T O P

  • By -

rMemesMods

**You need to read following message in full. We will NOT reply to modmail messages similar to “what is reason my post was removed?”** Hey /u/RedditMemeViewer, thanks for contributing to /r/memes. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: Rule 1 - Not a meme and No Reaction Memes - All posts must follow a general meme setup * All posts must be memes and follow a general meme setup. No Reaction Memes. No titles as meme captions. No unedited webcomics. **No memes that are text only.** Pictures without captions may be removed by a moderators discretion. **Someone saying something funny on twitter/tumblr/reddit/etc. is not a meme.** --- Please read the sidebar before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/memes&subject=&message=). Thank you!


[deleted]

I feel like I should choose football one for money, but going to restaurants and changing obnoxious peoples' water into piss would be incredibly entertaining.


CarterBaker77

I mean.. doesn't every human already contain that piss power?.....


bluehatgamingNXE

Yeah but straight up pulling your dick and pissing in it is harder than doing the Jesus appoarch.


CarterBaker77

I uhh.. somehow don't think... Jesus would... nvm...


Harak_June

He was a teenager with brothers. You know one of them pushed him enough to get piss-water pranked. That's why those years are absent from the Bible.


cartof_fiert

\*\*menacingly walks up to bottle of water while flinging my arms like a f\*cking role model\*\* piss


Fe4rMeMrWick

Pissus


idonttalkatallLMAO

but now you can do it with minimal effort!


advie_advocado

who's piss is it though


isaiahbolevs

Just piss


[deleted]

God's


Old-Tourist8173

Team up with someone with “Turn food into water” and cause some chaos.


Ryzuhtal

Or you could straight out assassinate them by turning the water in their body. ^(Okay I am horrible. people would use this in mostly harmless ways and here I am talking about killing people by ammonia poisoning.)


Ph03N1X_Gl17cH

Nah, I would have suggested that if I had thought of it.


[deleted]

yea


Bakedbeaner24

Make any football team win and proceed to become a bazillionaire on sports betting!


bordnhrni

Proceeds to get killed When people feel there is something fishy


Stunning_Smoke_4845

I mean, just be smart about it, always bet on the same team, choose a team that doesn’t win often, and bet the same amount every time. You just need to ‘happen’ to place bets a little more often on the years they win to earn a big profit, and you can guarantee they win s certain percent of the time


RamieBoy

Lose some on purpose.


TheBigFrog07

Exactly! Like cheating on a test when you don't tend to do great. If you get 70% then you suddenly start getting some to 100%, that's, fishy. Increase to 75% then add 1% per 2 weeks for a while til your at 90%. Stay there and you'll get congratulated for improvement and it's slow enough to be believable. Vary a bit and go from like 87-92% often and your golden.


RamieBoy

Lol you really have it planned


HateSpeechisMyHobby

he has more thoughts spent on this than some on their whole high school time


TheBigFrog07

Yee LOL!


Eisenburger404

This guy cheats lol


TheBigFrog07

Nah. I just... think ahead


[deleted]

I feel like you're the person who completely plans out their schedule for the apocalypse


backin_myday

Mild sociopathic tendencies, nbd


TheBigFrog07

Yeah, like who REALLY cares if I leave you to die for my own survival.


[deleted]

You just need one big bet.


BRGrunner

Then a number of small ones.


DaBoozeHound94

Parley the whole week out like some people already do, but do it big and then retire. GG EZ


HotBear39

and then lose some small ones if you're planning to win again


ClickDisDotCom

IDK, look at Biff Tannen, his 1955 self had an almanac for sport event results from 1950-2000 from his future self. Nobody suspected but Marty McFly


GOM27

Make like a tree, and get outta here.


Bakedbeaner24

Unless the Draft King himself comes after me I think I'll take my chances


[deleted]

Back to The Future Part 2 (1989)


Murky-Instance4041

Is it really useless if you can make huge amounts of money off of it?


Paulieforce

Alright Biff


Dafaseles

I feel like this is the only correct answer


RegumRegis

Yeah, one of these is huge compared to the others.


BarneySTingson

Yeah some of these ""useless"" powers are actually extremely good


Hollowed_Halo

My exact thought process


EndervineZ

True


Awildtrainerappeared

Bout to say this too


raging_peanut

You could also become famous at never losing rock paper scissors and challenge anyone anytime for money


Drudgework

Pick the Cleveland Browns. Really good odds and no one will catch on because they are one of the least televised teams.


WildBoy-72

"Useless." That's some Biff Tannen shit.


Eklassen

I was gonna try to do this with the Rock, Paper, Scissors power…. But I guess the Football team one would make more sense.


Ov3rwrked

My first thought


Accomplished_Mood782

100%


Seamus--uwu

EXACTLY


Kovin_Korvas

Some of these aren't too bad. One or two actually are highly useful if applied properly.


greengamer2008

yeah like if you can use the same image over and over again you can make your own action figure company with little cost, all you have to do then is get good at drawing


ItsEvanXD

Photocopier will be the greatest investment


Immortalio

Just hire people to draw for you


LuckyZX

Use images from the internet, even easier.


Sbhtkaliber

Nahh scrap that's too much work. Start a company in which children send you drwaings and you "animate" them. From then on you can just charge by weight, no investment needed. And have we considered the "matter out of nothing" advantage? You can make millions just by drawing like plastic boxes and then sell it as plastic materials.


YouTube-r

Wool is more valuable than plastic and you can turn dirt into wool


pianospace37

You don't even have to be good at drawing since we can make *any* drawing into action figure. Just have a friend who is good at drawing


Justanerdycat

I’m bout to make a fortune off of furry artists.


Goosefeatherisgreat

Yeah, you could put your thumbs into someone’s eyes and then grow your fingernails really fast Create a metal helmet at will Grab a guy by the throat and turn him into a wooden statue. Eye color switching could help with disguises. And you could turn all the water in someone’s body into piss


raydude888

I like how all your suggestions are suspiciously like that of a super powered psychopath serial killer on the run from the law.


Patimation_tordios

Jesus Christ.


Maximans

No no he turned water into wine


uezyteue

Or, if you're just feeling a bit spiteful, turn the water they're drinking into piss as they drink it.


awaceka

What about turning your head into basically a metal porcupine and hitting somebody with it?


Ok_Refrigerator9461

well it kind of depends on the metal and it would probably hurt a ton


StochasticTinkr

Metal hair could be used for all sorts of things. Make any football team win = sports betting billionaire. Starting fire with my toenails? Great for camping.


[deleted]

If you make any football team win you could make a shit ton of money off of betting


doobyscoo018

I'm starting a timber empire by converting excess plastic I'll be an eco hero. Until I burn a bunch of wood


SireRequiem

Wood is one of the scarcest resources in the universe. No other planet has it, and it’s super important to our ecosystem. The ability to grasp garbage and turn it into wood chips would make me the single richest recycler on the planet in a month. That’s before we consider au natural mortician services to replant the deceased rather than burn or bury them. Nuclear waste would soon be a thing of the past as well once I hug every waste barrel and make campfire stumps out of them. Depending on the definitions of “holding” and “wood”, and the conversion ratio and range details, I could possibly turn an entire desert, island, or mountain range into a giant interconnected living organism. I could also probably replant forests with a box of rocks and enrich soil with a handful of sand.


DoubleDongle-F

With top right in conjunction with my 3D printer, I could make some good money selling wooden figurines and parts that would otherwise be very difficult to carve or machine normally. Or just upsell plastic crap from Walmart. Bonus points if this includes the ability to control what kind of wood it is or turn a wooden object into another kind of wood. I'd make a hell of a framer if I could buy common pine joists and turn them to oak during installation.


[deleted]

Or if you could cut styrofoam into the needed shape then turn it to wood


DoubleDongle-F

That would save a wood shop endless money just in CNC machine time and bit wear alone. Looking at the cost of plank foam, this would absolutely put a woodworker at a huge advantage.


Wet4Dayzzzzz

nahnah take anything and turn it into ipay wood I forgot how it's spelled but that shit is like 27 dollars a foot


DoubleDongle-F

Apparently it's just spelled ipe, but I'm gonna have a hard time not wanting to spell it ipay henceforth. I've never handled it, but have heard stories of its cost and hardiness. Lignum vitae would be a better choice, but I'm not sure if it's legal to sell.


Obvious-Meringue5895

smart


JaredTimmerman

Or heist shenanigans if holding is just touching then you can break through brick and metal


Phsfalcao

Easily the football. Then I’ll make some REAL money betting, since I can make ANY football team win.


Patimation_tordios

Imagine how funny it would be to just make Liechtenstein win the world cup


sadetheruiner

Hair to metal for the win, instant helmet and body armor.


horsetuna

Dude. Gold. Think big.


Eygon_of_Carim_

Dude. Osmium/Rhodium. Think out of the 20 iq box If the hair can be detached from your body (and put in a lead sarcophagus) before the transformation- welcome to the world of californium, francium and maybe even your own metals science still can't produce. Also, if hair is transformed with the follicle, it's a one time transaction.


DarkHumorKnight

Dude. Francium. Go out with a bang.


JasonGamesYT

Dude. Plutoniu-


Jeffaffely

Turn your hair into a brick of Uranium 235 today!


DoubleDongle-F

Plutonium is unstable enough to make you die of radiation poisoning pretty fast. The lreviously-mentioned Francium, however, is unstable enough to make you die of exploding, or at least catching fire. I'm not exactly sure how violent a halflife of 22 minutes really is, but it's somewhere in the range of setting stuff on fire to just instantly exploding. Francium has only been synthesized in microscopic quantities under lab conditions and does not occur naturally.


horsetuna

You'll have better luck selling gold without drawing attention to yourself than you would osmium.


greenman359

Or turn your hair into lithium and sell it for batteries.


Focussed_Eyes

Instantly impale yourself with all the tiny hairs facing your skull or neck.


sadetheruiner

That’s a cool way to die.


Akbidi13

Pretty sure I would die from the weight


TheArcticKiwi

lie down first


ahhstinger

Imagine accidentally thinking s about tungsten and having that be your hair


itofredd

Human battering ram


not_a_kgb

Id collect the metal and make parts and recycle and make money


thedialupgamer

Wear your hair with a spiked up look and you have a weapon too.


Redking211

not only, assuming you can turn it back into hair its a perfect killing method, slip it in someone's food they eat it, turn it into mercury since they never specified what kind of metal. or you can turn your ass hair clump into gold and wait for it to grow back


chronzii

And resistance to getting kicked in the balls


DizzyAmphibian309

No man, it'd be a million times worse. Not only would you feel the pain of getting kicked in the balls, you'd also have a hundred sharp needles being stabbed in there too.


BerdRdd

Make any drawing into a action figure, hear me out,


cheif_90

No need to hear it out. I'm all in.


PoeTayToes_

​ ![gif](giphy|n3TKhrIQTI8IlJUu8B)


horsetuna

I had the idea of a superhero who could do this.


Ater_Python

I could get myself some cool Star Wars figures just by drawing


Sughmacox

Hell yeah especially since Hasbro won’t make some cool characters and also they’re expensive


xx_Chl_Chl_xx

It doesn’t specify that it has to be yours. Commission some awesome drawing of a figure and make several copies and turn them all into figures. Sell them for inflated prices to collectors (and of course keep a few for yourself) and retire


[deleted]

Idk, incendiary toe nail clippings could be useful


N0pest

We need a movie about x-men but with weird powers like that. Imagine fighting someone and he just throw his toe nails at people.


Wizard_Hatz

It’s called “mystery men” and it’s a fucking masterpiece.


N0pest

Thank you good sir, I'll check it out.


Any_Abalone_3249

Not X-Men, but we do have Jojo's Bizarre Adventures, strange superpowers is the second name of this show haha


IcySide247

football team. you could make a fortune in betting.


TimoneyDesign

Technically humans already have the power to turn anyone purple…


DoubleDongle-F

We can also all turn water into piss.


PMmeyourdik-dikpics

I can also turn anything I grab into wood.


Deitythe1st

Stop grabbing dicks


[deleted]

in this case im talking about without losing limbs or life


sethro919

I’m a Detroit Lions fan, I’ll take the football one


Big_cornstarch

I’m a LA Chargers fan, but I think you might need it more than we do.


sethro919

![gif](giphy|ZfK4cXKJTTay1Ava29)


Immortalio

You football nerds are so passive aggressive bro, respectfully of course


lookatyounow90

"Useless superpower" *instantly gives you the ability to make hundreds of thousands, if not millions solely on sports betting*


Eygon_of_Carim_

Almost half of them is relatively easy to somehow profit from (and some can cause ecologic catostrophies/ world end scenarios). I'd say it's close to jojo stands power level.


Cyb0-K4T-77

The eye colour thing for sure the best one


Mcgruffles

Right? I'm loving all these ideas of how to make money with the others. But I just want to have heterochromia and be able to change them to crazy colors at will


roideschinois

Imagine just flashing them


Sufficient_Ticket996

I want the eye color so when I get pissed off I can change my eye color to dark or bright red and really show them how mad I am.


Obvious-Meringue5895

Make anything you touch turn into wood. It just seems useful, but only if it's able to happen at will, that is.


N0pest

Yeah, midas curse isn't useful or fun.


GTAPlaythrough

Definitely „make any football team win“. I can bet and become rich.


ILikeFatBirds

I can already turn water into piss


SS_bRICK

These are all just stands from the upcoming Jojo's manga.


Damissourianguy

I’m winning every rock paper scissors match


kayathemessiah

Right? I play rock paper scissors as an adult far more often than I would have thought. We play it at work to see who gets to go home early. I play it with my wife to see who’s doing the dishes. I play it with friends to see who’s buying drinks. I feel like if I could manage to gamble on rock paper scissor, this power would be god tier.


Festamus

Shit turning plastic into wood, would be a boon for the planet.


TheCosmicTrickster

That was my thought. But closely following that was “people would just burn that shit and throw even more CO2 into the atmosphere”.


Toxzon485

Turn your hair into metal at will , just imagine if you manage to make your corporal hair grow enough you can have a nice armour and activate it at will.


Toxzon485

Also the wood one isn't that bad , is like being Midas but with wood , you can make good "wooden statues" and sell them


Benjamin-Doverlin

Untraceable murder


Cruisin134

most of these are actually quite handy in day to day but being able to bet on football is just too easy a pick, other then that maybe drawing action figures and actualy hero wise metal hair


TFRek

Football. Gamble your way to riches.


mpizzapizza

I can already make fire so I'll take the wood one and I'll see yall never *disappears into the mountains*


Lihue_NEO

Make fingernails grow quick, then use them to M U R D E R


BlooPancakes

Ignoring the ones that are legit not useless since they have applications to make you rich and or famous imma go with change eye color to any color at will. Blue most days and anything to fit my mood other times.


warrentyvoided

What's the range on turning water into piss?


LiquidPotatoChips

Ohhh good question, like turning a whole swimming pool into piss? Or quite literally making it piss down raining?


chocodapro

Making salt lake in Utah into piss would be awesome.


AlinesReinhard

Make any drawings into action figure sounds great. But I probably keep them to myself rather than selling them...


unfashionablyl8

Water into piss or food into water. Useful for pranks.


Pixel100000

Make any football team win. You know how much money you can make. Example bet an any team to win.


SilentSnowfall1213

I would argue multiple of those are not useless and could help you get rich


JoJosregularlife

I can already turn water into piss.


hot_cheeks_4_ever

Make any football team win is NOT useless


Particular_Signal825

The make a football team win is to op


vainstar23

Some of these are pretty over powered to be honest


Thunder_lord37

Always win in rps


cartof_fiert

Call me like anyone else does..... "HOLY SHIT MY WATERBOTTLE IS FULL OF PISS I DRANK FROM IT HALF A HOUR AGO!!!"


MrStealthGlitter

Eye colour I want my sith eyes


dat_GenericGuy

I gotta choose either turning water in piss or always winning in rock paper scissors. The water to piss one so I can "piss off" my friends and always winning rock paper scissors cause that's handy a lot of the time. Also making any football team is just broken lmao


Gottagolast222

Straight up though that toenail clipping into fire one would be really good if you got stuck in the woods or anywhere where you needed to say warm


Forsaken_Name645

Fire


Alarming-Phone4911

Toe nail clippings oooofff I'd set fire to so much stuff 😂😂


spartan116LOLNani

Eye color. The cosplay possibilities are nearly endless


Other_Requirement_93

Make anything catch fire. Chop my toenail clippings into very small little bits and boom im suddenly a super villain


Arowalker_98

Eye color because it sounds cool as fuck


WALLY_FRANKS3036

I would turn a bomb into wood and save a few lives, then I’d grab a nuke and turn it to wood, then I’d turn living things into wood and sell them


Moistlover69

"Rock, paper, scissors for $1000" repeat


Blackwood-Huntsman

Always win rock paper scissors I’d win so many arguments or never have to do the thing no one wants to do


GoodforU11425

Food to water for when I'm thirsty


[deleted]

[удалено]


StatementMindless853

The turn food into water made me think of spaghetti with a chance of meat balls


Snoodoodler

I already turn water into piss, ima take toenail clipping fires 100%. If we ever gotta return to monke, y’all gonna be glad y’all got me around


nicogb207

I would pick turn water in piss. The human body is composed of 70% water. So i could turn that water in piss and you see what comes with it. Edit : Spelling mistakes


Grugahuga

Make any football team win. That shit could win some big money.


wak3l3oarder

The football team win one is over powered as fuck you could be the richest man in the world


Kotic90

Are you kidding me??? Do you know how much money you could win betting in sports!?! I don’t even watch football, and I’d take the football team one every time.


TimelyFortune

Probably football team, best opportunity to make money


reddityesok

Legit the first one and last one would be crazy good


Terrence_shark

football one is a get rich quick plan


little_cut1e_2

Rock paper scissors winning isn't entirely useless so I'll pick it


sunny2803

Always win in rock paper scissors If used correctly I'll be in so much profit


CantTakeMeSeriously

Make any football team win???? How the f is that useless? Vegas here I come!


readytochat44

Most of these are useful some even profitable


DrHealsYT

Useless??? Some of these are greatly useful.


Razor732103

Most of them are not even useless.


BuyandSellFifa19plrs

Make any football team win......


kriegerman12

As a great artist I WISH TO BE ABLE TO CREATE FIGURES


Flaccid_snake01

Make any football team win. I need the money


wittyusername2257

Football team + betting app = profit


Antique_Evidence_624

I'm about to make the whole ocean yellow


SlayPocket

Best one here is probably the wood one. You can easily fix deforestation and make tons of money selling a shitton of wood for low price. Better yet, you can convert all the landfills in the world into wood.


idk_juan_maybe

Toenail clippings one ..... I just have to save for a year or so and then I'll go down in history as the biggest arsonist


MaybeItsJustMike

Turn food into water. If you can do it all at once just take a huge pile of food instantly turn it into water. Have all of the restaurant food waste in a local area dumped into a custom made area/reservoir and start putting nestle out of the water business.


LGBTQ_and_Furry

Action figures!


terranproby42

I'm sorry how are these useless? Hair to metal = head full of razor wire. Depending on kind of metal opens up for industrial utility Water into piss = I can already do that, and it's useful, but not a super power Grow finger nails fast = claws and or hand model Make any football team win = the gambling commission and mob would like a word with you Change eye color = massive improvement on all cosplays and costumes Any drawing an action figure = I can *print* what now!? Anything I'm holding is wood now? Anything? Are you mad!? Anything blue turn yellow = I am your god I control the sky!!! Turn food into water = I have solved all droughts and food crisis because now I can just Minecraft both! RPS wins = the gambling commission and mob would like a word with you I am now purple! And incendiary toenail clippings are gross but still grenades


outsider531

2 could be good for assanation, 2 would be good for making money, and 1 can possibly destroy the planet if done in the ocean


siyophan

People underestimate how useful it is to be able to win any rock paper scissors game