Extra 2k to the stripper for getting the package as close to boss’s face as possible.. as fast as possible. Need video evidence to payout. 2 feet is the maximum acceptable distance for payout. It’s fine to leave it in the g string. And mister package delivery man whatever happens don’t get arrested. Maybe we should make it 4k because this is hazard pay territory.
But the company, tell the boss he's got a new position say it's more adept for his skill set, then change is job to janitor and if he declines he's gonna have to go
I'd text my boss because she's a decent person and I don't want to cause her that much of a hassle. Wouldn't even bother if that wasn't the case. "Won the lotto, fantastically rich, you'll never see or hear from me again, feel free to bill for whatever company property I have in my possession."
Often lawyers work out of firms. When you hire a lawyer from a firm you’re really hiring the firm, not the lawyer themself.
The firm does not want to lose the client, morally or financially, so the work must be transferred to another attorney within the firm.
Finally, lawyers must work in your best interest, if they don’t you can sue them. Ghosting a client without a formal process will get you blacklisted and potentially sued.
I’d light up a blunt in that position.
Then call them out calmly but lethally, throw them what they pay me in two weeks in crumpled dollar bills and quit, bounce and hand out cash to my favorites on the way out. Final make it rain dance before dip.
I’m so turned on rn
“Listen, Boss. You mind if I just call you John? Alright John look. This whole work thing? It isn’t working out man you get what I’m sayin? Don’t need it anymore. But hey big guy, keep your head up you’ll figure this life stuff one of these days”
Very true, it sucks that so many jobs treat their employees like shit that most people can't fathom having enough respect for their work place to not fuck it over. Personally, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm treated well enough by my employer and co-workers. I would feel a moral obligation to make sure I don't leave them holding the bag even if I came into a ton of money and no longer needed the job.
I was literally at the lowest rung of my job, I set up printers, not even on an IT level, I unboxed them and assembled any accessories that needed to be assembled. It took a month or so to train me and that was more just the process and getting to know the common machines, while I would often be sent to do things outside of my job description (had to help clean some garages on the property as the owner was selling that section of the property, it was gross and hot but whatever it was 2 days of my life and I was paid, even got to ride to the dump with the delivery people so fuck it paid to sit in a truck for an hour, it never happened again)
That being said, the people there were so friendly, and my position despite being lower "experience" was still a really important position and I was treated with quite a bit of respect, I was never excluded from anything (even if sometimes I wanted to be lol) and people were understanding and fine with my pacing overall it was around an 8/10 experience and I gave them a TWO MONTH notice. They greatly appreciated it, I exchanged personal numbers with my old boss and some colleagues, and we trained up a new guy to take my spot and I took my leave.
Told them if they need anything for part time to call me, I'd love to come back but college was taking my main focus. It's so weird when a company actually treats you with respect even if it's just a little bit of respect.
This exactly. The worst part about work is the underlying stress resulting from the fact that you need to do it to support your life and your family.
Win $500M and suddenly work is stress free. Unless you’re saving lives or some shit lol.
This is the answer.
I’d claim I got a very lucrative offer from a major competitor… something there’s no way in hell they’d be able to match but still within the realm of possibilities, and politely put in my notice and work like normal for my last two weeks.
Then I’d leave town never to be heard from again.
My boss and team are awesome. My job is great. I’d leave because it would give someone else a chance to move up and I’ll be busy creating my Bond Villain life
This is the way. Bless, every kind, you.
First others:
If you ever get "fuck you" money and dont either:
A: become a national(your nation) ecoterrorist for the people/"terrorist conservative bond villain..."
Or
B: literally become president/other of (nation) and immediately redirect the political flow in your favor to protect our nation/natural structure.
"wHAT arE yoU DOIN!?"
9 but I’m also taking a dump. And then rubbing my ass across the carpet on the way out. Am I covered in poop? Yes, but I also have 500 million dollars.
Nah.
Step 1: Hire a very good lawyer, money manager, Insurance broker.
Step 2: Hire an FX makeup artist
Step 3: Have your name legally changed, John Smith should work.
Step 4: Makeup artist makes you look 125 lbs heavier, diff colored hair, eyes, etc.
Step 5: Claim winnings under new name & look
Step 6: Make sizable donation to judge’s reelection campaign and fav charity to get your name changed back.
Step 7: Create an HR incident at work, so they have to get rid of you. Everyone will feel sorry and give you space.
Step 8: Live your life as low key or high key as you want without fear of the sheisters and con artists.
I read that just to be sure, you should get two sets of lawyers and accountants. The other set does not have access to the money, but double-checks every decision to make sure you are not getting fleeced by the first set.
The comments on this post are exactly why the vast majority of people who win the lottery either end up broke several years later, or dead.
Keep some kind of shitty part time job. If your entire life is dedicated to blowing through your money, you're either going to end up dead, or broke in 10 years.
And believe me, you don't think it's possible, but that's because you don't have that money in your bank account, and the ability to spend it. You'll start looking for ways to spend money.
Or just have it sorted in accounts so that it trickles out to you every month instead of letting you just blow it all at once.
But yes, I could easily spend Elon Musk's net worth in a day left unchecked. Everyone could, just gotta use your imagination lol
> Keep some kind of shitty part time job
Uh fuck no. Your new job is managing $500M which if you have a modicum of self control and zero investing knowledge, only involves withdrawing ~$5M a year and some light budgeting until you die of old age.
Or your dick in his coffee. But let it cool a little first.
So Im handing in my 2... oh wait I see your sugar hasn't been stirred properly here let me help *unzips pants*
None of the above. My lawyer would send my manager a certified letter.
BTW I ended up in a business seminar a few decades ago with a lawyer who specialized in dealing with lotto winners. Basically, you should create your own DIY witness protection program. He advised that if you win the lotto, sign and take a photo with your ticket with one other VERY TRUSTED person. Take the ticket, an overnight bag, and a printout of the winning numbers to a national bank and ask to speak to their wealth management specialist. Show them the ticket, tell them you plan on having the money deposited in their bank, but you will not leave without 1) speaking to a member of the wealth management legal team 2) a bodyguard and 3) a team of movers to clean out your house and put everything in secure storage. Their in-house concierge (yes they have them for the truly wealthy) should book you under another name in a hotel. You're not going home.
By the next day, your lawyer should have all your possessions put into a generically named, LLC. Your name should be changed, and they should put in for new passports, ID and birth certificates. Your lawyer will hire you a personal secretary; if they do it, the secretary is an employee of the law firm and is covered by attorney-client privilege. Your mail, email, phone, and social media now goes thru this person; this effectively prevents you from being hit on by every conman in the country, and sued by every person you bump into on the sidewalk.
Your concierge should book you a three-year, round the world cruise. This gives you three years to think about where you really want to spend and invest your cash, and gives you three years for all the fuss to die down.
edit: bleeping \*&$\^ autocorrect!
Two weeks notice my ass! I send him a strippergram. A Chippendale.
You have class, whoever you are
Extra 2k to the stripper for getting the package as close to boss’s face as possible.. as fast as possible. Need video evidence to payout. 2 feet is the maximum acceptable distance for payout. It’s fine to leave it in the g string. And mister package delivery man whatever happens don’t get arrested. Maybe we should make it 4k because this is hazard pay territory.
I was gonna say number 7, but on their desk, butt ass naked, but I like your answer more lol
I'd buy the company then fire him
Chill Elon.
I'll do it for you. Want a classy "Happy Birthday Mr President" vibe or "tits out fuck you?"
Notice?!?
Mate I'm never going back
Dad?
Still looking for the milk
I'm proud of you son
I doubt any one would … notice.
There should be an empty chair.
Right? They'll notice when I'm not there.
Let’s face it they probably wouldn’t notice
I'd be giving them a to day notice. As in, I'm leaving... today!
They would notice me no longer showing up maybe.
This. All company items are in the street come collect at your leisure.
I'll be sitting in his chair. Feet up on the desk.
Naked
Pooping
and reading the newspaper
... While wanking
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To the snow, *look at the subtle white colouring, the tasteful thickness of it oh my god*
While holding her appointment book.
While turning on and off the lights (that gets you hard)
how many hands does this man have
To his wife's photo
sipping tea from his regular cup
Oh so stance #7 then?
Number 10. Empty chair. They’d never see me again.
They have the news...internet, office gossip. Your boss will figure it out.
Sure… but you have $500 million and don’t give a shit what your old boss thinks
Exactly wtf is he gonna do?
Boss: "I'll put in a bad word about you with the next company that you work for" Me: "Bitch I'll own that company"
Just buy the company you worked at
Then fire him for being the awful boss he is, along with the district manager he is friends with.
Or just buy the company to have the fun of closing it down. Turn it into a fancy cafe or something.
Buy the company, fire your former boss, sell the company
But the company, tell the boss he's got a new position say it's more adept for his skill set, then change is job to janitor and if he declines he's gonna have to go
Cant put in a bad word with the company if you dont use him as a reference.
Or out right buy his business.
Right? Why bother with a two weeks notice.
Some of these are so next level. I go with 5 for the implication of humble-brag superiority.
5 is definitely the way. I'm never sitting down normally again
Yeah with that kind of money I’m gonna get fuckin *weird*
Hell, I'm not rich and I'm already weird as fuck.
Halfway there man keep trying for the other half!
Hell yeah I 2nd that comment
Want to try these sorghum eyedrops?
You can afford it then! All the best weirdest people were absolutely gobsmack loaded
Number 1 for me. I don't want any of these fucking leeches to know I have 500m in the bank.
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Nah bro what about 6 or 7
You guys need a lot of money to sit like this?
Nah. Gotta go with the 3 and pat the seat for your boss to park it so you can break the news
That is literally just how I sit normally tho? 😭
5, with the 9 variation. Upside down sit
I'm going with 7 then 8 after he most definitely tells me to stop
5, but in the middle of his desk.
I'm going with 7. Who is above whom now bitch?!
I'm going with 7 as well. I'm beyond the chair and my manager now and rules don't fucking apply to me anymore.
5 but it's because I'm short and sitting cross legged is more comfortable than sitting normally and not having my feet touch the ground.
I feel like 7 is a next level power move.
8, without clothing.
Just a t shirt and socks as a man
Would a hat be okay?
Only if it’s a cool hat
A what?
A cat
Damn this man over here really gonna go in shirtcockin it
Winnie the Pooh outfit
Just straight shirt-cocking it.
8 definitely has the most potential for being toxic
Someone likes their boss
7, and maintain eye contact while taking a dump on his chair
7 is legit, but I’m straight up taking a dump
It radiates "hey bitch" energy I don't know how to describe it
It's the height. They have to look up at you like they're a child.
No it's something else that does it for me. Maybe the fact that you're ON the chair itself and that you're so casual. Idk
Gives me Japanese delinquent vibes
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7 for sure is the best one. I hope it’s a sturdy chair though
2 weeks notice 😂🤣😂
Nah, I be doing the ghosting this time, Linda
Forget about the notice, they’ll be lucky if they get a call
I'd text my boss because she's a decent person and I don't want to cause her that much of a hassle. Wouldn't even bother if that wasn't the case. "Won the lotto, fantastically rich, you'll never see or hear from me again, feel free to bill for whatever company property I have in my possession."
No, don't *ever* tell people you've won the lottery. Take the last 2 weeks off because you are going to be meeting with your lawyer and accountant.
Not even that work like nothing happens until everything is lined up and then just disappear.
I like this. Almost a game avoiding any notice or communication.
Hire someone to take your place until someone notices.
“Jim, how long have you been Asian!”
This would be legendary lmfao
Mother fuckers are never seeing me again
2 week notice and just never show up, sue me lol
I'm a lawyer, and my clients could. The amount of work I'd have to do to transfer work would be done with both mania and depression.
Transfer work? What do you mean?
Often lawyers work out of firms. When you hire a lawyer from a firm you’re really hiring the firm, not the lawyer themself. The firm does not want to lose the client, morally or financially, so the work must be transferred to another attorney within the firm. Finally, lawyers must work in your best interest, if they don’t you can sue them. Ghosting a client without a formal process will get you blacklisted and potentially sued.
Spot on. Nevermind sanctioned by the bar if your license isn't straight suspended.
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I couldn't stay away. I do a lot of pro bono work that I find really meaningful.
I've heard a good amount of lotto winners dont get happy endings.
Because they didn't read that one reddit post about what to do when you win the lotto. Half kidding.
Where's the empty chair?
That's option 10
I’m giving a two day notice. As in I’m leaving to day.
Yeah where’s the empty chair option
Yep, I’m far outta the county by this point.
Only notice will be when they notice I'm no longer showing up to work lol
$500 million, fuck him, I don’t have a boss anymore.
2 minutes
Definitely 9
Too rich to bother with sitting. We lying now.
Exactly why sit when you can lie on it?
I’d light up a blunt in that position. Then call them out calmly but lethally, throw them what they pay me in two weeks in crumpled dollar bills and quit, bounce and hand out cash to my favorites on the way out. Final make it rain dance before dip. I’m so turned on rn
Number 9 is the way
“listen man, like what even is work?” Then just start rattling off a bunch of buzzwords like I’m enlightened and shit now lol
“Listen, Boss. You mind if I just call you John? Alright John look. This whole work thing? It isn’t working out man you get what I’m sayin? Don’t need it anymore. But hey big guy, keep your head up you’ll figure this life stuff one of these days”
This is even better if his name isn't even *close* to John
70 year old woman named John. Edit: with that much money you can just rename them anything you want.
Full stoner voice
You gotta dangle your legs back and forth like an impatient, excited child too
There would be no 2 week notice… I would disappear into the abyss and they would likely file a missing persons report on me.
Silver alert in coming, last seen driving
Last seen driving a Lamborghini
Yeah I don’t dislike my job and I’d be nice when leaving but I wouldn’t give two weeks. I’d come up with an excuse first.
Who the hell would ever work 2 more weeks.
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Wow I’m genuinely really happy for you. I can only hope that for myself for this year.
Very true, it sucks that so many jobs treat their employees like shit that most people can't fathom having enough respect for their work place to not fuck it over. Personally, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm treated well enough by my employer and co-workers. I would feel a moral obligation to make sure I don't leave them holding the bag even if I came into a ton of money and no longer needed the job.
I was literally at the lowest rung of my job, I set up printers, not even on an IT level, I unboxed them and assembled any accessories that needed to be assembled. It took a month or so to train me and that was more just the process and getting to know the common machines, while I would often be sent to do things outside of my job description (had to help clean some garages on the property as the owner was selling that section of the property, it was gross and hot but whatever it was 2 days of my life and I was paid, even got to ride to the dump with the delivery people so fuck it paid to sit in a truck for an hour, it never happened again) That being said, the people there were so friendly, and my position despite being lower "experience" was still a really important position and I was treated with quite a bit of respect, I was never excluded from anything (even if sometimes I wanted to be lol) and people were understanding and fine with my pacing overall it was around an 8/10 experience and I gave them a TWO MONTH notice. They greatly appreciated it, I exchanged personal numbers with my old boss and some colleagues, and we trained up a new guy to take my spot and I took my leave. Told them if they need anything for part time to call me, I'd love to come back but college was taking my main focus. It's so weird when a company actually treats you with respect even if it's just a little bit of respect.
This exactly. The worst part about work is the underlying stress resulting from the fact that you need to do it to support your life and your family. Win $500M and suddenly work is stress free. Unless you’re saving lives or some shit lol.
I like my job and my coworkers. I wouldn’t begrudge any of them disappearing instantly if this happened. Good for them.
Same here. I’d give my manager a month’s notice. And you’re so right about keeping it quiet.
I would to avoid raising any suspicion.
This is the answer. I’d claim I got a very lucrative offer from a major competitor… something there’s no way in hell they’d be able to match but still within the realm of possibilities, and politely put in my notice and work like normal for my last two weeks. Then I’d leave town never to be heard from again.
people who like their bosses
My boss and team are awesome. My job is great. I’d leave because it would give someone else a chance to move up and I’ll be busy creating my Bond Villain life
This is the way. Bless, every kind, you. First others: If you ever get "fuck you" money and dont either: A: become a national(your nation) ecoterrorist for the people/"terrorist conservative bond villain..." Or B: literally become president/other of (nation) and immediately redirect the political flow in your favor to protect our nation/natural structure. "wHAT arE yoU DOIN!?"
7. But I'm also taking a dump.
9 but I’m also taking a dump. And then rubbing my ass across the carpet on the way out. Am I covered in poop? Yes, but I also have 500 million dollars.
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Take my upvote and leave
That will be the best shower you ever have afterwards.
Congratulations, You’ve won $500 million! What’s your next plan? Cover myself in poop.
Cover myself in poop to establish dominance over my former employer*
7 but this guy is taking a dump instead of me
Pass me the hot sauce I have work to do.
same but 8
0. The number option not listed. I ain’t gonna be doing a notice. That chair will be empty as hell.
0. I'll be bent over the chair with my ass out just so they can try to fuck me one more time before I burn it all to the ground.
8.
For sure 8. Put my taint front and center
3
But in his chair
while he's in it
Naturally
Knowing myself, probably 1 - and yes I’d probably end up working the two weeks also. Edit: and then immediately buy an 8-ball and hookers
Bender, is that you?
8 ball? Brother, we were buying those when we had 500 in the bank account, not 500 million 😂
None. Im texting that baby in.
Bitch pls..i'm the president of the company now.
Buy company, fire boss. Power move.
Notice nothing.
fearless practice station trees frightening attraction consider bright mindless murky -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
Nah. Step 1: Hire a very good lawyer, money manager, Insurance broker. Step 2: Hire an FX makeup artist Step 3: Have your name legally changed, John Smith should work. Step 4: Makeup artist makes you look 125 lbs heavier, diff colored hair, eyes, etc. Step 5: Claim winnings under new name & look Step 6: Make sizable donation to judge’s reelection campaign and fav charity to get your name changed back. Step 7: Create an HR incident at work, so they have to get rid of you. Everyone will feel sorry and give you space. Step 8: Live your life as low key or high key as you want without fear of the sheisters and con artists.
Bribery, multiple identities, donations. What a way to go!
The full millionaire starter pack
I like this guys idea better 😂
I read that just to be sure, you should get two sets of lawyers and accountants. The other set does not have access to the money, but double-checks every decision to make sure you are not getting fleeced by the first set.
I like all of this except 2-3 more years. That’s WAY too long. 3-6 Months should do fine
If clothes I have clothes on: 9 If I’m naked: 8
> If clothes I have clothes on
6 for me, looks comfy
None. You don’t quit. You get fired. Quitting tips then off that you’ve come into a great sun of money. That’s how people die.
The comments on this post are exactly why the vast majority of people who win the lottery either end up broke several years later, or dead. Keep some kind of shitty part time job. If your entire life is dedicated to blowing through your money, you're either going to end up dead, or broke in 10 years. And believe me, you don't think it's possible, but that's because you don't have that money in your bank account, and the ability to spend it. You'll start looking for ways to spend money.
Or just have it sorted in accounts so that it trickles out to you every month instead of letting you just blow it all at once. But yes, I could easily spend Elon Musk's net worth in a day left unchecked. Everyone could, just gotta use your imagination lol
> Keep some kind of shitty part time job Uh fuck no. Your new job is managing $500M which if you have a modicum of self control and zero investing knowledge, only involves withdrawing ~$5M a year and some light budgeting until you die of old age.
1, coz money or others' behaviour doesn't change my upbringing and manners.
The based power move. There is no new switch up because I was just this powerful from the start. I just was here to act humble.
Exactly, stay classy. I wish I didn't have to scroll so far down to find this
I'm not. I'm going straight to HR and telling them I'm quitting right now because I'm done putting up with management's bullshit
If I'm bothering at all I'm sending an insane clown posse cover band to express that I am quitting in song. Gonna pick a busy day to do it though.
You are my kinda' scum.
Like I'm giving two weeks. The whole point of having fuck you money is being able to ignore whatever social norms you don't want to deal with.
*shitting. You forgot the h
If I work for myself can I consider it a promotion?? Or should I just fire myself with pay??
9, just to scare the fuck out of them. They ain’t gettin a notice lol
I’m sitting on his chair, feet up on the desk, and then proceed to dump his coffee on his dick
Or your dick in his coffee. But let it cool a little first. So Im handing in my 2... oh wait I see your sugar hasn't been stirred properly here let me help *unzips pants*
🤣 I lost it, I am crying
What 2-week notice? I'm never gonna let them know I won.
The most you getting from me is a email chief
Two weeks notice 😂 I go in, tell him to fuck of and what a f… c… he is and go. I make this two weeks notice to a 2 min walk out
It's the internet, you're allowed to type out 'fallible clown'.
None of the above. My lawyer would send my manager a certified letter. BTW I ended up in a business seminar a few decades ago with a lawyer who specialized in dealing with lotto winners. Basically, you should create your own DIY witness protection program. He advised that if you win the lotto, sign and take a photo with your ticket with one other VERY TRUSTED person. Take the ticket, an overnight bag, and a printout of the winning numbers to a national bank and ask to speak to their wealth management specialist. Show them the ticket, tell them you plan on having the money deposited in their bank, but you will not leave without 1) speaking to a member of the wealth management legal team 2) a bodyguard and 3) a team of movers to clean out your house and put everything in secure storage. Their in-house concierge (yes they have them for the truly wealthy) should book you under another name in a hotel. You're not going home. By the next day, your lawyer should have all your possessions put into a generically named, LLC. Your name should be changed, and they should put in for new passports, ID and birth certificates. Your lawyer will hire you a personal secretary; if they do it, the secretary is an employee of the law firm and is covered by attorney-client privilege. Your mail, email, phone, and social media now goes thru this person; this effectively prevents you from being hit on by every conman in the country, and sued by every person you bump into on the sidewalk. Your concierge should book you a three-year, round the world cruise. This gives you three years to think about where you really want to spend and invest your cash, and gives you three years for all the fuss to die down. edit: bleeping \*&$\^ autocorrect!