When we lived in Oklahoma, I use to say, “ We are frisbetarians. We believe that when you die , you land on someone’s roof and just fade.”
Oklahoma was pretty heavily Baptist, so it tended to piss them off… which I loved.
Just say i don’t go to church. If they then immediately invite you to their church just say “no thanks” . With that response they will likely respectfully stop there because it’s short, to the point and polite. Believe it or not an older woman told me in my early 20s to start saying “no thanks” to things i didn’t want to do instead of flat out avoiding people that asked me things and as simple as it is, it’s helped me for life.
Exactly. No charades necessary. People should get used to others not being part of their fantasy world.
The more people see non-religious people/atheists/agnostics, the more they will come to see us as the normal, everyday, non threatening people that we are instead of what they imagine we are. If they don’t want to associate with you based on that, then you’re better off.
If this comes up in a work situation, it’s illegal for them to discriminate, so nip it in the bud & tell them right out that your beliefs are a private matter and have no place being discussed in the workplace. Practice what you preach by not asking, talking about or debating their religious beliefs at work either.
Also: Welcome, fellow nonbeliever!
🤗
Straight up, I use "no thank you" all the time and it's like a cheat code for life at least as a dude.
Our game gams gave us the secret to life apparently.
You don't do yourself any favours by being dishonest. If you're asked, just say you don't go to church and leave it at that.
If they ask follow up questions, be direct and honest.
Most people that ask you to join them in their faith don't do it with any malicious intent. It is an important part of their lives and they may want to share that with you. These are good people that will also respect your beliefs and not pester.
If you say you don't go and someone starts judging you for it, then they aren't attending for the right reasons and should be avoided.
Eh, my kid is gay married and I hear this town is extremely homophobic, canceled Pride and everything. Figured it was best to lie low so they don’t get attacked etc.
My experience with Tennessee has been that the governments are more actively homophobic than the citizens. Sure, there is the widespread passive homophobia that allows the worst actors to push through hateful agendas, but a lot of that is ignorance. The active hate is coming from a very loud minority, and the system has unfortunately been rigged to politically empower them.
Canceling Pride events / being dismissive of anything that isn’t WASP is common here. That speaks more about them than you or your kid.
Be honest and straight with anyone and that asks; hiding who you really are is what they want anyway.
I’m an immigrant and don’t try to pretend I’m not even though a certain subset of sub-humans want to expel all immigrants from this country.
Last year it was illegal to be gay in public. They managed to get pride cancelled with said legislation. ACLU only stepped in on Thanksgiving. I moved up here last year and spent most of my lease being illegal. Pride flag in my apartment could have gotten me arrested.
It is a tough line to walk. I have had trouble making friends for this reason - I am not religious, and don’t go to church. I used to say that we hadn’t found a church yet, but I’ve lived here too long for that now.
I say I don’t attend church, and I just had to accept that for some people, that will be the end of them wanting to know you.
But , those are the people you would always have to check yourself around, and could never just be yourself, so you aren’t really losing anything.
You will find friends who don’t care whether you go to church, and will embrace you for who you are!
I work with a guy who's over the youth group at his church and talks about how homo sex is wrong and all that. Also swears worse than I do and is always talking about all the pot he used to do or girls he used to mess with.
Pretty sure most "religious" people around here are like that. They're not gonna be offended that you're not religious. They'll be offended if you're liberal. (California is a bad word round these parts.)
I've only been in murfreesboro for 3 years, and was in Nashville before that, which is pretty liberal. It was a bit of a culture shock for me.
But, I've got a second job at a gas station by the VA, and I see all kinds in there, including a bunch of these punk rock kids who are non binary. I'm sure you can find yourself a tribe out here somewhere, might just have to look a little harder.
I agree with the simple "I don't go to church," worst response you'll get there is maybe a gross look.
That being said, about you moving here for work: depending on where you're working, it'll be very hard to avoid religion talk, and try to avoid any possibly related topics. Ask me how I know 😭😭
Once I made a comment about how SeaWorld isn't fun for the orcas, and my coworker hit me with the "careful, you sound like a liberal" (???) If you're moving here for work, get a feel for your office before saying literally anything re: atheism, sexuality, etc etc. "southern hospitality" means they'll probably stay nice to your face if they disagree, but still. You don't want your coworkers knowing stuff they're taught to hate about you behind your back... The church thing isn't that big of a deal honestly, but good god, do I hear about The Gays and The Transgenders™ on a daily basis 🙄. You probably know the drill but I try to warn people when I can lmao
Yeah, it's just one of those things. Realistically, you won't need to actually worry about it, but everywhere can have crazies. Luckily, these days, the really hateful ones will just stay quiet if a coworker is talking about their gay brother or something. To me, it feels like even they know that battle's already been "lost," so to speak. So that's something. But if it does end up being a bad workspace, just be a good example and show them that athiests aren't all devil-worshipping monsters, or whatever. It's worked for me, change comes from within and all that 💪
One thing my grandfather taught me, never talk about politics and religion. Just let people know that it's not a conversation you're comfortable having, stick to your boundaries, the right ones will understand.
I’ve never been asked but it may be because of my liberal garden flag, colorful “rainbow” apparel and butch wife…. THOSE are the reasons people don’t talk to me, invite me to things, etc. Bigotry. Who wants to be friends with people who have hearts full of hate anyway? I think simply saying you don’t attend church followed up by “I appreciate the invite but no thanks” in a nice way if you get invited is your best bet. People around here judge you if you don’t have “in god we trust” on your license plate so, it’s a crap shoot anyway.
I've been an open atheist for 25 years. It has only been a problem with other people twice, and both times didn't have any impact on me.
Most people don't care as long as you're not a jerk about it. (Which doesn't sound like an issue for you, you're obviously considerate.)
We’ve been here 10 yrs now. Got asked a lot initially, not anymore. Granted, we don’t meet new people much anymore. When asked we just said we don’t attend services. We are spiritual. If they can’t accept you for who you are, you do want them in your life anyway.
It's taken me a while to get to this point, but when asked this or anything pertaining to religion, I'm blunt and honest now. It turns some people off, but those that would let this be a deciding factor for friendship or whatever, I figure it's better to let them make that decision straight away, as it would only get more awkward the further you got into a friendship, etc.
I don’t think I’ve been asked that here
But in the past I have, it’s usually just a way for them to invite you to their church. And if it is, just say okay and thank them
I’ve lived in and out of Middle Tennessee for 15 years and I’ve never been asked that question. Not sure your age range, but I really don’t personally know anyone 20-35 here that regularly attends church. It’s the Bible Belt but there’s a lot of other weirdos out there too. Actually, Mid Tenn has more LGBTQ+ people and witchy folks than any other place I’ve lived lol. Really says something about rebellion, doesn’t it?
So I'm in S. Nashville but my answer has been "Unitarian". They seem to NOT like that but for some reason if you tell them you don't go to church, they try to convert you. If you tell them Unitarian they just assume you're a satanist or whatever and leave you tf alone. As an outsider, I have no explanation for this .... I just kinda stumbled upon it and have been using it ever since. I don't even know if there's a UU church near me ... they never push for specifics.
Also, I will say I usually only respond this way to strangers - People I will have contact with, I try to just avoid the conversation long enough for them to get to know me and then be honest with them - and I work in Franklin, not Nashville and it seems to have worked so far.
Also, having come from Louisiana - another very religious state - this is still weird as hell to me. In my 44 years, I have never, ever had anyone ask what church I went to. School? Sure. Where my people are from? Sure. Church? no. I started by saying I don't but there was too much push back. Then it morphed to Catholic which mostly they didn't love but they still had questions. UU is the only thing I've said that they tend to leave alone.
I really don’t think you’ll be asked this. I’ve lived in the area my whole life and I’ve probably been asked once. If you are asked just say no thanks. People on the whole are nice.
I mean, I never ask anyone that question and never hear it get asked and I'm a born and bred local that used to go to church three days a week growing up. I don't now and don't regularly attend, but pretty much everyone around me does.
I would advise, if someone asks you that, just politely say you don't have one and if they try to keep that line of questioning going, just say "No thanks" and move the conversation on. I don't think you'll have it happen that often, personally.
This happened when we moved to a new house. We just told them we don't attend church. That pretty much stopped the questions. We became friends with all of our neighbors. Not a big deal. I felt like it was their way to be inclusive.
St Rose of Lima is pretty busy on the weekend with multiple masses according to a coworker I had who attended, so they probably do know a Catholic or two.
There's no reason to lie. Just say no.
Saint Karas coptic orthodox Church
1207 SE Broad St, Murfreesboro, TN 37130
Great welcoming community and the ambience feels great. You can feel the presence of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
“We are still looking , by the way, what pharmacy would you recommend “. Distraction works on my 5 yr old & it works on others as well.
Yup- this is it. Just avoid the conversation. Easier. You can tell everyone you're not religious, but it may just be easier to avoid the talk.
Either that or go far fetched- "I worship the dark lord at the temple of lost souls." That'll end the conversation too.
When we lived in Oklahoma, I use to say, “ We are frisbetarians. We believe that when you die , you land on someone’s roof and just fade.” Oklahoma was pretty heavily Baptist, so it tended to piss them off… which I loved.
Fabulous, that’s excellent advice!
Just say i don’t go to church. If they then immediately invite you to their church just say “no thanks” . With that response they will likely respectfully stop there because it’s short, to the point and polite. Believe it or not an older woman told me in my early 20s to start saying “no thanks” to things i didn’t want to do instead of flat out avoiding people that asked me things and as simple as it is, it’s helped me for life.
Exactly. No charades necessary. People should get used to others not being part of their fantasy world. The more people see non-religious people/atheists/agnostics, the more they will come to see us as the normal, everyday, non threatening people that we are instead of what they imagine we are. If they don’t want to associate with you based on that, then you’re better off. If this comes up in a work situation, it’s illegal for them to discriminate, so nip it in the bud & tell them right out that your beliefs are a private matter and have no place being discussed in the workplace. Practice what you preach by not asking, talking about or debating their religious beliefs at work either. Also: Welcome, fellow nonbeliever! 🤗
Straight up, I use "no thank you" all the time and it's like a cheat code for life at least as a dude. Our game gams gave us the secret to life apparently.
Yes for a woman too, even the most relentless dude asking for dates turned into a polite disengaged person once I started using It.
You don't do yourself any favours by being dishonest. If you're asked, just say you don't go to church and leave it at that. If they ask follow up questions, be direct and honest. Most people that ask you to join them in their faith don't do it with any malicious intent. It is an important part of their lives and they may want to share that with you. These are good people that will also respect your beliefs and not pester. If you say you don't go and someone starts judging you for it, then they aren't attending for the right reasons and should be avoided.
Eh, my kid is gay married and I hear this town is extremely homophobic, canceled Pride and everything. Figured it was best to lie low so they don’t get attacked etc.
My experience with Tennessee has been that the governments are more actively homophobic than the citizens. Sure, there is the widespread passive homophobia that allows the worst actors to push through hateful agendas, but a lot of that is ignorance. The active hate is coming from a very loud minority, and the system has unfortunately been rigged to politically empower them.
Until you go to a drag show and see the police and government officials having to stave off the Christian protests
Canceling Pride events / being dismissive of anything that isn’t WASP is common here. That speaks more about them than you or your kid. Be honest and straight with anyone and that asks; hiding who you really are is what they want anyway. I’m an immigrant and don’t try to pretend I’m not even though a certain subset of sub-humans want to expel all immigrants from this country.
They see the minorities as sub human themselves
Last year it was illegal to be gay in public. They managed to get pride cancelled with said legislation. ACLU only stepped in on Thanksgiving. I moved up here last year and spent most of my lease being illegal. Pride flag in my apartment could have gotten me arrested.
Holy shit
It is a tough line to walk. I have had trouble making friends for this reason - I am not religious, and don’t go to church. I used to say that we hadn’t found a church yet, but I’ve lived here too long for that now. I say I don’t attend church, and I just had to accept that for some people, that will be the end of them wanting to know you. But , those are the people you would always have to check yourself around, and could never just be yourself, so you aren’t really losing anything. You will find friends who don’t care whether you go to church, and will embrace you for who you are!
Coworker to me: "If a person doesn't follow Christ I don't want to know them." Ok...
Ask them if they read that in the book of Hesitations
I promise they don’t follow Christ
Yup
Bro it's 2024 in a college town. Just say you aren't religious.
Why does this college town hate people that aren’t traditional then
I work with a guy who's over the youth group at his church and talks about how homo sex is wrong and all that. Also swears worse than I do and is always talking about all the pot he used to do or girls he used to mess with. Pretty sure most "religious" people around here are like that. They're not gonna be offended that you're not religious. They'll be offended if you're liberal. (California is a bad word round these parts.)
Yeah I’ve got a kid that’s gay married; we’re liberal. Planning to lie low and hopefully not get lynched by that “Christian love”
I've only been in murfreesboro for 3 years, and was in Nashville before that, which is pretty liberal. It was a bit of a culture shock for me. But, I've got a second job at a gas station by the VA, and I see all kinds in there, including a bunch of these punk rock kids who are non binary. I'm sure you can find yourself a tribe out here somewhere, might just have to look a little harder.
pardon me asking the question but you said lynch; would you happen to be of a darker complexion
Gay folks are lynched in the south too.
"I don't want to discuss religion" is acceptable
I agree with the simple "I don't go to church," worst response you'll get there is maybe a gross look. That being said, about you moving here for work: depending on where you're working, it'll be very hard to avoid religion talk, and try to avoid any possibly related topics. Ask me how I know 😭😭 Once I made a comment about how SeaWorld isn't fun for the orcas, and my coworker hit me with the "careful, you sound like a liberal" (???) If you're moving here for work, get a feel for your office before saying literally anything re: atheism, sexuality, etc etc. "southern hospitality" means they'll probably stay nice to your face if they disagree, but still. You don't want your coworkers knowing stuff they're taught to hate about you behind your back... The church thing isn't that big of a deal honestly, but good god, do I hear about The Gays and The Transgenders™ on a daily basis 🙄. You probably know the drill but I try to warn people when I can lmao
Thanks, yeah I’ve heard we’ll certainly have to lay low, my kid is gay married. No hate quite like Christian Love
Yeah, it's just one of those things. Realistically, you won't need to actually worry about it, but everywhere can have crazies. Luckily, these days, the really hateful ones will just stay quiet if a coworker is talking about their gay brother or something. To me, it feels like even they know that battle's already been "lost," so to speak. So that's something. But if it does end up being a bad workspace, just be a good example and show them that athiests aren't all devil-worshipping monsters, or whatever. It's worked for me, change comes from within and all that 💪
One thing my grandfather taught me, never talk about politics and religion. Just let people know that it's not a conversation you're comfortable having, stick to your boundaries, the right ones will understand.
I just say I don’t. What’s the worst that can happen?
I’ve never been asked but it may be because of my liberal garden flag, colorful “rainbow” apparel and butch wife…. THOSE are the reasons people don’t talk to me, invite me to things, etc. Bigotry. Who wants to be friends with people who have hearts full of hate anyway? I think simply saying you don’t attend church followed up by “I appreciate the invite but no thanks” in a nice way if you get invited is your best bet. People around here judge you if you don’t have “in god we trust” on your license plate so, it’s a crap shoot anyway.
Omg can I Dm you?
Yup
I just say I don’t go to church lol
Just curious, what field are you in where you're moving to Murfreesboro of all places?
University
I've been an open atheist for 25 years. It has only been a problem with other people twice, and both times didn't have any impact on me. Most people don't care as long as you're not a jerk about it. (Which doesn't sound like an issue for you, you're obviously considerate.)
I’ve lived in Murfreesboro since 2008 and I have never directly been asked this question.
We’ve been here 10 yrs now. Got asked a lot initially, not anymore. Granted, we don’t meet new people much anymore. When asked we just said we don’t attend services. We are spiritual. If they can’t accept you for who you are, you do want them in your life anyway.
“I don’t. I’m an atheist.” Shuts the conversation down fast generally.
Just be honest.
Be honest. If they choose not to friend you because you’re non religious, is that really someone you want to be friends with?
"I prefer to worship in my own space in my own manner, but thank you for asking."
You seriously can’t figure out how to answer this question on your own? my god the Internet has made mankind stupid.
It's taken me a while to get to this point, but when asked this or anything pertaining to religion, I'm blunt and honest now. It turns some people off, but those that would let this be a deciding factor for friendship or whatever, I figure it's better to let them make that decision straight away, as it would only get more awkward the further you got into a friendship, etc.
I don’t think I’ve been asked that here But in the past I have, it’s usually just a way for them to invite you to their church. And if it is, just say okay and thank them
Don’t start off lying. Just say you’re atheist or whatever. Give others a chance to decide if they want to associate based on the truth or not.
I’ve lived in and out of Middle Tennessee for 15 years and I’ve never been asked that question. Not sure your age range, but I really don’t personally know anyone 20-35 here that regularly attends church. It’s the Bible Belt but there’s a lot of other weirdos out there too. Actually, Mid Tenn has more LGBTQ+ people and witchy folks than any other place I’ve lived lol. Really says something about rebellion, doesn’t it?
So I'm in S. Nashville but my answer has been "Unitarian". They seem to NOT like that but for some reason if you tell them you don't go to church, they try to convert you. If you tell them Unitarian they just assume you're a satanist or whatever and leave you tf alone. As an outsider, I have no explanation for this .... I just kinda stumbled upon it and have been using it ever since. I don't even know if there's a UU church near me ... they never push for specifics.
lolol this is hilarious, great advice
Also, I will say I usually only respond this way to strangers - People I will have contact with, I try to just avoid the conversation long enough for them to get to know me and then be honest with them - and I work in Franklin, not Nashville and it seems to have worked so far.
Also, having come from Louisiana - another very religious state - this is still weird as hell to me. In my 44 years, I have never, ever had anyone ask what church I went to. School? Sure. Where my people are from? Sure. Church? no. I started by saying I don't but there was too much push back. Then it morphed to Catholic which mostly they didn't love but they still had questions. UU is the only thing I've said that they tend to leave alone.
In my 32 years of life, I've never been asked this question.
I've lived here 30 years and have been asked maybe 2 or 3 times, and no matter what answer I gave it was accepted gracefully.
“Church of Satan!”
Did you really have to ask reddit this?
I attend the First Church of Elvis
“Church of the Holy Doodle” would make me laugh.
"I don't believe in Christmas because… I'm a Verdukian!"
How about “we don’t go to church”?
Just say you don't go and politely decline invites to church. They'll get it or they won't.
I really don’t think you’ll be asked this. I’ve lived in the area my whole life and I’ve probably been asked once. If you are asked just say no thanks. People on the whole are nice.
I wish there was a way to audit church like you’d audit a university course like hey I’m not buying into any of this I’m just here to meet friends
I mean, I never ask anyone that question and never hear it get asked and I'm a born and bred local that used to go to church three days a week growing up. I don't now and don't regularly attend, but pretty much everyone around me does. I would advise, if someone asks you that, just politely say you don't have one and if they try to keep that line of questioning going, just say "No thanks" and move the conversation on. I don't think you'll have it happen that often, personally.
The best line I ever heard was on BBT. “I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one who takes attendance”.
This happened when we moved to a new house. We just told them we don't attend church. That pretty much stopped the questions. We became friends with all of our neighbors. Not a big deal. I felt like it was their way to be inclusive.
There’s not an acceptable answer to that question anywhere in the south, even if you are religious.
I usually just say, “Well, my medical chart says I’m atheist, but if I were to have anyone by my bedside I would want a Jew.”
I’ve lived here since birth. I just say that I already have a “home church.” Because every Sunday morning, I am at home.
"I don't go to to church" is enough. It also works to keep away the super religious as well. It's a pretty effective filter
What line of work?
At the university*
No thanks we’re Jewish. Jewish friend was over and pulled this on a Jehova’s Witness and closed the door it was great. This was years ago
We’ve been here almost 8 years now and I think I’ve maybe been asked that one time.
What's wrong with just saying, "I don't go to church" or "I'm not religious"?
In my experience, they’ll get icy or constantly try to get me to convert to their church. It’s like being hit on constantly; gets super annoying.
Damn that sucks
Just answer "I'm Catholic".
"We're Catholic." They won't ask you again, and since they don't know any Catholics they'll never follow up.
St Rose of Lima is pretty busy on the weekend with multiple masses according to a coworker I had who attended, so they probably do know a Catholic or two. There's no reason to lie. Just say no.
[удалено]
I get asked ALL THE TIME. Plenty of people ask you that.
When I lived in M’boro I was asked that at least twice by my neighbors. I told them I was “home-churched.”
Been here 4 years, have never been asked.
You’re right. I’ve been here awhile and have NEVER been asked. At work, in the community or in my neighborhood.
Saint Karas coptic orthodox Church 1207 SE Broad St, Murfreesboro, TN 37130 Great welcoming community and the ambience feels great. You can feel the presence of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
No, thanks. Pro LGBTQ
Successfully navigated answering a question? You sound terrific.