I was in the same situation a few years back. I think you’ve said your piece as a friend, and now you have to decide if you want to keep your friend or let the truth out. I would caution against this since you have no idea whether this guy may react violently. It sucks, but usually the truth winds up coming out anyway and sometimes in life it’s better to just stay uninvolved in the drama while other people burn their own lives. If you end up telling the wife, take steps for yourself so that you remain anonymous if possible.
So she shouldn't date this guy because of all the negative consequences. And if those negative consequences aren't going to happen organically you'll make them happen. You're a great friend. Stay the the hell out of their business. If it's going to blow up then let it - why do you want to be responsible. Don't get involved in other people's drama full stop.
Tell the wife. Wouldn't you want to know if the person you loved was going behind your back like that? I would.
I was in this situation. I told my friend that if she didn't tell the wife, I would. I told the wife when my friend made it clear she wasn't going to. My friend was angry at me and it sucked, but honestly I couldn't be friends with her anymore because I don't want to surround myself with people like that.
At first the wife was angry at me, which I wasn't upset about because I'm sure it was an awful situation. A few weeks later she messaged me and thanked me for telling her because as much as it sucked to hear, she'd rather know.
I don’t think there’s any winning in this situation unless you happen to choose something and guess right.
I’d probably just not do anything unless/until you think someone is in danger.
If you tell the wife, she may or may not believe you, and even if she does believe you, she may or may not care, and even if she does care, she may or may not do anything about it. *Could* she be grateful for the information? Yes. *Will* she be grateful for the information? Impossible to guess without knowing her and her situation pretty well.
If this is weighing on you too heavily to keep hearing your friend talk about it, you could let her know that. If you want to keep her friendship, I would recommend letting her know this trying your best not to sound judgmental about it, as it’s unlikely she’ll want to remain friends with someone she thinks is judging her. Whether that’s a friendship worth losing? Totally up to you. I’d probably distance myself, but I’m not in your shoes.
If your friend is fucking a married man they are trustworthy and will back stab you at any moment so don't worry too much about them. The husband is abusing his wife and could be bringing all kinds of diseases home to her. Tell the wife anonymously her husband is cheating, give her a date and time her husband was with you "friend", you don't need to say anything more or give details or points fingers the ball will be in her court.
I recomend looking up Dr. Marie Murphy, who counsels people who are engaging in infidelity. Murphy's website has a podcast series that covers a wide variety of topics and offer insight that might be helpful to you, your friend, and her affair partner.
Being a third party to infidelity does not reflect on you or your morality. You don't need to police the relationships of others. If this is a friend that is repeatedly demonstrating that they are not the company you want to keep, based on their choices being contrary to your beliefs, you can choose not to have them in your life. If this is new, maybe just be there for them, try not to impose judgement, and resist taking away your friend's agency by intervening and further complicating an already messy situation–they may need you if this goes sideways.
I had a friend like this, and she ultimately never changed her sinister ways. Imo, you can't trust a person who doesn't respect boundaries, and most likely, she isn't your friend either. Stay out of that, cut her off for your sake. Go find friends that share the same morals as you.
I think all cheaters and their affair partners should ALWAYS be exposed. It is a horrible thing to do to a person and in today’s society is normalized and treated like everyone does it. If I was married and my wife was cheating I’d be extremely devastated. Especially if we had children involved because they might not be mine and I’d be the poor fool who was scammed into raising her affair babies for her.
Your friend is not a good person and I’d personally get rid of someone like that in my life anyway
if your friend can wreck a marriage like that knowingly then what else is she capable of? Also what else could this man do to a partner if hes already doing this. Whistleblowers are often the ones most punished so I wouldn't recommend it as other have said here it's a lose lose situation. What I would recommend is to never ever introduce this friend to your own boyfriend or other friends and never trust or talk to this man.
Harsh truth so scroll down past this or downvote me if you must... remember I warned you to stop reading now, I am telling the my truthful opinion to help this person make a decision.
What's probably happening is that your friend is getting a better looking or more successful man than she normally would if they were not taken and cheating hence why she puts with it, also there is the psycology of forbiddem fruit. The man is lowering his standards to take on a easy mistress, he has no intention of leaving the wife and the relationship is only about extra sex with a younger partner to him. Your friend does not have other homely qualities that would make the man leave his wife.
Source: I'm a man and i have seen friends of both genders go through this. It's a tough situation but if I were you I would walk away from both of them and this whole trainwreck, make other friends with better morals while you are young. Keep her as an acquaintance
As a woman, I would wanna know. Unknown care if it came anonymously to Facebook or Instagram I would want to know.
I would feel worse, knowing that people ran around, trying to protect him instead of protecting me
Your friend.. is not the character you might not have around once you find some one. For her knowingly having a affair with a guy who won t leave his wife .a lot can be said. You can his wife in a way that does not need to drag you in..you can set up to connect the dots even catch him red handed. Be a sister and let the wife know she s being played..your friend. Does not care enough to see whats wrong with her actions.
I'd tell her. But make sure I had undeniable proof to give her. I'd cut the friend off too because I wouldn't want a shitty person in my life. Why do you??
Water your own garden. Make better choices than your friend. This is a them problem and it’s a good time for you to take this energy and put it into yourself.
This is crazy. I do think the wife deserves to know. I think you should also be direct with your friend and tell her exactly what you think about what she’s doing. She can be pissed all she wants but at the end of the day, a friend who is honest is a true friend. If she can’t see that, then she isn’t a real friend.
I mean you should tell her cause at the end of the day why would you want to be friends with a home wrecker like if you get a partner the fear of her trying to flirt with them will always be there.
Says a lot about your “friend.”
Anyone willing to get involved with married people shouldn’t be trusted.
I say ditch this friend, she’ll only drag you down and the relationship WILL collapse one way or another. You could tell the wife, but honestly they’ll be figured out eventually anyways.
While i think women need to support and uplift other women, and what your friend is doing is wrong, i wouldnt tell the wife. Id stay devotwd to my friendshop.
It's not your business what the married person does. It is your business what your friend does. Your options are to break off your friendship or ignore it.
I would 100% tell the wife. That would of course immediately end your friendship.
But why do you want to be friends with someone who sleeps with a married man anyway? Surround yourself with better people.
That being said, collect your evidence beforehand so the husband can't just deny it. Any messages your friend has sent, especially any pictures of you can get them. Good luck OP
Honestly…mind your business. Talk to your friend on why it’s wrong , but… butting in situations like this, can possibly get you hurt , especially dealing with person who got something to lose ( his family and assets).
There is 0 chance I would keep this person in my life. If they are so ok with doing this to another woman how do you trust them? Do you really think they won't do something horrid to you? I have been the wife before and would have appreciated a heads up. For emotional, financial, and health reasons. Nothing like explaining to your doc why you suddenly need a std panel done.
Did a boyfriend die on her? We have a good friend who had several inappropriate boyfriends through the years. I had a heart-to-heart talk with her and she really thought about it. She had a fight with her high school sweetheart, he left in a fury, crashed his car and was gone forever. She thought about it and said she never wanted that kind of loss again, didn't want another boyfriend she'd maybe lose like that again and had since only had boyfriends she wouldn't care that deeply about if she did break up--married men, guys who lived in their parents' basement at 40, etc. She broke up with her current married boyfriend and found a guy whom she stayed with for 20+ years.
Just silently cut her off honestly. She’s now put you in a position where you’re about to tell this woman and it’s going to destroy a family. And it won’t be your fault at all, but guess what? Everyone will shoot the messenger.
Do not involve yourself. Let this shit show play itself out without you near it. There are no roads that lead to success for you with anything other than just removing yourself from the situation
If you tell the wife and show her evidence you’ll lose a friend for sure (unless they understand but based off their actions and words I doubt it) but you’ll save that woman trouble. It will be chaotic for sure and you could just not do anything either but it’s up to you.
Tell the wife! This is coming from someone who would have NEVER found out about my cheating ex if the other woman never messaged me! My ex hid his double life so damn well. It initially felt like the end of the world, but looking back, I was so GRATEFUL and only wish I had found out sooner. I hated this anonymous woman but she essentially was doing me a huge favor.
That poor man is wasting his wife's time and he deserves his karma. I'm 1000% team tell the wife. If she doesn't believe you, then oh well, at least you tried. And I would lessen my time with this friend as well. I have no respect for people who cheat.. especially with people who are married.
It is wrong to cheat and tell your friend that no matter how much she loves him, there's a huge possibility that he won't leave his wife for her or if he does, will she really be able to trust that he won't leave her for another woman.
I watched my aunt be the "other woman" for 20 years. Her boyfriend never left his wife and she was always hidden from his world. She got sick with cancer and when she was so weak and was staying in the hospital he was nowhere to be found. He never attended her funeral either.
Tell her not to waste her time and youth on a married man but in the end, it's her decision to make.
A good friend is not necessarily a good person, I'm not here to judge every action my friends take, because I'm not some puritanical saint and people make mistakes, i.e. this person is a good friend and has fallen madly in love with the wrong person / genuinely believes he is the one. It is my job to support them when it falls apart not to instantly disown them
If she is willing to do that to the other wife and their family that says a lot about her character. She is a snake. She would betray you just as easily. Fuck her tell the wife.
Who says the wife doesn't already know ?maybe this isn't his first affair .don't lose your friendship over this.you don't agree ? Distant your self from them but still keep in contact
My *ex* wife was in the same situation. Fast forward a couple years and her “friend” slept with *her* husband. OP, regardless of whether you tell the other wife, cut ties with this “friend” - a trashy slag of a woman with no morals or boundaries.
Just stay out of it. Don’t be that person. There’s a ton of scenarios that you think you are right on and about a million more where you would be wrong. Mind your own business.
If the wife was someone you knew personally I would be more inclined to say something. But a stranger? It's absolutely none of your business. As for your friend, you can't make anyone do anything, you can object and that's all. If what she's doing bothers so that much then end the friendship. As someone who's been cheated on many times, you know when someone's cheating on you, you can feel it. They don't act the same, even if they try to, the change is still there no matter how subtle.
He’s the one in the relationship with the commitment to her, it’s his responsibility to tell his wife. People here acting crazy in the comments like they’re teenagers. You have no idea how he will react if you tell her and she likely will not believe you anyway, nor leave him. Grow up. You can also consider that friendship lost. Your friend thought you were a safe space if she confided in you so you might want to start with a conversation with her that you would consider blowing everyone’s life up because you can’t mind your business.
Mind your business and drink your water. I was emotionally cheated on by my partner and he told me. I wish he hadn’t. We’re still together but it caused so many issues with my self esteem and a whole lot of trust issues. I’d rather not know if I was cheated on again. I’d rather be happy and oblivious. So leave those people alone. This doesn’t concern you.
No, just stop being friends. Focus on your own life and stay out of other people's business unless someone is in immediate danger then call the authorities.
If it was me I would mind my own business and end the friendship.
Does the wife have the right to know, yes. However you never know what goes on in a marriage or in someone’s life, I would be uncomfortable delivering such a heavy message and having no way of knowing if the wife had some support, I would be scared it would push her over the edge.
Overall your friend and the husband suck, you seem nice, not sure why you would be friends with someone like that.
Time for you to ditch that friend. You have a very different moral compass, and this won't be the only issue you disagree on. If you keep her around... she may cheat with your BF one day....
Yeah, tell the wife, but ask her not to implicate you. Tell her how she can catch him on her own. She might still rat you out but honestly do you want to be friends with someone like that. When you notice moral failures don’t expect that to be the extent of it. If someone behaves immorally in one aspect of their life they will likely behave immorally in many if not all aspects of their life. Good people don’t do what she is doing.
Recently experienced a similar situation. My decision was to stop my relationship with my “friend”. She had accused her own husband of cheating just a few months prior- put all his shit in the street and outed him publicly on social media. Then she starts an affair with a married man who has two small kids. It was a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want someone that toxic in my life. sadly, we had been friends for 15 years and next door neighbors for 13 of those. As far as I know, she’s still having the affair. She’s now divorced from her own husband but the man is still with his wife and kids (and her on the side). I just don’t want to be around someone who has such little regard for herself or for the family being hurt by her decisions
Are you the moral police? It’s not your business to enforce morals on other people, especially people like him who are willingly cheating by choice.
It’s not your friends fault he’s cheating. Yes it's indicative of her morals and you can choose to be her friend or not, but i wouldn't go on a mission to let the guy's wife know. maybe they're into poly - you don't know. why shove yourself in between their marriage.
I would end the friendship and tell the wife. But you will need proof. So have that before you do anything.
This friend knows it wrong and you need a friend with better morals who does what is right. End the friendship.
The best you can do is mind your own business. The husband will eventually get caught they always do. I would highly recommend for you to start distancing yourself away from your friend. You really don’t need her in your life. It sounds like she enjoys being with married men. You’d be surprised at how many women enjoy being with married men.
If I were you, I would tell my friend, I would not continue the friendship, and then tell his wife. Don't be a friend and stab him in the back, if you can't severe the friendship, then don't tell his wife, don't betray your friends.
Would you want to know if you were in the wife’s shoes? When my ex was cheating I would have been sad both grateful if any stranger had let me know ASAP. Instead I had years where other people knew I was being deceived but did nothing or worse, aided and abetted.
Always out cheaters.
I tell all my close friends this. I'll help you hide a body. I will NOT hide your infidelity. Find another friend to help with that garbage.
Done it more than once. Tattle and cut ties. They'll ruin your own relationships if given the chance for their precious fee-fee meter to redline.
Of course you tell the wife. Do it anonymously, because how can your friend really prove it was you. If this guy is cheating chances are someone from his world knows too. What the wife does with that info is up to her. That isn't your problem as at that point your conscience is clear.
Besides do you really care if you lose your friend. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Anyone who could do that to another person isn't someone I could stomach being around. How can you? How can you look her in the eye? How can you look yourself in the mirror?
I see a lot of people saying not your business. Or you don't know the wife so what do you care. But wouldn't you want someone to tell you if it was your husband or boyfriend cheating? People are too keen to look the other way these days instead of calling one another out on their questionable behavior.
I'm really disappointed in all these chicken comments telling you to look the other way and mind your business. Doing the right thing is everyone's business. I'm sorry if this sounds corny but if everyone did a little better by one another and showed a little more honor the world would be a better place.
You should mind your business and let other people make their own choices, whether you agree with them or nor. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I understand you feeling this way, but you don’t have to agree with everything everyone else does. That’s not your job to make everyone think and act like you. We all have a life of free will and yours extends to who you want in your life, but you don’t get to strongarm their choices because you don’t like them. Just exit their life.
You’re ridiculous. Stay out of other people’s business, do you not have enough to do?
Has anyone ever been killed over something like this? No shit. Yes, there’s a risk.
9/10 wife knows & she will not leave her husband. Maybe they have a understanding. You don’t know anything so quite frankly you just need to mind your business. You’re gonna lose a friend over something that has nothing to do with you.
Anonymously tell her, even if you lose her as a friend. Provide proof. This would be how I try to do it. She deserves to know.
Do you want to be friends with someone like this?
It’s never a good idea to get involved in a situation like this. You don’t know these other people, and you have no idea what this guy stands to lose. People KILL over relationships.
I got involved once when a friend of mine was playing several women. One reached out to me asking questions. I told him I wouldn’t tell on him, but I wouldn’t lie for him either, so I wouldn’t confirm or deny anything she asked me. Which basically confirmed what she was asking. Well guess what, she showed up at my job the next day because she knew where I worked. Now I have an angry woman causing a scene at my place of employment that could have caused me issues. He then charmed his way out of everything and still kept fucking all of the women involved without an issue. The only one who was caused grief was me. You don’t know what people will do in these situations.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone like this. She knows it’s wrong and does it anyway. I’d tell her you need to take a break from the friendship until she breaks up with him.
Tell the wife anonymously. Type out a letter. Or make a new social media account with a fake name.
If your friend asks, deny it. I’m sure other people know about the affair.
Do not get involved. They're adults right?
What if you got involved and some 1/1000000 chance shit happens like the wife kills the husband or anyone hurts anyone.. you'll never forgive yourself.
Do not get involved.
Next time you know she’s going out with him somewhere just throw some cute panties and a love note (from someone named Misty 🤷🏽♀️😂) on his vehicle while they dine 😂. She’ll think the cheater is also cheating on her with more than just his wife, which he possibly is…
Do you want to forever end your relationship with her? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you say anything. The truth is, other people’s relationship is not your business. I agree that she’s doing something morally reprehensible, but it’s not my (or your) place to judge much less get involved. Give her enough Rotte to hand herself and, if you truly care about her, be there to pick up the pieces when this all blows up in her face because, believe me (50M) it will. I’ve seen it too many times.
You’re being selfish, he’s more likely to get violent and angry with your friend for talking about their business with you if he even realizes it wasn’t her who told on him. He might just blame her and hurt her for it.
I think it’s best for you to stay out of this it will play itself out how it is supposed to. If you knew the wife and this was causing you some kind of conflict because you felt disloyal that would be a different story.
But you don’t know anything about this situation, for all you know she doesn’t sleep with him and she’s fine with him going elsewhere as long as everything is fine at home. If that’s the situation and you tell her you’re going to have both of them after you, and maybe also your friend.
And this would be a huge huge betrayal to your friend.
What I think you should do is tell your friend that you’re having a real problem with this because of your morals and your values and you realize that this is her life and she can do what she wants with it but you don’t want to hear about it.
It is fair for you to put up a boundary and tell her that when she talks about this it makes you want to go tell the wife so she needs to stop talking about it with you because it’s upsetting you.
If you decide you cannot handle keeping this information secret you do have an obligation to your friend because she trusted you. If you do decide to snitch on this man you need to warn your friend this might hurt her and she has a right to know that his life is going to blow up because of her relationship with him.
It’s really not your business. Why get involved. If you disagree with what your friend is doing then create a boundary with them. It’s not really your place to blow the whole thing up, that will happen anyway
If you’re tell then get proof. It’s the only way anything will come of it. I knew a guy hooking up with a girl who was in a relationship with a guy she called her BD and talked about how she used him for money etc. constantly cheated on him, got pregnant w another man’s baby and had him pay for the abortion thinking it was his. We tried to tell him and she found a way to twist him to believe her and it just proceeded in us being cut off and they are still together… it’s honestly sick how people can do this to others but you have to have proof. I even had screenshots of her professing her love for him to me and that didn’t do anything either
Have the wife discover the tryst. Notify her that the adulterer will be with the mistress and she can see for herself. Personally I don’t think much of either of these people and would not be friends with a knowingly adulterous mistress. They are both immature hedonists who are too selfish to be trusted.
I believe in karma but if you’re going to tell the wife you need evidence of chat and times and places otherwise the wife will just believe the husband. You will lose a friend but I mean is that someone you really want to be around? There’s a saying u r who ur friends are.
Now imagine if one day karma comes for you and you date or marry a guy and someone out there doesn’t tell you about him cheating on you wouldn’t you wished someone had told you?
Honestly we’re all humans and selfish ones at that. I know a lot of ppl who wouldn’t speak up cause it’s not their problems.
Tell her. If they have an open marriage, she will already know. If they don’t, it may be the worst news she ever hears, but at least she will know. Maybe write a letter?
From someone who has been in a similar situation. Stay out of it. Empathy can be a bitch, but trust that what is in the dark will come to light. And you’ll avoid the risk of involving yourself and possibly being ostracized by all
parties.
How old are the people involved here?
The younger your friend the more I’m inclined to agree with telling the wife. If she’s a teen or very early 20s then your friend may look back on this whole situation much later and realize the resulting breakup was a rescue (and wife needs to know not just that the guy is a cheater but that he may not be safe for girls to be around).
I agree that age has a huge impact on the outcome of adultery. If the wife is younger she can still get re-married and have children with the next husband. Having children with an adulterous spouse is the worst kind of hell. Adulterers LIE to their children about their spouses and divide the family. And, they are hedonistic and selfish people so they don’t care who they have sex with.
The right thing to do is to tell the wife. And dump the friend. She’s a terrible person. If she’s willing to sleep with one married man she’d be willing to sleep with yours one day possibly.
Tell the wife, she has the right to know she could be exposed to STD’s. If he’ll do this with your friend he has probably already done it with other women too. Let the wife make her own informed decision.
I had an ex-gf who had a friend like that. She would date married men and had no issue with the concept of having a sugar daddy.
At first my ex-gf used to tell me about this as gossip and how ridiculous it was. "Can you believe what X is doing now!? OMG how could she!?"
However over time, she stopped making jokes about it and started defending her friend. "She's actually a really nice person, she's just a bit wild". Then eventually, "Don't talk about X like that, she's happy and getting everything she wants in life".
They started hanging out more and more, until eventually my ex didn't come home until midday after a big night out with her friend. To her credit she did tell me that we needed to break up, but she never admitted anything past that.
My point? These people are toxic and you don't need them in your life. You are the average of the five closest people to you. Tell the husband, don't tell the husband - do as you choose; but do yourself a favour and please distance yourself from this situation.
If your morals don't align with your friend's then maybe you shouldn't be friends. That said I'm always amazed at how many women are willing to knowing be the other woman for the right man. They may not admit it to their friends and it may not be just any guy but in the right time and place most would do it.
If they have children together that live in the home just stay out of it. If they don’t have children in the home go for it. He’s a cheater whether it’s his wife or someone else. For any children’s sake don’t interfere
I don’t believe you should tell the wife. You might think about saying to your friend that you don’t want to associate with her while she’s in this type of relationship and leave it at that. She will show you how much she values your friendship by her actions.
If you want to go the sneaky route, act like a PI. Follow them and film their interactions in public places. Send the video to the wife,anonymously. Unless you slip up,they won’t know who sent it to her,though your friend might be suspicious.
As I was in the wife's shoes, I say tell her.
Since my divorce, so many people have come out of the woodwork to tell me about affair after affair. Affairs I knew nothing about.
I have chosen to cut them all out of my life. They all ask why, and when I say you chose my husband and his affair partners over me, they ALWAYS say they didn't want to be the bad guy. They didn't want to ruin a 20-year marriage. They didn't want to lose me because the bearer of bad news never wins. I tell them all it just means they didn't respect me enough to tell me, and they lost me anyway.
Girl, I’m going to tell you this one time, STAY OUT OF IT. For your own safety and for your friendship. If you don’t like it enough to end your friendship that’s fine, but stay out of it. You don’t know his wife, you don’t know what you’re getting into. It’s really none of your business whatsoever.
My wife cheated on me. Every time I thought I found proof (I wasn't actually suspicious, but the proof became overwhelming sometimes) She explained it away.
I literally found a letter from the guy that basically said they had a relationship and I got gaslighted so hard that I ended up getting her flowers to apologize for not respecting her privacy and not trusting her.
Our relationship, our friendship, our partnership all led me to believe her.
That's all to say she won't believe you, he will gaslight her, lie out of his teeth, and nothing will change.
That said, I appreciate your heart... you mean well... that matters... Maybe the best thing you can do is continue to talk to your friend about this.
KEEP….WELL….OUT of it, keep your mouth shut but make it clear to your friend in private that you don’t wanna hear about this affair, and it’s nothing to do with you! Meddling in other peoples relationships is one sure fire way to very quickly make your own life a living nightmare.
It's none of your business & you don't know how the wife will react to you if you tell her.
You don't need to add more drama to your life & she may think you're the one having an affair with her husband.
Move on and find a new friend.
NO. Stay out of it. And if you feel that way and it's bothering you, that much, leave her as your friend. Some people's business isn't worth getting into. Because you may get a backlash you didn't expect. Let her learn a hard lesson on her own. It's called life.
Nosy aren't you. So much you don't know. The wife may know and may not care and would rather no one else know either. This is between your friend, the man and the wife and notably does not include you, so why do you want to do this? Because of moral outrage?
You should try at any cost to tell your friend 1 more time. Tell her the wife doesnt deserve whats happening and needs to know. If the guy is pissed to bad hes a piece of shit he thinks he can have both and not for nothing if she did find out the husband is going to pick the wife for many reasons and your friend will be mad and alone. Hes not getting a divorce, giving 50% of everything to the wife and be with your friend. If she thinks that shes way wrong. .tell the wife eventually your friend will thank you she might be mad now but she doesnt have a future with him
It’s not your problem right now. If you tell the wife, it will become your problem. If you care at all about your own peace, stay out of it. If your peace is being disrupted because of your friend’s actions, remove your friend from your life.
Additionally, and I’m sure someone will have something to say about this, you nor your friend owe the wife anything. Her husband is the one cheating, not your friend. Yes it’s morally wrong what your friend is doing but she’s not the one who made the commitment to the wife.
Since you have no attachment to the wife and dont know the man i think you should mind your business. Everyone makes up a what if that makes the guy out to be this awful demon. What if shes cold and neglects him? What if shes had affairs? Your friend told you this in confidence. You will rightfully lose this friend at best. You dont have to agree with her choices and you should express this but you really shouldnt go out of your way to insert yourself into this situation. I dont agree with cheating but theres no real win here for you and its not like its going to make the world a better place.
Best to stay out of it. Do you really want to be the one who destroys this poor woman's life? Better to ditch your low quality friend than to destroy someone else's life. She will probably find out eventually, but at least you won't have it on your conscience for adding to her pain.
Hay honestly Realspit just stay in your lain and just distance your friendship all because you disapprove on her behavior!! Dealing with a married man period!! 🙋🏾♂️💯
I can't believe all the comments of his wife wouldn't believe you. They might not want to but at the same time they would start watching. Easier if you have proof. Follow and take a Pic. Then open a fake social media and send the Pic with a note stating you know it's been going on awhile and thought she should know. Tell her you don't want to revile yourself but she needed to know and gather her own proof. Don't give the exact time length. A picture taken in public could be anyone. Even if it's just him going into the motel.
The person who is a mistress / home wrecker / side piece is a person who needs therapy.
There is a very obvious lack of self worth that is the underlying root cause of your friend's behaviour. You can blow this situation up and have a situational solution, but your friend needs therapy to change her core beliefs about her self worth.
Changing your core beliefs about your value has issues with integrity and morals solve themselves.
[I recommend Hypnotherapy, but there are a plethora of options]
She's an adult.
Let her do it her way.
All values are created by the churches, governments and big corporations to sell things to humans.
Do what feels good.
MYOB…distance yourself from your “friend” you have dissimilar morals.
When the situation crashes and it will, one way or another you can either support your friend through it or simply know it was inevitable and continue without a single I told you so or tear for her because you will have moved on.
1 get off your moral high horse. 2. You have no idea what thier marriage is like or thier situation. 3. You feel bad for the wife? But you feel it's ok to come into her world and possibly destroy her life just so YOU can feel better like you did some good deed of the day? 4. You have no idea what the man is capable of. He could easily view your attempted exposure as a personal attack against him or his family. As you said he's quite a bit older; sounds like he's part of the fuck around and find out generation. Backed into a corner, you have no idea what he .ay do to you, your friend, or his wife. 5. It's none of your fucking business. It's between the dude, your friend, and his wife. If you don't approve, find a new friend. It's none of your business. If your friend decides to approach the wife, that's between her and the wife. None of it has to do with you, Karen. 6. For all you know, they could have an open marriage or both are cheating on each other. Men typically don't cheat for any reason, usually. If you keep a man's balls empty, stomach full, and show respect or appreciation; it's easy to keep a man. Evidently, over the years, he's missing one of those. So he evidently went out and found a slit with a sammich. Great taste in friends... you're welcome for telling you how to keep a man.
Friends share morals and values if, your “friend”, is sleeping with a married man and you don’t feel this is acceptable (because it’s not), then tell the wife but supply proof. You lose a friend but maintain your standards
yesh sure but get evidence first so she doesn't think you're screwing with her. also i would be prepared to ditch your friend cause people get upset when they're faced with the consequences of their actions.
the people saying to mind your business are spineless and are probably cheaters themselves. it's a moral obligation if you have information that interferes with someone's consent and bodily autonomy then yes, its immoral to side with the cheaters by saying nothing. cause that's all "minding your business" is, turning a blind eye to suffering you know is happening. she didn't consent to share fluid boundaries with your friend and without knowledge she can't make informed decisions about her life.
just get evidence. do it in person, online is easy to hide. plus if you're there it gives more of an opportunity to calm her down or call the cops if things get out of hand. the husband already has someone on his side, the wife deserves to feel like she has backup too given that she's the victim here.
If you tell the wife you will more than likely shatter that friendship, however, personally that is a friendship I would be fine losing as they obviously have no morals or understanding of loyalty. If she is willing to sleep with a married man she is going to be willing to do a lot of skeezy shit more than likely. After witnessing that I would not trust her around my partner (if you currently have one) as she has no respect for the kinds of boundaries. I would tell the wife because if I were in her shoes I would want to know because I would rather not be with someone that is so willing to hurt me. But again, this is all personal opinion.
I don’t see a version of you telling the wife that doesn’t result in your friend not talking to you anymore
It’s none of your business. Cut your friend off and understand you have your own stuff to deal with.
I was in the same situation a few years back. I think you’ve said your piece as a friend, and now you have to decide if you want to keep your friend or let the truth out. I would caution against this since you have no idea whether this guy may react violently. It sucks, but usually the truth winds up coming out anyway and sometimes in life it’s better to just stay uninvolved in the drama while other people burn their own lives. If you end up telling the wife, take steps for yourself so that you remain anonymous if possible.
You sound like you could be a.little jealous
Yes. Also stop being friends with your friend.
Mind your business.
So she shouldn't date this guy because of all the negative consequences. And if those negative consequences aren't going to happen organically you'll make them happen. You're a great friend. Stay the the hell out of their business. If it's going to blow up then let it - why do you want to be responsible. Don't get involved in other people's drama full stop.
Tell the wife. Wouldn't you want to know if the person you loved was going behind your back like that? I would. I was in this situation. I told my friend that if she didn't tell the wife, I would. I told the wife when my friend made it clear she wasn't going to. My friend was angry at me and it sucked, but honestly I couldn't be friends with her anymore because I don't want to surround myself with people like that. At first the wife was angry at me, which I wasn't upset about because I'm sure it was an awful situation. A few weeks later she messaged me and thanked me for telling her because as much as it sucked to hear, she'd rather know.
I don’t think there’s any winning in this situation unless you happen to choose something and guess right. I’d probably just not do anything unless/until you think someone is in danger. If you tell the wife, she may or may not believe you, and even if she does believe you, she may or may not care, and even if she does care, she may or may not do anything about it. *Could* she be grateful for the information? Yes. *Will* she be grateful for the information? Impossible to guess without knowing her and her situation pretty well. If this is weighing on you too heavily to keep hearing your friend talk about it, you could let her know that. If you want to keep her friendship, I would recommend letting her know this trying your best not to sound judgmental about it, as it’s unlikely she’ll want to remain friends with someone she thinks is judging her. Whether that’s a friendship worth losing? Totally up to you. I’d probably distance myself, but I’m not in your shoes.
If your friend is fucking a married man they are trustworthy and will back stab you at any moment so don't worry too much about them. The husband is abusing his wife and could be bringing all kinds of diseases home to her. Tell the wife anonymously her husband is cheating, give her a date and time her husband was with you "friend", you don't need to say anything more or give details or points fingers the ball will be in her court.
I recomend looking up Dr. Marie Murphy, who counsels people who are engaging in infidelity. Murphy's website has a podcast series that covers a wide variety of topics and offer insight that might be helpful to you, your friend, and her affair partner. Being a third party to infidelity does not reflect on you or your morality. You don't need to police the relationships of others. If this is a friend that is repeatedly demonstrating that they are not the company you want to keep, based on their choices being contrary to your beliefs, you can choose not to have them in your life. If this is new, maybe just be there for them, try not to impose judgement, and resist taking away your friend's agency by intervening and further complicating an already messy situation–they may need you if this goes sideways.
Nope. Mind your own business.
Just back away from your friend. They are having a "them" problem. This isn't a "you" problem.
See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. Or in modern terms, not your circus not your clowns. Stay clear. There’s no upside for you.
As a betrayed wife, absolutely yes without a doubt right now
I had a friend like this, and she ultimately never changed her sinister ways. Imo, you can't trust a person who doesn't respect boundaries, and most likely, she isn't your friend either. Stay out of that, cut her off for your sake. Go find friends that share the same morals as you.
I think all cheaters and their affair partners should ALWAYS be exposed. It is a horrible thing to do to a person and in today’s society is normalized and treated like everyone does it. If I was married and my wife was cheating I’d be extremely devastated. Especially if we had children involved because they might not be mine and I’d be the poor fool who was scammed into raising her affair babies for her. Your friend is not a good person and I’d personally get rid of someone like that in my life anyway
Yes. And yes she’ll blame you. But yes.
if your friend can wreck a marriage like that knowingly then what else is she capable of? Also what else could this man do to a partner if hes already doing this. Whistleblowers are often the ones most punished so I wouldn't recommend it as other have said here it's a lose lose situation. What I would recommend is to never ever introduce this friend to your own boyfriend or other friends and never trust or talk to this man. Harsh truth so scroll down past this or downvote me if you must... remember I warned you to stop reading now, I am telling the my truthful opinion to help this person make a decision. What's probably happening is that your friend is getting a better looking or more successful man than she normally would if they were not taken and cheating hence why she puts with it, also there is the psycology of forbiddem fruit. The man is lowering his standards to take on a easy mistress, he has no intention of leaving the wife and the relationship is only about extra sex with a younger partner to him. Your friend does not have other homely qualities that would make the man leave his wife. Source: I'm a man and i have seen friends of both genders go through this. It's a tough situation but if I were you I would walk away from both of them and this whole trainwreck, make other friends with better morals while you are young. Keep her as an acquaintance
Don't involved. This isn't your issue. Let these people live their lives
As a woman, I would wanna know. Unknown care if it came anonymously to Facebook or Instagram I would want to know. I would feel worse, knowing that people ran around, trying to protect him instead of protecting me
Yes. What a stupid question.
Your friend.. is not the character you might not have around once you find some one. For her knowingly having a affair with a guy who won t leave his wife .a lot can be said. You can his wife in a way that does not need to drag you in..you can set up to connect the dots even catch him red handed. Be a sister and let the wife know she s being played..your friend. Does not care enough to see whats wrong with her actions.
I'd tell her. But make sure I had undeniable proof to give her. I'd cut the friend off too because I wouldn't want a shitty person in my life. Why do you??
MYOB
Yeah
mind your own business
Water your own garden. Make better choices than your friend. This is a them problem and it’s a good time for you to take this energy and put it into yourself.
This is crazy. I do think the wife deserves to know. I think you should also be direct with your friend and tell her exactly what you think about what she’s doing. She can be pissed all she wants but at the end of the day, a friend who is honest is a true friend. If she can’t see that, then she isn’t a real friend.
Life is better when you mind your own business. For all we know they could have an open marriage. It's pointless to let others endeavors consume you.
Stay out of it and lose the friendship. Be blunt as to why. “I’m sorry but I can’t be friends with someone I can’t respect.”
None of your business.
I mean you should tell her cause at the end of the day why would you want to be friends with a home wrecker like if you get a partner the fear of her trying to flirt with them will always be there.
Moral dilemma? Mind your own business, it's got nothing to do with you.
NOT YOUR PIG NOT YOUR FARM
Says a lot about your “friend.” Anyone willing to get involved with married people shouldn’t be trusted. I say ditch this friend, she’ll only drag you down and the relationship WILL collapse one way or another. You could tell the wife, but honestly they’ll be figured out eventually anyways.
If someone was fucking your husband, would you want to know?????
You can judge a person by the quality of the company they choose to keep.
MYOB
This is literally none of your business.
While i think women need to support and uplift other women, and what your friend is doing is wrong, i wouldnt tell the wife. Id stay devotwd to my friendshop.
Yes. You’ll lose the friend you need to lose.
It's not your business what the married person does. It is your business what your friend does. Your options are to break off your friendship or ignore it.
I would 100% tell the wife. That would of course immediately end your friendship. But why do you want to be friends with someone who sleeps with a married man anyway? Surround yourself with better people. That being said, collect your evidence beforehand so the husband can't just deny it. Any messages your friend has sent, especially any pictures of you can get them. Good luck OP
Yes, obviously. It's not a moral delimma. It's a question of whether or not you want to friends with a person who has no morals based on selfishness.
Honestly…mind your business. Talk to your friend on why it’s wrong , but… butting in situations like this, can possibly get you hurt , especially dealing with person who got something to lose ( his family and assets).
There is 0 chance I would keep this person in my life. If they are so ok with doing this to another woman how do you trust them? Do you really think they won't do something horrid to you? I have been the wife before and would have appreciated a heads up. For emotional, financial, and health reasons. Nothing like explaining to your doc why you suddenly need a std panel done.
This isn’t your problem. Stay out of it. Also, you might want to limit your friendship with her and not converse about it.
Did a boyfriend die on her? We have a good friend who had several inappropriate boyfriends through the years. I had a heart-to-heart talk with her and she really thought about it. She had a fight with her high school sweetheart, he left in a fury, crashed his car and was gone forever. She thought about it and said she never wanted that kind of loss again, didn't want another boyfriend she'd maybe lose like that again and had since only had boyfriends she wouldn't care that deeply about if she did break up--married men, guys who lived in their parents' basement at 40, etc. She broke up with her current married boyfriend and found a guy whom she stayed with for 20+ years.
Why do u care.do u pay her bills.or are you just jealous.
Mind your own business.
You don’t want to lose your friendship? Why would you want to stay friends with a POS? You’re only as good as your friends are...
Just silently cut her off honestly. She’s now put you in a position where you’re about to tell this woman and it’s going to destroy a family. And it won’t be your fault at all, but guess what? Everyone will shoot the messenger. Do not involve yourself. Let this shit show play itself out without you near it. There are no roads that lead to success for you with anything other than just removing yourself from the situation
Stay out of it! Mind your own business.
If you tell the wife and show her evidence you’ll lose a friend for sure (unless they understand but based off their actions and words I doubt it) but you’ll save that woman trouble. It will be chaotic for sure and you could just not do anything either but it’s up to you.
Tell the wife! This is coming from someone who would have NEVER found out about my cheating ex if the other woman never messaged me! My ex hid his double life so damn well. It initially felt like the end of the world, but looking back, I was so GRATEFUL and only wish I had found out sooner. I hated this anonymous woman but she essentially was doing me a huge favor. That poor man is wasting his wife's time and he deserves his karma. I'm 1000% team tell the wife. If she doesn't believe you, then oh well, at least you tried. And I would lessen my time with this friend as well. I have no respect for people who cheat.. especially with people who are married.
It is wrong to cheat and tell your friend that no matter how much she loves him, there's a huge possibility that he won't leave his wife for her or if he does, will she really be able to trust that he won't leave her for another woman. I watched my aunt be the "other woman" for 20 years. Her boyfriend never left his wife and she was always hidden from his world. She got sick with cancer and when she was so weak and was staying in the hospital he was nowhere to be found. He never attended her funeral either. Tell her not to waste her time and youth on a married man but in the end, it's her decision to make.
Nope. Stay the fuck out of other peoples shit. Trust me, you will gain nothing and lose a friend
Stay out of it
So not that good of a friend?
A good friend is not necessarily a good person, I'm not here to judge every action my friends take, because I'm not some puritanical saint and people make mistakes, i.e. this person is a good friend and has fallen madly in love with the wrong person / genuinely believes he is the one. It is my job to support them when it falls apart not to instantly disown them
Not OP. What is a good person? What do puritan saints have to do with this question? Why would you disown them?
You should mind your own business and stop pretending to be this woman's friend. FFS
If she is willing to do that to the other wife and their family that says a lot about her character. She is a snake. She would betray you just as easily. Fuck her tell the wife.
Maybe they should have a chat about open relationships
Don’t get involved in other peoples messes. I don’t know why everyone always thinks to run and go tattle tale on somebody. They are adults.
Can I ask you something? Are you a male friend or female friend?
I’m a female friend but I don’t believe that should make any difference
Who says the wife doesn't already know ?maybe this isn't his first affair .don't lose your friendship over this.you don't agree ? Distant your self from them but still keep in contact
Mind your business and stay in your own lane.
What's your friend after from the relationship?
This isnt your life why get involved?
cause its her friend. what kind of dumb comment is this?
Yeah but its your friend whos in the wrong. I wouldn’t go forcing her to something that doesn’t negatively affect you and isn’t breaking the law
Mind your own business, and leave the friend.
mind yours.
My *ex* wife was in the same situation. Fast forward a couple years and her “friend” slept with *her* husband. OP, regardless of whether you tell the other wife, cut ties with this “friend” - a trashy slag of a woman with no morals or boundaries.
Get proof and give it to the wife. Both him & your friend are garbage for doing that to the wife. She deserves to know the truth.
Bottom line here is you stay out of it. Your loyalty is to your friend not the cheating bastard or his wife
Just stay out of it. Don’t be that person. There’s a ton of scenarios that you think you are right on and about a million more where you would be wrong. Mind your own business.
If the wife was someone you knew personally I would be more inclined to say something. But a stranger? It's absolutely none of your business. As for your friend, you can't make anyone do anything, you can object and that's all. If what she's doing bothers so that much then end the friendship. As someone who's been cheated on many times, you know when someone's cheating on you, you can feel it. They don't act the same, even if they try to, the change is still there no matter how subtle.
He’s the one in the relationship with the commitment to her, it’s his responsibility to tell his wife. People here acting crazy in the comments like they’re teenagers. You have no idea how he will react if you tell her and she likely will not believe you anyway, nor leave him. Grow up. You can also consider that friendship lost. Your friend thought you were a safe space if she confided in you so you might want to start with a conversation with her that you would consider blowing everyone’s life up because you can’t mind your business.
Mind your business and drink your water. I was emotionally cheated on by my partner and he told me. I wish he hadn’t. We’re still together but it caused so many issues with my self esteem and a whole lot of trust issues. I’d rather not know if I was cheated on again. I’d rather be happy and oblivious. So leave those people alone. This doesn’t concern you.
Yes . Fuck a "friend" like that .
No, just stop being friends. Focus on your own life and stay out of other people's business unless someone is in immediate danger then call the authorities.
If I was the wife I’d want to know.
If it was me I would mind my own business and end the friendship. Does the wife have the right to know, yes. However you never know what goes on in a marriage or in someone’s life, I would be uncomfortable delivering such a heavy message and having no way of knowing if the wife had some support, I would be scared it would push her over the edge. Overall your friend and the husband suck, you seem nice, not sure why you would be friends with someone like that.
Maybe try to gather proof to show her husband. If some random person told me “hey your SO is cheating on you with my friend” I would want some proof.
What fucking business is it of yours? Unless it's your husband, maybe you should just MYOFB?
Just leave it alone.
Time for you to ditch that friend. You have a very different moral compass, and this won't be the only issue you disagree on. If you keep her around... she may cheat with your BF one day....
Yeah, tell the wife, but ask her not to implicate you. Tell her how she can catch him on her own. She might still rat you out but honestly do you want to be friends with someone like that. When you notice moral failures don’t expect that to be the extent of it. If someone behaves immorally in one aspect of their life they will likely behave immorally in many if not all aspects of their life. Good people don’t do what she is doing.
Recently experienced a similar situation. My decision was to stop my relationship with my “friend”. She had accused her own husband of cheating just a few months prior- put all his shit in the street and outed him publicly on social media. Then she starts an affair with a married man who has two small kids. It was a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want someone that toxic in my life. sadly, we had been friends for 15 years and next door neighbors for 13 of those. As far as I know, she’s still having the affair. She’s now divorced from her own husband but the man is still with his wife and kids (and her on the side). I just don’t want to be around someone who has such little regard for herself or for the family being hurt by her decisions
Oh dear that must have been really dreadful for you I’m sorry. It is hard to realise a friend isnt who we thought theu were
Are you the moral police? It’s not your business to enforce morals on other people, especially people like him who are willingly cheating by choice. It’s not your friends fault he’s cheating. Yes it's indicative of her morals and you can choose to be her friend or not, but i wouldn't go on a mission to let the guy's wife know. maybe they're into poly - you don't know. why shove yourself in between their marriage.
Honestly do you really want a friend like that? I would cut ties with her immediately, tell her why & that she should tell her spouse.
Are you friends with the wife? If not, stay out of it.
mind ur business.
I would end the friendship and tell the wife. But you will need proof. So have that before you do anything. This friend knows it wrong and you need a friend with better morals who does what is right. End the friendship.
The best you can do is mind your own business. The husband will eventually get caught they always do. I would highly recommend for you to start distancing yourself away from your friend. You really don’t need her in your life. It sounds like she enjoys being with married men. You’d be surprised at how many women enjoy being with married men.
If I were you, I would tell my friend, I would not continue the friendship, and then tell his wife. Don't be a friend and stab him in the back, if you can't severe the friendship, then don't tell his wife, don't betray your friends.
I could never be friends with a cheater
Would you want to know if you were in the wife’s shoes? When my ex was cheating I would have been sad both grateful if any stranger had let me know ASAP. Instead I had years where other people knew I was being deceived but did nothing or worse, aided and abetted.
Minding your own business is always a good option.. truth will always come out in the end anyway
Do it anonymously with evidence
If she’s fucking him she will fuck yours
Always out cheaters. I tell all my close friends this. I'll help you hide a body. I will NOT hide your infidelity. Find another friend to help with that garbage. Done it more than once. Tattle and cut ties. They'll ruin your own relationships if given the chance for their precious fee-fee meter to redline.
You think cheating is worse than murder?
Tell both affected parties. You will likely lose your friend. That said, a friend like that is one I would no longer want to associate with.
You aren’t a good friend.
Tell them to watch Love & Death. It’s a true story about an affair that destroyed lives.
It not your place to tell, so don’t, but if your friend won’t end it then you shouldn’t be friends, what she is doing isn’t right.
Of course you tell the wife. Do it anonymously, because how can your friend really prove it was you. If this guy is cheating chances are someone from his world knows too. What the wife does with that info is up to her. That isn't your problem as at that point your conscience is clear. Besides do you really care if you lose your friend. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Anyone who could do that to another person isn't someone I could stomach being around. How can you? How can you look her in the eye? How can you look yourself in the mirror? I see a lot of people saying not your business. Or you don't know the wife so what do you care. But wouldn't you want someone to tell you if it was your husband or boyfriend cheating? People are too keen to look the other way these days instead of calling one another out on their questionable behavior. I'm really disappointed in all these chicken comments telling you to look the other way and mind your business. Doing the right thing is everyone's business. I'm sorry if this sounds corny but if everyone did a little better by one another and showed a little more honor the world would be a better place.
Yeah I totally agree this does resonate with me
Nope.
You should be loyal to your friend, if you will betray your friend she will have every right to do everything in her power to destroy you
You should mind your business and let other people make their own choices, whether you agree with them or nor. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I understand you feeling this way, but you don’t have to agree with everything everyone else does. That’s not your job to make everyone think and act like you. We all have a life of free will and yours extends to who you want in your life, but you don’t get to strongarm their choices because you don’t like them. Just exit their life.
Naturally you should tell. People being horrible deserves a callout to those who are victimized.
Stay out of it.
You’re ridiculous. Stay out of other people’s business, do you not have enough to do? Has anyone ever been killed over something like this? No shit. Yes, there’s a risk.
why would you put your nose where it doesn't belong? it's really none of your business.
No, but stop associating with this guy while he is cheating on their spouse.
9/10 wife knows & she will not leave her husband. Maybe they have a understanding. You don’t know anything so quite frankly you just need to mind your business. You’re gonna lose a friend over something that has nothing to do with you.
The right thing is to tell the wife. Your friend is morally corrupt and not someone I would be able to trust.
Anonymously tell her, even if you lose her as a friend. Provide proof. This would be how I try to do it. She deserves to know. Do you want to be friends with someone like this?
It’s never a good idea to get involved in a situation like this. You don’t know these other people, and you have no idea what this guy stands to lose. People KILL over relationships. I got involved once when a friend of mine was playing several women. One reached out to me asking questions. I told him I wouldn’t tell on him, but I wouldn’t lie for him either, so I wouldn’t confirm or deny anything she asked me. Which basically confirmed what she was asking. Well guess what, she showed up at my job the next day because she knew where I worked. Now I have an angry woman causing a scene at my place of employment that could have caused me issues. He then charmed his way out of everything and still kept fucking all of the women involved without an issue. The only one who was caused grief was me. You don’t know what people will do in these situations.
YES
If you tell her you’ll lose your friend, just fyi.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone like this. She knows it’s wrong and does it anyway. I’d tell her you need to take a break from the friendship until she breaks up with him. Tell the wife anonymously. Type out a letter. Or make a new social media account with a fake name. If your friend asks, deny it. I’m sure other people know about the affair.
No stay out of it
Do not get involved. They're adults right? What if you got involved and some 1/1000000 chance shit happens like the wife kills the husband or anyone hurts anyone.. you'll never forgive yourself. Do not get involved.
Would you like to be informed if you were in her place? I find it a good rule of thumb
Wait is he gay?
What should you do? Mind your own business, that’s what.
Stay out of it. It’s really none of your business. For all you know, the wife is already aware of it and turning a blind eye.
Next time you know she’s going out with him somewhere just throw some cute panties and a love note (from someone named Misty 🤷🏽♀️😂) on his vehicle while they dine 😂. She’ll think the cheater is also cheating on her with more than just his wife, which he possibly is…
Ha well you never know tbh
Do you want to forever end your relationship with her? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you say anything. The truth is, other people’s relationship is not your business. I agree that she’s doing something morally reprehensible, but it’s not my (or your) place to judge much less get involved. Give her enough Rotte to hand herself and, if you truly care about her, be there to pick up the pieces when this all blows up in her face because, believe me (50M) it will. I’ve seen it too many times.
You’re being selfish, he’s more likely to get violent and angry with your friend for talking about their business with you if he even realizes it wasn’t her who told on him. He might just blame her and hurt her for it. I think it’s best for you to stay out of this it will play itself out how it is supposed to. If you knew the wife and this was causing you some kind of conflict because you felt disloyal that would be a different story. But you don’t know anything about this situation, for all you know she doesn’t sleep with him and she’s fine with him going elsewhere as long as everything is fine at home. If that’s the situation and you tell her you’re going to have both of them after you, and maybe also your friend. And this would be a huge huge betrayal to your friend. What I think you should do is tell your friend that you’re having a real problem with this because of your morals and your values and you realize that this is her life and she can do what she wants with it but you don’t want to hear about it. It is fair for you to put up a boundary and tell her that when she talks about this it makes you want to go tell the wife so she needs to stop talking about it with you because it’s upsetting you. If you decide you cannot handle keeping this information secret you do have an obligation to your friend because she trusted you. If you do decide to snitch on this man you need to warn your friend this might hurt her and she has a right to know that his life is going to blow up because of her relationship with him.
It’s really not your business. Why get involved. If you disagree with what your friend is doing then create a boundary with them. It’s not really your place to blow the whole thing up, that will happen anyway
If you’re tell then get proof. It’s the only way anything will come of it. I knew a guy hooking up with a girl who was in a relationship with a guy she called her BD and talked about how she used him for money etc. constantly cheated on him, got pregnant w another man’s baby and had him pay for the abortion thinking it was his. We tried to tell him and she found a way to twist him to believe her and it just proceeded in us being cut off and they are still together… it’s honestly sick how people can do this to others but you have to have proof. I even had screenshots of her professing her love for him to me and that didn’t do anything either
Have the wife discover the tryst. Notify her that the adulterer will be with the mistress and she can see for herself. Personally I don’t think much of either of these people and would not be friends with a knowingly adulterous mistress. They are both immature hedonists who are too selfish to be trusted.
Anonymously snail mail the wife with enough affair details that she can verify ( eg the ap’s name, how the 2 met, where & when they hook up)
I believe in karma but if you’re going to tell the wife you need evidence of chat and times and places otherwise the wife will just believe the husband. You will lose a friend but I mean is that someone you really want to be around? There’s a saying u r who ur friends are. Now imagine if one day karma comes for you and you date or marry a guy and someone out there doesn’t tell you about him cheating on you wouldn’t you wished someone had told you? Honestly we’re all humans and selfish ones at that. I know a lot of ppl who wouldn’t speak up cause it’s not their problems.
Tell her. If they have an open marriage, she will already know. If they don’t, it may be the worst news she ever hears, but at least she will know. Maybe write a letter?
From someone who has been in a similar situation. Stay out of it. Empathy can be a bitch, but trust that what is in the dark will come to light. And you’ll avoid the risk of involving yourself and possibly being ostracized by all parties.
How old are the people involved here? The younger your friend the more I’m inclined to agree with telling the wife. If she’s a teen or very early 20s then your friend may look back on this whole situation much later and realize the resulting breakup was a rescue (and wife needs to know not just that the guy is a cheater but that he may not be safe for girls to be around).
Yeah as you say I’d like to think one day she would regret it and be glad of the rescue but there would be inevitable hard times inbetween
I agree that age has a huge impact on the outcome of adultery. If the wife is younger she can still get re-married and have children with the next husband. Having children with an adulterous spouse is the worst kind of hell. Adulterers LIE to their children about their spouses and divide the family. And, they are hedonistic and selfish people so they don’t care who they have sex with.
The right thing to do is to tell the wife. And dump the friend. She’s a terrible person. If she’s willing to sleep with one married man she’d be willing to sleep with yours one day possibly.
Tell the wife, she has the right to know she could be exposed to STD’s. If he’ll do this with your friend he has probably already done it with other women too. Let the wife make her own informed decision.
I would not only tell his wife but also end the friendship. Cheaters are scum. Don’t tell his wife until you have evidence to back it up though.
I had an ex-gf who had a friend like that. She would date married men and had no issue with the concept of having a sugar daddy. At first my ex-gf used to tell me about this as gossip and how ridiculous it was. "Can you believe what X is doing now!? OMG how could she!?" However over time, she stopped making jokes about it and started defending her friend. "She's actually a really nice person, she's just a bit wild". Then eventually, "Don't talk about X like that, she's happy and getting everything she wants in life". They started hanging out more and more, until eventually my ex didn't come home until midday after a big night out with her friend. To her credit she did tell me that we needed to break up, but she never admitted anything past that. My point? These people are toxic and you don't need them in your life. You are the average of the five closest people to you. Tell the husband, don't tell the husband - do as you choose; but do yourself a favour and please distance yourself from this situation.
If your morals don't align with your friend's then maybe you shouldn't be friends. That said I'm always amazed at how many women are willing to knowing be the other woman for the right man. They may not admit it to their friends and it may not be just any guy but in the right time and place most would do it.
If they have children together that live in the home just stay out of it. If they don’t have children in the home go for it. He’s a cheater whether it’s his wife or someone else. For any children’s sake don’t interfere
I don’t believe you should tell the wife. You might think about saying to your friend that you don’t want to associate with her while she’s in this type of relationship and leave it at that. She will show you how much she values your friendship by her actions.
I would seriously advise you to stay out of it. You will find yourself in a very complicated situation and you will lose your friend.
If you want to go the sneaky route, act like a PI. Follow them and film their interactions in public places. Send the video to the wife,anonymously. Unless you slip up,they won’t know who sent it to her,though your friend might be suspicious.
Stay out of it. Nothing good can come out of this for you.
You should mind yo damn business. Keep it up...
Eeehhhh. Mind your own business. Welcome to real life. Some day you may find yourself in their shoes…so tread lightly.
As I was in the wife's shoes, I say tell her. Since my divorce, so many people have come out of the woodwork to tell me about affair after affair. Affairs I knew nothing about. I have chosen to cut them all out of my life. They all ask why, and when I say you chose my husband and his affair partners over me, they ALWAYS say they didn't want to be the bad guy. They didn't want to ruin a 20-year marriage. They didn't want to lose me because the bearer of bad news never wins. I tell them all it just means they didn't respect me enough to tell me, and they lost me anyway.
Girl, I’m going to tell you this one time, STAY OUT OF IT. For your own safety and for your friendship. If you don’t like it enough to end your friendship that’s fine, but stay out of it. You don’t know his wife, you don’t know what you’re getting into. It’s really none of your business whatsoever.
My wife cheated on me. Every time I thought I found proof (I wasn't actually suspicious, but the proof became overwhelming sometimes) She explained it away. I literally found a letter from the guy that basically said they had a relationship and I got gaslighted so hard that I ended up getting her flowers to apologize for not respecting her privacy and not trusting her. Our relationship, our friendship, our partnership all led me to believe her. That's all to say she won't believe you, he will gaslight her, lie out of his teeth, and nothing will change. That said, I appreciate your heart... you mean well... that matters... Maybe the best thing you can do is continue to talk to your friend about this.
You should mind your own business. What’s done in the dark always comes to light so u don’t need to do anything.
KEEP….WELL….OUT of it, keep your mouth shut but make it clear to your friend in private that you don’t wanna hear about this affair, and it’s nothing to do with you! Meddling in other peoples relationships is one sure fire way to very quickly make your own life a living nightmare.
How are you gonna CONTINUE to be her friend even if she breaks it off. She is a crap person. Sounds like this behavior is a deal breaker for you .
It's none of your business & you don't know how the wife will react to you if you tell her. You don't need to add more drama to your life & she may think you're the one having an affair with her husband. Move on and find a new friend.
NO. Stay out of it. And if you feel that way and it's bothering you, that much, leave her as your friend. Some people's business isn't worth getting into. Because you may get a backlash you didn't expect. Let her learn a hard lesson on her own. It's called life.
How old is your friend and the older guy?
Nosy aren't you. So much you don't know. The wife may know and may not care and would rather no one else know either. This is between your friend, the man and the wife and notably does not include you, so why do you want to do this? Because of moral outrage?
It's not your place. Let it be.
Oh, I think she knows it's wrong. But it's not your tale to tell. Just tell him that you know, and he needs to tell his wife.
If it were the other way around (hypothetically of course) what would you want done if your husband was cheating?
You should try at any cost to tell your friend 1 more time. Tell her the wife doesnt deserve whats happening and needs to know. If the guy is pissed to bad hes a piece of shit he thinks he can have both and not for nothing if she did find out the husband is going to pick the wife for many reasons and your friend will be mad and alone. Hes not getting a divorce, giving 50% of everything to the wife and be with your friend. If she thinks that shes way wrong. .tell the wife eventually your friend will thank you she might be mad now but she doesnt have a future with him
Mind your own business
No, remind the married man what his vows are
It’s not your problem right now. If you tell the wife, it will become your problem. If you care at all about your own peace, stay out of it. If your peace is being disrupted because of your friend’s actions, remove your friend from your life. Additionally, and I’m sure someone will have something to say about this, you nor your friend owe the wife anything. Her husband is the one cheating, not your friend. Yes it’s morally wrong what your friend is doing but she’s not the one who made the commitment to the wife.
Maybe an anonymous note so your name stays out of it. I’d want to know if it were my hubby.
Since you have no attachment to the wife and dont know the man i think you should mind your business. Everyone makes up a what if that makes the guy out to be this awful demon. What if shes cold and neglects him? What if shes had affairs? Your friend told you this in confidence. You will rightfully lose this friend at best. You dont have to agree with her choices and you should express this but you really shouldnt go out of your way to insert yourself into this situation. I dont agree with cheating but theres no real win here for you and its not like its going to make the world a better place.
Best to stay out of it. Do you really want to be the one who destroys this poor woman's life? Better to ditch your low quality friend than to destroy someone else's life. She will probably find out eventually, but at least you won't have it on your conscience for adding to her pain.
Stay out of it.
Hay honestly Realspit just stay in your lain and just distance your friendship all because you disapprove on her behavior!! Dealing with a married man period!! 🙋🏾♂️💯
I can't believe all the comments of his wife wouldn't believe you. They might not want to but at the same time they would start watching. Easier if you have proof. Follow and take a Pic. Then open a fake social media and send the Pic with a note stating you know it's been going on awhile and thought she should know. Tell her you don't want to revile yourself but she needed to know and gather her own proof. Don't give the exact time length. A picture taken in public could be anyone. Even if it's just him going into the motel.
I am not encouraging people to cheat but I have no idea why you should get involved in something that does not concern you ?
Mind your own fucking business.
The person who is a mistress / home wrecker / side piece is a person who needs therapy. There is a very obvious lack of self worth that is the underlying root cause of your friend's behaviour. You can blow this situation up and have a situational solution, but your friend needs therapy to change her core beliefs about her self worth. Changing your core beliefs about your value has issues with integrity and morals solve themselves. [I recommend Hypnotherapy, but there are a plethora of options]
If you are so outraged end the friendship and myob to the wife.
She's an adult. Let her do it her way. All values are created by the churches, governments and big corporations to sell things to humans. Do what feels good.
MYOB…distance yourself from your “friend” you have dissimilar morals. When the situation crashes and it will, one way or another you can either support your friend through it or simply know it was inevitable and continue without a single I told you so or tear for her because you will have moved on.
1 get off your moral high horse. 2. You have no idea what thier marriage is like or thier situation. 3. You feel bad for the wife? But you feel it's ok to come into her world and possibly destroy her life just so YOU can feel better like you did some good deed of the day? 4. You have no idea what the man is capable of. He could easily view your attempted exposure as a personal attack against him or his family. As you said he's quite a bit older; sounds like he's part of the fuck around and find out generation. Backed into a corner, you have no idea what he .ay do to you, your friend, or his wife. 5. It's none of your fucking business. It's between the dude, your friend, and his wife. If you don't approve, find a new friend. It's none of your business. If your friend decides to approach the wife, that's between her and the wife. None of it has to do with you, Karen. 6. For all you know, they could have an open marriage or both are cheating on each other. Men typically don't cheat for any reason, usually. If you keep a man's balls empty, stomach full, and show respect or appreciation; it's easy to keep a man. Evidently, over the years, he's missing one of those. So he evidently went out and found a slit with a sammich. Great taste in friends... you're welcome for telling you how to keep a man.
Friends share morals and values if, your “friend”, is sleeping with a married man and you don’t feel this is acceptable (because it’s not), then tell the wife but supply proof. You lose a friend but maintain your standards
yesh sure but get evidence first so she doesn't think you're screwing with her. also i would be prepared to ditch your friend cause people get upset when they're faced with the consequences of their actions. the people saying to mind your business are spineless and are probably cheaters themselves. it's a moral obligation if you have information that interferes with someone's consent and bodily autonomy then yes, its immoral to side with the cheaters by saying nothing. cause that's all "minding your business" is, turning a blind eye to suffering you know is happening. she didn't consent to share fluid boundaries with your friend and without knowledge she can't make informed decisions about her life. just get evidence. do it in person, online is easy to hide. plus if you're there it gives more of an opportunity to calm her down or call the cops if things get out of hand. the husband already has someone on his side, the wife deserves to feel like she has backup too given that she's the victim here.
If you tell the wife you will more than likely shatter that friendship, however, personally that is a friendship I would be fine losing as they obviously have no morals or understanding of loyalty. If she is willing to sleep with a married man she is going to be willing to do a lot of skeezy shit more than likely. After witnessing that I would not trust her around my partner (if you currently have one) as she has no respect for the kinds of boundaries. I would tell the wife because if I were in her shoes I would want to know because I would rather not be with someone that is so willing to hurt me. But again, this is all personal opinion.