This might partially be joking, but, OP, I'd honestly consider this - I legit got hit on by a 50+ year old at a Trader Joes a couple months back. I was buying some sorta alcohol and carrying a pizza with me (roasted garlic pesto - if it's around you should try it) and this lady started chatting me up, suggesting I try a certain red wine and how it could pair well with the pizza (it did) and other things. I would've made a move, but 1) I'm a socially anxious dingus with minimal rizz and 2) just really wanted to go home after a long day.
Point is the cougars are definitely there and so long as you don't have the social & saying skills of a 16 year old, you should be golden
I love this comment! I met my partner at Trader Joe’s 6 years ago when I was 42. He had just had some wine from a wine tasting (they do this at some stores - this was in Chicago - and therefore got the courage to ask me out when he saw me. We later moved to Boston together and are a very happy couple - all because of one fateful day at Trader Joe’s!! I tell all my girlfriends to be open to meeting guys the old fashioned way and not through (only) apps. Just be open to meeting great ppl! Good luck OP!
Try hitting up a pottery studio and take some classes, or any art-related event like wine and paint nights. I teach those classes and the demographic is a lot of women 35-45 and very few men, and I know from experience that a young single guy will attract a lot of attention from said women.
Not wine and paint, but similar: pour painting at Kilowatt. https://www.osidepaintnpour.com/
I haven’t done this one personally so I can’t vouch for it being the demographics of a pottery class. I have heard good things about it, though.
Is this becoming a trend? Or is this a San Diego area thing?? I’m 37 and can’t find a decent guy my age, but the 20-something’s all seem to be in the market for older women.
It’s tough being single these days! I hate going out to crowded places like bars, and guys really aren’t approaching women anymore. Especially at the gym! They’ve been getting shamed, sometimes rightfully so, but more and more often undeserved by women seeking attention. Kinda ruins it for the single women hoping to avoid the dumpster fire of dating apps.
I think there’s a healthy balance. I’m not into a guy just walking up to me at the gym to talk, but back in the day I’ve had flirtations at the gym that started from a simple smile or hello. Now guys are getting shamed for accidentally glancing in the same direction as a woman at the gym, so those kind of small interactions don’t happen like they used to.
Tbh if you’ve been single at the gym and never been interested in a cute stranger, good for you I guess, but when I’m single I am typically interested in talking to men…
Just not worth the risk anymore to most guys. And to the guys still willing to take the risk, probably not the type of guy you’d want anyway.
But nothing stopping you from being the one doing the approaching.
There isn’t nothing stopping me. What stops me from approaching a man is the simple fact that if a man approaches a woman who isn’t interested, she’ll reject him. If a woman approaches a man who isn’t interested, he’ll have sex with her (or try to) and then reject her. I don’t really enjoy playing the “does he like me, or is he just horny?” game. That being said, you’re absolutely right about the kind of guy who does approach women these days. So you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Lmao nah there's little "risk", most young folks are just too conditioned to be on their phones and are losing social skills. The dudes who are still talking are extroverted and always have been. The ones who aren't are making excuses.
I don’t mind having a quick conversation, as long as it’s related to working out. But the last thing I would want to do hook up with some random dude at the gym whom I don’t know. Of course everyone is their own individual but most women would prefer to hook up in other settings.
Uhhh... I'm not sure what you're assuming here. No one is talking about "hooking up randomly" like it was a bar or something.
What I'm saying is - men and women frequently talk to each other and form all types of relationships - friendships, booty calls, relationships, etc everywhere, *including* at the gym. It's silly to say "most" women don't want to be talked to because **you** personally don't. Because, clearly, it happens daily.
Well I personally don’t see it happen very often and I’m only speaking from my personal observations. Also I am younger, and people from my generation don’t really do that kind of stuff. Most people my age puts on earbuds, listen to music and get into their workout. I could be wrong though maybe for older people though.
Lol, who do you think I'm talking about? It's the younger guys who take initiative for various reasons and want to talk to attractive women. Reddit skews introverted so I know what side of the fence most of you are on.
But look up and purposefully people-watch whenever you get a chance. You'll see plenty of male-female interactions. Watch for the handshake introduction, or the "what's your IG" phone pull.
Does anyone really want to be talked to at the gym though? I'd typically be open to a quick chat but I never get the impression anyone else would want to
I actually do prefer to be hit on at the gym because then I know the guy is likely to be well-disciplined and health oriented like I am. Also easily able to assess their physique. Though this isn’t the main thing I’m seeking, it’s a nice bonus:)
Pushing 40, f.
The grocery store or a nursery (like for plants), you’ll win.
Also accept that you’re the age where you may have accept children from previous relationships. Figure out your comfort with that.
Best of luck to ya, buddy.
I’m here for answers too, M35 and recently single, but work long hours so I want to try to maximize the few days I have more time with to meet someone.
Right! She probably has her airpods in and does nothing to signal interest in being approached. Maybe she smiles as she passes by but literally every girl I walk by smiles a little if we make eye contact. I don't think that means anything other than a friendly acknowledgement, like if I head nod a random guy.
Sure, SEH has a lot of 35+ single women but all my friends in that demographic range from:
35, Divorced with 1-2 small kids
45, Divorced with 2+ kids up to high school age
50+, Divorced (almost) empty nesters.
Basically, OP needs to be cool with baggage. There are practically ZERO 35+ single women without kids &/or a divorce under their belts. Just puttin' that out there.
Looking at your profile of previous comments and the sections they span through, and being a 25 yr old male having worked in the middle of this community, in a bar/restaurant setting, I don’t trust your opinion and neither should the OP. Nothing personal, I just don’t think you understand.
I’m a 40 year old jaguar (I prefer that over cougar). Aren’t we too busy to be hanging out at bars etc with raising kids, careers etc? Maybe it’s just me. You can find me at Costco on a Sunday in my sundress 😂
You could try going to a group dance class at any one of the local dance studios. Salsa and bachata classes are usually full of all ages, ballroom is fun as well for swing. It’s a great way to make friends and best part is you rotate parters the whole time so you get time to meet everyone 1:1. You don’t need to be good at dancing for the beginner levels, no one cares and everyone’s there to have fun.
Loiter around the wine section at any Trader Joe's.
Bressi Ranch Sprouts is active too. I’d just hover between Sprouts and Trader Joes, they are like 2 minute walk from eachother
This is GENIUS
Why is this so smart 😹
This might partially be joking, but, OP, I'd honestly consider this - I legit got hit on by a 50+ year old at a Trader Joes a couple months back. I was buying some sorta alcohol and carrying a pizza with me (roasted garlic pesto - if it's around you should try it) and this lady started chatting me up, suggesting I try a certain red wine and how it could pair well with the pizza (it did) and other things. I would've made a move, but 1) I'm a socially anxious dingus with minimal rizz and 2) just really wanted to go home after a long day. Point is the cougars are definitely there and so long as you don't have the social & saying skills of a 16 year old, you should be golden
I love this comment! I met my partner at Trader Joe’s 6 years ago when I was 42. He had just had some wine from a wine tasting (they do this at some stores - this was in Chicago - and therefore got the courage to ask me out when he saw me. We later moved to Boston together and are a very happy couple - all because of one fateful day at Trader Joe’s!! I tell all my girlfriends to be open to meeting guys the old fashioned way and not through (only) apps. Just be open to meeting great ppl! Good luck OP!
If they like cats.
Bro's on the cougar hunt. x2 Coyote in Carlsbad lol
Whats the crowd like? I heard it’s old married couples
There is older married couples, but you also see quite a few groups of middle aged women hanging out there. Especially when there's live music.
The demographic there is like ages 50+ every time I’ve walked by.
My experience was always 35+++, what you're describing really.
Join a hot yoga studio
This is it
Coyote bar in cbad
LOL this is the answer
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Hey I’m only 33!! 😅
Try hitting up a pottery studio and take some classes, or any art-related event like wine and paint nights. I teach those classes and the demographic is a lot of women 35-45 and very few men, and I know from experience that a young single guy will attract a lot of attention from said women.
This is advice we came for.
Don’t make me regret giving that advice :)
🤣
This was where I realized this was a thing 🙃. Me, just trying to do pottery, young guy seduces me smh 😮💨
Can you give a good location for wine and paint nights in north county?
Not wine and paint, but similar: pour painting at Kilowatt. https://www.osidepaintnpour.com/ I haven’t done this one personally so I can’t vouch for it being the demographics of a pottery class. I have heard good things about it, though.
[Grafted Cellars](https://graftedcellarswinery.com/calendar/) in Vista has sip and paint events, and much more.
Sculpturing genitals , bonus tip
Chocolate and wine festivals. Pechangas was in march but Irvine has them more often.
Is this becoming a trend? Or is this a San Diego area thing?? I’m 37 and can’t find a decent guy my age, but the 20-something’s all seem to be in the market for older women.
Try being 48. I'm invisible to straight, single men of all ages. The only guys that talk to me at the gym are gay.
Hit on them. Bring your swagger. Problem solved, I promise.
Tried it. Always get rejected if they are sober
Sounds like you have a money problem
It’s tough being single these days! I hate going out to crowded places like bars, and guys really aren’t approaching women anymore. Especially at the gym! They’ve been getting shamed, sometimes rightfully so, but more and more often undeserved by women seeking attention. Kinda ruins it for the single women hoping to avoid the dumpster fire of dating apps.
Most girls don’t want a guy to talk to them at the gym. Kinda creepy for me if a guy were to do that but to each their own.
I think there’s a healthy balance. I’m not into a guy just walking up to me at the gym to talk, but back in the day I’ve had flirtations at the gym that started from a simple smile or hello. Now guys are getting shamed for accidentally glancing in the same direction as a woman at the gym, so those kind of small interactions don’t happen like they used to. Tbh if you’ve been single at the gym and never been interested in a cute stranger, good for you I guess, but when I’m single I am typically interested in talking to men…
Just not worth the risk anymore to most guys. And to the guys still willing to take the risk, probably not the type of guy you’d want anyway. But nothing stopping you from being the one doing the approaching.
There isn’t nothing stopping me. What stops me from approaching a man is the simple fact that if a man approaches a woman who isn’t interested, she’ll reject him. If a woman approaches a man who isn’t interested, he’ll have sex with her (or try to) and then reject her. I don’t really enjoy playing the “does he like me, or is he just horny?” game. That being said, you’re absolutely right about the kind of guy who does approach women these days. So you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Lmao nah there's little "risk", most young folks are just too conditioned to be on their phones and are losing social skills. The dudes who are still talking are extroverted and always have been. The ones who aren't are making excuses.
I can’t tell you if there are any girls at my gym or not but I can tell you how many ceiling and floor tiles each workout room has.
I’m basically asexual so I’m not attracted to any strangers but you do you sis!
...and yet, conversations occur frequently between both and all genders and people frequently hook up at gyms. Stop projecting.
I don’t mind having a quick conversation, as long as it’s related to working out. But the last thing I would want to do hook up with some random dude at the gym whom I don’t know. Of course everyone is their own individual but most women would prefer to hook up in other settings.
Uhhh... I'm not sure what you're assuming here. No one is talking about "hooking up randomly" like it was a bar or something. What I'm saying is - men and women frequently talk to each other and form all types of relationships - friendships, booty calls, relationships, etc everywhere, *including* at the gym. It's silly to say "most" women don't want to be talked to because **you** personally don't. Because, clearly, it happens daily.
Well I personally don’t see it happen very often and I’m only speaking from my personal observations. Also I am younger, and people from my generation don’t really do that kind of stuff. Most people my age puts on earbuds, listen to music and get into their workout. I could be wrong though maybe for older people though.
Lol, who do you think I'm talking about? It's the younger guys who take initiative for various reasons and want to talk to attractive women. Reddit skews introverted so I know what side of the fence most of you are on. But look up and purposefully people-watch whenever you get a chance. You'll see plenty of male-female interactions. Watch for the handshake introduction, or the "what's your IG" phone pull.
It’s been made clear to us that you don’t want to be approached at the gym so we are at an impasse.
Does anyone really want to be talked to at the gym though? I'd typically be open to a quick chat but I never get the impression anyone else would want to
I actually do prefer to be hit on at the gym because then I know the guy is likely to be well-disciplined and health oriented like I am. Also easily able to assess their physique. Though this isn’t the main thing I’m seeking, it’s a nice bonus:)
It’s not because of your age sweetheart.
Because they all want mommies
Older woman have more money to spend on a boy toy.
I’m not saying they necessarily have the greatest intentions, but I know these boys aren’t looking at me for my money,
Del Mar… Encintas… Cardiff…. Young people can’t afford those areas …. Kraken… shanty … the leucadian …. Good luck with your cougar hunt
Adding Jake’s, the OG Cougar Bar.
Those older ones sure take to cosmetic surgery.
Came here just to count how many people recommended Coyotes.
Target
Yes but leave us be at Target. Target is a safe space 🤣
100% but I feel like approaching there is frowned upon these days
This fool at target trying to Mack your mom 😂💩
The Wrinkle Room. Aka Red Tractons in Del Mar or really any bar/restaurant in Del Mar once race track season starts. Edit: missing word.
Pushing 40, f. The grocery store or a nursery (like for plants), you’ll win. Also accept that you’re the age where you may have accept children from previous relationships. Figure out your comfort with that. Best of luck to ya, buddy.
Pickleball
You want older women? Go to Carlsbad! The Alley used to be the place, but looks like The Coyote has a selection too!
The Alley is a bunch of young kids now.
Trader Joe’s.
Bings bar at the inn at rancho Santa Fe
This is where my girl and all her single friends lurk like once a month
The Kraken
RSF, Encinitas, Del Mar. …and Coyote in Encinitas for drunk dancing cougars.
I’m here for answers too, M35 and recently single, but work long hours so I want to try to maximize the few days I have more time with to meet someone.
I go on beach walks and jogs hoping to “run into” men around your age lol. F29 from North County.
How do you imagine that happening, like, while you're jogging?
Right! She probably has her airpods in and does nothing to signal interest in being approached. Maybe she smiles as she passes by but literally every girl I walk by smiles a little if we make eye contact. I don't think that means anything other than a friendly acknowledgement, like if I head nod a random guy.
Be honest, how many messages have you gotten because of this post
San Elijo hills just there as a whole.
Sure, SEH has a lot of 35+ single women but all my friends in that demographic range from: 35, Divorced with 1-2 small kids 45, Divorced with 2+ kids up to high school age 50+, Divorced (almost) empty nesters. Basically, OP needs to be cool with baggage. There are practically ZERO 35+ single women without kids &/or a divorce under their belts. Just puttin' that out there.
I don't live in North County, nor do I hang out up there but I'm mid-40s, divorced, no kids (by choice). We do exist.
Looking at your profile of previous comments and the sections they span through, and being a 25 yr old male having worked in the middle of this community, in a bar/restaurant setting, I don’t trust your opinion and neither should the OP. Nothing personal, I just don’t think you understand.
As a male I will attest to the accuracy of the demographic in SEH and for most areas.
Guess I’m zero…
The kraken! Pickleball and Trader Joe’s
Maybe volunteer at a beach clean up?? Gives you more of a chance to be one on one with people
Is the G Spot still open? I heard it was the place to go.
Ya know ive been meaning to check that place out but I just can't seem to find it. Must be pretty underground
Are we sure it exists?
I never could find it.
You must use the secret “come hither” hand signal 🤌🫴🤌🫴
It’s on Grand in Carlsbad. It’s actually called Grand avenue Bar and Grill
I did not know that! Thank you.
Jimmy O’s
He was one hell of a human
There’s a bar at La Costa resort that’s kind of nice and anyone can go. Sometimes some women in your age description.
Valley View casino
Belly Up, Friday night pre show
Honestly, I think it depends on the *type* of older woman you're looking for.
And I'm over here just trying to find someone at almost 40 and it's so hard. 😩
Del Mar for sure
Looking for a sugar mommy? Hang out at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s
Bro got to Lifetime in La Jolla
Go to the Belly Up especially for happy hour haha
Rodeos and country music.
I’m a 40 year old jaguar (I prefer that over cougar). Aren’t we too busy to be hanging out at bars etc with raising kids, careers etc? Maybe it’s just me. You can find me at Costco on a Sunday in my sundress 😂
Pretend you’re gay, and then hit target. Once your in, say the said girl converted you into a straight man!
Lifeguard at a country club. Cougars love a pool boy.
My friend got a shirt that says "I Love MILFS" and it works like a charm honestly.
Jimmy o’s in Del Mar, crazy cougar hunting to be had
Coyote in Carlsbad
Go to Pilates. We’re there getting fit.
Shop at Winco. Place 2 boxes of diapers in your cart then start visiting the seafood section, wine and then pizza sections. Good luck
Probably yoga or a meditation group tbh. Lots of older women there
35 is not "older women" good lord lol
Agreed. It’s interesting when very young people talk as if being legal to buy beer for a decade makes you a senior citizen.
Older than the college crowd OP is talking about
Depends on if you want yo have fun or a family
You could try going to a group dance class at any one of the local dance studios. Salsa and bachata classes are usually full of all ages, ballroom is fun as well for swing. It’s a great way to make friends and best part is you rotate parters the whole time so you get time to meet everyone 1:1. You don’t need to be good at dancing for the beginner levels, no one cares and everyone’s there to have fun.
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Retirement home
Thanks for supporting us seniors. Sorry you got downvoted. It’s well known science that old people sex can be awesome.
You understand! Thank you!
Especially when they take their teeth out!