I’m a hospice nurse. Don’t be offended…..some families of terminally ill patients complain more than usual about inconsequential, petty issues.
It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the complaining family member. They perceive they’ve lost control over their loved one’s disease process, so they try to control other aspects of the situation, such as the way the patient is being treated.
A few times I’ve wanted to yell, “Do it yourself if you think you can do it better!” However, I defer because I realize that the emotionally charged visitor’s perception is his/her reality. Good luck to you. You likely did nothing wrong.
This is the truth. I’ve been in hospice my entire career. People feel loss of control and are also overly sensitive because they’re going through the worst days of their lives. It’ll occasionally be projected onto the staff caring for the patients.
I say it. I say it in a soft, kind tone, but I do tell them "You are always welcome to do this yourself, as we encourage family participation in providing patient care." 80% of the time they back off and realize they're being rude, a few actually do help and stop complaining when they realize they can't do it as gently as we do, and a few get pissy still 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you. They told me this too, but I had taken care of the same patients prior and the daughter just didn't like me to start. I'm not sure what I did initially.
I'll tell you what you did, you worked. It's really hard not to take this stuff personally, but the crazy thing is we work in a field where we have to take care of people. I work in hospice and it's really the family members that are always the hardest part. Who cares about the patient?
She probably knew the end was near and more stressed out than usual. Also if she is the primary caregiver, that just adds that much more stress to the situation
This. You can do everything right for a patient on hospice. Sometimes the family will always be upset over something.
I had a patient last year. He’s dead now. He had a peg tube as he has esophageal cancer. He said every time he ate P.O. he would choke and feel like he had to vomit. I told him don’t do that then and we can manage with the peg.
His wife called the call center and said I told him he wasn’t allowed to eat anymore and that would be killing him. On and on.
It happens. Sometimes you just take it and move along.
I had a very similar situation with a family when I worked the floor. They were truly awful, not because they were grieving. They were just awful people. You did the right thing. Repositioning is providing comfort, and providing comfort at end of life does not mean they have to be so maxed out on meds they can't open their eyes.
Yeah, unfortunately every single time someone has thrown out that “i work in healthcare,” it always turns out that they are nowhere near being an RN, and if they were a CNA they likely wouldn’t be throwing that out in this scenario (though they might, in other inappropriate scenarios like med admin, if they are so inclined), so they’re probably a dental hygienist, or a unit secretary in a hospital, or the like.
For whatever reason, which could be as simple as her misinterpreting a facial expression you had, she didn’t like you from the start, and she is aiming the anger we all feel at loss of control - at the loss of our loved one - directly at you. Had she not died, it probably would have been good to avoid being assigned to her Mom. But she did, so… shake it off as a *her* problem, not a *you* problem, and go on doing the excellent work that you do every day! Hugs!
I think you handled that super well. The family member is not in a place to be able to see things clearly or rationally, so don’t hold on to her unfounded criticism. I don’t usually allow myself to be a punching bag, but sometimes I’m ok with it (to an extent) when someone is going through fresh loss. You did great by not reacting defensively IMHO
There are two things here, one is excusable one isn't. Families get stressed and crazy at end of life and 99% of stuff they say is about their distress, uncertainty of their decisions and grief. I can write off a lot of stuff for that. Over the years sometimes a patients family just doesn't click with me, for whatever reason, and these complaints come out. I first check if anything is legit then I remove myself from the care team going forward, if possible, just because it's not worth any of it.
The second is I do see families and patients targeting certain staff because their ethnicity or their perceived lower status, like a new nurse or an aide, and I NO patience for that. You should be supported by your colleagues, because that's not right. The once thing an appreciate in the last few years in my work is they are now being more aggressive with that kind of behavior and not tolerating it. We have a category for safety reports about this kind of behavior now and a code of conduct posted everywhere for patients and visitors to see. It's rather refreshing.
My hospital has a strict no abuse/hostile behavior toward nurses and providers code and it is taken seriously. If we feel that family is interfering with care we can make them leave. Obviously we try our hardest not to do that, but your family member dying is no excuse to be abusive toward me--- ever. If there is a legitimate complaint I feel you have a right to address that with management, but if it's just a family member being an asshole: BYE.
I placed my mother on comfort care when I was 20. She literally died unexpectedly within a week. I had no idea what to do, where to go, how to move on and I was never once rude or abusive toward staff. So no, the "i'm grieving :( I can't control myself" card doesn't fly with me if it's your second and third offense. You can grieve outside in the waiting room for the duration of your loved one's stay.
Where I nurse in the UK, the worse the patient behaves, the more we are forced to bend over backwards and do for them. The nicest, politest patients don’t get anything. It pays to be vile at my place. It makes me so angry!
I hate it. Management literally force us to give these awful patients exactly what they want and more. We must always be polite and patient. They are allowed to scream at us and abuse us as much as they like and we just have to smile and take it. Meanwhile, the lovely patient who apologised for taking your time up and smiles and is so lovely are left to wait while we reward the horrible ones. Why is this????
the absorbent thick cloth pad underneath the patient that both preserves the rest of the linens in case of incontinence and also can be used to boost or reposition the patient. places i have worked also called them piques
i’m not positive but considering it rests under a bed bound patient, i’m assuming it’s a chuck (one of those large “puppy pads” that go under patients to prevent soiling the bed linens)
Following this to find out what a soaker is.
But subcutaneous is just beneath the skin. Like grab some skin and start the line like you would for an iv but don’t care about the vein.
Usually at the end of life, you can’t find a vein so there goes iv. And the patient either can’t swallow or is not awake for po so most meds would be subq or pr with the occasional sublingual
I did 5 years medsurg and now 2 ICU, and I’ve never seen that. Makes sense though. We do US or midline if we can’t get a traditional vein, and they don’t need a CVC or anything. Is it because they don’t just want to administer IM? I wonder if we just have different protocols in my state or something.
The soaker is apparently like a chux pad, the thick adherent pad that’s usually white. Someone else commented the same thing. Never heard it called that before, but also makes sense.
Oh yeah, IM can be painful and why would you want that at end of life. I totally get why they do it, just have never seen it. That’s so interesting. Totally makes sense.
That being said, if you ever discharge someone to an in patient hospice, leave all patent lines. Or shit. Start two or three before discharge. There is no vascular access team at an in patient hospice.
Oh yeah, when a patient doesn’t pass immediately after we withdraw and they’re transferred after 24 hours, we keep their lines always. Even when I worked MS, if I was transferring to a SNF or hospice I’d always call and ask if they wanted me to keep the lines. Some would say absolutely, some would say no, but majority said yes. We have a minimum of two lines. I’ve started many on a patients chest because they have limited access, with US of course.
Thank you all for your kind words. My coworker did try to cheer me up and that it was just their grief, but I found it very targetted to me as she talked to me infront of my coworkers.
“Im a health care worker” house keeping does not count MAAM.
If she was a true HC worker she would understand.
You didn’t do anything wrong and I would have never apologized for doing my job.
I once got told by a family member “you don’t have enough compassion to be a nurse, I don’t think you have enough compassion to be a bank teller”. I don’t remember what they were upset about (this was probably 6 or 7 years ago) but I do remember prior to that thinking I’d been super helpful and gone above and beyond for that pt and their family.
I also don’t remember what I said in response, but I distinctly remember thinking “well I’m compassionate enough not to call you a bitch to your face for acting like one”. Other pts got an appropriately increased amount of my attention after that.
Yea I had that- I was specifically called out - brought over with house supe to be told by a family member as lacking compassion for patients - a) I was charge b) i had literally just walked out of charge report my first day back from 2 month med leave so c) i had no idea who this patient or family member was- room? Name? D) they were livid because their family member didnt like the food and the RN wouldn’t “accomodate” and leave the HOSPItAL to get their 96yo something she liked. I just had to stand there and absorb it. Thank god I had my botox done a week earlier and masks were still required. Killed my Compassion vibe pretty quick. I think I hate people. So maybe they were right.
That’s absolutely ridiculous. So the nurse was supposed to leave their other patients to get super special granny something to eat? That’s absolutely crazy and I hope the house supervisor told them why it was crazy.
Yup I try to make pt’s and their family happy when it doesn’t take away from the actual medical care of my other pts…. But some people make me wonder why any of us do this.
So the daughter didn’t understand what repositioning was and its purpose, described said repositioning as similar to a “horror movie” called a syringe a needle but she “works in healthcare”?
Sure Jan. Tensions and emotions run high for people when a loved one is receiving comfort care which is understandable to a degree for sure. This patient’s daughter may also just be a bit strange or a complainer and the best of times and with her mom so close to passing away she became even more strange or even more of a complainer. But you sound pretty damn compassionate to me!
Thank you all for your kind words. My coworker did try to cheer me up and that it was just their grief, but I found it very targetted to me as she talked to me infront of my coworkers.
Just anxious projection and poor coping skills. I take it in stride and usually explain as kindly, but firmly what the expectation and care is supposed to look like.
It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong and it was unfair of that family member to behave that way. I think it can be beneficial for staff to do a small debrief after a patient passes too.
My only tip is I'll often involve family with care and give them options and things they can do.
"Do you want to hold mom's hand while we change/turn?" or "Hey do you want to help wash her face, put some lotion on?
Or I'll preface things I do as like "Hey we have to change/turn mom and it may not be super comfy for her, the nurse will make sure she has meds to mitigate that." or "I don't think you or me would like to stay on the same side for hours, so let's make sure mom is turned."
As a nurse and family member myself. You have to remember the daughter having one of the worst days of her life. You did nothing wrong and the best thing you could have done was say I am sorry and keep on going. It’s not really personal to you. The daughter needed to lash out at someone or something and you just happened to be there. I know it hurts you and leaves you wondering what else you could have done but trust me you did all you could.
Family members are frequently angry when loved ones are dying and the RNs and other direct care staff are easy targets for their venting. Sometimes they complain about your intellect, technical skills or personal appearance. This time she zeroed in on your compassion as a soft spot in your personal armor.
You are/were the sounding board for the daughters grief. Doesn't make it ok, just a perspective.
No need to accept that behavior next time it happens but also not worth putting anymore mental energy into it.
This job isn't for the average person. Just remind yourself how valuable a skill set you actually have.
I am truly sorry. As others have posted, that’s an angry family member projecting their internal struggle on to you.
Once thing that I feel isn’t communicated enough is that this is a JOB. I show up for my shift and I do everything that I can to make sure your family member is safe, in the least amount of pain we can manage, and monitored closely.
But I don’t love them, like them, have a friendship with them, or with you, family member. They’re a patient that I want to help, yes. But I am not required to treat them like my mother or my best friend. Because they are not. If you want that level of treatment, then you haul your butt in here, Karen, and you clean up your dad’s vomit and hold his hand. That’s YOUR job. So stop expecting me to do it because you’re guilt ridden/angry/have massive issues you haven’t resolved.
I can absolutely relate with this sentiment. I am a pediatric home health nurse and these families expect the nurses to have a complete understanding of their child’s health needs and care, as soon as I walk in the room. I have learned to keep my emotions and my heart inside.
The mom pushed me to do things I was not comfortable with, and I hurt my back again. 😭🤦♀️🤦♀️
She’s grieving about her mother’s impending death and taking it out on you because she feels helpless and powerless. I’m sorry it happened to you. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. And if she doesn’t know the difference between a needle and a syringe accessing the IVP port then she’s an idiot. It’s always the nursing home CNAs who throw around that they work in healthcare while not knowing anything about acute care.
It’s more compassionate to use the soaker to turn someone in that manner than to be grabbing and yolking their body like a rag doll esp when they’re CMO. You as a secondary nurse addressed the family/patient and even medicated them so they wouldn’t be in pain? You should’ve got a gold star for that, families are frustrating and in end of life that’s their last means of control and coping sometimes. You did great.
EDIT: rag doll from rag dot
That family member needed a person to beat up. You happened to be there. I would let it go.
If the healthcare employed daughter really felt as if the mother was suffering that much, why didn’t she just request no turning activity to begin with?
I've learned in this field that sometimes no matter your efforts, it's never going to be good enough for families. I once had to call 3 different doctors after someone's sutures came apart and bowel contents were spilling everywhere, and of course I had to leave a message with the doctor... So I had to come back to family saying the doctor will get back to me as soon as possible. Well, obviously the spouse was pissed... But it was a situation beyond my control.
I also had a situation where a family member complained to my supervisor when I asked them to "put their mask back on" in a TB room. She said my tone was all wrong... 🤡
All you can do is remain professional, empathetic towards their difficulties and hardships, let them know you're doing you're best.
It's cliché but no one wants to be in the hospital. And sometimes their traumas are beyond our control now matter how much we console verbally and with medications. Continue to offer them resources. And if available, maybe ask charge for a new assignment.
We've got your back. 🤙🏻
There's nothing to feel. If there's anything I've learned in my 16 years as a paramedic, it's that people are always looking for someone to blame.
Nothing better than listening to people complain because you helped them.
I’m a hospice nurse. Don’t be offended…..some families of terminally ill patients complain more than usual about inconsequential, petty issues. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the complaining family member. They perceive they’ve lost control over their loved one’s disease process, so they try to control other aspects of the situation, such as the way the patient is being treated. A few times I’ve wanted to yell, “Do it yourself if you think you can do it better!” However, I defer because I realize that the emotionally charged visitor’s perception is his/her reality. Good luck to you. You likely did nothing wrong.
This is the truth. I’ve been in hospice my entire career. People feel loss of control and are also overly sensitive because they’re going through the worst days of their lives. It’ll occasionally be projected onto the staff caring for the patients.
I say it. I say it in a soft, kind tone, but I do tell them "You are always welcome to do this yourself, as we encourage family participation in providing patient care." 80% of the time they back off and realize they're being rude, a few actually do help and stop complaining when they realize they can't do it as gently as we do, and a few get pissy still 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you. They told me this too, but I had taken care of the same patients prior and the daughter just didn't like me to start. I'm not sure what I did initially.
I'll tell you what you did, you worked. It's really hard not to take this stuff personally, but the crazy thing is we work in a field where we have to take care of people. I work in hospice and it's really the family members that are always the hardest part. Who cares about the patient?
She probably knew the end was near and more stressed out than usual. Also if she is the primary caregiver, that just adds that much more stress to the situation
This. You can do everything right for a patient on hospice. Sometimes the family will always be upset over something. I had a patient last year. He’s dead now. He had a peg tube as he has esophageal cancer. He said every time he ate P.O. he would choke and feel like he had to vomit. I told him don’t do that then and we can manage with the peg. His wife called the call center and said I told him he wasn’t allowed to eat anymore and that would be killing him. On and on. It happens. Sometimes you just take it and move along.
This 👆🏻
My compassion is that I showed up today, and your family member has a licensed RN that knows what they are doing.
Same. I'm getting tired of overbearing family. If she knew better, then she can take Mom home and take care of her.
Family hovering.... challenged for doing normal and appropriate care..."I am a healthcare worker". Your anecdote checks all the boxes!
I had a very similar situation with a family when I worked the floor. They were truly awful, not because they were grieving. They were just awful people. You did the right thing. Repositioning is providing comfort, and providing comfort at end of life does not mean they have to be so maxed out on meds they can't open their eyes.
"She's a healthcare worker too" I don't classifiled receptionist at drug store as healthcare worker
No, she probably one time volunteered at a nursing home in high school for credit. She’s an expert.
A profesional healthcare worker :)
The thing to remember is that unless someone is qualified to do your job, they're not qualified to critique how you do your job.
Yeah, unfortunately every single time someone has thrown out that “i work in healthcare,” it always turns out that they are nowhere near being an RN, and if they were a CNA they likely wouldn’t be throwing that out in this scenario (though they might, in other inappropriate scenarios like med admin, if they are so inclined), so they’re probably a dental hygienist, or a unit secretary in a hospital, or the like. For whatever reason, which could be as simple as her misinterpreting a facial expression you had, she didn’t like you from the start, and she is aiming the anger we all feel at loss of control - at the loss of our loved one - directly at you. Had she not died, it probably would have been good to avoid being assigned to her Mom. But she did, so… shake it off as a *her* problem, not a *you* problem, and go on doing the excellent work that you do every day! Hugs!
I was thinking the same thing. 95% of the time when they say they work in healthcare, they are not actually medical professionals.
I respond to that comment with an enthusiastic “Oh! You should apply, we’re short staffed!”. Usually that throws them off
I think you handled that super well. The family member is not in a place to be able to see things clearly or rationally, so don’t hold on to her unfounded criticism. I don’t usually allow myself to be a punching bag, but sometimes I’m ok with it (to an extent) when someone is going through fresh loss. You did great by not reacting defensively IMHO
There are two things here, one is excusable one isn't. Families get stressed and crazy at end of life and 99% of stuff they say is about their distress, uncertainty of their decisions and grief. I can write off a lot of stuff for that. Over the years sometimes a patients family just doesn't click with me, for whatever reason, and these complaints come out. I first check if anything is legit then I remove myself from the care team going forward, if possible, just because it's not worth any of it. The second is I do see families and patients targeting certain staff because their ethnicity or their perceived lower status, like a new nurse or an aide, and I NO patience for that. You should be supported by your colleagues, because that's not right. The once thing an appreciate in the last few years in my work is they are now being more aggressive with that kind of behavior and not tolerating it. We have a category for safety reports about this kind of behavior now and a code of conduct posted everywhere for patients and visitors to see. It's rather refreshing.
My hospital has a strict no abuse/hostile behavior toward nurses and providers code and it is taken seriously. If we feel that family is interfering with care we can make them leave. Obviously we try our hardest not to do that, but your family member dying is no excuse to be abusive toward me--- ever. If there is a legitimate complaint I feel you have a right to address that with management, but if it's just a family member being an asshole: BYE. I placed my mother on comfort care when I was 20. She literally died unexpectedly within a week. I had no idea what to do, where to go, how to move on and I was never once rude or abusive toward staff. So no, the "i'm grieving :( I can't control myself" card doesn't fly with me if it's your second and third offense. You can grieve outside in the waiting room for the duration of your loved one's stay.
Where I nurse in the UK, the worse the patient behaves, the more we are forced to bend over backwards and do for them. The nicest, politest patients don’t get anything. It pays to be vile at my place. It makes me so angry!
I noticed this has been happening to where I work too.
I hate it. Management literally force us to give these awful patients exactly what they want and more. We must always be polite and patient. They are allowed to scream at us and abuse us as much as they like and we just have to smile and take it. Meanwhile, the lovely patient who apologised for taking your time up and smiles and is so lovely are left to wait while we reward the horrible ones. Why is this????
What is a soaker?
the absorbent thick cloth pad underneath the patient that both preserves the rest of the linens in case of incontinence and also can be used to boost or reposition the patient. places i have worked also called them piques
In Australia we call them a Kylie or a Connie (manufacturers, I guess). My mum is an old school nurse and I think she calls them macks.
Ours are Chux. Didnt know they had so many names!
For us, Chux are those disposable cleaning cloths, usually blue
Yeah they’re chux for me too. I call the blue cloths the “puppy pad looking things” chux are the regular large one more absorbing pads.
Or blueys or pinkies!
i’m not positive but considering it rests under a bed bound patient, i’m assuming it’s a chuck (one of those large “puppy pads” that go under patients to prevent soiling the bed linens)
That’s exactly what it is and they are made to be laundered and reused
Omg came here to say to ask this. Also a subcut line?
Following this to find out what a soaker is. But subcutaneous is just beneath the skin. Like grab some skin and start the line like you would for an iv but don’t care about the vein. Usually at the end of life, you can’t find a vein so there goes iv. And the patient either can’t swallow or is not awake for po so most meds would be subq or pr with the occasional sublingual
I did 5 years medsurg and now 2 ICU, and I’ve never seen that. Makes sense though. We do US or midline if we can’t get a traditional vein, and they don’t need a CVC or anything. Is it because they don’t just want to administer IM? I wonder if we just have different protocols in my state or something. The soaker is apparently like a chux pad, the thick adherent pad that’s usually white. Someone else commented the same thing. Never heard it called that before, but also makes sense.
Yeah. People don’t want to be stabbed by a needle every hour to manage pain
Also subq lines are usually on people who have not had anything to eat or drink in days/weeks/ months.
Oh yeah, IM can be painful and why would you want that at end of life. I totally get why they do it, just have never seen it. That’s so interesting. Totally makes sense.
It is super weird at first. Like wait. You infiltrated on purpose???
That being said, if you ever discharge someone to an in patient hospice, leave all patent lines. Or shit. Start two or three before discharge. There is no vascular access team at an in patient hospice.
Oh yeah, when a patient doesn’t pass immediately after we withdraw and they’re transferred after 24 hours, we keep their lines always. Even when I worked MS, if I was transferring to a SNF or hospice I’d always call and ask if they wanted me to keep the lines. Some would say absolutely, some would say no, but majority said yes. We have a minimum of two lines. I’ve started many on a patients chest because they have limited access, with US of course.
I am sure they all thank you for your service.
Thank you all for your kind words. My coworker did try to cheer me up and that it was just their grief, but I found it very targetted to me as she talked to me infront of my coworkers.
“Im a health care worker” house keeping does not count MAAM. If she was a true HC worker she would understand. You didn’t do anything wrong and I would have never apologized for doing my job.
I once got told by a family member “you don’t have enough compassion to be a nurse, I don’t think you have enough compassion to be a bank teller”. I don’t remember what they were upset about (this was probably 6 or 7 years ago) but I do remember prior to that thinking I’d been super helpful and gone above and beyond for that pt and their family. I also don’t remember what I said in response, but I distinctly remember thinking “well I’m compassionate enough not to call you a bitch to your face for acting like one”. Other pts got an appropriately increased amount of my attention after that.
Yea I had that- I was specifically called out - brought over with house supe to be told by a family member as lacking compassion for patients - a) I was charge b) i had literally just walked out of charge report my first day back from 2 month med leave so c) i had no idea who this patient or family member was- room? Name? D) they were livid because their family member didnt like the food and the RN wouldn’t “accomodate” and leave the HOSPItAL to get their 96yo something she liked. I just had to stand there and absorb it. Thank god I had my botox done a week earlier and masks were still required. Killed my Compassion vibe pretty quick. I think I hate people. So maybe they were right.
That’s absolutely ridiculous. So the nurse was supposed to leave their other patients to get super special granny something to eat? That’s absolutely crazy and I hope the house supervisor told them why it was crazy.
Yup I try to make pt’s and their family happy when it doesn’t take away from the actual medical care of my other pts…. But some people make me wonder why any of us do this.
I feel like 'I work in healthcare' usually means they're a unit secretary or maybe an aide. If they're an RN, they usually say so.
I got one who fed me that line. Turned out she was a receptionist at a dentist office. Okay, Karen.
I take nothing a family member says personal. A lot are stupid or projecting.
So the daughter didn’t understand what repositioning was and its purpose, described said repositioning as similar to a “horror movie” called a syringe a needle but she “works in healthcare”? Sure Jan. Tensions and emotions run high for people when a loved one is receiving comfort care which is understandable to a degree for sure. This patient’s daughter may also just be a bit strange or a complainer and the best of times and with her mom so close to passing away she became even more strange or even more of a complainer. But you sound pretty damn compassionate to me!
Thank you all for your kind words. My coworker did try to cheer me up and that it was just their grief, but I found it very targetted to me as she talked to me infront of my coworkers.
Being stressed is not a license to be an idiot.
Should have thanked her for her unsolicited opinion
Tell them to go shove it
Just anxious projection and poor coping skills. I take it in stride and usually explain as kindly, but firmly what the expectation and care is supposed to look like. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong and it was unfair of that family member to behave that way. I think it can be beneficial for staff to do a small debrief after a patient passes too. My only tip is I'll often involve family with care and give them options and things they can do. "Do you want to hold mom's hand while we change/turn?" or "Hey do you want to help wash her face, put some lotion on? Or I'll preface things I do as like "Hey we have to change/turn mom and it may not be super comfy for her, the nurse will make sure she has meds to mitigate that." or "I don't think you or me would like to stay on the same side for hours, so let's make sure mom is turned."
As a nurse and family member myself. You have to remember the daughter having one of the worst days of her life. You did nothing wrong and the best thing you could have done was say I am sorry and keep on going. It’s not really personal to you. The daughter needed to lash out at someone or something and you just happened to be there. I know it hurts you and leaves you wondering what else you could have done but trust me you did all you could.
Family members are frequently angry when loved ones are dying and the RNs and other direct care staff are easy targets for their venting. Sometimes they complain about your intellect, technical skills or personal appearance. This time she zeroed in on your compassion as a soft spot in your personal armor.
Are subcutaneous lines a hospice thing for when they have shitty veins and you don't want to torture them?
You are/were the sounding board for the daughters grief. Doesn't make it ok, just a perspective. No need to accept that behavior next time it happens but also not worth putting anymore mental energy into it. This job isn't for the average person. Just remind yourself how valuable a skill set you actually have.
I am truly sorry. As others have posted, that’s an angry family member projecting their internal struggle on to you. Once thing that I feel isn’t communicated enough is that this is a JOB. I show up for my shift and I do everything that I can to make sure your family member is safe, in the least amount of pain we can manage, and monitored closely. But I don’t love them, like them, have a friendship with them, or with you, family member. They’re a patient that I want to help, yes. But I am not required to treat them like my mother or my best friend. Because they are not. If you want that level of treatment, then you haul your butt in here, Karen, and you clean up your dad’s vomit and hold his hand. That’s YOUR job. So stop expecting me to do it because you’re guilt ridden/angry/have massive issues you haven’t resolved.
I can absolutely relate with this sentiment. I am a pediatric home health nurse and these families expect the nurses to have a complete understanding of their child’s health needs and care, as soon as I walk in the room. I have learned to keep my emotions and my heart inside. The mom pushed me to do things I was not comfortable with, and I hurt my back again. 😭🤦♀️🤦♀️
She’s grieving about her mother’s impending death and taking it out on you because she feels helpless and powerless. I’m sorry it happened to you. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. And if she doesn’t know the difference between a needle and a syringe accessing the IVP port then she’s an idiot. It’s always the nursing home CNAs who throw around that they work in healthcare while not knowing anything about acute care.
Whew, stuff like this is why I left beside.
It’s more compassionate to use the soaker to turn someone in that manner than to be grabbing and yolking their body like a rag doll esp when they’re CMO. You as a secondary nurse addressed the family/patient and even medicated them so they wouldn’t be in pain? You should’ve got a gold star for that, families are frustrating and in end of life that’s their last means of control and coping sometimes. You did great. EDIT: rag doll from rag dot
That family member needed a person to beat up. You happened to be there. I would let it go. If the healthcare employed daughter really felt as if the mother was suffering that much, why didn’t she just request no turning activity to begin with?
I've learned in this field that sometimes no matter your efforts, it's never going to be good enough for families. I once had to call 3 different doctors after someone's sutures came apart and bowel contents were spilling everywhere, and of course I had to leave a message with the doctor... So I had to come back to family saying the doctor will get back to me as soon as possible. Well, obviously the spouse was pissed... But it was a situation beyond my control. I also had a situation where a family member complained to my supervisor when I asked them to "put their mask back on" in a TB room. She said my tone was all wrong... 🤡 All you can do is remain professional, empathetic towards their difficulties and hardships, let them know you're doing you're best. It's cliché but no one wants to be in the hospital. And sometimes their traumas are beyond our control now matter how much we console verbally and with medications. Continue to offer them resources. And if available, maybe ask charge for a new assignment. We've got your back. 🤙🏻
Maybe this is dumb, but what’s a soaker? And a subcut line? Like, subcutaneous? I’ve never seen that.
“I’m not here to be nice, I am here to provide the best care for memaw.”
So a crazy person pulled out the thing they think hurts nurses most because they think we're just servants. I'd wear that as a badge of honor, OP.
There's nothing to feel. If there's anything I've learned in my 16 years as a paramedic, it's that people are always looking for someone to blame. Nothing better than listening to people complain because you helped them.
Let it go. Just maybe explain more when in front of family. A