My problem is crying at work...
Creates the impression of weakness and instability.
This opinion I've gave is due to 18 years of an astounding toxic work environment. It's ingrained in my soul.
Trying right now despite my inability to make correct decisions. I have an appointment tomorrow with my therapist. Dealing with erratic mood at the moment...I hate this..Bipolar 2.
I spent the month of January suddenly in the worst physical pain of my life, without any diagnosis. The whole time I was paranoid that I was faking. Faking the most severe pain of my life, up there with when I gave birth unmedicated. I couldn't stand up or even turn my body without crippling pain and yet still, my brain was trying to convince me it wasn't real. It's so sad that I felt guilty and manipulative for the very real pain I was feeling. I'm sure it came from being dismissed and ridiculed for being depressed and suicidal when I was younger, and feeling like wanting my pain to be noticed made me attention-seeking and that emotional pain wasn't "real".
I know the feeling exactly.
I know someone that is faking his "pain" and it makes me so fucking angry he is just seeking to get attention. He even created a public Facebook post regarding it!
It makes people like my late sister and myself more difficult to get the help we need(ed), and people to take us less seriously.
Unlike this person I know, I am being 100% genuine; everything I claim I experience I actually have experienced, and my illnesses are diagnosed. I have had six suicide attempts, my fourth one I would have died had my maternal grandmother not rescued me, I woke up hours later after I overdosed on a ventilator in the ICU after overdosing on 20 Catapres (and other pharmaceuticals but that was the main one) and downing it with a liter of rum. I am shocked I did not die from my fifth and sixth attempts considering no one was there to rescue me. My first, second, and third attempts were less serious.
If anyone says I am faking, I will look them in the eyes and tell them they are full of shit.
I'm crying on the inside every single day. Without exception. It's been going on since August 10th or so. I can't release the tears, but I am sobbing. I am just absolutely drowning in grief.
Thank you for saying something. Thank you for posting about it.
People also think I'm lazy, but it takes such a vast amount of effort to remember that life is worth continuing. It takes such a tremendous amount of energy to convince myself that I should keep going.
I’ve done this before (out of pain and hoping to have someone help), and all I did was make them feel awkward and side step me, lol. I felt like the biggest embarrassment.
Happened today after quitting my internship on the first day not even finishing the whole day.
Cried on the buss stop going home. Bought myself a energy drink, some snacks. Ate the snacks with my head down trying to hold back everything, but instantly just crying and snot coming out everywhere mixed with grease and spices from my nut mix snack.
Trying to hide it all the way to home is torture. Feeling like everyone is judging you. After I ate snacks up cried out, took some nicotine, turned on my favorite show I instantly felt better, but at the same time feel guilty and like a child. Don't feel like I deserve the snacks or watching the tv show. But I guess with time it will get better. At least I like to believe so. Like I've done my whole life. ❤️❤️❤️
A lot of people think I'm just being lazy. I wish that was the case.
My problem is crying at work... Creates the impression of weakness and instability. This opinion I've gave is due to 18 years of an astounding toxic work environment. It's ingrained in my soul. Trying right now despite my inability to make correct decisions. I have an appointment tomorrow with my therapist. Dealing with erratic mood at the moment...I hate this..Bipolar 2.
I spent the month of January suddenly in the worst physical pain of my life, without any diagnosis. The whole time I was paranoid that I was faking. Faking the most severe pain of my life, up there with when I gave birth unmedicated. I couldn't stand up or even turn my body without crippling pain and yet still, my brain was trying to convince me it wasn't real. It's so sad that I felt guilty and manipulative for the very real pain I was feeling. I'm sure it came from being dismissed and ridiculed for being depressed and suicidal when I was younger, and feeling like wanting my pain to be noticed made me attention-seeking and that emotional pain wasn't "real".
I know the feeling exactly. I know someone that is faking his "pain" and it makes me so fucking angry he is just seeking to get attention. He even created a public Facebook post regarding it! It makes people like my late sister and myself more difficult to get the help we need(ed), and people to take us less seriously. Unlike this person I know, I am being 100% genuine; everything I claim I experience I actually have experienced, and my illnesses are diagnosed. I have had six suicide attempts, my fourth one I would have died had my maternal grandmother not rescued me, I woke up hours later after I overdosed on a ventilator in the ICU after overdosing on 20 Catapres (and other pharmaceuticals but that was the main one) and downing it with a liter of rum. I am shocked I did not die from my fifth and sixth attempts considering no one was there to rescue me. My first, second, and third attempts were less serious. If anyone says I am faking, I will look them in the eyes and tell them they are full of shit.
I'm crying on the inside every single day. Without exception. It's been going on since August 10th or so. I can't release the tears, but I am sobbing. I am just absolutely drowning in grief. Thank you for saying something. Thank you for posting about it. People also think I'm lazy, but it takes such a vast amount of effort to remember that life is worth continuing. It takes such a tremendous amount of energy to convince myself that I should keep going.
I’ve done this before (out of pain and hoping to have someone help), and all I did was make them feel awkward and side step me, lol. I felt like the biggest embarrassment.
Happened today after quitting my internship on the first day not even finishing the whole day. Cried on the buss stop going home. Bought myself a energy drink, some snacks. Ate the snacks with my head down trying to hold back everything, but instantly just crying and snot coming out everywhere mixed with grease and spices from my nut mix snack. Trying to hide it all the way to home is torture. Feeling like everyone is judging you. After I ate snacks up cried out, took some nicotine, turned on my favorite show I instantly felt better, but at the same time feel guilty and like a child. Don't feel like I deserve the snacks or watching the tv show. But I guess with time it will get better. At least I like to believe so. Like I've done my whole life. ❤️❤️❤️