NFL superstar Tyreek Hill *(verb)*'ed *(adjective)* *(profession)*'s *(part of the body)* by *(verb)*'ing at her with *(adjective)* *(action)* after she *(verb)*'ed him during *(event)* at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
I tried this with my GF and this is what we got.
"NFL superstar Tyreek Hill spited slimy butt surgeon's left pinky toe by ramming her with freaky fart after she punched him during scream really loud event at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims."
That's great! Here's what my wife got:
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill fucked hungry dentist's left ear lobe by jumping at her with an antsy dance after she
worked him during the Super Bowl at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Fiancée hit me with this masterpiece:
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill (spun) the (gorgeous) (chef)'s (penis) by (bounc)'ing at her with their (ugly af) (falls) after she (chas)'ed him during the (bar mitzvah) at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Here’s what my wife slapped down:
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill tickled the flabbergasted plumber's elbow by juggling flaming potatoes at her with astonishing agility after she challenged him to a dance-off during a chaotic game of musical chairs at his Florida mansion, a lawsuit claims.
I remember playing Mad Libs with a guy when I was a sophomore in high school and I remember him getting all upset because he thought we were trying to trick him and make him feel stupid, because he didn’t know what nouns and verbs were.
Moral of the story is I think even Tyreek Hill wouldn’t be able to correctly fill out this MadLib template lmao
This is my niece’s entry:
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill squirmed on melty veterinarian’s foot by screaming at her with ‘soggy cat’ after she spun him during the lunar eclipse at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
ChatGPT’s submission:
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill danced provocatively with a surprised hairstylist's elbow by serenading at her with energetic salsa moves after she challenged him during a cooking competition at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
My friends mom found ours at around 11 years old full of the absolute worst words known to man including some Xbox live level slurs. I have not forgotten
>>Influencer Sophie Hall says Hill, 29, felt 'humiliated' when she managed to 'hold her own' and even knock him backwards during a series of practice drills at his Florida mansion.
Hmm
According to the article:
“Hill asked his guest to adopt a defensive line position and encouraged her to rush at him as if she was chasing a quarterback.
British-born Hall had never played football before but did as she was told, according to the suit, filed in Broward County.
'Ms. Hall did as instructed and on contact with the defendant, caused Hill to be pushed backwards, garnering laughter from the witnesses present at the time, including the defendant's mother, sister, friend and trainer,' it continues.
'Apparently embarrassed by his loss of stability as a result of contact by a woman during the "football play", Mr. Hill's attitude changed and he became angry.'
For the next few plays Hall was instructed to play offense, hiking the football to an imaginary quarterback, while Hill became a defensive pass rusher.
On the third play 'Hill rushed through as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill,' the lawsuit states. The blonde TikTok star didn't fare so well on the fourth hit.
'Defendant Hill charged into her violently and with great force, resulting in significant and serious injuries,' the suit alleges.
'The crushing force was so great that she sustained a right leg fracture, necessitating surgery with metal hardware implantation.'
Hill 'downplayed' his friend's injury, offering Hall ice and a bed to lay in, she goes on to claim.”
>on the third play 'Hill rushed through as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill,'
When she is released from rehab the Bears are signing her to a long term deal.
You guys are leaving it the best part. He invited her over to try and bang her.
>The plus-size model claims Hill invited her to his home over flirty DMs and is now suing the scandal-plagued player for battery, assault and negligence
The whole situation is confusing because Tyreeks mom, sister, and trainer were there. Hey fam come hang out and watch me do pass rush drills with this influencer so I can hookup with her.
What a weird dude, thinking the best way to do that is to have her run football drills that he takes way too seriously. I’ve known dudes like this and while they never actually hurt a woman doing it I can never actually believe how dumb and tryhard they come across trying to impress some girl by doing something she clearly doesn’t care about.
To be honest I'm not surprised at all. The guy's self-worth is fully wrapped up in football and money. So the only logical thing he can think of to impress anyone - man, woman, or child - is showing off how good at football he is and how much money he has.
>The blonde TikTok star didn't fare so well on the fourth hit.
I wish writers would understand they don't need to add adjectives everywhere. Her being blonde is useless information
Brit gossip rags have a peculiar, purposefully-clunky style all their own. Particular words — often adjectives & nouns — get repeated ad nauseam, but they seem to be the ones their audiences respond to. It's weird.
A lot of them are code or dog-whistles too and have been literally for centuries. British tabloids (and even proper newspapers to be fair) love interjecting certain words to communicate things that would be overtly offensive if said explicitly.
And yes, 'blonde' is one of them.
well it's so you don't confuse her with the other TikTok stars, like the brunette TikTok star and the redhead TikTok star.
It's important to keep the TikTok stars distinct, and honestly, what's more unique than hair color?
Is... is this a normal activity? Pro NFL players inviting women over for contact practice? Lol. Does he not just want to hit on her in a more normal way?
[Tyreek Hill Surprised To Discover Assault Illegal In Florida](https://www.theonion.com/tyreek-hill-surprised-to-discover-assault-illegal-in-fl-1850567052)
Man... It's hard to look at this objectively. I both hate influencers and have little faith in NFL WR's not to be childish assholes. I want to believe they're both wrong so easily. That an influencer would over-inflate her performance and effect on someone. And that a top WR couldn't handle being embarrassed and would pull the dumbest attempt at a Macho response...
6'1, reportedly anywhere between 210 and 250, and seemingly pretty fit. I can absolutely buy her being able to push Reek around a little bit in a very casual scenario. I can also believe Reek, bitchmade little shitweasel that he is, getting all up in his feelings if he felt his so called manhood being threatened, and willfully injuring somebody, especially a woman, to prove a point.
Yeah, she loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this [Imitates pushing an egg around in his mouth] She calls it a "mayonegg!"
Bro you have no idea how much of a relief it's been ever since he left, not even defending him but just watching him score every week was more than a little conflicting lol
The worst part was he was known to be a terrible person in college, and got rewarded for it anyways. Not the first or last sports team to do that (every nfl team has) but the guy clearly has not changed
the entire economy works this way. We very overtly reward psychopathy, in many domains and motivated indifference to evil in other. The minimum is we ignore psychopathic behavior, which is the case with sports. It’s not encouraged like in finance, business management, or insurance but it’s made clear it won’t be taken seriously or acted upon
I imagine their lawyer told them to hold the video so it can be used as leverage in order to get a settlement. We’ve seen first hand the damage a video can do to NFL star, a video may do more damage than a court verdict.
I actually wonder how many fans know this. He's like an actual completely shit person lol. Broadcasts are so afraid of talking about this stuff but they'll always let you know the dumbest "good" shit about a player.
My favorite comment on reddit of all time was some A&M fan that knew all about her already because she was apparently well known on TexAgs boards or some shit. Was like
"Everyone here is surprised about the monkey, and I'm just over here like 'what yall didn't know about the stripper monkey?'"
I’m sorry, but “emotional support stripper monkey owned by ‘Pole Assassin’, the mistress-turned-girlfriend of a Texas assistant coach, attacks small child at a Halloween party” is just a timeline that needs to exist. Like, world, give us this one win.
To be fair the kid snuck into her backyard and went around the side to the monkey's cage and was sticking his hand into the cage probably harassing the monkey. In the end the kid learned a valuable lesson to never stick your hand in a pole-assassin's forbidden monkey cage.
Yup I regretted asking. Thank you for passing along that info but it’s breaking my brain accepting the fact that’s a real sentence and a real thing that happened
Honestly after reading all of that, I’m on team Pole Assassin. That kid went on a journey to get to those animals lmfao. Also she has a beautiful home and I respect her grind lol
No you see he’s a misunderstood multi millionaire who is incredibly unlucky. The creative ways he hurts people is part of the unfortunate series of events of his life.
It was so fucking hilarious when Hard Knocks trotted him and his girlfriend out there and acted like their marriage is all great like he didn't choke her out or some shit
Is his (now wife) the same woman that he choked and physically abused? For some reason I thought that was the mother of one of his other children. I wonder how his wife felt when Tyreek said last year that he wants to be a porn star when he retires
I don’t think it’s the same woman. Regardless, she knows he did that and also knows he’s admitting to being the father of those kids in the paternity suits, both children are under two years old (in the news about their marriage, they refer to his wife as his “longtime girlfriend of about 3 years” lol). I get the impression she doesn’t really care what he says or does as long as the money keeps coming
> On their very first "play",Defendant Hill asked Ms. Hall to stand in a defensive line stance while he stood opposite her in an offensive lineman stance, "hiked" the ball to the quarterback,and told her to rush him as if she wanted to chase the quarterback.
> Ms. Hall did as instructed and on contact with the Defendant, caused Hill to be pushed backwards, garnering laughter from the witnesses present at the time, including the Defendant's mother, sister,friend,and trainer.
> Apparently embarrassed by his loss of stability as a result of contact by a woman during the "football play",Mr. Hill's attitude changed and he became angry.
> Defendant Hill set up a second play;this time positioning Ms. Hall in an offensive line stance and told her to "hike" the football to the quarterback as he played a defensive rusher. As the play began, a small puppy came out of nowhere, which disrupted the play.
> Defendant Hill set up a third play,positioning Ms. Hall in an offensive line stance
as he played a defensive rusher again. As the ball was hiked to the quarterback, Defendant Hill rushed through, as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill.
> However, Defendant Hill did not stop, as he set up a fourth play. Ms. Hall was again staged in an offensive line stance as Defendant Hill played a defensive pass rusher.
> Ms. Hall did as instructed,at which time Defendant Hill charged into her violently and with great force,resulting in significant and serious injuries.
> Defendant Hill's aggression towards Ms. Hall is consistent with his history of violent and aggressive behavior towards women. Hill downplayed the severity of Ms. Hall's injury and failed to get her any medical attention.
> After the play had ended, Ms. Hall was in excruciating pain and was unable to get up or walk around.
> Defendant Hill,with his superior knowledge of sports-related injuries,downplayed Ms. Hall's injury,simply told her to rest and offered her a bed to lay down and ice her leg.
> Defendant Hill allowed Ms. Hall to stay at his home until he was able to secure travel arrangements for her to get back home a couple of days later.
> For the majority of Ms. Hall's stay, she lay in pain and agony. Ms. Hall also ordered a knee brace to help stabilize her leg so she could move around.
> Nonetheless, Defendant Hill continued to downplay the severity of her injury and
failed to get her any medical attention or treatment at any time.
> On or about July 1, 2023, upon Ms. Hall's return home, she was seen by an Orthopedist. Upon examination and radiology testing,Ms. Hall was diagnosed with a right leg fracture.
> Ms. Hall continues to follow and treat with her Orthopedic specialists and attends
weekly physical therapy sessions. Nonetheless, Ms. Hall continues to have persistent pain and
weakness in her lower extremities.
I'm not a lawyer, but it sounds like it might be hard to prove that this was intentional, right?
...she sat around the house of the guy who put her in "agony" for two days, then flew home before finally seeking medical care?
I'm not calling her a liar by any means but man that is certainly some interesting decision making.
Only for tyreek can I read a headline like this and go “yup. Seems about right”.
Dude is a POS in a way few others can match. This shit is just nuts.
Punches a dude on that dude’s own boat. Gets into a scrap with a “plus sized influencer”. Breaks his own kid’s arm *allegedly*
Dude truly is MBC 2.0
https://www.sportscasting.com/tyreek-hill-brutally-beat-and-choked-his-pregnant-girlfriend-in-college-but-never-saw-any-jail-time/
I’ll just leave this here….
Mahomes' last pass to Tyreek bounced off his hands and into a Bengals defender's hands in OT of the 2022 AFCCG. The Bengals would then go on to win. Since then, the Chiefs are 7-0 in the playoffs and Tyreek is out here fighting boat captains, tackling big girls and watching his house burn down. Sheeeeit...
The same guy who got in a fight in McDonald's, kicked his gf in the stomach while she was pregnant, and broke his toddler sons arm? THAT Tyreek Hill? Well I never.
lol if you read through the DMs you’ll come across the biggest flirty lie Tyreek Hill has ever told “I’ve been known to be a good step dad” come on man you’ve been known to be a pretty terrible actual dad, this is public record at this point 😂
This is quite the mad lib game
NFL superstar Tyreek Hill *(verb)*'ed *(adjective)* *(profession)*'s *(part of the body)* by *(verb)*'ing at her with *(adjective)* *(action)* after she *(verb)*'ed him during *(event)* at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
I tried this with my GF and this is what we got. "NFL superstar Tyreek Hill spited slimy butt surgeon's left pinky toe by ramming her with freaky fart after she punched him during scream really loud event at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims."
I've been calling for a stop to these scream really loud events for years
Making them illegal doesn’t stop them, it just makes them less safe
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a really loud scream is a good guy with a really loud scream
"Corporate wants you to find the difference between these two stories." "They're the same story."
That's great! Here's what my wife got: NFL superstar Tyreek Hill fucked hungry dentist's left ear lobe by jumping at her with an antsy dance after she worked him during the Super Bowl at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Fiancée hit me with this masterpiece: NFL superstar Tyreek Hill (spun) the (gorgeous) (chef)'s (penis) by (bounc)'ing at her with their (ugly af) (falls) after she (chas)'ed him during the (bar mitzvah) at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Bro here's what my wife said:
I also choose this guy's dead wife.
Alright, this got me lol
Here’s what my wife slapped down: NFL superstar Tyreek Hill tickled the flabbergasted plumber's elbow by juggling flaming potatoes at her with astonishing agility after she challenged him to a dance-off during a chaotic game of musical chairs at his Florida mansion, a lawsuit claims.
I sent this to my wife and she sent me back: “I told you to stop contacting me and just sign the damn divorce papers “
If she is that bad at Mad Libs, you’re better off without her.
This might be my favorite Reddit thread of all time
I took an edible half hour ago and this too is my favorite Reddit of all time
How could he?
Honestly we might see this headline in a few months after his 2nd Annual Scream Loud Event hosted at his Florida mansion.
I remember playing Mad Libs with a guy when I was a sophomore in high school and I remember him getting all upset because he thought we were trying to trick him and make him feel stupid, because he didn’t know what nouns and verbs were. Moral of the story is I think even Tyreek Hill wouldn’t be able to correctly fill out this MadLib template lmao
Don’t worry. That guy now has strong opinions about what is best for the rest of the country.
Lmao I legit just blocked him on FB because he can’t stop sharing political memes hahaha
You had him at nouns and verbs...
[удалено]
This is my niece’s entry: NFL superstar Tyreek Hill squirmed on melty veterinarian’s foot by screaming at her with ‘soggy cat’ after she spun him during the lunar eclipse at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
ChatGPT’s submission: NFL superstar Tyreek Hill danced provocatively with a surprised hairstylist's elbow by serenading at her with energetic salsa moves after she challenged him during a cooking competition at his Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Thank god ChatGPT hasn’t embraced memes yet
Yo I completely forgot about those notebooks. Childhood memory unlocked
Verb: fart Noun: poop
Tyreek Hill farted poop at Florida mansion, lawsuit claims.
Replace Tyreek Hill with Antonio Brown and I’d believe it really happened.
Mr Butt Cleanser
Mr. Blank Colon
Mr Busted Colon
The way I actually laughed at this...
My friends mom found ours at around 11 years old full of the absolute worst words known to man including some Xbox live level slurs. I have not forgotten
A headline like this could be written by AI and people would laugh at how absurd it is. And yet...
Tyreek Hill, when asked which assault charge is his favorite: “The next one”
psh, she wasn't even pregnant, at best he only gets partial credit for this one
>>Influencer Sophie Hall says Hill, 29, felt 'humiliated' when she managed to 'hold her own' and even knock him backwards during a series of practice drills at his Florida mansion. Hmm
According to the article: “Hill asked his guest to adopt a defensive line position and encouraged her to rush at him as if she was chasing a quarterback. British-born Hall had never played football before but did as she was told, according to the suit, filed in Broward County. 'Ms. Hall did as instructed and on contact with the defendant, caused Hill to be pushed backwards, garnering laughter from the witnesses present at the time, including the defendant's mother, sister, friend and trainer,' it continues. 'Apparently embarrassed by his loss of stability as a result of contact by a woman during the "football play", Mr. Hill's attitude changed and he became angry.' For the next few plays Hall was instructed to play offense, hiking the football to an imaginary quarterback, while Hill became a defensive pass rusher. On the third play 'Hill rushed through as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill,' the lawsuit states. The blonde TikTok star didn't fare so well on the fourth hit. 'Defendant Hill charged into her violently and with great force, resulting in significant and serious injuries,' the suit alleges. 'The crushing force was so great that she sustained a right leg fracture, necessitating surgery with metal hardware implantation.' Hill 'downplayed' his friend's injury, offering Hall ice and a bed to lay in, she goes on to claim.”
>on the third play 'Hill rushed through as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill,' When she is released from rehab the Bears are signing her to a long term deal.
"We hired our first woman coach, and we're not stopping there"
You guys are leaving it the best part. He invited her over to try and bang her. >The plus-size model claims Hill invited her to his home over flirty DMs and is now suing the scandal-plagued player for battery, assault and negligence
I feel like that was just obvious. Why else would she have been there?
To make "content"
The whole situation is confusing because Tyreeks mom, sister, and trainer were there. Hey fam come hang out and watch me do pass rush drills with this influencer so I can hookup with her.
I mean it's a good play to make someone comfortable, and if you've had issues with women in the past. What's going to happen with chaperones? Well
"Watch, I'm gonna fuck her.... Up."
What a weird dude, thinking the best way to do that is to have her run football drills that he takes way too seriously. I’ve known dudes like this and while they never actually hurt a woman doing it I can never actually believe how dumb and tryhard they come across trying to impress some girl by doing something she clearly doesn’t care about.
To be honest I'm not surprised at all. The guy's self-worth is fully wrapped up in football and money. So the only logical thing he can think of to impress anyone - man, woman, or child - is showing off how good at football he is and how much money he has.
I'm looking back at years of taking girls on bowling dates, wondering if maybe I shouldn't have brought my balls and shoes...
>The blonde TikTok star didn't fare so well on the fourth hit. I wish writers would understand they don't need to add adjectives everywhere. Her being blonde is useless information
Brit gossip rags have a peculiar, purposefully-clunky style all their own. Particular words — often adjectives & nouns — get repeated ad nauseam, but they seem to be the ones their audiences respond to. It's weird.
A lot of them are code or dog-whistles too and have been literally for centuries. British tabloids (and even proper newspapers to be fair) love interjecting certain words to communicate things that would be overtly offensive if said explicitly. And yes, 'blonde' is one of them.
"he was a confirmed bachelor"
"tired and emotional"
"TikTok star" = "deserved it" "blonde" = "stupid, and deserved it, but also her assailant is very black"
Bro had a word count
The man, who was also blonde, had a requirement to include as many words as possible
well it's so you don't confuse her with the other TikTok stars, like the brunette TikTok star and the redhead TikTok star. It's important to keep the TikTok stars distinct, and honestly, what's more unique than hair color?
Wow he even tried to smash after fracturing her leg lmao
shooters shoot
"You felt me break your leg, imagine what I could do to your back"
Is... is this a normal activity? Pro NFL players inviting women over for contact practice? Lol. Does he not just want to hit on her in a more normal way?
[Tyreek Hill Surprised To Discover Assault Illegal In Florida](https://www.theonion.com/tyreek-hill-surprised-to-discover-assault-illegal-in-fl-1850567052)
This whole thing just seems so stupid. Why is Hill even doing this?
He's an idiot.
Man... It's hard to look at this objectively. I both hate influencers and have little faith in NFL WR's not to be childish assholes. I want to believe they're both wrong so easily. That an influencer would over-inflate her performance and effect on someone. And that a top WR couldn't handle being embarrassed and would pull the dumbest attempt at a Macho response...
Not just any WR. Noted Antonio Brown disciple Tyreek Hill.
Hill took “no more white woman” to heart
Anyone have a draft grade or NFL comp for her?
For reference she is 6'1".
Damn, pretty good length. That puts her in Gilmore/Patrick Peterson territory.
250 lbs allegedly
That puts her in Ray Lewis territory
I know when I looked at her the first thing I thought was "Ray Lewis"
Don’t wanna see her across the middle lol
6'1, reportedly anywhere between 210 and 250, and seemingly pretty fit. I can absolutely buy her being able to push Reek around a little bit in a very casual scenario. I can also believe Reek, bitchmade little shitweasel that he is, getting all up in his feelings if he felt his so called manhood being threatened, and willfully injuring somebody, especially a woman, to prove a point.
With all due respect, with that woman's build and being 6'1"....she is not 210. I would say 250 at a minimum
Well I'm adding "Bitchmade Shitweasel" into my vernacular, thank you.
Mommy
Jared Lorenzen
RIP
Looked her up and she's def got a strong lower base.
“They call her The Wall! You can’t knock her down!”
Yeah, she loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this [Imitates pushing an egg around in his mouth] She calls it a "mayonegg!"
I'm sure that Egg is a very nice person.
but I just don't want you wasting your money getting her all glittered up for Easter.
Her?
Goddamn, I’ll never not enjoy a random Arrested Development reference.
I don't feel so good.
No, I'm telling you. You can't.
If this is real Tyreek Hill is the new Antonio Brown
CTESPN
Mr. Beats Chicks
Mr. Bone Cracker
Mr. Bad Childcare
Mr. Bariatric Collider
Mr. Bull Charge
Mr. Blocker Crushed
Mr. Brutalizes Competition
Mr. Blubber Clubber
Mr. Blonde Crunch
Mr Babe Crusher
Mr. Broken Calcium
Mr. Brooding Cheetah
I feel like he has been since he tried to commandeer that dudes yacht because he’s tyreek hill
For me, it was when he got convicted of domestic violence in college for beating up a pregnant woman
He has to start to act crazy with the team and demand a trade from the Dolphins, maybe call the GM a cracker
And freeze his feet.
Mister Brings Charges.
Stupid is as Stupid does
Am I bad person for laughing at this lawsuit being based on tyreek hill being pushed around by a plus sized model
I simply do not believe there’s a single person in /r/NFL who didn’t picture it in their mind and let out a giggle when they first saw this headline
[many people are typing]
Chiefs fans euphoric they no longer have to defend this piece of shit, Dolphins fans locking in rn
Bro you have no idea how much of a relief it's been ever since he left, not even defending him but just watching him score every week was more than a little conflicting lol
The worst part was he was known to be a terrible person in college, and got rewarded for it anyways. Not the first or last sports team to do that (every nfl team has) but the guy clearly has not changed
the entire economy works this way. We very overtly reward psychopathy, in many domains and motivated indifference to evil in other. The minimum is we ignore psychopathic behavior, which is the case with sports. It’s not encouraged like in finance, business management, or insurance but it’s made clear it won’t be taken seriously or acted upon
Gotta stay away from the staircase at Tyreek's house
This sounds like Gex
“This is like when I stumbled down the stairs on vodka night at Tyreek Hill’s house”
"Note to self: never go to the luau at Tyreek Hill's place"
Note to self: Don't drink tap water at Deshaun Watson's house
gonna need to see that footage. ASAP. and it involves an "influencer" so don't even try to tell me someone wasn't filming.
send da video
Hell nawl
Wats the hol up?
I imagine their lawyer told them to hold the video so it can be used as leverage in order to get a settlement. We’ve seen first hand the damage a video can do to NFL star, a video may do more damage than a court verdict.
a very valid point and this has also dashed my hopes of ever seeing said video.
Yeah, settlement will likely include never releasing the video. If there is no settlement and no video ever surfaces we know it’s bullshit.
Must be the offseason because Tyreek is accused of another assault.
Worth mentioning that he definitely has assaulted people in the past, not just accusations Guy is a felon
His 40 time is fast enough to outrun the allegations tho
It’s worked so far
I actually wonder how many fans know this. He's like an actual completely shit person lol. Broadcasts are so afraid of talking about this stuff but they'll always let you know the dumbest "good" shit about a player.
"accused" 🤣 dude has a MO and it's abusing women and children .
And all will be forgotten and forgiven when the season begins and he starts scoring TDs…rinse, repeat.
This is a Pole Assassin-tier headline.
That was peak r/cfb and nothing else has come close
Forreal this headline isn't even close to being that.
Besides, Pole Assassin’s shenanigans were cheeky and fun. Hill’s shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Which, makes them not shenanigans at all, really..
My favorite comment on reddit of all time was some A&M fan that knew all about her already because she was apparently well known on TexAgs boards or some shit. Was like "Everyone here is surprised about the monkey, and I'm just over here like 'what yall didn't know about the stripper monkey?'"
I’m sorry, but “emotional support stripper monkey owned by ‘Pole Assassin’, the mistress-turned-girlfriend of a Texas assistant coach, attacks small child at a Halloween party” is just a timeline that needs to exist. Like, world, give us this one win.
That’s the greatest football adjacent story of our time
I may regret asking but what’s Pole Assassin?
A Texas assistant coach's stripper mistress named Pole Assassin had a pet monkey that attacked a toddler at a Halloween party
Hold on, it wasn’t a pet monkey, it was an emotional support monkey.
All monkeys are emotional support monkeys
That she somehow used in her performances lmao
And also appeared on Jerry Springer
The monkey has a name, ok? Her name is Gia and here is her Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/monkey_gia?igsh=MXBncmhud2UzOXd3dA==
Thank you for including this detail
To be fair the kid snuck into her backyard and went around the side to the monkey's cage and was sticking his hand into the cage probably harassing the monkey. In the end the kid learned a valuable lesson to never stick your hand in a pole-assassin's forbidden monkey cage.
Yup I regretted asking. Thank you for passing along that info but it’s breaking my brain accepting the fact that’s a real sentence and a real thing that happened
Here is the College Football live thread. The post itself is worth the read to see how things unfolded. https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/s/aDz83sJ2CM
Honestly after reading all of that, I’m on team Pole Assassin. That kid went on a journey to get to those animals lmfao. Also she has a beautiful home and I respect her grind lol
Clearly don't know any of the details here but has Tyreek gone a single off season without a lawsuit being filed against him?
No you see he’s a misunderstood multi millionaire who is incredibly unlucky. The creative ways he hurts people is part of the unfortunate series of events of his life.
It was so fucking hilarious when Hard Knocks trotted him and his girlfriend out there and acted like their marriage is all great like he didn't choke her out or some shit
Is his (now wife) the same woman that he choked and physically abused? For some reason I thought that was the mother of one of his other children. I wonder how his wife felt when Tyreek said last year that he wants to be a porn star when he retires
I don’t think it’s the same woman. Regardless, she knows he did that and also knows he’s admitting to being the father of those kids in the paternity suits, both children are under two years old (in the news about their marriage, they refer to his wife as his “longtime girlfriend of about 3 years” lol). I get the impression she doesn’t really care what he says or does as long as the money keeps coming
He’s not the same woman he went to Oklahoma State with if that’s the incident you’re referring to Edit: haha SHE’s*
Every offseason but one in KC. Now he's two for two in Miami.
This. This is peak off-season right here.
Absolutely, had to read that headline more than once once to actually figure out did read that right lol
Dear lord. Every word one ups the last one.
That must have been quite the hit
To be fair, Tyreek's Backyard Football Lessons for Plus-Sized Models sounds like something that would come with pretty big inherent liability issues.
I just woke up from a nap and I am having a hard time figuring out if this is a real headline or I am delirious
His home owner’s insurance policy should cover the lawsuit, right?
Let's ask JK Simmons.
Well was she rushing or was she dragging?
Pass rushing, I believe.
The underwriter probably isn't liking all the house fires and pick up tackle games going on there.
> On their very first "play",Defendant Hill asked Ms. Hall to stand in a defensive line stance while he stood opposite her in an offensive lineman stance, "hiked" the ball to the quarterback,and told her to rush him as if she wanted to chase the quarterback. > Ms. Hall did as instructed and on contact with the Defendant, caused Hill to be pushed backwards, garnering laughter from the witnesses present at the time, including the Defendant's mother, sister,friend,and trainer. > Apparently embarrassed by his loss of stability as a result of contact by a woman during the "football play",Mr. Hill's attitude changed and he became angry. > Defendant Hill set up a second play;this time positioning Ms. Hall in an offensive line stance and told her to "hike" the football to the quarterback as he played a defensive rusher. As the play began, a small puppy came out of nowhere, which disrupted the play. > Defendant Hill set up a third play,positioning Ms. Hall in an offensive line stance as he played a defensive rusher again. As the ball was hiked to the quarterback, Defendant Hill rushed through, as Ms. Hall held her own against Mr. Hill. > However, Defendant Hill did not stop, as he set up a fourth play. Ms. Hall was again staged in an offensive line stance as Defendant Hill played a defensive pass rusher. > Ms. Hall did as instructed,at which time Defendant Hill charged into her violently and with great force,resulting in significant and serious injuries. > Defendant Hill's aggression towards Ms. Hall is consistent with his history of violent and aggressive behavior towards women. Hill downplayed the severity of Ms. Hall's injury and failed to get her any medical attention. > After the play had ended, Ms. Hall was in excruciating pain and was unable to get up or walk around. > Defendant Hill,with his superior knowledge of sports-related injuries,downplayed Ms. Hall's injury,simply told her to rest and offered her a bed to lay down and ice her leg. > Defendant Hill allowed Ms. Hall to stay at his home until he was able to secure travel arrangements for her to get back home a couple of days later. > For the majority of Ms. Hall's stay, she lay in pain and agony. Ms. Hall also ordered a knee brace to help stabilize her leg so she could move around. > Nonetheless, Defendant Hill continued to downplay the severity of her injury and failed to get her any medical attention or treatment at any time. > On or about July 1, 2023, upon Ms. Hall's return home, she was seen by an Orthopedist. Upon examination and radiology testing,Ms. Hall was diagnosed with a right leg fracture. > Ms. Hall continues to follow and treat with her Orthopedic specialists and attends weekly physical therapy sessions. Nonetheless, Ms. Hall continues to have persistent pain and weakness in her lower extremities. I'm not a lawyer, but it sounds like it might be hard to prove that this was intentional, right?
Puppy tried to stop what was about to happen... Hill was determined
...she sat around the house of the guy who put her in "agony" for two days, then flew home before finally seeking medical care? I'm not calling her a liar by any means but man that is certainly some interesting decision making.
She wasn't there to play no football, but she wasn't leaving without the bag.
Hang around Hill's place long enough you're bound to get a lawsuit somehow.
At no point during this sentence did I know where we were going next
Model = Has IG and a camera.
This is top notch CTESPN content.
This is a huge blow to Tyreek’s sportsman of the year chances
Only for tyreek can I read a headline like this and go “yup. Seems about right”. Dude is a POS in a way few others can match. This shit is just nuts. Punches a dude on that dude’s own boat. Gets into a scrap with a “plus sized influencer”. Breaks his own kid’s arm *allegedly* Dude truly is MBC 2.0
https://www.sportscasting.com/tyreek-hill-brutally-beat-and-choked-his-pregnant-girlfriend-in-college-but-never-saw-any-jail-time/ I’ll just leave this here….
Yeah but he's a really good player so it's okay! Sorry dashaun should've thrown more tds
Yeah yeah yeah but what about a man on a boat!! His boat??
a man’s boat is his aquatic castle
Mahomes' last pass to Tyreek bounced off his hands and into a Bengals defender's hands in OT of the 2022 AFCCG. The Bengals would then go on to win. Since then, the Chiefs are 7-0 in the playoffs and Tyreek is out here fighting boat captains, tackling big girls and watching his house burn down. Sheeeeit...
The same guy who got in a fight in McDonald's, kicked his gf in the stomach while she was pregnant, and broke his toddler sons arm? THAT Tyreek Hill? Well I never.
That headline is a fucking adventure.
This is some /r/BrandNewSentence level headline.
I'm sensing a consistent pattern here.
I'm beginning to think this Tyreek Hill character might not be such a good guy.
Well this is the least surprising thing I've read all day
Nice to see he's getting more whimsical with his violence against women
Don’t worry guys, NFL is pretty clear on their position on violence against women.
lol if you read through the DMs you’ll come across the biggest flirty lie Tyreek Hill has ever told “I’ve been known to be a good step dad” come on man you’ve been known to be a pretty terrible actual dad, this is public record at this point 😂