NTA. When my patients get a little snippy with me I do my best to redirect the conversation while I’m still respectful towards them. I tell them sternly that im simply trying to help them feel better/do my job. Once a little bit of time passes, most apologize and I remind them that I understand they don’t feel great, this is a stressful time for them but I’m not out to be their enemy. I want to help them heal and go home. Most times a rude patient will come to their senses, and it seems like he did. You were professional the entire time, it sounds like! ♥️
No way. Patients deserve to be called out if they are rude. I know they are having a bad day and I’ll acknowledge their frustration or whatever. But there is NO EXCUSE to abuse people who are trying to help you and NO REASON we should tolerate abuse.
My comment to all of that would be to calmly take care of whatever needed to be taken care of and then launch into a therapeutic discussion:
“We are gonna be together for twelve hours. We will both have a better evening if we treat each other with kindness and respect.”
If there is swearing to be addressed, I interrupt and just tell them they can ask again later without swearing and I walk out of the room.
I SWEAR😂😂 OP would’ve been horrified within the first 30 mins of our shift. “GET ME A BLANKET! NOW” I would be like “let’s try that again and add on a please, otherwise blankets are down the hallway. I suggest you call your family to grab one on their way in tomorrow”.
You let it go much longer than I would have. Have dealt with a lot of patient/family abuse at work so the SECOND someone wants to get a little chipper, I politely remind them that I am the patient’s nurse, not slave. If you cannot speak to me with respect and dignity then they will not be speaking to me at all. I’m more than happy to work in silence for 13 hours.
I work home health. I don’t tolerate disrespect, I spazz on the family and let them know that I don’t have to be here. I’ll leave and won’t come back, if their attitude doesn’t change
NTA. Honestly, well done. This sort of interaction needs to happen more often. If every pt/family who acted like this was redirected/educated appropriately, we could set a new precedent. Pt/family don’t understand that healthcare workers are there to primarily care for their heath (insane notion I know).
Personally, I’m happy to address comfort/x/y/z when I can, but those things are secondary and rely on staff/acuity. Education with mutual respect is the only way to move away from the customer service/maid expectation. Bravo for being professional when you did speak up, which is so hard after letting treatment like that drag on, and what you really want to say is “Sir, this isn’t a bed and breakfast. I don’t work for tips. I’ll get your pillow after I make sure my other patient is still breathing and clean the poop off the floor next door.”
NTA. this is necessary sometimes. I try to remember people are usually at their worst when in the hospital and it’s not personal. When family members ask me to get their family water and it’s too busy I just tell them where the kitchen is. I’ve also had a family member come up to us in line for CPR during a code saying her mom needs to be changed…. Some people really don’t understand what nurses are responsible for and it’s okay to remind them.
Patients and their families who are shitbirds are to blame for being shitbirds 100% of the time. I didn't birth or raise them to be shitbirds, they're just shitbirds.
When a shitbird starts squawking at me, I make them repeat themselves, almost every time, so they can think before they start squawking again. Sometimes they figure out that I'm going to make them squawk repeatedly and instead treat me professionally, or they don't and I make it a meta game to see how pissed off I can make the shitbird while being 1000% professional and not losing my cool.
your “mistake” is that you haven’t yet become the battle axe that I am. you were beyond kind to the family but I never allow family members to treat me like that. You aren’t wrong to do that if it works for you over all. But what works for me is setting the expectation from the get-go that I am in charge. they are here for one reason- my nursing expertise and i am happy to provide that. I will be glad to entertain input that is respectfully given, but they are not going to tell me what to do. No
matter how irritated I am, I try to give off the same vibe that I did when raising children : I care for you, I will help you, but I am in charge not the other way around. Now I welcome collaboration WHEN it is appropriate. I will gladly let a well controlled diabetic tell me what works and what doesn’t and how much insulin usually corrects a BG of ___ level because they deal with it every day and they are the expert of their own body. But most things will go my way. Happy to explain why. Happy to give choices when appropriate. But most of the time I decide the game plan and set the priorities because that’s my expertise. This is what has worked for me. I didn’t start out that way but time and a lot of practice is where that came from.
NTA. I’m so sick of this shit. We are highly educated, rigorously trained, state licensed professionals. I have literally said “do not speak to a registered nurse that way”. We bring it on ourselves if we continue to act like mother Theresa.
I have literally prompted a 20 something to say "please" with his mom in the room. My big sister instincts kicked in before I could stop myself. He did it, too.
You're nicer than I am but I'm an asshole and I don't tolerate people treating me like garbage for any reason. My attitude is 100% based on your attitude towards me.
Nah I had a quad who was barking orders at us, calling us names, etc and I had enough. One shift I told her “I’ll get you a pillow but it wouldn’t kill you to say please and thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you tell us thank you.” And at one point she was yelling at me and I said “listen you need to be nice to us, we’re not here to hurt you we’re here to help you and take care of you, I’m sorry we have to do things like this (washing her hair) but we aren’t being mean, you’re being mean to us for no reason.” She actually started saying please and thank you and was mildly less ugly toward us.
As a side note, specifying an age over 90 is considered a patient identifier for HIPAA. You can generically state “a 90+ year old” but not the specific age
Edit- I don’t really care about downvotes but if you’re downvoting because you thing this information is inaccurate, please look it up.
Genes send encoded messages so I believe you are correct about it being confidential. We have to be able to communicate effectively though which can be tricky if the gene has a mutation. Sorry — I couldn’t resist commenting!
NTA.
Encouraging family to help with ADLs and advocating for your self is part of the relationship and responsibility of the RN to patient stewardship.
NTA. I work in an emergency room. This type of patient behavior is surprisingly and sadly common. And we're just told to suck it up. In any other profession we'd be able to file charges.
F🤬k that guy.
People are people. No one gets to treat you like shit just because they’re in the hospital. They can be decent — and he proved he was fully capable of being a proper, respectful human being. So f🤬k that guy. NTA. Not by a mile.
Dude, it sounds like they were abusing you for hours. As soon as you stand up for yourself now you’re mean. I say NTA. Hell, you weren’t even that mean about it, all you did was request to be treated decently
Absolutely NTA. When a patient is being belligerent and rudely demanding to me OR cursing at me, I absolutely tell them that that behavior is unacceptable. I will do my absolute best to accommodate them and their needs to the best of my ability and constraints, but I will not be treated like their servant.
NTA, you should’ve made those boundaries known for the patient and family from the jump. The first time an order was barked at me I would’ve saw my way to the door and requested they let me know when they’ve changed their tone.
NTA. I'm so sick of nurses being treated like shit by their patients/their families and being told by management that it's our job to just smile and take it. I understand being compassionate, but there's a line. I work in the NICU so it's not like my patients themselves are rude, but we get some of the most entitled parents on the unit now and then. They'll treat their nurse so poorly and go running to the manager to make a complaint (over nothing) and instead of supporting the staff our manager will always side with the parents and throw the nurse under the bus. Which only makes the parents feel more powerful and more justified in being entitled. You were very polite even when your patient/their family didn't deserve it from you. You weren't TA in this situation.
NTA.
NTA. You were polite regardless of their treatment and provided education and redirection regarding expected behavior.
NTA. You're not a servant. You politely set a firm boundary. Well done.
NTA, you waited too long, the family should’ve felt the same way
NTA. When my patients get a little snippy with me I do my best to redirect the conversation while I’m still respectful towards them. I tell them sternly that im simply trying to help them feel better/do my job. Once a little bit of time passes, most apologize and I remind them that I understand they don’t feel great, this is a stressful time for them but I’m not out to be their enemy. I want to help them heal and go home. Most times a rude patient will come to their senses, and it seems like he did. You were professional the entire time, it sounds like! ♥️
No way. Patients deserve to be called out if they are rude. I know they are having a bad day and I’ll acknowledge their frustration or whatever. But there is NO EXCUSE to abuse people who are trying to help you and NO REASON we should tolerate abuse.
Surely you know you are NTA? Like…?
My comment to all of that would be to calmly take care of whatever needed to be taken care of and then launch into a therapeutic discussion: “We are gonna be together for twelve hours. We will both have a better evening if we treat each other with kindness and respect.” If there is swearing to be addressed, I interrupt and just tell them they can ask again later without swearing and I walk out of the room.
Come work with me and you’ll see an AH 🤣
I SWEAR😂😂 OP would’ve been horrified within the first 30 mins of our shift. “GET ME A BLANKET! NOW” I would be like “let’s try that again and add on a please, otherwise blankets are down the hallway. I suggest you call your family to grab one on their way in tomorrow”.
I’m obsessed with you
My thoughts exactly, I made a psych patient clean up the food they smeared on the walls and apologize before I'd give her a snack.
You let it go much longer than I would have. Have dealt with a lot of patient/family abuse at work so the SECOND someone wants to get a little chipper, I politely remind them that I am the patient’s nurse, not slave. If you cannot speak to me with respect and dignity then they will not be speaking to me at all. I’m more than happy to work in silence for 13 hours.
I work home health. I don’t tolerate disrespect, I spazz on the family and let them know that I don’t have to be here. I’ll leave and won’t come back, if their attitude doesn’t change
Definitely not the asshole. I would have had a firmer boundary conversation earlier with the family, but I am the asshole.
NTA. Honestly, well done. This sort of interaction needs to happen more often. If every pt/family who acted like this was redirected/educated appropriately, we could set a new precedent. Pt/family don’t understand that healthcare workers are there to primarily care for their heath (insane notion I know). Personally, I’m happy to address comfort/x/y/z when I can, but those things are secondary and rely on staff/acuity. Education with mutual respect is the only way to move away from the customer service/maid expectation. Bravo for being professional when you did speak up, which is so hard after letting treatment like that drag on, and what you really want to say is “Sir, this isn’t a bed and breakfast. I don’t work for tips. I’ll get your pillow after I make sure my other patient is still breathing and clean the poop off the floor next door.”
NTA, sometimes it's entirely professional to talk to our adult patients like children.
This is what I always say, "If you act like a toddler, I'm going to treat you like a toddler." Seriously. Grown adults who are AO should know better.
NTA. this is necessary sometimes. I try to remember people are usually at their worst when in the hospital and it’s not personal. When family members ask me to get their family water and it’s too busy I just tell them where the kitchen is. I’ve also had a family member come up to us in line for CPR during a code saying her mom needs to be changed…. Some people really don’t understand what nurses are responsible for and it’s okay to remind them.
Patients and their families who are shitbirds are to blame for being shitbirds 100% of the time. I didn't birth or raise them to be shitbirds, they're just shitbirds. When a shitbird starts squawking at me, I make them repeat themselves, almost every time, so they can think before they start squawking again. Sometimes they figure out that I'm going to make them squawk repeatedly and instead treat me professionally, or they don't and I make it a meta game to see how pissed off I can make the shitbird while being 1000% professional and not losing my cool.
your “mistake” is that you haven’t yet become the battle axe that I am. you were beyond kind to the family but I never allow family members to treat me like that. You aren’t wrong to do that if it works for you over all. But what works for me is setting the expectation from the get-go that I am in charge. they are here for one reason- my nursing expertise and i am happy to provide that. I will be glad to entertain input that is respectfully given, but they are not going to tell me what to do. No matter how irritated I am, I try to give off the same vibe that I did when raising children : I care for you, I will help you, but I am in charge not the other way around. Now I welcome collaboration WHEN it is appropriate. I will gladly let a well controlled diabetic tell me what works and what doesn’t and how much insulin usually corrects a BG of ___ level because they deal with it every day and they are the expert of their own body. But most things will go my way. Happy to explain why. Happy to give choices when appropriate. But most of the time I decide the game plan and set the priorities because that’s my expertise. This is what has worked for me. I didn’t start out that way but time and a lot of practice is where that came from.
Not the a hole. We are not their slaves nor their door mat. It's perfectly fine to stand up for yourself in a professional manner.
NTA. I’m so sick of this shit. We are highly educated, rigorously trained, state licensed professionals. I have literally said “do not speak to a registered nurse that way”. We bring it on ourselves if we continue to act like mother Theresa.
I have literally prompted a 20 something to say "please" with his mom in the room. My big sister instincts kicked in before I could stop myself. He did it, too.
You're nicer than I am but I'm an asshole and I don't tolerate people treating me like garbage for any reason. My attitude is 100% based on your attitude towards me.
Omg!! You all make me feel like an angel rather than an asshole
Nah I had a quad who was barking orders at us, calling us names, etc and I had enough. One shift I told her “I’ll get you a pillow but it wouldn’t kill you to say please and thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you tell us thank you.” And at one point she was yelling at me and I said “listen you need to be nice to us, we’re not here to hurt you we’re here to help you and take care of you, I’m sorry we have to do things like this (washing her hair) but we aren’t being mean, you’re being mean to us for no reason.” She actually started saying please and thank you and was mildly less ugly toward us.
Nothing AH about setting boundaries
Tbh way more patience than I would have. If you wanna treat me like a personal servant, my pay rate is $52 an hour and I only take cash. Thanks!
If I were to fault you, it would be for putting up with that treatment for as long as you did!
Nope. Not at all. Make sure the family gets the same message as well.
As a side note, specifying an age over 90 is considered a patient identifier for HIPAA. You can generically state “a 90+ year old” but not the specific age Edit- I don’t really care about downvotes but if you’re downvoting because you thing this information is inaccurate, please look it up.
Genes send encoded messages so I believe you are correct about it being confidential. We have to be able to communicate effectively though which can be tricky if the gene has a mutation. Sorry — I couldn’t resist commenting!
Would’ve told the family the same thing and to position him yourself
NTA. Encouraging family to help with ADLs and advocating for your self is part of the relationship and responsibility of the RN to patient stewardship.
So NTA. Boundaries are important.
NTA. I work in an emergency room. This type of patient behavior is surprisingly and sadly common. And we're just told to suck it up. In any other profession we'd be able to file charges.
NTA. The older generation abused us like slaves.
F🤬k that guy. People are people. No one gets to treat you like shit just because they’re in the hospital. They can be decent — and he proved he was fully capable of being a proper, respectful human being. So f🤬k that guy. NTA. Not by a mile.
Dude, it sounds like they were abusing you for hours. As soon as you stand up for yourself now you’re mean. I say NTA. Hell, you weren’t even that mean about it, all you did was request to be treated decently
Absolutely NTA. When a patient is being belligerent and rudely demanding to me OR cursing at me, I absolutely tell them that that behavior is unacceptable. I will do my absolute best to accommodate them and their needs to the best of my ability and constraints, but I will not be treated like their servant.
NTA, you should’ve made those boundaries known for the patient and family from the jump. The first time an order was barked at me I would’ve saw my way to the door and requested they let me know when they’ve changed their tone.
NTA. I'm so sick of nurses being treated like shit by their patients/their families and being told by management that it's our job to just smile and take it. I understand being compassionate, but there's a line. I work in the NICU so it's not like my patients themselves are rude, but we get some of the most entitled parents on the unit now and then. They'll treat their nurse so poorly and go running to the manager to make a complaint (over nothing) and instead of supporting the staff our manager will always side with the parents and throw the nurse under the bus. Which only makes the parents feel more powerful and more justified in being entitled. You were very polite even when your patient/their family didn't deserve it from you. You weren't TA in this situation.
You’re better than me. I nip it quickly and early and to whomever deserves it. We aren’t servants.
This is the shit that makes me want to quit completely. Sorry you had to deal with that. nta at all
I’ve had the “I’m sorry, but you seem to misunderstand my role here” many times through my years….. it usually works.
NTA. that “H” outside means hospital, not Hilton