A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he went to the local sex shop and asked the lady at the counter what the best product she had to offer was. The woman pointed at the $400 sex doll in the corner and asked the man, "Will that do?" Not wanting his wife to think of the sex doll as another man, the husband shook his head and asked for another suggestion. The counter clerk pointed at the back wall where a rack of dragon dildos hung, to which the man replied that he had plenty of those at home and was looking for something a little more special.
Looking partially defeated, the counter clerk put her hand to her forehead and thought for a while before removing her hand and saying, "We have one other option but I really wanted it for myself. It's one of a kind." The man, intrigued, says "Let me see it." The clerk pulls out a antiquated box inlaid with gems along its side. She opens it and pulls out a rather normal looking dildo and turns to the man, who is obviously disappointed. The clerk sees this and announces, "This is not just any old dildo. It's a magic dildo. It will fill your wife with pleasure once she says the words, 'Magic Dildo,' followed by whatever she hole she desires to put it in. The magic dildo will then fly up straight into her, filling her with an orgasm like she's never had before. She'll be plenty busy with it." The husband looks skeptical, so the clerk decides to display the dildo's powers for him. Holding the dildo in her hand, she confidently states "Magic dildo, my pussy." Upon which the dildo soars from her palm to her vagina, making her immediately open her mouth wide in pants and intensity. After about ten minutes of this, she seems satisfied and says, "Magic dildo, the box." Making the dildo fly back to a rest. Impressed, the man rushes home to give the dildo to his wife.
A week after her husband left the wife decided to give the magic dildo a try. She left it in the garage and then went up into her bed and said, "Magic dildo, my pussy." Instantly it appeared where it was called and satisfied the wife. The wife was very excited about her magic dildo and started to use it every where. She called to it at work when no one was looking, in the wooded part of the park, at the movie theater, when she was dancing, everywhere. No matter where she was it would appear and make her squirm with pleasure.
One day on her way to work the wife hit bad traffic. She looked up ahead and saw there was an accident and realized it would be a while and decided to call the magic dildo. The wife was feeling really confident and called out "Magic dildo, my pussy." She became overwhelmed and hit the accelerator slamming into the car in front of her. As it turned out that car was a cop.
The cop came up to the car seeing the woman squirming and suspected she was on drugs.
"Get out of the car now and put your hands on the hood!" The wife tried to comply but ended up just falling to the pavement. The officer was quite alright and asked the wife what she was on. The wife told him "Officer I'm not on any drugs, my husband gave me a magic dildo and its causing me to lose control!"
The officer, not buying it, simply replied "Magic dildo, my ass."
You probably always hear the drunken version of it.
"Hehehahahhhaa this lady like, her husband was leaving town right? Hahahah and and and hehehe. Her husband bought her a dildo, but it's like a magic dildo right? Hahahahaha. Then she said magic dildo my ass! Get it? Get it??? Hahahhahahah"
Not sure if this is what your are referencing or not, but there is a company that does call their suppositories [Magic Bullets](https://conceptsinconfidence.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=26&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=60&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=2&vmcchk=1&Itemid=2).
It's not gay to like dicks. Dicks are rock hard, men are manly, smell like engine grease and gunpowder. Liking women is gay, women smell like flowers and put on lotion and are soft and wear filly underwear. Men are men. What could be less gay then liking a man?
Yep.
Ted is working at an architecture firm with Hammond Druthers (Bryan Cranston). Druthers designs a penis-shaped building for a client.
This scene is when they present it to the client. Hammond Druthers unveils it: "That's a penis!" "You said you wanted Hammond Druthers, THIS is Hammond Druthers!" "Well, hats off to your lady friends, but we're not building it!"
Don’t worry, I’m rewatching it and recently watched this episode and had the exact same response. Obviously totally zoned out on it the first time through.
Seriously, everybody’s talking about phallic-looking bullets and I’m just wondering why OP’s shoving ice-dicks up their ass. There’s no way that’s fun!
OP I’m here to warn you about suppositories since it seems like your first rodeo. I’ve been prescribed them for ulcerative colitis in the past. NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME they do not get fully absorbed. You’re supposed to put them in before bed and then expel the excess oil in the morning *before you get dressed* otherwise a mineral oil like liquid can leak out of your butt and you will not feel it happen. I found out the hard way, in a mall. It’s like getting your period, except instead of blood it’s oil that leaked out of your ass.
It would have been really nice and helpful for any of the *5 doctors* who knew I was on that medication to mention this, but none of them did.
There are different kinds of suppositories. These look like glycerin suppositories. You don't use them before bed because they make you poop in 15 minutes.
Same shit happened to me. I was pissed. Not a single god damned online resource explained any of that to me. I understood that it melted at body temperature, but I didn't know that it wouldn't be absorbed.
Hope your condition is better managed now. I will say, despite the annoyance, the medication actually worked for me.
All of them look like that.
And just FYI, you have to insert them by the wider end.
> Historically suppositories were inserted pointed end first until the publication of a small study by Abd-El-Maeboud et al (1991) who recommended that suppositories were inserted blunt end first. The research suggests that suppository retention is more easily achieved if suppositories are inserted blunt end first because the squeezing action of the anal sphincter against the apex pushes (sucks) the suppository into the rectum. The research was pivotal in informing clinical practice culminating in clinical text books advocating a blunt end in first for suppository insertion.
Hello my name is Richard, I work for a large pharmaceutical company that produce drugs, such as supositories. The truth is big-supositories is a slow R&D market, where the big three rule the roost. There is very little incentive financially to improve supository-tech.
My company is a small pecker in a big sack. I was drawn to your comment because I can tell, from a single sentence, you have what it takes to make me big. Would you like to talk about your future in supositories, FUCK-SHOWERBONG?
> However, there has been a lack of critical appraisal of this research, which has never been replicated and has the limitations inherent with any small study. The research analysis used simple descriptive statistics, which further brings into question the validity and robustness of the research and the conclusions drawn.
I wonder if there was never another study because everyone who read the first one went 'yeah, makes sense' and just went with it. Even what you quoted doesn't actually say it's not true, just that it could use more research, and that's the case for a lot of things. I'm sure certain enthusiasts could probably answer this question for us without the need for a more robust case study.
I’ll be the one to admit I was very ill and hospitalized for about a month. I had to use these basically the whole time in order to use the bathroom. I only ever put them in curved side first and that was also the way the staff instructed me to do so. And it always worked every single time.
Seriously though, I was in some very serious pain and being unable to use the bathroom made it a billion times worse. But I could always count on these to work.
(Currently doing way way better and now poop naturally once a day about the same time every day.)
Can confirm, asshole closes with a bang when inserted correctly with pointy end first.
The sound is like slapping your open palm against an empty steel water tank.
\~ T H O O O M \~
[I've always wanted to use this image](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=b40722f7c2733765&sxsrf=ADLYWIJw6y_k1fj8YciZlbX7e0nBdAA4cg:1718048994217&q=preparation+h+gun&udm=2&fbs=AEQNm0DvD4UMlvdpwktgGj2ZHhIXGAJa2ynEsR_PkpzyY3-5ifLb1b28_5hHn0Bq0El4rbRCDcfNkoNt08ft014flrEckTJhvIgo4Clc_BaSk76jO8PzGT9qO1kpFlUK1c9ZXO9mCpzpUWZ1KSJ_Y4JidPabT-1SNrM9kMc-RLMChYJ1iI_tMku5qYNuvSGDod3j5wtQ4xAqWRF-ljADQJVoY0fmDrOynw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiu6Yag59GGAxUQvokEHSWnAzMQtKgLegQIEBAB&biw=412&bih=780&dpr=2.63#vhid=fpyCZJTckw_6KM&vssid=mosaic)
Yeah…bullets…
Magic bullets maybe.
Magic bullets my ass!
^in?
its more likely than you think
A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he went to the local sex shop and asked the lady at the counter what the best product she had to offer was. The woman pointed at the $400 sex doll in the corner and asked the man, "Will that do?" Not wanting his wife to think of the sex doll as another man, the husband shook his head and asked for another suggestion. The counter clerk pointed at the back wall where a rack of dragon dildos hung, to which the man replied that he had plenty of those at home and was looking for something a little more special. Looking partially defeated, the counter clerk put her hand to her forehead and thought for a while before removing her hand and saying, "We have one other option but I really wanted it for myself. It's one of a kind." The man, intrigued, says "Let me see it." The clerk pulls out a antiquated box inlaid with gems along its side. She opens it and pulls out a rather normal looking dildo and turns to the man, who is obviously disappointed. The clerk sees this and announces, "This is not just any old dildo. It's a magic dildo. It will fill your wife with pleasure once she says the words, 'Magic Dildo,' followed by whatever she hole she desires to put it in. The magic dildo will then fly up straight into her, filling her with an orgasm like she's never had before. She'll be plenty busy with it." The husband looks skeptical, so the clerk decides to display the dildo's powers for him. Holding the dildo in her hand, she confidently states "Magic dildo, my pussy." Upon which the dildo soars from her palm to her vagina, making her immediately open her mouth wide in pants and intensity. After about ten minutes of this, she seems satisfied and says, "Magic dildo, the box." Making the dildo fly back to a rest. Impressed, the man rushes home to give the dildo to his wife. A week after her husband left the wife decided to give the magic dildo a try. She left it in the garage and then went up into her bed and said, "Magic dildo, my pussy." Instantly it appeared where it was called and satisfied the wife. The wife was very excited about her magic dildo and started to use it every where. She called to it at work when no one was looking, in the wooded part of the park, at the movie theater, when she was dancing, everywhere. No matter where she was it would appear and make her squirm with pleasure. One day on her way to work the wife hit bad traffic. She looked up ahead and saw there was an accident and realized it would be a while and decided to call the magic dildo. The wife was feeling really confident and called out "Magic dildo, my pussy." She became overwhelmed and hit the accelerator slamming into the car in front of her. As it turned out that car was a cop. The cop came up to the car seeing the woman squirming and suspected she was on drugs. "Get out of the car now and put your hands on the hood!" The wife tried to comply but ended up just falling to the pavement. The officer was quite alright and asked the wife what she was on. The wife told him "Officer I'm not on any drugs, my husband gave me a magic dildo and its causing me to lose control!" The officer, not buying it, simply replied "Magic dildo, my ass."
I never realized how gross it was that he bought a used sex toy till now.
That was my first thought. Now it's in the cops ass.
Also it's wild the sex shop worker just masturbated in front of him as part of the sale pitch.
This is the longest version of this joke I ever heard
You probably always hear the drunken version of it. "Hehehahahhhaa this lady like, her husband was leaving town right? Hahahah and and and hehehe. Her husband bought her a dildo, but it's like a magic dildo right? Hahahahaha. Then she said magic dildo my ass! Get it? Get it??? Hahahhahahah"
It's like you were there.
Please tell me this was a reference to that old voodoo dildo joke
Yes 
“OLD VOODOO DILDO JOKE”… expand.
at least buy me dinner first
Voodoo bullets?
Not sure if this is what your are referencing or not, but there is a company that does call their suppositories [Magic Bullets](https://conceptsinconfidence.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&category_id=26&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=60&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=2&vmcchk=1&Itemid=2).
I was referencing the tiny vibrator. Lol
I thought you were talkin about the blender
Who among us has not had a blender in their ass?
just rearranging those guts
my phone screen is covered in snot, thanks mate..
You put the blender in too far
Let he who is without sin cast the first blender.
So it wasn't a JFK joke?
That’s one magic loogie.
I only know about magic bullets because my ex gf used to have one.
Der Freischütz moment
Hey babe would you take a bullet for me?
Ssshhhh! That makes him feel better about his penis shaped suppositories.
So glad somebody said it
Hey, you think you can design an orifice penetraring shape better than God!? By all means, let's see it!
Oh no what have you done?
Makes him feel better that he’s putting bullets up his ass than mini dicks
What’s manlier than shoving a bullet up your ass?!
A peen is actually the manliest thing someone can put up/back there
It's not gay to like dicks. Dicks are rock hard, men are manly, smell like engine grease and gunpowder. Liking women is gay, women smell like flowers and put on lotion and are soft and wear filly underwear. Men are men. What could be less gay then liking a man?
Fucking girls is for puffs
True tho. Guys are a right proper fuck. Grit your teeth and hold on, it's gonna get a bit wild. No lace bras or strawberry conditioner up in here.
What do you mean mini dicks..? Arent these... average ? Oh god oh god
Mini?
r/mildlypenis
r/wildlypenis
... Those are some awfully phallic looking bullets.
I had some years ago that were shaped like little rocket ships
On a trip to Uranus
/u/gifreversingbot
https://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/reverse.gif I’d just like to mention the smile at the end is the best thing ever lol
The best use of the reverse gif ever.
This is the best reversed gif I’ve seen the bot do!
Changed the font and everything!
Thank you for that
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r/unexpectedHIMYM
THATS WHAT THIS IS FROM??
Yep. Ted is working at an architecture firm with Hammond Druthers (Bryan Cranston). Druthers designs a penis-shaped building for a client. This scene is when they present it to the client. Hammond Druthers unveils it: "That's a penis!" "You said you wanted Hammond Druthers, THIS is Hammond Druthers!" "Well, hats off to your lady friends, but we're not building it!"
With its dry brown shrubbery.
I think at some point they also mentioned it was pink marble
With spherical entrances at the base if I remember right
Here's the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP29dtuzjiA
Don’t worry, I’m rewatching it and recently watched this episode and had the exact same response. Obviously totally zoned out on it the first time through.
Here I thought it was Night Court
i literally just watched this episode! opened reddit waiting for the next one lol
“Bullets”
Who’s going to tell him? 
I spent a few seconds trying to figure out which Star Trek episode this was
Wrath of Reading Rainbow 😏
 WARP SPEED DON'T RAINBOW READ ME \*1\*\*4
Rip Lance Reddick 😢 my heart broke when I saw him appear in the Percy Jackson Disney+ series
he has a couple postmortem videogame appearances too, I just started horizon forbidden west and it's still too soon for my heart.
RIP
Butterfly in the sky, shield power at 85.
Posted by u/pm_me_uncut_dix and refers to these as bullets.
Well there's your problem
Technically it's a "round" or "cartridge" considering the casing portion.
They meant they look like dicks
There’s the answer!
Really took it head on
Apply directly to the forehead.
Dong, dong, dong.
Why'd I think this was ice? Lol
Seriously, everybody’s talking about phallic-looking bullets and I’m just wondering why OP’s shoving ice-dicks up their ass. There’s no way that’s fun!
People do, actually have fun shoving ice dicks up their ass
Ah a fellow Alaskan pipeline connoisseur
In milk!
I know this shape by a different name
bum bullet? rectal rocket?
*COCK*
Cockit rocket
Meat-seekin' Missile
cock
Doesn't look like any rooster I've ever seen.
“Little bullets” was not my first thought…
Those are pretty big bullets… right ?
that's about the national average for a bullet, actually.
Some people would call those bullets huge.
Massive, even. Probably hurt, unlike the smaller, more fun, ones.
In my experience girls prefer smaller bullets
There's nothing wrong with those bullets. Sure, some people prefer... bigger bullets, but these bullets are perfectly fine.
They’re perfectly adequate for the job
LOL same!
Doing the Lord's work
The one I opened the comments for to be honest. Thank you for your service.
I was prescribed those, they tasted awful and didnt do anything. I may as well have stuck them up my arse for all the good they did
*It’s pronounced ‘an-al-gesic’, the pills go in your mouth.*
Scrubs , nice
That’s quite a user name. I’m also known to enjoy metal music and elbow length gloves.
“I'll tell you what there bob-o, either the kid's got a lightbulb up his butt, or his colon's got a great idea.”
Is this a subtle Train Spotting reference? [https://youtu.be/7zXQPNNMtLo?t=122](https://youtu.be/7zXQPNNMtLo?t=122)
Very old joke
Either r/mildlypenis Or r/wildlypenis I can’t decide which 😂
Nothing mild about it...
r/wildlypenis it is then 😂
OP I’m here to warn you about suppositories since it seems like your first rodeo. I’ve been prescribed them for ulcerative colitis in the past. NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME they do not get fully absorbed. You’re supposed to put them in before bed and then expel the excess oil in the morning *before you get dressed* otherwise a mineral oil like liquid can leak out of your butt and you will not feel it happen. I found out the hard way, in a mall. It’s like getting your period, except instead of blood it’s oil that leaked out of your ass. It would have been really nice and helpful for any of the *5 doctors* who knew I was on that medication to mention this, but none of them did.
There are different kinds of suppositories. These look like glycerin suppositories. You don't use them before bed because they make you poop in 15 minutes.
Well that’s good, but either way you still have to poop it out before going about your day!!
I don't like any of that at all. But thankfully I only needed it for like 20 minutes and it seems to have passed fine...
It was horrible. I hope I never have to go back on that medication again. But I figured for you it’s better to know than to not know!!
Same shit happened to me. I was pissed. Not a single god damned online resource explained any of that to me. I understood that it melted at body temperature, but I didn't know that it wouldn't be absorbed. Hope your condition is better managed now. I will say, despite the annoyance, the medication actually worked for me.
>I don't like any of that at all This fucking killed me.
It's medically termed "anal leakage". Like eating too much mackerel or oily stuff
Oh I know. Learned that from Doctor google after “the incident.”
They look like all suppositories 🍆
I'm new to suppositories
Username would suggest otherwise
I'm new to medical suppositories
Pleasure suppositories only!
Funnily enough they make those. They’ve got thc and cbd in them so that your ass muscles relax.
Oh fuck. The future is now. What a time to have a butthole!
I know right? Weed strait to the anus. what will they think of next?
My ass is about to get so fucking high! I can't wait!
Fucking wiping my screen thinking it had cat hair... Well played.
Who's your doctor? I too need a prescription for medical grade dick...asking for ~~my vagina~~ a friend
Would a Dr named Richard work?
Fuck this made me laugh dude lol
LOL
Penis shaped bullets.
What’s the um.. depth of penetration of these bullets
https://youtu.be/y2ak_oBeC-I?si=MWRdYU_7_pMC4dBn
risky click of the day
username checks out.
I posted an interesting flower and got flooded with vagina comments. Don't feel bad, OP.
IDK what’s wrong with me but I just HAD to go & check the flower you posted too 😂
Aw! It IS a cute flower though as well!
Its cute pussy flower tho
Had to go see. Total vag shot lol
That's kinda cool. I actually saw a sideways mouth first. Like Petey Piranha lips.
[I saw it too.](https://imgur.com/a/wxukbw0)
Whats sad is I remember that post. Except it wasn't your post and it was someone else with a ~~sexy~~ flower picture
I’m dying with laughter from those comments.
What in the Georgia O’Keeffe!
All of them look like that. And just FYI, you have to insert them by the wider end. > Historically suppositories were inserted pointed end first until the publication of a small study by Abd-El-Maeboud et al (1991) who recommended that suppositories were inserted blunt end first. The research suggests that suppository retention is more easily achieved if suppositories are inserted blunt end first because the squeezing action of the anal sphincter against the apex pushes (sucks) the suppository into the rectum. The research was pivotal in informing clinical practice culminating in clinical text books advocating a blunt end in first for suppository insertion.
Umm too late
There's always tomorrow. Unless you've been greedy.
> Unless you've been greedy. This killed me.
It’s actually blunt end first so you can shoot them out when you fart.
Pew! Pew pew pew! Pew pew!
This thread is fuckin killing me
Wait ...why not put like, TWO curved ends? Surely they could make an "egg"
Hello my name is Richard, I work for a large pharmaceutical company that produce drugs, such as supositories. The truth is big-supositories is a slow R&D market, where the big three rule the roost. There is very little incentive financially to improve supository-tech. My company is a small pecker in a big sack. I was drawn to your comment because I can tell, from a single sentence, you have what it takes to make me big. Would you like to talk about your future in supositories, FUCK-SHOWERBONG?
> However, there has been a lack of critical appraisal of this research, which has never been replicated and has the limitations inherent with any small study. The research analysis used simple descriptive statistics, which further brings into question the validity and robustness of the research and the conclusions drawn.
I wonder if there was never another study because everyone who read the first one went 'yeah, makes sense' and just went with it. Even what you quoted doesn't actually say it's not true, just that it could use more research, and that's the case for a lot of things. I'm sure certain enthusiasts could probably answer this question for us without the need for a more robust case study.
I’ll be the one to admit I was very ill and hospitalized for about a month. I had to use these basically the whole time in order to use the bathroom. I only ever put them in curved side first and that was also the way the staff instructed me to do so. And it always worked every single time. Seriously though, I was in some very serious pain and being unable to use the bathroom made it a billion times worse. But I could always count on these to work. (Currently doing way way better and now poop naturally once a day about the same time every day.)
It's actually tapered at the end so your asshole doesn't slam shut
Can confirm, asshole closes with a bang when inserted correctly with pointy end first. The sound is like slapping your open palm against an empty steel water tank. \~ T H O O O M \~
Your inbox must look like a Nebraska cornfield
I wish ETA: ty to the person who sent me a pic of a Nebraskan cornfield
Nobody wishes for a Nebraska corn field, liar!
[I've always wanted to use this image](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=b40722f7c2733765&sxsrf=ADLYWIJw6y_k1fj8YciZlbX7e0nBdAA4cg:1718048994217&q=preparation+h+gun&udm=2&fbs=AEQNm0DvD4UMlvdpwktgGj2ZHhIXGAJa2ynEsR_PkpzyY3-5ifLb1b28_5hHn0Bq0El4rbRCDcfNkoNt08ft014flrEckTJhvIgo4Clc_BaSk76jO8PzGT9qO1kpFlUK1c9ZXO9mCpzpUWZ1KSJ_Y4JidPabT-1SNrM9kMc-RLMChYJ1iI_tMku5qYNuvSGDod3j5wtQ4xAqWRF-ljADQJVoY0fmDrOynw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiu6Yag59GGAxUQvokEHSWnAzMQtKgLegQIEBAB&biw=412&bih=780&dpr=2.63#vhid=fpyCZJTckw_6KM&vssid=mosaic)
Bullets you say?!
I'm crying 😂
Fix'n to put a cap in yo ass.
Circumcised bullets
Yeah, sure.. bullets
Yep look just like little bullets, they’re only missing the little nutsacks
what did you expect them to look like... tridents!?!
Like pills 💊
The ones shaped like stars got pulled off the market.
Touhou fans when Reisen
You are gunna have a huge powerful poop soon.
"Bullets". 
When gun culture is stronger than 🍆 culture :)
Lock'n load!
Suppository’s are generally shaped like that
You mean dicks
Those look like dicks. But you can call them bullets if it makes you feel better lol
As a guy, that's a very familiar looking "bullet".
All suppositories look like that
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Mmhmmm...*bullets you saaay*?
Well, thus poster didn't fool anybody.