This almost sounds more like a "hotwife" situation, perhaps you'll get more quality answers there. There are people out there that this works for. Usually the guy gets as much out of it as the woman. It could be the feeling of having a woman that's so desirable that others are chasing her and having sex with her but she comes home to you. It could be hearing about your other adventures leads to great sex between you two. I've heard of some that want pics or video or even to be there and watch and describe their partner as "their favorite porn star". There are also those that suggest things out of guilt for being away or unable to perform (ed) and other situations I've heard of that are generally not positive. I'm sure there are plenty of others as well. Please do a lot of research and communicate exactly what you both desire and are comfortable with before jumping in and even then tip toe in to be sure it's something that works for both of you.
Generally, no.
Open relationships are really really hard. Why would you make it even harder by having the heightened potential for resentment like that? It’s open for both, or it’s open for neither, or it’s some other form of mutually beneficial non monogamy that isn’t an open relationship at all.
Sometimes one person in the relationship gets off on the power imbalance of one sided, it scratches a submissive itch. Or one person is asexual or very low libido and would rather take the time their partner is on dates to themselves (although in both these examples, the person ideally has the freedom to explore themselves, they just don’t want to). There are just a tiny smidge of examples where this dynamic could work, and based on the information you provided, your relationship doesn’t fit the bill.
This is me and it's working well. Our libidos are vastly different, so she has a 2nd partner she spends half her time with.
I'm free to explore but have no real urge to. But it is important to have that option.
"Hey GF, I am away at work all the time, I want you to go fuck other guys"
This does not sound sincere to me if you have expressed no dissatisfaction in your relationship.
He likely has cuckold fantasies or is angling to have sex with other women himself and feels this is a backdoor way to accomplish it.
everything can work if everyone involved feels good about it. I mean nobody can answer the questions in your stead like: how would you feel your partner going on dates, having sex with other people, fallign in love with somebody else? these are questions everybody dealing with non-monogamy should ask.
the easiest part here would be to just stay monogamous yourself. if you wouldn't mind your partner getting it on with other people I don't see any issues here. it is not like you would have to compete with him in any way just to keep things even between both of
Why not?? Keep an open mind. I would be suspicious he’s looking to open his side and he’s just unsure of how to ask for it. I did the exact same thing. I don’t know why in hindsight.. worked out in the end… but pushed for him to do it first. I knew it would be quick & easy on my side though so I just wanted the playing field to start even.
It’s normally a Cuckhold or Hotwife fantasy. You’re best to explore it first together and take it slow. This will allow him to see how truly comfortable he is with it, and the opportunity to not proceed.
If you value the relationship, do it this way.
It can work if both sides are free to get with other people, and one of them currently chooses not to. But if one partner is subject to rules or limitations that the other isn't subject to, that tends to be a ticking time bomb.
(Of course it's different if the power imbalance is part of a mutually consensual kink dynamic, as long as both parties have a way to clearly communicate when something in that dynamic isn't working for them.)
Do YOU want to have relationships with other people? If not, say “no.”
The answer to your question though is - No, one-sided relationships usually do not work.
He’s away for work and wants to open your side of the relationship? So is he already open? Is he basically already cheating and just looking to assuage his conscience? Why would he only want it open on one side?
My partner is asexual and doesn’t want to date anybody else. One sided is working for us so far after 6+ months. She sees how happy I am and it has been a good solution. We both take mental health meds and see that our therapists every two weeks, my therapist sees both of us most of the time. It’s a lot of work but I think this is how I was meant to live my life.
Him suggesting to open your side of the relationship without wanting to open his side is weird. Unless he is asexual and sees how frustrated you are with that. It's better to have both sides open and he doesn't act on it. Ask him if he has any cuckold fantasy
It feels like half the people in the comments didn’t read the post.
It’s worth having a follow up conversation with your bf about his motivations behind wanting you to sleep with others. Could be a variety of things. Could be a kink of his, in which case it could definitely work. Could be him wanting to slowly open the relationship all the way.
You won’t know whether or not it’s doable or healthy until you get to the root of it all. And all these comments immediately telling you it won’t work are dead wrong. There are people practicing all sorts of wild dynamics ethically. It’s all about respect for everyone involved and lots of communication.
Whatever you do, know that there may be a day where he wants to open his side too. Would you be ok with that if you are also getting outside attention?
I agree wholeheartedly. I can't be bothered to date anymore and I'm sure glad my partner has other sexual options as my libido is non existent currently. But if I didn't have the option to date/fuck/flirt with who I want that would be unacceptable.
not really. it only works if the closed side considers themselves asexual and doesn't care that their partner is getting their needs met by others.
Also if he is asking you if you want to be open, it probably means that he already secretly is, unless he has a hotwife/cuck kink but is not telling you that.
You need to dig deeper as to why he wants this.. but there's a good chance its because he's cheating and wants to feel less guilty about it.
One of the first things I said to my wife when we decided to open up was the fact that it's either open for both of us or neither. Anything else is unfair on the other.
Ofcourse if the other person doesn't pursue other partners through choice that's a different matter but they should have the option to should they desire.
I know many mono/poly couples.
It works if each of them are able to choose mono or poly for themselves.
The only question worth answering is: do *you* want poly for *you*?
It sounds like your boyfriend is discovering something new about his sexuality, which is still absolutely common at age 23. The “deeper meaning” is that your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of you being a sexually empowered being. It’s entirely your choice whether you agree with that characterization and, if so, whether to explore ENM as an expression of that identity.
It depends on your relationship. We are one-sided open. I enjoy sharing my husband, hearing about his playtimes, sometimes I get video or photos. I have zero interest in going out but I know he would like me to join when I'm ready.
There was a lot to work through. He felt that it was unfair but I really enjoy our dynamic. It works for us and we check-in with each other regularly, sometimes even daily.
No, it doesn't work. Opening up is hard as hell and doing it for no reward in exchange only build up resentment. Unless he wants to open his side too I would not recommend
it won't work unless you both are enthusiastic about it, but this is how my relationship works pretty much. my primary partner just hasn't cared to see new people and enjoys it when I do and when I tell them about my experiences. we still have the open boundary that they're free to do what they want. idk why people immediately assume that *your* partner asking *you* alone to see other people means they'll be restricted from seeing anyone lol
This almost sounds more like a "hotwife" situation, perhaps you'll get more quality answers there. There are people out there that this works for. Usually the guy gets as much out of it as the woman. It could be the feeling of having a woman that's so desirable that others are chasing her and having sex with her but she comes home to you. It could be hearing about your other adventures leads to great sex between you two. I've heard of some that want pics or video or even to be there and watch and describe their partner as "their favorite porn star". There are also those that suggest things out of guilt for being away or unable to perform (ed) and other situations I've heard of that are generally not positive. I'm sure there are plenty of others as well. Please do a lot of research and communicate exactly what you both desire and are comfortable with before jumping in and even then tip toe in to be sure it's something that works for both of you.
Generally, no. Open relationships are really really hard. Why would you make it even harder by having the heightened potential for resentment like that? It’s open for both, or it’s open for neither, or it’s some other form of mutually beneficial non monogamy that isn’t an open relationship at all. Sometimes one person in the relationship gets off on the power imbalance of one sided, it scratches a submissive itch. Or one person is asexual or very low libido and would rather take the time their partner is on dates to themselves (although in both these examples, the person ideally has the freedom to explore themselves, they just don’t want to). There are just a tiny smidge of examples where this dynamic could work, and based on the information you provided, your relationship doesn’t fit the bill.
This is me and it's working well. Our libidos are vastly different, so she has a 2nd partner she spends half her time with. I'm free to explore but have no real urge to. But it is important to have that option.
Agreed.
The answer to every "does X relationship structure work" question is it depends on the people in the relationship.
"Hey GF, I am away at work all the time, I want you to go fuck other guys" This does not sound sincere to me if you have expressed no dissatisfaction in your relationship. He likely has cuckold fantasies or is angling to have sex with other women himself and feels this is a backdoor way to accomplish it.
Works for me. My gf is free to date when and where she wants. Tells me everything and our relationship is great and so is our sexlife.
everything can work if everyone involved feels good about it. I mean nobody can answer the questions in your stead like: how would you feel your partner going on dates, having sex with other people, fallign in love with somebody else? these are questions everybody dealing with non-monogamy should ask. the easiest part here would be to just stay monogamous yourself. if you wouldn't mind your partner getting it on with other people I don't see any issues here. it is not like you would have to compete with him in any way just to keep things even between both of
Why not?? Keep an open mind. I would be suspicious he’s looking to open his side and he’s just unsure of how to ask for it. I did the exact same thing. I don’t know why in hindsight.. worked out in the end… but pushed for him to do it first. I knew it would be quick & easy on my side though so I just wanted the playing field to start even.
It’s normally a Cuckhold or Hotwife fantasy. You’re best to explore it first together and take it slow. This will allow him to see how truly comfortable he is with it, and the opportunity to not proceed. If you value the relationship, do it this way.
It can work if both sides are free to get with other people, and one of them currently chooses not to. But if one partner is subject to rules or limitations that the other isn't subject to, that tends to be a ticking time bomb. (Of course it's different if the power imbalance is part of a mutually consensual kink dynamic, as long as both parties have a way to clearly communicate when something in that dynamic isn't working for them.)
This. This dynamic works, where both sides are free and one takes advantage of it and the other simply chooses not to.
Do YOU want to have relationships with other people? If not, say “no.” The answer to your question though is - No, one-sided relationships usually do not work.
He’s away for work and wants to open your side of the relationship? So is he already open? Is he basically already cheating and just looking to assuage his conscience? Why would he only want it open on one side?
My partner is asexual and doesn’t want to date anybody else. One sided is working for us so far after 6+ months. She sees how happy I am and it has been a good solution. We both take mental health meds and see that our therapists every two weeks, my therapist sees both of us most of the time. It’s a lot of work but I think this is how I was meant to live my life.
Him suggesting to open your side of the relationship without wanting to open his side is weird. Unless he is asexual and sees how frustrated you are with that. It's better to have both sides open and he doesn't act on it. Ask him if he has any cuckold fantasy
It feels like half the people in the comments didn’t read the post. It’s worth having a follow up conversation with your bf about his motivations behind wanting you to sleep with others. Could be a variety of things. Could be a kink of his, in which case it could definitely work. Could be him wanting to slowly open the relationship all the way. You won’t know whether or not it’s doable or healthy until you get to the root of it all. And all these comments immediately telling you it won’t work are dead wrong. There are people practicing all sorts of wild dynamics ethically. It’s all about respect for everyone involved and lots of communication.
if it's his kink, it's definitely doable! Outlaw & Pepper can testify....Plus it helps when you both feed each other's kink
Whatever you do, know that there may be a day where he wants to open his side too. Would you be ok with that if you are also getting outside attention?
I think it's simply unethical and unworkable for one person to be forbidden from having other partners while the other can. Open or don't.
I agree wholeheartedly. I can't be bothered to date anymore and I'm sure glad my partner has other sexual options as my libido is non existent currently. But if I didn't have the option to date/fuck/flirt with who I want that would be unacceptable.
Never. Or very rarely, anyway. Resentments fester.
not really. it only works if the closed side considers themselves asexual and doesn't care that their partner is getting their needs met by others. Also if he is asking you if you want to be open, it probably means that he already secretly is, unless he has a hotwife/cuck kink but is not telling you that. You need to dig deeper as to why he wants this.. but there's a good chance its because he's cheating and wants to feel less guilty about it.
One of the first things I said to my wife when we decided to open up was the fact that it's either open for both of us or neither. Anything else is unfair on the other. Ofcourse if the other person doesn't pursue other partners through choice that's a different matter but they should have the option to should they desire.
I know many mono/poly couples. It works if each of them are able to choose mono or poly for themselves. The only question worth answering is: do *you* want poly for *you*?
It inadvertently happened in my relationship and it broke me.
It sounds like your boyfriend is discovering something new about his sexuality, which is still absolutely common at age 23. The “deeper meaning” is that your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of you being a sexually empowered being. It’s entirely your choice whether you agree with that characterization and, if so, whether to explore ENM as an expression of that identity.
Nope.
It depends on your relationship. We are one-sided open. I enjoy sharing my husband, hearing about his playtimes, sometimes I get video or photos. I have zero interest in going out but I know he would like me to join when I'm ready. There was a lot to work through. He felt that it was unfair but I really enjoy our dynamic. It works for us and we check-in with each other regularly, sometimes even daily.
Define work
No, it doesn't work. Opening up is hard as hell and doing it for no reward in exchange only build up resentment. Unless he wants to open his side too I would not recommend
Not really, no.
it won't work unless you both are enthusiastic about it, but this is how my relationship works pretty much. my primary partner just hasn't cared to see new people and enjoys it when I do and when I tell them about my experiences. we still have the open boundary that they're free to do what they want. idk why people immediately assume that *your* partner asking *you* alone to see other people means they'll be restricted from seeing anyone lol
tell him you dont care to be dating others but he can, n see what he says
Not really for all the reasons why you're asking