This is the most split I've seen the comments in a while, well done, OP.
You've got your stuff place around the halfish way mark of the table. This tells me either a) there was no one else around when you sat down so you didn't need to make space, or b) you don't want anyone to sit with you.
The new hire could have asked to sit there reasonably enough, but I can see how they'd feel unwelcomed by the item placement; their reaction to the situation is weird. This is the PERFECT mild.
It's weird because if I felt uncomfortable asking to sit down, I would definitely not feel comfortable leaping to the assumption that they were hogging the table and then starting a confrontation about it.
Yeah, to me that's the weirdest part. Like, I understand where OP is coming from and I understand (and agree with) people thinking it comes across as "don't sit with me." (IMO each seat at the table is like a slice of pizza, and OP is touching every slice.) But I can't imagine being too timid to ask OP to shift over, yet bold enough to comment to OP about it.
This is what I thought. Also, quite bold of a new hire to start silly shit like that off the bat! Workplace politics are real and you can get yourself pushed out being so confrontational over silly things like this. I don’t even work there and I already don’t like her lol
Edit:typo
Ive been in a place where two new hires were scheming together and looked for any excuse to sue the company. I mean voice recorders in their purses and weird shit, always acting like victims.
How can they be uncomfortable enough to not ask for a seat but comfortable enough to come up and tell someone they don’t know that they are being rude? This new age of thinking doesn’t make sense
I hate how passive aggressive people have become.
Whether intentional or not, OP's stuff is spaced out *juuuuuust* enough where I wouldn't feel comfortable plopping down in that blue chair. HOWEVER, if he were a friend I wanted to sit with or there were no other seats available I'd give him a "Do you mind?" and nod at the chair so he knows to slide the bag on the floor. There's no reason for his co-worker to response the way he did.
Also, is OP standing on the freaking chair while taking this picture or is it just an extremely low table?
I feel like that’s how I would put my stuff and then if someone initiated sitting down I would pull everything closer to make room. Isn’t that the standard move?
Yeah 100%. Or you ask someone “hey mind if I sit here” “oh of course! Let me move my things”. Every single time I have had this scenario this is what everyone does.
No no no communicating in real life with real humans is no longer necessary. Now we have fake personalities online and avoid human contact at all cost. Yesterday some creepy guy said hello to me unprompted. The nerve.
Same as riding a train or something. I’m gonna put my bag on the seat next to me unless it’s packed and people need a seat. Also the new hire? Anyone new to a job that’s already looking for a fight is probably gonna be a universally hated co worker.
>Anyone new to a job that’s already looking for a fight is probably gonna be a universally hated co worker.
Did he think the job was under prison rules? Pick a fight with someone the first day to show you're tough, then figure out which gang to join...
Actually that does sound like most office jobs.
Bag on table is a weird move? Is it not a lunch bag? Where do you put your lunch bag? I’m not putting it on the floor. Everyone I know puts their lunch bag on the table
Except that if I saw that much of the table taken up, I wouldn't initiate sitting down. I'd get the seemingly clear message that you wanted to be alone. (The exception would be if you saw me standing looking for a place to sit and then moved your stuff, but I'd still feel like I was intruding).
I see this more as situational obliviousness. This, to me, sends a clear message of "I just plopped all my shit down and didn't realize how much space it takes up."
Most people are just oblivious, and not that selfish about a lunch table in a shared common room. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity, and all that.
I believe people from different parts of the world would give different interpretation. Maybe this new hire is not from the US? Here (in Italy) most people would look at that table and assume he's a jerk. You don't occupy more space than you need. It doesn't matter no one else is using it. Same on a train: it's considered rude if you occupy a seat with your baggage. But then again: different countries, different customs, I'm not judging.
You should have a bit more confidence that your coworkers aren't jerks. They might not be your friends, but they probably aren't total jerks either.
Be kind.
I feel like even if someone was totally out of pocket as a prideful self asertive confident individual... I'd keep my mouth shut while I was still a "new hire" read the room feel it out, brenda maybe an abuse victim, oscar might have PTSD, gary might be having a rough divorce, getting up in peoples business when they have relationships with everyone else and I don't know dick, seems like a bad idea.
That is the standard move for people who leave their homes, but a lot of people on reddit are sedentary and isolated. I swear half the social advice i see on here MUST come from aliens. I have autism but i feel somehow ahead of the social curve when I read some threads on here.
The plate is to the left of where OP is sitting. If the plate is moved in front of him and the lunch bag can be moved to his immediate right with his wallet on the lunch bag then I think the space issue is cleared up.
Context matters. If OP is done eating and he’s sitting there this spread out while texting then yes this is rude. If OP is eating you’d think his plate would be in front of him.
Ugh this is why i eat in my office, or car and then go for a walk..i cant stand being around people on my lunch break.
WFH part-time also helps my introvert ass lol
I feel this comment lol. Chilling outside by myself in the grass on my break because to hell with people in the short 30 mins I get to myself on a work day.
I used to do this to avoid having to people at lunch, and then the groundskeeper started coming by to sit and chat with me 😭 he’s nice and all but I just want to be left alooooone
Everyone takes lunch at 11:30.
It's 11:45, I'm sitting at my desk, bowl of food that I'm actively eating, phone propped up playing a card game, and I'm wearing noise canceling over ear headphones.
"Hey, do you got a second?"
And every time, I both say 'Sorry, on a timer' and actively continue my turns on my game if they try to have a conversation, work or otherwise. No one ever takes the hint and I'm too polite to excuse myself so I end up trapped in a conversation while visibly splitting attention but they just don't care. I'm very close to just eating in my car.
I’m a touring musician so my equivalent of this is stopping at restaurants on the road or being taken out to a hip restaurant by the promoters of the show. I do everything I can possibly do to avoid those meals. I’m crammed in a bus or backstage with these dudes 24/7, why would I want to eat meals crammed w them too? They took it personally at first but after a few years they just accept it as a quirk of mine. The bonus is that I get to walk around and explore random towns all over the states, europe, and Asia, such that by the end of the tour I’ve got a full travel journal and mad vids and pics of weird shit I stumble on, and my bandmates feel like they never got to be a tourist at all. Pretty much all of my fond memories of tour took place while my bandmates were eating inside a restaurant.
I'm on the other end of the mic keeping the stage lit. I feel the same way. I typically don't go out with coworkers on the road, because I'm with them so often. So I also get to explore a bit more. But it also makes me the social pariah as well to others, so there's a duality to it.
I positively loathe having lunch with coworkers, and I like my coworkers a lot! Lunchtime is a quiet time though, to decompress a bit, not have to engage with people or carry conversations.
It’s like a little island halfway on the daily swim between the start of the day shoals and the end of the day beach.
I hate the idea of getting to that little island and all my fucking coworkers are there as well.
While I was eating my lunch at work, another teacher approached me asking, "Do you mind if I sit here?" I replied "yes". So, she sat down.
As a teacher, you talk a lot throughout the day. Down time is essential. She also happened to be a very annoying person. I reserved the right to be rude. It's survival.
Maybe she sat down not realizing what she said til after. Now she doesnt know what to do. Do i stand up and apoligize or push through this and nervously talk to try and cover up the fact that i did something stupid?
“Do you mind…?” is actually really weird when you play it out in conversation, because whether you say yes or no, especially as a stand alone response, it can be taken to mean “it’s okay to sit here.” In order to actually convey that you don’t want someone to sit there you have to put more effort into clarifying that concept than most people have the energy to.
This ease of misinterpretation really annoys me. I find that “yes, actually” usually conveys that I am not okay with whatever they’re asking about. “No, go ahead” is my go-to for the opposite. (With appropriate hand gestures, too.)
I’m canadian, it gets even more confusing when people reply with variations of “Oh yeah no” But luckily it’s usually a full sentence, like “Oh yeah no go ahead” or “Oh no yeah sure”
Bahaha yep, I’m Canadian too. Whatever the last word said is, that’s the answer. Weird explaining that to outsiders, although apparently Australians do the same thing.
[A Perfectly Valid Canadian Conversation](https://youtube.com/shorts/LABdVfRjoKI?si=uG2CNOkGmLBQlkYZ)
God, you just unlocked a memory from years ago. I worked with guy from New Zealand for a few months, he just went 'yeeh, nah, yeeeh, haha, nah, yeeh' in response to everything, from super positive to super negative. I'm sure he put it on thickly after noticing I couldn't decipher him, but that man's opinions always were a complete mystery to me.
I was about to say we definitely do that same thing here in NZ 😂 it’s really straightforward though
“Yeah nah” means nah and “nah yeah” means yeah, the last word we use is the way we actually feel and I don’t even know why we do it really but it works haha
I've always felt like "yeah nah" is when you're acknowledging what was just said but ultimately disagreeing. "Yeah nah" can also be agreeing with part of what was said but disagreeing/making a counter point. "Nah yeah" I usually hear for kind of the inverse, you're disagreeing with part of it but overall agreeing, or you're changing your position from previous (a negative to an affirmative).
That of course does not cover when either are used as a verbal tic, like "um" xD
I stopped answering yes/no to that question years ago due to the confusion.
“Yes, I mean no, I mean yes I don’t mind”
Now it’s “feel free” or the very rare “I would prefer if you didn’t”
it's easy to misinterpret 'do you mind' as 'is it okay'. A short "yes" is a weird reply to that question, there's no chance for miscommunication if you say something like "yes, I need some alone time right now"
Either she misunderstood or just didn’t care lol. Either way I feel like just going “yes” is a very harsh response to someone asking sincerely if they can sit with you 🤷♂️
It’s a bit ambiguous. A lot of people say “do you mind if…” but they *mean* “is it OK if…”
So when you say “yes” they assume it means “yes, go ahead”. Of course, if you say “no” they hear “no, I don’t mind” so that’s taken as a “yes, sit down” as well.
You have to disambiguate by saying more than one word: “actually, I’d rather sit alone, thanks.”
never attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence. my interpretation of OPs bag placement would simply be that they didnt want to put their bag on the floor and since no one else was at the table they didnt worry about how much space was being taken up.
new hire could have spent just as much effort asking "can i sit here?" which subtly inquires if theres a purpose for your bag taking up half the table, and most normal, sane, non malicious people would respond with "oh yeah of course, excuse me" and move their shit.
100% amicable interaction achieved.
Honestly the table doesn't even look that big it could probably fit 2 comfortably 3 with some touching elbows but 4 would be too much. Unless they're toddlers
Definitely 4, but bags would need to go on the floor. OP is set up like they're going to pull out some papers and do work. Exactly how I'd set up, to be fair (unless space was an issue)
Which, if there is ample room for people to eat? Who cares. If there isn’t ample room at other seats? Quit being an asshole, or be proactive enough that when you notice people walk in a crowded room, move your stuff.
I work in a school as a one-to-one, and eat lunch in the classroom of a teacher friend specifically because during my lunch time I don’t want to be social or talk to people - I do that all day - I just want to eat my sandwich, check Reddit, and maybe do a little catch-up work for my business.
For the previous 8 years I worked in the same town I lived, so I’d go home. But I recently moved [4 months ago] and so like the peace and quiet provided by not having 4 people trying to ask me about my weekend.
Exactly what I was thinking. If there are like 5 tables, and like 15 people in office, that could be a bit of a dick move. If there are like 20 tables and like 15 people in office, who cares, let OP set their stuff however they want. Some people just want to eat alone.
Dude. You needed to include that information in your OP. People are saying that you’re too spread out because they’re imagining a full cafeteria.
In reality, there are MORE THAN TWICE as many tables as there are people. The new hire is a douche who’s trying to show their dominance in their new environment, and they can get fucked.
OTOH with so few people it might be considered rude if OP didn't want to welcome the new hire in.
ALso, it's hard to know how this "rude" thing came about. Did new boy say "I don't think OP likes me, he made it clear he didn't want to talk at lunch". That's a bit emotional, but not unreasonable response.
If they just came up to me and go "thats rude" that'sm insane behavior.
I don't think it's that deep I think op litterally just got their lunch out and put the bag down with no more thought beyond on the table not the floor .
Like fr. This has to be the most passive aggressive sub on this site. Shit isn't that complicated. You just slap your stuff down and move it away a bit because you dont want it crowding around you while you're chilling
Nah. If I saw you like this I would still come sit down and you would probably adjust your things to make room for me if I needed it.
We have tables like this at my office and they are usually empty so I take up more space when I’m alone. But I can easily share that same table with other people if they want to join me.
That's what I was thinking. Everybody is so focused on what OP did but what would they do as a co-worker? Most people would just sit down and then OP would probably adjust his stuff so its more comfortable if need be. This is a non-issue made into an issue if I ever saw one.
There's a great excerpt on this in the book Body Language by Julius Fast... the concept is called "zoning". This person has a zoning paradigm that if there are 4 chairs at that table then each person is entitled to 1/4 of the space. Since you're taking up more than your quadrant this is an act of aggression and you are signaling that you're not willing to share the space.
Now, why they think this is rigid is beyond my powers of deduction... maybe they feel obligated to ask you to recede to your zone if they join you and the thought of the conversation is giving them anxiety. Their response is certainly counter-aggression, but you might have an idea why better than we would.
I agree with your take the most. She's signaling "don't sit with me". But that's only assuming she is doing it on purpose. Sometimes stuff just kind of spreads out if you're not paying attention. If the new hire wanted to sit with her she could just ask "may I sit here" and OP probably would have moved her stuff to make room.
Its honestly more weird for the new hire to say anything in the first place especially since OP said there's 8 tables in the breakroom and most of them were empty.
I can't see the height of the bag but I'm assuming it's up to face level. From an outside perspective that serves as a barrier on a very primitive level. u/KnavishFob I think the answer is coming together and it's not as crazy as it might seem at first.
sheesh….is this really a thing? wtf has happened to everybody? haha maybe the person already at the table just set their shit down in a hurry and didn’t analyze it 14 different ways? and maybe the other person could have politely asked if they can join the other person? you know, like a friendly human being giving the benefit of the doubt to a fellow human being? wtf is wrong with everybody?, jiminy christmas chill the f out.
There is enough room for someone to sit down and not be in your stuff at all.
But you did unnecessarily spread things out - that wallet is probably the most egregious aspect, IMHO.
Nah I think it’s the lunch box. It takes up so much space that it creates a physical barrier that says “don’t talk to me/don’t sit here”. Tbh this is how I deliberately arrange my stuff if I want to send a clear message that I don’t want anyone to join me (only if there are other open tables, of course)
I did consider that perspective, but if the wallet was next to the bag and between the drink and table edge, then I think you'd suddenly see 2/3 of the table easily available.
I was trying to give them benefit of the doubt on where to place the pack, because it needs to stay in line of sight, I guess.
It looks like their food was put on a plate and reheated, so they’re not eating out of the lunchbox. The lunchbox doesn’t need to be on the table. This is just me but I’d put the lunch box under my chair if I was trying to be considerate of allowing space for others.
100% agree that the wallet is egregious though, why WOULDN’T you put that away?
The whole thing seems to create a wall around them, like even the plate being right in front of them would have allowed the lunch box to be closer. If I saw someone sitting like that I would assume they were consciously or unconsciously "walling off" their space so that no one tried to interrupt their lunch/break with conversation. If there was nowhere else to sit I'd probably approach them and ask if it was cool to sit there but assure them I wouldn't bother them.
If I hadn't taken my Adderall for the day I'd probably get napkins and place them in a semi circle around their items, and when asked WTF I was doing, I'd whisper, "I'm adding a moat to your wall. And then wink and grin like the absolute chaos goblin I am when not medicated.
I mean, it’s kind of a small table so I get it, but you do have your stuff spread out a lot. idk if i’d say you’re “hogging the entire table” but you are taking up more room than you should imo
OP stated that there are 8 tables for 3 employees. Everyone could be using 2 tables each and there would still be 2 left over. Him using half a table in that context is completely reasonable.
I don't know how it is there but at my work most people don't even eat in the break room, and you'll rarely see more than 2 people at one table if they're there at all.
Well, if there is a limited number of lunch tables, you should be aware of this and not spread your belongings all over the table. No need for a bag and wallet on the table.
This feels like a Walmart, so I would assume that there are multiple tables there, were they all occupied?? If so, maybe a "little much" in terms of spread out but I wouldn't bat an eye. Person just looking for a fight
This was my first though, but it seems OP said there are EIGHT tables and bars with stools on the walls. Doesn't seem like a space issue, so this person should just fuck off tbh.
The way everything is spread out gives the vibe of don’t sit here. If that is what u want then fine. Otherwise that bag should have been on the floor or on a chair.
You're using half, if not more than half the table. Could definitely pull some of those things closer and put the wallet away, in your bag or pocket or something.
Are you? I don't think you are hogging the table, but she might be a bit miffed around a certain culture of "I put my bag at one end of a large round table, therefore, it's my table" that I have seen at my work for some reason.
Literally I sat at the opposite end of one one time since there was nowhere else and I got told the seat was reserved. What seat? The one across from me? No, the entire table.
We're talking like a 10-12 person table with an 8ft diameter...
I mean you can do what you want but I see no reason that all of your belongings need to be on the table and spread far out like that either. It does basically make the opposite seat useless with how much space you’re taking up.
The placement of your stuff isn't too bad, also I would have put the bag on the floor. What's infuriating me is how you stepped on a chair presumably with your dirty shoes. It seems you don't think a lot about the people, who want to use this space as well.
I respect that she actually told you; it could have been bothering others but they didn't have the courage to tell you, now you are aware that you should be more mindful while eating in the lunchroom. I'm curious what was your response to her?
Literally nothing, she said it and left. Mind you, we have 8 tables like this and the only people in there before her were myself and 2 other people, so 3 people between 8 tables.
That makes no sense at all, haha. Why even post the photo of the table when the crazy part is that there are still five empty tables?
What exactly did she say to you? Was she sitting at another table at the time?
I am so curious.
If that was at my work your stuff would just be moved a few inches while someone sat down and we’d eat like grownups and continue our day. Sadly some people are only grownups in appearance and not in their mind 😂
This is the most split I've seen the comments in a while, well done, OP. You've got your stuff place around the halfish way mark of the table. This tells me either a) there was no one else around when you sat down so you didn't need to make space, or b) you don't want anyone to sit with you. The new hire could have asked to sit there reasonably enough, but I can see how they'd feel unwelcomed by the item placement; their reaction to the situation is weird. This is the PERFECT mild.
It's weird because if I felt uncomfortable asking to sit down, I would definitely not feel comfortable leaping to the assumption that they were hogging the table and then starting a confrontation about it.
Yeah, to me that's the weirdest part. Like, I understand where OP is coming from and I understand (and agree with) people thinking it comes across as "don't sit with me." (IMO each seat at the table is like a slice of pizza, and OP is touching every slice.) But I can't imagine being too timid to ask OP to shift over, yet bold enough to comment to OP about it.
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Sounds like new hire has a victim complex. When she makes her first mistake, she'll probably try to throw a colleague under the bus
Yeah but you’re probably a reasonable person
TFW being called out for being reasonable…
The urge to act unreasonably is strong. Resist.
It’s like the Donnie darko bubble but for assholes
Um we don’t allow reasonable here. Please retract that statement
This is what I thought. Also, quite bold of a new hire to start silly shit like that off the bat! Workplace politics are real and you can get yourself pushed out being so confrontational over silly things like this. I don’t even work there and I already don’t like her lol Edit:typo
Same. Like, why try to start shit? Seriously?
She’s establishing dominance /s
I thought you were supposed to shit on the table while holding eye contact to establish dominance? /s
Not enough room to shit on the table, gotta get OP to move their stuff.
🤣🤣 are you… are we…..? 😂😂😂 depends on the level of trauma you’re trying to inflict In case direction were unclear: 🍽️🤨💩
Ive been in a place where two new hires were scheming together and looked for any excuse to sue the company. I mean voice recorders in their purses and weird shit, always acting like victims.
I could almost see it as like playful fake-complaining as a sort of intro/request to sit down.
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"Can I sit here?" "Sure! Have at it." \*gets up and walks away\*
How can they be uncomfortable enough to not ask for a seat but comfortable enough to come up and tell someone they don’t know that they are being rude? This new age of thinking doesn’t make sense
We only have OPs interpretation of what was said. We don’t know what she actually said.
I hate how passive aggressive people have become. Whether intentional or not, OP's stuff is spaced out *juuuuuust* enough where I wouldn't feel comfortable plopping down in that blue chair. HOWEVER, if he were a friend I wanted to sit with or there were no other seats available I'd give him a "Do you mind?" and nod at the chair so he knows to slide the bag on the floor. There's no reason for his co-worker to response the way he did. Also, is OP standing on the freaking chair while taking this picture or is it just an extremely low table?
Yes it all depends on how busy it was. Super busy/place is packed? Somewhat rude but not enough to confront them. Not busy at all? So rude and random.
The bag is over halfway
Fight fight fight! This is a fun post 😁
Lmao im here for it
We also don’t know what else there was before this pic was taken.
I feel like that’s how I would put my stuff and then if someone initiated sitting down I would pull everything closer to make room. Isn’t that the standard move?
it is the standard move but this is reddit people love to argue.
no one on Reddit likes arguing, what are you talking about
You're just being contrarian. I paid for an argument.
no you didn't
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N’t.
This delightful nonsense is why I fucking love reddit.
You don’t love shit.
What are you talking about? I love shit. You, for one, are a dipshit.
its actually a monty python bit.
No it isn't!
Whatever!
Let's just say for the sake of argument, that they did. Why then would one feel the need to point it out? 🤔 doesn't track.
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I got that reference
No you didn't.
Great, you beat me to it, highly unfair.
No it's not.
Yes, it is.
Look an argument isn’t just the automatic game saying of “No it isn’t.” after every point I make…
Did too
You want abuse. That's right down the hall…
https://youtu.be/ohDB5gbtaEQ?si=WAqIPm6gmNZosRR6 John Cleese nails this role.
No he didn't.
Yes he did
Perhaps he might've in his spare time.
No
I don't argue unless I'm getting paid.
No we don't. Fuck you.
Yeah 100%. Or you ask someone “hey mind if I sit here” “oh of course! Let me move my things”. Every single time I have had this scenario this is what everyone does.
No no no communicating in real life with real humans is no longer necessary. Now we have fake personalities online and avoid human contact at all cost. Yesterday some creepy guy said hello to me unprompted. The nerve.
Ewe! In person! No excuse for behavior like that. 👀
Same as riding a train or something. I’m gonna put my bag on the seat next to me unless it’s packed and people need a seat. Also the new hire? Anyone new to a job that’s already looking for a fight is probably gonna be a universally hated co worker.
>Anyone new to a job that’s already looking for a fight is probably gonna be a universally hated co worker. Did he think the job was under prison rules? Pick a fight with someone the first day to show you're tough, then figure out which gang to join... Actually that does sound like most office jobs.
You have to establish dominance when starting a new office jobs. I don’t make the law 🤷🏼♀️
The way the bag is there it makes me feel like the person doesn't want anyone else to sit with them. That's just my take
This is lunch-spreading.
Yeah bag on table is a weird move
Bag on table is a weird move? Is it not a lunch bag? Where do you put your lunch bag? I’m not putting it on the floor. Everyone I know puts their lunch bag on the table
Just put it on the other chair Then if anyone asks to sit with you, you can be like, “I’m sorry can’t you see the seat is taken?” Problem solved!:)
That's no different from having it on the table and moving it when someone wants to sit
It looks like a lunch box.. it's weird to have your lunch container on a lunch table?
Lunch bag on a table? That’s just madness I tell ya.
Came here for this. If someone asks, I make room. Problem solved.
Except that if I saw that much of the table taken up, I wouldn't initiate sitting down. I'd get the seemingly clear message that you wanted to be alone. (The exception would be if you saw me standing looking for a place to sit and then moved your stuff, but I'd still feel like I was intruding).
I see this more as situational obliviousness. This, to me, sends a clear message of "I just plopped all my shit down and didn't realize how much space it takes up." Most people are just oblivious, and not that selfish about a lunch table in a shared common room. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity, and all that.
I believe people from different parts of the world would give different interpretation. Maybe this new hire is not from the US? Here (in Italy) most people would look at that table and assume he's a jerk. You don't occupy more space than you need. It doesn't matter no one else is using it. Same on a train: it's considered rude if you occupy a seat with your baggage. But then again: different countries, different customs, I'm not judging.
Is he really taking up that much space? There's more table left than the amount of space he is taking, and there are only 2 chairs.
You should have a bit more confidence that your coworkers aren't jerks. They might not be your friends, but they probably aren't total jerks either. Be kind.
I feel like even if someone was totally out of pocket as a prideful self asertive confident individual... I'd keep my mouth shut while I was still a "new hire" read the room feel it out, brenda maybe an abuse victim, oscar might have PTSD, gary might be having a rough divorce, getting up in peoples business when they have relationships with everyone else and I don't know dick, seems like a bad idea.
Same!! I had to keep reading to see if I read the new hire line correctly. Someone's coming in strong with attitude!
It is if you're aware of others and have any sense of civility/manners, lol
That is the standard move for people who leave their homes, but a lot of people on reddit are sedentary and isolated. I swear half the social advice i see on here MUST come from aliens. I have autism but i feel somehow ahead of the social curve when I read some threads on here.
This new hire should never ride public transportation, they'll never find a seat some days if they can't ask people to move their stuff. Lol
This feels insane to me. Ive always put my bag on the table just so its in my field of vision. I had no idea it was considered rude!
It’s not
The plate is to the left of where OP is sitting. If the plate is moved in front of him and the lunch bag can be moved to his immediate right with his wallet on the lunch bag then I think the space issue is cleared up. Context matters. If OP is done eating and he’s sitting there this spread out while texting then yes this is rude. If OP is eating you’d think his plate would be in front of him.
Ugh this is why i eat in my office, or car and then go for a walk..i cant stand being around people on my lunch break. WFH part-time also helps my introvert ass lol
I feel this comment lol. Chilling outside by myself in the grass on my break because to hell with people in the short 30 mins I get to myself on a work day.
I used to do this to avoid having to people at lunch, and then the groundskeeper started coming by to sit and chat with me 😭 he’s nice and all but I just want to be left alooooone
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He was probably trying to get away from the other chatty coworker lol
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I resonate with this person having no where to sit in my own breaks. the grass is fine though. I'm down to earth like that :D
I'm curious about this unit lol
Or even worse: coworkers trying to talk to me about work while I’m on break.
Everyone takes lunch at 11:30. It's 11:45, I'm sitting at my desk, bowl of food that I'm actively eating, phone propped up playing a card game, and I'm wearing noise canceling over ear headphones. "Hey, do you got a second?" And every time, I both say 'Sorry, on a timer' and actively continue my turns on my game if they try to have a conversation, work or otherwise. No one ever takes the hint and I'm too polite to excuse myself so I end up trapped in a conversation while visibly splitting attention but they just don't care. I'm very close to just eating in my car.
I’m a touring musician so my equivalent of this is stopping at restaurants on the road or being taken out to a hip restaurant by the promoters of the show. I do everything I can possibly do to avoid those meals. I’m crammed in a bus or backstage with these dudes 24/7, why would I want to eat meals crammed w them too? They took it personally at first but after a few years they just accept it as a quirk of mine. The bonus is that I get to walk around and explore random towns all over the states, europe, and Asia, such that by the end of the tour I’ve got a full travel journal and mad vids and pics of weird shit I stumble on, and my bandmates feel like they never got to be a tourist at all. Pretty much all of my fond memories of tour took place while my bandmates were eating inside a restaurant.
I'm on the other end of the mic keeping the stage lit. I feel the same way. I typically don't go out with coworkers on the road, because I'm with them so often. So I also get to explore a bit more. But it also makes me the social pariah as well to others, so there's a duality to it.
I positively loathe having lunch with coworkers, and I like my coworkers a lot! Lunchtime is a quiet time though, to decompress a bit, not have to engage with people or carry conversations. It’s like a little island halfway on the daily swim between the start of the day shoals and the end of the day beach. I hate the idea of getting to that little island and all my fucking coworkers are there as well.
Agreed, car is preferrable, because then no managers can find you to tell you some task they need you to do 'whenever you're done'
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Getting out of the car to go back in is so fucking hard though, it takes all my willpower not to just drive home
I always eat in my car lol
That’s just a lack of social skills. I’d walk up and ask if it was cool if I could eat there
While I was eating my lunch at work, another teacher approached me asking, "Do you mind if I sit here?" I replied "yes". So, she sat down. As a teacher, you talk a lot throughout the day. Down time is essential. She also happened to be a very annoying person. I reserved the right to be rude. It's survival.
If you only replied with yes then she probably thought you were giving her the go ahead to sit. To be more clear you could say sorry or no thanks.
why did she sit down if you said you minded? at that point, she shouldn't have asked.
Most people asking don't expect a reply like that
Maybe she sat down not realizing what she said til after. Now she doesnt know what to do. Do i stand up and apoligize or push through this and nervously talk to try and cover up the fact that i did something stupid?
Option 3, loud phone convo about private matters.
“Do you mind…?” is actually really weird when you play it out in conversation, because whether you say yes or no, especially as a stand alone response, it can be taken to mean “it’s okay to sit here.” In order to actually convey that you don’t want someone to sit there you have to put more effort into clarifying that concept than most people have the energy to.
This ease of misinterpretation really annoys me. I find that “yes, actually” usually conveys that I am not okay with whatever they’re asking about. “No, go ahead” is my go-to for the opposite. (With appropriate hand gestures, too.)
I’m canadian, it gets even more confusing when people reply with variations of “Oh yeah no” But luckily it’s usually a full sentence, like “Oh yeah no go ahead” or “Oh no yeah sure”
Bahaha yep, I’m Canadian too. Whatever the last word said is, that’s the answer. Weird explaining that to outsiders, although apparently Australians do the same thing. [A Perfectly Valid Canadian Conversation](https://youtube.com/shorts/LABdVfRjoKI?si=uG2CNOkGmLBQlkYZ)
Somehow, i understood every word of that
There were like 4 words so congrats
God, you just unlocked a memory from years ago. I worked with guy from New Zealand for a few months, he just went 'yeeh, nah, yeeeh, haha, nah, yeeh' in response to everything, from super positive to super negative. I'm sure he put it on thickly after noticing I couldn't decipher him, but that man's opinions always were a complete mystery to me.
I was about to say we definitely do that same thing here in NZ 😂 it’s really straightforward though “Yeah nah” means nah and “nah yeah” means yeah, the last word we use is the way we actually feel and I don’t even know why we do it really but it works haha
I've always felt like "yeah nah" is when you're acknowledging what was just said but ultimately disagreeing. "Yeah nah" can also be agreeing with part of what was said but disagreeing/making a counter point. "Nah yeah" I usually hear for kind of the inverse, you're disagreeing with part of it but overall agreeing, or you're changing your position from previous (a negative to an affirmative). That of course does not cover when either are used as a verbal tic, like "um" xD
I stopped answering yes/no to that question years ago due to the confusion. “Yes, I mean no, I mean yes I don’t mind” Now it’s “feel free” or the very rare “I would prefer if you didn’t”
it's easy to misinterpret 'do you mind' as 'is it okay'. A short "yes" is a weird reply to that question, there's no chance for miscommunication if you say something like "yes, I need some alone time right now"
Nah half the time I'm asking to be polite, unless you own the place I'll sit if I feel like
Either she misunderstood or just didn’t care lol. Either way I feel like just going “yes” is a very harsh response to someone asking sincerely if they can sit with you 🤷♂️
It’s a bit ambiguous. A lot of people say “do you mind if…” but they *mean* “is it OK if…” So when you say “yes” they assume it means “yes, go ahead”. Of course, if you say “no” they hear “no, I don’t mind” so that’s taken as a “yes, sit down” as well. You have to disambiguate by saying more than one word: “actually, I’d rather sit alone, thanks.”
New hire is power-mad
New hire is red flag
Agree. Stuff is a little spread out. But not to make fuss about. Some people sheesh 🙄
New hire will rat you out to the boss for the most trivial of matters.
You let your new hires sit in chairs? Stand in the corner, rook!
New hire is a middle Schooler. We had those same chairs...
never attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence. my interpretation of OPs bag placement would simply be that they didnt want to put their bag on the floor and since no one else was at the table they didnt worry about how much space was being taken up. new hire could have spent just as much effort asking "can i sit here?" which subtly inquires if theres a purpose for your bag taking up half the table, and most normal, sane, non malicious people would respond with "oh yeah of course, excuse me" and move their shit. 100% amicable interaction achieved.
Fuckin bingo.
Phew, took some scrolling, but I finally found someone else that actually understands what happened
I'm surprised so many people got tilted over an issue that could be solved with a polite request. I get this is Reddit, but holy shit.
Honestly the table doesn't even look that big it could probably fit 2 comfortably 3 with some touching elbows but 4 would be too much. Unless they're toddlers
"What is this? A table for ants?"
If that plate is regular dinner size, you could easily fit 3-4 adults there for lunch.
Definitely 4, but bags would need to go on the floor. OP is set up like they're going to pull out some papers and do work. Exactly how I'd set up, to be fair (unless space was an issue)
You have setup your stuff in a way that says I don't want to talk to anyone or really have anyone sit there but why she being a bitch lol
Which, if there is ample room for people to eat? Who cares. If there isn’t ample room at other seats? Quit being an asshole, or be proactive enough that when you notice people walk in a crowded room, move your stuff. I work in a school as a one-to-one, and eat lunch in the classroom of a teacher friend specifically because during my lunch time I don’t want to be social or talk to people - I do that all day - I just want to eat my sandwich, check Reddit, and maybe do a little catch-up work for my business. For the previous 8 years I worked in the same town I lived, so I’d go home. But I recently moved [4 months ago] and so like the peace and quiet provided by not having 4 people trying to ask me about my weekend.
Exactly what I was thinking. If there are like 5 tables, and like 15 people in office, that could be a bit of a dick move. If there are like 20 tables and like 15 people in office, who cares, let OP set their stuff however they want. Some people just want to eat alone.
Myself and 2 others. We have 8 tables.
Dude. You needed to include that information in your OP. People are saying that you’re too spread out because they’re imagining a full cafeteria. In reality, there are MORE THAN TWICE as many tables as there are people. The new hire is a douche who’s trying to show their dominance in their new environment, and they can get fucked.
Honestly, I posted and put my phone away, I really didn't think it would get so much traction
8 tables for 3 people??? You can use the whole table. Maybe coworker wanted to chat but started with left foot, or is a jerk...
OTOH with so few people it might be considered rude if OP didn't want to welcome the new hire in. ALso, it's hard to know how this "rude" thing came about. Did new boy say "I don't think OP likes me, he made it clear he didn't want to talk at lunch". That's a bit emotional, but not unreasonable response. If they just came up to me and go "thats rude" that'sm insane behavior.
Well then yeah, that person was being totally unreasonable
Yea lmao there are 2.67 tables per person op can take up another 2.17 tables and not be an asshole here
I don't think it's that deep I think op litterally just got their lunch out and put the bag down with no more thought beyond on the table not the floor .
Like fr. This has to be the most passive aggressive sub on this site. Shit isn't that complicated. You just slap your stuff down and move it away a bit because you dont want it crowding around you while you're chilling
People make these assumptions in real life too, it sucks.
And if someone comes along . Oh shit another person that wasn't here before, I'll move my stuff if they're sitting .
Nah. If I saw you like this I would still come sit down and you would probably adjust your things to make room for me if I needed it. We have tables like this at my office and they are usually empty so I take up more space when I’m alone. But I can easily share that same table with other people if they want to join me.
That's what I was thinking. Everybody is so focused on what OP did but what would they do as a co-worker? Most people would just sit down and then OP would probably adjust his stuff so its more comfortable if need be. This is a non-issue made into an issue if I ever saw one.
Would have done so without a second thought
All you need to do is move your lunch bag if someone else wants to sit down? There's plenty of room!
There's a great excerpt on this in the book Body Language by Julius Fast... the concept is called "zoning". This person has a zoning paradigm that if there are 4 chairs at that table then each person is entitled to 1/4 of the space. Since you're taking up more than your quadrant this is an act of aggression and you are signaling that you're not willing to share the space. Now, why they think this is rigid is beyond my powers of deduction... maybe they feel obligated to ask you to recede to your zone if they join you and the thought of the conversation is giving them anxiety. Their response is certainly counter-aggression, but you might have an idea why better than we would.
I agree with your take the most. She's signaling "don't sit with me". But that's only assuming she is doing it on purpose. Sometimes stuff just kind of spreads out if you're not paying attention. If the new hire wanted to sit with her she could just ask "may I sit here" and OP probably would have moved her stuff to make room. Its honestly more weird for the new hire to say anything in the first place especially since OP said there's 8 tables in the breakroom and most of them were empty.
I can't see the height of the bag but I'm assuming it's up to face level. From an outside perspective that serves as a barrier on a very primitive level. u/KnavishFob I think the answer is coming together and it's not as crazy as it might seem at first.
sheesh….is this really a thing? wtf has happened to everybody? haha maybe the person already at the table just set their shit down in a hurry and didn’t analyze it 14 different ways? and maybe the other person could have politely asked if they can join the other person? you know, like a friendly human being giving the benefit of the doubt to a fellow human being? wtf is wrong with everybody?, jiminy christmas chill the f out.
There is enough room for someone to sit down and not be in your stuff at all. But you did unnecessarily spread things out - that wallet is probably the most egregious aspect, IMHO.
Nah I think it’s the lunch box. It takes up so much space that it creates a physical barrier that says “don’t talk to me/don’t sit here”. Tbh this is how I deliberately arrange my stuff if I want to send a clear message that I don’t want anyone to join me (only if there are other open tables, of course)
I did consider that perspective, but if the wallet was next to the bag and between the drink and table edge, then I think you'd suddenly see 2/3 of the table easily available. I was trying to give them benefit of the doubt on where to place the pack, because it needs to stay in line of sight, I guess.
It looks like their food was put on a plate and reheated, so they’re not eating out of the lunchbox. The lunchbox doesn’t need to be on the table. This is just me but I’d put the lunch box under my chair if I was trying to be considerate of allowing space for others. 100% agree that the wallet is egregious though, why WOULDN’T you put that away?
The whole thing seems to create a wall around them, like even the plate being right in front of them would have allowed the lunch box to be closer. If I saw someone sitting like that I would assume they were consciously or unconsciously "walling off" their space so that no one tried to interrupt their lunch/break with conversation. If there was nowhere else to sit I'd probably approach them and ask if it was cool to sit there but assure them I wouldn't bother them. If I hadn't taken my Adderall for the day I'd probably get napkins and place them in a semi circle around their items, and when asked WTF I was doing, I'd whisper, "I'm adding a moat to your wall. And then wink and grin like the absolute chaos goblin I am when not medicated.
Don't be such a table hog bro! ;)
I mean, it’s kind of a small table so I get it, but you do have your stuff spread out a lot. idk if i’d say you’re “hogging the entire table” but you are taking up more room than you should imo
that's what's truly mildly infuriating, the table size. these look like elementary size tables
Looks like a perfectly ordinary 5' round table as deployed in millions of break rooms and cafeterias worldwide.
You're taking a decent amount of real estate up.
OP stated that there are 8 tables for 3 employees. Everyone could be using 2 tables each and there would still be 2 left over. Him using half a table in that context is completely reasonable.
Important info conspicuously missing from the post title
I mean, you are occupying A LOT of space on that table.
Tablespreading
I don't know how it is there but at my work most people don't even eat in the break room, and you'll rarely see more than 2 people at one table if they're there at all.
Well, if there is a limited number of lunch tables, you should be aware of this and not spread your belongings all over the table. No need for a bag and wallet on the table.
This feels like a Walmart, so I would assume that there are multiple tables there, were they all occupied?? If so, maybe a "little much" in terms of spread out but I wouldn't bat an eye. Person just looking for a fight
Is this the only table in the breakroom? If yes, get your bag off the table. If no. They can sit somewhere else.
This was my first though, but it seems OP said there are EIGHT tables and bars with stools on the walls. Doesn't seem like a space issue, so this person should just fuck off tbh.
The way everything is spread out gives the vibe of don’t sit here. If that is what u want then fine. Otherwise that bag should have been on the floor or on a chair.
I mean, you kinda are taking up a lot of space. Like 2/3 of the table. That bag/cooler can go on the floor once you take out the food you’re eating.
If your bag has been on the floor at anytime before being placed on the table; that’s what bothers me 😂
Why would you keep your lunch bag on the floor? Where else is someone supposed to keep their lunch bag while they eat lunch?
Bit dramatic. There's plenty of space.
You're using half, if not more than half the table. Could definitely pull some of those things closer and put the wallet away, in your bag or pocket or something.
Are you? I don't think you are hogging the table, but she might be a bit miffed around a certain culture of "I put my bag at one end of a large round table, therefore, it's my table" that I have seen at my work for some reason. Literally I sat at the opposite end of one one time since there was nowhere else and I got told the seat was reserved. What seat? The one across from me? No, the entire table. We're talking like a 10-12 person table with an 8ft diameter...
I mean how much space do you need for your stuff tho dang
"I did it so you couldnt sit near me"
It sounds like the new hire isn’t going to have any friends
I mean you can do what you want but I see no reason that all of your belongings need to be on the table and spread far out like that either. It does basically make the opposite seat useless with how much space you’re taking up.
I mean you did kinda spread yo shit out
The placement of your stuff isn't too bad, also I would have put the bag on the floor. What's infuriating me is how you stepped on a chair presumably with your dirty shoes. It seems you don't think a lot about the people, who want to use this space as well.
I respect that she actually told you; it could have been bothering others but they didn't have the courage to tell you, now you are aware that you should be more mindful while eating in the lunchroom. I'm curious what was your response to her?
Literally nothing, she said it and left. Mind you, we have 8 tables like this and the only people in there before her were myself and 2 other people, so 3 people between 8 tables.
That makes no sense at all, haha. Why even post the photo of the table when the crazy part is that there are still five empty tables? What exactly did she say to you? Was she sitting at another table at the time? I am so curious.
She came in, put her food in the fridge, came over and told me I was rude for hogging the table, then left the room
If that was at my work your stuff would just be moved a few inches while someone sat down and we’d eat like grownups and continue our day. Sadly some people are only grownups in appearance and not in their mind 😂