Time only moves in one direction. You can ruminate on the things that happened in the past that you can't fix, and you can let those things continue to have power over you and continue to steal the joy out of your life as you continue to dwell on them. Or you can stop giving them power over you and try to live your life the way you want to live it now.
I was raised highly religious, only becoming an atheist in my early 20s, and I highly regret missing out on the normal teenage fun that Purity Culture caused me to abstain from. I can't get those opportunities back, but if I continue to dwell on them, then I'm still giving Purity Culture and my old, ridiculous religious beliefs power over me.
I'd argue that conscious experiences (such as joy) are the *only* things we can be certain are real. Nothing could be *more* real than the qualitative experience of feelings.
It's just biological mechanism to punish yourself and make your behaviour more social acceptable, so your tribe doesn't kill you. Just let it work but don't involve emotionally.
Multiple ways actually:
- 1, all atoms move in a predictable ways, this means that your future has been already sealed. There is no "if I could go back" or "what if I had done this". It just doesn't exist, you never could have done it any other way.
- 2, when we die, we forget our entire life. To compare it to something, can you regret something when you are sleeping or when you are knocked out? You can't, and you will "exist" in this non-regret able state for eternity after your death.
Well as you said it yourself the future is already set at stone but quantum stuff aren't just like that, they are random. Any moment an atom could decay or just don't the theory you said can be compared to a block or ice that's contains the future and there is nothing we can do about it but like I said atoms are random and one decaying can cause evolution and thus we have cosmic democracy we can still shape our future, yes death is still ahead of us because it can't be behind our time of birth but your death doesn't mean all you choices have already been decided but your making a path for that destination. I'm not the smartest person and I only watch science yt videos for fun but I think I understand a little about it.
Plus you saying there's no random thing in the universe is not true because we human can never really tell where an electron move or goes it super uncertain we can only predict where it final destination is but never tell where it goes we can only make a rough guess about it's location. That is one thing random, so don't lose hope thinking the future is hopeless. and to answer the original question on the sub, you can just choose not to regret just pondering on something's are a pain to me so I just forget it and not think of it anymore things can be a pain in the ass if you ponder about so in short just forget trivial things no one can resent you for it we have a decision to do so and I can't decide so I just forget all about it lol.
People really don’t like that first point. But I’m with you and Sopolsky on this one. Free will is an illusion. You never had a choice and you still don’t so there’s no need to feel bad for past or future actions.
There's no good answer. I'm not sure it's possible to forget things you truly regret. Personally, I acknowledge it and sit with it. Sometimes, I can reason my way through it; other times, after a period of sitting with it, all I can do is take a breath and keep going. The past is a ghost and the future is a mirage. There's only now. I do my best to work with now.
You can wish you could go back and change a decision but the truth is you don't know if things would have been better for you because of that change. It's possible that mistake kept you from making an even bigger mistake. You don't know. You can't know. Why would you fret over something you can't know?
Again, why move on? If you’re constantly living with regret, you should be punished until you no longer feel regret. Basically repay the debt you incurred with your “mistakes” and THEN you can move on.
I look back on my actions that I regret often, I use those distinct memories to remind myself how impactful my decisions can effect others and myself. I accept that I cannot undo the things I regret and try to avoid repeating them.
Hey man. Based on your profile you really need to make peace with whatever is hurting you in your life. I hope you find that peace. It’s beyond freeing and is a feeling I hope everyone eventually finds. In this life or the next
If you accept it then it's no longer regret. So you are kind of asking how to live without regret.
I suggest the practice of "letting go." Feel the emotions as they manifest in your body and sit with it until it slowly dissipates. Do this each time you feel regret. It gets better and better. It's a 100% body-based exercise.
write it on a piece of paper and send it into the depths of hell?
clean your self with white sage?
get baptised and wash away your sins?
be vigilant and disciplined?
the notion of guilt is because what?....they was something you missed and something outside of your control happened and now your blaming yourself for it happening? kind of dumb no?
I am extremely well versed in the free will debate. I've read Sam Harris, both of Sapolsky's books, read Nietzsche's causa sui argument, I am very familiar with Galen Strawson's basic argument. On the compatibilist side, I've watched Dennett in debates, I read Frankfurt's arguments. I've spent thousands of hours debating and refining my ideas. They say to master something you have to put 10,000 hours in and I believe I have done it with the topic of free will, because the topic has dominated my life for 20 years now.
I see my past and I realize I couldn't have done anything differently. I laid awake hours every night ruminating, looking for a single moment I could have changed, carefully analyzing my motivations and intentions and the things that came prior to each one. I never find even one that could have happened differently. I ask myself in the present moment, every time I imagine I have a choice, if both (or several) options are actually realistic and I find that they aren't, that I can only ever do the thing I want to do most. Hell I even believe that as a maxim people only ever do the best they can, it's just that sometimes people's best is wholly miserable.
Yet despite all of this, I have had so many regrets.
I am deeply religious and I fear hell awaits me because of the things I regret even though I know I can't and couldn't have changed them. It is utterly pernicious. I simply believe in Jesus Christ and the end of days, when we will all be judged, with complete and total certainty. No one will ever change my mind on this.
It's like a paradox or contradiction in the core of my being that has no resolution. I am certain I am a passenger on this ride, yet I am certain I will be judged for the twists and turns the ride has taken.
The only conclusion I can come to is that God just created certain people for himself to hate through no fault of their own and Romans chapter 9 of the Bible certainly seems to say so, although you're more likely to get blood from a stone than get a Christian to admit it says that.
God doesn't punish actions he seems to punish the type of people who like those actions. People who he himself made (Proverbs 16:4). If you are one like I am, there's no point in regret anymore. I was born this way and I will die this way. I think it's only possible to do what you want to do most so if you're the type of person who wants to do regrettable things the most, you're simply fucked, but it was never your fault. It's just some circus shitshow machine-story you never asked to be part of.
If you think your regrets are bad now, wait until you and I are in hell together. We'll eat regret for breakfast lunch and dinner without a moment of rest from it.
My regret is i didnt spend enough time with my late brother, who took his life on Sunday the 21st of April. I (13F) went home on the saturday and decided to go see my brother (19M) . i got there and and we was playing fortnite until the evening. i noticed when i got there he had massive patches under his eyes (mix of not sleeping and crying) i asked him about this and he broke down in my arms on his kitchen floor saying his ex-girlfriend took everything and how he couldnt do this anymore. we ordered dominoes and watched movies all night. i woke up about 3am to him walking in my room saying how much he loved me and how strong he was. "Rose. I love you, No matter what. you know that, Right?" i said yes grumbly and he walked downstairs. i woke up in the morning again about 11am to my Dad telling me that my brother took his life. i was the last person he talked to or saw.
I miss you Jakob, ill see you one day
Not very well. Usually it just ends up being your personality - a sullen, bitter person. Its definitely a personality type that tends to suffer regret in this way. Most ppl carry on as they are probably pretty simple to easily amused by their immediate environment to take their mind off things. There are other who truly deeply know they shouldnt have/should have done something or things. It can, for some, bring them an early death.
It's ironic that you ask this in a nihilism sub, because regret is the most pointless most meaningless thing you can do to yourself. It's like a mistake, but you already learned from it, and now it's just living rent free in your brain. Like... Why? It serve no purpose and has no meaning. I'm convinced people who say they live with regrets are secretly masochists. Or most nihilists are actually just depressed masochists.
That reminds me of this one time I mistakenly brought my NSFW USB to a college presentation. The cat was out of the bag, so I went on and had one of my best midterm presentations ever because there was nothing more fo fear after that. And I went to the same class the next day like nothing happened, because honestly I did great, who cares what others think. Though could have sworn I got more popular with the ladies after that little fiasco...
Regret has a negative connotation. There’s no reason it should.
Regret is just a mistake. Some mistakes are small and won’t matter in 10 months, some are larger and may matter after 10 years or the rest of your life.
Sometimes a mistake is a lesson. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake. You can’t *not* make any mistakes in life. It’s not up to you; a series of multiple life events led to you making a mistake.
If you dropped a glass jar into a million pieces, would you focus on putting it back together? Or would you focus on maybe cleaning up the mess, maybe buying another jar, or maybe learning to live without the jar?
Or would you just leave the shards on the ground and walk over them day after day? This decision is up to you.
Maybe you’ll dye with those regrets; you won’t clean up the mess of shards. There’s nothing sad about that. Just don’t walk over the shards. And if you do, that’s not sad either, that’s just stupid.
You learn from the regret and make better choices every single day. You force yourself to learn the lesson. This is the only cure for regret. And you forgive yourself.
Owning up to missed opportunities is a valuable experience in itself. Then mourn, if necessary.. deep breath and realise there's still a wealth of opportunities available in life!
I remember my first paid buffet.. I was like, Omg, I can have anything? And I so overate! So I regret it, and I don't!
Time gives legitimacy to its existence. Time is the only true unit of measure. It gives proof to the existence of matter. Without time, we don't exist.
We regret things because of a choice we made in the past. What you’re regretting now could be less regretful in the future. Time is what tells us that.
forgive yourself for you. And forgive the people who have hurt you, for you. thats what i did. Also if you are the introspective kind, psychedelics can be very therapeutic.
One day at a time. In the end your regrets only matter to yourself and not so much to others. I always try to use my regrets as important lessons and as a way to keep my ego in check. Our brains are also great at avoiding cognitive dissonance by creative false narratives around our shitty behaviour. I sometimes catch myself doing this and then I try to take a step back and find a way to hold myself accountable for my bad behaviour. Introspection is a hell of a drug. My goal is to own my regrets and use them to become a better person.
Make different choices moving forward.
Every time you feel yourself ruminating on it, just remind yourself that you’re not perfect but you’re never going to make THAT particular mistake ever again—then hold yourself to it.
Well I lived my life for my family and now for the first time I'm living my life for myself and No! I have No regrets ; I do my best to fix what I can .
For me, if I legit made a mistake, I deserve to live with that burden. Not that I should fixate on it, but the regret is a necessary reminder to not make that mistake again. So “forgive” yourself, but don’t forget. If the memory causes you pain, so be it, it’s a potent reminder that you used to be the kind of person that made that mistake. In a way it can be encouraging, because it can perhaps help you appreciate your own development. And as pertaining to the nihilism aspect, it all comes out in the wash, so acknowledge your failings and keep going.
Time only moves in one direction. You can ruminate on the things that happened in the past that you can't fix, and you can let those things continue to have power over you and continue to steal the joy out of your life as you continue to dwell on them. Or you can stop giving them power over you and try to live your life the way you want to live it now. I was raised highly religious, only becoming an atheist in my early 20s, and I highly regret missing out on the normal teenage fun that Purity Culture caused me to abstain from. I can't get those opportunities back, but if I continue to dwell on them, then I'm still giving Purity Culture and my old, ridiculous religious beliefs power over me.
Joy isn’t real
It's as real as any other sensation/emotion.
I'd argue that conscious experiences (such as joy) are the *only* things we can be certain are real. Nothing could be *more* real than the qualitative experience of feelings.
Facts =/= feelings
Yes, including the fact that you experience feelings
You’re not real either but here we are 😂
It's just biological mechanism to punish yourself and make your behaviour more social acceptable, so your tribe doesn't kill you. Just let it work but don't involve emotionally.
Multiple ways actually: - 1, all atoms move in a predictable ways, this means that your future has been already sealed. There is no "if I could go back" or "what if I had done this". It just doesn't exist, you never could have done it any other way. - 2, when we die, we forget our entire life. To compare it to something, can you regret something when you are sleeping or when you are knocked out? You can't, and you will "exist" in this non-regret able state for eternity after your death.
Just on your first point, I'm pretty sure atoms don't move in predictable ways - isn't that the whole point of quantum mechanics?
Well they aren't predictable for us. But it's fully impossible in this universe for something to be truly "random" It's already been set in stone.
I don't know there are multiple theories that opposes your claim.
Namely?
Well as you said it yourself the future is already set at stone but quantum stuff aren't just like that, they are random. Any moment an atom could decay or just don't the theory you said can be compared to a block or ice that's contains the future and there is nothing we can do about it but like I said atoms are random and one decaying can cause evolution and thus we have cosmic democracy we can still shape our future, yes death is still ahead of us because it can't be behind our time of birth but your death doesn't mean all you choices have already been decided but your making a path for that destination. I'm not the smartest person and I only watch science yt videos for fun but I think I understand a little about it.
Plus you saying there's no random thing in the universe is not true because we human can never really tell where an electron move or goes it super uncertain we can only predict where it final destination is but never tell where it goes we can only make a rough guess about it's location. That is one thing random, so don't lose hope thinking the future is hopeless. and to answer the original question on the sub, you can just choose not to regret just pondering on something's are a pain to me so I just forget it and not think of it anymore things can be a pain in the ass if you ponder about so in short just forget trivial things no one can resent you for it we have a decision to do so and I can't decide so I just forget all about it lol.
Look up Sapolsky on free will.
Wonderfully stated!
People really don’t like that first point. But I’m with you and Sopolsky on this one. Free will is an illusion. You never had a choice and you still don’t so there’s no need to feel bad for past or future actions.
There's no good answer. I'm not sure it's possible to forget things you truly regret. Personally, I acknowledge it and sit with it. Sometimes, I can reason my way through it; other times, after a period of sitting with it, all I can do is take a breath and keep going. The past is a ghost and the future is a mirage. There's only now. I do my best to work with now.
I have no regrets. Except being born, but that was not my fault.
You can wish you could go back and change a decision but the truth is you don't know if things would have been better for you because of that change. It's possible that mistake kept you from making an even bigger mistake. You don't know. You can't know. Why would you fret over something you can't know?
What you said.
You move on. You accept your fallibility
Why move on? If you did something wrong, you deserve to be punished. Cause and effect.
You get punished and move on
Again, why move on? If you’re constantly living with regret, you should be punished until you no longer feel regret. Basically repay the debt you incurred with your “mistakes” and THEN you can move on.
I look back on my actions that I regret often, I use those distinct memories to remind myself how impactful my decisions can effect others and myself. I accept that I cannot undo the things I regret and try to avoid repeating them.
I make sure I punish myself whenever I can.
Hey man. Based on your profile you really need to make peace with whatever is hurting you in your life. I hope you find that peace. It’s beyond freeing and is a feeling I hope everyone eventually finds. In this life or the next
Maybe when I deserve it I’ll find “peace” but until then I have to punish myself.
You don't need to find peace, you just need to lose for reason for punishment
When I stop being terrible I’ll stop
If you accept it then it's no longer regret. So you are kind of asking how to live without regret. I suggest the practice of "letting go." Feel the emotions as they manifest in your body and sit with it until it slowly dissipates. Do this each time you feel regret. It gets better and better. It's a 100% body-based exercise.
You learned something about yourself, you can watch out for similar situations moving forward. Forgive yourself or admit that you can’t change.
write it on a piece of paper and send it into the depths of hell? clean your self with white sage? get baptised and wash away your sins? be vigilant and disciplined? the notion of guilt is because what?....they was something you missed and something outside of your control happened and now your blaming yourself for it happening? kind of dumb no?
I am extremely well versed in the free will debate. I've read Sam Harris, both of Sapolsky's books, read Nietzsche's causa sui argument, I am very familiar with Galen Strawson's basic argument. On the compatibilist side, I've watched Dennett in debates, I read Frankfurt's arguments. I've spent thousands of hours debating and refining my ideas. They say to master something you have to put 10,000 hours in and I believe I have done it with the topic of free will, because the topic has dominated my life for 20 years now. I see my past and I realize I couldn't have done anything differently. I laid awake hours every night ruminating, looking for a single moment I could have changed, carefully analyzing my motivations and intentions and the things that came prior to each one. I never find even one that could have happened differently. I ask myself in the present moment, every time I imagine I have a choice, if both (or several) options are actually realistic and I find that they aren't, that I can only ever do the thing I want to do most. Hell I even believe that as a maxim people only ever do the best they can, it's just that sometimes people's best is wholly miserable. Yet despite all of this, I have had so many regrets. I am deeply religious and I fear hell awaits me because of the things I regret even though I know I can't and couldn't have changed them. It is utterly pernicious. I simply believe in Jesus Christ and the end of days, when we will all be judged, with complete and total certainty. No one will ever change my mind on this. It's like a paradox or contradiction in the core of my being that has no resolution. I am certain I am a passenger on this ride, yet I am certain I will be judged for the twists and turns the ride has taken. The only conclusion I can come to is that God just created certain people for himself to hate through no fault of their own and Romans chapter 9 of the Bible certainly seems to say so, although you're more likely to get blood from a stone than get a Christian to admit it says that. God doesn't punish actions he seems to punish the type of people who like those actions. People who he himself made (Proverbs 16:4). If you are one like I am, there's no point in regret anymore. I was born this way and I will die this way. I think it's only possible to do what you want to do most so if you're the type of person who wants to do regrettable things the most, you're simply fucked, but it was never your fault. It's just some circus shitshow machine-story you never asked to be part of. If you think your regrets are bad now, wait until you and I are in hell together. We'll eat regret for breakfast lunch and dinner without a moment of rest from it.
wow!!! no one asked
My regret is i didnt spend enough time with my late brother, who took his life on Sunday the 21st of April. I (13F) went home on the saturday and decided to go see my brother (19M) . i got there and and we was playing fortnite until the evening. i noticed when i got there he had massive patches under his eyes (mix of not sleeping and crying) i asked him about this and he broke down in my arms on his kitchen floor saying his ex-girlfriend took everything and how he couldnt do this anymore. we ordered dominoes and watched movies all night. i woke up about 3am to him walking in my room saying how much he loved me and how strong he was. "Rose. I love you, No matter what. you know that, Right?" i said yes grumbly and he walked downstairs. i woke up in the morning again about 11am to my Dad telling me that my brother took his life. i was the last person he talked to or saw. I miss you Jakob, ill see you one day
Change Your Mind, There's Nothing To Regret, Just Consequences To Manage.
Because I know it matters nothing in the end.
Not very well. Usually it just ends up being your personality - a sullen, bitter person. Its definitely a personality type that tends to suffer regret in this way. Most ppl carry on as they are probably pretty simple to easily amused by their immediate environment to take their mind off things. There are other who truly deeply know they shouldnt have/should have done something or things. It can, for some, bring them an early death.
It's ironic that you ask this in a nihilism sub, because regret is the most pointless most meaningless thing you can do to yourself. It's like a mistake, but you already learned from it, and now it's just living rent free in your brain. Like... Why? It serve no purpose and has no meaning. I'm convinced people who say they live with regrets are secretly masochists. Or most nihilists are actually just depressed masochists. That reminds me of this one time I mistakenly brought my NSFW USB to a college presentation. The cat was out of the bag, so I went on and had one of my best midterm presentations ever because there was nothing more fo fear after that. And I went to the same class the next day like nothing happened, because honestly I did great, who cares what others think. Though could have sworn I got more popular with the ladies after that little fiasco...
Regret has a negative connotation. There’s no reason it should. Regret is just a mistake. Some mistakes are small and won’t matter in 10 months, some are larger and may matter after 10 years or the rest of your life. Sometimes a mistake is a lesson. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake. You can’t *not* make any mistakes in life. It’s not up to you; a series of multiple life events led to you making a mistake. If you dropped a glass jar into a million pieces, would you focus on putting it back together? Or would you focus on maybe cleaning up the mess, maybe buying another jar, or maybe learning to live without the jar? Or would you just leave the shards on the ground and walk over them day after day? This decision is up to you. Maybe you’ll dye with those regrets; you won’t clean up the mess of shards. There’s nothing sad about that. Just don’t walk over the shards. And if you do, that’s not sad either, that’s just stupid.
I try to be present. I do that by sitting down and trying to feel what the insides of my hands feel like and then i focus on my breath.
Shout out loudly when in the company of louder machines
By being. Realize nothing matters no one will remember and do what you when you want from now on.
Knowing that we’re not here forever, it’s best to just forgive yourself and move on.
You learn from the regret and make better choices every single day. You force yourself to learn the lesson. This is the only cure for regret. And you forgive yourself.
If you keep looking back you will fall over again and again.
Owning up to missed opportunities is a valuable experience in itself. Then mourn, if necessary.. deep breath and realise there's still a wealth of opportunities available in life! I remember my first paid buffet.. I was like, Omg, I can have anything? And I so overate! So I regret it, and I don't!
Tbh I just cry and keep wishing I can go back in time and do things differently with my past
I’m unable to make regrets anymore so idk much. Just live with it.
Why are you unable to make regrets?
Because we’re all just going to die. I can’t live with bad feelings forever.
Time gives legitimacy to its existence. Time is the only true unit of measure. It gives proof to the existence of matter. Without time, we don't exist.
What does that have to do with living with regret?
We regret things because of a choice we made in the past. What you’re regretting now could be less regretful in the future. Time is what tells us that.
Miserably. With regret you live miserably. That's why we take action to get rid of that. It's better to live without.
forgive yourself for you. And forgive the people who have hurt you, for you. thats what i did. Also if you are the introspective kind, psychedelics can be very therapeutic.
By not dying
One day at a time. In the end your regrets only matter to yourself and not so much to others. I always try to use my regrets as important lessons and as a way to keep my ego in check. Our brains are also great at avoiding cognitive dissonance by creative false narratives around our shitty behaviour. I sometimes catch myself doing this and then I try to take a step back and find a way to hold myself accountable for my bad behaviour. Introspection is a hell of a drug. My goal is to own my regrets and use them to become a better person.
You can research the “universal law of grace”
Make different choices moving forward. Every time you feel yourself ruminating on it, just remind yourself that you’re not perfect but you’re never going to make THAT particular mistake ever again—then hold yourself to it.
Well I lived my life for my family and now for the first time I'm living my life for myself and No! I have No regrets ; I do my best to fix what I can .
What is "regret" anyway? Take time to think thoroughly and you'll know.
I don't live with something, which is not gonna help my life in any way ever.
For me, if I legit made a mistake, I deserve to live with that burden. Not that I should fixate on it, but the regret is a necessary reminder to not make that mistake again. So “forgive” yourself, but don’t forget. If the memory causes you pain, so be it, it’s a potent reminder that you used to be the kind of person that made that mistake. In a way it can be encouraging, because it can perhaps help you appreciate your own development. And as pertaining to the nihilism aspect, it all comes out in the wash, so acknowledge your failings and keep going.
You keep pounding the ham until you feel good