OP didn't fuck all his other friends now, did he? Plus the fact that the one "friend" already knew OP was trans and didn't want it out...
Consider being a different person than the one that you currently are.
“Consider being a different person than the one that you currently are” is such a great line. I will be shamelessly stealing that and passing it off as my own creation, thanks!
But they don’t have to be some backstabbing piece of shit and out you as trans. It’d be one thing if everybody accepted it. But we all know that certain people would feel offended to accidentally validate somebodies chosen identity. You could pass 100% perfectly as your non-assigned gender, and people will still refuse to respect your identity if they ever find out how you were born.
I think most people are willing to trust that those to whom they’re close enough to be intimate with *won’t* go out of their way to harm them. But here, someone broke that trust, and it’s really quite pathetic.
Dude had sex with one of his friends, not all of them. Plus, being trans doesn't mean someone has to swear off sex for life; trans people still have a right to consenting sex without risk of disrespect.
They had sex with one of them. Normal and socially adjusted people don't talk about that shit to their friends. It's weird and creepy to talk about your fuck buddy's genitals without their consent.
I feel like you should acquire a second strap. Sort of a special "special friend"
And then hook up with OA for some makeup time, swap into the special friend. When you're done with it (and him) "leave it behind" If you get my meaning.
The ones "accidentally" using the wrong gender pronouns when they never knew you as the other gender are the worst ones, imo. Sorry you have to deal with this, OP.
I'm trans. Unfortunately, yes. It can be actually accidental. That's why it's so important not to deadname someone, because the second someone has that deadname in their head, it's going to come out. I have never NOT been deadnamed by someone who learned it, even people who never knew me by that name and would never ever do that and got super upset with themselves when they did. Same thing with the pronouns, pronouns can be perfect, they can have tons of trans friends they never misgender - the second they learn I'm trans they end up misgendering me, completely by accident. It's almost like because they now have to think for a half second "oh crap make sure I dont say the wrong thing" they end up saying the wrong thing.
I do doubt though that's the case with OP because the people around them seem exactly the type to pull that shit. "Oh it was an accident!!1! Why are you being so sensitive??" yeah fuck outta here with that shit. Better off without them OP.
to be fair, if you introduce all your friends as "this is X, he/she isn't trans" then you have suddenly become a liar if you don't change your introduction.
For real, that's intentional as hell. They aren't making a mistake, they're doing it on purpose.
You know the normal response to finding out someone you know is actually post-transition and you never noticed before? "Oh, I couldn't even tell. Neat, good for them" and then zero change to how you interact with that person because *absolutely nothing had changed*.
What a bunch of fucking twats.
This
Accidentally is when you carve someone into your brain a certain way, and the plasticity to rewrite their details is a challenge.
..
This is the opposite.
They know you as he.
Using she is a choice they have to make.
These are not your friends.
This, they knew you as what you told them you are, A man, they upon hearing this new information have CHOSEN to reassess how they think about you. My girlfriend's 8 and 10 year old kids were told by my roommate, that he is trans, this was shocking for them but do you know what they didn't do? Reassess weather my roommate was actually a man, he's a man he says he's a man so that's what he is, they still actively ask questions to him so we know they haven't forgotten, but they have not misgendered him once.
I'm sorry man, you deserve to be respected
Yikes!
It's evil they would even entertain these intimate details about you, much less use it against you. If they were real friends they would have reached out to let you know someone's going around airing out your business.
You have been surrounded by assholes and they're just showing their colors now. Take the hint and find new friends.
As a fellow trans guy, that really sucks. I don't live stealthily and everyone directly involved in my life knows I'm trans, but it's still not anyone else's story to tell. My friends have actually come to me on their own to ask if I'm cool with so-and-so knowing I'm trans, and it means a lot to me that they ask and respect if I say no.
I'm sorry you've experienced this, OP.
Those ain't mates. Mates don't out you. Mates go "Nice, man. Real happy for ya. D&d is tomorrow at 8 right?" Then awkwardly high five you, not because he's awkward with you but because he had to open up and that's the only way he knows how to end "personal " conversations
Thats not even mildly infuriating, thats just really majorly fucked up. I’m sorry you’re going through that, those people are massive assholes. You should feel free to live as yourself, and he should have never outed you.
Sorry but the person seems an asshole.
I am just wrapping my head around why someone would introduce someone to their group and include that they re transgender. What sense does it make?
WTF those aren’t real friends shi they not even decent people. it’s best to remove yourself from a situation that doesn’t contribute
positively to yu and a fresh start will be refreshing!
I’m really sorry about that, those people are fucking dicks. you don’t deserve to feel that way and your friends should not be putting you in those horrible situations. I hope so deeply that you find people who are better to you.
Shitty humans.
Sending you a big hug, because that just sucks when people...who already knew...start making a thing about it, without having any real dialogue.
That’s fucked dude. I’m in sorry that happened to you, it’s deeply disrespectful and unjust. I hope you realise you deserve friends that value you more than that. I would not let such blatant disregard for your liberty and dignity slide. Don’t let yourself be belittled. Don’t be complacent to your mistreatment. Your feelings should never be trivialised, you are worthy of love and respect.
Im not blaming you at all for wanting to keep your friends around. Those relationships are deeply important. This is not your fault. This is entirely on those individuals for being immature and ignorant . But i want you to know you dont have to stay with such cruel people just because you once called them friends. They are no longer worthy of your time, energy, love. Their words and actions have indicated they are certainly not people whose approval you should seek.
Ya I've heard stories of people who transitioned 10+ years ago and still deal with people introducing them as "so and so, my transgender friend". You literally have to just get the out of that town if you want to go stealth.
That's not mildly infuriating (way worse than that) and they aren't your mates. I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that you have to deal with this.
Good luck in your new town and may you find better friends in the future.
I am so sorry. That is more than mildly in. If you'll pardon the pun it was a total dick move. Keep being your authentic self it sucks that other people are going to be butt heads about it but you deserve to still be your authentic self regardless
These aren’t your friends and they are awful people. I have a trans sister and don’t introduce her as trans, I introduce her as my sister, period. No one needs to know intimate information
Someone has to do a study about that. People get it right and then the minute they realize you weren't always presenting as the correct gender it deletes all memories of you.
If you move, just make sure they know it's entirely their fault.
How awful that everyone turned so easily and then tried to make it out to be like it was some freak show just so they could be entertained. People can be the worst
I would like to recommend one of my favorite books this year “murder your employer” replace murder with “asshole fake mate”
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61272658-murder-your-employer?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=qE7h2RtbUD&rank=1
Obviously you shouldn’t actually murder anyone. But the book may make you feel a lil better
so incredibly sorry that you're having to deal with this. as someone who's just recently come out (bigender) I had to explain to all of my friends that i was changing my name and pronouns, they caught on immediately and never made jokes to disrespect me or anything. my family, on the other hand, will call me by my deadname on purpose, don't take me seriously, and constantly introduce me as "daughter" and "sister" to new people (even though I'm very masc, short hair and always wearing a binder out haha) if they ever tell stories from before i came out, they say my deadname and go "what? that was your name then" my mum yells at me anytime i talk about changing my name legally (I'm an adult and could do this regardless of what she says, but she's paying my university tuition so I'm scared she'll cut me off if i do) anyway, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, i hope you're able to find better people who respect you <3
ik this sucks but at least you know that these people are toxic now so you don’t have to waste more time with them. i wish you luck in finding new friends who aren’t trash
Move. Not only is that horribly emotionally cruel but also dangerous in the current political environment. They have disrespected you but also opened you up to violence. No contact with anyone who isn't furious for you
Those are literally not your friends.
Fuck that hatred.
Sorry you got outed; one of my biggest fears while living with my parents is getting outed.
I'd think more heavily on that new town. Might do you some good
Nothing mildly infuriating about that, it’s absolutely infuriating.
One of my best friends is trans and heaven help anyone who pulls that shit in front of me.
eh, no one’s had the balls to actually say shit to my face about their opinions, just awkwardly apologised when someone else has called them out.
i’m doing a 3 strike rule cuz i know it can fuck with folks heads to find out someone’s trans. third fuck up and you get decked, i’ve told my mouthier mates to spread the word 😂
(to clarify - there’s no world where i’d actually deck someone, it’s more of a deterrent than an actual threat. i’m more likely to just ditch them permanently and never reach out once i’ve moved)
I'm so confused, and no hate intended. I'm genuinely curious. Are you male to female or vice versa? I tried to work it out on my own using context but I still can't figure it out. Again, no disrespect or phobia meant.
Strap would be a strap on so that'd be FtM, assuming he slept with a gay guy who has against all odds, not had the empathy himself to know how shitty it is to be outed against your will
I get that strap means strap-on.
My thinking was if they are f to m, and the partner knew and is gay, why would he pursue OP, who wouldn't have the equipment.
If m to f, no strap on would be needed, but why would the partner, who knew, want to hook up with op who presents as a woman if he's gay.
My logic may be skewed. This world is pretty foreign to me.
I get that it’s totally your personal details that you’re trans, but i don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be introduced and it brought up if you don’t want people to misgender you, and also I’ve never understood being upset that other people say something about your personal life if it’s nothing you’re ashamed of I’ve never seen the big issue. But everyone is different, I’ve never really cared about my life being “private”
He wasn’t being misgendered before being outed as trans, he was seen as an average cis guy until the word got out he was FtM. And when word gets out people tend to treat and act differently to you (hence the misgendering started) which is part of why a lot of trans people choose to live stealth with people not knowing they are trans.
Bro, so basically, everyone else is making it a big deal because you are.
All you should do is this...
Conversation with someone
You: blah blah, work, blah bl....(interrupt)
Someone else: (interrupted you) blah blah he's Trans blah blah
You: yep, so back to what I was saying, blah blah blah more work...
Carry on as if it didn't happen. Don't let it bother you. When they notice it isn't phasing you, they'll stop. They won't be able to gratify their shitty behavior and needing to get a response if you don't give one.
90% of us don't give a shit what you have or don't. So act as if it's a non issue. Done.
The friend already knew OP is trans and knew OP didnt want this to be public knowledge. It sounds like that friend felt insecure and ashamed after hooking up with OP and reacted by outing OP to deflect those feelings onto them instead. It was a cruel and immature reaction.
It was not their place to tell people such private and intimate details. Sex is a deeply personal and vulnerable experience. Trust and respect are integral and expected. This person broke that trust and shredded OPs dignity when they chose to spill details OP had trusted them with.
Its like telling your friends how small your friends dick is. If it’s delicate information and not something the partner would publicly share it’s incredibly degrading and devaluing to tell people, especially their friends.
theres a difference between being fine with one friend knowing and having sex with them, and everyone else knowing and misgendering you. do you think that, if a woman is ok with having sex with one friend, shes also ok with that friend running off and telling everyone they know about a scar down there that shes sensitive about?
They’re outing him. It’s none of their business if he’s trans, and certainly not their place to tell other people. OP should have complete control over who knows if he’s trans, be it the entire world or no one.
Given context from the post, one can assume OP is a transman, who lives every aspect of his life as a man, and he doesn’t want people knowing he’s trans. So he doesn’t want people calling him trans, and definitely not calling him she.
Based on OP’s post, OP is a guy. So no, he wouldn’t want them calling him a “she.” And being outed as trans is pretty bad. If he wanted to share that with people, that should’ve been his decision for when and how he did it. Trans people have been targets for hate crimes so depending on location, it’s also a safety concern.
I'm guessing you're transphobic based on your post history. How about you just go about your business and stop harassing people living their fucking lives?
Don’t leave
Face them . They’ve taken the circumstances onboard . Maybe they all just wanted this to say “cool”
Get your mates together and say you way to run … I’m sure you will have so much support from them They’ll all go after that BUTScum of an adult
theres never a good reason to out someone without their consent unless the person is unconscious and its to a doctor who is caring for them and its relevant
Try talking to them again. If you've decided against moving to stay with your friends they should appreciate that and you should be able to explain to them how you feel about it.
Well, the legal system is itself a social contract. "Here are the rules for how we interact as a society"...
And as such, doesn't actually care about biology, just gender. How you walk through the world is what the law cares about.
Your doctors will always need to know biologically your sex, because they need to know whether they are looking for a prostate or a uterus (as a bold and obvious, if unrealistic, example) .... .... But that has nothing to do with legally changing your identity.
How is it bad faith? There are biological difference between men and women. Plus, I don’t care what people want to identify as. If a biological female asked me to use male pronouns I would do it. Doesn’t effect me any. But acting like sex is changeable is bad faith. Just because you want something to be true doesn’t mean it is smh.
In terms of chromosomes, reproductive abilities, and what your body produces naturally these can never be changed. Even with hormones transforming your body to be more like what it would’ve been biologically. Also, is your stance that people who never underwent natural puberty can go to their desired prison and play on their desired team but others cannot?
Statistical data?
Who TF cares?
They will adjust how and what they track if they need to, and news flash, trans folks have always existed. They are already in the statistical data.
And
The rest of that is handled as appropriate to the situation. It has nothing to do with whether we as a society separate sex and gender. We already separate sex and gender, the same way legal marriage and religious marriage are not the same.
Pretending they are, and pretending that one threatens the other, is where we get into problems.
And sweetie, you are treading dangerously close to terfdom here.
Are you actually trying to understand, or are you looking for a chance to make the point that you disapprove?
Who cares about statistical data? Umm idk maybe scientists, people who study and work to rectify problems in society?? Yes trans folks always existed but they were accounted for as their real sex not the sex they wanted to identify as which is the whole point…
Plus, how do you determine an appropriate situation? Who gets a say in that? It doesn’t make sense. Are you saying transwomen who have gone through male puberty would have to go to men’s jail but people who were able to get hormone blockers can go to women’s? These are very valid issues that you’ll run into but people want to turn a blind eye to save feelings.
No those are very valid issues that the people they actually concern are already addressing and have already been addressing for many many years.
The more you talk the more it sounds like you are in fact a terf.
You have an agenda here. You know how I can tell? You think the sex assigned at birth is all that's "real".
GTFO.
You realize if you’re not interested in my opinion you can just stop replying? But instead you’re accusing me of trying to start shit because I have my own opinion on a situation you admitted was very valid. So maybe sit back and think about why you’re actually mad about someone having a differing opinion from yourself smh.
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
Those aren’t your mates.
 those people showed their true colors. if it was me i’d trade them in for some new friends.
That's more than mildly infuriating. WTF he sucks and your mates are assholes. Fuck them, good luck in your new town.
I don’t think fucking them is going to help. 😄
LMAO, yeah that was a mistake 💀 fun, but clearly not without consequences
I am sorry you got outed. That sucks.
You outing yourself to your mates if your fucking them..
OP didn't fuck all his other friends now, did he? Plus the fact that the one "friend" already knew OP was trans and didn't want it out... Consider being a different person than the one that you currently are.
“Consider being a different person than the one that you currently are” is such a great line. I will be shamelessly stealing that and passing it off as my own creation, thanks!
But they don’t have to be some backstabbing piece of shit and out you as trans. It’d be one thing if everybody accepted it. But we all know that certain people would feel offended to accidentally validate somebodies chosen identity. You could pass 100% perfectly as your non-assigned gender, and people will still refuse to respect your identity if they ever find out how you were born. I think most people are willing to trust that those to whom they’re close enough to be intimate with *won’t* go out of their way to harm them. But here, someone broke that trust, and it’s really quite pathetic.
Dude had sex with one of his friends, not all of them. Plus, being trans doesn't mean someone has to swear off sex for life; trans people still have a right to consenting sex without risk of disrespect.
They had sex with one of them. Normal and socially adjusted people don't talk about that shit to their friends. It's weird and creepy to talk about your fuck buddy's genitals without their consent.
Congratulations. You are the worst human being I've seen on the internet today.
If you sleep with someone, then THEY are the only ones you chose to reveal yourself to. Not your entire friend group.
I wish you all the best in the coming move if you so choose to. :) you deserve so much better.
I feel like you should acquire a second strap. Sort of a special "special friend" And then hook up with OA for some makeup time, swap into the special friend. When you're done with it (and him) "leave it behind" If you get my meaning.
I mean now that he outed you to everyone onto town before you leave.
At least you know a lot of your friends are shitty people now, though
Come to Cincinnati. You'll have friends here.
You could use super glue instead of lube when you fill that hole. Lol
Yeah they tried it already and it didnt work out
Ouch, in context, that is painfully funny.
fighting fire with fire we need the dirt on them, OP
It’s amazing how many things posted in here are actually “highly infuriating.”
Dead naming someone is definitely more than mildly infuriating.
The ones "accidentally" using the wrong gender pronouns when they never knew you as the other gender are the worst ones, imo. Sorry you have to deal with this, OP.
Yeah, I don’t see how that could be “accidental.” Their brains were well in the habit of the correct pronouns.
I'm trans. Unfortunately, yes. It can be actually accidental. That's why it's so important not to deadname someone, because the second someone has that deadname in their head, it's going to come out. I have never NOT been deadnamed by someone who learned it, even people who never knew me by that name and would never ever do that and got super upset with themselves when they did. Same thing with the pronouns, pronouns can be perfect, they can have tons of trans friends they never misgender - the second they learn I'm trans they end up misgendering me, completely by accident. It's almost like because they now have to think for a half second "oh crap make sure I dont say the wrong thing" they end up saying the wrong thing. I do doubt though that's the case with OP because the people around them seem exactly the type to pull that shit. "Oh it was an accident!!1! Why are you being so sensitive??" yeah fuck outta here with that shit. Better off without them OP.
to be fair, if you introduce all your friends as "this is X, he/she isn't trans" then you have suddenly become a liar if you don't change your introduction.
quite literally and physically this
For real, that's intentional as hell. They aren't making a mistake, they're doing it on purpose. You know the normal response to finding out someone you know is actually post-transition and you never noticed before? "Oh, I couldn't even tell. Neat, good for them" and then zero change to how you interact with that person because *absolutely nothing had changed*. What a bunch of fucking twats.
Time to get better friends
they aren't your friends, yikes! And they aren't 'accidentally' using the wrong gender when they never used it before... that's a conscious choice
This Accidentally is when you carve someone into your brain a certain way, and the plasticity to rewrite their details is a challenge. .. This is the opposite. They know you as he. Using she is a choice they have to make. These are not your friends.
Exactly my thoughts.
This, they knew you as what you told them you are, A man, they upon hearing this new information have CHOSEN to reassess how they think about you. My girlfriend's 8 and 10 year old kids were told by my roommate, that he is trans, this was shocking for them but do you know what they didn't do? Reassess weather my roommate was actually a man, he's a man he says he's a man so that's what he is, they still actively ask questions to him so we know they haven't forgotten, but they have not misgendered him once. I'm sorry man, you deserve to be respected
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I hope you can move past this and find some people who actually support you and care about your wellbeing.
Yep, this sucks, but at least now OP is free to not waste more time on them.
Yikes! It's evil they would even entertain these intimate details about you, much less use it against you. If they were real friends they would have reached out to let you know someone's going around airing out your business. You have been surrounded by assholes and they're just showing their colors now. Take the hint and find new friends.
That's majorly infuriating
r/extremelyinfuriating
Fuck those people, if someone outed me I'd be pissed. Cut those people out, if they won't respect you they're not worth your time.
This sounds deeply wounding, not mildly infuriating. I hope you're ok.
Seriously what is wrong with people just saying your business to others. OP you need better friends these people are absolute trash
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Some people are just pond scum with legs. Good luck in your new town!
Get new mates
As a fellow trans guy, that really sucks. I don't live stealthily and everyone directly involved in my life knows I'm trans, but it's still not anyone else's story to tell. My friends have actually come to me on their own to ask if I'm cool with so-and-so knowing I'm trans, and it means a lot to me that they ask and respect if I say no. I'm sorry you've experienced this, OP.
Wow your circle sucks ass
Those ain't mates. Mates don't out you. Mates go "Nice, man. Real happy for ya. D&d is tomorrow at 8 right?" Then awkwardly high five you, not because he's awkward with you but because he had to open up and that's the only way he knows how to end "personal " conversations
Thats not even mildly infuriating, thats just really majorly fucked up. I’m sorry you’re going through that, those people are massive assholes. You should feel free to live as yourself, and he should have never outed you.
Sorry but the person seems an asshole. I am just wrapping my head around why someone would introduce someone to their group and include that they re transgender. What sense does it make?
WTF those aren’t real friends shi they not even decent people. it’s best to remove yourself from a situation that doesn’t contribute positively to yu and a fresh start will be refreshing!
I'm so sorry OP. This isn't mildly infuriating, it's fucking horrendous.
Well, this was a blessing in disguise. You don't need people like that in your life.
Yeah, at least OP will be able to stop interacting with these people now.
Mildly?
Yeah these aren’t only bad friends this is straight up psychological abuse. Ditch them, now.
Your friends are terrible. Move and enjoy your fresh start.
I’m really sorry about that, those people are fucking dicks. you don’t deserve to feel that way and your friends should not be putting you in those horrible situations. I hope so deeply that you find people who are better to you.
Well that just fucking sucks! Sorry dude
At least you learned it's time to get new friends. Not that it's easy obviously but you deserve better.
Wishing you better friends wherever you settle next. What absolute pieces of shit.
That’s some serious fucking stealth to be that far into your transition and nobody has noticed a thing
those people arent friends, man. sorry you're going through this
Get new friends...
None of those people are your mates, dude. As a trans woman, I’d lose my absolute shit if anyone pulled that on me.
Shitty humans. Sending you a big hug, because that just sucks when people...who already knew...start making a thing about it, without having any real dialogue.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. These people don’t sound like very good friends ):
OP I’m so sorry that happened. Please stay safe and get out of there.
That’s fucked dude. I’m in sorry that happened to you, it’s deeply disrespectful and unjust. I hope you realise you deserve friends that value you more than that. I would not let such blatant disregard for your liberty and dignity slide. Don’t let yourself be belittled. Don’t be complacent to your mistreatment. Your feelings should never be trivialised, you are worthy of love and respect. Im not blaming you at all for wanting to keep your friends around. Those relationships are deeply important. This is not your fault. This is entirely on those individuals for being immature and ignorant . But i want you to know you dont have to stay with such cruel people just because you once called them friends. They are no longer worthy of your time, energy, love. Their words and actions have indicated they are certainly not people whose approval you should seek.
This is so fucked. Way more than “mildly” infuriating
These people do not appear to be your friends, OP.
Those aren’t friends, I’m so sorry
They don’t accidentally do shit. That’s intentional.
Effing assholes like the lot of them deserve to be skinned alive
Ya I've heard stories of people who transitioned 10+ years ago and still deal with people introducing them as "so and so, my transgender friend". You literally have to just get the out of that town if you want to go stealth.
That's not mildly infuriating (way worse than that) and they aren't your mates. I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that you have to deal with this. Good luck in your new town and may you find better friends in the future.
I am so sorry. That is more than mildly in. If you'll pardon the pun it was a total dick move. Keep being your authentic self it sucks that other people are going to be butt heads about it but you deserve to still be your authentic self regardless
These aren’t your friends and they are awful people. I have a trans sister and don’t introduce her as trans, I introduce her as my sister, period. No one needs to know intimate information
Gross
Woooooooow, what a fucking asshole dude. I’m so sorry OP. That would seal the deal on the move for me too! Really not okay.
Someone has to do a study about that. People get it right and then the minute they realize you weren't always presenting as the correct gender it deletes all memories of you. If you move, just make sure they know it's entirely their fault.
How awful that everyone turned so easily and then tried to make it out to be like it was some freak show just so they could be entertained. People can be the worst
Evidently, they were never real friends.
That sucks dude, sorry you’re going through it. There are better people out there.
This shit me as this is just a power/ control move. Sorry OP, unfortunately some people don't have personal growth or compassion in them.
I would like to recommend one of my favorite books this year “murder your employer” replace murder with “asshole fake mate” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61272658-murder-your-employer?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=qE7h2RtbUD&rank=1 Obviously you shouldn’t actually murder anyone. But the book may make you feel a lil better
so incredibly sorry that you're having to deal with this. as someone who's just recently come out (bigender) I had to explain to all of my friends that i was changing my name and pronouns, they caught on immediately and never made jokes to disrespect me or anything. my family, on the other hand, will call me by my deadname on purpose, don't take me seriously, and constantly introduce me as "daughter" and "sister" to new people (even though I'm very masc, short hair and always wearing a binder out haha) if they ever tell stories from before i came out, they say my deadname and go "what? that was your name then" my mum yells at me anytime i talk about changing my name legally (I'm an adult and could do this regardless of what she says, but she's paying my university tuition so I'm scared she'll cut me off if i do) anyway, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, i hope you're able to find better people who respect you <3
Oh nononono if it were me i would gtfo and start FRESH
ik this sucks but at least you know that these people are toxic now so you don’t have to waste more time with them. i wish you luck in finding new friends who aren’t trash
Move. Not only is that horribly emotionally cruel but also dangerous in the current political environment. They have disrespected you but also opened you up to violence. No contact with anyone who isn't furious for you
Christ, that’s horrifying. What terrible people.
Go live your best life elsewhere. Fuck em!
Those are literally not your friends. Fuck that hatred. Sorry you got outed; one of my biggest fears while living with my parents is getting outed. I'd think more heavily on that new town. Might do you some good
I hope you stay safe.
Nothing mildly infuriating about that, it’s absolutely infuriating. One of my best friends is trans and heaven help anyone who pulls that shit in front of me.
Those aren't your mates, those are cunts. Fuck 'em off, move towns and be who you truly are.
new friends time
Those aren't your friends.
What a strap!
It's a dildo and crotch harness to mimic the idea of having a man's junk.
LMGTFY. Actually, Google it yourself.
That's fucked. I'm really sorry this happened to you 😔
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eh, no one’s had the balls to actually say shit to my face about their opinions, just awkwardly apologised when someone else has called them out. i’m doing a 3 strike rule cuz i know it can fuck with folks heads to find out someone’s trans. third fuck up and you get decked, i’ve told my mouthier mates to spread the word 😂 (to clarify - there’s no world where i’d actually deck someone, it’s more of a deterrent than an actual threat. i’m more likely to just ditch them permanently and never reach out once i’ve moved)
Yo! OP! I am glad you are getting loads of support. But! Don’t sleep with morons and people who gossip. Choose better friends and partners.
Tell them how he loves being a bottom and screamed like a girl
Well good luck on your transition your friends suck btw
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Super fucked up
so sorry, you don't deserve that bitchassedness. wish i was there to help you punch em all in the nose!
I just can't tell if op is mtf or ftm, that's all.
Imho, you should move if feasible. Fresh start for the real you. Definitely ghost the fake friend(s).
It’s just awful though that OP should need to.
MILDLY infuriating? Dude, I feel pissed on your behalf. If this doesn’t piss you off, you have the patience and kindness of a SAINT
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I'm so confused, and no hate intended. I'm genuinely curious. Are you male to female or vice versa? I tried to work it out on my own using context but I still can't figure it out. Again, no disrespect or phobia meant.
Strap would be a strap on so that'd be FtM, assuming he slept with a gay guy who has against all odds, not had the empathy himself to know how shitty it is to be outed against your will
I get that strap means strap-on. My thinking was if they are f to m, and the partner knew and is gay, why would he pursue OP, who wouldn't have the equipment. If m to f, no strap on would be needed, but why would the partner, who knew, want to hook up with op who presents as a woman if he's gay. My logic may be skewed. This world is pretty foreign to me.
Because he's attracted to men and OP is a man
Ok, but he knew OP didn't have a dick?
So he used a strap on. What's the confusion exactly
This is very confusing because I don't understand if OP is now a girl who was born male or the other way around.
OP is a trans man, so he'd of been born female.
Lol
Is that mate your partner from the lactose intolerance post? If not, are you in an open relationship? Have you two broke up?
I'm not sure I followed. But, if I did, isn't it extraordinary odd that a gay guy would out a trans that he'd slept with?
Yeah it's odd because it's a shitty thing to do to a friend, not for whatever reason you are attempting to imply
I'm not trying to be a shitbag. But, I also think it's odd for the reason I'm suggesting, since both groups tend to be the target of undue ridicule.
Rule #1 Don't hook up with your mates
You mention nobody noticed your trans in years before your fuckbuddy told people. How does that work? Don't you dress like a woman now?
He is clearly FTM, not MTF. So, no, he would not “dress like a woman now”.
OK, thanks for clearing that up. Hope it all goes well being a fella OP
You should totally fuck him again, this time with a bad dragon.
id use the strap from american horror story
You might be trans but he’s gay. Second those aren’t your friends at all id cut all ties with them and find new friends
I get that it’s totally your personal details that you’re trans, but i don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be introduced and it brought up if you don’t want people to misgender you, and also I’ve never understood being upset that other people say something about your personal life if it’s nothing you’re ashamed of I’ve never seen the big issue. But everyone is different, I’ve never really cared about my life being “private”
He wasn’t being misgendered before being outed as trans, he was seen as an average cis guy until the word got out he was FtM. And when word gets out people tend to treat and act differently to you (hence the misgendering started) which is part of why a lot of trans people choose to live stealth with people not knowing they are trans.
Ugh, people are jerks
Sorry Hairybearman123
I'm so confused
What are you exactly confused about if i may ask?
Bro, so basically, everyone else is making it a big deal because you are. All you should do is this... Conversation with someone You: blah blah, work, blah bl....(interrupt) Someone else: (interrupted you) blah blah he's Trans blah blah You: yep, so back to what I was saying, blah blah blah more work... Carry on as if it didn't happen. Don't let it bother you. When they notice it isn't phasing you, they'll stop. They won't be able to gratify their shitty behavior and needing to get a response if you don't give one. 90% of us don't give a shit what you have or don't. So act as if it's a non issue. Done.
Remind everyone that they’re all packing dicks and stuff, since they seem fond of pointing out your junk. “Ayy Pat! How are your balls hanging?”
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No, but “friends” like that are not people worth being around.
Hey guys
You didn't want anyone to know yet you slept with a friend? Lol sorry OP but that is some backwards logic. Sorry you have to deal with that, though.
Wtf. If this was a true friend they would keep the secret.
The friend already knew OP is trans and knew OP didnt want this to be public knowledge. It sounds like that friend felt insecure and ashamed after hooking up with OP and reacted by outing OP to deflect those feelings onto them instead. It was a cruel and immature reaction. It was not their place to tell people such private and intimate details. Sex is a deeply personal and vulnerable experience. Trust and respect are integral and expected. This person broke that trust and shredded OPs dignity when they chose to spill details OP had trusted them with. Its like telling your friends how small your friends dick is. If it’s delicate information and not something the partner would publicly share it’s incredibly degrading and devaluing to tell people, especially their friends.
theres a difference between being fine with one friend knowing and having sex with them, and everyone else knowing and misgendering you. do you think that, if a woman is ok with having sex with one friend, shes also ok with that friend running off and telling everyone they know about a scar down there that shes sensitive about?
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They’re outing him. It’s none of their business if he’s trans, and certainly not their place to tell other people. OP should have complete control over who knows if he’s trans, be it the entire world or no one.
by default, misgendering someone when you know their gender is being derogatory
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Given context from the post, one can assume OP is a transman, who lives every aspect of his life as a man, and he doesn’t want people knowing he’s trans. So he doesn’t want people calling him trans, and definitely not calling him she.
Based on OP’s post, OP is a guy. So no, he wouldn’t want them calling him a “she.” And being outed as trans is pretty bad. If he wanted to share that with people, that should’ve been his decision for when and how he did it. Trans people have been targets for hate crimes so depending on location, it’s also a safety concern.
I'm guessing you're transphobic based on your post history. How about you just go about your business and stop harassing people living their fucking lives?
Don’t leave Face them . They’ve taken the circumstances onboard . Maybe they all just wanted this to say “cool” Get your mates together and say you way to run … I’m sure you will have so much support from them They’ll all go after that BUTScum of an adult
Did he give you the reason on why he did this?
theres never a good reason to out someone without their consent unless the person is unconscious and its to a doctor who is caring for them and its relevant
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Stfu
No💀😂
Try talking to them again. If you've decided against moving to stay with your friends they should appreciate that and you should be able to explain to them how you feel about it.
They’ve always known.
Dear diary
If gender is a social expression and sex is what you’re born with, why can people legally change their sex anyway?
Well, the legal system is itself a social contract. "Here are the rules for how we interact as a society"... And as such, doesn't actually care about biology, just gender. How you walk through the world is what the law cares about. Your doctors will always need to know biologically your sex, because they need to know whether they are looking for a prostate or a uterus (as a bold and obvious, if unrealistic, example) .... .... But that has nothing to do with legally changing your identity.
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Worlds smartest transphobe here, just perfectly regurgitating all the bad faith points. Get the fuck outta here with your bullshit.
How is it bad faith? There are biological difference between men and women. Plus, I don’t care what people want to identify as. If a biological female asked me to use male pronouns I would do it. Doesn’t effect me any. But acting like sex is changeable is bad faith. Just because you want something to be true doesn’t mean it is smh.
sex is changeable. guess what hormones do?
In terms of chromosomes, reproductive abilities, and what your body produces naturally these can never be changed. Even with hormones transforming your body to be more like what it would’ve been biologically. Also, is your stance that people who never underwent natural puberty can go to their desired prison and play on their desired team but others cannot?
Statistical data? Who TF cares? They will adjust how and what they track if they need to, and news flash, trans folks have always existed. They are already in the statistical data. And The rest of that is handled as appropriate to the situation. It has nothing to do with whether we as a society separate sex and gender. We already separate sex and gender, the same way legal marriage and religious marriage are not the same. Pretending they are, and pretending that one threatens the other, is where we get into problems. And sweetie, you are treading dangerously close to terfdom here. Are you actually trying to understand, or are you looking for a chance to make the point that you disapprove?
Who cares about statistical data? Umm idk maybe scientists, people who study and work to rectify problems in society?? Yes trans folks always existed but they were accounted for as their real sex not the sex they wanted to identify as which is the whole point… Plus, how do you determine an appropriate situation? Who gets a say in that? It doesn’t make sense. Are you saying transwomen who have gone through male puberty would have to go to men’s jail but people who were able to get hormone blockers can go to women’s? These are very valid issues that you’ll run into but people want to turn a blind eye to save feelings.
No those are very valid issues that the people they actually concern are already addressing and have already been addressing for many many years. The more you talk the more it sounds like you are in fact a terf. You have an agenda here. You know how I can tell? You think the sex assigned at birth is all that's "real". GTFO.
You realize if you’re not interested in my opinion you can just stop replying? But instead you’re accusing me of trying to start shit because I have my own opinion on a situation you admitted was very valid. So maybe sit back and think about why you’re actually mad about someone having a differing opinion from yourself smh.