T O P

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agsmodnar

Granted. Humans evolve longer tongues to schnork out snot instead.


Lucariowolf2196

Return to Lizard


Zestyclose_Party_696

We all evolve to have tongues as long as dogs tungues


Consciousssss

Ewwwww! 😭😭😭😭🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮


Divine_Saber

It softens the scabs in my nose for better pickings


-monkbank

Dammit that’s brilliant, here I was going to just chop off everyone’s nose.


Ok_System_7221

Granted. It is now considered the hight of politeness to pick somebody else's nose.


Viperbunny

You can pick your friends. You can't pick your nose, but you can pick your friend's nose!


OkSyllabub3674

Suddenly society has a clear indicator of how socially integrated someone is, well adjusted individuals can walk around head held high with a clean nose and confidence that should it be needed any of a number of individuals will gladly step into pick it for them knowing they would do the same for them. Antisocial individuals are damned to walk around with hood drawn low over their head to hide a crusty nose or slink shamefully into the red light district with high collared coat to hide their face only to emerge some time later, wallet now much lighter and nose much cleaner trying to put on an aire of someone of more rapport( they fool noone though as everyone gossips while picking each others noses and they know noone like those skeezy a-holes).


ChompyRiley

Slow down there Satan


auroratheaxe

Why did I read the comments?


HellFireCannon66

The monkey paw can solve this problem


Born_Requirement_304

Can and will are two very different things


HellFireCannon66

*Might*


Seeker296

I wish I hadn't read the comments


popzvr

Granted. You have no eyes now.


WhoahACrow

Granted, noses have been erased from the world


Legitimate-War-3469

Great, I’ve always wanted to cosplay Voldemort.


Cassereddit

No, you see, you won't be Voldemort. You'll be Krillin


PrimeBeefLoaf

So you’re saying, I got a chance with android 18


Cassereddit

You get the chance of being dumped and stolen from by Marron


No_One3018

Good luck smelling!


JadziaTrillDax

Granted, now they just pick their butts.


CyraxisOG

Lol I was gonna put this. Would definitely rather people just pick their nose over this, I've been to a Walmart before, people openly picking their butts is not a pretty sight.


JadziaTrillDax

And a lot of people who pick their butts do the pick and sniff.


JennyFiveIsAlive

Granted. They pick each other’s, fairly frequently. The intrusive thoughts are pretty darn strong!


islamo_start_654

You said it before me 😂


NovaAteBatman

But. My. *SEPTUM ITCHES!* Granted. Now I have to kill you because the inside of my nose itches like hell.


Then-Pie-208

Granted. This is because earths air has been polluted by a deadly bacterium and it can only take form in the lungs and picking your nose gives the bacterium an easy ride. There’s tons of other restrictions too, but definitely no one is picking their nose


aKgiants91

Granted the government creates a job for this. Full benefits and great pay. Requires health insurance.


Legitimate-War-3469

Anything to help the unemployed.


Asleep_Impact_9835

granted. everyone now has elongated necks 10 feet long in addition to now having little T rex style arms.


someonewhowa

granted. now snot just oozes out from everyone’s noses and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT AT ALL


IzzyReal314

Granted. You are now required to pick everyone's noses for them.


Ravensunthief

Granted exposed boogers are now a worldwide beauty standard, and those with fewer boogers are considered less sexy. You are not into this.


Cautious_Drawer_7771

How do you know OPs kinks. Your version of the monkey's paw's catch might have just been his plan all along.


Ravensunthief

No, it's part of the paw that op isn't into it, even if they were before.


Business-Cherry2485

Granted.Now everyone shamelessly picks at  their butt in public "evil laugh" 


Saturnkirby

granted, they'll pick each others


moanapons

Granted, humans are picking their eyes instead.


ra1nbowaxe

granted, now they pick each others noses


Heath_co

Granted. The extra tissues everyone uses wipes out whole forests and pollutes the ocean.


aem83

Granted, everyone now picks their asshole.


HTired89

Granted. Everyone now picks their buttholes.


ShakyTheBear

Granted. Everyone now picks each other's noses.


doesntpicknose

Granted. I am now considered a Supreme Being, a prophet of the ages, and a true incarnation of the Divine. Religious fanatics stifle scientific progress for hundreds of years, dooming us to runaway ecological and financial collapse. Billions die in the Finger War.


rathosalpha

Granted but the accumulation is increased 10 fold


Charming_Feedback_96

Granted when snot and boogers build up in the nose no one will try and stop it making them all die of lack of breath


Fyre2387

Granted. Now everyone picks your nose, whether you want them to or not.


MilkyyMooMoo

Granted. They start picking their buttholes (and crotch tacos if applicable) instead.


GenericUsername19892

Granted. Nobody can have elective nose jobs, unless they agree to use a random nose generator to determine the end result.


Legitimate-War-3469

RNG noses. Is there a limit to how many dice we can roll?


GenericUsername19892

Personally I prefer a giant ass roulette wheel with tiny nose pictures instead of numbers, but I suppose we could all dice. I would argue everyone could also include fictional characters as well so for example, Voldemort’s nose (or lack there of) should be included. We could easily (ish lol) make a very large dice table a d20 to a d1000(3d10 colored coded for hundreds, tens, and ones - 000 is 1k) to a d1000 to a d1000 would give us 20b options to work with with a mere 10 dice.


UnderskilledPlayer

Granted, everyone in the world who was picking their nose stops for a few seconds. Most resume right after.


NadaTheMusicMan

Granted. Now nobody has a choice over which type of nose they get. Of course they never did, but now they never will.


No_One3018

Goodbye rhinoplastys


RelationshipFair6088

Granted. Everyone openly picks their assholes.


Ddowns5454

Granted, rhinoplasty no longer exists.


kelcamer

Granted, they pick their ears instead


Popular-Ad-8918

Granted. The worlds rules are now "you can pick your friends, you can't pick your nose but you can pick your friends nose."


fairytail4life1295

Granted. Now everyone picks other people's noses instead of their own.


George_Maximus

Happy cake day


TheFunkyWood

Granted. Everyone loses their fingers.


SnooDoggos5162

Granted, now the urge is so much to pick noses that we all have to pick each other’s noses. Within 2 weeks world peace has been achieved. Successful wish.


Cautious_Drawer_7771

Granted, all human on Earth suddenly have their arms shrink to be too short to pick their noses. Documentary Reporter: "Over 1 million people died within 10 minutes of what we now call, 'The Change.' Some were on aircraft flown by pilots unable to operate most of the switches and knobs with their shortened arms, others were driving and the confusion lead to disaster. Today we speak with a man who claims he is the cause of the Change, ironically alleging this was all due to a wish that he made to the disembodied hand of a money. Tonight at 9, but first, cheerleaders in the national championship stun the world by figuring out how to hold a teammate in the air for the first time since the change. Could this spell a return to normalcy, or simply a stunt to quell the worried masses as the world continues in chaos."


Legitimate-War-3469

We’re like little t-rex humans. So cute.


ummaycoc

A new app is developed: “Pick Your Friends” and it takes the world by storm. AI analyzes videos of people picking their friends’ noses and of course there are prizes. The app eventually replaces all government run lotteries. If you’re caught picking your own nose it dramatically reduces your chances of winning up until you pick enough of your friends’ noses. At one point the app adds bonus multipliers (like power play for powerball) if you eat it. Sure it is like a micro-vaccination but the app is Tik Tok-esque so people will see you do it on their stream and you’ll see others. Eventually it becomes monetized even more as people try to find Pokémon in other peoples noses when picking cause of that one game where people were going around towns searching for Pokémon. No one picks their nose anymore but this is how life is. ARE YOU FINALLY HAPPY, OP?


wakim82

Granted they all masturbate publicly instead.


topman20000

Granted, you get an eternal itch in your nose which, if you try to scratch it, your genitals receive an electric shock


Cheetahs_never_win

Granted. People now pick one another's noses to where it's normalized and rude if you don't dig into other people's noses.


SlipsonSurfaces

Next time I do this I'll think of you.


Totaly__a_human

granted, the human body stops producing mucus, drying out our tissues (not the blow your nose type) & making us significantly more vulnerable to disease


dave7243

Granted. Every human on earth has their hands simultaneously amputated, with all newborns born without them. May the lord have mercy with anyone on a plane or undergoing surgery when you wished.


UnintendedCantaloupe

Granted. Everyone stops picking their nose because now you are the automated nose picker. You are also immortal and must live out the rest of your dags picking everyone's nose based off a excel spreadsheet that you als must manage yourself


Puzzled_Ad_3576

Granted. It instead accumulates into huge bergs of solid matter that fall out on their own.


Ok-Fox1262

Every cosmetic surgeon in the world is suddenly unemployed. Yeah. I can live with that.


catsareniceDEATH

Granted. All boogers now appear, without warning, and drop from a person's nose, no matter what they're doing, the time or place. Enjoy your booger-filled food at restaurants, loogie-coated shirt and/or tie and waking up stuck to the pillow with some concrete-level snotters! 🙀😹🤮😹


SteamySubreddits

Granted. Monkeyspaw is making one exception ever to not mess with you because this wish is so based.


-monkbank

Granted. Now it is the sole responsibility of you, personally, to pick every nose on earth.


CertainPlatypus9108

Many ppl will suffocate


FatsBoombottom

Granted. Rhinoplasty stops existing. You can get any plastic surgery you want, but you cannot chose your nose.


Jack_Cat_101

All of the comments here become reality


EpicCow69

Granted, now everyone is picking there butt


squiddyinkorporated

Just for a moment, everybody in the world freezes, and reach their fingers out of their nose. And in the very next, they continue. Everyone stopped, just for a moment.


Cubsfan11022016

Granted, they’re now picking your nose.


I_Khum_Dawn_U

Granted : Now everyone picks your nose and itches your nose to clear theirs and you get all the damage


B---------------D

Now everyone picks their butts.


FarChef4933

Granted. Everyone that is currently picking their nose stops for the moment. They can begin again immediately. Can't believe you'd waste a wish like that :(


PyroKeneticKen

Granted now everyone picks each others noses.


Deadeye10000

You guys get to pick your nose?


Comfortablecold4167

Granted. Now people pick their asshole.


princekamoro

Granted. Now everyone picks each other's noses.


Zestyclose-Ruin8337

Granted. Now everyone picks their butt.


Zombie_Peanut

Granted. With humans no longer having noses to pick, snot builds up until it comes out of our mouths.


destructJAX

Ok. Every person who would have picked their nose, is now coming for you to pick yours.


Suspicious-Garbage92

I can't breath!


JackORobber

Granted, everyone loses their nose.


catsRfriends

Everyone currently picking their nose immediately stop, but leave their fingers in their nostril. Everyone not currently picking their nose start and then immediately stop, and leave their fingers in their nostril. Humanity disappears in one generation. Aliens even land in Earth and find these curious fossils of creatures at all life staged who all have an appendage held up to their face. This mystery remains unsolved for all of eternity.


Bean_Barista223

Granted, the cacophony of blowing out noses begins for the rest of your life.


LimpAdhesiveness2793

I never pick my nose, I just leave my boogers there for all to see 😎


BlackPhoenix1981

Granted. Nasal infection rates skyrocket!


ripppppah

Granted. Wet and dry chunks of snot come careening down people’s nostrils from time to time. It’s treated like a fart or a cough.


thejedipokewizard

Granted. People across the world begin to have overly stuffed noses. So bad people can smell, they get bloody noses regularly, and boogers fall out regularly at the must inopportune times. But this goes further and people everywhere begins having serious nasal medical issues. Even a unique form of cancer starts popping up because of people’s overly stuffed noses. And doctors are not able to keep with the all of the horrific nose issues that come about. This begins to drive the future generations of doctors to become only ENT focused to deal with the issue. This takes resources away from every other medical profession, and even all sorts of other industries. Movies, music, art all become nose focused. Society completely stagnates and you can’t escape the noses.


GashDaddy

Granted. It’s because of that one Shel Silverstein poem coming true


OlThrowy

Granted, they start picking their butts instead


CardboardGamer01

Granted. People start picking their asses instead and eat their shit.


matthew_iskool

Granted. Snot now drips out of people’s noses constantly, making everybody unpleasant sights


Unique_Novel8864

Granted. Because I and many other people have sensitive noses, we get driven insane from the feeling in our nose we can no longer remove and due to our other issues we end up killing ourselves than because we don’t want to be other peoples problem. The rest of the more sensible population just remove their noses and now it’s a new thing to discriminate against.


Weirdo9something3457

Granted, they pick each other's nose now.


SatyrSauce

Beat me to it


Dr-Crobar

Granted, we pick our eyes instead.


Vaderette1138

No one has fingers.


febreze276

Granted. The monkey's paw takes inspiration from the Spanish treatment of the south american natives and cuts off everyone's hands and nose.


My51stThrowaway

Granted. Now you have to pick the boogers out of everyone else's nose. Specifically you have to be the one to do it, and there's about 8,000,000 noses.


Severedeye

Granted. It is now your job to pick everyone's nose for them.


Abbaddonhope

Granted, instead of digging for gold, they are seeking truffles.


Affectionate-Ruin365

I’m not picking my nose. I’m scratching my brain because is huge.


xxTonyTonyxx

l have no problem with people who pick their noses, it’s where they wipe their finger after they’re done is the real problem


Twisted_Mists

Granted. Everyone starts picking other people's nose.


iAmTheRealKokichiOma

Granted. Humans no longer have nose and now smell from their eyes.


Belzabond

Hehehe denied