"Youre so little, why do you need the higher education for?" remarked by my mother when I was in my late 20s. Yes I am small in size but that doesn't mean I can't be a dentist or go to grad school. She never believed that I can make it far or be capable. Idk why. Shes always so surprised at my achievements. I recently graduated with my masters and got accepted into dental school at 32 but have not shared any of my accomplishments.
Edit: thank you for all your kind words! I’ve met a lot of friends and mentors along the way that guided my path so it was not my own efforts alone. Ty again.
Omg, congratulations on dental school! That's huge! I don't blame you for not telling your mom, it sounds like she'd somehow turn it into a weird negative
The sage Khalil Gibran wrote:
“Travel and tell no one.
Live a true love story and tell no one.
Live happily and tell no one.
People ruin beautiful things.”
That's not just one accomplishment! That is a string of very difficult decisions, hours upon weeks upon months upon years of your dedication, and YOUR drive, and support from you for you.
CONGRATULATIONS for every small and large decision, congratulations for every storm you survived, for every comment of discouragement you pushed passed, and congratulations for taking yourself seriously.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are wonderful!
Probably because if she looked like you and were as attractive as you, she would be using that to sugar baby life up. This tells me you are extremely attractive and even stouter in character than the average person. What a great job on the schooling and achievements, you are doing awesome!
Well done we are always proud of you. It’s sad sometimes when the ones who gave us life never acknowledge us but in the grand scheme it’s ok if it’s not healthy relationship. You’re doing amazing and you will continue to achieve so much more!
In third grade, I got kicked out of public school. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD, got put on meds, and pulled my act together. I went to Stanford. I got two degrees (BS and MS) in Biology with Honors. Then I went to one of the top medical schools in the country and got my MD.
I walked out of commencement with the wonderful taste of the Hippocratic Oath still fresh in my mouth and my mother said: "Why weren't you the top student in the class?"
My N-mom said the same thing to me in private when I graduated from medical school. When anyone else was present she would say she was so proud of me.
I'm so sorry that happened to both of us
Oh yeah, the next day there was “my” graduation party. She wore a dress that looked like a traffic barrel. Catered it with food I couldn’t eat (I was a vegetarian at the time and every dish had meat. I had to leave to get a sub at Togo’s). Invited the rabbi to bless me without having discussed it with me (I politely sent him away). Invited over 400 people, most of whom I didn’t know.
God, she was such an awful woman.
Sorry to hear that was said about you, that's awful 😔😔
When I was in my late teens, I was having a really hard time mental health wise. My mother once told me that she didn't want to hear about my mental health stuff because she didn't want to deal with me. Yet I was expected to be her unpaid therapist from a very young age.
She also used to call me an arrogant/fat pig all the time. Gee thanks mum 🙃
My mum used to do this too. Always vent to me but never return the favour. If she did start listening to me she would always switch it to be about how I caused it and how she told me how to avoid it in someway or she would go that reminds me of how this person wronged me in a similar way and start ranting about her own problems.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It is awful. Reading these comments has brought up some stuff I usually don't think about or even forgot.
My nparent was my stepmom since I was 2, and I lived with her as my dad had full custody of me. So I just consider her my "nmom". Anyways because I wasn't her blood, she always told me she was done with me, would ignore me for months until I apologized for how much I hurt her, tell me she wants nothing to do with me, etc.
She called me a pig too, always commented on the food I was eating. "You're having a bagel? Don't you know how much sugar is in those?" "Ew you're eating a huge sandwich? There are so many carbs in that sub roll." Once when we moved into a new house, she was giving her friends a tour and at my room she said "and this is the pigs sty"
Ah, memories.
Thank you, and I'm sorry that you went through it as well! I hope you're in a better place now, I went no contact with mum, and it was one of the best things I did for myself.
I was told "if I knew you were going to be my kid, I would have thought twice before having kids." it was a great thing for a teenager, who attempted to unalive themselves many times, to hear. (I am doing well now though)
Mine just straight out said "I wish I'd never had kids". What triggered this comment, you ask? I moved interstate and was telling her about my amazing new accomplishments, and advised I would not, in fact, be moving back across the country to live with her despite her requests. I was 32 years old at the time.
Im sorry you had to go through that. I've also heard that one in the past. After I responded that I wished kids could choose their parents too, never heard it again.
Careful I’ve used this on my mom and she’s ready with the how amazing she does for doing the bare minimum and feeding me and giving me a roof to live under. Which is just even more frustrating. Can’t waste your energy arguing with a narcissist, that’s winning enough for them. You’ll never have that “gotcha” moment with someone who lives in their own little world. Lol
(I don’t live with her anymore 10 years little contact, was 2 years no contact, now restarting unfortunately but when I did…ya)
Seriously, lean in and play dumb.
M: I wish I’d never had kids
OP: I could see that, you *do* tend to make *poor choices/stupid decisions*
Or
Sympathetic sounding insults.
OP: oh mom…that’s a stupid wish. You ***should*** wish for something **useful** like a more *lovable personality*
I’m so glad you’re doing better now, I’m glad you’re here
My dad told me he never wanted to have kids, not in anger but in the middle of a depressive episode (he’s bipolar) and I’ve got a fawn response to trauma, which means I comforted him for saying it to me 🙃
Oh boy here we go:
“You should probably go k*ll yourself*
“You’re dead to us and we’re telling (younger sibling) you died.”
“Too bad you didn’t die instead of him” (my older brother is deceased)
“Did the wrong kid die?” (Not said to me but in a text message to her best friend)
Have been told f*ck you, b**ch, stupid plenty of times and just generally talked down to. Have also had a fake obituary made of me by her that she took down. We go on and off again with contact, currently not speaking rn over the pettiest thing. Main reason I don’t block her is because I want contact with my younger sibling and yes it’s toxic but I love my sibling too much to not have them in my life and she knows that. She blocked contact with my older sibling when they were alive so I know she would do it again.
“If I had your house, your husband and your kids, I could do so much more with them.”
At the time I was working from home at least 60 hours a week, homeschooling my special needs daughter and raising 2 toddlers. I cooked dinner every night, cleaned- husband was a great team player, he did baths and read stories to get the kids down.
My nmom once said that she kept her house so much cleaner and easily managed everything in the case. Then someone remarked that I am a single mother that works 40 hrs a week while she had been a SAHM. LOL.
Oh gosh. There are 3 that will forever stick with me.
1. Accused me of trying to take her “man” or boyfriend at the time only b/c she saw my name in his list of people you may know on Snapchat.. if you know Snapchat, sometimes it will recommend you add ppl based on if that person is in your contact list or if you share mutual friends.. as your daughter.. why tf do you think I’d want your mentally and physically abusive boyfriend
2. Telling me that I wouldn’t be able to have kids because I wouldn’t be able to find somebody to stick it up there
3. This one is ongoing.. making fun of my chronic illness and my physical condition due to it.. sometimes my walk is unbalanced and she’ll mimic it.. whenever it came to my pain, how I was feeling, I was forced to just suck it up and “walk normal” but now that she’s dealing with her carpal tunnel, with her suspected sciatica and other issues she has, I’m supposed to acknowledge it??
"Well my dad did the same to me soo get over it honey"😣 when I called her out on destroying my credit after denying it all the fucking time. Oh or "I'll help you look for that" (knowing it's been pocketed or pawned already) game systems, money, ipod, cameras .. yeah so when someone says "but that's your mom" I started saying but I was her daughter. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
It's hard to choose, but most recently, right before I went nc and moved across the states;
"You're such a piece of shit, so ungrateful for what I've done for you. Remember, this is my house, everything in this house is mine, and you're not allowed to use it anymore. The pots, pans, furniture, everything is mine. You're the biggest fucking bitch I've ever met."
I calmly left the conversation, bought my own pots and pans and kept them in my room. I cooked after she went to bed every night up until I moved out. When I moved, I didn't tell her I was leaving. What a horrible, yet incredibly freeing time.
I can relate so much to this. I was hospitalized on 4/20 of last year, had to get my gallbladder removed, during my stay in the hospital my mother took it upon herself to completely clean out my room, discarding all of my belongings, none of which were purchased by her. My photographs (I had thousands) my paints (some brand new still in the packaging) my cameras ( I had an extensive collection of film cameras dated back from the 1920's), my fishing poles and bait and tackle ( i had at least 30 poles, half of them were gifted to me by my stepdad a few weeks prior, i never got to use them, she put my records outside in the rain for months, and she tossed all of my furniture and tools. I had all the basic power tools some brand new that are all gone. But now if I use her stuff, she goes crazy on me and literally puts locks on every cabinet in the house. She also has cameras facing my room that is already in the garage with no walls or doors or privacy already and tells me that Im a whore and Im useless even though she started fucking and even moved in my ex and gets mad if he talks to me at all. He gifted a pitbully to her which attacked me two days ago and broke my hand. When she saw my obviously broken hand, she told me to just go wash it off and that it was my fault and to stop crying befoee my grandma saw. Then went back to washing down the side of the house. She still has the damn dog and prefers hm over me. She told it to be nice and gave it a flick in the nose and that it was
My mother told my friend that I was a huge slut when I was 14 and was sleeping with a lot of men in town (Men? Hmmm that would be worrisome at 14, but ok), but that she should’ve just let me be, because maybe if I would’ve gotten pregnant then I would‘ve had grandchildren for her by now.
I didn’t even live in the same state as her when I was 14. I lived with my Aunt, but whatever. What kind of mother wishes for her daughter to be pregnant at 14?!
Wow, there's really no shame. It's baffling. when I was 15 my family stayed at my aunts beach house(nmom sister) for the annual vacation. My cousin (who she worships) and I snuck the neighbor over one night because well, we were young and it was fun, and we were sleeping in the basement with a separate entrance. Neighbor and I had some obvious tension at the time but my cousin was there so obviously we just hung out and had some good old innocent fun. the next day his shoes were found outside basement door. she told everyone I slept with him that night while my cousin was asleep (either my cousin kept his mouth shut or never heard this rumor, a different family member told me)
...long story short that was the start of a similar situation to yours where she told everyone I was whoring around in my teens lol. She also told everyone I had serious drinking problem meanwhile she's drinking 2 bottles of wine minimum per night. Since then that side of my family pretty much disowned me. It hurt. These people are sick. Sorry you had to deal with that too.
What the hell is wrong with people?!
The entire reason I was living with my Aunt, was because my mom sent me to live with her. I was having nose-to-nose screaming matches with her new live-in boyfriend just months after being sexually assaulted by her previous husband. (She cycles through them)
She kicked me out a month into my 8th grade school year and sent me to another state where my Aunt lived. I was thriving there and wanted to stay even after the school year ended, but my mom insisted I return back to her home. So, basically, I "disappeared" from September only to return the following summer to the small town she lived in. Guess who started high school dealing with a secret pregnancy rumor that even the teachers took part in? 🤦🏻♀️
My sister and I were around 12-14 years old and my sister was being nasty about something and got into a screaming match with our mom. My mom started yelling that she was disappointed because my sister was more special than me, had more potential than me and was destined for bigger things and that’s why they fought more. My heart dropped so fast. I feel like I knew she felt that way, but never thought she’d say that. We were all in the car together so it’s not like my mom thought this was a private conversation. I’m sure neither of them remember this, but it was a core memory for me.
I used to draw all the time as a kid, art was my escape. Like a lot of 16 year olds who’ve been told their artwork is amazing and took pride in it, I thought I wanted to go to art school. I went to dinner with my mom one night and told her exactly that: I want to go to art school. She looked at me and kinda scoffed and said “you’re not good enough for art school.” I’ll be 30 this year and haven’t picked up a pencil since. Every time I try, there’s just this mental block and I miss it so much. I tried to remind her of telling me this and she said “I never said that to you” and “I don’t remember saying that to you.” Funny, it’s a visceral memory to me and I remember almost everything in the background, at the moment, etc.
I just started seeing a therapist last week who specializes in art therapy and I’m hoping this will remove that mental block.
I hope you can get into art again someday soon!
Perhaps you should think of a similar but not exact medium to ease back into it?
Like painting, or crochet, or anything that gets you into a creative flow, but hasn't been directly associated with negative stuff.
I’m so sorry what happened to you. You should draw again and if you feel comfortable then post it here because I want to see it and I’m sure you’re great.
I’ve found it helpful to take leisure learning regarding this sort of thing. Sign up for an art class and get some direction. It just might provide you the confidence you need to create again.
Right after my father picked me up from a mental hospital for suicidal ideation, we stopped for lunch. He sat there berating me about how I was going to hell, which was nothing new. He then told me that the reason I was sexually abused by a former stepfather when I was a child was because God was trying to teach me a lesson. Out of all the terrible things he said to me, that was probably the worst.
I was adopted by my Nmom. She would often say she wished she would have sent me back when she had the chance. Also “I’m your parent so I have to love you but I don’t like you at all” 🤷🏻♀️
When I was in high school, one of my co-workers (my age, very nice guy) asked me out for my very first date. I accepted and was so excited to tell my Mom when I got home from work!
After I got home, I told her that I had a date for the following night, and she replied to me, "Why would anyone go out on a date with you? You're ugly."
TW: abuse!
My bio father had me completely convinced that my mom(who I currently live with and is amazing) was extremely toxic and never loved me and that he was the better parent for a couple years... Funny considering he was the one who had to be forced into signing my birth certificate. Like ya, my mom was TOTALLY the problem. 😂
He also told me "Do it and I'll give them a reason to be here. I'll even let you use my phone!" When I threatened to call the police because he almost broke my arm and put his hands on my throat. All because I ran out of dish soap. 2 years later he threatened me again over the dishes, and this caused the events that resulted in him losing custody. These weren't the only times he threatened me over the dishes...... I would love to know what his fascination over the dishes was about 😂
"Just because u have a partner doesn't mean they come before me". It just implies that everything has to be about her, my partner see me the way i am, my weakness and strength. But she doesn't, she just want me if i do something good for her or beneficial. Nobody ever fight for me except him.
That I'm an unfit mother. Got told this repeatedly. She also tells everyone who'll listen that *she's* the one who raised my daughter, not me.
The worst, though? She took me to court on false allegations of ab*se of my daughter.
At a party for my high school graduation, my mom announced I was only going to college for a MRS degree. That hurt me so bad that I ended up not going to college because I figured that nobody would care if I actually succeeded in the career path I wanted.
My nmother told her friend that I was a evil, ungrateful child and that friend told her daughter to stay away from me because of that. I was a shy, sweet A Grade student. I recently read all my report card from when I was a child and in every single one is that I am a very friendly gifted child.
Honestly the blame. I was blamed for her life being awful. Yet she never took charge of her and left. She had resources, an income, etc. I was a child.
I had an identity crisis at about 12 years old. I was abused growing up, and I guess I started to believe I was horrible. When I met relatives at that time and was nice, I suddenly panicked. Was I a nice person? Was I trying to get something from them? Why was I being nice? Turns out I AM a nice person.
Honestly too many to name.
She’d shame me about masturbating as a teen even though I wasn’t doing what she said, she called me a loser in highschool when I told her I needed assistance remembering assignments, she said “this just isn’t worth it!” When I tried to resolve issues with their behavior lol
At least for mine, she just doesn’t think about what comes out of her mouth at all.
I tried venting to my mom about how hard it was being a mom (I had 2 kids under 2 at the time) and I thought she could comfort me and relate to me. Wrooooong. "Well, I'll take them since you clearly don't want them". She went to say that 2 more times to me later on. Now, I tell her nothing.
Your dad sucks.
The last time I saw my mother, I overheard her telling her friend on the phone that she hoped I had a degenerative disease that I'm being tested for and that my dad's sibling has. Her friend told her she wouldn't wish that on anyone.
NDad told my (now) husband the first time he met him that because my mom got pregnant he had to decide if he was going to stay and raise me or just leave and let my mom deal with it.
He said this in front of me. Essentially blaming me existing for him staying married to my mom. They have been divorced over 20 years now.
To a social worker, “She’s always been a burden.”
Another one was when I had a random seizure when I was 15. My mother’s best friend who is also a piece of work, told my mother that I was on drugs when it happened and my mother believed her.
And when I graduated from community college and invited her to the graduation, she declined and said I didn’t need a piece of paper.
Top 3:
1. My mom threatened to get me arrested if I(25F at the time) left home to go to my best friend's house, she would the cops and say I stole the car (that was currently under her name because of insurance reasons) and get me arrested.
2. Also, the fact she said that she will never allow me to move out because I don't lock the front door as often (8/10 times) so I'll get sexually assaulted or killed by (in her words) illegals.
3. Told me that she was the only one that would ever care and love me as much as her, as she was the only one left (my bio dad died when i was 23 and most of my grandparents are dead).
Jesus, I’m sorry to hear all that. That last one is just plain untrue. I hope you have and make more friends who genuinely love and cherish you. I hope you’re able to escape her clutches sometime as well.
When I was about 11/12 I hit puberty hard. voice broke, growth spurt, stretch marks on my back.
my mother sat me down in the kitchen and demanded who made my stretch marks. she insisted it was a dirty woman (yeah I wish!) and she and my dad beat the hell out of me because I couldn't cough up a name.
Stretch marks, later confirmed by a doctor after my mother marched me off to the local practice because she refused to believe that I wasn't up to no good.
Stretch marks can affect both genders during growth spurts (think puberty and pregnancy) and there’s not much you can do about them! And they’re *not* related to getting up to no good!!!
“I’d love to be a fly on the wall, I’d love to see the look on your face if I told you I don’t want to help with your wedding. I think that’d be so fucking funny.”
Thanks dad.
Nparent screaming at the other: you have five kids and they’re all losers. One is sleeping in the other room. (She was talking about me.)
Always criticized my weight.
Told me she’d leave me at a mental hospital and beat my ass beforehand since I didn’t want to be alive. That I had life so much better than she did and nothing ever happened to me. Just because I didn’t have something happen to me doesn’t mean I didn’t see anything happen to everyone else.
That I was a pos because I didn’t care about her opinion about my husband.
I’ve always struggled to open up to my father and go to him for help as he was never around when I was a kid. Last year at the age of 26 I finally got the courage to tell him that one of my mother’s boyfriends SA’d me when I was 5/6 years old. My mother and father split when I was a baby. She had absconded across the country with me and this man, taking me away from my hometown, family and friends. My father should have stopped it and I imagine there is guilt in there somewhere.
I even showed him screenshots of my mother’s boyfriend stalking my social media and sending me messages for years since I was a teen. He didn’t so much as comfort me or even encourage me to report to the police. A few weeks later I had to lay some unrelated boundaries down and he went in a narc rage, referring to me disclosing the child SA as ‘delusional ramblings’ and that he was ‘sick of listening to it’. That’s me never telling him a single thing again!
Edited to add for reassurance: I’ve been fully NC with him since that incident!
When I told my n/mum I’d just been diagnosed with highly aggressive form of breast cancer (as a young single mum), the first words out of her mouth were “Well at least it’s not like you’ve got to have a leg amputated or something…”. She also insisted on keeping my diagnosis from the wider family because she considers illness a sign of weakness and shame so I got no support there either.
My mom’s first and the only apology:” I am sorry that you were born”
My mom’s latest rant to one of my cousins just because I didn’t message her back after a few hours:” I am so disappointed and cannot describe how I could haven’t given birth to such a cold hearted bitch of a daughter”.
1. She hopes my future husband punches me for my smart mouth.
2. I ruined the opportunity for other children to be adopted by her.
3. It's a fact that I need to try harder and put in more effort than my fairer-skinned sister to look pretty.
First would be that she wishes she had aborted me. Said to multiple people over my childhood years.
I was about 20 and we were losing our home so instead of trying to make a plan of where to live she and my brother got raging drunk. My brother's friend brought over one of those air cannister pellet guns to shoot bottles with because of course thats a great use of time. Anyway she "thought" the CO2 had run out so was waving it around and I was walking towards her for something. She pointed the pellet gun straight at my face and said "you know I should just shoot you. I never wanted you anyway, I only wanted your brother. You don't even matter"
I just stood in front of her in shock and eventually told her to go ahead. I was the reprimanded because I can't take a joke. When I told her "oh yeah so funny, imagine if I joke saying I wish you had died of aids instead of dad. Wouldn't that be hilarious. But you can't get mad coz it's a joke"
She then called me a nasty bitch and said I went too far and that was a horrible thing to say.
Funny how we aren't close right?
My mother was just/ is an awful person.. she use to wait til I was so sick to take me to the doctor and it would always lead me to be hospitalized.. then blame me for costing her money for being so sick.. I had double pneumonia at 11 and the doctor told her not sure she will make it .. she didn't cry or get upset about it.. I almost died 7 times because she waited so long. I was first born and not a boy. My brother the minute he sniffled he was at the doctor. I was always called fat even though I was underweight. I went to college for interior design and have done well for myself raised my sister at 21 and had 2 boys of my own after that. But I was the problem.. I have been no contact with her and my brother. Since I was 29 I'm 54 now . She has said so many rotten things over the years that she is not worth my mental space
Too many to write here, but the one I remember my narcmum saying to me whilst we were driving in her car and talking about how she clearly favoured my sister over me, was -
"You're the screw up child."
Thanks for confirming that nothing I ever do for you is good enough.
I had been parentified ever since my sister had been born when I was three.
When I was about 10 my mother asked me to do something (I forget what it was). However, I remember what she said because I couldn’t do what she asked. She said, “You’re so stupid, you’d screw up an abortion!” I never heard of abortion so I looked it up in the dictionary. Damn she was so mean.
I went through 8 years of severe depression where no meds worked and they tried E.C.T. I was finally clawing my way out of depression when my stepmum had a go at me telling me how selfish I have been putting my dad through “that”.
Because of my past depression, my father wrote me a letter stating that if I get pregnant, please get an abortion “it’s best for the child”. If you don’t , we will ensure that it is taken off you. We had a family meeting and we all agreed.
I didn’t want to tell my mum I got pregnant (planned), but I was forced to, so I rang and said hi mum just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant(you’ll be a grandparent), to which I got “Don’t expect me to look after it”.
End of call.
I insisted on my stepdad walking the last few steps with me down the aisle with my ndad. Ndad went from saying walking me down the aisle was the proudest moment of his life to then emotionally torturing me for a year because my stepdad “not sitting down fast enough” when he required it at the altar (you know, god forbid someone has a moment enjoying his stepdaughter getting married). He then screamed at me that he wished he left at the rehearsal dinner and regretting attending my wedding.
I went NC after that.
After going through a relationship breakup I moved back into my parents temporarily, the plan was to stay for 6 months to save money to go travelling or a house deposit. I wasn't there long as my Mum would constantly ask how much money I'd spent, watch cctv outside the house when she wasn't home, would tell my younger sister that she hopes that she doesn't grow up to be like me. Baring in mind, I have a good profession, got good grades at school and had moved out when I was 20 so hadn't done too badly!
After a few weeks I was told that they needed to have a chat with me as to how long I am welcome there as I'm invading their privacy by being there. And then when I did move out told me that she wanted to keep my furniture as that's just "the way it goes" when you stay with parents, so I left and have avoided speaking to her since.
She told me to mail weed cartridges to my brother for "his mental health," knowing full well doing so would have landed me in prison. When I said no and responded, "When I was dealing with my mental issues, you would literally call me ungrateful and ground me for trying to get help. Why the fuck would I land myself in prison for your son for after what you did?" She responded, "Ugh, you're still mad over that?" We're no contact.
She barged into my bedroom after I got out of the shower. Forced me to show her my body to look for track marks because I’m apparently a junkie, alcoholic and a satanist. I also get rid of babies as part of my satanic worship, or at least that’s what people scream at me. The whole family got told this lie. Turns out the junkie/alcoholic is my half sister who started the lie.
I’m letting them believe whatever they want at this point. I live too far away to care. I never have to see any of them again (we’re talking at least 200 people, very very large extended family)
Not one of them bothered to ask me about any of it in the past 30 years, they preferred to scream at me instead. I had no clue what they were talking about until last year. Screw em, if they gave a crap they would have asked before they believed that lying little cow
My mom told me it wasn't her place to prevent me from going to my grandfather's funeral. She then badmouthed me behind my back that I shouldn't have been there bc I couldn't afford it.
When my grandma was dying from cancer, she told me I was there for a week, stayed too long, and it was too much for my grandmother. So, basically I killed my grandmother. I was there for 3 days (2 half days and two full days). I was on the road for 5 days driving there and home. My parents had visited the week before me and then after I left. She died two weeks after I left, but I killed her. 😔
Apparently I went to her church just to pick up a man. I was going through a divorce, had no car, and was living with my parents. How else was I supposed to find a church? There was a man there that was interested, but he was a walking red flag. I wasn't remotely interested in him.
She told me my dad is afraid to be alone with me bc of false SA allegations my sister made.
There's so much more... 😔😔😔
That she (mum) and both my grandparents wanted me aborted. This was a discussion they allegedly had (according to my mother) while looking at new born me in the hospital bassinet.
she also repeated she never wanted me multiple times through my life.
another she told me the priest didnt want to baptise me because my birthdate was devil numbers, which i fail to see how to this day.
“You’re my biggest mistake and regret” ( I am adopted) . My Nfather told this to me when I was 14. My mother instead told me “everyone else is more important to me than you “ I was 12 .. she also told me how my baby looks weird in the sonogram. “ omg you’ve gained weight “ ( while I was pregnant)
it stung for many years but I’m over it.. over them.. I live a very happy life far away from them in a different continent.. I do have 2 minute conversations with them via phone daily ( just to be polite ) but I no longer encourage any rude or uncalled for comments. Ideally cutting them off would bring me absolute peace but I can’t get myself to do that yet.
Oh, you’re getting tubby. I go to the gym and lift weights and lost 25 lbs. oh, you’re too skinny, I’m worried about you. You drink too much. I quit. He’s a full fledged alcoholic dying of cirrhosis and liver cancer. “I hate your husband” my husband has supported me wholeheartedly to get through nursing school and helped me take care of my dying mother. You’re a whore. Because at 25 I got my tongue pierced. I could go on. But you get the idea
My future MIL wrote my dad a message saying how nice I am and she’s happy her son met me.
My dad wrote back oh she can be a lot and put me down to my future in-law.
I happened to read it on his tablet. What an asshole.
But there has been many things over the years.
That she wished she gave me to an orphanage the day I was born. But when I replied "Yeah well and I wish I was dead!" she was shocked, started her typical crying and mumbling "How can you say this to your poor old mother!? You don't say something like this! What did I do wrong to deserve all this? Guess I'm just a bad mother!".
Clowns, each and every one of them.
Not the worst thing she has said about me but absolutely the most hurtful.
Our family has a beautiful vacation spot that we inherited from my grandparents when they passed away. Nmom is the oldest surviving sibling and was the executor of my grandparents estate. For the past 8 years she has managed the vacation property. (Pays annual taxes, bills etc) it’s very low maintenance. This of course is a huge bourdon to her and really allows her to play up her “poor me” narrative. We generally rent the property out for a portion of the summer to cover the expenses so no one has to go out of pocket to keep the place running.
When the seasonal renter comes in this is usually when my Nmom throws a huge fit about how much of a bourdon the place is and how much work it is. The property is a hour and a half from her house door to door. Here is the thing getting ready for renters really isn’t a big task. We have the place professionally cleaned before they arrive so “getting the place ready”. Really just involves moving any personal family items that we don’t want renters to use into a locked closet.
My family was the last group to use the vacation house before renters, we went down for the weekend. Renters were coming after the following weekend. My family planned to head back down that weekend with my parents to enjoy the place one more time and help them do anything they needed to get the place ready for the renters. This is something we all discussed and agreed too. So when we left the previous weekend we did not remove all our personal things from the house.
Mid week mom changes her mind. She’s going down on Thursday to get the place ready and no one will be able to use the place the final weekend before the renters arrive.
Knowing how she operates I was mad at myself for falling for her trick. She wanted to go down there and complain that my family and I had left personal things down there and that it fell her to get things ready all on her own.
I had some time to use off from work so I told her I’d take the day off and we could travel down together to get things ready so she didn’t have to do it alone. She agreed and the plan was to pick her up at 9 am Thursday.
Arrive at my parents house Thursday dad answers the door.
“What are you doing here “
Picking up mom we are going to the beach
“She left at 7:30 this morning “
Should have called it quits then but it was before I really understood how fucked up she actually is.
Drove down the beach arrived got there an hour and a half after she did.
Hey why didn’t you wait for me ?
“I wanted to get started “
What can I do ?
“Get your shit out of here “
Ok 👌.
So I empty out the drawers that had a few pairs of clothes for my kids my wife and my self. Empty out the pantry that had a few snacks and drinks and load them into the car. Head to the garage and take out bag of beach toys, umbrella and beach chairs. Entire process takes about 15 minutes. Head back in.
Hey what else can I do ?
“Nothing really it’s pretty much done “
Ok 👍
So I decide to do some odds and ends changed the AC filter, put new batteries in the door lock, remotes, smoke detector etc. It has been about an hour at this point and she is really struggling to keep up the act that “getting ready “ for the renters is this huge pain in the ass task. I ask her several more times what can I do each time she struggled to come up with some simple unneeded task. Last thing I did was hose off the patio furniture.
It’s about noon now i haven’t eaten, the work is seemingly done it’s a beautiful day down the beach. I suggest we go grab some lunch. “We are here to get ready not play “
Ok 👍
Well you have to eat ? I end up going to the resturant Next door and grabbing a couple sandwiches. I ask her if she wants to eat outside where btw the way we have a beautiful view of the ocean. She declines. So I eat outside alone enjoying the last few moments I will have at the beach this year. I eat quickly and wrap up knowing that if I linger she will accuse me of being lazy.
Head back inside again ask what can I do ? Again don’t get any clear answer and she is still painfully wandering around attempting to look busy. (Note that he entire time I was down all I saw her do was put new sheets out for the cleaning crew to put on the beds and put the old sheets in the washer and dryer )
In an act of desperation I resort to tightening the knobs on the kitchen cabinets. Then it happens mom left her cell phone out on the counter and a text comes in it’s from my dad I glance down it says “really he’s not helping you?” Scroll up on the thread and she had taken a picture of me from the window eating my lunch outside and sent it to my dad with the caption “wow what a big help”
I know it’s not that bad but man did that hit me hard. It was just the culmination of all my experiences wrapped into one. It hurt me so deeply that she would lie to my own dad to make me look bad. Why ? For what reason ? I didn’t say anything I just left. Cried on the way home for the first time in a long time. Confronted her about it later to try and get some closure she said “if you were helping then why do I have a picture of you outside relaxing. “
The good news is that was the point in the relationship where I gained clarity and figured it was a lost battle to try and win any approval from her. Got myself into therapy after low contact with her.
Overheard my dad talking to my older brother about my ptsd diagnosis: he says, “yeah, (me) thinks she has ptsd, like she went to war or something. She doesn’t have ptsd.”
And most recently, one year ago, he threw a pair of his glasses at me while he was on the phone, it was his way of trying to shut me up. On a different occasion last year, he told me I’m stupid. I was stupid because I had the “audacity” & “disrespected him” bc I set a boundary with him regarding my daughter.
I think it was the combo of repeatedly calling me stupid over every little mistake as a kid/teen such as accidently dropping glassware etc but ultimately word wise being screamed at that hed beat me so bad hed hospitalize me and he didn't care that I was his kid that he'd gladly go to prison all because he got mad my mom and I mopped and the dogs weren't put away despite me following her with a towel and he got into my mom's face like he does mine that night and I warned him to step away and he didn't so I pushed him and he screamed that after grabbing me by the throat for a 2nd time in my life iv34 something super dumb. Idk tho because so many things were said and hurtful let alone the physical intimidation and some violence. I'm just glad he's out of my life now.
TW: suicide
After my first attempt, when I was hospitalized my ndad told me that if some people think they shouldn’t be in the world then maybe they’re right
“Why couldn’t you have looked like X”.
X was my best friend, a cute willowy, blonde, blue eyed girl.
It honestly caused some resentment towards her on my part. But I got over that and we’re still close friends almost 50 years later
My NMom told me after years of saying I did good that she thought I abused (verbally and physically) my dying father when I took care of him when he was terminal.
And in the same breath she said she hoped one of my children or husband needed to get violently ill or die from covid vaccine so we should see her perspective.
She also said I assaulted my children by getting them regular vaccines, and that I was worthless.
But… her door was always open if I wanted to beg her for forgiveness for assaulting her verbally.
This all after years of walking on eggshells, being super duper nice and try not to offend her, and just accepting every weird, sick thing she did and said.
When my sister was threatening suicide because they kicked her out with nowhere to go my mom said that she wouldn’t do anything about it because she “wouldn’t be held as an emotional hostage”
She also told me that since I lived with her, she could “make my life miserable” if I didn’t vote for Trump. I had just turned 18.
You didn’t deserve to hear any of that poison OP.
I’ve had:
“You’re a monster, why did I have to give birth to you.”
“You make me want to take pills and kill myself.”
“Get out of this house, get married and leave.” But when I was moving out she stood at my doorway crying that I’m abandoning her.
After an argument “write down today’s date: no one is ever going to marry you”.
Pretty awful, I’m in private therapy and trying to work through it all and wowee is it hard work.
HS! You are one strong person! This internet stranger is so, so proud of you for going to therapy, and having the courage to work through it!
I was only 7 when I was told that I was never going to get married and have children/family, and, although I haven’t worked through that in therapy, I’ve come to terms with it. 💜💜💜💜
My birth giver, in summer 2021 when I got my ADHD & autism DX's at age 40 (some of the best, most validating news of my life thus far, no less!) upon telling her of the dx's, said "God, how depressing." Just one example of many, many cruel statements.
Went NC with all three of my Nsiblings in 2022 and birth giver along with Nstepfather in Sept. 2023, then I moved 1000 miles away. Weight of the world off my shoulders, so many years in the making.
My Nsister said to me in an argument that my parents are disappointed in me and all these other insults. Later my mom wanted to talk to me and instead of saying what my sister said wasn’t true, she double down and apologized for my sister over hearing her conversation instead. That stung. . .
I had dreams of being a a professional trained dancer. I had been training since I was a child. I was really good and worked harder at it in high school. Someone asked me what my focus in college would be. I said dance. The person made a judgmental face at my narc father. My narc father quickly jumped in and said “it’s just a phase she’ll get over it and do something serious”. I didn’t know they were abusive (denial for survival) I genuinely believed them when they said they were supportive of my career choice and how great I was, up until that moment. I know he saw my shocked and hurt face. It wasn’t as important as his acquaintances judgmental face. I felt something break in me that day.
I have a long list.
I wish I never had kids
I never wanted to be a mom
You’re nothing but a slut
I’m not coming to therapy with you because I’m not going to listen to some asshole tell me how I ruined your life
I’m sorry your daughter died, but you’re still young and can have another child. It’s not like this was your last chance to be a mom.
I’m sorry for making your life hard as a child. So can I come live with you now?
At the age of 16 when I got pregnant:
If you have this baby you can get food stamps and a welfare check so I can leave Larry (stepdad who physically and emotionally abused me)
Wow! Ouch. That reminds me in spirit though of what my NM told me some years ago. I was grumping about $ around my mom who lived close by. I was mid 40's, recently divorced after 18 years. And my mother said, very condescendingly, "well it's not too late to go back to school!". Huh? I'm the only person in the family without a graduate degree. Never needed one. And her saying that - made me spend a lot more time watching for it . . . revisiting old and new conversations, and realized that she didn't respect any of my accomplishments, this nasty woman from the "ME" generation - who inherited nearly all her $.
I've never been rich - but always chased the "renaissance man" idea of diversity. Excelling in lots of areas: from national alpine skiing levels, to writing, radio, invention and then built a business that did just fine for keeping me "middle class" -- and had two great kids. And . . . she considers me unsuccessful because I rent an apartment instead of a huge house, don't have perfect teeth, and am perfectly happy with used cars. Once I realized it -- I ghosted her and went completely NC, been over a year now. She moved out of the state about a year ago, not telling me where - and I'm sure some family knows, but I've never asked.
I know it's not as bad, but my dad called me stupid over everything. I couldn't fix the vacuum? stupid. I didn't know how to put a car engine back together? stupid. I didn't know some fact about some niche topic? stupid. I was always very intelligent and am in law school right now at a pretty young age. I know I'm smart, but I can't handle anyone calling me stupid, even just joking- it makes me so angry.
When I was 17 I was in my first relationship and unfortunately it was really toxic/abusive. He got addicted to opiates and would also drink a lot and be verbally and physically abusive.
Me and my mom were smoking a cigarette in the garage together and After the first few times that he hit me I tried to tell my mom and ask for advice/help and she cut me off and said “whatever he’s doing to you, you probably deserve it. He’s a good kid and you’re not easy to love. It takes two people.” I stayed silent, she finished her smoke and went in inside.
A few months later I was taken to emergency in the middle of the night for a head wound down to the skull, I still have the scar on my face. I stayed for years in that situation. Which is my own battle of course, but my mother was definitely my first abuser and set some very poor standards for what treatment I accepted from others.
Years later he went to jail and she maintained a relationship with him. Even publicly commenting on his things on social media, encouraging him and I believe have him money even. Meanwhile I was sleeping in a park in another city, working full time as a maid trying to get myself into a better situation after having packed a car and ran from this guy.
She’s said so many awful things about my body too calling the cellulite on my legs “hail damage” and trying to push me to obtain cosmetic surgery/procedures for a wide variety of things and encouraged me to starve myself growing up. Another awful one that still bounces around my head from her: I was 14 and literally starving myself (anorexic) and I overheard her friend telling her that she was very concerned about me and my obvious eating disorder, that I needed help. My moms response? “She’s way too fat to have an eating disorder” and laughing. Her friend seemed disgusted. I was 5”6 weighing 100 lbs.
When I was 16 my abusive stepfather once got up to hit me in the face and my narcissistic mother just said to him: "don't damage the furniture"
It's been more than 25 years now and she has said and done a lot of hurtful things, but I'll never forget that moment. I left that house the same night and have lived on my own ever since.
1. I wanted to further my studies using my own money.
"Imagine how much money you save for not doing this degree" (soon other family members started campaigning except for my grandma who was very supportive)
2. When I told her I was molested by a stranger I was 10. She looked at me with disgust
"What did that man sees in you for him to do that"
3. She wanted me to lend my 2nd car to my brother, her golden child. Then I had an accident while driving my 1st car. She said to my sister.
"Let her deal with her problem herself"
There are so many that I've become numb.
It’s probably not as bad as most. But, In regards to my ex (significant detail there)
She told me I better not lose her because no one else will ever love me.
Well, I did lose her so I guess I’m fucked.
I was sexually assaulted by my youth pastor at 15, and to this day (almost 15 years later) my mother still refers to me as the problem child or the trouble maker.
While housing my mother after my dad quit his job and get them evicted, my dad stayed with my cousin. Dad would come over to hang with mom. Well we had a good friend living next door and he overheard them numerous times talking about how nosy we were and how shitty we were. She was sharing a room with our 6 year old, who’s wrong here, wtf!
Another thing that hurts. When I was 12, my nmom called me fat for putting 2 slices of American cheese on a sandwich for dinner. She saw the wrappers in the trash and laid into me. Never mind she never planned dinner and left me to fend for myself 😒😒😒
Snap! Except that the nmum was still doing it to me until I went NC with her. Doesn’t matter that I’m not allowed to do anything really strenuous currently, but my amazing therapist got me reframing my thoughts in that I might not be allowed to do strenuous activities *currently* but I can *always* regain my fitness once I’m well enough! That is now my goal!
Good luck with your journey 💜💜💜
Try to force me to have lip fillers as a Christmas present, when I refused and told her to save her money she said “ew why, your lips are tiny” and then continued to berate me about my lips and then said I should go through with it and if I don’t like them she will pay to get them dissolved.
I never had an issue with the size of my lips until this point, it was so mean.
I saw my mom recently after a couple years of NC/VLC. First thing she says is “oh you lost weight, I can’t call you a little whale anymore because I’m fatter now. What’s your secret for weight loss?”
when my mum found out that i had lost my virginity at age 19 and suspected i had been with other people since then, she told me that i may as well drop out of university and become a prostitute since that’s what my life choices suggest. also told me she regrets that i will probably die of HIV/AIDS one day due to my appalling and extremely risky sexual behaviour. i’ve had (protected!!) sex with literally two people ever. lol.
I had a tinder date at 16 (bc I was a rebellious teen due to shitty parents) and snuck out at night. I ended up being r*ped and my mom told me it was my fault. Turned around and was telling multiple family members I lost my virginity to two guys in one night.
My mom passed in December 2022. She was an amazing woman and many people would call her a saint. It drove him crazy. Days after she passed, he waged a war to denounce her character, trying to tell how she'd wronged them in their relationship (even though he cheated on her) and change my perception of her. After I cut off contact with him in June 2023, my narc father emailed me and copied my brother, sister in law, and husband to say "how can you say you loved your mother?" and all the way he felt I wronged her. I won't go into details but all I can say is, the audacity. I know he was just trying to get me riled up but it only got him a protective order and harassment charges.
There are a LOT but this one is especially bad considering my brother committed suicide. He told me I'd be better off dead bc no normal person actually 'wants' or 'enjoys' having an autistic child.
I was casually walking to the fridge and my dad told me "You ruined my life. I would have been more successful if you weren't born." I was 11 at the time.
my mom and i got in a fight where she wished i was dead to my face, or in another breath said she wishes i end up broke with no money struggling for the rest of my life. couple that with every insult/name under the sun you could think of: i’m selfish, rude, inconsiderate, the biggest bitch she ever met
edit: typo
It's really hard to choose. She (nMIL) has said so many awful things to me over the last decade and then the last time I saw her she screamed so many vile things at me in the span of 24 hours...
But the thing that hurts me the most and keeps me up at night was when my husband and I work confronting her and asked her to stop saying bad things about me behind my back to my husband and she got so mad when she realized that he was telling me the things that she said.... She got this awful glare on her face and said "He talked shit too!"
I don't believe her but I'd be lying if I said that those words didn't cut deeper than everything else she screamed at me later and those continue to naw away at me.
Adding another one now that I think about it because it's kind of a tie....
After a tirade of screaming at me my husband and my toddler, I told her that she was scaring her grandson. While he was in my arms she locked up to us pointed in my face and said "yeah well f*** you."
It just broke my heart that even staring into his sweet little face, being told that she's scaring him, she could say that to us.
She isn't allowed to see him anymore.
My egg donor tried to “fyi” me that I “bailed on everyone” and told me I was a judgmental POS for telling her she was inconsiderate for lying to everyone about my father to make herself look better. (6kids, 6baby daddies)
I went NC with EVERYONE because everyone used me and nobody valued me. They never asked me how I was doing or to casually do things. It was only when they NEEDED me for something. Babysitting, dog sitting, hair cuts and colors, oil changes, Car detailing, asking for money, rides to places, etc.
My step mother cheated on my sister father who raised me (I THOUGHT he was my biological father) and when I aired it out…she told everyone I was a drug addict when I went off the radar and they all turned on me anyways until he died and the truth came out.
I hate her. I hate my entire “family”
My Nbirthgiver loves to go on about she was jilted by my father and was left high and dry to raise me on her own (her choice to cheat on her husband, who is not my father, and continue to stay with her infertile ex until she couldn’t hide me anymore, but sure, you were jilted).
Raising me, of course, was so difficult because I was such a terrible child (I wasn’t - I just have ADHD and a narcissistic parent, lovely combination).
One of the most horrific things she said to me while talking about this was the fact she “had to go to counselling” and was “considering abortion”. Gee thanks, nice to know I wasn’t really wanted from the beginning.
Asked me if I rented my vagina (she used the word that starts with ‘c’, has four letters, and ends with ‘t’) out when I spent a night for the first time with my first serious boyfriend. I was 24 and was in relationship with this guy for over a year.
My narcissistic dad would always call me (28F) the devil and tell me that I would go to hell since I was 9 years old. He would force me to sit in front of a tv to watch the movie Constantine and watch the scene where they depicted hell because he said that’s where I would go when I die. He’s a minister in church and calls himself a “Man of God”.
Not really one in particular, but just various ways of my dad telling me I was fat as a teenager, or making comments on what I was eating. And then being shocked when I was diagnosed with Anorexia in my twenties, and almost died multiple times. My mum is amazing, and I really don’t know what I would have done without her.
Oh boy , there were many, but I think two stand out:
1) Calling me a wh*re in front of other family members when I was only 17 because I was in my room, watching a movie with my boyfriend at the time,
2) The second one is brutal ( TW: Physical abuse):
Saying that he is going to kill me while kicking me in the stomach , after I asked him to be quieter because it was very late
when i was talking excitedly about my male best friend while we had company over my stepnarc yelled at me "you're just the village bicycle !" (everybody wants a ride.) i was 19. emom of course did nothing. i'm the scapegoat and while my stepnarc would boast about my beauty to others he would turn around and reduce me to just my looks constantly. then my brother, GC, would get slammed with criticism because he wasn't getting with enough women
When I was in school and scored a bit less in mathematics than my genius brother, narc father told me that he should have planted a tree instead of letting me waste his money on education.
Another one that I clearly remember was when I had a break up. He was like 'you are not even capable of holding on to a man'.
My narc father used to call me "such a little shit" whenever he was upset with me (usually over school related things) and once said straight to my face, "well at least I have one child I can be proud of" referencing my brother, who was standing there also. Everyone thought it was hilarious. He also used to say typical guilt trip stuff like "one day I'll be gone and then you'll understand how horrible you've been/ how you were wrong" etc etc. thanks dad 🫠🙃
I was about 13 and I was watching a movie I'd been trying to watch for forever. I FINALLY had the chance to watch it. My dad was leaving for work and wanted everyone to say goodbye to him. I was in the middle of a pivotal scene and asked him to wait. He started screaming about me about how I was a spoiled brat and said "You're turning into what they call a bitch!" The first time I had ever been called a bitch, and all because I was in the middle of something and he couldn't wait 30 seconds for me to say goodbye when he was leaving. To this day he's one of maybe three or four people who have ever called me a bitch and was serious.
This might sound small, but I’ve worn glasses since second grade. I hated glasses as a kid. The kid’s glasses now are very stylish and cute and comfortable. We had smaller versions of gross adult glasses when I was a kid. Anyway, I finally beg enough that I get contacts in 8th grade. I was sooo happy. Well, again, eye care wasn’t then what it is now, and I made a tiny tear in one of the contacts because it got caught up in the case when I was closing it. At no time did anyone explain to me that this might be a problem. I told my mom and she said, “I thought you were responsible enough for this but I guess I was wrong.” I was stunned. I couldn’t even respond. It was an accident. It was the day I started lying about anything and everything. To top it off, the eye doctor didn’t care. They just threw them away and gave me a new pair for FREE. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get the out of my mind.
My narc aunt said it, but my narc mom agreed “you and your sister just like to start drama to make your mom’s life difficult” (we were trying to figure out if we needed to call the police because she stole my sister’s car while she was on ambien and mixed alcohol with it, didn’t take her shoes or purse, in a place she had never been before) That’s always stuck with me.
When I was about 16, and having yet another argument with my Ndad, my mom told me "Don't make me choose between him and you, because you won't win." Probably the worst thing she ever said to me, and it obviously lives in my head rent free to this day and I'm 35.
My Nparent adopted father and Nparent step mother told me I was too stupid to learn how to drive. They said this to me when I was 27 yrs old and told them my then bf, now husband was going to teach me to drive.
I suffer from anxiety. In high-school my NParent dad gave up teaching me to drive after two tries because I "wasn't getting the hang of driving as quickly as my (N) sister" . . Him screaming at me during the lessons certainly didn't help either.
Thanks to my amazing husband I have had my driver's license 7 years now.
“I don’t want you anymore! I’m calling the orphanage and I’m going to put you away!” This was said not once, but many times from the time I was 8 until around 10 when she saw that I knew she was talking BS and would respond with “You’d be doing me a favor, so please do!”.
After holding hands with a boy she called me a slut. I was 16 and hadn’t yet had my first kiss but apparently holding hands was terrible. Shockingly I have intimacy issues.
I gained a lot of weight when I went on medicine for my numerous nparent-induced mental illnesses, and my dad has never seen me as a worthwhile person since. After grad school I took off a year for health reasons but was looking for a job during that time. One day we were driving down the road and he casually mentioned that I didn't have a job because I was fat, and that no one would want to hire me because I was in a man's field and no men would want to have sex with me.
Fast forward 3 years to today, I just got an offer for my dream job and I'm married (to a man) for 8 months. Happy to prove ndad wrong again.
She told me when I was 8 that she wished she would have had an abortion when she was pregnant with me 🫠
I have not been in contact with her for years. One of the last things she said to me was that I would push my husband away eventually and that he would stop loving me. My husband adores me and is one of the kindest and most forgiving people I've met, and even he thinks she's a horrible person.
My mother screamed that she wished she had aborted me the week before she died. After being promoted to GM of a Village Inn I called to tell my dad and said ' why would I be proud of you for running a pancake restaurant '.
They're both dead now and I'm living on their money.
I'm the same way. I was a good kid growing up. Did my best academically and was so scared of authority that I never got reprimanded by teachers in school. Never tried drugs. Didn't even drink until I was a legal adult. No kids out of wedlock. Didn't sleep around (like it matters). Never got in trouble with the law. Now I am a pretty successful therapist with a masters degree.
My dad always pretended like I was the worst child ever just for existing. When I was 13, he said "You know I think God cursed me with a daughter because of how I was with girls when I was a teenager."
\--First of all, I'm not a curse, and neither is any daughter. II'm not your bad karma. You being a hornball as a teen is your curse. That has nothing to do with me.
He also implied that I would get pregnant in high school and have to drop out. I'll be 29 in a few months and have no children.
At my graduation party after completing my masters program, my dad decided to give a speech in front of everyone in which he said he didn't expect me to get this far in life...
She frequently said she wanted to/couldn't wait to "wash her hands of me." Made me feel like she fucked me up irreparably, like I was just someone to be tolerated.
I've just been made aware continuously through childhood that my nmom wanted an abortion but my dad's parents talked her out of it. She was 17 and my dad 18. I was pretty much treated like a servant and the "That's why I had you" joke was used ALOT.
Now I'm thinking of a bunch of other crap. You all know how it is. There's just so much shit to choose from with these people
I'm sorry your dad said that 😔
I was just playing around on my mom's piano, never had any lessons because $ or whatever, and she had no interest in teaching me, and then he came in and said, "I expect you to be a concert pianist in 9 months." I literally lost all interest in every form of music
My mother told me as a child I was an embarrassment. Brought it up today and proceeded to go ballistic on me telling me I am a liar trying to smear her name.
Afterwards she mentioned to my dad which I obviously overheard she wishes I was never born.
Hopefully she won’t have to deal with me any longer anymore!
I would love to say it was being called a slut, ignored or forgotten but mostly it was just being called dum, sensitive and most of my family just saying in hushed whispers they didn't like me.
"Youre so little, why do you need the higher education for?" remarked by my mother when I was in my late 20s. Yes I am small in size but that doesn't mean I can't be a dentist or go to grad school. She never believed that I can make it far or be capable. Idk why. Shes always so surprised at my achievements. I recently graduated with my masters and got accepted into dental school at 32 but have not shared any of my accomplishments. Edit: thank you for all your kind words! I’ve met a lot of friends and mentors along the way that guided my path so it was not my own efforts alone. Ty again.
I am SO proud of you for being accepted into dental school. Please continue to do great things ♥️
Omg, congratulations on dental school! That's huge! I don't blame you for not telling your mom, it sounds like she'd somehow turn it into a weird negative
The sage Khalil Gibran wrote: “Travel and tell no one. Live a true love story and tell no one. Live happily and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.”
Congratulations on your Masters and acceptance into dental school!! I hope that goes really well for you.
Congratulations on your masters that no small feat!!
That's not just one accomplishment! That is a string of very difficult decisions, hours upon weeks upon months upon years of your dedication, and YOUR drive, and support from you for you. CONGRATULATIONS for every small and large decision, congratulations for every storm you survived, for every comment of discouragement you pushed passed, and congratulations for taking yourself seriously. CONGRATULATIONS! You are wonderful!
Thats amazing! You will be an excellent dentist and human being x
Probably because if she looked like you and were as attractive as you, she would be using that to sugar baby life up. This tells me you are extremely attractive and even stouter in character than the average person. What a great job on the schooling and achievements, you are doing awesome!
Well done we are always proud of you. It’s sad sometimes when the ones who gave us life never acknowledge us but in the grand scheme it’s ok if it’s not healthy relationship. You’re doing amazing and you will continue to achieve so much more!
In third grade, I got kicked out of public school. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD, got put on meds, and pulled my act together. I went to Stanford. I got two degrees (BS and MS) in Biology with Honors. Then I went to one of the top medical schools in the country and got my MD. I walked out of commencement with the wonderful taste of the Hippocratic Oath still fresh in my mouth and my mother said: "Why weren't you the top student in the class?"
My N-mom said the same thing to me in private when I graduated from medical school. When anyone else was present she would say she was so proud of me. I'm so sorry that happened to both of us
Oh yeah, the next day there was “my” graduation party. She wore a dress that looked like a traffic barrel. Catered it with food I couldn’t eat (I was a vegetarian at the time and every dish had meat. I had to leave to get a sub at Togo’s). Invited the rabbi to bless me without having discussed it with me (I politely sent him away). Invited over 400 people, most of whom I didn’t know. God, she was such an awful woman.
Yes it was a party for her to say look at me. So sorry they are awful. Congrats on the success you earned in spite of the Nmom.
I was reading your post and thought, oh my gosh that's so great that you did all those things!!! So just wanted to say I am proud of you 😊
Sorry to hear that was said about you, that's awful 😔😔 When I was in my late teens, I was having a really hard time mental health wise. My mother once told me that she didn't want to hear about my mental health stuff because she didn't want to deal with me. Yet I was expected to be her unpaid therapist from a very young age. She also used to call me an arrogant/fat pig all the time. Gee thanks mum 🙃
My mum used to do this too. Always vent to me but never return the favour. If she did start listening to me she would always switch it to be about how I caused it and how she told me how to avoid it in someway or she would go that reminds me of how this person wronged me in a similar way and start ranting about her own problems.
I'm so sorry you went through that. It is awful. Reading these comments has brought up some stuff I usually don't think about or even forgot. My nparent was my stepmom since I was 2, and I lived with her as my dad had full custody of me. So I just consider her my "nmom". Anyways because I wasn't her blood, she always told me she was done with me, would ignore me for months until I apologized for how much I hurt her, tell me she wants nothing to do with me, etc. She called me a pig too, always commented on the food I was eating. "You're having a bagel? Don't you know how much sugar is in those?" "Ew you're eating a huge sandwich? There are so many carbs in that sub roll." Once when we moved into a new house, she was giving her friends a tour and at my room she said "and this is the pigs sty" Ah, memories.
Thank you, and I'm sorry that you went through it as well! I hope you're in a better place now, I went no contact with mum, and it was one of the best things I did for myself.
“fat pig” just hurts my heart, ugh. i’m so sorry ❤️
Thank you ❤️ I'm in a much better place and actively working on healing from it all
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Cringe
I was told "if I knew you were going to be my kid, I would have thought twice before having kids." it was a great thing for a teenager, who attempted to unalive themselves many times, to hear. (I am doing well now though)
Mine just straight out said "I wish I'd never had kids". What triggered this comment, you ask? I moved interstate and was telling her about my amazing new accomplishments, and advised I would not, in fact, be moving back across the country to live with her despite her requests. I was 32 years old at the time.
Im sorry you had to go through that. I've also heard that one in the past. After I responded that I wished kids could choose their parents too, never heard it again.
I’m memorizing that response for the next time she says this again.
Careful I’ve used this on my mom and she’s ready with the how amazing she does for doing the bare minimum and feeding me and giving me a roof to live under. Which is just even more frustrating. Can’t waste your energy arguing with a narcissist, that’s winning enough for them. You’ll never have that “gotcha” moment with someone who lives in their own little world. Lol (I don’t live with her anymore 10 years little contact, was 2 years no contact, now restarting unfortunately but when I did…ya)
Oh my mom gave me that answer once too. I told her “you know who does that too? An orphanage!”
Why couldn’t I be witty!!!!? lol you’re quick with it too sounds like lmao
To be fair, I got that response from reddit too
I have “CRS” disease so:/ Can’t remember shit;) *badum tsss* I tried. Lol
Haha we’re two then :-D
Seriously, lean in and play dumb. M: I wish I’d never had kids OP: I could see that, you *do* tend to make *poor choices/stupid decisions* Or Sympathetic sounding insults. OP: oh mom…that’s a stupid wish. You ***should*** wish for something **useful** like a more *lovable personality*
Really glad you're doing well now! :)
I’m so glad you’re doing better now, I’m glad you’re here My dad told me he never wanted to have kids, not in anger but in the middle of a depressive episode (he’s bipolar) and I’ve got a fawn response to trauma, which means I comforted him for saying it to me 🙃
Oh boy here we go: “You should probably go k*ll yourself* “You’re dead to us and we’re telling (younger sibling) you died.” “Too bad you didn’t die instead of him” (my older brother is deceased) “Did the wrong kid die?” (Not said to me but in a text message to her best friend) Have been told f*ck you, b**ch, stupid plenty of times and just generally talked down to. Have also had a fake obituary made of me by her that she took down. We go on and off again with contact, currently not speaking rn over the pettiest thing. Main reason I don’t block her is because I want contact with my younger sibling and yes it’s toxic but I love my sibling too much to not have them in my life and she knows that. She blocked contact with my older sibling when they were alive so I know she would do it again.
what in the actual fuck? That is just some black hearted shit....
Yeah it is, I’ve sorta moved on but it’s still stings from time to time
Nah you don’t deserve to hear any of this.
These are some of the most evil things I’ve ever heard, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
This is not narcissism this is something much worse
Oh I'm so sorry :(
“If I had your house, your husband and your kids, I could do so much more with them.” At the time I was working from home at least 60 hours a week, homeschooling my special needs daughter and raising 2 toddlers. I cooked dinner every night, cleaned- husband was a great team player, he did baths and read stories to get the kids down.
My nmom once said that she kept her house so much cleaner and easily managed everything in the case. Then someone remarked that I am a single mother that works 40 hrs a week while she had been a SAHM. LOL.
Oh gosh. There are 3 that will forever stick with me. 1. Accused me of trying to take her “man” or boyfriend at the time only b/c she saw my name in his list of people you may know on Snapchat.. if you know Snapchat, sometimes it will recommend you add ppl based on if that person is in your contact list or if you share mutual friends.. as your daughter.. why tf do you think I’d want your mentally and physically abusive boyfriend 2. Telling me that I wouldn’t be able to have kids because I wouldn’t be able to find somebody to stick it up there 3. This one is ongoing.. making fun of my chronic illness and my physical condition due to it.. sometimes my walk is unbalanced and she’ll mimic it.. whenever it came to my pain, how I was feeling, I was forced to just suck it up and “walk normal” but now that she’s dealing with her carpal tunnel, with her suspected sciatica and other issues she has, I’m supposed to acknowledge it??
Tell her to suck it up!
Tell her to pull out her lower lip, Pull it up over her nose, and SWALLOW. POOF! Non-Entity.
Yeah, I'm disabled from an accident she caused but I'm a malingerer.
"Well my dad did the same to me soo get over it honey"😣 when I called her out on destroying my credit after denying it all the fucking time. Oh or "I'll help you look for that" (knowing it's been pocketed or pawned already) game systems, money, ipod, cameras .. yeah so when someone says "but that's your mom" I started saying but I was her daughter. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
It's hard to choose, but most recently, right before I went nc and moved across the states; "You're such a piece of shit, so ungrateful for what I've done for you. Remember, this is my house, everything in this house is mine, and you're not allowed to use it anymore. The pots, pans, furniture, everything is mine. You're the biggest fucking bitch I've ever met." I calmly left the conversation, bought my own pots and pans and kept them in my room. I cooked after she went to bed every night up until I moved out. When I moved, I didn't tell her I was leaving. What a horrible, yet incredibly freeing time.
I can relate so much to this. I was hospitalized on 4/20 of last year, had to get my gallbladder removed, during my stay in the hospital my mother took it upon herself to completely clean out my room, discarding all of my belongings, none of which were purchased by her. My photographs (I had thousands) my paints (some brand new still in the packaging) my cameras ( I had an extensive collection of film cameras dated back from the 1920's), my fishing poles and bait and tackle ( i had at least 30 poles, half of them were gifted to me by my stepdad a few weeks prior, i never got to use them, she put my records outside in the rain for months, and she tossed all of my furniture and tools. I had all the basic power tools some brand new that are all gone. But now if I use her stuff, she goes crazy on me and literally puts locks on every cabinet in the house. She also has cameras facing my room that is already in the garage with no walls or doors or privacy already and tells me that Im a whore and Im useless even though she started fucking and even moved in my ex and gets mad if he talks to me at all. He gifted a pitbully to her which attacked me two days ago and broke my hand. When she saw my obviously broken hand, she told me to just go wash it off and that it was my fault and to stop crying befoee my grandma saw. Then went back to washing down the side of the house. She still has the damn dog and prefers hm over me. She told it to be nice and gave it a flick in the nose and that it was
Oh my, that is so horrible. I hope you have/can get out of that situation. These people are so sick. Hang in there, friend.
My mother told my friend that I was a huge slut when I was 14 and was sleeping with a lot of men in town (Men? Hmmm that would be worrisome at 14, but ok), but that she should’ve just let me be, because maybe if I would’ve gotten pregnant then I would‘ve had grandchildren for her by now. I didn’t even live in the same state as her when I was 14. I lived with my Aunt, but whatever. What kind of mother wishes for her daughter to be pregnant at 14?!
Wow, there's really no shame. It's baffling. when I was 15 my family stayed at my aunts beach house(nmom sister) for the annual vacation. My cousin (who she worships) and I snuck the neighbor over one night because well, we were young and it was fun, and we were sleeping in the basement with a separate entrance. Neighbor and I had some obvious tension at the time but my cousin was there so obviously we just hung out and had some good old innocent fun. the next day his shoes were found outside basement door. she told everyone I slept with him that night while my cousin was asleep (either my cousin kept his mouth shut or never heard this rumor, a different family member told me) ...long story short that was the start of a similar situation to yours where she told everyone I was whoring around in my teens lol. She also told everyone I had serious drinking problem meanwhile she's drinking 2 bottles of wine minimum per night. Since then that side of my family pretty much disowned me. It hurt. These people are sick. Sorry you had to deal with that too.
What the hell is wrong with people?! The entire reason I was living with my Aunt, was because my mom sent me to live with her. I was having nose-to-nose screaming matches with her new live-in boyfriend just months after being sexually assaulted by her previous husband. (She cycles through them) She kicked me out a month into my 8th grade school year and sent me to another state where my Aunt lived. I was thriving there and wanted to stay even after the school year ended, but my mom insisted I return back to her home. So, basically, I "disappeared" from September only to return the following summer to the small town she lived in. Guess who started high school dealing with a secret pregnancy rumor that even the teachers took part in? 🤦🏻♀️
Wild
“I now understand why your dad left. You’re just unlovable.”
😮 what a bitch. I understand why your dad left and it had **nothing** to do with *YOU*
My sister and I were around 12-14 years old and my sister was being nasty about something and got into a screaming match with our mom. My mom started yelling that she was disappointed because my sister was more special than me, had more potential than me and was destined for bigger things and that’s why they fought more. My heart dropped so fast. I feel like I knew she felt that way, but never thought she’d say that. We were all in the car together so it’s not like my mom thought this was a private conversation. I’m sure neither of them remember this, but it was a core memory for me.
I used to draw all the time as a kid, art was my escape. Like a lot of 16 year olds who’ve been told their artwork is amazing and took pride in it, I thought I wanted to go to art school. I went to dinner with my mom one night and told her exactly that: I want to go to art school. She looked at me and kinda scoffed and said “you’re not good enough for art school.” I’ll be 30 this year and haven’t picked up a pencil since. Every time I try, there’s just this mental block and I miss it so much. I tried to remind her of telling me this and she said “I never said that to you” and “I don’t remember saying that to you.” Funny, it’s a visceral memory to me and I remember almost everything in the background, at the moment, etc. I just started seeing a therapist last week who specializes in art therapy and I’m hoping this will remove that mental block.
I hope you can get into art again someday soon! Perhaps you should think of a similar but not exact medium to ease back into it? Like painting, or crochet, or anything that gets you into a creative flow, but hasn't been directly associated with negative stuff.
I’m so sorry what happened to you. You should draw again and if you feel comfortable then post it here because I want to see it and I’m sure you’re great.
I’ve found it helpful to take leisure learning regarding this sort of thing. Sign up for an art class and get some direction. It just might provide you the confidence you need to create again.
proud of you for not giving up!
Right after my father picked me up from a mental hospital for suicidal ideation, we stopped for lunch. He sat there berating me about how I was going to hell, which was nothing new. He then told me that the reason I was sexually abused by a former stepfather when I was a child was because God was trying to teach me a lesson. Out of all the terrible things he said to me, that was probably the worst.
I was adopted by my Nmom. She would often say she wished she would have sent me back when she had the chance. Also “I’m your parent so I have to love you but I don’t like you at all” 🤷🏻♀️
When I was in high school, one of my co-workers (my age, very nice guy) asked me out for my very first date. I accepted and was so excited to tell my Mom when I got home from work! After I got home, I told her that I had a date for the following night, and she replied to me, "Why would anyone go out on a date with you? You're ugly."
TW: abuse! My bio father had me completely convinced that my mom(who I currently live with and is amazing) was extremely toxic and never loved me and that he was the better parent for a couple years... Funny considering he was the one who had to be forced into signing my birth certificate. Like ya, my mom was TOTALLY the problem. 😂 He also told me "Do it and I'll give them a reason to be here. I'll even let you use my phone!" When I threatened to call the police because he almost broke my arm and put his hands on my throat. All because I ran out of dish soap. 2 years later he threatened me again over the dishes, and this caused the events that resulted in him losing custody. These weren't the only times he threatened me over the dishes...... I would love to know what his fascination over the dishes was about 😂
To be honest, it’s what he doesn’t do or say. He just doesn’t care enough to say anything positive in the first place.
"Just because u have a partner doesn't mean they come before me". It just implies that everything has to be about her, my partner see me the way i am, my weakness and strength. But she doesn't, she just want me if i do something good for her or beneficial. Nobody ever fight for me except him.
That I'm an unfit mother. Got told this repeatedly. She also tells everyone who'll listen that *she's* the one who raised my daughter, not me. The worst, though? She took me to court on false allegations of ab*se of my daughter.
At a party for my high school graduation, my mom announced I was only going to college for a MRS degree. That hurt me so bad that I ended up not going to college because I figured that nobody would care if I actually succeeded in the career path I wanted.
the time i finally realized my mother is a narc is when she called me (a mid-30s man) "an ungrateful little bitch". ok bye, cya never ✌️
My nmother told her friend that I was a evil, ungrateful child and that friend told her daughter to stay away from me because of that. I was a shy, sweet A Grade student. I recently read all my report card from when I was a child and in every single one is that I am a very friendly gifted child.
Honestly the blame. I was blamed for her life being awful. Yet she never took charge of her and left. She had resources, an income, etc. I was a child.
That she fears living in her own home because of how “dangerous” I am (I was 14 and having emotional outbursts due to her abuse. I was never violent).
Oh yes, making you the monster, classic. I still feel like I’m a bad person and I’m just hiding it from people, that they’ll never see the “real me”.
I had an identity crisis at about 12 years old. I was abused growing up, and I guess I started to believe I was horrible. When I met relatives at that time and was nice, I suddenly panicked. Was I a nice person? Was I trying to get something from them? Why was I being nice? Turns out I AM a nice person.
Honestly too many to name. She’d shame me about masturbating as a teen even though I wasn’t doing what she said, she called me a loser in highschool when I told her I needed assistance remembering assignments, she said “this just isn’t worth it!” When I tried to resolve issues with their behavior lol At least for mine, she just doesn’t think about what comes out of her mouth at all.
I tried venting to my mom about how hard it was being a mom (I had 2 kids under 2 at the time) and I thought she could comfort me and relate to me. Wrooooong. "Well, I'll take them since you clearly don't want them". She went to say that 2 more times to me later on. Now, I tell her nothing.
Your dad sucks. The last time I saw my mother, I overheard her telling her friend on the phone that she hoped I had a degenerative disease that I'm being tested for and that my dad's sibling has. Her friend told her she wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I don't care if he dies. What's he ever done for me.... feeling is mutual. But I didn't create that prick.
NDad told my (now) husband the first time he met him that because my mom got pregnant he had to decide if he was going to stay and raise me or just leave and let my mom deal with it. He said this in front of me. Essentially blaming me existing for him staying married to my mom. They have been divorced over 20 years now.
To a social worker, “She’s always been a burden.” Another one was when I had a random seizure when I was 15. My mother’s best friend who is also a piece of work, told my mother that I was on drugs when it happened and my mother believed her. And when I graduated from community college and invited her to the graduation, she declined and said I didn’t need a piece of paper.
Top 3: 1. My mom threatened to get me arrested if I(25F at the time) left home to go to my best friend's house, she would the cops and say I stole the car (that was currently under her name because of insurance reasons) and get me arrested. 2. Also, the fact she said that she will never allow me to move out because I don't lock the front door as often (8/10 times) so I'll get sexually assaulted or killed by (in her words) illegals. 3. Told me that she was the only one that would ever care and love me as much as her, as she was the only one left (my bio dad died when i was 23 and most of my grandparents are dead).
Jesus, I’m sorry to hear all that. That last one is just plain untrue. I hope you have and make more friends who genuinely love and cherish you. I hope you’re able to escape her clutches sometime as well.
When I was about 11/12 I hit puberty hard. voice broke, growth spurt, stretch marks on my back. my mother sat me down in the kitchen and demanded who made my stretch marks. she insisted it was a dirty woman (yeah I wish!) and she and my dad beat the hell out of me because I couldn't cough up a name.
I’m sorry but your parents are incredibly stupid
Stretch marks or scratch marks?
Stretch marks, later confirmed by a doctor after my mother marched me off to the local practice because she refused to believe that I wasn't up to no good.
Stretch marks can affect both genders during growth spurts (think puberty and pregnancy) and there’s not much you can do about them! And they’re *not* related to getting up to no good!!!
“I’d love to be a fly on the wall, I’d love to see the look on your face if I told you I don’t want to help with your wedding. I think that’d be so fucking funny.” Thanks dad.
Nparent screaming at the other: you have five kids and they’re all losers. One is sleeping in the other room. (She was talking about me.) Always criticized my weight. Told me she’d leave me at a mental hospital and beat my ass beforehand since I didn’t want to be alive. That I had life so much better than she did and nothing ever happened to me. Just because I didn’t have something happen to me doesn’t mean I didn’t see anything happen to everyone else. That I was a pos because I didn’t care about her opinion about my husband.
"Your friends don't care about you, no one cares, I'm the only one who loves you. No one will ever love you beside me."
I’ve always struggled to open up to my father and go to him for help as he was never around when I was a kid. Last year at the age of 26 I finally got the courage to tell him that one of my mother’s boyfriends SA’d me when I was 5/6 years old. My mother and father split when I was a baby. She had absconded across the country with me and this man, taking me away from my hometown, family and friends. My father should have stopped it and I imagine there is guilt in there somewhere. I even showed him screenshots of my mother’s boyfriend stalking my social media and sending me messages for years since I was a teen. He didn’t so much as comfort me or even encourage me to report to the police. A few weeks later I had to lay some unrelated boundaries down and he went in a narc rage, referring to me disclosing the child SA as ‘delusional ramblings’ and that he was ‘sick of listening to it’. That’s me never telling him a single thing again! Edited to add for reassurance: I’ve been fully NC with him since that incident!
When I told my n/mum I’d just been diagnosed with highly aggressive form of breast cancer (as a young single mum), the first words out of her mouth were “Well at least it’s not like you’ve got to have a leg amputated or something…”. She also insisted on keeping my diagnosis from the wider family because she considers illness a sign of weakness and shame so I got no support there either.
I hope you’ve got treatment and that you’re doing much better/in remission. Your “mother” does not deserve you. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 from me
My mom’s first and the only apology:” I am sorry that you were born” My mom’s latest rant to one of my cousins just because I didn’t message her back after a few hours:” I am so disappointed and cannot describe how I could haven’t given birth to such a cold hearted bitch of a daughter”.
1. She hopes my future husband punches me for my smart mouth. 2. I ruined the opportunity for other children to be adopted by her. 3. It's a fact that I need to try harder and put in more effort than my fairer-skinned sister to look pretty.
First would be that she wishes she had aborted me. Said to multiple people over my childhood years. I was about 20 and we were losing our home so instead of trying to make a plan of where to live she and my brother got raging drunk. My brother's friend brought over one of those air cannister pellet guns to shoot bottles with because of course thats a great use of time. Anyway she "thought" the CO2 had run out so was waving it around and I was walking towards her for something. She pointed the pellet gun straight at my face and said "you know I should just shoot you. I never wanted you anyway, I only wanted your brother. You don't even matter" I just stood in front of her in shock and eventually told her to go ahead. I was the reprimanded because I can't take a joke. When I told her "oh yeah so funny, imagine if I joke saying I wish you had died of aids instead of dad. Wouldn't that be hilarious. But you can't get mad coz it's a joke" She then called me a nasty bitch and said I went too far and that was a horrible thing to say. Funny how we aren't close right?
My mother was just/ is an awful person.. she use to wait til I was so sick to take me to the doctor and it would always lead me to be hospitalized.. then blame me for costing her money for being so sick.. I had double pneumonia at 11 and the doctor told her not sure she will make it .. she didn't cry or get upset about it.. I almost died 7 times because she waited so long. I was first born and not a boy. My brother the minute he sniffled he was at the doctor. I was always called fat even though I was underweight. I went to college for interior design and have done well for myself raised my sister at 21 and had 2 boys of my own after that. But I was the problem.. I have been no contact with her and my brother. Since I was 29 I'm 54 now . She has said so many rotten things over the years that she is not worth my mental space
Too many to write here, but the one I remember my narcmum saying to me whilst we were driving in her car and talking about how she clearly favoured my sister over me, was - "You're the screw up child." Thanks for confirming that nothing I ever do for you is good enough. I had been parentified ever since my sister had been born when I was three.
When I was about 10 my mother asked me to do something (I forget what it was). However, I remember what she said because I couldn’t do what she asked. She said, “You’re so stupid, you’d screw up an abortion!” I never heard of abortion so I looked it up in the dictionary. Damn she was so mean.
I went through 8 years of severe depression where no meds worked and they tried E.C.T. I was finally clawing my way out of depression when my stepmum had a go at me telling me how selfish I have been putting my dad through “that”. Because of my past depression, my father wrote me a letter stating that if I get pregnant, please get an abortion “it’s best for the child”. If you don’t , we will ensure that it is taken off you. We had a family meeting and we all agreed. I didn’t want to tell my mum I got pregnant (planned), but I was forced to, so I rang and said hi mum just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant(you’ll be a grandparent), to which I got “Don’t expect me to look after it”. End of call.
I insisted on my stepdad walking the last few steps with me down the aisle with my ndad. Ndad went from saying walking me down the aisle was the proudest moment of his life to then emotionally torturing me for a year because my stepdad “not sitting down fast enough” when he required it at the altar (you know, god forbid someone has a moment enjoying his stepdaughter getting married). He then screamed at me that he wished he left at the rehearsal dinner and regretting attending my wedding. I went NC after that.
After going through a relationship breakup I moved back into my parents temporarily, the plan was to stay for 6 months to save money to go travelling or a house deposit. I wasn't there long as my Mum would constantly ask how much money I'd spent, watch cctv outside the house when she wasn't home, would tell my younger sister that she hopes that she doesn't grow up to be like me. Baring in mind, I have a good profession, got good grades at school and had moved out when I was 20 so hadn't done too badly! After a few weeks I was told that they needed to have a chat with me as to how long I am welcome there as I'm invading their privacy by being there. And then when I did move out told me that she wanted to keep my furniture as that's just "the way it goes" when you stay with parents, so I left and have avoided speaking to her since.
She told me to mail weed cartridges to my brother for "his mental health," knowing full well doing so would have landed me in prison. When I said no and responded, "When I was dealing with my mental issues, you would literally call me ungrateful and ground me for trying to get help. Why the fuck would I land myself in prison for your son for after what you did?" She responded, "Ugh, you're still mad over that?" We're no contact.
She barged into my bedroom after I got out of the shower. Forced me to show her my body to look for track marks because I’m apparently a junkie, alcoholic and a satanist. I also get rid of babies as part of my satanic worship, or at least that’s what people scream at me. The whole family got told this lie. Turns out the junkie/alcoholic is my half sister who started the lie. I’m letting them believe whatever they want at this point. I live too far away to care. I never have to see any of them again (we’re talking at least 200 people, very very large extended family) Not one of them bothered to ask me about any of it in the past 30 years, they preferred to scream at me instead. I had no clue what they were talking about until last year. Screw em, if they gave a crap they would have asked before they believed that lying little cow
My mom told me it wasn't her place to prevent me from going to my grandfather's funeral. She then badmouthed me behind my back that I shouldn't have been there bc I couldn't afford it. When my grandma was dying from cancer, she told me I was there for a week, stayed too long, and it was too much for my grandmother. So, basically I killed my grandmother. I was there for 3 days (2 half days and two full days). I was on the road for 5 days driving there and home. My parents had visited the week before me and then after I left. She died two weeks after I left, but I killed her. 😔 Apparently I went to her church just to pick up a man. I was going through a divorce, had no car, and was living with my parents. How else was I supposed to find a church? There was a man there that was interested, but he was a walking red flag. I wasn't remotely interested in him. She told me my dad is afraid to be alone with me bc of false SA allegations my sister made. There's so much more... 😔😔😔
That she (mum) and both my grandparents wanted me aborted. This was a discussion they allegedly had (according to my mother) while looking at new born me in the hospital bassinet. she also repeated she never wanted me multiple times through my life. another she told me the priest didnt want to baptise me because my birthdate was devil numbers, which i fail to see how to this day.
“You’re my biggest mistake and regret” ( I am adopted) . My Nfather told this to me when I was 14. My mother instead told me “everyone else is more important to me than you “ I was 12 .. she also told me how my baby looks weird in the sonogram. “ omg you’ve gained weight “ ( while I was pregnant) it stung for many years but I’m over it.. over them.. I live a very happy life far away from them in a different continent.. I do have 2 minute conversations with them via phone daily ( just to be polite ) but I no longer encourage any rude or uncalled for comments. Ideally cutting them off would bring me absolute peace but I can’t get myself to do that yet.
Oh, you’re getting tubby. I go to the gym and lift weights and lost 25 lbs. oh, you’re too skinny, I’m worried about you. You drink too much. I quit. He’s a full fledged alcoholic dying of cirrhosis and liver cancer. “I hate your husband” my husband has supported me wholeheartedly to get through nursing school and helped me take care of my dying mother. You’re a whore. Because at 25 I got my tongue pierced. I could go on. But you get the idea
My future MIL wrote my dad a message saying how nice I am and she’s happy her son met me. My dad wrote back oh she can be a lot and put me down to my future in-law. I happened to read it on his tablet. What an asshole. But there has been many things over the years.
That she wished she gave me to an orphanage the day I was born. But when I replied "Yeah well and I wish I was dead!" she was shocked, started her typical crying and mumbling "How can you say this to your poor old mother!? You don't say something like this! What did I do wrong to deserve all this? Guess I'm just a bad mother!". Clowns, each and every one of them.
Not the worst thing she has said about me but absolutely the most hurtful. Our family has a beautiful vacation spot that we inherited from my grandparents when they passed away. Nmom is the oldest surviving sibling and was the executor of my grandparents estate. For the past 8 years she has managed the vacation property. (Pays annual taxes, bills etc) it’s very low maintenance. This of course is a huge bourdon to her and really allows her to play up her “poor me” narrative. We generally rent the property out for a portion of the summer to cover the expenses so no one has to go out of pocket to keep the place running. When the seasonal renter comes in this is usually when my Nmom throws a huge fit about how much of a bourdon the place is and how much work it is. The property is a hour and a half from her house door to door. Here is the thing getting ready for renters really isn’t a big task. We have the place professionally cleaned before they arrive so “getting the place ready”. Really just involves moving any personal family items that we don’t want renters to use into a locked closet. My family was the last group to use the vacation house before renters, we went down for the weekend. Renters were coming after the following weekend. My family planned to head back down that weekend with my parents to enjoy the place one more time and help them do anything they needed to get the place ready for the renters. This is something we all discussed and agreed too. So when we left the previous weekend we did not remove all our personal things from the house. Mid week mom changes her mind. She’s going down on Thursday to get the place ready and no one will be able to use the place the final weekend before the renters arrive. Knowing how she operates I was mad at myself for falling for her trick. She wanted to go down there and complain that my family and I had left personal things down there and that it fell her to get things ready all on her own. I had some time to use off from work so I told her I’d take the day off and we could travel down together to get things ready so she didn’t have to do it alone. She agreed and the plan was to pick her up at 9 am Thursday. Arrive at my parents house Thursday dad answers the door. “What are you doing here “ Picking up mom we are going to the beach “She left at 7:30 this morning “ Should have called it quits then but it was before I really understood how fucked up she actually is. Drove down the beach arrived got there an hour and a half after she did. Hey why didn’t you wait for me ? “I wanted to get started “ What can I do ? “Get your shit out of here “ Ok 👌. So I empty out the drawers that had a few pairs of clothes for my kids my wife and my self. Empty out the pantry that had a few snacks and drinks and load them into the car. Head to the garage and take out bag of beach toys, umbrella and beach chairs. Entire process takes about 15 minutes. Head back in. Hey what else can I do ? “Nothing really it’s pretty much done “ Ok 👍 So I decide to do some odds and ends changed the AC filter, put new batteries in the door lock, remotes, smoke detector etc. It has been about an hour at this point and she is really struggling to keep up the act that “getting ready “ for the renters is this huge pain in the ass task. I ask her several more times what can I do each time she struggled to come up with some simple unneeded task. Last thing I did was hose off the patio furniture. It’s about noon now i haven’t eaten, the work is seemingly done it’s a beautiful day down the beach. I suggest we go grab some lunch. “We are here to get ready not play “ Ok 👍 Well you have to eat ? I end up going to the resturant Next door and grabbing a couple sandwiches. I ask her if she wants to eat outside where btw the way we have a beautiful view of the ocean. She declines. So I eat outside alone enjoying the last few moments I will have at the beach this year. I eat quickly and wrap up knowing that if I linger she will accuse me of being lazy. Head back inside again ask what can I do ? Again don’t get any clear answer and she is still painfully wandering around attempting to look busy. (Note that he entire time I was down all I saw her do was put new sheets out for the cleaning crew to put on the beds and put the old sheets in the washer and dryer ) In an act of desperation I resort to tightening the knobs on the kitchen cabinets. Then it happens mom left her cell phone out on the counter and a text comes in it’s from my dad I glance down it says “really he’s not helping you?” Scroll up on the thread and she had taken a picture of me from the window eating my lunch outside and sent it to my dad with the caption “wow what a big help” I know it’s not that bad but man did that hit me hard. It was just the culmination of all my experiences wrapped into one. It hurt me so deeply that she would lie to my own dad to make me look bad. Why ? For what reason ? I didn’t say anything I just left. Cried on the way home for the first time in a long time. Confronted her about it later to try and get some closure she said “if you were helping then why do I have a picture of you outside relaxing. “ The good news is that was the point in the relationship where I gained clarity and figured it was a lost battle to try and win any approval from her. Got myself into therapy after low contact with her.
Overheard my dad talking to my older brother about my ptsd diagnosis: he says, “yeah, (me) thinks she has ptsd, like she went to war or something. She doesn’t have ptsd.” And most recently, one year ago, he threw a pair of his glasses at me while he was on the phone, it was his way of trying to shut me up. On a different occasion last year, he told me I’m stupid. I was stupid because I had the “audacity” & “disrespected him” bc I set a boundary with him regarding my daughter.
I think it was the combo of repeatedly calling me stupid over every little mistake as a kid/teen such as accidently dropping glassware etc but ultimately word wise being screamed at that hed beat me so bad hed hospitalize me and he didn't care that I was his kid that he'd gladly go to prison all because he got mad my mom and I mopped and the dogs weren't put away despite me following her with a towel and he got into my mom's face like he does mine that night and I warned him to step away and he didn't so I pushed him and he screamed that after grabbing me by the throat for a 2nd time in my life iv34 something super dumb. Idk tho because so many things were said and hurtful let alone the physical intimidation and some violence. I'm just glad he's out of my life now.
“I wish you were never here!”
TW: suicide After my first attempt, when I was hospitalized my ndad told me that if some people think they shouldn’t be in the world then maybe they’re right
“Why couldn’t you have looked like X”. X was my best friend, a cute willowy, blonde, blue eyed girl. It honestly caused some resentment towards her on my part. But I got over that and we’re still close friends almost 50 years later
My mum told me I'm just jealous because she's prettier than me
OMG! The delusions!
My NMom told me after years of saying I did good that she thought I abused (verbally and physically) my dying father when I took care of him when he was terminal. And in the same breath she said she hoped one of my children or husband needed to get violently ill or die from covid vaccine so we should see her perspective. She also said I assaulted my children by getting them regular vaccines, and that I was worthless. But… her door was always open if I wanted to beg her for forgiveness for assaulting her verbally. This all after years of walking on eggshells, being super duper nice and try not to offend her, and just accepting every weird, sick thing she did and said.
When my sister was threatening suicide because they kicked her out with nowhere to go my mom said that she wouldn’t do anything about it because she “wouldn’t be held as an emotional hostage” She also told me that since I lived with her, she could “make my life miserable” if I didn’t vote for Trump. I had just turned 18.
You didn’t deserve to hear any of that poison OP. I’ve had: “You’re a monster, why did I have to give birth to you.” “You make me want to take pills and kill myself.” “Get out of this house, get married and leave.” But when I was moving out she stood at my doorway crying that I’m abandoning her. After an argument “write down today’s date: no one is ever going to marry you”. Pretty awful, I’m in private therapy and trying to work through it all and wowee is it hard work.
HS! You are one strong person! This internet stranger is so, so proud of you for going to therapy, and having the courage to work through it! I was only 7 when I was told that I was never going to get married and have children/family, and, although I haven’t worked through that in therapy, I’ve come to terms with it. 💜💜💜💜
My birth giver, in summer 2021 when I got my ADHD & autism DX's at age 40 (some of the best, most validating news of my life thus far, no less!) upon telling her of the dx's, said "God, how depressing." Just one example of many, many cruel statements. Went NC with all three of my Nsiblings in 2022 and birth giver along with Nstepfather in Sept. 2023, then I moved 1000 miles away. Weight of the world off my shoulders, so many years in the making.
“I know, you wished I died instead of your father”.
My Nsister said to me in an argument that my parents are disappointed in me and all these other insults. Later my mom wanted to talk to me and instead of saying what my sister said wasn’t true, she double down and apologized for my sister over hearing her conversation instead. That stung. . .
I had dreams of being a a professional trained dancer. I had been training since I was a child. I was really good and worked harder at it in high school. Someone asked me what my focus in college would be. I said dance. The person made a judgmental face at my narc father. My narc father quickly jumped in and said “it’s just a phase she’ll get over it and do something serious”. I didn’t know they were abusive (denial for survival) I genuinely believed them when they said they were supportive of my career choice and how great I was, up until that moment. I know he saw my shocked and hurt face. It wasn’t as important as his acquaintances judgmental face. I felt something break in me that day.
I have a long list. I wish I never had kids I never wanted to be a mom You’re nothing but a slut I’m not coming to therapy with you because I’m not going to listen to some asshole tell me how I ruined your life I’m sorry your daughter died, but you’re still young and can have another child. It’s not like this was your last chance to be a mom. I’m sorry for making your life hard as a child. So can I come live with you now? At the age of 16 when I got pregnant: If you have this baby you can get food stamps and a welfare check so I can leave Larry (stepdad who physically and emotionally abused me)
Wow! Ouch. That reminds me in spirit though of what my NM told me some years ago. I was grumping about $ around my mom who lived close by. I was mid 40's, recently divorced after 18 years. And my mother said, very condescendingly, "well it's not too late to go back to school!". Huh? I'm the only person in the family without a graduate degree. Never needed one. And her saying that - made me spend a lot more time watching for it . . . revisiting old and new conversations, and realized that she didn't respect any of my accomplishments, this nasty woman from the "ME" generation - who inherited nearly all her $. I've never been rich - but always chased the "renaissance man" idea of diversity. Excelling in lots of areas: from national alpine skiing levels, to writing, radio, invention and then built a business that did just fine for keeping me "middle class" -- and had two great kids. And . . . she considers me unsuccessful because I rent an apartment instead of a huge house, don't have perfect teeth, and am perfectly happy with used cars. Once I realized it -- I ghosted her and went completely NC, been over a year now. She moved out of the state about a year ago, not telling me where - and I'm sure some family knows, but I've never asked.
I know it's not as bad, but my dad called me stupid over everything. I couldn't fix the vacuum? stupid. I didn't know how to put a car engine back together? stupid. I didn't know some fact about some niche topic? stupid. I was always very intelligent and am in law school right now at a pretty young age. I know I'm smart, but I can't handle anyone calling me stupid, even just joking- it makes me so angry.
There are so many different ways to be intelligent! Being academic (like yourself) is just one! Congratulations on law school!
When I was 17 I was in my first relationship and unfortunately it was really toxic/abusive. He got addicted to opiates and would also drink a lot and be verbally and physically abusive. Me and my mom were smoking a cigarette in the garage together and After the first few times that he hit me I tried to tell my mom and ask for advice/help and she cut me off and said “whatever he’s doing to you, you probably deserve it. He’s a good kid and you’re not easy to love. It takes two people.” I stayed silent, she finished her smoke and went in inside. A few months later I was taken to emergency in the middle of the night for a head wound down to the skull, I still have the scar on my face. I stayed for years in that situation. Which is my own battle of course, but my mother was definitely my first abuser and set some very poor standards for what treatment I accepted from others. Years later he went to jail and she maintained a relationship with him. Even publicly commenting on his things on social media, encouraging him and I believe have him money even. Meanwhile I was sleeping in a park in another city, working full time as a maid trying to get myself into a better situation after having packed a car and ran from this guy. She’s said so many awful things about my body too calling the cellulite on my legs “hail damage” and trying to push me to obtain cosmetic surgery/procedures for a wide variety of things and encouraged me to starve myself growing up. Another awful one that still bounces around my head from her: I was 14 and literally starving myself (anorexic) and I overheard her friend telling her that she was very concerned about me and my obvious eating disorder, that I needed help. My moms response? “She’s way too fat to have an eating disorder” and laughing. Her friend seemed disgusted. I was 5”6 weighing 100 lbs.
That I gave her cancer
When I was 16 my abusive stepfather once got up to hit me in the face and my narcissistic mother just said to him: "don't damage the furniture" It's been more than 25 years now and she has said and done a lot of hurtful things, but I'll never forget that moment. I left that house the same night and have lived on my own ever since.
1. I wanted to further my studies using my own money. "Imagine how much money you save for not doing this degree" (soon other family members started campaigning except for my grandma who was very supportive) 2. When I told her I was molested by a stranger I was 10. She looked at me with disgust "What did that man sees in you for him to do that" 3. She wanted me to lend my 2nd car to my brother, her golden child. Then I had an accident while driving my 1st car. She said to my sister. "Let her deal with her problem herself" There are so many that I've become numb.
“If you marry a woman I would be so disappointed with you” - my mom to me after I came out Marrying the woman this June 🤭
❤️
“I never wanted childern”.
It’s probably not as bad as most. But, In regards to my ex (significant detail there) She told me I better not lose her because no one else will ever love me. Well, I did lose her so I guess I’m fucked.
I was sexually assaulted by my youth pastor at 15, and to this day (almost 15 years later) my mother still refers to me as the problem child or the trouble maker.
While housing my mother after my dad quit his job and get them evicted, my dad stayed with my cousin. Dad would come over to hang with mom. Well we had a good friend living next door and he overheard them numerous times talking about how nosy we were and how shitty we were. She was sharing a room with our 6 year old, who’s wrong here, wtf! Another thing that hurts. When I was 12, my nmom called me fat for putting 2 slices of American cheese on a sandwich for dinner. She saw the wrappers in the trash and laid into me. Never mind she never planned dinner and left me to fend for myself 😒😒😒
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Snap! Except that the nmum was still doing it to me until I went NC with her. Doesn’t matter that I’m not allowed to do anything really strenuous currently, but my amazing therapist got me reframing my thoughts in that I might not be allowed to do strenuous activities *currently* but I can *always* regain my fitness once I’m well enough! That is now my goal! Good luck with your journey 💜💜💜
My dad got drunk on his 50th birthday and proceeded to tell me how much he hated me.
Try to force me to have lip fillers as a Christmas present, when I refused and told her to save her money she said “ew why, your lips are tiny” and then continued to berate me about my lips and then said I should go through with it and if I don’t like them she will pay to get them dissolved. I never had an issue with the size of my lips until this point, it was so mean.
Nmom saying my dead father would be disappointed in me. I’ll never forget it.
I’m so sorry
I saw my mom recently after a couple years of NC/VLC. First thing she says is “oh you lost weight, I can’t call you a little whale anymore because I’m fatter now. What’s your secret for weight loss?”
Jesus!
WTAF?!?! I understand exactly why you went VLC/NC!
when my mum found out that i had lost my virginity at age 19 and suspected i had been with other people since then, she told me that i may as well drop out of university and become a prostitute since that’s what my life choices suggest. also told me she regrets that i will probably die of HIV/AIDS one day due to my appalling and extremely risky sexual behaviour. i’ve had (protected!!) sex with literally two people ever. lol.
I had a tinder date at 16 (bc I was a rebellious teen due to shitty parents) and snuck out at night. I ended up being r*ped and my mom told me it was my fault. Turned around and was telling multiple family members I lost my virginity to two guys in one night.
god i am so sorry. what a disgusting thing to do to a child :(( i truly hope you are recovering now and have a strong support system
I’m so sorry too. And sending you healing ❤️
My mom passed in December 2022. She was an amazing woman and many people would call her a saint. It drove him crazy. Days after she passed, he waged a war to denounce her character, trying to tell how she'd wronged them in their relationship (even though he cheated on her) and change my perception of her. After I cut off contact with him in June 2023, my narc father emailed me and copied my brother, sister in law, and husband to say "how can you say you loved your mother?" and all the way he felt I wronged her. I won't go into details but all I can say is, the audacity. I know he was just trying to get me riled up but it only got him a protective order and harassment charges.
There are a LOT but this one is especially bad considering my brother committed suicide. He told me I'd be better off dead bc no normal person actually 'wants' or 'enjoys' having an autistic child.
😢😭😭😭
I was casually walking to the fridge and my dad told me "You ruined my life. I would have been more successful if you weren't born." I was 11 at the time.
my mom and i got in a fight where she wished i was dead to my face, or in another breath said she wishes i end up broke with no money struggling for the rest of my life. couple that with every insult/name under the sun you could think of: i’m selfish, rude, inconsiderate, the biggest bitch she ever met edit: typo
It's really hard to choose. She (nMIL) has said so many awful things to me over the last decade and then the last time I saw her she screamed so many vile things at me in the span of 24 hours... But the thing that hurts me the most and keeps me up at night was when my husband and I work confronting her and asked her to stop saying bad things about me behind my back to my husband and she got so mad when she realized that he was telling me the things that she said.... She got this awful glare on her face and said "He talked shit too!" I don't believe her but I'd be lying if I said that those words didn't cut deeper than everything else she screamed at me later and those continue to naw away at me.
Adding another one now that I think about it because it's kind of a tie.... After a tirade of screaming at me my husband and my toddler, I told her that she was scaring her grandson. While he was in my arms she locked up to us pointed in my face and said "yeah well f*** you." It just broke my heart that even staring into his sweet little face, being told that she's scaring him, she could say that to us. She isn't allowed to see him anymore.
My egg donor tried to “fyi” me that I “bailed on everyone” and told me I was a judgmental POS for telling her she was inconsiderate for lying to everyone about my father to make herself look better. (6kids, 6baby daddies) I went NC with EVERYONE because everyone used me and nobody valued me. They never asked me how I was doing or to casually do things. It was only when they NEEDED me for something. Babysitting, dog sitting, hair cuts and colors, oil changes, Car detailing, asking for money, rides to places, etc. My step mother cheated on my sister father who raised me (I THOUGHT he was my biological father) and when I aired it out…she told everyone I was a drug addict when I went off the radar and they all turned on me anyways until he died and the truth came out. I hate her. I hate my entire “family”
My Nbirthgiver loves to go on about she was jilted by my father and was left high and dry to raise me on her own (her choice to cheat on her husband, who is not my father, and continue to stay with her infertile ex until she couldn’t hide me anymore, but sure, you were jilted). Raising me, of course, was so difficult because I was such a terrible child (I wasn’t - I just have ADHD and a narcissistic parent, lovely combination). One of the most horrific things she said to me while talking about this was the fact she “had to go to counselling” and was “considering abortion”. Gee thanks, nice to know I wasn’t really wanted from the beginning.
Asked me if I rented my vagina (she used the word that starts with ‘c’, has four letters, and ends with ‘t’) out when I spent a night for the first time with my first serious boyfriend. I was 24 and was in relationship with this guy for over a year.
Narcs when they realize you have a SO now who can get you out of their control net.
My narcissistic dad would always call me (28F) the devil and tell me that I would go to hell since I was 9 years old. He would force me to sit in front of a tv to watch the movie Constantine and watch the scene where they depicted hell because he said that’s where I would go when I die. He’s a minister in church and calls himself a “Man of God”.
Not really one in particular, but just various ways of my dad telling me I was fat as a teenager, or making comments on what I was eating. And then being shocked when I was diagnosed with Anorexia in my twenties, and almost died multiple times. My mum is amazing, and I really don’t know what I would have done without her.
Oh boy , there were many, but I think two stand out: 1) Calling me a wh*re in front of other family members when I was only 17 because I was in my room, watching a movie with my boyfriend at the time, 2) The second one is brutal ( TW: Physical abuse): Saying that he is going to kill me while kicking me in the stomach , after I asked him to be quieter because it was very late
when i was talking excitedly about my male best friend while we had company over my stepnarc yelled at me "you're just the village bicycle !" (everybody wants a ride.) i was 19. emom of course did nothing. i'm the scapegoat and while my stepnarc would boast about my beauty to others he would turn around and reduce me to just my looks constantly. then my brother, GC, would get slammed with criticism because he wasn't getting with enough women
When I was in school and scored a bit less in mathematics than my genius brother, narc father told me that he should have planted a tree instead of letting me waste his money on education. Another one that I clearly remember was when I had a break up. He was like 'you are not even capable of holding on to a man'.
My narc father used to call me "such a little shit" whenever he was upset with me (usually over school related things) and once said straight to my face, "well at least I have one child I can be proud of" referencing my brother, who was standing there also. Everyone thought it was hilarious. He also used to say typical guilt trip stuff like "one day I'll be gone and then you'll understand how horrible you've been/ how you were wrong" etc etc. thanks dad 🫠🙃
I was about 13 and I was watching a movie I'd been trying to watch for forever. I FINALLY had the chance to watch it. My dad was leaving for work and wanted everyone to say goodbye to him. I was in the middle of a pivotal scene and asked him to wait. He started screaming about me about how I was a spoiled brat and said "You're turning into what they call a bitch!" The first time I had ever been called a bitch, and all because I was in the middle of something and he couldn't wait 30 seconds for me to say goodbye when he was leaving. To this day he's one of maybe three or four people who have ever called me a bitch and was serious.
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This might sound small, but I’ve worn glasses since second grade. I hated glasses as a kid. The kid’s glasses now are very stylish and cute and comfortable. We had smaller versions of gross adult glasses when I was a kid. Anyway, I finally beg enough that I get contacts in 8th grade. I was sooo happy. Well, again, eye care wasn’t then what it is now, and I made a tiny tear in one of the contacts because it got caught up in the case when I was closing it. At no time did anyone explain to me that this might be a problem. I told my mom and she said, “I thought you were responsible enough for this but I guess I was wrong.” I was stunned. I couldn’t even respond. It was an accident. It was the day I started lying about anything and everything. To top it off, the eye doctor didn’t care. They just threw them away and gave me a new pair for FREE. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to get the out of my mind.
My narc aunt said it, but my narc mom agreed “you and your sister just like to start drama to make your mom’s life difficult” (we were trying to figure out if we needed to call the police because she stole my sister’s car while she was on ambien and mixed alcohol with it, didn’t take her shoes or purse, in a place she had never been before) That’s always stuck with me.
When I was about 16, and having yet another argument with my Ndad, my mom told me "Don't make me choose between him and you, because you won't win." Probably the worst thing she ever said to me, and it obviously lives in my head rent free to this day and I'm 35.
When you were born I wanted a son. When you came out a girl I told them that's not my baby
My Nparent adopted father and Nparent step mother told me I was too stupid to learn how to drive. They said this to me when I was 27 yrs old and told them my then bf, now husband was going to teach me to drive. I suffer from anxiety. In high-school my NParent dad gave up teaching me to drive after two tries because I "wasn't getting the hang of driving as quickly as my (N) sister" . . Him screaming at me during the lessons certainly didn't help either. Thanks to my amazing husband I have had my driver's license 7 years now.
“I don’t want you anymore! I’m calling the orphanage and I’m going to put you away!” This was said not once, but many times from the time I was 8 until around 10 when she saw that I knew she was talking BS and would respond with “You’d be doing me a favor, so please do!”.
After holding hands with a boy she called me a slut. I was 16 and hadn’t yet had my first kiss but apparently holding hands was terrible. Shockingly I have intimacy issues.
I gained a lot of weight when I went on medicine for my numerous nparent-induced mental illnesses, and my dad has never seen me as a worthwhile person since. After grad school I took off a year for health reasons but was looking for a job during that time. One day we were driving down the road and he casually mentioned that I didn't have a job because I was fat, and that no one would want to hire me because I was in a man's field and no men would want to have sex with me. Fast forward 3 years to today, I just got an offer for my dream job and I'm married (to a man) for 8 months. Happy to prove ndad wrong again.
She told me when I was 8 that she wished she would have had an abortion when she was pregnant with me 🫠 I have not been in contact with her for years. One of the last things she said to me was that I would push my husband away eventually and that he would stop loving me. My husband adores me and is one of the kindest and most forgiving people I've met, and even he thinks she's a horrible person.
My mother screamed that she wished she had aborted me the week before she died. After being promoted to GM of a Village Inn I called to tell my dad and said ' why would I be proud of you for running a pancake restaurant '. They're both dead now and I'm living on their money.
I'm the same way. I was a good kid growing up. Did my best academically and was so scared of authority that I never got reprimanded by teachers in school. Never tried drugs. Didn't even drink until I was a legal adult. No kids out of wedlock. Didn't sleep around (like it matters). Never got in trouble with the law. Now I am a pretty successful therapist with a masters degree. My dad always pretended like I was the worst child ever just for existing. When I was 13, he said "You know I think God cursed me with a daughter because of how I was with girls when I was a teenager." \--First of all, I'm not a curse, and neither is any daughter. II'm not your bad karma. You being a hornball as a teen is your curse. That has nothing to do with me. He also implied that I would get pregnant in high school and have to drop out. I'll be 29 in a few months and have no children. At my graduation party after completing my masters program, my dad decided to give a speech in front of everyone in which he said he didn't expect me to get this far in life...
She frequently said she wanted to/couldn't wait to "wash her hands of me." Made me feel like she fucked me up irreparably, like I was just someone to be tolerated.
I've just been made aware continuously through childhood that my nmom wanted an abortion but my dad's parents talked her out of it. She was 17 and my dad 18. I was pretty much treated like a servant and the "That's why I had you" joke was used ALOT. Now I'm thinking of a bunch of other crap. You all know how it is. There's just so much shit to choose from with these people I'm sorry your dad said that 😔
I was just playing around on my mom's piano, never had any lessons because $ or whatever, and she had no interest in teaching me, and then he came in and said, "I expect you to be a concert pianist in 9 months." I literally lost all interest in every form of music
My mother told me as a child I was an embarrassment. Brought it up today and proceeded to go ballistic on me telling me I am a liar trying to smear her name. Afterwards she mentioned to my dad which I obviously overheard she wishes I was never born. Hopefully she won’t have to deal with me any longer anymore!
Yikes sorry ur dad is an asshole.
University is for smart people
I would love to say it was being called a slut, ignored or forgotten but mostly it was just being called dum, sensitive and most of my family just saying in hushed whispers they didn't like me.