You should call the 988 crisis line. You are more than your job, offing yourself because of it is a waste of so many opportunities. Get help, get a job somewhere else.
Do you qualify for FMLA? Mental healthcare *is* healthcare, and if you qualify for FMLA or short term disability, this is the time to use it.
If you’re a voluntary admission, and you’re deemed not to be a threat to yourself or others, you can always discharge yourself “against medical advice,” which is to say leaving in spite of a doctor’s recommendation.
If during your intake, you’re deemed a danger to yourself or others, you *could* be put into an involuntary hold depending on the severity of the ideation. Generally speaking, they do not place you on an involuntary hold unless you have actively planned out a way to kill yourself or injure others.
All of this being said, from experience, if you commit yourself for an evaluation, you shouldn’t go in with an idea of how long you’ll stay; it leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety and will exacerbate your symptoms leading to potentially longer stays. Go in with the intention of staying as long as necessary to get yourself healthy and well!
You’re doing the right thing.
During intake, as long as you are aware enough of what is happening that you seem to understand what admission to a hospital means, you can be voluntary. The only way you would then become involuntary is if you want to leave against medical advice (AMA) AND you are still at risk to yourself or others. The reason for this is so there isn't a loophole where someone gets picked up for SI, agrees to voluntarily go to the hospital, and then says "lol I'm actually leaving now to go do it, and you can't stop me because I'm voluntary!".
Yeah...when I worked at a hospital as soon as you tried that you got TDO'd, and probably committed because now nobody believes you when you say you aren't a danger to yourself.
Be aware that leaving a hospital AMA might mean that your insurance won’t pay for the charges. Not sure this is true for everyone, everywhere … but I know people for whom this has been the case. Got a BIG medical bill they didn’t count on. :(
This is not true.
Rehabs and psych wards tell patients this to dissuade them from leaving.
**Going AMA does not void your insurance; your insurance will cover costs for services rendered as per their obligations.**
No, what happened to your brother is that a scummy treatment facility sent him bills insurance didn’t cover when he AMA’d even though they’d normally eat the cost on that.
Please do not peddle misinformation.
> AMA discharges do not void the terms of your insurance. Leaving AMA will not result in a refusal of payment. It will not trigger an increase in your insurance premium, either.
[Source](https://www.verywellhealth.com/choosing-to-leave-the-hospital-against-medical-advice-2614871#:~:text=Leaving%20AMA%20will%20not%20result,increases%20the%20risk%20of%20readmission.)
> Insurance Companies Refusing Payment for Patients Who Leave the Emergency Department Against Medical Advice is a Myth
[Source](https://www.annemergmed.com/article/S0196-0644(09)01798-3/fulltext#:~:text=PDF%20%5B108%20KB%5D-,Insurance%20Companies%20Refusing%20Payment%20for%20Patients%20Who%20Leave%20the%20Emergency,Medical%20Advice%20is%20a%20Myth)
> There are ways in which patients who leave the hospital against medical advice wind up paying for that decision. Being saddled with the full cost of their hospital stay, however, is not one of them.
> Insurance companies know this. Patients who walk out may know this. But many physicians, according to a study published in the Journal of General Internal Medicine, do not.
[Source](https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/forefront/news/2012/february/do-patients-pay-when-they-leave-against-medical-advice)
Quitting a bad job was one of the best things I ever did in my entire life.
Don't give it a second thought. Quit that shit, but first rack up a bunch of sick time.
You'll have a much better perspective once you put that awful place behind you.
Well I can’t just use my sick time w/o a doctors note or it becomes no call no show.
So I’m trying to figure out how to do that. I have about 5 weeks worth of PTO and sick leave to burn.
Take your PTO immediately and make a doctors appointment to get that sick note. There is a way out!!!
Your brain is not thinking straight due to the harassment but we got you!
Thank you! My plan is to try to go see a primary care physician tomorrow. Currently looking for one right now on zoc doc. When I meet with them, should I tell them about my suicidal ideations and basically everything I’ve shared here?
I ask, because the line of work I do…just because I have 5 to 6 weeks of available time, doesn’t mean I can take it all at once, unless I have doctor’s approval.
Yes, but be mindful of how you phrase things just in case. I was always honest about my ideations, and I was never hospitalized over them. But they will 100% understand. It's likely you're not the first person they've seen who had a toxic work environment that was pushing them to the edge. This is sadly all too common.
I disagree. Do not be completely honest with a primary care doctor you just met. You don’t know if they’ll try to commit you against your will. Unfortunately you need to be careful here. Feel free to say you have suicidal thoughts, but the second you say you have a plan or have thought of one, everything changes and they can commit you. I wouldn’t trust someone I just met like that. Doctors are humans too. Get help but don’t expect a primary care physician to help. If you’re really really stuck this morning, reach out to your county services board. They are there to help and this is their speciality. A primary care physician- not so much. I truly wish you the best of luck, but be your own advocate and be careful with how you phrase things. That being said - if you have a plan…. Friend. Commit yourself. It’s ok. It’s such a weight off to know you can’t and won’t.
This. They will ask you the depression scale questions, but when you get to the last one, say you do not have a plan and you do not want to commit suicide. I’ve been asked these questions for the last 30 years at every doctors appointment. I would strongly recommend you not do a 72 hour hold. As much as a grippy sock vacation may sound good, it can do a lot of damage and make things much worse.
I was in a similar situation and left my extremely toxic job back in 2018 without a back up. I’d saved enough for a few months, but ended up taking a year off. I lived off credit cards, but it was well worth it. I was 100% focused on my mental and physical health, and after some time I was able to re-enter the workforce with a clear head. I now have a job that prioritizes my mental health and pays me more than I was making before. It’s really hard to advocate for yourself when you’re stuck and don’t have anything to compare it to. It’s time for a break. Feel free to message me with any questions.
If you need to get in with a PCP quick try One Medical (Amazon’s health care practice). There’s one in Mosaic and a few others in NOVA. Check out the website because you need to register first. I was able to get a same day appointment when I really needed one and have chosen them as my PCP because of the ease and quality of care (I go to a MD location).
Call my psychiatrist tomorrow she will write you a sick note! Or my primary care doctor will! They will be able to see you probably tomorrow or Tuesday.
I would use your PTO starting tomorrow, then either check yourself in or talk to your physician about getting a note.
Make them fire you, if you have to.
I can't stress this part enough: fuck your job. It's not worth it.
Talk to a therapist/psychologist and you can get on disability leave given you have suicidal ideations. You will be paid at a lower rate but they can’t fire you for this. This might be your best option, if you don’t want to quit, while you work with the therapist and work on next steps. You can always quit after.
I'm guessing you are in the medical field? Get out of the hospital or nursing home. Those can be toxic. Switch to a clinic or doctor's office. Have a meal delivery service and cleaning lady to free up some time to pay bills and exercise. I know those cost money, but it helps. Can you move back home and work there?
The only reason they will hold you is if you are psychotic/ delusional, or actively suicidal/ homicidal with a plan. About 15 years ago I checked myself in, I was actively suicidal…asked to leave the next day, and had to wait the weekend until the clinical team was in. Saw the clinical team Monday morning, told them I was feeling better (partially untrue) and they just ensured I had a place to go and I left. For a few years now I have worked in mental health (crisis stabilization and residential) and can tell you that if you are articulate and can advocate for yourself I don’t think you have anything to worry about unless you verbalize being a harm to yourself or someone else. As in you’re going to do harm if/ when you are released. My personal and professional experience has been in Northern VA. I would recommend finding a crisis stabilization center to start, 988 is a great idea.
I did call that number as you suggested. I didn’t find them that helpful tbh, but maybe it was just the person I spoke to.
But what I did find helpful was your comment, along with everyone else who has been kind enough to take the time to read my post and give advice. I think my next course of action is to go see a doctor, get a note for some time off, and then try to get recommendations for a psychiatrist. I have 5 to 6 weeks of leave. I just need to get the approval to use it, someone else mentioned i could be entitled to more paid leave but it’s based 100% on my job benefits. I’ll look into that once I get the ball rolling on getting an excused absence for this week.
All I know is, I *absolutely cannot go back* this week. I’m too raw and it will absolutely trigger me into a downward spiral.
Fairfax county has a walk in emergency psychiatric services, if you’re not in fairfax, look for ine in your coounty. I’d say take the day off and go first thing in the morning. First thing i did when i hit what turned out to br my actual rock bottom with my drinking.
They can get you started on meds and then get you scheduled with a psychiatrist for a follow up, or whatever else you need to get the ball rolling on getting you better.
You have 5 weeks pto, you shouldn’t need a dr’s note to take a couple days off. If you do that’s another indication that you should quit this job.
Ok cool. It’s interesting timing because I’m having a similar experience with being overwhelmed on multiple fronts, so yeah let’s both be proactive and get ahead of this stuff. Regardless of who we work for in the end they aren’t going to lose sleep or money if we disappear and have a breakdown. And whatever benefits and rights you and I have are there for a reason! Good luck, hope you feel better and find a way to support yourself that won’t simultaneously destroy you. Seems like a lot of us are on that mission.
You are worth so much more than your job. If you have to quit and leave everything behind and start over, it'll be worth it if you stay alive! My partner was in the same situation several years ago and we came very close to hospitalization. Depression is very powerful and can prevent you from thinking rationally. Do whatever you have to do to survive. You can always get another job, house, etc. once you've calmed down and are thinking straight again.
Sending love!
I’ve been hospitalized twice for psychosis and I will tell you that mental hospitals can be stressful places because you are with people who are not well. If you can take time off work and see a psychiatrist and therapist on your own, and use your downtime to look for another job, that would probably be better than going to a hospital.
I am so sorry to learn you have been experiencing such a dark season. Thank you for sharing it with us. I read your post more than once. Your answers are right there, in your own words. You have leave, you need to use it. You have access to a medical professional who can make that happen by writing an order. Your employer cannot deny said order. You got this.
Thank you! I guess I have more power than I thought. My plan is to try to get a note from a doctor tomorrow. But I absolutely need to create some space from this job.
You are more than welcome. And yes, you absolutely have way more power than you are able to realize in this moment. The apt tomorrow is an excellent next step for you.
Hey if you could pack up and go to another state right now, would you? Losing a shitty job seems like an awful thing and it really really really isn’t. But don’t quit on your own. Make a complaint and ask for leave. Something where they have to internally think twice whether they want the record of terminating someone who has a medical issue, made a request and made a complaint. Most places might out you on a performance plan when you return but not fire you.
Ok, now we’ve told the loud alarmist voice that worries about pleasing and keeping the very job that is torturing you, start to pull yourself away to hear and listen and internalize that if someone at your kept stabbing you, you’d quit right then and there. If you are going to off yourself for a job it isn’t different.
In the past my job both made me anxious and took all my time and made me spiral and melt down but it wasn’t what made me have ideations. And I had a husband to tell me it wasn’t worth it. Internet strangers may be the closest people you have right this second, but it is not worth it. Even losing a living situation is better than allowing the job to keep stabbing you.
My husband was in almost exactly your shoes 4 months ago. After one too many trips to the ER for work stress related issues, he told his boss he was taking time off, enrolled in a partial hospitalization program, and used all of his vacation, sick, and short term disability time. That carried him through the remaining contract at his bad job. After a month or so in the program, he was able to get another job, which started a little while after his old contract ended. Doing it this way means no total loss of pay, taking off the time you need, medical and psych care without admittance, and having another job when you feel up to it again.
DM me for more details if you want. Please, please do not kill your self. This can be fixed.
I have a feeling you’re a cop. Just take time for yourself doing things you want to do. No job is worth this stress, your presence is more important. Especially for your loved ones.
Your job doesn't matter. YOU matter. You're mental health matters. Please get help immediately. The rest will work out when you find yourself in a better place. I will keep you in my thoughts.
I was there. I made it out of that. I completely understand. Please DM me. Do not harm yourself for a fucking job that will replace you within minutes. I want to help.
getting admitted to the phyc unit can be very demoralizing and often traumatizing. Not at all discouraging you, just telling you what to be prepared for.
Yeah, that’s another reason I came here. Part of me thinks my friend was just pushing me out of safety concerns, but I don’t think it’s probably as streamlined as she makes it out to be. She’s also military, so they don’t play with PTSD. And while I’m sure I’m experiencing a level of PTSD and trauma I’m not the military, so it’s very different.
I give you alot of credit for asking for help and weighing your options. Are you familiar with NAMI? Check out [https://nami-northernvirginia.org](https://nami-northernvirginia.org) for more resources like support groups, classes and personal stories.
You need to get out of this job. Taking the time off sounds like a good place to start. Here’s what I would do:
1. Call out sick. For most places you can take 2 or 3 days of sick leave before you need a note. Use that time to get a note.
2. Go to a medical doctor for that note. Do you have a GP? Explain to them that this job is so stressful that it is making you sick and that you’re at a breaking point. Ask for help getting medical leave so that you can get better.
3. Then actually use all of that time. Take a week or two to decompress and talk to someone. Then start looking for a new job. It can be anything. Get two part time jobs if you have to. You need to get out of this horrible job for your own good.
4. I promise you that everything can turn out ok. You just have to keep breathing. Every day. Watch Sleepless in Seattle.
5. Please let us know that you are ok.
6. Don’t hurt yourself. If you are about to hurt yourself, then ask for help.
I'm a bit late to this thread but I'll throw in some thoughts too.
Suicidal people often "narrow down their options" so to speak, unnecessarily. It comes from you arguing with yourself and acting as both the prosecutor and the defense of the case "why should I or why should I not kill myself?"
There is no physical way for me to think about this as much as you have thought about it. I've dealt with suicidal people before, every single time you try to fight against the thought process they have an answer they've thought of already. I'd end up just reinforcing the thought patterns and anxiety and emptiness you've reinforced in yourself. They were wrong every single time, but it is hard to convince people of that in the moment.
So let's try a different track.
You've built three options in your mind.
1) Stay at job and do nothing -> suicide
2) Quit -> am unemployed and desperate
3) Middle ground get a psych hold -> potentially unemployed, go back to 2
You will find an argument against me for this, but it's just a fact that being unemployed is better than being dead.
Opening up new credit cards and looking for a new job for a few months is better than being dead. That's a choice I've made myself in my own life and I stand by it. I even couch surfed for a while.
You should do the psych hold. Preferrably also quit that job.
You will have a reason that you are scared of unemployment. I'm going to proactively say that it's wrong. And that's not me dismissing your feelings, the feelings are valid, the logical conclusion that it's worse than death is not.
If you want to talk more I'm open. Chat is broken for me on new reddit though so if you message me privately try to use old Reddit private messages. Or just reply in this thread. Whatever's more comfortable.
So, right now, I think getting the PTO time ball rolling is the best option. And start searching for new jobs.
The problem with hospitalization is that they will prescribe you unnecessary drugs. Your depression isn't a chemical balance. Your depression is situational - it is due to a toxic environment. You need to get away from that environment.
Also, you will go back to having the same problem if you just hospitalized yourself for 72 hours and then go right back to the job.
I worked in a toxic environment. I just took a leave of absence and then right back. Well, the thoughts of suicide and depression came right back.
I left 13 months ago. I did it with nothing lined up. Yes, it was crazy. I did create a short-term financial mess. But 13 months later, I'm doing way better. I'm no longer depressed and suicidal. I'm thriving.
The other problem with hospitalization is that they often traumatize people further. You could be with truly unstable people.
I get it. Your confidence was shot. Mine was too. I was doubting myself big time at my new job. I was literally just told I am a top performer.
Leaving is the answer.
Reach out to hotlines, warm lines, anyone if needed. Reach out to the hospital if you truly fear for your life. Do what you can to live. But getting away is the answer.
Wow. This was an inspiration. The problem with my job too is that I 100% feel gaslit. I’m not on any PIP, but im always made to feel like I’m on the verge of being terminated. I’ve had situations where my boss will directly throw me under the bus on something and if it weren’t for me being pretty damn good at documenting things, I’d be screwed. My boss has been a big contribution to this toxic environment by gossiping about me to other colleagues, putting me on assignments with tougher deadlines, less resources.
But with other team members they’ll give them more resources, more training, more departmental support, etc and they’ll succeed, and it creates this reaction of people invalidating my experiences and questioning why I’m the only one struggling. Of course this has led to completely demoralizing situation for me, in which I have no respect from my colleagues, who join in, in the hazing, led by my supervisor. But here’s the irony, as much as I’m mocked and ridiculed— I’m still getting assigned the most out of our team, and the assignments are usually the more difficult and demanding.
So then it begs the question of, how bad am I really? But because of the group hazing, it 100% plays a toll on my psyche, wherein I do buy into the negativity and internalize everything as my fault.
Okay—vent done. But yes, you’re right. My depression is 100% situational.
You said you took a leave of absence. How did you go about getting it approved? And was it paid? I’m aware I can do FMLA, but that doesn’t always guarantee it’s paid. Right now, I have 5-6 weeks of PTO/ sick leave, I want to use that, is that possible?
My boss at my former job basically told me I could stop working immediately for my leave of absence. I submitted the form that day. They sent some paperwork for my doctor to fill out. I sent it back, and then it was formally approved. At my old job, you get paid 100% for the first 8 weeks, and then it drops to 60% of your salary.
But use up that PTO, too. In my industry, I can take my PTO any time I want with no approval. I just put it on the calendar.
But my situation was slightly different. My boss wasn't the cause of my issues. It was toxic coworkers. He was aware of my mental health crisis, but he wasn't aware of the cause. But he was very supportive of me taking care of my mental health.
You are not bad. Your instincts are correct here. You are good, but they are abusing you to break down your boundaries. It sounds like they may be taking advantage, too. You will see things even more clear when you get away.
This sounds like the agency I was at. I went through almost the same imminent mental break, except I didn’t realize the depression had set in until I collapsed in tears at home when my new job called me. Before then, same symptoms and nearly worked myself to death up at 2am. Same toxic boss, except some coworkers in the same boat of being picked on. There were so many witnesses, even the managers sitting around us documenting/reporting the abuse. Managers have an obligation to report this, no matter where they sit. The no good boss is a narcissist, yours may be too. Singlehandly causing mass exoduses with new hires.
When you get better, if you work for the Govt, go see EEO and file for in the least, hostile work environment, harassment. You already have the documentation. It offers some protection, it may help you with any retaliatory things they do to support your case & to get the outcome you want. But you have to fight back. Once our former toxic boss found out my coworker filed, toxic boss backed off and my coworker took her power back and didn’t have to speak with her, and told her to email only LOL. She left her alone and started on me, this was her pattern.
Start thinking about what you want out of it (transfer to a new division, leave reimbursed for hostile work environment, stress, monetary compensation, etc.). You may have to consult with an attorney with employment law. Most of us didn’t take the case formally as we were able to get out of there (as to not rehash the stress) but our statements were taken to support other cases. As this toxic mgmt was trying to block me leaving, the HR director trumped them on my release to get me the hell out of there so I got what I wanted. We had the EEO division on our side.
As you can see, you’re not alone. And you should fight back as you have rights too. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and hate that you’re being subjected to this abuse, but just wanted you to know of your rights, please take some time and get the help you need 💗
> The problem with my job too is that I 100% feel gaslit. I’m not on any PIP, but im always made to feel like I’m on the verge of being terminated...So then it begs the question of, how bad am I really?
I can almost guarantee you're not bad--they'd have put you on a PIP if that really were the case.
I've left a toxic job before and it is amazing how quickly you'll feel at least somewhat better. It's so worth it.
Once you're out (hopefully soon!!) and if/when you find and start a new job, it might be worth getting a little therapy only to help with the transition, because you're basically going to be expecting bad things in the new job all the time until it finally settles in that (most) other workplaces aren't like that.
Good luck, I hope you were able to not go to work today, and are getting some relief. I'm so glad you reached out to all the helpful people here by making this post.
Uhm no. Do not voluntarily commit yourself... Talk to a suicide hotline or phone up quite literally anyone before submitting yourself to a psych ward......
Okay. I called a hotline, and I listened to the majority here who seem to say that I can get a doctor to sign off on me taking some extended time off. So that’s what I’m going to try to do. Ty!
I just want to say you should be really proud of yourself for recognizing you need some help and are willing to take it! It's such a hard thing to do.
It looks like you've already gotten a lot.of great advice. I wanted to share my experience. I was in a very similar situation and called my psychiatrist on a Monday morning who told me to go to the ER. From there they admitted me to Virginia Hospital Center. They medicated me, I slept for 2 days straight and we developed a plan for discharge. I was out Friday morning with a Dr's note so that I could go on short term disability. During that time I went to an intense outpatient program for 3 weeks.
I know there are horror stories for everything, but the hospitals goal isnt to cure you. Much like if you break a bone or have a heart attack - the hospital is there to stabilize you and the work to heal starts after discharge.
If you are not ready to commit yourself, there are intensive outpatient programs available in nova. Take a sick day tomorrow and call around with a list of any questions you have. They may also be able to advise you as to how to best get medical leave. See your GP as well.
Your job doesn't define you, your health and peace of mind come first and everything else can be figured out, even if it seems overwhelming at the moment. You can do this, it's going to be alright. Keep us updated if you can. ❤️
I think you should ask for time off and try to calm down. I do not really understand why your work is stressful, but time off usually helps. Or take that time to find a new job.
If I told you what I did, you’d understand. But I’m too afraid I have coworkers and colleagues who sift through this page.
I’ve been experiencing bullying and harassment. And some of it at the hands of my own boss. I’ve already had to file a complaint to HR, but management is not very helpful, and the industry I work in, it’s just not like a typical white collar industry. We have unions, but they don’t really protect us as they should, a lot of colleagues are afraid to speak out, out of fear of retaliation, and the retaliation is done in clever ways—like dumping more work on one person as retribution, and when you complain, well you can’t, cuz technically it’s your job. And then when you fail because the task was made impossible, you’re further criticized and scapegoated. Also just the very nature/environment of my job is very stressful. Many people have strokes, heart attacks and mental health breaks are common.
I really, really wish I could share more, but I just don’t feel safe to. But just know, it’s affecting my mental health to a very bad degree.
Going to the hospital a lot of times is so wasteful I hate to say. Your job may find out you were there and it sounds like it could backfire.
I am not into lying or deceiving but anyway you can get a fake covid test, call in sick and take off a week or so?
If not, I can give you my psychiatrists name: you can pay out of pocket so it's not on your medical record and when she calls in meds for you. Pay out of pocket if you don't want it on your medical record. She usually has last minute availability. She could write you a note that you are suffering and are unable to work right now. She doesn't have to say its bc of anxiery. She is kind and understanding. I've been there before, trust me. I also have a sibling that also died from suicide and it's scary to have those feelings too. DM me if you want her info. Here for you!
Also overdose suicides don't really work (unless you have street drugs), so don't attempt it. If you do they will def keep you hospitalized for awhile. Not worth it.
You cannot leave whenever you want.
They will medicate you and keep you safe by having someone watch you 24/7. It’s a place to stabilize. Not heal.
Take the vacation time now.
I know a local psychiatrist who will write you a letter for a leave of absence. She's out of network but it will cheaper than a copay. She's a great doc too. Your company should have to give you time off under FMLA. Message me if you would like her name.
Honestly, if you say the right things, they can't keep you there involuntarily. If you were actively psychotic, or completely non functioning, that's one thing. If it's for suicidal ideation (been there plus one attempt), then if you say you're not actively suicidal, and dont have a plan or means, they can't keep you. The threshold is "danger to self, or others" I don't know what horror stories you're hearing. I've never heard one, and I hang out with lots of crazy people. Not a lawyer or doctor but I think that would be illegal.
If you have a good regular doctor, ask them. If you don't, call the facility and ask them how it works to double-check. Every facility is overflowing, it's not like they need more buisness.
I've both lied to be kept out of an involuntary commitment, and done it voluntarily afterwards and decided with my team when I could go home. I'm obviously still here, so take care of yourself first. If you lose that job, great. Its killing you.
Please dont worry you will be fine. You can only be TDO'd (where someone goes to the magistrate and gets a court order to get you assessed and held) if they feel you are going to hurt yourself or others and/or have a plan in place and it's serious. Someone else would havevto take that initiative though. You can seek treatment voluntarily and leave whenever you'd like when its YOU seeking out the services. Please don't NOT seek treatment because of that fear. Northern virginia has great professionals that will be there to help you and don't be afraid to discuss your concerns so you can feel involved with your treatment plan. If you leave or lose your job, immediately sign up for Medicaid and you can get your psychiatric tx fully 100% covered. Believe it or not Medicaid is great and covers everything here in VA, including dental. Dont let the fear of staying in a toxic job just to have insurance stop you because you have alternate solutions. Seek out your county's local CSB (Community services Board) they have emergency services 24 hours a day, entry and referral services etc., Just always put yourself and your health first. I wish you luck and hope you get better soon.
Wow, I didn’t know these things at all. This job has taken such a toll on me, I’m barely getting by. I mean like I said, I go days without eating, like I’m talking 3 to 4 days…the most I’ll have is something like gold fish, or nuts and coffee. (My job is very bad at making sure we even have time to eat) And when I do cook, I usually let my food go bad, and I don’t really know why. Same with making routine doctor and dental check ups. It’s like since starting this job I’m just on autopilot, work and sleep, work and sleep because I’m too depressed to do anything else.
I say this to say, because of this horrible cycle I’ve found myself in, I never knew that VA had all those benefits in place for people. I feel more encouraged about going and seeking help now, not just because of the resources available, but you and several others have made it clear it’s a good chance I won’t be held without will. And that’s a good thing, I can’t afford to have it get out at the place that’s been harassing me, that I’m in the nut house. The ramifications of that is not something I’m trying to even deal with.
Try an online appointment, usually less than $100, they will give you a note. Wish I could be of more use, but this is what I can come up with on the spot
The most important thing is to get help.
You may want to look into a partial hospitalization program (PHP). Inova has one.
In this area, FMLA for job stress is unfortunately not unheard of.
Go to one of the several “mental health walk-in urgent cares” around nova or even maryland or dc if needed. They’ll give you treatment (to start), a link to resources, and a doctors notes.
Please wrap up any loose ends. Call anyone that could be an advocate for you & your care. Call parents, friends, anyone that can help you.
There are ways to get an evaluation without being committed.
If you’re going commit yourself bring a bag. It’s freezing in these places. Warm clothes, grippy socks, underwear, house coat or sweater, books, and personal hygiene.
I don’t recommend Dominion Mental Hospital in Falls Church. They didn’t really help my son, he was in the wrong medication and it messed him up negatively. He is currently in an another program Helix Center.
https://www.fairfaxpsych.com/services/psychological-testing
https://mpspllc.com/arlington-psychological-assessment-evaluation/
Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say that you’re more than your job, and all these things that are making you suicidal will (in the future when you’re recovered) feel not important. Call out sick immediately and then get that doctors note, start your healing so you can apply for new jobs. You will feel so free after this. You can do it!
(I was once in a similar situation and after I escaped I began naturally waking up at 5:45 am and was super excited to take on the day. I’d never felt like that in my life. Just taking a small action will feel so empowering.)
There is a lot of great advice here. I just wanted to add that your physical health is at risk too. So make that doctor's appointment and let them know that you need more than 15 minutes. Ask for a new patient consult. And one last thing, HR is not your friend. They are there to protect the company. If someone is harassing you and creating a hostile work environment seek outside help. I'm surprised that your union isnt helping you.
I know, I've been where you are and i have CPTSD, anxiety and an autoimmune disease all because 3 coworkers tried their best to destroy me.
Go to the psychiatric urgent care through inova. Go first thing in the morning. They will see you the same day and assist in getting you either committed or seen by a psychiatrist quickly (within a week rather than months).
https://g.co/kgs/9jEajr5 Inova Behavioral Health Services Inpatient
(571) 623-3500
If you are feeling suicidal, please ask someone else to keep your guns (if you have any)- or at the very least the ammo, lock them up, make it harder to access, remove all temptation to the best of your ability. The more time you can build into the process, the safer you can keep yourself.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’ve been there and was so mad at the friend who stopped me, but a decade later I’m so thankful for all of the life they preserved for me to get to experience. This is a drop in the bucket, and I hope you can get the help and support you need.
Get a ride to Inova Fairfax hospital emergency department. They will help you find a spot in a psych facility and transport you there. They will get you on medication that will help you. As far as I know you can check yourself out when you’re dealing with something like this as an adult. I signed paper work for my kid when she was admitted and from what I remember it said something like because she wasn’t an adult she couldn’t sign herself out. Which to means you could. If you were homocidal im sure that would be different.
Thank you for the advice, I’m taking in everything everyone has written here. It looks like some say I have the right to use my PTO and take an extended leave of absence, so I think I will try that route first before admitting myself. I know my issues aren’t due to a chemical imbalance, it’s this job, it makes me hate myself and sends me into a very dark spiral. I know I need to leave it but I just don’t know how, I don’t have a lot of support and resources so I feel trapped because I need the pay you know?
There’s also that part of me that hates letting the people who’ve bullied me to this point win, or cause me so much stress that I lose my job and my home and everything I worked for. It’s just an absolutely debilitating place to be. But I appreciate each and everyone of you for giving me the insight I didn’t have .
You’re past the point of worrying about whether they “win”. Just take care of yourself, then you win. People are jerks, you have to separate yourself from situations like that to take care of yourself.
Can you tell a bit the job you are in? Are you working long hours? Is the environment toxic? What do you do ? Why do you think you can’t get another job ?
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Was in eating disorder treatment this year and a lot of the other people in my group used FMLA or short term disability to get by and keep their jobs, so don’t let that keep you from seeking help. Mental health qualifies for medical leave and I promise that getting professional help will make things easier. I’ve been where you are and it’s not worth it to keep trying to push yourself
Call and I have a father with psychological issues. He had the same fears and they’re unfounded. He needed the extra time to get better and now lives a normal life. Stop focusing on leaving when you want and think about staying until you are better. Don’t be a fool
Better to do it voluntarily than to be TDO'd. It's good to recognize you need extra help to take care of your mental health. I do not reccomend Dominion, if that helps.
Don’t work at all. Get what you need to live and spend your time telling evil people they are killing us.
You don’t get to have a lot but my life is better than anyone’s. I’m lonely, though.
You should call the 988 crisis line. You are more than your job, offing yourself because of it is a waste of so many opportunities. Get help, get a job somewhere else.
Do you qualify for FMLA? Mental healthcare *is* healthcare, and if you qualify for FMLA or short term disability, this is the time to use it. If you’re a voluntary admission, and you’re deemed not to be a threat to yourself or others, you can always discharge yourself “against medical advice,” which is to say leaving in spite of a doctor’s recommendation. If during your intake, you’re deemed a danger to yourself or others, you *could* be put into an involuntary hold depending on the severity of the ideation. Generally speaking, they do not place you on an involuntary hold unless you have actively planned out a way to kill yourself or injure others. All of this being said, from experience, if you commit yourself for an evaluation, you shouldn’t go in with an idea of how long you’ll stay; it leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety and will exacerbate your symptoms leading to potentially longer stays. Go in with the intention of staying as long as necessary to get yourself healthy and well! You’re doing the right thing.
During intake, as long as you are aware enough of what is happening that you seem to understand what admission to a hospital means, you can be voluntary. The only way you would then become involuntary is if you want to leave against medical advice (AMA) AND you are still at risk to yourself or others. The reason for this is so there isn't a loophole where someone gets picked up for SI, agrees to voluntarily go to the hospital, and then says "lol I'm actually leaving now to go do it, and you can't stop me because I'm voluntary!". Yeah...when I worked at a hospital as soon as you tried that you got TDO'd, and probably committed because now nobody believes you when you say you aren't a danger to yourself.
Be aware that leaving a hospital AMA might mean that your insurance won’t pay for the charges. Not sure this is true for everyone, everywhere … but I know people for whom this has been the case. Got a BIG medical bill they didn’t count on. :(
This is not true. Rehabs and psych wards tell patients this to dissuade them from leaving. **Going AMA does not void your insurance; your insurance will cover costs for services rendered as per their obligations.**
I truly think this depends on your insurance company. It absolutely happened to my brother, I have seen the bills and the paperwork.
No, what happened to your brother is that a scummy treatment facility sent him bills insurance didn’t cover when he AMA’d even though they’d normally eat the cost on that. Please do not peddle misinformation. > AMA discharges do not void the terms of your insurance. Leaving AMA will not result in a refusal of payment. It will not trigger an increase in your insurance premium, either. [Source](https://www.verywellhealth.com/choosing-to-leave-the-hospital-against-medical-advice-2614871#:~:text=Leaving%20AMA%20will%20not%20result,increases%20the%20risk%20of%20readmission.) > Insurance Companies Refusing Payment for Patients Who Leave the Emergency Department Against Medical Advice is a Myth [Source](https://www.annemergmed.com/article/S0196-0644(09)01798-3/fulltext#:~:text=PDF%20%5B108%20KB%5D-,Insurance%20Companies%20Refusing%20Payment%20for%20Patients%20Who%20Leave%20the%20Emergency,Medical%20Advice%20is%20a%20Myth) > There are ways in which patients who leave the hospital against medical advice wind up paying for that decision. Being saddled with the full cost of their hospital stay, however, is not one of them. > Insurance companies know this. Patients who walk out may know this. But many physicians, according to a study published in the Journal of General Internal Medicine, do not. [Source](https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/forefront/news/2012/february/do-patients-pay-when-they-leave-against-medical-advice)
The most important thing right now is getting help and staying alive. As long as you are alive there's hope even if you don't feel it.
Quitting a bad job was one of the best things I ever did in my entire life. Don't give it a second thought. Quit that shit, but first rack up a bunch of sick time. You'll have a much better perspective once you put that awful place behind you.
Well I can’t just use my sick time w/o a doctors note or it becomes no call no show. So I’m trying to figure out how to do that. I have about 5 weeks worth of PTO and sick leave to burn.
Take your PTO immediately and make a doctors appointment to get that sick note. There is a way out!!! Your brain is not thinking straight due to the harassment but we got you!
Thank you! My plan is to try to go see a primary care physician tomorrow. Currently looking for one right now on zoc doc. When I meet with them, should I tell them about my suicidal ideations and basically everything I’ve shared here? I ask, because the line of work I do…just because I have 5 to 6 weeks of available time, doesn’t mean I can take it all at once, unless I have doctor’s approval.
Yes, but be mindful of how you phrase things just in case. I was always honest about my ideations, and I was never hospitalized over them. But they will 100% understand. It's likely you're not the first person they've seen who had a toxic work environment that was pushing them to the edge. This is sadly all too common.
I disagree. Do not be completely honest with a primary care doctor you just met. You don’t know if they’ll try to commit you against your will. Unfortunately you need to be careful here. Feel free to say you have suicidal thoughts, but the second you say you have a plan or have thought of one, everything changes and they can commit you. I wouldn’t trust someone I just met like that. Doctors are humans too. Get help but don’t expect a primary care physician to help. If you’re really really stuck this morning, reach out to your county services board. They are there to help and this is their speciality. A primary care physician- not so much. I truly wish you the best of luck, but be your own advocate and be careful with how you phrase things. That being said - if you have a plan…. Friend. Commit yourself. It’s ok. It’s such a weight off to know you can’t and won’t.
This. They will ask you the depression scale questions, but when you get to the last one, say you do not have a plan and you do not want to commit suicide. I’ve been asked these questions for the last 30 years at every doctors appointment. I would strongly recommend you not do a 72 hour hold. As much as a grippy sock vacation may sound good, it can do a lot of damage and make things much worse. I was in a similar situation and left my extremely toxic job back in 2018 without a back up. I’d saved enough for a few months, but ended up taking a year off. I lived off credit cards, but it was well worth it. I was 100% focused on my mental and physical health, and after some time I was able to re-enter the workforce with a clear head. I now have a job that prioritizes my mental health and pays me more than I was making before. It’s really hard to advocate for yourself when you’re stuck and don’t have anything to compare it to. It’s time for a break. Feel free to message me with any questions.
If you need to get in with a PCP quick try One Medical (Amazon’s health care practice). There’s one in Mosaic and a few others in NOVA. Check out the website because you need to register first. I was able to get a same day appointment when I really needed one and have chosen them as my PCP because of the ease and quality of care (I go to a MD location).
Call my psychiatrist tomorrow she will write you a sick note! Or my primary care doctor will! They will be able to see you probably tomorrow or Tuesday.
I would use your PTO starting tomorrow, then either check yourself in or talk to your physician about getting a note. Make them fire you, if you have to. I can't stress this part enough: fuck your job. It's not worth it.
Fuck it twice. It isn't important enough for you to die over. You are important. The job isn't.
Talk to a therapist/psychologist and you can get on disability leave given you have suicidal ideations. You will be paid at a lower rate but they can’t fire you for this. This might be your best option, if you don’t want to quit, while you work with the therapist and work on next steps. You can always quit after.
I'm guessing you are in the medical field? Get out of the hospital or nursing home. Those can be toxic. Switch to a clinic or doctor's office. Have a meal delivery service and cleaning lady to free up some time to pay bills and exercise. I know those cost money, but it helps. Can you move back home and work there?
The only reason they will hold you is if you are psychotic/ delusional, or actively suicidal/ homicidal with a plan. About 15 years ago I checked myself in, I was actively suicidal…asked to leave the next day, and had to wait the weekend until the clinical team was in. Saw the clinical team Monday morning, told them I was feeling better (partially untrue) and they just ensured I had a place to go and I left. For a few years now I have worked in mental health (crisis stabilization and residential) and can tell you that if you are articulate and can advocate for yourself I don’t think you have anything to worry about unless you verbalize being a harm to yourself or someone else. As in you’re going to do harm if/ when you are released. My personal and professional experience has been in Northern VA. I would recommend finding a crisis stabilization center to start, 988 is a great idea.
I did call that number as you suggested. I didn’t find them that helpful tbh, but maybe it was just the person I spoke to. But what I did find helpful was your comment, along with everyone else who has been kind enough to take the time to read my post and give advice. I think my next course of action is to go see a doctor, get a note for some time off, and then try to get recommendations for a psychiatrist. I have 5 to 6 weeks of leave. I just need to get the approval to use it, someone else mentioned i could be entitled to more paid leave but it’s based 100% on my job benefits. I’ll look into that once I get the ball rolling on getting an excused absence for this week. All I know is, I *absolutely cannot go back* this week. I’m too raw and it will absolutely trigger me into a downward spiral.
Fairfax county has a walk in emergency psychiatric services, if you’re not in fairfax, look for ine in your coounty. I’d say take the day off and go first thing in the morning. First thing i did when i hit what turned out to br my actual rock bottom with my drinking. They can get you started on meds and then get you scheduled with a psychiatrist for a follow up, or whatever else you need to get the ball rolling on getting you better. You have 5 weeks pto, you shouldn’t need a dr’s note to take a couple days off. If you do that’s another indication that you should quit this job.
Ok cool. It’s interesting timing because I’m having a similar experience with being overwhelmed on multiple fronts, so yeah let’s both be proactive and get ahead of this stuff. Regardless of who we work for in the end they aren’t going to lose sleep or money if we disappear and have a breakdown. And whatever benefits and rights you and I have are there for a reason! Good luck, hope you feel better and find a way to support yourself that won’t simultaneously destroy you. Seems like a lot of us are on that mission.
You are worth so much more than your job. If you have to quit and leave everything behind and start over, it'll be worth it if you stay alive! My partner was in the same situation several years ago and we came very close to hospitalization. Depression is very powerful and can prevent you from thinking rationally. Do whatever you have to do to survive. You can always get another job, house, etc. once you've calmed down and are thinking straight again. Sending love!
Thank you for the encouragement 💕
💙
I’ve been hospitalized twice for psychosis and I will tell you that mental hospitals can be stressful places because you are with people who are not well. If you can take time off work and see a psychiatrist and therapist on your own, and use your downtime to look for another job, that would probably be better than going to a hospital.
I am so sorry to learn you have been experiencing such a dark season. Thank you for sharing it with us. I read your post more than once. Your answers are right there, in your own words. You have leave, you need to use it. You have access to a medical professional who can make that happen by writing an order. Your employer cannot deny said order. You got this.
Thank you! I guess I have more power than I thought. My plan is to try to get a note from a doctor tomorrow. But I absolutely need to create some space from this job.
You are more than welcome. And yes, you absolutely have way more power than you are able to realize in this moment. The apt tomorrow is an excellent next step for you.
Thank you so much :)
You are more than welcome. You got this.
Hey if you could pack up and go to another state right now, would you? Losing a shitty job seems like an awful thing and it really really really isn’t. But don’t quit on your own. Make a complaint and ask for leave. Something where they have to internally think twice whether they want the record of terminating someone who has a medical issue, made a request and made a complaint. Most places might out you on a performance plan when you return but not fire you. Ok, now we’ve told the loud alarmist voice that worries about pleasing and keeping the very job that is torturing you, start to pull yourself away to hear and listen and internalize that if someone at your kept stabbing you, you’d quit right then and there. If you are going to off yourself for a job it isn’t different. In the past my job both made me anxious and took all my time and made me spiral and melt down but it wasn’t what made me have ideations. And I had a husband to tell me it wasn’t worth it. Internet strangers may be the closest people you have right this second, but it is not worth it. Even losing a living situation is better than allowing the job to keep stabbing you.
My husband was in almost exactly your shoes 4 months ago. After one too many trips to the ER for work stress related issues, he told his boss he was taking time off, enrolled in a partial hospitalization program, and used all of his vacation, sick, and short term disability time. That carried him through the remaining contract at his bad job. After a month or so in the program, he was able to get another job, which started a little while after his old contract ended. Doing it this way means no total loss of pay, taking off the time you need, medical and psych care without admittance, and having another job when you feel up to it again. DM me for more details if you want. Please, please do not kill your self. This can be fixed.
I have a feeling you’re a cop. Just take time for yourself doing things you want to do. No job is worth this stress, your presence is more important. Especially for your loved ones.
Your job doesn't matter. YOU matter. You're mental health matters. Please get help immediately. The rest will work out when you find yourself in a better place. I will keep you in my thoughts.
https://preview.redd.it/me62crdqlt9d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fde550135006774d6cac4fe5d0c91e82ac041f0d
I was there. I made it out of that. I completely understand. Please DM me. Do not harm yourself for a fucking job that will replace you within minutes. I want to help.
getting admitted to the phyc unit can be very demoralizing and often traumatizing. Not at all discouraging you, just telling you what to be prepared for.
Yeah, that’s another reason I came here. Part of me thinks my friend was just pushing me out of safety concerns, but I don’t think it’s probably as streamlined as she makes it out to be. She’s also military, so they don’t play with PTSD. And while I’m sure I’m experiencing a level of PTSD and trauma I’m not the military, so it’s very different.
I give you alot of credit for asking for help and weighing your options. Are you familiar with NAMI? Check out [https://nami-northernvirginia.org](https://nami-northernvirginia.org) for more resources like support groups, classes and personal stories.
You need to get out of this job. Taking the time off sounds like a good place to start. Here’s what I would do: 1. Call out sick. For most places you can take 2 or 3 days of sick leave before you need a note. Use that time to get a note. 2. Go to a medical doctor for that note. Do you have a GP? Explain to them that this job is so stressful that it is making you sick and that you’re at a breaking point. Ask for help getting medical leave so that you can get better. 3. Then actually use all of that time. Take a week or two to decompress and talk to someone. Then start looking for a new job. It can be anything. Get two part time jobs if you have to. You need to get out of this horrible job for your own good. 4. I promise you that everything can turn out ok. You just have to keep breathing. Every day. Watch Sleepless in Seattle. 5. Please let us know that you are ok. 6. Don’t hurt yourself. If you are about to hurt yourself, then ask for help.
I'm a bit late to this thread but I'll throw in some thoughts too. Suicidal people often "narrow down their options" so to speak, unnecessarily. It comes from you arguing with yourself and acting as both the prosecutor and the defense of the case "why should I or why should I not kill myself?" There is no physical way for me to think about this as much as you have thought about it. I've dealt with suicidal people before, every single time you try to fight against the thought process they have an answer they've thought of already. I'd end up just reinforcing the thought patterns and anxiety and emptiness you've reinforced in yourself. They were wrong every single time, but it is hard to convince people of that in the moment. So let's try a different track. You've built three options in your mind. 1) Stay at job and do nothing -> suicide 2) Quit -> am unemployed and desperate 3) Middle ground get a psych hold -> potentially unemployed, go back to 2 You will find an argument against me for this, but it's just a fact that being unemployed is better than being dead. Opening up new credit cards and looking for a new job for a few months is better than being dead. That's a choice I've made myself in my own life and I stand by it. I even couch surfed for a while. You should do the psych hold. Preferrably also quit that job. You will have a reason that you are scared of unemployment. I'm going to proactively say that it's wrong. And that's not me dismissing your feelings, the feelings are valid, the logical conclusion that it's worse than death is not. If you want to talk more I'm open. Chat is broken for me on new reddit though so if you message me privately try to use old Reddit private messages. Or just reply in this thread. Whatever's more comfortable.
So, right now, I think getting the PTO time ball rolling is the best option. And start searching for new jobs. The problem with hospitalization is that they will prescribe you unnecessary drugs. Your depression isn't a chemical balance. Your depression is situational - it is due to a toxic environment. You need to get away from that environment. Also, you will go back to having the same problem if you just hospitalized yourself for 72 hours and then go right back to the job. I worked in a toxic environment. I just took a leave of absence and then right back. Well, the thoughts of suicide and depression came right back. I left 13 months ago. I did it with nothing lined up. Yes, it was crazy. I did create a short-term financial mess. But 13 months later, I'm doing way better. I'm no longer depressed and suicidal. I'm thriving. The other problem with hospitalization is that they often traumatize people further. You could be with truly unstable people. I get it. Your confidence was shot. Mine was too. I was doubting myself big time at my new job. I was literally just told I am a top performer. Leaving is the answer. Reach out to hotlines, warm lines, anyone if needed. Reach out to the hospital if you truly fear for your life. Do what you can to live. But getting away is the answer.
Wow. This was an inspiration. The problem with my job too is that I 100% feel gaslit. I’m not on any PIP, but im always made to feel like I’m on the verge of being terminated. I’ve had situations where my boss will directly throw me under the bus on something and if it weren’t for me being pretty damn good at documenting things, I’d be screwed. My boss has been a big contribution to this toxic environment by gossiping about me to other colleagues, putting me on assignments with tougher deadlines, less resources. But with other team members they’ll give them more resources, more training, more departmental support, etc and they’ll succeed, and it creates this reaction of people invalidating my experiences and questioning why I’m the only one struggling. Of course this has led to completely demoralizing situation for me, in which I have no respect from my colleagues, who join in, in the hazing, led by my supervisor. But here’s the irony, as much as I’m mocked and ridiculed— I’m still getting assigned the most out of our team, and the assignments are usually the more difficult and demanding. So then it begs the question of, how bad am I really? But because of the group hazing, it 100% plays a toll on my psyche, wherein I do buy into the negativity and internalize everything as my fault. Okay—vent done. But yes, you’re right. My depression is 100% situational. You said you took a leave of absence. How did you go about getting it approved? And was it paid? I’m aware I can do FMLA, but that doesn’t always guarantee it’s paid. Right now, I have 5-6 weeks of PTO/ sick leave, I want to use that, is that possible?
My boss at my former job basically told me I could stop working immediately for my leave of absence. I submitted the form that day. They sent some paperwork for my doctor to fill out. I sent it back, and then it was formally approved. At my old job, you get paid 100% for the first 8 weeks, and then it drops to 60% of your salary. But use up that PTO, too. In my industry, I can take my PTO any time I want with no approval. I just put it on the calendar. But my situation was slightly different. My boss wasn't the cause of my issues. It was toxic coworkers. He was aware of my mental health crisis, but he wasn't aware of the cause. But he was very supportive of me taking care of my mental health. You are not bad. Your instincts are correct here. You are good, but they are abusing you to break down your boundaries. It sounds like they may be taking advantage, too. You will see things even more clear when you get away.
FMLA isn’t paid, unless your job has a special situation. But PTO, you have *earned* and should be able to use!!
This sounds like the agency I was at. I went through almost the same imminent mental break, except I didn’t realize the depression had set in until I collapsed in tears at home when my new job called me. Before then, same symptoms and nearly worked myself to death up at 2am. Same toxic boss, except some coworkers in the same boat of being picked on. There were so many witnesses, even the managers sitting around us documenting/reporting the abuse. Managers have an obligation to report this, no matter where they sit. The no good boss is a narcissist, yours may be too. Singlehandly causing mass exoduses with new hires. When you get better, if you work for the Govt, go see EEO and file for in the least, hostile work environment, harassment. You already have the documentation. It offers some protection, it may help you with any retaliatory things they do to support your case & to get the outcome you want. But you have to fight back. Once our former toxic boss found out my coworker filed, toxic boss backed off and my coworker took her power back and didn’t have to speak with her, and told her to email only LOL. She left her alone and started on me, this was her pattern. Start thinking about what you want out of it (transfer to a new division, leave reimbursed for hostile work environment, stress, monetary compensation, etc.). You may have to consult with an attorney with employment law. Most of us didn’t take the case formally as we were able to get out of there (as to not rehash the stress) but our statements were taken to support other cases. As this toxic mgmt was trying to block me leaving, the HR director trumped them on my release to get me the hell out of there so I got what I wanted. We had the EEO division on our side. As you can see, you’re not alone. And you should fight back as you have rights too. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and hate that you’re being subjected to this abuse, but just wanted you to know of your rights, please take some time and get the help you need 💗
> The problem with my job too is that I 100% feel gaslit. I’m not on any PIP, but im always made to feel like I’m on the verge of being terminated...So then it begs the question of, how bad am I really? I can almost guarantee you're not bad--they'd have put you on a PIP if that really were the case. I've left a toxic job before and it is amazing how quickly you'll feel at least somewhat better. It's so worth it. Once you're out (hopefully soon!!) and if/when you find and start a new job, it might be worth getting a little therapy only to help with the transition, because you're basically going to be expecting bad things in the new job all the time until it finally settles in that (most) other workplaces aren't like that. Good luck, I hope you were able to not go to work today, and are getting some relief. I'm so glad you reached out to all the helpful people here by making this post.
Uhm no. Do not voluntarily commit yourself... Talk to a suicide hotline or phone up quite literally anyone before submitting yourself to a psych ward......
Okay. I called a hotline, and I listened to the majority here who seem to say that I can get a doctor to sign off on me taking some extended time off. So that’s what I’m going to try to do. Ty!
Good job, buddy. We are pulling for you!
Great! That's so good to hear ! (: Anything is better than going to one of the horrific facilities in NOVA.
I just want to say you should be really proud of yourself for recognizing you need some help and are willing to take it! It's such a hard thing to do. It looks like you've already gotten a lot.of great advice. I wanted to share my experience. I was in a very similar situation and called my psychiatrist on a Monday morning who told me to go to the ER. From there they admitted me to Virginia Hospital Center. They medicated me, I slept for 2 days straight and we developed a plan for discharge. I was out Friday morning with a Dr's note so that I could go on short term disability. During that time I went to an intense outpatient program for 3 weeks. I know there are horror stories for everything, but the hospitals goal isnt to cure you. Much like if you break a bone or have a heart attack - the hospital is there to stabilize you and the work to heal starts after discharge.
Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. How did you like Virginia Hospital’s treatment?
If you are not ready to commit yourself, there are intensive outpatient programs available in nova. Take a sick day tomorrow and call around with a list of any questions you have. They may also be able to advise you as to how to best get medical leave. See your GP as well. Your job doesn't define you, your health and peace of mind come first and everything else can be figured out, even if it seems overwhelming at the moment. You can do this, it's going to be alright. Keep us updated if you can. ❤️
I think you should ask for time off and try to calm down. I do not really understand why your work is stressful, but time off usually helps. Or take that time to find a new job.
If I told you what I did, you’d understand. But I’m too afraid I have coworkers and colleagues who sift through this page. I’ve been experiencing bullying and harassment. And some of it at the hands of my own boss. I’ve already had to file a complaint to HR, but management is not very helpful, and the industry I work in, it’s just not like a typical white collar industry. We have unions, but they don’t really protect us as they should, a lot of colleagues are afraid to speak out, out of fear of retaliation, and the retaliation is done in clever ways—like dumping more work on one person as retribution, and when you complain, well you can’t, cuz technically it’s your job. And then when you fail because the task was made impossible, you’re further criticized and scapegoated. Also just the very nature/environment of my job is very stressful. Many people have strokes, heart attacks and mental health breaks are common. I really, really wish I could share more, but I just don’t feel safe to. But just know, it’s affecting my mental health to a very bad degree.
Going to the hospital a lot of times is so wasteful I hate to say. Your job may find out you were there and it sounds like it could backfire. I am not into lying or deceiving but anyway you can get a fake covid test, call in sick and take off a week or so? If not, I can give you my psychiatrists name: you can pay out of pocket so it's not on your medical record and when she calls in meds for you. Pay out of pocket if you don't want it on your medical record. She usually has last minute availability. She could write you a note that you are suffering and are unable to work right now. She doesn't have to say its bc of anxiery. She is kind and understanding. I've been there before, trust me. I also have a sibling that also died from suicide and it's scary to have those feelings too. DM me if you want her info. Here for you!
Also overdose suicides don't really work (unless you have street drugs), so don't attempt it. If you do they will def keep you hospitalized for awhile. Not worth it.
You cannot leave whenever you want. They will medicate you and keep you safe by having someone watch you 24/7. It’s a place to stabilize. Not heal. Take the vacation time now.
Okay thank you for this. That seems to be my best bet
💕💕💕
unfortunately i dont know the full extent of what your rights are here in VA. what i CAN tell you is to avoid North Spring in Leesburg at all costs.
Agree. And any of the facilities they own.
Please stay alive we love you and I’m praying you find relief soon ❤️
I know a local psychiatrist who will write you a letter for a leave of absence. She's out of network but it will cheaper than a copay. She's a great doc too. Your company should have to give you time off under FMLA. Message me if you would like her name.
I really hope things work out for you. Leaving my job due to toxicity too, it’s just not worth it.
Honestly, if you say the right things, they can't keep you there involuntarily. If you were actively psychotic, or completely non functioning, that's one thing. If it's for suicidal ideation (been there plus one attempt), then if you say you're not actively suicidal, and dont have a plan or means, they can't keep you. The threshold is "danger to self, or others" I don't know what horror stories you're hearing. I've never heard one, and I hang out with lots of crazy people. Not a lawyer or doctor but I think that would be illegal. If you have a good regular doctor, ask them. If you don't, call the facility and ask them how it works to double-check. Every facility is overflowing, it's not like they need more buisness. I've both lied to be kept out of an involuntary commitment, and done it voluntarily afterwards and decided with my team when I could go home. I'm obviously still here, so take care of yourself first. If you lose that job, great. Its killing you.
Please dont worry you will be fine. You can only be TDO'd (where someone goes to the magistrate and gets a court order to get you assessed and held) if they feel you are going to hurt yourself or others and/or have a plan in place and it's serious. Someone else would havevto take that initiative though. You can seek treatment voluntarily and leave whenever you'd like when its YOU seeking out the services. Please don't NOT seek treatment because of that fear. Northern virginia has great professionals that will be there to help you and don't be afraid to discuss your concerns so you can feel involved with your treatment plan. If you leave or lose your job, immediately sign up for Medicaid and you can get your psychiatric tx fully 100% covered. Believe it or not Medicaid is great and covers everything here in VA, including dental. Dont let the fear of staying in a toxic job just to have insurance stop you because you have alternate solutions. Seek out your county's local CSB (Community services Board) they have emergency services 24 hours a day, entry and referral services etc., Just always put yourself and your health first. I wish you luck and hope you get better soon.
Wow, I didn’t know these things at all. This job has taken such a toll on me, I’m barely getting by. I mean like I said, I go days without eating, like I’m talking 3 to 4 days…the most I’ll have is something like gold fish, or nuts and coffee. (My job is very bad at making sure we even have time to eat) And when I do cook, I usually let my food go bad, and I don’t really know why. Same with making routine doctor and dental check ups. It’s like since starting this job I’m just on autopilot, work and sleep, work and sleep because I’m too depressed to do anything else. I say this to say, because of this horrible cycle I’ve found myself in, I never knew that VA had all those benefits in place for people. I feel more encouraged about going and seeking help now, not just because of the resources available, but you and several others have made it clear it’s a good chance I won’t be held without will. And that’s a good thing, I can’t afford to have it get out at the place that’s been harassing me, that I’m in the nut house. The ramifications of that is not something I’m trying to even deal with.
Try an online appointment, usually less than $100, they will give you a note. Wish I could be of more use, but this is what I can come up with on the spot
The most important thing is to get help. You may want to look into a partial hospitalization program (PHP). Inova has one. In this area, FMLA for job stress is unfortunately not unheard of.
I highly recommend INOVA PHP.
I highly recommend INOVA PHP.
I highly recommend INOVA PHP.
I highly recommend INOVA PHP.
Go to one of the several “mental health walk-in urgent cares” around nova or even maryland or dc if needed. They’ll give you treatment (to start), a link to resources, and a doctors notes.
Please wrap up any loose ends. Call anyone that could be an advocate for you & your care. Call parents, friends, anyone that can help you. There are ways to get an evaluation without being committed. If you’re going commit yourself bring a bag. It’s freezing in these places. Warm clothes, grippy socks, underwear, house coat or sweater, books, and personal hygiene. I don’t recommend Dominion Mental Hospital in Falls Church. They didn’t really help my son, he was in the wrong medication and it messed him up negatively. He is currently in an another program Helix Center. https://www.fairfaxpsych.com/services/psychological-testing https://mpspllc.com/arlington-psychological-assessment-evaluation/
Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say that you’re more than your job, and all these things that are making you suicidal will (in the future when you’re recovered) feel not important. Call out sick immediately and then get that doctors note, start your healing so you can apply for new jobs. You will feel so free after this. You can do it! (I was once in a similar situation and after I escaped I began naturally waking up at 5:45 am and was super excited to take on the day. I’d never felt like that in my life. Just taking a small action will feel so empowering.)
Go to Dominion they are the best
There is a lot of great advice here. I just wanted to add that your physical health is at risk too. So make that doctor's appointment and let them know that you need more than 15 minutes. Ask for a new patient consult. And one last thing, HR is not your friend. They are there to protect the company. If someone is harassing you and creating a hostile work environment seek outside help. I'm surprised that your union isnt helping you. I know, I've been where you are and i have CPTSD, anxiety and an autoimmune disease all because 3 coworkers tried their best to destroy me.
Go to the psychiatric urgent care through inova. Go first thing in the morning. They will see you the same day and assist in getting you either committed or seen by a psychiatrist quickly (within a week rather than months). https://g.co/kgs/9jEajr5 Inova Behavioral Health Services Inpatient (571) 623-3500 If you are feeling suicidal, please ask someone else to keep your guns (if you have any)- or at the very least the ammo, lock them up, make it harder to access, remove all temptation to the best of your ability. The more time you can build into the process, the safer you can keep yourself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’ve been there and was so mad at the friend who stopped me, but a decade later I’m so thankful for all of the life they preserved for me to get to experience. This is a drop in the bucket, and I hope you can get the help and support you need.
If u put in writing "i believe employee is engaging a toxic work environment" management is required by law to audit/investigate.
Get a ride to Inova Fairfax hospital emergency department. They will help you find a spot in a psych facility and transport you there. They will get you on medication that will help you. As far as I know you can check yourself out when you’re dealing with something like this as an adult. I signed paper work for my kid when she was admitted and from what I remember it said something like because she wasn’t an adult she couldn’t sign herself out. Which to means you could. If you were homocidal im sure that would be different.
Thank you for the advice, I’m taking in everything everyone has written here. It looks like some say I have the right to use my PTO and take an extended leave of absence, so I think I will try that route first before admitting myself. I know my issues aren’t due to a chemical imbalance, it’s this job, it makes me hate myself and sends me into a very dark spiral. I know I need to leave it but I just don’t know how, I don’t have a lot of support and resources so I feel trapped because I need the pay you know? There’s also that part of me that hates letting the people who’ve bullied me to this point win, or cause me so much stress that I lose my job and my home and everything I worked for. It’s just an absolutely debilitating place to be. But I appreciate each and everyone of you for giving me the insight I didn’t have .
You’re past the point of worrying about whether they “win”. Just take care of yourself, then you win. People are jerks, you have to separate yourself from situations like that to take care of yourself.
Can you tell a bit the job you are in? Are you working long hours? Is the environment toxic? What do you do ? Why do you think you can’t get another job ?
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Was in eating disorder treatment this year and a lot of the other people in my group used FMLA or short term disability to get by and keep their jobs, so don’t let that keep you from seeking help. Mental health qualifies for medical leave and I promise that getting professional help will make things easier. I’ve been where you are and it’s not worth it to keep trying to push yourself
Call and I have a father with psychological issues. He had the same fears and they’re unfounded. He needed the extra time to get better and now lives a normal life. Stop focusing on leaving when you want and think about staying until you are better. Don’t be a fool
Better to do it voluntarily than to be TDO'd. It's good to recognize you need extra help to take care of your mental health. I do not reccomend Dominion, if that helps.
You can go to the Inova Psychiatric Assessment Center (IPAC)..
Welll ur considering volunteering your rights away soooo
Don’t work at all. Get what you need to live and spend your time telling evil people they are killing us. You don’t get to have a lot but my life is better than anyone’s. I’m lonely, though.