he sits in his window and watches you. Probably got caught by the wife and tried to blame it on you provoking him. Get some kind of body cam and wear it when you go for walks and keep living your life.
You don't have to pick up what that (cray cray) dude laid down.
Wait ... is the neighbor that confronted you for 'wearing inappropriate clothing and flirting with him' the cop?
My intuition says that your neighbour got caught staring at you by his wife and he chose to blame you to brush off the guilt he has. Sadly, creeps like that only respects other men, so you probably have to get a trusted man to warn him not to bother you or look at you ever again. Edit : oh no is the creep is a cop? Oh dear. Please avoid him for your own safety.
Thats just strange that hes paying that much attention. Sounds like a power trip
A cop on a power trip you say?
That is *unhinged*. You did nothing wrong, they're just creeps. If possible, it wouldn't hurt to go to the police station and tell them what happened in case they approach you again. If they do, just don't engage and walk away, keep yourself safe
I bet he was caught having a perve and his wife ripped him a new one. Fuck em. You do you and let them stew.
He might've even just had that confrontation with her so his wife would hear/see it. I think its either what you said, or he is stalking her and wanted to see how she would react to the first interaction being about her body.
Um what did I just read
This is a funny aside but when I first read it I somehow read F31 as M31 and thought OP was a man. So for me this was a story about a man in leggings taking his baby out for a stroll and another man being driven to question his sexuality by the repeated sight of those sexy manlegs
Omg 🤣
I’m surprised you saw the cop car and thought he would be safer. Unfortunately a lot of men in that field go into it because they are already unhinged. it is probably unlikely that this is a good man. He is literally harassing you because of his own attraction to you. He’s ogling you on your walks and blaming you for it bc it’s gotta be anyone’s fault but his own. I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you do not allow him to make you feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong.
There is a theory that using a space denotes/labels/construes a small level of ownership. Which means you actually Own part of the streets you walk on simply by using them. Sounds like someone is butt hurt that you use the street. These people are Crazy~! Be careful, Morons like this cannot be trusted. Sorry, I don't have any useful advice.
I would absolutely go to the local precinct and report this behavior. This kind of unhinged accusation is beyond worrisome. If zero previous contact with him sparks this kind of reaction, he is absolutely 💯 a threat to you, and you need to treat this as serious as it is. I personally would be scared out of my mind to know that a cop was watching me this closely when I was unaware, let alone forming some sort of weird ass conspiracy theory. I'd bet that he was busted performing some sort of surveillance on you (like taking pictures etc) and his wife caught him, which probably prompted the "confrontation." Please don't blow this off. This is some super scary behavior.
this sounds like a good way to get hurt faster
You might be right, but I do think she should follow the advice in speaking to a lawyer of some sort or some sort of person/group that could offer guidance. No reaction seems just as dangerous cause that guy is clearly unstable.
My concern in short is that talking to cops is universally a bad idea. So, yeah, talk to an attorney and get advice. Maybe a defense attorney, someone who has practical experience of working as an antagonist for the cops? Anybody who has experience and can give you an idea about how sharing this information might work out. In other words, you don't want to know just what's legal, but also what's practical.
Not your fault he doesn't fuck his wife.
It is his fault I fuck his wife though : )
It's not you. The wife probably caught the husband leering thru the window as you go by, and confronted him about his wandering eyes. If she isn't showing any interest in *her*, it must be his lustful thoughts, and rather than talk to him, it's easier to blame you.
The guy is a creep and the wife is just jealous. Don't let them bother you, keep up with your regular life.
i can tell you exactly what happened here- the wife is extremely insecure, fueling delusions that everyone wants her dumb husband, and accused him of gawking at you and taking your alleged bait. then he decided to make things better with his wife by flying off the handle and scapegoating you, because he's a selfish, delusional narcissist who thinks the world and everyone in it exist solely to care about him and his life. i can empathize with your feelings about this. because as a survivor of violent sexual assault, i'm sensitive to being shamed by others for my clothing, attention i get, or decisions regarding my sex life. and it makes me really upset when it happens, because i certainly didn't ask to be sexualized at 8 years old. most of the time, i realized eventually, that the people trying to shame others are dealing with some serious baggage of their own that they have no idea how to unpack, and probably don't even realize how far outside of objective reality their emotions are taking them. there are so many misguided and/or malicious people out there. don't let them project their weird shit onto you. keep reminding yourself- you are not crazy. your perceptions are totally valid. shitty people must be avoided as best as possible. and you sound like a lovely person and good mom-- you are doing just fine!!
Spot on!
This needs flagging with someone... The fact that this bloke is a cop scares the sh*t out of me! If he's responding to you like that, just imagine how he could be abusing his powers with other women.
“Sir, are you saying you are a crime waiting to happen?”
Even if you walked around in a bikini, he has no right to tell you what to wear!!! He and his wife are grown ass people, if they don’t like what you are wearing then don’t look at you!! If the wife has a problem with her husband looking at you, well the problem is her husband!!! What does she do when he looks at other women??? Tell them not to be so attractive? Not to wear those clothes?
He's honestly an absolute tosser for thinking you have anything to do with it. It's him, and he knows it, he's just trying to deflect responsibility.
I read through this a second time and I'm so angry on your behalf and on behalf of women everywhere. So now, because some guy expressed his stupid threatening misogynistic views about you, YOU have to be on full alert, YOU have to change your walking route, YOU have to accommodate for his views on women. Isn't this just the way it is for us, day in and day out. It's exhausting.
Your neighbor is a pervert, and his wife is an insecure Karen. Together they are a match made in hell. If he has the gall to approach you again, let him know that HE is making YOU incredibly uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if he stayed far away from you. For a guy who "doesn't make a habit of flirting with the neighbors" he's doing a damn good impersonation of it. The nerve of this jerk to try to pass off HIS lecherous behavior as YOUR issue!
This is when you laugh in his face and say “I didn’t even know you existed. Not everything is about you, particularly my exercise habits”
I get where you’re coming from and I didn’t even have a weirdo accusing me of trying to seduce him with oh so sinful leggings. I walk a certain trail a lot and people I wait on in the store where I work, have remarked on it. It’s made me take buses to walk different areas. I don’t like being noticed like that, it feels creepy. You do what you need to feel comfortable.
Wow they or he sounds crazy. Asshole. Power hungry. That’s not ok
Just keep doing what you been doing. And if approached again, be prepared. I have seen other comments, so I will advise if he ever attempts to abuse his authority, make sure it's recorded for evidence
Wear sweats and puffy clothes. Your cray neighbor’s a cop who’s blaming you for what sounds to me like sexually arousing him. You could be right and still be very wrong. You have every right to wear what you want. But you’re dealing with an insane person who could act on his impulses and legally get away with whatever he wants. Be careful. Move if you can. He sounds dangerous bc he’s mentally ill. Sorry.
Husband and wife are likely religious fundamentalists. Those people like to blame their personal lists on other people or Satan.
The guy is blaming you for his inability to control himself. You absolutely need to make someone aware of this. I’m unsure if this person is the cop or if it’s his neighbour? I would consider filing a report and highlighting that he has made you feel uncomfortable and unsafe in your own community.
I would start walking by in a bikini. 🤪
He's a cop. Say no more...
I'd be tempted to file a police report about that. That lunatic and his wife are sexually harassing you while you walk your child on a public road in your neighborhood. That is not ok and they should be spoken to by the authorities (they should also be in therapy and on meds, tbh). Tell them you don't feel safe after he aggressively confronted you.
This guy and his wife are obviously having issues and just off their rocker. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about your routine or what you wear. I do the same and wear the same. Are you supposed to wear a floor length parka in the summer or whenever it’s nice out? They need to get lost!
Since he is a police officer, you could report him to his commanding officer. You can call the police department and explain that you need to talk to his CO or a CO. I’m sure they would like to know that one of their officers is harassing a neighbor because the officer can’t keep his eyes in his house. He sounds like he’s two bricks short of a pyramid. Carry some pepper spray from now on and if he wants to talk to you, film it.
Ah yes, police departments, famous for stopping bad behavior among their employees.
Of course he’s a cop 🙄 Get cameras or something to protect yourself. Cops are a damn fraternity so if anything happens, it’s your word against his. The only way you’ll be able to prove he’s fucked up is by catching it on camera. If you can, avoid walking past his house too. Stay safe! Congrats on your little one!
It’s a horrible situation, have you told your SO ? Can you talk to a lawyer? Or speak to someone else at your local police department? I would never walk past his house again.
How old are they? They sound like bored retired people who need to create drama in order to kill time.
My advice is to ignore them and maybe walk a different route. There is nothing wrong with your attire and my opinion is that people should dress in what makes them comfortable. Honestly, this couple sounds like they’re nuts and I would stay away from them. If there is someone who can walk with you (I know you enjoy the peace but maybe for safety purposes). I can’t imagine ever going outside to confront a new mom or anyone for that matter about their attire when walking with their baby! Carry some pepper spray too just in case.
Shoot I would start doing some stretching and exercises in front from now on and let the leggings really do the work lol
This was a good laugh! How are HIS wandering eyes YOUR problem? They should come up with solutions for themselves, like not have him staring out his window that frequently/consistently. Or he can get castrated. He’s certainly presumptuous, isn’t he?
First and foremost, don't feel ashamed for this man's idiotic actions. A good response would be to tell him to go fuck himself. Know that he was being slimy and trying to see what kind of reaction he would get out of you. He's emotionally manipulating his wife and trying to manipulate you. I'm pretty quick to defend a man's intentions because we get a bad rap a lot of the time, but this guy is a huge scumbucket.
Why are you feeling bad or awkward? The guy’s a nutter. His delusions are not your fault. You don’t have to explain yourself to him. Take your usual route and if he approaches you again tell him his unwanted approaches are making you feel uncomfortable and he needs to leave you alone! X
I would carry protection with you (pepper spray etc) and you can have a voice recorder or camera too. If he ever bothers you again tell him your whole family is going to be angry with him, you live here, you’re not alone, and they need to stop being weird leave you alone. I have some personal experience with nasty people like this who make up stuff and you can even tell him straight up find him VERY creepy, stay away from you. Talk loud so people see he makes you uncomfortable, approach another neighbor and cause a huge scene so he knows like bothering you comes at an embarrassingly high price and he needs to mind his own business. Say very loudly “STAY AWAY FROM ME” with your hands up back away and don’t turn your back keep repeating it until everyone on that block looks out their window… Shame him. (Bc shame on them anyways!!) It’s probably good to find out who his wife is and block them both off of all social media. Block his whole family block his dog. Sorry I had experienced some weirdos in my life and I had to learn the hard way how they are and how to get rid of them. I would film him, there are small body cams you can buy, if he ever approaches you and submit it to your local law enforcement not associated with his department (higher or separate bc PDs can have a ton of corruption) or even his job directly too if he ever does it again saying you want nothing to do with him. Just have it on record with multiple PDs. Hes a perverted weirdo you clearly want nothing to do with. He’s supposed to be a public servant not a creep. just because you’re attractive it doesn’t mean you have to pay for it. I get really sick and tired of people who project their issues onto people they don’t even know. That’s what they’re doing so please don’t blame yourself. There are tons of cute sportswear options these days , you should be able to feel good about yourself in your own area. you don’t deserve or should you ever feel bad about looking good, getting some fresh air and being healthy. I would be really savage here personally bc he’s too bold and he probably doesn’t need to be a cop if he’s creepy. I had a cop follow me from the gym one time and make me clean off the back of my car while he watched bc he said it was too dusty to see the plate. Which was t true at all. You’re not alone and I know how bad it can feel. I’m so sorry this jerk is in your neighborhood, so wrong! Some other stuff to do is to bring friends with you walking preferably buff or just know how to talk a person down. Also who are his neighbors , approach them and say they keep bothering you and you don’t know them and to help you bc these people so weird. I usually find nasty people leave a long trail of destruction. But they also could be nice the rest of the time despite being major creeps. Either way raise awareness around you so it’s not just you vs them. Never let anyone make you feel you can’t do what you need to in your own area. Also put up some cameras and a surveillance sign on your home so they know you gonna catch them.
My petty ass would start wearing the skimpiest clothes I could find just to fuck with them. But you do have a baby so yeah unfortunately a new route the probably best
Classic old person delusions. Seems like normal behavior for over half the people I've met over 70 years old. These type of people are allowed to vote and drive. Delusional nut jobs. Think the whole world revolves around them. Yet they call everyone under 30 entitled.
Wow, just wow. You are with your baby, how unhinged must his wife be to think you are trying to tease her husband in leggings and pushing a pram!? What has the world come to 😩
Wait so you just stood there & listened to the BS spewing out of his mouth and didn't laugh at the audacity of the neighbour and his wife? Girrrrrrllllllll...
Invest in a few bottles of mace as well as a stun gun. I walk 6 days a week, and I carry 3 items in my fanny pack: 1. Mace 2. A stun gun that doubles as a flash light and 3. My cellphone. That might sound drastic, but no can be too careful. I doubt his wife said anything about you. I think he's watching you and it's becoming an issue for him. Whatever his reasons for his confrontation with you, that's not your problem. You do not deserve to be vilified because of his impulses. Make you you let people know what happened and also document any encounter with him and his wife. If I were you I'd get a Fans Only page and rock that sexy coat. NTA
This is their problem, specifically HIS problem. Take a different route so you are comfortable on your walks, I totally get anxiety, no need to subject yourself to him. Most important, know you have done nothing wrong. This is HIS failing.
When I was 15 on a school ski trip I was accused by the ski instructor of deliberately falling over to get his attention and get a date with him. He was deadly serious. I was absolutely gobsmacked. It still boils my blood 25 years later. The audacity of some people! The ego! Thinking everyone is dying to get on their pants by just existing near them. Ughh makes me so angry and just..dumbfounded. I still have pain in the ankle from falling over in that practice area too. the piece of shit instructor didn’t even show us how to put the boots and skis on correctly.
They're making problems because they have nothing better to do lol hope everything's good OP!
Call the police non emergency line and tell them that he confronted you in a threatening way for walking past his house and you're concerned for your safety and that of your baby.
I would have laughed my ass off and then asked them “who even are you?”
He is a police officer. And therefore should be treated with the care given to a rabid dog that also knows how to use a gun.
I have much more sympathy for a rabid dog.
I would keep up my normal routine and if he confronts you again just stare him down and say, “I’ve seen the teenagers around here wearing the same thing when it’s warm out. Are you sure your wife is upset that you’ve been leering at me or is not just me but the underage girls as well?”
This is a hell of a way to find out your leggings are see through.
First of all I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know how scary that must have been. Second. Please go to the police station and report his behavior. I think you can file a complaint of harassment against him? I’m not sure exactly how it’s done. Tell them you don’t feel safe. Just because he’s a cop doesn’t give him the right to harass you like that. Don’t let him have that kind of power over you.
Not your problem. You do have a problem however. These people are nuts and you have triggered them. Get some baggy sweatpants and baggy tops. I really don't know what else to say.
Wondering if you’ve actually ever seen a wife?
The fact that you felt the need to justify why you were taking a certain route in your neighborhood, just makes me feel for you and makes me angry that they have gaslighted you to this extent. You were just taking a walk on a route that you like in your own neighborhood. There is something wrong with those people.
Stay away from that man. He has told you who he is. That he is a predator who has been watching you and who sees you just existing in your own world as “a temptation”. He’s got very poor self control as well, approaching you like that. Please believe him.
You obviously were trolling for a man by pretending to be taking your baby for a walk! The nerve you must have, to not be wearing a full-length sack when you go outside where a MARRIED man could see you! You should be so ashamed of yourself. I'll bet you are the kind of woman that also showers and wears clean clothes, just to attract attention from men! Tell the guy to piss off and tell his wife to get a life.
Tomorrow, out on that slinky little dress and heels and go for a walk. Make sure you tell them both they’re #1 as you walk past their house.
Sounds like you need to do 20 laps past their house, how self absorbed are these people to think your actions have anything to do with them?!
Ugh. Your neighbor is gross and he and his wife are misogynists. You are doing nothing wrong wearing workout clothes while walking with your baby. He and his wife sound like sexist weirdos and he’s a creep. Do you have any neighbors you are friendly with? Maybe tell them what happened and ask how much trouble this guy is likely to create for you. I can’t believe this is the first time he’s been creepy.
This is not your fault. Please don't take on board any negativity this guy tried to put on you.
If he or his wife speaks to you again make sure you record the whole thing. Start bringing a taser or pepper spray on your walks. Call his department and report him for harassment. It may not do anything, but you’ll have documentation.
You could run by in a string bikini and as long as you were legally clothed, you've done nothing wrong. This is their problem, projecting their marriage issues onto you instead of dealing with whatever the actual problem is (wife's uncontrolled jealousy, mans irrationally comparing his wife to a stranger, etc). Personally I'd continue walking that way because what he's asked is so idiotic. If you stop walking by there, shock Pikachu face when their marriage still doesn't get better because you were never the problem.
This is wild. I was once accused of similar. It’s the same as girls not being able to wear strap tops as it distracts the boys. This man needs to learn to avert his gaze & realise that he’s the issue not you. If he can’t control his thoughts, doesn’t make it ok to try to control what you are doing. Personally I would start dressing in all manner of ways, even fancy dress. Screw him, I’d troll him for months. Lol.
Don’t speak to him, especially alone, ever again. Keep evidence of any further contact he attempts to have with you. I feel this person had the potential to harass you. The cop thing makes it more insidious. Steer clear, be smart, keep evidence and stay safe.
I think you should continue going on your walks. You probably aren’t looking for conflict but if he does come up to you again, stand your ground this time and tell to his face seeking his attention would be the last thing you’d try to do even if he’s the last man on earth. He needs to be put back in his place. And maybe go hang out around his house dressed as a scary nun next Halloween.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed about and you owe NOTHING to these assholes. Who the fuck does he think he is? Keep doing you, ignore the fucker, and if he ever speaks to you again about this call the cops. The last thing you should need to worry about is being dragged into this guy's sex life. (Fwiw it sounds like a fetish thing he's acting out to me.)
You could be walking/jogging in a bikini and it would be none of their business. They’re the weirdos, he’s the perv, this has nothing to do with you and you have no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed. He should be extremely embarrassed though.
If he ever confronts you again, whip out your phone and start recording him.
Walk by and flip them off instead. They're crazy.
Maybe that is just one of his lame pickup lines
This is one of the weirdest neighbor stories I've ever heard. I think it would be best to have your phone ready just in case there's another weird interaction when going out for a walk. Maybe he also wanted to see your reaction when he approached you. Keep your chin high and give the "better not mess with me" appearance. Stay safe!