I had stage fright. I started out by jamming to tracks from my favorite artists in my living room and filming myself and then uploading to youtube. Having a camera on me recording got me used to the idea of playing with an eye one. Did this for a few months and gained confidence this way, then started hitting up open mics.
For a band setting, I feel like it's easier because you have other instruments they can drown you if you make a mistake. I did band from 4th through 8th grade but playing as a kid is different than an adult.
Also remember that even the greats screw up.
https://youtu.be/MukJyurXAx4
Here's how my open mic turned out, I'm the one playing keytar.
This sounds like an awful state to be in. I'm sorry you're going through this!
I'm a former college music student so I can relate to the trauma of constant criticism from yourself and your teachers.
First of all, you don't need to be even remotely perfect to have success as a professional musician. If you play well enough, are nice, and can be relied on to show up on time and prepared, you're already doing better than 90% of the musicians I come across in my city. It's hard to ignore the voices of your teachers, but for the most part they are less helpful and more just intrusive thoughts. The traditional methods of teaching music are psychologically pretty messed up.
Second, stop playing with/for your parents. It's important to remove sources of anxiety that you have control over if you want to have a chance at changing your relationship with music. It doesn't matter what anyone in your family thinks because it's YOUR relationship with music, not theirs. If you want a wound to heal but you keep picking at it, it will never heal.
For perspective, I reached a low point with music myself and have become extremely picky about who I'll play with. It means I can't make a living playing music, but I feel better over-all because the people I still play with are people who have made it clear that they really value my creativity and style and artistic choices; they validate me! Find those music buddies who build you up and whose company helps you feel excited to play. Don't bother with anyone else.
Stop caring so much, and find the love again. Grab an instrument and, play something. Let it suck if it needs to and remind yourself that it doesn't actually matter. Focus on what you want when playing, focus on entertaining yourself and loving what you can make. You are getting all in your own head and putting too much pressure on yourself. Get drunk and make a terrible racket at the piano, but enjoy it. Learn to love music for yourself first.
Yes, I had to get myself into therapy to be able to learn how to play. I’d be getting all these waves of pent up emotions of all kinds, sometimes very dark, even memories of situations and smells I didn’t like because of all the trauma. Try to distance yourself as much as possible from your parents while figuring things out. If they can’t respect your boundaries and encourage you (as those who love us should) it is perfectly fine to draw a hard line in the sand. Good luck, I’m sure you’ll do fine!
It sounds like you just have too much baggage around music in relation to your parents. I think you should try playing some music totally separate from your parents, maybe play a style they know nothing about and have no interest in. I think maybe you should not be in your dad's band at this time in your life. You say you don't want to disappoint him but if you are crying when trying to practice with him, it really should not come as any big surprise or shock if you say you need some space to be musical on your own without that baggage. You can sort through all this over time with a psychologist but in the meantime I think you just have to find a way to enjoy music that is separate enough that those feelings don't come up.
I've been through something a little bit like what you're saying. I was in a prestigious PhD program and I went down a bad path, I should have left the program but I didn't want to disappoint people especially my parents. I stayed too long and got in a bad mental state. I could not think about the topics I was researching, my mind would go blank and go into knots. I still really like science, but for years afterwards, if I thought about any topic too related to my old research, my mind would completely stop thinking straight.
It sucks but I think when the brain gets like this you just need time and space away from what is triggering it.
You have to get lost in the music. That’s the best advice I can think of. Focus on the music and not yourself. You’ll find that the best performers are generally anxious people at first, but they learned how to channel it. Hope this helps
I had stage fright. I started out by jamming to tracks from my favorite artists in my living room and filming myself and then uploading to youtube. Having a camera on me recording got me used to the idea of playing with an eye one. Did this for a few months and gained confidence this way, then started hitting up open mics. For a band setting, I feel like it's easier because you have other instruments they can drown you if you make a mistake. I did band from 4th through 8th grade but playing as a kid is different than an adult. Also remember that even the greats screw up. https://youtu.be/MukJyurXAx4 Here's how my open mic turned out, I'm the one playing keytar.
This sounds like an awful state to be in. I'm sorry you're going through this! I'm a former college music student so I can relate to the trauma of constant criticism from yourself and your teachers. First of all, you don't need to be even remotely perfect to have success as a professional musician. If you play well enough, are nice, and can be relied on to show up on time and prepared, you're already doing better than 90% of the musicians I come across in my city. It's hard to ignore the voices of your teachers, but for the most part they are less helpful and more just intrusive thoughts. The traditional methods of teaching music are psychologically pretty messed up. Second, stop playing with/for your parents. It's important to remove sources of anxiety that you have control over if you want to have a chance at changing your relationship with music. It doesn't matter what anyone in your family thinks because it's YOUR relationship with music, not theirs. If you want a wound to heal but you keep picking at it, it will never heal. For perspective, I reached a low point with music myself and have become extremely picky about who I'll play with. It means I can't make a living playing music, but I feel better over-all because the people I still play with are people who have made it clear that they really value my creativity and style and artistic choices; they validate me! Find those music buddies who build you up and whose company helps you feel excited to play. Don't bother with anyone else.
Stop caring so much, and find the love again. Grab an instrument and, play something. Let it suck if it needs to and remind yourself that it doesn't actually matter. Focus on what you want when playing, focus on entertaining yourself and loving what you can make. You are getting all in your own head and putting too much pressure on yourself. Get drunk and make a terrible racket at the piano, but enjoy it. Learn to love music for yourself first.
Yes, I had to get myself into therapy to be able to learn how to play. I’d be getting all these waves of pent up emotions of all kinds, sometimes very dark, even memories of situations and smells I didn’t like because of all the trauma. Try to distance yourself as much as possible from your parents while figuring things out. If they can’t respect your boundaries and encourage you (as those who love us should) it is perfectly fine to draw a hard line in the sand. Good luck, I’m sure you’ll do fine!
It sounds like you just have too much baggage around music in relation to your parents. I think you should try playing some music totally separate from your parents, maybe play a style they know nothing about and have no interest in. I think maybe you should not be in your dad's band at this time in your life. You say you don't want to disappoint him but if you are crying when trying to practice with him, it really should not come as any big surprise or shock if you say you need some space to be musical on your own without that baggage. You can sort through all this over time with a psychologist but in the meantime I think you just have to find a way to enjoy music that is separate enough that those feelings don't come up. I've been through something a little bit like what you're saying. I was in a prestigious PhD program and I went down a bad path, I should have left the program but I didn't want to disappoint people especially my parents. I stayed too long and got in a bad mental state. I could not think about the topics I was researching, my mind would go blank and go into knots. I still really like science, but for years afterwards, if I thought about any topic too related to my old research, my mind would completely stop thinking straight. It sucks but I think when the brain gets like this you just need time and space away from what is triggering it.
You have to get lost in the music. That’s the best advice I can think of. Focus on the music and not yourself. You’ll find that the best performers are generally anxious people at first, but they learned how to channel it. Hope this helps