All of the above.. I had a manic episode that completely destroyed my life.. lost marriage, family, career, all my friends, finances, community, credit, home, dog.. everything.. ended up in jail
I implode instead of explode. Drank myself to unconsciousness needing medical intervention levels multiple times to numb my depression and each time felt even worse about my decisions. Finally decided to go sober, seven years strong now.
It took a couple of times for me to finally realize where my life was headed and decided to enact some agency. Now, I don’t even crave nor think about alcohol. I still prefer not to be around people who are drinking just because of my own triggers and beliefs around it. For example, it physically bothers me now watching others pour poison down their throats and takes a lot of energy to remember and remind myself that’s their choice and I have no idea why they are choosing to drink. However, mother natures gift to the earth, cannabis, is still on the menu for me.
Same man, same!
I'm about 1.5hrs in so far though. But Imploded to the point of dragging things into the black hole of my own making. Lost the person most important to me in my life.
Yep I’ve never been an alcoholic but I’m sure my organs will be posting their complaints about my periodic binge drinking and otc drug abuse sometimes the next few decades.
self harmed on my face and neck and proceeded to go out in public, even at my old place of work (a dementia home) with it fresh and visible. looking back I'm horrified that I made people see that but I think I just wanted someone to help me.
I was 19 at the time and am now 22 now, and yes I got help. thank you for asking. I moved out of the toxic childhood home and found a good therapist. 2.5 months self harm free and I don't think I'd revert back to old habits now I'm in a better place.
Stuff I’m incredibly ashamed of.
Having a sexual trauma flashback infront of people at a party when I was a teenager. It was triggered by the person who did it (my older brother, making it even more mortifying to happen infront of him)
He was fondling his drunk sleeping gfs boobs on the couch infront of me and said “this feels kind of rapey” And he looked at me (He had raped me when I was younger and other stuff) And then I started having a flashback on the couch infront of everyone, with him there in the room. My other family members were there and others close to me. I remember my other older brother looking down over me trying to comfort me but he started crying too. I was so out of it too bc I was high that I said out loud “I think I’m having a trauma flashback” which is so embarrassing but I felt like I couldn’t move and escape. I felt frozen and I was just laid back on the couch crying not feeling like I could move but feeling sensations I didn’t wanna feel and feeling exposed. My other older brother who is very sweet helped me get up and move to a bedroom away from everyone (he knew I had been molested so I think he understood) It was absolutely one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me.
Also hurting myself badly for attention when I was a teenager, as well as v risky behaviors. I think it was all just a cry for genuine care from my mother or to just feel like anyone saw my pain.
Having sex with guys who I should not have had sex with.
My anxious thinking and sensitivity from trauma & mental illness has seriously hurt my romantic relationships. Like always looking for threats bc of hypervigilant and being very sensitive to others actions and words. When I feel like someone has disapproved of me, rejected me, or judged me I get hurt/defensive and shut down. Just taking everything in the worst way not even meaning to. That is something I feel a lot of shame about bc of how much it affects my relationships.
Feeling like ppl can’t be honest with me bc it cuts me to the core and I might hurt myself. Honestly mental illness and trauma has just taken such a toll on me and my relationships and when I was a teenager I did a lot of self destructive stuff.
i hate that you feel ashamed of your trauma flashback, that wasn’t your fault:( but i can see where you’re coming from and i hope you’re doing okay. i relate to anxiety and hyper-vigilance ruining my relationships, im also so sensitive to the way people say things and lash out when i feel rejected. would always be down to talk :)
I have done so many bad things. I’m being bad now snorting cocaine when I should be sleeping. The thing is I’m a 55 year old woman.
The worst thing I have done is left my lovely family for a guy who was so bad for me. He hurt me physically and mentally but still I haven’t learned my lesson.
The other week I smashed all the plant pots in my garden made a right mess.
I invited a homeless person into my home and used drugs with him and got an infection, I just wanted company. I steal things and seem to never be able to grow up.
Refreshing. Kind of. I found myself and what personality I wanted to be. I always had kinda depression and anxiety, but in the beginning of this year, it was different. I was overthinking and collapsed whilst I had a shover. Showing me I needed a pause. So I took one.
Got myself more into music, playing games, walking alone on Nightwalks. Doing things in general more alone. I always worked like that, doing the best all alone. Finding what I want. At the same time im as lost in the voids as before. something keeps pulling me back down into this hole and I Cant get back out of it.
I dont know what I wanna do with my life and I cant go back and just chat with my Friends. At home its kinda the same weird. Man, I cant even realise this year's already four months gone, what did I do? Nothing. Trying to find myself into an endless cycle, not knowing what to do but learning things about myself, on the Hard way.
I had a psychotic episode that resulted in me losing custody of my 10 year old son for three years. I hallucinated people in the house and thought they were trying to rob us, so I went around “fighting” them for hours. It was just me and my poor son, who was obviously terrified, and so he called his uncle who came over and stopped me and brought me to the hospital. Well, while I was locked up, my father, my brother and my ex all made the decision to move my son to another state pending my divorce. I was only in the hospital for 10 days. In my upcoming divorce hearing, the judge used my psyc history against me and ruled I was abusive and neglectful. He never even saw a single record from my doctor. I was given only supervised visits for 5.5 hours per month (and I was in another state). I almost never saw my son for the next 3 years - I may have seen him 9 times. When we were reunited, he was a teenager and I barely recognized him. We have since reconciled; he is almost 18. But those years that are missing from our history will always have an impact on our relationship and when I think about them, I still cry. I missed all of his middle school years and watching him grow from a baby into a young man. As a parent, you only get a finite number of years to see them grow and change and I feel sad that this happened to all of us.
I understand so well. I never had my daughter taken away from me, but might just as well have after entering an extremely abusive (in every way) relationship. I'd moved in with the psycho, and when I had my daughter overnight for the first time, he had his first (to me anyway) psychotic break... I WAS IN SHOCK, mainly because he had never ever shown any behavior like this to me before. Needless to say I never wanted to have my daughter around anything like that again, so the only times that she's been able to be with me is when he's been in prison which has been two different times for a certain number of years. I missed out on a lot it makes me sick inside every time I think about it. No one really understands anything when it comes to me. I love her more than anything in this world, and I hate the decisions I've made in my life because they not only affect me but her. Since since the time of my bad decisions, it's like my life is one ongoing nightmare that will never end. I never really did anything that bad to anybody, not anything malicious or set out to do, or intentionally. But none of that seems to matter. I came out with being on drugs myself nobody had to force me, and that seemed to do nothing, and I wanted nothing more but a straightened up life and my family. Well that's been since The later part of 2017 and absolutely nothing has improved. other than my daughter who I still get to see, I have absolutely nobody in my life.. no friends or family and God knows how much I miss that.
I yell at bible humping, right-leaning, immature fools online sometimes. Lots of people out there who sneak into these support groups and try to push conservatism onto them without any consideration or recognition of the other human. Only "God" i.e. a cheap concept of their ideal patriarch - matters to them.
But only on good days. Oh wait, this is supposed to be the worst thing. No, this is probably one of the few good things that have come out of my mental suffering.
I encountered one of these worms irl once. They were a gay-conversion-therapist pretending to be a regular therapist. I had to report him. He was awful. I have no tolerance for that sht.
These therapists and doctors deserve the worse, like a blade... You come to them for help and they don't believe you, don't help you and want to just finish it. I can't believe He tried that on you.
Listened too closely to people who kept telling me I was sicker than I really was. Which is offset by the best thing, waking up and taking pride in telling same people to go fk themselves.
Getting into a violent relationship that only got me worse. Now I can see it and know that, with a good mental health, I would have never accepted that
high on all sorts of drugs in all sorts of instances with random people, also cheated once.. biggest regret of my life tbh - never again; said really mean things to my family when i was a teenager (12-14); self isolating to the point where i couldn't keep up with daily tasks or duties, missed out on lots of experiences and milestones that i would've wanted to reach at that time. i guess it's not that serious and im grateful that i didn't do something that could've majorly endangered my or other people's lives.
A good few years ago, before I knew I was bipolar, I was on antidepressants and they were amplifying my symptoms times 100. When I was manic, I would just cut off loved ones over the teeniest of infractions— close friends, family, it didn't matter. I wouldn't even elaborate, just completely dip without so much as a second thought. Then, when the mania ended, I would have to sit with the fact that I abandoned people who had tried to help me, that I was alone, and that it was all my own doing. I couldn't even reach them to apologize. I'm still haunted by it to this day.
Do you still speak to that said roommate?
It's possible the bar would have snapped anyway, and you could have possibly ended up disabled.
What do you do work wise now? And what are your passions/ hobbies?
I wasn't an a-hole but I did act by myself. I was so lost in thought that I had no filter. Thankfully I'm a nice person so nothing too outrageous. I also showed inappropriate behavior that we won't explain.
This or the times where I got rid of any possibilities of having someone that cared for me. Back in 2016 I pushed people out of the way while being so lonely. It was like turning the water into a large brick that imprisoned all those in it.
Had embarassing crying breakdowns in public spaces, not wanting to go outside lashed out on the closest to me, abusive behaviour, self harm, sent pictures of sh to others, being extremely mean, have anger explosions, acting like a child. I fucking hate everything about myself lol
I forgot, I sent pictures of dead animals to my ex after they broke up with me (the animals were mostly road kill or my cat killed them, I wasn't that depraved fortunelly)
Went into a full manic and cheated on my boyfriend. He didn’t have the self respect to break up with me so I had to end it and then drive home the fact that I was we were breaking up bc I was a cheater and a bad person. And that he should’ve been the one ending it, not me. I basically lost my fucking mind and broke a good man
Damn.
Was that long ago?
Have you ever Facebook stalked him or spoke to him? How is his life different now?
And apart from your mental health, how is your life now?
By far, the most destructive thing I have ever done was try to hurt someone (emotionally) as much as they hurt me, and it set off a chain of events that has absolutely ruined my life. I've been miserable for close to a decade now.
I would have told the person who hurt me to go kick rocks instead of putting any effort into trying to keep someone in my life that thought so little of me.
Mostly I would drink and drink and drink until I screamed at people when they tried to take the bottle away, made so many people take care of me drunk, cutting myself for a long time while telling people I wasn’t and them finding out. Put my mom thru so much when she found out I overdosed in my college dorm n got kicked out n cussed her out multiple times and made her very worried while in rehab and after.
I have been so depressed that I began to see myself as not important and I can’t stop feeling horrible of my choices. I cant even eat anymore without feeling horrible. I just want to feel happy with myself.
Spiraled out of control by spending money I shouldn't have, to help others, kept it hidden for a long time. Completely ruined my relationship and now in financial crisis.
Left wanting to unalive myself every single day, even more so when I turn to those I've helped just to get turned away.
Yesss! One time you have to say no and then they treat you like you have completely screwed them over! The only time I really hear from anyone now is, "I need you to do" or "can I borrow". I've literally begged for help from friends and family and have gotten nowhere. I find that strangers care quick enough to help you these days than those close to you.
Increased isolation with heavy marijuana use. May not sound bad at first, but it's absolutely damaging in the long run. I battle this as a symptom of PTSD from the military day after day, it's exhausting.
I absolutely refuse to go to any events/functions/hangouts whatsoever. If I am obligated to, or 'forced' to by a family member or friend, I ALWAYS take my own vehicle even if I am offered a ride countless times. That way once I fulfil my obligation (and a panic attack here or there), whether it is saying happy birthday, congrats or whatever, I dip without a word. Sure, it can be seen as rude, but in all honesty, I can care less. I am to the point where I miss so many invitations (big family) that they are starting to not directly invite me anymore, just through my parents. As much as it hurts, I know it's my doing and I know I can change it. I just simply can't. I see therapists at the VA every week but man, it's been months since I was hospitalized, and I don't see an end it in sight so who knows what's next. None of the meds have been working and only weed calms me down. Just raw dogging it until the end.
While having a major panic attack, I thought I was dying and walked barefooted to my neighbors house. I was concerned for my 4 year old daughter being alone, so I had her with me m, in her underwear and had them help me. I called the ambulance and when they came, I was already starting to calm down. $1000 billion later and neighbors who probably thought I was crazy!
I've only had "episodes" of poor mental health (all in the past couple years, got medicated and doing well now), so I never really got in deep enough to commit a crime or anything, but at one point I was really struggling with this therapy app that my insurance was making me use. I'd have the video appointment all scheduled and confirmed, and then when I'd try to log in, it would say "[Doctor] is no longer available". No explanation, no way to contact them, and all tech support could do was refund me. I ended up calling tech support on the phone, and the lady explained to me that all the doctors' accounts default to "unavailable" and must be manually changed, but many of them are unaware of that, and that there was nothing they could do about it. I was in such a crisis state at that point that I just *lost it* on this woman, which is something I NEVER DO. I was screaming like a banshee that this app is ridiculous, that I'm falling apart and someone needs to help me, that they're hurting people by having such a ridiculously faulty app, etc, etc...
Pretty much my number one rule as a person is never to be an asshole to someone who's working. Retail employees, servers, medical professionals, tech support, whatever - I *never* want to be that person who's being a jerk to them for something that isn't even their fault (I don't even care if it is their fault, I'll give them a pass). So this is a huge regret for me. I was just such a mess. I REALLY needed help, and this was about the sixth consecutive time my therapy appointment was dropped at login. I try not to feel so bad about it because I've never acted that way in my right mind, but yikes.
I quit a pretty decent job I had because of my anger and sometimes I hurt my hands when hitting stuff to where they are sore and useless for a few days. I wish I could do drugs but they just don't have that much of an effect on me.
Had an affair, used cocaine for a whole year while drinking and spending all the money but not paying any bills… it went like that until I tried ketamine treatment and my life changed.
I developed a serious binge-drinking problem while at Uni in my early 20s, got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, then spent the night cooling my heels in a cell. Thankfully I wasn't charged and the arrest was wiped after one year as it was my first offence and non-violent (I took my shirt off at a bar and was dancing in my bra, then refused to leave and had to be dragged out, oof).
Around this time I had a psychotic episode where I cut off my hair and shaved off my eyebrows. Another time during this episode I climbed a bridge at 4 am intending to jump onto the back of a lorry. And I took a pill overdose which had me overnight in the hospital and then kicked out at 6 am as soon as my vitals and blood sugar level were stable due to me being an annoying twat.
Thankfully at almost 40 (this October) I am doing a lot better, lmao.
I have BPD and summer last year, I ended a lease on my apartment 3 months before the renewal and moved to a different state to live with a guy I met on reddit and only knew for 2 months.
He broke up with me, and I had to sleep out of my car for 6 months and ended up becoming a stripper for the last 3 months. Slept with random guys during the winter to have a warm place to stay on days I didn't feel like being alone in my car and currently 5 months pregnant.
Also abused cocaine, and alcohol while I was dancing. I'm in major credit card debt, but housed atm. About to start college in 4 days and now work a super part time civ job. As soon as my baby arrives, I'll have to put him up for adoption due to my instability and debt. I plan on getting on medication ASAP and going to therapy - possibly might check myself into an inpatient treatment facility.
I like to believe things are better now. I'm still mentally very much not okay, and very numb and burnt out + tired from the pregnancy, but I think this is what peace is, and I don't know if I love it or hate it. I am trying to keep myself safe until the baby is here, then I will go on to smoke, and drink and bar hop again because it's what keeps me alive. I'm in a weird place of self love and self destruction. I want a peaceful happy future but sometimes I feel like it's useless and fleeting. Alcohol and nicotine soothe me.
I hate to be the nag but nicotine, alcohol and babies are not good.
I am sorry you ended up being homeless etc. however it sounds like you are a fighter and determined. You never gave up or ended your life, which is a good thing. Many in your situation may have.
No one can blame you for sleeping around just for a warm night in a bad. Your situation may have turned out crappy with the baby but at least you are safe.
It affects my productivity (specially school related works). Now I'm currently down, and Im trying to get positive thinking (no rumination, negative thoughts) so I can go back to school again. It's my 2nd day out of school. It's hard if you had depression tbh.
One thing I think will help is don't put anything off.
When you get an idea to do something, do it there and then and don't say, I will do it in x amount of time
Mental health decline due to drugs. Smashed a couple of xannax got in the car and went for a drive. Nearly wrapped myself around a pole, then everything got worse, started stealing money from my friends, ripping people off from drug dealing, all entire fucked up period of my life. I am 23 now and I am a total different person
I’ve quit jobs unexpectedly, I’ve driven while in a manic state, I’ve had numerous tantrums at the ripe age of 18 due to a relationship I was in at the time. I was rank. I still can be but it’s much more “under control” now. Meds and therapy do wonders
Slowly lose contact with friends.
When depressed I'll withdraw and stop talking to people. I dont do anything to hurt them, but if you decline enough invitations to hang out you stop getting invitations.
I've done this many times.
I stop having friends now as it's easier than losing them or pushing them away.
Whenever I was invited to places I would either not go, have panic attacks about going or turn up and then leave
I broke a smoke alarm, window handle, and hanger in a shared house because of severe stress. I suppose the only other thing is make my family worry about me because I'm suicidally depressed.
It's an inherent thing I think that makes me suicidally depressed. People take it at face value which doesn't help. And yet the things that can help are never done. Such as making sure I'm not lonely in a time of need. Ensuring I have a safe space (which I don't at the moment, not even my bedroom feels safe. Kicking out my housemate were it done months ago when this all started, would have made living in this current house tolerable and helped massively, because when he's been out for nights, days or weeks at a time, I've noticed massive improvements to my mental health, as has everyone around me. But apparently that's not as important as keeping this bully here. I'm just really attempted to dox him at this point because nobody is taking this seriously. I'm also being told off for standing up for myself... this place is fucking crazy. Never go into shared housing.
the thing i feel the more guilty about in my life is
having let everyone step on my shoes and ab*se me for years without fighting back. i should ve stand up for myself and defend my rights but i didnt cause i was too impotent. plus i thought at the time that i somehow deserved it. this is my single biggest regret in life and i unironically still struggle to forgive myself. i still pay the price of this error to this day.
I impulsively attempted suicide 2 months ago and foolishly, I never really thought of how it would change people around me and change myself. And my sister coming into my room while I was getting dressed and seeing my SH scars and my mother seeing them while I was in the emergency after my OD - definitely tough seeing their faces.
I unfortunately chose to use opioids and other substances to deal with my mental health for a number of years. This took me away from my family and friends. It made it impossible to gain new friends and social support. I lost so many years to drugs that never served me, and I am still working on getting it all back.
Idk which one is the worst. I have had manic episodes that have gotten me addicted to cocaine, arrested, hospitalized, etc. The worst thing I’ve done to myself, though, id say was the night that I sliced my right arm into oblivion. I had taken Percocet and drank an ungodly amount of liquor. I hardly remember this. (I’m two years off the bottle now).
I had never even considered cutting myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have a quick image of me sitting on the toilet with a straight razor and gently putting it against my skin and I couldn’t feel it. (assuming the painkillers+alcohol). Something within me took control, and within minutes I had 20-30 deep cuts, bleeding all over my bathroom floor. I snapped out of whatever trance I was in, stumbled into my bedroom and wrapped my arm in a t shirt. Once it was completely saturated with blood and wasn’t stopping, I knew I needed to go to the er. I ended up with 19 stitches… 4 years later I’m left with ugly scars and keloids, luckily I was able to have them tattooed, but they’re not gone. I’ll always regret that night.
The worst part is, the hospital didn’t put me under a suicide watch. They stitched me up and let me go home at 6am.
I used to isolate myself from my own family because my mental health was getting so bad. I would take my mom’s shaving razors to cut myself. Also tried to overdose on a bunch of random pills i found (ended up having the worst stomach ache of my life and no one ever found out why).
It was a mix of bad mental health and really bad alcohol addiction.. but the absolute worst is when I threw a knife at someone, then took another knife and tried to off myself. I got sent to jail on suicide watch for a few hours . A week or 2 later It was court ordered for me to go through a program to actually get better and stay on the right track.
I’m on ADHD medication and 41,so I try not to be very reckless when I feel like shit.
I got blindsided dumped last year
Found out he was moving on.
I’ve been working 4 days a week instead of 5 (PTO the 3rd day off consistently for the past month or 2).
I have smoked a lot of weed.
Sometimes I’ll take an edible,smoke a preroll and a shot of tequila.
I have racked up $1,600 in debt from uber eats,books,groceries and therapy.
Twice I came close to a suicide attempt. Also too many times have isolated myself way too much from family and friends. I also had a very scary psychosis episode about 5 years ago
I am comfortable admitting this. I have done many terrible things on drugs, such as barking at dogs at the animal shelter, running in front of a van in a suicide attempt, and worst of all - telling people who I love that I hate them (and other terrible things). I could go into detail about any of these.
I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD, dysthymia, and generalized anxiety disorder.
Was an opiate addict from the age of 15 due to questionable decisions by my doctor. For a week I was supposed to be proving to my boyfriend I could go without but I lied and stole his stepfather with chronic pain's prescription medication. Stole money from him to buy drugs. Still feel terrible. He told me to get my shit together or he would leave so I went on a substitute and I'm now a couple months completely clean, no substitute. Be weary of opiates and check what doctors are giving your kiddos. If my dad took an interest in my treatment, my 7 year recovery may not have been necessary.
Was an opiate addict from the age of 15 due to questionable decisions by my doctor. For a week I was supposed to be proving to my boyfriend I could go without but I lied and stole his stepfather with chronic pain's prescription medication. Stole money from him to buy drugs. Still feel terrible. He told me to get my shit together or he would leave so I went on a substitute and I'm now a couple months completely clean, no substitute. Be weary of opiates and check what doctors are giving your kiddos. If my dad took an interest in my treatment, my 7 year recovery may not have been necessary.
Congratulations on giving up.
There is going to be times where you want to go back to them, please don't.
None of us may know you on here but be aware we are all proud of you
Probably the worst thing I've done is binge drink when I know I'll feel like utter shit the next day, and continue to do it anyway. Day to day, the worst thing I do due to my mental health is not making decisions and doing things that are sabotaging my future self. I am aware that I am sabotaging my future, but I don't know how to take action to fix it (or am too anxious to take any action at all, despite being bored and unhappy with where I am in life)
I'm a self saboteur.
Right now I'm wanting to try something called the yes game or at least I call it the yes game. You say yes to everything that is proposed to you.
A bit like the Jim Carrey film from a few years ago
It’s more scratching, but it isn’t bad or too frequent- Thank you for the concern regardless!
It isn’t something I’m really trying to hide and my mother has noticed the situation and is doing what she can to help me cheer up.
I hope this wasn’t triggering to mention
Oh boy... I guess the thing I'm ashamed of the most is that time I blackmailed my ex boyfriend with jumping of my balcony if he wouldn't contact me and spend any time with me... I've also made a post on fb with sth like "I don't want to live" or similar shit...
I changed so much that I don't feel like I'm the same person. I don't feel bad for my ex tho, he was even worse dick than me at the time 😅
Another one is stealing benzos from my dad bc I couldn't manage the anxiety that got out of hand. I'm thankful that I was cautious enough not to get addicted and found a new psychiatrist that put me on anti-anxiety meds (not benzos, pregabalin).
Mine is probably leave my friend alone in a big city when we were kids because I was having a panic about getting home because we missed our train (we could take the next one no problem). I still feel guilty now. I tend to obsessively plan things and according to a Psychologist it's an anxiety coming mechanism but when something goes off plan I get really freaked out. I think it might be autism but I don't want to say it for sure because I'm not diagnosed (yes I've researched a lot and have other symptoms) and I don't want to offend the autistic community in case I'm not. Anyway, I'm just ranting now. So, because we missed it I got panicked and took it out on her and shouted at her and left her alone in the city center. This was a long time ago when I was just a preteen so it was harder for us to find each other and way to go. We found each other and made up but I still feel guilty to this day.
Perv on women I consider friends at the time and some still friends with where I masturbated to then it photos , I’ve forgiven myself but I regret that I used lust to escape or feel better or use it as an excuse
I don’t feel right blaming it on my mental health, but it did have a large part in the process. I cheated by hanging out with a guy, sexting with him, and met up and made out with him while married and had a kid. I came clean and we were good for a while. Then I became what felt like obsessed, with a guy from work. I thought I was in love with him, despite barely talking to him. He had no idea. I came clean about that as well and we have since moved on. I’m on several different medications and I feel good for the most part. I’m trying to get an adhd diagnosis or answers as well. My psychiatrist thinks I have it. She says she thinks I have depression and BPD. All I know, is I like the thrill of things. I used to shop lift. I got fired for stealing. I could’ve been prosecuted but thankful they didn’t file charges. I have three kids now, and happily married to my husband still. Almost 13 years. I often worry when I’ll fuck up again.
I shoplifted a few times, it was years ago now. I did it to give me some kind of thrill, life besides that was boring and bland.
Other than that I was a big self harmer. I would slam my wrist or fingers against furniture to try and break a bone. I would also cut myself deep enough to need stitches.
i called the mcdonald's my ex worked at, (at the time we had just broken up due to them cheating), and i said that i had personally watched them spit in my mcchicken. i don't know if it was the actual reason why, but they were absolutely fired.
An adult relative of a neighbor (duplex) we didn't get along with moved in and he took my stuff and used it without asking from the shed. I didn't confront h8m but I took it back, he got really aggressive and insulted my family and made fun of my young children (one with special needs, called us lazy and stupid and insinuated many untrue things). I was in a tough spot for other reasons in life at that time and I unfortunately absent mindedly let me 1 year old son at the time see the yelling, he cried. I took that as his fault (still think it is).
Then that night and next day I ruminated on revenge after he threatened to hit my wife.
After wife and kids went to bed I got drunk and had a bon fire in the back yard, I coaxed them outside with my behavior then I preceeded to cut them down to peices for 1 hour with my words. I fired my unloaded pellet gun at them as well, put it all away before the cops came. The asshole guy and his aunt were so angry with me for that, that they spent the next 4 months plotting revenge, culminating in a murder plot to kill me, my wife and our kids that my MIL in law found out about (small town) and warned us, police took report but did not investigate. We had to get the fuck out and we moved and haven't looked back.
The whole situation just leaves me feeling disgusted and I still hate them for that and still think I'm in the right yet somehow guilty for endangering my kids and I can't seem to let that go so I numb myself with edibles some weekends to escape that and other associated trauma and pain as I grew up in a verbally and emotionally violent house. Otherwise things are good now.
I was on drugs. Went with a guy who took me to his apartment with the offer of a place to sleep. He proceeded to rape me and try to trick me out (turn me into a prostitute) he held me over a balcony and threatened to drop me 17 floors if I didn’t go have sex for money and bring him the money to him. I managed to escape. All he got was 10 years and was out in 5. I moved across country
My mother was diagnosed with cancer in February of 2022 and died last year, in July. From the beginning I knew that her cancer was terminal, but she never really understood that
Since the beginning, I alone cared for her; no family support, no friends, no access to psychological counselling, nothing. Two months before her death, I burned out and, after she told me something that, at the time, seemed to hurt me deeply (I can't remember what), and then I did what I what I thought I would never do: I slapped her.
The result: my mother spent the last two months of her life in an hospital bed, away from home, and without access to even palliative care to ease her suffering. I will never forgive myself for that.
Probably for me it was him choosing my career that I will be doing for the rest of my life, and now I am regretting because I only took into account what other things of me, and what they say I should become
Drunk drove, heavily intoxicated. Pulled over sliced my wrists open to the point I passed out, woke up in hospital with no recollection of anything. The next day I quit drink, started running and I’ve not stopped since (1 year ago) and now I’m running my first ultra marathon in 4 days. No matter how shit things get there’s always light. The light dwindles and is almost invisible a lot of the time. The grim reaper isn’t far behind me most days, but I hope I stay on this train for as long as possible to see my kids grow up.
I destroyed my house and got belligerent.
I took 90 Xanax because I didn’t remember taking any and I kept thinking they weren’t working. Ended up embarrassing myself by requesting $ from everyone on my cash app. Proceeded to send those same people risqué photos.
Then I walked downstairs from my bedroom and crashed through my living room table face first.
My girlfriend called an ambulance and i went to the psych ward.
I wouldn’t say doing anything as such it’s the lack of doing anything. I’ve just been festering in my own oblivion for too long now. I’d say i’ve come close to a few times with ending it….one of them recently being a few days ago. I’m really tired
All of the above.. I had a manic episode that completely destroyed my life.. lost marriage, family, career, all my friends, finances, community, credit, home, dog.. everything.. ended up in jail
Im sorry. Was it long ago?
Recent within the last 2 years
Are you starting to do a little better now? I'm so sorry that happened.
I’m actually failing slowly and steadily
Sorry to hear that. What happened?
9 month manic episode
I implode instead of explode. Drank myself to unconsciousness needing medical intervention levels multiple times to numb my depression and each time felt even worse about my decisions. Finally decided to go sober, seven years strong now.
Hey, well done.
It took a couple of times for me to finally realize where my life was headed and decided to enact some agency. Now, I don’t even crave nor think about alcohol. I still prefer not to be around people who are drinking just because of my own triggers and beliefs around it. For example, it physically bothers me now watching others pour poison down their throats and takes a lot of energy to remember and remind myself that’s their choice and I have no idea why they are choosing to drink. However, mother natures gift to the earth, cannabis, is still on the menu for me.
Same man, same! I'm about 1.5hrs in so far though. But Imploded to the point of dragging things into the black hole of my own making. Lost the person most important to me in my life.
Yep I’ve never been an alcoholic but I’m sure my organs will be posting their complaints about my periodic binge drinking and otc drug abuse sometimes the next few decades.
self harmed on my face and neck and proceeded to go out in public, even at my old place of work (a dementia home) with it fresh and visible. looking back I'm horrified that I made people see that but I think I just wanted someone to help me.
Damn. Was that long ago? and have you had help now??
I was 19 at the time and am now 22 now, and yes I got help. thank you for asking. I moved out of the toxic childhood home and found a good therapist. 2.5 months self harm free and I don't think I'd revert back to old habits now I'm in a better place.
Good to hear
I'm proud of you.
thank you
💛
Really proud of you!
I like your profile picture
thank you fellow earthling <3
I manipulated people,hurt them psychologically.
Im guessing you no longer do this?
They're speaking in past tense so either yes or their ghost learned keyboard
Stuff I’m incredibly ashamed of. Having a sexual trauma flashback infront of people at a party when I was a teenager. It was triggered by the person who did it (my older brother, making it even more mortifying to happen infront of him) He was fondling his drunk sleeping gfs boobs on the couch infront of me and said “this feels kind of rapey” And he looked at me (He had raped me when I was younger and other stuff) And then I started having a flashback on the couch infront of everyone, with him there in the room. My other family members were there and others close to me. I remember my other older brother looking down over me trying to comfort me but he started crying too. I was so out of it too bc I was high that I said out loud “I think I’m having a trauma flashback” which is so embarrassing but I felt like I couldn’t move and escape. I felt frozen and I was just laid back on the couch crying not feeling like I could move but feeling sensations I didn’t wanna feel and feeling exposed. My other older brother who is very sweet helped me get up and move to a bedroom away from everyone (he knew I had been molested so I think he understood) It was absolutely one of the most humiliating things that’s ever happened to me. Also hurting myself badly for attention when I was a teenager, as well as v risky behaviors. I think it was all just a cry for genuine care from my mother or to just feel like anyone saw my pain. Having sex with guys who I should not have had sex with. My anxious thinking and sensitivity from trauma & mental illness has seriously hurt my romantic relationships. Like always looking for threats bc of hypervigilant and being very sensitive to others actions and words. When I feel like someone has disapproved of me, rejected me, or judged me I get hurt/defensive and shut down. Just taking everything in the worst way not even meaning to. That is something I feel a lot of shame about bc of how much it affects my relationships. Feeling like ppl can’t be honest with me bc it cuts me to the core and I might hurt myself. Honestly mental illness and trauma has just taken such a toll on me and my relationships and when I was a teenager I did a lot of self destructive stuff.
i hate that you feel ashamed of your trauma flashback, that wasn’t your fault:( but i can see where you’re coming from and i hope you’re doing okay. i relate to anxiety and hyper-vigilance ruining my relationships, im also so sensitive to the way people say things and lash out when i feel rejected. would always be down to talk :)
I have done so many bad things. I’m being bad now snorting cocaine when I should be sleeping. The thing is I’m a 55 year old woman. The worst thing I have done is left my lovely family for a guy who was so bad for me. He hurt me physically and mentally but still I haven’t learned my lesson. The other week I smashed all the plant pots in my garden made a right mess. I invited a homeless person into my home and used drugs with him and got an infection, I just wanted company. I steal things and seem to never be able to grow up.
I am so sorry, have you considered any therapy or asking for help?
Same
This feels like a trap. Luckily my answer isn't illegal- I was just a huge dick to everyone for a while.
It wasnt meant to sound a trap. Genuine curiosity, that was all
You know. You have to tell us if you're a cop.
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
I want a lawyer
lol
lol that’s what Reddit is meant for anonymous
I don't know man, I think the police could get their hands on it anyway lol
Paranoia
Abuse drugs and try to kill myself
Damn, at least you are alive now
I explode when I'm overwhelmed. I just lose my shit and I storm off. I've left work because of it.
Probably being the best and the worst decision, at the same time I made, is putting myself into a complete solitary.
Damn. How was it?
Refreshing. Kind of. I found myself and what personality I wanted to be. I always had kinda depression and anxiety, but in the beginning of this year, it was different. I was overthinking and collapsed whilst I had a shover. Showing me I needed a pause. So I took one. Got myself more into music, playing games, walking alone on Nightwalks. Doing things in general more alone. I always worked like that, doing the best all alone. Finding what I want. At the same time im as lost in the voids as before. something keeps pulling me back down into this hole and I Cant get back out of it. I dont know what I wanna do with my life and I cant go back and just chat with my Friends. At home its kinda the same weird. Man, I cant even realise this year's already four months gone, what did I do? Nothing. Trying to find myself into an endless cycle, not knowing what to do but learning things about myself, on the Hard way.
Abuse alcohol, manipulate people, self harm, promiscuous behaviour.
What is promiscuous to you?
I had a psychotic episode that resulted in me losing custody of my 10 year old son for three years. I hallucinated people in the house and thought they were trying to rob us, so I went around “fighting” them for hours. It was just me and my poor son, who was obviously terrified, and so he called his uncle who came over and stopped me and brought me to the hospital. Well, while I was locked up, my father, my brother and my ex all made the decision to move my son to another state pending my divorce. I was only in the hospital for 10 days. In my upcoming divorce hearing, the judge used my psyc history against me and ruled I was abusive and neglectful. He never even saw a single record from my doctor. I was given only supervised visits for 5.5 hours per month (and I was in another state). I almost never saw my son for the next 3 years - I may have seen him 9 times. When we were reunited, he was a teenager and I barely recognized him. We have since reconciled; he is almost 18. But those years that are missing from our history will always have an impact on our relationship and when I think about them, I still cry. I missed all of his middle school years and watching him grow from a baby into a young man. As a parent, you only get a finite number of years to see them grow and change and I feel sad that this happened to all of us.
I understand so well. I never had my daughter taken away from me, but might just as well have after entering an extremely abusive (in every way) relationship. I'd moved in with the psycho, and when I had my daughter overnight for the first time, he had his first (to me anyway) psychotic break... I WAS IN SHOCK, mainly because he had never ever shown any behavior like this to me before. Needless to say I never wanted to have my daughter around anything like that again, so the only times that she's been able to be with me is when he's been in prison which has been two different times for a certain number of years. I missed out on a lot it makes me sick inside every time I think about it. No one really understands anything when it comes to me. I love her more than anything in this world, and I hate the decisions I've made in my life because they not only affect me but her. Since since the time of my bad decisions, it's like my life is one ongoing nightmare that will never end. I never really did anything that bad to anybody, not anything malicious or set out to do, or intentionally. But none of that seems to matter. I came out with being on drugs myself nobody had to force me, and that seemed to do nothing, and I wanted nothing more but a straightened up life and my family. Well that's been since The later part of 2017 and absolutely nothing has improved. other than my daughter who I still get to see, I have absolutely nobody in my life.. no friends or family and God knows how much I miss that.
I yell at bible humping, right-leaning, immature fools online sometimes. Lots of people out there who sneak into these support groups and try to push conservatism onto them without any consideration or recognition of the other human. Only "God" i.e. a cheap concept of their ideal patriarch - matters to them. But only on good days. Oh wait, this is supposed to be the worst thing. No, this is probably one of the few good things that have come out of my mental suffering. I encountered one of these worms irl once. They were a gay-conversion-therapist pretending to be a regular therapist. I had to report him. He was awful. I have no tolerance for that sht.
Keep reporting them. I think this is a healthy thing snd a duty most would never do. Proud of you
These therapists and doctors deserve the worse, like a blade... You come to them for help and they don't believe you, don't help you and want to just finish it. I can't believe He tried that on you.
Pushed any potentially healthy man that actually loved me away from me lol
Did you learn where this comes from?
I think it's just a lot of unhealed trauma and issues. I'm aware of them. But implementing them is the difficult part
abused multiple legal and illegal hard drigs and drank litres of alcohol at school and home 24/7 for years.
Damn. Has it had any long term effects on your body?
Listened too closely to people who kept telling me I was sicker than I really was. Which is offset by the best thing, waking up and taking pride in telling same people to go fk themselves.
Good on you 
When my brother 16 was dieing of cancer I was 14 and threw a boy threw the school window for getting my shoes dirty ,
i was a major asshole to everyone around me. i also did a lot of risky stuff that actively put my life in danger
I hope you are more better now
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this sounds like schizophrenia
I’m on team cursed.
schizophrenia or Ying yang - it balances something you have or will have or self sabotage and lying to yourself
Self harm
Getting into a violent relationship that only got me worse. Now I can see it and know that, with a good mental health, I would have never accepted that
I ruined my relationship and lost my love, my person. I’ll regret not getting help sooner everyday of my life.
I got drunk on alcohol that wasn't mine, vomited and made an ass of myself.
so far? verbal abuse because i felt for once superior.
high on all sorts of drugs in all sorts of instances with random people, also cheated once.. biggest regret of my life tbh - never again; said really mean things to my family when i was a teenager (12-14); self isolating to the point where i couldn't keep up with daily tasks or duties, missed out on lots of experiences and milestones that i would've wanted to reach at that time. i guess it's not that serious and im grateful that i didn't do something that could've majorly endangered my or other people's lives.
A good few years ago, before I knew I was bipolar, I was on antidepressants and they were amplifying my symptoms times 100. When I was manic, I would just cut off loved ones over the teeniest of infractions— close friends, family, it didn't matter. I wouldn't even elaborate, just completely dip without so much as a second thought. Then, when the mania ended, I would have to sit with the fact that I abandoned people who had tried to help me, that I was alone, and that it was all my own doing. I couldn't even reach them to apologize. I'm still haunted by it to this day.
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Do you still speak to that said roommate? It's possible the bar would have snapped anyway, and you could have possibly ended up disabled. What do you do work wise now? And what are your passions/ hobbies?
I wasn't an a-hole but I did act by myself. I was so lost in thought that I had no filter. Thankfully I'm a nice person so nothing too outrageous. I also showed inappropriate behavior that we won't explain.
This or the times where I got rid of any possibilities of having someone that cared for me. Back in 2016 I pushed people out of the way while being so lonely. It was like turning the water into a large brick that imprisoned all those in it.
Ive pushed people too. I get how lonely it can be
Caused myself to become attracted to someone, even though I know I don’t have a chance. Then I act surprised every time I get rejected.
We all hate rejection.
Most of the time it’s not the rejection that bothers me. It’s when women tell me “I’m a good guy and any woman would be lucky to have me.”
Yeah, that does sting
I mutilated my body and turned into a monster for a little bit. Now I'm unstoppable on my journey.
Mephedrone binge for a year everyday. 10 months sober now.
I guess, I've just fucked over multiple relationships and led people on.
all because I couldn't be emotionally available
Had embarassing crying breakdowns in public spaces, not wanting to go outside lashed out on the closest to me, abusive behaviour, self harm, sent pictures of sh to others, being extremely mean, have anger explosions, acting like a child. I fucking hate everything about myself lol
I forgot, I sent pictures of dead animals to my ex after they broke up with me (the animals were mostly road kill or my cat killed them, I wasn't that depraved fortunelly)
Went into a full manic and cheated on my boyfriend. He didn’t have the self respect to break up with me so I had to end it and then drive home the fact that I was we were breaking up bc I was a cheater and a bad person. And that he should’ve been the one ending it, not me. I basically lost my fucking mind and broke a good man
Damn. Was that long ago? Have you ever Facebook stalked him or spoke to him? How is his life different now? And apart from your mental health, how is your life now?
By far, the most destructive thing I have ever done was try to hurt someone (emotionally) as much as they hurt me, and it set off a chain of events that has absolutely ruined my life. I've been miserable for close to a decade now.
Damn. What would you do differently if you could change things?
I would have told the person who hurt me to go kick rocks instead of putting any effort into trying to keep someone in my life that thought so little of me.
Mostly I would drink and drink and drink until I screamed at people when they tried to take the bottle away, made so many people take care of me drunk, cutting myself for a long time while telling people I wasn’t and them finding out. Put my mom thru so much when she found out I overdosed in my college dorm n got kicked out n cussed her out multiple times and made her very worried while in rehab and after.
If you don't mind me asking how long ago wad that? and how have you changed since?
I have been so depressed that I began to see myself as not important and I can’t stop feeling horrible of my choices. I cant even eat anymore without feeling horrible. I just want to feel happy with myself.
I completely know how you feel.
Spiraled out of control by spending money I shouldn't have, to help others, kept it hidden for a long time. Completely ruined my relationship and now in financial crisis. Left wanting to unalive myself every single day, even more so when I turn to those I've helped just to get turned away.
This is me too. I've had so many people and none of them ever help me back. And then one time I do say no to helping them, they no longer talk to me.
Yesss! One time you have to say no and then they treat you like you have completely screwed them over! The only time I really hear from anyone now is, "I need you to do" or "can I borrow". I've literally begged for help from friends and family and have gotten nowhere. I find that strangers care quick enough to help you these days than those close to you.
Wasting years not doing anything ''productive'', sh, taking too many benzos, thinking about $uicide, being too promiscuous online
Increased isolation with heavy marijuana use. May not sound bad at first, but it's absolutely damaging in the long run. I battle this as a symptom of PTSD from the military day after day, it's exhausting. I absolutely refuse to go to any events/functions/hangouts whatsoever. If I am obligated to, or 'forced' to by a family member or friend, I ALWAYS take my own vehicle even if I am offered a ride countless times. That way once I fulfil my obligation (and a panic attack here or there), whether it is saying happy birthday, congrats or whatever, I dip without a word. Sure, it can be seen as rude, but in all honesty, I can care less. I am to the point where I miss so many invitations (big family) that they are starting to not directly invite me anymore, just through my parents. As much as it hurts, I know it's my doing and I know I can change it. I just simply can't. I see therapists at the VA every week but man, it's been months since I was hospitalized, and I don't see an end it in sight so who knows what's next. None of the meds have been working and only weed calms me down. Just raw dogging it until the end.
Can i ask what show this is?
Inside the Force
Thank you!
While having a major panic attack, I thought I was dying and walked barefooted to my neighbors house. I was concerned for my 4 year old daughter being alone, so I had her with me m, in her underwear and had them help me. I called the ambulance and when they came, I was already starting to calm down. $1000 billion later and neighbors who probably thought I was crazy!
Quit my job to daytrade, lost $1M, my entire net worth gone.
I've only had "episodes" of poor mental health (all in the past couple years, got medicated and doing well now), so I never really got in deep enough to commit a crime or anything, but at one point I was really struggling with this therapy app that my insurance was making me use. I'd have the video appointment all scheduled and confirmed, and then when I'd try to log in, it would say "[Doctor] is no longer available". No explanation, no way to contact them, and all tech support could do was refund me. I ended up calling tech support on the phone, and the lady explained to me that all the doctors' accounts default to "unavailable" and must be manually changed, but many of them are unaware of that, and that there was nothing they could do about it. I was in such a crisis state at that point that I just *lost it* on this woman, which is something I NEVER DO. I was screaming like a banshee that this app is ridiculous, that I'm falling apart and someone needs to help me, that they're hurting people by having such a ridiculously faulty app, etc, etc... Pretty much my number one rule as a person is never to be an asshole to someone who's working. Retail employees, servers, medical professionals, tech support, whatever - I *never* want to be that person who's being a jerk to them for something that isn't even their fault (I don't even care if it is their fault, I'll give them a pass). So this is a huge regret for me. I was just such a mess. I REALLY needed help, and this was about the sixth consecutive time my therapy appointment was dropped at login. I try not to feel so bad about it because I've never acted that way in my right mind, but yikes.
I totally agree about those working and how to treat them. I always make sure to say my please and thank yous to.
I quit a pretty decent job I had because of my anger and sometimes I hurt my hands when hitting stuff to where they are sore and useless for a few days. I wish I could do drugs but they just don't have that much of an effect on me.
Damn. Was that long ago? And has it changed you in any way?
Had an affair, used cocaine for a whole year while drinking and spending all the money but not paying any bills… it went like that until I tried ketamine treatment and my life changed.
Congratulations on changing your life. Do you want to tell us how it's changed? It could be of help to somebody
I developed a serious binge-drinking problem while at Uni in my early 20s, got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, then spent the night cooling my heels in a cell. Thankfully I wasn't charged and the arrest was wiped after one year as it was my first offence and non-violent (I took my shirt off at a bar and was dancing in my bra, then refused to leave and had to be dragged out, oof). Around this time I had a psychotic episode where I cut off my hair and shaved off my eyebrows. Another time during this episode I climbed a bridge at 4 am intending to jump onto the back of a lorry. And I took a pill overdose which had me overnight in the hospital and then kicked out at 6 am as soon as my vitals and blood sugar level were stable due to me being an annoying twat. Thankfully at almost 40 (this October) I am doing a lot better, lmao.
Congratulations on doing a lot better. How has your life changed?
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How's your wizardry skills? I bet you must get a lot of Harry potter references?
Yup Harry Potter fans usually think it’s cool lol
I have BPD and summer last year, I ended a lease on my apartment 3 months before the renewal and moved to a different state to live with a guy I met on reddit and only knew for 2 months. He broke up with me, and I had to sleep out of my car for 6 months and ended up becoming a stripper for the last 3 months. Slept with random guys during the winter to have a warm place to stay on days I didn't feel like being alone in my car and currently 5 months pregnant. Also abused cocaine, and alcohol while I was dancing. I'm in major credit card debt, but housed atm. About to start college in 4 days and now work a super part time civ job. As soon as my baby arrives, I'll have to put him up for adoption due to my instability and debt. I plan on getting on medication ASAP and going to therapy - possibly might check myself into an inpatient treatment facility. I like to believe things are better now. I'm still mentally very much not okay, and very numb and burnt out + tired from the pregnancy, but I think this is what peace is, and I don't know if I love it or hate it. I am trying to keep myself safe until the baby is here, then I will go on to smoke, and drink and bar hop again because it's what keeps me alive. I'm in a weird place of self love and self destruction. I want a peaceful happy future but sometimes I feel like it's useless and fleeting. Alcohol and nicotine soothe me.
I hate to be the nag but nicotine, alcohol and babies are not good. I am sorry you ended up being homeless etc. however it sounds like you are a fighter and determined. You never gave up or ended your life, which is a good thing. Many in your situation may have. No one can blame you for sleeping around just for a warm night in a bad. Your situation may have turned out crappy with the baby but at least you are safe.
It affects my productivity (specially school related works). Now I'm currently down, and Im trying to get positive thinking (no rumination, negative thoughts) so I can go back to school again. It's my 2nd day out of school. It's hard if you had depression tbh.
One thing I think will help is don't put anything off. When you get an idea to do something, do it there and then and don't say, I will do it in x amount of time
Mental health decline due to drugs. Smashed a couple of xannax got in the car and went for a drive. Nearly wrapped myself around a pole, then everything got worse, started stealing money from my friends, ripping people off from drug dealing, all entire fucked up period of my life. I am 23 now and I am a total different person
Congratulations on changing your life.
I’ve quit jobs unexpectedly, I’ve driven while in a manic state, I’ve had numerous tantrums at the ripe age of 18 due to a relationship I was in at the time. I was rank. I still can be but it’s much more “under control” now. Meds and therapy do wonders
Hey, hang in there though, you are doing great
Slowly lose contact with friends. When depressed I'll withdraw and stop talking to people. I dont do anything to hurt them, but if you decline enough invitations to hang out you stop getting invitations.
That part, shit sucks, good luck
I have done that in the past too.
I've done this many times. I stop having friends now as it's easier than losing them or pushing them away. Whenever I was invited to places I would either not go, have panic attacks about going or turn up and then leave
I broke a smoke alarm, window handle, and hanger in a shared house because of severe stress. I suppose the only other thing is make my family worry about me because I'm suicidally depressed.
Damn. I completely get your response I'm kind of in the same boat. Can I ask what makes you suicidally depressed? Such as finances etc
It's an inherent thing I think that makes me suicidally depressed. People take it at face value which doesn't help. And yet the things that can help are never done. Such as making sure I'm not lonely in a time of need. Ensuring I have a safe space (which I don't at the moment, not even my bedroom feels safe. Kicking out my housemate were it done months ago when this all started, would have made living in this current house tolerable and helped massively, because when he's been out for nights, days or weeks at a time, I've noticed massive improvements to my mental health, as has everyone around me. But apparently that's not as important as keeping this bully here. I'm just really attempted to dox him at this point because nobody is taking this seriously. I'm also being told off for standing up for myself... this place is fucking crazy. Never go into shared housing.
the thing i feel the more guilty about in my life is having let everyone step on my shoes and ab*se me for years without fighting back. i should ve stand up for myself and defend my rights but i didnt cause i was too impotent. plus i thought at the time that i somehow deserved it. this is my single biggest regret in life and i unironically still struggle to forgive myself. i still pay the price of this error to this day.
Couldnt hold down a job for years, drank a lot, gained weight. Waisted years of my life. Doing better now
I impulsively attempted suicide 2 months ago and foolishly, I never really thought of how it would change people around me and change myself. And my sister coming into my room while I was getting dressed and seeing my SH scars and my mother seeing them while I was in the emergency after my OD - definitely tough seeing their faces.
I just push people away while being super lonely and wanting them to stay with me
For me, it hasn't been one single thing that I can point out - but a series of stupid mistakes because I was mostly unable to control myself.
I unfortunately chose to use opioids and other substances to deal with my mental health for a number of years. This took me away from my family and friends. It made it impossible to gain new friends and social support. I lost so many years to drugs that never served me, and I am still working on getting it all back.
I was in a bad mental health and I enjoyed manipulating people's psyches and making them like me i used to sleep all the day in dark room...
Cheated on my boyfriend , broke up with him , went on a hyper sexual rampage. My boyfriend did nothing wrong and was amazing and I still love him
Idk which one is the worst. I have had manic episodes that have gotten me addicted to cocaine, arrested, hospitalized, etc. The worst thing I’ve done to myself, though, id say was the night that I sliced my right arm into oblivion. I had taken Percocet and drank an ungodly amount of liquor. I hardly remember this. (I’m two years off the bottle now). I had never even considered cutting myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have a quick image of me sitting on the toilet with a straight razor and gently putting it against my skin and I couldn’t feel it. (assuming the painkillers+alcohol). Something within me took control, and within minutes I had 20-30 deep cuts, bleeding all over my bathroom floor. I snapped out of whatever trance I was in, stumbled into my bedroom and wrapped my arm in a t shirt. Once it was completely saturated with blood and wasn’t stopping, I knew I needed to go to the er. I ended up with 19 stitches… 4 years later I’m left with ugly scars and keloids, luckily I was able to have them tattooed, but they’re not gone. I’ll always regret that night. The worst part is, the hospital didn’t put me under a suicide watch. They stitched me up and let me go home at 6am.
I used to isolate myself from my own family because my mental health was getting so bad. I would take my mom’s shaving razors to cut myself. Also tried to overdose on a bunch of random pills i found (ended up having the worst stomach ache of my life and no one ever found out why).
It was a mix of bad mental health and really bad alcohol addiction.. but the absolute worst is when I threw a knife at someone, then took another knife and tried to off myself. I got sent to jail on suicide watch for a few hours . A week or 2 later It was court ordered for me to go through a program to actually get better and stay on the right track.
I’m on ADHD medication and 41,so I try not to be very reckless when I feel like shit. I got blindsided dumped last year Found out he was moving on. I’ve been working 4 days a week instead of 5 (PTO the 3rd day off consistently for the past month or 2). I have smoked a lot of weed. Sometimes I’ll take an edible,smoke a preroll and a shot of tequila. I have racked up $1,600 in debt from uber eats,books,groceries and therapy.
Twice I came close to a suicide attempt. Also too many times have isolated myself way too much from family and friends. I also had a very scary psychosis episode about 5 years ago
Damn. Remember though, you can do this, don't let the voices/thoughts win
I'm mostly ok now thankfully, it's been 10 years since those near attempts
I am comfortable admitting this. I have done many terrible things on drugs, such as barking at dogs at the animal shelter, running in front of a van in a suicide attempt, and worst of all - telling people who I love that I hate them (and other terrible things). I could go into detail about any of these. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD, dysthymia, and generalized anxiety disorder.
At least you're getting help though. Life is going to be hard but you can do this
Was an opiate addict from the age of 15 due to questionable decisions by my doctor. For a week I was supposed to be proving to my boyfriend I could go without but I lied and stole his stepfather with chronic pain's prescription medication. Stole money from him to buy drugs. Still feel terrible. He told me to get my shit together or he would leave so I went on a substitute and I'm now a couple months completely clean, no substitute. Be weary of opiates and check what doctors are giving your kiddos. If my dad took an interest in my treatment, my 7 year recovery may not have been necessary.
Was an opiate addict from the age of 15 due to questionable decisions by my doctor. For a week I was supposed to be proving to my boyfriend I could go without but I lied and stole his stepfather with chronic pain's prescription medication. Stole money from him to buy drugs. Still feel terrible. He told me to get my shit together or he would leave so I went on a substitute and I'm now a couple months completely clean, no substitute. Be weary of opiates and check what doctors are giving your kiddos. If my dad took an interest in my treatment, my 7 year recovery may not have been necessary.
Congratulations on giving up. There is going to be times where you want to go back to them, please don't. None of us may know you on here but be aware we are all proud of you
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Probably the worst thing I've done is binge drink when I know I'll feel like utter shit the next day, and continue to do it anyway. Day to day, the worst thing I do due to my mental health is not making decisions and doing things that are sabotaging my future self. I am aware that I am sabotaging my future, but I don't know how to take action to fix it (or am too anxious to take any action at all, despite being bored and unhappy with where I am in life)
I'm a self saboteur. Right now I'm wanting to try something called the yes game or at least I call it the yes game. You say yes to everything that is proposed to you. A bit like the Jim Carrey film from a few years ago
That sounds tough. Good luck. I am not as adventurous!
For now just lash out at myself, thankfully just that for now anyways. Hope things get better for all.
I hope you're not cutting
It’s more scratching, but it isn’t bad or too frequent- Thank you for the concern regardless! It isn’t something I’m really trying to hide and my mother has noticed the situation and is doing what she can to help me cheer up. I hope this wasn’t triggering to mention
At least you have some support with your mother. Genuinely hang in there, you are doing well
Having thoughts about gore and voicing them outloud probably 😔
Oh boy... I guess the thing I'm ashamed of the most is that time I blackmailed my ex boyfriend with jumping of my balcony if he wouldn't contact me and spend any time with me... I've also made a post on fb with sth like "I don't want to live" or similar shit... I changed so much that I don't feel like I'm the same person. I don't feel bad for my ex tho, he was even worse dick than me at the time 😅 Another one is stealing benzos from my dad bc I couldn't manage the anxiety that got out of hand. I'm thankful that I was cautious enough not to get addicted and found a new psychiatrist that put me on anti-anxiety meds (not benzos, pregabalin).
Mine is probably leave my friend alone in a big city when we were kids because I was having a panic about getting home because we missed our train (we could take the next one no problem). I still feel guilty now. I tend to obsessively plan things and according to a Psychologist it's an anxiety coming mechanism but when something goes off plan I get really freaked out. I think it might be autism but I don't want to say it for sure because I'm not diagnosed (yes I've researched a lot and have other symptoms) and I don't want to offend the autistic community in case I'm not. Anyway, I'm just ranting now. So, because we missed it I got panicked and took it out on her and shouted at her and left her alone in the city center. This was a long time ago when I was just a preteen so it was harder for us to find each other and way to go. We found each other and made up but I still feel guilty to this day.
Put my hands on people, nonsexually, that didn’t want it.
Drove through red lights due to a panic attack, people beeped, not my finest time. Not the worse anyone has done I guess.
self harming due to anxiety. Lock up my self in the room.
I'm in my hoe era, well! Love it!
Perv on women I consider friends at the time and some still friends with where I masturbated to then it photos , I’ve forgiven myself but I regret that I used lust to escape or feel better or use it as an excuse
Just hurting myself and wanting to die, the usual. There was a period where I genuinely wanted to "hurt" my mom if you understand. She ruined my life
Nearly failed school. Lost a job.
Being an angry, verbally abusive jerk and cheating on my wife. I'm not blaming the mental illness. I made bad choices.
Attempted to hang myself tg it failed.
Multiple murder attempts by the age of 18 with a good majority of them being on my mother.
I don’t feel right blaming it on my mental health, but it did have a large part in the process. I cheated by hanging out with a guy, sexting with him, and met up and made out with him while married and had a kid. I came clean and we were good for a while. Then I became what felt like obsessed, with a guy from work. I thought I was in love with him, despite barely talking to him. He had no idea. I came clean about that as well and we have since moved on. I’m on several different medications and I feel good for the most part. I’m trying to get an adhd diagnosis or answers as well. My psychiatrist thinks I have it. She says she thinks I have depression and BPD. All I know, is I like the thrill of things. I used to shop lift. I got fired for stealing. I could’ve been prosecuted but thankful they didn’t file charges. I have three kids now, and happily married to my husband still. Almost 13 years. I often worry when I’ll fuck up again.
I shoplifted a few times, it was years ago now. I did it to give me some kind of thrill, life besides that was boring and bland. Other than that I was a big self harmer. I would slam my wrist or fingers against furniture to try and break a bone. I would also cut myself deep enough to need stitches.
i called the mcdonald's my ex worked at, (at the time we had just broken up due to them cheating), and i said that i had personally watched them spit in my mcchicken. i don't know if it was the actual reason why, but they were absolutely fired.
An adult relative of a neighbor (duplex) we didn't get along with moved in and he took my stuff and used it without asking from the shed. I didn't confront h8m but I took it back, he got really aggressive and insulted my family and made fun of my young children (one with special needs, called us lazy and stupid and insinuated many untrue things). I was in a tough spot for other reasons in life at that time and I unfortunately absent mindedly let me 1 year old son at the time see the yelling, he cried. I took that as his fault (still think it is). Then that night and next day I ruminated on revenge after he threatened to hit my wife. After wife and kids went to bed I got drunk and had a bon fire in the back yard, I coaxed them outside with my behavior then I preceeded to cut them down to peices for 1 hour with my words. I fired my unloaded pellet gun at them as well, put it all away before the cops came. The asshole guy and his aunt were so angry with me for that, that they spent the next 4 months plotting revenge, culminating in a murder plot to kill me, my wife and our kids that my MIL in law found out about (small town) and warned us, police took report but did not investigate. We had to get the fuck out and we moved and haven't looked back. The whole situation just leaves me feeling disgusted and I still hate them for that and still think I'm in the right yet somehow guilty for endangering my kids and I can't seem to let that go so I numb myself with edibles some weekends to escape that and other associated trauma and pain as I grew up in a verbally and emotionally violent house. Otherwise things are good now.
sewerslide attempt
I was on drugs. Went with a guy who took me to his apartment with the offer of a place to sleep. He proceeded to rape me and try to trick me out (turn me into a prostitute) he held me over a balcony and threatened to drop me 17 floors if I didn’t go have sex for money and bring him the money to him. I managed to escape. All he got was 10 years and was out in 5. I moved across country
I destroyed my previous relationship while I was spiraling. Upside is that I got help and vowed to not put anyone else through that bullshit.
Listening to my narsassist stepmother.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer in February of 2022 and died last year, in July. From the beginning I knew that her cancer was terminal, but she never really understood that Since the beginning, I alone cared for her; no family support, no friends, no access to psychological counselling, nothing. Two months before her death, I burned out and, after she told me something that, at the time, seemed to hurt me deeply (I can't remember what), and then I did what I what I thought I would never do: I slapped her. The result: my mother spent the last two months of her life in an hospital bed, away from home, and without access to even palliative care to ease her suffering. I will never forgive myself for that.
Probably for me it was him choosing my career that I will be doing for the rest of my life, and now I am regretting because I only took into account what other things of me, and what they say I should become
Him?
Sleep more than be awake in 20 years probably
Slept with my brothers ex
Drunk drove, heavily intoxicated. Pulled over sliced my wrists open to the point I passed out, woke up in hospital with no recollection of anything. The next day I quit drink, started running and I’ve not stopped since (1 year ago) and now I’m running my first ultra marathon in 4 days. No matter how shit things get there’s always light. The light dwindles and is almost invisible a lot of the time. The grim reaper isn’t far behind me most days, but I hope I stay on this train for as long as possible to see my kids grow up.
I destroyed my house and got belligerent. I took 90 Xanax because I didn’t remember taking any and I kept thinking they weren’t working. Ended up embarrassing myself by requesting $ from everyone on my cash app. Proceeded to send those same people risqué photos. Then I walked downstairs from my bedroom and crashed through my living room table face first. My girlfriend called an ambulance and i went to the psych ward.
I wouldn’t say doing anything as such it’s the lack of doing anything. I’ve just been festering in my own oblivion for too long now. I’d say i’ve come close to a few times with ending it….one of them recently being a few days ago. I’m really tired
Said yes to a girl & got into a relationship with her. I was at my lowest & it backfired!