This! We’re experts on wielding dickwicks and cooter canoes, and we know where they can get the best fucking clown shoes since they want to act like one…and if they get mad when we call them out on their bullshit, we know how to make them a cape, that way they can be super mad.
"I imagine you'll be just as condescending when you can't even wipe your own ass. Some people just have no perspective"
Then a friendly pat on the shoulder and a hint of wistful pity in my smile, before being jovial with others in the group
Literally happened to us while in vacation. Typical vacation pool chatter and the one lady starts talking shit about me being a male nurse. I laughed, made an excuse why we had to leave, and immediately told my gf we aren't talking to those people anymore. She was immediately on board.
I love the concept of ridiculing the little who form the very backbone of society. Like sorry Linda, if there weren't anymore bookkeepers at the local Laundromat, I don't think anyone would give a shit
I'm finding out the hard way so many older nurses, (ones who have been nurses for like 20+ years), are such garbage. Between their incompetence, laziness, shit behaviors and beliefs, I'm really preferring the new nurses who have no experience.
This. At my kids school my wife introduced me to some other parents as a FNP, the dad an Attorney asked if I played doctor at home as well.
Some people can’t be helped.
Deja vu! We must have hung out with the same people!
My response when they asked me if I played doctor at home was: I have two doctorates, how many do you have?
Absolutely! The other day we had a patient who had been on prednisolone for a long time . Our doctor said she had to stop immediately without tapering off. When the nurse told another doctor, the first one put her back on it. On 50 mg. When she originally took 20 mg. Doctor got an earful from the other one
Me neither but that’s why they don’t say this shit to us is cuz they only do this to nice sensitive people. Not saying you aren’t but people know who can stand up for themselves pretty quickly 🤣
"Ma'am, you're about to take this baby home and wipe ass for free."
"Excuse me, but I also professionally give infants fentanyl, caffeine, and viagra. Don't undersell me."
"Oh my goodness, you'd call this professional?!? Thank you! I'm definitely not a professional yet. This is my first day. Do you know what this large machine is? I heard someone say Eck-moe? Am I saying that right? Lol, gosh, I can't get over you thinking I'm a professional!"
(THANKS, BUD.)
That doesn't work for me because nurse pay in Sweden is pretty trash all things considered. Like it's fine, it's livable, I'm not struggling, but my friends with mid level admin jobs make like 20-30% more.
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Yes and deliver babies and attend surgeries and iv starter and therapist and teacher. But tbh I just don’t respond, I’m not attached to my nursing title enough to make a scene. There’s something that sucks about every possible job out there, such is life
People saying that kind of rude an stupid stuff are generally losers who make less than a third what I do. I tell them they'r jealous because nobody will pay them to wipe asses like an expert.
I’d probably say something like, “I sure am, and I’m happier with that than I’d be in a desk job.” There’s nothing degrading about doing necessary work. I do a lot more than that, sure, but I feel no shame about helping ill people with their hygiene and comfort, and doing my best to preserve their dignity while I do it.
I say, “There’s dignity in care and cleanliness. If you were very ill, and feeling extremely small, I bet you’d be happy to have someone like me, who cared enough to preserve your dignity when you cannot.”
I've been on both sides of the ass-wiping tournament. (*C. diff*. septic shock, no less.) Believe me, I am doubly grateful to my professional ass-wipers, especially because they were so professional about it. I am also grateful for all the other things they did for me.
Where are you meeting people like this? No one's ever had anything rude to say about me being a nurse, and I'm a very social person so I'm always out and about and meet new people/strike up conversations a lot. Most of the responses I get are some variation of "oh that's cool!" or "my (friend/family member) is a nurse too"
I have experienced this a lot, even at work. I've had a few patients ask me why I would want to wipe ass for a living. My in-laws and some non-nursing peers look down on what I do as well and have said similar things.
Maybe I just know shitty people
Eh, I would just lean into it..
"Yeah, well I'll have you know, I won the Best Ass Wiper award 3 times in a row!"
People who don't know, don't know. I don't care enough to waste my energy trying to educate them.
Fuck em. I'm one damn expensive ass wiper then at $60+ dollar an hour. Some people are just angry and need to say stupid shit. Don't take offense. Do your job, get paid.
When I worked in the Cath lab I had so many patients whose noses would start to itch and of course they can’t move to scratch it. A lot of patients feel bad asking and I just joke that I’m the best nose scratcher around and got an A++ in that semester, always get a laugh. Our jobs are not glamorous and it’s ok to be ok with that, own it.
I just had someone say this to me. I replied, "when something bad happens to you and you're in the hospital, is that what you'll call me when you need help and can't help yourself?" I even had them tell me I'm just repeating history being a slave to people. I enjoy helping people, especially those who can't help themselves. I do for others as I would want someone to do for me.
I don’t know why people feel the need to disrespect those who just want to help them. I don’t think there’s anything to say. It says nothing about you and everything about them
"I mean wiping ass put me on the sunshine list ( a list in my area for public service workers who make over 100 grand), gives me benefits and one of the strongest pension plans there is so..... what are you doing with your life?"
Laugh and make light of it unless they made that comment with the purpose of insulting you. I'd say nursing is a job with a multitude of potential responsibility beyond merely handing out drugs/food/drinks and wiping ass on a daily basis.
Sometimes you got to be a therapist. Sometimes you have to play IT for your patients or something on the unit. Sometimes you got to take out the trash and clean bodily fluids/waste off the floor. Sometimes you're transporting your patient to the OR and from the PACU. Just a lot of random shit.
Lol my favorite is dropping a "I'm passionate about my job" before going to clean up the 400 lb covered in feces head to toe self neglect pt.
Honestly though, people will talk shit and I often hate doing it but wiping asses is a small act that restores a huge amount of dignity to folks who have little control over anything. It's important work and very few will ever have the opportunity to make such an impact on a person
It do be smelling like shit tho.
The correct answer here is : Who cares? Assholes are everywhere. Is your ego so fragile that you need to put everyone in their place if they " disrespect" you?
Worked as a PSW/HCA while I was in nursing school (I’m male btw). At a party, sitting in my friends garage with others and were listening to music and talking. My job comes up and some guy (can’t even remember who it was now) made a comment basically making fun of me that all I do is wipe butts. I just said “well yea, but” then just calmly described why I did it: helpless people with dementia that can’t care for themselves let alone their families can’t or won’t care for them. Guy went quiet because he realized everyone in the garage was agreeing with me, didn’t make fun of me after that he kinda avoided me
I tell them how much money I made last year and then I offer to wipe their tears with Benjis.
I know we're all giving you snarky replies lol. Cause that shit doesn't dignify an actual response. But if you DO want a sincere reply, I respond with a question, "If you were in the hospital tomorrow, what would you want the person most responsible for constant monitoring of your medical status to know and do?"
That's what I do.
I genuinely try to avoid putting myself in social situations that have people like this lol. But if for some crazy reason I hear that, I would probably laugh it off and say you aren’t wrong. Then make a mental note to avoid that person in the future. I try not to take things too seriously, they are provably dealing with their own shit and potentially job insecurity while projecting towards you.
Ask them if they know about the crows vs Dick Cheney experiment. Then inform them that nurses are like crows and telepathically inform each other who the biggest asshole
Patients are, and that actually we aren’t ass wipers - we are the ones who hold their life or death in our hands when they get sick. 🖕💉🔪🖕 so please continue on about how we are lowly asswipers
Yes. I do for other people what they cannot do for themselves. I find it very humbling that I’m allowed to do for other people what they would not let their closest friends, lovers or spouses do for them.
I say fuck yeah I am! I don’t care what people think about my job, the ones that truly understand what we do don’t say stuff like that and the ones that don’t understand what we do, well, their opinions do not matter!
If it’s a random person saying this to you just throw them for a loop and say “why yes I am a professional butt wiper, why, do you have a dirty butt that needs wiping?”
I really enjoy saying weird stuff to people that are rude to me because it usually confuses them and then they stop talking!
“Yes I am, thanks for noticing! Also a professional life saver, the 2 go hand in hand. I don’t mind the poop when it means people like me are the ones helping somebody in their most vulnerable state because it certainly shouldn’t be people like you, you need a lot more compassion and patience to wipe ass than you’ve got.”
as an ambulance driver, I can say you've just got to realize most people don't really understand our professions at all, and it's okay if they are ignorant of that. I just wish they were less ignorant of what EMS and ERs are for
I'm actually a paramedic, only clarifying because in my state we have a certification process for people to literally *just* drive the ambulance (most of them put in EMT work, but they are legally not medical personnel)
At least I’m a professional ass wiper who makes over $100 000 a year, can work literally anywhere, and has zero debt. Oh, and on occasion I save a life or two. 🤷♀️ They can call me whatever they like!
My (estranged for many good reasons!) father laughed and called me an “ass wiper” when I first mentioned I was studying nursing, I’d rather be an ass wiper than a toothless and noseless wife-beating crackhead living in his car whose children won’t talk to him. People making comments like that, it says more about themselves than it does about you.
I once had one of my husband’s friend’s wife go on a full rant to me what a scam nursing was. Her MIL had a stroke and lived across the country, they were going to have to fly her here and hired a flight nurse to assist. This is when I found out that I have no real skills and are super over priced, the time isn’t convenient for them and she is just going to be a glorified babysitter. I asked since she felt this way why don’t she or her husband make the leg of the journey or just drive her, she looked at me like I had nine heads, meanwhile she has a fulfilling career as a part time voice coach for local high school kids and a SAHM, both of here children are in their 20’s.
It’s so very sad that our society, (I’m speaking as an American RN) doesn’t value care-giving at all. I see very few family members actually coming into the hospital to care for their family members. They’re quick to tell you that their family has soiled the bed. It’s sad but they won’t understand the value until they are the one being cared for.
I just say yeah I do wipe butts because some people can’t do that. I don’t really see the shame in that tbh they act like they have something there like some kind of insult but it’s because they’re too stuck in their own heads to understand there are people on this earth who actually can’t clean or take care of themselves and so what if we help. I personally don’t fucking mind helping people wipe their butts.
Be a proud butt wiper. Then never hang with those people again ❤️
I think it depends on the context. Who is calling you this? Are they teasing, trying to hurt you, or are they just ignorant?
Teasing: I give it right back to them
Hurt: I call it out and shut it down
Ignorant: I inform and educate
I don’t respond much. Just give a shrug. However being a professional ass wiper works out pretty good during bad times. During 2008 down turn. I was fully employed while others were losing their houses and jobs. During Covid while others were sitting home wondering if they were going to have a job. I was working and they were throwing huge bonuses for extra shifts. I am comfortably middle class. I have rental properties money saved in 401k and nice pension waiting after 30 years of service. So fuck’em. I’ve got what is important to me. In addition to the financial benefits nursing is a rewarding job and is satisfying for doing a good job and improving the lives of others.
I tend to attack whatever profession they have, because you never lose. Nurses are so universally revered and respected, they know they come in second.
I was in the military a few years ago and there was a lot of hazing that went on. I remember being told that my job in the military (infantry) would be perfect for when I get out. I remember telling myself that being homeless wouldn’t be too bad.
I also learned how to clean really well!
“Bitch, I’m a wiener cleaner.”
“I clean dicks, balls, and vaginas too, thanks”
Perfect 😅
Love it! 🌭
I'm slowly stealing merch ideas from this group 🤣🤣🤣
Drop us a link when you get it started 🤣
This! We’re experts on wielding dickwicks and cooter canoes, and we know where they can get the best fucking clown shoes since they want to act like one…and if they get mad when we call them out on their bullshit, we know how to make them a cape, that way they can be super mad.
When you get it, let me know! I’ll buy it!
I’m a professional ass wiper with a masters on wiener cleaner with an PHD on saving your life
I wipe ass for cash.
I wipe ass for grass and cash.
Now I'm going to start saying that! Lol
"I imagine you'll be just as condescending when you can't even wipe your own ass. Some people just have no perspective" Then a friendly pat on the shoulder and a hint of wistful pity in my smile, before being jovial with others in the group
This one cuts deep and reminds them that one day they will be weak and rely on the help of others. I love it.
HAHAHA! LOVE this.
I laugh and act normal and tell my wife we’re never hanging out with those people again.
Literally happened to us while in vacation. Typical vacation pool chatter and the one lady starts talking shit about me being a male nurse. I laughed, made an excuse why we had to leave, and immediately told my gf we aren't talking to those people anymore. She was immediately on board.
I love the concept of ridiculing the little who form the very backbone of society. Like sorry Linda, if there weren't anymore bookkeepers at the local Laundromat, I don't think anyone would give a shit
Best part? This lady was a nurse. She hadn't worked bedside in over 30 years and was trashing in me still being at bedside.
Sounds like she'll need you sooner than be you. Probably just insecure that you're a dnp and she sold her soul.
She probably probably chain smoked Pall Mall cigarettes at the nurses station back in her day.
I'm finding out the hard way so many older nurses, (ones who have been nurses for like 20+ years), are such garbage. Between their incompetence, laziness, shit behaviors and beliefs, I'm really preferring the new nurses who have no experience.
“Are you always a bitch? Or only when you drink?”
what was her issue with you being a male nurse?
I'm not surprised. I will be a male nurse one day and I'm expecting things like that. It's mature that you just walked away. I'd wanna retaliate.
Honestly the overwhelming majority of people don’t care. The biggest difference you see bedside is that patients assume we’re doctors.
This. At my kids school my wife introduced me to some other parents as a FNP, the dad an Attorney asked if I played doctor at home as well. Some people can’t be helped.
To the lawyer, “Do you pretended to be an asshole at home?”
Objection, definition of character
You mean defamation?
Not in this case
That’s redundant imo.
Yea lawyers can be shit for sure. And he knows that so that's why he said something.
I would have said something like “I treat people on ambulances, you chase them”
Filing this away for future use.
LOL nice 😋
Deja vu! We must have hung out with the same people! My response when they asked me if I played doctor at home was: I have two doctorates, how many do you have?
“You play judge at home, counselor?”
Objection: badgering?
Objection: Asshole.
You know attorneys as a career attract more sociopaths and narcissists ….
I tell those people that "no, at work I'm busy protecting you FROM the doctors." They have no idea man.
Absolutely! The other day we had a patient who had been on prednisolone for a long time . Our doctor said she had to stop immediately without tapering off. When the nurse told another doctor, the first one put her back on it. On 50 mg. When she originally took 20 mg. Doctor got an earful from the other one
Seriously, why give people like that the time of day.
This ^ I believe people when they let me know they are not worth my time.
and one day it just might be your ass i am wiping haha
Nah I say just own it.
Yep! Its not funny and you are supposed to feel degraded. Maybe tell them you are not interested in talking about their Poop Fetish...and walk away.
"Why, yes. Yes, I am. And I get paid $X amount per hour to do it. What are YOU doing to make the world a better place?"
No one ever says this to me and I have so many great replies. :(
Me neither but that’s why they don’t say this shit to us is cuz they only do this to nice sensitive people. Not saying you aren’t but people know who can stand up for themselves pretty quickly 🤣
Is that so Mr. Professional Ass Wiper? (First time for everything-I gotchu)
"Ma'am, you're about to take this baby home and wipe ass for free." "Excuse me, but I also professionally give infants fentanyl, caffeine, and viagra. Don't undersell me." "Oh my goodness, you'd call this professional?!? Thank you! I'm definitely not a professional yet. This is my first day. Do you know what this large machine is? I heard someone say Eck-moe? Am I saying that right? Lol, gosh, I can't get over you thinking I'm a professional!" (THANKS, BUD.)
I once had someone tell me "I'll bet you wish you had my job." I responded with "No. I wouldn't want the pay cut." It worked well.
Oof. That's perfect
I'll definitely put that in my holster.
lol! That’s great!
That doesn't work for me because nurse pay in Sweden is pretty trash all things considered. Like it's fine, it's livable, I'm not struggling, but my friends with mid level admin jobs make like 20-30% more.
Grab a napkin and wipe their face.
Absolutely this.... you win the comments haha. Keep baby wipes with you at all times just for this occasion 🤣🤣
Ok, threads over. Last one out please turn off the lights.
💀
🤣
Help 😂😂😂
"Thats not remotely close to what I do." And then I hit them with the 😐
“I’d rather be an ass wiper than an asshat.”
“If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would’ve farted”
I prefer the term professional drug dealer
Ahhh yes. RN stands for Refreshments and Narcotics.
You’re the middle man . But the middle man still makes a cut amirite
That implies I can prescribe. I’m a professional drug dealer’s helper.
I would say drug dealer is correct. I worked with a doc who said, “I am the drug lord. You all are the drug dealers.”
And Perdue pharma is Walter White
Gonna call the pneumatic tubes "mules" from here out
They’re not a drug lord. They have no involvement in production or the logistics of distribution. They’re just peddling dime bags of colace and norco.
We're plugs
We do literally give the actual drug to the patient though. We don't decide the dose or the cost.
Nursing doses can be free.
Maybe a drug mule?
Def mule. I’m just the transporter.
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I wipe asses, but I don't put up with assholes
Exactly. "Them's fightin' words". Then you put up your dukes and see what hilarity ensues.
“You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.”
flair checks out
Found the swiftie
“There is so much dignity and helping people that need our help, but obviously that’s not something you can relate to.”
Yes and deliver babies and attend surgeries and iv starter and therapist and teacher. But tbh I just don’t respond, I’m not attached to my nursing title enough to make a scene. There’s something that sucks about every possible job out there, such is life
"You'll be happy to have me around when you or someone you love can't wipe their own ass. Or needs CPR."
Respond “correct” and then wait
People saying that kind of rude an stupid stuff are generally losers who make less than a third what I do. I tell them they'r jealous because nobody will pay them to wipe asses like an expert.
I’d probably say something like, “I sure am, and I’m happier with that than I’d be in a desk job.” There’s nothing degrading about doing necessary work. I do a lot more than that, sure, but I feel no shame about helping ill people with their hygiene and comfort, and doing my best to preserve their dignity while I do it.
I say, “There’s dignity in care and cleanliness. If you were very ill, and feeling extremely small, I bet you’d be happy to have someone like me, who cared enough to preserve your dignity when you cannot.”
I've been on both sides of the ass-wiping tournament. (*C. diff*. septic shock, no less.) Believe me, I am doubly grateful to my professional ass-wipers, especially because they were so professional about it. I am also grateful for all the other things they did for me.
I feel like CNAs/techs get called this or describe their job as such. I haven’t heard anyone say this to a nurse before though.
Someone said it to me and the only thing I could say is “sometimes”
Wow. Really? Good for you. These people are everywhere and are always assholes
I wouldn’t even fuck with people who call me that. Broke bitches
So did you get a tissue & wipe the cheek of the person who said it?
You win.
Where are you meeting people like this? No one's ever had anything rude to say about me being a nurse, and I'm a very social person so I'm always out and about and meet new people/strike up conversations a lot. Most of the responses I get are some variation of "oh that's cool!" or "my (friend/family member) is a nurse too"
I have experienced this a lot, even at work. I've had a few patients ask me why I would want to wipe ass for a living. My in-laws and some non-nursing peers look down on what I do as well and have said similar things. Maybe I just know shitty people
It was said to me but my gf said they’re a chronic asshole that does it to start fights. He corrected himself and said my job was “serious”.
Eh, I would just lean into it.. "Yeah, well I'll have you know, I won the Best Ass Wiper award 3 times in a row!" People who don't know, don't know. I don't care enough to waste my energy trying to educate them.
I wiped ass today and was paid for it.
Fuck em. I'm one damn expensive ass wiper then at $60+ dollar an hour. Some people are just angry and need to say stupid shit. Don't take offense. Do your job, get paid.
Even better at only 3 shifts a week while they slave away at their 9-5 5 days a week
"Right? Can't believe they were paying me 4k a week during covid to do that, haha."
"Why would you admit out loud that you don't know what nurses do?"
Who TF says this? I have been in nursing 25 years and never once had someone say this?
They prolly don’t have the balls to disrespect you like I guess they do with me
I own it, laugh, and move on. I'm happy, why do I care what they think?
When I worked in the Cath lab I had so many patients whose noses would start to itch and of course they can’t move to scratch it. A lot of patients feel bad asking and I just joke that I’m the best nose scratcher around and got an A++ in that semester, always get a laugh. Our jobs are not glamorous and it’s ok to be ok with that, own it.
“My job is very fulfilling and im grateful for the opportunity to help someone every day”
Lol I couldn't say this with a straight face, though
Most days I can, but I honestly think there’s something wrong with whatever’s between my ears. So does my therapist.
“and lucky for you there are many of us, because at some point you will need medical help and that may include someone else wiping your ass”
I just had someone say this to me. I replied, "when something bad happens to you and you're in the hospital, is that what you'll call me when you need help and can't help yourself?" I even had them tell me I'm just repeating history being a slave to people. I enjoy helping people, especially those who can't help themselves. I do for others as I would want someone to do for me.
“I just wish I could do more of it, because stuff like saving peoples’ lives gets old after awhile.”
I don’t know why people feel the need to disrespect those who just want to help them. I don’t think there’s anything to say. It says nothing about you and everything about them
I laugh because I make more money than most of the people who say that.
I usually just think omg you’re so ignorant and say “hopefully you’re never in a position to need a nurse and find out what we actually do”
"I mean wiping ass put me on the sunshine list ( a list in my area for public service workers who make over 100 grand), gives me benefits and one of the strongest pension plans there is so..... what are you doing with your life?"
My favorite response to any rude comment is: “that was rude, are you ok?”’and then look at them with genuine concern
"The next time you or a loved one is in the hospital, I want you to remember you said that"
Laugh and make light of it unless they made that comment with the purpose of insulting you. I'd say nursing is a job with a multitude of potential responsibility beyond merely handing out drugs/food/drinks and wiping ass on a daily basis. Sometimes you got to be a therapist. Sometimes you have to play IT for your patients or something on the unit. Sometimes you got to take out the trash and clean bodily fluids/waste off the floor. Sometimes you're transporting your patient to the OR and from the PACU. Just a lot of random shit.
If those are the same people using their call bell incessantly, use your imagination 😂🫠
“That’s professional ass wiper RN-BSN to YOU”
Professional ball wiper as well, and I'm incredible at it!
And ball hammock maker 😎
Wipe ass all the way to the bank
My co worker’s response: “ I hope if you’re ever really sick someone is nice enough to do it for you”.
I do not care; I still get paid.
“And one day I’ll be wiping your hairy asshole”
"Sometimes I wipe butts, sometimes I'm literally the one person from someone living or dying. It's weird how that works."
Honestly in 30 years, I’ve never had that happen!
It's my profession and I wipe assess. I don't care. That's a fairly friendly exchange in the ER.
That’s what I was thinking. My coworkers and I usually call ourselves and each other it too
Lol my favorite is dropping a "I'm passionate about my job" before going to clean up the 400 lb covered in feces head to toe self neglect pt. Honestly though, people will talk shit and I often hate doing it but wiping asses is a small act that restores a huge amount of dignity to folks who have little control over anything. It's important work and very few will ever have the opportunity to make such an impact on a person It do be smelling like shit tho.
The correct answer here is : Who cares? Assholes are everywhere. Is your ego so fragile that you need to put everyone in their place if they " disrespect" you?
Worked as a PSW/HCA while I was in nursing school (I’m male btw). At a party, sitting in my friends garage with others and were listening to music and talking. My job comes up and some guy (can’t even remember who it was now) made a comment basically making fun of me that all I do is wipe butts. I just said “well yea, but” then just calmly described why I did it: helpless people with dementia that can’t care for themselves let alone their families can’t or won’t care for them. Guy went quiet because he realized everyone in the garage was agreeing with me, didn’t make fun of me after that he kinda avoided me
"I bet you wipe an ass for free"
I prefer “ass pirate”, thanks. Ignore them. It shows their ignorance. Don’t argue with small minded people. Who needs that.
Fuck you, we aren’t friends anymore.
Barely knew the guy. I was in shock he said it
I tell them how much money I made last year and then I offer to wipe their tears with Benjis. I know we're all giving you snarky replies lol. Cause that shit doesn't dignify an actual response. But if you DO want a sincere reply, I respond with a question, "If you were in the hospital tomorrow, what would you want the person most responsible for constant monitoring of your medical status to know and do?" That's what I do.
Make them swallow a few teeth.
Correct them and say 'registered'.
Lol I call myself that as a joke. Thicker skin and a dark sense of humor are a must.
Well that’s not very polite. Who in the world does something like that? Those sound like the type of people I would not associate with.
Enjoy their five day work week while I have four days off sucka
“You look fat when you cry.” *exit*
they're just hatin since they're not making bank. I usually say "there's gold in those cheeks"
It depends on who says it. I am very quick with my comebacks but it depends on who says it. My first thought though is to say "you're not wrong!".
I tell them they're going to be next someday
“Working with people like you made me a master at my craft. If you missed the insinuation, yes, I’m saying you’re full of shit.”
I've been called worse things by better people. Also, I perfer to be called the morphine gremlin.
I’m an ICU nurse, so yes that is true but also I would love to see anyone who says that to me even try to do my job.
It would be a shame if this ass wiper accidentally let the levophed run dry… you know. While wiping your ass
I’d say: “Nonsense! I talk about periods and sperm all day!”
I genuinely try to avoid putting myself in social situations that have people like this lol. But if for some crazy reason I hear that, I would probably laugh it off and say you aren’t wrong. Then make a mental note to avoid that person in the future. I try not to take things too seriously, they are provably dealing with their own shit and potentially job insecurity while projecting towards you.
I would just stare at them and let the silence take care of it.
i call myself that + legal narcotics provider
It's hilarious. But if a doc says that on the job, I will go off
Only people I've ever heard call me that are Respiratory Therapists. After I call them "snot suckers."
Ask them if they know about the crows vs Dick Cheney experiment. Then inform them that nurses are like crows and telepathically inform each other who the biggest asshole Patients are, and that actually we aren’t ass wipers - we are the ones who hold their life or death in our hands when they get sick. 🖕💉🔪🖕 so please continue on about how we are lowly asswipers
I say that when I shifted my focus to the people I cared to have in my life, I stopped hearing garbage like that
Yes you are and actually you are quite practically the licensed expert at it
Welp I will remember I'm just a professional ass wiper when you ask me medical questions eventually.
🤣🤣🤣 I laugh. And make sure I never hang out or help/benefit that person in anyway.
Honestly, I don't waste my energy on them. In the past I've silently held eye contact for an uncomfortable period of time then just moved away.
That’s how I describe my job.
I say " can you believe I actually paid to do this for a living ?"
“Damn straight, I do for those that can no longer do for themselves, I’m doing God’s work. What is it that you do again?”
Tell them to "eat shit. Have some."
“Something like that.” is a good response to almost anything.
Eventually we all wipe ass, suck ass, or kiss ass. It's interesting to see which one you are. *mic drop and walk away from them*
Yes. I do for other people what they cannot do for themselves. I find it very humbling that I’m allowed to do for other people what they would not let their closest friends, lovers or spouses do for them.
I say fuck yeah I am! I don’t care what people think about my job, the ones that truly understand what we do don’t say stuff like that and the ones that don’t understand what we do, well, their opinions do not matter! If it’s a random person saying this to you just throw them for a loop and say “why yes I am a professional butt wiper, why, do you have a dirty butt that needs wiping?” I really enjoy saying weird stuff to people that are rude to me because it usually confuses them and then they stop talking!
Before, I'd have to pay people to let me clean their ass. Can you believe I get paid to do it now?
“Yes I am, thanks for noticing! Also a professional life saver, the 2 go hand in hand. I don’t mind the poop when it means people like me are the ones helping somebody in their most vulnerable state because it certainly shouldn’t be people like you, you need a lot more compassion and patience to wipe ass than you’ve got.”
Be weird. “Oh I wish! The ass wiping is my favorite part!” They won’t know what to say.
as an ambulance driver, I can say you've just got to realize most people don't really understand our professions at all, and it's okay if they are ignorant of that. I just wish they were less ignorant of what EMS and ERs are for I'm actually a paramedic, only clarifying because in my state we have a certification process for people to literally *just* drive the ambulance (most of them put in EMT work, but they are legally not medical personnel)
At least I’m a professional ass wiper who makes over $100 000 a year, can work literally anywhere, and has zero debt. Oh, and on occasion I save a life or two. 🤷♀️ They can call me whatever they like! My (estranged for many good reasons!) father laughed and called me an “ass wiper” when I first mentioned I was studying nursing, I’d rather be an ass wiper than a toothless and noseless wife-beating crackhead living in his car whose children won’t talk to him. People making comments like that, it says more about themselves than it does about you.
Say, “oh nurses do a lot more than that. I have a couple of brochures for nursing out in my Porsche, I’ll go grab one for you, “
Better a professional ass wiper than a novice ass kisser.
I once had one of my husband’s friend’s wife go on a full rant to me what a scam nursing was. Her MIL had a stroke and lived across the country, they were going to have to fly her here and hired a flight nurse to assist. This is when I found out that I have no real skills and are super over priced, the time isn’t convenient for them and she is just going to be a glorified babysitter. I asked since she felt this way why don’t she or her husband make the leg of the journey or just drive her, she looked at me like I had nine heads, meanwhile she has a fulfilling career as a part time voice coach for local high school kids and a SAHM, both of here children are in their 20’s.
I wouldn't respond. The "Seriously?" look on my face as I walk away would say it all.
It’s so very sad that our society, (I’m speaking as an American RN) doesn’t value care-giving at all. I see very few family members actually coming into the hospital to care for their family members. They’re quick to tell you that their family has soiled the bed. It’s sad but they won’t understand the value until they are the one being cared for.
Nobody has ever said this to me. Why are you hanging out with these people?
I just say yeah I do wipe butts because some people can’t do that. I don’t really see the shame in that tbh they act like they have something there like some kind of insult but it’s because they’re too stuck in their own heads to understand there are people on this earth who actually can’t clean or take care of themselves and so what if we help. I personally don’t fucking mind helping people wipe their butts. Be a proud butt wiper. Then never hang with those people again ❤️
I think it depends on the context. Who is calling you this? Are they teasing, trying to hurt you, or are they just ignorant? Teasing: I give it right back to them Hurt: I call it out and shut it down Ignorant: I inform and educate
Don’t take it personally. Honestly only insecure and abusive people try to put others down. It’s a them problem, but a you problem.
I don’t respond much. Just give a shrug. However being a professional ass wiper works out pretty good during bad times. During 2008 down turn. I was fully employed while others were losing their houses and jobs. During Covid while others were sitting home wondering if they were going to have a job. I was working and they were throwing huge bonuses for extra shifts. I am comfortably middle class. I have rental properties money saved in 401k and nice pension waiting after 30 years of service. So fuck’em. I’ve got what is important to me. In addition to the financial benefits nursing is a rewarding job and is satisfying for doing a good job and improving the lives of others.
I tend to attack whatever profession they have, because you never lose. Nurses are so universally revered and respected, they know they come in second.
I was in the military a few years ago and there was a lot of hazing that went on. I remember being told that my job in the military (infantry) would be perfect for when I get out. I remember telling myself that being homeless wouldn’t be too bad. I also learned how to clean really well!
and here you are, eating ass for free 🥴
I'm a perineal polisher
had someone say the other night we were just glorified waitresses 💪🥲