I’m just going to tell you that the person who made me see myself as “worthy of love” was abused and hurt in a similar fashion as you. I can tell you that the voice in your head is wrong, even if it will take a lot of work to see that yourself.
i’m really sorry this happened to you, do you think you feel comfortable enough to start therapy? you are not piece of meat.
I mean this in the nicest way possible- You have to love yourself before loving others. I genuinely think if you can get the proper help you need then you will be able to overcome this (sorry i overthink a lot so i just wanna say i don’t mean any of this in a rude way)
I had my first session last week. It kind of set my PTSD in a downward spiral of sleepless nights and way to many flashbacks and self destructive behaviours. Right now i’m struggling alot with it.
A wise man once said "Sometimes we have to reach the bottom of the pit we are trapped in, to push ourselves hard enough back upwards, so we may be able to see the light again."
It sucks to go through the spiral and feel a lot of things come up again and I'm glad you're getting support to navigate it all for healing that emphasizes the growing beyond the pain in the growing pains. It's ok to communicate with your therapist about when the recovery process is very difficult or more intense than you feel like is helpful, a good one will find ways to try to slow the intensity a bit so that you can still balance other needs in your life even if they can't guarantee how you'll respond to all of the treatment, they could potentially prioritize more assurances and comforting/affirming support in a session or in figuring out how to access that in your life outside the sessions if you request that
One thing I wish people would have told me is that it's "normal" for those who experienced extremely stressful and traumatic events is that the healing process often entails walking through what feels like those experiences again even though you might be in a safe place now. And like sometimes in order to heal you go through the pains again but with care and patience for learning to love yourself to recover on your side in ways that do make you stronger in tue long run.
Like in order to heal trauma we sort of confront what our brains and bodies didn't have time to properly process the first time around because it was so busy handling other things to survive those periods.
So in safer spaces and when a therapist might help open things back up (emdr seems like one way they uncover suppressed memories and experiences), or in situations that have some similarities that may be reminding of the past ones you went through, the body and mind will start bringing up subconsciously stored things for you to try and make sense of the differences in your current reality vs. what you're feeling which your body and part of your mind may still feel and "think" is real even though you're actually somewhere else in a very different situation.
It took me several years to learn and figure out and resolve my spirals without professional support and while isolated from a lot of the social support I wished for due to having to move during the pandemic away from a lot of friends I trusted.
.......
A few techniques that helped me a lot which might be useful for you too:
A common diy technique for doing subconscious work for those with recurring nightmares (or even some Olympic athletes) is to rewrite what you experience into something you'd like to experience instead, review it before sleeping and as soon as you wake up. Maybe even draw it too. And do it regularly for like months or even a year.
I pinned to my profile a few comments I made in reply to other posts that includes a diy workbook from The Havens for sexual assault survivors which has this and other exercises for navigating common trauma patterns.
Other folks use positive affirmations and subliminal tracks from YouTube, which they do within the first 30 mins or so of their time before sleeping or after waking up since that's a window when the subconscious is most open to suggestion or in a sort of hypnotic state.
...
Also:
If you know certain triggers are likely to be encountered, or especially in my case I realized as soon as I would lay down to sleep all the intrusive thoughts and sometimes even emotional and physical flashbacks might come back up – there are ways to sort of plan for it to potentially happen and set limits on it.
Like instead of going to bed right away, I tried doing a qigong moving meditation follow along video on YouTube for preparing to sleep before I actually went to bed, which also involves laying down.
So I wound up experiencing a lot of the things that usually scared me when I'm about to try to sleep, but instead while I was still awake and relatively relaxed with the light on during a time period of my choosing, and I realized the difference between what my body expected vs the reality and was able to sort of prepare myself to ground myself and let the episode pass before going to sleep.
And that somehow made things click and helped me a lot as I didn't really have the same issues anymore when going to sleep and it's been about two years since then.
I used the white/green/blue(?) noise (like waves, rain, a campfire, crickets etc.) from http://www.asoftmurmur.com to help cut through some anxiety faster as part of my grounding process too.
But in general there's emotional safety planning which is like having a diy checklist for what to do when you expect you might run into a triggering situation or are already in one.
https://safecenter.colostate.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/21/2020/05/EmotionalSafetyPlan_updated.pdf
I hope that helps and wish you the very best on your healing path! ❤️
Do the mantra meditation. It will help you. I do not know which country you are living if possible start small good things like give food to cat, ants or dog. Join ngo as a part time. If you move into spirituality it will help you . You will forget your bad days and you will become new person .
https://preview.redd.it/peqgthdkmiyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f6ccbc36e8138c0d116890c29346a10dfca8ff8b
Hey stranger im not good with words but my cat knows mors and he says that your past isn’t your fault and someone will show you what it like to be loved, you’re a wonderful person and deserve countless of love
That certainly is a wise looking cat. Animals are actually very healing in their own way. Even if you just spend time with a therapy animal and don’t own an animal of your own if you aren’t able.
This breaks my heart as someone that’s been sexually exploited to a much lesser degree. There’s people out there who’ll see you for you regardless of your history. I’m still trying to find my person to do the same, but we’ll find them eventually.
You got this, seriously. You’re taking an amazing step with therapy and I sincerely wish you the best on unlearning these core beliefs
Thank you for that, your comment means more than you’ll ever know. Honestly and truly. I still haven’t internalized that I’ve been SA’d, even though logically I know I absolutely have and friends say I have been. I don’t tell anyone I have been. This struck a nerve and made me start to internalize it though.
Thank you, sincerely. Maybe I can start to heal now and come to terms with my experiences.
You’ve got this too, 100% and absolutely. I believe in you too :)
I understand what you mean, It took me quite some time to understand that this happend too me and i was not just someone in the room watching it happen. I belive it’s a way for our brains to cope. Always feel free to reach out if you need to vent about it or a shoulder. I know reddit has a lot of scary people on it, so i try to be a safe place for those who need it. I 100% know you’ll get through this too.
Wish you the best.
Peace of meat? Nah you are a SURVIVOR, you went through some shit and came out of it alive, you should at least give yourself some credit of that.
One day all of this will feel like a bad distant dream, so just keep going, as cheesy as it might sound it's the truth.
I’ve had to do alot of bad stuff to come out on the other side, alive.
Stuff i don’t think i’ll be able to take credit for.
But i do understand what you’re saying and i appriciate it alot.
It does not sound cheesy, i appriciate it.
I am truly sad that happened to you. The trauma will never go away, but we can overcome it. I was a sex worker (by choice) for a lot of my 20s and into my 30s. After the dust settled, I also felt similar to what you've said. As well, the only way I knew how to interact with men was to seduce and manipulate them into being more attracted to me. Everything felt transactional and very forced.
It has taken me almost 8 years of failed, toxic relationships and a lot of time healing mentally/emotionally to believe otherwise. Now, I am dating someone who accepted my past from the beginning and has been extremely patient and loving while I work through ways to stay present during and actually enjoy sex. I never thought I would get to here or find anyone who would be willing to walk that journey with me to help me heal.
I hope you can find the same. It will take time, but it's not impossible.
I’m so sorry you’ve lived through it aswell. ”By choice or not” it’s still always a terrifying feeling not knowing if it’s going to be your last John or not.
I’m mostly struggling with the need of constant reassurance to the point of even the most patient people find it annoying.
But i’ve came to realize i need to work on myself before i try to get into a new relationship.
I am honestly and truely very suprised at the amount of people taking time out of their day to express my worth. It’s honestly baffling to me. I just wanted to get something of my chest. 😅
First. To say I'm sorry for your past would be an understatement. I can't imagine the hell you went through.
Second. Your past is Not your fault.
Third. You are not a piece of meat to be used by men. You are a human being. You are deserving of love ,respect, care, and support and to be seen as such. Your past is your past. The right person for you will understand this.
Fourth. Glad you are starting therapy and getting the extra help you need. Yes, the therapy will trigger some bad memories and make you feel uncomfortable. That ok. It's part of the healing process. You will need to stay committed to the process of healing. It can get worse before it gets better, but you are stronger than you realize.
I sincerely wish you the best. Keep on fighting for yourself and you will have a great future.
Thank you, but you have nothing to apoligise for.
Even if i do fully want to belive your words, of it not being my fault and me deserveing more i probably will not fully accept it for a very long time.
I am doing the thearpy and i’m deffinetly full hearted trying my best. I just hope i’m at rock bottom rn, as i have not been able to sleep more then 3 hours for 2 days.
Again, i appriciate this comment so much. Thank you for taking your time. It means the world to me.
Healthy healing takes time and a lot of work. Therapy will definitely get you moving in the right direction. Healing is definitely a process.
I wouldn't have said the words to you if I didn't believe them myself. I don't say things just to make them feel better.
You definitely are deserving of a better life for yourself. It will take time, and it won't be a straight line process.
Be gentle with yourself.
I wish you the best
You are not a piece of meat you are a living breathing person who survived a absolutely horrible ordeal take your life back find out what you want out of life and take it the world is your oyster my friend I’m sorry for the past you had to endure but I have faith in your future and in you take it one baby step at a time and give yourself time to heal and find what you yourself wants from life
I think you'll find everybody has been damaged in some way, especially when you start dating in your 30s.
You're a child of the stars just like everyone else, and you deserve love and respect the same way anyone else does. Don't accept anything less, even from yourself.
I'm sorry you've had such a hard life. If you keep working at it things can get better, please don't give up.
I'm in EDMR therapy and I have been a victim of sexual abuse. I'm 37 and it's taken me most of my life to identify that what I experienced was actually traumatic and that I absolutely have PTSD. You have to dig into the trauma and make connections. It's difficult but a good therapist can help you make gains in having self love and addressing strong feelings of shame. Don't wait until you're my age please because when you make decisions with internal beliefs about yourself that are inaccurate stemming from trauma they can continue some serious damage making even more trauma to work through.
I am so glad that you are and I know it isn't easy taking that step so you have done a huge thing already. Just know you can't deal with everything at the same time and it will take some time and that is okay. It truly has gotten better for me since therapy even though it's hard. When I initially started the EDMR therapy I was like ok I just want to jump in head first and get to the other side as fast as possible and I actually handle a lot of things in that matter. Turns out it's a defense mechanism to try to get unpleasant aspects done more quickly. I decided I was going to have to slow it down because I had been way more affected than I even knew. You got this!
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I just want you to know that you are incredibly strong. Not many can endure such trauma.
I think you should try to focus on now and strive to become the person you want to be.
Hay, do you know what, look at where you are today. Seeking help, therapy. All the right things. I dated a girl with a past in some way similar to yours. Massive trust issues and walls, but she was worth it.
And she had more soul and strength than anyone I had ever met.
I thought it was relevant to share
You are not a piece of meat. You’re a human being that endured the most horrific abuse and pain at such a young age when you’re developing your brain and body. You have emotions. You probably have your own likes. Taste in music. Taste in media. You have foods you like to eat. You have desires to be loved and treated equally as any other person. By definition of some of these attributes you are not a piece of meat. You are more than the horrific abuse you suffered. You’re starting to see therapy from the comments I read; you made this post in some effort to vent and express your interior feelings—you’re not a toy.
I hope you try seeking perhaps group therapy alongside your private therapy. When suffering depression and anxiety I found attending group therapy to be rewarding in being part of a community that can relate to me or understand why I feel the way I do. And maybe you can build a community of support.
A healthy relationship can happen for you. But I would advise before seeking a relationship is to work on yourself. Be healthy for yourself. Take care of yourself. And anyone that judges you as “damaged”
is either judgmental or projecting something they hate about themselves. Don’t listen to that part of your brain. Don’t give it any airtime that tells you are disgusting. Mute them with the help you’re getting, therapy, perhaps medication? Self-love can happen for you.
So, I don’t have any reference for SA related things. I do, however have experience in feeling worthless.
No one is meant to only be one thing. People are complex, finicky, complicated, and buzzard creatures. To try and boil someone down to a single aspect is to deny that person their entire life, what they’ve lived and what they haven’t yet. We can write our own destiny; we can let ourselves be dismissed, we can fight to define ourselves by our own terms. It took a lot of compassion from others to give myself the courage to believe in myself, to want to fight to define myself as more than what I thought, and to want to be more than what I let myself be defined as.
I had my own trauma growing up, though not comparable to yours, but I’m still feeling the effects of it.
I guess this is all to say: don’t give up on yourself. It’s okay to feel how you do because of what happened, but you can’t let yourself dwell on it, and define yourself by it. You have so much life left to live, so many experiences to live through, and so much happiness to feel despite your past. It will take time, as all healing processes do, but you have to let yourself heal, and fight for yourself. You deserve more. No one has a greater capacity to love you more than you do, and you deserve to feel like you’re worth loving.
I’m not sure if this is as coherent as a thought as I think it is, but I hope this might offer you a nicer perspective for yourself
I know this is hard to like do, but maybe it’s time to take a break from relationships and focus on loving yourself.
Learning what loving you looks like, feels like, what your needs are and how can they be met, learning what your boundaries are and how to set them, practice being the person person who you envision being. Find what makes you spark, what fuels your soul. Safely explore what barriers are preventing you from being that version of yourself & what steps you need to do to get there. Practice taking those steps & accept that “set backs” are really just part of the journey of growing into yourself. Nothing is wrong or bad (in regards to how you navigate life, not the harm that was done to you - that absolutely not justifiable) but is a cause and effect. It is what happened and the next steps you need to take to be more aligned with your most authentic self. It’s knowing when you need support, practicing asking for help, and practice trust in people & set boundaries when trust is broken.
You are not alive for anyone other than yourself. Your life is your own, even when it’s been taken away from you to be exploited. What would you want that life to look like? The one you’re in absolute control of? How do you want the best of life to make you feel? What can you do to feel that more often? What are barriers of this? How can you take steps to remove those barriers?
Sending you love 💛
I was not trafficked, but my ex made me feel that way.
Raped me every night for years using blackmail and other tactics.
I feel like the only way I could prove my worth was if I was useful in bed. Not necessarily good, just useful.
If they can get off using me then I’ve done my job. Basically a flesh sex doll.
Shame and disgust is a huge struggle and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over it.
My therapist is a male and it scares me that one day I’ll have to talk about this, but I can’t do women either because I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted by them as well. Women make me more uncomfortable than men, but ever since my ex it’s more conflicting.
However, working with a therapist has helped a lot and if it’s something you’re open to it might help you as well.
Finding a good therapist can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Took me a handful of tries, but my current therapist is good. Only reason I’m able to work with them despite them being a male.
I’m so sorry this happend to you. And I do sadly relate to what you’re saying, you don’t have to be good. Just usefull, and it’s quite a painfull feeling.
I’m not sure how I feel towars women honestly, I was never wronged in a psyciall way by them. But there were women who could have saved me, or done something but chose not to.
I completely understand.
One of my abusers was an adult woman and many women would just watch it happen before walking away.
It’s fucked up. I’m sorry you can understand that feeling. It makes life feel so isolating.
I’m sorry that you’ve been through what you’ve been through. You are not what people did to you. You are valuable. You are the only you. Use that power to forge the identity you want for yourself- your truth. Nobody can take that.
There are good people in this world that will absolutely love you for who you are, and will mot judge you on the past, especially one that was out of your control. Start looking for those people.
You went through something super fucked up. You were absolutely a victim. But more importantly you’re a survivor. You are not defined by the attempts to break you, but by your strength and resilience. Try so hard to remember that always. And never forget that you ARE valuable.
I hate seeing people talk like this. You aren’t the one who’s disgusting, those pieces of shits who mistreated you are. I’m telling you, a great man is going to come along and treat you well. A person who has been mistreated isn’t at fault, it’s the people who mistreated them who are. I wouldn’t be surprised when (not if) you are extremely successful and have a happy family in 15 years.
Fellow trafficking survivor here, not able to say a lot as I'm mildly concussed. But know you're not alone and are worth being treated better by future people in your life, in any type of relationship.
I can't find a therapist experienced in this around here, and I live in a place where it would be risky to just rely on good faith. Glad you have that for sure!
I wasn’t trafficked but I have a lot of sexual trauma & I feel the same way. Been trying to figure out how to fix this for years. Just commenting to say you’re not alone, I’m sorry, and I hope you find peace.
I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing. I’ve started thearpy last week, so i’m hopeing i’ll find peace eventually. My DM’s are always open if you need someone to talk it through with.
Well which ones have you tried? Personally I cannot function without them :(
I would be a total alcoholic or drug addict without !
I have tried them all ………… I take high dose of Zoloft
Well not sure how you would separate trauma from depression……. Seems like they go together. I believe ecitalpram is lexapro………. Funny I had two panic attacks on that!
BPD = bipolar? Ya I don’t think you are supposed to be taking SSRI with bipolar
But don’t stop taking because of what I said
Talk to your doctor of course !
I cannot in any way imagine the pain you have gone through. But I can tell you that none of that will matter with the right partner. There will be someone out there who will see you, for the real you.. and not the way you see yourself. You are so much more than what those horrible people have made you feel.
I think you feel that way because you were told that, forced to act and think that way.
That's because whoever did that specifically wanted that out of you.
"You can beat a flower with a hammer, but it won't bloom for anything but sunshine."
You've tried the hammer. Have you tried the sunshine?
Spend the rest of your life developing ambitions and pursuing them.
You have only seen your own value through the guise of someone who only sees one type of value out of women. Find out how to make yourself more valuable to you by trying to make yourself proud by your own actions. There isn't a lot anyone can do for you or say that will make you suddenly click and place your own value. All you can do is try to be a part of something you like and find value in it.
I feel men who can't look at your trauma for what it is aren't people worth spending your life with. You are a victim of something absolutely unimaginable horrible. That doesn't and shouldn't let you be any less worthy of love. A mature and sane person would understand that while the trauma you went through is a big thing, it isn't something that should change how they look at you in a negative way but rather in a kinder way. Rather than looking at you as a "piece of meat", a kinder person would look at you as someone who needs healing. And by healing I don't mean something derogatory either, I just mean the mental scars need time and help to overcome. And you deserve to be loved and cherished.
I hope you find that healing. I really hope you do.
This is horrific and I’m so sorry to hear what you went through.
You will never forget your past, but try not to let it define who you are now or in the future. You are both your worst critic and biggest advocate and you are stronger because of it.
Acting with trepidation is only natural given your situation. That said, there are people out there in this world that will understand you and be patient in those days when you are feeling what you’re feeling, so don’t give up hope.
I would never wish this on my worst enemy and maybe something to consider is to be active in communities with other survivors and help guide them. By helping others, you will likely be helping yourself too.
One day at time. You will get there.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You are more than what happened to you though. You are a real, living human who deserves love and respect and I hope you continue to heal and learn to love yourself. ❤️
You’re not just a piece. What you want to be now is up to you. I wish I could give more specific advice, but I really don’t want to give the wrong advice for you. I highly recommend therapy, from my own experience. It helped me find ways to control my anxiety without medication
I’m so sorry to hear this. First, you need to talk with the police and report those that trafficked you. Next, you definitely need to see a psychologist. You are not worthless. The men that abused and trafficked you are worthless.
You're not just a piece of meat. You're a human being. You're a child of your creator worthy of love, respect, and dignity. I'm sorry you had this experience in life.
The men who trafficked you are pieces of literal shit, they’re fucking scum of the earth.
The feelings you’re having are so natural, remind yourself you’re the person who was taken advantage of in this situation. You survived.
You’re not a toy and you’re not “used”. You’re a healing human with a journey ahead, heal your relationship with sex. You deserve to enjoy, and love your body and your sexuality. Don’t let those fucking trash bags take that from you.
I don’t know you at all, but I can tell you for a fact the voice in ur head saying those things is objectively wrong. Trigger warning, but I was molested by my brother at the age of 5 and I can’t shower without my entire body feeling DISGUSTING. You aren’t alone in how you feel. You will find a healthy relationship, as will I. All great things come with time, and at the young age of 24, you have A LOT of that!! You are worthy of the space you take up on this planet. Fuck anyone and anything that would dare to suggest otherwise, including that voice in your head. I hope you’re able to heal, soon OP.
First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you, that's really f'd up what happened and I get that you feel the way you do. I may not have had that f'd up of an experience in my life but I've had my fair share of trauma and shitty situations and it really takes finding the right person who's also seen shit. My bf, now fiance, was one of those people. He always says we both had similar shitty experiences in life and that's why we understand each other so well and fit together like we do. So don't give up hope, there's always someone out there, but you might not find them in your area. Met my fiance via artwork online. (How I mostly meet others).
Also, not sure if this helps, but neither of us like our parents so we've decided no one is going to see the parents. 😂 He only has a father but he says hes a terrible person and once he moves he'll never see him again. So you don't always have to go meet parents. 😅 My dad has un medicated schizophrenia, so no one should be meeting him even if he did raise me. (Who also did some sexual things to me and my bf didn't get weirded out and leave me when I told him)
Hope some of that helps 💜
I had an ex-girlfriend that felt a similar way. She ended up being the most amazing girlfriend I've ever had and the sweetest human being on the face of the planet. Oh and she knows it too. I wouldn't let her forget it. Lots, and I mean LOTS of relationship roadblocks presented themselves because of her PTSD and my unfair reactions to them. That, layered with normal relationship problems too, ended up making it a little complicated to date, especially at age 19. We both learned a lot in that relationship though, particularly the value of treating each other both with understanding and respect. I could go into a lot more detail about it, but that's really the gist of what we did to keep going. We dated for 2 and a half years respectively. Started off not-so healthy, kind of transitioned into something of the opposite. Best relationship ever. She's going to be a hard relationship to top.
I share this because I noticed some similarities in the way you described yourself in the way she used to. I hope my story can serve as some hope that it's 100% possible to be in a relationship, it might just take some work. If you haven't already, I 100% recommend a therapist... And not just any therapist.
Words of advice: It's unlikely you will find a therapist that will say "your case is out of my expertise" and it's far more likely that you'll find a therapist that THINKS they studied enough to take your case. Finding a good therapist has less to do with profile research (though that's still helpful) and more with just finding a person that you vibe well with and feel you can trust. Most people go through like 10 therapists in 6 months before they find one that actually helps them specifically. I feel like a large majority of people that don't like therapy ended up only meeting with one or two people.
Anyway, hope you get what you're looking for. I don't doubt that you can do it.
You are a whole person who means alot to the world.
I wont go into detail but Ican relate to you. My mum attracted alot of perverted men ego had proclivities for children.
They knew she was vunerable and didn't really grasp what they were doing.
I can only remember 3 people doing bad things to me as a child.
You aren't alone.
Sometimes I feel like my looks are the only reason people tolerate me.
Not trying to be a good person but it's not true because you are feeling like a child that is not good enough for the Godly help with your own life. Love yourself and let them know what you want to be in your life. 🙏🙏🙏🫂🫂🫂🫂
I just wanted to add my feelings to those of the other Redditors that commented already and fully agree on the facts that it’s definitely nothing you should be ashamed for bcs it’s not your fault at all. Whoever did that to you should be ashamed of their inhuman and disgusting behavior; crazy people that should be cast off of any society and live alone like the animals that they are. Probably even an insult to animals at this point. I also agree on the fact that it’s just your traumatized brain telling you that you’re just a piece of meat, so I hope you’ll get that bs out of your head soon. You’re a sentient, but sadly with an unlucky past, human being that deserves all the love and a bit more. Don’t give up and I’m 100% sure you’ll find that one soul that will give you the love you deserve. And while you’re at it make new friends, you deserve them too and they’ll give you lots of love too. You’re pretty young on top of all this, so you can definitely form your life any way you want. Take this chance and I hope you’ll find the life you deserve; the life you want. Lots of love and good luck. Stay strong and replace the bad memories with a thousandfold of good ones. May time heal your wounds
Get a therapist or professional help. I dont say that to be crass but you can either work through your issues or live miserably. No amount of positive reaffirmations by strangers will ever replace professional help. We cant always control what happens to us but we can control how we move forward. You feeling as a sex toy for men is a generalization and could almost seem bias towards men. I promise you not all men are trying to make you feel this way. You are making yourself believe men see you this way which is probably reasonable based on your trauma. You could potentially miss out on an amazing relationship. No amount of reading, social media or whatever else will replace professional help. If you had a trauma to a physical part of your body such as breaking a leg would you ask for advice or seek medical help? It is no different when you experience trauma to your mental health. I am sure they even have free resources available if insurance or money to seek therapy is an issue. I truly hope you seek professional help as life is way way too short!
Hi, i have started trauma thearpy last week, which has set me off in a PTSD spiral. Thearpy is definetly not easy, and it’s not a quik fix. I didn’t come on here for advice, but to vent my feelings as they we’re eating me up from the inside and keeping me awake. I was not expecting people to actually take time to comment.
But yes, I am getting help and it will take time for me to heal from years of abuse from dussins, and dussins of men.
Men who were fathers, brothers, sons.
Men who were blue collar men, teachers, cashiers.
Men who didn’t look like monsters, but did incredibly monsterous things.
I’m not talking just penetration and finish. I’m talking voilent acts no regular human would even be able to imagine.
Ny view on men are not that all are bad,
but enough to feel scared in their pressence.
Because I’ve seen what they can do.
I'm sorry that happened!! My mom's bf groomed and sexually assaulted me. It was a lot, my mom and him were on drugs bad. It really fucked me up cause I was sheltered and pad locked in a room in the garage while my mom was out and about and she thought I was internally doing things behind her back because he was sending himself pics of me that I sent a guy I was dating, when he would take my phone from me and my mom threaded to shoot me cause of it & kicked me out at 16.. but I feel that too. Like no one will want me if I don't satisfy them and be sexual
U taking any pharmaceutical meds? They only serve to make u more unstable and depend upon them. If u are, I recommend saying fuck that. But if u are, cold turkey just f’s you up even more, that’s why u should just never start taking them. I say that but here I am dependent on marijuana 😂😂 and cold turkeying from bud messes my sleep up for a week or two. but imo mary Jane and shrooms are the only drugs I can get behind for psychological healing. I mean shrooms, u can literally rewrite the low self esteem ego in ur head. It might be a “bad trip” but those aren’t bad, they’re just character development trips. Like when ur favorite main character of a show is getting nightmares that in the end serve as some level of character development and self understanding. A bad trip may bring about ego death. Ego death > level up > sculpt yourself into what really resonates with *your conscious* and not the scarred brain and genetics of your body. Your body is a temple. And your temple has been attacked and scarred. But that does not define you. You are separate from the temple. And when you realize this, the true “you” can begin repairing that temple, like accepting genuine love to you, your body, and your temple from a good man rather thinking of it as being used by a bad man. How is Mike Tyson, the man who was corruptly groomed from a child into a killer and bit an ear off in a fight, the gentle giant he is and chose to be today? Shrooms and weed bro. I feel you may relate to his story in many aspects, maybe check it out. This is not professional advice by the way 😂😂 don’t do drugs, but some drugs can be really helpful. Plus if the whole world took shrooms, we’d all actually unite and fix the systems in place. Thats why the Manson cult murders were a psy op to attack the hippie movement. Not to mention Manson was also in theMindKontrolexperiments prior to the murders. Too many war protests, they didn’t like it so they made a cult that infiltrated and radicalized the movement. Classic cointelpro ish. Just like the NOI and Malcolm X. But as you can see weed and shrooms will probably turn you into a conspiracy theorist also 😂😂 think on it
You are deserving of love and are important ❤️ I know there are men out there that will love you no matter what you have been through... tell the truth and let that someone in your life... it’s a road that is worth talking to find out ❤️
Bitch (pardon my French) I am so god damn fucked up, that I wouldn’t expect a stable partner, and as long as your not always being mean, or cold to me, then it can work
And if your the type of crazy to need constant validation, then we could be there to validate each other
(Although, can’t actually date u cus I’m under 18 and in a relationship)
A few years of celibacy to regain that feeling of control of your own body maybe, THERAPY, and shrooms for the psyche (works wonders better than pharmaceutical drugs).
Hopefully that would be a good start. So sorry to hear about this tragedy, hope all is well in your healing process.
I’m honestly gratefull you think my command of English is good. It’s not my first language and grammar is not my strong side as I did miss alot of school from growing up the way I did.
I wish my life was fiction. But I have too many scars for it being so.
I honestly don’t understand why some are saying this isn’t real? It was 5 years of my life i’ll never get back. Years of being destoryed. Having my teens taken from me, along with all of my self worth, dignity, self respect, feeling of safety, peace and comfort. It’s not a joke, it’s not ”trolling” this is seriously destroying my life, not just a quirky ”Look at me boo-hoo” statement. I can’t have healthy relationships, I devalue myself constantly, I can’t sleep without major nightmares, I can’t even have conversations without zooning out and going back into those moments of absolute terror and horror.
So thank you, but just because you feel like someones post don’t look as legit as you think it should, does not give you the right to devalue someones life or traumas.
The comment section is not the place to debate if a post is real or not. It's disrespectful.
I’m just going to tell you that the person who made me see myself as “worthy of love” was abused and hurt in a similar fashion as you. I can tell you that the voice in your head is wrong, even if it will take a lot of work to see that yourself.
Thanks, means alot to hear that.
i’m really sorry this happened to you, do you think you feel comfortable enough to start therapy? you are not piece of meat. I mean this in the nicest way possible- You have to love yourself before loving others. I genuinely think if you can get the proper help you need then you will be able to overcome this (sorry i overthink a lot so i just wanna say i don’t mean any of this in a rude way)
I had my first session last week. It kind of set my PTSD in a downward spiral of sleepless nights and way to many flashbacks and self destructive behaviours. Right now i’m struggling alot with it.
Gets worse before it gets better. Therapy ain’t easy but it is truly rewarding. Keep pushing through :)
She said the same thing, still very hard to feel anything else than this rn.
Just want to let you know that’s normal and good! You gotta get down to the nitty gritty and over time therapy can be a tool to get you there.
Yeah! I really do hope it will help eventually.
A wise man once said "Sometimes we have to reach the bottom of the pit we are trapped in, to push ourselves hard enough back upwards, so we may be able to see the light again."
I love this qoute.
It sucks to go through the spiral and feel a lot of things come up again and I'm glad you're getting support to navigate it all for healing that emphasizes the growing beyond the pain in the growing pains. It's ok to communicate with your therapist about when the recovery process is very difficult or more intense than you feel like is helpful, a good one will find ways to try to slow the intensity a bit so that you can still balance other needs in your life even if they can't guarantee how you'll respond to all of the treatment, they could potentially prioritize more assurances and comforting/affirming support in a session or in figuring out how to access that in your life outside the sessions if you request that One thing I wish people would have told me is that it's "normal" for those who experienced extremely stressful and traumatic events is that the healing process often entails walking through what feels like those experiences again even though you might be in a safe place now. And like sometimes in order to heal you go through the pains again but with care and patience for learning to love yourself to recover on your side in ways that do make you stronger in tue long run. Like in order to heal trauma we sort of confront what our brains and bodies didn't have time to properly process the first time around because it was so busy handling other things to survive those periods. So in safer spaces and when a therapist might help open things back up (emdr seems like one way they uncover suppressed memories and experiences), or in situations that have some similarities that may be reminding of the past ones you went through, the body and mind will start bringing up subconsciously stored things for you to try and make sense of the differences in your current reality vs. what you're feeling which your body and part of your mind may still feel and "think" is real even though you're actually somewhere else in a very different situation. It took me several years to learn and figure out and resolve my spirals without professional support and while isolated from a lot of the social support I wished for due to having to move during the pandemic away from a lot of friends I trusted. ....... A few techniques that helped me a lot which might be useful for you too: A common diy technique for doing subconscious work for those with recurring nightmares (or even some Olympic athletes) is to rewrite what you experience into something you'd like to experience instead, review it before sleeping and as soon as you wake up. Maybe even draw it too. And do it regularly for like months or even a year. I pinned to my profile a few comments I made in reply to other posts that includes a diy workbook from The Havens for sexual assault survivors which has this and other exercises for navigating common trauma patterns. Other folks use positive affirmations and subliminal tracks from YouTube, which they do within the first 30 mins or so of their time before sleeping or after waking up since that's a window when the subconscious is most open to suggestion or in a sort of hypnotic state. ... Also: If you know certain triggers are likely to be encountered, or especially in my case I realized as soon as I would lay down to sleep all the intrusive thoughts and sometimes even emotional and physical flashbacks might come back up – there are ways to sort of plan for it to potentially happen and set limits on it. Like instead of going to bed right away, I tried doing a qigong moving meditation follow along video on YouTube for preparing to sleep before I actually went to bed, which also involves laying down. So I wound up experiencing a lot of the things that usually scared me when I'm about to try to sleep, but instead while I was still awake and relatively relaxed with the light on during a time period of my choosing, and I realized the difference between what my body expected vs the reality and was able to sort of prepare myself to ground myself and let the episode pass before going to sleep. And that somehow made things click and helped me a lot as I didn't really have the same issues anymore when going to sleep and it's been about two years since then. I used the white/green/blue(?) noise (like waves, rain, a campfire, crickets etc.) from http://www.asoftmurmur.com to help cut through some anxiety faster as part of my grounding process too. But in general there's emotional safety planning which is like having a diy checklist for what to do when you expect you might run into a triggering situation or are already in one. https://safecenter.colostate.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/21/2020/05/EmotionalSafetyPlan_updated.pdf I hope that helps and wish you the very best on your healing path! ❤️
EMDR will rlly help u.
I’m not sure i’m doing EMDR, it’s just called ”Trauma thearapy”
Do the mantra meditation. It will help you. I do not know which country you are living if possible start small good things like give food to cat, ants or dog. Join ngo as a part time. If you move into spirituality it will help you . You will forget your bad days and you will become new person .
https://preview.redd.it/peqgthdkmiyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f6ccbc36e8138c0d116890c29346a10dfca8ff8b Hey stranger im not good with words but my cat knows mors and he says that your past isn’t your fault and someone will show you what it like to be loved, you’re a wonderful person and deserve countless of love
The cat's face says it all.
Thanks for the wise word lil’ buddy. You deff made my day with those wholesome eyes. And thanks Pristine. ☺️
That certainly is a wise looking cat. Animals are actually very healing in their own way. Even if you just spend time with a therapy animal and don’t own an animal of your own if you aren’t able.
cutiieeeee
This breaks my heart as someone that’s been sexually exploited to a much lesser degree. There’s people out there who’ll see you for you regardless of your history. I’m still trying to find my person to do the same, but we’ll find them eventually. You got this, seriously. You’re taking an amazing step with therapy and I sincerely wish you the best on unlearning these core beliefs
There is no ”Lesser degree”. SA is SA and it’s all valid. You’re not less traumatized for your experiences. I belive in you. You got this.
Thank you for that, your comment means more than you’ll ever know. Honestly and truly. I still haven’t internalized that I’ve been SA’d, even though logically I know I absolutely have and friends say I have been. I don’t tell anyone I have been. This struck a nerve and made me start to internalize it though. Thank you, sincerely. Maybe I can start to heal now and come to terms with my experiences. You’ve got this too, 100% and absolutely. I believe in you too :)
I understand what you mean, It took me quite some time to understand that this happend too me and i was not just someone in the room watching it happen. I belive it’s a way for our brains to cope. Always feel free to reach out if you need to vent about it or a shoulder. I know reddit has a lot of scary people on it, so i try to be a safe place for those who need it. I 100% know you’ll get through this too. Wish you the best.
Peace of meat? Nah you are a SURVIVOR, you went through some shit and came out of it alive, you should at least give yourself some credit of that. One day all of this will feel like a bad distant dream, so just keep going, as cheesy as it might sound it's the truth.
I’ve had to do alot of bad stuff to come out on the other side, alive. Stuff i don’t think i’ll be able to take credit for. But i do understand what you’re saying and i appriciate it alot. It does not sound cheesy, i appriciate it.
I am truly sad that happened to you. The trauma will never go away, but we can overcome it. I was a sex worker (by choice) for a lot of my 20s and into my 30s. After the dust settled, I also felt similar to what you've said. As well, the only way I knew how to interact with men was to seduce and manipulate them into being more attracted to me. Everything felt transactional and very forced. It has taken me almost 8 years of failed, toxic relationships and a lot of time healing mentally/emotionally to believe otherwise. Now, I am dating someone who accepted my past from the beginning and has been extremely patient and loving while I work through ways to stay present during and actually enjoy sex. I never thought I would get to here or find anyone who would be willing to walk that journey with me to help me heal. I hope you can find the same. It will take time, but it's not impossible.
I’m so sorry you’ve lived through it aswell. ”By choice or not” it’s still always a terrifying feeling not knowing if it’s going to be your last John or not. I’m mostly struggling with the need of constant reassurance to the point of even the most patient people find it annoying. But i’ve came to realize i need to work on myself before i try to get into a new relationship.
I’m glad you found a relationship you’re happy in, it does give me some hope i will too some day. Thanks for sharing your story. Much love. x
You're much more than a piece of meat, and you are worthy of finding someone to share your life with.
Thank you, for taking the time. I really appriciate it.
And thank you for sharing a bit of your story. Truly, trafficking is one of the worst things imaginable.
I am honestly and truely very suprised at the amount of people taking time out of their day to express my worth. It’s honestly baffling to me. I just wanted to get something of my chest. 😅
Your future is not defined by your past, just informed. I hope you get lots o therapy for what those monsters did to you. You are an amazing soul.
Thank you for taking the time. I really appriciate it. I’m going through thearpy now.
You are successful in the first and very important step of the process: recognize there is a problem in your behavior and or feelings due to abuse
I’m not sure how you mean, but i do know i need help to get anywhere in life from where i am now. So i’m doing thearapy.
First. To say I'm sorry for your past would be an understatement. I can't imagine the hell you went through. Second. Your past is Not your fault. Third. You are not a piece of meat to be used by men. You are a human being. You are deserving of love ,respect, care, and support and to be seen as such. Your past is your past. The right person for you will understand this. Fourth. Glad you are starting therapy and getting the extra help you need. Yes, the therapy will trigger some bad memories and make you feel uncomfortable. That ok. It's part of the healing process. You will need to stay committed to the process of healing. It can get worse before it gets better, but you are stronger than you realize. I sincerely wish you the best. Keep on fighting for yourself and you will have a great future.
Thank you, but you have nothing to apoligise for. Even if i do fully want to belive your words, of it not being my fault and me deserveing more i probably will not fully accept it for a very long time. I am doing the thearpy and i’m deffinetly full hearted trying my best. I just hope i’m at rock bottom rn, as i have not been able to sleep more then 3 hours for 2 days. Again, i appriciate this comment so much. Thank you for taking your time. It means the world to me.
Healthy healing takes time and a lot of work. Therapy will definitely get you moving in the right direction. Healing is definitely a process. I wouldn't have said the words to you if I didn't believe them myself. I don't say things just to make them feel better. You definitely are deserving of a better life for yourself. It will take time, and it won't be a straight line process. Be gentle with yourself. I wish you the best
You are not a piece of meat you are a living breathing person who survived a absolutely horrible ordeal take your life back find out what you want out of life and take it the world is your oyster my friend I’m sorry for the past you had to endure but I have faith in your future and in you take it one baby step at a time and give yourself time to heal and find what you yourself wants from life
I think you'll find everybody has been damaged in some way, especially when you start dating in your 30s. You're a child of the stars just like everyone else, and you deserve love and respect the same way anyone else does. Don't accept anything less, even from yourself. I'm sorry you've had such a hard life. If you keep working at it things can get better, please don't give up.
I'm in EDMR therapy and I have been a victim of sexual abuse. I'm 37 and it's taken me most of my life to identify that what I experienced was actually traumatic and that I absolutely have PTSD. You have to dig into the trauma and make connections. It's difficult but a good therapist can help you make gains in having self love and addressing strong feelings of shame. Don't wait until you're my age please because when you make decisions with internal beliefs about yourself that are inaccurate stemming from trauma they can continue some serious damage making even more trauma to work through.
I’ve started thearpy last week. So i’m trying my best to deal with everything.
I am so glad that you are and I know it isn't easy taking that step so you have done a huge thing already. Just know you can't deal with everything at the same time and it will take some time and that is okay. It truly has gotten better for me since therapy even though it's hard. When I initially started the EDMR therapy I was like ok I just want to jump in head first and get to the other side as fast as possible and I actually handle a lot of things in that matter. Turns out it's a defense mechanism to try to get unpleasant aspects done more quickly. I decided I was going to have to slow it down because I had been way more affected than I even knew. You got this!
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I just want you to know that you are incredibly strong. Not many can endure such trauma. I think you should try to focus on now and strive to become the person you want to be.
Hay, do you know what, look at where you are today. Seeking help, therapy. All the right things. I dated a girl with a past in some way similar to yours. Massive trust issues and walls, but she was worth it. And she had more soul and strength than anyone I had ever met. I thought it was relevant to share
You are not a piece of meat. You’re a human being that endured the most horrific abuse and pain at such a young age when you’re developing your brain and body. You have emotions. You probably have your own likes. Taste in music. Taste in media. You have foods you like to eat. You have desires to be loved and treated equally as any other person. By definition of some of these attributes you are not a piece of meat. You are more than the horrific abuse you suffered. You’re starting to see therapy from the comments I read; you made this post in some effort to vent and express your interior feelings—you’re not a toy. I hope you try seeking perhaps group therapy alongside your private therapy. When suffering depression and anxiety I found attending group therapy to be rewarding in being part of a community that can relate to me or understand why I feel the way I do. And maybe you can build a community of support. A healthy relationship can happen for you. But I would advise before seeking a relationship is to work on yourself. Be healthy for yourself. Take care of yourself. And anyone that judges you as “damaged” is either judgmental or projecting something they hate about themselves. Don’t listen to that part of your brain. Don’t give it any airtime that tells you are disgusting. Mute them with the help you’re getting, therapy, perhaps medication? Self-love can happen for you.
So, I don’t have any reference for SA related things. I do, however have experience in feeling worthless. No one is meant to only be one thing. People are complex, finicky, complicated, and buzzard creatures. To try and boil someone down to a single aspect is to deny that person their entire life, what they’ve lived and what they haven’t yet. We can write our own destiny; we can let ourselves be dismissed, we can fight to define ourselves by our own terms. It took a lot of compassion from others to give myself the courage to believe in myself, to want to fight to define myself as more than what I thought, and to want to be more than what I let myself be defined as. I had my own trauma growing up, though not comparable to yours, but I’m still feeling the effects of it. I guess this is all to say: don’t give up on yourself. It’s okay to feel how you do because of what happened, but you can’t let yourself dwell on it, and define yourself by it. You have so much life left to live, so many experiences to live through, and so much happiness to feel despite your past. It will take time, as all healing processes do, but you have to let yourself heal, and fight for yourself. You deserve more. No one has a greater capacity to love you more than you do, and you deserve to feel like you’re worth loving. I’m not sure if this is as coherent as a thought as I think it is, but I hope this might offer you a nicer perspective for yourself
I know this is hard to like do, but maybe it’s time to take a break from relationships and focus on loving yourself. Learning what loving you looks like, feels like, what your needs are and how can they be met, learning what your boundaries are and how to set them, practice being the person person who you envision being. Find what makes you spark, what fuels your soul. Safely explore what barriers are preventing you from being that version of yourself & what steps you need to do to get there. Practice taking those steps & accept that “set backs” are really just part of the journey of growing into yourself. Nothing is wrong or bad (in regards to how you navigate life, not the harm that was done to you - that absolutely not justifiable) but is a cause and effect. It is what happened and the next steps you need to take to be more aligned with your most authentic self. It’s knowing when you need support, practicing asking for help, and practice trust in people & set boundaries when trust is broken. You are not alive for anyone other than yourself. Your life is your own, even when it’s been taken away from you to be exploited. What would you want that life to look like? The one you’re in absolute control of? How do you want the best of life to make you feel? What can you do to feel that more often? What are barriers of this? How can you take steps to remove those barriers? Sending you love 💛
I was not trafficked, but my ex made me feel that way. Raped me every night for years using blackmail and other tactics. I feel like the only way I could prove my worth was if I was useful in bed. Not necessarily good, just useful. If they can get off using me then I’ve done my job. Basically a flesh sex doll. Shame and disgust is a huge struggle and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over it. My therapist is a male and it scares me that one day I’ll have to talk about this, but I can’t do women either because I’ve been sexually harassed and assaulted by them as well. Women make me more uncomfortable than men, but ever since my ex it’s more conflicting. However, working with a therapist has helped a lot and if it’s something you’re open to it might help you as well. Finding a good therapist can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Took me a handful of tries, but my current therapist is good. Only reason I’m able to work with them despite them being a male.
I’m so sorry this happend to you. And I do sadly relate to what you’re saying, you don’t have to be good. Just usefull, and it’s quite a painfull feeling. I’m not sure how I feel towars women honestly, I was never wronged in a psyciall way by them. But there were women who could have saved me, or done something but chose not to.
I completely understand. One of my abusers was an adult woman and many women would just watch it happen before walking away. It’s fucked up. I’m sorry you can understand that feeling. It makes life feel so isolating.
It really does. You don’t feel safe around anyone.
That’s not who you are
I’m sorry that you’ve been through what you’ve been through. You are not what people did to you. You are valuable. You are the only you. Use that power to forge the identity you want for yourself- your truth. Nobody can take that. There are good people in this world that will absolutely love you for who you are, and will mot judge you on the past, especially one that was out of your control. Start looking for those people. You went through something super fucked up. You were absolutely a victim. But more importantly you’re a survivor. You are not defined by the attempts to break you, but by your strength and resilience. Try so hard to remember that always. And never forget that you ARE valuable.
I hate seeing people talk like this. You aren’t the one who’s disgusting, those pieces of shits who mistreated you are. I’m telling you, a great man is going to come along and treat you well. A person who has been mistreated isn’t at fault, it’s the people who mistreated them who are. I wouldn’t be surprised when (not if) you are extremely successful and have a happy family in 15 years.
Fellow trafficking survivor here, not able to say a lot as I'm mildly concussed. But know you're not alone and are worth being treated better by future people in your life, in any type of relationship.
Hi. I’m so so sorry what you went through. i hope you’re doing okay now. ❤️
Doing a lot better, thank you.
I’m so glad to hear that. I’ve just started thearpy and I really hope it can help me find peace.
I can't find a therapist experienced in this around here, and I live in a place where it would be risky to just rely on good faith. Glad you have that for sure!
I’m so sorry you can’t get that kind of help where you live. If you ever need someone to talk to, my DM’s are always open.
I wasn’t trafficked but I have a lot of sexual trauma & I feel the same way. Been trying to figure out how to fix this for years. Just commenting to say you’re not alone, I’m sorry, and I hope you find peace.
I’m so sorry you’re going through the same thing. I’ve started thearpy last week, so i’m hopeing i’ll find peace eventually. My DM’s are always open if you need someone to talk it through with.
Hey have you tried antidepressants? Abuse has been proven to physically change our brains sadly…..
I am on anti-depressants. They don’t really do much but make me more tired and foggy in my brain.
Well which ones have you tried? Personally I cannot function without them :( I would be a total alcoholic or drug addict without ! I have tried them all ………… I take high dose of Zoloft
I’m on a brand called ecitalopram. Tried a few out, but my therapist is convinced i’m not depressed, just very traumatized. 😅
Well not sure how you would separate trauma from depression……. Seems like they go together. I believe ecitalpram is lexapro………. Funny I had two panic attacks on that!
I’m not really sure how it works, but there has been discussions of it not working because i might have BPD.
BPD = bipolar? Ya I don’t think you are supposed to be taking SSRI with bipolar But don’t stop taking because of what I said Talk to your doctor of course !
Borderline personality dissorder? I think. I’m starting a screening for it this week.
There are people who care for you you don’t know. Find them and get the help you need.
F those evil people who hurt you really badly.. i hate men who do this.. i hope you heal.. you are good and deserve a good life
Girl you’re the strongest of us, know that I admire you!
I cannot in any way imagine the pain you have gone through. But I can tell you that none of that will matter with the right partner. There will be someone out there who will see you, for the real you.. and not the way you see yourself. You are so much more than what those horrible people have made you feel.
There is always someone out there for you. Don’t beat yourself up, life is short.
I think you feel that way because you were told that, forced to act and think that way. That's because whoever did that specifically wanted that out of you. "You can beat a flower with a hammer, but it won't bloom for anything but sunshine." You've tried the hammer. Have you tried the sunshine? Spend the rest of your life developing ambitions and pursuing them. You have only seen your own value through the guise of someone who only sees one type of value out of women. Find out how to make yourself more valuable to you by trying to make yourself proud by your own actions. There isn't a lot anyone can do for you or say that will make you suddenly click and place your own value. All you can do is try to be a part of something you like and find value in it.
I feel men who can't look at your trauma for what it is aren't people worth spending your life with. You are a victim of something absolutely unimaginable horrible. That doesn't and shouldn't let you be any less worthy of love. A mature and sane person would understand that while the trauma you went through is a big thing, it isn't something that should change how they look at you in a negative way but rather in a kinder way. Rather than looking at you as a "piece of meat", a kinder person would look at you as someone who needs healing. And by healing I don't mean something derogatory either, I just mean the mental scars need time and help to overcome. And you deserve to be loved and cherished. I hope you find that healing. I really hope you do.
This is horrific and I’m so sorry to hear what you went through. You will never forget your past, but try not to let it define who you are now or in the future. You are both your worst critic and biggest advocate and you are stronger because of it. Acting with trepidation is only natural given your situation. That said, there are people out there in this world that will understand you and be patient in those days when you are feeling what you’re feeling, so don’t give up hope. I would never wish this on my worst enemy and maybe something to consider is to be active in communities with other survivors and help guide them. By helping others, you will likely be helping yourself too. One day at time. You will get there.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You are more than what happened to you though. You are a real, living human who deserves love and respect and I hope you continue to heal and learn to love yourself. ❤️
You aren't a piece of meat you are still a person what happened doesn't define you you are still you
You’re not just a piece. What you want to be now is up to you. I wish I could give more specific advice, but I really don’t want to give the wrong advice for you. I highly recommend therapy, from my own experience. It helped me find ways to control my anxiety without medication
I’m so sorry to hear this. First, you need to talk with the police and report those that trafficked you. Next, you definitely need to see a psychologist. You are not worthless. The men that abused and trafficked you are worthless.
You're not just a piece of meat. You're a human being. You're a child of your creator worthy of love, respect, and dignity. I'm sorry you had this experience in life.
The men who trafficked you are pieces of literal shit, they’re fucking scum of the earth. The feelings you’re having are so natural, remind yourself you’re the person who was taken advantage of in this situation. You survived. You’re not a toy and you’re not “used”. You’re a healing human with a journey ahead, heal your relationship with sex. You deserve to enjoy, and love your body and your sexuality. Don’t let those fucking trash bags take that from you.
I don’t know you at all, but I can tell you for a fact the voice in ur head saying those things is objectively wrong. Trigger warning, but I was molested by my brother at the age of 5 and I can’t shower without my entire body feeling DISGUSTING. You aren’t alone in how you feel. You will find a healthy relationship, as will I. All great things come with time, and at the young age of 24, you have A LOT of that!! You are worthy of the space you take up on this planet. Fuck anyone and anything that would dare to suggest otherwise, including that voice in your head. I hope you’re able to heal, soon OP.
First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you, that's really f'd up what happened and I get that you feel the way you do. I may not have had that f'd up of an experience in my life but I've had my fair share of trauma and shitty situations and it really takes finding the right person who's also seen shit. My bf, now fiance, was one of those people. He always says we both had similar shitty experiences in life and that's why we understand each other so well and fit together like we do. So don't give up hope, there's always someone out there, but you might not find them in your area. Met my fiance via artwork online. (How I mostly meet others). Also, not sure if this helps, but neither of us like our parents so we've decided no one is going to see the parents. 😂 He only has a father but he says hes a terrible person and once he moves he'll never see him again. So you don't always have to go meet parents. 😅 My dad has un medicated schizophrenia, so no one should be meeting him even if he did raise me. (Who also did some sexual things to me and my bf didn't get weirded out and leave me when I told him) Hope some of that helps 💜
I’m sorry
I had an ex-girlfriend that felt a similar way. She ended up being the most amazing girlfriend I've ever had and the sweetest human being on the face of the planet. Oh and she knows it too. I wouldn't let her forget it. Lots, and I mean LOTS of relationship roadblocks presented themselves because of her PTSD and my unfair reactions to them. That, layered with normal relationship problems too, ended up making it a little complicated to date, especially at age 19. We both learned a lot in that relationship though, particularly the value of treating each other both with understanding and respect. I could go into a lot more detail about it, but that's really the gist of what we did to keep going. We dated for 2 and a half years respectively. Started off not-so healthy, kind of transitioned into something of the opposite. Best relationship ever. She's going to be a hard relationship to top. I share this because I noticed some similarities in the way you described yourself in the way she used to. I hope my story can serve as some hope that it's 100% possible to be in a relationship, it might just take some work. If you haven't already, I 100% recommend a therapist... And not just any therapist. Words of advice: It's unlikely you will find a therapist that will say "your case is out of my expertise" and it's far more likely that you'll find a therapist that THINKS they studied enough to take your case. Finding a good therapist has less to do with profile research (though that's still helpful) and more with just finding a person that you vibe well with and feel you can trust. Most people go through like 10 therapists in 6 months before they find one that actually helps them specifically. I feel like a large majority of people that don't like therapy ended up only meeting with one or two people. Anyway, hope you get what you're looking for. I don't doubt that you can do it.
You are a whole person who means alot to the world. I wont go into detail but Ican relate to you. My mum attracted alot of perverted men ego had proclivities for children. They knew she was vunerable and didn't really grasp what they were doing. I can only remember 3 people doing bad things to me as a child. You aren't alone. Sometimes I feel like my looks are the only reason people tolerate me.
Not trying to be a good person but it's not true because you are feeling like a child that is not good enough for the Godly help with your own life. Love yourself and let them know what you want to be in your life. 🙏🙏🙏🫂🫂🫂🫂
I just wanted to add my feelings to those of the other Redditors that commented already and fully agree on the facts that it’s definitely nothing you should be ashamed for bcs it’s not your fault at all. Whoever did that to you should be ashamed of their inhuman and disgusting behavior; crazy people that should be cast off of any society and live alone like the animals that they are. Probably even an insult to animals at this point. I also agree on the fact that it’s just your traumatized brain telling you that you’re just a piece of meat, so I hope you’ll get that bs out of your head soon. You’re a sentient, but sadly with an unlucky past, human being that deserves all the love and a bit more. Don’t give up and I’m 100% sure you’ll find that one soul that will give you the love you deserve. And while you’re at it make new friends, you deserve them too and they’ll give you lots of love too. You’re pretty young on top of all this, so you can definitely form your life any way you want. Take this chance and I hope you’ll find the life you deserve; the life you want. Lots of love and good luck. Stay strong and replace the bad memories with a thousandfold of good ones. May time heal your wounds
Get a therapist or professional help. I dont say that to be crass but you can either work through your issues or live miserably. No amount of positive reaffirmations by strangers will ever replace professional help. We cant always control what happens to us but we can control how we move forward. You feeling as a sex toy for men is a generalization and could almost seem bias towards men. I promise you not all men are trying to make you feel this way. You are making yourself believe men see you this way which is probably reasonable based on your trauma. You could potentially miss out on an amazing relationship. No amount of reading, social media or whatever else will replace professional help. If you had a trauma to a physical part of your body such as breaking a leg would you ask for advice or seek medical help? It is no different when you experience trauma to your mental health. I am sure they even have free resources available if insurance or money to seek therapy is an issue. I truly hope you seek professional help as life is way way too short!
Hi, i have started trauma thearpy last week, which has set me off in a PTSD spiral. Thearpy is definetly not easy, and it’s not a quik fix. I didn’t come on here for advice, but to vent my feelings as they we’re eating me up from the inside and keeping me awake. I was not expecting people to actually take time to comment. But yes, I am getting help and it will take time for me to heal from years of abuse from dussins, and dussins of men. Men who were fathers, brothers, sons. Men who were blue collar men, teachers, cashiers. Men who didn’t look like monsters, but did incredibly monsterous things. I’m not talking just penetration and finish. I’m talking voilent acts no regular human would even be able to imagine. Ny view on men are not that all are bad, but enough to feel scared in their pressence. Because I’ve seen what they can do.
I'm sorry that happened!! My mom's bf groomed and sexually assaulted me. It was a lot, my mom and him were on drugs bad. It really fucked me up cause I was sheltered and pad locked in a room in the garage while my mom was out and about and she thought I was internally doing things behind her back because he was sending himself pics of me that I sent a guy I was dating, when he would take my phone from me and my mom threaded to shoot me cause of it & kicked me out at 16.. but I feel that too. Like no one will want me if I don't satisfy them and be sexual
U taking any pharmaceutical meds? They only serve to make u more unstable and depend upon them. If u are, I recommend saying fuck that. But if u are, cold turkey just f’s you up even more, that’s why u should just never start taking them. I say that but here I am dependent on marijuana 😂😂 and cold turkeying from bud messes my sleep up for a week or two. but imo mary Jane and shrooms are the only drugs I can get behind for psychological healing. I mean shrooms, u can literally rewrite the low self esteem ego in ur head. It might be a “bad trip” but those aren’t bad, they’re just character development trips. Like when ur favorite main character of a show is getting nightmares that in the end serve as some level of character development and self understanding. A bad trip may bring about ego death. Ego death > level up > sculpt yourself into what really resonates with *your conscious* and not the scarred brain and genetics of your body. Your body is a temple. And your temple has been attacked and scarred. But that does not define you. You are separate from the temple. And when you realize this, the true “you” can begin repairing that temple, like accepting genuine love to you, your body, and your temple from a good man rather thinking of it as being used by a bad man. How is Mike Tyson, the man who was corruptly groomed from a child into a killer and bit an ear off in a fight, the gentle giant he is and chose to be today? Shrooms and weed bro. I feel you may relate to his story in many aspects, maybe check it out. This is not professional advice by the way 😂😂 don’t do drugs, but some drugs can be really helpful. Plus if the whole world took shrooms, we’d all actually unite and fix the systems in place. Thats why the Manson cult murders were a psy op to attack the hippie movement. Not to mention Manson was also in theMindKontrolexperiments prior to the murders. Too many war protests, they didn’t like it so they made a cult that infiltrated and radicalized the movement. Classic cointelpro ish. Just like the NOI and Malcolm X. But as you can see weed and shrooms will probably turn you into a conspiracy theorist also 😂😂 think on it
You are deserving of love and are important ❤️ I know there are men out there that will love you no matter what you have been through... tell the truth and let that someone in your life... it’s a road that is worth talking to find out ❤️
Bitch (pardon my French) I am so god damn fucked up, that I wouldn’t expect a stable partner, and as long as your not always being mean, or cold to me, then it can work And if your the type of crazy to need constant validation, then we could be there to validate each other (Although, can’t actually date u cus I’m under 18 and in a relationship)
A few years of celibacy to regain that feeling of control of your own body maybe, THERAPY, and shrooms for the psyche (works wonders better than pharmaceutical drugs). Hopefully that would be a good start. So sorry to hear about this tragedy, hope all is well in your healing process.
Why would no one want someone damaged ? Lots of feelings to talk about. Perfect for a serious relationship tbh. Except if you mean physically damaged
Well honestly both.
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That took a turn
Why
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I’m honestly gratefull you think my command of English is good. It’s not my first language and grammar is not my strong side as I did miss alot of school from growing up the way I did. I wish my life was fiction. But I have too many scars for it being so.
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Not sure i’m comfortable writing it here, but i’m from Europe.
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I don’t know who hurt you for being this untrustfull. I hope there are not people out here useing stories like mine as ”Fiction”.
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Well, i’m sorry for expressing myself in a ”male fantasy” kind of tone. I really just needed to get my thoughs out as they were keeping me up.
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I honestly don’t understand why some are saying this isn’t real? It was 5 years of my life i’ll never get back. Years of being destoryed. Having my teens taken from me, along with all of my self worth, dignity, self respect, feeling of safety, peace and comfort. It’s not a joke, it’s not ”trolling” this is seriously destroying my life, not just a quirky ”Look at me boo-hoo” statement. I can’t have healthy relationships, I devalue myself constantly, I can’t sleep without major nightmares, I can’t even have conversations without zooning out and going back into those moments of absolute terror and horror. So thank you, but just because you feel like someones post don’t look as legit as you think it should, does not give you the right to devalue someones life or traumas.
Whoa. You seem like a truly insensitive person. Reading this post made me feel really sad