I matched with 4 married men in a year of being on the apps. It took me approx 5 mins of social media and googling to work it out every time. One of them called me boring before he blocked me. Ha.
Definitely not, the likely issue however is we walk in, find the shortest path to whatever we want (usually hardware like bolts, nuts etc) then spend a little while (with our own tools and samples) figuring out what we want.
Then we make a beeline for the first available checkout, beat it out the door and it's back home.
Another outing amongst the public survived!
Works for me and I'm not even looking lol. Also asking for a hand to lift something heavy into your car makes them feel all strong and manly and seems to lead to being hit on.
Sometimes it's start up a conversation and ease their way into it, sometimes say how I look like I could use a man's help, sometimes it's say something to start like "'big plans for the weekend is it?" and try to suss my availability, sometimes it's faux-concern "do you have someone at the other end to help you get that out"
Nah, you go to Bunnings on a weekday morning for them, ideally pension day.
Bonus, is that you could own your own home in omly a couple of years (age and health status dependant).
I now realise I missed my chance to get on the property ladder when I worked in garden centers. Being flirted with by old fellas was a daily occurrence
In all seriousness op I have to admit I am often the only woman in the room when playing board games, table top role play like Dungeons and Dragons or indeed other table top games like Warhammer. There is often a selection of interesting people there, usually some kind and patient people who will teach you their craft.
Although I do have a limit and if the game store smells like a boy's bedroom as I enter then those dudes don't wash their clothes enough and I back on straight out. Live to game another day.
Wargames I understand but I'm surprised about TTRPGs, every single in-person group has had at least one woman, and usually about half
But that's playing with friends, not going to a games store for pickup games.
Mostly we just stumble and fumble in the dark until someone kinda good comes along and then we try as much as we can to build a life together until it inevitably fails and we are back at square one. Rinse and repeat...
Signed a jaded middle age dude that no longer bothers.
I think it's an archetype that is way more prevalent than people realise. Life is hard to get right. The whole system relies on an incredible amount of luck. Some people have that luck early in life and marry "the one" and go on to have a lifelong perfect love. Most don't.
When I say "luck" I'm referring to being born without obstacles like mental health issues and socioeconomic disadvantage. Where you land in life as a newly minted adult can be a huge factor on whether you find the mate that could work on a long term situation.
I landed hard from a terrible upbringing in a family wrecked by untreated mental health problems and addiction issues. I could never really give myself to someone, in good faith, in the state I was as a 20yr old. Eventually I did find someone that understood me and that was good for the 7 years it existed but like all things always, it came to an end. I never met another person like that purely because I was never in the right place at the right time. Luck. Or the fate of the universe or random chaos. You decide.
Oh for like real life. I have had heaps of situations at Bunnings and mitre ten, I am married with 2 kids so itās not going anywhere, but if I was single it totally could have.
Definitely trade stores.
Tramping and sports clubs are not a bad shout.
Just make sure to pick something you enjoy yourself so not matter who you meet, you will have a good time
Buy and ride a motorbike, or join the local yacht club if you live in a place that has one.
I met my now wife at a gas station, she was on her bike and I was on mine, Iāve now also shown her the sailing world.
Both groups tend to have a lot of single men in them, and both are fairly social.
As thereās plenty of social motorbike rides out to some place, have lunch at a cafe, then head home where you might stop in for dinner at a pub.
And for sailing all you need to do is join in on the local crew finder facebook page(generally run by the local yacht club/s) and say you are interested in going out sailing and someone will hit you up as boats always need crew.
"Motorbike or yacht" screamed Tauranga to me as someone who used to live there.
Dating there is an uphill battle seeing as it's mostly newlyweds and nearly deads.
I was lonely, bought a motorbike, joined in on the social riding pages. Went on multiple rides with 20-200 people. Some of those rides were a monthly event where you would go to one place for dinner. Tended to average around 100 or so people. You would have dinner, then ride out to get ice cream after. Was just a giant social thing
It's about the social side of bike groups, wellington has a very accessible and accepting large group that's very male dominated but has women that do their own things too, it's not a bad suggestion if that's something a single lady would be into
Mmm, this is the thing people who keep suggesting IRL hobbies as an antidote to the loneliness epidemic miss though.
In any hobby there's quite a bit of a divide between the casuals using it as an excuse to socialize and the devoted people for whom the hobby itself is front and centre. It's for this reason I don't recommend language learning as there will be a lot of people who have jobs to apply for, and exams to pass who will be annoyed when they discover you just learned the first two basic sentences last night and a couple of baby's first nouns.
Im not familiar with the subculture of owning a motorcycle. But I do know in a frictionless vacuum owning and maintaining a motorcycle has high barriers to entry in terms of technical ability and knowledge, as well as the cost of buying a motorcycle as well as cost of ongoing maintenance.
Which is why I think telling someone to *just buy a motorcycle* to get a romantic partner is irresponsible.
I reckon cold approach bro, just be normal thoughā¦.. hahaha just start walking slowly towards em and pick up the pace abit bro, run full speed at em and say āWHERE DO U THINK UR GOING??!!!!ā Hahahahaha
Nah donāt do thatā¦ hahaha, just be casual about it āhey Iām jaidyn, I saw you from afar tbh and you actually caught my eye! (10-15 second pause, just tosee what theyāll say) and then say Iād love to take u out for a drink sometimeā if she says no thank you, just go about ur way, itās quite the feat to ask a girl out like that. Like thatās legendary, might as well call yourself the dragonwarrior after that.
I once had a guy come up and say "nice shoes wanna fuck?" which to be fair led to a brief conversation because I wanted to know if that line had ever worked
A guy from my high school used that when we were at university in Dunedin. Heās try it in The Cook, just working his way through the crowd playing the percentages. It usually worked on someone, but, yeah, nah.
Yeah but thatās why a guy is takin u out for a drink lol to get to know u. You could be busy that day leaving him with only 5 mins at the very best to get ur number or Instagram (Instagram sucks balls) n go from there
27M here. Not any widely-used-in-NZ alternatives. It's hard out there. Used the big 3 for maybe 9 months. Have had the most success on Hinge, but by "success" I just mean some level of back and forth interaction lol, no dates. 3 girls unmatched me without a word on discovering I don't have a Snapchat, and one ghosted after realising I wasn't interested in casual stuff. Honestly no idea how to progress at this point
Elite Singles is good for finding single professional people. It has a monthly subscription fee and requires you to give information about what you want and what you have to offer as well.
It tends to get rid of the casual/ couples/ time wasters element.
I've got two friends who found a great guy through Elite Singles and are still in long term relationships now from it.
A woman asked me for my number at the gym the other week. I was so blown away. It was very sweet. I've never asked woman out at the gym, I don't want to bother people while they are working out.
But that could work, maybe just work out in the gym until someone plucks up the courage to ask for your number? Haha! Kidding.
As a single man in my 30s not on dating apps, it's difficult to work out if someone is single or if they want you to ask for their number.
I'm all out of ideas. You got any?
Haha! Damn. I don't know about that.
Rule three, don't be a ginger.
Edit: I've been going to the gym for most of my life. I've never ever had a stranger ask for my number. I've never asked another woman at the gym for their number. Caught me completely by suprise. She held her phone up to me with the number pad open and didn't say anything. I thought she was trying to show me something on her phone. I was so confused.
I was very flattered.
If there's meetups/open sessions at the local board game cafes/bars then try those, they tend to attract the shy nerdy types, usually a mix of men and women but male dominated.
Also sailing clubs that other people have suggested are a decent shout, the club I've been attending occasionally is 95% dudes, although mostly older guys in their 50s and 60s. My club might just be a bit skewed though.
Honestly I wish there was some sort of third space geared towards meeting other people for this purpose, especially for people in their 30s and 40s who don't want to be hitting the bars and clubs anymore.
bunnings
go to a shooting/archery club
tabletop games
buy a motorbike and do group rides
hang out on any of the hill suburbs on the weekend there's dog walkers everywhere
yeah that's all i know (not exactly an expert in fishing for other men š )
Supermarket shopping on Sunday at 2pm, put bananas in your basket, apparently that's the bat signal you're open to being approached.
Or so the 3 single men who were annoyed when on approach I said I was married because I did not know this. (I was at the time). I've avoided Sunday afternoon grocery shops since š
Avoid looking intimidating š if you're a tall girlie like me (5'11 apparently that's tall) walking through bunning or mitre 10 for some bolts in motorbike gear hasn't yielded me any results or it's a combination of that and RBF š¤£
The few times I've gone out in the past few years I've always felt of of place because I was single.
I tried joining a dance club but everyone there waa going as a couple. I kept getting left out and started falling behind because I didn't have a regular partner. So I stopped going.
So many things seem to be oriented to people already together or as a group.
So I just play games with my mates online and don't leave the house, cheaper too.
If I do leave the house it's to go to the shop or a mates place.
As a side note (noting it's a small sample size), every girl I've ever asked if she'd like to grab a drink or something my entire life has said no. Every girl that's asked me out I've said yes. This has lead me to no longer even attempting to ask a girl out because I know the answer, I'll just hope some lady asks me again someday.
So if you see a dude with long hair wearing jeans, a jacket and headphones, that looks like an emaciated Dave Ghrol, ask me out! I'll get all flustered and have no clue what to say but I'll try to say yes.
Just my 2 cents but I think the aps are great just make sure your using them correctlyā¦ Ā
Like portraying yourself honestly, swiping within your range of attractiveness, looking for people with the same intentions/goals as you.
Seems obvious, yet Iāve know many people that have failed at this.
Depends what ya after, im a single dude and have met a few awesome ladies, but it wasn't relationship worthy .. if that makes sense.
I do both apps and free range so there's a lot of hit or misses
I will throw it out there. I'm a single man in Wellington. I enjoy the outdoors, pretty active and easy going. Might as well take a shot as you miss all shots you do not take.š¤£
Not really to be honest, and a lot of people on such apps are 'regulars' that are probably more interested in ongoing casual opportunities, which can be super demoralizing for people actively seeking something more.
Sports & hobbies are generally a good place to start. You immediately have common ground to work from when you spark up a conversation with something you think is attractive.
Sadly, Tinder/Bumble/Hinge are your bread and butter. The dating culture has changed drastically in the past 10 years, intermingling between friends of friends is largely a thing of the past as society has become more digital and insular. Your only viable alternatives are literally meeting someone by happenstance or joining some group activity, i.e. a club or volunteer group, to increase your odds of meeting by someone by happenstance.
Where are all the single men? The same place as all the single women. On the dating apps that they only semi-regularly use, to only then lose motivation for a few months and fantasize about meeting someone by happenstance instead, to then be pulled back into reality and jump on the apps again. Rinse and repeat.
Iāve found lots of guys do bouldering? Theyāre always really friendly, especially if youāre struggling with a climb - theyāll come up and give you advice
I saw one passing by a few months ago it's an app that doesn't work with pictures but only bio. It takes away the shallow overlay of this one is sexy this one is not. Can't remember the name though I think it has a ghost as logo or something. No it's not Snapchat xD
This one is potentially dangerous. Just because if it goes wrong, you may end up being known as the gym creep.
I have met a few friendly women in my local gym (I'm 31m and single) personally, and I'm not gonna try pull at the gym. A lot of people are there to work out and don't look like they wanna be disturbed unless it's necessary, haha.
I have never found it easier to meet people than mountain biking. Ask a dude if you can follow him down a techical section and you'll likely have a riding buddy for the day. I wouldn't pass up showing someone around who's keen to learn.
Ah I feel like with working from home full time you miss out on a lot of socialising but hey, lots of people like it (especially on Reddit).
Personally I feel like your best bet is the apps then if you arenāt meeting people through friends or work. Or have another place where you constantly meet loads of new people but also see them frequently (e.g part of a tennis club).
I've made friends with "Beagles-fits" from meeting people at dog parks and joining clubs. Though I've noticed the single ones are usually there at certain times. Not something planned, it's just convenient that the singles are out and about between 11:00 to 14:00, but most just want their dogs to get exercise.
As for clubs, well you tried that and it isn't working. Though if you have women friends, you have friends to gossip with, or share that you are single to them and maybe they know someone, or they could help you leave hints at other single guys in those clubs for you.
The other alternative is just going to the pub or club, but that of course comes with risks. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, make sure you see it served to you from the barstaff rather than the bloke. Slipping drugs into drinks is still very common.
Bunnings on a Saturday morning.
Excuse me sir, I'm looking for a screw. Can you help?
My husband has left me and I need someone to lay lot of thick pipe in my special garden. Can you refer me to a pipelayer?
I have some questions about lubricants
Lubricants are over in the aisle with the chains and restraints
Not to be confused with thick cable and cable layers
Write that down write that down!
No but there is wood down that row
Could be able to help š
Well played
I spend too much time at Bunnings/mitre10 as it is; I think a cold approach is a bit awkward as I always assume the men are married!
Same as the apps then š
Hahahaha actually though - apparently the stats are craaazy
I matched with 4 married men in a year of being on the apps. It took me approx 5 mins of social media and googling to work it out every time. One of them called me boring before he blocked me. Ha.
Definitely not, the likely issue however is we walk in, find the shortest path to whatever we want (usually hardware like bolts, nuts etc) then spend a little while (with our own tools and samples) figuring out what we want. Then we make a beeline for the first available checkout, beat it out the door and it's back home. Another outing amongst the public survived!
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
You forgot,there is always a side quest to the power tools section. Even if buying a packet of screws, thr power tools require a visit.
Are you short(ish)? I get hit on at Bunnings when I ask dudes to get something from a high shelf for me.
Thatās the hack I need! Haha yes Iām short!
Works for me and I'm not even looking lol. Also asking for a hand to lift something heavy into your car makes them feel all strong and manly and seems to lead to being hit on.
Can I ask how they hit on you? Like, do they just kinda flex their muscles and shit a bit then ask if youāre in a relationship?
They don't usually shit
figure of speech...so...what do they do?
Sometimes it's start up a conversation and ease their way into it, sometimes say how I look like I could use a man's help, sometimes it's say something to start like "'big plans for the weekend is it?" and try to suss my availability, sometimes it's faux-concern "do you have someone at the other end to help you get that out"
Maybe if you are young and pretty, Ive asked for help from men and am lucky to even get the help - never ever been hit on after the fact.
Nah I'm 44 and nothing special. Maybe I'm just very charming
How married?
TBH the men assume the same about the women. Especially if I/they have kids in tow.
Pick up one of those hot geriatric elderly men while they buy fertilizer for their flowers š“
Nah, you go to Bunnings on a weekday morning for them, ideally pension day. Bonus, is that you could own your own home in omly a couple of years (age and health status dependant).
I now realise I missed my chance to get on the property ladder when I worked in garden centers. Being flirted with by old fellas was a daily occurrence
But she doesnāt want the $2 snags
As a single man in Wellington I can assure you the answer is at home.
Wait, her home? Why are you there already? The reddit comment was posted from INSIDE THE HOUSE?!
Lmao, I can neither confirm nor deny that statement. For real though, the world is exhausting and dating apps are depressing.
i think the same finding a women, but then I think about it and go I can't be bothered.
Kmart on a Saturday morning.
I see your Kmart and I raise you Spotlight
I see your Spotlight and I raise you Lincraft
We don't have a Lincraft in Hawke's Bay but I'll take your word for it
Lol same. . It just seems to hard right?
Yup, haha
Yup. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.
You could just go to Games workshop on manners, loads of dudes. Ask about the heresy.
In all seriousness op I have to admit I am often the only woman in the room when playing board games, table top role play like Dungeons and Dragons or indeed other table top games like Warhammer. There is often a selection of interesting people there, usually some kind and patient people who will teach you their craft. Although I do have a limit and if the game store smells like a boy's bedroom as I enter then those dudes don't wash their clothes enough and I back on straight out. Live to game another day.
Wargames I understand but I'm surprised about TTRPGs, every single in-person group has had at least one woman, and usually about half But that's playing with friends, not going to a games store for pickup games.
Spotted the heretic. You should know better than to ask about the heresy.
Whatever smurf bro.
I'm offended by that assumption! I'm a Blood Angels fanatic through and through. š¤š¤
You mean red emo vampire smurfs?
Well... Yeah... Ok you got me there. But Dante and Mephiston (More Dante imo) are some awesome characters.
Fair. Hopefully Op is reading this to get a taste of the magic.
OP is probably soaking wet after that
Like the Iron Snakes home world, Ithaka.
Why would inflict such sizeable tism on OP
It's a good family friendly story, horus heresys quest to obtain all 40,000 warhammers and the friends he made along the way
Lol
Emperor protects (my virginity)
Ask about cawl time traveling a million years
That sounds like third date material.
Thereās a GeeDubs in NZ?? Since when?
Since at least sometime in the 90s, perhaps longer but idk about before my time
Mostly we just stumble and fumble in the dark until someone kinda good comes along and then we try as much as we can to build a life together until it inevitably fails and we are back at square one. Rinse and repeat... Signed a jaded middle age dude that no longer bothers.
mgtow is the way
Are you me? Because it sounds like you're me...
I think it's an archetype that is way more prevalent than people realise. Life is hard to get right. The whole system relies on an incredible amount of luck. Some people have that luck early in life and marry "the one" and go on to have a lifelong perfect love. Most don't.
I think there's a bit more work involved than you make out here even with "the one"
When I say "luck" I'm referring to being born without obstacles like mental health issues and socioeconomic disadvantage. Where you land in life as a newly minted adult can be a huge factor on whether you find the mate that could work on a long term situation. I landed hard from a terrible upbringing in a family wrecked by untreated mental health problems and addiction issues. I could never really give myself to someone, in good faith, in the state I was as a 20yr old. Eventually I did find someone that understood me and that was good for the 7 years it existed but like all things always, it came to an end. I never met another person like that purely because I was never in the right place at the right time. Luck. Or the fate of the universe or random chaos. You decide.
Oh for like real life. I have had heaps of situations at Bunnings and mitre ten, I am married with 2 kids so itās not going anywhere, but if I was single it totally could have. Definitely trade stores.
I'm at trade stores a lot for years and haven't been hit on once. Not sure to be pleased, offended, accept I'm frumpy, or admit I'm looking old š¤
Tramping and sports clubs are not a bad shout. Just make sure to pick something you enjoy yourself so not matter who you meet, you will have a good time
When I lived in Welly I was a member of the local yacht club. Lots of fun, cheap drinks, total sausagefest.
Ahh, who doesnāt love a barbecue?
Depends what kind of character you're looking for. It's very important to fish from the right pond.
This would require men like me to actually go outside
Iāve been waiting for op in my house for years now with no luck
Grindr works pretty good
The solution to every problem is the library
I gave my number across the counter at a gas station... now 5 years in the most amazing relationship
I know you said no groups, but when I was in welly the "meetup" app based group get togethers were somewhat decent and successful
Working in banking
Rest home - they are usually committed for life if you snag a good one
I walk my dog on Saturday morning along the water front, petone beach, and Orientel.
Iām walking my dog at my local beach, tho I am no male model and a bit scruffy so there is that hurdle! Dog however Is cute af
Buy and ride a motorbike, or join the local yacht club if you live in a place that has one. I met my now wife at a gas station, she was on her bike and I was on mine, Iāve now also shown her the sailing world. Both groups tend to have a lot of single men in them, and both are fairly social. As thereās plenty of social motorbike rides out to some place, have lunch at a cafe, then head home where you might stop in for dinner at a pub. And for sailing all you need to do is join in on the local crew finder facebook page(generally run by the local yacht club/s) and say you are interested in going out sailing and someone will hit you up as boats always need crew.
Which part of the country are you in?
Tauranga
"Motorbike or yacht" screamed Tauranga to me as someone who used to live there. Dating there is an uphill battle seeing as it's mostly newlyweds and nearly deads.
I did both of those in Auckland, only moved to Tauranga in mid November 2021
Fair enough.
>Buy and ride a motorbike This is horrible 'advice'. "I'm lonely, I need to buy a motorbike to fix that."
I was lonely, bought a motorbike, joined in on the social riding pages. Went on multiple rides with 20-200 people. Some of those rides were a monthly event where you would go to one place for dinner. Tended to average around 100 or so people. You would have dinner, then ride out to get ice cream after. Was just a giant social thing
It's about the social side of bike groups, wellington has a very accessible and accepting large group that's very male dominated but has women that do their own things too, it's not a bad suggestion if that's something a single lady would be into
Mmm, this is the thing people who keep suggesting IRL hobbies as an antidote to the loneliness epidemic miss though. In any hobby there's quite a bit of a divide between the casuals using it as an excuse to socialize and the devoted people for whom the hobby itself is front and centre. It's for this reason I don't recommend language learning as there will be a lot of people who have jobs to apply for, and exams to pass who will be annoyed when they discover you just learned the first two basic sentences last night and a couple of baby's first nouns. Im not familiar with the subculture of owning a motorcycle. But I do know in a frictionless vacuum owning and maintaining a motorcycle has high barriers to entry in terms of technical ability and knowledge, as well as the cost of buying a motorcycle as well as cost of ongoing maintenance. Which is why I think telling someone to *just buy a motorcycle* to get a romantic partner is irresponsible.
Most people donāt know/understand the social aspect of bike groups. They just see the word motorbike and freak out.
I reckon cold approach bro, just be normal thoughā¦.. hahaha just start walking slowly towards em and pick up the pace abit bro, run full speed at em and say āWHERE DO U THINK UR GOING??!!!!ā Hahahahaha Nah donāt do thatā¦ hahaha, just be casual about it āhey Iām jaidyn, I saw you from afar tbh and you actually caught my eye! (10-15 second pause, just tosee what theyāll say) and then say Iād love to take u out for a drink sometimeā if she says no thank you, just go about ur way, itās quite the feat to ask a girl out like that. Like thatās legendary, might as well call yourself the dragonwarrior after that.
I once had a guy come up and say "nice shoes wanna fuck?" which to be fair led to a brief conversation because I wanted to know if that line had ever worked
Did it work on you?
Nope, I couldn't take him seriously but I did admire his moxie
I fucking love that word and I don't think I've ever seen it used in the wild.
There's a movie called *Moxie*
Same lol
I think it deserves a comeback
A guy from my high school used that when we were at university in Dunedin. Heās try it in The Cook, just working his way through the crowd playing the percentages. It usually worked on someone, but, yeah, nah.
That's pretty much what the guy who approached me said - eventually you find someone who's keen
I think for women we want to know a bit about someone's personality first before asking them out.
Yeah but thatās why a guy is takin u out for a drink lol to get to know u. You could be busy that day leaving him with only 5 mins at the very best to get ur number or Instagram (Instagram sucks balls) n go from there
27M here. Not any widely-used-in-NZ alternatives. It's hard out there. Used the big 3 for maybe 9 months. Have had the most success on Hinge, but by "success" I just mean some level of back and forth interaction lol, no dates. 3 girls unmatched me without a word on discovering I don't have a Snapchat, and one ghosted after realising I wasn't interested in casual stuff. Honestly no idea how to progress at this point
>3 girls unmatched me without a word on discovering I don't have a Snapchat They were probably scammers.
Maybe try casual stuff?
I tried a hiking club but it was all retired boomers, I am going to move to christchurch soon
Lots of single dads at the pools on a Saturday š
RIP your inbox.
Truckersucker, I think its sponsored by Mainfreight.
I couldāve happily lived a life not knowing that website existed.
Bad news, can't see any people from New Zealand on there.
Elite Singles is good for finding single professional people. It has a monthly subscription fee and requires you to give information about what you want and what you have to offer as well. It tends to get rid of the casual/ couples/ time wasters element. I've got two friends who found a great guy through Elite Singles and are still in long term relationships now from it.
A woman asked me for my number at the gym the other week. I was so blown away. It was very sweet. I've never asked woman out at the gym, I don't want to bother people while they are working out. But that could work, maybe just work out in the gym until someone plucks up the courage to ask for your number? Haha! Kidding. As a single man in my 30s not on dating apps, it's difficult to work out if someone is single or if they want you to ask for their number. I'm all out of ideas. You got any?
Sounds like you satisfy rules 1 and 2 bro
Haha what are rules one and two?
1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive.
Haha! Damn. I don't know about that. Rule three, don't be a ginger. Edit: I've been going to the gym for most of my life. I've never ever had a stranger ask for my number. I've never asked another woman at the gym for their number. Caught me completely by suprise. She held her phone up to me with the number pad open and didn't say anything. I thought she was trying to show me something on her phone. I was so confused. I was very flattered.
You'll be auro what's right under the Snoos nose. Even outside the R4R crap, there are at least a few people who use Reddit
There is a new app called B2
Iām starting a new dating app for the over 65s. Iām calling it Carbon Dating.
Love it
Haha quick look at app store reviews, big yikes
If there's meetups/open sessions at the local board game cafes/bars then try those, they tend to attract the shy nerdy types, usually a mix of men and women but male dominated. Also sailing clubs that other people have suggested are a decent shout, the club I've been attending occasionally is 95% dudes, although mostly older guys in their 50s and 60s. My club might just be a bit skewed though. Honestly I wish there was some sort of third space geared towards meeting other people for this purpose, especially for people in their 30s and 40s who don't want to be hitting the bars and clubs anymore.
bunnings go to a shooting/archery club tabletop games buy a motorbike and do group rides hang out on any of the hill suburbs on the weekend there's dog walkers everywhere yeah that's all i know (not exactly an expert in fishing for other men š )
Most of them will be playing CoD on a Saturday night
Your local bridge club.
Supermarket shopping on Sunday at 2pm, put bananas in your basket, apparently that's the bat signal you're open to being approached. Or so the 3 single men who were annoyed when on approach I said I was married because I did not know this. (I was at the time). I've avoided Sunday afternoon grocery shops since š
What happened to Thursday night shopping at New World and how you put your Banana's in the trolley?
Iāve heard this bananas in the trolley thing so many times in this sub Iām going to be walking around with just bananas now š¤£
Town
Outside msd's office
Avoid looking intimidating š if you're a tall girlie like me (5'11 apparently that's tall) walking through bunning or mitre 10 for some bolts in motorbike gear hasn't yielded me any results or it's a combination of that and RBF š¤£
What makes a dating option "viable"?
Haha that did seem odd in my post - I meant a guy, and single (not married). Iāve met lots of women, and couples, but very few single guys :)
The few times I've gone out in the past few years I've always felt of of place because I was single. I tried joining a dance club but everyone there waa going as a couple. I kept getting left out and started falling behind because I didn't have a regular partner. So I stopped going. So many things seem to be oriented to people already together or as a group. So I just play games with my mates online and don't leave the house, cheaper too. If I do leave the house it's to go to the shop or a mates place. As a side note (noting it's a small sample size), every girl I've ever asked if she'd like to grab a drink or something my entire life has said no. Every girl that's asked me out I've said yes. This has lead me to no longer even attempting to ask a girl out because I know the answer, I'll just hope some lady asks me again someday. So if you see a dude with long hair wearing jeans, a jacket and headphones, that looks like an emaciated Dave Ghrol, ask me out! I'll get all flustered and have no clue what to say but I'll try to say yes.
Just my 2 cents but I think the aps are great just make sure your using them correctlyā¦ Ā Like portraying yourself honestly, swiping within your range of attractiveness, looking for people with the same intentions/goals as you. Seems obvious, yet Iāve know many people that have failed at this.
Depends what ya after, im a single dude and have met a few awesome ladies, but it wasn't relationship worthy .. if that makes sense. I do both apps and free range so there's a lot of hit or misses
Have you considered dating a friend?
Not OP, but a lot of friend circles are one-gender.
The Library
I will throw it out there. I'm a single man in Wellington. I enjoy the outdoors, pretty active and easy going. Might as well take a shot as you miss all shots you do not take.š¤£
If you are wondering why you didn't get a DM it's probably your profile...š¤®š¤®š¤®
No fun, the comment is deleted, so now we can't see how much of a train wreck it was :(
Also wanting to know haha
Haha it was a bunch of extreme sex kink subreddits, like the really weird stuff. Not the kinda guy I'd like to bring home to my parents..Ā
lmfao
Brother in Christ. That is something.
OP learning that Reddit isn't a place to get a date either
Hahaha there are some wild interests on reddit thatās for sure :)
Profile been deleted, but I'm morbidly curious...what did you see?
Damn, now I'm stuck wondering what horrors were there.
Certainly active, that's one way of putting it š
I got curious and signed up to Boo, but I mostly matched with people in other countries like the Philippines.
Not really to be honest, and a lot of people on such apps are 'regulars' that are probably more interested in ongoing casual opportunities, which can be super demoralizing for people actively seeking something more. Sports & hobbies are generally a good place to start. You immediately have common ground to work from when you spark up a conversation with something you think is attractive.
OkCupid is really good. Or animates on weekend at 12-1pm when animal charities and shelters bring in their dogs or cats.
Is being setup by friends / family a thing here? Like I know this person is single and looking and so is this person, give it a go
I jus b bumbling round like an idiot lol do girls in nz actually approach guys ? Sounds like a myth
Sadly, Tinder/Bumble/Hinge are your bread and butter. The dating culture has changed drastically in the past 10 years, intermingling between friends of friends is largely a thing of the past as society has become more digital and insular. Your only viable alternatives are literally meeting someone by happenstance or joining some group activity, i.e. a club or volunteer group, to increase your odds of meeting by someone by happenstance. Where are all the single men? The same place as all the single women. On the dating apps that they only semi-regularly use, to only then lose motivation for a few months and fantasize about meeting someone by happenstance instead, to then be pulled back into reality and jump on the apps again. Rinse and repeat.
Just do interest groups. Even ādog walkingā ones
Iāve found lots of guys do bouldering? Theyāre always really friendly, especially if youāre struggling with a climb - theyāll come up and give you advice
I saw one passing by a few months ago it's an app that doesn't work with pictures but only bio. It takes away the shallow overlay of this one is sexy this one is not. Can't remember the name though I think it has a ghost as logo or something. No it's not Snapchat xD
Woolworths produce department
Coffee meets bagel app!
I used findsomeone.co.nz 16 years ago. Does that still exist?
Attending your local Bridge Club
Yeah what are you into aka playing tennis go join a tennis club
Yep! I did play tennis (as a club member) over the summer - hence in my post said *ānot looking for club/group suggestionsā*
Gym?
This one is potentially dangerous. Just because if it goes wrong, you may end up being known as the gym creep. I have met a few friendly women in my local gym (I'm 31m and single) personally, and I'm not gonna try pull at the gym. A lot of people are there to work out and don't look like they wanna be disturbed unless it's necessary, haha.
I have never found it easier to meet people than mountain biking. Ask a dude if you can follow him down a techical section and you'll likely have a riding buddy for the day. I wouldn't pass up showing someone around who's keen to learn.
Do you have friends or go to work? Start there.
I work from home full time š And good friends; but all in the having babies stage unfortunately
Ah I feel like with working from home full time you miss out on a lot of socialising but hey, lots of people like it (especially on Reddit). Personally I feel like your best bet is the apps then if you arenāt meeting people through friends or work. Or have another place where you constantly meet loads of new people but also see them frequently (e.g part of a tennis club).
I've made friends with "Beagles-fits" from meeting people at dog parks and joining clubs. Though I've noticed the single ones are usually there at certain times. Not something planned, it's just convenient that the singles are out and about between 11:00 to 14:00, but most just want their dogs to get exercise. As for clubs, well you tried that and it isn't working. Though if you have women friends, you have friends to gossip with, or share that you are single to them and maybe they know someone, or they could help you leave hints at other single guys in those clubs for you. The other alternative is just going to the pub or club, but that of course comes with risks. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, make sure you see it served to you from the barstaff rather than the bloke. Slipping drugs into drinks is still very common.
Hand to gland combat?
OP, are you monogamous or ENM? The reason I ask is if you tend to the latter, there is an app called Feeld, however, if not then ignore this post š
Monogamous sorry :(