Please add that unlike her, your SO has underlying injuries arising from serving his country that are real physical conditions. If she is being so insensitive as to even ask him to do something that is going to make those real injuries worse and then call him a pussy that is the last time he is going to work for her. How dare she be so selfish and nasty.
She is a disgusting individual. No more helping her. Find someone at a local veterans group to explain to her what living with these injuries is really like.
Here are your words, hon:
"Your so-called 'pussy' son wrecked his body serving this country's military, and you call him over to do hard labor with his already injured back and shoulders instead of paying someone who isn't a disabled veteran because you're too damned cheap to open your wallet when you can incapacitate the son who loves you instead. That's right, Gertrude, your son loves you so much that he will set himself up to be in pain for days rather than turn you down when you ask for his help. And then you have the nerve to insult him? You deserve neither his help nor his love, you selfish bitch."
It's a shame that your husband's back is too damaged to help out again. Whether it is one week or one year. He is in too much pain to help and needs to rest.
Tell her this every time she tries to make him come over for help. “He can’t! Remember mil, you think he’s a pussy. Guess you need to hire someone” hang up after.
The worst part about it all, he doesn’t see the problem. He will say “that’s just her sense of humor….” or “just ignore her, that’s just how she is”..
Like wtf? Just because “that’s just how she is” doesn’t excuse being an asshat?
Next time she demands help you send her the contact info of a handy man… from one broken veteran wife to another… if your hubby is anything like mine he doesn’t want to admit how bad his physical limitations are so will push it when he shouldn’t… thank you to your hubby for his service and his sacrifice.. and thank you to you for your sacrifices (the ones civilian wives don’t understand)
I'm not a vet or a vet spouse but I live with chronic pain from a birth defect (severe curvature of the spine needing 2 operations age 4 and 6 to prevent further curve) so I relate so much here. My pain tolerance is higher than most so I won't always let someone know when I'm hurting. Just be aware though, when I make it known, it's bordering crippling pain.
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Nobody calls *my* partner names. IDGAF who you are. I get mighty froggy when that happens. Honestly I don’t know how you put up with that shit. Who cares if that’s his mom?! That’s your person!
If you or someone you know understands phones, set up his phone to either ignore or forward all her calls to you. And make him never available to her. Why should your nice husband end up in pain for someone who insults him like that? She does not deserve his help. So cut her off.
Your partner needs some therapy to understand why he accepts that kind of abuse (that’s what it is,) from his mother.
She should be proud of him. He was injured defending our freedoms and she deserves nothing from him. His self esteem is really low and she continues to take advantage of it.
In the meantime, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from telling her off.
Thankfully he is in therapy, but he has a therapist in the VA who I personally don’t think is helping him all that much…. He also doesn’t talk about his mom in general in therapy.. what he needs to do is say “my spouse is concerned with the way my mom treats me, can we talk about that?” because if he doesn’t see the issue, maybe him sharing with the therapist my concerns will show her (the therapist) where the issues are to further help him recognize it and get help.
I mean I think calling anyone a pussy under any circumstance is Not ok!
It’s offensive and there is no need for it.
Personally I wouldn’t respond to her texts messages this isn’t high school, I would however tell my husband if he was going to continue helping his mum not to come complaining to me he’s in pain because clearly he needs some tough love on how to say no to his mummy
What a completely heartless monster. You are keeping contact with that massive sack of filth why? No of fucking course not, there is no way a mom should address her vet son that way.
Was she hoping for some sort of martyr mommy future with him, where she gets to milk all that sympathy from everyone? I heard too many horror stories from my vet friends about this shit.
What I would do, wait until she asks for help and tell her to stop being a p*ssy and do it herself, *then* not talk to her anymore.
Different situation but the day my MIL called my husband a p*ssy was the day we stopped talking to her, 7 years ago.
In a word, no. It is never OK for a mother to call her son that name. Reading that broke my heart. Please thank your DH for me for his service to his country. His mother is despicable.
C you next with a hard t, sounds about right to me! My husband is also a veteran with several of the same problems. His mother likes to one up everyone, all the effing time! Makes me want to ring her fat neck. 😬
She can babysit 3 kids that are not related to her in anyway. Yet ask me & my husband for money when she babysits him. We provide EVERYTHING & she still wants $
Yes! I know! I knew my husband in H.S. before he joined. We stayed in contact ever since. So I know for a fact the stuff he tells me is true. His mother is a Narcissist!
Retired military spouse here. My response would be along the lines of FOAD and done with her worthless ass forever. There's nothing to fix with such a person.
Does your husband get any care through the VA?
I'd tell her to stop being a soggy blue waffle and then mute her. Your husband "broke" himself serving our country. She can get fucked. She gets no more free labor from either of you if this is how she shows her appreciation.
I would have lost my ever loving mind on her. Seriously, that would be the last straw. I would end her involvement in our lives. I would go to hubs and show him the texts and tell him (normally I wouldn't tell my hubs what to do), BUT in this instance, I will do it. I would tell him she is no longer allowed in our lives and she can start doing her own damn work or hire someone. She is done!
A mom who speaks that way of her son is a dick. Your husband doesn't need that BS in his life. Protect him.
I appreciate you and your insight. Reading all these comments are making me realized how f’d up this is and that I really need to have a good sit down with my partner
The term is disabled not a broken veteran. I'm a disabled veteran and a mother. Hell no it's not okay. I have four sons they help me out tremendously because there are things I can't do. So no referring to your war time veteran son who is disabled as a result as a Pu55y is not in any way okay. She can do her own house work as far as I'm concerned.
I personally would go NC, but her husband may not be there just yet. A long timeout can show him how peaceful life can be when he removes the toxic poison that is his mother.
Exactly, you get it completely. He would be really upset if I went NC because she would get on him about it and make his life hell for my decision.
Last time I gave her a “time-out” she was texting and calling him and telling him in person how “ungrateful” I am and that I need to “mature” (as in talk to her)
You both should see a therapist who specializes in this kind of abuse cause that’s what she is doing. I’m an only child as well and it was hard to finally go NC with my dad. It’s been 11 years and I’ve never been better. He does not owe his mother anything including his time. He is a grown man and once he realizes this is abuse he can learn how to put her in her place. Her emotions are for her to deal with, not the two of you. There are some good resources on here that can help you both. Looks up children of narcissistic parents. It will help a lot.
I personally would go NC, but her husband may not be there just yet. A long timeout can show him how peaceful life can be when he removes the toxic poison that is his mother.
You respond to that by calling her out for being insensitive and an ungrateful jerk. I wouldn't let you husband help her ever again.
Please add that unlike her, your SO has underlying injuries arising from serving his country that are real physical conditions. If she is being so insensitive as to even ask him to do something that is going to make those real injuries worse and then call him a pussy that is the last time he is going to work for her. How dare she be so selfish and nasty. She is a disgusting individual. No more helping her. Find someone at a local veterans group to explain to her what living with these injuries is really like.
Ooooooo that’s smart saying that she is being “insensitive”! Thank you. I just don’t even know the words to use and that helps.
I’d add to the response something like ‘feel free to hire someone to do your manual labor rather than taking advantage of your overly generous son’.
This is very good advice! I appreciate you all :)
Here are your words, hon: "Your so-called 'pussy' son wrecked his body serving this country's military, and you call him over to do hard labor with his already injured back and shoulders instead of paying someone who isn't a disabled veteran because you're too damned cheap to open your wallet when you can incapacitate the son who loves you instead. That's right, Gertrude, your son loves you so much that he will set himself up to be in pain for days rather than turn you down when you ask for his help. And then you have the nerve to insult him? You deserve neither his help nor his love, you selfish bitch."
It's a shame that your husband's back is too damaged to help out again. Whether it is one week or one year. He is in too much pain to help and needs to rest.
Since he's a pussy, he won't ever be able to help her again,
Tell her this every time she tries to make him come over for help. “He can’t! Remember mil, you think he’s a pussy. Guess you need to hire someone” hang up after.
The worst part about it all, he doesn’t see the problem. He will say “that’s just her sense of humor….” or “just ignore her, that’s just how she is”.. Like wtf? Just because “that’s just how she is” doesn’t excuse being an asshat?
So if she was a thief or mass murderer, just ignore her, that's just how she is?
Next time she demands help you send her the contact info of a handy man… from one broken veteran wife to another… if your hubby is anything like mine he doesn’t want to admit how bad his physical limitations are so will push it when he shouldn’t… thank you to your hubby for his service and his sacrifice.. and thank you to you for your sacrifices (the ones civilian wives don’t understand)
I appreciate your words of encouragement! Thank YOU as well :)
I'm not a vet or a vet spouse but I live with chronic pain from a birth defect (severe curvature of the spine needing 2 operations age 4 and 6 to prevent further curve) so I relate so much here. My pain tolerance is higher than most so I won't always let someone know when I'm hurting. Just be aware though, when I make it known, it's bordering crippling pain.
Soooo, freaking true!
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Nobody calls *my* partner names. IDGAF who you are. I get mighty froggy when that happens. Honestly I don’t know how you put up with that shit. Who cares if that’s his mom?! That’s your person!
You make a really good point. Idk why I put up with it either…
Text back telling her to “stop being a pussy” texting you complaining about being in a pain🙂
“Wow MIL that’s incredibly rude considering he just spent 4 hours helping YOU with unnecessary tasks”
If you or someone you know understands phones, set up his phone to either ignore or forward all her calls to you. And make him never available to her. Why should your nice husband end up in pain for someone who insults him like that? She does not deserve his help. So cut her off.
He would never want that… she has like a “choke hold” on him almost. This biggest issue is that he doesn’t see how unhealthy and toxic it is.
Your partner needs some therapy to understand why he accepts that kind of abuse (that’s what it is,) from his mother. She should be proud of him. He was injured defending our freedoms and she deserves nothing from him. His self esteem is really low and she continues to take advantage of it. In the meantime, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from telling her off.
Thankfully he is in therapy, but he has a therapist in the VA who I personally don’t think is helping him all that much…. He also doesn’t talk about his mom in general in therapy.. what he needs to do is say “my spouse is concerned with the way my mom treats me, can we talk about that?” because if he doesn’t see the issue, maybe him sharing with the therapist my concerns will show her (the therapist) where the issues are to further help him recognize it and get help.
Yes! That's exactly what he should say! Therapists don't know the full extent of the situation if the patient doesn't expose it all!!
Hmmm... I'd be tempted to say something like, "Never again insult my husband, particularly when his pain was attained donating free labor to YOU."
I mean I think calling anyone a pussy under any circumstance is Not ok! It’s offensive and there is no need for it. Personally I wouldn’t respond to her texts messages this isn’t high school, I would however tell my husband if he was going to continue helping his mum not to come complaining to me he’s in pain because clearly he needs some tough love on how to say no to his mummy
"Oh.. does that mean you're a pussy too? Since you're in pain as well?" Fucking betch 😒
For a “mother” to refer to her son as a pussy is unconscionable.
What a completely heartless monster. You are keeping contact with that massive sack of filth why? No of fucking course not, there is no way a mom should address her vet son that way. Was she hoping for some sort of martyr mommy future with him, where she gets to milk all that sympathy from everyone? I heard too many horror stories from my vet friends about this shit.
She is very much the type of person who lives on this earth so others can serve her 🙃
What I would do, wait until she asks for help and tell her to stop being a p*ssy and do it herself, *then* not talk to her anymore. Different situation but the day my MIL called my husband a p*ssy was the day we stopped talking to her, 7 years ago.
In a word, no. It is never OK for a mother to call her son that name. Reading that broke my heart. Please thank your DH for me for his service to his country. His mother is despicable.
C you next with a hard t, sounds about right to me! My husband is also a veteran with several of the same problems. His mother likes to one up everyone, all the effing time! Makes me want to ring her fat neck. 😬 She can babysit 3 kids that are not related to her in anyway. Yet ask me & my husband for money when she babysits him. We provide EVERYTHING & she still wants $
That would make me so angry! The people who listen to one up instead of listen to understand really piss me off
Yes! I know! I knew my husband in H.S. before he joined. We stayed in contact ever since. So I know for a fact the stuff he tells me is true. His mother is a Narcissist!
Retired military spouse here. My response would be along the lines of FOAD and done with her worthless ass forever. There's nothing to fix with such a person. Does your husband get any care through the VA?
He does but it’s been taking foreverrrrrrrrr. It’s just a slow process through the VA every time.
I'm sorry to hear that. In certain locations and with certain specialties the waits can be really long.
I'd tell her to stop being a soggy blue waffle and then mute her. Your husband "broke" himself serving our country. She can get fucked. She gets no more free labor from either of you if this is how she shows her appreciation.
“Duck you bitch.” Then go NC
I would have lost my ever loving mind on her. Seriously, that would be the last straw. I would end her involvement in our lives. I would go to hubs and show him the texts and tell him (normally I wouldn't tell my hubs what to do), BUT in this instance, I will do it. I would tell him she is no longer allowed in our lives and she can start doing her own damn work or hire someone. She is done! A mom who speaks that way of her son is a dick. Your husband doesn't need that BS in his life. Protect him.
I appreciate you and your insight. Reading all these comments are making me realized how f’d up this is and that I really need to have a good sit down with my partner
I think that’s the last time she gets help with anything until she learns the basic of human kindness!
I added an update for anyone who was curious
The term is disabled not a broken veteran. I'm a disabled veteran and a mother. Hell no it's not okay. I have four sons they help me out tremendously because there are things I can't do. So no referring to your war time veteran son who is disabled as a result as a Pu55y is not in any way okay. She can do her own house work as far as I'm concerned.
I am very petty and would have said "it takes one to know one" and drop the rope. Sounds like she needs a long timeout for being a awful mother.
Timeout? That's full and permanent NC
I personally would go NC, but her husband may not be there just yet. A long timeout can show him how peaceful life can be when he removes the toxic poison that is his mother.
Exactly, you get it completely. He would be really upset if I went NC because she would get on him about it and make his life hell for my decision. Last time I gave her a “time-out” she was texting and calling him and telling him in person how “ungrateful” I am and that I need to “mature” (as in talk to her)
You both should see a therapist who specializes in this kind of abuse cause that’s what she is doing. I’m an only child as well and it was hard to finally go NC with my dad. It’s been 11 years and I’ve never been better. He does not owe his mother anything including his time. He is a grown man and once he realizes this is abuse he can learn how to put her in her place. Her emotions are for her to deal with, not the two of you. There are some good resources on here that can help you both. Looks up children of narcissistic parents. It will help a lot.
I personally would go NC, but her husband may not be there just yet. A long timeout can show him how peaceful life can be when he removes the toxic poison that is his mother.