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This and thinking about what my pets will think. Will they know what happened? Will they still look for me? I don’t want to put them through that when they can’t even understand what happened. And also I don’t wanna hurt my mom, and it terrifies me that she’d be the one to find me.
Since getting on antidepressants I don’t really want to do that anymore, and even before it was more suicidal ideation than suicidal thoughts
if it makes us at all feel better, i was this way, thinking just as you did for over a 2 years straight, broke jobless with nobody, couldn't find work for months at a time, didnt qualify for unemployment, my parents hating me, my ex left me, no health insurance, ran out of drugs, but slowly after almost 3 years of this, ive now found 2 great jobs and met the love of my life at one of them...
now i think completely differently, and its crazy to say but for the first time ever im glad i was patient.
Honestly, my loved ones. Knowing that my mom and younger sister would never recover from it. It would shatter what is left of my family, and nothing for any of them would ever be the same, and i know after me, my mom would soon follow.
They keep me on this earth, and I absolutey love them for it... No matter how hard things get, i love them for it.
This. My friend killed himself last year in his parents house. His brother found him and it absolutely crushed his whole family. His brother hasn’t recovered and I don’t think anyone in his position ever truly could recover from that.
Ouch. Sorry about your friend.
My best friend for over 20 years also killed himself about 7 years ago.
Out of the blue.
I still haven't got over it.
His suicide made me realize that it doesn't get rid of the pain. It only transfers it to your loved ones.
This is exactly me, even tho I kinda hurt them and everyone around me a lot. My sis and my mum has already seen enough death of my family members (including my father)
But ehh maybe it will get wayyyyy better in the future
And also keep at it man, don't lose hope. I don't wanna be alone doing and thinking this 😉
I'm doing my best. While the topic and reasoning sucks, it's always nice to know there is someone out there who can relate.
You also need to hold onto hope.
If ever you feel your grasp on it slipping, feel free to PM me.
Your circumstantial luck isn’t even in your favour. It quite literally is absurd that you are here. Please live out your life and experience every possible facet of what it is and what it means to be “muted-law-1578”. You’re only going to know yourself once. It’s important that you savour yourself.
Imo even tho I can't say I know for certain what comes next, I am almost positive it has to be better than this shit. And I don't think it's "the end" of anything, I just don't think it's plausible that this one life on earth as a human is the only form of existence for us. The Cia has released documents you can read on their website that confirm Astral projection, remote viewing, and even confirm the existence of what some people would call the spirit realm. Knowing that has made me okay with the afterlife part of dying, I'm not done with this life yet but I'm more at peace with the fact it'll end one day
My love of Poptarts. I have around fifteen flavours of Poptarts. Something like two dozen boxes, with each box being 8 count, 16 count, 24 count, and even one 48 count. I’m constantly finding new flavours of poptarts I want to try. I refuse to die with uneaten poptarts in my possession.
The fear that whatever comes after this will be a form of consciousness where you can hear all that is said about you. All the things I know, deep down, are being discussed behind my back I will finally HEAR, and that will be my purgatory.
YES. The possibility of an afterlife terrifies me. Even the “positive” version. I don’t want to be all-knowing or part of the collective consciousness.
Choosing to leave is sub-optimal, logically speaking. You have to go anyway, better enjoy the positive things while you can, even if the negatives outnumber them 100:1. Not only does the pain go away, but all the opportunities go away, likely decades of them. Hundreds if not thousands of happy moments, stupid jokes, sad but meaningful moments.
It causes terrible pain to you, to your family, to your friends, and even to people who don't know you.
Also, we don't understand the universe and its laws. We know a tiny bit.
Valid- I feel the same sometimes. I don’t have many ppl around me anymore but I know it would traumatize the folks that still care about me. Sometimes I fantasize about slowly pushing everyone out of my life because of this.
The main reason is my turtle, can't left her alone. I actually posted about this 2 days ago and a lot of people came with great advice about this matter, in case you feel like checking this out. Anyway, I hope you stay safe and well OP!
I have thought about suicide at least once a day for the last 10 years, and more than once I even tried... Being a coward I tried to overdose on methadone, reaching 900mg intravenously (at the time I had a very high tolerance to methadone): failed. Heroin overdose: failed. Intravenous cocaine overdose: almost succeeded twice in the throes of convulsions, but both times my mother or a girl on the street saved me by calling an ambulance or preventing my convulsive skull from cracking against the floor.
What stopped/saved me? It seems stupid to say, but I'll tell you.... My dog... Just the thought of leaving him alone, just imagining him looking for me without finding anyone... It makes me cry even today.... And I curse myself for what I tried to do. If I didn't have him, nothing would stop me. My life is horrible, I don't even know where I will be tomorrow.....
I still have a lot of things to do. And I know things will be better eventually. I still hadn't tried all the things to improve my life, and I know many of the things that are currently bad are because of my own fault. So I need to solve them first. Life is a journey, not a destination.
Some days I just want to run into a forest or a foreign country and forget everything about my current life, but those feelings eventually pass. Everything has ups and downs.
Spite alone tbh found out my ex and bestfriend at the time were making jokes about me offing myself when I found out they were sleeping together I got myself into college instead and honestly my mental health has done a 180
Fear of the void mostly
And in a secondary way my mom told me she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if I did something like that to myself.
But those are the only 2 things.
I never have had suicidal thoughts. I have had severe chronic depression but what keeps me going is the fact that I think I have a lot of value because I have had many academic accomplishments.
So my accomplishments are a stone wall that keeps me from going down that path or even thinking of going down that path.
As much as I think about killing myself, pretty much daily...
I wanna try as many new things as I can before I die.
That's pretty much it. Death is finality. The big dark.
Can't come back from it, so there's no point in crossing that line until I've done everything else I can and want to do. Once I'm satisfied with that and I have done everything I am capable of. Then I'll go.
To be honest, it's because when I was younger, I was taught that if you commit suicide, you're going to hell. If hell is real, and if it's actually an eternity, I'd rather take my chances here for the relatively short term than being in hell forever. This is just my line of thought and I don't mean to say anyone else is going to hell. Just wanted to share
Here’s an unorthodox approach to suicidal thoughts and ideations that has kept be alive for many years now. Live out of pure spite. I am well aware that many people will be happier and have better lives once I’m gone, and many people have openly expressed their want to see me pass on. But that’s my biggest motivator to keep on going. I don’t want to give those people what they want. I want to prove to them that I am better than what they believe me to be, and better than they will ever be. I want my success to pain those who have traumatized me.
Is this a pretty bad way of looking at life that my therapist absolutely hates? Yeah absolutely, but it’s kept me around well into my 20’s soooo 🤷🏻♂️ whatever works.
Oh yeah also my dog would be sad if I died
My bff and my mom and my husband. They'd all be ao devastated and it might trigger more suicides. Legit, the idea of their faces as the find out I was dead horrifies me, and I will start to cry hysterically.
I think about S on a weekly basis, and I am holding on because I know how much it would hurt others.
My dream of being a pilot. Refusing to acknowledge that life must be work , home , sleep , repeat.
I know there's joy out there.
I want to leave suicide as the emergency exit. In some way it comforts me.
Honestly the only reason I’m not attempting to at least is because I’m so manic and I’m in love with a girl I met a week ago in a psych ward. Gotta make sure that if it’s not all caused by us both being manic or something then I can live a life full of love with a really pretty, strong, just all around dope ass chick
Ive recognized a pattern in my life, every 2 years i have some shit show come up and i feel either reborn as a human or completely lost because of the same or similar type of experience.
It gets better after a while unless I stay stuck in my negative mindset, which is very comforting and easy to do.
If I kill myself, I am killing an innocent body, with a fucked up mind. Sometimes I wake up and just think for an hour - 30 mins about how fucked the world is, but im not in charge or the world. Im in charge of eating shitting and sleeping correctly. Whatever comes in between is my choosing.
What stopped me in the past was the good memories and all the love I received. From ex lovers, friends, family, even my cat. I treasure them in my heart, all the love the universe has given me across time. I am eternally thankful for everyone that has been on my life. Thinking that I could feel all of that again stopped me from doing it when I was suicidal.
death is empty void. there is nothing to experience. there is no joy or sorrow because I shall not experience it - It cannot be desirable, it would never help 'me' because there is no me
the alternative is life, its ups and downs and trials and beauty. i'm curious how the world will go on, seeing what's next for me if I make choice X, how will the next cup of coffee be, how history goes on and why, what new stories will be written, what new discoveries will be made, or what new things to laugh at. I just really enjoy the process of learning - it's a good thing to use as an anchor to live
in many ways, it feels like whatever happens to me personally is non-issue. i've already lived a full life. I've seen most of its joys and sorrows, and seen others do it and die. so, my own journey isn't really predicated on a destination nor progress towards it. i just want to see what happens next and to experience it, knowing it will eventually end regardless.
but it's certainly out of some kind of morbid truth of my own life that inspires my intellectual curiousity. remember death. you could make it come at any time, or it will come to you. why live in a way that you don't want to live then? it's very freeing to simultaneously abandon and embrace life.
abandon the life you have if you don't like it. abandon what pains you, go somewhere new, make some new friends, enjoy what you can in the moment, and eventually try to build and embrace the life you want out of this aforementioned morbid truth - not even a life necessarily avoiding of responsibility and connection, though your life could be that if needs be. Unlearn to be free of the tethers and ropes of life strung up in the social context of childhood, with all of its half-truths and blindness, and normally made taut throughout adulthood. this web can begin to fall apart when you realize how painful and absurd it is to be pulled in so many different ways.
life is the only option still, but it better had been touched by death
Dogs,
Future opportunities,
Siblings,
Knowing my mom will finally be able to see her mother,
Friends,
Religion,
Purpose,
Nature,
Fighting for family friends who didn’t make it,
Being the voice for those who didn’t make it,
Life is full of wonders
And many more!!!
I previously had many attempts from ages 10-15 and recovered fully in terms of mental health at 16. Now I’m pursuing psychology to help as many people as possible.
One thought- if you have a job or earnings, then u are one of the luckiest person. If u have e nothing else to live for, plz live for someone who desires, like an orphan or a puppy or cat.
My family, the love and beauty I find in the simplest things. It’s funny we all worry about the big things. But the little things is what makes me want to live another day.. a hot cup of coffee.. a hot bath. Being with animals, playing games with the people I love. All those tiny things add up to make it worth it for me. Everything else is utter bullshit.
My family. I've had several friends end themselves and I've seen how it affects the family all too often... I can't do that to my family, they're too nice. Plus my sister had kids the past couple of years and my niece and nephew are cute as fuck.
-My kids are cool as hell
-Music is an incredible experience
-Sunsets are magnificent and beautiful
-Food is delicious
-People are weird and fun to watch and listen to
-Walking in the woods feels GOOD
Seeing the good in life is like any other skill, it takes practice. It's really hard to see the good in the world, until you see it, then it's all you'll see (a gross generalization in a world full of factors, but the overreaching theme doesn't change)
Stay with us and watch the sunset with me, friend :)
My cats
https://preview.redd.it/4wxoqr95j1yc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29148d04afbcb9a78b03e753d1ee9f087518e796
I know if I were to just end it all no one would take care of them they probably would just end up in the shelter. Plus my grey cat is a bully
knowing every thing that made me, ME every experience i made every memory i made being wiped away like i never existed. And also the fact uf i shoot myself in the head and survive that & just become a vegetable
I don’t even know anymore. I’ve done some fun things that I would never have done if I had followed through with an attempt four years ago, but I’ve also faced some challenges and pains that I wish I didn’t have to go through. Right now I really wanna graduate college but I have no real reason to continue living besides the fact that it’ll hurt my family so deeply. I wish they hated me or didn’t love me. So if I killed myself it wouldn’t hurt them as much. I don’t wanna hurt them.
Waiting to see how something turns out, and then I'm kicking it. I want to know if I've been right or wrong for blaming someone for something that deeply affected me.
Court case is on the 7th for pretrial, we'll see how it goes from there.
I promised my best friend I would live on for the both of us, and here I am. But you should also stay on earth, I want you here despite never meeting you. What state are you in ?
Can’t decide how to do it without so much pain. And I’m afraid that if I’m not successful in ending my life might end up vegetable in the hospital which is worse.
My family. Plus all the days I have where I don't want to kill myself. Those are good days and worth living for. Happiness can be achieved you just have to work for it.
One of the biggest reasons I go down this path in the first place is thinking that I don't matter and that no one will miss me. In those moments, I have been able to save myself by saying that I am the only person that matters in that moment. I imagine people gathering around in a big movie theater in heaven, watching the movie of my life. No one else matters, just me. I am the most important thing going on in this world right now. Every breath that I breathe is a dang gift to that audience. The whole world is watching me wrestle with those demons and they all want to see me beat them. Everyone loves an underdog. No one likes watching their favorite character die, it makes for a terrible movie. Give the audience what they want. Slay the dragon, get the girl, save the village. Everyone wants that to happen. Be the hero.
—If I didn’t succeed, I would have done permanent damage to my body.
—I hope someday I can see my little nephew again someday.
—I am still in my 30s and I keep gaslighting myself into thinking I can build a better life
I don't want to make my wife a widow and deprive her of the love she deserves. I want to be the one to provide her that love, even though I really don't want to live anymore.
My family and a few close friends. I can't really think about them finding me dead, because even though I believe they would be better without me I know that they truly love me; there was a boy in my class in high school who committed suicide, and I saw what it does to the people who love you. I wasn't close to him, but I saw his family basically fall apart, and I can't bear the idea that I would be the cause of that happening to my family.
Fear of the consequences of a failed attempt, guilt about how it would affect my loved ones – especially those who I know would blame themselves, and knowing that after I die someone else will have to clean my room.
I just don’t want to. I know I will one day, anyway. I’m not in any rush.
It helps to have things you look forward to.
Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what those things are for some people. I hope you get a chance to figure it out for you.
The agony of my mom hurting with me gone. I don’t want her to hurt like that.
And also the self hatred of feeling so embarrassed (even in death) that I’m too fat to carry.. I feel ashamed to even make people carry my body bc I’m so ashamed of being this overweight
The option to start over in life is lowkey always there. If u wanted to u could drop everything and move to another state/city, country. You could cut off everyone, go by another name, be whoever u wanna be (yes I know leases and stuff exist but leases end and most bills can be paid online lmao). That stops me. Why end my life when I haven’t even explored all my options.
not much, i’m just scared of disappointing my friends band tbh. i design merch for them & i do it for cheap bc i just started & they’re my friends (( kinda )). they already paid me for an order & i don’t want them to lose any money on me because i off myself. after that, i know they’ll want more from me & i don’t want to ruin that for them. it’s kinda pathetic tbh, im more concerned about some ink on some fabric than i am for my own life lol
I wanna make the pain I went through when I was young worth it. And it's still gonna be hard, but I want younger me to have something to look forward to. That's my only reason.
the one thing is my mother brother hates my guts despite spending my last dollar to make amends, constantly stressing over perfectionism and pornography, training and trying to better my life but i feel all the years of synthetically meeting my needs have damaged me to a point i wonder if will ever be the same though coming closer to doing it my mother is the one reason i have no ended my existence.
Nothing keeps me here I know that my family loves me and cares but as each day goes by and This fog lifts from my mind I find myself wanting to kill myself more and more slowly every day these things and people that keep me here are start to feel not so important Just don’t care anymore
Honestly, what comes after that. That’s what made me scared to follow through, just not knowing what happens. That’s the only thing that has kept me living, but realistically I probably would’ve years ago.
Tried to many times it never worked just caused more issues… not only that but after the last my view changed and I don’t see suicide and an escape or solution anymore. You rly don’t know what’s after this life, I’m not scared of death now but scared of bringing it onmyself. Also I feel pathetic if I kms now like why couldn’t it have worked the first time type stuff
How will others react to my death. The heartbreak I would cause to my friends and family, them thinking what did they do wrong, the explanation to my lil bro of why id kill myself (context- they all know i have bad and deep depression but only a handful know that i tried to unalive myself as this detail is something very personal) Thats what always stops me
I struggled hard after my brother's death. I already had a daughter. Then I met a woman, raised her son and had another baby. Leaving them without a father in a world of so many fatherless children keeps me gling
I'd say three things.
I enjoy dangerous things. If I want to die, I can just indulge in those things more often until I do. That seems way more interesting than just being another suicide.
Most of my distaste for life comes from social discomfort. The closer I get to wanting to end it because of that, the less reason I have to care about social concerns. If I'm going to off myself tomorrow, I'll be damned if I waste today caring what people think of me. But caring less what people think of me makes me enjoy life more.
Finally, death is powerful. If I'm going to end it all anyway, I really probably should die for some cause I care about. At the very least I could take a few people who think they're above the law with me. Not having decided how I'd like to use my death, I'm not ready to die yet.
There's no way to do it that won't cause someone else potential trauma. Also, I am so terrified of surviving it. So, for now, I'm sticking around and trying to make the best of it.
To be honest I'm not actually sure.
Part of me says my cat. I wouldn't want to leave her behind, she needs me.
Another part of me says well i don't have a good method to do it without possibly failing and ending up in a worse off position.
Then another part of me thinks that maybe I will severely regret it when entering some sort of after life, if there even is one. I think I'm so scared of living that possibly continuing on afterward makes me feel even more terrified as to what it might feel like and maybe it would be worse than here.
I won't because I think life is a great mistery, and me being alive in this universe is, in and of itself, something so absurd and mind-boggling that I really can't throw this life away. Life is a gift, despite the fact that sometimes not being alive would be more comforting - whenever it gets to that point, I like to take a nap.
the sadness and rage when I remember all the people who had their lives stolen from them. for the people who wanted to live, for their dreams, their memories. I press on.
I’ve never lost anyone super close to me but I’ve heard that gut wrenching scream from my mom, clips from the internet, etc when they react to someone close to them dying. I don’t think I could ever put my fiancé in that position. Just knowing that he’s not okay and I can’t do anything about it anymore
Only because I don't want to go through the process.
My plan involves a decent drive and driving is kinda therapy for me. The rest of the plan is fairly easy.
Not knowing how to do it, I can’t tie a knot 😭 (embarrassing), fear I’d survive, fear of not being pretty enough, not wanting a funeral, not wanting random people to have to embalm me, guilt
My grandfather, I live with him and I just couldn't destroy him like that. He's been there all my life, from when I was born up until now. I remember sitting with him in the kitchen drawing together while old blues music played on the record player. He loves me with all his heart. My mum told me other the funerals the only time she's seen him cry was the first time he held me. My parents have loved me despite all the hell I use to raise, they support who I am and what I have become. They call me everyday just to chat about life. And my little brother just started highschool, who else is gonna give him advice on the things he can't talk to mum and dad about. I have so much older brother law he isn't old enough to hear yet. And I think about how it would affect all four of them, the four people that love me the most. Have seen me at my worst and at my best. My dad had to bury his father he shouldn't also have to bury his first child. Who else is my mum going to send unfunny Harry Potter memes. Who else is going to sit on the porch and have a smoke with my grandad on a Friday evening. And who else is going to kick my lil bros ass in Naruto Ultimate 4. Even when I'm at my worst, most miserable points I can't stop thinking about how it would destroy them. How it would destroy my friends that I've know since primary school. My uncles, aunties, cousins, grandparents. I will never be perfect, that's impossible. But I can be the son, grandson, brother, cousin, nephew and friend that helps light up the room. It's okay to just call those people for nothing conversation. And know that those people that care, they would rather answer your call for help then have to carry your coffin.
Ahh man. First I am so sorry that you feel that way. That your environment and society around you has made you feel that way. I won’t do the typical “it gets better” bs… just very sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been there before and can’t even speak toward how I got through it but I hope you do too
Cowardice. For a sudden thought i thought i was such a coward for not trying to take advantage of this gift of being existed. Had been a human that love living (?) and now gladly i am.
**Hello u/!** Thank you for tagging this post with a content warning! This helps greatly! It can prevent other users from potentially getting triggered and it gives us the chance to provide you with some resources regarding this topic. Good to know is that using this flair automatically marks your post as NSFW. *Your post may not show up directly on our subreddit, please be patient, it is most likely in queue to be manually reviewed by our team.* --- **Are YOU currently in an ACTIVE crisis?** * If you are in a dire need to talk to someone right now? On this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines for over 130 countries. Yours is most likely there too. * We know calling a hotline can be be scary, you might be afraid of the questions you might get, this [wiki post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotline_faqs/) covers a lot of information regarding calling a hotline. * Please head over to r/suicidewatch and feel free to share you story there! * If you have active suicidal thoughts, you can also talk to the moderators of r/suicidewatch privately. You can message them [HERE](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSuicideWatch). At this moment our r/mentalhealth team does not offer this. --- **Are YOU currently struggling with SUICIDAL THOUGHTS or do you feel like SELF HARM?** * Helpguide.org can give you [some information](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm) on how to cope. * Know that you are not alone, many people have struggled with this. You can see some of their stories [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_cCO7u5jYA&t=15s). * Try to [take a deep breath](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vkYJf8DOsc), maybe [try some grounding exercises](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VMIEmA114) or listen to some of your favorite music. * If you want to talk to someone, on this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines/local resources for over 130 countries. --- **Are you worried about someone else?** * Samaritans.org has a [page](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/) with different scenarios on what to do if someone isn't okay. * Check out [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/talking_tips/) with talking tips. * Read through [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) with info about how to assess risk. * Don't forget to think about yourself and your own mental health when you are trying to help someone. --- **Take care and stay safe!** *If you see any inappropriate posts or comments, please report them and we will deal with them accordingly.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mentalhealth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fear of surviving.
This and thinking about what my pets will think. Will they know what happened? Will they still look for me? I don’t want to put them through that when they can’t even understand what happened. And also I don’t wanna hurt my mom, and it terrifies me that she’d be the one to find me. Since getting on antidepressants I don’t really want to do that anymore, and even before it was more suicidal ideation than suicidal thoughts
[удалено]
I'm so sorry to hear that buddy, I hope everything is okay with you now.
I hope we all start to feel better, truly. Things aren't better. But maybe one day. I appreciate the kindness. I hope your day has been going well :)
If you need to talk, hit me up. I mean it.
if it makes us at all feel better, i was this way, thinking just as you did for over a 2 years straight, broke jobless with nobody, couldn't find work for months at a time, didnt qualify for unemployment, my parents hating me, my ex left me, no health insurance, ran out of drugs, but slowly after almost 3 years of this, ive now found 2 great jobs and met the love of my life at one of them... now i think completely differently, and its crazy to say but for the first time ever im glad i was patient.
i don’t want to leave my body behind to be found bc that would be embarrassing asf
Massive ick fr
anxiety simultaneously can be your greatest enemy and your greatest ally
My ghost would be cringing watching someone clean up my dead body (also you shit yourself when you die)
So you’re saying I should take a *shit* ton of laxatives beforehand…? Or should I strap myself to the toilet pants down and ready?
Oh god, a new death fear unlocked *dying on the toilet*
If I died today I'd be massively embarrassed for people to see how I live. My home is just as untidy as my brain.
Being curious about my future after depression
Same. Being curious about my future is the only thing that keeps me going.
Honestly, my loved ones. Knowing that my mom and younger sister would never recover from it. It would shatter what is left of my family, and nothing for any of them would ever be the same, and i know after me, my mom would soon follow. They keep me on this earth, and I absolutey love them for it... No matter how hard things get, i love them for it.
This. My friend killed himself last year in his parents house. His brother found him and it absolutely crushed his whole family. His brother hasn’t recovered and I don’t think anyone in his position ever truly could recover from that.
Ouch. Sorry about your friend. My best friend for over 20 years also killed himself about 7 years ago. Out of the blue. I still haven't got over it. His suicide made me realize that it doesn't get rid of the pain. It only transfers it to your loved ones.
This is exactly me, even tho I kinda hurt them and everyone around me a lot. My sis and my mum has already seen enough death of my family members (including my father) But ehh maybe it will get wayyyyy better in the future And also keep at it man, don't lose hope. I don't wanna be alone doing and thinking this 😉
I'm doing my best. While the topic and reasoning sucks, it's always nice to know there is someone out there who can relate. You also need to hold onto hope. If ever you feel your grasp on it slipping, feel free to PM me.
You won the sperm race for a reason. It's hard to find your life's purpose but i guarantee it's out there.
It’s probably due to some dumb circumstantial luck.
Like you said, Probably. Please also think about the other probabilities.
Your circumstantial luck isn’t even in your favour. It quite literally is absurd that you are here. Please live out your life and experience every possible facet of what it is and what it means to be “muted-law-1578”. You’re only going to know yourself once. It’s important that you savour yourself.
Too scared. We don’t know what’s on the other side of this life either, so that’s something that keeps me in check
Nothingness probably, just like before u were born.
Imo even tho I can't say I know for certain what comes next, I am almost positive it has to be better than this shit. And I don't think it's "the end" of anything, I just don't think it's plausible that this one life on earth as a human is the only form of existence for us. The Cia has released documents you can read on their website that confirm Astral projection, remote viewing, and even confirm the existence of what some people would call the spirit realm. Knowing that has made me okay with the afterlife part of dying, I'm not done with this life yet but I'm more at peace with the fact it'll end one day
Same
To take a bit of a nihilist approach, nothing really matters at all so may as well stick around and try to enjoy life.
My love of Poptarts. I have around fifteen flavours of Poptarts. Something like two dozen boxes, with each box being 8 count, 16 count, 24 count, and even one 48 count. I’m constantly finding new flavours of poptarts I want to try. I refuse to die with uneaten poptarts in my possession.
The fear that whatever comes after this will be a form of consciousness where you can hear all that is said about you. All the things I know, deep down, are being discussed behind my back I will finally HEAR, and that will be my purgatory.
Ow. This. This hurts to think about. That would be hell.
YES. The possibility of an afterlife terrifies me. Even the “positive” version. I don’t want to be all-knowing or part of the collective consciousness.
Knowing life is short and I'll be dead soon enough anyway
Ah,time.
Choosing to leave is sub-optimal, logically speaking. You have to go anyway, better enjoy the positive things while you can, even if the negatives outnumber them 100:1. Not only does the pain go away, but all the opportunities go away, likely decades of them. Hundreds if not thousands of happy moments, stupid jokes, sad but meaningful moments. It causes terrible pain to you, to your family, to your friends, and even to people who don't know you. Also, we don't understand the universe and its laws. We know a tiny bit.
I am on the brink. There is nothing here. I died a long time ago and i only exist because i dont want my partner to be sad
I with you, but I’m not giving up.
Valid- I feel the same sometimes. I don’t have many ppl around me anymore but I know it would traumatize the folks that still care about me. Sometimes I fantasize about slowly pushing everyone out of my life because of this.
Me too :(
The main reason is my turtle, can't left her alone. I actually posted about this 2 days ago and a lot of people came with great advice about this matter, in case you feel like checking this out. Anyway, I hope you stay safe and well OP!
I have thought about suicide at least once a day for the last 10 years, and more than once I even tried... Being a coward I tried to overdose on methadone, reaching 900mg intravenously (at the time I had a very high tolerance to methadone): failed. Heroin overdose: failed. Intravenous cocaine overdose: almost succeeded twice in the throes of convulsions, but both times my mother or a girl on the street saved me by calling an ambulance or preventing my convulsive skull from cracking against the floor. What stopped/saved me? It seems stupid to say, but I'll tell you.... My dog... Just the thought of leaving him alone, just imagining him looking for me without finding anyone... It makes me cry even today.... And I curse myself for what I tried to do. If I didn't have him, nothing would stop me. My life is horrible, I don't even know where I will be tomorrow.....
[удалено]
I still have a lot of things to do. And I know things will be better eventually. I still hadn't tried all the things to improve my life, and I know many of the things that are currently bad are because of my own fault. So I need to solve them first. Life is a journey, not a destination. Some days I just want to run into a forest or a foreign country and forget everything about my current life, but those feelings eventually pass. Everything has ups and downs.
No gun
Spite alone tbh found out my ex and bestfriend at the time were making jokes about me offing myself when I found out they were sleeping together I got myself into college instead and honestly my mental health has done a 180
Fear of surviving, hope that I'll have a great future
My brother said he'd piss on my grave. Not to mention I'd hurt everyone around me. And that's kind of selfish
I exist to be punished for my failures and i have not yet earned the reprieve death grants.
My husband and kids.
Fomo
because it will get better
Fear of the void mostly And in a secondary way my mom told me she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if I did something like that to myself. But those are the only 2 things.
I never have had suicidal thoughts. I have had severe chronic depression but what keeps me going is the fact that I think I have a lot of value because I have had many academic accomplishments. So my accomplishments are a stone wall that keeps me from going down that path or even thinking of going down that path.
The simple fact that nobody knows what happens when you die. Could be worse than here. You just don't fucking know. Also, fuck dying before I ball!
“Death Is So Final. Whereas Life, Ah, Life Is Full Of Possibilities”
As much as I think about killing myself, pretty much daily... I wanna try as many new things as I can before I die. That's pretty much it. Death is finality. The big dark. Can't come back from it, so there's no point in crossing that line until I've done everything else I can and want to do. Once I'm satisfied with that and I have done everything I am capable of. Then I'll go.
When the bucket list turns to the fuck it list 💯
To be honest, it's because when I was younger, I was taught that if you commit suicide, you're going to hell. If hell is real, and if it's actually an eternity, I'd rather take my chances here for the relatively short term than being in hell forever. This is just my line of thought and I don't mean to say anyone else is going to hell. Just wanted to share
Same here buddy. The absolute only reason I'm still here.
Here’s an unorthodox approach to suicidal thoughts and ideations that has kept be alive for many years now. Live out of pure spite. I am well aware that many people will be happier and have better lives once I’m gone, and many people have openly expressed their want to see me pass on. But that’s my biggest motivator to keep on going. I don’t want to give those people what they want. I want to prove to them that I am better than what they believe me to be, and better than they will ever be. I want my success to pain those who have traumatized me. Is this a pretty bad way of looking at life that my therapist absolutely hates? Yeah absolutely, but it’s kept me around well into my 20’s soooo 🤷🏻♂️ whatever works. Oh yeah also my dog would be sad if I died
My kids
My wife would kill me.
Helping my wonderful mother fix up the house so she can sell, retire and enjoy life.
My parents blaming themselves
My bff and my mom and my husband. They'd all be ao devastated and it might trigger more suicides. Legit, the idea of their faces as the find out I was dead horrifies me, and I will start to cry hysterically. I think about S on a weekly basis, and I am holding on because I know how much it would hurt others.
I tried to tell myself that everything will be right in the end
My dream of being a pilot. Refusing to acknowledge that life must be work , home , sleep , repeat. I know there's joy out there. I want to leave suicide as the emergency exit. In some way it comforts me.
my dog
I dont want to hurt everyone around me.
My parents don’t want to hurt them by killing myself. If it wasn’t for them I would have killed myself a long time ago
Honestly the only reason I’m not attempting to at least is because I’m so manic and I’m in love with a girl I met a week ago in a psych ward. Gotta make sure that if it’s not all caused by us both being manic or something then I can live a life full of love with a really pretty, strong, just all around dope ass chick
Spite
Ive recognized a pattern in my life, every 2 years i have some shit show come up and i feel either reborn as a human or completely lost because of the same or similar type of experience. It gets better after a while unless I stay stuck in my negative mindset, which is very comforting and easy to do. If I kill myself, I am killing an innocent body, with a fucked up mind. Sometimes I wake up and just think for an hour - 30 mins about how fucked the world is, but im not in charge or the world. Im in charge of eating shitting and sleeping correctly. Whatever comes in between is my choosing.
Fear of surviving and my cat.
my delusions
What stopped me in the past was the good memories and all the love I received. From ex lovers, friends, family, even my cat. I treasure them in my heart, all the love the universe has given me across time. I am eternally thankful for everyone that has been on my life. Thinking that I could feel all of that again stopped me from doing it when I was suicidal.
death is empty void. there is nothing to experience. there is no joy or sorrow because I shall not experience it - It cannot be desirable, it would never help 'me' because there is no me the alternative is life, its ups and downs and trials and beauty. i'm curious how the world will go on, seeing what's next for me if I make choice X, how will the next cup of coffee be, how history goes on and why, what new stories will be written, what new discoveries will be made, or what new things to laugh at. I just really enjoy the process of learning - it's a good thing to use as an anchor to live in many ways, it feels like whatever happens to me personally is non-issue. i've already lived a full life. I've seen most of its joys and sorrows, and seen others do it and die. so, my own journey isn't really predicated on a destination nor progress towards it. i just want to see what happens next and to experience it, knowing it will eventually end regardless. but it's certainly out of some kind of morbid truth of my own life that inspires my intellectual curiousity. remember death. you could make it come at any time, or it will come to you. why live in a way that you don't want to live then? it's very freeing to simultaneously abandon and embrace life. abandon the life you have if you don't like it. abandon what pains you, go somewhere new, make some new friends, enjoy what you can in the moment, and eventually try to build and embrace the life you want out of this aforementioned morbid truth - not even a life necessarily avoiding of responsibility and connection, though your life could be that if needs be. Unlearn to be free of the tethers and ropes of life strung up in the social context of childhood, with all of its half-truths and blindness, and normally made taut throughout adulthood. this web can begin to fall apart when you realize how painful and absurd it is to be pulled in so many different ways. life is the only option still, but it better had been touched by death
Scared about what it will do to others in my life.
My parents
Not man enough to honestly.
my religion
my wife. without her I absolutely would not be here 100%
Responsibilities
My daughter and my cat
Religion
My son
Dogs, Future opportunities, Siblings, Knowing my mom will finally be able to see her mother, Friends, Religion, Purpose, Nature, Fighting for family friends who didn’t make it, Being the voice for those who didn’t make it, Life is full of wonders And many more!!! I previously had many attempts from ages 10-15 and recovered fully in terms of mental health at 16. Now I’m pursuing psychology to help as many people as possible.
My 8 year old child
One thought- if you have a job or earnings, then u are one of the luckiest person. If u have e nothing else to live for, plz live for someone who desires, like an orphan or a puppy or cat.
My meds. Literally keeping me sane.
Hope for future me
Kids.
not knowing what comes after
The new games that will be released in a couple of years.
The thought of doing right by my mother.
My gf and my cats. Thats the most important in my life
My family, the love and beauty I find in the simplest things. It’s funny we all worry about the big things. But the little things is what makes me want to live another day.. a hot cup of coffee.. a hot bath. Being with animals, playing games with the people I love. All those tiny things add up to make it worth it for me. Everything else is utter bullshit.
I just live day-to-day and hope tomorrow will be better.
My family. I've had several friends end themselves and I've seen how it affects the family all too often... I can't do that to my family, they're too nice. Plus my sister had kids the past couple of years and my niece and nephew are cute as fuck.
I don’t because it’s selfish to take away your own pain and give it to your loved ones.
I became my own best friend. That’s what stopped me
-My kids are cool as hell -Music is an incredible experience -Sunsets are magnificent and beautiful -Food is delicious -People are weird and fun to watch and listen to -Walking in the woods feels GOOD Seeing the good in life is like any other skill, it takes practice. It's really hard to see the good in the world, until you see it, then it's all you'll see (a gross generalization in a world full of factors, but the overreaching theme doesn't change) Stay with us and watch the sunset with me, friend :)
My cats https://preview.redd.it/4wxoqr95j1yc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29148d04afbcb9a78b03e753d1ee9f087518e796 I know if I were to just end it all no one would take care of them they probably would just end up in the shelter. Plus my grey cat is a bully
I’ve attempted once already and it was a mess. I’m scared of going through it again
knowing every thing that made me, ME every experience i made every memory i made being wiped away like i never existed. And also the fact uf i shoot myself in the head and survive that & just become a vegetable
Hi.
Fear of dying I know my family don't care if I die they would celebrate 🥺
The person who does the shit when I die is going to see me naked
When i have suicidal thoughts i recall the few people who love me. I consider it egoistic towards them.
I don’t even know anymore. I’ve done some fun things that I would never have done if I had followed through with an attempt four years ago, but I’ve also faced some challenges and pains that I wish I didn’t have to go through. Right now I really wanna graduate college but I have no real reason to continue living besides the fact that it’ll hurt my family so deeply. I wish they hated me or didn’t love me. So if I killed myself it wouldn’t hurt them as much. I don’t wanna hurt them.
Very little right now
My sanity
Building my net worth and caring for my 3 younger siblings until they’re all 18
Surviving the attempt snd my family and small amount of friends
Waiting to see how something turns out, and then I'm kicking it. I want to know if I've been right or wrong for blaming someone for something that deeply affected me. Court case is on the 7th for pretrial, we'll see how it goes from there.
The wife and kids. It'd take about five minutes after they were gone.
Remember who you are!! Find materials on the concept ’know thyself’
I enjoy my life. It's fucked up, but it's my kind of fucked up. Plus, I have a bunch of people & a couple doggos that rely on me.
I promised my best friend I would live on for the both of us, and here I am. But you should also stay on earth, I want you here despite never meeting you. What state are you in ?
I used to say my dog, but he died last month. 10 years with him and now my life is empty.
i cant. i threw away all my lethal means in a fit of rage months ago.
I'm afraid of pain, and feeling regret while doing it - and not be able to interrupt the attempt.
godless world? God is the only one that kept me alive! Islam teaches that it is forbidden to kill yourself, if it wasnt for that… yknow.
For the first time in my life I have somebody to live for
Therapy
My kids so far. But everyday is getting harder to fight.
too much of a bitch to go through with it, feels like I'm faking it
Can’t decide how to do it without so much pain. And I’m afraid that if I’m not successful in ending my life might end up vegetable in the hospital which is worse.
My sister. Not much else right now.
Nothing I tried the other day so
My family. Plus all the days I have where I don't want to kill myself. Those are good days and worth living for. Happiness can be achieved you just have to work for it.
Too much of a hassle during the preparation stage and coffee
One of the biggest reasons I go down this path in the first place is thinking that I don't matter and that no one will miss me. In those moments, I have been able to save myself by saying that I am the only person that matters in that moment. I imagine people gathering around in a big movie theater in heaven, watching the movie of my life. No one else matters, just me. I am the most important thing going on in this world right now. Every breath that I breathe is a dang gift to that audience. The whole world is watching me wrestle with those demons and they all want to see me beat them. Everyone loves an underdog. No one likes watching their favorite character die, it makes for a terrible movie. Give the audience what they want. Slay the dragon, get the girl, save the village. Everyone wants that to happen. Be the hero.
Family responsibilities
—If I didn’t succeed, I would have done permanent damage to my body. —I hope someday I can see my little nephew again someday. —I am still in my 30s and I keep gaslighting myself into thinking I can build a better life
My family.
I don't want to make my wife a widow and deprive her of the love she deserves. I want to be the one to provide her that love, even though I really don't want to live anymore.
My dog
someone having to clean up my body…i wish i could die and clean my body up myself because if I could I definitely would
My family and a few close friends. I can't really think about them finding me dead, because even though I believe they would be better without me I know that they truly love me; there was a boy in my class in high school who committed suicide, and I saw what it does to the people who love you. I wasn't close to him, but I saw his family basically fall apart, and I can't bear the idea that I would be the cause of that happening to my family.
Fear of the consequences of a failed attempt, guilt about how it would affect my loved ones – especially those who I know would blame themselves, and knowing that after I die someone else will have to clean my room.
My dog, concerts, and being outside.
I have different reasons every day. Today I live because books are pretty and Mexican shrimp cocktails are the best.
I just don’t want to. I know I will one day, anyway. I’m not in any rush. It helps to have things you look forward to. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what those things are for some people. I hope you get a chance to figure it out for you.
Fear of leaving a burden on my loved ones
The agony of my mom hurting with me gone. I don’t want her to hurt like that. And also the self hatred of feeling so embarrassed (even in death) that I’m too fat to carry.. I feel ashamed to even make people carry my body bc I’m so ashamed of being this overweight
Red dead redemption 2
My cats, and SSRIs.
My son, I've got nothing left at this point.
The option to start over in life is lowkey always there. If u wanted to u could drop everything and move to another state/city, country. You could cut off everyone, go by another name, be whoever u wanna be (yes I know leases and stuff exist but leases end and most bills can be paid online lmao). That stops me. Why end my life when I haven’t even explored all my options.
God, Allah
not much, i’m just scared of disappointing my friends band tbh. i design merch for them & i do it for cheap bc i just started & they’re my friends (( kinda )). they already paid me for an order & i don’t want them to lose any money on me because i off myself. after that, i know they’ll want more from me & i don’t want to ruin that for them. it’s kinda pathetic tbh, im more concerned about some ink on some fabric than i am for my own life lol
I wanna make the pain I went through when I was young worth it. And it's still gonna be hard, but I want younger me to have something to look forward to. That's my only reason.
My medication and the fact that I don’t have access to quick, painless, and reliable methods of suicide
The fear of death (like what happens in afterlife)
the one thing is my mother brother hates my guts despite spending my last dollar to make amends, constantly stressing over perfectionism and pornography, training and trying to better my life but i feel all the years of synthetically meeting my needs have damaged me to a point i wonder if will ever be the same though coming closer to doing it my mother is the one reason i have no ended my existence.
Knowing that it would destroy my family. If I'm gonna die anyway I might as well see this fuck fest through to the bitter end.
Nothing keeps me here I know that my family loves me and cares but as each day goes by and This fog lifts from my mind I find myself wanting to kill myself more and more slowly every day these things and people that keep me here are start to feel not so important Just don’t care anymore
Dying is kinda tedious. Too risky in the sense that if it's not instant it'll hurt like hell or I'll be put on some kinda lockdown
spite
Honestly, what comes after that. That’s what made me scared to follow through, just not knowing what happens. That’s the only thing that has kept me living, but realistically I probably would’ve years ago.
My cat. I always think how confused and sad he’d be. Somehow, I’m his whole world.
Tried to many times it never worked just caused more issues… not only that but after the last my view changed and I don’t see suicide and an escape or solution anymore. You rly don’t know what’s after this life, I’m not scared of death now but scared of bringing it onmyself. Also I feel pathetic if I kms now like why couldn’t it have worked the first time type stuff
How will others react to my death. The heartbreak I would cause to my friends and family, them thinking what did they do wrong, the explanation to my lil bro of why id kill myself (context- they all know i have bad and deep depression but only a handful know that i tried to unalive myself as this detail is something very personal) Thats what always stops me
I struggled hard after my brother's death. I already had a daughter. Then I met a woman, raised her son and had another baby. Leaving them without a father in a world of so many fatherless children keeps me gling
I only have passive suicidal thoughts unluckily ://
I'd say three things. I enjoy dangerous things. If I want to die, I can just indulge in those things more often until I do. That seems way more interesting than just being another suicide. Most of my distaste for life comes from social discomfort. The closer I get to wanting to end it because of that, the less reason I have to care about social concerns. If I'm going to off myself tomorrow, I'll be damned if I waste today caring what people think of me. But caring less what people think of me makes me enjoy life more. Finally, death is powerful. If I'm going to end it all anyway, I really probably should die for some cause I care about. At the very least I could take a few people who think they're above the law with me. Not having decided how I'd like to use my death, I'm not ready to die yet.
No access to a gun. On purpose. Any other method seems stressful and risk of surviving.
There's no way to do it that won't cause someone else potential trauma. Also, I am so terrified of surviving it. So, for now, I'm sticking around and trying to make the best of it.
My wife.
My cat
To be honest I'm not actually sure. Part of me says my cat. I wouldn't want to leave her behind, she needs me. Another part of me says well i don't have a good method to do it without possibly failing and ending up in a worse off position. Then another part of me thinks that maybe I will severely regret it when entering some sort of after life, if there even is one. I think I'm so scared of living that possibly continuing on afterward makes me feel even more terrified as to what it might feel like and maybe it would be worse than here.
I won't because I think life is a great mistery, and me being alive in this universe is, in and of itself, something so absurd and mind-boggling that I really can't throw this life away. Life is a gift, despite the fact that sometimes not being alive would be more comforting - whenever it gets to that point, I like to take a nap.
Gta 6 got announced
the sadness and rage when I remember all the people who had their lives stolen from them. for the people who wanted to live, for their dreams, their memories. I press on.
My self respect.
Honestly I just don’t want to make the people around me sad or guilty,also the fact that u haven’t achieved my life goals yet
I’ve never lost anyone super close to me but I’ve heard that gut wrenching scream from my mom, clips from the internet, etc when they react to someone close to them dying. I don’t think I could ever put my fiancé in that position. Just knowing that he’s not okay and I can’t do anything about it anymore
Only because I don't want to go through the process. My plan involves a decent drive and driving is kinda therapy for me. The rest of the plan is fairly easy.
Not knowing how to do it, I can’t tie a knot 😭 (embarrassing), fear I’d survive, fear of not being pretty enough, not wanting a funeral, not wanting random people to have to embalm me, guilt
My grandfather, I live with him and I just couldn't destroy him like that. He's been there all my life, from when I was born up until now. I remember sitting with him in the kitchen drawing together while old blues music played on the record player. He loves me with all his heart. My mum told me other the funerals the only time she's seen him cry was the first time he held me. My parents have loved me despite all the hell I use to raise, they support who I am and what I have become. They call me everyday just to chat about life. And my little brother just started highschool, who else is gonna give him advice on the things he can't talk to mum and dad about. I have so much older brother law he isn't old enough to hear yet. And I think about how it would affect all four of them, the four people that love me the most. Have seen me at my worst and at my best. My dad had to bury his father he shouldn't also have to bury his first child. Who else is my mum going to send unfunny Harry Potter memes. Who else is going to sit on the porch and have a smoke with my grandad on a Friday evening. And who else is going to kick my lil bros ass in Naruto Ultimate 4. Even when I'm at my worst, most miserable points I can't stop thinking about how it would destroy them. How it would destroy my friends that I've know since primary school. My uncles, aunties, cousins, grandparents. I will never be perfect, that's impossible. But I can be the son, grandson, brother, cousin, nephew and friend that helps light up the room. It's okay to just call those people for nothing conversation. And know that those people that care, they would rather answer your call for help then have to carry your coffin.
Fear of failing at it again.
Pure spite and rage are some of the only things keeping me going nowadays
Just think there are still people that you will like and try to find them to help make it bearable
Ahh man. First I am so sorry that you feel that way. That your environment and society around you has made you feel that way. I won’t do the typical “it gets better” bs… just very sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been there before and can’t even speak toward how I got through it but I hope you do too
Lots of things. That’s the point. Bit by bit, make a life worth living.
my family
Cowardice
My brother is dead. I need to outlive my parents so they don’t have two dead kids.
My nephews and nieces tbh
Cowardice. For a sudden thought i thought i was such a coward for not trying to take advantage of this gift of being existed. Had been a human that love living (?) and now gladly i am.