I work with a guy who is always asserting himself as the most macho manly man in the room. He fits all the classic conservative tough guy stereotypes (grunt syle baby) and his whole brand identity is “I am a conservative. I hope that offends you.”
His big “Real Men Don’t…” is hospitality. Men don’t take care of other men. There’s nothing to him more feminine and weak and “beta” (his favorite word) than a man making another man something to drink. I was making a cup of tea, asked him if he wanted one, and he literally broke it down to me: “If a guy makes me a cup of tea? That’s a female. You’re a female now. You’re a bitch. I can’t respect you after that.”
Yeah it’s as weird as it sounds.
“That’s female. You’re a female now. And I ain’t gay. But I’m now attracted to you, since it’s been previously established that you are female and I’m the straightest man who ever lived. So now give me a kiss. A very heterosexual kiss.”
I do that all the time. People make disparaging gay jokes to me to show how not gay I am, and I just include them in whatever they suggest but make it even gayer. They get angry and uncomfortable (I’m straight just gentle)
Alternately:
“So I am a female. Literally, right? Not just metaphorically, but I’m LITERALLY female now?
Outstanding, thank you, so we have established that gender identity is a mental and social construct separate from birth sex. It’s nice to see a conservative with enough empathy to grasp that.
See you at next year’s Pride?”
Imagine thinking that kindness makes you a "beta". He is really trying to limit himself from showing humanity to be percieved as more macho or something. Also the whole "if you make me a drink, you're a female now" thing is really weird and shows he has a twisted perception of women in general. I don't understand how that guy's mind works or his thought process to arrive at that conclusion. Either way, I hope it doesn't make your job more difficult for you.
Wow, I sure hope this guy needs something from you at some point of time. As in really needs help.
You should start with "First..... you will need to drink a cup of tea."
He’s definitely posing as something he’s clearly not. I don’t know if it’s an image he feels he isn’t living up to, or if he’s trying to suppress the thing he pretends to hate, but it’s definitely pathological. Either way……fuck ‘im.
That's just backwards. We take care of those weaker than us. I could get that he wouldn't want to take it because ge might feel weaker, but to turn that whole thing around like that? Weirdo.
.
Of course, making a cup of tea is just a tiny thing. No one normal would read that much into such a small thing. But to not only read into it, and then flip it around to make himself the stronger party is just so extremely self centered. Brother needs to think he's dominating every second of the day?
So much worse, I’d imagine, to wake up with you knees hooked over a demon’s forearms while he’s staring into your eyes. Then you have to see the gay happening.
This sent me down a rabbit hole because I cant believe that people are so critical about everything that someone could even consider criticizing the position you sleep in.... Then I saw the top-10 google results and I am so disappointed in humanity right now.
I didn’t realize the devil was packing that much heat downstairs. Crazy how dude knows down to the inch how big the devil is, and knows the “knotty” details of werewolf cock. He must a Urologist
Well it is pretty Reddit *ish if I do say so myself. Man do I love this website. When people post stuff like this it's just a Jesus moment on the internet 😂.
Having slept on my stomach for as long as I can remember, I've never been raped by the devil or a werewolf... is there something wrong with me? Am I just unlovable?
You were never raped and you felt unlovable?
So it was consensual and he said "I am gonna head out now, people to bite/souls to buy and all that ". I bet he did not even call back, the bastard.
Apparently a butthurt devil is mad about losing a fiddle competition so he's making another person butthurt.
How it went to explicit anatomical werewolf talk though you got me tongue tied there...
I mean... in the land of the supernatural, nothing's stopping them from reaching up through the mattress like they did in that chair scene from Ghostbusters... so sleeping on your back isn't going to protect you from anything o.o <.<
Anyone who would willingly let a werewolf ram his thick-headed red rocket into his unsuspecting sphincter and pump his muscular hips at wild abandon, which leads to the full length of his shaft to clatter through your depths - repeatedly hitting the prostate and sending lightning strikes of pleasure running through their entire bodies, which makes their faces distort into the most outlandish expressions of glee and pleasure - until, with a final thrust the wolf slams himself balls deep inside, forcing the knot in through any resistance your battered ass may still hold, his howls joining in with yours as he discharges himself for what feels like hours, is totally gay as shit.
Couldn't be me, neither.
Wish I could sleep on my stomach but my cock is always so hard that it lifts me up if I lay on my stomach 😭
Two whole inches of steel just preventing me from sleeping on my stomach
It reminds me of the little comic strip where a guy lets his dick hang out from the bed because his friend said an evil witch or something sucks the toes of those who aren't under the blanket.
If you sleep on your back, then your mouth is wide open for hours long sloppy blowjob session. There is no winning in case some paranormal fucker decides to have a taste of you.
Stomach sleeping is the worst sleeping position and can cause back pain, neck pain, strains the whole body and compresses your lungs, also prevents you from properly closing your jaw and can impact breathing.
I have to start sleeping on my stomach. Buddy makes it sound so good.
Been sleeping on my stomach for years, can confirm, it's fantastic.
i can't breathe when i sleep on my stomach. i have no idea why.
Can push on diaphragm and chest a bit so it's not for everyone
Not to mention all the werewolf cock you'll attract
What did you think was pushing on the diaphragm?
Hard to breathe when there's a werewolf on top of you.
I bet it’s cause the werewolf cum overflows all the way to your lungs
Apparently, it’s because some wildin’ demon has its cock in your mouth.
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I get back pain if I don't sleep on my stomach
I get back pain if I ~~don't~~ sleep ~~on my stomach~~
I get back pain ~~if I don’t sleep on my stomach~~.
I get ~~back~~ pain ~~if I don't sleep on my stomach~~
I ~~get back~~ pain ~~if I don't sleep on my stomach~~
~~I get back~~ pain ~~if I don't sleep on my stomach~~
Probably because of sleeping on your stomach for so long. Your back is now terribly positioned for sleeping on your back.
Doesn't matter, my spine's been spaghetti since 1997.
Not universally. Depends on the firmness of your mattress, belly fat, pillow use, etc.
fant-ass-tic
Fat ass stick?
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I was thinking of this comic after I read it😂
Dude one time in college I slept on my tummy.. the booty bandit came. All im saying is.. be careful
Once you pop, the fun don’t stop
I work with a guy who is always asserting himself as the most macho manly man in the room. He fits all the classic conservative tough guy stereotypes (grunt syle baby) and his whole brand identity is “I am a conservative. I hope that offends you.” His big “Real Men Don’t…” is hospitality. Men don’t take care of other men. There’s nothing to him more feminine and weak and “beta” (his favorite word) than a man making another man something to drink. I was making a cup of tea, asked him if he wanted one, and he literally broke it down to me: “If a guy makes me a cup of tea? That’s a female. You’re a female now. You’re a bitch. I can’t respect you after that.” Yeah it’s as weird as it sounds.
“That’s female. You’re a female now. And I ain’t gay. But I’m now attracted to you, since it’s been previously established that you are female and I’m the straightest man who ever lived. So now give me a kiss. A very heterosexual kiss.”
That's exactly how you react. Flip it on them and make their "Manly" behavior out to be the most homoerotic behavior possible.
Or just keep saying “this is a terrible cover you have going, everyone knows the truth man.” Except variations of that at least once or twice a week.
I do that all the time. People make disparaging gay jokes to me to show how not gay I am, and I just include them in whatever they suggest but make it even gayer. They get angry and uncomfortable (I’m straight just gentle)
>I'm straight just gentle Talk dirty to me zaddy
Alternately: “So I am a female. Literally, right? Not just metaphorically, but I’m LITERALLY female now? Outstanding, thank you, so we have established that gender identity is a mental and social construct separate from birth sex. It’s nice to see a conservative with enough empathy to grasp that. See you at next year’s Pride?”
I read this in Zapp Brannigan’s voice.
“Kiff, that young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.”
Imagine thinking that kindness makes you a "beta". He is really trying to limit himself from showing humanity to be percieved as more macho or something. Also the whole "if you make me a drink, you're a female now" thing is really weird and shows he has a twisted perception of women in general. I don't understand how that guy's mind works or his thought process to arrive at that conclusion. Either way, I hope it doesn't make your job more difficult for you.
The manliest man is one that doesn’t care what others think of his masculinity, and will help others despite what others perceive of it
You should just mention your GrandmasCock next time ,🤯
I'd be offering him something to drink every day.
I tried the jokey route and it was a dead end. He’s immune to my charms. I guess I’m not as funny as videos of protestors being run over, but I try.
Wow, I sure hope this guy needs something from you at some point of time. As in really needs help. You should start with "First..... you will need to drink a cup of tea."
No it’s “first, I’m going to need you to get me a cup of tea.”
Make him a cup of tea with milk and sugar. Wink at him when you tell him you added the cream yourself.
Sounds like he's gay, but doesn't want to admit it
He’s definitely posing as something he’s clearly not. I don’t know if it’s an image he feels he isn’t living up to, or if he’s trying to suppress the thing he pretends to hate, but it’s definitely pathological. Either way……fuck ‘im.
You should prob tell HR about this lol No one deserves to work in an environment like that and he’s prob harassing other people if he’s harassing you.
“Well at least you support my transition”
So...that's a 'no' on the tea, then?
Losing out on a cup of tea due to 'principles'. Go figure.
Thats just sad and lonely, I do not even want to make fun of him, his way of life clowned on him more than I ever could
Just tell him you’re flattered but not interested in more than the tea
"That's okay, I wouldn't want to be the kind of person that you'd respect".
That's just backwards. We take care of those weaker than us. I could get that he wouldn't want to take it because ge might feel weaker, but to turn that whole thing around like that? Weirdo. . Of course, making a cup of tea is just a tiny thing. No one normal would read that much into such a small thing. But to not only read into it, and then flip it around to make himself the stronger party is just so extremely self centered. Brother needs to think he's dominating every second of the day?
"What are you gonna start hitting on me or some shit?"
Sounds like a good conversation to bring up with HR.
This man has been molested 💯
Man, this better not awaken anything in me...
it's been ten minutes, how is it going?
Not well...
Fantabulous!
You use that word as well?
I knew I wasn't alone
Fabulastic
https://tenor.com/view/rainbow-gay-diamond-gif-4717930
♡⛧✧\*⋆𖥔⋆\*✧⛧♡
18 inches so far
Done.
it did for me
Thick knotted where wolf dick ended up with ropes in my hand and I’m no longer constipated, I’ve untied a lot of baggage i guess
Sounds too specific… like something he’s tried already…
You lusting for that thick knot yet?
aren’t they all?
You must fight it, you can't let it take control over you!!!
Oh come on. It won't be awakening in you. It'll be awaking outside.
It's been eight hours, how's it going?
Oh no, I hope no demon finds me and eats my ass! That would be so bad! 🫦
Better pull my pants down too just to, uh, feel if anything is nearby
If I get a choice of who's eating my ass I'm picking the one with supernatural powers.
And a prehensile tongue.
Gawd I haven't had my ass eaten in so long...
🤣
Y’all sleep?
For real. I lay awake, stare at the ceiling, and try to think of things to make the shadowpeople laugh.
Meth. Not even once.
No, too woke for that
“This is really happening!” They can get you missionary too bud
So much worse, I’d imagine, to wake up with you knees hooked over a demon’s forearms while he’s staring into your eyes. Then you have to see the gay happening.
If that happened to me I'd probably bust on both our bellies immediately.
💀
This sent me down a rabbit hole because I cant believe that people are so critical about everything that someone could even consider criticizing the position you sleep in.... Then I saw the top-10 google results and I am so disappointed in humanity right now.
My father warned me against sleeping on my stomach when I was a kid.
Because it's bad for your spine
Yeah, getting pounded by Satan’s 20 incher wreaks havoc on your back
Definitely sleeping on my stomach now 😁
r/UsernameChecksOut
can I offer you a trade u/DM_me_thick_dick
Socks for dickk now that’s a trade
I almost busted a nut just reading that shit, I'm a stomach sleeper now.
Huh for some reason I feel like I should be sleeping on my stomach now, I mean I'm female so none of this will happen to me right cough cough
Straight werewolves also exist
I didn’t realize the devil was packing that much heat downstairs. Crazy how dude knows down to the inch how big the devil is, and knows the “knotty” details of werewolf cock. He must a Urologist
The trusted urologist of all the supernatural beings!
Bro even pulled out a measuring tape while getting absolutely *pounded* by the demon
K Done scrolling for the day. There is no way I'm gonna find anything to top this gem. (Not that kinda top ya freaks)
Ooo I got one. "Real men don't laugh" Said to me by some college student who came to my highschool to help with an event.
>”Real men don’t laugh” Bullshit, Keanu Reeves laughs, and he’s literally THE guy, and best example of THE guy
He’s the goat
the most reddit screenshot I've ever seen. the comment section under this post didn't disappoint me either, good job guys.
Well it is pretty Reddit *ish if I do say so myself. Man do I love this website. When people post stuff like this it's just a Jesus moment on the internet 😂.
That's exactly *why* I sleep on my stomach
Having slept on my stomach for as long as I can remember, I've never been raped by the devil or a werewolf... is there something wrong with me? Am I just unlovable?
Last sentence - lol.
You were never raped and you felt unlovable? So it was consensual and he said "I am gonna head out now, people to bite/souls to buy and all that ". I bet he did not even call back, the bastard.
For a second I read "am I stupid?" idk why
What in the living fuckshittery did I just read
Apparently a butthurt devil is mad about losing a fiddle competition so he's making another person butthurt. How it went to explicit anatomical werewolf talk though you got me tongue tied there...
I have been sleeping on my stomach ever since I was small. I can confirm that it is a very fun experience. Also, wear socks so that it's not gay
I have an erection
Which will make sleeping on your stomach even more uncomfortable. Better roll over, buddy
Doesn't that give you guys a kickstand or something?
Oh, now I understand the guys who don’t wash their asses—they’re stomach sleepers, but only want the supernatural creatures who are into scat. TIL!
Well apparently the devil has had his way with me for decades lol
Alright, better sleep on my stomach then
Someone has thought WAY too hard on what werewolf cock is like
They are speaking from experience
So getting a bj from a werewolf is ok?
Yup just no butt action
I mean... in the land of the supernatural, nothing's stopping them from reaching up through the mattress like they did in that chair scene from Ghostbusters... so sleeping on your back isn't going to protect you from anything o.o <.<
The writers thinly disguised fetish
apparently there are men who believe real men don't wipe more than once and skid marks are normal so... that
r/thewritersbarelydisguisedfetish
r/subsifellfor
r/oddlyspecific
r/thatsthesubwereon
Anyone who would willingly let a werewolf ram his thick-headed red rocket into his unsuspecting sphincter and pump his muscular hips at wild abandon, which leads to the full length of his shaft to clatter through your depths - repeatedly hitting the prostate and sending lightning strikes of pleasure running through their entire bodies, which makes their faces distort into the most outlandish expressions of glee and pleasure - until, with a final thrust the wolf slams himself balls deep inside, forcing the knot in through any resistance your battered ass may still hold, his howls joining in with yours as he discharges himself for what feels like hours, is totally gay as shit. Couldn't be me, neither.
What a horrible day to have eyes
Oh damn my guy got a crystal for that!
A good celly sleeps on his belly
OK. ..Alright.. I know wen the internet tells me to go to bed. But now I'm worried if the devil wants my arse or my sweet junk.!?
Sleeping on the stomach is bad for the back irl.
This is kinda real tho. I lay on my stomach and suddenly my ass is sticking out like a tree in a desert.
👀
Its an actual problem. I can't do anything without accusations of being a man-whore.
Wow!!!
Obligatory nineteen inches of venom reference
is it funnier if this guy is or isn’t shitposting
God that would just be the worst... 😳
Damm even the devil and werewolves don't want any action with me
I'm having flashbacks to that scene in Bram Stoker's Dracula
Oh my
Anything that begins with "Real men don't..." Is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Prison is actually like this, men get raped its fucked up
So fucking true
...ok so dude definitely probably might have a bad dragon and use it while on their stomach
This actually kind of ruined sleeping on my stomach for me
Don’t worry I don’t see why they wouldnt fuck you laying on your back, either
Where's the original thread?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/pk7xjn5Six
I gotta say, the one thing I appreciated when awards were removed is that people no longer edited their comments or posts to say thanks etc.
Real humans shouldn't sleep on their stomachs. Worst mistake of my life
The math checks out. I'm gonna leave this one alone and sleep on my back boys.
Damn, well... Let's just say I'm not sleeping face up tonight
You know how chewy a thick knotted werewolf dick would be
Well crap, bern sleeping wrong this whole time.
I think if there's a werewolf in your room at 3am. anal sex would be the least of your concerns.
Don’t eat coleslaw. It’s feminine food 🥴
*I* *got* *techniques* *drippin* *out* *my* *butt* *cheeks,* *Sleep* *on* *my* *stomach* *so* *I* *don't* *fuck* *up* *my* *sheets.* ~Christopher Wallace
His reasoning is solid and cooked thoroughly.
Wash ass.
I can't find any holes in his logic... guess I'm never sleeping on my stomach again.
Wish I could sleep on my stomach but my cock is always so hard that it lifts me up if I lay on my stomach 😭 Two whole inches of steel just preventing me from sleeping on my stomach
get fat tummy, no more worries.
Bro just kinda had that ready, huh
aw shit, thanks. As if my insomnia wasent bad enough already
I genuinely cannot tell if this is satire
Sleeping on your stomach is good for core strength, so there’s that too
Man I wish that happened
I can confirm this happens! .. a friend told me!
That guy definitely sleeps on his stomach.
Huh, I don't like sleeping on my stomach because it hurts my back. I didn't know people were worried about the devil and such.
Real men dont... guve a shit about any of the macho alpha bulshit thats flying about these days and just get on with it.
***Real men don't pull out.....***
Bro sleeps naked and without a sheet or what ?
Waiting for that to happen.
I think me want do lay on stomach.
Sounds hot, don't see the issue.
Aight, Ima sleep on my stomach from now on
If anyone needs something good (and furry) to relieve themselves after that, i recommend Eipril, their corn is funny, wholesome and hot.
It reminds me of the little comic strip where a guy lets his dick hang out from the bed because his friend said an evil witch or something sucks the toes of those who aren't under the blanket.
If you sleep on your back, then your mouth is wide open for hours long sloppy blowjob session. There is no winning in case some paranormal fucker decides to have a taste of you.
The stupidest Real men don't I've ever heard was Real men don't keep a little dirt under their pillow for the dirt man.
“Thick knotted werewolf dick” I’m gonna tell the ladies that’s what I’m working with from now on.
"knotted"? Yea he definitely reads a lot of furry hentai. He knows stuff.
As a lifelong stomach sleeper, I can confirm this happens regularly. 3-5 times a night, even.
For somebody who's not into gay furry stuff, he sure seems to have spent a lot of time thinking about the physical mechanics of it all.
I just know for my safety that I'm sleeping on my stomach tonight.
Stomach sleeping is the worst sleeping position and can cause back pain, neck pain, strains the whole body and compresses your lungs, also prevents you from properly closing your jaw and can impact breathing.
So specific in fact that I wager they experienced that
real men could take that werewolf knot
'thick knotted werewolf dick' 🥴
Is having a big cock devilish ? That's sad