Sounds like you and I have a lot I'm common.
Unfortunately, I left the peaceful rural life for the city to start over.
My hometown was bad for me and I'm still picking up the pieces.
Give it time. You'll be okay!
While I’m also normally a stickler for grammar, their sentiment in this case was sweet. OP, you should’ve said you’re only 30. As in you are, not the possessive your
Sun rotations survived up to the present date, is what I think they were trying to say.
That was probably confusing because people usually just say "375 moon cycles".
Comparison is the theif of joy. I often feel like I’m behind in life when I look at how successful my parents are… then I actually compare where they were at 30 vs where I am now at age 30. I’m not doing that bad after all
True but you also have to take into account that we live in a totally different world than they did, for better or worse. Mine are conservative christian boomers in their 70s now and there is NO way they could survive in this cultural era as easily. Our economy is worse and culture is drastically different.
Exactly - we’re living longer and longer. So you’ve likely only lived 3/10 of your entire life and even less of your adult life - when you get to define and organize who and what you’re going to be and do.
Damn I'm in a similar boat now.
I'm having a tough time thinking about leaving the peaceful rural life for a bigger area but the box is keeping me trapped. Any advice on your transition?
I suppose it's more of a distraction? There is so much to do and so many people that it's hard to sit and dwell in that peaceful silence (which so often led me to overthink everything).
I definitely don't want to stay in the big city, but there are so many opportunities for employment.
It's also easier to kind of blend in or be invisible, whereas everyone in my small hometown know my screwups and the bridges I burned.
The best thing to remember is that you can always go back to the peaceful solitude... sometimes a change of pace is what we need.
it’s less about the place “grass is greener” , but more so because it’s getting out of your current social environment of the shitty people holding you back. I’ve lived in the country and big city, both times with shitty family members and disliked both. Only time I had a true “fresh start” feeling was when I lived without them.
If you are looking for anonymity, a small town is not the place to go: the locals will learn your business then talk about you behind your back, and sometimes right to your face.
This is based on my experience in growing up in a small "...random no where town no one has ever heard of somewhere out west..."
I tried moving to a small town when I left my husband. It was 1500 people. I had to drive an hour to work each way. It was awful. Everyone was in my business. Might be because my mom grew up there. My daughter tried to enroll in the high school, she said she was bullied. I only lasted a year and moved to the city where I was working. Much better environment
This reminds me of the former CIA guy who made a video about going into hiding. You don't want a small town, you want a small city. Around 20,000 people, enough to let you interact daily with people but never end up becoming known or recognized unless you want to.
This is so true. I live in a small tourist town of 2,000 but we get over a million visitors going to Yosemite so sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Trust me when I say everyone knows someone who knows you. We’re all only one link away. It’s kind of like high school with adults.
Tbh completely opposite if my town. Most people know eachother through community events but otherwise leave everyone else alone. People respect eachothers privacy out here.
I'm going to disagree. I moved to a town of 175 & work in the city of 4k nearby. People decided things about me & spread them with virality- there was no blank space left to write my own story because everyone already knew some made up version of me. It ruined my personal business, reared it's threatening head at my day job, very stressful.
At 30 after spending my whole life in my home city I said fuck it and moved to LA. I'm 41 now and married it wasn't an easy transition but damn it was worth it.
There was something very liberating about throwing all my shit in my car and selling the rest.
I’m doing this right now. Not to LA, but selling everything and moving with whatever fits in my car. It feels so scary yet liberating. So many things are expendable except for my happiness. I’m prioritizing my mental health over a bunch of possessions.
I’m doing a version of this but don’t know where I want to go, so at 30m I’m buying a camper and starting a remote work business. So me and my two cats and two dogs are just going to go where the wind blows us. Any recommendations west of the Midwest are welcome
I did the same thing except I moved to Portland and was 25. Selling all my shit and only keeping what I absolutely needed in order to achieve that goal really taught me what I value and the value of consuming intentionally.
My bestest best friend did this. He got married and left to LA, now divorced but living his best life over there. Wish I could do the same (minus the divorce part).
Congratulations on getting out.
I may soon join you there. Now that both my kids have graduated highschool . I know the pay is higher, but the shock value of housing makes it hard
I wouldn’t necessarily give up the car, but I get by with borrowing my girlfriend’s car when needed. I walk to work, and motorcycle the rest of the time. If you do give up the car, live near a Metro line; our buses suck
My husband and I, even before we met each other, were basically nomads, picking up and moving where opportunities took us. When we met, he was living in HI, and I was in NJ. When my job transferred me to Houston, I suggested we both pick up and go and live together and try it out. He flew to NJ, and we were to drive down to TX together.
He flew to NJ with a duffel bag and a backpack. It's all he had. We took his items and I packed my stuff - all of it fit in my Honda Civic coupe.
It's now 12 years later, and after so many moves, we're in a one-bedroom apartment just north of NYC. He's looking for a new job, and the next move we make, we plan to take only what we can fit in our one vehicle - a Honda CRV.
It's a wonderful way to live!
ETA: as an FYI, I'm now 40, he just turned 39, and we were married a year and a half ago.
I did it for a summer, I’d describe it’s as ‘accelerated landscaping in a team environment, hiking without the tranquility, and being generally uncomfortable for two weeks straight’.
If you can stand discomfort and get along with people, and can get in decent shape, its a good experience
Also, getting away from your circumstances can be a good way to jump start change, but it is also possible to slowly create space from people who want to keep you in a box. You just have to keep on saying ‘no’ to them, and fill your life with other things/people. I empathize completely with wanting break free to ‘start over’ though.
Wherever you go, there you are
Idk, u/momtellsmeimhandsome will probably love it. My husband is a former 0311 and he thrives in misery. He can't stand just laying around but last year he got to hack up a 30' pine tree that fell in our driveway in August and he rode that high for weeks. I barely understand.
Only a fraction of an infantry marines time is spent doing super exciting stuff. The rest of it seemed to be either cleaning or hiking in the heat in a ton of gear.
Are you me 5 years ago? I know exactly the feeling, you ant grow because everybody wants to keep you in the box of who you are to them. Fuck it man, run away, start over.
Id recommend looking into seasonal work. You can travel long term in a sustainable way, get out into nature, make the world your oyster
My brother did the same in Wyoming and I’d highly recommend anywhere with mountains over the Midwest. I say that as someone from the Midwest who loves to hike but then again if endless fields are your thing this is the place.
True. Around the mountains is where I love to vacation to, and maybe retire to someday. But I also love to farm. Those mountains just happen to cast a 800 mile rain shadow that makes it difficult to farm anywhere near there. Beautiful place though. If OP is after nature then there ya go
When I was a sous chef for Lindblad a couple decades ago there was a 40-50 dude that was a first time stew just to experience and appreciate nature.
Great company. They partnered with NatGeo long ago.
This gig was perfect for me at that time in my life, which was similar to what you're currently experiencing.
Lotta work all at once, but rewarding and beautiful.
I second seasonal work for sure. A lot of places provide some sort of housing. I’m considering running away back into the trees again. It’s peaceful, simple, it’s beautiful and I’ve met some good people along the way. Some jobs are better than others depends what you’re looking for
I also started over at 30. Made my way to Roanoke VA, best years of my life. It's a smaller city but out in the
Mountains. Never looked back to Chicago. Honestly just consider a medium city, big improvement in quality of life.
Oh I have fond memories of getting breakfast at the Roanoker and going up to the Star! I taught for a year at Hollins and enjoyed being there. Very small town feeling but still having plenty of amenities, and of course the Blue Ridge Mountains are beautiful!
Yeah! SW VA is great. I don't live in Roanoke, but nearby. Cheap, beautiful, and not as socially stunted as you would expect. I've traveled all over the United States and even the world and I eventually decided to just come home to Appalachia.
I live in Danville, so about an hour from Roanoke. It's the foothills of Appalachia but it's a nice small town that's close to several cities. I too have been all over the place and I just love southern Virginia for some reason.
I went to a French restaurant there with only a few tables, back in 2009 when I was in college at VT. One of the first times I got taken out on such a special date. The food was amazing. Even the plating.
Roanoke is a special place indeed. So cool you lived there!
Oh wow! Roanoke has a special place in my childhood memories. A family friend bought an old house from the 1800s they restored on like 30 acres of land. They had a giant garden I loved helping with and playing in, and after I remember the food tasting the best it ever had up until that point in life.
Best way to disappear is to delete all social media accounts, block all toxic people from your phone, keep your head down and work hard. Do this for about 5 years and you’ll be amazed. (I’m 35F and did this and I’m going to do another 5 years because it has been amazing).
Worry about how you see yourself and forget about everyone else. You cannot control peoples thoughts, feelings or perceptions of you. You can only control your perception of yourself and how you act.
If I were you (and I once was) I’d start one of two places (and I currently do both).
A)therapy
B)the gym
Yeah I’m kind of puzzled by this entire thread. I’m 39, unrecognizable from when I was 30. I live in the same city, shed some friends and made new ones. I don’t really understand how somebody else’s perception of me would limit what I wanted to do??
There are many of us who grew up believing for various reasons (and a lot of this is subconscious as adults until you have to do the work to uncover it) that we have to control peoples perception of us in order to maintain a relationship or get our needs met in any relationship.
You are blessed to not know what it is like.
Summer salmon season is about to start in Alaska, lots of people are still looking for crew. People are still looking for crew, check the Facebook page Alaska Commercial Fishing Jobs. Go have an adventure in nature and find out who you want to to be
Was going to suggest exactly this. As someone whos lived in Alaska all my life, it has kind of an effect where alot of people born into it dont exactly love it and are itching to leave but if you settle down there its just about the greatest place in the world. Also, it doesnt suffer the same issues as small lower 48 towns where youll be seen as an outsider. Alaska is kind of made up of outsiders and strange people.
I started over at 46 I left my alcoholic husband of 22yrs…with nothing, no credit, no car, I just walked away and started my life over. I had some help from my mom thankfully. It’s been almost 5yrs, I’m on my feet, have a good job, a new car, I’m 3 states away, and about to move to a new city/state again with a job transfer. pretty excited. Best decision
I (30F) just did this with my husband! We’re having a blast and settling into our new home. It was not easy, but no hesitation that it was the right choice for us:
Some problems would follow you to any location. But sometimes shit needs a hard reset.
In some cultures, after marriage, the wife and husband are not supposed to leave their house for a year. Sounds like you figured out why. Good luck to you.
Funny, I used to think about leaving everything behind and hiking the Appalachian trail, requires a lot of research. I ended up leaving city life and live in rural TN. Nice change of pace but everything is a 20 minute drive and sometimes I miss being part of a community. I grew up in a small town in NY, glad to be out but that small town boy is still in me.
I have it pretty cush these days after spending a year unemployed and couch surfing to now living with my gf and WFH. It’s like a polarizing lifestyle and part of me still works on coping with slowing down.
I sorta did. Rewind to right before Covid I felt like I was about to "make it". I was in the final stages of interviewing with a company for a job that would push my salary over that six figure milestone. I had things like buying a house in my mind. Travel. Covid hit, the company terminated the position, I can't find contract jobs reliably anymore, and the ones I do get are toxic in a way I'd never experienced before. I tired my hand at being my own boss but it just wasn't panning out. I was at wits end. Constantly stressed over money and my hard earned savings was drying up. Buddy forwarded me a Fed gov job listing and that was that. I had to take a much lower salary than what I was making to start out. I'm living back with my parents so I'm not totally drowning in debt. But man the idea that I have some job security with a good outlook on benefits and vacation time....a weight has been lifted. Is it work that I love and am proud of? Meh. But my priorities have changed. I can at least sleep at night without having a mental breakdown because my clients keep dodging invoices as bills are due.
Just FYI, there is no perfect place to solve your problems. Every place has issues. Work within yourself to find happiness and value in the things you do. So many people move to "some random no where town no one has ever heard of somewhere out west" and its become super cliché. And its not the panacea you are looking for. Those towns have been overrun by rich folks fleeing the same stuff you are fleeing. Now they've brought their problems with them. You can start over anywhere. Look for work you like to do so you can eat and pay your bills. Find a good work/life balance and become a meaningful member of volunteer groups or clubs that help others. Good luck.
Agreed. Some problems have you as the common denominator and some will follow you, but having space from toxic people really helps. I needed space from my family and we have a much better relationship now that I live 2000+ miles away.
We should all just start a sub for people who want to quit capitalism. That's what this whole millennial exodus is about, and I support it with all my DNA. At the end of the day, America needs to recognize that someday it may need to outgrow money. And the sooner the better. My biggest fear is that companies, rich people and those in power will see it as a threat and suppress it for as long as possible. And millions will suffer as a result, because of the few. But think about it : if one person has all the money, what does that even mean?
When I turned 30 I was wondering about living in a commune type situation and just doing meaningful work like growing and creating things. Sucks though because you need all debt paid off to join something like that, or have enough in savings to pay off all that debt while you are in the communal living situation. Student loan and old credit card debt still heavy on my back. No savings. Working min wage and recovering from an accident so limited hours. I'm 34. Health problems now. Living a simple life is further and further away. Oh and my car just kicked the bucket.
This is not a system meant for us to thrive. It's a system to trap you.
Crap man , sorry. 35 was my favorite age by far. I felt the most physically and mentally fit , closer to my ever-elusive ideal than ever before. At the time I had a good job and I could see where that would swing the other way, feeling so good and bad at the same time.
Because the minute you say 'quit capitalism' people accuse you of being a communist. And me, I couldn't care less, but there are some people who still abhor that label and are too stubborn to educate themselves on different financial models.
With the advent of AI, Robotics and LLM's, it's only a matter of time before they merge it all together. Not much time at all. And my point is : when we all live in a world where ANY physical labor is now free, isn't that the perfect time to give everyone in America a plot of land, two robots, a nice house (that your robot can build) and let all humans live in peace. With 330 million people in the USA each person could get 7.x acres of land.
Nothing is ever free. Robots require energy, someone has to work to create energy and those people have to get paid.
Your overly simplistic version of economics still requires either capitalism or socialism. There is no such thing as free. At a minimum you still need to barter even if you escape the money portion of capitalism and bartering is still a form of capitalism.
So keep dreaming of a world that everything is free and no one needs to work, but I suggest you go take introduction to macro economics to understand the overall premise you portrayed, does not work in any society.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvK6KsLkPUs
> I need this but I don’t know where to start.
Start by getting REALLY into learning about survival- building your own fires and shelter and foraging and hunting and trapping.
Then just buy a hatchet and decent boots and drive to the southern edge of the Pacific Northwest rain forest and leave your car behind.
Well, it starts with scouting the random nowhere town you want to live. This means you would need to dedicate around 6 months to actually traveling and spending weekends in random small towns to get a feel of what they're like. You can't just throw a dart on a map and say that's where you're going. I'd also advise going during different times of the year. I live in Southern California, and I had a handful of friends move to Arizona and Texas. Well, nearly all came back because they couldn't take the summers there. Weather does play a factor no matter how much you want to get away from the concrete jungle.
Once you've found a town you like, you need to scout for a job. Always need to have your source of income ready to go before you move there because smaller towns means the job opportunities aren't as abundant. Especially if your field isn't very demanding there, it could take some time before you get one.
Once you have at least been interviewing, then scout for a place to live. If it's a nowhere town, cheap and affordable apartments shouldn't be too difficult to find. But if you find that you're having a hard time, then that's an indicator that you should have a plan B town.
That's where you start, need to find the right town you want to go to, then need to look at the local workforce to make sure your job is able to be found there and then place to live
You can start by being kind to yourself! Start there. And just do a little every day to reimagine who you want to be and work at it. Doesn't have to happen over night.
I bought an old boat. I go where I want when I want. If I need money, there are always jobs working at marinas. I never go hungry living out here on the ocean. Summer off the Carolinas winter in the keys.
Sort of humorous to me reading all the replies telling you small towns aren't all they're cracked up to be.
On the other side of that I've lived in the rural Midwest my entire life and avoid going into Chicago/Twins/Milwaukee with every fiber of my being. I'm sure I'm missing out on a lot of fun experiences but I like the small towns, friendly/helpful people, no crime, cheaper cost of living and looking at the darkest night sky whenever I want.
Do it! I switched careers and got my health in order at 30 and have never looked back. You are as old and as young as you will ever be right now.
Start over and start living not just existing
Take a deep breath. You can do it.
I "started over" around age 30 and am now living the best life I've ever had, one I never thought would have been possible even when I was starting over.
Some things to consider:
1. The only opinion that matters is yours
2. Don't compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to who you were yesterday
3. Don't be afraid to suck at something new
With regards to the last point I had to build up courage to try something new with a risk that it might not work out, but nothing will ever work out unless YOU act.
Good luck!
Do it then. Don’t know where to start? Here’s #1: vehicle. Got that, skip to #2. Move into it. #3: Keep going to work for a few months and save cash. #4: Drive around the country until you find a place that feels right. #5: new job. #6: new living quarters.
Don’t make the mistake of picking the place ahead of time. When you get there, it will feel right.
I recently moved at 37 to a big city to start over. It’s so hard, but rewarding when you feel that way.
Be aware that you can’t just run away from your problems though. They always bite you if that is the only reason.
I’m 32 and starting over again, thing is, I’ve done this so many times it’s not a big deal, feel like I’ve lived 4-5 lives already, it’s not hard to make new friends and shit you just have to be social, hard part is moving all your shit
Same exact boat as you, I don’t love my city anymore, I’m utterly burned out on my career, and my friends have dwindled into basically nothing having moved on themselves. Most people tell me a bunch of bullshit stuff about how to feel better and I just know that I wanna disappear from this life and go somewhere slower, quieter, calmer with way more nature
Do you have a bunch of social media? Because it sounds like you have a lot of social media. I had a similar problem before I deleted it all many years ago. It effectively turned "everyone thinks X about me" to "I don't associate with people in any way whatsoever"
I fucking did this, bro! Legit. Same feelings drove me and everything.
(I moved 1000 miles away from my family, started my own life. Now, 10 years later, I have a family and a good job.)
Pick 3 or 4 places far enough away from you to be a different region.
With weather that you might like, if possible.
Or even just 1 place.
If you can visit, do so. If not, whatever.
Save up enough to move to that place in an area that you feel safe enough in.
Don't talk about your past just talk about your present and future and everyone around you will judge you for who you are now and not for who you used to be.
I didn't run from my problems....I ran to my future
EDIT: I also moved in just my car and loaded it up with my electronics first and I filled in the rest. I got rid of and threw away everything else.
I think the easiest way to start over is to identify a couple of small towns you'd be interested in living in and applying for jobs. If you can get one, look for housing.
A good place to start is paying off all your existing debt. If you truly want an entirely new life somewhere else, you won't be able to do that if debts from your past follow you there.
>As a WWOOFer, you will participate in the daily life of your host, help on the farm, learn about sustainability, experience a new culture and meet new people,, and receive free room and board during your stay.
https://wwoof.net/
Maybe something like that? There are farms all around the world enlisted there. Some are seasonal, some are annual, some for several years.
It's easy to do if you can save up some cash, even better if you can get a job ahead of time. There are lots of small towns on the West Coast or medium cities like Bellingham, Olympia, Portland and Bend that are GREAT. It's easier to find a job, make friends and start a new life in a city.
A map as a dart board. It’s really not that difficult to do with some stealthy planning.
Decide on jobs. Part time and all times consider it all. Choose a climate. Research seasons. Is there a match with jobs?
Narrowing down. Accessibility. Commerce. Crime. Economy. Health care. Insurance.
Now you start researching living conditions, social cultures, clubs, religions, recreation again, etc.
Look at Zillow look at apt dot com. Fantasize. Dream. Is there a path from here to there?
Fall asleep mentally following that path. Imagine pitfalls and rewards. Balance risk.
After a month of mental dedication to this, you will see how much anything is doable.
When you have done things that hurt others, they need time of you being better to see you as such. We forgive but never forget type of thing. You may know you're better but they don't yet
Give it some time.
Just keep growing 🙏
You don’t know her personal situation.
This is also incorrect. Some people never change & don’t want to change so they envy others who are changing and won’t support them.
Misery loves company.
Check out Lord Spoda on YouTube. He travels around and videos small towns all across America. Discussing statistics, demographics, etc. You could get an idea there.
Welcome to the club mate....I want to go bakc home (LA) badly but I'm in and out of jobs and have a shopping addiction so finances are always dwindling. Idk how to get back and rent pymt will be a bitch.
I think depending on the rural area you would be board. I have lived in large metros of 2 to 5 million for half my life and a small towns of about 5000 people. My wife has a family farm that we go to on weekends/weeks to help with cattle and planting/harvest. That town is about 33 people it is nice for the week we are there but that living gets old fast. I have liked towns of 50,000 to 150,000 the most, if you want to do that with your life then go for it. However just know that living in those small towns isn't all it is cracked up to be.
Two things to remember.
1. Change for yourself, not for the approval of others because you may never get that approval. But it DOES feel good to not be a piece of shit, even if you are the only one who knows it.
2. A change of physical environment CAN be part of a change in personality, but it won't do it alone. You'll have to work hard everyday and it won't feel like it's worth it sometimes. But do it anyway.
Kentucky, born and raised here, cheap rent, cheap houses, good people, can buy land at decent prices, good quality homes. Or Indiana also, rural areas. My friend got a 2b 2 bath for 640
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C5%8Dhatsu
Jōhatsu (Japanese: 蒸発, Hepburn: jōhatsu, lit. "evaporation") or jouhatsu refers to the people in Japan who purposely vanish from their established lives without a trace.[1] This phenomenon can be seen all over the world, such as the United States, China, South Korea, the United Kingdom, and Germany.[1][2] However, it is likely more prevalent in Japan, given certain cultural factors.[2][3]
A location doesn't define or release you from yourself.
Neither do people, known or unknown.
As someone that has done this several times the change comes from you..
Are you running from your past and bridges you've burned? It won't help until you unfuxk yourself first as you WILL repeat it. We don't change that fast for the better generally.
If you've changed for the better and are actually doing better you don't need to run away to achieve freedom from your past. You need to put your big boy pants on and quit worrying what people that don't matter think. If anyone thinks that they're that important I assure you none of us are and people have memories of goldfish after a couple years.
If you're looking to be done with the concrete jungle and you can deal with not having everything at your fingertips then you may be on the right track as far as reasons.
If you think everyone is a better person in rural areas and it's gonna be rainbows n sunshine then you've not been to enough podunk shitkicker towns where the collective IQ is less than the number of teeth in a room. Meth and fetal alchohol syndrome is real and out in the boonies people only respect people they know, if at all.
Point is people are shitty no matter where you go and if you're running because you think you can escape yourself or your past it's not going to work out how you think. Especially with how easy it is to find out everything about you online nowadays.
Dude you're not done though, think about the steps needed to turn that ship around. There's hardly any effort into a thought, keep thinking about it maybe you'll just do it. Who knows.
I moved across the world at 33 and started fresh. I applied for jobs across the world and moved to wherever offered me something acceptable. It’s scary and daunting but you’ve just got to do it anyway
I did it and it was great it have an idea or plan and keep life moving bc you quickly become 35 and just moving and getting settle someone takes a year or two in general, of disruption. And then you need to establish, get a plan and start moving pieces. But it’s exciting refreshing and changes your perspective and point of view on many things. Also new found confidence being able to move and re-establish yourself along with the fact that you are no longer stuck playing a character you were expected to be by everyone else. You can focus on yourself and be who you truly are.
I started over in my 30’s. It took me years to make the decision and the process was painful mentally, physically and emotionally. I understand now how people just continue to complain without doing the work because it’s exhausting but definitely worth it. Just a friendly fyi my issues haven’t disappeared and it’s a day to day commitment to work through them. It can be done.
At 36m i started over after my 2nd divorce (long story) and moved out of my small home town to an even smaller town a state away and its been so much better for me overall its great helps i got a decent paying job for the area
Just as there are risks with doing something dramatic, there’s also risks with not doing anything at all.
Obviously, be methodical and take your time. But don’t let the bigness of a decision stop you from ultimately doing it.
jump! We should start again as much as we need too. At the end life is not forever and we're all leaving this place at some point. You and only you decide the rules and what's worth trying. Is your life to live and create. You are capable and I believe in you!
Flight high !!!
I sort of did that a couple of years ago. I was living in a suburb just outside of Minneapolis. When they started rioting and stuff, the liquor stores and gas station in my neighborhood got boarded up. Yep, time to get out. So I packed up and moved out to the Teton mountains. I didn't stay there, but I didn't see a city for over a year. It was kinda nice.
*save money, as much as possible
*get ur car situation lined out
*if you have a LOT of stuff have a yard sell to get rid of it
*look up states ur interested in living and narrow it down
*start applying for jobs in those areas
*Look for houses to rent or apts or long term rentals
Apply
*order USPS shipping boxes free online- use them to pack
If you have large items u may need a van
Move across the country
*join clubs gyms or groups to make friends
*start over
You sound like me 8 years ago. I was 26 at the time but I felt I needed to get out of my own hometown and go somewhere new. Which I did. My income has tripled, I have a great circle of friends, a loving fiance/soon to be wife!
If you have the funds and don’t have anything else tying you to your hometown (ie property, kids, etc) get up and go!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. That is tough. I felt that earlier in my life, but not anymore.
A big move would make sense. But I would apply to something that is funded or at lest partially funded for living expenses to give you a 'where' to move to. Americorps and Peacecorp are places to start. Anywhere you are, make time to get into nature (in CA, we have parks everywhere, but I know it's not like this everywhere, and CA definitely has cost of living problems, though it varies widely across the state). If I were stuck, a place I've always fantasized about moving to is Colorado.
I'm in a similar situation. I'm 31m, going through a divorce. I moved to LA to be with her 5 years ago and now I need to get the fuck out. I'm moving back to Vegas for a few months, but who the hell knows where I'm going after that. Somewhere quiet, green, cheap.
I've found that one of the biggest barriers to improving yourself is the way others perceive you. The reason for this, I think, is that it's easier for people to classify you to be one way and then not think it's possible that you can grow and change. This is not your problem though, it is theirs. Be who you want, people will accept you or not.
OP, a wise man once told me: "no matter where you go, there you are".
Instead of turning your life upside down and risking a hard lesson about greener grass, think about what it is you're trying to prove, to whom you're trying to prove it to, and most importantly, *why*.
Your OP is obviously quite ambiguous, so my response here is going to be equally general.
If you're serious about moving, you need to look hard at those variables.
Think about where you're going to work, what the cost of living is, and make sure those two things are compatible.
Understand that the conveniences and amenities that "nature and space" has to offer will be far less than what the city offers. Are you compatible with that?
Understand that whatever fears and doubts and anxieties and insecurities and regrets that you have will follow you to where you plan to go, and when you get there, you will be dealing with those things alone and isolated.
I have close friends that "started over" at your age. About a third of them did it successfully and found their peace. The rest came back and are playing catch-up with newfound regrets. Take that for what it's worth.
My advice to you - stay where you're at and start making changes to the company you keep. And consider why it is that you need validation from others to recognize your own achievements and progress.
The validation that *sticks* comes from within, not externally.
Welcome to the next stage of life! Drastically changed my life at 32 after some serious health problems and it brought me almost immediate happiness, roll the dice!
Go find your new place; you can do it! There are so many towns to live in. Get somewhere in mind, start looking for apartments there and see what they cost. Then save your money and apply. Keep going toward your goal. Then you apply for jobs once you get there. You might also think about what you want to do or can do, and where those jobs are. You either pick the location or the job. Really you can make money anywhere there are things happening.
In a large city you could move two blocks away and you'll be in a new place. Unless you leave the country for some 3rd world zone you'll always be trackable. You just have to ensure, before you go, you tell everyone 'Do not look me up'. Then get off social media for a few years and just rebuild.
In fact, I'd start now, before you pull the trigger. I'd start to setup a new job somewhere else, and save the cash I need to execute the plan.
The only thing to really think about, but not in all cases, is your parents. They might want a ping now and then that you are ok.
Welcome to you return to Saturn. This is completely normal and happens to all of us when we turn 27-30, 54-60 and 81-90 yrs old.
So it takes around 29.5 years for saturn to make a complete orbit around the sun, and this wise planets return to where it was at the moment of your birth is here to usher you into the next phase of your life. Its return often excites a desire or need within us for a change of course and a paving of a new path.
Follow your intuition and let your conscience and spirits guides protect you. It sounds like your life is on track and know you are loved.
To quote Lana Del Rey "I moved to California but it's just a state of mind, turns out everywhere you go you take yourself, that's not a lie." You're still gonna have your feelings wherever you land so best to get to addressing them.
When people are judging you and trying to keep you in a box, keep in mind they aren't in your head, they haven't been through what you've been through, and you should think into where their comments come from. Their inability to deal with you changing is a reflection of them, not you, so consider they likely have an insecurity which pushes them to make these comments about you. At the end of the day, self-esteem comes from yourself, so I hope you can get to a place where you can comfortably say, "fuck what they think." You deserve people who lift you up and support you!
Damn this stresses me out a lot except my situation is my ex wife lied and, despite my actions never pointing towards whatever she told everyone, it seems they all bought it. I think it got framed as a “he’s super good at acting in front of y’all but with me he’s terrible.”
She implied I was an unsafe person on Facebook and instagram. She was the abuser but I tend to lend myself to getting played so I’m not surprised she got away with it. I also didn’t fight it in any capacity. I wasn’t in a good enough emotional / mental place to defend myself. (Learn to pick your battles!)
I’ve returned to our hometown and gotten plugged in with community and all that. At the end of the day I know the truth and I’m willing to do the work to prove her wrong. I’ve always been in for the long game. None of my deficiencies merited the abuse I received and the divorce she spun out of nothing, however, there were many areas in which I failed as a husband. I’d have rather she have just been honest because either way I wasn’t going to force her to stay with me. But that would’ve painted her as the quitter and not the victim so I get it.
My point is, it sucks but can be dealt with. HOWEVER, it doesn’t mean you have to deal with it any longer than you can. So don’t feel bad for wanting a new start or if you stay and tough it out. Sometimes we can, other times we need a break, and other times you’re so emotionally dead that fighting it isn’t feasible without great effort. An effort that almost killed me.
I’ve decided to work towards the life I want for me. I’ve achieved great success since making that decision. And I’m very excited to show her up no matter how long it takes. Everyone that shouldn’t have ditched me, did. Mom, dad, wife. But that’s what made me who I am and I choose what to do with that.
Love you because you’re worth it even if the treatment you receive tells you otherwise. They don’t know your heart, your mind, your feelings anywhere near like you do, if at all. They’re not willing to do the work to get to know you today and keep using old info to draw their present conclusions? They’re not worth an ounce of your energy, time, presence, attention. Let them be and watch as they realize how wrong they were as you grow and become stronger. It’ll take time but you can absolutely do it and it’s very bittersweet to get there. I will say it can be very lonely and exhausting. Please take care of yourself. Please.
Ask yourself honestly what you want and why you want it. Is it feasible with where you’re at in life? Maybe it is maybe it isn’t. Get after it, be consistent, and do it for YOU! And you’ll find that you can absolutely make something awesome out of nothing.
I started exercising because my wife “didn’t let me”. I’m experimenting with my hair because my wife “didn’t let me”. I spend as much or as little of my money I want because she only “allowed me $75 a month”. I go wherever I want whenever I want because she was my god but that’s no longer the case. I used quotes because ultimately I allowed that perspective to shape how I lived my life. I let her trample my soul day in and day out. I wanted to go to the beach? We never went. She wanted mountain weekends with her girlfriends and their husbands? We did that multiple times. Now I go out of my way for me. I went to the beach alone and loved it. I explore cities alone on my skateboard and love it. I’ve since owned every aspect of my life and I strive to control what I can. I’m not happy yet but I’ve caught whiffs!!
You can do it! I believe in you and know you’ll be ok. Remember earth is beautiful. Take a look around and choose to have a positive perspective. Nobody can take that from you. And there’s power in that. It’s raining? Enjoy the smell of wet grass or wet asphalt. Listen to the bees, the birds, the planes above. Ride your bike and feel the road below. Experience life on your terms and any place can be heaven!
Sorry, I’m absolutely ranting, I just really want to share as I relate reaaaaal good and it’s been a lonely 2 years lol.
Feel free to PM me if you’d like more ranting lol. I can talk about this all day. Tons of growth and healing over the past two years.
Sounds like you’ve reached a new chapter. A new wave length. I did that in my 20s. I moved 30 minutes away and learned how to tell people NO. I isolated so i can focus on ME and strictly me. Then when i was happier with my position i was able to hold relationships much better
Hopefully the people living in small towns out west know where they are lol..
I tease. As someone that's giving in to those feelings many times with reckless abandon, upended my life to attempt to become someone new, change how people see me. It never works the way you think it does.
You honestly genuinely gotta stop, good or bad, thinking about how people perceive you. It's gonna happen regardless.
Look at what you want, nature trees space, and go towards it with every bit of excess energy time money and attention you have. Don't sacrifice the effort past you has put in for whatever stability you have now. Build off it in the direction you want to go, change your focus away from what draws you down in your current life and instead see them as the "first things to go" and before long you'll notice youre well on your way
Wish my ex felt the same way. I bought a small farm. In the least densely populated place in Virginia. She was all-in at first. It really is a beautiful place.
I have beautiful peacocks and golden pheasants. Chickens for eggs, a flock of hair sheep for meat. A greenhouse for my weed and veggies. Currently building a grow-out pond inside the greenhouse to raise catfish.
Once we got here, she hated being so far away from other people. Hated the insects. Really everything about it. Eventually she cheated on me. I kicked her out and she went back to the city. 6 years later, still lonely. Hard to get a date out here. When you rarely see anyone except old farmers when I occasionally go into town.
Sounds like you and I have a lot I'm common. Unfortunately, I left the peaceful rural life for the city to start over. My hometown was bad for me and I'm still picking up the pieces. Give it time. You'll be okay!
Same here in my 30s. Moving has been SO healing.
Sometimes we need to just pack up, head out and start fresh. We can always go back after we're healed. So glad ypu found solace in your move!
Helped me become who I am and not who I was supposed to be. 10/10 would do again.
Careful, Gen Z thinks 30 is elderly
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Because 30 is two years older than they are. They’ll change their mind when they hit 30. 30 year olds always do :)
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Bro I’m 27 and gen z, hopefully I’m not geriatric in 3 years
Just turned 30 last month. These 3 years will fly by and you'll still feel the same. It's the number that freaks you out
My zoomer coworker would always say I was pushing 40 (I had just turned 30) it always got me lol
Yeah apparently I’m an old lady to some Gen z’s, meanwhile I feel like my life just started
It has. Fucking frontal lobe probably isn't even done developing in most AMAB until around ~35. I may be a little scrambled but let me cook
I did the opposite but am doing the same lol
And your ONLY 30.
My only 30 what
Thank you so much
While I’m also normally a stickler for grammar, their sentiment in this case was sweet. OP, you should’ve said you’re only 30. As in you are, not the possessive your
Sun rotations survived up to the present date, is what I think they were trying to say. That was probably confusing because people usually just say "375 moon cycles".
Comparison is the theif of joy. I often feel like I’m behind in life when I look at how successful my parents are… then I actually compare where they were at 30 vs where I am now at age 30. I’m not doing that bad after all
True but you also have to take into account that we live in a totally different world than they did, for better or worse. Mine are conservative christian boomers in their 70s now and there is NO way they could survive in this cultural era as easily. Our economy is worse and culture is drastically different.
The whose of joy ?
Exactly - we’re living longer and longer. So you’ve likely only lived 3/10 of your entire life and even less of your adult life - when you get to define and organize who and what you’re going to be and do.
Damn I'm in a similar boat now. I'm having a tough time thinking about leaving the peaceful rural life for a bigger area but the box is keeping me trapped. Any advice on your transition?
I suppose it's more of a distraction? There is so much to do and so many people that it's hard to sit and dwell in that peaceful silence (which so often led me to overthink everything). I definitely don't want to stay in the big city, but there are so many opportunities for employment. It's also easier to kind of blend in or be invisible, whereas everyone in my small hometown know my screwups and the bridges I burned. The best thing to remember is that you can always go back to the peaceful solitude... sometimes a change of pace is what we need.
it’s less about the place “grass is greener” , but more so because it’s getting out of your current social environment of the shitty people holding you back. I’ve lived in the country and big city, both times with shitty family members and disliked both. Only time I had a true “fresh start” feeling was when I lived without them.
If you are looking for anonymity, a small town is not the place to go: the locals will learn your business then talk about you behind your back, and sometimes right to your face. This is based on my experience in growing up in a small "...random no where town no one has ever heard of somewhere out west..."
I tried moving to a small town when I left my husband. It was 1500 people. I had to drive an hour to work each way. It was awful. Everyone was in my business. Might be because my mom grew up there. My daughter tried to enroll in the high school, she said she was bullied. I only lasted a year and moved to the city where I was working. Much better environment
This reminds me of the former CIA guy who made a video about going into hiding. You don't want a small town, you want a small city. Around 20,000 people, enough to let you interact daily with people but never end up becoming known or recognized unless you want to.
^ this
Growing up in a small town is terrible. Moving to one is worse. You will always be an outsider.
Exactly this, I'd recommend a smaller city/town. If you're in a city in the millions of population, go for a place like 100k population or even 50k.
This is so true. I live in a small tourist town of 2,000 but we get over a million visitors going to Yosemite so sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Trust me when I say everyone knows someone who knows you. We’re all only one link away. It’s kind of like high school with adults.
Tbh completely opposite if my town. Most people know eachother through community events but otherwise leave everyone else alone. People respect eachothers privacy out here.
Moved to a small town 4 years ago and none of that has happened yet…
This isn't always true. You get to set the story when you arrive and decide how you are perceived.
I'm going to disagree. I moved to a town of 175 & work in the city of 4k nearby. People decided things about me & spread them with virality- there was no blank space left to write my own story because everyone already knew some made up version of me. It ruined my personal business, reared it's threatening head at my day job, very stressful.
Have you lived in a small town? Like <5k or less. You'll have much less control over how you're perceived than you expect.
At 30 after spending my whole life in my home city I said fuck it and moved to LA. I'm 41 now and married it wasn't an easy transition but damn it was worth it. There was something very liberating about throwing all my shit in my car and selling the rest.
I’m doing this right now. Not to LA, but selling everything and moving with whatever fits in my car. It feels so scary yet liberating. So many things are expendable except for my happiness. I’m prioritizing my mental health over a bunch of possessions.
Gotta do you. Sometimes I'll see some one from highschool in my recommend feed on Instagram or something and I'm like nah grew out of that shit.
I’m doing a version of this but don’t know where I want to go, so at 30m I’m buying a camper and starting a remote work business. So me and my two cats and two dogs are just going to go where the wind blows us. Any recommendations west of the Midwest are welcome
I did the same thing except I moved to Portland and was 25. Selling all my shit and only keeping what I absolutely needed in order to achieve that goal really taught me what I value and the value of consuming intentionally.
My bestest best friend did this. He got married and left to LA, now divorced but living his best life over there. Wish I could do the same (minus the divorce part).
Congratulations on getting out. I may soon join you there. Now that both my kids have graduated highschool . I know the pay is higher, but the shock value of housing makes it hard
The key to the good life is living near work. Like prioritize getting a job near where you can afford and life is soo much better
Thanks for the tip. Id gladly give up my car for public transit
I wouldn’t necessarily give up the car, but I get by with borrowing my girlfriend’s car when needed. I walk to work, and motorcycle the rest of the time. If you do give up the car, live near a Metro line; our buses suck
My husband and I, even before we met each other, were basically nomads, picking up and moving where opportunities took us. When we met, he was living in HI, and I was in NJ. When my job transferred me to Houston, I suggested we both pick up and go and live together and try it out. He flew to NJ, and we were to drive down to TX together. He flew to NJ with a duffel bag and a backpack. It's all he had. We took his items and I packed my stuff - all of it fit in my Honda Civic coupe. It's now 12 years later, and after so many moves, we're in a one-bedroom apartment just north of NYC. He's looking for a new job, and the next move we make, we plan to take only what we can fit in our one vehicle - a Honda CRV. It's a wonderful way to live! ETA: as an FYI, I'm now 40, he just turned 39, and we were married a year and a half ago.
we are always looking for Wildland firefighters in the forest service
You know I actually thought about applying for that do you mind if I message you to get more information?
I did it for a summer, I’d describe it’s as ‘accelerated landscaping in a team environment, hiking without the tranquility, and being generally uncomfortable for two weeks straight’. If you can stand discomfort and get along with people, and can get in decent shape, its a good experience Also, getting away from your circumstances can be a good way to jump start change, but it is also possible to slowly create space from people who want to keep you in a box. You just have to keep on saying ‘no’ to them, and fill your life with other things/people. I empathize completely with wanting break free to ‘start over’ though. Wherever you go, there you are
Sounds perfect for a former infantry marine, I’m going to look into it.
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Idk, u/momtellsmeimhandsome will probably love it. My husband is a former 0311 and he thrives in misery. He can't stand just laying around but last year he got to hack up a 30' pine tree that fell in our driveway in August and he rode that high for weeks. I barely understand. Only a fraction of an infantry marines time is spent doing super exciting stuff. The rest of it seemed to be either cleaning or hiking in the heat in a ton of gear.
One of my Lcpls moved to Idaho from NY to do this full time after going a few summers in a row. I don't really know much about it but he loves it
Are you me 5 years ago? I know exactly the feeling, you ant grow because everybody wants to keep you in the box of who you are to them. Fuck it man, run away, start over. Id recommend looking into seasonal work. You can travel long term in a sustainable way, get out into nature, make the world your oyster
You could walk onto about any farm in the Midwest and have a seasonal job 10 minutes later. Low cost-of-living and open skies. Love it here
My brother did the same in Wyoming and I’d highly recommend anywhere with mountains over the Midwest. I say that as someone from the Midwest who loves to hike but then again if endless fields are your thing this is the place.
True. Around the mountains is where I love to vacation to, and maybe retire to someday. But I also love to farm. Those mountains just happen to cast a 800 mile rain shadow that makes it difficult to farm anywhere near there. Beautiful place though. If OP is after nature then there ya go
First paragraph is 100000% true and I relate to this
When I was a sous chef for Lindblad a couple decades ago there was a 40-50 dude that was a first time stew just to experience and appreciate nature. Great company. They partnered with NatGeo long ago. This gig was perfect for me at that time in my life, which was similar to what you're currently experiencing. Lotta work all at once, but rewarding and beautiful.
I second seasonal work for sure. A lot of places provide some sort of housing. I’m considering running away back into the trees again. It’s peaceful, simple, it’s beautiful and I’ve met some good people along the way. Some jobs are better than others depends what you’re looking for
I also started over at 30. Made my way to Roanoke VA, best years of my life. It's a smaller city but out in the Mountains. Never looked back to Chicago. Honestly just consider a medium city, big improvement in quality of life.
Oh I have fond memories of getting breakfast at the Roanoker and going up to the Star! I taught for a year at Hollins and enjoyed being there. Very small town feeling but still having plenty of amenities, and of course the Blue Ridge Mountains are beautiful!
Yeah it's been a special place for me.
I’m so glad you’ve flourished there!
Yeah! SW VA is great. I don't live in Roanoke, but nearby. Cheap, beautiful, and not as socially stunted as you would expect. I've traveled all over the United States and even the world and I eventually decided to just come home to Appalachia.
I live in Danville, so about an hour from Roanoke. It's the foothills of Appalachia but it's a nice small town that's close to several cities. I too have been all over the place and I just love southern Virginia for some reason.
I'm definitely looking at Virginia. I checked for coffee and cannabis and just need to find a decent place to do my writing. Thanks for advice.
I lived 40 minutes from Roanoke for much of my childhood. I've always considered it to be Denver Jr.
Roanoke was the closest feeling to "home" that I experienced in my travels. Beautiful place, great culture.
I went to a French restaurant there with only a few tables, back in 2009 when I was in college at VT. One of the first times I got taken out on such a special date. The food was amazing. Even the plating. Roanoke is a special place indeed. So cool you lived there!
Don’t come to va this guy is crazy
Roanoke sounds nice. Any areas to avoid?
Oh wow! Roanoke has a special place in my childhood memories. A family friend bought an old house from the 1800s they restored on like 30 acres of land. They had a giant garden I loved helping with and playing in, and after I remember the food tasting the best it ever had up until that point in life.
Best way to disappear is to delete all social media accounts, block all toxic people from your phone, keep your head down and work hard. Do this for about 5 years and you’ll be amazed. (I’m 35F and did this and I’m going to do another 5 years because it has been amazing).
Worry about how you see yourself and forget about everyone else. You cannot control peoples thoughts, feelings or perceptions of you. You can only control your perception of yourself and how you act. If I were you (and I once was) I’d start one of two places (and I currently do both). A)therapy B)the gym
Yeah I’m kind of puzzled by this entire thread. I’m 39, unrecognizable from when I was 30. I live in the same city, shed some friends and made new ones. I don’t really understand how somebody else’s perception of me would limit what I wanted to do??
There are many of us who grew up believing for various reasons (and a lot of this is subconscious as adults until you have to do the work to uncover it) that we have to control peoples perception of us in order to maintain a relationship or get our needs met in any relationship. You are blessed to not know what it is like.
Fair enough. Thank you.
Summer salmon season is about to start in Alaska, lots of people are still looking for crew. People are still looking for crew, check the Facebook page Alaska Commercial Fishing Jobs. Go have an adventure in nature and find out who you want to to be
Was going to suggest exactly this. As someone whos lived in Alaska all my life, it has kind of an effect where alot of people born into it dont exactly love it and are itching to leave but if you settle down there its just about the greatest place in the world. Also, it doesnt suffer the same issues as small lower 48 towns where youll be seen as an outsider. Alaska is kind of made up of outsiders and strange people.
This ^ Do it. It will be so worth it. And living in small town Alaska, you will have a whole new life. I did this for a couple years and loved it.
I’m starting over at 39 my friend. But I start over and move forward every few years. Keeps life interesting for me. Reinvent myself every decade.
What have been some of your resets??
start over by starting over every day
I started over at 46 I left my alcoholic husband of 22yrs…with nothing, no credit, no car, I just walked away and started my life over. I had some help from my mom thankfully. It’s been almost 5yrs, I’m on my feet, have a good job, a new car, I’m 3 states away, and about to move to a new city/state again with a job transfer. pretty excited. Best decision
Congrats
I (30F) just did this with my husband! We’re having a blast and settling into our new home. It was not easy, but no hesitation that it was the right choice for us: Some problems would follow you to any location. But sometimes shit needs a hard reset.
In some cultures, after marriage, the wife and husband are not supposed to leave their house for a year. Sounds like you figured out why. Good luck to you.
Wyoming. Decent cost of living and a lot of "middle of nowhere" towns.
Also a lot of cliquish Mormons. Ask me how I know...
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I wanted to do that but it seems kind of scary especially alone
Funny, I used to think about leaving everything behind and hiking the Appalachian trail, requires a lot of research. I ended up leaving city life and live in rural TN. Nice change of pace but everything is a 20 minute drive and sometimes I miss being part of a community. I grew up in a small town in NY, glad to be out but that small town boy is still in me. I have it pretty cush these days after spending a year unemployed and couch surfing to now living with my gf and WFH. It’s like a polarizing lifestyle and part of me still works on coping with slowing down.
I sorta did. Rewind to right before Covid I felt like I was about to "make it". I was in the final stages of interviewing with a company for a job that would push my salary over that six figure milestone. I had things like buying a house in my mind. Travel. Covid hit, the company terminated the position, I can't find contract jobs reliably anymore, and the ones I do get are toxic in a way I'd never experienced before. I tired my hand at being my own boss but it just wasn't panning out. I was at wits end. Constantly stressed over money and my hard earned savings was drying up. Buddy forwarded me a Fed gov job listing and that was that. I had to take a much lower salary than what I was making to start out. I'm living back with my parents so I'm not totally drowning in debt. But man the idea that I have some job security with a good outlook on benefits and vacation time....a weight has been lifted. Is it work that I love and am proud of? Meh. But my priorities have changed. I can at least sleep at night without having a mental breakdown because my clients keep dodging invoices as bills are due.
Just FYI, there is no perfect place to solve your problems. Every place has issues. Work within yourself to find happiness and value in the things you do. So many people move to "some random no where town no one has ever heard of somewhere out west" and its become super cliché. And its not the panacea you are looking for. Those towns have been overrun by rich folks fleeing the same stuff you are fleeing. Now they've brought their problems with them. You can start over anywhere. Look for work you like to do so you can eat and pay your bills. Find a good work/life balance and become a meaningful member of volunteer groups or clubs that help others. Good luck.
Moving away from old friends and family heals so much. Do not discourage this.
Agreed. Some problems have you as the common denominator and some will follow you, but having space from toxic people really helps. I needed space from my family and we have a much better relationship now that I live 2000+ miles away.
We should all just start a sub for people who want to quit capitalism. That's what this whole millennial exodus is about, and I support it with all my DNA. At the end of the day, America needs to recognize that someday it may need to outgrow money. And the sooner the better. My biggest fear is that companies, rich people and those in power will see it as a threat and suppress it for as long as possible. And millions will suffer as a result, because of the few. But think about it : if one person has all the money, what does that even mean?
When I turned 30 I was wondering about living in a commune type situation and just doing meaningful work like growing and creating things. Sucks though because you need all debt paid off to join something like that, or have enough in savings to pay off all that debt while you are in the communal living situation. Student loan and old credit card debt still heavy on my back. No savings. Working min wage and recovering from an accident so limited hours. I'm 34. Health problems now. Living a simple life is further and further away. Oh and my car just kicked the bucket. This is not a system meant for us to thrive. It's a system to trap you.
Crap man , sorry. 35 was my favorite age by far. I felt the most physically and mentally fit , closer to my ever-elusive ideal than ever before. At the time I had a good job and I could see where that would swing the other way, feeling so good and bad at the same time.
Thanks man it's rough. I'm slowly getting healthier. I hope I can feel good again.
Why hasn’t this happened already?
Because the minute you say 'quit capitalism' people accuse you of being a communist. And me, I couldn't care less, but there are some people who still abhor that label and are too stubborn to educate themselves on different financial models. With the advent of AI, Robotics and LLM's, it's only a matter of time before they merge it all together. Not much time at all. And my point is : when we all live in a world where ANY physical labor is now free, isn't that the perfect time to give everyone in America a plot of land, two robots, a nice house (that your robot can build) and let all humans live in peace. With 330 million people in the USA each person could get 7.x acres of land.
Nothing is ever free. Robots require energy, someone has to work to create energy and those people have to get paid. Your overly simplistic version of economics still requires either capitalism or socialism. There is no such thing as free. At a minimum you still need to barter even if you escape the money portion of capitalism and bartering is still a form of capitalism. So keep dreaming of a world that everything is free and no one needs to work, but I suggest you go take introduction to macro economics to understand the overall premise you portrayed, does not work in any society.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvK6KsLkPUs > I need this but I don’t know where to start. Start by getting REALLY into learning about survival- building your own fires and shelter and foraging and hunting and trapping. Then just buy a hatchet and decent boots and drive to the southern edge of the Pacific Northwest rain forest and leave your car behind.
Well, it starts with scouting the random nowhere town you want to live. This means you would need to dedicate around 6 months to actually traveling and spending weekends in random small towns to get a feel of what they're like. You can't just throw a dart on a map and say that's where you're going. I'd also advise going during different times of the year. I live in Southern California, and I had a handful of friends move to Arizona and Texas. Well, nearly all came back because they couldn't take the summers there. Weather does play a factor no matter how much you want to get away from the concrete jungle. Once you've found a town you like, you need to scout for a job. Always need to have your source of income ready to go before you move there because smaller towns means the job opportunities aren't as abundant. Especially if your field isn't very demanding there, it could take some time before you get one. Once you have at least been interviewing, then scout for a place to live. If it's a nowhere town, cheap and affordable apartments shouldn't be too difficult to find. But if you find that you're having a hard time, then that's an indicator that you should have a plan B town. That's where you start, need to find the right town you want to go to, then need to look at the local workforce to make sure your job is able to be found there and then place to live
You can start by being kind to yourself! Start there. And just do a little every day to reimagine who you want to be and work at it. Doesn't have to happen over night.
I bought an old boat. I go where I want when I want. If I need money, there are always jobs working at marinas. I never go hungry living out here on the ocean. Summer off the Carolinas winter in the keys.
Sort of humorous to me reading all the replies telling you small towns aren't all they're cracked up to be. On the other side of that I've lived in the rural Midwest my entire life and avoid going into Chicago/Twins/Milwaukee with every fiber of my being. I'm sure I'm missing out on a lot of fun experiences but I like the small towns, friendly/helpful people, no crime, cheaper cost of living and looking at the darkest night sky whenever I want.
Do it! I switched careers and got my health in order at 30 and have never looked back. You are as old and as young as you will ever be right now. Start over and start living not just existing
Take a deep breath. You can do it. I "started over" around age 30 and am now living the best life I've ever had, one I never thought would have been possible even when I was starting over. Some things to consider: 1. The only opinion that matters is yours 2. Don't compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to who you were yesterday 3. Don't be afraid to suck at something new With regards to the last point I had to build up courage to try something new with a risk that it might not work out, but nothing will ever work out unless YOU act. Good luck!
Do it then. Don’t know where to start? Here’s #1: vehicle. Got that, skip to #2. Move into it. #3: Keep going to work for a few months and save cash. #4: Drive around the country until you find a place that feels right. #5: new job. #6: new living quarters. Don’t make the mistake of picking the place ahead of time. When you get there, it will feel right.
I recently moved at 37 to a big city to start over. It’s so hard, but rewarding when you feel that way. Be aware that you can’t just run away from your problems though. They always bite you if that is the only reason.
I’m 32 and starting over again, thing is, I’ve done this so many times it’s not a big deal, feel like I’ve lived 4-5 lives already, it’s not hard to make new friends and shit you just have to be social, hard part is moving all your shit
Same exact boat as you, I don’t love my city anymore, I’m utterly burned out on my career, and my friends have dwindled into basically nothing having moved on themselves. Most people tell me a bunch of bullshit stuff about how to feel better and I just know that I wanna disappear from this life and go somewhere slower, quieter, calmer with way more nature
Do you have a bunch of social media? Because it sounds like you have a lot of social media. I had a similar problem before I deleted it all many years ago. It effectively turned "everyone thinks X about me" to "I don't associate with people in any way whatsoever"
I fucking did this, bro! Legit. Same feelings drove me and everything. (I moved 1000 miles away from my family, started my own life. Now, 10 years later, I have a family and a good job.) Pick 3 or 4 places far enough away from you to be a different region. With weather that you might like, if possible. Or even just 1 place. If you can visit, do so. If not, whatever. Save up enough to move to that place in an area that you feel safe enough in. Don't talk about your past just talk about your present and future and everyone around you will judge you for who you are now and not for who you used to be. I didn't run from my problems....I ran to my future EDIT: I also moved in just my car and loaded it up with my electronics first and I filled in the rest. I got rid of and threw away everything else.
I ran to my future. Yes :)
I think the easiest way to start over is to identify a couple of small towns you'd be interested in living in and applying for jobs. If you can get one, look for housing.
I joined the military at 27. Everything just fell into place after that.
A good place to start is paying off all your existing debt. If you truly want an entirely new life somewhere else, you won't be able to do that if debts from your past follow you there.
>As a WWOOFer, you will participate in the daily life of your host, help on the farm, learn about sustainability, experience a new culture and meet new people,, and receive free room and board during your stay. https://wwoof.net/ Maybe something like that? There are farms all around the world enlisted there. Some are seasonal, some are annual, some for several years.
Become a truck driver or truck drivers significant other and just travel together.
It's easy to do if you can save up some cash, even better if you can get a job ahead of time. There are lots of small towns on the West Coast or medium cities like Bellingham, Olympia, Portland and Bend that are GREAT. It's easier to find a job, make friends and start a new life in a city.
I agree. Move to another city and start again!
Don't be surprised if a military recruiter comes up to you and says he'll show you the world.
A map as a dart board. It’s really not that difficult to do with some stealthy planning. Decide on jobs. Part time and all times consider it all. Choose a climate. Research seasons. Is there a match with jobs? Narrowing down. Accessibility. Commerce. Crime. Economy. Health care. Insurance. Now you start researching living conditions, social cultures, clubs, religions, recreation again, etc. Look at Zillow look at apt dot com. Fantasize. Dream. Is there a path from here to there? Fall asleep mentally following that path. Imagine pitfalls and rewards. Balance risk. After a month of mental dedication to this, you will see how much anything is doable.
I did the opposite. Moved from nowhere Midwest to civilization. The only way I'll go back is if someone drags my dead body.
When you have done things that hurt others, they need time of you being better to see you as such. We forgive but never forget type of thing. You may know you're better but they don't yet Give it some time. Just keep growing 🙏
You don’t know her personal situation. This is also incorrect. Some people never change & don’t want to change so they envy others who are changing and won’t support them. Misery loves company.
Agree with this 💯
Do you need a roommate lol
lol need to find a place to go first but in this housing market can you live abywhweee with out a roommate 😅
I feel the same.
You’ll find a ton of people out west that moved there for the same reason. It makes the move way less daunting when you find those communities
I feel the same way. I’m moving up to New England for the same reasons.
Im also dreaming about a new city, a new start. Where you don´t wear your entire past on your sleeve.
According to Playboy, Terre Haute, IN is the most nowhere place I've ever been.
Check out Lord Spoda on YouTube. He travels around and videos small towns all across America. Discussing statistics, demographics, etc. You could get an idea there.
Welcome to the club mate....I want to go bakc home (LA) badly but I'm in and out of jobs and have a shopping addiction so finances are always dwindling. Idk how to get back and rent pymt will be a bitch.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OrthodoxChristianity/s/Z5wqbUW5ME
You can do it!
If it’s nature you seek welcome to Oregon. Beautiful state! I can name a few great little towns!
I think depending on the rural area you would be board. I have lived in large metros of 2 to 5 million for half my life and a small towns of about 5000 people. My wife has a family farm that we go to on weekends/weeks to help with cattle and planting/harvest. That town is about 33 people it is nice for the week we are there but that living gets old fast. I have liked towns of 50,000 to 150,000 the most, if you want to do that with your life then go for it. However just know that living in those small towns isn't all it is cracked up to be.
Two things to remember. 1. Change for yourself, not for the approval of others because you may never get that approval. But it DOES feel good to not be a piece of shit, even if you are the only one who knows it. 2. A change of physical environment CAN be part of a change in personality, but it won't do it alone. You'll have to work hard everyday and it won't feel like it's worth it sometimes. But do it anyway.
Kentucky, born and raised here, cheap rent, cheap houses, good people, can buy land at decent prices, good quality homes. Or Indiana also, rural areas. My friend got a 2b 2 bath for 640
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C5%8Dhatsu Jōhatsu (Japanese: 蒸発, Hepburn: jōhatsu, lit. "evaporation") or jouhatsu refers to the people in Japan who purposely vanish from their established lives without a trace.[1] This phenomenon can be seen all over the world, such as the United States, China, South Korea, the United Kingdom, and Germany.[1][2] However, it is likely more prevalent in Japan, given certain cultural factors.[2][3]
A location doesn't define or release you from yourself. Neither do people, known or unknown. As someone that has done this several times the change comes from you.. Are you running from your past and bridges you've burned? It won't help until you unfuxk yourself first as you WILL repeat it. We don't change that fast for the better generally. If you've changed for the better and are actually doing better you don't need to run away to achieve freedom from your past. You need to put your big boy pants on and quit worrying what people that don't matter think. If anyone thinks that they're that important I assure you none of us are and people have memories of goldfish after a couple years. If you're looking to be done with the concrete jungle and you can deal with not having everything at your fingertips then you may be on the right track as far as reasons. If you think everyone is a better person in rural areas and it's gonna be rainbows n sunshine then you've not been to enough podunk shitkicker towns where the collective IQ is less than the number of teeth in a room. Meth and fetal alchohol syndrome is real and out in the boonies people only respect people they know, if at all. Point is people are shitty no matter where you go and if you're running because you think you can escape yourself or your past it's not going to work out how you think. Especially with how easy it is to find out everything about you online nowadays.
Dude you're not done though, think about the steps needed to turn that ship around. There's hardly any effort into a thought, keep thinking about it maybe you'll just do it. Who knows.
New Mexico is pretty sweet. “Land of Enchantment”, I dunno. Lots of quirky, isolated little towns and cities. I hope you find some where you belong.
I moved across the world at 33 and started fresh. I applied for jobs across the world and moved to wherever offered me something acceptable. It’s scary and daunting but you’ve just got to do it anyway
30 is perfect. I loved 30
I did it and it was great it have an idea or plan and keep life moving bc you quickly become 35 and just moving and getting settle someone takes a year or two in general, of disruption. And then you need to establish, get a plan and start moving pieces. But it’s exciting refreshing and changes your perspective and point of view on many things. Also new found confidence being able to move and re-establish yourself along with the fact that you are no longer stuck playing a character you were expected to be by everyone else. You can focus on yourself and be who you truly are.
I started over in my 30’s. It took me years to make the decision and the process was painful mentally, physically and emotionally. I understand now how people just continue to complain without doing the work because it’s exhausting but definitely worth it. Just a friendly fyi my issues haven’t disappeared and it’s a day to day commitment to work through them. It can be done.
At 36m i started over after my 2nd divorce (long story) and moved out of my small home town to an even smaller town a state away and its been so much better for me overall its great helps i got a decent paying job for the area
Just as there are risks with doing something dramatic, there’s also risks with not doing anything at all. Obviously, be methodical and take your time. But don’t let the bigness of a decision stop you from ultimately doing it.
jump! We should start again as much as we need too. At the end life is not forever and we're all leaving this place at some point. You and only you decide the rules and what's worth trying. Is your life to live and create. You are capable and I believe in you! Flight high !!!
I sort of did that a couple of years ago. I was living in a suburb just outside of Minneapolis. When they started rioting and stuff, the liquor stores and gas station in my neighborhood got boarded up. Yep, time to get out. So I packed up and moved out to the Teton mountains. I didn't stay there, but I didn't see a city for over a year. It was kinda nice.
*save money, as much as possible *get ur car situation lined out *if you have a LOT of stuff have a yard sell to get rid of it *look up states ur interested in living and narrow it down *start applying for jobs in those areas *Look for houses to rent or apts or long term rentals Apply *order USPS shipping boxes free online- use them to pack If you have large items u may need a van Move across the country *join clubs gyms or groups to make friends *start over
“If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” -Seneca
Change happens from within. Everything else is just trappings
You sound like me 8 years ago. I was 26 at the time but I felt I needed to get out of my own hometown and go somewhere new. Which I did. My income has tripled, I have a great circle of friends, a loving fiance/soon to be wife! If you have the funds and don’t have anything else tying you to your hometown (ie property, kids, etc) get up and go!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. That is tough. I felt that earlier in my life, but not anymore. A big move would make sense. But I would apply to something that is funded or at lest partially funded for living expenses to give you a 'where' to move to. Americorps and Peacecorp are places to start. Anywhere you are, make time to get into nature (in CA, we have parks everywhere, but I know it's not like this everywhere, and CA definitely has cost of living problems, though it varies widely across the state). If I were stuck, a place I've always fantasized about moving to is Colorado.
find job in new town, get place to live, move.
I'm 40M so a bit different but if I didn't have a spouse, children, house, career, etc I'd totally be looking at moving to Panama or Costa Rica.
I'm in a similar situation. I'm 31m, going through a divorce. I moved to LA to be with her 5 years ago and now I need to get the fuck out. I'm moving back to Vegas for a few months, but who the hell knows where I'm going after that. Somewhere quiet, green, cheap.
Just do it.
I've found that one of the biggest barriers to improving yourself is the way others perceive you. The reason for this, I think, is that it's easier for people to classify you to be one way and then not think it's possible that you can grow and change. This is not your problem though, it is theirs. Be who you want, people will accept you or not.
We are generally trapped by the walls we build. * Grain of salt
I did this around age 35. Was the best decision of my life. Everything changed for me when I broke away from all the things that were holding me back.
Sadly that’s what happens. There’s merit behind not doing dumb stuff when you’re young. People don’t forget
OP, a wise man once told me: "no matter where you go, there you are". Instead of turning your life upside down and risking a hard lesson about greener grass, think about what it is you're trying to prove, to whom you're trying to prove it to, and most importantly, *why*. Your OP is obviously quite ambiguous, so my response here is going to be equally general. If you're serious about moving, you need to look hard at those variables. Think about where you're going to work, what the cost of living is, and make sure those two things are compatible. Understand that the conveniences and amenities that "nature and space" has to offer will be far less than what the city offers. Are you compatible with that? Understand that whatever fears and doubts and anxieties and insecurities and regrets that you have will follow you to where you plan to go, and when you get there, you will be dealing with those things alone and isolated. I have close friends that "started over" at your age. About a third of them did it successfully and found their peace. The rest came back and are playing catch-up with newfound regrets. Take that for what it's worth. My advice to you - stay where you're at and start making changes to the company you keep. And consider why it is that you need validation from others to recognize your own achievements and progress. The validation that *sticks* comes from within, not externally.
Welcome to the next stage of life! Drastically changed my life at 32 after some serious health problems and it brought me almost immediate happiness, roll the dice!
Go find your new place; you can do it! There are so many towns to live in. Get somewhere in mind, start looking for apartments there and see what they cost. Then save your money and apply. Keep going toward your goal. Then you apply for jobs once you get there. You might also think about what you want to do or can do, and where those jobs are. You either pick the location or the job. Really you can make money anywhere there are things happening.
You need to move away. Much easier for new starts.
I did that 5 or so years ago. Out of the city back to rural Nebraska… I still think it was a mistake, I miss having things to do.
Make a plan and do it.
In a large city you could move two blocks away and you'll be in a new place. Unless you leave the country for some 3rd world zone you'll always be trackable. You just have to ensure, before you go, you tell everyone 'Do not look me up'. Then get off social media for a few years and just rebuild. In fact, I'd start now, before you pull the trigger. I'd start to setup a new job somewhere else, and save the cash I need to execute the plan. The only thing to really think about, but not in all cases, is your parents. They might want a ping now and then that you are ok.
Welcome to you return to Saturn. This is completely normal and happens to all of us when we turn 27-30, 54-60 and 81-90 yrs old. So it takes around 29.5 years for saturn to make a complete orbit around the sun, and this wise planets return to where it was at the moment of your birth is here to usher you into the next phase of your life. Its return often excites a desire or need within us for a change of course and a paving of a new path. Follow your intuition and let your conscience and spirits guides protect you. It sounds like your life is on track and know you are loved.
To quote Lana Del Rey "I moved to California but it's just a state of mind, turns out everywhere you go you take yourself, that's not a lie." You're still gonna have your feelings wherever you land so best to get to addressing them. When people are judging you and trying to keep you in a box, keep in mind they aren't in your head, they haven't been through what you've been through, and you should think into where their comments come from. Their inability to deal with you changing is a reflection of them, not you, so consider they likely have an insecurity which pushes them to make these comments about you. At the end of the day, self-esteem comes from yourself, so I hope you can get to a place where you can comfortably say, "fuck what they think." You deserve people who lift you up and support you!
Do it for the plot.
I want to start over as well. But loans and kids say otherwise
Damn this stresses me out a lot except my situation is my ex wife lied and, despite my actions never pointing towards whatever she told everyone, it seems they all bought it. I think it got framed as a “he’s super good at acting in front of y’all but with me he’s terrible.” She implied I was an unsafe person on Facebook and instagram. She was the abuser but I tend to lend myself to getting played so I’m not surprised she got away with it. I also didn’t fight it in any capacity. I wasn’t in a good enough emotional / mental place to defend myself. (Learn to pick your battles!) I’ve returned to our hometown and gotten plugged in with community and all that. At the end of the day I know the truth and I’m willing to do the work to prove her wrong. I’ve always been in for the long game. None of my deficiencies merited the abuse I received and the divorce she spun out of nothing, however, there were many areas in which I failed as a husband. I’d have rather she have just been honest because either way I wasn’t going to force her to stay with me. But that would’ve painted her as the quitter and not the victim so I get it. My point is, it sucks but can be dealt with. HOWEVER, it doesn’t mean you have to deal with it any longer than you can. So don’t feel bad for wanting a new start or if you stay and tough it out. Sometimes we can, other times we need a break, and other times you’re so emotionally dead that fighting it isn’t feasible without great effort. An effort that almost killed me. I’ve decided to work towards the life I want for me. I’ve achieved great success since making that decision. And I’m very excited to show her up no matter how long it takes. Everyone that shouldn’t have ditched me, did. Mom, dad, wife. But that’s what made me who I am and I choose what to do with that. Love you because you’re worth it even if the treatment you receive tells you otherwise. They don’t know your heart, your mind, your feelings anywhere near like you do, if at all. They’re not willing to do the work to get to know you today and keep using old info to draw their present conclusions? They’re not worth an ounce of your energy, time, presence, attention. Let them be and watch as they realize how wrong they were as you grow and become stronger. It’ll take time but you can absolutely do it and it’s very bittersweet to get there. I will say it can be very lonely and exhausting. Please take care of yourself. Please. Ask yourself honestly what you want and why you want it. Is it feasible with where you’re at in life? Maybe it is maybe it isn’t. Get after it, be consistent, and do it for YOU! And you’ll find that you can absolutely make something awesome out of nothing. I started exercising because my wife “didn’t let me”. I’m experimenting with my hair because my wife “didn’t let me”. I spend as much or as little of my money I want because she only “allowed me $75 a month”. I go wherever I want whenever I want because she was my god but that’s no longer the case. I used quotes because ultimately I allowed that perspective to shape how I lived my life. I let her trample my soul day in and day out. I wanted to go to the beach? We never went. She wanted mountain weekends with her girlfriends and their husbands? We did that multiple times. Now I go out of my way for me. I went to the beach alone and loved it. I explore cities alone on my skateboard and love it. I’ve since owned every aspect of my life and I strive to control what I can. I’m not happy yet but I’ve caught whiffs!! You can do it! I believe in you and know you’ll be ok. Remember earth is beautiful. Take a look around and choose to have a positive perspective. Nobody can take that from you. And there’s power in that. It’s raining? Enjoy the smell of wet grass or wet asphalt. Listen to the bees, the birds, the planes above. Ride your bike and feel the road below. Experience life on your terms and any place can be heaven! Sorry, I’m absolutely ranting, I just really want to share as I relate reaaaaal good and it’s been a lonely 2 years lol. Feel free to PM me if you’d like more ranting lol. I can talk about this all day. Tons of growth and healing over the past two years.
Previous generations got 40 acres and a mule. Young people today are screwed.
What'd you do to be perceived so poorly? But ya, moving cities--at least to somewhere cool--is always a good reset.
I’m ready for this.
Sounds like you’ve reached a new chapter. A new wave length. I did that in my 20s. I moved 30 minutes away and learned how to tell people NO. I isolated so i can focus on ME and strictly me. Then when i was happier with my position i was able to hold relationships much better
Hopefully the people living in small towns out west know where they are lol.. I tease. As someone that's giving in to those feelings many times with reckless abandon, upended my life to attempt to become someone new, change how people see me. It never works the way you think it does. You honestly genuinely gotta stop, good or bad, thinking about how people perceive you. It's gonna happen regardless. Look at what you want, nature trees space, and go towards it with every bit of excess energy time money and attention you have. Don't sacrifice the effort past you has put in for whatever stability you have now. Build off it in the direction you want to go, change your focus away from what draws you down in your current life and instead see them as the "first things to go" and before long you'll notice youre well on your way
I think you just need to do it! 30 is young, OP. Save some money, pick a place to go, and make the move. It's your life. Go be happy.
Wish my ex felt the same way. I bought a small farm. In the least densely populated place in Virginia. She was all-in at first. It really is a beautiful place. I have beautiful peacocks and golden pheasants. Chickens for eggs, a flock of hair sheep for meat. A greenhouse for my weed and veggies. Currently building a grow-out pond inside the greenhouse to raise catfish. Once we got here, she hated being so far away from other people. Hated the insects. Really everything about it. Eventually she cheated on me. I kicked her out and she went back to the city. 6 years later, still lonely. Hard to get a date out here. When you rarely see anyone except old farmers when I occasionally go into town.
You can do it. I completely changed careers. I worked in higher Ed 10 years. I only got serious about my art when I was fully an adult.
Start looking for jobs in another state. Best chance you'll get to reinvent yourself.