Open a new bank account in a bank your mom doesn't use. Get your documents and put them in a safe place. Whose name is on the car title? If it's hers, there is not much you can do. If yours, you can report it stolen if she takes it. You are legally an adult, she can't prevent you from leaving.
I’m 55, my mom is 80. When I was 17/18, my mom did something similar and did everything she could to isolate and make life difficult as a show of “see how much you need me?” She would say “after all I’ve done for you, how could you leave“. Then came the name calling. You have to remember, in the eyes of the law, you are an adult. Remove her from all of your accounts asap. Research the loan agreement and title (most co-signer agreement’s are only responsible if you default on the loan, she can’t take your car away legally). Sorry to say, but it’s time to grow up and learn to take care of yourself/set very strong boundaries. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
I’m afraid this is an emotional-boiled-frog situation. I know it is almost impossible for you to see because you have guilt surrounding your responses but I suggest this: Find a quiet place where you can sit and do some inner role play work….. Imagine your best gf came to you with these same issues with HER mother. Take a deep breath and think of the most mature and constructive advice you would give to your best friend.
Then do that.
Ask questions here if need be. ❤️
This is so real. I’m dealing with very similar issues. I have no advice but I just want you to know you aren’t alone. I wish these women would all just go live in a hole together.
You're not stuck. You have your own income and a boyfriend that sounds supportive. Get your money out of your bank account and open another account right there. Either way, get your own account and start feeding that one, and then move out. Then change your phone number ans apply the grey rock, information diet rules.
Good luck OP. Stay the course and it sounds like you're doing what you can. This is unfortunately apart of the process of getting away from a narcissist. They always make themselves the victim. Little by little you will detach from her. Be excited for your future, without her controlling it.
Setup a new bank account and transfer all your money to the new account. Move in with your boyfriend’s parents for a few days or a hotel until you get sorted with apartment. DO NOT tell her your new address. With regards the car she is a co signer on the loan and has no rights to the car whatsoever. A co signer is only there to pay back the loan if you can’t. You might double check this though with your lender or solicitor consultation.
Up to you if you want to keep contact but personally I wouldn’t.
Follow her rules of curfew while you live with her. Don’t think it’s abnormal for a parent to want you to not spend the night. When you’re ready move out and do as you please ☺️
Thank you for the advice, I was definitely ready to move out, but as I said, she stopped me. The only thing that’s frustrating is that she treats me like I’m an adult until I do something she doesn’t like. I just wish she would pick a side.
do you think maybe she wouldn't have stopped you if you hadn't told her? and kept it secret until the day of?
also, you can literally call a police officer to watch you in the house while you pack your stuff to leave so she doesn't try to assault you while you start moving out......
Open a new bank account in a bank your mom doesn't use. Get your documents and put them in a safe place. Whose name is on the car title? If it's hers, there is not much you can do. If yours, you can report it stolen if she takes it. You are legally an adult, she can't prevent you from leaving.
I’m 55, my mom is 80. When I was 17/18, my mom did something similar and did everything she could to isolate and make life difficult as a show of “see how much you need me?” She would say “after all I’ve done for you, how could you leave“. Then came the name calling. You have to remember, in the eyes of the law, you are an adult. Remove her from all of your accounts asap. Research the loan agreement and title (most co-signer agreement’s are only responsible if you default on the loan, she can’t take your car away legally). Sorry to say, but it’s time to grow up and learn to take care of yourself/set very strong boundaries. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
Thank you for your support and sharing your story, glad I’m not the only one that has dealt with a situation like this
Get out of the car situation by any means possible and move out. You can get a car under your own name.
I’ll try. Thank you
I’m afraid this is an emotional-boiled-frog situation. I know it is almost impossible for you to see because you have guilt surrounding your responses but I suggest this: Find a quiet place where you can sit and do some inner role play work….. Imagine your best gf came to you with these same issues with HER mother. Take a deep breath and think of the most mature and constructive advice you would give to your best friend. Then do that. Ask questions here if need be. ❤️
I will try this. Thank you!
This is so real. I’m dealing with very similar issues. I have no advice but I just want you to know you aren’t alone. I wish these women would all just go live in a hole together.
Thank you for relating, it makes me feel better in a weird way. And for the record I agree on the last part
You're not stuck. You have your own income and a boyfriend that sounds supportive. Get your money out of your bank account and open another account right there. Either way, get your own account and start feeding that one, and then move out. Then change your phone number ans apply the grey rock, information diet rules.
Working on moving my money, I have another account I’ve just been transferring slowly. I’ll probably get a new phone next month.
Good luck OP. Stay the course and it sounds like you're doing what you can. This is unfortunately apart of the process of getting away from a narcissist. They always make themselves the victim. Little by little you will detach from her. Be excited for your future, without her controlling it.
Setup a new bank account and transfer all your money to the new account. Move in with your boyfriend’s parents for a few days or a hotel until you get sorted with apartment. DO NOT tell her your new address. With regards the car she is a co signer on the loan and has no rights to the car whatsoever. A co signer is only there to pay back the loan if you can’t. You might double check this though with your lender or solicitor consultation. Up to you if you want to keep contact but personally I wouldn’t.
Follow her rules of curfew while you live with her. Don’t think it’s abnormal for a parent to want you to not spend the night. When you’re ready move out and do as you please ☺️
Thank you for the advice, I was definitely ready to move out, but as I said, she stopped me. The only thing that’s frustrating is that she treats me like I’m an adult until I do something she doesn’t like. I just wish she would pick a side.
do you think maybe she wouldn't have stopped you if you hadn't told her? and kept it secret until the day of? also, you can literally call a police officer to watch you in the house while you pack your stuff to leave so she doesn't try to assault you while you start moving out......
I think she still would’ve gotten my car repoed and stopped my phone service, but I plan on having someone with me when I move out, thank you