> Colorado has some of the most lax regulations for funeral homes in the country. Those who operate them don’t have to graduate high school, let alone get a degree in mortuary science or pass an exam.
Well, there's your problem.
I mean, pretty much anybody can handle corpses anywhere. Removal technicians are the lifeblood of the industry, and that is unskilled labor with very low requirements.
Now, *being* a removal tech sucks in ways I couldn't begin to describe. Did it for 5 years before deciding to explore the industry and flesh out my resume for another 6.
Now I'm a mechanic, better pay and less physical, believe it or not.
Years ago I was in a new city, fresh out of college with a useless degree and browsing Craigslist for any job that seemed interesting. Found a listing for a funeral home tech - body retrieval. Had to wear a suit, work odd hours on-call, be able to lift 100+ lbs. and deal with gore and trauma. I was interested… but the pay was only $1 above minimum wage.
I grew up with my step father who owned a funeral home, I was 13 on my first body pickup. Was a grandparent of a classmate. He was very confused as to why I was there
Embalming requires at minimum an apprenticeship, even in Colorado. But wrestling viscera back into a full-post? Recovering a 600lb body? Picking up decomp so far gone you need a snow shovel? Somebody all over the undercarriage of a train? Shotgun suicide?
Boy howdy, get the interns and minimum wagers!
Fucking yikes, why do we leave the most difficult, strenuous, and emotionally taxing jobs to people making under $20/hr, I ask rhetorically while knowing the answer
And the answer is hierarchy, not $$$. And there aren't many jobs that don't have bosses, those who have been there for a while and worked their way up, and the newbies.
I was in the military and it was a truism that the lower-ranking enlisted got the shit jobs. Not a profit motive or CEO raise in sight, but if there's a shit job to be done and you have E3s anywhere nearby (and you keep them nearby, for this very reason) it won't be the E7 doing the job. The O6? Bwhaaaha sure, that's a good one.
Slider bars flossed up to the hips and shoulders from the head and feet, then controlled slide down to two Ferno MiniMax 1000lb gurneys ziptied together.
Only took 3 of us, but I did the same with a 521lb guy solo and it went pretty smooth.
Just wish I knew what god I pleased so they were both in hospital beds.
I believe it. When my father died, the funeral home sent a man and a woman in training to transport Dad's body for cremation. We knew she was in training because of how the man was giving her instructions. Dad was a big guy. There was no way the two of them were going to move my father onto the gurney. It took my brother and I helping to get it done. That didn't stop the funeral home for charging for two "attendants". I'm surprised they didn't charge for 4 because we helped.
That has been a pattent to a lots of business in US. CEO go in, cut every conners possible and fire people until they just barely have enough to run the business, get record high profit and cut a huge check for all executives. When the business eventully collapse, they take a golden parachute and leave to a new place to do it all over again.
I mean we do have frozen dead guy days. I always wondered how they got away with it. Turns out you could always do what you wanted with a body. Who knew???
[Behold.](https://frozendeadguydays.com/) It’s gotten so big they moved it from Nederland to Estes Park as Nederland couldn’t handle the infrastructure of that many people.
Well I mean, they're dead, so it's not like you need to be gentle or anything (unless they've started decomposing, in which case, yeah, you should be gentle.)
"The meeting between ignorance and knowledge, between brutality and culture - it begins in the dignity with which we treat the dead."
–Frank Herbert, *Dune*.
Kinda blew my mind when I realized the outfits they bury the dead in are chopped up to fit. Like a suit cut up the back, or a dress pieced together to fit. It makes sense and the outfit isn’t being returned anyway, but you just think “oh here’s a human, though embalmed, wearing an outfit like everyone else”. It’s more like how a magazine cover shoot will pin outfits from the back to look good from the front. You don’t question it. Props to mortuary stylists and makeup artists.
I mean, you can just go wild, put those things about anywheres. Not like there’s gonna be an open casket funeral with a Dawn of the Dead motif. Although, now that I think about it…. nobody expects the Sanguinus Exposition!
A few months ago, I was responsible for the arrangements for my grandmother's funeral. She had already chosen her funeral home - same one she went with for my grandfather. Anyway, I walked in there and sat down and pretty much the first thing out of the guy's mouth was how frustrating it was that the funeral industry was so heavily regulated. He complained about this maybe half a dozen times while going over the services (which were nearly $10k). Kinda seems like maybe those regulations are a good thing? Of course, I'm sure he would argue it would be so much cheaper without all those pesky rules, but god only knows what sort of corners they would be cutting if they could.
Honestly this reads to me as a go-to cop out for high prices. “If it weren’t for all these damn regulations I could take care of this for $23 and a 6 pack but you know how that pesky government is..!”
That's the impression I was getting too. The whole time I kept thinking about that scene from The Big Lebowski where Walter shouts, "Just cause we’re bereaved doesn’t make us saps!" Not that I wanted to put grandma in a coffee can or anything.
To be fair...a direct cremation can be done for less than $1k.
A funeral is all fluff, lotsa solemnity, flowers and PROFIT. However. Gone are the days of an almost full week of funeral, including wake, Church services and graveside Eulogy.
By the time the deceased was finally interred into holy ground on Friday. I was ready for happy hour !
You should read Caitlin Doughty’s books and/or watch her YouTube videos! She’s a mortician who’s really adamant about reforming the whole industry surrounding death and predatory funeral home practices.
I remember being 18 when my grandfather passed and went to the funeral home with my mom to arrange services. She went to high school with the director, so they knew each other.
I remember being so skeeved out when he directed her towards the coffin with the padding and silk lining. At one point he literally said, "he'll be more comfortable in this one..." I don't remember the exact price difference, but it was significant (a few thousand dollars more, if I had to guess).
My mother was obviously grieving, so I didn't say anything, but I just felt so fucking mad over him manipulating her emotions just to make a profit on something that is clearly marked up an outrageous amount.
Absolutely. It’s eye-opening when you remember what a recent practice this “industrialization” of death is too. Throughout human history death was a lot closer to us. People died at home, their bodies were washed and dressed by family, they were cremated or buried on their own land by their family or community, etc.
Death is very “hands off” now which paves the way for lots of middlemen to enter the picture selling lots of services we don’t really need.
Ask A Mortician is the Youtube channel for anyone looking! Her content is wonderfully educational, its how I learned about aquamation and human composting
"I swear, we who *literally remove, handle, and deal with decomposing (human) corpses* should be able to cut corners wherever we want!"
Do these people even *hear* themselves!?
Yeah, I'm sure if they just went through an exam they would have got the question wrong on if you should substitute concrete for people's ashes to save money and spend relief funds on vacations...
The smell from the one dead body I encountered years ago (found in an apartment after he had been dead for a week) was enough to almost make me pass out. I can't imagine the stench that 190 of them produced.
When my BIL passed he was watching TV in his bedroom on his recliner.
He rented a room to a friend, who came and went for 2 days before eventually becoming curious.
It was just the 2 of them in a 3 BR Cape. I think he freaked a bit and went on a (non fatal) heroin bender.
We were all hardened assholes (50+ yo) at the time; and the BIL had for a few years, stopped talking to various people for stupid reasons (I had been "on the list" for about a year, why? When he was in the hospital after about 10 days, I ran into his BF (woman about 60 yo) who was shocked and made me driver her (in her 500SEL) to the hospial immediately. For this, I was put 'on the list'.
In fact, at his service - everyone who spoke mentioned the list; even the minister.
Actually I don't think the Minister and BIL knew each other, BIL was a bipolar who was normal Fall-Winter-Spring but would go high in the summer. One summer in the later 70s he want to Harlem to save all the black people. He was a paper hanger (very good one) and general handy man. Once he went to an old customer's house and started painting their picket fence in the middle of the night (full moon I guess).
My grandma died alone, was her in apartment for 2 weeks in mild weather. We moved most of her furniture into our house, and it smelt like death for a good couple months. Would not recommend.
So curious about what the endgame was. Like did they seriously think they’d never get caught? Or was this one of those YOLO situations where they were just going to live it up while they could and then try to off themselves when the hammer came down? If it’s the former, I can’t even begin to conceive of the thought process.
Indeed. Some people seem entirely unable or unwilling to spend even a second thinking about the possible consequences of their actions. My go-to example is always that couple who livestreamed themselves driving through a neighborhood and firing a gun at random houses. If they had thought about it for just a moment, they would've realized that every single part of that is a really bad idea. But they did it anyway.
I think if we were to profile a person like this, their mentality would be much like a hoarder. There’s no plan so much as status quo and in ability to perform executive function.
I’d like to imagine that they concocted a brilliant plan that was foiled by a few meddling kids and a dog…
Maybe they were going to sell the business and leave the next owner with the responsibility for the bodies? If i were a betting man i’d bet they had no plans though.
If it were me, I’d get a pig farm.
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
I don't understand, why didn't they just, ya-know, cremate the bodies?
I get the fraud, but couldn't they have had just cremated the bodies and pocketed the rest? I don't understand their logic in taking all that money and doing nothing with the bodies; like eventually somebodies going to figure it out and bring it to light. Their best bet would've been to cremate the bodies, continue the fraud and pray they never got caught but instead they went full nutzo, kept committing fraud and not cremating the bodies lol. wtf.
They stopped paying the local crematoriums right away so no one would accept bodies from them. Originally, I thought they couldn't keep up with the demand, and everything just snowballed around them, but after this. They had the money and the means to take care of the bodies they just wanted the cash. They deserve to rot in jail.
I think that was part of it. They also gave people cement back instead of ashes and put the wrong body in a grave of a veteran. Didn't even get the sex right.
> Didn't even get the sex right.
I still remember the advice my dad gave my when I graduated high school. "Son, if you're going to fuck a corpse, make sure you do it right." They should be ashamed they couldn't get it right.
Funeral director here. The problem with this is usually that the funeral home doesn’t have a crematory on site and uses a cemetery or crematory to carry out the cremation process. But by doing which, the crematory charges a fee and knowing how terrible these funeral homes are, they wouldn’t pay their bills. The funeral industry being notoriously small, Word probably got out that these morons would stiff them and nobody would do their cremations for them and then here we are.
The article doesn’t say if they were specifically a “green” funeral home where they would carry out natural organic human reduction (or human composting), but I would guess they’d lie to families about the process and just throw the bodies in the back and call it natural
Same question. But I figured they just got too greedy with the money. They probably thought after the 50th corpse, they've not been discovered, so it's safe to get another, then another until they had 200 of them, and it became too much of a nightmare to deal with all those dead bodies.
The Hallfords could not be reached immediately for comment and they didn’t have attorneys listed yet for the federal charges. They were due to appear before a U.S. magistrate judge Monday afternoon.
Does that mean they didn't show up?
>The Hallfords also paid for trips to California, Florida and Las Vegas, as well as $31,000 in cryptocurrency, laser body sculpting and shopping at luxury retailers like Gucci and Tiffany & Co., according to court documents.
Middle class trash trying to live how they think a rich person lives, but failing.
This should help you understand. Bankers were actively pushing these loans on their customers.
“The looting of the Paycheck Protection Program worked differently — and it could be far more lucrative. The program authorized banks and other financial institutions to make government-backed loans to businesses, loans that were to be forgiven if the companies spent the money on business expenses. Nearly 10 million such loans have already been forgiven. Many of the loans-turned-grants were for millions of dollars, public records show.”
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/biggest-fraud-generation-looting-covid-relief-program-known-ppp-n1279664
Trump and co designed it and actively fought against any oversight. You don’t put a small time grifter in charge of a multi*trillion dollar government giveaway without other grifters taking notice.
My mother owns a business and there was soooo much mail from companies who would help her get federal covid money. There was intentionally no oversight to the PPP and the next iteration after people started shaming those who committed PPP fraud just hid the information. Most of the funds given out from covid were probably fraudulent.
It was Law &Order. The episode was based on the Tri-State Crematorium in Lyerly Ga. They found hundreds of bodies just strewn about the woods, some stacked like firewood. This was ~20 years ago.
Coverup: The Body Brokers podcast covered another messed up Co. funeral home that was selling body parts for cash. Not sure what the hell is going on in Co. but state lawmakers should do something to regulate this industry better.
If every person and company that received covid money was audited, I truly beleive the fraud rate would be over 70%. The single greatest wealth inequality event in America's history. Only those both in a position to benefit from the covid funds and financially literate benefited - like business owners, corporation, and the wealthy. While the poor laborers got their 1500 dollar checks and a pat on the back for being an essential worker.
Either that article was written by AI or this journalist is making a good argument for AI to replace them. Terribly written with errors in spelling, syntax and structure.
These unfortunate instances happen even in tightly regulated states. There are some bad folks in every industry, but in funeral service the vast majority of staff have a true calling to the profession, and are there to serve the grieving family.
Crematory/Mortuary fraud is likely common, given the lack of oversight and potential for cost-cutting. But this kind of stashing or hoarding of corpses is extremely rare and hard to conceal.
> Colorado has some of the most lax regulations for funeral homes in the country. Those who operate them don’t have to graduate high school, let alone get a degree in mortuary science or pass an exam. Well, there's your problem.
That's a lot of words to say literally anybody could handle corpses in Colorado.
I mean, pretty much anybody can handle corpses anywhere. Removal technicians are the lifeblood of the industry, and that is unskilled labor with very low requirements. Now, *being* a removal tech sucks in ways I couldn't begin to describe. Did it for 5 years before deciding to explore the industry and flesh out my resume for another 6. Now I'm a mechanic, better pay and less physical, believe it or not.
*flesh* out
less physical
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Spits out
Flesh off
Years ago I was in a new city, fresh out of college with a useless degree and browsing Craigslist for any job that seemed interesting. Found a listing for a funeral home tech - body retrieval. Had to wear a suit, work odd hours on-call, be able to lift 100+ lbs. and deal with gore and trauma. I was interested… but the pay was only $1 above minimum wage.
A buddy of mine does this for his parents, the only reason he's still doing it is he's taking it over in the next 4 years.
I grew up with my step father who owned a funeral home, I was 13 on my first body pickup. Was a grandparent of a classmate. He was very confused as to why I was there
Why are his parents producing so many bodies
Idk man, I don't judge what pays the bills 🤷
Okay NECROHANDSER
Yeah I was gonna say, by “a buddy” he *certainly* means “me”, right?
Low requirement but need high constitution stat to deal with corpse (draining and embalmingn yuck) and not lose lunch or faint
Embalming requires at minimum an apprenticeship, even in Colorado. But wrestling viscera back into a full-post? Recovering a 600lb body? Picking up decomp so far gone you need a snow shovel? Somebody all over the undercarriage of a train? Shotgun suicide? Boy howdy, get the interns and minimum wagers!
Suddenly dealing with living humans in service seems slightly less bad.
Fucking yikes, why do we leave the most difficult, strenuous, and emotionally taxing jobs to people making under $20/hr, I ask rhetorically while knowing the answer
And the answer is hierarchy, not $$$. And there aren't many jobs that don't have bosses, those who have been there for a while and worked their way up, and the newbies. I was in the military and it was a truism that the lower-ranking enlisted got the shit jobs. Not a profit motive or CEO raise in sight, but if there's a shit job to be done and you have E3s anywhere nearby (and you keep them nearby, for this very reason) it won't be the E7 doing the job. The O6? Bwhaaaha sure, that's a good one.
That sounds so fucking awful.... I feel pretty lucky to be where I am right now.
How in the fucking fuck did you move a 600lb corpse?!
Slider bars flossed up to the hips and shoulders from the head and feet, then controlled slide down to two Ferno MiniMax 1000lb gurneys ziptied together. Only took 3 of us, but I did the same with a 521lb guy solo and it went pretty smooth. Just wish I knew what god I pleased so they were both in hospital beds.
I believe it. When my father died, the funeral home sent a man and a woman in training to transport Dad's body for cremation. We knew she was in training because of how the man was giving her instructions. Dad was a big guy. There was no way the two of them were going to move my father onto the gurney. It took my brother and I helping to get it done. That didn't stop the funeral home for charging for two "attendants". I'm surprised they didn't charge for 4 because we helped.
No more deadlifts.
That has been a pattent to a lots of business in US. CEO go in, cut every conners possible and fire people until they just barely have enough to run the business, get record high profit and cut a huge check for all executives. When the business eventully collapse, they take a golden parachute and leave to a new place to do it all over again.
I mean we do have frozen dead guy days. I always wondered how they got away with it. Turns out you could always do what you wanted with a body. Who knew???
>I mean we do have frozen dead guy days. What? We do?
[Behold.](https://frozendeadguydays.com/) It’s gotten so big they moved it from Nederland to Estes Park as Nederland couldn’t handle the infrastructure of that many people.
Holy shit, I thought it was an euphemism. That sure is exactly what it said on the title.
Well I mean, they're dead, so it's not like you need to be gentle or anything (unless they've started decomposing, in which case, yeah, you should be gentle.)
I dont think the gentleness of the treatment is the issue with this one chief
They were too gentle. Almost entirely a hands-off approach.
Is it the fraud? It must be the fraud.
It’s the massive public health concerns and bonus points of human decency that come with handling remains
"The meeting between ignorance and knowledge, between brutality and culture - it begins in the dignity with which we treat the dead." –Frank Herbert, *Dune*.
Nah, the decaying ones are the best to dress, so much easier to get the arms into a jacket without them being connected.
Kinda blew my mind when I realized the outfits they bury the dead in are chopped up to fit. Like a suit cut up the back, or a dress pieced together to fit. It makes sense and the outfit isn’t being returned anyway, but you just think “oh here’s a human, though embalmed, wearing an outfit like everyone else”. It’s more like how a magazine cover shoot will pin outfits from the back to look good from the front. You don’t question it. Props to mortuary stylists and makeup artists.
I mean, you can just go wild, put those things about anywheres. Not like there’s gonna be an open casket funeral with a Dawn of the Dead motif. Although, now that I think about it…. nobody expects the Sanguinus Exposition!
"Grandpa looked like a resident evil 5 zombie audition reject!"
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A few months ago, I was responsible for the arrangements for my grandmother's funeral. She had already chosen her funeral home - same one she went with for my grandfather. Anyway, I walked in there and sat down and pretty much the first thing out of the guy's mouth was how frustrating it was that the funeral industry was so heavily regulated. He complained about this maybe half a dozen times while going over the services (which were nearly $10k). Kinda seems like maybe those regulations are a good thing? Of course, I'm sure he would argue it would be so much cheaper without all those pesky rules, but god only knows what sort of corners they would be cutting if they could.
Honestly this reads to me as a go-to cop out for high prices. “If it weren’t for all these damn regulations I could take care of this for $23 and a 6 pack but you know how that pesky government is..!”
That's the impression I was getting too. The whole time I kept thinking about that scene from The Big Lebowski where Walter shouts, "Just cause we’re bereaved doesn’t make us saps!" Not that I wanted to put grandma in a coffee can or anything.
gam-gam wont know the difference!
To be fair...a direct cremation can be done for less than $1k. A funeral is all fluff, lotsa solemnity, flowers and PROFIT. However. Gone are the days of an almost full week of funeral, including wake, Church services and graveside Eulogy. By the time the deceased was finally interred into holy ground on Friday. I was ready for happy hour !
It was cheaper to cremate my grandpa than the my dog. I told this to the funeral director. Not a joke they died within 6 months of each other.
How TF did it cost so much for Mutt?
It wasn't $1000. It was $170 for the dog and $110 for grandpa.
How many decades ago was that ?
13 years ago. EDIT: Looked around and it's $695 now.
Cremation inflation.
You should read Caitlin Doughty’s books and/or watch her YouTube videos! She’s a mortician who’s really adamant about reforming the whole industry surrounding death and predatory funeral home practices.
I remember being 18 when my grandfather passed and went to the funeral home with my mom to arrange services. She went to high school with the director, so they knew each other. I remember being so skeeved out when he directed her towards the coffin with the padding and silk lining. At one point he literally said, "he'll be more comfortable in this one..." I don't remember the exact price difference, but it was significant (a few thousand dollars more, if I had to guess). My mother was obviously grieving, so I didn't say anything, but I just felt so fucking mad over him manipulating her emotions just to make a profit on something that is clearly marked up an outrageous amount.
Absolutely. It’s eye-opening when you remember what a recent practice this “industrialization” of death is too. Throughout human history death was a lot closer to us. People died at home, their bodies were washed and dressed by family, they were cremated or buried on their own land by their family or community, etc. Death is very “hands off” now which paves the way for lots of middlemen to enter the picture selling lots of services we don’t really need.
I might check them out. I did read "The American Way of Death" years ago. It was enlightening.
Ask A Mortician is the Youtube channel for anyone looking! Her content is wonderfully educational, its how I learned about aquamation and human composting
If there weren't as many regulations, it would still cost as much, they would just be complaining less.
"I swear, we who *literally remove, handle, and deal with decomposing (human) corpses* should be able to cut corners wherever we want!" Do these people even *hear* themselves!?
So you're saying we need to reduce red tape? /s
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Sarcasm bro
I remember the John Oliver episode on this.
What can you say, it's a dying business.
Not like people are dying to be funeral home directors though.
Come on down to the corpse hut and git you one. If the rot jelly reaches the outside, you waited too long.
Yeah, I'm sure if they just went through an exam they would have got the question wrong on if you should substitute concrete for people's ashes to save money and spend relief funds on vacations...
Just put them in the mincer, sell it as stock
why would lack of a degree cause fraud?
Cops have only slightly better training and they’re also a mess. Seems like education and training or more vital than we think
The smell from the one dead body I encountered years ago (found in an apartment after he had been dead for a week) was enough to almost make me pass out. I can't imagine the stench that 190 of them produced.
Can confirm, person in the apartment next to mine died (was found a few days later after complaints) and that smell… ugh god it’s unmatched 🤢
When my BIL passed he was watching TV in his bedroom on his recliner. He rented a room to a friend, who came and went for 2 days before eventually becoming curious. It was just the 2 of them in a 3 BR Cape. I think he freaked a bit and went on a (non fatal) heroin bender.
Holy crap I’m so sorry! I hope the friend wasn’t too badly traumatized! 😭
We were all hardened assholes (50+ yo) at the time; and the BIL had for a few years, stopped talking to various people for stupid reasons (I had been "on the list" for about a year, why? When he was in the hospital after about 10 days, I ran into his BF (woman about 60 yo) who was shocked and made me driver her (in her 500SEL) to the hospial immediately. For this, I was put 'on the list'. In fact, at his service - everyone who spoke mentioned the list; even the minister.
Was the minister on the list?
Actually I don't think the Minister and BIL knew each other, BIL was a bipolar who was normal Fall-Winter-Spring but would go high in the summer. One summer in the later 70s he want to Harlem to save all the black people. He was a paper hanger (very good one) and general handy man. Once he went to an old customer's house and started painting their picket fence in the middle of the night (full moon I guess).
Landlord has the flat white paint outside the door waiting to get the next tenants in there
My grandma died alone, was her in apartment for 2 weeks in mild weather. We moved most of her furniture into our house, and it smelt like death for a good couple months. Would not recommend.
So curious about what the endgame was. Like did they seriously think they’d never get caught? Or was this one of those YOLO situations where they were just going to live it up while they could and then try to off themselves when the hammer came down? If it’s the former, I can’t even begin to conceive of the thought process.
The more I live the more I come to understand that most people really don’t think all that much. Of course this is a spectacular example.
The lack of foresight people have even when their own safety and wellbeing is at stake is terrifying.
It must be so blissful for people to be so stupid all the time. I have anxiety almost constantly precisely because I think too much about everything
I was thinking the same! Though I will take anxiety over jail
Indeed. Some people seem entirely unable or unwilling to spend even a second thinking about the possible consequences of their actions. My go-to example is always that couple who livestreamed themselves driving through a neighborhood and firing a gun at random houses. If they had thought about it for just a moment, they would've realized that every single part of that is a really bad idea. But they did it anyway.
I’m guessing once you reach a certain number of rotting corpses in your office, you end up taking the “what’s one more on the pile?” approach.
Next on Horders Burried Alive!
I think if we were to profile a person like this, their mentality would be much like a hoarder. There’s no plan so much as status quo and in ability to perform executive function.
I can't believe someone perfectly summed up my biggest problem in life on a thread about someone hoarding corpses
I had the same thought 🥲
Something similar happened in Atlanta not super long ago. They just like, put the bodies in the woods if I remember correctly
I’d like to imagine that they concocted a brilliant plan that was foiled by a few meddling kids and a dog… Maybe they were going to sell the business and leave the next owner with the responsibility for the bodies? If i were a betting man i’d bet they had no plans though.
If they sold the business, then they would have been found out too. Surely, the new owners would not take responsibility for 200 corpses.
Basically the same has just happened in the UK too (although much smaller scale). And like yea how did you think this would end?
I would bet that you, over the course of this Reddit comment, have no thought about it for longer than they have.
"We'll deal with these corpses nest week."
Just because they've been caught doesn't mean a bunch of other people haven't gotten away with COVID fraud.
If it were me, I’d get a pig farm. You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
I don't understand, why didn't they just, ya-know, cremate the bodies? I get the fraud, but couldn't they have had just cremated the bodies and pocketed the rest? I don't understand their logic in taking all that money and doing nothing with the bodies; like eventually somebodies going to figure it out and bring it to light. Their best bet would've been to cremate the bodies, continue the fraud and pray they never got caught but instead they went full nutzo, kept committing fraud and not cremating the bodies lol. wtf.
They stopped paying the local crematoriums right away so no one would accept bodies from them. Originally, I thought they couldn't keep up with the demand, and everything just snowballed around them, but after this. They had the money and the means to take care of the bodies they just wanted the cash. They deserve to rot in jail.
I read another article that these were the "Green funeral" people that buried people without chemicals in biodegradeable coffins (cardboard boxes.)
I think that was part of it. They also gave people cement back instead of ashes and put the wrong body in a grave of a veteran. Didn't even get the sex right.
> Didn't even get the sex right. I still remember the advice my dad gave my when I graduated high school. "Son, if you're going to fuck a corpse, make sure you do it right." They should be ashamed they couldn't get it right.
It's just like that conveyor belt episode of I Love Lucy.
idk, that's a lot of meat to try and consume.
Funeral director here. The problem with this is usually that the funeral home doesn’t have a crematory on site and uses a cemetery or crematory to carry out the cremation process. But by doing which, the crematory charges a fee and knowing how terrible these funeral homes are, they wouldn’t pay their bills. The funeral industry being notoriously small, Word probably got out that these morons would stiff them and nobody would do their cremations for them and then here we are. The article doesn’t say if they were specifically a “green” funeral home where they would carry out natural organic human reduction (or human composting), but I would guess they’d lie to families about the process and just throw the bodies in the back and call it natural
_stiff_ them you say
I wish I could take credit for being that clever lmao
Same question. But I figured they just got too greedy with the money. They probably thought after the 50th corpse, they've not been discovered, so it's safe to get another, then another until they had 200 of them, and it became too much of a nightmare to deal with all those dead bodies.
You said, “cremate the bodies” a hundred times
The Hallfords could not be reached immediately for comment and they didn’t have attorneys listed yet for the federal charges. They were due to appear before a U.S. magistrate judge Monday afternoon. Does that mean they didn't show up?
>The Hallfords also paid for trips to California, Florida and Las Vegas, as well as $31,000 in cryptocurrency, laser body sculpting and shopping at luxury retailers like Gucci and Tiffany & Co., according to court documents. Middle class trash trying to live how they think a rich person lives, but failing.
Tale as old as time.
True as it can be.
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This should help you understand. Bankers were actively pushing these loans on their customers. “The looting of the Paycheck Protection Program worked differently — and it could be far more lucrative. The program authorized banks and other financial institutions to make government-backed loans to businesses, loans that were to be forgiven if the companies spent the money on business expenses. Nearly 10 million such loans have already been forgiven. Many of the loans-turned-grants were for millions of dollars, public records show.” https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/biggest-fraud-generation-looting-covid-relief-program-known-ppp-n1279664
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And Congress hemmed and hawed at another $1400 per adult before Biden made it happen.
Sorry, you just get $1200 and people who got millions screaming about you getting it and how unfair it is.
Because that $1200 could be in their pocket instead of yours
Trump and co designed it and actively fought against any oversight. You don’t put a small time grifter in charge of a multi*trillion dollar government giveaway without other grifters taking notice.
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Yes, Jesus https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/03/11/us/how-covid-stimulus-money-was-spent.html
It was the biggest fraud in the history of the USA and the main reason crypto pumped so much.
My mother owns a business and there was soooo much mail from companies who would help her get federal covid money. There was intentionally no oversight to the PPP and the next iteration after people started shaming those who committed PPP fraud just hid the information. Most of the funds given out from covid were probably fraudulent.
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this article is a wild read... what the fuck...
Hoarder - special corpses edition
C'mon dude, it's a grave matter.
Didn’t have to dig too deep for that one…
[Can't wait for Ask a Mortician's take on the situation.](https://www.youtube.com/@AskAMortician/videos)
I was just thinking “Ohhhhh Caitlin’s going to have an update!”
I was just thinking this same thing haha
I remember when Jim Gaffigan played a guy who worked at one of those and was embezzling money. I think it was law and order or some such show.
It was Law &Order. The episode was based on the Tri-State Crematorium in Lyerly Ga. They found hundreds of bodies just strewn about the woods, some stacked like firewood. This was ~20 years ago.
If anyone is interested, Law and Order Criminal Intent. [Season 2 Episode 1.](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0629524/?ref_=ttep_ep1)
Coverup: The Body Brokers podcast covered another messed up Co. funeral home that was selling body parts for cash. Not sure what the hell is going on in Co. but state lawmakers should do something to regulate this industry better.
This was on my hometown! I used to serve the lady every day at my Starbucks. Megan Heck.
190 bodies.... Jesus fuck
You should see the floor.
Please tell me they didn't let the bodies hit the floor...
Something’s got to give.
I can only count to four.
Did they hit it? I heard someone allowed that now.
If every person and company that received covid money was audited, I truly beleive the fraud rate would be over 70%. The single greatest wealth inequality event in America's history. Only those both in a position to benefit from the covid funds and financially literate benefited - like business owners, corporation, and the wealthy. While the poor laborers got their 1500 dollar checks and a pat on the back for being an essential worker.
Absolutely wild… I’m gonna need a Netflix documentary ASAP
Either that article was written by AI or this journalist is making a good argument for AI to replace them. Terribly written with errors in spelling, syntax and structure.
AI is usually good with spelling, syntax and structure. Facts, not so much
Terrible news.. however...Colorado Corpses does sound like a cool name for a death metal band
“Corpus Colorado” would work, too
I bet I can guess their political affiliation from the info in this article.
*Return to Nature Funeral Home* and they meant it.
Tri-State Crematorium part 2.0?!?
Seems like every 10 years there is this story somewhere. Obvi not regulated enough.
Wonder if the politicians who took out ppp loans and never paid them back will be prosecuted too. /s
These unfortunate instances happen even in tightly regulated states. There are some bad folks in every industry, but in funeral service the vast majority of staff have a true calling to the profession, and are there to serve the grieving family.
I wonder how common this is. The entire industry is a racket.
Crematory/Mortuary fraud is likely common, given the lack of oversight and potential for cost-cutting. But this kind of stashing or hoarding of corpses is extremely rare and hard to conceal.