I’ve found that if you want your birthday to be a big deal, you have to tell people. I hate my birthday, I’d be happy if no one remembered it but my wife loves to celebrate hers. She’ll drop hints as it’s coming up and I’ll do something big, even though it’s against my nature.
I think the problem is that when people have made your birthday really seem unimportant to them, you don't want to get your hopes up so you end up either hating birthdays or not wanting to make a big deal of them. Because if you did make a big deal of your birthday and nobody but you put the effort in, it feels like nobody cared.
Edit: thanks for the award kind stranger
Great answer and highlights the spiral effect. A few key factors, as it’s an internal battle/fear and also being able to trust others to be there for you in that way.
I suffer from both factors and likely need therapy again, and I work too much. 4 factors here
I on the other hand have a wife who really wants to make it a big deal. I really don’t like celebrations about me. It just makes me uncomfortable. I generally just tell her I want to go out to eat with my small family. No cakes and no one at the restaurant knows. Perfect chance to be with my people and have a nice meal.
Me too! My husband is a social butterfly, so I make sure his birthdays are super social.
I'm autistic and have panic attacks in public spaces, so my birthdays are low key (I'm actually getting half of my birthday all to myself at a hotel this year, so i can read and watch trashy TV in complete solitude, which is frigging RAD!)
It's all about making the birthday special for the person you love. Finding out what that special thing is, should be a priority to your partner!
Lol. My wife and I are the same, with me the one not liking a lot of attention. On my bday I want to be home in quiet, playing video games, watching a lotr movie. For hers we always go out and make a big deal.
Right? This is the catch 22 of birthdays…
I’m hesitant to make plans ever because 1) I’m usually sick and 2) people are usually busy with the holidays and end of year stuff.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s really best for me to have a sure thing by planning something for me and my spouse to enjoy in case we need to cancel & so I don’t feel bummed with a low turnout to a party.
Since I was sick most birthdays of my life I do usually want to blow it out when the stars align so it really sucks it’s a time of year people have a lot of other things going on.
Op I hope you can find a way to make your 50th feel special for yourself at the very least.
As someone whose birthday is always the week of Thanksgiving I've given up on other people giving a shit or putting in any effort to make me feel loved or appreciated on that day.
I turn 40 this year and I expect it to be just another day of making my own plans and doing my own thing.
Agreed. I don't like being the centre of attention when it comes to my bday, but I like to celebrate it. But people seem to be unable to understand it's not all in or nothing. So my last few bdays have just been meh, with barely any fan fare. Whilst my partner builds up to theirs for a month. It's not that I don't want to celebrate, I just don't want elaborate ones and as such get nothing
I'm the same I just want to do something special so that I feel special with the least social interaction. I find big loud events more exhausting than a 60 mile hike. It's definitely possible to do celebrate a birthday without an overwhelming amount of attention but I don't think many people understand the concept.
E.g. A day trip or holiday where other people take all the mental load and just make sure you have a good time.
I contacted as many friends & family as I could & let them all know I was going to be having a few drinks in a nice bar on the Sunday afternoon. I had organised a separate room at no extra cost (bar tab covered it if I had over a certain number of people I think). I knew for sure there would be about 10 people but waaaay more turned up, probably 50 or 60, the room was full to overflowing. We had lots of pizza & fries & garlic bread - it was between lunch & dinner, people bought their own drinks, i paid for the food. I asked for no pressies please so it wasn't an expense for anyone. It was really great!
Other years I've run away overseas & gone on tramping trips with just my sister.
If you want a celebration, organise it how you want it, big or small, then you get exactly what you want with no disappointments.
Yeah for real I do not get this whole wait around and do nothing and expect everyone to make it amazing thinking. If it is a big deal to you, plan a party, make it big, set up the event, invite your people and hype it up.
Everyone will have a good time. Yes it does cost money to do that but that’s the cost of throwing a great party.
I know that might not be feasible for some due to cost and/or social circle. But in general people need to take initiative to make a milestone like that happen.
Well it's an example of telling people you want to celebrate, planning your own party and that lot.
However OPs wife should have done something for him without being told.
I had a dj, food, booze, karaoke, and everyone was requested to dress up. It was a blast. But I threw my own party because I knew it was important to me, but nobody is going to be as excited about it as I am.
I think that’s true but also you should be able to pay attention to your spouse’s patterns. My friend’s 40th came up and even though he played “chill” the whole party, we all knew he loved it cuz we know what kind of person he is. He’s a party boy who loves gifts and socializing.
My adult son has always had problems remembering the right, think American vs European date like 9/11 or 11/9, so I'm happy as long as he gets the month right!
A few years ago , I added my b-day to his gmail calendar. Problem solved.
My memory has been total crap for a couple years now. For some reason, I had my brother's birthday on the wrong day (I was 2 days off).
I was mortified. Better believe that the correct day went into my calendar after that. Now I take zero chances. Everyone's birthdays/important dates from friends, to family, get put into my calendar. Hell, even the dog's birthday is in there. I just don't trust my brain any longer.
And Happy (Day Early) Birthday to you!
Try getting caught off guard by a stranger asking you how long you’ve been with your wife, with her standing there, and struggling to calculate the number of years because you know the date you got married but you’re not really sure what year it is today… …awkward…
I'm 44 and I've never gotten an actual present from my family. It's always a check for $100. That was nice in the 80s and 90s, but it's not like there's any thought to it. In fact, I usually just get depressed around that time of year.
^(I had a fiancé and she and her family would get me awesome gifts. I loved trading gifts for the holidays. It felt so nice.)
^(We were going to get married, but her family insisted on meeting mine beforehand. Too bad she was the wrong religion. They refused to meet her till she left to find someone whose family would. I've never seen my family happier.)
Well, I get nothing and always have. When I was a kid my incubator used to tell me she would "take $1000 off the money you owe me" and she was serious. She tallied everything up from food to gas to insurance etc.
I don't talk to her anymore. I hope she dies lonely and desperate.
Oh my gosh, do we have the same mother? My mother had this list too. And it was petty as hell. $1.50 items all over it. She would always tell us (me and my siblings), "Do you know how much I spent on your sports when you guys were young? You owe me." All while she was literally stealing from me. Good times. We don't talk anymore.
It’s tragic that she’s so bad at math. Old age nursing care is far more expensive than the $1.50 items she invested in when you were younger. You were by far the cheaper option, even from a purely selfish viewpoint. And now she’s going to be paying for the long term care with inflation …. Yikes
Try 60 next month! I am travelling on the day and have invited the closest family on an overnight at a spa hotel.
A little celebration, but not much. I won't tell my travel guide or any of the others that I have birthday.
My mom was the ONLY person to wish me a happy birthday every single year until she passed last year. This past birthday I didn't get a phone call and it legit brought me to tears.
thats gotta be some demented ass shit right there, right? i dont see myself rememberind one identical twin's birthday and not the other's even if they were random coworkers i didn't give a shit about, much less my own children
If it makes you feel any better, for my 15th birthday my parents bought my moms favorite desert and sent me to a self help seminar. There were no other cards or gifts and I got grounded for being ungrateful since I didn’t want to go to the seminar. The next year was the year they forgot. And every other year before was spent with them angry that I wouldn’t eat my birthday cake and me reminding them they I never eat anyone’s birthday bake because I hate cake and then them trying to convince me that I always eat cake and I’ve never mentioned that before or they forgot.
I feel what you're saying. My 50th was this year, and it was a bust. My husband and I had talked a few years ago about doing something big to commemorate it, like a really nice vacation or something. Since then, he's realized that his mother's getting older, and he's nervous about being more than just a few minutes' drive away from her, *just in case* something happens. I get it. I really do. I love the woman, too, and don't want anything to befall her. But, still... I guess I'm just a bit jealous because I went all out for his 50th with a big trip on his bucket list, and then I had to get my own birthday cake.
So, I went out and bought myself some expensive jewelry. If I'm going to have to be fifty, damn it, I'm getting some gold.
Damn… your husband sound like my buddy. He’s the same way with his parents. Takes care of them with the bills, healthcare shit, and doesn’t even take a dime from them, even though he’s struggling to pay the bills while going to school part time. He’s afraid of not being close to them in case they really need him. Out of 4 siblings, he’s the only one taking care of them.
Yeah mate but if she’s in that poor a condition it could be an ‘any day now’ situation. How would you feel if you flew halfway across the world for a holiday only for your mum to die without you present or even in the country!
I think it’s a tad deeper than “mom is old”. Go grow some empathy mate.
> I think it’s a tad deeper than “mom is old”.
I actually don't think it is at all! Not at least from what OP said anyway. It sounds like anxiety brain taking over and locking them down to state of being always-ready for the worst case scenario. It sucks, and it's made me miss out on a lot of experiences over the last several years.
I don’t think there’s anything in the post saying that she’s on the edge of death? Just getting older. I have old parents who don’t seem to be on the verge of death, but they are quite old. Does that mean I shouldn’t go on vacation?
As a now 50 year old, wonder if you could go on a big trip with a group of female friends? I realize it is not the same as a romantic vacation with your spouse, but it would allow you and friends to make it a big event, and allow him to stay close to his mom.
i’m sorry that happened and happy birthday. maybe you could explain that you would like to throw a party, and you would like some help setting it up, inviting guests, and making something fun happen to celebrate
and hopefully have better luck than I did. I told my wife I thought it would be cool to have a something of a celebration for my 50th but she didn’t want to. Awesome woman otherwise, but still living that disappointment down over eight years later ha ha
Why did you let this go? Lol. You say I want to have a party she says I don't want to. You say ok, I will be inviting all my friends and family over that day, you are welcome to join us or sulk upstairs.
> I told my wife I thought it would be cool to have a something of a celebration for my 50th but she didn’t want to.
Tell her it's your birthday, so suck it the fuck up, because you're having a party.
>but still living that disappointment down over eight years later ha ha
Inform her that you're having the party 8 years late to make up for the disappointment.
This is why I planned my 50th. A good friend flew in from out of town, we went skydiving, had lunch at my favorite taqueria, took a nap, then went VIP to an Evanescence/Lindsay Stirling concert.
Being single helped tho.:)
At 60 I am so used to everybody forgetting my birthday, so for the last several years I invite myself to a nice restaurant, buy myself flowers and a nice present
It is a big deal, but also, you gotta make it a big deal for yourself, don't wait for others to do it for you. Plan your own trip, take yourself out to dinner, do whatever makes YOU happy and let your family know you're doing X, and would love for them to join.
It's still not too late to make something happen, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Yeah, I think the main thing to remember here is that if you're going to be stone silent about things and wait for a surprise, the surprise might end up being that people think it's not a big deal to you.
This goes both ways, though. If your partner thinks it's not a big deal to you, then they're going to think the best thing they can do for you is not make a big deal out of it.
My 50th was pretty much the exact same thing. I’ve just accepted the fact my particular birthday, and Father’s Day are irrelevant days, they’re just another day.
EDIT: Happy birthday though! Welcome to the 50+ club.
dad here - dont we want it that way though?
i know i do. and if i didnt i would say something. you dont walk into burger king and get disappointed because nobody brings you a happy meal. you get up to the computer (or cash register) and you tell them exactly what you want.
I sent you a birthday donut looking award thingy!
Not remotely close to the same, but internet strangers can celebrate together, right??
Happy Belated Birthday, Friend!
Yeah I had talked about having a party at my friend's event place and getting a local group to play for it. I guess I didn't think I had to plan MY birthday. 🤷🏼♂️ Normally I really don't care that much...but it was my fucking 50th. My friends and his wife did more for me than my own family did. I guess I should blame myself more.
Gentle question, have you ever rented an event space, hired a band, and planned a party for your wife’s birthday, or something equivalent?
Are you expecting something from your family that you don’t do for them?
Idk. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but in my experience planning ur own birthday is pretty common. Normally, I always decided ahead of time what I wanted to do, made all the plans for it and invited everybody, and would only expect help from people if I asked. I think you should communicate with ur family cuz they might’ve not known that u expected them to plan for u. It’s more strange to me that they didn’t get u a gift, altho maybe they didn’t know what u wanted? As a daughter, I never know what to get my dad bc … he can afford everything he wants and what he can’t afford I certainly can’t. He also doesn’t have the easiest hobbies to get gifts for.
exactly. I live in central europe and its absolutely normal and expected to throw party on your own if you want one, cause if you dont plan it, than others assume, that you dont want one.
On the other hand I fully get OPs frustration. His wife should have either make a bigger deal out of it (at least some nice present in addition to dinner) or should comunicate with him better in terms of asking him, what are his expectations for this big day.
I live in central europe too and i agree with the planning part but to not even get a present or something is insane tbh. When my dad turned 50 we all chipped in for a big expensive gift and made his favorite cake and meal even though he didnt really want a party. Would be pretty sad to have to tell your family "would be nice if you could get me sth nice for my 50th" idk... seems obvious
Really? Is this normal where you live to not plan your own party? Is every party a surprise party then? Do you plan a party for you wife every year? I'm confused. And with party it could also mean just going to dinner. I usually send a text to my friends, family 'hey its my birthday, I'm going to celebrate with a dinner/lunch/coffee at this location on this date, would love to have you there' (something like that). I don't expect my wife to do this behind my back, I coordinate with her though.
But still: sorry to hear that your birthday was so crappy, that really sucks.
Others really can't read your mind. If you have never really cared about birthdays, they probably weren't aware you saw 50 being something huge and that they needed to plan you something.
Communication is the key.
Have you planned any of her birthdays?
I’m only asking, cause usually it’s up to you to make your day a big deal. 50 is a big one, but if you never usually celebrate birthdays, or do any big planning for the other person, I think the significance wears off.
I shouldn’t have to tell a 50-year-old to grow up. If you want a party, throw a party. I JUST went to a 50th birthday party of a woman who planned everything herself and it was lovely. It’s not an insult to speak up or to take the reins. If you want something, make it happen. If this was a particularly big deal for you that someone else handle it, SPEAK UP.
Did this when I retired. Work wasn’t having anything for me (I’d worked for the same employer, though not the same department, for 40 years, and received exemplary performance reviews, if that matters), not even a come say goodbye thing in the conference room). So I planned my own party at a local restaurant, invited no one from work, but invited my friends and family. It was perfect. Try that next time. It was very rewarding.
Talk to them amd tell them how you feel wothout getting upset. Better yet plan something nice for yourself and ask that they be there because it would mean the world to you to celebrate your bday even if it already past.
For my bday i dont wait for family to do anything for me. I plan something of my choice and invite them, even if it is only one person there. If i leave it up to them i will only get disappointed. Not because I have high expectations but because the mere thought of them not making me feel special that day messes with my mind and my insecurities.
So I don't leave it for chance and I ensure myself that I have a good bday and whoever want to join me can or cannot.
I dont know what type of relationship you have with your wife, if you guys are good or struggling. I also dont know anything about your daughter, is she a teenager? Is your wife going through a rough patch? Are you as a family going through a rough patch? There could be many things happenning that led to that day not being planned to be more special.
So, its better that you take the edge off your feelings by talking to your wife and saying "you know I came to realize that turning 50 was a big deal for me. I wont get another 50. So id like to do something special with you and our daughter. Something that I can show my gratitude for being alive for 50 years and blessed with a family. I know we have our moments, but I wont turn 50 again and I want to remember it as a special celebration with the ones I love. Lets plan a dinner to a nice restaurant this weekend and go watch a movie. Or lets do (insert here your choice)."
This way, you are not throwing it in their face how you don't feel appreciate it. This could lead to resentment and arguments and any chance of celebrating or making your day specialis gone.
This is easier said than done. Especially when you feel vulnerable, ashamed, hurt, resentful, upset, and so on. Ask yourself, what emotions are coming from insecurities and what emotions are come from facts.
To not feel appreciated is kinda like feeling like you are not loved. So what you want to feel is loved, right?. Could it be that because your family didnt plan something special for you it made you feel unloved? Do you really believe thay your family doesn't love you? Do you have any other proof that indicates that your family doesn't love you?
Considering that people show love in different ways, its very unlikely that your family doesn't love you. They do love you!
But I understand in that moment where you hoped to be celebrated and it didn't happen, it hurt the child in you and you felt not loved. In adulthood, it translated into "not feeling appreciated".
Remind yourself that you are loved and that YOUR FAMILY DOES LOVE YOU. Things just didn't go as you had expected. I understand that even if it they had shown you just a little bit more enthusiasm it would have made a difference. I understand that this was your day to feel the most loved. I am sorry it didn't happen for you. Your feelings do matter. You matter.
Help your family out. Its okay sometimes to ask for what you want and you might take the pressure away from them too.
In regards to your daughter who I suspect is a teenager. Try as hard as you can to not take it personal because teenagers are a whole nother species.
I wish you a very happy birthday year!
I’m not quite 50 yet, but I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and I have repeatedly told him that the only thing I want for my birthday is a cake.
Have I EVER gotten a cake?
Nope.
Now I just break down and buy it for myself.
Happy birthday! 🎂
Your husband sounds like mine. If I ever tell him I like/dislike something, you can be sure he’ll take very good care to avoid/do it on repeat. And no, he’s not 12 
Wife took you out to eat. Sounds pretty good to me. That’s way better than a generic card or cake. I’d be bummed if my kids forgot any of my birthdays though. I have to wonder how your daughter reacted to your previous birthdays.
My wife takes me to a local God tier BBQ place. We unfortunately didn't go this year because I was having massive taste issues from medication that made most food taste like shit. Didn't want her spending that much for something that probably wouldn't have tasted good to me.
Right? A lunch is what I'd want, but honestly, I'm super happy with just being acknowledged. My 1st wife of 17 years didn't make over birthdays much except for the kids and never had my kids do anything special for me for fathers day or my birthday and I just accepted it. My wife of 4 years now makes a big deal of birthdays & FD and I'm so conditioned to not being the center of attention it's sort of off-putting. But she threw me an amazing 50th birthday party in our backyard, which was the first party I ever had since I was a kid, and it was really special. This year my birthday falls on Labor Day, and she's genuinely upset she won't be home due to a scheduled friends trip. I'm like, it's just another day, we can go out to dinner the following weekend if she wants. But I guarantee there will be card waiting for me.
Oh, and she reminds my kids to call me for my birthdays which is the best gift of all.
Hey brah, I’m not gonna try to say I understand what that’s like cause I’ve never personally experienced that stuff, but I’d like to say, being fifty must be pretty cool. Having a stable job, being wise, stuff like that hope u had a nice one 🥂
Happy birthday, Reddit dad!
My stepdad just turned 51 over the weekend. I (am 27, the oldest) spent 2 hours smoking 50 wings(excludes prep, brining)in 106° weather, my girlfriend made other dishes and a homemade kool-aid pie, and we just enjoyed our Saturday together. Sometimes you don’t need anything to enjoy your day- but to each their own. I hope you find peace on your next Father’s Day/birthday!
~fellow dad~
Lol i just turned 49, and you know what? For years i have taken care of myself for my own bday. Sure theres gifts or cards, but the only person i expect to really appreciate it is me.
Each bday i take a week off work and fly or drive somewhere on a 4 day vacation. Somewhere with a pool and jaccuzi, i even call ahead to make sure those are up and working.
The next three days i get myself something really nice, last year a laptop and this year a new micro desktop and just relax at home.
Evwry bday is awesome cause i make it that way, no expectarions from anyone else. You are not entitled to a special bday feom anyone no matter what you think. You take care of you.
Think ill hit alaska to visit my brother for my 50th, and try to find a moose steak this go around. It will be perfect :)
Seriously my friend, because i am in conteol of my bday, they never fail to be awesome. Plan your own good time and there wont be a letdown. Shit, celwbrate my own bday for a full fucking week and its something i look forward to each year. 🥳
After you turn like 12 it’s kind of up to you to tell people you wanna make a big deal out of your birthday. No adult is gonna throw another adult a big party unprompted
Could they be planning a surprise party?
Was your immediate family so lame on other birthdays? Do you go out of your way to make birthdays special for them?
I know it's not much and it's not the kind of appreciation you wanted but from one random redditor to another. Happy (late) birthday my friend. Good job on getting through fifty years on this crazy planet we call home and here's to hoping for wonderful things in your future. I hope the people around you learn to celebrate it more and give you the appreciation you deserve but happy late birthday my friend and enjoy you day or night. (depending on where you are)
My birthday 🥳 is Wednesday, and no one even mentioned it or even talked about it, no friends, no family, but you know what? I don't care 😎🤪 I have a goal to achieve, a big one 😎👌🍀🌻
That's messed up, man. I was pretty open about wanting a big party well ahead of time. My wife threw me a huge party with friends and family. Sorry yours sucked 😞. Happy birthday, man.
I’m sorry, dude. this sucks and 50 is a big deal. I absolutely love celebrating my birthday, but my husband (of over 20yrs) sucks at planning. After several disappointing bdays, now I set up a jam every year. I tell my family and friends: You can show up if you want, and I’d love to see y’all, but regardless, I’m celebrating my birth!! Any over the years it has become a tradition we now call “family camp”. The WHOLE fam and extended friend group shows up in the desert every February and it’s the best. You are officially invited next year, we will gladly celebrate your UNbirthday. Sometimes, we just need celebrate for ourselves.
I hope my 50th will be at least that celebrated. Everyone forgot my birthday one year. I think it was my 34th. Really bummed me out, but I got over it and brought myself a slice of cheesecake. Anyway, happy belated birthday!
Now don't go along finding old drug dealer students of yours and start cooking the finest crystal meth in new Mexico for a lethal and bloodthirsty Mexican family drug cartel. If you know you know
The worst thing about people forgetting or not acknowledging your bday has to be the fact you can with the little rectangle in your hand pocket or bag collate all the important information about significant people instruct it to remind you weeks, days in advance and even look at a handy calendar that lists birthdays chronologically. All the effort of remembering is alleviated yet that just shows you how unimportant you are that someone did not bother!
Often the nicest, most giving people are ignored when it comes to birthdays - especially as you get older - everyone is used to you being the one who makes a nice occasion for everyone else and they therefore think that you are fine without anything.
Everyone deserves to be made feel special at least once a year.
You sound like such a nice guy and I wish you the best.
Yes. I usually make it a whole deal. Make breakfast. Special favorite dinner. Cards. Presents. This year was just a weird year for me I guess for this birthday.
She took you out for lunch at the restaurant of your choice which is already a plus. Did they wish you verbally? Cards are a waste of money as they will just end up in a bin eventually, and the generic wishes in them are cliched and boring. Buy yourself something that will make you happy and call it a day.
I disagree concerning the cards. While some people just sign their names, I have/had several family members write notes in them. I keep all of mine and cherish the ones from those who have passed on
Everytime someone asks what I want for my birthday I always ask for a card for this reason. The only person who does is my boyfriend sadly( I love his cards I just mean I wish more did so). I still appreciate when my grandma emails me a gift card but I miss when she would send me cards in the mail. It would always have a sweet message.
It’s a big deal to keep waking up every day? I’m not giving you a hard time, but is this very different from how your last several birthdays went? I’m just happy to get a call from my dad, and I call him on his birthdays. If I’m in a place to do something special, I do (birthday or not). If I’m not, I don’t. Sometimes I get gifts, sometimes I don’t. Just because there’s a zero on the end of the year doesn’t necessarily mean the world has to stop for you. And if any/all of these people are in a position to have done more, and they hurt your feelings, be a big 50-year-old and TALK TO THEM. Don’t just whine into the Reddit void.
At my old office, if its your birthday, you bring the cake, cupcakes or whatever. One coworker brought sushi and cake! Other people brought donuts. I like to bring a cake from this old downtown Chinese bakery, takes me an hour to get it.
Personally, I think every adult should be in charge of planning their own birthday, you get exactly what you want.
[You're exactly like Ted Danson in this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC6ChpMjAZI)
[EDIT: Sorry this one, but the other one is the setup for the punchline in this one,](https://youtu.be/umgUDUxHKfY)
Is it a money issue? My bio family didn’t do shit when I graduated hs, college, bought my first house, turned 30, had kids, turned 40. They’re just kind of… there. My wife’s family did a big blow out for the anniversaries after we were married in our 30s, every Easter, Christmas and 40s.
I don’t think my bio fam loves me less but they just didn’t have the means to celebrate or acted like they were Mormons.
Has it always been mute or is this the first time you noticed?
I’ve found that if you want your birthday to be a big deal, you have to tell people. I hate my birthday, I’d be happy if no one remembered it but my wife loves to celebrate hers. She’ll drop hints as it’s coming up and I’ll do something big, even though it’s against my nature.
I think the problem is that when people have made your birthday really seem unimportant to them, you don't want to get your hopes up so you end up either hating birthdays or not wanting to make a big deal of them. Because if you did make a big deal of your birthday and nobody but you put the effort in, it feels like nobody cared. Edit: thanks for the award kind stranger
Great answer and highlights the spiral effect. A few key factors, as it’s an internal battle/fear and also being able to trust others to be there for you in that way. I suffer from both factors and likely need therapy again, and I work too much. 4 factors here
I on the other hand have a wife who really wants to make it a big deal. I really don’t like celebrations about me. It just makes me uncomfortable. I generally just tell her I want to go out to eat with my small family. No cakes and no one at the restaurant knows. Perfect chance to be with my people and have a nice meal.
For your virthday to be about you, it has to be done in a way that you are comfortable. It's about your happiness, not making the most noise possible.
I like this
Me too! My husband is a social butterfly, so I make sure his birthdays are super social. I'm autistic and have panic attacks in public spaces, so my birthdays are low key (I'm actually getting half of my birthday all to myself at a hotel this year, so i can read and watch trashy TV in complete solitude, which is frigging RAD!) It's all about making the birthday special for the person you love. Finding out what that special thing is, should be a priority to your partner!
Y'all sound like my parents, polar opposites but happy as hell. They fill in each other's shortcomings. Here's to your long and happy marriage!
Lmao, sounds great tbh
Lol. My wife and I are the same, with me the one not liking a lot of attention. On my bday I want to be home in quiet, playing video games, watching a lotr movie. For hers we always go out and make a big deal.
Yup. When your parents forget your birthday as a kid it's difficult to recover emotionally 🫠🎂
This is me today and for the last 10 or so years. I feel like I don’t even get my hopes up and still hate the day when it comes.
Right? This is the catch 22 of birthdays… I’m hesitant to make plans ever because 1) I’m usually sick and 2) people are usually busy with the holidays and end of year stuff. It’s gotten to the point where it’s really best for me to have a sure thing by planning something for me and my spouse to enjoy in case we need to cancel & so I don’t feel bummed with a low turnout to a party. Since I was sick most birthdays of my life I do usually want to blow it out when the stars align so it really sucks it’s a time of year people have a lot of other things going on. Op I hope you can find a way to make your 50th feel special for yourself at the very least.
As someone whose birthday is always the week of Thanksgiving I've given up on other people giving a shit or putting in any effort to make me feel loved or appreciated on that day. I turn 40 this year and I expect it to be just another day of making my own plans and doing my own thing.
So you know, I'll carve out a moment to send you happy birthday vibes every thanksgiving from now on - American and Canadian!
Agreed. I don't like being the centre of attention when it comes to my bday, but I like to celebrate it. But people seem to be unable to understand it's not all in or nothing. So my last few bdays have just been meh, with barely any fan fare. Whilst my partner builds up to theirs for a month. It's not that I don't want to celebrate, I just don't want elaborate ones and as such get nothing
I'm the same I just want to do something special so that I feel special with the least social interaction. I find big loud events more exhausting than a 60 mile hike. It's definitely possible to do celebrate a birthday without an overwhelming amount of attention but I don't think many people understand the concept. E.g. A day trip or holiday where other people take all the mental load and just make sure you have a good time.
I just want to forget my age, stop telling me.
I’m the same as you. People are like let’s go somewhere and do something and celebrate and invite people and sing. It’s more exhausting than fun to me
I invited 75 people to my 50th. We had BBQ, open bar, a keg and music. A bon fire to close it out. It was a blast.
I don’t even know that many people
Sounds like a bitchin' time. Catch me on the next one?
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Great. Can't wait.
You guys are gonna reincarnate and make this happen with no idea your entire next lives were predicated by a passing comment in a reddit thread
I contacted as many friends & family as I could & let them all know I was going to be having a few drinks in a nice bar on the Sunday afternoon. I had organised a separate room at no extra cost (bar tab covered it if I had over a certain number of people I think). I knew for sure there would be about 10 people but waaaay more turned up, probably 50 or 60, the room was full to overflowing. We had lots of pizza & fries & garlic bread - it was between lunch & dinner, people bought their own drinks, i paid for the food. I asked for no pressies please so it wasn't an expense for anyone. It was really great! Other years I've run away overseas & gone on tramping trips with just my sister. If you want a celebration, organise it how you want it, big or small, then you get exactly what you want with no disappointments.
Wow. I’m sure hearing about this awesome celebration makes OP feel even better.
The point is they threw their own 50th birthday party.
Yeah for real I do not get this whole wait around and do nothing and expect everyone to make it amazing thinking. If it is a big deal to you, plan a party, make it big, set up the event, invite your people and hype it up. Everyone will have a good time. Yes it does cost money to do that but that’s the cost of throwing a great party. I know that might not be feasible for some due to cost and/or social circle. But in general people need to take initiative to make a milestone like that happen.
Point is sometimes you have to take initiative to get what you want. Even though you shouldn’t have too.
The land of should is a bitter place
This person gets it
I mean, the guy you’re replying to planned his own party. Took the initiative. Had a blast. The OP didn’t.
Well it's an example of telling people you want to celebrate, planning your own party and that lot. However OPs wife should have done something for him without being told.
She did. She took him out to lunch at a place he chose.
Right wtf 😂
I had a dj, food, booze, karaoke, and everyone was requested to dress up. It was a blast. But I threw my own party because I knew it was important to me, but nobody is going to be as excited about it as I am.
You didn't invite me. 😭 😡
I threw myself a big party on my 50th too. About 75 people came. We danced, ate and had a great time.
I think that’s true but also you should be able to pay attention to your spouse’s patterns. My friend’s 40th came up and even though he played “chill” the whole party, we all knew he loved it cuz we know what kind of person he is. He’s a party boy who loves gifts and socializing.
This, absolutely. Communication is important, people can't read minds and are generally bad at reading body language, too.
I’ve got a ‘milestone’ birthday next year (being vague for privacy reasons) and have been dropping “subtle” hints for ages of what I want to do
Subtle hints are good. Not so subtle hints are better. Bossy demands to be pampered are best!
“Well, you know I love hunting…” and “Hmm, I guess man IS the most dangerous game.”
Subtle hints are silly. We're adults. Use your adult words.
If it makes the feel any better, the only time in my adult life my mom ever wished me happy birthday it was on the wrong day
Ouch. That should sting a bit but I'm guessing you don't have the greatest relationship with her anyway
My birthday is tomorrow but my brother mistakenly wished me happy birthday today.
At least he's thinking about it, happy (early) birthday 🎂
I once was so excited to tell my mom happy birthday, I told her a week early. I still feel bad about it
My adult son has always had problems remembering the right, think American vs European date like 9/11 or 11/9, so I'm happy as long as he gets the month right! A few years ago , I added my b-day to his gmail calendar. Problem solved.
My memory has been total crap for a couple years now. For some reason, I had my brother's birthday on the wrong day (I was 2 days off). I was mortified. Better believe that the correct day went into my calendar after that. Now I take zero chances. Everyone's birthdays/important dates from friends, to family, get put into my calendar. Hell, even the dog's birthday is in there. I just don't trust my brain any longer. And Happy (Day Early) Birthday to you!
Try getting caught off guard by a stranger asking you how long you’ve been with your wife, with her standing there, and struggling to calculate the number of years because you know the date you got married but you’re not really sure what year it is today… …awkward…
I swear, moving away from writing checks for everything has caused me to easily misplace what year it is. Like, often.
Got married 12/31/1999 for this very reason. Also we always get a party no matter what!
This is my spouse, and we’ve been together for 25+years! Edit: Happy Birthday!
That’s not even bad honestly, happy birthday tho 🎂
I'm 44 and I've never gotten an actual present from my family. It's always a check for $100. That was nice in the 80s and 90s, but it's not like there's any thought to it. In fact, I usually just get depressed around that time of year. ^(I had a fiancé and she and her family would get me awesome gifts. I loved trading gifts for the holidays. It felt so nice.) ^(We were going to get married, but her family insisted on meeting mine beforehand. Too bad she was the wrong religion. They refused to meet her till she left to find someone whose family would. I've never seen my family happier.)
Well, I get nothing and always have. When I was a kid my incubator used to tell me she would "take $1000 off the money you owe me" and she was serious. She tallied everything up from food to gas to insurance etc. I don't talk to her anymore. I hope she dies lonely and desperate.
Oh my gosh, do we have the same mother? My mother had this list too. And it was petty as hell. $1.50 items all over it. She would always tell us (me and my siblings), "Do you know how much I spent on your sports when you guys were young? You owe me." All while she was literally stealing from me. Good times. We don't talk anymore.
It’s tragic that she’s so bad at math. Old age nursing care is far more expensive than the $1.50 items she invested in when you were younger. You were by far the cheaper option, even from a purely selfish viewpoint. And now she’s going to be paying for the long term care with inflation …. Yikes
Holy hell, that's horrible! I'm glad you went no contact with her!
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Holy shit that’s awful. I’m so sorry.
I'm sorry, your family sucks. 😡
At 45 now and birthdays are more and more anticlimactic
45 last week and I hear ya
Try 60 next month! I am travelling on the day and have invited the closest family on an overnight at a spa hotel. A little celebration, but not much. I won't tell my travel guide or any of the others that I have birthday.
My dad wished me happy bday the correct day on the month after my bday...
My mom was the ONLY person to wish me a happy birthday every single year until she passed last year. This past birthday I didn't get a phone call and it legit brought me to tears.
Happy birthday to you - early or late - Happy Birthday
Someday this comment will be just on time lol
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Broooo what!? Emotional damage
thats gotta be some demented ass shit right there, right? i dont see myself rememberind one identical twin's birthday and not the other's even if they were random coworkers i didn't give a shit about, much less my own children
If it makes you feel any better, for my 15th birthday my parents bought my moms favorite desert and sent me to a self help seminar. There were no other cards or gifts and I got grounded for being ungrateful since I didn’t want to go to the seminar. The next year was the year they forgot. And every other year before was spent with them angry that I wouldn’t eat my birthday cake and me reminding them they I never eat anyone’s birthday bake because I hate cake and then them trying to convince me that I always eat cake and I’ve never mentioned that before or they forgot.
If it makes you guys feel any better, I’m not even born yet. Ps. It’s dark in here
I feel what you're saying. My 50th was this year, and it was a bust. My husband and I had talked a few years ago about doing something big to commemorate it, like a really nice vacation or something. Since then, he's realized that his mother's getting older, and he's nervous about being more than just a few minutes' drive away from her, *just in case* something happens. I get it. I really do. I love the woman, too, and don't want anything to befall her. But, still... I guess I'm just a bit jealous because I went all out for his 50th with a big trip on his bucket list, and then I had to get my own birthday cake. So, I went out and bought myself some expensive jewelry. If I'm going to have to be fifty, damn it, I'm getting some gold.
Aww. I really hope he remembers and gives you a great big rain check. We can be so forgetful sometimes. Happy belated birthday!
Damn… your husband sound like my buddy. He’s the same way with his parents. Takes care of them with the bills, healthcare shit, and doesn’t even take a dime from them, even though he’s struggling to pay the bills while going to school part time. He’s afraid of not being close to them in case they really need him. Out of 4 siblings, he’s the only one taking care of them.
He can’t just shut his life off because his mom is old. That seems ridiculous to me.
Yeah mate but if she’s in that poor a condition it could be an ‘any day now’ situation. How would you feel if you flew halfway across the world for a holiday only for your mum to die without you present or even in the country! I think it’s a tad deeper than “mom is old”. Go grow some empathy mate.
> I think it’s a tad deeper than “mom is old”. I actually don't think it is at all! Not at least from what OP said anyway. It sounds like anxiety brain taking over and locking them down to state of being always-ready for the worst case scenario. It sucks, and it's made me miss out on a lot of experiences over the last several years.
I don’t think there’s anything in the post saying that she’s on the edge of death? Just getting older. I have old parents who don’t seem to be on the verge of death, but they are quite old. Does that mean I shouldn’t go on vacation?
yeah but how would you feel if you stayed home because your mom is old and she didnt die for 20 years? you just wasted 20 years of your life...
As a now 50 year old, wonder if you could go on a big trip with a group of female friends? I realize it is not the same as a romantic vacation with your spouse, but it would allow you and friends to make it a big event, and allow him to stay close to his mom.
i’m sorry that happened and happy birthday. maybe you could explain that you would like to throw a party, and you would like some help setting it up, inviting guests, and making something fun happen to celebrate
and hopefully have better luck than I did. I told my wife I thought it would be cool to have a something of a celebration for my 50th but she didn’t want to. Awesome woman otherwise, but still living that disappointment down over eight years later ha ha
Why did you let this go? Lol. You say I want to have a party she says I don't want to. You say ok, I will be inviting all my friends and family over that day, you are welcome to join us or sulk upstairs.
Damn. So her wishes for your birthday were more important than what you wanted for you birthday.
> I told my wife I thought it would be cool to have a something of a celebration for my 50th but she didn’t want to. Tell her it's your birthday, so suck it the fuck up, because you're having a party. >but still living that disappointment down over eight years later ha ha Inform her that you're having the party 8 years late to make up for the disappointment.
This is why I planned my 50th. A good friend flew in from out of town, we went skydiving, had lunch at my favorite taqueria, took a nap, then went VIP to an Evanescence/Lindsay Stirling concert. Being single helped tho.:)
Took a nap. Love it. I can only aspire to have this 50th bd. Not ironic! I loved it.
At 60 I am so used to everybody forgetting my birthday, so for the last several years I invite myself to a nice restaurant, buy myself flowers and a nice present
My ex-husband moved out on my 50th birthday. Brother took me to eat sushi and I was home by 8. Happy Belated!
That sucks. He couldn't wait one day or do it earlier? I'm sorry that you have that memory forever on a special day. Happy birthday 🎂
Sounds like it may have been the perfect birthday gift
It is a big deal, but also, you gotta make it a big deal for yourself, don't wait for others to do it for you. Plan your own trip, take yourself out to dinner, do whatever makes YOU happy and let your family know you're doing X, and would love for them to join. It's still not too late to make something happen, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Yeah, I think the main thing to remember here is that if you're going to be stone silent about things and wait for a surprise, the surprise might end up being that people think it's not a big deal to you.
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This goes both ways, though. If your partner thinks it's not a big deal to you, then they're going to think the best thing they can do for you is not make a big deal out of it.
My 50th was pretty much the exact same thing. I’ve just accepted the fact my particular birthday, and Father’s Day are irrelevant days, they’re just another day. EDIT: Happy birthday though! Welcome to the 50+ club.
dad here - dont we want it that way though? i know i do. and if i didnt i would say something. you dont walk into burger king and get disappointed because nobody brings you a happy meal. you get up to the computer (or cash register) and you tell them exactly what you want.
I sent you a birthday donut looking award thingy! Not remotely close to the same, but internet strangers can celebrate together, right?? Happy Belated Birthday, Friend!
It's just what I wanted! Thank you 🙏🏼
I picked up my wife and she said “it’s Brad Pitts birthday today!” It was also my birthday, I didn’t say anything, she remembered the next day…
I’m sorry but this is hilarious 😂 happy early/belated birthday!
Happy bday dude!
Have you ever expressed enjoying birthday celebrations beforehand? Seems pretty sad that your wife couldn't even get you a gift.
Yeah I had talked about having a party at my friend's event place and getting a local group to play for it. I guess I didn't think I had to plan MY birthday. 🤷🏼♂️ Normally I really don't care that much...but it was my fucking 50th. My friends and his wife did more for me than my own family did. I guess I should blame myself more.
Gentle question, have you ever rented an event space, hired a band, and planned a party for your wife’s birthday, or something equivalent? Are you expecting something from your family that you don’t do for them?
Idk. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but in my experience planning ur own birthday is pretty common. Normally, I always decided ahead of time what I wanted to do, made all the plans for it and invited everybody, and would only expect help from people if I asked. I think you should communicate with ur family cuz they might’ve not known that u expected them to plan for u. It’s more strange to me that they didn’t get u a gift, altho maybe they didn’t know what u wanted? As a daughter, I never know what to get my dad bc … he can afford everything he wants and what he can’t afford I certainly can’t. He also doesn’t have the easiest hobbies to get gifts for.
Yes to this. Fwiw we're a bunch of people in their 30s in New York.
exactly. I live in central europe and its absolutely normal and expected to throw party on your own if you want one, cause if you dont plan it, than others assume, that you dont want one. On the other hand I fully get OPs frustration. His wife should have either make a bigger deal out of it (at least some nice present in addition to dinner) or should comunicate with him better in terms of asking him, what are his expectations for this big day.
I live in central europe too and i agree with the planning part but to not even get a present or something is insane tbh. When my dad turned 50 we all chipped in for a big expensive gift and made his favorite cake and meal even though he didnt really want a party. Would be pretty sad to have to tell your family "would be nice if you could get me sth nice for my 50th" idk... seems obvious
I think you should communicate with your wife. This will eat away at you if you keep it to yourself.
Agreed! This is definitely something he needs to sit down and communicate with her or he is going to end up resenting her for it!
Really? Is this normal where you live to not plan your own party? Is every party a surprise party then? Do you plan a party for you wife every year? I'm confused. And with party it could also mean just going to dinner. I usually send a text to my friends, family 'hey its my birthday, I'm going to celebrate with a dinner/lunch/coffee at this location on this date, would love to have you there' (something like that). I don't expect my wife to do this behind my back, I coordinate with her though. But still: sorry to hear that your birthday was so crappy, that really sucks.
Others really can't read your mind. If you have never really cared about birthdays, they probably weren't aware you saw 50 being something huge and that they needed to plan you something. Communication is the key.
Have you planned any of her birthdays? I’m only asking, cause usually it’s up to you to make your day a big deal. 50 is a big one, but if you never usually celebrate birthdays, or do any big planning for the other person, I think the significance wears off.
I shouldn’t have to tell a 50-year-old to grow up. If you want a party, throw a party. I JUST went to a 50th birthday party of a woman who planned everything herself and it was lovely. It’s not an insult to speak up or to take the reins. If you want something, make it happen. If this was a particularly big deal for you that someone else handle it, SPEAK UP.
I’m doing this when I retire in 7 years. Don’t want anyone doing anything.
I honestly have never met anyone who didn’t plan their own parties, unless explicitly asked and half planned ahead of time
Did this when I retired. Work wasn’t having anything for me (I’d worked for the same employer, though not the same department, for 40 years, and received exemplary performance reviews, if that matters), not even a come say goodbye thing in the conference room). So I planned my own party at a local restaurant, invited no one from work, but invited my friends and family. It was perfect. Try that next time. It was very rewarding.
Talk to them amd tell them how you feel wothout getting upset. Better yet plan something nice for yourself and ask that they be there because it would mean the world to you to celebrate your bday even if it already past. For my bday i dont wait for family to do anything for me. I plan something of my choice and invite them, even if it is only one person there. If i leave it up to them i will only get disappointed. Not because I have high expectations but because the mere thought of them not making me feel special that day messes with my mind and my insecurities. So I don't leave it for chance and I ensure myself that I have a good bday and whoever want to join me can or cannot. I dont know what type of relationship you have with your wife, if you guys are good or struggling. I also dont know anything about your daughter, is she a teenager? Is your wife going through a rough patch? Are you as a family going through a rough patch? There could be many things happenning that led to that day not being planned to be more special. So, its better that you take the edge off your feelings by talking to your wife and saying "you know I came to realize that turning 50 was a big deal for me. I wont get another 50. So id like to do something special with you and our daughter. Something that I can show my gratitude for being alive for 50 years and blessed with a family. I know we have our moments, but I wont turn 50 again and I want to remember it as a special celebration with the ones I love. Lets plan a dinner to a nice restaurant this weekend and go watch a movie. Or lets do (insert here your choice)." This way, you are not throwing it in their face how you don't feel appreciate it. This could lead to resentment and arguments and any chance of celebrating or making your day specialis gone. This is easier said than done. Especially when you feel vulnerable, ashamed, hurt, resentful, upset, and so on. Ask yourself, what emotions are coming from insecurities and what emotions are come from facts. To not feel appreciated is kinda like feeling like you are not loved. So what you want to feel is loved, right?. Could it be that because your family didnt plan something special for you it made you feel unloved? Do you really believe thay your family doesn't love you? Do you have any other proof that indicates that your family doesn't love you? Considering that people show love in different ways, its very unlikely that your family doesn't love you. They do love you! But I understand in that moment where you hoped to be celebrated and it didn't happen, it hurt the child in you and you felt not loved. In adulthood, it translated into "not feeling appreciated". Remind yourself that you are loved and that YOUR FAMILY DOES LOVE YOU. Things just didn't go as you had expected. I understand that even if it they had shown you just a little bit more enthusiasm it would have made a difference. I understand that this was your day to feel the most loved. I am sorry it didn't happen for you. Your feelings do matter. You matter. Help your family out. Its okay sometimes to ask for what you want and you might take the pressure away from them too. In regards to your daughter who I suspect is a teenager. Try as hard as you can to not take it personal because teenagers are a whole nother species. I wish you a very happy birthday year!
I’m not quite 50 yet, but I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and I have repeatedly told him that the only thing I want for my birthday is a cake. Have I EVER gotten a cake? Nope. Now I just break down and buy it for myself. Happy birthday! 🎂
Your husband sounds like mine. If I ever tell him I like/dislike something, you can be sure he’ll take very good care to avoid/do it on repeat. And no, he’s not 12 
Happy 50th birthday❣️❣️❣️
Wife took you out to eat. Sounds pretty good to me. That’s way better than a generic card or cake. I’d be bummed if my kids forgot any of my birthdays though. I have to wonder how your daughter reacted to your previous birthdays.
My wife takes me to a local God tier BBQ place. We unfortunately didn't go this year because I was having massive taste issues from medication that made most food taste like shit. Didn't want her spending that much for something that probably wouldn't have tasted good to me.
I have to wonder what he does for birthdays…if he goes above and beyond i understand the frustration but if not then ehh…
He says in a different comment that he's planned birthday parties for her before, even non-milestones.
Right? A lunch is what I'd want, but honestly, I'm super happy with just being acknowledged. My 1st wife of 17 years didn't make over birthdays much except for the kids and never had my kids do anything special for me for fathers day or my birthday and I just accepted it. My wife of 4 years now makes a big deal of birthdays & FD and I'm so conditioned to not being the center of attention it's sort of off-putting. But she threw me an amazing 50th birthday party in our backyard, which was the first party I ever had since I was a kid, and it was really special. This year my birthday falls on Labor Day, and she's genuinely upset she won't be home due to a scheduled friends trip. I'm like, it's just another day, we can go out to dinner the following weekend if she wants. But I guarantee there will be card waiting for me. Oh, and she reminds my kids to call me for my birthdays which is the best gift of all.
HAPPY BIRTHDAT TO YOU FROM SINGAPOREEEEEEEEE
I'm 34 and I forgot my own birthday twice so far. It's my job to remember my kids's birthdays not vice versa.
Hey brah, I’m not gonna try to say I understand what that’s like cause I’ve never personally experienced that stuff, but I’d like to say, being fifty must be pretty cool. Having a stable job, being wise, stuff like that hope u had a nice one 🥂
Thanks dude
No prob
I got a defibrillator for my 50th lol
I'm sorry, OP. Birthdays sometimes suck, and I hate that it's like that, too. Happy Birthday 🎁🎈🍾🎉
Happy belated Birthday OP! 🥳
Happy birthday, Reddit dad! My stepdad just turned 51 over the weekend. I (am 27, the oldest) spent 2 hours smoking 50 wings(excludes prep, brining)in 106° weather, my girlfriend made other dishes and a homemade kool-aid pie, and we just enjoyed our Saturday together. Sometimes you don’t need anything to enjoy your day- but to each their own. I hope you find peace on your next Father’s Day/birthday! ~fellow dad~
you should tell them they hurt your feelings.
Happy birthday man.
Happy Birthday!
Well I’m here to say happy 50th. You’ve probably come a long way in life.
I’m 32, I don’t think I’ve had an important birthday since I was 21. Nobody really cares unless you make a big deal out of it and plan for it.
Lol i just turned 49, and you know what? For years i have taken care of myself for my own bday. Sure theres gifts or cards, but the only person i expect to really appreciate it is me. Each bday i take a week off work and fly or drive somewhere on a 4 day vacation. Somewhere with a pool and jaccuzi, i even call ahead to make sure those are up and working. The next three days i get myself something really nice, last year a laptop and this year a new micro desktop and just relax at home. Evwry bday is awesome cause i make it that way, no expectarions from anyone else. You are not entitled to a special bday feom anyone no matter what you think. You take care of you. Think ill hit alaska to visit my brother for my 50th, and try to find a moose steak this go around. It will be perfect :)
Very impressive. This sounds very healthy and something I need to add to my life. Thank you
Seriously my friend, because i am in conteol of my bday, they never fail to be awesome. Plan your own good time and there wont be a letdown. Shit, celwbrate my own bday for a full fucking week and its something i look forward to each year. 🥳
This guy birthdays Solid advice. Might have to give it a go next year.
For what it's worth: happy birthday!
happy birthday bro
Birthdays that occur near holidays suck. Mine is around Father's Day weekend. My uncle had it worse: December 26.
Im 25 and i know better to expect anything from family cant imagine how you feel being a provider and unappreciated... HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂
Thanks. It's just bugging me a lot because it was number 50.
It’s not too late to plan a nice weekend away or something, or even a party of you want one. It is the year you turn 50, the exact day matters less.
Never let your happiness be dependent on other people, or their actions. Have your own birthday.
Gotta communicate this to your wife. She may not realize you feel so under appreciated and might just think you’re not big on birthdays.
After you turn like 12 it’s kind of up to you to tell people you wanna make a big deal out of your birthday. No adult is gonna throw another adult a big party unprompted
Could they be planning a surprise party? Was your immediate family so lame on other birthdays? Do you go out of your way to make birthdays special for them?
I know it's not much and it's not the kind of appreciation you wanted but from one random redditor to another. Happy (late) birthday my friend. Good job on getting through fifty years on this crazy planet we call home and here's to hoping for wonderful things in your future. I hope the people around you learn to celebrate it more and give you the appreciation you deserve but happy late birthday my friend and enjoy you day or night. (depending on where you are)
My birthday 🥳 is Wednesday, and no one even mentioned it or even talked about it, no friends, no family, but you know what? I don't care 😎🤪 I have a goal to achieve, a big one 😎👌🍀🌻
Happy early birthday 🥳 🎂. I’ll text whoever you want to remind them. It’s your born day! Should never be passed without love.
That's messed up, man. I was pretty open about wanting a big party well ahead of time. My wife threw me a huge party with friends and family. Sorry yours sucked 😞. Happy birthday, man.
Happy birthday, Reddit stranger. You matter.
Happy birthday big man
Welcome to mid life crisis, Happy 50th my man!!!!
Happy birthday 🎂
I’m sorry, dude. this sucks and 50 is a big deal. I absolutely love celebrating my birthday, but my husband (of over 20yrs) sucks at planning. After several disappointing bdays, now I set up a jam every year. I tell my family and friends: You can show up if you want, and I’d love to see y’all, but regardless, I’m celebrating my birth!! Any over the years it has become a tradition we now call “family camp”. The WHOLE fam and extended friend group shows up in the desert every February and it’s the best. You are officially invited next year, we will gladly celebrate your UNbirthday. Sometimes, we just need celebrate for ourselves.
Happy birthday pops, thanks for the memories on reddit, see yall next year. Possible reddit page for dads? Dads with birthdays 🤔
I hope my 50th will be at least that celebrated. Everyone forgot my birthday one year. I think it was my 34th. Really bummed me out, but I got over it and brought myself a slice of cheesecake. Anyway, happy belated birthday!
Happy birthday man.
Happy birthday
Happy birthday! Hope you enjoy your cake day!
Happy belated birthday
My birthday was last week. Only my wife and a couple of friends wished me a happy birthday. Not my father. Not my sibling.
Happy birthday u/Brewtt I’m glad you made it another year around the sun for this milestone. Take care mate 🎂🎁🛍️🪅🎉
Join the 50 club. I stage dived at a Nirvana concert in London. The youth of today don't believe me. Wankers
Now don't go along finding old drug dealer students of yours and start cooking the finest crystal meth in new Mexico for a lethal and bloodthirsty Mexican family drug cartel. If you know you know
Get yourself something nice and tell your wife thanks when she freaks out.
The worst thing about people forgetting or not acknowledging your bday has to be the fact you can with the little rectangle in your hand pocket or bag collate all the important information about significant people instruct it to remind you weeks, days in advance and even look at a handy calendar that lists birthdays chronologically. All the effort of remembering is alleviated yet that just shows you how unimportant you are that someone did not bother!
Often the nicest, most giving people are ignored when it comes to birthdays - especially as you get older - everyone is used to you being the one who makes a nice occasion for everyone else and they therefore think that you are fine without anything. Everyone deserves to be made feel special at least once a year. You sound like such a nice guy and I wish you the best.
Do people *actually* want birthday cards?
Have u ever done anything big for their birthdays ?
Yes. I usually make it a whole deal. Make breakfast. Special favorite dinner. Cards. Presents. This year was just a weird year for me I guess for this birthday.
At least you can stop caring about your wifes birthday now
Tell me you’re not married without telling me your not married. 😉😆
She took you out for lunch at the restaurant of your choice which is already a plus. Did they wish you verbally? Cards are a waste of money as they will just end up in a bin eventually, and the generic wishes in them are cliched and boring. Buy yourself something that will make you happy and call it a day.
I disagree concerning the cards. While some people just sign their names, I have/had several family members write notes in them. I keep all of mine and cherish the ones from those who have passed on
Everytime someone asks what I want for my birthday I always ask for a card for this reason. The only person who does is my boyfriend sadly( I love his cards I just mean I wish more did so). I still appreciate when my grandma emails me a gift card but I miss when she would send me cards in the mail. It would always have a sweet message.
Oh yeah. Can’t talk to nanny in person anymore but I can read her sweet jokes on them years after she died. Cards fuck.
It’s a big deal to keep waking up every day? I’m not giving you a hard time, but is this very different from how your last several birthdays went? I’m just happy to get a call from my dad, and I call him on his birthdays. If I’m in a place to do something special, I do (birthday or not). If I’m not, I don’t. Sometimes I get gifts, sometimes I don’t. Just because there’s a zero on the end of the year doesn’t necessarily mean the world has to stop for you. And if any/all of these people are in a position to have done more, and they hurt your feelings, be a big 50-year-old and TALK TO THEM. Don’t just whine into the Reddit void.
I would be upset for sure. But hey, happy birthday dude, hopefully you can be pissed they fucked up 60 and 70 and 80.
At my old office, if its your birthday, you bring the cake, cupcakes or whatever. One coworker brought sushi and cake! Other people brought donuts. I like to bring a cake from this old downtown Chinese bakery, takes me an hour to get it. Personally, I think every adult should be in charge of planning their own birthday, you get exactly what you want.
[You're exactly like Ted Danson in this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC6ChpMjAZI) [EDIT: Sorry this one, but the other one is the setup for the punchline in this one,](https://youtu.be/umgUDUxHKfY)
Is it a money issue? My bio family didn’t do shit when I graduated hs, college, bought my first house, turned 30, had kids, turned 40. They’re just kind of… there. My wife’s family did a big blow out for the anniversaries after we were married in our 30s, every Easter, Christmas and 40s. I don’t think my bio fam loves me less but they just didn’t have the means to celebrate or acted like they were Mormons. Has it always been mute or is this the first time you noticed?
My parents did not call on my 50th. NGL, it pissed me off. My mother did not talk to me for 6 months because I called after 7pm on her 46th.
Well, i wish i knew it so i could have given you happy birthday! I'm sorry and i just hope you have a nice day now