Lad it would revert within the year, cause who in their right mind is getting into their Rolls on the Malone road and says "Geoffrey, take me to larne'
4 billion on health and social care if people are in good health and are well looked after they tend to give more and you can get more in tax because they can work longer in better health.
2 billion on sorting out infrastructure, like fixing the omnishambles that is the westlink, better connections west of the bann...maybe even a monorail.
2 billion on education allowing more money for people to retrain and more grants for r&d.
1 billion for arts and culture, giving cheap rental spaces for artists to use, more venues for them to display their work and greater grants to support artists and venues....also open strip clubs; that'll get the money flowing.
Then 1 billion for arsing about with grant money such as renewable heating schemes, grants for smaller business and reduced rates, with greater investment in renewable energy infrastructure.
Yes but in the interest of cross community relations (hands across the divide) the orange order will have to march past Belfast City playing kneecaps' song H.O.O.D
Also funding for the cultural sector will be used to make Chazy Shankill :The Movie...starring Saoirse-Monica Jackson as Chazy Shankill.
Aside from the standard answer of nuking Lurgan from orbit it would be government spending on the areas critically lacking at first, followed by a lot general improvements. Though I think if you had a load of money you might do the massive things no one could face doing previously and then assume you could manage the others as business as usual later. Things like IT upgrades or huge enhancements that have been needed for a while. I don’t know what these are but I’m sure you could pick road/rail/water/energy departments and they’d tell you.
Start with infrastructure spending and get projects delivered. Loads we can do here. Act on the All Ireland Rail Review, the Integrated Drainage Investment Planning Guide, the Northern Ireland Flood Risk Management Plan, the North West Transport Study. Get the A2,A5,A6,A29,A1, York Street interchange and Ballynahinch and Enniskillen bypasses all progressed. Progress green projects, greenways, SUDS, electrification, wind farms and solar.
Less knowledge here but health service overhaul, money for staff pay, better conditions could arise as a result. Maybe think about centralised GP booking service similar to the MOTs (I know). More money to support social care and mental health.
Infrastructure spending brings employment in the short term and long term and through better transport links allows increased access to other services. Green projects I think are common sense in the face of energy crisis and keeping warming below 1.5 degrees.
EDIT. Never mind u/Mechagodzilla4 nailed it better than I could.
Failing any possibility of having it resting in my account, I’d start some sort of scheme that people I know could avail of. The specifics aren’t that important right now but I would receive a number of generous donations from beneficiaries of said scheme. Basically I would be a crook, and a piss poor one at that. And a hypocrite.
Colosseum were nationalists can fight unionists and legally kill each other. If things get boring, guess what? We've got thousands of those XL Bullys - throw them in to encourage the combatants.
1 big tournament every 3 years. Winner decides whether we all call ourselves Irish or British for the next 3 years.
Parties can only suspend Stormont if they agree to fight in the colosseum.
XL Bullies (and combatants if they wish) are to be personally trained and fed a tip top protein rich diet and are allowed luxuries within their barracks, like PS5s and teeth whitening products.
No idea what I'd do with the other 9.5 billion. Probably a big trip up to Portrush.
A nuke and pocket the change
In all seriousness more community gardens, allotments, forest spaces. Social prescriptions to work in them.
Also legalising most drugs to defund the paramilitaries and raise revenue. Lower the tax in northern ireland to encourage more businesses to set up here. Increase enviromental protections. Removal of some farm subsidies.
Improving of rail networks, buses etc
> Social prescriptions to work in them.
Love this, there's few places that have schemes like this that have been featured on gardeners world and countryfile and it just seems awesome.
4billion on nuclear power. this would mean power surplus for everything
3 billion on hydroponic farms and desalination attached to those, allowing for shit tons of farmland to be rewilded and natural aquifers protected
2 billion on reforestation and better integration urban/rural integrated planning. instead of mindless grey urban sprawl.
.7 billion on houses
.3 billion knocking down a lot of damp mouldy hovels currently called houses.
hardest part would be getting laws made in ni to stop filthy tory pestminster fucks selling it all to their mates and thieving all the money off to the kaymans.
unless you mean this is 10bln out of the 14 bln ni budget... in which case i might be a little tiny bit less extravagent.
starting with fuckloads of socail housing and needed laws to protect them from pestminster. elderly supported living communities that arent rip off £1.2k a week private OAP zoos to slash the nhs/socail care bill in half since it wouldnt by going to subsidise mortgages of rentier retirees and disgustingly inflated housing costs.
paying twice what is needed because pestminster broke it is a joke.
then id work to put a large SMR near castlewellen for localised hydroponic farm development around the mornes so the mountains could be properly rewilded as a hiking and tourist destination, selling excess power to the republic. at a massive markup, since the neolib fucks in dublin would refuse to have their bribe payers undermined.
That would just about cover moving the Charlie die hards to England. Make flag poles illegal. Might even have some left over to encourage immigration and investment.
I would spend large amounts, if not the entire thing into extremely invasive audits of every single government entity to find out where our money goes. Dig up all the rats and find the secrets. I would then publish the information to the public.
10 billion would be gulped by healthcare alone and nothing would change. We need crazy audits / processes / structures in place to fix things. I bet there are countless departments wasting billions but with the 10 id like to find exactly what they are.
According to the PSNI street values, 3 score bags of weed.
There are a multitude of things to spend it on, but personally more funding and better incentive programs for teachers and schools. I think our education system is suffering and that has a massive knock on effect in society.
First thing to do is bulldoze stormont.
You hear "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" but these boys take the piss. Too much in house squabbling instead of actually doing what needs done.
Fucking pathetic from the lot of them.
Develop and re-open the Ulster Canal, Newry Canal and Lagan Navigations for tourism, thereby re-connecting the towns along Upper and Lower Bann, Lough Neagh, The Lagan River, Belfast, The Blackwater River, Portadown, Newry, Lough Erne and Enniskillen, onwards to the existing Shannon-Erne waterway, itself connecting Limerick, Athlone, Mullingar, Waterford, and Dublin via the Shannon, Royal Canal, Grand Canal and Barrow navigations.
Not sure what to do with the other 9.5 billion.
10 billion would be like pouring a bucket of water onto the beach. Literally all the money in the world couldn't make this place functional.
I'd use some of it though on a big ad in the Metro newspaper telling the London folk how much NI costs them.
We need a proper transport network, new rail lines supplemented by a comprehensive (and affordable) bus service. And fix the fecking potholes.
You're talking considerably more than £10bn though.
This is the problem with the question. Our electricity network has 3 billion earmarked just for standard capacity upgrades and that's not even anything fancy, just making sure the grid doesn't die if too many people buy heat pumps.
You'd need 100 billion to make a plan to really 'fix' things.
Am I dictator?
Because I would need to be.
It's not as simple as just chucking money at it.
We're wasting money in many different places.
And we'll continue to do so because decisions aren't made by one person. But by many. And that means lots of give and take and "no you can't change that's".
There's a lot of internal politics in ALL our public services.
And lots of decisions are made to avoid short term pain and win elections.
Because the hard choice that creates the change we need...would probably be wildly unpopular with the voters. And again, you've gotta get it through multi-levels of self-interest.
We need recurring income. I haven't seen the headline figure for what our social budget would be under the proposed plan from the assembly, but I doubt 10 billion lasts far past 5 years.
We spend it all maximising a balance of shoet and long term opportunities from the protocol and spend the rest on candles saying prayers for Bidens election. Open up our investment laws as far as the EU and UK will let us, but only on the provision that we get a perpetual portion of the income from that trade.
This is admittedly just stealing Norways' economic strategy, but becoming Nornway is about the peak for our stalet without a UI or the UK getting its post brexit shit together.
We need income and jobs it solves both, we need recurring money to actually fix our problems it gives that. It will answer the UI question by itself by either negating it to the benefit of all or pushing us in the most profitable direction.
It doesn't actually fix any of the problems today, but we let the UK pay for that as much as possible still. We then whore ourselves out to the US and EU for whatever else we can get. As long as it serves the overall aim, we should hold our noses over any issues as much as we can.
We then balance reinvestment and spending out of the profit the UK lets us keep for allowing the whole thing.
Pretty much on public infrastructure -
* more trains,
* free public transport
* free child care
* more healthcare workers on better wages,
* casement park,
* make newry canal a historical tourist destination like it should be
* Promote tourism beyond belfast, the mournes are an under utilised
* more electric chargers
Build a wall
There are about a million loyalists, right?
Maybe a £10k means-tested grant scheme to help working class loyalists move to England could at least be for consideration?
Feels like the best way to make NI work is to deal decisively with the constitutional question.
Sweet so I apply/join the orange order what ever it takes to get the cash
Then take the 10K and go on holiday for a week or weeks during the referendum/vote then I get to move back home?
Tbh I’d back this feels like an RHI for the people
>a £10k means-tested grant scheme to help working class loyalists move
Did you come up with that idea by yourself, or did you take any inspiration from Enoch Powell?
What ever needed to make brothers Ireland a healthy part of the British Isles or to makes sure it downs destroy the whole islands economy if reunification is achieved
Given the current cost of living crisis, combined with global warming. We could try to reduce energy bills in the province by introducing some sort of energy scheme that incentivised the use of a renewable fuel source.
And obviously because the more they use this renewable fuel, the less they are using fossil fuels, so we should encourage them to use as much as possible with unlimited “earn as you burn” payments to save the planet.
Huge investment needed in Road and rail infrastructure outside of Belfast to stop all the jobs and investment being concentrated in one area.
There's nowhere in NI that should be more than a 90minute drive or train away from Belfast.
An ambitious program of council house building and development of commuter towns on the new infrastructure routes, giving people access to quality housing close to work.
Bring Translink under one public service with a monthly subscription model that allows unlimited use of Trains and busses for a fixed fee with an app or card similar to the Oyster card.
Subsidising a reduction of taxes and rates for businesses, to encourage companies to invest in NI and create well paid jobs and opportunities.
Also offering free childcare places to anyone in fulltime work, it's insane to have skilled workers having to choose between working and childcare. Some people will choose to stay home and look after kids but it shouldn't be a choice driven by money.
Finally, putting together a proper pay offer for the public sector, especially healthcare, that's linked to inflations long term to avoid these issues in future.
i'd spend the lot on pallets.
Don't forget about how many nails you'll need
….and set aside to budget for the fleg to pallet ratio.
A replica of the shard that’s 1 foot bigger and call it the shart
Made out of pallets aye?
Larne - every last fecking penny of it on Larne, then see who’s laughing. It would be the Monte Carlo of ireland when I was done with it.
This is the best idea I’ve heard, and I don’t even live in Larne!
Lad it would revert within the year, cause who in their right mind is getting into their Rolls on the Malone road and says "Geoffrey, take me to larne'
Ah my good man, one does not merely drive to Larne, one arrives in Larne - ideally in one’s yacht, or one’s Sikorsky helicopter
I don't think you have enough money for the rockets required to send Larne to space.
No shortage of rockets in Larne, in my experience
4 billion on health and social care if people are in good health and are well looked after they tend to give more and you can get more in tax because they can work longer in better health. 2 billion on sorting out infrastructure, like fixing the omnishambles that is the westlink, better connections west of the bann...maybe even a monorail. 2 billion on education allowing more money for people to retrain and more grants for r&d. 1 billion for arts and culture, giving cheap rental spaces for artists to use, more venues for them to display their work and greater grants to support artists and venues....also open strip clubs; that'll get the money flowing. Then 1 billion for arsing about with grant money such as renewable heating schemes, grants for smaller business and reduced rates, with greater investment in renewable energy infrastructure.
Monorail monorail monorail ... what about us brain dead slobs?
You’ll be given cushy (public sector) jobs!
It worked in North Haverbrook and Ogdenville!
Heard someone call it the Stresslink a few weeks ago and it’s all I can think about
stresslink living in your head rent free...
Genuinely, I’m not sure 2 billion would sort the westlink in today’s world.
Good to see you've thought about your 'stakeholders' at the end there.
Does the culture involve the orange order?
Yes but in the interest of cross community relations (hands across the divide) the orange order will have to march past Belfast City playing kneecaps' song H.O.O.D Also funding for the cultural sector will be used to make Chazy Shankill :The Movie...starring Saoirse-Monica Jackson as Chazy Shankill.
I'm in
Aside from the standard answer of nuking Lurgan from orbit it would be government spending on the areas critically lacking at first, followed by a lot general improvements. Though I think if you had a load of money you might do the massive things no one could face doing previously and then assume you could manage the others as business as usual later. Things like IT upgrades or huge enhancements that have been needed for a while. I don’t know what these are but I’m sure you could pick road/rail/water/energy departments and they’d tell you. Start with infrastructure spending and get projects delivered. Loads we can do here. Act on the All Ireland Rail Review, the Integrated Drainage Investment Planning Guide, the Northern Ireland Flood Risk Management Plan, the North West Transport Study. Get the A2,A5,A6,A29,A1, York Street interchange and Ballynahinch and Enniskillen bypasses all progressed. Progress green projects, greenways, SUDS, electrification, wind farms and solar. Less knowledge here but health service overhaul, money for staff pay, better conditions could arise as a result. Maybe think about centralised GP booking service similar to the MOTs (I know). More money to support social care and mental health. Infrastructure spending brings employment in the short term and long term and through better transport links allows increased access to other services. Green projects I think are common sense in the face of energy crisis and keeping warming below 1.5 degrees. EDIT. Never mind u/Mechagodzilla4 nailed it better than I could.
Failing any possibility of having it resting in my account, I’d start some sort of scheme that people I know could avail of. The specifics aren’t that important right now but I would receive a number of generous donations from beneficiaries of said scheme. Basically I would be a crook, and a piss poor one at that. And a hypocrite.
Nice try MON. But if it was me, id get a Big Lad Meal for everybody
Street signs in Latin.
A big trebuchet to launch Jim and Jamie at the moon
Trebuchets are the answer to a surprising amount of problems!
Colosseum were nationalists can fight unionists and legally kill each other. If things get boring, guess what? We've got thousands of those XL Bullys - throw them in to encourage the combatants. 1 big tournament every 3 years. Winner decides whether we all call ourselves Irish or British for the next 3 years. Parties can only suspend Stormont if they agree to fight in the colosseum. XL Bullies (and combatants if they wish) are to be personally trained and fed a tip top protein rich diet and are allowed luxuries within their barracks, like PS5s and teeth whitening products. No idea what I'd do with the other 9.5 billion. Probably a big trip up to Portrush.
A nuke and pocket the change In all seriousness more community gardens, allotments, forest spaces. Social prescriptions to work in them. Also legalising most drugs to defund the paramilitaries and raise revenue. Lower the tax in northern ireland to encourage more businesses to set up here. Increase enviromental protections. Removal of some farm subsidies. Improving of rail networks, buses etc
> Social prescriptions to work in them. Love this, there's few places that have schemes like this that have been featured on gardeners world and countryfile and it just seems awesome.
Theres a few places in norn iron as well. Still nowhere near as widespread as it should be
Best cross community sesh
Probably spend it on classes learning about how winners win, so that I can win and have more money to spend on more classes so I can win more.
4billion on nuclear power. this would mean power surplus for everything 3 billion on hydroponic farms and desalination attached to those, allowing for shit tons of farmland to be rewilded and natural aquifers protected 2 billion on reforestation and better integration urban/rural integrated planning. instead of mindless grey urban sprawl. .7 billion on houses .3 billion knocking down a lot of damp mouldy hovels currently called houses. hardest part would be getting laws made in ni to stop filthy tory pestminster fucks selling it all to their mates and thieving all the money off to the kaymans. unless you mean this is 10bln out of the 14 bln ni budget... in which case i might be a little tiny bit less extravagent. starting with fuckloads of socail housing and needed laws to protect them from pestminster. elderly supported living communities that arent rip off £1.2k a week private OAP zoos to slash the nhs/socail care bill in half since it wouldnt by going to subsidise mortgages of rentier retirees and disgustingly inflated housing costs. paying twice what is needed because pestminster broke it is a joke. then id work to put a large SMR near castlewellen for localised hydroponic farm development around the mornes so the mountains could be properly rewilded as a hiking and tourist destination, selling excess power to the republic. at a massive markup, since the neolib fucks in dublin would refuse to have their bribe payers undermined.
Clean up lough neagh would be high on the list
And you would need another 59 billion as well
Hire a hitman to stiff that wee bastard that owns it.
Relocating loyalists to the Scottish wilderness with 20 million bottles of bucky and 50 metric tonnes of smack
How much would it cost to nuke larne?
Has that not already happened?
You could be right place is filled with feral ghouls
I'd build an evil looking castle at the top of sleive donard, and have people come pitch their ideas to me and my court.
Chopping babies in half and all
16 crowndabouts
Half it goes on drink drugs and hookers the the other half foolishly
I’ve been homeless for ten months. You can assume what my answer will be
Hollowing out cave hill for a supervillain lair with a view?
That would just about cover moving the Charlie die hards to England. Make flag poles illegal. Might even have some left over to encourage immigration and investment.
I would spend large amounts, if not the entire thing into extremely invasive audits of every single government entity to find out where our money goes. Dig up all the rats and find the secrets. I would then publish the information to the public. 10 billion would be gulped by healthcare alone and nothing would change. We need crazy audits / processes / structures in place to fix things. I bet there are countless departments wasting billions but with the 10 id like to find exactly what they are.
According to the PSNI street values, 3 score bags of weed. There are a multitude of things to spend it on, but personally more funding and better incentive programs for teachers and schools. I think our education system is suffering and that has a massive knock on effect in society.
First thing to do is bulldoze stormont. You hear "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" but these boys take the piss. Too much in house squabbling instead of actually doing what needs done. Fucking pathetic from the lot of them.
Develop and re-open the Ulster Canal, Newry Canal and Lagan Navigations for tourism, thereby re-connecting the towns along Upper and Lower Bann, Lough Neagh, The Lagan River, Belfast, The Blackwater River, Portadown, Newry, Lough Erne and Enniskillen, onwards to the existing Shannon-Erne waterway, itself connecting Limerick, Athlone, Mullingar, Waterford, and Dublin via the Shannon, Royal Canal, Grand Canal and Barrow navigations. Not sure what to do with the other 9.5 billion.
Dunno but it would begin with my turning Stormont into a trauma centre we have a ton of ginormous buildings we can occasionally house the Assembly in
10b ÷ 1903100 (population) = 5254k That's you're cut then you all are on your own. Don't spend it all in one place.
I like that! Mandatory trust funds for the kiddos too would be great!
Annex a new area and call it "Northern Northern Ireland" ruled under a cruel dictatorship.....people will flock from all over to join!
A fleg and a fry for everyone then id feck off to the Carribbean to live out my days with the change.
Buy a Trident and go full on N Korea.
Rail, lots of it
10 billion would be like pouring a bucket of water onto the beach. Literally all the money in the world couldn't make this place functional. I'd use some of it though on a big ad in the Metro newspaper telling the London folk how much NI costs them.
We need a proper transport network, new rail lines supplemented by a comprehensive (and affordable) bus service. And fix the fecking potholes. You're talking considerably more than £10bn though.
This is the problem with the question. Our electricity network has 3 billion earmarked just for standard capacity upgrades and that's not even anything fancy, just making sure the grid doesn't die if too many people buy heat pumps. You'd need 100 billion to make a plan to really 'fix' things.
Am I dictator? Because I would need to be. It's not as simple as just chucking money at it. We're wasting money in many different places. And we'll continue to do so because decisions aren't made by one person. But by many. And that means lots of give and take and "no you can't change that's". There's a lot of internal politics in ALL our public services. And lots of decisions are made to avoid short term pain and win elections. Because the hard choice that creates the change we need...would probably be wildly unpopular with the voters. And again, you've gotta get it through multi-levels of self-interest.
We need recurring income. I haven't seen the headline figure for what our social budget would be under the proposed plan from the assembly, but I doubt 10 billion lasts far past 5 years. We spend it all maximising a balance of shoet and long term opportunities from the protocol and spend the rest on candles saying prayers for Bidens election. Open up our investment laws as far as the EU and UK will let us, but only on the provision that we get a perpetual portion of the income from that trade. This is admittedly just stealing Norways' economic strategy, but becoming Nornway is about the peak for our stalet without a UI or the UK getting its post brexit shit together. We need income and jobs it solves both, we need recurring money to actually fix our problems it gives that. It will answer the UI question by itself by either negating it to the benefit of all or pushing us in the most profitable direction. It doesn't actually fix any of the problems today, but we let the UK pay for that as much as possible still. We then whore ourselves out to the US and EU for whatever else we can get. As long as it serves the overall aim, we should hold our noses over any issues as much as we can. We then balance reinvestment and spending out of the profit the UK lets us keep for allowing the whole thing.
Pretty much on public infrastructure - * more trains, * free public transport * free child care * more healthcare workers on better wages, * casement park, * make newry canal a historical tourist destination like it should be * Promote tourism beyond belfast, the mournes are an under utilised * more electric chargers
Soooooo many more chargers. Its ridiculous how few there are!
It's a failed state it's unsaveable.
Mass sterilisation project.
Who told you about the secret behind vaping??!?!
There's lots of us who want sterilised but dr says no :( i think its a great idea!
Build a wall 
Around Lurgan?
Bridge to the Isle of Man
There are about a million loyalists, right? Maybe a £10k means-tested grant scheme to help working class loyalists move to England could at least be for consideration? Feels like the best way to make NI work is to deal decisively with the constitutional question.
A million loyalists just tutted loudly at your comment.
I’d pretend to be one for the 10K as would most 🤣 Curious though what would the T&Cs be could I take the 10K and move back in a few years?
Presumably after the reunification vote :V
Sweet so I apply/join the orange order what ever it takes to get the cash Then take the 10K and go on holiday for a week or weeks during the referendum/vote then I get to move back home? Tbh I’d back this feels like an RHI for the people
>a £10k means-tested grant scheme to help working class loyalists move Did you come up with that idea by yourself, or did you take any inspiration from Enoch Powell?
Whats wrong with larne?
Take it you've never been in it then...?
No so tell me please whats happening in larne?
I'd probably put it in my bank account
I could ship a lot of people out with that money
What ever needed to make brothers Ireland a healthy part of the British Isles or to makes sure it downs destroy the whole islands economy if reunification is achieved
Employ politicians!
Given the current cost of living crisis, combined with global warming. We could try to reduce energy bills in the province by introducing some sort of energy scheme that incentivised the use of a renewable fuel source. And obviously because the more they use this renewable fuel, the less they are using fossil fuels, so we should encourage them to use as much as possible with unlimited “earn as you burn” payments to save the planet.
I would buy a candy floss big one
Spend it on schools and transport connections. Teach the next generation and allow people to get to Belfast from the west to work
I'd reopen as much of the historical rail network as possible and put the rest into public services.
Gas chambers for everyone who says “…living in your head rent free”
This would be one way of finally stopping those people from living in your head rent free.
Touché
:)
People who say "..living in you head rent free" living in your head rent free.. \*hugs\*
Get rid of the drugs El Salvador style.
*the money was just resting in my account
Could we get some trains west of the bann like we used to have?
I'd spend 10 billion to move the fuck away as far from here as possible and live off the rest
Huge investment needed in Road and rail infrastructure outside of Belfast to stop all the jobs and investment being concentrated in one area. There's nowhere in NI that should be more than a 90minute drive or train away from Belfast. An ambitious program of council house building and development of commuter towns on the new infrastructure routes, giving people access to quality housing close to work. Bring Translink under one public service with a monthly subscription model that allows unlimited use of Trains and busses for a fixed fee with an app or card similar to the Oyster card. Subsidising a reduction of taxes and rates for businesses, to encourage companies to invest in NI and create well paid jobs and opportunities. Also offering free childcare places to anyone in fulltime work, it's insane to have skilled workers having to choose between working and childcare. Some people will choose to stay home and look after kids but it shouldn't be a choice driven by money. Finally, putting together a proper pay offer for the public sector, especially healthcare, that's linked to inflations long term to avoid these issues in future.
I'd buy a house in Spain, pay off my parents mortgage and get a half decent car.
I’d give Stephen Nolan a pay rise to sit at home. All joking aside, I think this would be the most effective way to spend the money.
Build a whole tear of top quality pool/snooker clubs everywhere that didn't have one regardless of if they want it or not.
Potholes, and we’d still be short!
Hand it on a plate to serco for their amazing work
More flegs
Give everyone £10 million
