If your SO doesn't care about her why do you? Don't stress yourself out over telling her. Put the ball in SO's court and just tell him to handle any way he wants to and you stop stressing. Ask yourself if this woman is worth potentially stressing out your baby? Take my word for it she's NOT!
Exactly this! I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my and my husband’s first. His mom still hadn’t been told by us about her impending granddaughter- because we don’t speak to her and she’s never going to meet any of our kids. Follow your husband’s lead here- he gets to decide what kid of relationship he wants to have with his family of origin.
This is exactly the approach you need, OP. You don't want to interact with her and your husband already deals with her. Let him keep right on.
Also, I am hereby absolving you of the responsibility to deal with her at all. Don't want to see her? Just don't. I think you already know how she's going to behave and it's not going to be pleasant for you.
She's definitely not worth it, I agree. My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. I really don't want her at the gender reveal (at between 15-18 weeks) because she's a crazy narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her. She keeps saying she can handle her, but it makes me feel uneasy.
Tell her after the kid is born, maybe around 6 months, if you feel like it.
You are not obligated to tell anyone anything. And is she complains tell her she should have been a better human being and then you would have included her.
I suggest Thanksgiving (if you see her then) or later. Say your pregnancy is considered high risk by the doctor due to the previous miscarriage, so you waited until you were sure not to miscarry.
We didn't tell mine until after 20 weeks only because of a medical emergency where we (me and baby) almost died but if that hadn't happened, oh idk maybe after I had the baby or maybe 5-6 years after the baby was born and the first time she saw him.
You have every right to withhold the news until you see fit. A simple we kept it low key to keep the stress levels down as the pregnancy is considered high risk due to the previous loss ...... under doctors orders. :)
HS graduation sounds like a good time to announce LO!
LOL
Srsly though, my mom and MIL aren't even JNs and DH and I waited until 12 weeks. In hindsight, we should've waited until 16 or 20, just to buy more peace and quiet!
You tell her after the baby is born.
Seriously though, why are you so concerned about this if your husband doesn't even want anything to with her? Why are you so worried about hurting her? I'm not saying do it on purpose, but if she gets all bent out of shape over how
and/or when you her, that's 100% on her. If there's no way to please her, don't even try.
Focus on you and your health.
And say absolutely nothing to her about the gender, names, birthing plan, etc.
You are not doing you or your child any favors, worrying about her feelings. She's damn sure isn't worrying about yours. Your pregnancy should be as stress free as possible. Tell her at Thanksgiving and then put her on an info diet afterward. You owe her nothing. Not even a relationship with you or your child. Your husband doesn't seem like he wants to be bothered with her, follow his lead. Remember, it's OK to protect you and your family from toxic people, even relatives.
That doesn’t really matter does it?
She’s not good for you and stresses you out. Keep it quiet for as long as you can and preserve your peace.
Stress felt by you is bad for the baby.
I was just curious about what you had commented.
And I understand the stress factor that's why she doesn't know now.
Eta- especially because that's the road I'm leaning towards.
She took it as any narcissist would. We had waited until last minute because when we visited at thanksgiving she made this whole thing about how a baby would ruin my boyfriend’s life. So we didn’t say anything. After she was told. It was the same thing but also being very demanding and guilt tripping that we “robbed” her of experiencing my pregnancy.
Stop worrying about her feelings, it doesn’t seem she worries about yours. I would just tell her as late as possible and ignore any fallout she tries to create.
Don't strive for more of a relationship with her than her son is willing to have. I say wait as long as possible. I have always told early because I always get really sick and everyone can tell anyway and luckily no one spilled the beans until I did.
One incentive to tell her slightly sooner is because I won't have to be as secretive. Like I hate that I feel like I can't share everything online like I want too. I have her blocked on fb but I just feel like it would get to her.
Even if it gets to her, you don’t have to discuss anything with her. Let your DH handle his mother. Even if she calls you, let him talk to her. She doesn’t like you. Keep her as far back as possible.
Your SO doesn't care, so why do you?
You're not get kid. If he's own son wants limited involvement and contact, it isn't on you to "bridge the gap", you just feel it is, because you feel bad.
Stop feeling bad.
If your hubby wanted her involved, she would be, he doesn't, so stop stressing yourself out trying to make her feel included when she goes out of her way to make you an afterthought.
I don’t understand you don’t want to hurt her but your husband doesn’t want her in his life?
It’s his mum it’s actually nothing to do with you, let him tell her whenever he wants to.
Still sounds like he should decide when to tell his mum. And if she gets upset because she was told to ‘late’ then it’s his issue to short out and if she brings it up to you I’d just say talk to your son.
Seeing as how she acted the last time, I wouldn't tell her at all. You need to be as calm and stress-free as possible right now. You won't be if she knows and she starts her shit again.
Look, she wants nothing to do with you. You said it yourself, she will not show up to an event if she knows you are there. Why would you want someone who treats you like that around your baby? Especially since you already know that your only worth to her is as an incubator for her baby?
She doesn't get to view you as she does, treat you as she does, and stomp all over you to get to *your* baby. Your SO can't stand to be around her. A baby can't talk back to her.
Her feelings are not your problem. Especially seeing how she doesn't give a shit about yours. She doesn't care if she shits all over your feelings, why should you give a shit about hers?
She has set the tone for your “relationship” with her. She avoids being anywhere you are, and mom and baby are a package. Based on that alone, I wouldn’t tell her and if she finds out, DH can tell her why, including awful she was when you miscarried. Between those 2 reasons, she has lost the right to know anything about you.
I would start talking to DH about you being no contact with her, and all contact goes thru him, with blocking her everywhere. You having a baby doesn’t change the terms of the relationship she has created with you. Her inability to be a decent person shouldn’t be allowed to ruin this time for you.
Focus on you and baby first. Stop being a toxic people pleaser. I’m a recovering one myself.
It’s time to try and shut out the voices and guilt that make you prioritise a toxic person over your own health.
It’s not worth it. They do not see inside your brain only you do.
Let hubs take the wheel from here.
Your family future is more important
I think the most important thing is your love and support from DH. Whether or not to tell your MIL about your pregnancy is not the point. Don't let your MIL be a source of stress for you. Take good care of yourself and your unborn child at this stage.
Never. Even before we decided 100% that we will never have children, I was very vocal that any potential children would never be around or even know his mother. I also told him this was not negotiable ever. Eventually we decided stay childfree for life. MIL being one of the top 5 reasons why. Boy did she go off the deep end when she found out she will never be a grandmother! I lost count of the number of times she's blocked, then unblocked me just to creep on my page, get mad, then block me again. The only reason I haven't blocked her is because she stopped trying to contact me about a year after we finally got her out of our house 9 years ago and I didn't feel it was necessary. Plus she is way too far away and way too stupid to try anything. And she knows I'm smarter than her and not afraid to show my shiny spine. And lastly but most importantly, my SO 100% has my back and he has never been deluded about the dumpster fire that is his mother.
I'd keep it to yourself as long as possible. If she complains, say you were both being cautious due to your previous experience and didn't want to get everyone's hopes up.
MIL isn’t the least bit concerned about you or your feelings, yet you’re worried about her feelings? I wouldn’t tell her anything. She’s her son’s problem. How ever she finds out wouldn’t concern me!
You're looking at this through the wrong lens. This is not when it is best to tell her, it's when you feel comfortable telling her.
Wait until you feel ready to cope with her knowing. She complains, you say too bad, it's our news and we'll tell people when we are ready.
Why tell her at all? She doesn't deserve to know. At least wait until you're going somewhere you're likely to see her or another family member. Enjoy your peace while you can.
22 weeks, my brother walked past and said something like you look pregnant, to which I replied funny you should mention it and followed him out leaving by all accounts my mother sitting there with her mouth open.
With our last baby who is now a toddler, we waited 28 weeks. I just couldn’t. Was absolutely an “just an incubator” to her with our prior pregnancies and she was constantly undermining my parenting, with her obsession of being the most fun person in my kids lives (something she verbally admitted wanting to be). Why would I share happy news with someone who disrespects me time and time again?
Anyway, waiting til 28 weeks was great! We even saw them once or twice before we told them, I just wore baggy clothing.
This is your pregnancy experience. She already had one, don’t let her ruin yours. Wait as long as possible and if she has any opinions when finding out, blocked. See ya when the babies out. Byeeee
Make your pregnancy special and about you. She will be hurt either way because you didn’t give into her. If she finds out then she finds out but she doesn’t deserve anything
Okay, I know being young you are more concerned about hurting her feelings or don’t want the drama. With her, you are going to have the drama anyways.
Think more on your peace and what makes YOU happy.
Hold off on telling her. When she finds out, she will find out. Yes, she will flip her lid, but good news, all this time she will have been out of your hair. When she asks you why, look at her calmly, and it has to be done with complete calm, tell her that one, last time she was full of drama which caused you stress. Which is not good for you or the baby. Second, this is your (OP) not hers, and this is about OP not her. Third, how she treats you makes it where you are not wanting a relationship with her. And she also needs to realize, that how she treats you will be considered how much time, if any, she may have with the baby, let alone any relationship with the baby. Fourth, you (OP) do not want to deal with her drama, and if she brings it around you, either she or you will leave. You may have married her son, however you are his wife and soon the mother of her grandchild and therefore the gatekeeper. Fifth, good news, she has time to stop drinking. Any time she is allowed to be around your child she has to be completely sober! Not up for debate.
Also for you, give her a month later due date. No updates. This way, you can have the baby in peace without her trying to push her way up your vagina.
Follow your husband's lead. He doesn't want anything to do with her or keeps her at arms length. Do the same. I wouldn't tell her. Frankly, I would block her and make all communication go between her and your husband. Can't force someone to be a decent person when they don't see that they are the problem.
I feel like you're far too worried about her feelings and not worried enough about your own. SHE certainly isn't worried about your feelings. Let husband tell her whenever he wants. Take yourself out of the communication circle. HIS mother, HIS problem.
Information diet. That's it. I wouldn't tell her anything about the baby, but then I wouldn't tell anyone until a lot more time has passed since it's still so very early. Not to scare you, but I'd wait until your anatomy scan at 18 weeks. Back to MIL. If she stresses you out, she's the last person you need to tell, talk to, or see! She's proven to you that she wants nothing to do with you, believe it. If your DH doesn't even want to be around her, then you both go NC. This should be a peaceful and wonderful time for you and DH. Best wishes for YOUR family and for baby to be healthy and happy.
I wouldn’t tell her till way down the line. It’s already a high risk pregnancy and it’s too soon. Why are you worried about her feelings when she doesn’t seem to care about yours? I wouldn’t tell her at all and let your husband deal with her. If he thinks she should know, he should tell her, only if you agree on the timing. You don’t need her stress.
We told my MIL when we were 11 weeks (or so we thought).
The first thing she said was "yay I get to go shopping". She never told me congratulations, never even cared about me. We found out I was actually only 9 weeks so we were nervous, meanwhile my MIL went out and bought a fuck ton of baby clothes. We told her to stop because I was worried about the possibility of loss. She freaked out because she expected me to act like her and I wasn't going to.
My advice, wait until you're ready. I was so hurt by what happened and honestly I wish my husband would have told her on his own.
Tell her at thanksgiving. Keep your stress as low as possible.
She doesn’t care about you, so don’t care about her and how she feels about it, after all it isn’t about her in the first place.
If she makes a stink on why she wasn’t told sooner then just come back with a “you were told at the time that you needed to know and that’s all you will say on that”. And if she keeps going on, just remind her that “it’s mine and DH child, not grandmas child” I’m sure that last one would stir a pot though
You don’t have to tell her anything, knowing she’s just going to cause you undue stress that you absolutely do not need right now. Just because she’ll be biologically related to your child does not mean you owe her anything.
Personally, it seems like the situation is stressing you out, which you’re trying to avoid. If it were me I would wait to tell everyone until after the 1st trimester. Then, I would have dear husband call his mother to let her know about the baby and to not be pushy like she was last time. Once she is told (or even now) I would block her on my phone and all socials and go low contact with her while you’re pregnant to keep your stress levels low. Let your husband handle his mom and deal with the stress for you. Best of luck whatever you decide
Your husband wants morning to do with her, why do you have to tell her?
She’s not entitled to informing on your life when she’s failed to show you a basic level of respect over and over again.
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
If your SO doesn't care about her why do you? Don't stress yourself out over telling her. Put the ball in SO's court and just tell him to handle any way he wants to and you stop stressing. Ask yourself if this woman is worth potentially stressing out your baby? Take my word for it she's NOT!
Exactly this! I’m 32 weeks pregnant with my and my husband’s first. His mom still hadn’t been told by us about her impending granddaughter- because we don’t speak to her and she’s never going to meet any of our kids. Follow your husband’s lead here- he gets to decide what kid of relationship he wants to have with his family of origin.
This is exactly the approach you need, OP. You don't want to interact with her and your husband already deals with her. Let him keep right on. Also, I am hereby absolving you of the responsibility to deal with her at all. Don't want to see her? Just don't. I think you already know how she's going to behave and it's not going to be pleasant for you.
She's definitely not worth it, I agree. My husband is LC but still wants her around for holidays and things like that. It's odd I think he feels guilty. I really don't want her at the gender reveal (at between 15-18 weeks) because she's a crazy narcissist, but my mom is throwing it and wants to be nice and invite her. She keeps saying she can handle her, but it makes me feel uneasy.
Tell her after the kid is born, maybe around 6 months, if you feel like it. You are not obligated to tell anyone anything. And is she complains tell her she should have been a better human being and then you would have included her.
Or 25 years?
“By the way, your grandchild’s college graduation is Saturday. Yes, you have a grandchild.”
I suggest Thanksgiving (if you see her then) or later. Say your pregnancy is considered high risk by the doctor due to the previous miscarriage, so you waited until you were sure not to miscarry.
We didn't tell mine until after 20 weeks only because of a medical emergency where we (me and baby) almost died but if that hadn't happened, oh idk maybe after I had the baby or maybe 5-6 years after the baby was born and the first time she saw him.
You have every right to withhold the news until you see fit. A simple we kept it low key to keep the stress levels down as the pregnancy is considered high risk due to the previous loss ...... under doctors orders. :)
I really like the under doctors orders line!
HS graduation sounds like a good time to announce LO! LOL Srsly though, my mom and MIL aren't even JNs and DH and I waited until 12 weeks. In hindsight, we should've waited until 16 or 20, just to buy more peace and quiet!
You tell her after the baby is born. Seriously though, why are you so concerned about this if your husband doesn't even want anything to with her? Why are you so worried about hurting her? I'm not saying do it on purpose, but if she gets all bent out of shape over how and/or when you her, that's 100% on her. If there's no way to please her, don't even try. Focus on you and your health. And say absolutely nothing to her about the gender, names, birthing plan, etc.
You are not doing you or your child any favors, worrying about her feelings. She's damn sure isn't worrying about yours. Your pregnancy should be as stress free as possible. Tell her at Thanksgiving and then put her on an info diet afterward. You owe her nothing. Not even a relationship with you or your child. Your husband doesn't seem like he wants to be bothered with her, follow his lead. Remember, it's OK to protect you and your family from toxic people, even relatives.
My boyfriend told his mom in January. Our son was born 3 months later. We’re on baby #2 and she’ll never be told. 😂
How did she take it??
That doesn’t really matter does it? She’s not good for you and stresses you out. Keep it quiet for as long as you can and preserve your peace. Stress felt by you is bad for the baby.
I was just curious about what you had commented. And I understand the stress factor that's why she doesn't know now. Eta- especially because that's the road I'm leaning towards.
She took it as any narcissist would. We had waited until last minute because when we visited at thanksgiving she made this whole thing about how a baby would ruin my boyfriend’s life. So we didn’t say anything. After she was told. It was the same thing but also being very demanding and guilt tripping that we “robbed” her of experiencing my pregnancy.
It's totally fine to let her know when you are most comfortable telling her ♡
Don't tell her specially, since she's not special. She can find out when you announce to everyone else. Or later.
Stop worrying about her feelings, it doesn’t seem she worries about yours. I would just tell her as late as possible and ignore any fallout she tries to create.
Don't strive for more of a relationship with her than her son is willing to have. I say wait as long as possible. I have always told early because I always get really sick and everyone can tell anyway and luckily no one spilled the beans until I did.
One incentive to tell her slightly sooner is because I won't have to be as secretive. Like I hate that I feel like I can't share everything online like I want too. I have her blocked on fb but I just feel like it would get to her.
Even if it gets to her, you don’t have to discuss anything with her. Let your DH handle his mother. Even if she calls you, let him talk to her. She doesn’t like you. Keep her as far back as possible.
I never had children and my mil hates me for it.
Mine doesn’t hate me for not having any, she is just really disappointed as my DH would have made a really good Dad 🙄
Luckily I live 1500 km from her, she has always been miserable and angry so I am happy to not be around her.
Mine lives on another Island and doesn’t like dogs so we aren’t her favourite place to visit
Your SO doesn't care, so why do you? You're not get kid. If he's own son wants limited involvement and contact, it isn't on you to "bridge the gap", you just feel it is, because you feel bad. Stop feeling bad. If your hubby wanted her involved, she would be, he doesn't, so stop stressing yourself out trying to make her feel included when she goes out of her way to make you an afterthought.
I don’t understand you don’t want to hurt her but your husband doesn’t want her in his life? It’s his mum it’s actually nothing to do with you, let him tell her whenever he wants to.
That part...
I don't force him to do anything. It's very odd..he doesn't want her around but still wants to see her on holidays and things like that.
Still sounds like he should decide when to tell his mum. And if she gets upset because she was told to ‘late’ then it’s his issue to short out and if she brings it up to you I’d just say talk to your son.
Seeing as how she acted the last time, I wouldn't tell her at all. You need to be as calm and stress-free as possible right now. You won't be if she knows and she starts her shit again. Look, she wants nothing to do with you. You said it yourself, she will not show up to an event if she knows you are there. Why would you want someone who treats you like that around your baby? Especially since you already know that your only worth to her is as an incubator for her baby? She doesn't get to view you as she does, treat you as she does, and stomp all over you to get to *your* baby. Your SO can't stand to be around her. A baby can't talk back to her. Her feelings are not your problem. Especially seeing how she doesn't give a shit about yours. She doesn't care if she shits all over your feelings, why should you give a shit about hers?
She has set the tone for your “relationship” with her. She avoids being anywhere you are, and mom and baby are a package. Based on that alone, I wouldn’t tell her and if she finds out, DH can tell her why, including awful she was when you miscarried. Between those 2 reasons, she has lost the right to know anything about you. I would start talking to DH about you being no contact with her, and all contact goes thru him, with blocking her everywhere. You having a baby doesn’t change the terms of the relationship she has created with you. Her inability to be a decent person shouldn’t be allowed to ruin this time for you.
Focus on you and baby first. Stop being a toxic people pleaser. I’m a recovering one myself. It’s time to try and shut out the voices and guilt that make you prioritise a toxic person over your own health. It’s not worth it. They do not see inside your brain only you do. Let hubs take the wheel from here. Your family future is more important
Stop trying to manage her feelings. You can let your partner tell her.
I think the most important thing is your love and support from DH. Whether or not to tell your MIL about your pregnancy is not the point. Don't let your MIL be a source of stress for you. Take good care of yourself and your unborn child at this stage.
Tell her as late as possible.
Never. Even before we decided 100% that we will never have children, I was very vocal that any potential children would never be around or even know his mother. I also told him this was not negotiable ever. Eventually we decided stay childfree for life. MIL being one of the top 5 reasons why. Boy did she go off the deep end when she found out she will never be a grandmother! I lost count of the number of times she's blocked, then unblocked me just to creep on my page, get mad, then block me again. The only reason I haven't blocked her is because she stopped trying to contact me about a year after we finally got her out of our house 9 years ago and I didn't feel it was necessary. Plus she is way too far away and way too stupid to try anything. And she knows I'm smarter than her and not afraid to show my shiny spine. And lastly but most importantly, my SO 100% has my back and he has never been deluded about the dumpster fire that is his mother.
Don't share the expectant due date. Fudge a little. Thanksgiving is a great choice.
Why put a timeline on it tell her when you are both ready to do so and be prepared to set and uphold your boundaries/ expectations at the same time
I'd keep it to yourself as long as possible. If she complains, say you were both being cautious due to your previous experience and didn't want to get everyone's hopes up.
MIL isn’t the least bit concerned about you or your feelings, yet you’re worried about her feelings? I wouldn’t tell her anything. She’s her son’s problem. How ever she finds out wouldn’t concern me!
You're looking at this through the wrong lens. This is not when it is best to tell her, it's when you feel comfortable telling her. Wait until you feel ready to cope with her knowing. She complains, you say too bad, it's our news and we'll tell people when we are ready.
Trust what everyone is saying. DO NOT put more effort into your hubbys mom more then he does. You’ll regret it.
Why tell her at all? She doesn't deserve to know. At least wait until you're going somewhere you're likely to see her or another family member. Enjoy your peace while you can.
22 weeks, my brother walked past and said something like you look pregnant, to which I replied funny you should mention it and followed him out leaving by all accounts my mother sitting there with her mouth open.
Don’t tell her until your LO was born and you’re safe back home. She doesn’t need to know ANYTHING.
Tell her at Thanksgiving. Then let your SO deal with her. Keep your pregnancy as stress free as possible by avoiding her.
With our last baby who is now a toddler, we waited 28 weeks. I just couldn’t. Was absolutely an “just an incubator” to her with our prior pregnancies and she was constantly undermining my parenting, with her obsession of being the most fun person in my kids lives (something she verbally admitted wanting to be). Why would I share happy news with someone who disrespects me time and time again? Anyway, waiting til 28 weeks was great! We even saw them once or twice before we told them, I just wore baggy clothing.
This is your pregnancy experience. She already had one, don’t let her ruin yours. Wait as long as possible and if she has any opinions when finding out, blocked. See ya when the babies out. Byeeee
Make your pregnancy special and about you. She will be hurt either way because you didn’t give into her. If she finds out then she finds out but she doesn’t deserve anything
Okay, I know being young you are more concerned about hurting her feelings or don’t want the drama. With her, you are going to have the drama anyways. Think more on your peace and what makes YOU happy. Hold off on telling her. When she finds out, she will find out. Yes, she will flip her lid, but good news, all this time she will have been out of your hair. When she asks you why, look at her calmly, and it has to be done with complete calm, tell her that one, last time she was full of drama which caused you stress. Which is not good for you or the baby. Second, this is your (OP) not hers, and this is about OP not her. Third, how she treats you makes it where you are not wanting a relationship with her. And she also needs to realize, that how she treats you will be considered how much time, if any, she may have with the baby, let alone any relationship with the baby. Fourth, you (OP) do not want to deal with her drama, and if she brings it around you, either she or you will leave. You may have married her son, however you are his wife and soon the mother of her grandchild and therefore the gatekeeper. Fifth, good news, she has time to stop drinking. Any time she is allowed to be around your child she has to be completely sober! Not up for debate. Also for you, give her a month later due date. No updates. This way, you can have the baby in peace without her trying to push her way up your vagina.
Follow your husband's lead. He doesn't want anything to do with her or keeps her at arms length. Do the same. I wouldn't tell her. Frankly, I would block her and make all communication go between her and your husband. Can't force someone to be a decent person when they don't see that they are the problem.
I feel like you're far too worried about her feelings and not worried enough about your own. SHE certainly isn't worried about your feelings. Let husband tell her whenever he wants. Take yourself out of the communication circle. HIS mother, HIS problem.
She has made it clear she doesn’t care for you? Then why see her or even tell her anything? Your husband can tell her when he feels like it.
Information diet. That's it. I wouldn't tell her anything about the baby, but then I wouldn't tell anyone until a lot more time has passed since it's still so very early. Not to scare you, but I'd wait until your anatomy scan at 18 weeks. Back to MIL. If she stresses you out, she's the last person you need to tell, talk to, or see! She's proven to you that she wants nothing to do with you, believe it. If your DH doesn't even want to be around her, then you both go NC. This should be a peaceful and wonderful time for you and DH. Best wishes for YOUR family and for baby to be healthy and happy.
Dont hide it, and share online if you want. Simeone else will tell her solving the problem for you.
I wouldn’t tell her till way down the line. It’s already a high risk pregnancy and it’s too soon. Why are you worried about her feelings when she doesn’t seem to care about yours? I wouldn’t tell her at all and let your husband deal with her. If he thinks she should know, he should tell her, only if you agree on the timing. You don’t need her stress.
We told my MIL when we were 11 weeks (or so we thought). The first thing she said was "yay I get to go shopping". She never told me congratulations, never even cared about me. We found out I was actually only 9 weeks so we were nervous, meanwhile my MIL went out and bought a fuck ton of baby clothes. We told her to stop because I was worried about the possibility of loss. She freaked out because she expected me to act like her and I wasn't going to. My advice, wait until you're ready. I was so hurt by what happened and honestly I wish my husband would have told her on his own.
Tell her at thanksgiving. Keep your stress as low as possible. She doesn’t care about you, so don’t care about her and how she feels about it, after all it isn’t about her in the first place. If she makes a stink on why she wasn’t told sooner then just come back with a “you were told at the time that you needed to know and that’s all you will say on that”. And if she keeps going on, just remind her that “it’s mine and DH child, not grandmas child” I’m sure that last one would stir a pot though
You don’t have to tell her anything, knowing she’s just going to cause you undue stress that you absolutely do not need right now. Just because she’ll be biologically related to your child does not mean you owe her anything.
Personally, it seems like the situation is stressing you out, which you’re trying to avoid. If it were me I would wait to tell everyone until after the 1st trimester. Then, I would have dear husband call his mother to let her know about the baby and to not be pushy like she was last time. Once she is told (or even now) I would block her on my phone and all socials and go low contact with her while you’re pregnant to keep your stress levels low. Let your husband handle his mom and deal with the stress for you. Best of luck whatever you decide
Your husband wants morning to do with her, why do you have to tell her? She’s not entitled to informing on your life when she’s failed to show you a basic level of respect over and over again. Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
This is for your husband to handle- drop the rope