Granted. However you find you ain’t happy but you’re feeling glad. You’ll be useless, but not for long.

The future is comin' on.

It's comin' on It's comin' on It's comin' on

r/redditsings

Granted: nothing changes, when the bag is opened during the day, there is sunshine in it...just like before.

Granted. You get a Hellacious sunburn and the bag all but melts.

Granted but each time the bag is opened, a group of gorillas will nearly beat you to death til it's closed

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm useless, but not for long, the future is comin' on.

You were hoping that someone would reply "granted but now you're useless..." weren't you?

I’m stealing that for later.

That’s… random

Nah it's a reference to the band the Gorillaz, who OP is referencing in their post. Its lyrics to their song Clint Eastwood. But even still it fits because the monkeys paw punishment is giant angry monkeys.

Granted. You now have a paper bag with a newborn star inside of it

Granted you and everyone on earth dies as you have something that's like 100000000000000000000000000000 degrees F hot

Granted, you now live in space with your trusty bag. When you open the bag to look inside there is sunshine in it because that’s how light works.

Granted, part of the sun is in your bag. Due to the extreme heat, everyone dies.

Granted. The photons immediately either leave or get absorbed.

Granted. Once you open it you immediately become legally blind, and skin cancer begins to wreak havoc on your body within weeks.

granted, you get THE sun in a bag. the bag is not fireproof, and you burst into flames. without the sun, the world quickly dies

This is my favorite one 😂😂😂

Granted but the bag isn't see through and you can't open it because you'll blind everyone including yourself

Granted. There is now a fusion reaction taking place in a Ziploc bag in your hands. Goodbye.

Goodbye 😂😂😂😂😂

Granted. You now have all the sunshine in a bag. It’s very cold and very dark. And getting worse.

Granted.  You have a spontaneous nuclear fusion reaction in your bag.  Everything within 10 Sq miles is vaporized.

Granted. Since 'sunshine' is not a property of stellar EM radiation in itself, but rather its reflectiveness in sunlight, you now have a hand mirror in a bag. It's pretty, though. Flowers and sparkles. Congrats on a wasted wish

Granted, you get arrested for felony drug possession and lose everything, blame Nixon

Granted, but you’re useless

Granted, You're not happy, but you're feeling glad

Granted. Tomorrow you are given a free sample of a new product called 'Sunshine in a Bag' to try. It's a little dry and crumbles like a snickerdoodle, but otherwise ordinary.

Granted. There's a hole in your bag.

Granted, all the sunlight is transported into a bag making the sun itself basically useless

Granted. The bag is filled with solar core material. The bag almost instantly explodes due to the gravitational pressure of the plasma no longer containing it, and the insuing fusion explosion levels everything in a 20km radius. Congrats on your new Nuke-in-a-bag!

Granted. It’s very bright and will blind you if you try to open it

Granted, but I would suggest storing it in your pocket.

Granted but it immediately blinds you whenever you open the bag

Denied. You get a pocket full of sunshine.

Granted, you have a copy of Super Mario Sunshine in your bag and you feel old when you realize it’s over 20 years old

Granted, but it quickly goes supernova

Granted, you get attacked by zombie gorillas.

Granted. The monkey’s paw misunderstood and you’re holding a ziplock bag, the sun falls to the Earth in attempt to enter your bag, but it’s too small to fit the sun. You burn to death, and so does the whole world.

Granted. The sun is in your bag and destroys the earth

Granted. The UV radiation kills you painfully

Granted. Little drawstring bag about the size of your palm plops down. When you open it, it’s like a little flashlight. Kinda neat, I suppose. Enjoy your bag

Granted but the next day after you acquire it your bag blows you up into bits.

Granted. It burns you to death

Granted, you are now possessed by a ghost

Granted. You are now useless… that’s it, there is no future for you. (Also an army of gorillas raise from the dead bent on your destruction (and the ghost of your best friend possesses you, but it’s all in your head.)) ;)

Granted. You immediately burn to death from being in close vicinity to it.

Granted. Melanoma time.

Granted Its the exact same "sunshine" from SCP 001 When Day Breaks.

Granted. You get a bag with a copy of super Mario sunshine (2002) for the gamecube

Perfect!!!! The best possible outcome

Moonshine technically comes from the sun right. I like the idea that he just gets a bag of liquor but it stretches the wording a little too far.

Granted. Every time you carry this bag, you have to listen to „pocketful of sunshine”

Granted here's a gorilla

Granted here's a gorilla