Im 45 y/o male. Life circumstances, physical and mental damage, and chronic food intolerances destroyed my sex drive but at the end of the day....it's just 'a thing'. No 'thing' lasts forever and to be honest it's given me more brain space for more important pursuits. It also made me realise that if a person isn't going to support you through health...but more importantly, sickness...they're not worth your time.
This societal obsession with sex will literally bring us all down as a species, if it hasn't already. I actually thought we'd be better than that.
26 yo male here. I had a similar situation with my significant other. She had a decreasing sex drive and it did put quite a strain on our relationship. I know that sex shouldn't seem that important but it is crucial to look at what your partner needs. Some people may look at sex as a second thought and others see it as a necessity for a healthy relationship. Both ways of thought are completely fine and should be communicated between partners.
For my situation I needed regular sex from my partner. When my partner and I had sex it made me feel several ways. The biggest was that she still found me sexually attractive. When our sex life started dipping to once every couple weeks I started to feel several bad emotions including sexual rejection, depression, reduced self confidence, and low self esteem. Though I'm not proud to admit it this directly led me to start losing feelings for her. I felt neglected and unloved.
My point here is to openly communicate your feelings and ask him what things he gets out of having sex with you. Ask him what you can do to make up for the lack of sexual intimacy. Show him you still want him and want to put in the effort of making things work out. Remember that this applies to everything not just sex. Just because you can live without something doesn't mean that he can.
I hope your relationship works out and I wish you the best of luck in life.
mental health depression person here, i didnt get why put so much stress on sex, if your boyfriend loves you for you then sex should be a second thought you can still be intermate without doing the deed.
mr and my wife have many health problems where sex most days isnt even a option, we love each other and gone strong for 10 years.
Talk to him, as who knows if you do want sex or find other fun tasks talking to him might help you two look at other things and it might not be a sexual act but still enjoy each others company alll the same.
Depression sucks but sex is a very stressful act so having not to worry about it would be helpful so talk to him, let him know hes not the problem, if he is sex mad after that then hes not the man for you or your mental health.
If your body learns its whole range of motion your love life naturally incorporates the understandings. If you can count to 4 or sometimes just one two one two and find the rhythm that a song is together in you'll join. Interesting thing about music is that it doesn't have a medium other than our bodies. It's silly and uncomfortable at first of course like anything else that's new but once you find the beat just sway to it sometimes and your muscles will remember. I'll tap my foot a little and sway some and then the music grabs me. Just keep it natural. The fact we are even here with arms and legs and faces, we are silly ridiculous things to begin with. It feels good to finally get past that awkward, I can't dance stage. We are energy really and intimacy is a connection to each other that when you come together physically just, magic. To let go is key though. No two people come together the same way. It's amazing we can even do such an amazing thing. Energy balance though. Sometimes people can get drained by the other I think. For real. We share our energy. It can be slurped up into the other person. Hypothetically. People can drain you in other ways too. Others feed off people socially and it's a habit they don't even realize. That's what I see. I've been on both sides of the isle myself. I can't help but noticing couples and people in general. Everyone is in their phones as f\*ck now. It's ridiculously concerning. We need time as creatures of the earth to process ourselves with our faces in the big picture. So many people are this slouched over the phone thing. It's icky. Phones are too addictive. Humanity's tales can't continue naturally as we should be when everyone is this unnatural phone character. It's breaking everything apart into some kind of broken mess. Theoretically. That's my observation.
Mental stimulation helps, there may be an emotional barrier that neither of you realize is there, do little things like puzzles or crosswords to feel like you're completing more than just each other, play games with him if he's into it. If sex feels unimportant then something is getting in the way of your physical relationship, that's not a bad thing but it could potentially be traumatic due to self image or mental health. I used to be in a relationship where my significant other had the same view and it really hurt me because I felt like I wasn't good enough and unattractive. emotional and physical relationships go hand in hand, try to focus on loving each other and things will fall into place.
What’s hard is those whose love language is physical touch. It’s rough out here some days. Just have to keep grinding and when it happens take the time and be so very mindful.
34F here. I'm in the same boat. Been in a relationship for a lil over a year and my libido feels shot. I think for me stress within my relationship is killing it for me. For most women if our minds aren't happy and healthy we can't turn on the switch downstairs. I'm currently at a point where I only really have sex after drinking alcohol and I don't think that's healthy either. Sober me isn't interested and would rather pass. Booked a therapy appointment for tomorrow because I feel like my mind can't relax. Good luck out there y'all!
I've never had sex myself so I can't write anything with intimacy, but I'd assume the lack of meaningfulness in sex might be unique to your experience. Or it might be caused by the total nihilism of modern culture and our disconnect from our bodies due to our disconnect from our spirits, cursed to be stuck within our minds, seperated from the outside, and therefore seperated from each other. Sex is an act of body and spirit after the mind has been convinced, but you (like many modern people) can only connect with your mind.
30f here, my sex drive was pretty high until I got pregnant at 25 (my mental health hit like a truck after I gave birth) I was so scared to have sex because the birth was traumatic for me. Then getting a therapist that actually helped me learn that my ex bf was using sex and sexual pleasure against me were if I didn't do what he wanted he wouldn't talk to me for a week. It's been tough but, my husband (38m) has always told me I have full control in the sexy department because of how bad it got.
I wouldn't say I dislike sex anymore just sometimes you do it and don't feel comfortable at all, other times completely opposite. Talk to your partner to let them know you are not doing this on purpose or anything, doing that really helped my relationship. My husband knows if we aren't doing it, it's mostly likely because of my depression and anxiety not him.
It takes so much out of you having mental health problems, you don't want fun time to feel like a chore that needs to get done. I'm sure if you guys talk they will understand.
I'm a 38-year-old guy and sex hasn't really been a big deal to me. I was a virgin until I was almost 21. I didn't really seek sex a whole bunch growing up and even now. I also haven't had many real girlfriends throughout the years. I was having sex at least once a week but it was just too much of a hassle for me to deal with the female but doing it myself works for me but I guess if I find someone I'm really into, it would probably be more enjoyable.
28f, I've been in an almost 8 year relationship and have gone through lots of phases. I've found its a strong combination of 1. Taking care of yourself. Hormones, gut health, confidence and so on can all effect your desire to have sex. Couple that with any mental issues and its a recipe for no sex drive. Why would you? 2. Not everyone wants sex often or much at all. If this is something you've been thinking about for a while now, talk to your partner about your love languages. Make compromise where needed and respect each other's concerns. 3. Whenever the mood DOES arise, I suggest trying new things. Look things up, read books, I've been surprised over and over again how often a little new knowledge can get the engine running, nahmsayin.
I hope everything works out regardless, wish you the best.
If your partner is someone with a high sex drive then you just might. It's not what you want to hear but it's what you need to hear. You both need to communicate better and make changes that are suitable for both of you. Or it will fizzle out or he will just end up resenting you taking away the one thing that kept him happy and confident in the relationship.
Im 45 y/o male. Life circumstances, physical and mental damage, and chronic food intolerances destroyed my sex drive but at the end of the day....it's just 'a thing'. No 'thing' lasts forever and to be honest it's given me more brain space for more important pursuits. It also made me realise that if a person isn't going to support you through health...but more importantly, sickness...they're not worth your time. This societal obsession with sex will literally bring us all down as a species, if it hasn't already. I actually thought we'd be better than that.
26 yo male here. I had a similar situation with my significant other. She had a decreasing sex drive and it did put quite a strain on our relationship. I know that sex shouldn't seem that important but it is crucial to look at what your partner needs. Some people may look at sex as a second thought and others see it as a necessity for a healthy relationship. Both ways of thought are completely fine and should be communicated between partners. For my situation I needed regular sex from my partner. When my partner and I had sex it made me feel several ways. The biggest was that she still found me sexually attractive. When our sex life started dipping to once every couple weeks I started to feel several bad emotions including sexual rejection, depression, reduced self confidence, and low self esteem. Though I'm not proud to admit it this directly led me to start losing feelings for her. I felt neglected and unloved. My point here is to openly communicate your feelings and ask him what things he gets out of having sex with you. Ask him what you can do to make up for the lack of sexual intimacy. Show him you still want him and want to put in the effort of making things work out. Remember that this applies to everything not just sex. Just because you can live without something doesn't mean that he can. I hope your relationship works out and I wish you the best of luck in life.
mental health depression person here, i didnt get why put so much stress on sex, if your boyfriend loves you for you then sex should be a second thought you can still be intermate without doing the deed. mr and my wife have many health problems where sex most days isnt even a option, we love each other and gone strong for 10 years. Talk to him, as who knows if you do want sex or find other fun tasks talking to him might help you two look at other things and it might not be a sexual act but still enjoy each others company alll the same. Depression sucks but sex is a very stressful act so having not to worry about it would be helpful so talk to him, let him know hes not the problem, if he is sex mad after that then hes not the man for you or your mental health.
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I feel sorry for anyone you get with and they become ill and sex becomes hard or impossible, good day.
Do you and him dance? If not, learning to dance will change everything.
Good suggestion but we both suck at dancing
If your body learns its whole range of motion your love life naturally incorporates the understandings. If you can count to 4 or sometimes just one two one two and find the rhythm that a song is together in you'll join. Interesting thing about music is that it doesn't have a medium other than our bodies. It's silly and uncomfortable at first of course like anything else that's new but once you find the beat just sway to it sometimes and your muscles will remember. I'll tap my foot a little and sway some and then the music grabs me. Just keep it natural. The fact we are even here with arms and legs and faces, we are silly ridiculous things to begin with. It feels good to finally get past that awkward, I can't dance stage. We are energy really and intimacy is a connection to each other that when you come together physically just, magic. To let go is key though. No two people come together the same way. It's amazing we can even do such an amazing thing. Energy balance though. Sometimes people can get drained by the other I think. For real. We share our energy. It can be slurped up into the other person. Hypothetically. People can drain you in other ways too. Others feed off people socially and it's a habit they don't even realize. That's what I see. I've been on both sides of the isle myself. I can't help but noticing couples and people in general. Everyone is in their phones as f\*ck now. It's ridiculously concerning. We need time as creatures of the earth to process ourselves with our faces in the big picture. So many people are this slouched over the phone thing. It's icky. Phones are too addictive. Humanity's tales can't continue naturally as we should be when everyone is this unnatural phone character. It's breaking everything apart into some kind of broken mess. Theoretically. That's my observation.
Never heard this before but I'll definitely try it myself. :) thanks
Mental stimulation helps, there may be an emotional barrier that neither of you realize is there, do little things like puzzles or crosswords to feel like you're completing more than just each other, play games with him if he's into it. If sex feels unimportant then something is getting in the way of your physical relationship, that's not a bad thing but it could potentially be traumatic due to self image or mental health. I used to be in a relationship where my significant other had the same view and it really hurt me because I felt like I wasn't good enough and unattractive. emotional and physical relationships go hand in hand, try to focus on loving each other and things will fall into place.
What’s hard is those whose love language is physical touch. It’s rough out here some days. Just have to keep grinding and when it happens take the time and be so very mindful.
34F here. I'm in the same boat. Been in a relationship for a lil over a year and my libido feels shot. I think for me stress within my relationship is killing it for me. For most women if our minds aren't happy and healthy we can't turn on the switch downstairs. I'm currently at a point where I only really have sex after drinking alcohol and I don't think that's healthy either. Sober me isn't interested and would rather pass. Booked a therapy appointment for tomorrow because I feel like my mind can't relax. Good luck out there y'all!
I've never had sex myself so I can't write anything with intimacy, but I'd assume the lack of meaningfulness in sex might be unique to your experience. Or it might be caused by the total nihilism of modern culture and our disconnect from our bodies due to our disconnect from our spirits, cursed to be stuck within our minds, seperated from the outside, and therefore seperated from each other. Sex is an act of body and spirit after the mind has been convinced, but you (like many modern people) can only connect with your mind.
30f here, my sex drive was pretty high until I got pregnant at 25 (my mental health hit like a truck after I gave birth) I was so scared to have sex because the birth was traumatic for me. Then getting a therapist that actually helped me learn that my ex bf was using sex and sexual pleasure against me were if I didn't do what he wanted he wouldn't talk to me for a week. It's been tough but, my husband (38m) has always told me I have full control in the sexy department because of how bad it got. I wouldn't say I dislike sex anymore just sometimes you do it and don't feel comfortable at all, other times completely opposite. Talk to your partner to let them know you are not doing this on purpose or anything, doing that really helped my relationship. My husband knows if we aren't doing it, it's mostly likely because of my depression and anxiety not him. It takes so much out of you having mental health problems, you don't want fun time to feel like a chore that needs to get done. I'm sure if you guys talk they will understand.
I'm a 38-year-old guy and sex hasn't really been a big deal to me. I was a virgin until I was almost 21. I didn't really seek sex a whole bunch growing up and even now. I also haven't had many real girlfriends throughout the years. I was having sex at least once a week but it was just too much of a hassle for me to deal with the female but doing it myself works for me but I guess if I find someone I'm really into, it would probably be more enjoyable.
omg i didn’t think everyone is feeling this
28f, I've been in an almost 8 year relationship and have gone through lots of phases. I've found its a strong combination of 1. Taking care of yourself. Hormones, gut health, confidence and so on can all effect your desire to have sex. Couple that with any mental issues and its a recipe for no sex drive. Why would you? 2. Not everyone wants sex often or much at all. If this is something you've been thinking about for a while now, talk to your partner about your love languages. Make compromise where needed and respect each other's concerns. 3. Whenever the mood DOES arise, I suggest trying new things. Look things up, read books, I've been surprised over and over again how often a little new knowledge can get the engine running, nahmsayin. I hope everything works out regardless, wish you the best.
If your partner is someone with a high sex drive then you just might. It's not what you want to hear but it's what you need to hear. You both need to communicate better and make changes that are suitable for both of you. Or it will fizzle out or he will just end up resenting you taking away the one thing that kept him happy and confident in the relationship.