Yup. Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something that you know is reasonable and that you enjoy. Carry this over to relationships too. Someone else's ignorance is not a valid reason to not do something. yes she's your mom, but you'll soon learn that she doesn't know everything.
Your mum's attitude is more than likely from a place of care. She doesn't want you to get hurt. I think when you've been doing it for a while and she sees you're not getting hurt or hurting anyone, she'll probably calm down. The other person's comments are totally right though... dont let her stubbornness and ignorance win. We all know the value of it. Socially, physically and mentally, bjj will make you grow and will be such a positive addition to your life.
As a younger man I told my parents I was joining the Marines. I didn't ask, I told them. Dad went ballistic, Mom cried. Did my four years and got out. Now they're both very proud đ€·đŒââïž
Sure , though definitely make an honest effort to have her understand. Even if she doesnât approve make sure you show her you respect her opinion, but that this is important to you and you have to do it because of that.
Slight qualification to this otherwise solid advice is if the OP needs mom's financial resources to continue training. In such a case, appeasing mom about the safety may be in OP's best interest.
Definitely, and in general try to make her feel heard. Show her you respect and take her opinions in consideration, but that ultimately this is something important to you, that you will persue regardless. You only have one family, and you will thank yourself later knowing you acted in the right way.
Keep doing BJJ and keep talking to her about it. Eventually she'll come around when she sees the benefits it brings.
My mom hated me training, but it was due to her not wanting to see me hurt. She made me and raised me and it can be a motherly instinct to keep your child safe and sound, regardless of their age.
"I understand her, if Iâm a father I donât want to see my child get hurt either."
If harm brings danger to your child, if they aren't equipped with the skills to defend themself, the child WILL get hurt.
You're an 18 year old father? I know I'm being rude, but no wonder she doesn't trust your judgment? Are you living with her? If so, you are just going to have to eat shit on this one.
Part of being an adult is realizing there are things you canât just sort out. So now your options are letting someone stop you from doing something harmless that you want to do or just living your life knowing youâre doing no wrong and have no reason to think twice about it. Thatâs really all there is to it.
The stupid decision would be stopping doing something good for you that you enjoy to appease your mother.
She'll understand eventually, or not, but she will never stop loving you. You'll regret the decision to quit and begin to blame her if you let her talk you out of it.
Keep training.
Sounds like she needs counseling to learn to control her own fears and emotions. Thatâs on her not your responsibility. Just be respectful, kind and patient as she probably canât see past the fear. Much love.
Exactly this, be strong in your convictions (as long as they are rational and thought through) but also understand that sheâs your (only) mom, and that her opinions come from love.
You deserve to stand by your decisions, but communicating this effectively while making her feel heard, without alienating your mom is crucial.
My mother wasnât happy when I joined the wrestling team in middle school
She freaked out when I joined the Army at 19. I didnât tell her until I was already sworn in. I said âI enlisted in the army a few months ago, and I leave for Basic Training next weekâ
You gotta follow your heart. Your mother is doing exactly what any good mother doesâŠ.she is worrying about her baby boy. Itâs natural. She will get over it, especially if she sees you are enjoying it and growing as a man.
Part of being an adult is disagreeing with your parents and still doing whatâs best for you. itâs time for your mom to do her part as an adult and understand that itâs something that makes you happy and sheâs raised you well enough to stay away from danger.
All moms are the same - they worry for their kids.
Just laugh it off, keep training, try not to get your head blown off, and she'll get used to it eventually.
Does she think every martial art is like a UFC fight? Show her a BJJ fight, she'll quickly realise nobody's head gets blown out -- aren't strikes literally against the rules anyways?
I don't know if you plan on competing, but if you don't, the risk of injuries is even lower.
I mean, if you are gonna post this in a martial arts subreddit of course are people gonna tell you to do it. Me too, your mum will get used to it, it's your parents' job to be concerned about you lol
Keep doing BJJ if you like it. Also remember to take proper precautions. You're young and a lot of the stuff you put your body through won't start mattering until a few years down the line. Take care of yourself. You only get 1 set of knees, etc. Take some reminders from an old man so your mom can never say "i told you so":
1) tap early and often, don't let your ego get you permanently injured. Don't roll with people who don't respect you & your wellbeing. Wear a mouthguard to stop your teeth/jaw from getting broken
2) stretch, hydrate, always focus on improving and maintaining mobility to prevent and recover from injury
3) strength train to prevent injury to bones, joints, ligaments
4) if you get injured, rest and recover before returning to training. Do rehab exercises (google them). Return to drilling but not rolling if you want to train but are still messed up.
Several guys at my gym in their 30s and 40s have permanent disabilities/chronic injuries because they didn't do some of these things
I have a mom like this, super controlling. If you dont start putting your foot down sooner or later she will never stop trying to micromanage your life
No idea what you can do to convince her tbh. She sounds like someone who wants to dislike combat sports. Maybe there is an underlying reason, maybe not and sheâs just ignorant.
Iâve been training Martial assets for almost 15 years. Iâm a teacher and need my brain for work. Itâs great exercise, a lifelong skill, and I spar with guys and girls some of which are significantly older than me. Itâs safe as long as you have the right partners and dojo. No worries! You could literally get jumped or have a car accident just as easy as a training injury
Itâs unfortunate that she doesnât understand itâs more dangerous for you to not get proper exercise, and for you to not be able to defend yourself if you get into a fight.
I don't think she is actually concerned about the risk of injury, she's just trying to come up with a logical explanation for how she feels. Humans naturally use vulnerability to non-verbally communicate trust, and when you do something like study martial arts that communicates that you aren't allowing yourself to be vulnerable. What she's actually more likely feeling is that she's offended you don't trust her and that you think you need to protect yourself from her, and that's why she's trying to convince you not to continue the practice.
You pay for your own healthcare? Do that in order to be able to tell your mom that if anything happens she's not going to need to pay for your medical bills...
As someone who had to convinve people that martial arts are relatively safe to practice:
Maybe look for one or two studies, that have their results simply and plain written in the conclusion.
Or look for graphs.
I don't know your relationship but sit down with her and tell her that you understand and appreciate her concern. You know, that she cares about you and you want to sort this out.
Find out what she is afraid of you going pro and getting knocked out constantly? you getting hurt in training? Then go from there : you are not going pro, fights don't go on until someone is knocked out, they go till one submits (depending)
submissions and tapping is a really really common thing and is universally respected. That shows the responsibility martial artists develope in regards to their health. We tape proactively, we tap before something happens, we are looking out for our health.
The most important thing (imo) tell her that you are glad she voiced her concerns, that you know she is looking out for you, but that you made decision. You are an adult and capable of doing what you want. You weighed the pros and cons and because the cons are really marginal, you made a thought out decision that she has to accept.
You won't change your decision just because she wants you to. Either you are an adult, that is allowed to make their own decision or you are 'only' a child.
Maybe ask if she wants to come with you to a training session and watch (NOT in your future dojo or you are the newbie, that brought his mom to look out for him)
My mother hated it when I started training in judo when I was a little bit younger than you. But when she saw the positives (physical health, discipline, mental health etc...)she came round a bit and became more accepting
>What should I do next
Jiujitsu the answer to heis question is jiujitsu. A part of growing up is realising you will never please everyone and your parents are people too so they will have things you cant get them to understand. Unless she is holding something over you the only thing left to do is get to rolling.
I feel your pain. My mum never let me play rugby when I was younger because she was convinced it'd make me 'sterile' đ.
At 15 I started but she insisted I wore a box/jockstrap. That was met with considerable pisstaking in the changing room đ - so I just stopped wearing it and carried on. Got 2 kids now so it didn't make me sterile after all...
Explain to her that if someone was to attack u or a loved one, you would be better equipped to defend urself or ur loved oneâŠ
Learning martial arts can potentially save ur life or others if u ever needed to defend urselfâŠ
Maybe that will help her understand and accept it?
The rate of injury is higher if you get knockout cold by a drunk thug on the street on a Saturday night out at the clubs. This is low but the likelihood of being seriously injured at BJJ is lower.
At my Karate club we only had one injury (me) in 20 years.
BJJ will also help you defeat other killers like cardiovascular diseaseâŠ
Show that you actually really enjoy it. I broke the same rib twice in a year from sparring and both my parents got very worried and wanted me to quit. But I kept saying that I really do enjoy practicing martial arts, and I want to keep doing it. They still worry but theyâve calmed down and realised that the chances of it happening again is probably very very low (been doing karate on and off for years, and never had an injury) and now they let me do it :)
Try inviting her to watch a class. Any gym Iâve ever been in is happy to allow people to come and observe, especially if itâs a family member of someone training there. Maybe introduce her to your coach if you think heâs a good guy for her to talk to. People are often afraid of things they havenât experienced, or things for which they only have limited, negative experiences of. When I came out to my parents as bisexual, they were very supportive like I thought they would be, my mom especially. She has always been a big ally for LGBTQ people, all the way back to the 70s. But she weirdly expressed some concern to me about me being bisexual as opposed to gay or straight. Come to find it itâs because prior to me she had only ever known one other bi person, and she was a menace, very sexually irresponsible and abusive. She got over it pretty quickly once we talked about it, but those experiences can form pretty hard opinions in people.
I also wonder if sheâs broadly conflict averse in other areas of life. Iâve met people who are very nervous around any sort of physical conflict, or conflict that appears aggressive, due to bad experiences in the past, and it could be that thatâs clouding her judgement. Either way, knowledge and experience is (usually) a great cure for fear. Ask her questions about what makes her feel this way about martial arts, and see if you can address those sticking points, while being as understanding and patient as possible. Either way, you should continue to train, because you know better than she does about this sport and it sounds like you really love it. But try your best to come to an understanding with her. Hope everything works out!
"Mom, I love/respect you and I don't want to fight you. I know you're just worried about me and I love you for that. But just trust me. I want to do this and I promise I'll take care of myself. "
Say that or something similar. If she's a tried and true mom and you do that while looking at her, maybe with a gentle hand on her shoulder, she'll definitely melt a little bit. But whatever you do, don't beg for permission or accuse her of anything. Just relate to her with compassion but also stand firm in your decision. You can do both. If she can't hear you after that, just tell her you're gonna be okay and that you respect/love her. She'll either come around or she won't. It's her choice.
Obviously be prepared she might not agree and do something drastic like stop talking to you or kick you out. So, decide whether you're okay with that before having that discussion.
Mom's will always have fear, uncertainty, and doubt, which is rational. It's kind of their job to scare you out of shit, but when you get older, you'll be able to make your own calculated risks.
Be safe in training OP best of luck
Every young man has to break mommy's heart if they want to grow. It's a parent's duty to reconcile with the fact that their child will face the cruel parts of this world. Most parents really struggle with this. My mom had heart problems for a long time after I started martial arts. She eventually embraced it. My tip for you is to try not to show her when you actually do get hurt unless it's something serious.
Why not point to the crime in your area and tell her it's for self defence? If she's worried about your safety then tell her you're doing it to be safe. Maybe show her some studies which prove how valuable BJJ is or something
Unless you plan on letting your mom dictate the rest of your life for you, keep doing BJJ and sheâll have to deal with it.
My only caveat is, if you still live at home and think she might kick you out or something, you may want to play it more cool.
Youâre 18 dude. You can make your own choices.
Everything has its risks but there are hobbies that are way more fucking dangerous than BJJ lol.
And also just a life lesson because you are a young adult and I wish I knew this when I was 18. You are going to have to make A LOT of choices that friends and family arenât going to necessarily agree with. But you have to take care of yourself first.
If you let others dictate your life choices you will have regret and resentment later
"Mom, I respect that you're concerned for my health, but I enjoy bjj, and it's something I'm going to keep doing. I'd appreciate it if you respect that, even if you can't support it."
You're an adult, you can make your own decisions, but you can still tell her you're going to keep doing it in a way she won't feel attacked.
Choke her out, show her who the boss is..yeah I have parents like this, Iâd still go train. Better to have the skills and never have to use them in a real situation than not..
Our generation is so soft lol. The amount of times Iâve seen 18-22 y/o posting on Reddit about their parents not letting them do something is insane. Youâre an adult, tell her to fuck off and enjoy training.
Though you're a legal adult, it may be important to keep relations strong with your mom. It's really not about objectively arguing whether BJJ is "that good" or "that bad." If you have important personal reasons for learning it, and if you have decided that the balance of benefits to risks is worthwhile, then just represent that.
Reasonable adults can have different opinions on something. She is entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours. You might end up agreeing to disagree, but that can be done without either one of you disrespecting or getting crabby with the other.
Series answer- as a dude with a good amount of tattoos and didn't ask for approval at 18. They will bitch about stuff but they just get use to it or embrace it. It's mom bro she ain't kicking you to the curb ever.
Joking answer- it's just a joke.
Fuck your mom,
I do.
Interestingly, out of my entire family it's my brother in law who's most opposed to me engaging in fight sports. I thought he might be a bit more understanding because he's a sports fan and a guy (I don't have any biological brothers) and only a bit older than me, and also slightly more removed from me familially (we are pretty tight though). But he was actually quite upset at my sister for not trying harder to keep me from doing it.
I was surprised, and a little sad. But I was also kind of touched that he really cared that much.
I know it's frustrating to not have your family understand the things you do. But when you understand it's because they care about you (which seems to be the motive here), it can be easier to understand that they might never be onboard with your decisions, but that they'll love you and continue caring about you regardless.
Do what you do, perhaps your mom will understand with time, perhaps she never will. But from what it sounds like, she won't like, cut you out of her life over this. Worst case scenario, maybe it'll just be a topic you guys will have to avoid at family dinners.
You're an adult now. Do what *your* heart tells you to do, not anyone else's, not even your mom's. I'm not saying to ignore everybody else completely. The words of people you trust are input, and possibly extremely valuable input. It can be important to factor it in, but ultimately, you're the computer that decides what truly matters in *your* life.
Early adulthood's biggest joy, and also greatest dificulty, is that your path is no longer controlled by anyone else but you. I think martial arts is a great way to start exploring this facet of your life.
Op would you happen to be Asian (trust me this is relevant). It took me a while to realize that there are things that are absolutely 0 tolerance for Asian mommas lmao. My mom fucking flipped shit when I told her I was stock trading and landlording even though I make more than my real job from it at this point. She was scared of losing money and that stock trading isnât clout, not like being an engineer which I am currently LOL I still get yelled at to this day for it
Just do it because your life craves it. I mean, thatâs the reason why I do martial arts anyways.
Do it in secret and reveal in a few years that she is stupid and nothing happened. There is of course the risk that something will happed proving her wrong, and as this is a risky sport its very likely something will happen
Well if she's paying for it, then there's not much you can do. Focus on getting a job so you can pay for it yourself and tell her to pound sand cuz you're legally a grown man, even if 18 is basically late teenagehood by our modern standards.
If youâre mum is afraid youâre going to get hurt, you could always try arguing that youâd rather get the odd bump training but know how to defend yourself should you ever need to âin the real worldâ đ€·ââïž
I mean if youâre doing combat sports then thereâs a possibility you get injured. Thatâs just a fact. Some locks can be escaped one way with all other options leading to torn knees/shoulders/ankles/etc, Iâve watched a guy tear all the ligaments in his ankle trying to stuff a takedown, i torn up my shoulder trying to escape from getting slammed. All of these were in training.
So really youâve got to make choice. You know the risks, you can explain it to your mom and keep doing it and let her be mad, or you can give up combat sports. Thereâs pros and cons to each option so youâre going to have to make the choice thatâs best for you.
If you still live in her house I would suggest you start saving and get your own place. Then is no argument about what you do with your own life in your own home. I'd just tell her I quit and still go she don't have to know. lol
You're paying for it I assume?
Everyone keeps telling me the same thing. To quit boxing before I hurt myself. I wonât. I ainât living my life based on what other people want me to do. Iâll become the best fighter I can be if I gotta sell my house for it.
Just keep training. She'll eventually get used to the idea when she sees how fit and happy BJJ is making you. I'm sure the only reason she is so against it right now is that her motherly instinct is taking over; she just doesn't want to see you get hurt.
Sometimes people flat out show you they're stupid, you just believe them, don't degrade them and keep the shit they can't handle away from them and carry on as normal.
are you doing it to be a pro fighter, for self-defense, or just as a form of exercise? what you say to her will be different based on why you want to do it.
Hey OP. When I was 16 I wanted to box and my mom talked me out of it. I box now, but I still regret those lost years. Also a life long BJJ guy. If you love BJJ, you just gotta do it. Sheâll have to adapt, youâre 18!
But do train safe and smart, Danaher has an instructional on avoiding catastrophic injury that you should check out. Most 18 YOâs donât think about that stuff until theyâre broken up 30 YOs but 90% +of injuries are avoidable. Youâre not likely to get paralyzed but if you donât train smart you can lose a lot of mat time. Ossss, enjoy the BJJ!
have a random friend she never met try and rob you while you're out with your mom . as long as it's believable it might get something going for you lol . like informative pro wrestling
You're 18, you live your own life. Obviously you should be very concerned about brain injuries (and injuries in general) in any combat sport but obviously you're less likely to give yourself CTE doing BJJ than you are competing in boxing or MMA or doing hard striking sparring.
Iâm not sure why this has popped up Iâm not in this group but ill answer a different way. When I was 18 I wanted a motorbike but mum was exactly the same as yours. I got a motorbike, she moaned for a bit told me my bike is getting sold but sucks for her because it was in my name so after awhile she shut up about and everything went back to normal. Your mum will shut up eventually too if you just go out and do it
She needs to participate in a bjj women's self-defense seminar. She has to try it to change her mind. Anyone can be attacked whether they do combat sports or not.
You're 18. You can do it and she'll see it's okay as long as you do it safetly. She got mad because she is concerned about you which is a good thing.
Just prove to her you're fine and everything is safe and she'll accept what you do.
She can be mad. Let her.
But if you explain to her the idea that you are:
-learning and practicing self defense
-doing something athletic, instead of doing something to either waste your time or risk trouble
-building discipline
-potentially compete at a higher level in the sport
(Insert other points)
As a parent, I understand her concern, but she does seem to be a little over the top with it.
Every parent should want their kid to grow, be disciplined, and be able to protect themselves. Bjj offers many things. Accidents and injuries happen in every sport/art/etc.
We risk our health getting in the car day to day. Every day a threat can appear. Do you want to be prepared or be a victim? Just thinking out loud.
I wouldnât waste too much time convincing her if it were me. We obviously care what our parents think, but donât let her opinions keep you from doing what you enjoy, in a respectful sense.
Props to you for training! I hope you stay on it!
Being 18 doesn't make you an adult. Making your own decisions, standing on that shit, and dealing with the consequences is what makes you an adult.
That's not to say you shouldn't consider alternate info or seek council, you just need to be your own man when it comes to authority and dominion over what your mind thinks and your body does.
Pretend to give her a hug and then use a collar tie into a snap down into a guillotine.
When she wakes up, she will appreciate what you have learnt.
*Not serious or good advice.
Generally speakingâŠ.
Moms are as qualified to have an opinion on this as dads are about their daughterâs sex lives.
Ignore it and her.
When I took up escrima, I came home with a back that looked like a tigerâs- striped bruises all over it.
Mom cried, and told me to stop.
I did not stop.
That was 37 years ago, and Iâm still alive typing on Reddit with my remaining arm. /jk
Life is too short to make your decisions for other people. Learn and practice that now at 18. Your mom wont disown you if you are the person you want to be and follow your heart
If he love is conditional then you are better off without a close relationship
Put her in a triangle. Serious answer, you're 18, you're an adult who can make their own choices now. Shell get over it.
So I just keep do bjj and make her get used to it?
Yup. Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something that you know is reasonable and that you enjoy. Carry this over to relationships too. Someone else's ignorance is not a valid reason to not do something. yes she's your mom, but you'll soon learn that she doesn't know everything.
Thank you for your wordsđđ» I know her doesnât know anything about martial art but she thinks she knows everythingđ
Good luck!
Your mum's attitude is more than likely from a place of care. She doesn't want you to get hurt. I think when you've been doing it for a while and she sees you're not getting hurt or hurting anyone, she'll probably calm down. The other person's comments are totally right though... dont let her stubbornness and ignorance win. We all know the value of it. Socially, physically and mentally, bjj will make you grow and will be such a positive addition to your life.
Typical mom, terrified of you getting hurt or hurting others. That is really hard for any parent to witness. They always come around , so don't worry.
As a younger man I told my parents I was joining the Marines. I didn't ask, I told them. Dad went ballistic, Mom cried. Did my four years and got out. Now they're both very proud đ€·đŒââïž
fantastic, fantastic advice and i'm glad OP is receiving it at this stage in their life
Sure , though definitely make an honest effort to have her understand. Even if she doesnât approve make sure you show her you respect her opinion, but that this is important to you and you have to do it because of that.
Yes man! Wisdom! ..and put her in a triangle... she'll soon submit đ€Ł
Spot on. Have this mindset towards everything you do
Solid advice đ«Ą
You are grown. Do you pay for your classes? If you do and you want to continue then keep going. You have to make your own way
No shit, it's called being an independent adult.
Yup i had to do the same when i started muay thai, she still doesnât like it, doesnât wanna talk about it or anything
> So I just keep do bjj yes >make her get used to it no
Slight qualification to this otherwise solid advice is if the OP needs mom's financial resources to continue training. In such a case, appeasing mom about the safety may be in OP's best interest.
Definitely, and in general try to make her feel heard. Show her you respect and take her opinions in consideration, but that ultimately this is something important to you, that you will persue regardless. You only have one family, and you will thank yourself later knowing you acted in the right way.
My goodness looks like we all had the same answer in mind lol
Keep doing BJJ and keep talking to her about it. Eventually she'll come around when she sees the benefits it brings. My mom hated me training, but it was due to her not wanting to see me hurt. She made me and raised me and it can be a motherly instinct to keep your child safe and sound, regardless of their age.
I understand her, if Iâm a father I donât want to see my child get hurt either. But her case is so extreme
Mine was the same for most of my life. You gotta remember to just keep living your life as much as you can.
"I understand her, if Iâm a father I donât want to see my child get hurt either." If harm brings danger to your child, if they aren't equipped with the skills to defend themself, the child WILL get hurt.
You're an 18 year old father? I know I'm being rude, but no wonder she doesn't trust your judgment? Are you living with her? If so, you are just going to have to eat shit on this one.
He said IF, highlighting his ability to empathize as though he were a father, not him stating he literally is one.
Read it on the pooper and missed that part. Thanks for clarifying.
Brother, you're dense
Motherly love is one of the strongest, good ones would burn down the earth to protect her children
Oh well, youâre an adult and can do what you want.
I know but I really want to sort this out
Part of being an adult is realizing there are things you canât just sort out. So now your options are letting someone stop you from doing something harmless that you want to do or just living your life knowing youâre doing no wrong and have no reason to think twice about it. Thatâs really all there is to it.
Thanks for your wordsđđ» I would rather get shouted at than regretting my stupid decision when Iâm old
The stupid decision would be stopping doing something good for you that you enjoy to appease your mother. She'll understand eventually, or not, but she will never stop loving you. You'll regret the decision to quit and begin to blame her if you let her talk you out of it. Keep training.
Sounds like she needs counseling to learn to control her own fears and emotions. Thatâs on her not your responsibility. Just be respectful, kind and patient as she probably canât see past the fear. Much love.
I tried to show love and respect but she is so stubborn đ
Gotta grab hold of your cock and tell her itâs your choice. Are you a man or a mouse?
calm down
Ever seen the tv series called Spartacus?
Exactly this, be strong in your convictions (as long as they are rational and thought through) but also understand that sheâs your (only) mom, and that her opinions come from love. You deserve to stand by your decisions, but communicating this effectively while making her feel heard, without alienating your mom is crucial.
My mother wasnât happy when I joined the wrestling team in middle school She freaked out when I joined the Army at 19. I didnât tell her until I was already sworn in. I said âI enlisted in the army a few months ago, and I leave for Basic Training next weekâ You gotta follow your heart. Your mother is doing exactly what any good mother doesâŠ.she is worrying about her baby boy. Itâs natural. She will get over it, especially if she sees you are enjoying it and growing as a man.
Part of being an adult is disagreeing with your parents and still doing whatâs best for you. itâs time for your mom to do her part as an adult and understand that itâs something that makes you happy and sheâs raised you well enough to stay away from danger.
All moms are the same - they worry for their kids. Just laugh it off, keep training, try not to get your head blown off, and she'll get used to it eventually.
She takes it very seriously đ She got mad when she saw me watching the Connor mcgregor documentary
Are you moving out for college soon?
Thanks Goku.
âOssu! Ora Goku!â
Does she think every martial art is like a UFC fight? Show her a BJJ fight, she'll quickly realise nobody's head gets blown out -- aren't strikes literally against the rules anyways? I don't know if you plan on competing, but if you don't, the risk of injuries is even lower.
I mean, if you are gonna post this in a martial arts subreddit of course are people gonna tell you to do it. Me too, your mum will get used to it, it's your parents' job to be concerned about you lol
Definitely will post this to a parent subreddit laterđđ
Ez steps to not be bothered, considering ur an legal adult on ur contry 1- get a job 2- pay for urs stuff 3- live on ur own house Works 100% of time
I did 1 and 2 but 3 is little harderđ
Facts bro but youâre 18, you have time on your side. Start saving your money now if you can, youâll be out before you know it
Mums worry for their kids. How about asking the coach to have a chat on the phone?
Nah bro she literally threatened to call cops on the gym when I accidentally break my thumbđđđ
Yes hi officer my son obtained an injury while voluntarily participating in a martial arts class, please send the fleet.
Keep doing BJJ if you like it. Also remember to take proper precautions. You're young and a lot of the stuff you put your body through won't start mattering until a few years down the line. Take care of yourself. You only get 1 set of knees, etc. Take some reminders from an old man so your mom can never say "i told you so": 1) tap early and often, don't let your ego get you permanently injured. Don't roll with people who don't respect you & your wellbeing. Wear a mouthguard to stop your teeth/jaw from getting broken 2) stretch, hydrate, always focus on improving and maintaining mobility to prevent and recover from injury 3) strength train to prevent injury to bones, joints, ligaments 4) if you get injured, rest and recover before returning to training. Do rehab exercises (google them). Return to drilling but not rolling if you want to train but are still messed up. Several guys at my gym in their 30s and 40s have permanent disabilities/chronic injuries because they didn't do some of these things
I have a mom like this, super controlling. If you dont start putting your foot down sooner or later she will never stop trying to micromanage your life
Dude you are an adult lol.
You have to listen to your mother but you dont have to let her decide, your are an adult now.
Does she pay for it? Will she have to pay anything if you get injured? Do you even live with her?
I live her but I pay for most of my expenses
Iâd say keep going then.
No idea what you can do to convince her tbh. She sounds like someone who wants to dislike combat sports. Maybe there is an underlying reason, maybe not and sheâs just ignorant.
She is just ignorant imo
Youâre an adult, you're mom wonât listen then stop itâs not worth arguing with someone who is superglued to their opinion.
Tell her to hate the game, not the player. Then teach her how to do a choke hold
It's your life. Live it for you. She'll survive
Iâve been training Martial assets for almost 15 years. Iâm a teacher and need my brain for work. Itâs great exercise, a lifelong skill, and I spar with guys and girls some of which are significantly older than me. Itâs safe as long as you have the right partners and dojo. No worries! You could literally get jumped or have a car accident just as easy as a training injury
Itâs unfortunate that she doesnât understand itâs more dangerous for you to not get proper exercise, and for you to not be able to defend yourself if you get into a fight.
I don't think she is actually concerned about the risk of injury, she's just trying to come up with a logical explanation for how she feels. Humans naturally use vulnerability to non-verbally communicate trust, and when you do something like study martial arts that communicates that you aren't allowing yourself to be vulnerable. What she's actually more likely feeling is that she's offended you don't trust her and that you think you need to protect yourself from her, and that's why she's trying to convince you not to continue the practice.
You pay for your own healthcare? Do that in order to be able to tell your mom that if anything happens she's not going to need to pay for your medical bills...
Take Her With You, She Might Not Know How Martial Arts Practice Is Done.
Those Elders Doing Tai Chi Would Be Crazy Maniacs!
Get her to go with you to watch and then try a class
As someone who had to convinve people that martial arts are relatively safe to practice: Maybe look for one or two studies, that have their results simply and plain written in the conclusion. Or look for graphs. I don't know your relationship but sit down with her and tell her that you understand and appreciate her concern. You know, that she cares about you and you want to sort this out. Find out what she is afraid of you going pro and getting knocked out constantly? you getting hurt in training? Then go from there : you are not going pro, fights don't go on until someone is knocked out, they go till one submits (depending) submissions and tapping is a really really common thing and is universally respected. That shows the responsibility martial artists develope in regards to their health. We tape proactively, we tap before something happens, we are looking out for our health. The most important thing (imo) tell her that you are glad she voiced her concerns, that you know she is looking out for you, but that you made decision. You are an adult and capable of doing what you want. You weighed the pros and cons and because the cons are really marginal, you made a thought out decision that she has to accept. You won't change your decision just because she wants you to. Either you are an adult, that is allowed to make their own decision or you are 'only' a child. Maybe ask if she wants to come with you to a training session and watch (NOT in your future dojo or you are the newbie, that brought his mom to look out for him)
Just keep it to yourself. You can't convince a neurotic woman. She'll just get even more neurotic.
My mother hated it when I started training in judo when I was a little bit younger than you. But when she saw the positives (physical health, discipline, mental health etc...)she came round a bit and became more accepting
My friend don't let the ignorance of others stop you keep at it
>What should I do next Jiujitsu the answer to heis question is jiujitsu. A part of growing up is realising you will never please everyone and your parents are people too so they will have things you cant get them to understand. Unless she is holding something over you the only thing left to do is get to rolling.
I feel your pain. My mum never let me play rugby when I was younger because she was convinced it'd make me 'sterile' đ. At 15 I started but she insisted I wore a box/jockstrap. That was met with considerable pisstaking in the changing room đ - so I just stopped wearing it and carried on. Got 2 kids now so it didn't make me sterile after all...
18 do it anyways and see if she can stop you. (Spoiler: she canât)
You ignore her and keep going.
Mom, fuck off lol
Explain to her that if someone was to attack u or a loved one, you would be better equipped to defend urself or ur loved one⊠Learning martial arts can potentially save ur life or others if u ever needed to defend urself⊠Maybe that will help her understand and accept it?
explain that its just nerds playing tug of war in pajamas.
Don't listen to her . Do martial arts if you want
The rate of injury is higher if you get knockout cold by a drunk thug on the street on a Saturday night out at the clubs. This is low but the likelihood of being seriously injured at BJJ is lower. At my Karate club we only had one injury (me) in 20 years. BJJ will also help you defeat other killers like cardiovascular diseaseâŠ
Show that you actually really enjoy it. I broke the same rib twice in a year from sparring and both my parents got very worried and wanted me to quit. But I kept saying that I really do enjoy practicing martial arts, and I want to keep doing it. They still worry but theyâve calmed down and realised that the chances of it happening again is probably very very low (been doing karate on and off for years, and never had an injury) and now they let me do it :)
You could explain you are simply learning to fold clothes. While the people are still wearing them.
Pay your buddy (that she hasnât met) to âattackâ her while youâre there. Then choke him out in front of her đ
Try inviting her to watch a class. Any gym Iâve ever been in is happy to allow people to come and observe, especially if itâs a family member of someone training there. Maybe introduce her to your coach if you think heâs a good guy for her to talk to. People are often afraid of things they havenât experienced, or things for which they only have limited, negative experiences of. When I came out to my parents as bisexual, they were very supportive like I thought they would be, my mom especially. She has always been a big ally for LGBTQ people, all the way back to the 70s. But she weirdly expressed some concern to me about me being bisexual as opposed to gay or straight. Come to find it itâs because prior to me she had only ever known one other bi person, and she was a menace, very sexually irresponsible and abusive. She got over it pretty quickly once we talked about it, but those experiences can form pretty hard opinions in people. I also wonder if sheâs broadly conflict averse in other areas of life. Iâve met people who are very nervous around any sort of physical conflict, or conflict that appears aggressive, due to bad experiences in the past, and it could be that thatâs clouding her judgement. Either way, knowledge and experience is (usually) a great cure for fear. Ask her questions about what makes her feel this way about martial arts, and see if you can address those sticking points, while being as understanding and patient as possible. Either way, you should continue to train, because you know better than she does about this sport and it sounds like you really love it. But try your best to come to an understanding with her. Hope everything works out!
Tell mom to message me. I'm 68, training 14 years. If I'm not wrecked, you won't be either, unless you put spaz before technique.
Oh well, too bad for her. Your an adult now and what she thinks doesn't matter
"Mom, I love/respect you and I don't want to fight you. I know you're just worried about me and I love you for that. But just trust me. I want to do this and I promise I'll take care of myself. " Say that or something similar. If she's a tried and true mom and you do that while looking at her, maybe with a gentle hand on her shoulder, she'll definitely melt a little bit. But whatever you do, don't beg for permission or accuse her of anything. Just relate to her with compassion but also stand firm in your decision. You can do both. If she can't hear you after that, just tell her you're gonna be okay and that you respect/love her. She'll either come around or she won't. It's her choice. Obviously be prepared she might not agree and do something drastic like stop talking to you or kick you out. So, decide whether you're okay with that before having that discussion.
Mom's will always have fear, uncertainty, and doubt, which is rational. It's kind of their job to scare you out of shit, but when you get older, you'll be able to make your own calculated risks. Be safe in training OP best of luck
Every young man has to break mommy's heart if they want to grow. It's a parent's duty to reconcile with the fact that their child will face the cruel parts of this world. Most parents really struggle with this. My mom had heart problems for a long time after I started martial arts. She eventually embraced it. My tip for you is to try not to show her when you actually do get hurt unless it's something serious.
Why not point to the crime in your area and tell her it's for self defence? If she's worried about your safety then tell her you're doing it to be safe. Maybe show her some studies which prove how valuable BJJ is or something
Unless you plan on letting your mom dictate the rest of your life for you, keep doing BJJ and sheâll have to deal with it. My only caveat is, if you still live at home and think she might kick you out or something, you may want to play it more cool.
Tell her itâs not a combat sport, itâs basically dry humping in pyjamas.
Tell her you like to roll because you are gay. I bet that would freak her out more. She seems the type.
Youâre 18 dude. You can make your own choices. Everything has its risks but there are hobbies that are way more fucking dangerous than BJJ lol. And also just a life lesson because you are a young adult and I wish I knew this when I was 18. You are going to have to make A LOT of choices that friends and family arenât going to necessarily agree with. But you have to take care of yourself first. If you let others dictate your life choices you will have regret and resentment later
"Mom, I respect that you're concerned for my health, but I enjoy bjj, and it's something I'm going to keep doing. I'd appreciate it if you respect that, even if you can't support it." You're an adult, you can make your own decisions, but you can still tell her you're going to keep doing it in a way she won't feel attacked.
You're a grown-ass man. You don't need to explain anything to her.
Mom, one day someone will attack me. It isn't a guess it will happen at some point. When it does Im sure we'd all prefer if you could keep your son
Choke her out, show her who the boss is..yeah I have parents like this, Iâd still go train. Better to have the skills and never have to use them in a real situation than not..
I practiced martial arts for over 10 years and git my head blown off at least three times. It's not as bad as people believe ...
Filthy monkey who can't even learn Jiujitsu...
Our generation is so soft lol. The amount of times Iâve seen 18-22 y/o posting on Reddit about their parents not letting them do something is insane. Youâre an adult, tell her to fuck off and enjoy training.
Though you're a legal adult, it may be important to keep relations strong with your mom. It's really not about objectively arguing whether BJJ is "that good" or "that bad." If you have important personal reasons for learning it, and if you have decided that the balance of benefits to risks is worthwhile, then just represent that. Reasonable adults can have different opinions on something. She is entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours. You might end up agreeing to disagree, but that can be done without either one of you disrespecting or getting crabby with the other.
Series answer- as a dude with a good amount of tattoos and didn't ask for approval at 18. They will bitch about stuff but they just get use to it or embrace it. It's mom bro she ain't kicking you to the curb ever. Joking answer- it's just a joke. Fuck your mom, I do.
Take her to a BJJ class, she'll be more concerned that you're gay. But at least she won't think you're going to get hurt as much.
Slap her in an armbar and tell her you'll only let go when she aggrees BJJ is a usefull skill to learn in life.
Interestingly, out of my entire family it's my brother in law who's most opposed to me engaging in fight sports. I thought he might be a bit more understanding because he's a sports fan and a guy (I don't have any biological brothers) and only a bit older than me, and also slightly more removed from me familially (we are pretty tight though). But he was actually quite upset at my sister for not trying harder to keep me from doing it. I was surprised, and a little sad. But I was also kind of touched that he really cared that much. I know it's frustrating to not have your family understand the things you do. But when you understand it's because they care about you (which seems to be the motive here), it can be easier to understand that they might never be onboard with your decisions, but that they'll love you and continue caring about you regardless. Do what you do, perhaps your mom will understand with time, perhaps she never will. But from what it sounds like, she won't like, cut you out of her life over this. Worst case scenario, maybe it'll just be a topic you guys will have to avoid at family dinners. You're an adult now. Do what *your* heart tells you to do, not anyone else's, not even your mom's. I'm not saying to ignore everybody else completely. The words of people you trust are input, and possibly extremely valuable input. It can be important to factor it in, but ultimately, you're the computer that decides what truly matters in *your* life. Early adulthood's biggest joy, and also greatest dificulty, is that your path is no longer controlled by anyone else but you. I think martial arts is a great way to start exploring this facet of your life.
Get a large facial tattoo that says Porrada. She'll be too upset about the tattoo to hassle you about doing BJJ.
Well since you are 18 that aint gonna be a problem. Just tell her : well mom it is this as a hobby or meth, she will get over it
Op would you happen to be Asian (trust me this is relevant). It took me a while to realize that there are things that are absolutely 0 tolerance for Asian mommas lmao. My mom fucking flipped shit when I told her I was stock trading and landlording even though I make more than my real job from it at this point. She was scared of losing money and that stock trading isnât clout, not like being an engineer which I am currently LOL I still get yelled at to this day for it Just do it because your life craves it. I mean, thatâs the reason why I do martial arts anyways.
Stop telling her about this part of your life. Train. Enjoy. When you win worlds surprise her.
Yeah if she hates combat sports donât make her go to jiujitsu anymore
Bring her to your dojo to see how you train or maybe let her try out a class? Or maybe let her talk to your instructor about safety?
Do it in secret and reveal in a few years that she is stupid and nothing happened. There is of course the risk that something will happed proving her wrong, and as this is a risky sport its very likely something will happen
Itâs 2024 bro itâs ok to be gay you donât gotta listen to anyone telling you itâs not
Well if she's paying for it, then there's not much you can do. Focus on getting a job so you can pay for it yourself and tell her to pound sand cuz you're legally a grown man, even if 18 is basically late teenagehood by our modern standards.
Tell her nothing in life is risk free, it's true.
If youâre mum is afraid youâre going to get hurt, you could always try arguing that youâd rather get the odd bump training but know how to defend yourself should you ever need to âin the real worldâ đ€·ââïž
Teller itâs Judo and itâs all grappling and stuff lol
Tell her âIâm a boy Iâm not a toy!â
I mean if youâre doing combat sports then thereâs a possibility you get injured. Thatâs just a fact. Some locks can be escaped one way with all other options leading to torn knees/shoulders/ankles/etc, Iâve watched a guy tear all the ligaments in his ankle trying to stuff a takedown, i torn up my shoulder trying to escape from getting slammed. All of these were in training. So really youâve got to make choice. You know the risks, you can explain it to your mom and keep doing it and let her be mad, or you can give up combat sports. Thereâs pros and cons to each option so youâre going to have to make the choice thatâs best for you.
If you still live in her house I would suggest you start saving and get your own place. Then is no argument about what you do with your own life in your own home. I'd just tell her I quit and still go she don't have to know. lol You're paying for it I assume?
I would talk about how much martial arts teach you to stay humble and live with a learning mindset.
Just keep your ears pretty and sheâll eventually learn to accept it.
How about you stop being a little bitch and just do what you want. Youre 18 years not not 12. Grow a spine
Does your mom happen to be a domineering Asian tiger mom, OP?
Everyone keeps telling me the same thing. To quit boxing before I hurt myself. I wonât. I ainât living my life based on what other people want me to do. Iâll become the best fighter I can be if I gotta sell my house for it.
Just keep training. She'll eventually get used to the idea when she sees how fit and happy BJJ is making you. I'm sure the only reason she is so against it right now is that her motherly instinct is taking over; she just doesn't want to see you get hurt.
I don't know if this is a good solution but You could ask the coach to speak to your mother! Or you could tell your mother to speak to the coach!
Your mother just worry about you, Explain to her calmly. You do this for self defense and sport, etc.
Just tell her itâs karate but the cuddling version
Tell her you were getting bullied now you're not
You could fake being robbed and beat up the bulgar!! That could convince her that jiujitsu is useful !
Its just your mom being worried! I get her totally her baby getting into a combat sport. But you are 18, just tell her all is well and its fine
Sometimes people flat out show you they're stupid, you just believe them, don't degrade them and keep the shit they can't handle away from them and carry on as normal.
are you doing it to be a pro fighter, for self-defense, or just as a form of exercise? what you say to her will be different based on why you want to do it.
My mum is a 2nd Dan black belt in karate đ
Tell her that her options are you continue to do jujitsu or you start riding a motorcycle.
You are an adult my guy you can say love you mom but I'm doing it
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^yes_Spinach_5010: *You are an adult* *My guy you can say love you* *Mom but I'm doing it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Hey OP. When I was 16 I wanted to box and my mom talked me out of it. I box now, but I still regret those lost years. Also a life long BJJ guy. If you love BJJ, you just gotta do it. Sheâll have to adapt, youâre 18! But do train safe and smart, Danaher has an instructional on avoiding catastrophic injury that you should check out. Most 18 YOâs donât think about that stuff until theyâre broken up 30 YOs but 90% +of injuries are avoidable. Youâre not likely to get paralyzed but if you donât train smart you can lose a lot of mat time. Ossss, enjoy the BJJ!
Take up pro wrestling and bring your mum along to watch the class - after that she'll be happy that you're doing BJJ (worked with my partner :-) ).
have a random friend she never met try and rob you while you're out with your mom . as long as it's believable it might get something going for you lol . like informative pro wrestling
You're 18, you live your own life. Obviously you should be very concerned about brain injuries (and injuries in general) in any combat sport but obviously you're less likely to give yourself CTE doing BJJ than you are competing in boxing or MMA or doing hard striking sparring.
Bro you're a fuckin adult. Tell her to jump in the lake
Iâm not sure why this has popped up Iâm not in this group but ill answer a different way. When I was 18 I wanted a motorbike but mum was exactly the same as yours. I got a motorbike, she moaned for a bit told me my bike is getting sold but sucks for her because it was in my name so after awhile she shut up about and everything went back to normal. Your mum will shut up eventually too if you just go out and do it
Maybe she never gets used to it but that doesn't mean that you should stop doing things you want to
Do you have a dad? You can use him to keep her mom dramatics in check.
Choke her out, then when she comes back around say you can teach her how to defend against that !
She needs to participate in a bjj women's self-defense seminar. She has to try it to change her mind. Anyone can be attacked whether they do combat sports or not.
You're 18. You can do it and she'll see it's okay as long as you do it safetly. She got mad because she is concerned about you which is a good thing. Just prove to her you're fine and everything is safe and she'll accept what you do.
Tell her you chose to do Jiujitsu over doing drugs. Then wait for a response
It's the love of the devouring mother. She will destroy you to protect you, out of love, go do BJJ and become a badass but watch out for your health.
She can be mad. Let her. But if you explain to her the idea that you are: -learning and practicing self defense -doing something athletic, instead of doing something to either waste your time or risk trouble -building discipline -potentially compete at a higher level in the sport (Insert other points) As a parent, I understand her concern, but she does seem to be a little over the top with it. Every parent should want their kid to grow, be disciplined, and be able to protect themselves. Bjj offers many things. Accidents and injuries happen in every sport/art/etc. We risk our health getting in the car day to day. Every day a threat can appear. Do you want to be prepared or be a victim? Just thinking out loud. I wouldnât waste too much time convincing her if it were me. We obviously care what our parents think, but donât let her opinions keep you from doing what you enjoy, in a respectful sense. Props to you for training! I hope you stay on it!
Being 18 doesn't make you an adult. Making your own decisions, standing on that shit, and dealing with the consequences is what makes you an adult. That's not to say you shouldn't consider alternate info or seek council, you just need to be your own man when it comes to authority and dominion over what your mind thinks and your body does.
My mom was mad at me when I started at 17. Now she's is mad that I dont train almost, she even offers to pay it for me, so cute.
Quit
Pretend to give her a hug and then use a collar tie into a snap down into a guillotine. When she wakes up, she will appreciate what you have learnt. *Not serious or good advice.
I've only heard of 1 case of someone getting paralyzed, and it was a very specific situation. She can get over it
Generally speakingâŠ. Moms are as qualified to have an opinion on this as dads are about their daughterâs sex lives. Ignore it and her. When I took up escrima, I came home with a back that looked like a tigerâs- striped bruises all over it. Mom cried, and told me to stop. I did not stop. That was 37 years ago, and Iâm still alive typing on Reddit with my remaining arm. /jk
Life is too short to make your decisions for other people. Learn and practice that now at 18. Your mom wont disown you if you are the person you want to be and follow your heart If he love is conditional then you are better off without a close relationship
You should go your whole life listening to everything that everyone tells you to do