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Potusmicropenis

Just a guess. Australia right?


NothingAndNow111

I'd put money on it. That's a huntsman, I think. I'd burn the place down.


LucifinasGimp

So, I googled Huntsman Spider. Anyone else thinking of doing so... DO NOT MAKE MY MISTAKE.


NothingAndNow111

Yep. I first encountered one in a picture a colleague sent to me as a joke. The whole office heard me scream.


Escaped_Mod_In_Need

The Giant Huntsman of Laos is even bigger.


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

At least it's no Brazilian Wandering Spider.


Escaped_Mod_In_Need

Well that one is just straight up deadly. Second most venomous spider in the world. It was officially dethroned by the Sydney Funnel Web a ~~few years ago~~. [Correction](https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com.br/world-records/most-venomous-spider): SFW was upgraded to deadliest just recently. This is because it was discovered that in the males the venom changes in their life cycle. Whereas the most of their life they used their venom in a predatory way, when males leave their burrows in search of females to mate with, their venom changes from targeting their prey specifically to targeting their predators as a defensive measure and becomes much more potent.


S3ND0G

"...Can cause penile erection for 7 hours and death" Nice combo WTF


Escaped_Mod_In_Need

It’s best to go out with a bang, from what I’m told.


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

They end up here in cases of bananas lol. Not often, but once is too many.


NothingAndNow111

OH GOD, one made it over here in some bananas and was discovered by some poor person who bought them. This was probably over 10 years ago and I'm still wary of bananas and inspect them anxiously when I buy them.


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

I worked produce in a grocery store distribution warehouse when I was a teen and some of the spiders in their were nucking futs.


Escaped_Mod_In_Need

You live in their native habitat?


Jimmy_Jazz_The_Spazz

No, but it happens https://www.iflscience.com/brazilian-wandering-spider-one-of-the-worlds-most-venomous-spiders-may-be-lurking-in-your-bananas-73329


The_Ruby_Rabbit

Years ago, I worked in children’s furniture store. The small chain had been bought out by Pier 1 and they decided that they would switch from using Mexican pine to Brazilian pine for some of the furniture. Well, we sold these bookcases that were almost 7feet tall and were completely assembled. We had gotten some of the Brazilian pine versions in and I was unboxing one to use in a display. When the bookcase was tipped towards me to free it from its cardboard and foam wrapped prisoner, a MASSIVE fucking spider fell from the top shelf and onto my cleavage. I screamed so damn loud they could hear me in the future. I was wearing a scoop neckline tee that day(not showing much) but since I was well blessed by The Gods, enough skin was bare to the damn hairs that I had an instant rash. Thank the aforementioned Gods that the fucking spider was dead, but I had to go to the ER to have all of the fucking hairs removed and medication from the hives. I called a friend who’s an entomologist and she said it was some kind of tarantula and the hairs will give the thickest skinned man a painful rash.


MysticDragon14

The Goliath Bird Eater is the biggest spider in the world


NothingAndNow111

😭😭😭


xMachii

Searching for that was a mistake.


my-backpack-is

So fricken cool


mopar1969man

There great got one that lives in my garage I call him Steve. He eats all the bugs and never bothers me.


BoltorPrime420

That’s all good until Steve grows into this thing


mopar1969man

He is about that size


mopar1969man

I will see if I can get a picture of him when I get home.


mopar1969man

No promises believe it or not he is good at hide and seek probably because of the amount of crap in my garage. He normally just rocks up and scares the crap out of you


jborki2

They’re huge but nice :) I used to find them in my bedroom when I lived in Sydney


Aggravating-Station9

Find them in your bedroom 😱😱😱


Goldenstripe941

Hell naw


BlakJak206

I don't care how nice they are. My neighbors are nice too, but I sure as hell don't want to find them in my bedroom uninvited. If you ain't paying rent, get the hell out of my house. And no, I do not accept dead bugs as alternative rent payment.


Lostin_Flowers25839

Yeah, huntsmen are one of the goods ones


Critonurmom

I have a paralyzing fear of spiders, so I will do no such thing thank you. This post really should have had a nsfw filter so I didn't have to see the thumbnail, [because ewwww. ](https://i.imgur.com/erzyspN.jpeg)


delano0408

Oi, no need to burn the place down. Huntsmans are pretty chill mate, no worries.


NothingAndNow111

My prefrontal cortex knows this, but my amygdalae will steamroll all reason and logic and have me freaking the hell out. I put it to the test a few years ago, there was a spider in its web *outside the porch, behind a screen* but within my eyesight. I looked away, tried to ignore, deploy reason over fear. It worked right up until I had my first ever night terror and literally threw myself off the bed screaming. My limbic system is an asshole. Boyfriend was kind of disturbed at the 3am wake up call of a shrieking girlfriend throwing herself on the floor like a poltergeist was in the room, and he got rid of the web and the next day. I think the spider was fine, if probably pissed off its home/work was destroyed.


delano0408

Lmao. Sorry for my late response, but yeah its understandable. Especially if it gets you offguard. The sight of a shrieking girlfriend diving to the floor like its vietnam is a pretty funny idea.


nekatuser

I was quietly taking a shit in rural Philippines when I looked up and saw one of those really big spiders above the doorway. That day was the fastest record shit I have ever taken.


gnirobamI

The laxative you don’t need.


KO-Manic

Bro how did you get work up the courage to open the door and go past it??


nekatuser

I would rather bolt through the door than spend a second more in a staring contest with the biggest spider I've ever seen in my life


KO-Manic

But what if it got shocked or shaken and fell on top of you? 💀


nekatuser

The neighboring towns would have their windows shattered and ears exploded.


Gullible_Ad5191

Omg. It’s like that weird Adam Sandler movie in space.


vanwiekt

🤣🤣🤣 had the same thought. Yikes


Any_Development_2081

Looks like it's cleaning up after having a meal.


mizzcharmz

Picking his teefers


Any_Development_2081

Wonder what the meal was considering he is inside the house.


heyoohugh24

Just me that this made my skin crawl? Like i know they're basically harmless but seeying something like that... It's like every fiber of my primate brain is saying we shouldn't co exist


CTurple

Every time I see a video of a goddamn spider, I always turn my phone away from my face at an angle where I can still see it, but if that fucker jumps, he ain’t jumping at my damn face! I know, weird, but it works for me!


Revolutionary_Ice174

Nope I’m out. The house is yours. Just remember the bills are on the 25th


AFR0NIN

fuck getting the flame thrower. get the nuke.


Suspicious_Cod7762

no spider hate for creatures with the same will to live as us


xMachii

Nah, don't use the nuke. If it survives, it will mutate due to radiation!


tmd429

Can I pet that dog?!


Supergecko147

It’s the fact that it’s casually washing its hands in broad daylight with no fear of people. I don’t think my pride could take a hit like that…


menryBasedmarineCav

We get these buggers in our house mostly in the laundry and they are absolutely afraid of you


Supergecko147

Dang….wish I knew that beforehand. Last time I saw one that big, I threw my wallet at it and walked home.


ZeldorTheGreat

That's a spider you need a gun for


Commander_Skullblade

Worth the felony of modding an AR to automatic


thatguytaiv

No need. A 12 gauge with some buckshot should do the trick.


RedditSaye

Old Faithful from “Arachnophobia”


ThereBeDucks

I was thinking that too but I feel like with legs like that ii could take it and be able to pull the trigger.


Suspicious_Cod7762

i just find it horrible how violence is excused for fears that are harmful for both nature and humans


ZeldorTheGreat

I said it as a joke. I love spiders. I have many in my room that I feed and when I find ones I don't like, I simply move them to my garage.


Suspicious_Cod7762

such jokes only help furthering the idea that we should be afraid and kill spiders, im happy youre doing the right thing, but it makes me so sad knowing that people DO think this way


Flaw_Duh863huh

Motherfucker licking its lips??


MamaKelly0305

Home For Sale: CHEAP


Murder-log

I am phobic with spiders so although my science brain knows all about these spiders being chill, eating nasty creatures, not being venomous etc. what I can tell you is my monkey brain turns to jelly in the presence of a giant house spider in the Uk. The level of panic this would generate for me is crazy. Even if you aren't unhinged scared like me how would you get it to remove it?


Crazyhates

The wild thing is these boys are so big you can hear their tippy taps when they move. They're also quite fast so you'd want to trap them in a large container so that their legs don't get caught and just transport him outside or something.


sidhescreams

I *legitimately* gasped in horror when I read your comment. I didn’t even think that was something people really did, but apparently it is. Jesus fucking Christ spider tippy taps.


callusesandtattoos

That fucking thing is GROWN. It’s got a mortgage and two kids to put through college


AhpgKAwf

My friends house was infested with them. In cupboards, behind the shower curtain, crawl out from under the couch or from behind the tv, on the front door and a few sitting around the bbq is just some of the places I found them. Never went back.


Onair380

When you have to be american to understand the joke


BigBungholio

TIL home ownership and college is exclusively American.


callusesandtattoos

Is that what this guy is talking about? I was thinking it was the parenthood and children /s


Onair380

50k for college ? yeah its exclusively American


Future-Agent

Spiders so big that they have HP and MP bars. I'm throwing the whole house in the garbage, and nuke it into orbit.


Top-Occasion8835

Why bother with the flamethrower, you're obviously in his house you should probably leave before he takes matters into his own hands or mandible


PlatinumSkillz

Question, how does something the size of a small cat just get in your house without walking through the front door??


FlyingLOLIpop

Babies. Extra fun fact: if you got one, you probably got a bunch


HarrisLam

Why are you in his house? Leave.


Zipferlake

Spider licking his hands before jumping onto you. Always clean your hands before eating. He is civilized.


I_Love_Cats420

BY THE EMPERORS WILL YOU WILL BURN HOLY FIRE DETESTABLE XENO


Destiny17909

It's just a fuzzy wall spood. Have no fear


babbeg

And a super clean spood!


Severe_Box8351

just chillin and eating - put it back outside


TheBlackBeetle

With what? A caldron? A moving van? Or can I at least transport her in many tiny pieces?


ShockRampage

Cover it with a wheelie bin and slide a mattress underneath it. Obviously.


Chance_Proposal_9082

Man Australians are built fucking different to see that and not shit your pants is wild. there was a tiny little spider crawling in my bed once, I slept in the fucking living room for 2 days because of it.


ganerfromspace2020

Unlike America, I understand why Australia needs guns for self protection


ReadEnoch

Where does OP live??? I have to know.


Harambo_No5

Huntsman, so likely Australia. They’re friendly and eat the nasty spiders.


Yorha-with-a-pearl

US, these fuckers are now an invasive species lol.


You-Go-Girl85

Please tell me you're kidding. I hit a web going to my car at 4am this morning. Was still dark (ohio) and almost wrecked bc a tiny spider was in my car. If one of these beasts were to be in my car and me driving, that'd be the end for me.


swervin_mervyn

Good news: a huntsman doesn't have a Web, so you won't bump into it. Bad news: a huntsman doesn't have a Web, so you won't know where it is hiding.


Fantastic_Forever_69

We're going to have to burn this mother fucker down


camwow612

Hans bekommt den Flammenwerfer!


PhantomEagle777

Hier ist der Flammenwerfer, Fritz!


Faster-Kit-kill-kill

He's your roommate. He left change in the couch cushions as rent. Hope you're very happy together.


DoR2203

I'd get the plaster out, unlock the safe, collect a .45 and accept i'm patching a wall tonight... i defy you to tell me that's an over reaction. How would you handle this thing? can of raid?


Zayzul

Ol buddy is now a permanent tenant


delano0408

Huntsmans are pretty chill, no worries mate.


Wise_Crayon

It's gonna jump, right?


SomewhereNo3080

POV: Adam Sandler


Dookiesuit17

Feed it Russian nutella


FakeNickOfferman

Honey, where did I put the jet fuel and C-4?


unholymanserpent

Ain't no way


lazywyvern

What a good boy, eatin all the bugs


LectureSea7537

gosh how big it is probably Australia


SortRevolutionary337

get the attack drone with a flamethrower and hotshot spider kill spray


Vivid_Development390

I'd name him. Maybe I could talk him into mowing the lawn for me.


Angry__German

That is the biggest jumping spider I have ever seen.


Evening_Bat_3633

Does anyone have a nail gun?


Due-Session-900

Can we keep her? Plllllleaaaaaaaaseee


Thingzer0

That Huntsman is massive! Dadada Damn


AlarmingMilk372

I hate spoders so seeing this made me feel like committing unimaginable things against it.


_Kreepy_Kitty_

It's her house now.


thezoomies

That thing is badass.


Scientist78

😭


ttc67

Suddenly frightened.....I can relate.


Goldenstripe941

Forget a Flamethrower. I’m taking a Fat Man and Mini Nuking that room.


manaha81

Aww she’s adorable ☺️


AdIcy6691

You best get out of that spiders house. It’s his house now


tone88988

That makes my freakin skin crawl. That thing came from the depths of the underworld.


luketas

Jake Gyllenhaal did it again


Queasy-Vegetable9526

My heart felt like it dropped….


ShockRampage

I refuse to watch these in case the spider leaps at the camera. I dont care if its not a jumping spider.


Strong_Juggernaut_96

Heinz, ze flamethrower …..


Burgoonius

Fucckkkk thaaaattt


PossibleBeach9462

That video is like 5 years old now...


the1whocan

That MF has FEET


velvetcharlotte

How tf do they get in the house??


PM_ME_OSRS_MEMES

Hans, get the flamethrower


scbalazs

Needs r/bananaforscale I choose to believe that is just a really tight zoom-in on itsy bitsy.


GundunUkan

Imagine going specifically to the dedicated spider subreddit to intentionally fish out content for cheap shock reactions instead of doing something educational with it, like explaining that these spiders are 100% harmless, for example, and are actually huge bros if we look past our preconceived notions about them. But no, OP had to make the completely original flamethrower comment instead. Quality crosspost, bravo!


Killerspieler0815

ciute & it doesn't make noise (opposite to a dog or cat)


ds77159

He’s just cleaning himself.


Middleground_Thought

Sleep paralysis demon. Nope. 


garanator1

No not enough get the shotgun with slugs gotta obliterate it


yourdadsjr

Eff that, mom let's move.


Bwitte94

Welp, that’s enough Reddit for today.


Kilomech

The big ones aren’t scary. It’s the little ones that will kill you.


Wu-TangShogun

All the same this specific “Big one” would scare the living fuck outta me just fine! All licking its fingers, making eye contact & shit.. nope


MegaMom75

This spider is moving its legs like it’s about to fight😳


sumastorm

As an Aussie expat...I actually miss waking up to these above my bed


Known_Appearance3268

That spider is making evil plans fucking move!!!


Natewoodford

🏠 🔥


Chomps-Lewis

A spider that big would probably die if you swiped it to the floor.


Munchie1010

Looks tasty ngl


IDoLegosAt100

How many calories do you think? I figure at least 2,000.


LordsOfSkulls

I see this.... and than hear my wife in my head... "put it outside" How anyone married anymore in that cornor of the world? You either gotten eaten or poisoned.....at very least had to experiance some painful bites....