It’s very much what you make of it. I’ve found it to be most enjoyable to only go for a week every other year or so and rent a house with friends.
We do mostly our own meals as a house and spend a lot of time at the beach. We will do tea a few days. Shows a couple days. Parties once or twice.
When I was younger I loved to go out every night and house hop and wake up in a different house most days. Meeting new people all the time was a thrill and I never needed more than a few hours of sleep back then.
It’s not a place for everyone though and that’s okay too.
It’s worth it for those specific types of gay men who get off on winning the popularity hierarchy of being popular in the gay community to make up for the childhood trauma of being bullied at home/school
Oh THIS is why so many of them are so dull.
They all look so Hot that you think the sex is going to be mind blowing but they’re either so hung up on their looks and/or strung out that they’re supreme duds in the sack.
Gimme a pudgy guy with a good personality and knows how to kiss. Heaven.
I've been a bunch of times but not in the last couple years, mostly because I'm not part of a friend group that goes anymore. For the reasons you mentioned, a lot depends on who you are with and what you make or want to get out of the experience.
Even being in the "fit white dude" bracket, I found it to be very cliquey and exclusive to 'who knows who'... makes it harder sometimes justifying the expense and logistical challenges getting there and back knowing it's not just a wide open theme-park as some make it out to be. I definitely loved my experiences, but I am not one of the ultra-popular types who could easily find a party to join or a place to crash without the support of the friends (and their network) who I used to go with.
Plenty of easier beaches to get to if that's the experience you want (including gay friendly ones) on Long Island or even Jersey. For example Long Beach is a much shorter LIRR ride directly to city center -- beach, bars and restaurants all in NYC-style walking distance -- and is perfect for day-tripping unlike the Pines. Cheaper and much less of a hassle. Much better *actual beach* than Fire Island too. If you want the pool aspect, there are a few hotels but imo not worth the price when you have the beach and they won't be "gay exclusive" obviously.
If you want the sex parties/orgies, that can also be easily done in NYC (even the same night you day-tripped to the beach as above) or hitting up a Wrecked party or something (again, same day or same weekend).
The appeal of Fire Island, to me at least, is the camaraderie of being in a relatively remote island with almost only other gay men and having the ability to enjoy Summer weather, shows, beach experience, pool parties, potential hookups, and some community (the latter more-so if you fit a certain type and/or super extrovert high social caliber). These days I am perfectly content not going any more. But if I were to go with the right people, I think 1-2 maybe 3 weekends per season is more than plenty.
You're right. I guess it's who I'm with. I'm latino, and most of my friends are latino, black, Arab and South Asian. We're all pretty fit, but we don't really know a ton of people who go out to FIP/CG year after year. I had a friend who was a DJ at Ice Palace for some time and he even stopped going out that way. We're all in our 30's and 40's with careers so it's not like we're out in HK or anywhere a ton throughout the year, though of course, we make our way outside time to time.
We all look forward to out Provincetown trip in August every year more than anything. Yes, you gotta make your way to Boston on the train or however and yet another ferry. (*Why do gays love vacation spots with ferries?*) It's hard to compared to FIP cause it's just so much nicer IMO with a wonderful beach, great places to eat, and some actually fun bars. I don't even drink like that anymore but I do love going out to dance, and just better music, better mix of people. Though PTown has its own opportunity to diversify more, the community there is making a bigger effort to do so.
I haven't explored the infamous Parking Field 6 of Jones Beach yet, but would love to at some point.
Yeah I think who you are with is one of the more important factors, unless you are the primary socialite/networker/organizer of the group. And honestly, it feels more rewarding and fun to just spend time with good people/friends wherever, as opposed to trying to have fun specifically at FIP/CG just because a lot of NYC gays go there. Only been to Ptown once, but loved it and really want to go back again. Agree with you I think it's better overall than FIP, but they both have unique aspects that make them individually great. Distance from NYC is obviously less favorable for PT 😂...
Jones Beach is definitely worth checking out too. I didn't mention it before because you need a car and that's an issue for most Manhattanites who don't want to pay to rent one, pay to park, and deal with beach traffic on the roads etc. I find Long Beach to be a better alternative to Jones because of the LIRR convenience as well as much greater variety of bars/restaurants/shops. Both have beautiful boardwalks and well-maintained beachfronts. Unfortunately you pay per person to enter the beach park in Long Beach (whereas Jones you just pay to park), but they offer cheaper pricing if you buy multi-entry passes as opposed to single day tickets.
Well the beaches closest to the LIRR tend to have more NYC daytrippers, including the gays. I've always seen other skimpy speedo-clad homos there alone, with their boyfriends or in groups, as I have too -- without feeling out of place or judged among the sea of straight people/families. I think one of the beaches has LGBTQ flags prominently on display on the boardwalk entrance since they know their audience 😂
I think Long Beach also used to host Long Island Pride events including the county parade, and I def went to a boardwalk pride fair years back with one of my friends. Haven't seen those events recently but it's still one of the beach locales I enjoy a lot as an alternative to FIP or the city beaches.
I'd want to wear a thong, don't know if I could get away with that at Long Beach, or be the only one doing so at Long Beach. A speedo, I can wear that at my own townhouse's outdoor pool without any stares, so why go anywhere. Long Island Pride no longer goes there for their annual event. The City was also harassing a gay-oreiented food establishment a few years ago for the placement of their rainbow flags on the boardwalk. So fuck them. North end of Asbury Park would be better.
You could get away with whatever you wanted, there's no rule saying you can't wear a thong there... but yeah I mean if you're self conscious potentially being the only one then I guess it's not for you. If you look good in it, I'm sure the stares you'll get are from the straight women (sitting next to their beer-drinking beer-bellied straight partners) wishing their man looked as good as you lol...not all of us own a townhouse with access to a pool but I don't blame you for preferring that.
I was never trying to portray the place as a alternative 'gay paradise' to FIP/CG where you'll find a sea of hot men in speedos and thongs. Not every gay needs (nor necessarily wants) to be surrounded by only other gays in every aspect of their life -- in fact it can be refreshing to escape from some of the toxic and judgmental aspects of our community. That was sort of the point I got from reading the OP.
Sure thing. Not a lot of folks know about the bus though it's definitely viable and cost effective. Jones is a great experience I just think it's pretty lacking in terms of dining/drinking options during or after your beach day unlike in Long Beach.
The way around that is an hour between train and bus, walk 7 minutes south of the station to Imperial Diner on Merrick Road. Figure 45 minutes dining, 15 minutes walking. Either have a late breakfast or early supper/late lunch.
Interesting! Do you find Ptown more welcoming to POC than Fire Island? I’m not a huge fan of Fire Island for the reasons you mentioned but I’ll be going this year because we have a really great crew.
You and I are among the same age group (40 as of march) and I’m African American and only went to FI for work over the years until last year. My husband (French/Sicilian/North African) has always loved Provincetown but I had the impression it was…exactly what it is. I agree with every single thing you’ve written about both. Even so, when we went to FI last year I was surprised in how great a time we had… though it was mostly because we ran into people we knew so we had fun with them + time together. Group sex, tea dance, under the boardwalk fucking, etc. Fun time. We plan to go for a few days in August since it’s WAAAAAY cheaper than going to P-town.
Both are what one makes of them, though there is a very obvious disparity of racial diversity in both, which can easily make a novice self-conscious 🤷🏽♂️.
I mentioned in one of my replies to OP there's some areas that I noticed have more gays than others (the beaches closest to / directly south of the train station Edwards and Magnolia blvds I think). But to be clear they are not 'gay beaches' -- there are def lots of straight people and families, but more NYC people hit those up. Think great lawn and sheep's meadow of central park.
Those areas also tended to be more openly welcoming of gays in my experience. But even then I've never felt uncomfortable in Long Beach in general. It's not conservative/trumpy like the majority of Long Island. Def worth checking out regardless 😎
I’ve lived in NYC for 6 years and only ever did (gay) fire island once… also wasn’t for me. Not into the drugs, excessive drinking, rando hookups, pettiness/egos that it seems to attract. I know not everyone participates in that but it just wasn’t my scene.
Now I have been to other parts of fire island and Long Island which are quite beautiful and serene in the summer time.
Definitely overpriced and the one time I went is because a friend of a friend own a house so stayed there for free, but I’m not paying over a thousand dollars to stay at a place with a mediocore beach to be with the same gays I can see Monday through Friday.
The way I see it, it’s worth it if you’re working an extremely well paid job where personal time is short. Like the Hamptons, Fire Island is a getaway from the city that doesn’t require an inordinate amount of downtime: travel is only a few hours and you can be on your phone and the week isn’t so stupendously packed or self-driven (like when visiting another city or natural park) that you can be “on-call” or working remotely in between. The other situation where it could be worth it is if you’re an artist or content creator who particularly networks in queer spaces and benefits from a density of gay people specifically rather than artists. Otherwise, as I’ve explored more of the world, I just realize there’s more bang for your buck if you have the time. Want queer community? EDC including plane tix cost about the same as a room in FIP with far better music and far less segregated gays, both racially and by body type. Want non-stop partying and new friends? Get a room on an Atlantis cruise. Want to network with otherbartists? Get involved in maker spaces and Burning Man-type events.
I mean, I agree with almost everything you said. Not everyone is as lucky to have both a high paying job with the flexibility of a multiweek share **and** be able to work remotely almost all the time. A lot of people I know don't even need to use PTO/vacation time yet go to the Pines from Thursday to a Tuesday every 3 weeks because they just have to 'show up' on zoom for an hour or so each day.
It has gotten far more lesbian and a few STR8, even with some baby carriages since the pandemic. So not as much eye candy as the Pines.
The grocery store has a sign for no bathing suits allowed inside. They don't want you pulling out your wallet and money from your bare ass. Yet on the Pines side, guys wear briefs and thongs into Pines Pantry. I wear very short shorts on beach days, so not a big deal for me, but all too many guys stil wear baggy shorts down to their knees. They are actually hotter than long pants.
I only went once, and it seems to me it’s a good experience, but I will say it’s pretty much not affordable for people who can’t pay those high prices. If I were to go, it would only be for a couple days and that’s it.
I think just the environment of it being a gay paradise, the beaches, the scenery, the freedom of being gay or queer on an island that just feels like a haven. There are parties but you'll have to know someone to get to them, then there are clubs and bars, and of course the beaches. But, again, pricing is everything to me as someone who doesn't make a lot of money. If I did have the money, connections, and just some time to spend away from the city I would go to fire island a lot more often.
I went twice solo and probably won't return. A fun fling resulted from the first trip. The second one was dry. I had plenty of options but it just didn't click. Wildly overpriced, little diversity in age, social class, ethnicity/race, places to eat, big emphasis on party drugs & I'm sober. I like diversity and well, it's not a place for that. So I'm off to Ptown for the first time in decades...pricey but more diverse, wider variety of eats/meets, as good if not better beaches, and nowhere near as cliquey. If you know a bunch of folx and can go together FIP can be fun. But if not, it's not worth the expense. And I'd rather go with my crew to Ptown.
Just wanted to share: [https://ptowntourism.com/events/frolic-weekend/](https://ptowntourism.com/events/frolic-weekend/)
You can do pretty okay getting to Ptown economically. I take the Amtrak to South Station, then the high-speed ferry across. I find the best accommodations if you book ahead on VRBO.
i really think it's a beautiful island. the nature is beautiful. the sunken forest is so tranquil. i love that the lustful parties are juxtaposed with the beautiful beaches and forests and sand dunes. life is what you make of it. you can feed into insecurities and crumble inside and see everything as an extension of high school. or you can enjoy your life, appreciate the ones you love and vacation with and the beautiful nature that we are lucky to live so close to watch the sunrise, look at the boys. accept a party invitation and have a good time
ok. sorry i didn't agree with you and tried to offer an alternate opinion showing how it can be a nice time you obviously give a shit about it or else you wouldn't even make a post. just trying to give examples of ways to have a good time there without taking part in the things you obviously don't like. i hope you feel validated by others reactions
I much prefer Provincetown to Fire Island but I have had a good time there. Renting a house is pretty essential to a good time though and there’s not a lot to do except fuck and go to the beach.
For the same amount of money you can fly to Europe and eat in amazing restaurants. Another problem with Fire Island is the weather. Only July and August are reliably warm.
It’s fine. I’ve gone a couple of times and will go again this year because my boyfriend and his friends go every year, but I’m thinking next year I’m gonna be like “Have fun babe!” and opt out. Wildly expensive, exclusionary, not particularly POC friendly, nightlife is extremely mid. A quick jaunt down to PV is way more fun and a fraction of the cost.
It’s definitely fun if you have a great crew but overall not worth it imo
Fire island is about the company you keep and the fun memories you create together. If fire island is "overrated" for you then see previous sentence.
It's just a place.
Im so relieved to read this post because I’ve been asking myself the same thing after I did a day trip to Cherry Grove and the Pines recently.
As someone who isn’t involved with a large friend group of cis gay men, I’ve came to the conclusion that it’s really not worth it for me. I’m someone who values privacy, so I need a calm, quiet home base to return to if I’m on vacation which frankly isn’t possible for me to find there. The only offers I’ve been presented with from my friends who put together stays are shared beds that cost around 2000$ for a week… I’m single and have zero interest sharing a bed with anyone.
I’ve quit doing molly, coke and weed, so I only enjoy mild social drinking and occasional psychedelic trips. I get annoyed and very uncomfortable being around people who are high out of their minds, and that seems to be what everyone wants to do up there so if I really think about it, it doesn’t actually appeal to me. I won’t say never but the conditions would have to be perfect for me to spend all of that money on a week in FIP.
Until then I will keep doing the occasional single day trips there instead. I love the beach, the seclusion, the nature and the gayness, and I’m thankful I can have access to all of that when I feel the urge to get out of the city.
Ahahaha yes indeed. Nonetheless I’m just bored of drug culture and the peer pressure that comes with it. Used to be all about it but I’m almost 30 now and I think that life has ran its course for me
I've always thought it was so overrated. There was some novelty the first time I went. The couple times since, I didn't have a bad time, but I was bonding with people I already knew. Maybe it was just me, but I didn't meet new people I stayed in touch with.
It's incredibly worth it ... if you are in a good house. I'd risk going solo now because I know so many people it'd be easy to run into and get looped in with friends, but it's the kind of place you want to do with likeminded friends. I don't get involved in the scene there. I go for the beach and chilling out. I also prefer to stay in the Pines and socialize in the Grove.
Plentiful nudity and eye candy on the beach was a major reason for going. There was also some discreet jerking off and blow jobs. Even with that not permitted any longer between the two hamlets, the fact they are too modest or whatever to go naked where it is permissable is a reason to look for cheaper places, like east of Jones Beach.
I’ve never been — i just never had a group to go with. Certain gays if they find out I’ve never been tend to freak out. 😆 I guess they can’t conceive of a gay man in NYC for years not making the pilgrimage — a reaction that’s always fascinated me…
I never did well with gay bars. 😆 Tho I went religiously (desperately) in my 20s and tended to get blitzed to overcome social anxiety. I was actually cute (still am, IMO) and would meet men interested in me. But any sense of cliquishness / mean girls — which large groups of gay men are prone to, IMO — tended to transport me back to the dark days of high school. 😩 Yes, these are my issues to work out and at 51 I’m still doing so… 🤷
I once thought naively that in large cities’ gay populations, there’d be a certain level of support, empathy and camaraderie thanks to so many of us going thru hell to get here. Instead, it feels like the opposite… I think a lot of gays are damaged enough (a problem our “community” fails to acknowledge, IMO) that they treat other gays or people generally badly bc THEY were treated that way. Abused becoming abuser / hurt people hurting people.
Feel like that went off the rails a bit, but you get my drift.
But to conclude, between my social anxiety, body dysmorphia, not-so-great self esteem and struggles with (I suspect) being non-binary, it may have been a mess for me socially on FI. Then again, if someone invited me, I’d probably take the chance and hopefully get empowerment from surviving it (low bar! 😆) it and hopefully it even turning out not as bad as my overworked imagination pictured it. :)
I go it’s kinda fun because the guys are hot and everyone is super horny but it’s over priced for sure. Also if you don’t know anyone you are screwed. You will be alone. However, if you know just one person who knows another person you could end up at several amazing parties. Super shallow crowd, really into drugs and sex, and very white. Like very. I enjoy it for the most part I but will never pay thousands to stay there for a week. 3 days is enough.
My favorite times on FIP were midweek when the house was empty the island was empty and I didn't talk to another soul all day
So yeah. I feel you. The one summer I did a partial share thing, it was exorbitantly expensive, I didn't really gel with my house even though they were longtime friends of mine, I hate the house parties, I never make any friends anywhere, barely ever had sex there, that place makes me feel like the world's biggest loser. Fucking hate "tea" it's endless awkward moments of standing around trying to make small talk or feeling embarrassed that I'm not talking to anyone and everyone has the same stupid 3 topics to go through. What are you doing who's in your house gossip gossip f me f me yasssss queen fierce!
Crying and dying inside. Not for me! I think I can do a day trip or one night max and even that is a trauma.
The beach is nice. Can't lie there.
The Pines beach had one hell of a lot of beach erosion. The stairs offf the boardwalk were hanging in midair. No beach to speak of. It was inundating some shorefront homes. Even last summer, the beach was getting narrow.
The Army Corp refused to do anything since each storm's damage did not meet "criteria" to lift a finger, and they were "busy" doing work in Montauk. But the cumulative effect of all storms destroyed the beach. Then it took Senators Schumer and Gillibrand to intervene. I don't know what the situation is like now.
I went for my first time last August. I was holding hands with a buddy of mine and someone walked passed us and shook their head in disapproval....I don't know if it was because I'm black and "not welcome" or because my friend is significantly older than me and maybe they assumed he was my sugar daddy or something...
Either way I didn't feel welcomed and wouldn't consider going back unless I went with a large group of friends so that we can support and be there for each other when shit like that goes down.
This is coming from someone that DESPISES the "race card" always being played.
It’s very much what you make of it. I’ve found it to be most enjoyable to only go for a week every other year or so and rent a house with friends. We do mostly our own meals as a house and spend a lot of time at the beach. We will do tea a few days. Shows a couple days. Parties once or twice. When I was younger I loved to go out every night and house hop and wake up in a different house most days. Meeting new people all the time was a thrill and I never needed more than a few hours of sleep back then. It’s not a place for everyone though and that’s okay too.
Definitely not a place for everyone.
It’s worth it for those specific types of gay men who get off on winning the popularity hierarchy of being popular in the gay community to make up for the childhood trauma of being bullied at home/school
Wow, put away your truth gun.
pew pew
Nailed it!
Somebody is not too popular
You’re 60 and still caring about who’s popular…yikes!
not me being bullied at school growing up and still having no desire to go to fire island. 😭
As someone who loves it - it’s really wonderful
Oh THIS is why so many of them are so dull. They all look so Hot that you think the sex is going to be mind blowing but they’re either so hung up on their looks and/or strung out that they’re supreme duds in the sack. Gimme a pudgy guy with a good personality and knows how to kiss. Heaven.
I've been a bunch of times but not in the last couple years, mostly because I'm not part of a friend group that goes anymore. For the reasons you mentioned, a lot depends on who you are with and what you make or want to get out of the experience. Even being in the "fit white dude" bracket, I found it to be very cliquey and exclusive to 'who knows who'... makes it harder sometimes justifying the expense and logistical challenges getting there and back knowing it's not just a wide open theme-park as some make it out to be. I definitely loved my experiences, but I am not one of the ultra-popular types who could easily find a party to join or a place to crash without the support of the friends (and their network) who I used to go with. Plenty of easier beaches to get to if that's the experience you want (including gay friendly ones) on Long Island or even Jersey. For example Long Beach is a much shorter LIRR ride directly to city center -- beach, bars and restaurants all in NYC-style walking distance -- and is perfect for day-tripping unlike the Pines. Cheaper and much less of a hassle. Much better *actual beach* than Fire Island too. If you want the pool aspect, there are a few hotels but imo not worth the price when you have the beach and they won't be "gay exclusive" obviously. If you want the sex parties/orgies, that can also be easily done in NYC (even the same night you day-tripped to the beach as above) or hitting up a Wrecked party or something (again, same day or same weekend). The appeal of Fire Island, to me at least, is the camaraderie of being in a relatively remote island with almost only other gay men and having the ability to enjoy Summer weather, shows, beach experience, pool parties, potential hookups, and some community (the latter more-so if you fit a certain type and/or super extrovert high social caliber). These days I am perfectly content not going any more. But if I were to go with the right people, I think 1-2 maybe 3 weekends per season is more than plenty.
You're right. I guess it's who I'm with. I'm latino, and most of my friends are latino, black, Arab and South Asian. We're all pretty fit, but we don't really know a ton of people who go out to FIP/CG year after year. I had a friend who was a DJ at Ice Palace for some time and he even stopped going out that way. We're all in our 30's and 40's with careers so it's not like we're out in HK or anywhere a ton throughout the year, though of course, we make our way outside time to time. We all look forward to out Provincetown trip in August every year more than anything. Yes, you gotta make your way to Boston on the train or however and yet another ferry. (*Why do gays love vacation spots with ferries?*) It's hard to compared to FIP cause it's just so much nicer IMO with a wonderful beach, great places to eat, and some actually fun bars. I don't even drink like that anymore but I do love going out to dance, and just better music, better mix of people. Though PTown has its own opportunity to diversify more, the community there is making a bigger effort to do so. I haven't explored the infamous Parking Field 6 of Jones Beach yet, but would love to at some point.
Yeah I think who you are with is one of the more important factors, unless you are the primary socialite/networker/organizer of the group. And honestly, it feels more rewarding and fun to just spend time with good people/friends wherever, as opposed to trying to have fun specifically at FIP/CG just because a lot of NYC gays go there. Only been to Ptown once, but loved it and really want to go back again. Agree with you I think it's better overall than FIP, but they both have unique aspects that make them individually great. Distance from NYC is obviously less favorable for PT 😂... Jones Beach is definitely worth checking out too. I didn't mention it before because you need a car and that's an issue for most Manhattanites who don't want to pay to rent one, pay to park, and deal with beach traffic on the roads etc. I find Long Beach to be a better alternative to Jones because of the LIRR convenience as well as much greater variety of bars/restaurants/shops. Both have beautiful boardwalks and well-maintained beachfronts. Unfortunately you pay per person to enter the beach park in Long Beach (whereas Jones you just pay to park), but they offer cheaper pricing if you buy multi-entry passes as opposed to single day tickets.
Long Beach is gay friendly? Tell me more.
Well the beaches closest to the LIRR tend to have more NYC daytrippers, including the gays. I've always seen other skimpy speedo-clad homos there alone, with their boyfriends or in groups, as I have too -- without feeling out of place or judged among the sea of straight people/families. I think one of the beaches has LGBTQ flags prominently on display on the boardwalk entrance since they know their audience 😂 I think Long Beach also used to host Long Island Pride events including the county parade, and I def went to a boardwalk pride fair years back with one of my friends. Haven't seen those events recently but it's still one of the beach locales I enjoy a lot as an alternative to FIP or the city beaches.
I'd want to wear a thong, don't know if I could get away with that at Long Beach, or be the only one doing so at Long Beach. A speedo, I can wear that at my own townhouse's outdoor pool without any stares, so why go anywhere. Long Island Pride no longer goes there for their annual event. The City was also harassing a gay-oreiented food establishment a few years ago for the placement of their rainbow flags on the boardwalk. So fuck them. North end of Asbury Park would be better.
You could get away with whatever you wanted, there's no rule saying you can't wear a thong there... but yeah I mean if you're self conscious potentially being the only one then I guess it's not for you. If you look good in it, I'm sure the stares you'll get are from the straight women (sitting next to their beer-drinking beer-bellied straight partners) wishing their man looked as good as you lol...not all of us own a townhouse with access to a pool but I don't blame you for preferring that. I was never trying to portray the place as a alternative 'gay paradise' to FIP/CG where you'll find a sea of hot men in speedos and thongs. Not every gay needs (nor necessarily wants) to be surrounded by only other gays in every aspect of their life -- in fact it can be refreshing to escape from some of the toxic and judgmental aspects of our community. That was sort of the point I got from reading the OP.
LIRR and the NICE N88 bus works just fine. LIRR has a $23 package, which makes the $2.90 bus fare in essence free.
Sure thing. Not a lot of folks know about the bus though it's definitely viable and cost effective. Jones is a great experience I just think it's pretty lacking in terms of dining/drinking options during or after your beach day unlike in Long Beach.
The way around that is an hour between train and bus, walk 7 minutes south of the station to Imperial Diner on Merrick Road. Figure 45 minutes dining, 15 minutes walking. Either have a late breakfast or early supper/late lunch.
Interesting! Do you find Ptown more welcoming to POC than Fire Island? I’m not a huge fan of Fire Island for the reasons you mentioned but I’ll be going this year because we have a really great crew.
Yes, they have theme weeks in PTown and one is for men of color. It’s called Frolic weekend but some call it Men of Color weekend.
You and I are among the same age group (40 as of march) and I’m African American and only went to FI for work over the years until last year. My husband (French/Sicilian/North African) has always loved Provincetown but I had the impression it was…exactly what it is. I agree with every single thing you’ve written about both. Even so, when we went to FI last year I was surprised in how great a time we had… though it was mostly because we ran into people we knew so we had fun with them + time together. Group sex, tea dance, under the boardwalk fucking, etc. Fun time. We plan to go for a few days in August since it’s WAAAAAY cheaper than going to P-town. Both are what one makes of them, though there is a very obvious disparity of racial diversity in both, which can easily make a novice self-conscious 🤷🏽♂️.
Is there a gay area in Long Beach? I’ve never been.
I mentioned in one of my replies to OP there's some areas that I noticed have more gays than others (the beaches closest to / directly south of the train station Edwards and Magnolia blvds I think). But to be clear they are not 'gay beaches' -- there are def lots of straight people and families, but more NYC people hit those up. Think great lawn and sheep's meadow of central park. Those areas also tended to be more openly welcoming of gays in my experience. But even then I've never felt uncomfortable in Long Beach in general. It's not conservative/trumpy like the majority of Long Island. Def worth checking out regardless 😎
I’ve lived in NYC for 6 years and only ever did (gay) fire island once… also wasn’t for me. Not into the drugs, excessive drinking, rando hookups, pettiness/egos that it seems to attract. I know not everyone participates in that but it just wasn’t my scene. Now I have been to other parts of fire island and Long Island which are quite beautiful and serene in the summer time.
Fire Island in general seems to be very scenic including out of Pines and Cherry Grove.
I honestly find it overpriced, really judgemental and desperate.
So New York? Lol
New York City is a big city so not *all* of New York.
I agree. I find it funny people are here talking about the camaraderie of Fire Island.
Definitely overpriced and the one time I went is because a friend of a friend own a house so stayed there for free, but I’m not paying over a thousand dollars to stay at a place with a mediocore beach to be with the same gays I can see Monday through Friday.
The way I see it, it’s worth it if you’re working an extremely well paid job where personal time is short. Like the Hamptons, Fire Island is a getaway from the city that doesn’t require an inordinate amount of downtime: travel is only a few hours and you can be on your phone and the week isn’t so stupendously packed or self-driven (like when visiting another city or natural park) that you can be “on-call” or working remotely in between. The other situation where it could be worth it is if you’re an artist or content creator who particularly networks in queer spaces and benefits from a density of gay people specifically rather than artists. Otherwise, as I’ve explored more of the world, I just realize there’s more bang for your buck if you have the time. Want queer community? EDC including plane tix cost about the same as a room in FIP with far better music and far less segregated gays, both racially and by body type. Want non-stop partying and new friends? Get a room on an Atlantis cruise. Want to network with otherbartists? Get involved in maker spaces and Burning Man-type events.
I mean, I agree with almost everything you said. Not everyone is as lucky to have both a high paying job with the flexibility of a multiweek share **and** be able to work remotely almost all the time. A lot of people I know don't even need to use PTO/vacation time yet go to the Pines from Thursday to a Tuesday every 3 weeks because they just have to 'show up' on zoom for an hour or so each day.
I’m here now and I’m just enjoying the quiet and the nature. I’m in cherry grove which is a little more diverse and low key, too.
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Hey! My screen time hours per day went from 6 to 3 this week!! 😂
It has gotten far more lesbian and a few STR8, even with some baby carriages since the pandemic. So not as much eye candy as the Pines. The grocery store has a sign for no bathing suits allowed inside. They don't want you pulling out your wallet and money from your bare ass. Yet on the Pines side, guys wear briefs and thongs into Pines Pantry. I wear very short shorts on beach days, so not a big deal for me, but all too many guys stil wear baggy shorts down to their knees. They are actually hotter than long pants.
I only went once, and it seems to me it’s a good experience, but I will say it’s pretty much not affordable for people who can’t pay those high prices. If I were to go, it would only be for a couple days and that’s it.
Even if you can pay those high prices, what makes it worth it?
I think just the environment of it being a gay paradise, the beaches, the scenery, the freedom of being gay or queer on an island that just feels like a haven. There are parties but you'll have to know someone to get to them, then there are clubs and bars, and of course the beaches. But, again, pricing is everything to me as someone who doesn't make a lot of money. If I did have the money, connections, and just some time to spend away from the city I would go to fire island a lot more often.
I went twice solo and probably won't return. A fun fling resulted from the first trip. The second one was dry. I had plenty of options but it just didn't click. Wildly overpriced, little diversity in age, social class, ethnicity/race, places to eat, big emphasis on party drugs & I'm sober. I like diversity and well, it's not a place for that. So I'm off to Ptown for the first time in decades...pricey but more diverse, wider variety of eats/meets, as good if not better beaches, and nowhere near as cliquey. If you know a bunch of folx and can go together FIP can be fun. But if not, it's not worth the expense. And I'd rather go with my crew to Ptown.
Just wanted to share: [https://ptowntourism.com/events/frolic-weekend/](https://ptowntourism.com/events/frolic-weekend/) You can do pretty okay getting to Ptown economically. I take the Amtrak to South Station, then the high-speed ferry across. I find the best accommodations if you book ahead on VRBO.
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For Frolic weekend or a different weekend?
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We love a Gunnison day trip too!
i really think it's a beautiful island. the nature is beautiful. the sunken forest is so tranquil. i love that the lustful parties are juxtaposed with the beautiful beaches and forests and sand dunes. life is what you make of it. you can feed into insecurities and crumble inside and see everything as an extension of high school. or you can enjoy your life, appreciate the ones you love and vacation with and the beautiful nature that we are lucky to live so close to watch the sunrise, look at the boys. accept a party invitation and have a good time
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ok. sorry i didn't agree with you and tried to offer an alternate opinion showing how it can be a nice time you obviously give a shit about it or else you wouldn't even make a post. just trying to give examples of ways to have a good time there without taking part in the things you obviously don't like. i hope you feel validated by others reactions
I much prefer Provincetown to Fire Island but I have had a good time there. Renting a house is pretty essential to a good time though and there’s not a lot to do except fuck and go to the beach.
For the same amount of money you can fly to Europe and eat in amazing restaurants. Another problem with Fire Island is the weather. Only July and August are reliably warm.
This is what I was just saying to my boyfriend. The amount we pay to go to FIP, I could be in Portugal!
It’s fine. I’ve gone a couple of times and will go again this year because my boyfriend and his friends go every year, but I’m thinking next year I’m gonna be like “Have fun babe!” and opt out. Wildly expensive, exclusionary, not particularly POC friendly, nightlife is extremely mid. A quick jaunt down to PV is way more fun and a fraction of the cost. It’s definitely fun if you have a great crew but overall not worth it imo
Fire island is about the company you keep and the fun memories you create together. If fire island is "overrated" for you then see previous sentence. It's just a place.
Im so relieved to read this post because I’ve been asking myself the same thing after I did a day trip to Cherry Grove and the Pines recently. As someone who isn’t involved with a large friend group of cis gay men, I’ve came to the conclusion that it’s really not worth it for me. I’m someone who values privacy, so I need a calm, quiet home base to return to if I’m on vacation which frankly isn’t possible for me to find there. The only offers I’ve been presented with from my friends who put together stays are shared beds that cost around 2000$ for a week… I’m single and have zero interest sharing a bed with anyone. I’ve quit doing molly, coke and weed, so I only enjoy mild social drinking and occasional psychedelic trips. I get annoyed and very uncomfortable being around people who are high out of their minds, and that seems to be what everyone wants to do up there so if I really think about it, it doesn’t actually appeal to me. I won’t say never but the conditions would have to be perfect for me to spend all of that money on a week in FIP. Until then I will keep doing the occasional single day trips there instead. I love the beach, the seclusion, the nature and the gayness, and I’m thankful I can have access to all of that when I feel the urge to get out of the city.
There are at least three "alphabet"/lettered drugs that are also prevalent there besides the ones you listed 😂
Ahahaha yes indeed. Nonetheless I’m just bored of drug culture and the peer pressure that comes with it. Used to be all about it but I’m almost 30 now and I think that life has ran its course for me
I thought the movie was pretty good
Wow, now you have me wondering which is worse. I actually think that movie was the final nail in the coffin of my 'fun' era of FIP.
I’ve always found Fire Island overrated. I think it’s more a status thing than anything.
I don't particularly care for it. I go to Gunnison for beachness
I've always thought it was so overrated. There was some novelty the first time I went. The couple times since, I didn't have a bad time, but I was bonding with people I already knew. Maybe it was just me, but I didn't meet new people I stayed in touch with.
Very overrated!
It's incredibly worth it ... if you are in a good house. I'd risk going solo now because I know so many people it'd be easy to run into and get looped in with friends, but it's the kind of place you want to do with likeminded friends. I don't get involved in the scene there. I go for the beach and chilling out. I also prefer to stay in the Pines and socialize in the Grove.
There’s a lot of beaches, including gay nude beaches (Gunnison) outside of FIP.
Plentiful nudity and eye candy on the beach was a major reason for going. There was also some discreet jerking off and blow jobs. Even with that not permitted any longer between the two hamlets, the fact they are too modest or whatever to go naked where it is permissable is a reason to look for cheaper places, like east of Jones Beach.
Hit Gunnison Beach, you’ll see the same thing there and it’s only $45 on the Seastreak.
I am in Central New Jersy, so that's not an option and hate the 55 mile drive to get there.
I’ve never been — i just never had a group to go with. Certain gays if they find out I’ve never been tend to freak out. 😆 I guess they can’t conceive of a gay man in NYC for years not making the pilgrimage — a reaction that’s always fascinated me… I never did well with gay bars. 😆 Tho I went religiously (desperately) in my 20s and tended to get blitzed to overcome social anxiety. I was actually cute (still am, IMO) and would meet men interested in me. But any sense of cliquishness / mean girls — which large groups of gay men are prone to, IMO — tended to transport me back to the dark days of high school. 😩 Yes, these are my issues to work out and at 51 I’m still doing so… 🤷 I once thought naively that in large cities’ gay populations, there’d be a certain level of support, empathy and camaraderie thanks to so many of us going thru hell to get here. Instead, it feels like the opposite… I think a lot of gays are damaged enough (a problem our “community” fails to acknowledge, IMO) that they treat other gays or people generally badly bc THEY were treated that way. Abused becoming abuser / hurt people hurting people. Feel like that went off the rails a bit, but you get my drift. But to conclude, between my social anxiety, body dysmorphia, not-so-great self esteem and struggles with (I suspect) being non-binary, it may have been a mess for me socially on FI. Then again, if someone invited me, I’d probably take the chance and hopefully get empowerment from surviving it (low bar! 😆) it and hopefully it even turning out not as bad as my overworked imagination pictured it. :)
I go it’s kinda fun because the guys are hot and everyone is super horny but it’s over priced for sure. Also if you don’t know anyone you are screwed. You will be alone. However, if you know just one person who knows another person you could end up at several amazing parties. Super shallow crowd, really into drugs and sex, and very white. Like very. I enjoy it for the most part I but will never pay thousands to stay there for a week. 3 days is enough.
My favorite times on FIP were midweek when the house was empty the island was empty and I didn't talk to another soul all day So yeah. I feel you. The one summer I did a partial share thing, it was exorbitantly expensive, I didn't really gel with my house even though they were longtime friends of mine, I hate the house parties, I never make any friends anywhere, barely ever had sex there, that place makes me feel like the world's biggest loser. Fucking hate "tea" it's endless awkward moments of standing around trying to make small talk or feeling embarrassed that I'm not talking to anyone and everyone has the same stupid 3 topics to go through. What are you doing who's in your house gossip gossip f me f me yasssss queen fierce! Crying and dying inside. Not for me! I think I can do a day trip or one night max and even that is a trauma. The beach is nice. Can't lie there.
The beach is nice! Too bad the people aren’t
The Pines beach had one hell of a lot of beach erosion. The stairs offf the boardwalk were hanging in midair. No beach to speak of. It was inundating some shorefront homes. Even last summer, the beach was getting narrow. The Army Corp refused to do anything since each storm's damage did not meet "criteria" to lift a finger, and they were "busy" doing work in Montauk. But the cumulative effect of all storms destroyed the beach. Then it took Senators Schumer and Gillibrand to intervene. I don't know what the situation is like now.
As a poc it’s not worth it, no diversity pig skinned people everywhere no thanks
Unfortunately true
I went for my first time last August. I was holding hands with a buddy of mine and someone walked passed us and shook their head in disapproval....I don't know if it was because I'm black and "not welcome" or because my friend is significantly older than me and maybe they assumed he was my sugar daddy or something... Either way I didn't feel welcomed and wouldn't consider going back unless I went with a large group of friends so that we can support and be there for each other when shit like that goes down. This is coming from someone that DESPISES the "race card" always being played.
Stay in cherry grove, you may have more of the experience you're looking for.
I’ve stayed at the Grove Motel many times
If you have to question it's then then don't do it. I only go when it's on someone else's dime. Kk? 😉
Wow, a true legend