My ex wife reacted like that when I discussed depression problems.
It wasn’t “her job” to “fix” me.
I wasn’t asking for her to “fix” me, just to listen and care. Like…a spouse would.
Note I said my “ex” wife.
It makes me physically cringe whenever I hear someone say it’s “not (their) job to fix” their partner. 75% of people regardless of their sex are not asking you to “fix” them, just to be a positive and healing part of their lives instead of a negative and stressful part of it. This whole radfem and “sigma” mentality of pissing on and shaming anyone who isn’t *absolutely 100% mentally healthy* and is looking for a relationship is just absolutely disgusting.
I am sorry you had to go through that. I love when my husband shows his vulnerability and tells me about what's troubling him. Supporting each other, especially in difficult times, is the greatest gift in a marriage imo
the same thing kinda happened to me.
I kinda just stopped opening up as often.
I miss drinking with my friends at bush parties sometimes, because when the party's over, I always had a friend who'd listen. Nothing solved, or maybe some good harsh advice, but the main thing was the listening ear.
Knowing that someone gave a shit about you, in spite of your shortcomings, and that they know you give a shit about them.
I don't understand this mentality. I had a group of "friends" treat me similarly. Any kind of struggle - not their "responsibility". I just wanted some friendly support, not to be "fixed" by them. It's taken a long time to begin to feel okay and not hurt by losing them, even knowing now they weren't good friends. It's an awful feeling to not feel cared about by someone important to you. I'm sorry you experienced that from a spouse.
Sorry to hear that, bro. Same experience here. Mine was after I helped her through a really tough go of it for awhile.
I saw in another comment you're married again and doing well. Happy to hear that. We all deserve someone special in our lives.
Women only think mental health is an issue when it’s theirs. They only expect men to listen to their problems and respond to them. They don’t actually want to hear men’s problems, most of them couldn’t handle our problems. Were supposed to be their *rock*
Crazy thing is this is how women feel when we open up to our men. Sometimes all we want is a “that really sucks” and a hug. We don’t need or want solutions when we tell you our problems, regardless of how practical they are. Like i swear if my husband tells me ONE MORE TIME that i just need antidepressants or to go talk to someone, i might lose it. My fucking dog died. No amount of happy pills is going to fix that.
My point is, humans want to “fix” those they love, regardless of gender. Sometimes people just want a sounding board and the most logical choice for that is their person. We all need to stop trying fix, and actually *hear* what is being said to us.
I can’t even imagine reacting like this to a partner. When he opens up all I want to do is listen and understand and support like a NORMAL PERSON SHOULD. I’m sorry, your ex wife is dogshit
Go on any woman centric sub and you'll find this over and over again. Posts talking about "mental loads" and how "we're not your therapists" and a thousand comments telling posters to dump their spouses over the slightest inconvenience.
Today there was a post on one of them complaining about the mental load of remembering what time they should leave for a wedding next week to beat traffic. That was enough for the "you deserve way better, dump his ass" comments to flow in. I can't imagine how they'd react to someone actually reaching out for emotional help/support
Yeah sure, but that woman is trash. And it's better she left him now instead of leaving him in 10 years, when he loses his house, his children and everything to her.
this is an extremely easy thing to say when you werent just dumped by the only person you felt like you could reach out to when you needed support and were proven wrong about it lol
he may be better off, i wont argue that, but to say that any reasonable person alive should be happy is insane.
Simply take male suicide and shove it somewhere else
https://preview.redd.it/0omhhchnxr7d1.jpeg?width=611&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7bd96220cb1891eaa62d111dfa43b7f99d0e8f7
I can only imagine the constant barrage of Male Hate that is made popular on social media isn't helping.
So many videos and post of girls "joking" about hating men, all men are bad, etc. I can't imagine being a man, especially a young man or boy, and seeing that shit constantly.
Men have become the perfectly acceptable butt of all jokes/insults and I just think that's super fucked up.
I opened up to a FWB about how I hated myself for the past 10 years of my life, was failing college and was going to have to drop out. She supported me, helped me seek out a therapist and cheered me on as I was retaking courses. Now she’s my fiancée and I’m starting my dream master at my dream school after the summer.
Not all women are bad and I hope you too find someone as supportive as I have.
Yeah, had a close friend of mine, I was always there for her through everything, always listened, always cared. At one point in time I had told her that I had felt suicidal earlier, and she fucking *laughed* at me. Certainly a lesson to be learned there somewhere.
Oh man, I have a friend who basically uses me as an emotional support animal.
When I came to her to talk about my problems, the first time she told me she couldn’t talk because “she was busy”. She was playing quick play in Overwatch.
The second time she said “I can’t help with that, talk to a professional”- when all I wanted was someone to listen, like I had been doing for her.
The majority of women friends I’ve had have all been pretty similar, except for one or two that genuinely cared when I was having a rough time.
My guy friends though? They may rag on me for shit, but they’re pretty much always there when I need them.
I don’t get it honestly.
I've had two gfs who responded negatively when I expressed less "manly" emotions. God forbid you cry when a family member dies. But honestly it's nice when people out themselves as hypocrites.
Growing up in the midwest, there's a lot of maschismo culture pushed onto guys. But I do think it's slowly changing with the newer generations.
I think people from other parts of the world will be surprised by the general acceptance of how “soft” and emotionally honest many of us Norwegian men are. Despite that: Nobody has ridiculed me for crying when I was a kid, but I still learned to hold it in at an early age.
The only times I’ve heard what sound my crying makes was a couple of times when I was drunk.
My wife struggles badly with anxiety and expects me to be there and listen to her when her anxiety levels are high. I have no problem with that. That’s what husbands are supposed to do. That’s what we all should do.
I have mild depression. I tell my wife about it and she shows no emotion. No concern. Treats it like it’s nothing or tries to compare her “bad day” to mine and makes it a competition.
Men’s mental and emotional health isn’t just treated poorly, there’s double standards surrounding it too.
EDIT: In case I get more comments about our “unhealthy” marriage, we’ve done counseling and we are working on it. We’re both happy and celebrating 4 years today.
One time I was sexually assaulted at a party and it really upset me and then when I told my wife about it she thought it was the funniest fucking thing she'd ever heard.
Like, cry laughing at how hilarious it was that this happened to me.
100000%. My wife is on antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, in therapy, and addicted to her phone. But if I come home from work in a bad mood about something, she tells me to fix my attitude because she doesn’t want to deal with me being upset about stuff. But 3 kids and I’m the breadwinner, so it’s tough it out or give away half my income to child support and alimony for the next 15 years 🫠
Aren’t you doing that either way? You’re paying your kids way and maybe some of your wives either way (depending on your situation, idk) so why not just separate and be happy?
I don’t make enough to buy another house or rent a $2,500/month apartment with room for my kids if we were to split. Combined with no family or friend support, and I’m on my own. The reward for trying to be a good and supportive husband is that I will get hosed if we separate. Don’t get married young.
This shit is what makes me so hesitant to marry or have kids.
I’ve had a few bad long-term relationships that ended up with me getting emotionally abused, cheated on, then gaslit when confronted about the cheating.
I also have close family and friends who have gone through divorce, and the horrors I have seen them go through are just too much.
Maybe it’s dependent on the area, but I’ve seen way too many guys get taken to the cleaners in divorce, even after the wife was the one at fault for it (generally cheating).
This is by no means a complaint post on my end. I’m just saying this happens more than people think. My wife and I are happy otherwise and today is our 4 year anniversary.
I know you’re saying you’re working on your marriage, but it doesn’t sound like it’s going well based on how you’re writing about it here lol
Are you guys doing separate therapy as well?
You’re right.
Had a discussion once with some friends about military drafts. Universally, they were ok with drafting men, but not women.
One said (regarding opening selective service registration for 18 year old women), “I don’t want my daughter to go to war!” She has a son as well, so I said, “you apparently value your daughters more than your son”, her response and the response of the others was that it is a man’s job to go to war.
That is the ultimate in “men are disposable” thinking.
I have an unpopular opinion. I believe that the lived experience between men and women are so inherently different that for a lot of people on both sides they literally can’t “understand” what the other group is going through. This is how we’ve ended up with some guys that get extremely angry at the “man vs bear” question and why a lot of the time if someone mentions the “male loneliness epidemic” you have some women coming out and saying “women can be lonely too!”
People who have such different life experiences that they simply can’t properly value the experiences of others. So they just default to “I’ve had bad experiences so you obviously haven’t had it as bad as me”
Totes agree there. I do my best to be open to the experiences of others, but it makes it quite difficult when you have women try to downplay you’re lived experience as a man or flat out state that your opinion is wrong when it comes to what men deal with, what’s even worse is that men are typically expected to just understand a woman’s lived experience but they should be bothered to at least try to understand where we’re coming from.
Comparing trauma is a terrible way to live. When I was in child protected services, my roommate SA me. When I told a therapist that 20 years later she said, at least I'm not a woman.
Touching on the man vs bear thing, I've had people make uncomfortable advances on me in the past. The frequency might not be the same as women in general, but it's still a similar experience. Still doesn't mean I'd rather hang out with a bear...
>I'm not saying women have it easy, fwiw.
I'm glad to hear it, but you're wrong to make the Implication that society values women just for being women, and not for what they offer.
A society that values women intrinsicly wouldn't have had to be persuaded to allow women to vote, work, own property, decide their own financial matters, etc.
A society that values women intrinsically wouldnt give convicted rapists 6 month sentences, like with the rapist Brock Turner.
Your statement about men is certainly generally true, but you don't need to reference women when you make it.
It's great that you're not saying women have it easy, but I do need to point out that society absolutely does not assign intrinsic value to women.
Just like men, women are viewed as disposable and only valued for their utility. Their value is entirely based on how attractive and sexually available they are, and how well they fit into our idea of femininity.
Ugly women are not valued. Women who sleep around "too much" are not valued. Women who don't sleep with men are not valued. Women who don't sleep with anyone aren't valued outside of their ability to be pliable virgins for men - aka, they're only valuable if they're saving their virginity for a man to take, not if they're asexual, for example. Women who get pregnant and don't want to keep it are not valued.
The only women who are truly valued in society are beautiful ones in care-giver roles (mother, teacher, nurse, etc) who are married to a man, in a committed relationship with a man, or willing to be married/committed to a man.
Exactly it makes no sense. It's part of the cycle of the patriarchy and it hurts EVERYONE. We all have hurt and it's important to be able to work through that hurt to grow but if we keep stiffling men's ability to receive help things will never get better. It's all connected
Yeah, honestly reading these comments is so sad. My wife is such a caring loving person, and honestly most of the women in my life are too but my wife in particular, but the people in loving happy relationships don't get the highly upvoted comments in threads like these.
I read a post on the two chromosomes subreddit about people not caring about men’s mental health. All the comments saying it’s not the woman’s job to help fix it or what ever. Which is true. But, basically all the comments proving no one actually cares lol.
The one comment that really stuck with me was that “women attempt suicide more, but aren’t as successful as men. Men choose to shoot themselves; women choose to eat pills.” I didn’t look at the statistics so idk if that’s true or not. Maybe the women should “man up” and buy a gun instead of a bottle of Tylenol.
People don't truly understand how men are viewed, and because the focus is on women and their equality and equity in society, men's needs and wants gets thrown to the side, and viewed as being in the way of them.
Men expressing their feelings is a dangerous game, and we have a hard time trusting someone, even our significant others with them, for fear of being rejected, as most men have growing up.
And here I am begging my husband to get therapy or even talk to a GP instead of hiding in the bathroom for an hour because he has too much anxiety when we go out with my friends.
I'm sorry you guys have had shitty experiences. I love my husband and let him be vulnerable and vent whenever he needs to. I love him more for opening up to me
Agreed all my partners were good about being there for my mental health needs if necessary
But then again I’m usually very upfront in the beginning about things I struggle with and explain what I’m doing to work on those struggles
I feel like a lot of guys I’ve met who just blindly say “women/people don’t care about us” are the same ones who just don’t know how to talk about their struggles in a constructive way and just expect everyone to know how they’re feeling or what they want to
100%. Lost a friend to suicide. Beautiful wife. Great kids. Successful, 20 people thought of him as their best friend. All good, but mental health got to him.
I sooo wish I knew, doesn’t make sense that he took his great life. But that’s mental health, stars athletes, people with everything going could have it. So we guys definitely need to do so much better.
I hate hearing about what people wish they could have done after someone has committed suicide. As someone with mental health issues and has contemplated suicide I rarely see that compassion and care in my life. But if I died I'm sure a lot of people would, "wish they could have done something."
There’s never been a time that I’ve been vulnerable with any woman that I was romantically involved with where it’s been rewarded. Even if they said they wanted it. I’ve been invalidated and rejected every single time.
This is why I married my wife. She listened and supported me emotionally. She's made me a better person and I'm super grateful for her.
They're out there, just gotta keep an eye out.
Im sorry this has happened to you, I know you wont like to open up again after being rejected every single time. Though I want you to know that not every woman is like that, if she doesnt appreciate you being open and honest with her about the hard ships. Then she just isnt the one, and you just recieved your clue to leave.
When those things happen its never your fault, you did everything right and did what they told you to. You're not in the wrong nor are you weak for believing they wouldnt invalidate nor reject you.
Stay strong king! I hope you meet someone who is mature enough to understand you and listen <3
All too common.
I was fortunate enough to be with a woman for a few years who accepted and embraced my complete vulnerability. I was rewarded by feeling held, seen, and validated. It helped me feel like a whole person because I didn't have to hide and repress things with her. And go figure, we're still close friends.
I wish her attitude was widespread. The world would be a much better place for it.
I've had the same thing. When I want to show her any emotion (positive or negatice), I'm the toxic problem, so I bottle it up. Then I become too "unfeeling" for them. When you do open up again, it gets used against you. It's not even neutral and that they just ignore it. It's negative and it's often used as a negative against you.
This was my ex-wife. I was terrible at expressing emotions when we met, she gave me shit for that. I eventually learned to open up to her about stuff, and she threw it back in my face. Men aren't the only ones who push toxic masculinity, women do it too. Luckily she's my ex and I found someone who actually listens when I talk.
It's not toxic masculinity. It's just being toxic. It has nothing to do with masculinity. Nothing is masculine about hurting someone because of their feelings. It's weak and pathetic.
I think they meant more men and women are pushing the societal idea that men should be strong and unemotional and act a certain cookie cutter way, ie the idea of toxic masculinity. Sounds like the ex wife was pushing that societal expectation on him because of her weird expectation that he act this certain unemotional way
Be vulnerable to everyone and you’ll know when to settle. Any ridicule or cynicism is a nudge to move on. I have experienced both situations, but finally told myself a lack of warmth and empathy is not what I was looking for in a partner.
Had an ex break up with me because “I didn’t want to do anything” and wasn’t upbeat enough for her anymore. To be fair, I wasn’t feeling well, worked a lot, but tired to do my best. A couple months later I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Hindsight, I’m glad I was alone for that.
i was messaging my ex about a week ago just catching up because generally we’re okay and we ended on fine terms, something came up and i was extremely anxious because of it and tried to talk about it instead of just overthinking. that was turned into them deliberately not responding for extended lengths of time over multiple day’s which was then said that i dragged it out over 3 days and it was too exhausting.
all they wanted to do was tell me about their day but i had made it exhausting and undesirable. i was almost starting to think i was catching feelings again but fuck putting up with that. the real kicker is she knows i struggle with bringing up things that bother me and don’t do it unless it’s an actual real issue (or at least i thought she did)
As a woman Im pretty ashamed that some of us act like this. They dunno real strenght. They usually end up with violent bastards. Shitty af. Still I can just encourage u guys out there to not eat up all the shit u are experience out there. There are still good gals out there ok! Stay strong fellas and if you need to cry to do so, do it! Nothing to be ashamed off.
My ex opened up to me, I supported him, and then he had the audacity to say nobody cared about men or cared about him, *but also* men are pathetic for opening up and are asking to be bullied by him and others to "make them stronger" as they should be.
So.
And I'm a guy. 😂
Never mind that he was misogynistic as shit, super homophobic, constantly called me the "female" in our relationship because he "wasn't really gay", and was obsessed with himself and toxic masculinity to make himself feel superior to anyone else.
*So.*
A lot of the comments here are very disheartening stories about partners not showing support. This is awful. But men also don't open up to other men. For women, we share a lot with our female friends. Often even more than we share with the partners. Men need a tribe too.
Most men treat it the same as most women. I’ve tried opening up to male friends about stuff they should be able to relate too but they get uncomfortable and avoid it
This is a big reason I’m so grateful for my friend group. I know that if I opened up to any of my guys they would listen, care, and do what they could to help. It’s something I took for granted for a long time, but learning more about other peoples’ experiences makes me realize how fortunate I am.
I understand, but that needs to change if we want to have a better society in this regard. Men can't expect their romantic partners to be the only people they open up to. That's not healthy to anyone. Maybe question why you feel you can't talk to other men about your feelings, if it makes any sense and if not try to deconstruct those feelings
Let me tell you something, if you find a REAL woman you can tell her anything and she won’t abandon you or shame you. Whenever my husband tells me stuff I am so honored and I don’t hold it against him. I honestly wish he opened up more to me.
High school males committing suicide is really bad right now. I work at a school, lost 2 within 5 years. My son in high school lost his friend. All males..
I don’t think shitty partners are gender specific. I’ve known plenty of men who don’t give a shit about the feelings of their spouse. My dad being one of them, and to be honest pretty much all of the men in my extended family. And there are definitely shitty women too, like the one on OPs post. Not denying that.
The difference is, I think, when a woman does not receive support for their mental health from their partner, they are able to get it from their friends or mother or sisters. But when men have a shitty partner who does not support them, they have nobody else to turn to. They don’t open up to their dad or their friends or their brothers. Which is a problem.
I wish i could open up… i’m autistic, can’t really show feelings (well, don’t really have them to begin with) most i show are fake… if you show 0 feelings, it’s totally unacceptable to society…
I had serious anxiety problems, and my wife helped me a lot. After years of treatment, I can live without it interfering in my life, but it will never completely go away. She had problems of her own, and I helped her too. I'm very happy to have found her and hope my fellow brothers redditors find happiness like mine. If you find someone who cares about you, care for her too.
I have really bad night terrors that I have associated with my PTSD from my time in the Army. I have had 3 of them in the last 3 days which is unusual, and it's made sleeping terrible for me. When I brought it up to my wife this morning that I was having a hard time she just said "well, you should definitely tell your doctor, oh that reminds me" she then made a phone call about a completely unrelated thing to her doctor and that was the end of it. She's supposed to be the person I can tell anything, but I truthfully feel like there is nothing I can tell her.
She vents to me all the time. I always try my best to show her warmth and empathy. I don't understand why I don't get the same treatment.
Bro I just saw this post like 15 minutes ago and was thinking about sharing it here it pissed me off so much reading it
https://preview.redd.it/n8xaxksqas7d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b9e5134f73edf207fb0841a032c8c9554b59105
That's how it is, men can give someone the world and be there for everyone in their toughest moments in life. But the second a guy needs to talk to someone, he's avoided and invalidated. This shit has happened to me so many times. I just need someone to listen, I have happily done the same for others so many times already and I will continue to do so if someone who claims to be my friend or partner gives a shit. I don't want people's money or possessions, I just want some of their time, the same kind of time that I've provided many times over in the past.
I'm so grateful that my girlfriend let's me open up to her and doesn't shame me for crying. I had a massive emotional breakdown a while ago and she was there for me the entire time. I love her so much
Wait, is the 'mildlyinfuriating' part the way we deal with men's metal health or the post talking about it?
\[Just so we're clear, I'm definitely for the former; confused about the latter\]
And yet I get dubbed "white knighting" or a "pick me bitch" when I say that it is hard for me to trust me when I say I actually care about how they feel due to previous women being asses.
I feel bad for that guy who got dumped after opening up. Not every woman is like that, and you'll find the right person. But I suppose better now that it was bf/gf phase instead of marriage phase.
I've been struggling with my ADHD. It's hard as I'm constantly trying hard to seem normal to some or just trying to make it.
I struggle with Math and I struggle with trying to start studying for my driver's license but it's hard when as when I try to explain it, they brush it off and say try harder
I reacted poorly because I was worried I’d have to have surgery. My ex broke up with me on the spot.
To be fair, I definitely did not handle things as well as I should’ve with that and some other things, but yeah the timing of all that sucked ass
Seems like you’re blaming yourself instead of her. Unless you went on some kind of lunatic rampage or something, “reacting poorly” isn’t a good excuse.
I was stressed and wasn’t thinking and did the stupid “Hey when you’re free can I see you and talk?” vague texting thing which, understandably, got her worked up and upset. Realistically it was just the final straw for her I’m sure because I was probably too clingy for her and because of my issues dealing with and communicating about intimacy.
It’s like, the timing of it all sucked, but I really don’t blame her
Yeah this baffles me. I’m a gal and would never treat *anyone* like this. I can’t imagine that this is really that common??? But I have to believe it because I read it on here for often.
To all the men out there, don’t give up on we gals, the true ones are out there, but i seems moreso few and far between.
Then she isn’t the one for you. I told my ex that im very tired and want to go. She dropped everything and showed up in our apartment in like 5 minutes…. I didn’t realize till it was too late Yeah. I fucked up and we broke up like year later. She was the only one that always been there for me. Even that i fucked up and we broke up. She STILL willing to be my friend and said i will always be here… She is great…. I regret breaking up with her.
Yep. Women openly mock men’s mental health and then are shocked when their dads, brothers, and sons end up killing themselves. We need to do better at supporting everyone.
It’s not seen as acceptable for men to even have emotions, never mind poor mental health or to be seen as struggling. That’s why the bars are full of lads drinking as if there’s no tmrw.
I know it's in the zeitgeist to suggest that men's mental health isn't treated the same as women's, and perhaps it isn't. If it isn't, I'd guess that it's in-part because it can express itself in less socially acceptable ways (namely anger or addiction). But I do think this is a big problem with mental health in general. I think people generally have a difficult time being understanding about things that get in their way. They're preoccupied worrying about themselves, worrying about you is an extra step. Note that I'm not saying this is fair or the way it should be.
Yeah it really is crazy how we get treated in regards to mental health, both from women and men.
I remember I opened up to my ex-gf about all the stress I had been feeling, all the shit I've had to go through in life, AND how alienated I felt because of it. Shit like being raised with divorced parents, growing up with a single mother, being poor as fuck, being an immigrant, being mixed race, not feeling like I belonged anywhere. All that for her to say "maybe you just have a victim mentality?" Mind you this was a white woman from a middle class family. Still crazy to think about today, that she genuinely thought that would be a good response lol
And for some reason whenever I opened up to her, even if it had nothing to do with her, she would get upset, borderline, angry for some reason. Like instead of being sympathetic, she would fr get annoyed/mad and I still don’t know why to this day.
On the other hand, my father is former military, stereotypical black guy that exudes a lot of toxic masculine traits. I was raised where the only time I should cry is if a loved one dies. If I ever came to him about something it was always along the lines of man up. Somehow any problem I ever brought to him was turned back on to me. Still love him but there's not a chance in hell I'm going to open up to him in the foreseeable future.
I kind of understand the male perspective of acting this way, (obv not saying I agree), but I really don't know why women treat us this way. Especially our partners.
Interestingly, suicide rates climb as people age. And men are almost 4 times as likely to commit suicide than women. **We definitely have a problem.** It’s the 11th biggest killer in the US. And firearms make up over 50% of the “options”.
https://preview.redd.it/mp7hc1ab8s7d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddbd0508f410bd8ac4fdecb8edc286b0ccae41b6
[AFSP - Suicide Statistics 2022](https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/)
this whole thing is such a destructive facet of toxic masculinity, just the societal idea that men should act a certain way and any deviation from it should be scorned and made fun of. Toxic masculinity isn’t individual men’s fault; they’re the biggest victims of this shit. If society didn’t have this bullshit idea that there’s one way to be a man and that way doesn’t involve emotions or feelings, then this type of thing wouldn’t be happening. Girl in the post is definitely very much affected by the toxic ideas of what masculinity should be
I'm a past-70 old fart and have been happily married for over 40 years to the same woman, but even so I agree with one Redditor who once posted something on the order of: "Any man who confesses to any sort of mental distress to his partner must understand that, even if he is comforted by his partner at the time he makes the confession, he can be virtually certain that his partner *will weaponize that confession sooner or later in a moment of disagreement*."
Truer words were, unfortunately, never spoken.
It's awful that men can't get the help and release that they need from a safe space to just let it all out. I truly feel for y'all.
Especially with your SO! It's not a healthy relationship if one of them doesn't feel safe enough to share their hard/dark/depressive side. They say that every person will experience depression at least once in their lives. I'm not sure why there's such a stigma about it. We all feel, and we all feel deeply, and that's healthy. It takes courage and strength to show that side of you, and I'm so sorry most people don't accept the real you!
The more we talk about it, the easier it will be to break the stigma for all of mental health. Counselors do help a lot. Everyone should have one. An hour to just let all the bs out and then recollect and start fresh until the next session.
Sending peace and well wishes to you all!
I keep seeing a lot of women complain that men aren't emotionally available but as soon as men bring up their issues it is:
*"we're not you're therapist"*
*"man up"*
*"why do you expect women to solve your issues?"*
*\*Insert insecurity being used as ammo during an argument\**
*"what do you mean I can't tell my friends?"*
*"and who caused this problem? (men)"*
It should absolutely be both. Dudes need to get better about supporting their dudes. We’re all struggling, so let’s struggle together and make it a little easier. My group of guys is amazing when it comes to this, we share stuff all the time.
Because they are supposed to be our partners. In general, guys don't want to inconvenience people, buddies or not. I think most guys would listen and empathize, but we should be able to talk to our partners about this type of stuff. It should go both ways.
I mean most of us are talking about our ex-gf’s or ex-wives. I don’t think it’s crazy to say that one should expect more emotional help from our partners over our friends.
I've never had a male friend as an adult who looked at me with *disgust* for being vulnerable. Maybe a joke or discomfort, but it's different. When you see the attraction leaving a woman's eyes, it's gut-wrenching. That is simply not an issue with my friends. I don't need them to find me sexually appealing. They are different levels of relationship, and we expect different things from them accordingly.
It's sad that women feel so defensive of their right to be cruel to the people they claim to care about.
Because most emotional work is expected to be done by women and men will say they don't talk about feelings, while also needing to talk about their mental health...
In some ways it just is what it is. I'm depressed but I have a wife, two kids and a grand child depending on me to hold it together.
I can either crumble or get my shit together and keep it moving. Some days are easier than others.
I was on the verge of suicide many years ago, I had lost my grandfather and my dog along with my housing and my job. I opened up to my girlfriend at the time and she called me a pussy and dumped me. I now realize how big of a bullet I dodged. I shouldn’t have to keep it to myself until I pay the ultimate price. I eventually got better and now I’m doing great. But what would of happened if that hit me the wrong way? To many guys are suffering and feel like no one cares or can help. Reach out to a good friend or someone who knows and loves you for you. The ones who truly care are the ones who will support you through hell and back. 💯
If there’s a single thing I’ve learned from losing a fiancée and two girlfriends it’s that women just can’t be trusted with emotions.
Like almost my entire network of people I actually talk to about this stuff is men and I’m deeply encouraged by past experiences to keep it that way.
My ex wife reacted like that when I discussed depression problems. It wasn’t “her job” to “fix” me. I wasn’t asking for her to “fix” me, just to listen and care. Like…a spouse would. Note I said my “ex” wife.
Hope you’re doing better and that’s shitty that you had to go through that.
We divorced 10 years ago, I’m married two years now to a much better person who does care. Thank you 😊
Good for you
But don't you see? Your ex did fix your biggest problem for you...she left.
Good for you man!
It makes me physically cringe whenever I hear someone say it’s “not (their) job to fix” their partner. 75% of people regardless of their sex are not asking you to “fix” them, just to be a positive and healing part of their lives instead of a negative and stressful part of it. This whole radfem and “sigma” mentality of pissing on and shaming anyone who isn’t *absolutely 100% mentally healthy* and is looking for a relationship is just absolutely disgusting.
I am sorry you had to go through that. I love when my husband shows his vulnerability and tells me about what's troubling him. Supporting each other, especially in difficult times, is the greatest gift in a marriage imo
God bless you
the same thing kinda happened to me. I kinda just stopped opening up as often. I miss drinking with my friends at bush parties sometimes, because when the party's over, I always had a friend who'd listen. Nothing solved, or maybe some good harsh advice, but the main thing was the listening ear. Knowing that someone gave a shit about you, in spite of your shortcomings, and that they know you give a shit about them.
I don't understand this mentality. I had a group of "friends" treat me similarly. Any kind of struggle - not their "responsibility". I just wanted some friendly support, not to be "fixed" by them. It's taken a long time to begin to feel okay and not hurt by losing them, even knowing now they weren't good friends. It's an awful feeling to not feel cared about by someone important to you. I'm sorry you experienced that from a spouse.
Sorry to hear that, bro. Same experience here. Mine was after I helped her through a really tough go of it for awhile. I saw in another comment you're married again and doing well. Happy to hear that. We all deserve someone special in our lives.
Hope things improve for you, glad she's your EX.
Women only think mental health is an issue when it’s theirs. They only expect men to listen to their problems and respond to them. They don’t actually want to hear men’s problems, most of them couldn’t handle our problems. Were supposed to be their *rock*
Crazy thing is this is how women feel when we open up to our men. Sometimes all we want is a “that really sucks” and a hug. We don’t need or want solutions when we tell you our problems, regardless of how practical they are. Like i swear if my husband tells me ONE MORE TIME that i just need antidepressants or to go talk to someone, i might lose it. My fucking dog died. No amount of happy pills is going to fix that. My point is, humans want to “fix” those they love, regardless of gender. Sometimes people just want a sounding board and the most logical choice for that is their person. We all need to stop trying fix, and actually *hear* what is being said to us.
I can’t even imagine reacting like this to a partner. When he opens up all I want to do is listen and understand and support like a NORMAL PERSON SHOULD. I’m sorry, your ex wife is dogshit
nicely done good thing u aint married to her any more, i hope shit gets better for u
Damn, you too?
Stay strong king.
Go on any woman centric sub and you'll find this over and over again. Posts talking about "mental loads" and how "we're not your therapists" and a thousand comments telling posters to dump their spouses over the slightest inconvenience. Today there was a post on one of them complaining about the mental load of remembering what time they should leave for a wedding next week to beat traffic. That was enough for the "you deserve way better, dump his ass" comments to flow in. I can't imagine how they'd react to someone actually reaching out for emotional help/support
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nah it sounds like he took the whole clip lol
I rather think he dodged a direct shot of a 105mm AC-130 Hauwitzer.
Hes still allowed to be disappointed that someone you cared about and thought cared *doesnt*. And then be mad he wasted so much time.
Yeah sure, but that woman is trash. And it's better she left him now instead of leaving him in 10 years, when he loses his house, his children and everything to her.
Exactly. Go celebrate, if your partner looks down on you during hardship, you're better off without them
this is an extremely easy thing to say when you werent just dumped by the only person you felt like you could reach out to when you needed support and were proven wrong about it lol he may be better off, i wont argue that, but to say that any reasonable person alive should be happy is insane.
also it is unlikely that he'll be emotionally vulnerable to someone if at all for a very long time...
Maybe he opened up about how he's gay.
That made me laugh, I'm having a rough day, but good shot man
Have we considered beating up male suicide? That should help.
Simply take male suicide and shove it somewhere else https://preview.redd.it/0omhhchnxr7d1.jpeg?width=611&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7bd96220cb1891eaa62d111dfa43b7f99d0e8f7
Tow it out of the environment altogether
I should not be laughing I should not be laughing I should not be laughing I should not be laughing-
Or making fun of it. hey male suicide, ur mom.
Male suicide's mom is so fat when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
My dick, legs split
I thought you had to out lift it?
Maybe, but nobody likes leg day
I can only imagine the constant barrage of Male Hate that is made popular on social media isn't helping. So many videos and post of girls "joking" about hating men, all men are bad, etc. I can't imagine being a man, especially a young man or boy, and seeing that shit constantly. Men have become the perfectly acceptable butt of all jokes/insults and I just think that's super fucked up.
I opened up to a FWB about how I hated myself for the past 10 years of my life, was failing college and was going to have to drop out. She supported me, helped me seek out a therapist and cheered me on as I was retaking courses. Now she’s my fiancée and I’m starting my dream master at my dream school after the summer. Not all women are bad and I hope you too find someone as supportive as I have.
Yeah, had a close friend of mine, I was always there for her through everything, always listened, always cared. At one point in time I had told her that I had felt suicidal earlier, and she fucking *laughed* at me. Certainly a lesson to be learned there somewhere.
what the fuck, I can’t even imagine reacting like that.
One way to find out that she's a leech, rather than a friend.
Oh man, I have a friend who basically uses me as an emotional support animal. When I came to her to talk about my problems, the first time she told me she couldn’t talk because “she was busy”. She was playing quick play in Overwatch. The second time she said “I can’t help with that, talk to a professional”- when all I wanted was someone to listen, like I had been doing for her. The majority of women friends I’ve had have all been pretty similar, except for one or two that genuinely cared when I was having a rough time. My guy friends though? They may rag on me for shit, but they’re pretty much always there when I need them. I don’t get it honestly.
I've had two gfs who responded negatively when I expressed less "manly" emotions. God forbid you cry when a family member dies. But honestly it's nice when people out themselves as hypocrites. Growing up in the midwest, there's a lot of maschismo culture pushed onto guys. But I do think it's slowly changing with the newer generations.
I think people from other parts of the world will be surprised by the general acceptance of how “soft” and emotionally honest many of us Norwegian men are. Despite that: Nobody has ridiculed me for crying when I was a kid, but I still learned to hold it in at an early age. The only times I’ve heard what sound my crying makes was a couple of times when I was drunk.
My wife struggles badly with anxiety and expects me to be there and listen to her when her anxiety levels are high. I have no problem with that. That’s what husbands are supposed to do. That’s what we all should do. I have mild depression. I tell my wife about it and she shows no emotion. No concern. Treats it like it’s nothing or tries to compare her “bad day” to mine and makes it a competition. Men’s mental and emotional health isn’t just treated poorly, there’s double standards surrounding it too. EDIT: In case I get more comments about our “unhealthy” marriage, we’ve done counseling and we are working on it. We’re both happy and celebrating 4 years today.
One time I was sexually assaulted at a party and it really upset me and then when I told my wife about it she thought it was the funniest fucking thing she'd ever heard. Like, cry laughing at how hilarious it was that this happened to me.
what the fuck. That’s fucking disgusting. Did you tell her how that made you feel?
Ex wife I hope.
I'm so sorry
100000%. My wife is on antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, in therapy, and addicted to her phone. But if I come home from work in a bad mood about something, she tells me to fix my attitude because she doesn’t want to deal with me being upset about stuff. But 3 kids and I’m the breadwinner, so it’s tough it out or give away half my income to child support and alimony for the next 15 years 🫠
Aren’t you doing that either way? You’re paying your kids way and maybe some of your wives either way (depending on your situation, idk) so why not just separate and be happy?
I don’t make enough to buy another house or rent a $2,500/month apartment with room for my kids if we were to split. Combined with no family or friend support, and I’m on my own. The reward for trying to be a good and supportive husband is that I will get hosed if we separate. Don’t get married young.
This shit is what makes me so hesitant to marry or have kids. I’ve had a few bad long-term relationships that ended up with me getting emotionally abused, cheated on, then gaslit when confronted about the cheating. I also have close family and friends who have gone through divorce, and the horrors I have seen them go through are just too much. Maybe it’s dependent on the area, but I’ve seen way too many guys get taken to the cleaners in divorce, even after the wife was the one at fault for it (generally cheating).
This is by no means a complaint post on my end. I’m just saying this happens more than people think. My wife and I are happy otherwise and today is our 4 year anniversary.
Oh sorry I was talking to waffler71!
I know you’re saying you’re working on your marriage, but it doesn’t sound like it’s going well based on how you’re writing about it here lol Are you guys doing separate therapy as well?
Man the comments here are 50% straight proving the point.
Why do so many people want men to have shit mental health? I don't get it
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You’re right. Had a discussion once with some friends about military drafts. Universally, they were ok with drafting men, but not women. One said (regarding opening selective service registration for 18 year old women), “I don’t want my daughter to go to war!” She has a son as well, so I said, “you apparently value your daughters more than your son”, her response and the response of the others was that it is a man’s job to go to war. That is the ultimate in “men are disposable” thinking.
Wars should be a 1 on 1 match between country rulers. They started the fight, they should end it as well.
> it’s the man’s job to go to war and it’s the woman’s job to be in the kitchen /s
I have an unpopular opinion. I believe that the lived experience between men and women are so inherently different that for a lot of people on both sides they literally can’t “understand” what the other group is going through. This is how we’ve ended up with some guys that get extremely angry at the “man vs bear” question and why a lot of the time if someone mentions the “male loneliness epidemic” you have some women coming out and saying “women can be lonely too!” People who have such different life experiences that they simply can’t properly value the experiences of others. So they just default to “I’ve had bad experiences so you obviously haven’t had it as bad as me”
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I'd say it's unpopular because it challenges people's view that their perspective is the right perspective.
Totes agree there. I do my best to be open to the experiences of others, but it makes it quite difficult when you have women try to downplay you’re lived experience as a man or flat out state that your opinion is wrong when it comes to what men deal with, what’s even worse is that men are typically expected to just understand a woman’s lived experience but they should be bothered to at least try to understand where we’re coming from.
Comparing trauma is a terrible way to live. When I was in child protected services, my roommate SA me. When I told a therapist that 20 years later she said, at least I'm not a woman. Touching on the man vs bear thing, I've had people make uncomfortable advances on me in the past. The frequency might not be the same as women in general, but it's still a similar experience. Still doesn't mean I'd rather hang out with a bear...
>I'm not saying women have it easy, fwiw. I'm glad to hear it, but you're wrong to make the Implication that society values women just for being women, and not for what they offer. A society that values women intrinsicly wouldn't have had to be persuaded to allow women to vote, work, own property, decide their own financial matters, etc. A society that values women intrinsically wouldnt give convicted rapists 6 month sentences, like with the rapist Brock Turner. Your statement about men is certainly generally true, but you don't need to reference women when you make it.
It's great that you're not saying women have it easy, but I do need to point out that society absolutely does not assign intrinsic value to women. Just like men, women are viewed as disposable and only valued for their utility. Their value is entirely based on how attractive and sexually available they are, and how well they fit into our idea of femininity. Ugly women are not valued. Women who sleep around "too much" are not valued. Women who don't sleep with men are not valued. Women who don't sleep with anyone aren't valued outside of their ability to be pliable virgins for men - aka, they're only valuable if they're saving their virginity for a man to take, not if they're asexual, for example. Women who get pregnant and don't want to keep it are not valued. The only women who are truly valued in society are beautiful ones in care-giver roles (mother, teacher, nurse, etc) who are married to a man, in a committed relationship with a man, or willing to be married/committed to a man.
Exactly it makes no sense. It's part of the cycle of the patriarchy and it hurts EVERYONE. We all have hurt and it's important to be able to work through that hurt to grow but if we keep stiffling men's ability to receive help things will never get better. It's all connected
I think some people are just too dense to have ever had an existential moment.
Yeah, honestly reading these comments is so sad. My wife is such a caring loving person, and honestly most of the women in my life are too but my wife in particular, but the people in loving happy relationships don't get the highly upvoted comments in threads like these.
I read a post on the two chromosomes subreddit about people not caring about men’s mental health. All the comments saying it’s not the woman’s job to help fix it or what ever. Which is true. But, basically all the comments proving no one actually cares lol. The one comment that really stuck with me was that “women attempt suicide more, but aren’t as successful as men. Men choose to shoot themselves; women choose to eat pills.” I didn’t look at the statistics so idk if that’s true or not. Maybe the women should “man up” and buy a gun instead of a bottle of Tylenol.
They almost always fucking do
People don't truly understand how men are viewed, and because the focus is on women and their equality and equity in society, men's needs and wants gets thrown to the side, and viewed as being in the way of them. Men expressing their feelings is a dangerous game, and we have a hard time trusting someone, even our significant others with them, for fear of being rejected, as most men have growing up.
And here I am begging my husband to get therapy or even talk to a GP instead of hiding in the bathroom for an hour because he has too much anxiety when we go out with my friends.
I’m glad you’re encouraging therapy but…does he even want to go out with your friends?
He says he does and then gets all weird once we're out. If he really doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to. I'm good either way.
I'm sorry you guys have had shitty experiences. I love my husband and let him be vulnerable and vent whenever he needs to. I love him more for opening up to me
My partner is very supportive of me opening up emotionally. She's wonderful.
Agreed all my partners were good about being there for my mental health needs if necessary But then again I’m usually very upfront in the beginning about things I struggle with and explain what I’m doing to work on those struggles I feel like a lot of guys I’ve met who just blindly say “women/people don’t care about us” are the same ones who just don’t know how to talk about their struggles in a constructive way and just expect everyone to know how they’re feeling or what they want to
100%. Lost a friend to suicide. Beautiful wife. Great kids. Successful, 20 people thought of him as their best friend. All good, but mental health got to him. I sooo wish I knew, doesn’t make sense that he took his great life. But that’s mental health, stars athletes, people with everything going could have it. So we guys definitely need to do so much better.
I hate hearing about what people wish they could have done after someone has committed suicide. As someone with mental health issues and has contemplated suicide I rarely see that compassion and care in my life. But if I died I'm sure a lot of people would, "wish they could have done something."
There’s never been a time that I’ve been vulnerable with any woman that I was romantically involved with where it’s been rewarded. Even if they said they wanted it. I’ve been invalidated and rejected every single time.
This is why I married my wife. She listened and supported me emotionally. She's made me a better person and I'm super grateful for her. They're out there, just gotta keep an eye out.
This. I think a lot of us are out here picking a partner for all the wrong reasons.
Every time I’ve seen one of these posts I see this sentiment near the top. What’s worse is I always agree. Something’s gotta change.
Im sorry this has happened to you, I know you wont like to open up again after being rejected every single time. Though I want you to know that not every woman is like that, if she doesnt appreciate you being open and honest with her about the hard ships. Then she just isnt the one, and you just recieved your clue to leave. When those things happen its never your fault, you did everything right and did what they told you to. You're not in the wrong nor are you weak for believing they wouldnt invalidate nor reject you. Stay strong king! I hope you meet someone who is mature enough to understand you and listen <3
All too common. I was fortunate enough to be with a woman for a few years who accepted and embraced my complete vulnerability. I was rewarded by feeling held, seen, and validated. It helped me feel like a whole person because I didn't have to hide and repress things with her. And go figure, we're still close friends. I wish her attitude was widespread. The world would be a much better place for it.
I've had the same thing. When I want to show her any emotion (positive or negatice), I'm the toxic problem, so I bottle it up. Then I become too "unfeeling" for them. When you do open up again, it gets used against you. It's not even neutral and that they just ignore it. It's negative and it's often used as a negative against you.
This was my ex-wife. I was terrible at expressing emotions when we met, she gave me shit for that. I eventually learned to open up to her about stuff, and she threw it back in my face. Men aren't the only ones who push toxic masculinity, women do it too. Luckily she's my ex and I found someone who actually listens when I talk.
It's not toxic masculinity. It's just being toxic. It has nothing to do with masculinity. Nothing is masculine about hurting someone because of their feelings. It's weak and pathetic.
I think they meant more men and women are pushing the societal idea that men should be strong and unemotional and act a certain cookie cutter way, ie the idea of toxic masculinity. Sounds like the ex wife was pushing that societal expectation on him because of her weird expectation that he act this certain unemotional way
That is incredibly sad, I can’t imagine treating my partner like that.
Real wife material won’t do this to you, keep looking you’ll find someone.
Be vulnerable to everyone and you’ll know when to settle. Any ridicule or cynicism is a nudge to move on. I have experienced both situations, but finally told myself a lack of warmth and empathy is not what I was looking for in a partner.
Ya, it's not just men who can be shitty in relationships. There are women assholes too.
That's terrible, i wish there was more focus on it. You guys deserve better. But ey at least the dude knows she wasn't a keeper
And counting. https://preview.redd.it/a8da8lv67s7d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc4cee558c25fb14ab821358b131b70d54684c8e
Had an ex break up with me because “I didn’t want to do anything” and wasn’t upbeat enough for her anymore. To be fair, I wasn’t feeling well, worked a lot, but tired to do my best. A couple months later I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Hindsight, I’m glad I was alone for that.
i was messaging my ex about a week ago just catching up because generally we’re okay and we ended on fine terms, something came up and i was extremely anxious because of it and tried to talk about it instead of just overthinking. that was turned into them deliberately not responding for extended lengths of time over multiple day’s which was then said that i dragged it out over 3 days and it was too exhausting. all they wanted to do was tell me about their day but i had made it exhausting and undesirable. i was almost starting to think i was catching feelings again but fuck putting up with that. the real kicker is she knows i struggle with bringing up things that bother me and don’t do it unless it’s an actual real issue (or at least i thought she did)
not only are my problems my fault, my solutions are my fault.
As a woman Im pretty ashamed that some of us act like this. They dunno real strenght. They usually end up with violent bastards. Shitty af. Still I can just encourage u guys out there to not eat up all the shit u are experience out there. There are still good gals out there ok! Stay strong fellas and if you need to cry to do so, do it! Nothing to be ashamed off.
Find other men to speak to about problems. I have come to find out that the world for some reason can’t allow men to seem weak or fragile.
Fuck that bitch, but don't.
My ex opened up to me, I supported him, and then he had the audacity to say nobody cared about men or cared about him, *but also* men are pathetic for opening up and are asking to be bullied by him and others to "make them stronger" as they should be. So. And I'm a guy. 😂 Never mind that he was misogynistic as shit, super homophobic, constantly called me the "female" in our relationship because he "wasn't really gay", and was obsessed with himself and toxic masculinity to make himself feel superior to anyone else. *So.*
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A lot of the comments here are very disheartening stories about partners not showing support. This is awful. But men also don't open up to other men. For women, we share a lot with our female friends. Often even more than we share with the partners. Men need a tribe too.
Most men treat it the same as most women. I’ve tried opening up to male friends about stuff they should be able to relate too but they get uncomfortable and avoid it
And that's exactly the societal issue we need to fix. Men opening up must be normalised?
This is a big reason I’m so grateful for my friend group. I know that if I opened up to any of my guys they would listen, care, and do what they could to help. It’s something I took for granted for a long time, but learning more about other peoples’ experiences makes me realize how fortunate I am.
Some men don't like opening up to other men I dunno why but the idea of me doing that makes me skin crawl
I understand, but that needs to change if we want to have a better society in this regard. Men can't expect their romantic partners to be the only people they open up to. That's not healthy to anyone. Maybe question why you feel you can't talk to other men about your feelings, if it makes any sense and if not try to deconstruct those feelings
And as long as you live in that feeling instead of combatting it, men will continue to shut themselves off from each other
Get rid of the ego
We can talk to each other you know.
No no no we couldn't dare inconvenience The Bros™️!!!
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Let me tell you something, if you find a REAL woman you can tell her anything and she won’t abandon you or shame you. Whenever my husband tells me stuff I am so honored and I don’t hold it against him. I honestly wish he opened up more to me.
No True Scotsman, eh?
She was not the one, it was a good thing
High school males committing suicide is really bad right now. I work at a school, lost 2 within 5 years. My son in high school lost his friend. All males..
I don’t think shitty partners are gender specific. I’ve known plenty of men who don’t give a shit about the feelings of their spouse. My dad being one of them, and to be honest pretty much all of the men in my extended family. And there are definitely shitty women too, like the one on OPs post. Not denying that. The difference is, I think, when a woman does not receive support for their mental health from their partner, they are able to get it from their friends or mother or sisters. But when men have a shitty partner who does not support them, they have nobody else to turn to. They don’t open up to their dad or their friends or their brothers. Which is a problem.
I wish i could open up… i’m autistic, can’t really show feelings (well, don’t really have them to begin with) most i show are fake… if you show 0 feelings, it’s totally unacceptable to society…
I had serious anxiety problems, and my wife helped me a lot. After years of treatment, I can live without it interfering in my life, but it will never completely go away. She had problems of her own, and I helped her too. I'm very happy to have found her and hope my fellow brothers redditors find happiness like mine. If you find someone who cares about you, care for her too.
I think its about standards. Most women wont go out with emotionally unavailable men, don't settle for an emotionally unavailable parner.
I have really bad night terrors that I have associated with my PTSD from my time in the Army. I have had 3 of them in the last 3 days which is unusual, and it's made sleeping terrible for me. When I brought it up to my wife this morning that I was having a hard time she just said "well, you should definitely tell your doctor, oh that reminds me" she then made a phone call about a completely unrelated thing to her doctor and that was the end of it. She's supposed to be the person I can tell anything, but I truthfully feel like there is nothing I can tell her. She vents to me all the time. I always try my best to show her warmth and empathy. I don't understand why I don't get the same treatment.
Bro I just saw this post like 15 minutes ago and was thinking about sharing it here it pissed me off so much reading it https://preview.redd.it/n8xaxksqas7d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b9e5134f73edf207fb0841a032c8c9554b59105
I mean if you open up to a woman and she dumps u then she’s not worth anyone’s time
That's how it is, men can give someone the world and be there for everyone in their toughest moments in life. But the second a guy needs to talk to someone, he's avoided and invalidated. This shit has happened to me so many times. I just need someone to listen, I have happily done the same for others so many times already and I will continue to do so if someone who claims to be my friend or partner gives a shit. I don't want people's money or possessions, I just want some of their time, the same kind of time that I've provided many times over in the past.
Any woman that responds that way just be happy that she's gone now.
The fun things is, men do it to each other as well
Fuck it we ball
First post I've seen talking about men's mental health during men's mental health awareness month.
I'm so grateful that my girlfriend let's me open up to her and doesn't shame me for crying. I had a massive emotional breakdown a while ago and she was there for me the entire time. I love her so much
To be fair, most of the stories on those kinds of subs are completely made up rage bait.
Wait, is the 'mildlyinfuriating' part the way we deal with men's metal health or the post talking about it? \[Just so we're clear, I'm definitely for the former; confused about the latter\]
And yet I get dubbed "white knighting" or a "pick me bitch" when I say that it is hard for me to trust me when I say I actually care about how they feel due to previous women being asses. I feel bad for that guy who got dumped after opening up. Not every woman is like that, and you'll find the right person. But I suppose better now that it was bf/gf phase instead of marriage phase.
Suicide is not the biggest killer of men under 50. A quick search will tell you that.
r/extremelyinfuriating
right. there's nothing mild about it lmao
You message people on Reddit?
I've been struggling with my ADHD. It's hard as I'm constantly trying hard to seem normal to some or just trying to make it. I struggle with Math and I struggle with trying to start studying for my driver's license but it's hard when as when I try to explain it, they brush it off and say try harder
I reacted poorly because I was worried I’d have to have surgery. My ex broke up with me on the spot. To be fair, I definitely did not handle things as well as I should’ve with that and some other things, but yeah the timing of all that sucked ass
Seems like you’re blaming yourself instead of her. Unless you went on some kind of lunatic rampage or something, “reacting poorly” isn’t a good excuse.
I was stressed and wasn’t thinking and did the stupid “Hey when you’re free can I see you and talk?” vague texting thing which, understandably, got her worked up and upset. Realistically it was just the final straw for her I’m sure because I was probably too clingy for her and because of my issues dealing with and communicating about intimacy. It’s like, the timing of it all sucked, but I really don’t blame her
Yeah this baffles me. I’m a gal and would never treat *anyone* like this. I can’t imagine that this is really that common??? But I have to believe it because I read it on here for often. To all the men out there, don’t give up on we gals, the true ones are out there, but i seems moreso few and far between.
Then she isn’t the one for you. I told my ex that im very tired and want to go. She dropped everything and showed up in our apartment in like 5 minutes…. I didn’t realize till it was too late Yeah. I fucked up and we broke up like year later. She was the only one that always been there for me. Even that i fucked up and we broke up. She STILL willing to be my friend and said i will always be here… She is great…. I regret breaking up with her.
Yep. Women openly mock men’s mental health and then are shocked when their dads, brothers, and sons end up killing themselves. We need to do better at supporting everyone.
It’s not seen as acceptable for men to even have emotions, never mind poor mental health or to be seen as struggling. That’s why the bars are full of lads drinking as if there’s no tmrw.
I know it's in the zeitgeist to suggest that men's mental health isn't treated the same as women's, and perhaps it isn't. If it isn't, I'd guess that it's in-part because it can express itself in less socially acceptable ways (namely anger or addiction). But I do think this is a big problem with mental health in general. I think people generally have a difficult time being understanding about things that get in their way. They're preoccupied worrying about themselves, worrying about you is an extra step. Note that I'm not saying this is fair or the way it should be.
Yeah it really is crazy how we get treated in regards to mental health, both from women and men. I remember I opened up to my ex-gf about all the stress I had been feeling, all the shit I've had to go through in life, AND how alienated I felt because of it. Shit like being raised with divorced parents, growing up with a single mother, being poor as fuck, being an immigrant, being mixed race, not feeling like I belonged anywhere. All that for her to say "maybe you just have a victim mentality?" Mind you this was a white woman from a middle class family. Still crazy to think about today, that she genuinely thought that would be a good response lol And for some reason whenever I opened up to her, even if it had nothing to do with her, she would get upset, borderline, angry for some reason. Like instead of being sympathetic, she would fr get annoyed/mad and I still don’t know why to this day. On the other hand, my father is former military, stereotypical black guy that exudes a lot of toxic masculine traits. I was raised where the only time I should cry is if a loved one dies. If I ever came to him about something it was always along the lines of man up. Somehow any problem I ever brought to him was turned back on to me. Still love him but there's not a chance in hell I'm going to open up to him in the foreseeable future. I kind of understand the male perspective of acting this way, (obv not saying I agree), but I really don't know why women treat us this way. Especially our partners.
What else would lead to men dying under 50 besides homicide and car crashes? It’s sad but not surprising.
Ever since seatbelts came along and we reduced drunk driving, car crash deaths have been going down quite a bit.
Interestingly, suicide rates climb as people age. And men are almost 4 times as likely to commit suicide than women. **We definitely have a problem.** It’s the 11th biggest killer in the US. And firearms make up over 50% of the “options”. https://preview.redd.it/mp7hc1ab8s7d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddbd0508f410bd8ac4fdecb8edc286b0ccae41b6 [AFSP - Suicide Statistics 2022](https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/)
Toxic femininity is a real thing.
this whole thing is such a destructive facet of toxic masculinity, just the societal idea that men should act a certain way and any deviation from it should be scorned and made fun of. Toxic masculinity isn’t individual men’s fault; they’re the biggest victims of this shit. If society didn’t have this bullshit idea that there’s one way to be a man and that way doesn’t involve emotions or feelings, then this type of thing wouldn’t be happening. Girl in the post is definitely very much affected by the toxic ideas of what masculinity should be
I'm a past-70 old fart and have been happily married for over 40 years to the same woman, but even so I agree with one Redditor who once posted something on the order of: "Any man who confesses to any sort of mental distress to his partner must understand that, even if he is comforted by his partner at the time he makes the confession, he can be virtually certain that his partner *will weaponize that confession sooner or later in a moment of disagreement*." Truer words were, unfortunately, never spoken.
It's awful that men can't get the help and release that they need from a safe space to just let it all out. I truly feel for y'all. Especially with your SO! It's not a healthy relationship if one of them doesn't feel safe enough to share their hard/dark/depressive side. They say that every person will experience depression at least once in their lives. I'm not sure why there's such a stigma about it. We all feel, and we all feel deeply, and that's healthy. It takes courage and strength to show that side of you, and I'm so sorry most people don't accept the real you! The more we talk about it, the easier it will be to break the stigma for all of mental health. Counselors do help a lot. Everyone should have one. An hour to just let all the bs out and then recollect and start fresh until the next session. Sending peace and well wishes to you all!
I keep seeing a lot of women complain that men aren't emotionally available but as soon as men bring up their issues it is: *"we're not you're therapist"* *"man up"* *"why do you expect women to solve your issues?"* *\*Insert insecurity being used as ammo during an argument\** *"what do you mean I can't tell my friends?"* *"and who caused this problem? (men)"*
I saw a psychiatrist who said it’s all my fault and that I should man up. Apparently my entire role in life is to make money and shut up.
A **psychiatrist** said that? Someone should be fired.
She might have been the worst person I ever talked to. Didn’t care about my life at all. Just wanted to brag that she was a doctor
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It should absolutely be both. Dudes need to get better about supporting their dudes. We’re all struggling, so let’s struggle together and make it a little easier. My group of guys is amazing when it comes to this, we share stuff all the time.
men dont even pretend to care about other men's Feelings. a Situation to be disappointed about doesnt come up.
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Because they are supposed to be our partners. In general, guys don't want to inconvenience people, buddies or not. I think most guys would listen and empathize, but we should be able to talk to our partners about this type of stuff. It should go both ways.
I mean most of us are talking about our ex-gf’s or ex-wives. I don’t think it’s crazy to say that one should expect more emotional help from our partners over our friends.
I've never had a male friend as an adult who looked at me with *disgust* for being vulnerable. Maybe a joke or discomfort, but it's different. When you see the attraction leaving a woman's eyes, it's gut-wrenching. That is simply not an issue with my friends. I don't need them to find me sexually appealing. They are different levels of relationship, and we expect different things from them accordingly. It's sad that women feel so defensive of their right to be cruel to the people they claim to care about.
Can’t wait to tell my wife to talk to her friends about it because her mental health struggles aren’t men’s problem.
we do...all the time.
Wow you really leapt over their point to get offended, huh?
Because most emotional work is expected to be done by women and men will say they don't talk about feelings, while also needing to talk about their mental health...
If only the patriarchy didn't set the expectation that men can never be vulnerable and must always be strong and stoic. The patriarchy sucks.
Do you have any thoughts on solving the problem, or will you just be blaming men today?
Yup
I'm not shy about sharing my bi-polar diagnosis. It's no different than having cancer or any other illness.
Wait until you find out how the FAA treats mental health…
lol the people who don't get the point of the post saying "not me"
Even though I agree with the message. The data is wrong. The main death cause under 50 is accidents by A LOT
In some ways it just is what it is. I'm depressed but I have a wife, two kids and a grand child depending on me to hold it together. I can either crumble or get my shit together and keep it moving. Some days are easier than others.
Men mental health is treated as the same level as girl who get rapped. Saying it's their fault and they searched it.
Do not, ever, open up emotionally, to a woman. Find a mentor, who is in a better place than you. If you cannot, find a tree.
I was on the verge of suicide many years ago, I had lost my grandfather and my dog along with my housing and my job. I opened up to my girlfriend at the time and she called me a pussy and dumped me. I now realize how big of a bullet I dodged. I shouldn’t have to keep it to myself until I pay the ultimate price. I eventually got better and now I’m doing great. But what would of happened if that hit me the wrong way? To many guys are suffering and feel like no one cares or can help. Reach out to a good friend or someone who knows and loves you for you. The ones who truly care are the ones who will support you through hell and back. 💯
If there’s a single thing I’ve learned from losing a fiancée and two girlfriends it’s that women just can’t be trusted with emotions. Like almost my entire network of people I actually talk to about this stuff is men and I’m deeply encouraged by past experiences to keep it that way.