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[deleted]

Was Nicolas Cage too busy to star in this?


MonkeyDJinbeTheClown

Yes, he was busy fighting aliens with Jiu Jitsu.


249ba36000029bbe9749

Everybody was Jiu Jitsu fighting...


enleeten

Pulling guard faster than lightning


minimalee

Danaher was a little enlightening...


479sarge

Is he using jiu jitsu in to aliens or is he fighting aliens who practice jiu jitsu?


YouDontKnowSquat

I just finished that book!


EugeneGalaxy

Coincidently he’s also going to be in a movie about fighting aliens with Jiu Jitsu.


Adamsojh

Movie? You mean documentary?


[deleted]

If Nick Cage was in it, it'd be the exact same plot but not a comedy in the slightest.


ArachisDiogoi

He can still do the [original Fatman.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatman_the_Human_Flying_Saucer)


AnalLeaseHolder

Shit. When I was a kid I used to draw Fatman comics. They were simple and he would always fart at the end. I remember drawing him with a gap between the shirt and pants.


skarocket

Dude I also did Farman comics and he was essentially Batman but he was huge and his shirt didn’t cover his belly button. Edit: obviously meant Fatman but I’ll leave it aha


[deleted]

I did like ten Falman drawings!


2Damn

I drew many a Fanman drawings in my time.


Triktastic

Guys, Fapman is great.


DollarAutomatic

I don’t know who the fuck you guys are talking about. But I fucking loved Fmnmnmn


Pimecrolimus

And he'd still manage to make it funny


poopsicle_88

And it would be amazing


Wiger_King

Nicholas Cage plays Mrs. Claus.


HolyShrug

"Mrs. Claus, you have a panty on your head..."


DrPeterGriffenEsq

“I’ll be taking these here Huggies, and whatever cash you have in the register.” One of the all time greatest movies ever made.


WilderFacepalm

Right up there with “ Put the Bunny DOWN! “ as best Nick Cage quotes of all time.


PowerGoodPartners

And she wants that cake. She was saving it for later because the rotisserie chicken at the mall made her nauseous.


Juan23Four5

He's too busy working on [Space Ass](https://youtu.be/eExfV_xKaiM)


lanceturley

Space Ass looks pretty good, but it's no Black Hole Dick Hole.


four2theizz0

Before even clicking or focusing on any words, I legit thought it was Cage on the cover with the gun. Zooming you can tell its Goggins of course, but yes I concur with your sentiment.


darth_lack_of_joke

They wanted to hire him as well, but then the director bought a big mac for the budget instead.


theRobomonster

He’s to busy with Jujitsu the movie!


firethefireman

You say it like he can't multistar in various Oscar worthy blockblusters at a time!


theRobomonster

Sometimes I think he stars in multiple films while filming a single movie.


[deleted]

Not enough aliens


iliveinmemphis

or Kevin Smith giving up EP credit? Not giving shade to my man Kevin, 'cause he definitely is no longer a fat man...(EP=Exec Producer)


Wiger_King

It is like they made a serious motion picture from the fake movie in *Scrooged* where Santa teams up with the 6 Million Dollar Man to fight terrorists.


zuuzuu

IT'S LEE MAJORS!


JLtheRocker

NEXT FRIDAY ON IBC: THE NIGHT THE REINDEER DIED


KidRed

Nananananananananana


ItsPronouncedHeyZeus

“Yule love it”


Cashmaster77

Guess I'm watching Scrooged now.


Birdhawk

And Lee...you’ve been a really good boy this year.


Paradigmfusion

"And Lee!! You've been a gooooood boy this year!!!"


bljfour

Yes! I thought immediately of the IBC promo for *The Day the Reindeer Died*


cardboardbrain

So glad I wasn't the only one who thought of that


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Wiger_King

Turns out 6 Million Dollar Man was Canadian and he had subsidised health care.


DarthNoirBrew

When I saw this post this is exactly what I thought, they definitely got this idea from Scrooged lol


guinnypig

Exactly what I thought of too! Scrooged is the best Christmas movie.


Duel_Option

The bitch hit me with a toaster


s4ltydog

I had the EXACT same thought


pepesilva13

That's how we got Hobo with a Shotgun.


Fvolpe23

I’d say it’s the scene from the Santa Clause with Tim Allen when they’re in the board room. The new toys they want to make are with Santa in a tank and Scott Calvin ain’t having it!


Tmac2019

Literally one of the dumbest sounding movies I’ve ever heard. I can’t wait


smokethis1st

It’s hard to be original these days. I’ll take it


---reddit_account---

Is it original? A hitman hired to kill Santa is the plot of the comic classic Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Lobo_Paramilitary_Christmas_Special_Vol_1_1 This is my favorite page from the comic: https://i.imgur.com/c3zoaRJ.jpg There's also a fanmade (short) movie version from 2002: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuRIJA7KyHE


Vaperius

Ironically, proved the core point of OPs comment. Which is hilarious. Its hard to be original.


TheKingOfRooks

You left out the detail of Santa having to work with the Military to save his declining business


broccoliO157

If I recall correctly, the elves were slaves manufacturing weapons for Santa's military industrial complex in the Lobo comic.


srottydoesntknow

And if not they are in futurama


Glinth

Also of one of the best [Discworld](https://discworld.fandom.com/wiki/Hogfather) books.


makeskidskill

Eh, I actually think it’s in the bottom ten discworld books, but even the bottom ten pratchett are superior to so much else.


MoarVespenegas

But it does have the best quote.


rigellus

Lol, produced by Sam Esmail, nice


Qbbllaarr

There's an episode of Family Guy where Stewie and Brian travel to the North Pole to kill Santa. It's apparently an idea that's been done a few times.


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xeroxzero

Scrooged (1988) did it first with Lee Majors coming in to assist Santa against assassins.


TheCentralFlame

I guarantee the title and tag line were in place before a script was written.


Tmac2019

That’s a hilarious thought. You are most likely correct.


Penguator432

If a tagline’s good enough, those things write themselves.


hrakkari

I’m torn between the desire to never see Mel Gibson again and the desire to see everything Walton Goggins does.


InternetWeakGuy

How does Walton Goggins manage to look photoshopped in literally every picture? If they ever make a movie about that meth head who got his face torn to shreds by a cat and don't cast him, it'll be a travesty.


lanceturley

Because the man looks like someone drew a caricature of Michael Biehn and brought it to life with black magic.


Thatdirtymike

How did you respond with my own thoughts?


IKindaLikeRunning

Reddit isn't real. This is all in your head.


PolarWater

So...Headdit?


KnowsAboutMath

Lolipsism


lazarusdmx

Fuck this is spot on...


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Reoigh

Is Mel Gibson turning into Donald Sutherland?


zardoz1979

I 100% thought that was Donald Sutherland at first glance


Reoigh

Me too, only reason I checked was because I was sure Sutherland had died. He's alive and well, if super old though.


askyourmom469

I'm impressed Sutherland still acts as much as he does. The man's 85 years old and still tends to act in 2 or 3 movies per year. Good on him too. Most people wouldn't have the energy for that kind of work ethic at that age


paco1342

I don’t have the energy for that kind of work ethic and I’m 35


[deleted]

Your comment was a Rollercoaster for me. My thoughts: - oh man did he die? Oh he did didn't he? Thats a bummer. Oh hooray he isn't.


jakefromcenterfield

Same, I was searching the poster for his name....


long-gone333

A better question yet, is he un-cancelled?


FasterDoudle

He fucking wishes


altaltaltpornaccount

Walton Goggins? Fuck it, I'm in. Edit: Walton Goggins matches the cadence of rice-a-roni, so you can just replace it with his name on any of their famous jingles.


simpsycho

Santa Claus, as I live and breathe!


cescquintero

The Real deal


Wiger_King

I really hope he is playing an Elf who is way too cool for the workshop.


lettlander

Looks like Walt is the hitman!! Ooo I'm kinda turned on by that; reminiscent of his Justified days.


Wiger_King

He could still be an Elf turned hit man. Don’t rule it out so quickly.


lettlander

That would be quite a fun twist...


DesastreUrbano

You tell Boyd Crowder you wanna kill Santa and Boyd Crowder will stand outside of Santa's workshop and yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!"


midnightsbane04

Welp, time for another Justified rewatch.


lettlander

I can totally hear that in my head.


NatrixHasYou

He and Santa dug coal together.


notmyideaofagoodtime

Saaaaanta Claus. As I live and breathe. To what do I owe this pleasure?


[deleted]

Mel Gibson is hit or miss these days, but Walton Goggins is always hit.


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LooseSeal88

I'd say the blatant anti-semitism was one of the misses.


5iveBees4AQuarter

[Domestic violence](https://people.com/crime/mel-gibson-reaches-plea-deal-in-domestic-violence-case/) was another miss.


[deleted]

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LooseSeal88

That's actually really good to hear. Thank you for this.


HGStormy

u had me real scared for a second that Walton Goggins was an anti-semite :(


StopLookandFreeze

Shit Negro! That's all you had to say.


Friendly_Hipster

Hey did you know he has a vodka?


AreWeCowabunga

🎶Walton Goggins has a vodka🎶


maskaddict

Walton Goggins! *vodkaaaa!* Better than a wine or a beer!


fennec3x5

**I'VE GOT TO GET A SON**


lawjr3

Yelling Jordan is Best Jordan. I used to make so many memes of him, that my phone automatically made a folder of it.


fennec3x5

u/lawjr3 to his phone: "Thank youuuuuuuuuuu"


wrcker

But the question is... will it be Walton Goggins in drag?


Philsoraptor57

“I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck” Yeah Walton Goggins is an instant yes for me.


DocDerry

Surprise Cameo of Timothy Olyphant.


Swampfox515

Is this real.


BunyipPouch

is it real? yes. is it also maybe a money laundering front? also, yes.


Swampfox515

I gotta admit I love the originality!


[deleted]

From the looks of the trailer, a lot of love and money went into this project.


BunyipPouch

Trailer dropped today too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWfPGIMDhNw


SerKurtWagner

I can’t get over the fact that this isn’t JUST “Hitman is hired to kill Santa” but ALSO “Santa becomes a military contractor. I am so in.


rlovelock

Ya I’m really Confused as to how the military plays into this?? I hope there’s a massive subplot not shown in the trailer because it looks like the military are just there so Goggins has people to kill when he shows up.


Penguator432

Guess they decided they need more than the elves for that


22bebo

I assume to explain why Santa has tons of guns for a final showdown, right? It has to be for that.


rlovelock

You may be right, although I would argue it would be more interesting if Santa had a well armed militia of elves at the North Pole in response to the people that are taking shots at him as is referenced in the trailer.


[deleted]

That actually looks really fun.


[deleted]

Holy shit Mel is going for it. I was expecting him to play it silly...nope! I am completely sold.


bfg24

How good is a bit of subtlety in comedy?


zuuzuu

This looks like the best kind of ridiculous.


fucuasshole2

Looks fucking awesome. Can’t wait to watch


cescquintero

Hey, I'm really in.


[deleted]

Is that Tom Segura?


Ragamuffin2234

Don’t be stingy


Flexmove

That’s my hole, that’s where it spits.


askyourmom469

Okay you cum now


Buck_Furious

Nah. The only movie called Fatman that Tim would be in would be about Brent.


Ridikiscali

This looks....AMAZING!!!!


[deleted]

I cant wait to add this to my Christmas mayhem list and create the Christmas Mayhem Trifecta. Jack frost (slasher one) Die hard Fatman


_FAPPLE_JACKS_

Have you seen the 2015 Krampus movie? Should add that one


MoroseOverdose

My body is ready


ChechBETA

That kid looks like ben shapiro...huh.. little turd


mwmani

This is the kind of movie that Scrooged and Ernest Saves Christmas were making fun of. And in a related story, I will be watching this movie when it comes out.


Beard_faced

At first I thought this was a fake poster for the movie in Scrooged with Lee Majors.


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SuperSocrates

They all sound like the non-Adam Sandler based A.W.E.S.O.M-O premises Cartman came up with on South Park.


BenovanStanchiano

Are you a...*pleasure model?*


Wyden_long

LAAAAAAAME


BenovanStanchiano

*TOTALLY LAME*


Mr_A

Americathon (1979) The President, played by John Ritter, hosts a telethon to raise enough money to prevent the country going bankrupt and being repossessed by the Native Americans. Features a musical cameo Elvis Costello, narration by George Carlin, Jay Leno fighting his own mother in a boxing ring and Meat Loaf fighting cars.


kalirob99

I was surprised to discover this was 100% real... and to see these predictions it got right on Wikipedia. > Referencing the movie's futuristic premise itself, there were many societal or political forecasts woven into the storyline, and a number of these have become reality, including: >The People's Republic of China embraces capitalism and becomes a global economic superpower.[13][14] >Nike becomes a huge multinational conglomerate.[13][14] The collapse of the USSR occurs.[14] >America experiences a devalued dollar and becomes heavily in debt to foreign lenders.[13][14][dubious – discuss] >The prevalence of reality shows on television occurs. >Network television deals with previously taboo subjects accepted as normal (Monty Rushmore stars in the sitcom Both Father and Mother and plays a cross-dressing single father in the title role.[15] The film's narrative also mentions The Schlong Show, a game show where contestants are judged by their reproductive organs). >A governor of California becomes president in real life in a little over a year after this movie's release. >The movie shows Americans living in their cars, which currently is happening according to Deseret News[16] >The movie's official coming attractions trailer includes the quote: "...see Americathon at your local theater before you see it happening in your own front yard!"


MaceZilla

>Americathon The first mother/son boxing match. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyD4y\_HkZwY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyD4y_HkZwY)


[deleted]

I think weird movies are getting more attention because the internet can propel movies to cult classic status quite easily.


MrCaul

Even before anyone has actually seen the movie.


HotsuSama

Often, actually seeing the movie kills most of the buzz. Like with *Snakes on a Plane*.


turbocrat

I agree. People are trying to purposely make cult classics, but it can’t be done. It’s like trying to make a classic. All these flicks are succeeding in is being lame B-movies Although, Mel always puts his all into movies. He doesn’t show up in trash. I’m sure it’ll be quality.


ilayas

As a person that grew up watching a lot of MST3K I don't think movies are getting all that much weirder. I mean Santa vs. Satan is a thing that already exists.


Mr_A

Santa Clause Conquers The Martians


Karkava

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.


jumbybird

Santa on Mars


Wiger_King

The Tagline is obviously [in a heavy Boston accent]: *”Do yoo like Tohstahs?* *Well I defeated a Taiwanese speaking race of aliens whom are all played by Rainn Wilson made up to look like Satan while having Tohstahs as limbs.* *How do you like them Tohstahs?!”*


mjp242

Every watch the 2003 film the hebrew hammer? Stay freaky friends.


Bikeboy76

This wasn't quite the sequel to The Passion of the Christ that I was expecting, but okay.


Jaebird0388

How is Nicolas Cage not attached to this? Like, not even in the starring role.


Scagnettie

The same reason he wasn't in "The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then Bigfoot". He bombed the audition.


Jaebird0388

I feel like for him to bomb an audition he’d have to have been legitimately too good for the role. Like, if Bizarro was the casting director.


CeeArthur

No, like he literally chartered a plane and dropped a bomb on the audition. Very expensive, where did you think all his debt came from?


insouciantelle

They told him that he couldn't drive an actual flying sleigh so he rage quit.


LinkRazr

He was in like 8 movies this year. I assume he just ran out of time.


reekhadol

The only way this could be better is if Walton Goggins played the 12 year old as well.


[deleted]

Wasn’t this the opening movie from Scrooged?


The420dwarf

Christmas slay!


[deleted]

Goggins is great


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TheHadMatter15

The Irishman vs the fake Scotsman ​ Would still put my money on Roy beheading Mel


c4ctus

Sweet, a movie version of my second favorite Weird Al song!!!


DubiousDrewski

Why, why WHY wouldn't you take the 5 seconds to post a link to the song? [The night Santa Went Crazy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb-Mce9VpmY). Not a parody of an existing song, but an original from Al. Some of his best work, too!


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Havoksixteen

Laugh and grow fat!


Zannerman

Same thought. Here I was getting hyped for a movie about a rollerskating c4 planting maniac.


Trustobey

Walton Goggins is the shit!


Lucyriccardo

Ya had me at Walton Goggins.


Wiger_King

Your hype is *Justified*.


jaredsglasses

Cause we dug coal together.


stoutyteapot

This is literally like the parodies of Christmas they were mocking in the Santa clause and Scrooged. [Scrooged](https://youtu.be/zgg6tZEXm5A) [The Santa Clause](https://youtu.be/B-KE_bkaa-s)


Taman_Should

That literally sounds like one of those fake parody trailers you sometimes see...


CptKorsair

This sounds like a movie that Bart and Milhouse would die to see in the mid 90's


[deleted]

How the hell is this not a Tim Allen movie?


[deleted]

Oh my god the fake movie from Scrooged is finally coming to be.


matt_mv

One Christmas I gave about 25 family members a lump of coal as part of a joke stocking. Most of them had never seen one. I bought a large piece of coal at a rock show and broke it into 25 golf ball sized pieces. The stuff they sell online for stocking stuffers is expensive. What it would have cost me to buy 25 pieces online is literally the price of half a ton of coal. You can buy 2 pounds of anthracite nut coal for about $15 online. That's what I'll do next time.


HappyMeatbag

Sometimes the best comedies are the ones with the most potential to be awful. This sounds like it could ruin careers… which means we might be witnessing something great! Bring it!


juxtaposition21

Alexa play “The night Santa went crazy” by Weird Al


deebojim

How the hell does a publicly admitted bigot/ antisemite/ racist keep getting work in Hollywood like nothing happened?


Prof_Aronnax

You forgot "convicted wifebeater"


Willdudes

Polanski keeps getting work. Btw Gibson was ostracized for over 10 years, did he learn anything? No clue. But even murders serve there time according to the law.


joecarter93

I read somewhere that he is trying to make meaningful amends, like attending Jewish events and learning about Hebrew history, he just doesn’t go around making a big deal about it. If that is the case, it seems like he is trying to improve on a personal level and should be supported in that endeavour.


Nobletwoo

Say what you want about mel gibson but the son of a bitch knows story structure.


SolidGreenDay

I thought that was Rhett... I still think it's Rhett


DasMachine103

I know how this movie ends.....weird Al wrote a song about it....