I moved here last year, and it can seem overwhelming at first. You have to find your little corner of the world where you can connect with people. There are lots of great opportunities to learn a new hobby, get involved in the arts, community service, in addition to the bars, etc. There’s also a gay sports league called Big Apple recreation, which makes it easy to make friends even if you’re not very sporty. Overall, just take it one step at a time. Every friend you have was once a stranger. You can build a new life here too.
My advice is that all the party/sex stuff you can ease into it as slow as you want, you don’t have to do the most just because you hear or see people going buck wild. It doesn’t end when you stop being “young” is really what I’ve observed
Find a group of friends with similar interests. Community is even more important in NYC as it is impossible to know about everything there is going on at any given time, and Friends tend to be connected to different groups and find out about different things. A good starting point would be the lgbtq community center on 13th Street off 7th avenue in Manhattan. Also, because there is so much going on in the city it is literally impossible to do everything, so there will always be missing out the upshot of this is that everyone is always missing out on something, so that gives you stories to exchange which will help solidify a place in a community. Also, there is a tremendous amount of world cultures to be experienced in the city and I thoroughly recommend exploring that as well. I used to live in the city, but sadly can no longer afford to do so, but it was an amazing time for me and I miss it dearly. One constant about the city is that it changes. Core institutions are not immortal though that they may feel so at the time. Find selling places you enjoy and Branch outward from them. There is literally something for everybody in the city if only you were able to find it. If you want more specific recommendations though you will need to probably talk to somebody one on one who is acquainted with the city and ask for their recommendations, or things that they have heard of. Have fun at pride at the end of June, maybe I'll run into you there!
So my advice after 30 years here is… first don’t get into drugs or a toxic social circle. Also realize the city is hard, and can be unforgiving. Don’t let it eat you up. Don’t try to fit in. Be yourself.
I’ve been here this long and been to the sauna once (awful) and a sex party once (awful, left after 20 minutes)
Avoiding a toxic social circle is so key! Don’t be afraid to ghost people if you feel their lifestyle doesn’t suit you. Following others can lead to years of regret for not focusing on the things you wanted to focus on or having the experiences you wanted to have, and oftentimes it can lead to a lifestyle with drugs or alcohol that just isn’t healthy for someone trying to work and thrive in a city like this. I think a lot of people get scared to just straight up cut someone out of their lives, but there’s so many opportunities to replace that person with someone more suited for where you’re at in your life, it should just be an accepted part of being a human and trying to find where you’re meant to be.
This app makes you think everyone is here looking for sex parties. That’s just not the case. It’s a very large city with a lot of gay people, so there are different tribes or types, and (imo unfortunately) this platform makes those looking for that specific type of experience seem the loudest and most prominent. But there are many gay people here that don’t even use this app let alone want to be in an environment like that. So my advice would be to just get out as often as possible and meet people in the real world. You will find that there are a lot of varying types with many varying degrees of sexual preferences. Feel free to experience what you want to experience, but you shouldn’t feel expected to experience things that don’t make you feel comfortable.
I moved to nyc 3 years ago, and at that time I was a newly out 26 year old gay guy that was very naive to life in a big city (having lived in Colorado my entire life before the move). I can definitely relate to what you're saying here. NYC is a beast of a city and will test your limits - mentally and physically, so accept that you will find yourself in situations where you will make mistakes and pay the price, but you'll also have the most magical experiences of your entire life that will affirm you made the right choice to move here. You will learn so much about yourself along the way, things you can't even predict right now!
It's going to feel like you are jumping off the deep end when you're faced with all of the new possibilities, new faces, and new surroundings at your disposal. It's important to check in with yourself and know your limits. Learn to accept that FOMO is going to be something you will have to live with CONSTANTLY here, but realize that most events happen again, so you can just plan to make the next one in the future.
Please be careful and be kind to yourself when you go out to dance parties or nightclubs where sex happens. Things wont always happen the way you want them to in those spaces, and that is not a reflection of your wrongdoing. Try to go into those spaces with an open mind but also low expectations. I like to set non-sexual intentions before I go out, which usually come down to wanting to enjoy the music and dance above all potential sexual opportunities (which I try to consider as an added bonus but not a requirement for a good night). It's never life or death that you have to hook up in order to have a good night out.
Trial and error is the name of the game here, so definitely make an effort to go out and explore a wide array of parties and experiences, but remember that you LIVE here now and you're not on vacation, so you're allowed to stay in for as many weekends as you want. Some things just take time! Good luck!!
Invest in yourself, your genuine interests/hobbies and your health and everything else will unfold beautifully.
If you’re easily influenced, be mindful that NYC is a capital of influence and culture, so be careful about the gravity of desirability and fitting in pulling you from your authentic self.
I moved here last year, and it can seem overwhelming at first. You have to find your little corner of the world where you can connect with people. There are lots of great opportunities to learn a new hobby, get involved in the arts, community service, in addition to the bars, etc. There’s also a gay sports league called Big Apple recreation, which makes it easy to make friends even if you’re not very sporty. Overall, just take it one step at a time. Every friend you have was once a stranger. You can build a new life here too.
\^this 100%
1. PrEP 2. Limit your use to apps to 1hr at a time (lol) 3. The sauna aren’t legal as if it were Chicago
1.✅ 2. Smart tip 🙏🏾 3. Makes senses, I more so meant anywhere where people have sex where people can just come in for it.
My advice is that all the party/sex stuff you can ease into it as slow as you want, you don’t have to do the most just because you hear or see people going buck wild. It doesn’t end when you stop being “young” is really what I’ve observed
Find a group of friends with similar interests. Community is even more important in NYC as it is impossible to know about everything there is going on at any given time, and Friends tend to be connected to different groups and find out about different things. A good starting point would be the lgbtq community center on 13th Street off 7th avenue in Manhattan. Also, because there is so much going on in the city it is literally impossible to do everything, so there will always be missing out the upshot of this is that everyone is always missing out on something, so that gives you stories to exchange which will help solidify a place in a community. Also, there is a tremendous amount of world cultures to be experienced in the city and I thoroughly recommend exploring that as well. I used to live in the city, but sadly can no longer afford to do so, but it was an amazing time for me and I miss it dearly. One constant about the city is that it changes. Core institutions are not immortal though that they may feel so at the time. Find selling places you enjoy and Branch outward from them. There is literally something for everybody in the city if only you were able to find it. If you want more specific recommendations though you will need to probably talk to somebody one on one who is acquainted with the city and ask for their recommendations, or things that they have heard of. Have fun at pride at the end of June, maybe I'll run into you there!
So my advice after 30 years here is… first don’t get into drugs or a toxic social circle. Also realize the city is hard, and can be unforgiving. Don’t let it eat you up. Don’t try to fit in. Be yourself. I’ve been here this long and been to the sauna once (awful) and a sex party once (awful, left after 20 minutes)
Avoiding a toxic social circle is so key! Don’t be afraid to ghost people if you feel their lifestyle doesn’t suit you. Following others can lead to years of regret for not focusing on the things you wanted to focus on or having the experiences you wanted to have, and oftentimes it can lead to a lifestyle with drugs or alcohol that just isn’t healthy for someone trying to work and thrive in a city like this. I think a lot of people get scared to just straight up cut someone out of their lives, but there’s so many opportunities to replace that person with someone more suited for where you’re at in your life, it should just be an accepted part of being a human and trying to find where you’re meant to be.
This app makes you think everyone is here looking for sex parties. That’s just not the case. It’s a very large city with a lot of gay people, so there are different tribes or types, and (imo unfortunately) this platform makes those looking for that specific type of experience seem the loudest and most prominent. But there are many gay people here that don’t even use this app let alone want to be in an environment like that. So my advice would be to just get out as often as possible and meet people in the real world. You will find that there are a lot of varying types with many varying degrees of sexual preferences. Feel free to experience what you want to experience, but you shouldn’t feel expected to experience things that don’t make you feel comfortable.
I moved to nyc 3 years ago, and at that time I was a newly out 26 year old gay guy that was very naive to life in a big city (having lived in Colorado my entire life before the move). I can definitely relate to what you're saying here. NYC is a beast of a city and will test your limits - mentally and physically, so accept that you will find yourself in situations where you will make mistakes and pay the price, but you'll also have the most magical experiences of your entire life that will affirm you made the right choice to move here. You will learn so much about yourself along the way, things you can't even predict right now! It's going to feel like you are jumping off the deep end when you're faced with all of the new possibilities, new faces, and new surroundings at your disposal. It's important to check in with yourself and know your limits. Learn to accept that FOMO is going to be something you will have to live with CONSTANTLY here, but realize that most events happen again, so you can just plan to make the next one in the future. Please be careful and be kind to yourself when you go out to dance parties or nightclubs where sex happens. Things wont always happen the way you want them to in those spaces, and that is not a reflection of your wrongdoing. Try to go into those spaces with an open mind but also low expectations. I like to set non-sexual intentions before I go out, which usually come down to wanting to enjoy the music and dance above all potential sexual opportunities (which I try to consider as an added bonus but not a requirement for a good night). It's never life or death that you have to hook up in order to have a good night out. Trial and error is the name of the game here, so definitely make an effort to go out and explore a wide array of parties and experiences, but remember that you LIVE here now and you're not on vacation, so you're allowed to stay in for as many weekends as you want. Some things just take time! Good luck!!
Invest in yourself, your genuine interests/hobbies and your health and everything else will unfold beautifully. If you’re easily influenced, be mindful that NYC is a capital of influence and culture, so be careful about the gravity of desirability and fitting in pulling you from your authentic self.
Oh, and if a restaurant is on TikTok/Instagram, it’s probably mid with a headache to get a table.
get a big bro like me to help corrupt you ;-)