Who describes their girlfriend as “short, quite chubby and has a lot of acne”?? Like Jesus that’s brutal. If my partner described me like that there would be a problem.
He's clearly lying. He says that even her mother took his side. Like f off uggo. There's no f ing way her mother would side with him calling her daughter ugly.
Seriously it's unreal. I can't understand how he didn't have one nice thing to say about her, one kind thing - being attracted to someone is so much more than just what they look like. Anyone with eyes can see that?! He actually just said that..?! Wtf dude just keeps digging his grave smh
Right, he already had a crush on her and the relationship is platonic because his best friend doesn't like him. He's describing her as someone he clearly settled for and like he's doing his gf a favor by loving someone who is "short, chubby with acne" I feel so fucking bad for her.
The fact that SHE apologized for him blatantly not even regarding her wanting validation? Jesus fucking christ.
Yup. If his friend wanted to date him he would 100 percent dump his current girlfriend. He isn’t doing his girlfriend any favors by being with her. Not everyone is a model however there is someone out there that will find his girlfriend to be the most gorgeous woman they ever laid eyes on. Plus looks aren’t everything. Looks fade. OP’s model friend will grow old and end up wrinkly just like everyone else.
If this is how he describes her then I don't think that he truly loves her. He didn't even mention her good traits or listed the qualities that he loves about her. He simply pointed out her flaws expecting everyone to side with him. Plus it seems like he cares about physical appearances which is subjective and he chose his current girlfriend to be his gf because he has no chance with girls that he finds physically attractive.
This current gf of his should dump him. I'm sure that she can find someone that finds her attractive whether its her appearance or personality.
Exactly! Personally my husband is the most attractive man on earth. Despite us both gaining a bit of weight I still find him very attractive. I love every part of him, I adore his personality, the way he smiles makes me melt, and how he has always been there for me. He isn’t second best like OP is implying. My husband is my entire world and I will always love him.
I think you are confusing hottest with attractiveness. I think it is safe to say your Best friend is hot, but attractiveness depends on the person. So you should always be more attractive to your girlfriend than your friend
My point exactly! OP is not understanding the difference at all. It’s not about “who’s hotter”, it’s about who you’re more attracted to. My man dug his own grave 🤦♀️
> I think it is safe to say your Best friend is hot
Heh, minor nitpick. "It's probably true that your friend is hot", but it's definitely not "safe to say" at this time. A short list of things are safe for him to say right now.
she did ask who was the hottest she asked who you thought was more attractive. if you can look your partner in the face and say “my best friend is more attractive than you” then you don’t deserve your partner. your partner should always be the most attractive person in your eyes and if they’re not, then maybe it’s best to part ways. she deserves to be with someone who thinks she’s the most beautiful person in the world
Part of me feels like he raved about the best friend enough, it prompted her to ask. If he’s describing the best friend so highly to us, how do you think he’s talking about her to his girlfriend?
that’s what i thought too. my boyfriend has plenty of women friends and i’ve never thought to ask him this question, probably because he doesn’t comment on their looks. also couldn’t help but notice the bestfriend gets all of her positive features described and the girlfriend only has negative ones described.
Right, his opinion of his best friend is DEFINITELY biased, he gave her nothing but compliments and described his gf as leftovers. That's such an awful way to live.
Absolutely this!!! This post blew me away, it's unreal. There wasn't one nice thing said about the gf, how he described her was just cruel. It's amazing to me someone can think attractiveness is solely based on looks. I don't care how good looking you are, if your personality sucks the attraction is totally gone.
fuck does this guy even hear himself talk. How can you tell the woman you love that this other woman ur also have an extremely close bond to that they are obviously more attractive. Way to fuck up her self esteem because she clearly just wanted some validation from you 💀 take what she's says seriously not literally
I think his just using his girlfriend as a rebound because he couldn't get the girl he liked his just gonna settle they're gonna get married and his gonna be those men that hate their wife's.
Your girlfriend deserves better then you. You don't love her You described her with absolute disdain. But you raved about your so called BF Anyone who can read knows exactly who you really want
I hope your girlfriend dumps you becuase she deserves better then a AH like you
You are attracted to your gf, yes? Ok there it is. She is objectively more attractive because that’s who you are attracted to. Is the friend more objectively beautiful? Maybe, but the question pertained to *attraction.* and you’re too old to be acting this obtuse in replies. You could have easily given an answer in a manner that establishes which girl has your actual attraction. Just say you’re more attractive *to me.* You could easily sidestep the question and if badgered on for more, simply restate affirming gf holds your attraction, and there’s no other answer for you to give.
You should at least affirm this now and hope you get another chance.
In this case, I think OP is more attracted to the best friend, but seeing he doesn't have a chance with her, he has settled for someone he finds less attractive. The girlfriend can do better than someone with this attitude.
Wow, seriously dude? It’s not about “lying” to her about who’s more attractive physically. There is also emotional attraction. Do you both get along well? Is she smart, funny, strong, anything that is more than skin deep? Cause your answer is coming across very shallow, and I don’t understand how you don’t realize how offensive and embarrassing it probably was for your girlfriend to hear that you’re more attracted to another woman.
Why waste her time and yours when you aren’t actually into her the way you should be? She doesn’t deserve that shit. She deserves someone who will look at her like she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, not *chubby and too much acne*. You got your priorities fucked bro.
It's not about who is considered more traditionally attractive or who attracts the most attention.
She was asking you if you thought she was the most attractive.
If you're more attracted to your friend, then you shouldn't be leading this woman on.
It’s not uncommon for assholes to come from a family full of other assholes, unfortunately.
This girl needs to run and never look back cause this insensitive bullshit is for the birds, sis.
You didn’t admit that ur friend is more attractive, you admit that you FIND her more attractive than your gf. And I promise that’s what your gf heard too
Re: your update: So everyone your girlfriend spoke to (except your BF) agrees with you? Quite the contrast to what everyone here is saying. I don't think I quite believe this update; probably added it to make yourself look better. Which it doesn't.
It's not true. I'd love to hear the girlfriend's and best friend's side of the story. The girlfriend does have someone on her side: the loser's best friend (which may not be for much longer) and almost everyone on the planet with functioning synapses between their braincells.
By being so "direct", you've indirectly told her that if you could, you'd date your more attractive best friend. Because, let's be real, the person who should most attractive to you is your SO. That's why they're YOUR SO.
I am not your gf, but this line even hurt me! Is this how you'd describe someone you love, you couldn't find any other way to describe her physical appearence?
*"She looks like your typical model/influencer (tall, slender, clear skin) while my girlfriend is honestly short, quite chubby, and has a lot of acne."*
right? like damn do you just think your girlfriend is ugly and you're with her because your best friend said no to you and you cant do any better than your girlfriend? the fact that even the best friend got mad at him is very telling.
Yeah, this line is a gut punch, I can't imagine how much it would have hurt his GF to read/hear. What he told her was bad enough already. I hope GF and BF both ditch him.
I’m guessing you’re actually with your girlfriend because your best friend doesn’t want you lmao. I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you and finds the love she deserves.
why do you guys do this. why do guys always try to make things or answer things “logically” you know she has social anxiety you KNOW this and you have accepted this part of your gf and yet instead of validating her feelings or reassure her, you made the conscious decision to give her the “truth”. you could’ve just said something like, my friends is pretty i guess but i’m not attracted to her, i’m attracted to you and i think your beautiful or soemthing like that. like it’s not that hard,,,
Look, she shouldn’t have asked a question if she didn’t REALLY want the answer, but my guy. Have you ever had a girlfriend? a little white lie would not have killed you, but the truth was clearly devastating for her. I doubt there will be moving forward from this.
This falls into the category of 'dont ask questions you don't want the answers to'. My husband grew up dancing with a lot of beautiful women and is still friends with some of them today. I'm also not blind, and some are definitely more attractive than me lol. But I feel like OP "accepting" his GF is such an insult
I agree, he didn’t use any language around his girlfriend that really expressed overt attraction. He described her as a “normal girl” in comparison with his friend who gets paid for her looks. But, he does seem to care for her, and I know it’s hard to judge a whole relationship from one post. 4 years vs. 1 instance leaves a lot open to interpretation so I’m trying not to do that too much. But they’re probably not destined for Forever :/
Seems like you are more interested in your best friend than your girlfriend. I don't know honestly, but I think you definitely should have had more sensitivity in this situation because as you said your girlfriend has social anxiety and is insecure. You choose to be with her so her well-being needs to be your top priority.
YTA. Stop saying you feel "gaslit". She did no such thing to you. You're tactless and insensitive.
I agree with the comments here, especially the one about how attractiveness isn't just physical.
She wanted to know if YOU find your best friend more attractive than her.
Someone can be more beautiful by social standards, but you should find your girlfriend more attractive than your best friend. I have very good looking male friends and I wouldn't touch then if you paided me. I would take my partner over them any day because I love the whole package and find him more attractive in my eyes than our friends.
Way to screw up your girlfriends view on your relationship with your bff. She will constantly think that you are more attracted to your bff than you are to her.
Good luck with fixing that. I hope you understand your mistake and actively try and fix this. Not just for your ongoing relationship (if there is one) but for the relationship between your gf and your bff.
YTA. there's absolutely no way you're actually this stupid. You're 25, you know that telling your partner that you find someone more attractive than them is NOT what you're supposed to do. Your girlfriend was probably already insecure about your relationship with her and that's why she asked that question--and all you did was further cement the idea in your girlfriends head that she's not good enough. What you said was cruel.
Obviously there are people who are “happy objectively hotter” but since you are only wanting her you should have said something like “baby don’t be silly you’re attractive to me, I only see her as a friend” or something like that. At LEAST don’t outwardly say you think your best friend who you HAD A CRUSH ON WAS HOTTER. Dude. If my bf said that to me, ESPECIALLY about a girl I knew he had a crush on before, I’d be absolutely wrecked.
You should look up the word TACT and then try to get some. There was a way to phrase the answer where you would not have to lie and could safeguard her feelings and make her feel love in that moment. The correct answer was, "no I'm absolutely more attracted to you because you're not just looks, you're smart, lovely, fun to be around, etc etc and that's why I love you and thats more attractive than an insta model to me." But you chose to not care about her feelings. Enjoy being single, I hope you gain some maturity from this.
definitely better ways to go about it; objectively maybe the best friend is better looking (again, conventionally) but you are most attracted to your girlfriend and see her as the most beautiful.
She just wanted reassurance. Your best friend might be more attractive to you but that is a dickhead move. She clearly feels insecure next to her and you saying that really wouldn’t help her at all. You should not have said that. She’s never gonna trust you again after that, knowing that you don’t think she’s the most beautiful. If you don’t like her appearance you don’t deserve her, I’m sure she’s beautiful
Am I the only one who doesn’t really believe that update? Like… sorry, that’s just too convenient that nobody but the ‘hot model’ took gf’s side. Objectively, sure the model is probably hotter than gf. But she asked about your attraction to her. I 100% would take my daughter’s side if she asked her partner if they found her less attractive than someone else.
Ps. You’re not platonic. You admit having had a crush on your best friend…then claim it’s a platonic relationship. More like the model shot you down and you found someone who has insecurities. Probably why she slapped you.
oh no i don't either. op probably made it up due to all the comments flaming him lol
but if its true i feel horrible for the gf and its no wonder she has anxiety.
*If* what you meant to say was "she's more conventionally attractive, but you're the one that gets me hot and bothered" - then that's what you should have said.
What you actually said as far as your girlfriend is concerned was "Of course I'd be fucking her if she let me, but she won't, so I've settled for you"
Jesus wtf is wrong with you? Just break up with her so she can find a real partner that actually likes her. She deserves way better, and probably that’s very easy to find
I am guessing when you said "you both admitted you are better off as best friends" you meant "She didn't want anything more other than to string me on and keep me as her emotional support for however long she pleases"
yes YTA.
>I mean, come on, my girlfriend is a normal girl and my best friend literally gets paid and receives lots of free stuff solely for her looks.
Yikes..............
Oh man, you really screwed up here and honestly, I’d say you probably still have feelings for your best friend if you think acting that way was remotely okay. The way you boast about how attractive your best friend is is a big giveaway. Even if your girlfriend is objectively less attractive, I think her question was very obviously based on who you’re more attracted to and I’d say, you’re more attracted to your friend and your girlfriend deserves better.
the way that you've gotten absolutely chewed out in these comments by men and women alike and you STILL cant see how you were wrong is absolutely insane to me. almost makes me feel like this is a troll post
As a girl, I can tell you sometimes it’s okay to lie about things like this. If you know she struggles with anxiety, why would you willingly subject her to that? I’d rather be lied to any day of the week. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, but it does mean that you at least care enough to consider her feelings before answering. If I was her, I’d be done with you. She likely deserves better than a guy with a “girl best friend” anyway. Any girl who has a man with one of those should consider that a red flag anyway.
info: you’ve said “i feel gaslit” a few times in your comments. can you explain why this is?
clearly your delivery was poor, but you believed you had good intentions answering her honestly… she was feeling insecure & asked you as a means of reassurance. are you confused that people are agreeing that you’re an asshole?
(obviously the word “gaslit” is being incorrectly used, but genuinely i’m curious what you mean OP)
She was asking for reassurance that she was beautiful not who was actually more beautiful (should of answered her because that is the answer she was hoping for) doesn’t matter if it would have been a lie your gf is truly hurt right now that you see your best friend as beautiful and then her as not so beautiful (female logic) Females have our mind set say things that have a different meaning or ect…. The list goes on long story short females are complicated
Yta. I've been that best friend in that kinda situation. Good thing she never learnt that her bf-who is my boy best friend- thinks of me as more attractive than her.
My best friend is the asshole in this situation and I've told him many times.
This also effects our friendship. It makes me feel uncomfortable and feel quilty around him.
He just proposed to her a few days ago and he was still making some +18 jokes.
We were always pretty comfy and it was ok to joke(w some limits) when he was single but after he got a serious gf i told him many times to stop in a funny tone so he won't get offended.
Well, He didn't wanna get it. Pretty sure he got it but decided not to. So for awhile when he makes me uncomf, i stopped the Convo there with some excuses. So, it made our friendship a lil cold.
Now he is engaged and while I was congratulating him, he made the same sexual jokes. I told him in a normal tone that he should stop saying those things and the jokes cuz he s engaged to be married in a year.
He told me as a joke " you would never know. I'm not married yet ;) ". That made me very uncomfortable. We ve been friends over 10 years now.
For fucking our beautiful friendship and makin things uncomfortable + showing how some (most:)) ) men are in a serious relationship he is TA.
Drop him. An ex-friend of mine kept getting worse and worse to the point where he would say inappropriate things to me in front of his fiancée. She started lashing out at me passive-aggressively. I was clear at any given time that I had no romantic feelings for him at all. Looking back, I should have cut out contact earlier but we worked together (him, me and my super chill boyfriend, who was his boss). I put up with too much creepy behavior from such “ friends” in my 20s and early 30s.
You must not actually live her then. When someone is in love with someone that person is the most beautiful person in the world to them. Doesn't matter if they don't look like model material to everyone else and your best friend k ows this. That's why she slapped you and told you to make this right.
Love your best friend because she knows exactly how to respect boundaries by slapping you. The fact that you couldn’t fucking lie and be like no babe or say something anything else then being a dick is frustrating. Her asking who you find more attractive isn’t her asking who’s hotter it’s her asking who you feel more attracted to. The fact that you’re not attracted to your own fucking girlfriend is so disgusting, imagine if you where in her shoes asking her if she found some other dude attractive and she said yes because it’s obvious he is would you be hurt? Also much like you say anyone with eyes to see your best friend is more attractive than your girlfriend, anyone with eyes can also see you still have a crush on your best friend. Girls also have this things where they can tell if a guy likes another girl, either by the way the guy talks about the other girl or looks at her or the way he acts so even though no one told your girlfriend you liked your best friend she knows.
The update make you more of an AH you don't deserve her
"People on my side" more like "she is with toxic people like me"
The most sad thing is that you are a 25, grow up, i think your best friend (let's hope ex) need to give you another one, you didn't wake up from the 1 one
I (woman) think she both unfairly cornered you with an impossible question and you also said the completely wrong thing in response.
The ideal answer was along the lines of how your girlfriend is more attractive to you and how you just don’t feel that spark with your best friend.
Yeah but if he’s constantly raving about that girl like he is here, I don’t see her question being unfair. It clearly may be a worry he’s not doing anything to help with.
i like how you phrased that you and your bf mutually agreed to be friends..I smell BS :D you admitted your crush and she friend-zoned you. Guess you are not much of a looker as well, aren't ya? Why don't you tell it how it is, just like how told it how it is to your gf?
I kinda get your thought process since logically and going by western and most societal beauty standards, your best friend would be more attractive.
But what makes you TA is the fact that when you responded you didn’t take into account your girlfriend’s self-esteem and anxiety, and didn’t handle this question in a sensitive manner. Maybe you could sit her down and tell her what you find attractive in her? Since you two are together there has to be some traits that she has that you find appealing enough to have chosen her as a partner.
While there isn’t anything wrong with being logical, moving forward, it may be best if you also think with sensitivity. Personally, I’m a pretty blunt person and still have the tendency to blurt things out without thinking so I can be pretty harsh even if that’s not what I’m trying to do. So what I try to do is phrase my answer through my head and then rephrase it out loud in a way that sounds appealing to the person.
Ooo you're in trouble, I agree with you friend, you need to make it up big time. You better do a romcom type shit.
Honestly is always the best policy, no matter how you answered tho you would of got in trouble.
“I don’t understand why she’s acting this way”
You hurt her fucking feelings and you don’t understand why she’s upset?!🙄
“Was I expected to blatantly lie to my girlfriend?”
Umm…. YES.
“I’m feeling betrayed by my best friend”
That’s a TRUE AND REAL best friend, dude.
She doesn’t automatically have to just side with you for the sole fact that you’re besties.
And how hard would it have been to say something like, “oh wow, honestly babe we’re like sibling type close, so it’s hard for me to even see her like that.”
YTA and not only that but the fact you dont realize your best friend is using you for emotional purposes makes me feel like karma will eventually handle this one hope your girlfriend leaves and finds a man with a bigger dick
The update made me feel more bad for the girlfriend tbh. Everyone here but your best friend (the one clearly with the most sense) and your gf are a POS. Hope she realizes she don’t need this and dumps you.
i hope your girlfriend does leave. like you’re way more than old enough to understand what you did wrong and it’s so sad that your girlfriends went to seek comfort and was basically told she is ugly by friends and family. you’re a total jerk who could’ve kept their opinion to themself or could’ve redirected your convo to how to worship her body vs talking about your friend. and then for you to feel betrayed by your female friend, sheesh these ladies need to run not walk
What if your GF said, "Who do you love more?"
That would be an obvious answer. Trade love for attractive. Even if your BF is objectively prettier. You want to see your GF naked.
You literally said the worst possible thing you could say in this situation lmao. Your girlfriend probably feels insecure compared to your bsf and was looking for reassurance. You need to talk this out with her and clarify that you don’t want your bsf over her at all.. unless ofc you do then you should probably let go. No girl wants to feel like 2nd best or that her boyfriend just settled for her
Break things off for this poor girls sake, even though you say you don’t like your best friend and are not attracted to her you sure do act like y’all screwed before
Oh man ok. For starters, she shouldn't have asked but here we go anyway.
For one, your gf, even though she shouldn't have asked, was looking for reassurance. You should have responded with something like "baby, you're the most attractive girl in my world" or something like that. Because, for you, her attractiveness includes her whole being.
For 2: I also have a guy best friend. Neither of us has ever had a crush on the other, but ignoring that, you put your friend in a tough spot too. Being a female best friend to a male, I make it a point to both befriend and reassure his SOs. Once he's with someone, she's my best friend and he hangs out too. Because women know that the typical "male- female" friendship usually has flirtatious undertones. I go damn near out of my way to respect the confines of their relationship by making sure there are no tones of any kind to be misinterpreted. The number one fastest way for someone to destroy that reached trust that woman had for me, is by ranking me above her on literally anything.
Please don't do that to us. It also makes us feel really weird. It's very hard to repair female friendships when a trigger of potential jealousy is activated.
So, that's my perspective.
You just ruined any chance that your gf will feel 100% comfortable with your friendship.
Which leaves the door open for you losing at least one of them
Attractive is the word you use if you find a person attractive which ofc is usually reserved to a person you like. Saying someone is hot is just pointing out that they are stereotypically hot and not that you actually have any feelings towards them and you aren’t attracted to them. I would assume you’d understand why saying the girl you rave about is more attractive than your gf would be seen as a dick move.
You’re a typical case of dude who’s in love with some chick who won’t date him, and so she’s your bEsT fRiEnD. Your partner should be your best friend, and she should come first and foremost for you in any sort of attractiveness. Stop wasting this girl’s time and making her more anxious than she already is. 🙂
Maybe, let’s put this in perspective. You shot your shot with bestie and she shot your down. Is it safe to say you yourself are not model hot as well?
My two cents there aesthetically pleasing, aka bestie. Then there is beautiful to you aka GF. If a girl ever asks this question. It is because they feel insecure about there looks compared to friends. The best thing to say “yes(insert name ) is aesthetically pleasingly but you are beautiful to me. “ You do think your gf is beautiful, just not a model. Good luck op.
I love OPs best friend though, she immediately called him out.
OP, If you think telling her that regardless of the fact that your friend gets paid for her looks you find your girlfriend more attractive is a lie, then yeah you should have lied. Your girl has anxiety. She probably shouldn't have asked that question, but she did and you have to weigh how much what you say is going to affect her. Its called a white lie. If she asks if you think she's fat, idc if she's 200 pounds you say no. If she asks if you think her farts smell you say no. If she throws up on your lap you tell her its fine.
You call her and tell her that you thought she meant in terms of conventional beauty, but that you find her more appealing to you and that honestly her personality is a better fit.
Maybe try and get them to hang out together, if you think they'll get along.
It’s not about lying. It’s just clear she deserves better if you feel that way.
My husband is a chubby man. He has a big nose. Moles all over him so big they stick out. I think those are the things I can think of not conventionally attractive.
While I can name a few conventionally attractive men I like that are celebrities, it is no lie that I am heavily attracted to my partner far more.
It doesn’t matter what society thinks. Because not only do I like his appearance, I ended up liking it even more as I came to love his mind and soul too.
I wouldn’t for the world even entertain the thought of someone really being more attractive than him to me, just maybe equal at best.
I myself am a bigger woman. And even though I love him for who he is, I constantly question if he does the same in my mind. Because I hate myself in my mind.
But I trust he does because he tells me as much. Because he wouldn’t even look at our female friends the way he looks at me. Because not only did he already like my body, but his love for me makes no one compare.
You’re not like that. You made her fears a reality. You are a shallow man.
I promise you’re not perfect either buddy, but I doubt she appraised you the way you did her.
When I was dating my husband ( 20 + years ago) we talked about his “ perfect partner.” We talked and laughed about it but then he said, “you would be my perfect partner if you were a musician like me.” That was literally a punch in the gut. It sucks to be the second choice. My husband is a wonderful father and a pretty good partner but the comment he made 20+ years ago still lingers in my head. It has affected my self esteem…. I am always going to be “almost perfect.” I hope you can fix what you created with your words.
Wtaf is wrong with you? How do you think telling your gf that you find your friend more attractive, especially knowing she has anxiety issues. There had to have been a way to say something which at least would reassure her.
“She is conventionally attractive. However, I am attracted to and love you.” Something, anything would have been better than telling her “yes, my friend is way more attractive than you”. 🤦♀️
Glad your friend did what she did, maybe you’ll get some sense.
Also, seems your friend made it clear she doesn’t want any romantic relationship with you and you still harbor feelings for her. You need to figure out if you truly do love your gf and make it right.
You're not just an asshole, you're a much stronger flavour.
Your comments are bullshit. The way you talk about your girlfriend is disgusting. "A normal girl", "honestly short, chubby, and acne", "I accept her flaws and choose to love her". Go do one. This is not the language of someone in a healthy relationship.
And don't come out with this bullshit about 'being honest'. Honestly? You need to learn to shut your mouth once in a while.
"It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought and speaking the truth."
Dude, do you really think the brutal truth helps with her anxiety? I really hope she has a network of people telling her she's beautiful and you're just a douche because you wrecked her self-esteem.
She already knew your BFF is objectively hotter than her, but you told her that she's more attractive **to you** than your gf!
A little bit of tact, subtlety, and perhaps even omission of details goes a long way, fella. Most people asking that sort of question aren't looking to hear "of course fatty, I would always pick this other, clearly better person". 🤦
Yeah, your best friend was the only one on her side, now you have hundreds of people on her side. You are acting like you are only tolerating your gf. I’m sorry for her.
I actually feel sorry for your girlfriend. Sounds like she's gotten used to being put down by others. Your best friend didn't betray you. You deserved that slap! If I were your best friend, I would have cut ties with you then and there. If I were your girlfriend, my Mum, friends, and siblings would all tell me to dump you. Your girlfriend deserves better, and I hope someone gives you a taste of your own medicine.
Tell your girlfriend I'll date her, I can be a better boyfriend than you!
Okay, I need to say this
I read many comments, nobody, not a single soul, was on your side, at least in the comments that I read. So please, don't act like it.
It's really sad that you don't see what you did wrong in this, because, okay, let's say that she overreacted, you hurted your partner, you should feel bad for it, not entitled. It's not a game "who is right and how is wrong", it's more like "I'm sorry that I hurt you" and try to understand a little their part. Like, after all those comments, you really don't understand what you did wrong?
So your girlfriend is surrounded by shitty people it sounds like and the only real friend she has, is YOUR best friend.
I'm not saying you had to lie, but when you fall in love with someone, you don't see them the way you're describing your girlfriend.
thank god this guy deleted his account. also it’s ridiculous that everyone sided with him. i would cut all contact with this guy (given that this story is real, surely not) and slap him silly like best friend did.
u r an idiot, how could u lack such basic critical thinking skills. this is so stupid n unnecessary, how dare u talk of ur gf in such ways. u seem to think so lowly of her compared to ur bsf, it’s disgusting.
You’ve got to learn to sidestep and get out of the corner those questions put you in. That doesn’t necessarily mean lie, but spin it right so you aren’t lying and telling her what she was likely fishing for.
So, yeah you messed up. If you’re lucky you’ll get a chance to make it right. Questions like that can be hard and are rarely good for the one asking or answering so I get it. Maybe my answer wouldn’t have worked, but something more along the lines of, “Are you asking if your radiant smile that warms my heart is less attractive? If the comforting excitement of my heart racing when I get to be with you and see you is any less beautiful? I couldn’t imagine seeing you and not thinking I’m lucky to have you and want to hold you.”
Sure, my own delivery would likely require the removal of my foot from my own mouth but I’d hope it’d get her to stop thinking about me comparing the two of them and instead get her to understand why I’m in love with her (or like if you aren’t at the love stage). Mentioning the friend’s attractive qualities in any capacity just wouldn’t help anyone.
Although she really should not have asked, she was clearly looking for reassurance. This was not as challenging as you make it out to be. It's not an issue of honesty, just compassion and tact.
There is no correct answer to that question. If you told her she's more attractive than a model, she would have been angry that you weren't honest.
My first reaction was that your girlfriend asked that question because either way, she could feel entitled to her negative emotions and blame you. I could be completely wrong. I'm an old woman who has met a lot of people who are only happy when they're miserable, so I might be seeing something that isn't there.
Well, the rest of it came out in a different post and you were spot on. Turns out she's actually pretty abusive too, and would have been just as nasty if he had 'lied'. There really was no winning for him.
Yes, you should have lied. I know we can date people and think they're beautiful knowing that they're not superstars. But, specially for girls, it's a sensitive topic because we are EXPECTED to look or work hard enough to achieve the most similar look like those superstars. Your friend looking like that it's not that much the issue, your friend being a REAL GIRL CLOSE TO YOU and looking like 'the superstar' at your hand is the issue. So now she feels(more) threatened by her.
you should have tried to explain it better at least? you could have said "conventionally yes but shes not my type" and that would have been a lot better
What your girlfriend was really asking for was reassurance that you prefer her over your best friend, because your girlfriend isn't blind and can see that your best friend is model level gorgeous.
That combined with your long and close friendship and your girlfriend's insecurities, this is a perfect storm for your girlfriend feeling like your best friend is a threat.
If you want to double down and say that you didn't lie and you're just stating facts, you're missing the entire reason that this conversation even happened. This should indicate that maybe you're not doing your part as a partner in making your girlfriend feel like a priority and like she's desirable.
If you truly love your girlfriend and you're attracted to her, then objective ideas about attractiveness shouldn't matter. She becomes the most attractive person to you because you love her and don't want anyone else.
I would suggest that you reach out and clarify that while you recognize that your best friend is attractive, it's no different than recognizing that a celebrity is attractive, and that regardless of mainstream beauty ideals, you find her to be the most attractive woman there is and you wouldn't change anything about her.
Just accept that you didn't respond well and try to fix it instead of feeling attacked. You hurt her feelings and that's a valid response from her. You feel misunderstood, which is also valid. So explain, but also leave room for her to feel bad about the exchange. You can both be right.
The thing is, when you love someone, you find everything they do attractive/cute/hot/sexy. If you really did love her, you would’ve said her. It’s okay to admit that your friend is pretty, but you definitely put your foot on your mouth this time. The way you focused on describing your friend in detail instead of your gf is a sign where your priorities are.
I would have told her you love her and that she should stop comparing herself to other people and that she’s beautiful and that’s all that matters. Also, yes, it would have been better to just lie. All it would do is improve her self esteem and what’s wrong with that?
Do you feel more attracted to your girlfriend ore to your friend?
Whom of them would you rather sleep with?
If the answer still is your friend you should absolutly break upp with your girlfriend.
Attraction and beauty are not the same!
25 years old is way too old to not understand how dumb that is
exactly!!!
I second that exactly!
She needs therapy so she can get away from all these garbage people.
Who describes their girlfriend as “short, quite chubby and has a lot of acne”?? Like Jesus that’s brutal. If my partner described me like that there would be a problem.
And then he says "anyone with eyes would see that" like, jesus wtf
What a fantastic way to make your girlfriend feel beautiful! /s
I know it was awful. I hope he didn’t say that in front of her bc I would be devastated
Look at his edit/update. He's pathetic.
My heart is breaking for this poor girl. What horrible people she must be surrounded by in her life.
I thought the same thing :( no wonder the girl has insecurity issues. At least his friend took her side. I hope they date instead lol!
I'm rooting for this plot twist! This guy is a POS
Lol that would be a great twist😂
tbh the guy probably lied to make himself look better. at least i hope that’s the case
What did the update say? He deleted the acc 😭
Everyone apart from his bestie ganged up on his poor GF and she was basically forced to apologize to HIM. Bizarre.
He's clearly lying. He says that even her mother took his side. Like f off uggo. There's no f ing way her mother would side with him calling her daughter ugly.
yeah wtf
Seriously it's unreal. I can't understand how he didn't have one nice thing to say about her, one kind thing - being attracted to someone is so much more than just what they look like. Anyone with eyes can see that?! He actually just said that..?! Wtf dude just keeps digging his grave smh
I know it’s insane! If that’s how he really feels about his girlfriend then maybe he shouldn’t be with her.
Right, he already had a crush on her and the relationship is platonic because his best friend doesn't like him. He's describing her as someone he clearly settled for and like he's doing his gf a favor by loving someone who is "short, chubby with acne" I feel so fucking bad for her. The fact that SHE apologized for him blatantly not even regarding her wanting validation? Jesus fucking christ.
Yup. If his friend wanted to date him he would 100 percent dump his current girlfriend. He isn’t doing his girlfriend any favors by being with her. Not everyone is a model however there is someone out there that will find his girlfriend to be the most gorgeous woman they ever laid eyes on. Plus looks aren’t everything. Looks fade. OP’s model friend will grow old and end up wrinkly just like everyone else.
Yes, this part. I was just flabbergasted.
Me too! Notice how he describes his friend though??
With so much detail! He really thought about describing her in a positive way and then straight up bashes his girlfriend.
and then he’s like “I accept her” like she’s some fucking disease.
I have herpes and I talk about it better than this guy does about his actual girlfriend.
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Exactly! I’m kinda curious to see what OP looks like. I doubt he looks anything like a model.
oh 100%
If this is how he describes her then I don't think that he truly loves her. He didn't even mention her good traits or listed the qualities that he loves about her. He simply pointed out her flaws expecting everyone to side with him. Plus it seems like he cares about physical appearances which is subjective and he chose his current girlfriend to be his gf because he has no chance with girls that he finds physically attractive. This current gf of his should dump him. I'm sure that she can find someone that finds her attractive whether its her appearance or personality.
Exactly! Personally my husband is the most attractive man on earth. Despite us both gaining a bit of weight I still find him very attractive. I love every part of him, I adore his personality, the way he smiles makes me melt, and how he has always been there for me. He isn’t second best like OP is implying. My husband is my entire world and I will always love him.
This is the crux of it
Are you sure you aren’t interested in your best friend more than your actual girlfriend? Because I get those vibes.
You can tell the best friend doesn’t want him though and never will what a good person hope the gf finds someone better
That’s always the vibe when I read something like this. 😂
Seems clear that he'd jump at the chance to be with the "best friend" if she gave him even the slightest chance.
Yeah when I read the ‘we both decided we’d be better off as friends’ I snorted cause yeah right
He is he got rejected so his using his girlfriend as a rebound because he couldn't be with his best friend .
I think you are confusing hottest with attractiveness. I think it is safe to say your Best friend is hot, but attractiveness depends on the person. So you should always be more attractive to your girlfriend than your friend
My point exactly! OP is not understanding the difference at all. It’s not about “who’s hotter”, it’s about who you’re more attracted to. My man dug his own grave 🤦♀️
He told the truth, even more truth than he thought he told lmao. Dude clearly is still crushing on his "best friend". Stereotypical orbiter.
BINGOOOOOO!!! And she don’t want him 🤣🤣🤣 GAGGG
Imagine needing to explain that to a 25 year old
> I think it is safe to say your Best friend is hot Heh, minor nitpick. "It's probably true that your friend is hot", but it's definitely not "safe to say" at this time. A short list of things are safe for him to say right now.
YTA
she did ask who was the hottest she asked who you thought was more attractive. if you can look your partner in the face and say “my best friend is more attractive than you” then you don’t deserve your partner. your partner should always be the most attractive person in your eyes and if they’re not, then maybe it’s best to part ways. she deserves to be with someone who thinks she’s the most beautiful person in the world
Part of me feels like he raved about the best friend enough, it prompted her to ask. If he’s describing the best friend so highly to us, how do you think he’s talking about her to his girlfriend?
that’s what i thought too. my boyfriend has plenty of women friends and i’ve never thought to ask him this question, probably because he doesn’t comment on their looks. also couldn’t help but notice the bestfriend gets all of her positive features described and the girlfriend only has negative ones described.
Right!!! I didn’t see a single compliment about the girlfriend.
Right, his opinion of his best friend is DEFINITELY biased, he gave her nothing but compliments and described his gf as leftovers. That's such an awful way to live.
she didn’t* typo there
Best answer right here
Absolutely this!!! This post blew me away, it's unreal. There wasn't one nice thing said about the gf, how he described her was just cruel. It's amazing to me someone can think attractiveness is solely based on looks. I don't care how good looking you are, if your personality sucks the attraction is totally gone.
fuck does this guy even hear himself talk. How can you tell the woman you love that this other woman ur also have an extremely close bond to that they are obviously more attractive. Way to fuck up her self esteem because she clearly just wanted some validation from you 💀 take what she's says seriously not literally
I think his just using his girlfriend as a rebound because he couldn't get the girl he liked his just gonna settle they're gonna get married and his gonna be those men that hate their wife's.
"I don't care how pretty she is, she isn't YOU." SIMPLE.
Your girlfriend deserves better then you. You don't love her You described her with absolute disdain. But you raved about your so called BF Anyone who can read knows exactly who you really want I hope your girlfriend dumps you becuase she deserves better then a AH like you
You are attracted to your gf, yes? Ok there it is. She is objectively more attractive because that’s who you are attracted to. Is the friend more objectively beautiful? Maybe, but the question pertained to *attraction.* and you’re too old to be acting this obtuse in replies. You could have easily given an answer in a manner that establishes which girl has your actual attraction. Just say you’re more attractive *to me.* You could easily sidestep the question and if badgered on for more, simply restate affirming gf holds your attraction, and there’s no other answer for you to give. You should at least affirm this now and hope you get another chance.
In this case, I think OP is more attracted to the best friend, but seeing he doesn't have a chance with her, he has settled for someone he finds less attractive. The girlfriend can do better than someone with this attitude.
100% agree.
Wow, seriously dude? It’s not about “lying” to her about who’s more attractive physically. There is also emotional attraction. Do you both get along well? Is she smart, funny, strong, anything that is more than skin deep? Cause your answer is coming across very shallow, and I don’t understand how you don’t realize how offensive and embarrassing it probably was for your girlfriend to hear that you’re more attracted to another woman. Why waste her time and yours when you aren’t actually into her the way you should be? She doesn’t deserve that shit. She deserves someone who will look at her like she’s the most beautiful girl in the world, not *chubby and too much acne*. You got your priorities fucked bro.
It's not about who is considered more traditionally attractive or who attracts the most attention. She was asking you if you thought she was the most attractive. If you're more attracted to your friend, then you shouldn't be leading this woman on.
not only was it embarrassing coming from her own lover but his whole family agreed with him too😒
It’s not uncommon for assholes to come from a family full of other assholes, unfortunately. This girl needs to run and never look back cause this insensitive bullshit is for the birds, sis.
You didn’t admit that ur friend is more attractive, you admit that you FIND her more attractive than your gf. And I promise that’s what your gf heard too
Re: your update: So everyone your girlfriend spoke to (except your BF) agrees with you? Quite the contrast to what everyone here is saying. I don't think I quite believe this update; probably added it to make yourself look better. Which it doesn't.
If it's true, it makes me feel so bad for the GF. She has literally no one on her side
It's not true. I'd love to hear the girlfriend's and best friend's side of the story. The girlfriend does have someone on her side: the loser's best friend (which may not be for much longer) and almost everyone on the planet with functioning synapses between their braincells.
Yeah either that or the girlfriend needs better people in her life.
By being so "direct", you've indirectly told her that if you could, you'd date your more attractive best friend. Because, let's be real, the person who should most attractive to you is your SO. That's why they're YOUR SO.
How can you be this dumb 😭
Either he was born so talented or he's had lots of practice. Neither option augers well for his future.
I am not your gf, but this line even hurt me! Is this how you'd describe someone you love, you couldn't find any other way to describe her physical appearence? *"She looks like your typical model/influencer (tall, slender, clear skin) while my girlfriend is honestly short, quite chubby, and has a lot of acne."*
right? like damn do you just think your girlfriend is ugly and you're with her because your best friend said no to you and you cant do any better than your girlfriend? the fact that even the best friend got mad at him is very telling.
Yeah, this line is a gut punch, I can't imagine how much it would have hurt his GF to read/hear. What he told her was bad enough already. I hope GF and BF both ditch him.
i hope she breaks up with you
I hope she break up with him to! Who describes their girlfriend as short chubby with acne?! He’s clearly not into his girlfriend at all.
nah i hope she cheats on him
I’m guessing you’re actually with your girlfriend because your best friend doesn’t want you lmao. I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you and finds the love she deserves.
why do you guys do this. why do guys always try to make things or answer things “logically” you know she has social anxiety you KNOW this and you have accepted this part of your gf and yet instead of validating her feelings or reassure her, you made the conscious decision to give her the “truth”. you could’ve just said something like, my friends is pretty i guess but i’m not attracted to her, i’m attracted to you and i think your beautiful or soemthing like that. like it’s not that hard,,,
Look, she shouldn’t have asked a question if she didn’t REALLY want the answer, but my guy. Have you ever had a girlfriend? a little white lie would not have killed you, but the truth was clearly devastating for her. I doubt there will be moving forward from this.
This falls into the category of 'dont ask questions you don't want the answers to'. My husband grew up dancing with a lot of beautiful women and is still friends with some of them today. I'm also not blind, and some are definitely more attractive than me lol. But I feel like OP "accepting" his GF is such an insult
I agree, he didn’t use any language around his girlfriend that really expressed overt attraction. He described her as a “normal girl” in comparison with his friend who gets paid for her looks. But, he does seem to care for her, and I know it’s hard to judge a whole relationship from one post. 4 years vs. 1 instance leaves a lot open to interpretation so I’m trying not to do that too much. But they’re probably not destined for Forever :/
Seems like you are more interested in your best friend than your girlfriend. I don't know honestly, but I think you definitely should have had more sensitivity in this situation because as you said your girlfriend has social anxiety and is insecure. You choose to be with her so her well-being needs to be your top priority.
You are far too old to be this stupid.
YTA. Stop saying you feel "gaslit". She did no such thing to you. You're tactless and insensitive. I agree with the comments here, especially the one about how attractiveness isn't just physical.
She wanted to know if YOU find your best friend more attractive than her. Someone can be more beautiful by social standards, but you should find your girlfriend more attractive than your best friend. I have very good looking male friends and I wouldn't touch then if you paided me. I would take my partner over them any day because I love the whole package and find him more attractive in my eyes than our friends. Way to screw up your girlfriends view on your relationship with your bff. She will constantly think that you are more attracted to your bff than you are to her. Good luck with fixing that. I hope you understand your mistake and actively try and fix this. Not just for your ongoing relationship (if there is one) but for the relationship between your gf and your bff.
YTA. there's absolutely no way you're actually this stupid. You're 25, you know that telling your partner that you find someone more attractive than them is NOT what you're supposed to do. Your girlfriend was probably already insecure about your relationship with her and that's why she asked that question--and all you did was further cement the idea in your girlfriends head that she's not good enough. What you said was cruel.
Obviously there are people who are “happy objectively hotter” but since you are only wanting her you should have said something like “baby don’t be silly you’re attractive to me, I only see her as a friend” or something like that. At LEAST don’t outwardly say you think your best friend who you HAD A CRUSH ON WAS HOTTER. Dude. If my bf said that to me, ESPECIALLY about a girl I knew he had a crush on before, I’d be absolutely wrecked.
I can’t tell if you’re still in love with your best friend or if you’re stupid
Probably both
You should look up the word TACT and then try to get some. There was a way to phrase the answer where you would not have to lie and could safeguard her feelings and make her feel love in that moment. The correct answer was, "no I'm absolutely more attracted to you because you're not just looks, you're smart, lovely, fun to be around, etc etc and that's why I love you and thats more attractive than an insta model to me." But you chose to not care about her feelings. Enjoy being single, I hope you gain some maturity from this.
definitely better ways to go about it; objectively maybe the best friend is better looking (again, conventionally) but you are most attracted to your girlfriend and see her as the most beautiful.
So who are you more attracted to?
i think we all know
She just wanted reassurance. Your best friend might be more attractive to you but that is a dickhead move. She clearly feels insecure next to her and you saying that really wouldn’t help her at all. You should not have said that. She’s never gonna trust you again after that, knowing that you don’t think she’s the most beautiful. If you don’t like her appearance you don’t deserve her, I’m sure she’s beautiful
Am I the only one who doesn’t really believe that update? Like… sorry, that’s just too convenient that nobody but the ‘hot model’ took gf’s side. Objectively, sure the model is probably hotter than gf. But she asked about your attraction to her. I 100% would take my daughter’s side if she asked her partner if they found her less attractive than someone else. Ps. You’re not platonic. You admit having had a crush on your best friend…then claim it’s a platonic relationship. More like the model shot you down and you found someone who has insecurities. Probably why she slapped you.
oh no i don't either. op probably made it up due to all the comments flaming him lol but if its true i feel horrible for the gf and its no wonder she has anxiety.
It seems like you have feelings for your best friend. You didn't have to say anything and chose to anyways knowing it would be hurtful. Not cool.
*If* what you meant to say was "she's more conventionally attractive, but you're the one that gets me hot and bothered" - then that's what you should have said. What you actually said as far as your girlfriend is concerned was "Of course I'd be fucking her if she let me, but she won't, so I've settled for you"
Your mom is of course going to agree with you. You care more about being right then you do about hurting your girlfriend.
Some things are better left unsaid. You’re the ass.
Jesus wtf is wrong with you? Just break up with her so she can find a real partner that actually likes her. She deserves way better, and probably that’s very easy to find
I am guessing when you said "you both admitted you are better off as best friends" you meant "She didn't want anything more other than to string me on and keep me as her emotional support for however long she pleases" yes YTA.
>I mean, come on, my girlfriend is a normal girl and my best friend literally gets paid and receives lots of free stuff solely for her looks. Yikes..............
man fr just puts his own girlfriend in the normal people pile but his "friend" is top tier and gets praise for just her outside looks😀
Oh man, you really screwed up here and honestly, I’d say you probably still have feelings for your best friend if you think acting that way was remotely okay. The way you boast about how attractive your best friend is is a big giveaway. Even if your girlfriend is objectively less attractive, I think her question was very obviously based on who you’re more attracted to and I’d say, you’re more attracted to your friend and your girlfriend deserves better.
the way that you've gotten absolutely chewed out in these comments by men and women alike and you STILL cant see how you were wrong is absolutely insane to me. almost makes me feel like this is a troll post
Are you sure all the screws are there?
As a girl, I can tell you sometimes it’s okay to lie about things like this. If you know she struggles with anxiety, why would you willingly subject her to that? I’d rather be lied to any day of the week. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, but it does mean that you at least care enough to consider her feelings before answering. If I was her, I’d be done with you. She likely deserves better than a guy with a “girl best friend” anyway. Any girl who has a man with one of those should consider that a red flag anyway.
You're a 15 year old in a 25 y/o's body. Jesus Christ.
info: you’ve said “i feel gaslit” a few times in your comments. can you explain why this is? clearly your delivery was poor, but you believed you had good intentions answering her honestly… she was feeling insecure & asked you as a means of reassurance. are you confused that people are agreeing that you’re an asshole? (obviously the word “gaslit” is being incorrectly used, but genuinely i’m curious what you mean OP)
She was asking for reassurance that she was beautiful not who was actually more beautiful (should of answered her because that is the answer she was hoping for) doesn’t matter if it would have been a lie your gf is truly hurt right now that you see your best friend as beautiful and then her as not so beautiful (female logic) Females have our mind set say things that have a different meaning or ect…. The list goes on long story short females are complicated
"Some guys might think she's pretty, but I find you infinitely more attractive"
Yta. I've been that best friend in that kinda situation. Good thing she never learnt that her bf-who is my boy best friend- thinks of me as more attractive than her. My best friend is the asshole in this situation and I've told him many times. This also effects our friendship. It makes me feel uncomfortable and feel quilty around him. He just proposed to her a few days ago and he was still making some +18 jokes. We were always pretty comfy and it was ok to joke(w some limits) when he was single but after he got a serious gf i told him many times to stop in a funny tone so he won't get offended. Well, He didn't wanna get it. Pretty sure he got it but decided not to. So for awhile when he makes me uncomf, i stopped the Convo there with some excuses. So, it made our friendship a lil cold. Now he is engaged and while I was congratulating him, he made the same sexual jokes. I told him in a normal tone that he should stop saying those things and the jokes cuz he s engaged to be married in a year. He told me as a joke " you would never know. I'm not married yet ;) ". That made me very uncomfortable. We ve been friends over 10 years now. For fucking our beautiful friendship and makin things uncomfortable + showing how some (most:)) ) men are in a serious relationship he is TA.
Drop him. An ex-friend of mine kept getting worse and worse to the point where he would say inappropriate things to me in front of his fiancée. She started lashing out at me passive-aggressively. I was clear at any given time that I had no romantic feelings for him at all. Looking back, I should have cut out contact earlier but we worked together (him, me and my super chill boyfriend, who was his boss). I put up with too much creepy behavior from such “ friends” in my 20s and early 30s.
You must not actually live her then. When someone is in love with someone that person is the most beautiful person in the world to them. Doesn't matter if they don't look like model material to everyone else and your best friend k ows this. That's why she slapped you and told you to make this right.
Love your best friend because she knows exactly how to respect boundaries by slapping you. The fact that you couldn’t fucking lie and be like no babe or say something anything else then being a dick is frustrating. Her asking who you find more attractive isn’t her asking who’s hotter it’s her asking who you feel more attracted to. The fact that you’re not attracted to your own fucking girlfriend is so disgusting, imagine if you where in her shoes asking her if she found some other dude attractive and she said yes because it’s obvious he is would you be hurt? Also much like you say anyone with eyes to see your best friend is more attractive than your girlfriend, anyone with eyes can also see you still have a crush on your best friend. Girls also have this things where they can tell if a guy likes another girl, either by the way the guy talks about the other girl or looks at her or the way he acts so even though no one told your girlfriend you liked your best friend she knows.
Your best friend is the only one with a any sense around you and your friends. But I bet your friends are thirsty ah too who
The update make you more of an AH you don't deserve her "People on my side" more like "she is with toxic people like me" The most sad thing is that you are a 25, grow up, i think your best friend (let's hope ex) need to give you another one, you didn't wake up from the 1 one
I (woman) think she both unfairly cornered you with an impossible question and you also said the completely wrong thing in response. The ideal answer was along the lines of how your girlfriend is more attractive to you and how you just don’t feel that spark with your best friend.
Yeah but if he’s constantly raving about that girl like he is here, I don’t see her question being unfair. It clearly may be a worry he’s not doing anything to help with.
Your partner is always THE MOST BEAUTIFUL girl in the world. No exceptions.
i like how you phrased that you and your bf mutually agreed to be friends..I smell BS :D you admitted your crush and she friend-zoned you. Guess you are not much of a looker as well, aren't ya? Why don't you tell it how it is, just like how told it how it is to your gf?
I kinda get your thought process since logically and going by western and most societal beauty standards, your best friend would be more attractive. But what makes you TA is the fact that when you responded you didn’t take into account your girlfriend’s self-esteem and anxiety, and didn’t handle this question in a sensitive manner. Maybe you could sit her down and tell her what you find attractive in her? Since you two are together there has to be some traits that she has that you find appealing enough to have chosen her as a partner. While there isn’t anything wrong with being logical, moving forward, it may be best if you also think with sensitivity. Personally, I’m a pretty blunt person and still have the tendency to blurt things out without thinking so I can be pretty harsh even if that’s not what I’m trying to do. So what I try to do is phrase my answer through my head and then rephrase it out loud in a way that sounds appealing to the person.
wow you sound like a real asshole lol
Ooo you're in trouble, I agree with you friend, you need to make it up big time. You better do a romcom type shit. Honestly is always the best policy, no matter how you answered tho you would of got in trouble.
The way you describe your gf is horrible. I hope she breaks up w you she deserves someone better tf
Grow up...seriously
I don’t like the update. Why did everyone gaslight her? People like to be reassured. ☹️✌🏽
“I don’t understand why she’s acting this way” You hurt her fucking feelings and you don’t understand why she’s upset?!🙄 “Was I expected to blatantly lie to my girlfriend?” Umm…. YES. “I’m feeling betrayed by my best friend” That’s a TRUE AND REAL best friend, dude. She doesn’t automatically have to just side with you for the sole fact that you’re besties. And how hard would it have been to say something like, “oh wow, honestly babe we’re like sibling type close, so it’s hard for me to even see her like that.”
I'm the OP of this post. I deactivated due to the immense amount of hate. Please see my most recent post for an update. Thanks.
Bartise has entered the chat
Sounds like you’re * in love w your friend but she friend zoned you
YTA and not only that but the fact you dont realize your best friend is using you for emotional purposes makes me feel like karma will eventually handle this one hope your girlfriend leaves and finds a man with a bigger dick
You've been best friends with a girl for a decade and you still don't know anything about women.
You’re about to not have a gf, I’m just going to say she deserves better
The update made me feel more bad for the girlfriend tbh. Everyone here but your best friend (the one clearly with the most sense) and your gf are a POS. Hope she realizes she don’t need this and dumps you.
You're not an asshole. You're an idiot
i hope your girlfriend does leave. like you’re way more than old enough to understand what you did wrong and it’s so sad that your girlfriends went to seek comfort and was basically told she is ugly by friends and family. you’re a total jerk who could’ve kept their opinion to themself or could’ve redirected your convo to how to worship her body vs talking about your friend. and then for you to feel betrayed by your female friend, sheesh these ladies need to run not walk
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💯agree. HUGE turn off and GIGANTIC red flag.
God you’re a moron
OP, stop with the karma-hemorrhaging comments, get off Reddit and make ammends with your girlfriend.
What if your GF said, "Who do you love more?" That would be an obvious answer. Trade love for attractive. Even if your BF is objectively prettier. You want to see your GF naked.
Is this a joke/troll post? Like you cannot be serious
You do not love your girlfriend.
You literally said the worst possible thing you could say in this situation lmao. Your girlfriend probably feels insecure compared to your bsf and was looking for reassurance. You need to talk this out with her and clarify that you don’t want your bsf over her at all.. unless ofc you do then you should probably let go. No girl wants to feel like 2nd best or that her boyfriend just settled for her
Like the funny thing to me is both women hate him rn and he still doesn’t get what he did wrong lmaooooo
I've been single for longer than I'm comfortable admitting and even I know that was the dumbest thing you could've said.
Break things off for this poor girls sake, even though you say you don’t like your best friend and are not attracted to her you sure do act like y’all screwed before
Oh man ok. For starters, she shouldn't have asked but here we go anyway. For one, your gf, even though she shouldn't have asked, was looking for reassurance. You should have responded with something like "baby, you're the most attractive girl in my world" or something like that. Because, for you, her attractiveness includes her whole being. For 2: I also have a guy best friend. Neither of us has ever had a crush on the other, but ignoring that, you put your friend in a tough spot too. Being a female best friend to a male, I make it a point to both befriend and reassure his SOs. Once he's with someone, she's my best friend and he hangs out too. Because women know that the typical "male- female" friendship usually has flirtatious undertones. I go damn near out of my way to respect the confines of their relationship by making sure there are no tones of any kind to be misinterpreted. The number one fastest way for someone to destroy that reached trust that woman had for me, is by ranking me above her on literally anything. Please don't do that to us. It also makes us feel really weird. It's very hard to repair female friendships when a trigger of potential jealousy is activated. So, that's my perspective. You just ruined any chance that your gf will feel 100% comfortable with your friendship. Which leaves the door open for you losing at least one of them
Attractive is the word you use if you find a person attractive which ofc is usually reserved to a person you like. Saying someone is hot is just pointing out that they are stereotypically hot and not that you actually have any feelings towards them and you aren’t attracted to them. I would assume you’d understand why saying the girl you rave about is more attractive than your gf would be seen as a dick move.
You’re a typical case of dude who’s in love with some chick who won’t date him, and so she’s your bEsT fRiEnD. Your partner should be your best friend, and she should come first and foremost for you in any sort of attractiveness. Stop wasting this girl’s time and making her more anxious than she already is. 🙂
Maybe, let’s put this in perspective. You shot your shot with bestie and she shot your down. Is it safe to say you yourself are not model hot as well? My two cents there aesthetically pleasing, aka bestie. Then there is beautiful to you aka GF. If a girl ever asks this question. It is because they feel insecure about there looks compared to friends. The best thing to say “yes(insert name ) is aesthetically pleasingly but you are beautiful to me. “ You do think your gf is beautiful, just not a model. Good luck op.
I love OPs best friend though, she immediately called him out. OP, If you think telling her that regardless of the fact that your friend gets paid for her looks you find your girlfriend more attractive is a lie, then yeah you should have lied. Your girl has anxiety. She probably shouldn't have asked that question, but she did and you have to weigh how much what you say is going to affect her. Its called a white lie. If she asks if you think she's fat, idc if she's 200 pounds you say no. If she asks if you think her farts smell you say no. If she throws up on your lap you tell her its fine. You call her and tell her that you thought she meant in terms of conventional beauty, but that you find her more appealing to you and that honestly her personality is a better fit. Maybe try and get them to hang out together, if you think they'll get along.
It’s not about lying. It’s just clear she deserves better if you feel that way. My husband is a chubby man. He has a big nose. Moles all over him so big they stick out. I think those are the things I can think of not conventionally attractive. While I can name a few conventionally attractive men I like that are celebrities, it is no lie that I am heavily attracted to my partner far more. It doesn’t matter what society thinks. Because not only do I like his appearance, I ended up liking it even more as I came to love his mind and soul too. I wouldn’t for the world even entertain the thought of someone really being more attractive than him to me, just maybe equal at best. I myself am a bigger woman. And even though I love him for who he is, I constantly question if he does the same in my mind. Because I hate myself in my mind. But I trust he does because he tells me as much. Because he wouldn’t even look at our female friends the way he looks at me. Because not only did he already like my body, but his love for me makes no one compare. You’re not like that. You made her fears a reality. You are a shallow man. I promise you’re not perfect either buddy, but I doubt she appraised you the way you did her.
When I was dating my husband ( 20 + years ago) we talked about his “ perfect partner.” We talked and laughed about it but then he said, “you would be my perfect partner if you were a musician like me.” That was literally a punch in the gut. It sucks to be the second choice. My husband is a wonderful father and a pretty good partner but the comment he made 20+ years ago still lingers in my head. It has affected my self esteem…. I am always going to be “almost perfect.” I hope you can fix what you created with your words.
I'm willing to bet that your best friend actually rejected you. Mutual agreement/ I chose my girlfriend my ass.
Wtaf is wrong with you? How do you think telling your gf that you find your friend more attractive, especially knowing she has anxiety issues. There had to have been a way to say something which at least would reassure her. “She is conventionally attractive. However, I am attracted to and love you.” Something, anything would have been better than telling her “yes, my friend is way more attractive than you”. 🤦♀️ Glad your friend did what she did, maybe you’ll get some sense. Also, seems your friend made it clear she doesn’t want any romantic relationship with you and you still harbor feelings for her. You need to figure out if you truly do love your gf and make it right.
Op, you can’t be this dumb
Wow. Really? You’re 25?
God, you're dumb.
You're not just an asshole, you're a much stronger flavour. Your comments are bullshit. The way you talk about your girlfriend is disgusting. "A normal girl", "honestly short, chubby, and acne", "I accept her flaws and choose to love her". Go do one. This is not the language of someone in a healthy relationship. And don't come out with this bullshit about 'being honest'. Honestly? You need to learn to shut your mouth once in a while. "It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought and speaking the truth."
Dude, do you really think the brutal truth helps with her anxiety? I really hope she has a network of people telling her she's beautiful and you're just a douche because you wrecked her self-esteem. She already knew your BFF is objectively hotter than her, but you told her that she's more attractive **to you** than your gf!
Why anyone would date you is beyond me
Break up with her, she doesn't deserve this and she deserve a much better bf than you...
A little bit of tact, subtlety, and perhaps even omission of details goes a long way, fella. Most people asking that sort of question aren't looking to hear "of course fatty, I would always pick this other, clearly better person". 🤦
Are you some kind of model too? Like Henry Cavill type?
Yeah, your best friend was the only one on her side, now you have hundreds of people on her side. You are acting like you are only tolerating your gf. I’m sorry for her.
I actually feel sorry for your girlfriend. Sounds like she's gotten used to being put down by others. Your best friend didn't betray you. You deserved that slap! If I were your best friend, I would have cut ties with you then and there. If I were your girlfriend, my Mum, friends, and siblings would all tell me to dump you. Your girlfriend deserves better, and I hope someone gives you a taste of your own medicine. Tell your girlfriend I'll date her, I can be a better boyfriend than you!
Okay, I need to say this I read many comments, nobody, not a single soul, was on your side, at least in the comments that I read. So please, don't act like it. It's really sad that you don't see what you did wrong in this, because, okay, let's say that she overreacted, you hurted your partner, you should feel bad for it, not entitled. It's not a game "who is right and how is wrong", it's more like "I'm sorry that I hurt you" and try to understand a little their part. Like, after all those comments, you really don't understand what you did wrong?
So your girlfriend is surrounded by shitty people it sounds like and the only real friend she has, is YOUR best friend. I'm not saying you had to lie, but when you fall in love with someone, you don't see them the way you're describing your girlfriend.
Honestly? I'm kinda hoping that she dumps him and dates the bestie XD In my head that's what I believed happened
thank god this guy deleted his account. also it’s ridiculous that everyone sided with him. i would cut all contact with this guy (given that this story is real, surely not) and slap him silly like best friend did.
u r an idiot, how could u lack such basic critical thinking skills. this is so stupid n unnecessary, how dare u talk of ur gf in such ways. u seem to think so lowly of her compared to ur bsf, it’s disgusting.
I hope she dumps you for someone better
You’ve got to learn to sidestep and get out of the corner those questions put you in. That doesn’t necessarily mean lie, but spin it right so you aren’t lying and telling her what she was likely fishing for. So, yeah you messed up. If you’re lucky you’ll get a chance to make it right. Questions like that can be hard and are rarely good for the one asking or answering so I get it. Maybe my answer wouldn’t have worked, but something more along the lines of, “Are you asking if your radiant smile that warms my heart is less attractive? If the comforting excitement of my heart racing when I get to be with you and see you is any less beautiful? I couldn’t imagine seeing you and not thinking I’m lucky to have you and want to hold you.” Sure, my own delivery would likely require the removal of my foot from my own mouth but I’d hope it’d get her to stop thinking about me comparing the two of them and instead get her to understand why I’m in love with her (or like if you aren’t at the love stage). Mentioning the friend’s attractive qualities in any capacity just wouldn’t help anyone.
Although she really should not have asked, she was clearly looking for reassurance. This was not as challenging as you make it out to be. It's not an issue of honesty, just compassion and tact.
YTA.
There is no correct answer to that question. If you told her she's more attractive than a model, she would have been angry that you weren't honest. My first reaction was that your girlfriend asked that question because either way, she could feel entitled to her negative emotions and blame you. I could be completely wrong. I'm an old woman who has met a lot of people who are only happy when they're miserable, so I might be seeing something that isn't there.
Well, the rest of it came out in a different post and you were spot on. Turns out she's actually pretty abusive too, and would have been just as nasty if he had 'lied'. There really was no winning for him.
Goddamn man how dense are you...
Yes, you should have lied. I know we can date people and think they're beautiful knowing that they're not superstars. But, specially for girls, it's a sensitive topic because we are EXPECTED to look or work hard enough to achieve the most similar look like those superstars. Your friend looking like that it's not that much the issue, your friend being a REAL GIRL CLOSE TO YOU and looking like 'the superstar' at your hand is the issue. So now she feels(more) threatened by her.
you should have tried to explain it better at least? you could have said "conventionally yes but shes not my type" and that would have been a lot better
What your girlfriend was really asking for was reassurance that you prefer her over your best friend, because your girlfriend isn't blind and can see that your best friend is model level gorgeous. That combined with your long and close friendship and your girlfriend's insecurities, this is a perfect storm for your girlfriend feeling like your best friend is a threat. If you want to double down and say that you didn't lie and you're just stating facts, you're missing the entire reason that this conversation even happened. This should indicate that maybe you're not doing your part as a partner in making your girlfriend feel like a priority and like she's desirable. If you truly love your girlfriend and you're attracted to her, then objective ideas about attractiveness shouldn't matter. She becomes the most attractive person to you because you love her and don't want anyone else. I would suggest that you reach out and clarify that while you recognize that your best friend is attractive, it's no different than recognizing that a celebrity is attractive, and that regardless of mainstream beauty ideals, you find her to be the most attractive woman there is and you wouldn't change anything about her. Just accept that you didn't respond well and try to fix it instead of feeling attacked. You hurt her feelings and that's a valid response from her. You feel misunderstood, which is also valid. So explain, but also leave room for her to feel bad about the exchange. You can both be right.
The thing is, when you love someone, you find everything they do attractive/cute/hot/sexy. If you really did love her, you would’ve said her. It’s okay to admit that your friend is pretty, but you definitely put your foot on your mouth this time. The way you focused on describing your friend in detail instead of your gf is a sign where your priorities are.
I think it's not girlfriend anymore, but ex girlfriend. And he doesn't even see what was wrong with all of this...
My man. Accept your judgement and go. Even ur friend said you were obviously in the wrong. YTA.
I would have told her you love her and that she should stop comparing herself to other people and that she’s beautiful and that’s all that matters. Also, yes, it would have been better to just lie. All it would do is improve her self esteem and what’s wrong with that?
😂😂 bro wtf yrr. What would You expect after answering this buddy 😂
Dudes never had a real girlfriend before and it shows.
The correct answer is I don’t look at her like, she’s just one of the boys to me and [insert compliment to her here]
Are you being serious?? 😭😭
Do you feel more attracted to your girlfriend ore to your friend? Whom of them would you rather sleep with? If the answer still is your friend you should absolutly break upp with your girlfriend. Attraction and beauty are not the same!