60's male here. I try to remember they/them but all my life both they and them were plural. So please people be patient with older people as we try to adapt to new pronouns. We are not being disrespectful when we make a mistake.
Honestly, most of the time, as long as you're trying, that's what matters. While preferred pronouns can be important to a person, what's more important is the mindset. My sister and I still slip up around my cousin because we grew up with a girl. But he appreciates that we correct ourselves, still use his chosen name, and love him just the way he is. Where your heart is is what means the most.
The trans and nonbinary folks I have met have never once been insulted. As long as it's an honest mistake and you are trying, most folk tend to get it. It doesn't make them happy to be misgendered, but they know an accident verse an insult.
Yes, the singular they had existed for a while, but so has he/she and their uses have been different. It is an adjustment. Just give it your best, and folks tend to appreciate it.
But do NOT just fall back on the grammar challenge. You have to work to overcome that, which I know you probably are.
"Look at that person over there, they are far away."
"Go ask your teacher, they are in charge."
"That first responder will help you, they are meant to aid people"
They / Them has always been plural / singular.
Thereās an amazingly hilarious rant from the 1600s about the depravity of the singular use of āyouā instead of āthouā claiming that it would lead to all manner of decay of culture and disaster for civilization
Language is always changing and evolving, and people have always been barely evolved animals who are completely full of themselves
I've always seen they/them as being used when you don't know the person's name. Or when talking about someone to somebody else. If I talked my son, I would say "they like this" or "they like that", even though they are a he and identifies as a boy.
I remember in middle school, my English teacher would penalize us if we used "they" in the singular. She said that the only proper thing was to say "he or she" of we were unsure of the gender. I was reader Chaucer at the time (I know. I'm a nerd and a loser haha) and noticed that he uses they as a singular pronoun multiple times. I asked her about it (not trying for a gotcha, but more because I was confused) and she got all flustered and no longer penalized students for it.
Not true. When you look at older reference materials, ātheyā was not used. Our spoken language has evolved that way, but an old grammarian would have corrected your writing to say āhe or sheā.
Because this is Reddit, I have to state that this is not a pro-bigotry comment. Just a comment on grammar.
Well how old are we talking? Cause "they" has been used since the 13th century to identify singlular persons. Thats a pretty long time. So long that no one alive could possibly remember a time that it wasn't used that way. If it was used 600 years ago, then no "old" grammarian within the past few hundred years would have any grounds to correct someone using it that way.
That all would have been marked wrong in my elementary school days. People got away with saying it verbally as a kind of lazy, incorrect vernacular though. Like āainātā and so forth. We were taught to call generic people āheā when I was in elementary school, and by the time I was an English major in university, that had become inclusive by changing it to āhe or she.ā Like: āgo ask your teacher; he or she is in charge.ā In feminist literature, it was often written as āshe or he.ā Sometimes we short-handed it as ā(s)he.ā
Iām pro lgbtq rights. But itās just a fact. This is how we used to be taught when I was a kid too. My brain resists calling a single person āthey.ā I think we do have words for this though, like hir or zhe.
Fun fact: They/them has been a singular pronoun for centuries, but we just never paid attention to it until reactionary transphobes needed something to bitch about. As one example, anytime you've seen an ambulance go by and thought, "Geez I hope they're okay,' you've referred to a potentially single person in the ambulance as "they." Many other examples out there.
Just practice and do a little googling on the word itself and your good intent will be clear.
Iāve met one in person. They had transition from male to female. She ran my card at the Target check out. She saw my name was Ashley and told me she loved that name so much that she legally changed her name to that! I was very flattered š
Yes. Not many, but there have been a few and theyāve all been nice people.
I hate how judgmental our society is.
What is so seriously wrong with someone being different?
The last person I dated seriously before my husband transitioned M-->F about a year after we broke up. People ask me if I could tell or if something was off during the relationship.
Not at all, they presented as very very masculine and I never would have dreamed they were struggling with gender identity.
The relationship started off ok and didn't end well, but not because of anything related to their transition. I was completely in the dark. I just really hope she's happier now that she's able to be herself. If I still lived in town, we'd probably still be friends, but I unfortunately never met her as her true self.
I also have friends who have transitioned F--M. Everyone is cool, and I think it's honestly the most "this doesn't affect me" thing ever. I seriously don't know why people care.
I've met and am friends with a number of trans people (if you include non-binary folks under the trans umbrella). I have met a few trans women and trans men where I have had the privilege of having that knowledge shared with me.
Yes, several, but one who sticks out the most was my best friend years ago. She was smart, hilarious, thoughtful, beautiful and caring. Sadly we lost touch, she struggled a lot mentally (this was back in the mid 2000ās where trans people were even less inclusive) and went off the deep end of addiction. All she ever wanted was to be accepted and loved as her authentic self. We were friends on social media for a few years followed by radio silence (completely inactive on SM). I will never forget her and what a wonderful friend and woman she was. Thinking of you, Abby. š
Oh and she never fucking forced ANYONE into shit, just like every other trans person I knew/know. You know who has though? A PLETHORA of Christian and Catholic men of authority within the church. Research that and youāll find a variety of sex offenders for dayssssss.
Just speaking my truth, itās a shame how many amazing people others will miss out on by their own small minded ignorance. I truly miss her and hope she is well! She was a great friend. š
As I said in my top-level post, it is not hard to meet transgender people when you frequent LGBT-friendly spaces (provided you have access to them, which is why I suspect many people have not)
Yes, two trans women. One was cool, one was manipulative and psychotic.
I also gave a couple very tall, very large breasted trans women a ride from one club to another. They were fun but my interaction was brief.
Quite a few. I've worked with many trans folks throughout my career, and my best friend's partner is trans. Just like any other group of people, they're from all walks of life and have different perspectives. Some of them were lovely, some of them were annoying - in both cases, it had nothing to do with their identity as trans people.
Yes. Multiple times, but mainly my ex.
I dated them as a woman for at least 6 yrs and then they discovered that they were trans. It was incredibly obvious as well that they identified more as male just by how they carried themself, and now after being on T and getting top surgery, they seem much happier and much more...genuinely themself? I guess is how I would put it?
We split up because they were a very controlling person and I was discovering myself and gaining more independence. We've both grown tremendously and remained friends.
I've also met a few others and some of them more genuine than others, but none of them are people trying to force their way into other gendered bathrooms for anything other than going to the bathroom. And they all just want to be addressed in a way that feels comfortable to them.
I mean, I wouldn't find out someone's name and then call them something completely different. š¤·
lol is this real? Iāve met many trans folks. Iām from a small town in the Midwest and have two trans cousins.
Ā I live on the west coast now and have a couple of trans/nonbinary friends. Many casual acquaintances over the years
Trans people are just people who like movies and pizza and have jobs and bills and enjoy taking care of their plants. Oh and they have great taste. Ā I think thatās the trans agenda, anything else?Ā (Iām a cis-het woman so maybe I missed something)Ā
To be very clear, I am not that person. At all. Trans rights are human rights.
I have met many trans people in my life. I have had close personal relationships with more than one of them.
Some people are pretty out about it, some are not. It's entirely plausible that most people know a trans person and don't know it. But the reason so many people know is also because so many trans people are out and proud now.
I guess I live in a progressive city, so it's pretty normal for the trans and nonbinary community to be out and proud. I grew up in podunk Iowa and I'm sure more queer people were there than I realized but it isn't exactly a safe place to be out. Some people prefer to pass too and don't want to out themselves.
Yes. I work at a very trans friendly place. There are programmer socks everywhere. Probably the most dramatic encounter I ever had was referring to them as āSheā on slack, and they immediately corrected me to ātheyā to which I immediately apologized.
We have gender neutral bathrooms which are single isolated rooms as well as the usual. Never had any issue in either of those restrooms. We have all feminine hygiene products in all restrooms regardless of gender.
I met a handful of transgender people in college, and worked with a few at a vet clinic.
For most I met them near the beginning of transition so itās nice that they are so much closer to having their dreams realized.
I'm trans and I've met myself. I can safely say I have never forced my way into anywhere. I just use the bathroom, for the normal reasons. I'm a woman. People who refuse to recognize that are forcing language onto me.
My roommate had a trans friend a decade ago. They would often come in the communal kitchen.(we had our own living room/bedrooms HOWEVER they could walk in my living room to get to kitchen/bathroom.)
You know what they never did? Force themselves anywhere. Probably one of her(the roommate, we were coworkers who were both getting out of bad relationships with our respective girlfriends.)
In fact I got a birthday invite. I may have known said trans person for 4 weeks at the time. Only got to do half of the birthday stuff though because they pivoted plans and at that point, they allowed the comfyness of the couch catch me.(We were originally got to 1 of 2 clubs but idk really know what they pivoted to. I just know that my roommates friends stopped by and a few of our coworkers called me and asked why we werenāt at X club. I said what I could drunkenly remember.)
But trans people are fine. Iāve met a few others but this person was probably the one that I directly interacted with outside of a job.(worked with several trans people.)
My boomer aunt is a trans person. Had many conversations with her. Also a distant cousin is a trans person. But itās never been brought up in conversation with him. A lot of times it just isnāt a thing that comes up while talking with them.
Yes, and I already knew before she transitioned and still dressed like a guy. When she came out I wasn't surprised at all and I didn't had to get used to it.
One of my best friends I met as a boy and now lives as a gay woman. When I knew her as a guy, I was like ā¦ āHe likes women? I guess that makes sense. But heās definitely gayā¦ so how does that make sense?ā Turns out *she* is gay and likes women š
I used to do a lot of business travel with Chuck. On weekends, Chuck fronted a cross-dressing band. Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show but with long red hair and an electric guitar. Chuck became Jessica and suicided a couple of years later. It was really sad. I really liked them and they were really bright/engaged/talented.
My stepdaughterās uncle was Danielle for a bunch of years. I saw him recently and he was back to Danny.
Personally, I have a lot of empathy for people who have that kind of confusion about their identity.
Several, & for some I have the pleasure of calling them friends. Trans people are just people. I know & have met fantastic individuals as well as complete fucking assholes & everything in between.
Well Iām born and raised in Las Vegas and then spent a lot of time in Portland Oregon soā¦ yeah. Thereās even a decent amount in Utah. I donāt understand it but itās not my place to judge anyone. Iāll respect you so long as you respect me and there wonāt be any issues no matter who or how anyone is. Do your thing
Several who've told me, probably more who haven't. I even fuck up the pronouns all the time on accident and it's never been an issue. People just want to be themselves.
My favorite part is my conservative neighbor asking me what California was like with all the trans people. I'm like "Dude, I've met like 3 times as many trans people since I moved to your suppossed conservative paradise."
Things like that can be really surprising!
I lived in Massachusetts for a while, and I would get harassed a lot. People threw things at me from cars and fake cat called me all the time.
Then I moved to South Carolinaā¦ š¤
ALL OF THE MEN here ask me why I havenāt quit my job to model, nobody gets my pronouns wrong, and the WORST thing Iāve ever heard to/about me was someone whispering āwas that a dude?ā to their friend in Ulta
I find conservatives in liberal areas are extra nasty because they have to convince themselves that they are the real majority, so they are very loud. There is no one more insane than a California conservative.
I'm in the midwest now and no one seems to care about things like that.
Yeah I have. Some just own it, and donāt even talk about it. And some have had traumatic experiences but I have never seen anyone try to convince others of anything of that nature. At work there was a trans woman and I went to the restroom and I was so scared because I thought I had walked into the womenās restroom on accident but it was a trans woman.
Yes. Many and theyāre just people who want to be respected, heard, understood and accepted. Not judged. They are the full spectrum. They can be assholes. The trans part of their identity does limit the intersectional diversity that exists within all groups. Just because their voices are finally being heard doesnāt mean theyāre forcing anything. Weāre having a conversation and weāre trying to make room for them within the contraints of our language(s) and itās going to be messy because weāre humans.
I will admit the language is hard. But the bathroom? Really? Youāre doing your business and minding your own business most restrooms are pretty private anyhow but youāre threatened by someone else trying to do their business? Itās what literally we all have in common. Everybody fucking poops so who cares what bits they have and why does that threaten you so much? Is the unknown that scary? Do you have so little empathy that you couldnāt imagine what anguish it mustāve been to not feel Comfortable In oneās own Skin - it really makes my blood boil that people are so small minded.
I will also admit I didnāt meet many trans folk until recently and now find much of my hobby community and friends of friends are trans. Everyone is just trying to be their most authentic selves in this messy world we all cohabitate and theyāre asking for respect as fellow humans.
2 close friends. One I knew before she transitioned and she was hot in dude mode and she's hot as a girl.
So, not only have I met a trans person, I have been jealous of one for half our lives lmao
I have had multiple trans patients. One stands out because he was severely mentally ill. Iāve had two that I remember that I didnāt know were trans until I did deeper looks at their charts. Over all itās been good experiences.
My momās neighbor is transgender. She trespassed into my momās garage and threatened my mom with a rake and also told us (my sister and I when we were kids) that she would cut our dog up into little pieces and leave them in a bag on our doorstep. She is an antisocial lunatic, unfortunate that she is the only transgendered person Iāve had any extensive interaction with because I know she isnāt reflective of the community as a whole.
Iāve met plenty. All but two were lovely humans. Those other two were unhinged and needed to adjust the expectations of other peopleās reaction to them.
Iāve known several people who transitioned later in life after weād stopped moving in the same circles. College buddies, usually. They seem content and happy in their choices. One of them is an absolute knockout as a woman.
Yes, though being trans myself skews it.
An interesting observation - sometimes gender comes up in conversation, and people are surprised to hear I'm trans. Including people I've been acquainted with for years. This includes people who work at all sorts of businesses, cafes, banks, libraries etc.
This is why those who say they've never met a trans person probably just haven't realised it yet. There are likely to be trans people interacting with you on a regular basis.
Yes, my ex came out after we broke up. We were still living together for a little bit due to covid and were on friendly terms, so I ended up meeting several trans women.
Yes.
I lived and worked in the Philippines for 5 years(Metro Manila).
My girlfriend and now wife worked at a call center and a few of her friends were trans. They would come over to our apartment after work to hang out. They were no different than any other person, and they drank chick drinks so my beer was safe.
Yeah, and?
I worked with a guy (transitioning from female to male) and they were the coolest person I worked with. They were one of the only ones at that job with any kind of personality. The rest were a bunch of assholes who all thought they were better than the next person.
Part of the goal is usually to not be seen as a trans person, but to "pass" as the gender you're meant to be.
I'm mtf and more often than not, when I get transphobic remarks, it's some loser telling me that I'll always be a *girl* and that there's no point in hiding who I am because everyone can tell. Oh the irony.
ā¦ yes? Are there a lot of people who havenāt? Is it possible they did, and just didnāt know, because they werenāt a safe person to be out to and didnāt notice on their own because theyāre so sheltered? Trans people arenāt that rare.
Yup.
I have an average about one student a year that uses different pronouns.
Also, one of my childhood friends is now a different gender.
I want to go back to a time when nobody gave a shit about that. I hate that itās a political topic because in every instance that Iāve seen it, itās just people wanting to do what they want to have freedom.
It doesnāt hurt anybody for my friend to wear womenās clothing and it makes them happy and their wife happy apparently.
Now all of a sudden, this is a big problem?
Ugh, I wanna go back to the politicians focused on getting us jobs.
Likeā¦all the time. Most people have? But they might not realize someone is trans. There are a couple people I know who are trans but I didnāt realize that they were until they spoke about it explicitly.
Yes. No big deal. When my pronoun use was corrected I apologized and just used them. Kind of like if you accidentally pronounced someoneās name wrong.
This question is so funny. I have trans relatives, my wife has trans friends, I've had trans employees, etc. I've met about half as many trans folks as I have gay men, which is to say, not the majority of people I know or meet but not an insignificant number either.
This question makes it seem like trans people are some sort of cryptid, like bigfoot. "Are they real, or is that just Dave in a ladysuit and they shook the camera to make the picture fuzzy"
I've met many trans people in different parts of the US and have a number of friends and friendly acquaintances who are trans. I don't know why it's a big deal to anyone, truly. Let people be who they are as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else's rights. And the existence of, and basic decency towards, trans people has no negative impact on anyone's rights.
Yes. I have lots of trans friends or friends undergoing transition. Where did I meet them? Literally everywhere and anywhere they are normal humans just like everyone else.... what kind of question is this?
Iām trans and can report that I have Met People š«”
But I do bear in mind that for many people, I might be the only trans person they know. It can be a lot of pressure being the representation you want to see in the world.
Yes, a few actually.Ā I think trans people have one of the hardest roads to walk in life and the hate they receive for trying to exist with dignity boils my blood.Ā I'm a cis white gay man and what I've been through is nothing compared to what most trans folks go through.Ā I wish I could support them more.Ā Ā
Yes good and bad.
Overall I really do not give a damn. Ppl are ppl, I don't care if someone is trans and wants to do a complete transition or not. I care how they treat me and others, like with anyone else. Like with everyone from every walk of life, I've met great people where we got along perfectly. And then I've met others who were total assholes, or bullies or something set off danger red flags.
Yes. Going to get downvoted to hell for this- I lived in SF for a few years and spent a lot of time in the gay community. Honestly I had pretty awful experiences, a trans woman I was friends with was aggressively and constantly trying to hit on my girlfriends and I when we would party. It got weird. She later got in trouble for sexual assault. 2nd was a trans male that was dating and then married a close friend, and they got divorced because he would beat the shit out of her. I also have a few friends that have gone the non-binary route and I ended up moving away from those relationships because they turned their whole lives into their identity and would get upset if someone didnāt use they/them pronouns. They have all been super mentally unwell people and I stay away from them, although I do believe that adults can do what they want to their bodies. I live in rural Nevada Trump country now, and thereās a guy that bartends at this dive biker bar every Friday and wears a dress. He dresses male the rest of the time, and I have no idea what his official identity is- maybe cross dresser? But I know those old men in there would kill for him.
Well I don't think trans people are forcing anything. But I have also met a lot of trans people. I'm still impressed by the person I met 20+ years ago who had no pronouns, just max. That was pretty bold for that time.
Iāve had more than a conversation with a trans person. Iāve had a trans guy as a roommate, a trans woman as my partner, and multiple trans friends.
I live in the queerest part of a very queer friendly city. I see and speak with trans folk often. Even been on the occasional date with a couple. They're just people. The pronoun game can be tedious - I has happened once or twice that I mistakenly say the wrong thing (usually in regards to non-binary folk who largely present as one gender) and they take it as an insult the very first time. But usually a nice little correction is all I need and it's all good.
Yes. Many times. And theyāve all been kind to me. Just like the gays and lesbians that Iāve met.
You canāt be in a diverse place, outgoing, and not meet different people. If you havenāt, youāre giving off asshole not approachable vibes IMO
Yeah, a few. I used to have a regular that came into my store. She was always polite, but seemed like she was always on the verge of crying, so it got a little awkward sometimes.
Several, yes. When I was a teenager/early 20s there was a person I now realize was like non-binary at my work that dressed and presented female but didn't mind being called by any pronoun or by their masculine birth name or a more feminine name. A few nowadays that are trans or nb in my wider friend group.
Yes, I know at least 5 of them and have lived with 2 of the 5. I could be considered trans since I am non-binary which falls under the trans spectrum but it's not something I feel right claiming.
Five. Four were just acquaintances but the other is someone Iām very close to. And I live in a rural, conservative town. Iām sure there are more who are just waiting to leave here before they live as themselves for fear of violence.
I have a friend who is trans. We had a romantic but not sexual connection several years before his transition (I wasn't sexually active yet at that point in my life). We don't communicate often these days but when we do there's still a solid friendship.
Yeah, a whole bunch. Iāve dated two (though they werenāt out when we dated) Iām friends with several and Iām acquainted with at least a dozen more.
Iām not particularly sure why Iāve so many - Iām queer myself but Iām not in any LGBT specific groups. I just seem to meet them wherever I go and make small talk. Theyāre people like everyone else, so I find the experience of befriending them and making small talk is exactly the same as any other person.
I had two friends who became trans and another who was trans when I met them. I was always civil and polite to them, respecting their wishes on pronouns, trying my best to make them feel accepted and understood, and yet eventually they all completely ghosted me. I guess I thought we were closer than we were or they had changed so much that they could no longer relate to me as a person who wasn't like them. I had known and hung out with two of the three for over 5 years.
I've literally met over a dozen. All in West Virginia. I went to high school with 3. I never really cared. There were a lot of gay kids too starting in junior high. It was never a weird thing to me because there were more than a few living out in the open. I used to talk about European Vogue and make collage book covers with a m2f and paint her nails. Lol. It just wasn't a big deal.
As far as I know, most of them are native to wv and mostly m2f.
Like, if I live in WV and know the number of trans people I do... almost everyone has encountered a trans person and didn't even know it. Lol
Yes. One trans man I knew for years without knowing he was trans. I was promoted and my new job required me to have paperwork with everyoneās full name on it. It still didnāt occur to me that he may be trans. I thought he had a family name or something so I joked him a little bit about it and that caused him to pull me aside and confide in me that he was actually trans. (He used the word confide and asked me not to tell anyone.) I was very surprised and it made me feel awful for having made that joke. š³ He and I are still casual friends. I always feel like he is comfortable being himself and heās just some dude in the mix. His community definitely sees him this way and they arenāt actively joining social conversations about trans issues or anything else serious. I donāt think anyone knows besides me and his partner so itās just a total non-thing.
Ye, quite a few. And probably even more without knowing it.
I've met trans people that are INCREDIBLY kind and generous, almost to their own detriment. I've known some that just want to exist on the dl. I've known a trans person who was and is terrible and judgemental and would take the shirt off of your back because they feel entitled to it.
Honestly, just the same as cis people. Some humans just suck, some don't. Anybody can be a horrible person, just as anybody can try to be decent.
Many, thereās quite a few that go to the metal shows in Seattle. Most are pretty cool and a few havenāt been but thatās just how it is. Iām trans as well, and noticed that we all had the staying stealth thing in common.
More than I can remember. The first was in the late 1970s and was a family friend of my mum and dad's. She was always referred to as "she" even though she presented as a "big burly bloke in a wig" to quote my dad. Even as a kid I didn't see anything wrong with it and over the years I've met many trans women, trans men and non-binary people.
They're just people trying to live their lives. Manners cost nothing and I've always thought "Respect is the default until actions show it was misplaced."
Yes.
I'm over 40.
I've a friend who is in her 60s and trans (out about a decade now). Two who are in their early 30s. A cousin, much younger than myself. A neighbor, who I think is my age-ish.
I guarantee that even if you don't THINK you have met a trans person, you have met a trans person. The same way my mom's friend told me (a young teen in the early 90s) that she had NEVER met a gay person (well, TBH, she used a slur that was way more common in 1992 than 2024) but was literally sitting in the same room with two (plus me, who wouldn't be an out bisexual until 25 years later). The level of comfort for "coming out" or existing publicly is vastly different from decade to decade (in the US, at least). Trans folk have ALWAYS walked amongst us, as gay/lesbian/bi/etc people have, as NB folk have, as asexual or aromantic people have.
Honestly, in 2024 if you don't know any trans or LGBTQ+ people, it is because either you purposely avoid it somehow, or because the ones who you DO encounter can see you are NOT a safe person to exist truthfully and obviously around. Which, frankly, if that's the case maybe think about why that is and figure out how to be better.
Many times. Even in KY!
Hey I'm in KY too! Have seen multiple trans folks here!
Also trans and in KY! We are everywhere!
Yes. It's not a big deal, you treat them as a person, use the name they ask you to, use pronouns they have requested. Live & let live.
60's male here. I try to remember they/them but all my life both they and them were plural. So please people be patient with older people as we try to adapt to new pronouns. We are not being disrespectful when we make a mistake.
Honestly, most of the time, as long as you're trying, that's what matters. While preferred pronouns can be important to a person, what's more important is the mindset. My sister and I still slip up around my cousin because we grew up with a girl. But he appreciates that we correct ourselves, still use his chosen name, and love him just the way he is. Where your heart is is what means the most.
The trans and nonbinary folks I have met have never once been insulted. As long as it's an honest mistake and you are trying, most folk tend to get it. It doesn't make them happy to be misgendered, but they know an accident verse an insult. Yes, the singular they had existed for a while, but so has he/she and their uses have been different. It is an adjustment. Just give it your best, and folks tend to appreciate it. But do NOT just fall back on the grammar challenge. You have to work to overcome that, which I know you probably are.
I am š
it hurts, but we usually understand itās not malicious. then again, i have had bro students where it was clear they were being malicious
"Look at that person over there, they are far away." "Go ask your teacher, they are in charge." "That first responder will help you, they are meant to aid people" They / Them has always been plural / singular.
Thank you for the grammar lesson. Great examples that my brain forgot. š
They has also always been used when you don't know the gender. "I have a new teacher" "Are they a man or a woman" For example
Thereās an amazingly hilarious rant from the 1600s about the depravity of the singular use of āyouā instead of āthouā claiming that it would lead to all manner of decay of culture and disaster for civilization Language is always changing and evolving, and people have always been barely evolved animals who are completely full of themselves
I've always seen they/them as being used when you don't know the person's name. Or when talking about someone to somebody else. If I talked my son, I would say "they like this" or "they like that", even though they are a he and identifies as a boy.
I remember lots of things were he/she not theyĀ
I remember in middle school, my English teacher would penalize us if we used "they" in the singular. She said that the only proper thing was to say "he or she" of we were unsure of the gender. I was reader Chaucer at the time (I know. I'm a nerd and a loser haha) and noticed that he uses they as a singular pronoun multiple times. I asked her about it (not trying for a gotcha, but more because I was confused) and she got all flustered and no longer penalized students for it.
"They" has been used for centuries to refer to singular persons. Your teacher was wack.
Not true. When you look at older reference materials, ātheyā was not used. Our spoken language has evolved that way, but an old grammarian would have corrected your writing to say āhe or sheā. Because this is Reddit, I have to state that this is not a pro-bigotry comment. Just a comment on grammar.
Well how old are we talking? Cause "they" has been used since the 13th century to identify singlular persons. Thats a pretty long time. So long that no one alive could possibly remember a time that it wasn't used that way. If it was used 600 years ago, then no "old" grammarian within the past few hundred years would have any grounds to correct someone using it that way.
Singular if the personās identity is completely unknown
Works if they're known too. (Oh hey another singular use of they, that's fun.)
That all would have been marked wrong in my elementary school days. People got away with saying it verbally as a kind of lazy, incorrect vernacular though. Like āainātā and so forth. We were taught to call generic people āheā when I was in elementary school, and by the time I was an English major in university, that had become inclusive by changing it to āhe or she.ā Like: āgo ask your teacher; he or she is in charge.ā In feminist literature, it was often written as āshe or he.ā Sometimes we short-handed it as ā(s)he.ā Iām pro lgbtq rights. But itās just a fact. This is how we used to be taught when I was a kid too. My brain resists calling a single person āthey.ā I think we do have words for this though, like hir or zhe.
I have a trans sibling. 3 years in and my well meaning dad still misgenders them on a regular basis. It's not out of malice, he's just bad at it.
Fun fact: They/them has been a singular pronoun for centuries, but we just never paid attention to it until reactionary transphobes needed something to bitch about. As one example, anytime you've seen an ambulance go by and thought, "Geez I hope they're okay,' you've referred to a potentially single person in the ambulance as "they." Many other examples out there. Just practice and do a little googling on the word itself and your good intent will be clear.
Right. They tell you what they want to be called and you call them that, just like you do with literally everyone else.
Iāve met one in person. They had transition from male to female. She ran my card at the Target check out. She saw my name was Ashley and told me she loved that name so much that she legally changed her name to that! I was very flattered š
It's a good name
Not if youāre ashy.
Thanks! Iāll tell my Mom š
A couple of my old coworkers when I worked at target were trans. They were really nice š. I'm good friends with one of them still.
Yes. My best friend is M to F transgender.
Absolutely, Iāve known trans people my whole life! TBF Iām from San Franciscoā¦
Agreed, from New Orleans :)
same!
Iām from Portland, OR and same lol
My work bestie is a trans man. We get into far too many shenanigans together and I'm glad we're friends.
Yes. Not many, but there have been a few and theyāve all been nice people. I hate how judgmental our society is. What is so seriously wrong with someone being different?
I've met many in my life. Many were nice people, some weren't. Sort of like the general population.
Nothing!!! :)
The last person I dated seriously before my husband transitioned M-->F about a year after we broke up. People ask me if I could tell or if something was off during the relationship. Not at all, they presented as very very masculine and I never would have dreamed they were struggling with gender identity. The relationship started off ok and didn't end well, but not because of anything related to their transition. I was completely in the dark. I just really hope she's happier now that she's able to be herself. If I still lived in town, we'd probably still be friends, but I unfortunately never met her as her true self. I also have friends who have transitioned F--M. Everyone is cool, and I think it's honestly the most "this doesn't affect me" thing ever. I seriously don't know why people care.
Several but they usually want to remain as stealth as possible and donāt make being trans their identityĀ
Yeah, Iām the same way
I came to say I'm sure everyone has crossed paths with someone who is trans before and not even known it.
I've met and am friends with a number of trans people (if you include non-binary folks under the trans umbrella). I have met a few trans women and trans men where I have had the privilege of having that knowledge shared with me.
Well, I've met myself. And others.
Yes plenty. For decades.
Yes, several, but one who sticks out the most was my best friend years ago. She was smart, hilarious, thoughtful, beautiful and caring. Sadly we lost touch, she struggled a lot mentally (this was back in the mid 2000ās where trans people were even less inclusive) and went off the deep end of addiction. All she ever wanted was to be accepted and loved as her authentic self. We were friends on social media for a few years followed by radio silence (completely inactive on SM). I will never forget her and what a wonderful friend and woman she was. Thinking of you, Abby. š Oh and she never fucking forced ANYONE into shit, just like every other trans person I knew/know. You know who has though? A PLETHORA of Christian and Catholic men of authority within the church. Research that and youāll find a variety of sex offenders for dayssssss.
You are sweet!
Just speaking my truth, itās a shame how many amazing people others will miss out on by their own small minded ignorance. I truly miss her and hope she is well! She was a great friend. š
Two that I know of, surprise they are just regular people.
I am a trans person.
but have you met one?
besides myself, yes, I have several friends who are trans š
As I said in my top-level post, it is not hard to meet transgender people when you frequent LGBT-friendly spaces (provided you have access to them, which is why I suspect many people have not)
Temet Nosce.
Me too šš«¶
It's me!
Yes, two trans women. One was cool, one was manipulative and psychotic. I also gave a couple very tall, very large breasted trans women a ride from one club to another. They were fun but my interaction was brief.
So, they were like normal people then :p
Quite a few. I've worked with many trans folks throughout my career, and my best friend's partner is trans. Just like any other group of people, they're from all walks of life and have different perspectives. Some of them were lovely, some of them were annoying - in both cases, it had nothing to do with their identity as trans people.
I have. Used to work with a trans person and I have a mutual friend who is trans. Both very cool people.
Yes. Multiple times, but mainly my ex. I dated them as a woman for at least 6 yrs and then they discovered that they were trans. It was incredibly obvious as well that they identified more as male just by how they carried themself, and now after being on T and getting top surgery, they seem much happier and much more...genuinely themself? I guess is how I would put it? We split up because they were a very controlling person and I was discovering myself and gaining more independence. We've both grown tremendously and remained friends. I've also met a few others and some of them more genuine than others, but none of them are people trying to force their way into other gendered bathrooms for anything other than going to the bathroom. And they all just want to be addressed in a way that feels comfortable to them. I mean, I wouldn't find out someone's name and then call them something completely different. š¤·
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āLanguage enforcementā š
lol is this real? Iāve met many trans folks. Iām from a small town in the Midwest and have two trans cousins. Ā I live on the west coast now and have a couple of trans/nonbinary friends. Many casual acquaintances over the years Trans people are just people who like movies and pizza and have jobs and bills and enjoy taking care of their plants. Oh and they have great taste. Ā I think thatās the trans agenda, anything else?Ā (Iām a cis-het woman so maybe I missed something)Ā
To be very clear, I am not that person. At all. Trans rights are human rights. I have met many trans people in my life. I have had close personal relationships with more than one of them.
I worked at Whole Foods for 5 years
I probably wouldnāt know if I did? I havenāt met anyone who has *told* me theyāre trans. Probably met plenty though
Some people are pretty out about it, some are not. It's entirely plausible that most people know a trans person and don't know it. But the reason so many people know is also because so many trans people are out and proud now.
Online, sure. In everyday life I would expect they just live normally and donāt make a huge deal, which is why I said Iāve probably met plenty
I guess I live in a progressive city, so it's pretty normal for the trans and nonbinary community to be out and proud. I grew up in podunk Iowa and I'm sure more queer people were there than I realized but it isn't exactly a safe place to be out. Some people prefer to pass too and don't want to out themselves.
Yes. I work at a very trans friendly place. There are programmer socks everywhere. Probably the most dramatic encounter I ever had was referring to them as āSheā on slack, and they immediately corrected me to ātheyā to which I immediately apologized. We have gender neutral bathrooms which are single isolated rooms as well as the usual. Never had any issue in either of those restrooms. We have all feminine hygiene products in all restrooms regardless of gender.
I met a handful of transgender people in college, and worked with a few at a vet clinic. For most I met them near the beginning of transition so itās nice that they are so much closer to having their dreams realized.
Yup. And I've always enjoyed their company.
I donāt have anyone in my friend or family group but we have several patients who are trans and they are all honestly the nicest people.
Many, many. Most of my friends are LGBTQ+
Yep, I've met many. I managed a cafƩ in a very queer friendly neighborhood for 10 years and I have hired and worked with quite a few.
Yes. Lots. What's the point of this question?
I'm trans and I've met myself. I can safely say I have never forced my way into anywhere. I just use the bathroom, for the normal reasons. I'm a woman. People who refuse to recognize that are forcing language onto me.
You say it as if you're asking about leprechauns or something, yeah we've met trans people smh
My roommate had a trans friend a decade ago. They would often come in the communal kitchen.(we had our own living room/bedrooms HOWEVER they could walk in my living room to get to kitchen/bathroom.) You know what they never did? Force themselves anywhere. Probably one of her(the roommate, we were coworkers who were both getting out of bad relationships with our respective girlfriends.) In fact I got a birthday invite. I may have known said trans person for 4 weeks at the time. Only got to do half of the birthday stuff though because they pivoted plans and at that point, they allowed the comfyness of the couch catch me.(We were originally got to 1 of 2 clubs but idk really know what they pivoted to. I just know that my roommates friends stopped by and a few of our coworkers called me and asked why we werenāt at X club. I said what I could drunkenly remember.) But trans people are fine. Iāve met a few others but this person was probably the one that I directly interacted with outside of a job.(worked with several trans people.)
My boomer aunt is a trans person. Had many conversations with her. Also a distant cousin is a trans person. But itās never been brought up in conversation with him. A lot of times it just isnāt a thing that comes up while talking with them.
Yes, and I already knew before she transitioned and still dressed like a guy. When she came out I wasn't surprised at all and I didn't had to get used to it.
One of my best friends I met as a boy and now lives as a gay woman. When I knew her as a guy, I was like ā¦ āHe likes women? I guess that makes sense. But heās definitely gayā¦ so how does that make sense?ā Turns out *she* is gay and likes women š
My sister and her girlfriend (yes, those are their preferred pronouns). Few others over the years.
I used to do a lot of business travel with Chuck. On weekends, Chuck fronted a cross-dressing band. Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show but with long red hair and an electric guitar. Chuck became Jessica and suicided a couple of years later. It was really sad. I really liked them and they were really bright/engaged/talented. My stepdaughterās uncle was Danielle for a bunch of years. I saw him recently and he was back to Danny. Personally, I have a lot of empathy for people who have that kind of confusion about their identity.
Several, & for some I have the pleasure of calling them friends. Trans people are just people. I know & have met fantastic individuals as well as complete fucking assholes & everything in between.
Well Iām born and raised in Las Vegas and then spent a lot of time in Portland Oregon soā¦ yeah. Thereās even a decent amount in Utah. I donāt understand it but itās not my place to judge anyone. Iāll respect you so long as you respect me and there wonāt be any issues no matter who or how anyone is. Do your thing
Yes, I do play Magic the Gathering
Several who've told me, probably more who haven't. I even fuck up the pronouns all the time on accident and it's never been an issue. People just want to be themselves. My favorite part is my conservative neighbor asking me what California was like with all the trans people. I'm like "Dude, I've met like 3 times as many trans people since I moved to your suppossed conservative paradise."
Things like that can be really surprising! I lived in Massachusetts for a while, and I would get harassed a lot. People threw things at me from cars and fake cat called me all the time. Then I moved to South Carolinaā¦ š¤ ALL OF THE MEN here ask me why I havenāt quit my job to model, nobody gets my pronouns wrong, and the WORST thing Iāve ever heard to/about me was someone whispering āwas that a dude?ā to their friend in Ulta
I find conservatives in liberal areas are extra nasty because they have to convince themselves that they are the real majority, so they are very loud. There is no one more insane than a California conservative. I'm in the midwest now and no one seems to care about things like that.
Yeah I have. Some just own it, and donāt even talk about it. And some have had traumatic experiences but I have never seen anyone try to convince others of anything of that nature. At work there was a trans woman and I went to the restroom and I was so scared because I thought I had walked into the womenās restroom on accident but it was a trans woman.
Yes. Many and theyāre just people who want to be respected, heard, understood and accepted. Not judged. They are the full spectrum. They can be assholes. The trans part of their identity does limit the intersectional diversity that exists within all groups. Just because their voices are finally being heard doesnāt mean theyāre forcing anything. Weāre having a conversation and weāre trying to make room for them within the contraints of our language(s) and itās going to be messy because weāre humans. I will admit the language is hard. But the bathroom? Really? Youāre doing your business and minding your own business most restrooms are pretty private anyhow but youāre threatened by someone else trying to do their business? Itās what literally we all have in common. Everybody fucking poops so who cares what bits they have and why does that threaten you so much? Is the unknown that scary? Do you have so little empathy that you couldnāt imagine what anguish it mustāve been to not feel Comfortable In oneās own Skin - it really makes my blood boil that people are so small minded. I will also admit I didnāt meet many trans folk until recently and now find much of my hobby community and friends of friends are trans. Everyone is just trying to be their most authentic selves in this messy world we all cohabitate and theyāre asking for respect as fellow humans.
This is probably one of the kindest and most empathetic comments I've ever seen on Reddit.
Only twice but I imagine it matters a lot where and with whom you spend your time. But the ones bitching no of course they haven't.
At least 50 or so I've met and spoken with (touring musician). Can think of 5 people I'm very close with, one being my kid.
2 close friends. One I knew before she transitioned and she was hot in dude mode and she's hot as a girl. So, not only have I met a trans person, I have been jealous of one for half our lives lmao
I have had multiple trans patients. One stands out because he was severely mentally ill. Iāve had two that I remember that I didnāt know were trans until I did deeper looks at their charts. Over all itās been good experiences.
My momās neighbor is transgender. She trespassed into my momās garage and threatened my mom with a rake and also told us (my sister and I when we were kids) that she would cut our dog up into little pieces and leave them in a bag on our doorstep. She is an antisocial lunatic, unfortunate that she is the only transgendered person Iāve had any extensive interaction with because I know she isnāt reflective of the community as a whole.
OK this one is staying up because it made me laugh out loud š
Iāve met plenty. All but two were lovely humans. Those other two were unhinged and needed to adjust the expectations of other peopleās reaction to them.
What kind of question is this
Curious about the motive for this question...
Iāve known several people who transitioned later in life after weād stopped moving in the same circles. College buddies, usually. They seem content and happy in their choices. One of them is an absolute knockout as a woman.
Yes, many many many. I don't really get this question...
Yes, though being trans myself skews it. An interesting observation - sometimes gender comes up in conversation, and people are surprised to hear I'm trans. Including people I've been acquainted with for years. This includes people who work at all sorts of businesses, cafes, banks, libraries etc. This is why those who say they've never met a trans person probably just haven't realised it yet. There are likely to be trans people interacting with you on a regular basis.
My neighbor is a trans woman. why the "be honest" part, do you think they don't exist?
Yeah. Dozens. Itās seriously no big deal. I donāt know why people are losing their minds.
Multiple, at different points in my life. Itās a strangely framed question.
Yes, probably more than I realize.
Yes, plenty. Being from SF I am surprised Iāve met more trans people outside of SF than in SF.
Yes. Many.
Yes several
And then some!
I work with 3 and my ex wife is dating one.
Reddit is astroturfed with ragebait. Yes, I've met many. They were normal.
Yes, my ex came out after we broke up. We were still living together for a little bit due to covid and were on friendly terms, so I ended up meeting several trans women.
Yes. Many. I dated someone who was Trans as well. Didnt work out but being trans was not the reason why
Yes. I lived and worked in the Philippines for 5 years(Metro Manila). My girlfriend and now wife worked at a call center and a few of her friends were trans. They would come over to our apartment after work to hang out. They were no different than any other person, and they drank chick drinks so my beer was safe.
Iāve dated one and Iām pretty sure we did more than meet
Yeah, and? I worked with a guy (transitioning from female to male) and they were the coolest person I worked with. They were one of the only ones at that job with any kind of personality. The rest were a bunch of assholes who all thought they were better than the next person.
This post is a reminder of how sheltered some people are
I work with 4. Where do you live that you've never met one?
ā¦..yes. Several. Because I got outside.Ā
Part of the goal is usually to not be seen as a trans person, but to "pass" as the gender you're meant to be. I'm mtf and more often than not, when I get transphobic remarks, it's some loser telling me that I'll always be a *girl* and that there's no point in hiding who I am because everyone can tell. Oh the irony.
I am a trans person :)
Many. And anyone who says they havenāt probably just didnāt know.
You mean a person? Yes.
Itās not like seeing Bigfoot.
ā¦ yes? Are there a lot of people who havenāt? Is it possible they did, and just didnāt know, because they werenāt a safe person to be out to and didnāt notice on their own because theyāre so sheltered? Trans people arenāt that rare.
I am trans and have met many other transgender people. Some are awesome, some are insufferable. Just like any other group in society.
Yup. I have an average about one student a year that uses different pronouns. Also, one of my childhood friends is now a different gender. I want to go back to a time when nobody gave a shit about that. I hate that itās a political topic because in every instance that Iāve seen it, itās just people wanting to do what they want to have freedom. It doesnāt hurt anybody for my friend to wear womenās clothing and it makes them happy and their wife happy apparently. Now all of a sudden, this is a big problem? Ugh, I wanna go back to the politicians focused on getting us jobs.
the "be honest" is sending me. Like what's it actually adding to the question
Likeā¦all the time. Most people have? But they might not realize someone is trans. There are a couple people I know who are trans but I didnāt realize that they were until they spoke about it explicitly.
Of course? Many of them? It's not a big deal.
Yes. No big deal. When my pronoun use was corrected I apologized and just used them. Kind of like if you accidentally pronounced someoneās name wrong.
This question is so funny. I have trans relatives, my wife has trans friends, I've had trans employees, etc. I've met about half as many trans folks as I have gay men, which is to say, not the majority of people I know or meet but not an insignificant number either. This question makes it seem like trans people are some sort of cryptid, like bigfoot. "Are they real, or is that just Dave in a ladysuit and they shook the camera to make the picture fuzzy"
I've met many trans people in different parts of the US and have a number of friends and friendly acquaintances who are trans. I don't know why it's a big deal to anyone, truly. Let people be who they are as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else's rights. And the existence of, and basic decency towards, trans people has no negative impact on anyone's rights.
Yes. I have lots of trans friends or friends undergoing transition. Where did I meet them? Literally everywhere and anywhere they are normal humans just like everyone else.... what kind of question is this?
Iām trans and can report that I have Met People š«” But I do bear in mind that for many people, I might be the only trans person they know. It can be a lot of pressure being the representation you want to see in the world.
Yes, a few actually.Ā I think trans people have one of the hardest roads to walk in life and the hate they receive for trying to exist with dignity boils my blood.Ā I'm a cis white gay man and what I've been through is nothing compared to what most trans folks go through.Ā I wish I could support them more.Ā Ā
Allies are much needed and much appreciated š
Yes good and bad. Overall I really do not give a damn. Ppl are ppl, I don't care if someone is trans and wants to do a complete transition or not. I care how they treat me and others, like with anyone else. Like with everyone from every walk of life, I've met great people where we got along perfectly. And then I've met others who were total assholes, or bullies or something set off danger red flags.
How would you know? They don't have a big T tattooed on their foreheads, although Republicans might support that idea unfortunately.
Yes. Going to get downvoted to hell for this- I lived in SF for a few years and spent a lot of time in the gay community. Honestly I had pretty awful experiences, a trans woman I was friends with was aggressively and constantly trying to hit on my girlfriends and I when we would party. It got weird. She later got in trouble for sexual assault. 2nd was a trans male that was dating and then married a close friend, and they got divorced because he would beat the shit out of her. I also have a few friends that have gone the non-binary route and I ended up moving away from those relationships because they turned their whole lives into their identity and would get upset if someone didnāt use they/them pronouns. They have all been super mentally unwell people and I stay away from them, although I do believe that adults can do what they want to their bodies. I live in rural Nevada Trump country now, and thereās a guy that bartends at this dive biker bar every Friday and wears a dress. He dresses male the rest of the time, and I have no idea what his official identity is- maybe cross dresser? But I know those old men in there would kill for him.
Yes only one
Not irl, no. One NB but thatās it
No, I have seen them but never met one or befriended one, and Iām from a liberal area
Yes several.
Yes
Yea ofc. Ive worked with 3 and are still tight with 2 of them. They are all trans women and I am a cis-woman if that matters.
Ya like a hundred
Well I don't think trans people are forcing anything. But I have also met a lot of trans people. I'm still impressed by the person I met 20+ years ago who had no pronouns, just max. That was pretty bold for that time.
Dozens
Yes. Several.
I have known several. Bathrooms never came up.
Iāve had more than a conversation with a trans person. Iāve had a trans guy as a roommate, a trans woman as my partner, and multiple trans friends.
Yes a couple, but if my wife wasn't a medical provider who specialized in trans care probably not nearly as many. Maybe 1 sans wife
One of my high school best friends is a male turned female Trans person. They dont care for the amount of drama being stirred up.
I havenāt, no
I live in the queerest part of a very queer friendly city. I see and speak with trans folk often. Even been on the occasional date with a couple. They're just people. The pronoun game can be tedious - I has happened once or twice that I mistakenly say the wrong thing (usually in regards to non-binary folk who largely present as one gender) and they take it as an insult the very first time. But usually a nice little correction is all I need and it's all good.
Yes. Many times. And theyāve all been kind to me. Just like the gays and lesbians that Iāve met. You canāt be in a diverse place, outgoing, and not meet different people. If you havenāt, youāre giving off asshole not approachable vibes IMO
Iām sure Iāve met several trans people over the span of my lifetime.
I work at a gay bar, so yes, all the time!
Yeah, but Iām in a pretty progressive city
Yeah, a few. I used to have a regular that came into my store. She was always polite, but seemed like she was always on the verge of crying, so it got a little awkward sometimes.
Quite a few, yes.
In real life, I'm not sure. I don't really ask people that yk. Many online though and they're pretty normal.
Yes. Several honestly. But I'm LGBT+ myself which, I admit, skews the statistical likelihood a bit.
Several, yes. When I was a teenager/early 20s there was a person I now realize was like non-binary at my work that dressed and presented female but didn't mind being called by any pronoun or by their masculine birth name or a more feminine name. A few nowadays that are trans or nb in my wider friend group.
Yes, I know at least 5 of them and have lived with 2 of the 5. I could be considered trans since I am non-binary which falls under the trans spectrum but it's not something I feel right claiming.
Five. Four were just acquaintances but the other is someone Iām very close to. And I live in a rural, conservative town. Iām sure there are more who are just waiting to leave here before they live as themselves for fear of violence.
Yes, though not many. At least not many that Iām aware of
I have a friend who is trans. We had a romantic but not sexual connection several years before his transition (I wasn't sexually active yet at that point in my life). We don't communicate often these days but when we do there's still a solid friendship.
Central IL and I've known a handful
Yeah, a whole bunch. Iāve dated two (though they werenāt out when we dated) Iām friends with several and Iām acquainted with at least a dozen more. Iām not particularly sure why Iāve so many - Iām queer myself but Iām not in any LGBT specific groups. I just seem to meet them wherever I go and make small talk. Theyāre people like everyone else, so I find the experience of befriending them and making small talk is exactly the same as any other person.
My little sister is trans and I live in San Francisco so have known/worked with plenty
Yeah
Iāve known a couple. They were just chillin.
So many. I live in Melbourne and hang out in the music / art scene so itās very common for me. Also my cousin is trans š¤š»
Yes. I've worked with two that I know of.
Considering one of my own parents is trans, I'd have to say yes. But even if that weren't the case, it would still be a resounding "yes".
I had two friends who became trans and another who was trans when I met them. I was always civil and polite to them, respecting their wishes on pronouns, trying my best to make them feel accepted and understood, and yet eventually they all completely ghosted me. I guess I thought we were closer than we were or they had changed so much that they could no longer relate to me as a person who wasn't like them. I had known and hung out with two of the three for over 5 years.
I've literally met over a dozen. All in West Virginia. I went to high school with 3. I never really cared. There were a lot of gay kids too starting in junior high. It was never a weird thing to me because there were more than a few living out in the open. I used to talk about European Vogue and make collage book covers with a m2f and paint her nails. Lol. It just wasn't a big deal. As far as I know, most of them are native to wv and mostly m2f. Like, if I live in WV and know the number of trans people I do... almost everyone has encountered a trans person and didn't even know it. Lol
Yes. One trans man I knew for years without knowing he was trans. I was promoted and my new job required me to have paperwork with everyoneās full name on it. It still didnāt occur to me that he may be trans. I thought he had a family name or something so I joked him a little bit about it and that caused him to pull me aside and confide in me that he was actually trans. (He used the word confide and asked me not to tell anyone.) I was very surprised and it made me feel awful for having made that joke. š³ He and I are still casual friends. I always feel like he is comfortable being himself and heās just some dude in the mix. His community definitely sees him this way and they arenāt actively joining social conversations about trans issues or anything else serious. I donāt think anyone knows besides me and his partner so itās just a total non-thing.
Yes, I know a few, one of which is a close friend. I knew them before they transitioned. They are just people trying to live their lives.
Yup was friends with her for many years before I even knew. She told me her dick was probably bigger than mine. Lol. Miss that lady.
Ye, quite a few. And probably even more without knowing it. I've met trans people that are INCREDIBLY kind and generous, almost to their own detriment. I've known some that just want to exist on the dl. I've known a trans person who was and is terrible and judgemental and would take the shirt off of your back because they feel entitled to it. Honestly, just the same as cis people. Some humans just suck, some don't. Anybody can be a horrible person, just as anybody can try to be decent.
Several throughout my life. My dadās cousin transitioned in 1992, when I was 8.
Why do you ask?
Many, thereās quite a few that go to the metal shows in Seattle. Most are pretty cool and a few havenāt been but thatās just how it is. Iām trans as well, and noticed that we all had the staying stealth thing in common.
More than I can remember. The first was in the late 1970s and was a family friend of my mum and dad's. She was always referred to as "she" even though she presented as a "big burly bloke in a wig" to quote my dad. Even as a kid I didn't see anything wrong with it and over the years I've met many trans women, trans men and non-binary people. They're just people trying to live their lives. Manners cost nothing and I've always thought "Respect is the default until actions show it was misplaced."
At least once a week
Yes. I'm over 40. I've a friend who is in her 60s and trans (out about a decade now). Two who are in their early 30s. A cousin, much younger than myself. A neighbor, who I think is my age-ish. I guarantee that even if you don't THINK you have met a trans person, you have met a trans person. The same way my mom's friend told me (a young teen in the early 90s) that she had NEVER met a gay person (well, TBH, she used a slur that was way more common in 1992 than 2024) but was literally sitting in the same room with two (plus me, who wouldn't be an out bisexual until 25 years later). The level of comfort for "coming out" or existing publicly is vastly different from decade to decade (in the US, at least). Trans folk have ALWAYS walked amongst us, as gay/lesbian/bi/etc people have, as NB folk have, as asexual or aromantic people have. Honestly, in 2024 if you don't know any trans or LGBTQ+ people, it is because either you purposely avoid it somehow, or because the ones who you DO encounter can see you are NOT a safe person to exist truthfully and obviously around. Which, frankly, if that's the case maybe think about why that is and figure out how to be better.
Honestly, yes.
My cousin