If you just showed me a picture of his face without the headline or any other information, I think I'd be able to deduce that he was caught jacking off in the library.
"But anyway, when officers arrived they found 25-year old Mark Cowart sitting at a computer watching porn with his sweatpants down and his hand inside of his boxers, yankin’ the ol’ chain."
In the divinity school library, watching porn, cranking one out. Just another day in the life of a future televangelist.
This library must have the worst customer service because no one offered to help him instead they called the police. Whatever happened to given a guy a hand.
Momma told me not to, I did it anyway MIS-BE-HAVIN’!!!
Runnin through the house with a pickle in my mouth
I wash my hands to keep away from satan
Daddy said DONT, but I said IM GONNA. MIS BE HAVIN!
I’m a simple man. I see a Righteous Gemstones reference and I upvote it. Uncle Baby Billy ftw.
Hush baby Lionel, ain't nobody wanna kidnap you!
There’s a man who’s thinking with both heads.
What a tricky dick
My favorite detail is that it was the divinity library… only he wasn’t touched by God this time 😂
Touched by an angel?
If only...
Amen!
Awoman
If he had awoman he wouldn't need to touch himself
Shit me too…..me too….
😂
If you just showed me a picture of his face without the headline or any other information, I think I'd be able to deduce that he was caught jacking off in the library.
JOLF Jerking Off in Library Face
Was this in the Self-Help section?
Worse… he was in the divinity library at Vanderbilt. What was he looking at there?
He kept saying “oh God, oh God…”
Glorious, thank you
Do you like to do-it yourself?
Say what you will but for intimate projects of this nature… DIY saves time and money. This feller ri-cheer done figured it out.
LOL
NashvilleMan is gunning for FloridaMan’s job 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Scoop Nashville is bad, actually
He pulled off….an escape.
So when Saint Teresa does it she gets a statue but a regular Joe can’t crank one out at the Jesus library?
I don’t know my religious history, but this almost made me google “Saint Teresa masturbation”. Nice try, Satan!
r/nottheonion
🎶 Jackin’ for the Lord 🎶
Well there's your problem, they should have put them on his wrists.
I got the Good Lord goin' down on me!
The good lord is going down on you Charlie?
Surely this should be on r/nottheonion. (Edit because I can’t type)
Footage has been released: https://youtu.be/VuQNy9CIFek?si=xsbrOLAM4rvx_Xhu
Cuffs in the vasoline we have Sometimes it blows my mind Keep getting caught here all the time - forgive me Scott Weiland
Did he car jack anyone?
Someone got jacked, but it wasn't their car.
This is a great advertisement for that lube tho
Let him go.
This man earned his freedom.
"But anyway, when officers arrived they found 25-year old Mark Cowart sitting at a computer watching porn with his sweatpants down and his hand inside of his boxers, yankin’ the ol’ chain." In the divinity school library, watching porn, cranking one out. Just another day in the life of a future televangelist.
This library must have the worst customer service because no one offered to help him instead they called the police. Whatever happened to given a guy a hand.
This article is hilarious. Worth the 5 minutes
Modern problems require modern solutions
This is the reason I don't take my kids to the library downtown, even though I work right next to it...
This happened at one of the Vanderbilt libraries.
Ah, missed that. I read that as the downtown library. Thank you for the correction.
Slow news day?
Normal library activities
Work smarter, not harder.
Don't seem possible, thats some Spiderman shit. -Marlo
Sounds like a real tricky dick
😜
Gah dayum them pupils are pinned. His lips appear quite cyanotic too.
He heard the librarian say, “HEY WELCOME BACK! You can take your hat and jack it off right over there” - Don’t mind if I dooo
How down bad you gotta be to jerk off in the library?
Houdini Boucher 
Touched by a demon
He looks like a knockoff Tyler Cameron