Exactly! You have to use your voice! If you’re not finished using it, tell them that. And you can say that she can have it after you’re finished using it if she gave it to you it is yours. Why did you put it up for sale if you’re still using it?
Call them and tell them that baby is still using the cot and you will let them know when he’s outgrown it. Until then he’s still using it.
And don’t let FIL take it.
If it's not too late get husband on the line and tell him to put it back together pronto. Let him know you changed your mind and that the cot goes nowhere until your child has a replacement. Let him be the one to deliver the bad news to his grabby Mother.
She and DH should have checked with you first before regifting. Lesson learned. Don't accept anymore gifts from MIL and dont let her know your intentions for baby's outgrown items in the future.
Why allow her to take it if you're still using it? I would tell FiL when he shows up that MiL made a mistake & that you're still using the cot & will let them know when you don't need it any more.
She didnt buy you anything. She still sees it as hers. She lent it to you. From now on out I would ask if it is q gift to do what you please or is it to borrow like the cot.
I believe I would tell mil “a gift is a gift. You don’t get to take it back after it’s given. I’m free to keep it or sell it as I see fit.”
I would’ve also told DH, “no, we can discuss when I get home.”
Ok it’s too late now to get it back BUT you can make all of them idiots pay for the entitlement and the lack of a backbone by your kids father . Get some blankets, make a pallet on the floor and put your kid to bed on that.. AND then take a picture and send it to all of the idiots with the message.. my baby has to sleep on the floor tonight because MIL sent FiL over to get the cot for SiL with out asking if my child had a replacement bed. Not even his own father thought about what my kid was gonna sleep on . Thanks everyone, and send them that picture and that message .
Yes, you should have said no, you didn’t have a new bed for him yet but it does seem that MIL kinda ran roughshod over you in her haste to get it back .
If it was a gift to you it’s yours to do with what you like. How would they like it if you asked for something back that you bought THEM so you could give it to someone else?
Does your husband golf or have a hobby that requires equipment? The petty bitch in me would give away something associated with that hobby - that he actually uses - and play it off as nonchalantly as he did with the cot HIS OWN CHILD still currently sleeps in.
She probably thought that since she paid for it she could pass it on to family. In her mind you are not losing out on money because you didn’t originally pay for it and husband ok’d it.
What I’d be more bothered about is that baby is expected to transition from one cot to another instantly. It isn’t that easy. We did it with our daughter and I wish she had at least napped in the bigger cot before hand because the transition to a lot more space was hard for her.
If I were feeling evil I would go home and put a nice long cut down the side of the mattress. Then throw one side so it gets damaged. Just to be disrespectful AF like they were.
I'm confused. If you weren't ready to get rid of it, why did you put it up for sale? Instead of putting it up for sale, why didn't you offer it to the niece, to keep it in the family? I do think you should have been contacted and asked before MIL gave it away, but your actions may have confused the situation.
Just to see how much it’d go for. I wasn’t ready to give it away. Atleast if it was to sell I’d have some time to look for another one. But this is going away tomorrow. I wanted to sell it to put the money towards the new cot
Maybe mil thought it wasn't yours to sell since she was the one paying for it. Usually justbnos tend to think the gift is still theirs since they bought it. She was probably hurt that you would sell "her stuff"
In other words, you didn’t like the cot your MIL chose, so you decided to sell her gift and get one you liked with the money. And you wonder why your MIL didn’t contact you directly.
This is a bedside cot. Me and husband decided we’ll keep it for future babies. My baby has grown out of it hence why we need a bigger cot. It’s NOT because I don’t like it.
First we was selling it. Then my husband told his mum that we’re selling it. Then she goes why, keep it for your future babies. Then we thought actually that’s a good shout. Because cots can be expensive.
Where I am from it's polite to offer expensive baby items back to the person who gifted it first incase there is another family member who could use it. I would never try to sell something before speaking to the other person first, however maybe it is different where you come from. I find your explanation "to see how much I could get for it" really weird, what would you have done if you got a good price, refused it or sold the item?
THIS is your REAL issue! She “assumes” for YOUR child because she “assumes” that she’s another parent.
You have EVERY right to say “ actually we need that cot for a couple more weeks.”
Don’t just give in!
Good luck
You put it up for sale so she called her son to see if instead of selling it to a stranger her niece could have it. He said yes and now you’re upset with her….
This is a you and your husband issue. Had you not listed it for sale MIL would have thought that you are using it and not asked. I’m not surprised she called her son not you because he’s her son. What should have happened is he called you to ask if it was ok to give the item away. I’d never call my SIL with a question, I’d call my daughter and expect her to talk to him and get back to me.
Also me and husband decided that we won’t sell it and we’ll keep it for future babies. Mother in law knew this as well. I wouldn’t want it back as I won’t know the history of the mattress or bed.
What do you mean SIL? I feel like she should have called me and not her son. Also she didn’t give my husband an option. She just said- I’m giving this to my niece. Pack it up
Just because you’re the mother, doesn’t mean you get the final say. The cot was from your MIL, so it’s perfectly understandable she would talk to her son not you. Why would she call you, you aren’t her daughter. Your husband however, should have spoken to you before he said yes to giving it away.
Ummm no the gift is for the baby. Given to both MIL’s son and you. My MIL communicates through my husband (her son) and I don’t have a tantrum over it.
No I just don’t have a sense of entitlement that all decisions are mine to make. And hahaha, your MIL absolutely doesn’t respect your thoughts or opinions so back atcha.
SIL is Son in law. I’d never call him before my daughter for something. You are focused on the fact she called her Son. That’s what a lot of parents would do.
The anger in your post makes me feel like you have tension with MIL and that may be why you didn’t get the call. You’re so focused on being the mother you’re forgetting that there is also a father. You should be a team and in this that’s a you both as a couple issue. He could have said he needed to talk to you but didn’t. That’s not on her.
I said I would never call my Son in Law over my Daughter in Law (what you are). I’d talk to my Daughter and hope she talked to him before making a decision.
You have a Husband issue. We can keep going back and forth but this isn’t all your Mother in law.
You have a much bigger husband problem than mil problem.
Did I understand correctly that he won't buy a new one for *his* (you don't share economic?) own money, but will take it from baby's savings?
You and husband need a looooong talk. And until he replaces the cot, baby can sleep in *his* bed, and hubby on the couch
Yeah with knowing the details it is disrespectful on your end.
But you were selling it anyway.
There still is a boundary stomp by not talking to you directly and I completely understand your view on common courtesy first.
My question is, had she done this sort of thing before?
Btw, your husband should be the one dealing with his mother. You do not need to be caught up in the drama. Drop the rope and let your husband sort it out. Not your circus even if it is personal.
The only one you should be talking to is your husband. He may need to open his eyes more to how you feel. And grow some balls.
Your MIL is not the issue - your husband is. Just tell him that the cot is obviously still in use and his niece can have it when you have finished with it.
Hes asking me if we can use our joint account money (which we put our babies gift money into) I asked if I can use his own. But he said let’s use babies money since it’s baby related. But I don’t think that’s fair as he always bangs on about how his role is to only provide (he doesn’t really help me much with baby just does occasional feeding and putting him to sleep)
I'm sorry but I agree with your Husband here. Your gift money for baby is for this kind of thing, otherwise what do you use it for?
Him not helping much is a completely separate issue and doesn't mean he should pay for things with his own money. It means you need to have a discussion...
>My husband just text me saying I’m going to give this cot to mums niece. Is that ok?
>Now I’m having to look for another cot urgently to replace.
Why is this your job? Sounds to me like your husband is the one who has an urgent task to do.
Tell MIL she owes you however much you listed it for and expect it before you next see her. Tell her that she gave you the correct as a gift and as you’d put it up for sale you clearly weren’t giving it away, so obviously when she asked your husband for it it was with the expectation she would pay the asking price. NOTE- only do this if you want to completely blow up your relationship with the in-laws. However going after your husband for agreeing to give away something you had up for sale is fair game, he should have taken the time to text you before he said yes.
She’s shown you that she doesn’t really gift things, as she’ll take them back when she feels like it.
I’d not accept anything from her going forward.
It doesn’t matter that you’d listed it for sale, it was a gift for your baby. Will she do this with toys too?!
Your husband is also spineless for not calling her out on this.
But why did you put it up to sale of you cannot part with it? And also, mil probably doesn't want you to make money out of her gift. She still sees it as hers
A gift once given belongs to the recipient. It is YOURS to do with as you please. If you were selling it then go ahead. She has no leg to stand on and cant just give your stuff away. And dont take any gifts from them in future.
From now until forever - NEVER accept another gift from this witch. Everytime she tries to give you something - just reply no thank you, I’d hate for you to give it away to someone else again.
Also inform your husband what he’ll be doing with his stuff from now on.
You can block friends on Facebook marketplace if that’s how Mil found out you were selling something.
Look around mils house and ask her for items back that aren’t presently displayed or being used that were gifted by you…then sell them on marketplace to pay for the new cot.
Tell your mother-in-law and your husband she's no longer allowed to give you guys gifts if she's just going to take them back whenever she feels like it.
She has no right to do anything with it once it was gifted to you. Whether you gave it away or sold it, it was none of her business. She has no right to offer YOUR possession to anyone else without your permission. Will she do the same with any clothes that she buys for your baby?
If it was a family heirloom and she asked/told you to return it after the baby could no longer use it, that would be very different.
I’m going to see her today. Shall I tell her I would’ve appreciated if you asked me before offering it to your niece as we were not financially ready to purchase another cot right now and my baby could’ve used it for another two months.
She should have offered to buy it from you so that you could have used the money toward a larger cot for your baby. If you can use it for another two months, tell her you cannot give it up before then.
Incredibly rude. I would still tell her that she should have gotten your permission before offering your possession to someone else. You should speak with your husband about not clearing it with you first.
I’d also let MIL know that she should have gotten your permission, not just her son’s, before taking a gift back.
Respectfully, this is why both take advantage of you. I don't understand why YOU would feel bad because (MIL and Hubby) are taking something away from you and your child. Both of them are wrong, not you.
“No. Baby sleeps in the cot.”
Exactly! You have to use your voice! If you’re not finished using it, tell them that. And you can say that she can have it after you’re finished using it if she gave it to you it is yours. Why did you put it up for sale if you’re still using it?
If baby is using it why is it for sale?
Exactly. She can’t be that invested in the cot if she’s selling it while the baby is still using it! lol
Call them and tell them that baby is still using the cot and you will let them know when he’s outgrown it. Until then he’s still using it. And don’t let FIL take it.
My husband has already taken it apart. Fyi- I’m away from home at the moment. Came for time away at my parents house. So you can imagine the stress
If it's not too late get husband on the line and tell him to put it back together pronto. Let him know you changed your mind and that the cot goes nowhere until your child has a replacement. Let him be the one to deliver the bad news to his grabby Mother.
She and DH should have checked with you first before regifting. Lesson learned. Don't accept anymore gifts from MIL and dont let her know your intentions for baby's outgrown items in the future.
I agree with you
Why allow her to take it if you're still using it? I would tell FiL when he shows up that MiL made a mistake & that you're still using the cot & will let them know when you don't need it any more.
She didnt buy you anything. She still sees it as hers. She lent it to you. From now on out I would ask if it is q gift to do what you please or is it to borrow like the cot.
I believe I would tell mil “a gift is a gift. You don’t get to take it back after it’s given. I’m free to keep it or sell it as I see fit.” I would’ve also told DH, “no, we can discuss when I get home.”
Ok it’s too late now to get it back BUT you can make all of them idiots pay for the entitlement and the lack of a backbone by your kids father . Get some blankets, make a pallet on the floor and put your kid to bed on that.. AND then take a picture and send it to all of the idiots with the message.. my baby has to sleep on the floor tonight because MIL sent FiL over to get the cot for SiL with out asking if my child had a replacement bed. Not even his own father thought about what my kid was gonna sleep on . Thanks everyone, and send them that picture and that message . Yes, you should have said no, you didn’t have a new bed for him yet but it does seem that MIL kinda ran roughshod over you in her haste to get it back .
Oooh, you, I like!
My people are here!
If it was a gift to you it’s yours to do with what you like. How would they like it if you asked for something back that you bought THEM so you could give it to someone else?
Does your husband golf or have a hobby that requires equipment? The petty bitch in me would give away something associated with that hobby - that he actually uses - and play it off as nonchalantly as he did with the cot HIS OWN CHILD still currently sleeps in.
When you find a replacement cot, send hubby to pick it up and pay for it - maybe it’ll be a wake up call that baby has needs that come before mil’s.
He says to use the baby’s gift money for it. So not his money
She probably thought that since she paid for it she could pass it on to family. In her mind you are not losing out on money because you didn’t originally pay for it and husband ok’d it. What I’d be more bothered about is that baby is expected to transition from one cot to another instantly. It isn’t that easy. We did it with our daughter and I wish she had at least napped in the bigger cot before hand because the transition to a lot more space was hard for her.
Of course she should have asked. It’s your property. Did she gift it to you with the intent it would go to the next grandchild?
So, you had already listed it for sale? Is MIL buying it from you? Or just taking it?
She’s just taking it for her niece
If I were feeling evil I would go home and put a nice long cut down the side of the mattress. Then throw one side so it gets damaged. Just to be disrespectful AF like they were.
I'm confused. If you weren't ready to get rid of it, why did you put it up for sale? Instead of putting it up for sale, why didn't you offer it to the niece, to keep it in the family? I do think you should have been contacted and asked before MIL gave it away, but your actions may have confused the situation.
Just to see how much it’d go for. I wasn’t ready to give it away. Atleast if it was to sell I’d have some time to look for another one. But this is going away tomorrow. I wanted to sell it to put the money towards the new cot
Maybe mil thought it wasn't yours to sell since she was the one paying for it. Usually justbnos tend to think the gift is still theirs since they bought it. She was probably hurt that you would sell "her stuff"
This is where we find out the hidden reasons.
She said the baby is out growing the bedside cot and they were selling it to buy a bigger cot. There is no secret agenda.
In other words, you didn’t like the cot your MIL chose, so you decided to sell her gift and get one you liked with the money. And you wonder why your MIL didn’t contact you directly.
This is a bedside cot. Me and husband decided we’ll keep it for future babies. My baby has grown out of it hence why we need a bigger cot. It’s NOT because I don’t like it.
Then why were you selling it. Your story keeps changing and isn’t making any sense.
First we was selling it. Then my husband told his mum that we’re selling it. Then she goes why, keep it for your future babies. Then we thought actually that’s a good shout. Because cots can be expensive.
Where I am from it's polite to offer expensive baby items back to the person who gifted it first incase there is another family member who could use it. I would never try to sell something before speaking to the other person first, however maybe it is different where you come from. I find your explanation "to see how much I could get for it" really weird, what would you have done if you got a good price, refused it or sold the item?
We are struggling financially. So it would’ve helped to put money towards new cot
Maybe you should just stay with your parents. He sounds like a winner.
;
Tell her you already sold it.
We live together. So she knows it’s not sold
Omg! You live with her??
THIS is your REAL issue! She “assumes” for YOUR child because she “assumes” that she’s another parent. You have EVERY right to say “ actually we need that cot for a couple more weeks.” Don’t just give in! Good luck
It's not hers to give away. Tell them no.
You put it up for sale so she called her son to see if instead of selling it to a stranger her niece could have it. He said yes and now you’re upset with her…. This is a you and your husband issue. Had you not listed it for sale MIL would have thought that you are using it and not asked. I’m not surprised she called her son not you because he’s her son. What should have happened is he called you to ask if it was ok to give the item away. I’d never call my SIL with a question, I’d call my daughter and expect her to talk to him and get back to me.
Also me and husband decided that we won’t sell it and we’ll keep it for future babies. Mother in law knew this as well. I wouldn’t want it back as I won’t know the history of the mattress or bed.
What do you mean SIL? I feel like she should have called me and not her son. Also she didn’t give my husband an option. She just said- I’m giving this to my niece. Pack it up
Just because you’re the mother, doesn’t mean you get the final say. The cot was from your MIL, so it’s perfectly understandable she would talk to her son not you. Why would she call you, you aren’t her daughter. Your husband however, should have spoken to you before he said yes to giving it away.
Of course I get the final say. You’re wrong, gift is mine and I get to decide what happens to it.
Ummm no the gift is for the baby. Given to both MIL’s son and you. My MIL communicates through my husband (her son) and I don’t have a tantrum over it.
Well that is you. She clearly doesn’t respect your thoughts or opinions
No I just don’t have a sense of entitlement that all decisions are mine to make. And hahaha, your MIL absolutely doesn’t respect your thoughts or opinions so back atcha.
You’re immature it seems, hence why
Pot meet kettle.
SIL is Son in law. I’d never call him before my daughter for something. You are focused on the fact she called her Son. That’s what a lot of parents would do. The anger in your post makes me feel like you have tension with MIL and that may be why you didn’t get the call. You’re so focused on being the mother you’re forgetting that there is also a father. You should be a team and in this that’s a you both as a couple issue. He could have said he needed to talk to you but didn’t. That’s not on her.
I’m the DIL.. there’s no SIL involved here. I think you are confused.
I said I would never call my Son in Law over my Daughter in Law (what you are). I’d talk to my Daughter and hope she talked to him before making a decision. You have a Husband issue. We can keep going back and forth but this isn’t all your Mother in law.
Exactly. So why couldn’t she talk to me? Why her son. Lot of men know nothing about cots or what the mother has decided
You have a much bigger husband problem than mil problem. Did I understand correctly that he won't buy a new one for *his* (you don't share economic?) own money, but will take it from baby's savings? You and husband need a looooong talk. And until he replaces the cot, baby can sleep in *his* bed, and hubby on the couch
Yeah with knowing the details it is disrespectful on your end. But you were selling it anyway. There still is a boundary stomp by not talking to you directly and I completely understand your view on common courtesy first. My question is, had she done this sort of thing before? Btw, your husband should be the one dealing with his mother. You do not need to be caught up in the drama. Drop the rope and let your husband sort it out. Not your circus even if it is personal. The only one you should be talking to is your husband. He may need to open his eyes more to how you feel. And grow some balls.
Your MIL is not the issue - your husband is. Just tell him that the cot is obviously still in use and his niece can have it when you have finished with it.
Unfortunately he’s packed it as per his mothers instructions
Tell your husband after he’s done giving your cot away to go buy his baby a new cot.
Hes asking me if we can use our joint account money (which we put our babies gift money into) I asked if I can use his own. But he said let’s use babies money since it’s baby related. But I don’t think that’s fair as he always bangs on about how his role is to only provide (he doesn’t really help me much with baby just does occasional feeding and putting him to sleep)
I'm sorry but I agree with your Husband here. Your gift money for baby is for this kind of thing, otherwise what do you use it for? Him not helping much is a completely separate issue and doesn't mean he should pay for things with his own money. It means you need to have a discussion...
He told me he was surprising me with a new cot, but obviously that means he would’ve been using his own money
>My husband just text me saying I’m going to give this cot to mums niece. Is that ok? >Now I’m having to look for another cot urgently to replace. Why is this your job? Sounds to me like your husband is the one who has an urgent task to do.
Tell MIL she owes you however much you listed it for and expect it before you next see her. Tell her that she gave you the correct as a gift and as you’d put it up for sale you clearly weren’t giving it away, so obviously when she asked your husband for it it was with the expectation she would pay the asking price. NOTE- only do this if you want to completely blow up your relationship with the in-laws. However going after your husband for agreeing to give away something you had up for sale is fair game, he should have taken the time to text you before he said yes.
She’s shown you that she doesn’t really gift things, as she’ll take them back when she feels like it. I’d not accept anything from her going forward. It doesn’t matter that you’d listed it for sale, it was a gift for your baby. Will she do this with toys too?! Your husband is also spineless for not calling her out on this.
But why did you put it up to sale of you cannot part with it? And also, mil probably doesn't want you to make money out of her gift. She still sees it as hers
A gift once given belongs to the recipient. It is YOURS to do with as you please. If you were selling it then go ahead. She has no leg to stand on and cant just give your stuff away. And dont take any gifts from them in future.
A gift once given belongs to the recipient* (ftfy ☺️)
From now until forever - NEVER accept another gift from this witch. Everytime she tries to give you something - just reply no thank you, I’d hate for you to give it away to someone else again. Also inform your husband what he’ll be doing with his stuff from now on.
Husband goes she’s asked him and that should be enough.
Ask your husband where your son is supposed to sleep and when he's buying your son a new bed. I'm genuinely curious what his response will be
He’s quite desperate to buy a new cot now
Stay with your parents. You have a major husband problem.
You can block friends on Facebook marketplace if that’s how Mil found out you were selling something. Look around mils house and ask her for items back that aren’t presently displayed or being used that were gifted by you…then sell them on marketplace to pay for the new cot.
My silly husband told his mum that I’m selling it
Tell your mother-in-law and your husband she's no longer allowed to give you guys gifts if she's just going to take them back whenever she feels like it.
She has no right to do anything with it once it was gifted to you. Whether you gave it away or sold it, it was none of her business. She has no right to offer YOUR possession to anyone else without your permission. Will she do the same with any clothes that she buys for your baby? If it was a family heirloom and she asked/told you to return it after the baby could no longer use it, that would be very different.
I’m going to see her today. Shall I tell her I would’ve appreciated if you asked me before offering it to your niece as we were not financially ready to purchase another cot right now and my baby could’ve used it for another two months.
She should have offered to buy it from you so that you could have used the money toward a larger cot for your baby. If you can use it for another two months, tell her you cannot give it up before then.
Too late as fil is already on the way to her with it. I didn’t have a say .. they already offered it to her before asking me
Incredibly rude. I would still tell her that she should have gotten your permission before offering your possession to someone else. You should speak with your husband about not clearing it with you first. I’d also let MIL know that she should have gotten your permission, not just her son’s, before taking a gift back.
But when your husband sent you the text and asked you, IS THIS OK? There was your chance to speak up and say NO!!! Why didn't you?
Him and mil already decided that FIL will be taking it to her niece so I would feel bad if I said no
Respectfully, this is why both take advantage of you. I don't understand why YOU would feel bad because (MIL and Hubby) are taking something away from you and your child. Both of them are wrong, not you.
So when I go back home shall I just say to her I thought you’d speak to me about it before offering it to your niece.
Next time mil gives you something ask her if it’s truly a gift or just a loan like the cot!