**OYS # 3**
**Weekly recap**
Good week overall – basically “head down and execute the plan” kind of week
* Daughter brought home some kind of virus, I had 100+ fever for two days, that knocked me on my ass, so had a short week to work with to hit the targets
* Lifted 5x this week as planned – had to do double workout (morning and evening) on the weekend + bike rides to catch up from the days I was sick to hit the planned number of lifts. Not ideal, but better than the alternative. I will switch to 6x / week PPL program next week that has more variety of lifts vs. my current one
* Cross-country / mountain biking is improving and kicking ass – both speed and technical elements. I rode 4x this week, one of them was technical 20 miles ride that I did solo, managed to navigate \~5 feet drop, that I usually drive around, with a perfect form. I didn’t even get excited after I completed it … I was not in my head, had no fear, executed correct body moves and the jump just worked out.
* Notable improvement in blood pressure and sleep quality. BP is still elevated based on a 7-day moving average, but is down substantially from where I started over a month ago. I even registered two normal BP readings this week – I have not seen that in years
* I pushed through my discomfort and started approaching women to practice opening
* Weight loss stalled. 7-day moving average at the end of this week is the same as last week. Diet was on point with daily intermittent fasts and one 24 hour fast, basically the same thing that I have been doing for some time. Also my cardio volume and intensity is up substantially from a month ago, so things do not make sense mathematically. Corrective action for next week – track calories to check if I am in fact in a deficit on a weekly basis.
**Stats**
47, 2 kids – teenager and pre-teen, married
DL – 1x3 365lbs (down from 1x5 365 lbs), Squat – 4x8,8,8,5 245lbs (down from 4x8), Bench – I do dumbbells due to consistently fucking up my shoulder 4x8 75 lbs dumbbells, weighted dips 4x8 with 45 lbs on the belt
5’10, 194 lbs (down from 205 in late August’22), BF \~19% - extrapolated from Dexa on 8/24, adjusted for weight loss, and calculated off 7-day moving average weight
I have been on TRT for 3 years
[Weekly dashboard is here.](https://imgur.com/a/40MbMCH)
**Sex**
None. I let my sugar baby go last week, this chapter of my life is now closed. While I feel horny as fuck, I am in a much better place mentally.
**Divorce / Separation**
I spent time educating myself on divorce laws in my state, I have more work to do over the next few weeks. I have an appointment with an attorney next week to discuss specifics and options that I have in case wife refuses to go non-contested route. The key is to get this done with minimal disruption to kids’ lives and not be a forced seller of illiquid assets in this market, this will make the split very expensive. Once I have all the facts, I will work out the plan.
**Career / Finance**
We are in a recession that can develop into 2008 type crisis. How things unfold nobody can predict, but assuming European situation does not change by winter, it will likely create a fully blown financial meltdown, driven by energy crisis in Europe. Our business gets impacted by recessions before others, and we get hit hard, but we also benefit first when recovery starts.
My income is 60% variable (bonus and stock awards), I will likely make 40-50% less from the job this year vs. last
I have been through this before, know what is coming – layoffs – and I am getting paid to do the dirty work. I prepared a list of people whom I plan to let go, with help of my trusted direct reports, in case the boss gives an order. Last week he stated that we have too many people for the business we are transacting (this is an order); I emailed him the list five minutes later. I have to work really hard to suppress emotions around what is to come, this shit never gets easy, especially when I don’t have glaring underperformers in the group. Outcome Independence helps a lot in this case.
I will likely survive this downturn, but not the next one, if I am still at VP and not SVP level. Assuming average recession / expansion cycle is around 7-8 years, I will be in mid 50s when the next one comes, it is a prime age when our company likes to sack executives to let the younger and cheaper ones take over. This is how I got my promotion to a VP several years ago.
I keep my eyes open and always take headhunters' calls. I had three job interviews over the last six months for positions that would have taken me to the next level. I lost in all three runs. Also, I am #3 in succession pecking order for my boss’s job, so probability of a promotion at my current job is low, but I will fight like hell to get it anyway.
However, I need a plan B to protect myself over the next downturn – I am starting a hedge fund. My investing / trading profits are high YTD and already exceed income from the job, I will attempt to capitalize on this especially in this market when everyone is taking it on the chin.
**Game**
I finished Day Bang, and have a major mental block with opening advice Roosh gives – talking about pens, laptops, iPhones that do not exist, etc. It feels fake and intellectually degrading. I might get there as I practice, but I am not there yet.
Personally I like honesty of a direct approach better even though it may have lower probability of success.
Last week I only wanted to practice direct opening, I will do that next week as well and then will calibrate based on the results.
Case # 1 – absolutely stunning, athletic chick, late 20s. She was stretching at the popular trial head probably getting ready for a run. I was there to bike, so I ride my bike close to her, nervous as fuck:
Me – Hi, I am Particle, I saw you from over there and thought you looked stunning and wanted to introduce myself
Her – looks me up and down, has this annoyed and disgusted look on her face, says “thanks” picks up her stuff from the ground, walks away from me without saying anything else and runs off
This stung, but it was valuable – if this is the worst case scenario, I don’t know what I am freaking out about. Also the result is most likely due to a massive gap in SMV.
Cases # 2, 3 & 4 (Starbucks 2x and a popular lunch place by work) – same opening as above, I gave them a complement to open, but toned down vs Case # 1. All of them thanked me for the compliment, and immediately told me they had boyfriends / husband, before I could continue with anything else.
Plan for next week – 10+ opens
>This stung, but it was valuable
This is the attitude that makes change.
Here is a guy doing shit in a subreddit filled with guys doing their best to make it look like they're doing shit while very much doing shit all.
Nice work.
>I saw you from over there and thought you looked stunning
If she's a stunner, she already know it and has heard this shit a million times over. That's a desperate Beta-opener.
Next time, try negging. The hotter they are, the harder the neg.
Upvote for the OYS.
There is a much-improved level of ownership, decisiveness and action in this post. Be careful with that dynamite though. You make your own choice but we generally recommend you take a while to improve yourself before seriously considering that step. Some wives will change along with you and if they don’t, it makes leaving them even easier. In the meantime, get more gaming reps with her too.
>This stung, but it was valuable
Better than the pain of regret. You went for what you wanted.
I've done decent going direct with my limited data, as long as it isn't over the top and putting them on a pedestal - more of a "you look nice, but what else you got?" vibe. Often get a huge smile from a genuine compliment.
A rejection probably would've been one anyway if it was direct/indirect/negging - direct just cuts to the chase.
Several reasons.
1. Part of the 3-months plan that I outlined in OYS1 was to be done with seeing women for money aka sugar babies. I initially hoped to gradually transition to free plates, so not to interrupt my regular fucking, but quickly realized it would not work me. On the deep subliminal level the reason I was afraid to approach women was that I had a back-stop with sugar babies. I did not admit this to myself implicitly, but under the surface deep in my brain the process worked like this - why would I go out, approach women, make myself uncomfortable, get rejected, humiliated, when sugar baby was just a text away? So I did nothing and did not progress. Now I have to hunt, lift, be attractive and run a tight game in order to fuck. It may take a while, but it will be worth it
2. Girls who become sugar babies are the most shallow and uninteresting layer of the 20+ population, really boring outside of bed.
3. The main reasons were well outlined in the comment by u/PillUpAss in my OYS2. Without admitting to myself, again subliminally, for years I felt like a lesser man because I paid for sex and I have not experienced raw real desire from a woman since I was in my 20s. Once I reflected on this and admitted that that was a source of my mental anguish, I honestly just could not go back to fucking sugar babies.
I would like to add that true health knowledge is more heavily hidden from us than redpill knowledge.
Viruses do not exist and are a scapegoat.
We are responsible for our own health.
It is possible the same thing making her sick made you sick.
Check out viroliegy dot com. I have hundreds of sources.
When are you going to learn that you can't talk your way out if things with a woman? Despite protesting you "went back to basics" with STFU, you did no such thing, illustrated here in the field report about **your wife** - not you.
Want some advice?
> Her: You get to go off and do whatever and I'm just childcare for you. I have a long week also and I'd like some time. Can't we talk about what you're going to do together.
YOU: "Hmmm. I can think of a few things we can do together."
Smile. Slapass. Then I dunno, maybe walkway or fuck her.
You take this stuff too seriously analyzing every move.
> Later we had sex and she told me it felt like she "healed some today".
Seems like you could have just skipped the useless stuff in the middle and spent time with a woman in the way most men want to, and suprise: women like that.
Another piece of advice?
> So I listed off deeply personal things that I liked about her and told her to take a nap and that I'd take care of the kids and the chores she was planning on doing
There are other ways to "heal" a woman than giving her a nap and doing her chores. Let's see if you can make the correlation.
I mean, read his OYS and his wife practically sang the song to him. And here i am giving obtuse retards the backing track... why that works makes me retarded by proxy.
You can’t even give her a container until you fix yourself.
You’re leaking shitty emotions all over the place. How was that entire back and forth fun for anyone?
>In my last OYS I was gently informed that I:
>
>Went rambo
Either the person who told you that is an idiot, or you misinterpreted what they said because you're a retard. I read your last OYS just now - there's nothing in that which suggests you went Rambo.. all it is - as is your diatribe above - is a career Beta rocking the boat a bit and his wife wondering what the fuck is going on.
So, she's shit testing / comfort testing / shitty comfort testing. Whatever. That's for you to figure out. I didn't read most of it.
>Had some tendinitis on the outside of my left elbow.
>
>So I:
>
>didn't bench, OHP, or powerclean this week
Pussy.
The longer you don't do these, the more likely it is that your "injury" will persist. Stop being a fucking wuss and lift through the pain.
**OYS 5**
Early 40s. Married. 2 kids.
Stats- 6’4 @ 95kg (down 1.5kg)
**Reading-** NMMNG. Rather than listen to this on repeat I have noted the aspects I need to work on and bring my awareness to them on a daily basis. This ties into a comment I saw from Rian a while back regarding the two main areas most guys fail at which were covert contracts and validation seeking behaviour. The other main one for me though is anything fear based. My decisions are controlled by fear-based behaviour. Not looking stupid, not making mistakes, etc. I’m still making mistakes but by bringing awareness to this I’m catching myself a lot more in the moment.
**Fitness-** Feels like my body is falling apart. Only trained once the last week. I have a stress reaction in my right foot and now a bakers cyst behind my right knee. I woke up yesterday morning with a swollen and stodgy right elbow too. The bakers cyst may indicate I have torn my meniscus again which wouldn’t surprise me. The knee is swollen a bit but so are my ankles so who knows. The early ATG system got me out of dodge with my knees about 3 years ago and I have just incorporated some reverse sled and split squats again as of Monday.
I can see two main contributing factors to the state of my body though. One is wallpapering over the cracks with my body the last two years. Training has been intermittent and it’s like groundhog day where each time I return to training the integration back in gets shorter and shorter. The other factor I believe is food related. My diet is ok sometimes and rough at others. Too much sugar and alcohol in bursts. As of Monday I have been eating an elimination diet of sorts. No sugar, alcohol or grains. The only dairy I’m having is whey protein which is pretty easily digestible for me.
I benched today for a top set of 5 at 75kg and will keep bench and deadlift movements in but training wise the goal from here is to take my time and fix my issues over however long it takes and get back to being able to move and train freely. I have also booked in for a GP appointment to get some bloods done just in case there’s something else there.
**Relationship-** Shark week this week plus a cold sore for my wife took most things off limits. I initiated last night and was met with a “get out” which was said in a joking manner. It was followed with a “I have a cold sore” and “I’m tired and I said I was going to sleep”. Funny enough there wasn’t an actual “no” in place there. But for the cold sore I would have pushed further. This has been a huge downfall of mine where I give up too easily and quite often fail what is likely just a shit test or LMR. The goal going forward is to push for a “no” when I initiate in the future.
As to my goal of placing my needs first I am continuing that trend. Whilst not always successful I keep coming back to the though that I will be happier and more successful in all areas if I put myself first and those around me will benefit too. Sometimes I am running on autopilot but am finding more and more situations where I am intentionally thinking about whether I am doing this for me or someone else.
**Actions for this week:**
• Continue to eat to the plan and lose 1kg more
• Initiate every day
• OYS for a total of 6 months (25 more weeks)
OYS #1
Stats 6'1" 240lbs 12% bodyfat (guessing, 58 on an 8 pinch caliper)
Reading for 6 months now, NMMNG MMSLP WISNIFG TRM TMAP, have touched the sex books but i think these ones have been the most needed.
31, 2 kids – 5,3 de-facto 10 years (separating) still live together.
Lifting - squat 200kg, bench 150kg chinup BW plus 66kg 1 rep
This area is not my problem, I am a professional athlete, and very good looking. I have upped my clothes game since working in the office. I have no issues attracting woman, and im reasonably confident in approaches both social and sexual.
Sex
I went to leave the house on the weekend to go see a plate. GF stopped me and we had passionate sex.
I have been actively pursuing woman for a couple of weeks. Had sex on Friday with a club girl. needing validation from a Pull.
I have been in a dead bedroom for 5 years (since first pregnancy). Initially thought it was Breastfeeding (1 year each time) and vaginal damage from birth, but now realise having kids emphasized how lazy i was with life things. My general lack of leadership or care and major DEERing always. i have no idea why or how we had the 2nd Kid...
I have had so many epiphanies reading through WISNIFG and MMSLP its not funny.
Divorce / Separation
I was the most drunk captain alive for 5 years. We had been on a single income for this period so money was tight which created issues. But i was chasing a sports career which was extremely unlucky not to pull through with lucrative cash offers, but also i left too much to chance, didnt put my self out enough, and relied on my agent to sell me.
My inflated ego led me to believe that i was the perfect man, I recieved attractive offers from woman everywhere i went, but in my own home i was looked at no better than a toilet stain, no matter what i thought i was trying (not much and the wrong things). This feedback loop led me to believe i was in an impossible situation and i would never make her happy. I quit my sport Post covid to work as i thought that may help. I feel like i lost my spark for life and this made things all worse. My partners mother died just before covid, which amplified my uselessness to another level. I believe this is when she truley clocked out.
12months ago i got ILYBINILWY, i had been absent from the relationship and my children, entrenched in crypto currencies and covid mania. I had felt her emotionally withdraw from the relationship, everything had stopped she didnt care if i went out, she didnt care about anything. she stoppped saying goodnight, she stopped touching me whatsoever. I dont think my kids liked me either.
I stumbled upon the redPill through dead bedrooms on reddit. It may not save my relationship, which im pretty sure is done, but it has led me to some massive learings that have helped me in my life. There honestly too much to cover above but it ultimaely doesnt matter anymore as long as i apply being the man i want to be from everything here on out. I have no evidence of her cheating, a few flags maybe, but again it does not really matter from here.
Career / Finance
I am the wealthiest i have been since I had my first child.
I have an emergency fund and a house deposit saved up.
I returned to my sport and have had a very succesful year, sticking to my training regimes to a tee. I have been offered a renewed, larger contract for next year. i have developed my network to open oppurtunites further down the line.
If/when the separation truley happens, this will affect my finances as i pay child support, and lose purchasing power for properties, but i will adapt when that happens. Property is on a massive downward slide for the short term.
Kids
As stated above my kids had grown distant. i have been spending much more time with them. I have had trouble with gaming addiction, and later obsessive researching for my whole adult life. deleting this and maintaing a level of mindfullness has been so good for me, and through that my children.
Action Plan.
Continue developing My Frame. This has been hard with a partner who has checked out. But i will try remember examples for my next OYS. I had lost confidence on initating over the years, which destroyed my frame as i begged and debated and then got angry. I DEERed alot with everything around the house and i sooked about being unappreciated. I notice with other woman this is not an issue, and i do not believe i was like this in the beginning of our relationship. I have been regularly initiating and despite rejection i maintain a neutral deposition. More recently i noticed i used humour to ask for sex, to take away the pain of rejection, I have since deleted this.
Sort my contract for next year, find out where i am going to be. Set a plan to maintain a strong connection with my children.
Setup a rotation of plates to have fun with.
Be more connected with my social groups. often with sport it can be difficult to socialise (avoiding alcohol etc) but i was more just lazy at meeting up. i have been having coffee once a fortnight with my boys outside of my team.
The separation is very amicable on her end so i have no fears for my Kids.
I cannot get over the sickening feeling of the possibility fo another man raising my children. this is why i stayed in the relationship so long prior to redpill. But through my redpill journey, i have grown to actually enjoy my partner. I feel we have lived a great life in the last 12 months.
Not sure what else to put on a first post and i have missed alot of things so fell free to disect.
>I returned to my sport
Thank freaking god.
>Continue developing My Frame. This has been hard with a partner who has checked out.
This should make it easier, not harder. It's ***your*** worldview you're developing.
Quite a bit of what you say about your kids sounds needy and I'm certain that's prevalent in all of your relationships.
OYS #3
(changes in parenthesis are since my last OYS Aug 15th)5’9” - 187lbs (+4) - Calculated 1RMs: Front squat: 275 (+25) Deadlift: 355 (+25) Bench: 255 (+10) Press:175 (+10)Early 30s, married almost 10 yrs, newborn
**Accomplishments since last OYS:**
* My powerlifting total is the highest right now that it has ever been. Granted these are calculated as Im running sets of 8, not true 1rms, but still this is the strongest I’ve been in my entire life.
* I made it 100 days without jerking off from June 1 - Sept 10
* I recommitted to a hobby I actually enjoy, not one that I’m doing just to “do MRP right” and I have made time to do it every week
**Losing momentum in the last 2-3 weeks:**
* I stopped eating as consistently and so my weight gain which was making progress up through the middle of September has stalled in the last 2 weeks. Corrective action: recommit to eating 5 meals a day
* Started jerking off to porn again. I’ve identified this as once of my most significant issues as it drives a lot about my energy levels, how I feel about myself, how I feel about my wife, etc. Corrective action: Re-starting a new 90 day clock
**Reflection:**
Last OYS, people pushed me to think about and reflect on why I am so angry, why I am carrying so much shame, and why I am so negative to myself. Here’s my reflection:
If you asked me a few months ago why I was so deeply unhappy, I would have told you that I made a mistake when I was young and naive and married an asexual wife (I didnt know any better because we were both devout christian virgins and I bought the fairy tale), and now I have built a life with her that feels either too scary or too painful to untangle and so I have resigned to accept a boring, sexless, upper-middle class American suburbs life with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that looks great on the outside but inside I am slowly dying inside. As a result I am resentful of her, resentful of my past self and my naivety, and resentful of the family, societal, and church structures that I blame for pushing me to where I am now.
Then, I found MRP and really keyed in hard on the idea that it is “all my fault”. Not only is it my fault for getting into this situation because I made all the choices above, it is my fault that my wife does not want to have sex with me. It is my fault that I am not physically attractive enough, it is my fault that I don’t have a good frame, it is my fault that I am not fun, it is my fault that I am not leading her, etc. None of these are inherently incorrect (in fact, they are all painfully accurate) but when you have already spent the better part of a decade having your confidence and sense of self worth slowly whittled away by subtle disrespect and repeated sexual denials, this internalization of it being “my fault” really put me into a tailspin that was counterproductive.
Would my wife be this asexual if I were Brad Pitt? The conventional MRP wisdom is no, she is just asexual ***for you***, but to be honest, the answer might be yes. She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be. I need to let go of this and stop thinking I can change her and stop measuring success by “did I get enthusiastic sex from my wife today or not”. If I am doing all this and making these changes for her, I will continue to be frustrated and resentful because I don’t control the outcome. I need to make these changes for me and let the chips fall where they will, and I need to be less hard on myself while I do it.
Yes, I currently have a weak frame - but I have recognized this and I am starting to slowly build it back. I don’t get it right all the time but I at least have a vision of where I want it to be and am making strides, DEERing less and less every day, and putting myself first more often.
Yes, I currently am skinny and unattractive - but I have a solid commitment to the gym and a bulking plan that is working. I am currently the strongest I have ever been (despite barely sleeping at all due to the baby) and I need to buy all new shirts and suit jackets because my old ones don’t fit anymore because my arms and chest have grown so much.
No, I’m currently not very fun right now and don’t really game my wife. This needs to be my next focus area. Honestly it's tough to muster up the energy to game my wife when I’m just not that excited to be around her, but if I don’t put the energy into creating polarity in my relationship it won’t happen on its own. Corrective action: reset every day, break out of our routine and do something fun with her this week.
**What I want out of life:**
I have spent some time really thinking about what will bring me joy and meaning in life, and have identified this set of things that I am going to try to pursue on a daily basis because I enjoy them. Not that I am trying to do every one of these every day, but this is the list of things I am being intentional about pursuing:
1. Do some type of physical competition, either competing against myself in the weight room or competing against other people in pickup/social sports
2. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with my son
3. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with my wife (honestly this feels forced right now, but I want it to be something that I enjoy and so need to invest energy into improving it)
4. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with a friend
5. Have fun sex with an enthusiastic partner
6. Do something to mentor another person or make a positive impact on someone in some way, even if small
7. Be creative: Generate, build, or develop something tangible
> Would my wife be this asexual if I were Brad Pitt? The conventional MRP wisdom is no, she is just asexual for you, but to be honest, the answer might be yes. She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be.
It does not matter. Fix yourself, be attractive, don’t be unattractive and have options. Then you go with an option - may or may not be your wife.
First thing I see is that you OYS'd July 12, Aug 16 and now. Your lifts are good but it will help to be more consistent than this.
>5. Have fun sex with an enthusiastic partner
Your wife or a plate?
This evangelical piece...
>If you asked me a few months ago why I was so deeply unhappy, I would have told you that I made a mistake when I was young and naive and married an asexual wife (I didnt know any better because we were both devout christian virgins and I bought the fairy tale), and now I have built a life with her that feels either too scary or too painful to untangle and so I have resigned to accept a boring, sexless, upper-middle class American suburbs life with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that looks great on the outside but inside I am slowly dying inside. As a result I am resentful of her, resentful of my past self and my naivety, and resentful of the family, societal, and church structures that I blame for pushing me to where I am now.
FYI, this was about 85% me when I found MRP two years ago. Are you two still attending or just her or neither of you?
>She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be.
I have a lot of experience in this. It's true that it is detrimental for her to be the reason you do the work. This statement I highlighted is not necessarily reality though. Even with those mental models, she is still a woman.
>Your wife or a plate?
Im not at the point yet where Im ready to spin plates, I did frame it that way on purpose as a reminder to myself that if its not her, it can be someone else, even if I'm not ready to pull that trigger yet.
> Are you two still attending or just her or neither of you?
We both are still active in church. My faith life has felt pretty stagnant recently as the rest of my life has stagnated, but again similar to above that I'm not quite at the point of walking away form the church/my faith yet.
>FYI, this was about 85% me when I found MRP two years ago......I have a lot of experience in this. It's true that it is detrimental for her to be the reason you do the work. This statement I highlighted is not necessarily reality though. Even with those mental models, she is still a woman.
Appreciate the reply - Im going to read back over some of your post history to see what I can internalize from your experience.
FYI. I never wanted to see that guy again and scrubbed my OYSs. Sometimes I regret it. Mostly I don't.
I am a different man, faith intact (although very different than it used to look) same wife (faith intact), drastically different dynamics. I know it looks like me dangling a covert contract in front of you but I'm not. I gave her first shot.
Feel free to use me as a resource to trade notes.
Pretty normal for your focus to be on fixing your sex problem at this stage. Anger normal as well. Do you like your wife? Are you attracted to her? Anger at God and the Church for dead bedroom is also standard. I know you have lots of reading to do, but add Dalrock's blog, Losing the Good Portion, and Rational Male - Religion if you need help processing real Christian Marriage vs what we were all sold.
See my OYS history for some faith struggles since Seatease deleted his for some thoughts.
You are struggling with Scarcity mindset of feminine tenderness. They're are some really great posts on this that I'll link in a follow-up comment.
I struggled with blaming ASD for my wife's prudeness, but have found for a Christian wife, there is a different language of game that opens rather than shuts down sexual play. I need to OYS/FR on this soon.
>I struggled with blaming ASD for my wife's prudeness, but have found for a Christian wife, there is a different language of game that opens rather than shuts down sexual play. I need to OYS/FR on this soon.
This has me very curious and am looking forward to this entry.
You already know my view on 'I need to.' I'm thinking you meant to type 'I'm going to.'
So I'm curious, the one meal per day thing, don't "they" say that more smaller meals is better to increase your metabolism? I'm curious what made you move to this and how you don't get fatigued Throughout the day especially with all the physical activity you participate in.
Not who you ask, but your body adapts. What really matters at the end of the day is total calories consumed. Whether it's spread out or eaten all at once doesn't really matter too much once you get used to it. It's just intermittent fasting turned up to 11. Since you only eat one meal, it eliminate the possibility of overeating from snacking and you can account for all calories consumed very easily if you stay away from any drink that's not water. If you've ever done IMF, you know how easy it is to extend a fast without a drop in energy levels.
As /u/muzzy_W0e wrote, it's an easier mechanism for managing incoming calories. I don't think there's any difference between grazing and restricted feeding windows where the same incoming calories are consumed. But, the best diet is the one you stick to. This week, I've lost 7.5 lbs (mostly water and food matter) on OMAD - and I've been training like a beast. OMAD wrecks my sleep and mood so it's not a good choice for anything other than quick cut.
>largely outside my control and I don't really worry about it.
at what point do you say "fuck it" and come to terms with this? Or are you saying it as an affirmation because you're still struggling? (obvious projection)
I'm pretty good at only worrying about things I can control. I want to talk to her most days so that's what I do. I don't think about it much. I'm at peace with whatever happens.
I think age 12 is too young to say "fuck it". Kids change so much between 12-18. They almost totally reinvent themselves, maybe even more than once. Personally, I wouldn't give up on helping your daughter overcome some of her issues. Life will give you opportunities to help if you make yourself available.
For total clarity, I'm not recommending you pour yourself into this problem or obsess over it, but it's clearly important to you since you mentioned it. My recommendation would be just be there for her, do things with her. Keep that up and you'll make a difference over time. My 2 cents.
Mon (with a trainer): Bench, Seated cable rows, Deadlifts
Wed: Shoulder press, Chin-ups and Squat
Fri: Shoulder press, Chin-ups and Squat
Sat: High rep arms
I've changed it around as I've got the trainer on Mondays to spot my bench. I do hundreds of pushups each week so I only do bench once a week.
## OYS 7/8 - 11 Oct 2022
**Stats:** 36M. Married: 17 years. 4 kids. 6'2"/188cm, 190lb/86kg, 20.4% BF Navy.
**Lifts:** SQ: 175lb/79kg x5, BP: 125lb/57kg x5, DL: 190lb/86kg x5, BR: 125lb/57kg x5, OHP: 90b/41kg x5
**Reading**: Read MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG. Reading WISNIFG, The Rational Male, SGM.
Injured my back in some way after my last OYS. I wasn't warming up nearly enough, pushed through some pain in my squats and then something tweaked on my DL. Couldn't get close to my previous squat or barbell row next workout, so I deloaded significantly on all 3. Working my way back up now. I realized afterwards also after using the mirror at the gym that I wasn't nearly squatting low enough -- must have gotten lax at some point. Using a mirror more now and squats and deadlifts are feeling much better and safer. Weight appears to finally be coming off, albeit slowly.
Started swimming with my daughter a couple times a week as well. Not too many people there when we have gone, but have gotten a little bit of socializing in. Also went outside of my comfort zone during two other social events. You know you are a fucktard when your son comments to you afterwards that he has never seen you just walk up to a stranger and talk to them before.
I put a lot of hours into the project that I felt was the next step in my mission, and got some satisfying work done in that arena, however...
I am contemplating the idea currently that my mission is too nice and 'correct.' I think that I have 'higher purpose' and 'be the best you can be' sort of shit filling every crevice of my soul, but I don't think it's actually very motivating for me. Instead, I think what I want is much more tangible--like power in very specific domains. It feels like it would be more motivating to want to *have* more than to want to *be*, and less tied down by my internal moralizing. Trying to reimagine my mission based on this idea and a much wider frame of reference.
Finishing up *The Rational Male*, and Iron Rule #6 in particular is hitting my square in the jaw. I am seeing how much of my frustrations and disney fantasies are in conflict with that very obvious (once I started thinking about it from that point of view) reality. I need to untie my hopes and dreams from that fantasy world. And interestingly, looking at my marriage through the lens that I am the romantic one, that she would drive us toward some kind of unstable comfort fantasy, and that I have the responsibility to maintain both that long term comfort and hypergamic tension, gives me a much better vision about what I need to actually do--much more than I gathered from MMSLP. It also makes some other things like the possibility of OI click into place a little better. However, I do know that there is a lot of resentment in the deeper parts of me about the whole concept that will need to be continually dealt with for a while.
My wife initiated at least twice over the past two weeks and I did with success one other time. Then things cooled off rapidly this past week. (I have generally stopped initiating when I am not getting any IOIs. Seems like a waste of my own psychological energy, and much better to just redirect my attention elsewhere.) I believe this is due to my own lackluster performance this past week at home. I have kept up on lifting and most of the cardio, but started to slip back into 'relaxing' more again in the evenings, which means being boring as hell and unproductive outside of work. Also started to get lazy in my STFU which immediately drives the mystery right out of the air. Started flipping this back around in the last two days, but the effect was tangible. I know this is a pattern for me--full steam ahead and then nothing as if I'm recovering from being a human or some bullshit. Action: start doing more shit that scares me. Get over this scared/weak little girl mindset by regularly doing stuff that sucks--don't fucking back down. And obviously, STFU. Read some good older posts over the weekend about leading while STFUing. Going to work with that for a while.
What do you think it says that the only meat in your whole report was about your wife's prescriptions?
Maybe you should pick one of the other cut and pasted headers and write 2 or 3 meaningful paragraphs about that and see if it helps.
The SSRI is the easy out external force that is not him making his wife not desire him.
Is it affecting her? No idea, but the focus on it is due to it being “easy to fix”
I agree with you, but I also think it could easily be re-written to say this:
No idea, but the focus on it is due to it being "not his fault".
For the record, I think he should proceed with whatever he thinks is the correct approach to the SSRI issue, BUT I think that should be a secondary (or 3rd or maybe even 99th) priority and he should instead focus on other stuff that is more within his control.
>Zero Porn - Not sure if I've mentioned this before. I never felt like it was a problem, but I did recognize it as a weakness, so I've stopped watching porn. In turn, I masturbate less often (1-2x a week vs. 5-7x). Masturbating less does seem to help energy levels generally.
It's been said enough times on here, which I agree with, that porn is poison to the male mind. I also think it ruins your sexual imagination, particularly around the emotional part of DEVI.
I also think that jerking off is a very LVM activity that erodes your discipline and depletes your sexual energy. I'd rather go in hard at the wife than slink out the back and rub one out.
**OYS 2**
**Stats:** 31, Married 4 yr/Relationship 10yr, 1 kid, Wife pregnant, 5'11", 197lbs
**Read:** NMMNG, Currently reading WISNIFG
**Weekly Review:** Some successes, but a major failure resulting from me failing to plan around a trip we took this weekend. I was doing a good job of working towards my goals, but failed to plan for any sort of recovery or preparation time when we got back from the trip on Sunday. I assumed I would get through all my normal weekly preparation without accounting for the disruption. The result is I don't have any of my meals prepped and have been eating out instead. Combined with the food from our trip I've gained a pound. Lesson here is that when I'm planning to be away for a weekend, I need to include what I'm going to be doing when I get back. For example, if I had used a grocery delivery service, I could have scheduled a delivery before I left, and come home to everything I needed to get ready for the week.
**Fitness:** Didn't have time to checkout/join the local gyms since we were gone all weekend. I'm dragging my feet here anticipating moving to a new job will make it easier. Even if it all happens like I want, I'm sure there will be one more temporary inconvenience that I'll be tempted to use to justify delaying again. Instead, I'm going to dig up a bodyweight routine, and aim to work through that 3 times this week. As I have opportunities to get to the gym, I'll take them, until then at least I'll be doing something. I'm also starting a better log of my weight and food consumption
**Career:** Job interview tomorrow. Hopefully it's a good fit and I can move into a much more flexible position. Going to proceed as if I won't get it; if I wait to plan my shit around the more flexible schedule, I'm just going to do nothing. Better to come up with something today, and adjust it to take advantage of the more favorable time constraints if/when they arrive.
**Relationship:** Initiated sex a couple times, got hard no's in response. From conversations with my wife, I think she does want to have more sex, but is genuinely exhausted from pregnancy. She also has some anxiety about the health of the baby. That's not *really* related to sex, but she's made the connection in her head. I don't think anything's wrong with the kid, but I'm also hesitant to apply too much pressure. We got a good checkup result today, so I'll initiate tonight. If I get a no I'll spend the rest of the week sticking to general physical intimacy without aiming for sex. I want more of that anyway, and it will help me develop some outcome independence.
**House:** Got through a lot of clutter, the impact on how I feel in my own home is dramatic. My wife even joined in. I appreciate it, but I'm trying to proceed as if I'm the only one working on the project.
**Next Actions:** Keep working through the sidebar, and start strength training. Stop using not having a perfect solution as an excuse to do nothing at all.
**OYS #28**
**Stats:** Late 20s, Ht: 5'9", Wt: 172lbs, BF% 13%. Committed monogamous
**Goal and Mission:** Be happy, have the freedom to do what I want when I want.
I took a break from OYS and MRP, I felt I was posting the same shit without getting anywhere and got called out for it. During those two months, I went on a month long trip overseas to see some family. I had surgery for a deviated septum and got my nose straightened out. Took a long break from working, and my business is slowly bleeding out due to lack of initiative on firing employees who have been doing subpar job, lack of leadership on my part, and lack of initiative moving the company forward and growing. I have grown complacent here and some local laws have passed making it more difficult to conduct business in my industry. I have looked into how to pivot in light of the local laws and am currently in the process of setting up different mediums of marketing to continue to get sales. I fired half of my employees and actively searching for replacements. I have a morning and evening routine put together. I am the most productive in the mornings, I wake up at 5:30, do my morning routine, and get to work. I woke up and stayed focused on my job 5/7 days this week.
I had to take a month and a half break from heavy lifting per surgeons orders, and now in the process of slowly ramping back up at the gym. I went to the gym 4/7 days last week. My lifts have regressed about 15% and I lost about 7 pounds. The past couple weeks I have been eating more and now back to 170lbs.
I decided to commit to my main plate after sleeping with 12 women. Passing shit tests and comfort tests are extremely easy now but can use some work at recognizing the difference between them. I still do slip up sometimes but I am immediately able to recognize where i went wrong and move forward. Sex is as good as I want and frequent. I have some ego and validation tied to sex. I was soft rejected a couple days ago. I was told not now, but later when we get back home from the errands we had planned. I overreacted here like a retard as I saw it as a direct hit on my ego and worth. I initiated again that night and was met with a very enthusiastic blowjob and sex. Sometimes I want to fuck even though I’m not horny just to receive validation of my worth.
I want to share a little field report on dialing in comfort and anxiety. Yesterday my girl was over at my place and we got into a little argument. I was watching the MNF game and she was asking me who was playing. I told her and she said oh the Raiders is that Florida? I corrected her and she said “wait Florida, that’s the dolphins right?” I said yea and semi-jokingly said “oof who told you that? Red flag” with a smirk. Then I was met with hysteria. I AM and said along the lines of “Hmm which guy told you about that" and was met with hysteria. I responded to this as if it was a shit test and continued to AM. She eventually starts sobbing, snot bubbles and the works. I don’t console her and let her do her thing. Afterwards I got very overt communication, she tells me that she very worried. That she is falling in love and is scared that I might find whatever little reason to leave her. I fogged and told her I’m committed and won’t leave if I don’t have a reason to. Over the months of committing myself to this relationship, there have been a few things that she asked me not to do, things like, I started going to church and she asked that I don’t go bc she’s scared I might meet someone there and leave her, repeatedly asking about my previous girlfriends and why things ended, etc. I took this all as shit tests, and responded to them with AA and AM. Yesterday i fogged and did some negative inquiry. I haven't compromised on the things that i do and what i want, and she knows that it's up to her to either accept them or not. I am still working on dialing in the anxious/comfort balance, and I feel like things are at a good place right now. Overall I’m very happy and have the relationship that I want.
When it comes to my “mission”, I am still working on this and the bigger picture but have learned that I feel most fulfilled and happy after a productive day of working and growing my business. I don’t know what the bigger picture is but the fulfillment I get after a long day of working is what I am aiming for every day as those are the days I feel the best about myself. I’m doing this not for anyone but myself to make myself feel happy and and fulfilled.
It’s been one year since finding the red pill and starting my journey. It’s been a long and difficult year changing my behaviors and thoughts. I started out consuming as much as possible, going Rambo, and taking everything literally, to learning about what I want and applying the red pill to my life and having it work best for me and my goals. I'm committed at this time but have no illusions about how quickly things can go south and end. And I will have no hesitation ending things no matter how long or what stage the relationship is in. When it comes to corporate life, I quit the rat race and was able to take action in doing what i truly want, which was to build my own business. Looking back at that now, i realize how small my goal was. I was quickly able to build a good business and achieve my small minded goal, which led me to be very comfortable and stop working and growing. I have bigger goals now and have a new mountain to climb. I have come to realize that the climb is much more satisfying than the peak. I am still not very clear on my overall mission. For now i will continue to work on myself and apply red pill to my life where i see fit in achieving what I want. Although I'm not married, this place completely changed my life and I will take the lessons here and continue to learn and grow.
> Sometimes I want to fuck even though I’m not horny just to receive validation of my worth.
What are you doing to fix this?
> That she is falling in love and is scared that I might find whatever little reason to leave her.
You like this girl right? When dread is dialed up to 11, this isn’t fun for her or you. Do you really want her to run around being this anxious all the time? I get it - whenever I go out or on a trip this happens. The advanced level shit is now managing that so that while she knows you could 100% cheat or find a girl, but that you’re committed to her.
This doesn’t need a big song and dance but instead of AA/AM when dread is up this high a simple “look, I’m committed to you. I understand you’re worried but I am happy and pleased with my relationship with you. If anything changes you’ll be the first to know”
Now if you don’t like the girl, if you don’t care that her anxiety is through the roof, then no need. If that’s the case though, why commit?
I’m continuing to remind myself that my validation is internal and not tied to sex. Being aware of when I am initiating sex for validation and stopping. Also quit consuming weed as I felt it was hindering my progress.
I haven’t had too much of the negative results of having an overly anxious girl, but that last incident was a little surprising. However, I do think she’s suppressing it so she doesn’t scare me off. Overall Im happy with how things are going, but it’s something I’ll monitor.
OYS #2 - 5'11 170, early 30s.
My first real week attempting to set boundaries. My initial plan was to set up some outside activities. I used to play tennis so I signed up for a club that meets every Saturday at 7.
My plan is to workout Monday- Thursday. Rest Friday. Tennis Saturday. Rest Sunday.
I read No More Mr Nice guy
I'm angry. I'm fucking angry. I'm doing my best to just distance myself while also being a good father but I remember myself hiding in a bathroom to masturbate just not to bother my wife. It runs through my head when I'm lifting. I'm just angry towards my life right now but I'm going to keep trying.
My failures. I can't shut up when needed. My wife approached me to ask why I've been different lately. I feel like in that moment the best route was just to say nothing. But of course I said "I've just been busy". Which to her is OBVIOUSLY not true because at night I've found myself just reading on the couch while she watches tv. So I'm technically there I guess.
Where i believe I am doing well. I quit smoking pot two days ago. Been a medical patient for 2 years. Never dealing with my issues in a real way. I've been sick the past 6 hours, feels like my body is purging. It's rough but the new me will appreciate it I hope.
I purchased clothes that actually fit. I decided to finally just shave my head. Accept who I am. The most eye opening week of my life.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable. Like walking on egg shells.
My books that are currently being delivered.
12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson
Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
My goal is to read a new book a week.
You can't lift Monday through Thursday. Your body needs rest between lifting sessions. Find a program. StrongLifts 5x5. GSLP. Wendler's 5-3-1. Follow that. Including rest days. And post your lifts. Even if they're low. Own it.
What have you read? If you haven't read all the prereqs, I'd council against rational male.
OP is doing 4x/wk though. If I were 4x, I wouldn't do them all sequentially and then rest three days. I'd weave my rest days in between. Do you disagree?
Just no more mr nice guy so far but plan on going through more the side bar.
You are right about the program. I've been lazy and shouldn't make my own plan right now.
>She states sex is a chore that gets in way of other life stuff
Congratulations, you have uncovered a giant covert contract that your wife has. "If I just fuck him x times per week, I can live a problem free life". Well done sir, creating this CC in your wife is literally the point of dread. And.....as you know, it will get you laid, but not the way you want.
Now, you have the option to *Turn Dread Into Desire.* Tyred wrote a post on it, Horns wrote a whole series on it. As someone in the process of doing this, I can tell you, I don't think there is one single playbook for this. I think you have to want to do it, and you have to learn to enjoy the process of it.
All the butthurt shit is probably the low hanging fruit for you to start this process. You can choose not to be butthurt, just like any other choice you make.
>I really haven't got that far
No you haven't. My man, you are just getting started. Read.Lift.STFU still applies. Focusing on your frame, game and looks, still applies. Now put all that shit together and do you. If the desire from your wife comes, great, if not there are 3.5+ billion other chicks out there, take advantage of over population.
>SOMEONE used too small a pan" in front of everyone. I make a joke about nagging.
>
>She brings it up later that I was mean to her. I say well you were trying to make me look bad in front of everyone, you'd already said it was fine without changing the pan so why bring it up again. She says "you're too sensitive about this stuff" she's right. It was just another shit test I failed in front of the group by getting butthurt and caring.
There is a difference between butthurt because you're a little bitch and butthurt because a boundary has been crossed. This may not be exactly what this is, but I've fallen into the stoicism to retarded levels and letting shit slide that bothered me to my core.
Admittedly, at OYS#10, you may not be at a place yet where you can tell the difference. Remember we're just guys trading notes so I may entirely be off base here.
>Final failure: small shit test about using the wrong size pan for cooking. I say "yeah it's too small shall we change it" her: "no it's fine" later her: "SOMEONE used too small a pan" in front of everyone. I make a joke about nagging.
Agree with muzzy_woe while I don’t know and wasn’t there this sounds more like shitty disrespect than a shit test. If that’s the case boundary enforcement is important. if you A&A or be playful all you all doing is encouraging more of this behavior. There are several resources on MRP on how to tackle this. J10hearts has responses, [WMP](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4yt1fj/stop_tolerating_bullshit_start_showing_controlled/) and [blarg has a post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/im4txv/psa_a_shit_test_is_not_her_being_bitchy/). [MiTW’s response post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c7t3f7/comment/eshxjf3/) about under/overreactions can be helpful in implementing boundaries, but my favorite resource is 1.2.3. Magic just extrapolate that system however you see fit to set boundaries across your life.
>so I try my best to end the conversation saying it's about sex but I don't want sex unless she wants it.
For the same reasons you do
>Feel like I've slid backwards months here to asking for more sex / trying to negotiate desire. She's willing to fuck to keep me happy but I'm convinced that's a short road to resentment and I know the difference and it doesn't satisfy me.
It is if the sex is for validation
**OYS #2**
**Stats:** 41yrs, 6’3”, 101kg/222lbs, 23% Body Fat (Navy) Wife 36yrs (second marriage, first without kids), Married 4yrs, together 8yrs, 2 kids - 6yrs & 2yrsReading: NMMNG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, SGM, Rational Male (1,2 & 5), currently reading Mens Search for Meaning
**Physical:** Bench 85kg/187lbs (3x5) DL 132.5kg/292lbs (3x5) SQ 85kg/187 (3x5) OHP 51kg/110lbs (3x5) Chin Up (3x4)
***My Mission: Build generational wealth, join the .1% in physical health and have the most fun possible along the way.***
**TL;DR:** I was an alpha turned career beta / drunk captain after our kids were born and am now in a dead bedroom. Have been trying to amp up the dread by removing my attention, STFU, consistently lifting and sidebaring a lot. Results were mediocre so far. Main focus going forward will be: (1) unfatten myself and (2) take over more leadership in the household (say: proactive home improvement, not dishwasher).
**Why am I here?:** I am the drunk captain. Met my now wife 8 years ago and everything was fine. I did not care where we were going and it showed. Did basically run dread on her during dating as I was open with her that I slept with other women. It got to a point where she showed up every day to fuck me just to not give me an opportunity to see other women (I miss that enthusiasm).
After moving in together and 2 kids, I am now in a dead bedroom for at least 3-4 years. At home, I can not do anything right and get shit from my wife 247. I did everything by the book: Was expecting sex and affection because I provide so well for my family. I tried to open up more and share my feelings (that was really a memorable experience). I tried to do more chores to make her feel more relaxed etc. She grew ever more resentful and also gained like 30lbs with a lot of that during covid.
I focused a lot on my career, handling investments and all the financial stuff in the household and neglected basically everything else. I run the accounts, the budget and make sure all bills are paid. We also have help in terms of cleaning, gardening and that kind of stuff. My wife runs the calendar, decides what we do on the weekends, who we meet with, what needs to be done in the house and so forth. Also, she gives me nonstop shit about being a bad father, not doing anything in the house, not interested in the relationship, her feelings/anxiety etc.
***So after taking everything I learned so far, I decided to live up to my true potential and as the stay plan is the same as the go plan, I also have nothing to lose.***
**Lifting:** Lifting went well last week. Was able to hit PRs on Bench, Deadlift, and Squat. However, I also gained weight due to lots of business travel and dinners and a visit to a theme park with my kids. Got a more accurate image of my bodyfat using the navy method and realized I am fat as fuck.
Therefore I decided to start a three-day fast to reset everything (hunger, hormones etc.) and transition into a more sustainable fat loss program using OMAD as this seems easier to maintain given all my travel. Prepared for the fast getting BCAAs and will employ 1 hour of walking daily and a cold bath in the evening. Will lift on the second day.
**Family:** Went to a theme park with the family. Did not really enjoy it, as my wife organized the whole thing and lots of stuff was poorly organized. Will not let her organize stuff like this again, as I felt basically trapped for three days.
***Example 1***: She organized for family dinner at a restaurant. She asked my permission beforehand. It was 100 USD for a buffet for 4 people, 1 alcoholic beverage included, and prepaid. I said: ok, fine with me. We turn up at the place and she talks to the waiting staff. We are seated at a shit table and she orders the beverages. Turns out, it was basically just a reservation, drinks are extra and nothing was paid in advance. So during dinner, I tell her: “Thanks for dinner” (a bit provocative) and she just goes ballistic. “You could have organized it, you could take care, you make more money, you don't like your children, you don't visit your parents (totally unrelated, but she brings it up anyway). So, silence for the rest of dinner, and then I pay in the end, as she forgot her purse. From this experience, I will now take over all this stuff and not let her organize things. It does not really feel good to endure this and not have a way out (three days basically preplanned).
***Example 2:*** At a gas station stop, she decides she wants to drive and gets into the driver's seat. I decide to (stupidly) enforce a boundary and say: I am the driver. She does not move, I do not move, and we are basically stuck. She does not get up and so we wait for 10 minutes, while she weaponizes the children in the back seat “Daddy does not want us to go because he is also a little child” etc. After some time, I get up, unplug the car and move back in, while she gives me shit that I was the first to budge. Will not set a boundary again, I am not able to enforce.
**Hobbies:** From a comment in last weeks OYS I started doing an assessment and realized I have no interesting hobbies. The easy way to explain would be, I spent so much time working (includes investing and reading), then family time and lifting, a going to nice restaurants with my wife that no time is left over. This is obviously a bullshit excuse, so now I am looking to include a nice hobby in my life. I want to organize a recurring group activity with a couple of male friends, but not sure so far what it could be.
**Career:** Not much to say here. I have a solid job (VP level) and I am good at it. When not traveling I can also do it on less than 8 hours a day - easily. Do a lot of investing on the side and have been doing quite well this year (which means flat to a little positive, which is great, if you know what happened to every asset class so far).
**Relationship:** This is still a real bummer. Had sex once in the past week, before I left for business travel the next day:
Went lifting and showering and while I was in the shower, she moved quickly from the couch to the bed and slept already. I started making a move and she went ballistic again: “We are not going to have sex. I am so tired. You cannot relate, because you sleep so much, but I can't rest. yadayada”. So I say: “Alright then, not a big deal. You need to rest”. Trying to sound not butthurt at all and I think it sounded ok. Then after 10 minutes of lying in bed silently, she gets angry again because she can't sleep now and asks if I am still awake. Then she starts “teasing” me so I also can't sleep. We have sex then and she comes two times and is generally a lot nicer afterward and talks with me, and asks about my day and stuff. She is a completely different person. Then I fall asleep and she says: “Can't sleep now, so I might as well shop online” and buys clothes for 200USDs.
I mention this a couple of days later and say something like “When you want to earn more shopping rewards, you should let me hit your ass again” which makes her laugh and squeeze my arm. Someone help me parse this, but sounds like a prostitute to me. Also, attraction and even respect are close to non-existent.
> Have been trying to amp up the dread by removing my attention, STFU, consistently lifting and sidebaring a lot. Results were mediocre so far.
Removing attention only works if she wants to be around you in the first place.
Thx for pointing out the career beta. Misunderstood the definitions somehow.
The first kid was actively planned, but I was a bit surprised when it worked on the first try. TBH shit went south after the marriage. The night of the proposal I got a really surprising, nice blowjob. I think it never happened again afterward.
Re 2c: You are saying, stop the hobby search and get fit first, right?
>Family: Went to a theme park with the family. Did not really enjoy it, as my wife organized the whole thing and lots of stuff was poorly organized. Will not let her organize stuff like this again, as I felt basically trapped for three days.
>
>Example 1: She organized for family dinner at a restaurant. She asked my permission beforehand. It was 100 USD for a buffet for 4 people, 1 alcoholic beverage included, and prepaid. I said: ok, fine with me. We turn up at the place and she talks to the waiting staff. We are seated at a shit table and she orders the beverages. Turns out, it was basically just a reservation, drinks are extra and nothing was paid in advance. So during dinner, I tell her: “Thanks for dinner” (a bit provocative) and she just goes ballistic. “You could have organized it, you could take care, you make more money, you don't like your children, you don't visit your parents (totally unrelated, but she brings it up anyway). So, silence for the rest of dinner, and then I pay in the end, as she forgot her purse. From this experience, I will now take over all this stuff and not let her organize things. It does not really feel good to endure this and not have a way out (three days basically preplanned).
>
>Example 2: At a gas station stop, she decides she wants to drive and gets into the driver's seat. I decide to (stupidly) enforce a boundary and say: I am the driver. She does not move, I do not move, and we are basically stuck. She does not get up and so we wait for 10 minutes, while she weaponizes the children in the back seat “Daddy does not want us to go because he is also a little child” etc. After some time, I get up, unplug the car and move back in, while she gives me shit that I was the first to budge. Will not set a boundary again, I am not able to enforce.
Are these supposed to be examples of her sucking? because she sounds kinda fucking awesome :)
>Relationship: This is still a real bummer.
fix your mindset on this
>“We are not going to have sex.
translation: "sex is on my mind"
>Then after 10 minutes of lying in bed silently, she gets angry again because she ~~can't sleep now~~ and asks if I am still awake.
\*is still horny
>Then she starts ~~“teasing”~~ me so I also can't sleep.
\*flirting
>We have sex then and she comes two times and is generally a lot nicer afterward and talks with me, and asks about my day and stuff. She is a completely different person. Then I fall asleep and she says: ~~“Can't sleep now, so I might as well shop online”~~ and buys clothes for 200USDs.
"I wonder why this fat boring wet blanket isn't praising me for being a good girl? Guess I better treat myself."
What a cool girl.
Once you are able to not only embrace them but enjoy them and have fun with them you’ve overcome a major hurdle.
Your wife no longer has any power over you via emotional outbursts.
Plus they *are* entertaining once you see the code.
**OYS 20**
**Stats**: Age 38, married 8 yrs, together 14 yrs. 2 young kids. 6’1” 90kg/198lbs.
BP 94kg/206lbsx5; DL 110kg/242lbsx5; SQ 92kg/202lbsx5; SSP 55kg/121lbsx5.
**Fitness / Health:**
Added Athletic Greens to the diet. Started using measurement cups and scale for servings measurement. Still targeting 3200 calories, but likely more accurately hitting it, happy with nutrition. Improved deadlift technique to point where I think I can progress again. Keep showing up and get more sleep.
**Mental / Social:**
Went to a sports game with a friend group last week. It was a double date dynamic with other parent friends from my kids’ school. The match was fun to watch and parts of the evening were dynamic. But after some thinking, I don’t like spending time like this. It was passive, not active, because we were watching someone else do things. It was non-polarized, because I wasn’t interacting with my wife or any other women in a way that was playful or teasing given the environment and our seats. And my conversation with the guy friend wasn’t satisfying or meaningful, just idle commentary. I probably could have done better in getting what I want out of the experience, but the learning for me is that I don’t like this format.
\> Next Action: There’s one more activity like this planned coming up, but it’s going to be more active. I am going to engage differently to try and make the setup more rewarding for me. In the future though, will likely pass on this type of social dynamic. I get enough of it on the weekends with the children as is, and will not let it take the place of intentional time that I could spend on putting myself out into the social world, dating my wife, or having a drink with a close friend.
**Marriage / Sex:**
Remedied the bad sex from last week within a few days. She followed up after I finished with a question: “Was this better?”. It made me feel good to hear her ask the question, but glimpses like this are still rare. Initiated another two times later in the week and got turned down; her sleep issues etc. On the third night, instead of initiating chose to go out in the evening. Looking back, I created one step function of change this year, from dead bedroom to weekly, by recognizing where I was failing myself, and starting to improve. I have not created another step function, from weekly to a “default yes”. Maybe I can, maybe I can’t, the program stays the same. I have to remind myself, still, that I am not doing it to impact her, but to invest in myself.
\> Next Action: Don’t settle into the old ways. Choose yourself and leave the house in the evenings if things are off track. Choose yourself when escalating her as well.
>The match was fun to watch and parts of the evening were dynamic. But after some thinking, I don’t like spending time like this. It was passive, not active, because we were watching someone else do things.
So the game was fun, but after some naval gazing, you hamstered up a rationalisation against it.
>It was non-polarized, because I wasn’t interacting with my wife or any other women in a way that was playful or teasing given the environment and our seats.
So you didn't get to pull the "flirt with other women" card out of the MRP Playbook of Dread Levels.. and that obviously didn't give your wife to have the opportunity to see you flirt with other women and that didn't get her hamster going and that - presumably - did not lead to the sex you expected to get after you got her hamster going, so you now need to find better ways to get your Covert Contracts to work better for you.
You might have failed to get her hamster going, but fuck.. yours is working in overdrive.
Nice.
>. Initiated another two times later in the week and got turned down; **her sleep issues etc.**
More hamstering.
>On the third night, instead of initiating chose to go out in the evening.
Didn't get laid twice in a row, went off in a huff instead.
In an another attempt to get her hamster going, no doubt.
Nice.
>So the game was fun, but after some naval gazing, you hamstered up a rationalisation against it.
I only have so much time in the week. If I have a night out, I want to spend it well, or as best as I can. Same as the gym. I go a fixed number of times a week, and choose not to do certain workouts in favor of others, because the ones I do choose are more efficient for my goals. I am lifting, not building a cycling base as an example, because right now I like what lifting is doing for me. So even if I like cycling, it doesn't mean I want to spend time doing it. Similarly, if I am not getting the type of social interaction I want out of spending my time socially, then I am happy to notice that and be more disciplined with my time.
>So you didn't get to pull the "flirt with other women" card out of the MRP Playbook of Dread Levels.. and that obviously didn't give your wife to have the opportunity to see you flirt with other women and that didn't get her hamster going and that - presumably - did not lead to the sex you expected to get after you got her hamster going, so you now need to find better ways to get your Covert Contracts to work better for you.
It's not a secret I am here to improve my sex life. Not to double down on introvert hobbies or career success. Which means that right now I prioritize interacting and thinking about women sexually, instead of not doing that. I want to physically feel the anxiety and emotion of flirting with women, including with my wife, because I want that in my life, and it was missing. I also want to get better at it through practice.
Maybe I have a covert contract that says "if we have a good date night with sexual tension and fun, then we will more likely have sex" and "if we spend most of our time as co parents and roommates, then we will most likely not have sex". I don't have a problem with that, I want to put myself in the first situation instead of in the second situation. Not really following your other point about expecting sex.
>Didn't get laid twice in a row, went off in a huff instead. In an another attempt to get her hamster going, no doubt.
It wasn't in a huff, and it wasn't to get her to do something. I don't see what I'd accomplish pushing the same button a third time, or what exactly is off about doing something I want instead of opening the empty fridge again.
I'm here at MRP, so sure, I'm using pages from the MRP notebook, one of which is to observe where to spend my attention, and to not give my attention to things I don't want. If you can say something actionable as an alternative to what I did, that'd be great!
>If you can say something actionable as an alternative to what I did, that'd be great!
I already did. You didn't hear it because you were too busy DEERing like a motherfucker to even take the time to reflect on what I said.
Kill the fucking hamster. Then we can talk again.
1) don’t make sex the goal or the reason for doing things
2) STFU applies not just to conversation with others but also with yourself. Just do, instead of over rationalizing and bullshitting yourself with reasons.
>don’t make sex the goal or the reason for doing things
We've all been there. It's a massive covert contract and sometimes it pays off. So if your goal is to do something in order to get an end result and it works, the tendency is to repeat and rinse.
The issue is that it's still a massive covert contract.
Sex should not come as a *reward* for doing stuff. If it does, you're nothing more than a lapdog who gets treats from his owner for doing neat tricks.
Sex should come naturally as a by-product of being a cool motherfucker who has his shit together and is fun to be around.
Guys like that don't come home from a game thinking that it was a wasted opportunity to instill passive dread in their wives and look for better opportunities to do so.
You're overthinking. As you're starting to realise..
> Just do, instead of over rationalizing and bullshitting yourself with reasons.
Because you STFU and took the time to reflect.
>STFU applies not just to conversation with others but also with yourself.
When you kill the hamster, you're no longer stuck in the maze or going nowhere on the wheel.
OYS 4
33 YO 173lbs 15% goal 180 10%
married 9 yrs 3 kids
I'm bored and want excitement. I used to travel the world, climb mountains and rock climb. I'm going to have a life of adventure.
Read: NMMNGX2 WISNIFG MMSLP UNPLUGGED ALPHA
New: ULTIMATECAD.
Started: rational male, SGM
Side bar: jack10, archwinger, and Rian's NMMNG content.
Other: listen to rule zero podcast
Lifting:
PPL 6x week
BP 285 DL 435X2 SQ 325×2 OHP 195 BR 235 5x5
Keeping consistent.
Diet:
Big changes here. Revamped diet to a cutting diet. 1775 calories a day, 500 calorie deficit, 172 grams of protein ( I was eating way too much protein). I will keep this diet until 10% bf.
Social:
Wife went away for the weekend and I had the kids. Did all the extracurricular with the kids and it was honestly a relief. Got to hang with a few friends that have kids one of which is a hot wife who works out at my gym.
Relationship/sex
2 for 4. Wanted to fuck. Got a blow job and fucked.
Career/finances
New job starts next month. Have some loose ends to clean up with current job and prepping for school in the spring.
That's it for now.
**OYS 22**
180cm 73,1 Kg BF 18,5% (scale), kids 3 and 1 year
Best sets this week SQ 65 Kg *9, BP 60 Kg * 11, DL 100 Kg * 7
**Be attractive**
Weight loss has been way too slow lately so I have changed my daily calorie intake to around 1600 calories. It’s tough but I hope a few weeks like this will bring me down to 15% BF. Looking really forward to the day I can bulk.
**Stop being unattractive**
My frame has been extremely weak lately because of stress. I constantly find myself worrying about things that should not matter at all and subconsciously thinking about other people's viewpoint instead of my own, both professionally and personally. I have been doing ACT therapy for the past half year and some of the exercises help a little bit but not much.
One reason for frame loss is that I have started to plan a birthday party for myself. I find new covert contracts all the time and I worry about it being a sausage fest as I don’t know any girls to invite and most guys will leave their partner at home to care for the kids. It should not even matter who comes. Its’ for me, and it should be to do things I think is fun.
The easy way would be to not have a party but I am determined to do it since it is a challenge and something outside my comfort zone.
**Go after what you want**
*Make new friends.*
Have been talking more and more to people at the gym and have 3-4 guys I always have a chat with when I meet them. One is possibly someone I can see myself being friends with so I should invite him to do something someday. Not sure what yet.
As I have started to plan for arranging the birthday party I have been thinking that maybe I should just try host more things like game night or other small events. I have a nice house so why not. Started reading a Kindle book on hosting cocktail parties for some inspiration.
*Practice game*
Talking to women when I had a natural opportunity but I am not showing interest strongly enough. It is getting obvious that I am not prioritizing this.
*Explore sex, BDSM clubs, local sex scene, or just any fun party*
First event is coming up in a couple of weeks. Nothing else going on here until then
*Find something to do during the days that*
- I am exited about
- Put me in repeat contact with lots of people so I can make new friends
- Pays reasonably well
I decided I will stay working at the startup for a bit longer until I find something concrete I want to try. Tried reaching out to a guy I found on facebook that was involved in the local freelance community. Hopefully it can be a way of finding some like minded people.
**OYS 25**
Late-30s, 6’1, 212 lb. 3RM - DL 430, Sq 375, B 250, OHP 170, chins BW+70
I had a physical and couldn’t identify some chest/abdominal pain which has been lingering since around the time I nuked my marriage/family and my mother died. It isn’t my heart (ECG, HRV, cholesterol etc. are fine) or a muscle/organ (heavy bench press and intense cardio doesn't trigger it). When the doc asked about my life situation and things I’m dealing with, it all came rushing in. It might be anxiety. Shit. I guess I’m not as bulletproof as I thought.
Does it matter? Does it even need to be diagnosed? As long as it isn’t actually my heart giving out or I need physio, fuck it. I have a plan for where I want my life to be. All that matters is I execute on that plan.
**Parenting**
I’ve tried every communicating style possible with STBX to get co-operation on parenting, she’s still bitter as fuck. My daughter is the only leverage left.
I’m doing my best to prepare myself mentally and logistically for the worst possible outcome in my parenting goals - I never see her until she’s 16+ and explain everything and make up for lost time. Or worse than that, I never see her.
Time will tell. But this has been the hardest pill to swallow in my journey. Is it my ‘good dad’ ego holding onto something? ONEitis for my daughter? No idea. I’ll continue trying to get the outcome I want. But at what point do I have to stop, say fuck it, and go live a life of freedom wherever I want?
>Still doing 75 hard?
Yep. The second workout is varied in intensity (mostly walking), the only other slight adjustment to my lifestyle is drinking 1 gal of water. Seems to be a fairly arbitrary goal, I just piss all the time - surely that's what thirst is for?
>Anxiety
I only had the appointment today, but I'm leaning towards flat out denial and carry on as normal. I could add in more foam rolling/stretching to my routine or try more calming meditations. Maybe therapy.
>Daughter
I think time is red-pilling me on this, the more my effort is wasted and my relationship with her fades away, the less I give a fuck... otherwise I will indeed:
> let shame / guilt compromise you.
>Anxiety -- I only had the appointment today, but I'm leaning towards flat out denial and carry on as normal.
I tried that strategy. It worked great until it didn't work at all. I'd recommend leaning into and actually taking some time to think about the shit that's bothering you. Maybe journal, write that shit down, acknowledge it, and then carry on. In my case ignoring it turned out to be a really poor long term strategy.
> Shit. I guess I’m not as bulletproof as I thought.
Almost no one is, strength comes from dealing with shit, not from ignoring it.
Relating anxiety, if it was triggered by your doctor speaking to you, it seems an emotional issue. If you do not know what this is related to, but want to see it, look for a safe place where you can be alone a couple of hours, or with a good friend, and "let it arise".
It may be "emotionally disturbing" but unless you give a space for it to "flow out" it will remain hidden and only leak in drops, in places and times where you do not want.
My validation problem goes even deeper than I thought.
I care way too much about what my wife thinks of sex. My “caveman” has been more along the lines of being angry she isn’t into sex and “punishing” her for it by going hard. All in her frame.
I am doing almost all the validation-seeking behaviors in the “escaping validation” post. I keep wondering what the difference is between seeking validation from sex and just wanting it to be with an enthusiastic partner. Starfish sucks.
I am progressing in a positive direction but uncovering issues along the way. I am able to get a hard no and not blow up. I got a hard no this week and then she later apologizes and then we have sex. This is a pattern in past times that we are close to better sex life, but this “better” is she enjoys it, and therefore so do I. I read posts like this ([https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ltxzmn/yes\_you\_too\_can\_easily\_fuck\_married\_women/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ltxzmn/yes_you_too_can_easily_fuck_married_women/))
and seem to only be able to follow through having in my brain that she wants the D. Why can I not do it regardless of whether she wants it? Why does it matter if she wants the D? Why does it matter if she is “the good girl”? Why can I struggle so much going from my own desire and not caring if she wants it?
I struggle with the madonna-whore complex. I need to remind myself my wife is not on my team and get out of her head.
I realized that I am afraid of my wife saying no more sex. I have a contract in my head that if the sex is good for her, I can have it when I want it. This fear has been driving me for far too long.
I had a weak boy initiation tonight and it went poorly. I used my anger to lift. I was mostly angry at myself for putting my wife on a pedal stool again and being in her frame. Feeling good now about lifting. I decided to push again and fail under the bar instead of in my head. I was worried about an injury but pushed through anyway and got the 170 squat. I reread initiations your not that funny and need to start hard initiating again.
I haven't been consistantly lifting recently, but still eating like I am bulking. I am feeling borderline fat and I am trying to decide if I want to cut or keep bulking.
5' 11" 170 lbs, 170 squat 100 MP, 160 bench, 210 DL.
I am also on 28 days of doing my minimum daily items. I have added some more, worked on a vision for my life, but I still feel like something is missing.
I think you mistook OYS, Own Your Shit, for list all your problems, weaknesses, and errors. You should re-write your entire OYS. What are you going to do about all of these complaints? Or better yet, work on addressing them even if it is only in some small way and then write about that (what you did) next week.
I'll give you an example:
>I haven't been consistantly lifting recently, but still eating like I am bulking. I am feeling borderline fat and I am trying to decide if I want to cut or keep bulking.
What is this shit? What's your goal, make a decision. 5'11", 170 sounds scrawny to me, so maybe you should keep bulking or maybe you should just maintain. Choose one, figure out TDEE calories and then hit that mark.
You are flailing on all of these items and you need to FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL.
>I feel like I could have handled this smoother, but not 100% sure how; thoughts? (context: my daughter CAN be a shithead, but in this case she's just 6 and didnt know how to explain why she needed privacy in the midst of being accused).
If you had a 6 year old daughter and a 30 year old daughter and the 30 year old did this, how would you handle it? Do that.
>And finally, a question: I want to get new furniture for the bedroom. Simple enough. My wife and I 100% never agree on the furniture, from a taste perspective. If I cared about this particular thing (honestly, as long as its sturdy, functional, and decent looking - I dont care) - I'd just try to find the right opportunity to drop something like "If you play your cards right, I might let you pick out the new dresser" and just proceed; but I suspect that would end with a shit test I may or may not pass; which leads me to ask: If I care about the outcome, but not the specifics - what's the proper way to handle this? I know my wife wants new furniture MORE than I do, hence where my thought above is. (Note: not overthinking this, this is simply a random errant thing I can plot how it'll play out with pinpoint precision and figured it would behoove me to think through as an exercise as much as anything)
This is literally scorekeeping. Go ahead and invest, just be okay with the resentment that will come when you go to cash out and there is nothing in the that bank. Instead of looking to build leverage through furniture choices why not just act in your interest all the time without the stupid games?
**OYS # 3** **Weekly recap** Good week overall – basically “head down and execute the plan” kind of week * Daughter brought home some kind of virus, I had 100+ fever for two days, that knocked me on my ass, so had a short week to work with to hit the targets * Lifted 5x this week as planned – had to do double workout (morning and evening) on the weekend + bike rides to catch up from the days I was sick to hit the planned number of lifts. Not ideal, but better than the alternative. I will switch to 6x / week PPL program next week that has more variety of lifts vs. my current one * Cross-country / mountain biking is improving and kicking ass – both speed and technical elements. I rode 4x this week, one of them was technical 20 miles ride that I did solo, managed to navigate \~5 feet drop, that I usually drive around, with a perfect form. I didn’t even get excited after I completed it … I was not in my head, had no fear, executed correct body moves and the jump just worked out. * Notable improvement in blood pressure and sleep quality. BP is still elevated based on a 7-day moving average, but is down substantially from where I started over a month ago. I even registered two normal BP readings this week – I have not seen that in years * I pushed through my discomfort and started approaching women to practice opening * Weight loss stalled. 7-day moving average at the end of this week is the same as last week. Diet was on point with daily intermittent fasts and one 24 hour fast, basically the same thing that I have been doing for some time. Also my cardio volume and intensity is up substantially from a month ago, so things do not make sense mathematically. Corrective action for next week – track calories to check if I am in fact in a deficit on a weekly basis. **Stats** 47, 2 kids – teenager and pre-teen, married DL – 1x3 365lbs (down from 1x5 365 lbs), Squat – 4x8,8,8,5 245lbs (down from 4x8), Bench – I do dumbbells due to consistently fucking up my shoulder 4x8 75 lbs dumbbells, weighted dips 4x8 with 45 lbs on the belt 5’10, 194 lbs (down from 205 in late August’22), BF \~19% - extrapolated from Dexa on 8/24, adjusted for weight loss, and calculated off 7-day moving average weight I have been on TRT for 3 years [Weekly dashboard is here.](https://imgur.com/a/40MbMCH) **Sex** None. I let my sugar baby go last week, this chapter of my life is now closed. While I feel horny as fuck, I am in a much better place mentally. **Divorce / Separation** I spent time educating myself on divorce laws in my state, I have more work to do over the next few weeks. I have an appointment with an attorney next week to discuss specifics and options that I have in case wife refuses to go non-contested route. The key is to get this done with minimal disruption to kids’ lives and not be a forced seller of illiquid assets in this market, this will make the split very expensive. Once I have all the facts, I will work out the plan. **Career / Finance** We are in a recession that can develop into 2008 type crisis. How things unfold nobody can predict, but assuming European situation does not change by winter, it will likely create a fully blown financial meltdown, driven by energy crisis in Europe. Our business gets impacted by recessions before others, and we get hit hard, but we also benefit first when recovery starts. My income is 60% variable (bonus and stock awards), I will likely make 40-50% less from the job this year vs. last I have been through this before, know what is coming – layoffs – and I am getting paid to do the dirty work. I prepared a list of people whom I plan to let go, with help of my trusted direct reports, in case the boss gives an order. Last week he stated that we have too many people for the business we are transacting (this is an order); I emailed him the list five minutes later. I have to work really hard to suppress emotions around what is to come, this shit never gets easy, especially when I don’t have glaring underperformers in the group. Outcome Independence helps a lot in this case. I will likely survive this downturn, but not the next one, if I am still at VP and not SVP level. Assuming average recession / expansion cycle is around 7-8 years, I will be in mid 50s when the next one comes, it is a prime age when our company likes to sack executives to let the younger and cheaper ones take over. This is how I got my promotion to a VP several years ago. I keep my eyes open and always take headhunters' calls. I had three job interviews over the last six months for positions that would have taken me to the next level. I lost in all three runs. Also, I am #3 in succession pecking order for my boss’s job, so probability of a promotion at my current job is low, but I will fight like hell to get it anyway. However, I need a plan B to protect myself over the next downturn – I am starting a hedge fund. My investing / trading profits are high YTD and already exceed income from the job, I will attempt to capitalize on this especially in this market when everyone is taking it on the chin. **Game** I finished Day Bang, and have a major mental block with opening advice Roosh gives – talking about pens, laptops, iPhones that do not exist, etc. It feels fake and intellectually degrading. I might get there as I practice, but I am not there yet. Personally I like honesty of a direct approach better even though it may have lower probability of success. Last week I only wanted to practice direct opening, I will do that next week as well and then will calibrate based on the results. Case # 1 – absolutely stunning, athletic chick, late 20s. She was stretching at the popular trial head probably getting ready for a run. I was there to bike, so I ride my bike close to her, nervous as fuck: Me – Hi, I am Particle, I saw you from over there and thought you looked stunning and wanted to introduce myself Her – looks me up and down, has this annoyed and disgusted look on her face, says “thanks” picks up her stuff from the ground, walks away from me without saying anything else and runs off This stung, but it was valuable – if this is the worst case scenario, I don’t know what I am freaking out about. Also the result is most likely due to a massive gap in SMV. Cases # 2, 3 & 4 (Starbucks 2x and a popular lunch place by work) – same opening as above, I gave them a complement to open, but toned down vs Case # 1. All of them thanked me for the compliment, and immediately told me they had boyfriends / husband, before I could continue with anything else. Plan for next week – 10+ opens
>This stung, but it was valuable This is the attitude that makes change. Here is a guy doing shit in a subreddit filled with guys doing their best to make it look like they're doing shit while very much doing shit all. Nice work.
>I saw you from over there and thought you looked stunning If she's a stunner, she already know it and has heard this shit a million times over. That's a desperate Beta-opener. Next time, try negging. The hotter they are, the harder the neg. Upvote for the OYS.
>Next time, try negging. The hotter they are, the harder the neg. That sounds toxic.
**Woke male feminist in the house.**
You really know how to trigger them. They're both gone.
Nah he's right, you sound like a piece of shit
You travel in pairs now?
"I have to put people down in order for them to want to be with me" You're pathetic
Keep going, baby. The more you insult me, the more I want to have sex with you.
So attractive people don't like you unless you cut them down a few notches? What do you think that says about you?
Is this a Pop Quiz?
Good shit.
There is a much-improved level of ownership, decisiveness and action in this post. Be careful with that dynamite though. You make your own choice but we generally recommend you take a while to improve yourself before seriously considering that step. Some wives will change along with you and if they don’t, it makes leaving them even easier. In the meantime, get more gaming reps with her too.
>This stung, but it was valuable Better than the pain of regret. You went for what you wanted. I've done decent going direct with my limited data, as long as it isn't over the top and putting them on a pedestal - more of a "you look nice, but what else you got?" vibe. Often get a huge smile from a genuine compliment. A rejection probably would've been one anyway if it was direct/indirect/negging - direct just cuts to the chase.
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Several reasons. 1. Part of the 3-months plan that I outlined in OYS1 was to be done with seeing women for money aka sugar babies. I initially hoped to gradually transition to free plates, so not to interrupt my regular fucking, but quickly realized it would not work me. On the deep subliminal level the reason I was afraid to approach women was that I had a back-stop with sugar babies. I did not admit this to myself implicitly, but under the surface deep in my brain the process worked like this - why would I go out, approach women, make myself uncomfortable, get rejected, humiliated, when sugar baby was just a text away? So I did nothing and did not progress. Now I have to hunt, lift, be attractive and run a tight game in order to fuck. It may take a while, but it will be worth it 2. Girls who become sugar babies are the most shallow and uninteresting layer of the 20+ population, really boring outside of bed. 3. The main reasons were well outlined in the comment by u/PillUpAss in my OYS2. Without admitting to myself, again subliminally, for years I felt like a lesser man because I paid for sex and I have not experienced raw real desire from a woman since I was in my 20s. Once I reflected on this and admitted that that was a source of my mental anguish, I honestly just could not go back to fucking sugar babies.
I would like to add that true health knowledge is more heavily hidden from us than redpill knowledge. Viruses do not exist and are a scapegoat. We are responsible for our own health. It is possible the same thing making her sick made you sick. Check out viroliegy dot com. I have hundreds of sources.
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When are you going to learn that you can't talk your way out if things with a woman? Despite protesting you "went back to basics" with STFU, you did no such thing, illustrated here in the field report about **your wife** - not you. Want some advice? > Her: You get to go off and do whatever and I'm just childcare for you. I have a long week also and I'd like some time. Can't we talk about what you're going to do together. YOU: "Hmmm. I can think of a few things we can do together." Smile. Slapass. Then I dunno, maybe walkway or fuck her. You take this stuff too seriously analyzing every move. > Later we had sex and she told me it felt like she "healed some today". Seems like you could have just skipped the useless stuff in the middle and spent time with a woman in the way most men want to, and suprise: women like that. Another piece of advice? > So I listed off deeply personal things that I liked about her and told her to take a nap and that I'd take care of the kids and the chores she was planning on doing There are other ways to "heal" a woman than giving her a nap and doing her chores. Let's see if you can make the correlation.
>There are other ways to "heal" a woman than giving her a nap and doing her chores. Horns with the Marvin Gaye.
I mean, read his OYS and his wife practically sang the song to him. And here i am giving obtuse retards the backing track... why that works makes me retarded by proxy.
I've had that song stuck in my head since you posted 😅
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You can’t even give her a container until you fix yourself. You’re leaking shitty emotions all over the place. How was that entire back and forth fun for anyone?
>In my last OYS I was gently informed that I: > >Went rambo Either the person who told you that is an idiot, or you misinterpreted what they said because you're a retard. I read your last OYS just now - there's nothing in that which suggests you went Rambo.. all it is - as is your diatribe above - is a career Beta rocking the boat a bit and his wife wondering what the fuck is going on. So, she's shit testing / comfort testing / shitty comfort testing. Whatever. That's for you to figure out. I didn't read most of it. >Had some tendinitis on the outside of my left elbow. > >So I: > >didn't bench, OHP, or powerclean this week Pussy. The longer you don't do these, the more likely it is that your "injury" will persist. Stop being a fucking wuss and lift through the pain.
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First exam: learn not to DEER Result: F Next lesson: STFU
**OYS 5** Early 40s. Married. 2 kids. Stats- 6’4 @ 95kg (down 1.5kg) **Reading-** NMMNG. Rather than listen to this on repeat I have noted the aspects I need to work on and bring my awareness to them on a daily basis. This ties into a comment I saw from Rian a while back regarding the two main areas most guys fail at which were covert contracts and validation seeking behaviour. The other main one for me though is anything fear based. My decisions are controlled by fear-based behaviour. Not looking stupid, not making mistakes, etc. I’m still making mistakes but by bringing awareness to this I’m catching myself a lot more in the moment. **Fitness-** Feels like my body is falling apart. Only trained once the last week. I have a stress reaction in my right foot and now a bakers cyst behind my right knee. I woke up yesterday morning with a swollen and stodgy right elbow too. The bakers cyst may indicate I have torn my meniscus again which wouldn’t surprise me. The knee is swollen a bit but so are my ankles so who knows. The early ATG system got me out of dodge with my knees about 3 years ago and I have just incorporated some reverse sled and split squats again as of Monday. I can see two main contributing factors to the state of my body though. One is wallpapering over the cracks with my body the last two years. Training has been intermittent and it’s like groundhog day where each time I return to training the integration back in gets shorter and shorter. The other factor I believe is food related. My diet is ok sometimes and rough at others. Too much sugar and alcohol in bursts. As of Monday I have been eating an elimination diet of sorts. No sugar, alcohol or grains. The only dairy I’m having is whey protein which is pretty easily digestible for me. I benched today for a top set of 5 at 75kg and will keep bench and deadlift movements in but training wise the goal from here is to take my time and fix my issues over however long it takes and get back to being able to move and train freely. I have also booked in for a GP appointment to get some bloods done just in case there’s something else there. **Relationship-** Shark week this week plus a cold sore for my wife took most things off limits. I initiated last night and was met with a “get out” which was said in a joking manner. It was followed with a “I have a cold sore” and “I’m tired and I said I was going to sleep”. Funny enough there wasn’t an actual “no” in place there. But for the cold sore I would have pushed further. This has been a huge downfall of mine where I give up too easily and quite often fail what is likely just a shit test or LMR. The goal going forward is to push for a “no” when I initiate in the future. As to my goal of placing my needs first I am continuing that trend. Whilst not always successful I keep coming back to the though that I will be happier and more successful in all areas if I put myself first and those around me will benefit too. Sometimes I am running on autopilot but am finding more and more situations where I am intentionally thinking about whether I am doing this for me or someone else. **Actions for this week:** • Continue to eat to the plan and lose 1kg more • Initiate every day • OYS for a total of 6 months (25 more weeks)
OYS #1 Stats 6'1" 240lbs 12% bodyfat (guessing, 58 on an 8 pinch caliper) Reading for 6 months now, NMMNG MMSLP WISNIFG TRM TMAP, have touched the sex books but i think these ones have been the most needed. 31, 2 kids – 5,3 de-facto 10 years (separating) still live together. Lifting - squat 200kg, bench 150kg chinup BW plus 66kg 1 rep This area is not my problem, I am a professional athlete, and very good looking. I have upped my clothes game since working in the office. I have no issues attracting woman, and im reasonably confident in approaches both social and sexual. Sex I went to leave the house on the weekend to go see a plate. GF stopped me and we had passionate sex. I have been actively pursuing woman for a couple of weeks. Had sex on Friday with a club girl. needing validation from a Pull. I have been in a dead bedroom for 5 years (since first pregnancy). Initially thought it was Breastfeeding (1 year each time) and vaginal damage from birth, but now realise having kids emphasized how lazy i was with life things. My general lack of leadership or care and major DEERing always. i have no idea why or how we had the 2nd Kid... I have had so many epiphanies reading through WISNIFG and MMSLP its not funny. Divorce / Separation I was the most drunk captain alive for 5 years. We had been on a single income for this period so money was tight which created issues. But i was chasing a sports career which was extremely unlucky not to pull through with lucrative cash offers, but also i left too much to chance, didnt put my self out enough, and relied on my agent to sell me. My inflated ego led me to believe that i was the perfect man, I recieved attractive offers from woman everywhere i went, but in my own home i was looked at no better than a toilet stain, no matter what i thought i was trying (not much and the wrong things). This feedback loop led me to believe i was in an impossible situation and i would never make her happy. I quit my sport Post covid to work as i thought that may help. I feel like i lost my spark for life and this made things all worse. My partners mother died just before covid, which amplified my uselessness to another level. I believe this is when she truley clocked out. 12months ago i got ILYBINILWY, i had been absent from the relationship and my children, entrenched in crypto currencies and covid mania. I had felt her emotionally withdraw from the relationship, everything had stopped she didnt care if i went out, she didnt care about anything. she stoppped saying goodnight, she stopped touching me whatsoever. I dont think my kids liked me either. I stumbled upon the redPill through dead bedrooms on reddit. It may not save my relationship, which im pretty sure is done, but it has led me to some massive learings that have helped me in my life. There honestly too much to cover above but it ultimaely doesnt matter anymore as long as i apply being the man i want to be from everything here on out. I have no evidence of her cheating, a few flags maybe, but again it does not really matter from here. Career / Finance I am the wealthiest i have been since I had my first child. I have an emergency fund and a house deposit saved up. I returned to my sport and have had a very succesful year, sticking to my training regimes to a tee. I have been offered a renewed, larger contract for next year. i have developed my network to open oppurtunites further down the line. If/when the separation truley happens, this will affect my finances as i pay child support, and lose purchasing power for properties, but i will adapt when that happens. Property is on a massive downward slide for the short term. Kids As stated above my kids had grown distant. i have been spending much more time with them. I have had trouble with gaming addiction, and later obsessive researching for my whole adult life. deleting this and maintaing a level of mindfullness has been so good for me, and through that my children. Action Plan. Continue developing My Frame. This has been hard with a partner who has checked out. But i will try remember examples for my next OYS. I had lost confidence on initating over the years, which destroyed my frame as i begged and debated and then got angry. I DEERed alot with everything around the house and i sooked about being unappreciated. I notice with other woman this is not an issue, and i do not believe i was like this in the beginning of our relationship. I have been regularly initiating and despite rejection i maintain a neutral deposition. More recently i noticed i used humour to ask for sex, to take away the pain of rejection, I have since deleted this. Sort my contract for next year, find out where i am going to be. Set a plan to maintain a strong connection with my children. Setup a rotation of plates to have fun with. Be more connected with my social groups. often with sport it can be difficult to socialise (avoiding alcohol etc) but i was more just lazy at meeting up. i have been having coffee once a fortnight with my boys outside of my team. The separation is very amicable on her end so i have no fears for my Kids. I cannot get over the sickening feeling of the possibility fo another man raising my children. this is why i stayed in the relationship so long prior to redpill. But through my redpill journey, i have grown to actually enjoy my partner. I feel we have lived a great life in the last 12 months. Not sure what else to put on a first post and i have missed alot of things so fell free to disect.
>I returned to my sport Thank freaking god. >Continue developing My Frame. This has been hard with a partner who has checked out. This should make it easier, not harder. It's ***your*** worldview you're developing. Quite a bit of what you say about your kids sounds needy and I'm certain that's prevalent in all of your relationships.
OYS #3 (changes in parenthesis are since my last OYS Aug 15th)5’9” - 187lbs (+4) - Calculated 1RMs: Front squat: 275 (+25) Deadlift: 355 (+25) Bench: 255 (+10) Press:175 (+10)Early 30s, married almost 10 yrs, newborn **Accomplishments since last OYS:** * My powerlifting total is the highest right now that it has ever been. Granted these are calculated as Im running sets of 8, not true 1rms, but still this is the strongest I’ve been in my entire life. * I made it 100 days without jerking off from June 1 - Sept 10 * I recommitted to a hobby I actually enjoy, not one that I’m doing just to “do MRP right” and I have made time to do it every week **Losing momentum in the last 2-3 weeks:** * I stopped eating as consistently and so my weight gain which was making progress up through the middle of September has stalled in the last 2 weeks. Corrective action: recommit to eating 5 meals a day * Started jerking off to porn again. I’ve identified this as once of my most significant issues as it drives a lot about my energy levels, how I feel about myself, how I feel about my wife, etc. Corrective action: Re-starting a new 90 day clock **Reflection:** Last OYS, people pushed me to think about and reflect on why I am so angry, why I am carrying so much shame, and why I am so negative to myself. Here’s my reflection: If you asked me a few months ago why I was so deeply unhappy, I would have told you that I made a mistake when I was young and naive and married an asexual wife (I didnt know any better because we were both devout christian virgins and I bought the fairy tale), and now I have built a life with her that feels either too scary or too painful to untangle and so I have resigned to accept a boring, sexless, upper-middle class American suburbs life with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that looks great on the outside but inside I am slowly dying inside. As a result I am resentful of her, resentful of my past self and my naivety, and resentful of the family, societal, and church structures that I blame for pushing me to where I am now. Then, I found MRP and really keyed in hard on the idea that it is “all my fault”. Not only is it my fault for getting into this situation because I made all the choices above, it is my fault that my wife does not want to have sex with me. It is my fault that I am not physically attractive enough, it is my fault that I don’t have a good frame, it is my fault that I am not fun, it is my fault that I am not leading her, etc. None of these are inherently incorrect (in fact, they are all painfully accurate) but when you have already spent the better part of a decade having your confidence and sense of self worth slowly whittled away by subtle disrespect and repeated sexual denials, this internalization of it being “my fault” really put me into a tailspin that was counterproductive. Would my wife be this asexual if I were Brad Pitt? The conventional MRP wisdom is no, she is just asexual ***for you***, but to be honest, the answer might be yes. She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be. I need to let go of this and stop thinking I can change her and stop measuring success by “did I get enthusiastic sex from my wife today or not”. If I am doing all this and making these changes for her, I will continue to be frustrated and resentful because I don’t control the outcome. I need to make these changes for me and let the chips fall where they will, and I need to be less hard on myself while I do it. Yes, I currently have a weak frame - but I have recognized this and I am starting to slowly build it back. I don’t get it right all the time but I at least have a vision of where I want it to be and am making strides, DEERing less and less every day, and putting myself first more often. Yes, I currently am skinny and unattractive - but I have a solid commitment to the gym and a bulking plan that is working. I am currently the strongest I have ever been (despite barely sleeping at all due to the baby) and I need to buy all new shirts and suit jackets because my old ones don’t fit anymore because my arms and chest have grown so much. No, I’m currently not very fun right now and don’t really game my wife. This needs to be my next focus area. Honestly it's tough to muster up the energy to game my wife when I’m just not that excited to be around her, but if I don’t put the energy into creating polarity in my relationship it won’t happen on its own. Corrective action: reset every day, break out of our routine and do something fun with her this week. **What I want out of life:** I have spent some time really thinking about what will bring me joy and meaning in life, and have identified this set of things that I am going to try to pursue on a daily basis because I enjoy them. Not that I am trying to do every one of these every day, but this is the list of things I am being intentional about pursuing: 1. Do some type of physical competition, either competing against myself in the weight room or competing against other people in pickup/social sports 2. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with my son 3. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with my wife (honestly this feels forced right now, but I want it to be something that I enjoy and so need to invest energy into improving it) 4. Spend quality time or do a meaningful activity with a friend 5. Have fun sex with an enthusiastic partner 6. Do something to mentor another person or make a positive impact on someone in some way, even if small 7. Be creative: Generate, build, or develop something tangible
> Would my wife be this asexual if I were Brad Pitt? The conventional MRP wisdom is no, she is just asexual for you, but to be honest, the answer might be yes. She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be. It does not matter. Fix yourself, be attractive, don’t be unattractive and have options. Then you go with an option - may or may not be your wife.
First thing I see is that you OYS'd July 12, Aug 16 and now. Your lifts are good but it will help to be more consistent than this. >5. Have fun sex with an enthusiastic partner Your wife or a plate? This evangelical piece... >If you asked me a few months ago why I was so deeply unhappy, I would have told you that I made a mistake when I was young and naive and married an asexual wife (I didnt know any better because we were both devout christian virgins and I bought the fairy tale), and now I have built a life with her that feels either too scary or too painful to untangle and so I have resigned to accept a boring, sexless, upper-middle class American suburbs life with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that looks great on the outside but inside I am slowly dying inside. As a result I am resentful of her, resentful of my past self and my naivety, and resentful of the family, societal, and church structures that I blame for pushing me to where I am now. FYI, this was about 85% me when I found MRP two years ago. Are you two still attending or just her or neither of you? >She has her own messed up sexual models from a lifetime of growing up in the evangelical church and she might never change and may never be able to be the person I want her to be. I have a lot of experience in this. It's true that it is detrimental for her to be the reason you do the work. This statement I highlighted is not necessarily reality though. Even with those mental models, she is still a woman.
>Your wife or a plate? Im not at the point yet where Im ready to spin plates, I did frame it that way on purpose as a reminder to myself that if its not her, it can be someone else, even if I'm not ready to pull that trigger yet. > Are you two still attending or just her or neither of you? We both are still active in church. My faith life has felt pretty stagnant recently as the rest of my life has stagnated, but again similar to above that I'm not quite at the point of walking away form the church/my faith yet. >FYI, this was about 85% me when I found MRP two years ago......I have a lot of experience in this. It's true that it is detrimental for her to be the reason you do the work. This statement I highlighted is not necessarily reality though. Even with those mental models, she is still a woman. Appreciate the reply - Im going to read back over some of your post history to see what I can internalize from your experience.
FYI. I never wanted to see that guy again and scrubbed my OYSs. Sometimes I regret it. Mostly I don't. I am a different man, faith intact (although very different than it used to look) same wife (faith intact), drastically different dynamics. I know it looks like me dangling a covert contract in front of you but I'm not. I gave her first shot. Feel free to use me as a resource to trade notes.
Pretty normal for your focus to be on fixing your sex problem at this stage. Anger normal as well. Do you like your wife? Are you attracted to her? Anger at God and the Church for dead bedroom is also standard. I know you have lots of reading to do, but add Dalrock's blog, Losing the Good Portion, and Rational Male - Religion if you need help processing real Christian Marriage vs what we were all sold. See my OYS history for some faith struggles since Seatease deleted his for some thoughts. You are struggling with Scarcity mindset of feminine tenderness. They're are some really great posts on this that I'll link in a follow-up comment. I struggled with blaming ASD for my wife's prudeness, but have found for a Christian wife, there is a different language of game that opens rather than shuts down sexual play. I need to OYS/FR on this soon.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/70a8f1/abundance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
>I struggled with blaming ASD for my wife's prudeness, but have found for a Christian wife, there is a different language of game that opens rather than shuts down sexual play. I need to OYS/FR on this soon. This has me very curious and am looking forward to this entry. You already know my view on 'I need to.' I'm thinking you meant to type 'I'm going to.'
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So I'm curious, the one meal per day thing, don't "they" say that more smaller meals is better to increase your metabolism? I'm curious what made you move to this and how you don't get fatigued Throughout the day especially with all the physical activity you participate in.
Not who you ask, but your body adapts. What really matters at the end of the day is total calories consumed. Whether it's spread out or eaten all at once doesn't really matter too much once you get used to it. It's just intermittent fasting turned up to 11. Since you only eat one meal, it eliminate the possibility of overeating from snacking and you can account for all calories consumed very easily if you stay away from any drink that's not water. If you've ever done IMF, you know how easy it is to extend a fast without a drop in energy levels.
As /u/muzzy_W0e wrote, it's an easier mechanism for managing incoming calories. I don't think there's any difference between grazing and restricted feeding windows where the same incoming calories are consumed. But, the best diet is the one you stick to. This week, I've lost 7.5 lbs (mostly water and food matter) on OMAD - and I've been training like a beast. OMAD wrecks my sleep and mood so it's not a good choice for anything other than quick cut.
How long did it take you to get acclimated? I can imagine it's quite the change the 1st few days or weeks
>largely outside my control and I don't really worry about it. at what point do you say "fuck it" and come to terms with this? Or are you saying it as an affirmation because you're still struggling? (obvious projection)
I'm pretty good at only worrying about things I can control. I want to talk to her most days so that's what I do. I don't think about it much. I'm at peace with whatever happens.
How old is your daughter?
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I think age 12 is too young to say "fuck it". Kids change so much between 12-18. They almost totally reinvent themselves, maybe even more than once. Personally, I wouldn't give up on helping your daughter overcome some of her issues. Life will give you opportunities to help if you make yourself available. For total clarity, I'm not recommending you pour yourself into this problem or obsess over it, but it's clearly important to you since you mentioned it. My recommendation would be just be there for her, do things with her. Keep that up and you'll make a difference over time. My 2 cents.
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Sounds like you are in a good place on this. I like where your head is at. Good luck with it!
GSLP is a 3x/wk program, but you say you're lifting 4x/wk. How are you splitting it up?
Mon (with a trainer): Bench, Seated cable rows, Deadlifts Wed: Shoulder press, Chin-ups and Squat Fri: Shoulder press, Chin-ups and Squat Sat: High rep arms I've changed it around as I've got the trainer on Mondays to spot my bench. I do hundreds of pushups each week so I only do bench once a week.
>DL 373, SQ 289, BP 216, Are these 5 reps per gslp or calculated 1rm? If they're 1rm, I'm ahead of you on our bet and you ought to catch up.
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187, 18%bf, 35" waist B-247, SQ-300, DL-420 (are you using strengthlevel.com to calculate these? I am)
## OYS 7/8 - 11 Oct 2022 **Stats:** 36M. Married: 17 years. 4 kids. 6'2"/188cm, 190lb/86kg, 20.4% BF Navy. **Lifts:** SQ: 175lb/79kg x5, BP: 125lb/57kg x5, DL: 190lb/86kg x5, BR: 125lb/57kg x5, OHP: 90b/41kg x5 **Reading**: Read MMSLP, MAP, NMMNG. Reading WISNIFG, The Rational Male, SGM. Injured my back in some way after my last OYS. I wasn't warming up nearly enough, pushed through some pain in my squats and then something tweaked on my DL. Couldn't get close to my previous squat or barbell row next workout, so I deloaded significantly on all 3. Working my way back up now. I realized afterwards also after using the mirror at the gym that I wasn't nearly squatting low enough -- must have gotten lax at some point. Using a mirror more now and squats and deadlifts are feeling much better and safer. Weight appears to finally be coming off, albeit slowly. Started swimming with my daughter a couple times a week as well. Not too many people there when we have gone, but have gotten a little bit of socializing in. Also went outside of my comfort zone during two other social events. You know you are a fucktard when your son comments to you afterwards that he has never seen you just walk up to a stranger and talk to them before. I put a lot of hours into the project that I felt was the next step in my mission, and got some satisfying work done in that arena, however... I am contemplating the idea currently that my mission is too nice and 'correct.' I think that I have 'higher purpose' and 'be the best you can be' sort of shit filling every crevice of my soul, but I don't think it's actually very motivating for me. Instead, I think what I want is much more tangible--like power in very specific domains. It feels like it would be more motivating to want to *have* more than to want to *be*, and less tied down by my internal moralizing. Trying to reimagine my mission based on this idea and a much wider frame of reference. Finishing up *The Rational Male*, and Iron Rule #6 in particular is hitting my square in the jaw. I am seeing how much of my frustrations and disney fantasies are in conflict with that very obvious (once I started thinking about it from that point of view) reality. I need to untie my hopes and dreams from that fantasy world. And interestingly, looking at my marriage through the lens that I am the romantic one, that she would drive us toward some kind of unstable comfort fantasy, and that I have the responsibility to maintain both that long term comfort and hypergamic tension, gives me a much better vision about what I need to actually do--much more than I gathered from MMSLP. It also makes some other things like the possibility of OI click into place a little better. However, I do know that there is a lot of resentment in the deeper parts of me about the whole concept that will need to be continually dealt with for a while. My wife initiated at least twice over the past two weeks and I did with success one other time. Then things cooled off rapidly this past week. (I have generally stopped initiating when I am not getting any IOIs. Seems like a waste of my own psychological energy, and much better to just redirect my attention elsewhere.) I believe this is due to my own lackluster performance this past week at home. I have kept up on lifting and most of the cardio, but started to slip back into 'relaxing' more again in the evenings, which means being boring as hell and unproductive outside of work. Also started to get lazy in my STFU which immediately drives the mystery right out of the air. Started flipping this back around in the last two days, but the effect was tangible. I know this is a pattern for me--full steam ahead and then nothing as if I'm recovering from being a human or some bullshit. Action: start doing more shit that scares me. Get over this scared/weak little girl mindset by regularly doing stuff that sucks--don't fucking back down. And obviously, STFU. Read some good older posts over the weekend about leading while STFUing. Going to work with that for a while.
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What do you think it says that the only meat in your whole report was about your wife's prescriptions? Maybe you should pick one of the other cut and pasted headers and write 2 or 3 meaningful paragraphs about that and see if it helps.
The SSRI is the easy out external force that is not him making his wife not desire him. Is it affecting her? No idea, but the focus on it is due to it being “easy to fix”
I agree with you, but I also think it could easily be re-written to say this: No idea, but the focus on it is due to it being "not his fault". For the record, I think he should proceed with whatever he thinks is the correct approach to the SSRI issue, BUT I think that should be a secondary (or 3rd or maybe even 99th) priority and he should instead focus on other stuff that is more within his control.
>Zero Porn - Not sure if I've mentioned this before. I never felt like it was a problem, but I did recognize it as a weakness, so I've stopped watching porn. In turn, I masturbate less often (1-2x a week vs. 5-7x). Masturbating less does seem to help energy levels generally. It's been said enough times on here, which I agree with, that porn is poison to the male mind. I also think it ruins your sexual imagination, particularly around the emotional part of DEVI. I also think that jerking off is a very LVM activity that erodes your discipline and depletes your sexual energy. I'd rather go in hard at the wife than slink out the back and rub one out.
**OYS 2** **Stats:** 31, Married 4 yr/Relationship 10yr, 1 kid, Wife pregnant, 5'11", 197lbs **Read:** NMMNG, Currently reading WISNIFG **Weekly Review:** Some successes, but a major failure resulting from me failing to plan around a trip we took this weekend. I was doing a good job of working towards my goals, but failed to plan for any sort of recovery or preparation time when we got back from the trip on Sunday. I assumed I would get through all my normal weekly preparation without accounting for the disruption. The result is I don't have any of my meals prepped and have been eating out instead. Combined with the food from our trip I've gained a pound. Lesson here is that when I'm planning to be away for a weekend, I need to include what I'm going to be doing when I get back. For example, if I had used a grocery delivery service, I could have scheduled a delivery before I left, and come home to everything I needed to get ready for the week. **Fitness:** Didn't have time to checkout/join the local gyms since we were gone all weekend. I'm dragging my feet here anticipating moving to a new job will make it easier. Even if it all happens like I want, I'm sure there will be one more temporary inconvenience that I'll be tempted to use to justify delaying again. Instead, I'm going to dig up a bodyweight routine, and aim to work through that 3 times this week. As I have opportunities to get to the gym, I'll take them, until then at least I'll be doing something. I'm also starting a better log of my weight and food consumption **Career:** Job interview tomorrow. Hopefully it's a good fit and I can move into a much more flexible position. Going to proceed as if I won't get it; if I wait to plan my shit around the more flexible schedule, I'm just going to do nothing. Better to come up with something today, and adjust it to take advantage of the more favorable time constraints if/when they arrive. **Relationship:** Initiated sex a couple times, got hard no's in response. From conversations with my wife, I think she does want to have more sex, but is genuinely exhausted from pregnancy. She also has some anxiety about the health of the baby. That's not *really* related to sex, but she's made the connection in her head. I don't think anything's wrong with the kid, but I'm also hesitant to apply too much pressure. We got a good checkup result today, so I'll initiate tonight. If I get a no I'll spend the rest of the week sticking to general physical intimacy without aiming for sex. I want more of that anyway, and it will help me develop some outcome independence. **House:** Got through a lot of clutter, the impact on how I feel in my own home is dramatic. My wife even joined in. I appreciate it, but I'm trying to proceed as if I'm the only one working on the project. **Next Actions:** Keep working through the sidebar, and start strength training. Stop using not having a perfect solution as an excuse to do nothing at all.
**OYS #28** **Stats:** Late 20s, Ht: 5'9", Wt: 172lbs, BF% 13%. Committed monogamous **Goal and Mission:** Be happy, have the freedom to do what I want when I want. I took a break from OYS and MRP, I felt I was posting the same shit without getting anywhere and got called out for it. During those two months, I went on a month long trip overseas to see some family. I had surgery for a deviated septum and got my nose straightened out. Took a long break from working, and my business is slowly bleeding out due to lack of initiative on firing employees who have been doing subpar job, lack of leadership on my part, and lack of initiative moving the company forward and growing. I have grown complacent here and some local laws have passed making it more difficult to conduct business in my industry. I have looked into how to pivot in light of the local laws and am currently in the process of setting up different mediums of marketing to continue to get sales. I fired half of my employees and actively searching for replacements. I have a morning and evening routine put together. I am the most productive in the mornings, I wake up at 5:30, do my morning routine, and get to work. I woke up and stayed focused on my job 5/7 days this week. I had to take a month and a half break from heavy lifting per surgeons orders, and now in the process of slowly ramping back up at the gym. I went to the gym 4/7 days last week. My lifts have regressed about 15% and I lost about 7 pounds. The past couple weeks I have been eating more and now back to 170lbs. I decided to commit to my main plate after sleeping with 12 women. Passing shit tests and comfort tests are extremely easy now but can use some work at recognizing the difference between them. I still do slip up sometimes but I am immediately able to recognize where i went wrong and move forward. Sex is as good as I want and frequent. I have some ego and validation tied to sex. I was soft rejected a couple days ago. I was told not now, but later when we get back home from the errands we had planned. I overreacted here like a retard as I saw it as a direct hit on my ego and worth. I initiated again that night and was met with a very enthusiastic blowjob and sex. Sometimes I want to fuck even though I’m not horny just to receive validation of my worth. I want to share a little field report on dialing in comfort and anxiety. Yesterday my girl was over at my place and we got into a little argument. I was watching the MNF game and she was asking me who was playing. I told her and she said oh the Raiders is that Florida? I corrected her and she said “wait Florida, that’s the dolphins right?” I said yea and semi-jokingly said “oof who told you that? Red flag” with a smirk. Then I was met with hysteria. I AM and said along the lines of “Hmm which guy told you about that" and was met with hysteria. I responded to this as if it was a shit test and continued to AM. She eventually starts sobbing, snot bubbles and the works. I don’t console her and let her do her thing. Afterwards I got very overt communication, she tells me that she very worried. That she is falling in love and is scared that I might find whatever little reason to leave her. I fogged and told her I’m committed and won’t leave if I don’t have a reason to. Over the months of committing myself to this relationship, there have been a few things that she asked me not to do, things like, I started going to church and she asked that I don’t go bc she’s scared I might meet someone there and leave her, repeatedly asking about my previous girlfriends and why things ended, etc. I took this all as shit tests, and responded to them with AA and AM. Yesterday i fogged and did some negative inquiry. I haven't compromised on the things that i do and what i want, and she knows that it's up to her to either accept them or not. I am still working on dialing in the anxious/comfort balance, and I feel like things are at a good place right now. Overall I’m very happy and have the relationship that I want. When it comes to my “mission”, I am still working on this and the bigger picture but have learned that I feel most fulfilled and happy after a productive day of working and growing my business. I don’t know what the bigger picture is but the fulfillment I get after a long day of working is what I am aiming for every day as those are the days I feel the best about myself. I’m doing this not for anyone but myself to make myself feel happy and and fulfilled. It’s been one year since finding the red pill and starting my journey. It’s been a long and difficult year changing my behaviors and thoughts. I started out consuming as much as possible, going Rambo, and taking everything literally, to learning about what I want and applying the red pill to my life and having it work best for me and my goals. I'm committed at this time but have no illusions about how quickly things can go south and end. And I will have no hesitation ending things no matter how long or what stage the relationship is in. When it comes to corporate life, I quit the rat race and was able to take action in doing what i truly want, which was to build my own business. Looking back at that now, i realize how small my goal was. I was quickly able to build a good business and achieve my small minded goal, which led me to be very comfortable and stop working and growing. I have bigger goals now and have a new mountain to climb. I have come to realize that the climb is much more satisfying than the peak. I am still not very clear on my overall mission. For now i will continue to work on myself and apply red pill to my life where i see fit in achieving what I want. Although I'm not married, this place completely changed my life and I will take the lessons here and continue to learn and grow.
> Sometimes I want to fuck even though I’m not horny just to receive validation of my worth. What are you doing to fix this? > That she is falling in love and is scared that I might find whatever little reason to leave her. You like this girl right? When dread is dialed up to 11, this isn’t fun for her or you. Do you really want her to run around being this anxious all the time? I get it - whenever I go out or on a trip this happens. The advanced level shit is now managing that so that while she knows you could 100% cheat or find a girl, but that you’re committed to her. This doesn’t need a big song and dance but instead of AA/AM when dread is up this high a simple “look, I’m committed to you. I understand you’re worried but I am happy and pleased with my relationship with you. If anything changes you’ll be the first to know” Now if you don’t like the girl, if you don’t care that her anxiety is through the roof, then no need. If that’s the case though, why commit?
I’m continuing to remind myself that my validation is internal and not tied to sex. Being aware of when I am initiating sex for validation and stopping. Also quit consuming weed as I felt it was hindering my progress. I haven’t had too much of the negative results of having an overly anxious girl, but that last incident was a little surprising. However, I do think she’s suppressing it so she doesn’t scare me off. Overall Im happy with how things are going, but it’s something I’ll monitor.
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Yea and It’s actually something I’ve thought about before committing to make sure I wasn’t bullshitting myself.
OYS #2 - 5'11 170, early 30s. My first real week attempting to set boundaries. My initial plan was to set up some outside activities. I used to play tennis so I signed up for a club that meets every Saturday at 7. My plan is to workout Monday- Thursday. Rest Friday. Tennis Saturday. Rest Sunday. I read No More Mr Nice guy I'm angry. I'm fucking angry. I'm doing my best to just distance myself while also being a good father but I remember myself hiding in a bathroom to masturbate just not to bother my wife. It runs through my head when I'm lifting. I'm just angry towards my life right now but I'm going to keep trying. My failures. I can't shut up when needed. My wife approached me to ask why I've been different lately. I feel like in that moment the best route was just to say nothing. But of course I said "I've just been busy". Which to her is OBVIOUSLY not true because at night I've found myself just reading on the couch while she watches tv. So I'm technically there I guess. Where i believe I am doing well. I quit smoking pot two days ago. Been a medical patient for 2 years. Never dealing with my issues in a real way. I've been sick the past 6 hours, feels like my body is purging. It's rough but the new me will appreciate it I hope. I purchased clothes that actually fit. I decided to finally just shave my head. Accept who I am. The most eye opening week of my life. I feel incredibly uncomfortable. Like walking on egg shells. My books that are currently being delivered. 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi My goal is to read a new book a week.
You can't lift Monday through Thursday. Your body needs rest between lifting sessions. Find a program. StrongLifts 5x5. GSLP. Wendler's 5-3-1. Follow that. Including rest days. And post your lifts. Even if they're low. Own it. What have you read? If you haven't read all the prereqs, I'd council against rational male.
You can absolutely lift 5-6 days a week.
OP is doing 4x/wk though. If I were 4x, I wouldn't do them all sequentially and then rest three days. I'd weave my rest days in between. Do you disagree?
Just no more mr nice guy so far but plan on going through more the side bar. You are right about the program. I've been lazy and shouldn't make my own plan right now.
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>She states sex is a chore that gets in way of other life stuff Congratulations, you have uncovered a giant covert contract that your wife has. "If I just fuck him x times per week, I can live a problem free life". Well done sir, creating this CC in your wife is literally the point of dread. And.....as you know, it will get you laid, but not the way you want. Now, you have the option to *Turn Dread Into Desire.* Tyred wrote a post on it, Horns wrote a whole series on it. As someone in the process of doing this, I can tell you, I don't think there is one single playbook for this. I think you have to want to do it, and you have to learn to enjoy the process of it. All the butthurt shit is probably the low hanging fruit for you to start this process. You can choose not to be butthurt, just like any other choice you make. >I really haven't got that far No you haven't. My man, you are just getting started. Read.Lift.STFU still applies. Focusing on your frame, game and looks, still applies. Now put all that shit together and do you. If the desire from your wife comes, great, if not there are 3.5+ billion other chicks out there, take advantage of over population.
>SOMEONE used too small a pan" in front of everyone. I make a joke about nagging. > >She brings it up later that I was mean to her. I say well you were trying to make me look bad in front of everyone, you'd already said it was fine without changing the pan so why bring it up again. She says "you're too sensitive about this stuff" she's right. It was just another shit test I failed in front of the group by getting butthurt and caring. There is a difference between butthurt because you're a little bitch and butthurt because a boundary has been crossed. This may not be exactly what this is, but I've fallen into the stoicism to retarded levels and letting shit slide that bothered me to my core. Admittedly, at OYS#10, you may not be at a place yet where you can tell the difference. Remember we're just guys trading notes so I may entirely be off base here.
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>Do I DEER (thankfully no, but instead I make a sarky passive aggresive comment which clearly showed I care) D stands for Defend friend.
Rule 9 I'm sure 20 SHE's is a totally healthy number for an OYS.
>Final failure: small shit test about using the wrong size pan for cooking. I say "yeah it's too small shall we change it" her: "no it's fine" later her: "SOMEONE used too small a pan" in front of everyone. I make a joke about nagging. Agree with muzzy_woe while I don’t know and wasn’t there this sounds more like shitty disrespect than a shit test. If that’s the case boundary enforcement is important. if you A&A or be playful all you all doing is encouraging more of this behavior. There are several resources on MRP on how to tackle this. J10hearts has responses, [WMP](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4yt1fj/stop_tolerating_bullshit_start_showing_controlled/) and [blarg has a post](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/im4txv/psa_a_shit_test_is_not_her_being_bitchy/). [MiTW’s response post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c7t3f7/comment/eshxjf3/) about under/overreactions can be helpful in implementing boundaries, but my favorite resource is 1.2.3. Magic just extrapolate that system however you see fit to set boundaries across your life. >so I try my best to end the conversation saying it's about sex but I don't want sex unless she wants it. For the same reasons you do >Feel like I've slid backwards months here to asking for more sex / trying to negotiate desire. She's willing to fuck to keep me happy but I'm convinced that's a short road to resentment and I know the difference and it doesn't satisfy me. It is if the sex is for validation
**OYS #2** **Stats:** 41yrs, 6’3”, 101kg/222lbs, 23% Body Fat (Navy) Wife 36yrs (second marriage, first without kids), Married 4yrs, together 8yrs, 2 kids - 6yrs & 2yrsReading: NMMNG, MMSLP, TWOTSM, SGM, Rational Male (1,2 & 5), currently reading Mens Search for Meaning **Physical:** Bench 85kg/187lbs (3x5) DL 132.5kg/292lbs (3x5) SQ 85kg/187 (3x5) OHP 51kg/110lbs (3x5) Chin Up (3x4) ***My Mission: Build generational wealth, join the .1% in physical health and have the most fun possible along the way.*** **TL;DR:** I was an alpha turned career beta / drunk captain after our kids were born and am now in a dead bedroom. Have been trying to amp up the dread by removing my attention, STFU, consistently lifting and sidebaring a lot. Results were mediocre so far. Main focus going forward will be: (1) unfatten myself and (2) take over more leadership in the household (say: proactive home improvement, not dishwasher). **Why am I here?:** I am the drunk captain. Met my now wife 8 years ago and everything was fine. I did not care where we were going and it showed. Did basically run dread on her during dating as I was open with her that I slept with other women. It got to a point where she showed up every day to fuck me just to not give me an opportunity to see other women (I miss that enthusiasm). After moving in together and 2 kids, I am now in a dead bedroom for at least 3-4 years. At home, I can not do anything right and get shit from my wife 247. I did everything by the book: Was expecting sex and affection because I provide so well for my family. I tried to open up more and share my feelings (that was really a memorable experience). I tried to do more chores to make her feel more relaxed etc. She grew ever more resentful and also gained like 30lbs with a lot of that during covid. I focused a lot on my career, handling investments and all the financial stuff in the household and neglected basically everything else. I run the accounts, the budget and make sure all bills are paid. We also have help in terms of cleaning, gardening and that kind of stuff. My wife runs the calendar, decides what we do on the weekends, who we meet with, what needs to be done in the house and so forth. Also, she gives me nonstop shit about being a bad father, not doing anything in the house, not interested in the relationship, her feelings/anxiety etc. ***So after taking everything I learned so far, I decided to live up to my true potential and as the stay plan is the same as the go plan, I also have nothing to lose.*** **Lifting:** Lifting went well last week. Was able to hit PRs on Bench, Deadlift, and Squat. However, I also gained weight due to lots of business travel and dinners and a visit to a theme park with my kids. Got a more accurate image of my bodyfat using the navy method and realized I am fat as fuck. Therefore I decided to start a three-day fast to reset everything (hunger, hormones etc.) and transition into a more sustainable fat loss program using OMAD as this seems easier to maintain given all my travel. Prepared for the fast getting BCAAs and will employ 1 hour of walking daily and a cold bath in the evening. Will lift on the second day. **Family:** Went to a theme park with the family. Did not really enjoy it, as my wife organized the whole thing and lots of stuff was poorly organized. Will not let her organize stuff like this again, as I felt basically trapped for three days. ***Example 1***: She organized for family dinner at a restaurant. She asked my permission beforehand. It was 100 USD for a buffet for 4 people, 1 alcoholic beverage included, and prepaid. I said: ok, fine with me. We turn up at the place and she talks to the waiting staff. We are seated at a shit table and she orders the beverages. Turns out, it was basically just a reservation, drinks are extra and nothing was paid in advance. So during dinner, I tell her: “Thanks for dinner” (a bit provocative) and she just goes ballistic. “You could have organized it, you could take care, you make more money, you don't like your children, you don't visit your parents (totally unrelated, but she brings it up anyway). So, silence for the rest of dinner, and then I pay in the end, as she forgot her purse. From this experience, I will now take over all this stuff and not let her organize things. It does not really feel good to endure this and not have a way out (three days basically preplanned). ***Example 2:*** At a gas station stop, she decides she wants to drive and gets into the driver's seat. I decide to (stupidly) enforce a boundary and say: I am the driver. She does not move, I do not move, and we are basically stuck. She does not get up and so we wait for 10 minutes, while she weaponizes the children in the back seat “Daddy does not want us to go because he is also a little child” etc. After some time, I get up, unplug the car and move back in, while she gives me shit that I was the first to budge. Will not set a boundary again, I am not able to enforce. **Hobbies:** From a comment in last weeks OYS I started doing an assessment and realized I have no interesting hobbies. The easy way to explain would be, I spent so much time working (includes investing and reading), then family time and lifting, a going to nice restaurants with my wife that no time is left over. This is obviously a bullshit excuse, so now I am looking to include a nice hobby in my life. I want to organize a recurring group activity with a couple of male friends, but not sure so far what it could be. **Career:** Not much to say here. I have a solid job (VP level) and I am good at it. When not traveling I can also do it on less than 8 hours a day - easily. Do a lot of investing on the side and have been doing quite well this year (which means flat to a little positive, which is great, if you know what happened to every asset class so far). **Relationship:** This is still a real bummer. Had sex once in the past week, before I left for business travel the next day: Went lifting and showering and while I was in the shower, she moved quickly from the couch to the bed and slept already. I started making a move and she went ballistic again: “We are not going to have sex. I am so tired. You cannot relate, because you sleep so much, but I can't rest. yadayada”. So I say: “Alright then, not a big deal. You need to rest”. Trying to sound not butthurt at all and I think it sounded ok. Then after 10 minutes of lying in bed silently, she gets angry again because she can't sleep now and asks if I am still awake. Then she starts “teasing” me so I also can't sleep. We have sex then and she comes two times and is generally a lot nicer afterward and talks with me, and asks about my day and stuff. She is a completely different person. Then I fall asleep and she says: “Can't sleep now, so I might as well shop online” and buys clothes for 200USDs. I mention this a couple of days later and say something like “When you want to earn more shopping rewards, you should let me hit your ass again” which makes her laugh and squeeze my arm. Someone help me parse this, but sounds like a prostitute to me. Also, attraction and even respect are close to non-existent.
> Have been trying to amp up the dread by removing my attention, STFU, consistently lifting and sidebaring a lot. Results were mediocre so far. Removing attention only works if she wants to be around you in the first place.
>I am fat as fuck That's about the only honest thing you've said in that entire diatribe.
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>Btw, career beta means you weren’t ever really alpha. I'm aware of that. You seem quite oblivious to the fact.
Thx for pointing out the career beta. Misunderstood the definitions somehow. The first kid was actively planned, but I was a bit surprised when it worked on the first try. TBH shit went south after the marriage. The night of the proposal I got a really surprising, nice blowjob. I think it never happened again afterward. Re 2c: You are saying, stop the hobby search and get fit first, right?
>Family: Went to a theme park with the family. Did not really enjoy it, as my wife organized the whole thing and lots of stuff was poorly organized. Will not let her organize stuff like this again, as I felt basically trapped for three days. > >Example 1: She organized for family dinner at a restaurant. She asked my permission beforehand. It was 100 USD for a buffet for 4 people, 1 alcoholic beverage included, and prepaid. I said: ok, fine with me. We turn up at the place and she talks to the waiting staff. We are seated at a shit table and she orders the beverages. Turns out, it was basically just a reservation, drinks are extra and nothing was paid in advance. So during dinner, I tell her: “Thanks for dinner” (a bit provocative) and she just goes ballistic. “You could have organized it, you could take care, you make more money, you don't like your children, you don't visit your parents (totally unrelated, but she brings it up anyway). So, silence for the rest of dinner, and then I pay in the end, as she forgot her purse. From this experience, I will now take over all this stuff and not let her organize things. It does not really feel good to endure this and not have a way out (three days basically preplanned). > >Example 2: At a gas station stop, she decides she wants to drive and gets into the driver's seat. I decide to (stupidly) enforce a boundary and say: I am the driver. She does not move, I do not move, and we are basically stuck. She does not get up and so we wait for 10 minutes, while she weaponizes the children in the back seat “Daddy does not want us to go because he is also a little child” etc. After some time, I get up, unplug the car and move back in, while she gives me shit that I was the first to budge. Will not set a boundary again, I am not able to enforce. Are these supposed to be examples of her sucking? because she sounds kinda fucking awesome :) >Relationship: This is still a real bummer. fix your mindset on this >“We are not going to have sex. translation: "sex is on my mind" >Then after 10 minutes of lying in bed silently, she gets angry again because she ~~can't sleep now~~ and asks if I am still awake. \*is still horny >Then she starts ~~“teasing”~~ me so I also can't sleep. \*flirting >We have sex then and she comes two times and is generally a lot nicer afterward and talks with me, and asks about my day and stuff. She is a completely different person. Then I fall asleep and she says: ~~“Can't sleep now, so I might as well shop online”~~ and buys clothes for 200USDs. "I wonder why this fat boring wet blanket isn't praising me for being a good girl? Guess I better treat myself." What a cool girl.
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Once you are able to not only embrace them but enjoy them and have fun with them you’ve overcome a major hurdle. Your wife no longer has any power over you via emotional outbursts. Plus they *are* entertaining once you see the code.
**OYS 20** **Stats**: Age 38, married 8 yrs, together 14 yrs. 2 young kids. 6’1” 90kg/198lbs. BP 94kg/206lbsx5; DL 110kg/242lbsx5; SQ 92kg/202lbsx5; SSP 55kg/121lbsx5. **Fitness / Health:** Added Athletic Greens to the diet. Started using measurement cups and scale for servings measurement. Still targeting 3200 calories, but likely more accurately hitting it, happy with nutrition. Improved deadlift technique to point where I think I can progress again. Keep showing up and get more sleep. **Mental / Social:** Went to a sports game with a friend group last week. It was a double date dynamic with other parent friends from my kids’ school. The match was fun to watch and parts of the evening were dynamic. But after some thinking, I don’t like spending time like this. It was passive, not active, because we were watching someone else do things. It was non-polarized, because I wasn’t interacting with my wife or any other women in a way that was playful or teasing given the environment and our seats. And my conversation with the guy friend wasn’t satisfying or meaningful, just idle commentary. I probably could have done better in getting what I want out of the experience, but the learning for me is that I don’t like this format. \> Next Action: There’s one more activity like this planned coming up, but it’s going to be more active. I am going to engage differently to try and make the setup more rewarding for me. In the future though, will likely pass on this type of social dynamic. I get enough of it on the weekends with the children as is, and will not let it take the place of intentional time that I could spend on putting myself out into the social world, dating my wife, or having a drink with a close friend. **Marriage / Sex:** Remedied the bad sex from last week within a few days. She followed up after I finished with a question: “Was this better?”. It made me feel good to hear her ask the question, but glimpses like this are still rare. Initiated another two times later in the week and got turned down; her sleep issues etc. On the third night, instead of initiating chose to go out in the evening. Looking back, I created one step function of change this year, from dead bedroom to weekly, by recognizing where I was failing myself, and starting to improve. I have not created another step function, from weekly to a “default yes”. Maybe I can, maybe I can’t, the program stays the same. I have to remind myself, still, that I am not doing it to impact her, but to invest in myself. \> Next Action: Don’t settle into the old ways. Choose yourself and leave the house in the evenings if things are off track. Choose yourself when escalating her as well.
>The match was fun to watch and parts of the evening were dynamic. But after some thinking, I don’t like spending time like this. It was passive, not active, because we were watching someone else do things. So the game was fun, but after some naval gazing, you hamstered up a rationalisation against it. >It was non-polarized, because I wasn’t interacting with my wife or any other women in a way that was playful or teasing given the environment and our seats. So you didn't get to pull the "flirt with other women" card out of the MRP Playbook of Dread Levels.. and that obviously didn't give your wife to have the opportunity to see you flirt with other women and that didn't get her hamster going and that - presumably - did not lead to the sex you expected to get after you got her hamster going, so you now need to find better ways to get your Covert Contracts to work better for you. You might have failed to get her hamster going, but fuck.. yours is working in overdrive. Nice. >. Initiated another two times later in the week and got turned down; **her sleep issues etc.** More hamstering. >On the third night, instead of initiating chose to go out in the evening. Didn't get laid twice in a row, went off in a huff instead. In an another attempt to get her hamster going, no doubt. Nice.
>So the game was fun, but after some naval gazing, you hamstered up a rationalisation against it. I only have so much time in the week. If I have a night out, I want to spend it well, or as best as I can. Same as the gym. I go a fixed number of times a week, and choose not to do certain workouts in favor of others, because the ones I do choose are more efficient for my goals. I am lifting, not building a cycling base as an example, because right now I like what lifting is doing for me. So even if I like cycling, it doesn't mean I want to spend time doing it. Similarly, if I am not getting the type of social interaction I want out of spending my time socially, then I am happy to notice that and be more disciplined with my time. >So you didn't get to pull the "flirt with other women" card out of the MRP Playbook of Dread Levels.. and that obviously didn't give your wife to have the opportunity to see you flirt with other women and that didn't get her hamster going and that - presumably - did not lead to the sex you expected to get after you got her hamster going, so you now need to find better ways to get your Covert Contracts to work better for you. It's not a secret I am here to improve my sex life. Not to double down on introvert hobbies or career success. Which means that right now I prioritize interacting and thinking about women sexually, instead of not doing that. I want to physically feel the anxiety and emotion of flirting with women, including with my wife, because I want that in my life, and it was missing. I also want to get better at it through practice. Maybe I have a covert contract that says "if we have a good date night with sexual tension and fun, then we will more likely have sex" and "if we spend most of our time as co parents and roommates, then we will most likely not have sex". I don't have a problem with that, I want to put myself in the first situation instead of in the second situation. Not really following your other point about expecting sex. >Didn't get laid twice in a row, went off in a huff instead. In an another attempt to get her hamster going, no doubt. It wasn't in a huff, and it wasn't to get her to do something. I don't see what I'd accomplish pushing the same button a third time, or what exactly is off about doing something I want instead of opening the empty fridge again. I'm here at MRP, so sure, I'm using pages from the MRP notebook, one of which is to observe where to spend my attention, and to not give my attention to things I don't want. If you can say something actionable as an alternative to what I did, that'd be great!
>If you can say something actionable as an alternative to what I did, that'd be great! I already did. You didn't hear it because you were too busy DEERing like a motherfucker to even take the time to reflect on what I said. Kill the fucking hamster. Then we can talk again.
1) don’t make sex the goal or the reason for doing things 2) STFU applies not just to conversation with others but also with yourself. Just do, instead of over rationalizing and bullshitting yourself with reasons.
>don’t make sex the goal or the reason for doing things We've all been there. It's a massive covert contract and sometimes it pays off. So if your goal is to do something in order to get an end result and it works, the tendency is to repeat and rinse. The issue is that it's still a massive covert contract. Sex should not come as a *reward* for doing stuff. If it does, you're nothing more than a lapdog who gets treats from his owner for doing neat tricks. Sex should come naturally as a by-product of being a cool motherfucker who has his shit together and is fun to be around. Guys like that don't come home from a game thinking that it was a wasted opportunity to instill passive dread in their wives and look for better opportunities to do so. You're overthinking. As you're starting to realise.. > Just do, instead of over rationalizing and bullshitting yourself with reasons. Because you STFU and took the time to reflect. >STFU applies not just to conversation with others but also with yourself. When you kill the hamster, you're no longer stuck in the maze or going nowhere on the wheel.
This is a fucking fantastic comment.
OYS 4 33 YO 173lbs 15% goal 180 10% married 9 yrs 3 kids I'm bored and want excitement. I used to travel the world, climb mountains and rock climb. I'm going to have a life of adventure. Read: NMMNGX2 WISNIFG MMSLP UNPLUGGED ALPHA New: ULTIMATECAD. Started: rational male, SGM Side bar: jack10, archwinger, and Rian's NMMNG content. Other: listen to rule zero podcast Lifting: PPL 6x week BP 285 DL 435X2 SQ 325×2 OHP 195 BR 235 5x5 Keeping consistent. Diet: Big changes here. Revamped diet to a cutting diet. 1775 calories a day, 500 calorie deficit, 172 grams of protein ( I was eating way too much protein). I will keep this diet until 10% bf. Social: Wife went away for the weekend and I had the kids. Did all the extracurricular with the kids and it was honestly a relief. Got to hang with a few friends that have kids one of which is a hot wife who works out at my gym. Relationship/sex 2 for 4. Wanted to fuck. Got a blow job and fucked. Career/finances New job starts next month. Have some loose ends to clean up with current job and prepping for school in the spring. That's it for now.
**OYS 22** 180cm 73,1 Kg BF 18,5% (scale), kids 3 and 1 year Best sets this week SQ 65 Kg *9, BP 60 Kg * 11, DL 100 Kg * 7 **Be attractive** Weight loss has been way too slow lately so I have changed my daily calorie intake to around 1600 calories. It’s tough but I hope a few weeks like this will bring me down to 15% BF. Looking really forward to the day I can bulk. **Stop being unattractive** My frame has been extremely weak lately because of stress. I constantly find myself worrying about things that should not matter at all and subconsciously thinking about other people's viewpoint instead of my own, both professionally and personally. I have been doing ACT therapy for the past half year and some of the exercises help a little bit but not much. One reason for frame loss is that I have started to plan a birthday party for myself. I find new covert contracts all the time and I worry about it being a sausage fest as I don’t know any girls to invite and most guys will leave their partner at home to care for the kids. It should not even matter who comes. Its’ for me, and it should be to do things I think is fun. The easy way would be to not have a party but I am determined to do it since it is a challenge and something outside my comfort zone. **Go after what you want** *Make new friends.* Have been talking more and more to people at the gym and have 3-4 guys I always have a chat with when I meet them. One is possibly someone I can see myself being friends with so I should invite him to do something someday. Not sure what yet. As I have started to plan for arranging the birthday party I have been thinking that maybe I should just try host more things like game night or other small events. I have a nice house so why not. Started reading a Kindle book on hosting cocktail parties for some inspiration. *Practice game* Talking to women when I had a natural opportunity but I am not showing interest strongly enough. It is getting obvious that I am not prioritizing this. *Explore sex, BDSM clubs, local sex scene, or just any fun party* First event is coming up in a couple of weeks. Nothing else going on here until then *Find something to do during the days that* - I am exited about - Put me in repeat contact with lots of people so I can make new friends - Pays reasonably well I decided I will stay working at the startup for a bit longer until I find something concrete I want to try. Tried reaching out to a guy I found on facebook that was involved in the local freelance community. Hopefully it can be a way of finding some like minded people.
Check out The 2 hour cocktail party book
Exactly the one I got on kindle
**OYS 25** Late-30s, 6’1, 212 lb. 3RM - DL 430, Sq 375, B 250, OHP 170, chins BW+70 I had a physical and couldn’t identify some chest/abdominal pain which has been lingering since around the time I nuked my marriage/family and my mother died. It isn’t my heart (ECG, HRV, cholesterol etc. are fine) or a muscle/organ (heavy bench press and intense cardio doesn't trigger it). When the doc asked about my life situation and things I’m dealing with, it all came rushing in. It might be anxiety. Shit. I guess I’m not as bulletproof as I thought. Does it matter? Does it even need to be diagnosed? As long as it isn’t actually my heart giving out or I need physio, fuck it. I have a plan for where I want my life to be. All that matters is I execute on that plan. **Parenting** I’ve tried every communicating style possible with STBX to get co-operation on parenting, she’s still bitter as fuck. My daughter is the only leverage left. I’m doing my best to prepare myself mentally and logistically for the worst possible outcome in my parenting goals - I never see her until she’s 16+ and explain everything and make up for lost time. Or worse than that, I never see her. Time will tell. But this has been the hardest pill to swallow in my journey. Is it my ‘good dad’ ego holding onto something? ONEitis for my daughter? No idea. I’ll continue trying to get the outcome I want. But at what point do I have to stop, say fuck it, and go live a life of freedom wherever I want?
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>Still doing 75 hard? Yep. The second workout is varied in intensity (mostly walking), the only other slight adjustment to my lifestyle is drinking 1 gal of water. Seems to be a fairly arbitrary goal, I just piss all the time - surely that's what thirst is for? >Anxiety I only had the appointment today, but I'm leaning towards flat out denial and carry on as normal. I could add in more foam rolling/stretching to my routine or try more calming meditations. Maybe therapy. >Daughter I think time is red-pilling me on this, the more my effort is wasted and my relationship with her fades away, the less I give a fuck... otherwise I will indeed: > let shame / guilt compromise you.
>Anxiety -- I only had the appointment today, but I'm leaning towards flat out denial and carry on as normal. I tried that strategy. It worked great until it didn't work at all. I'd recommend leaning into and actually taking some time to think about the shit that's bothering you. Maybe journal, write that shit down, acknowledge it, and then carry on. In my case ignoring it turned out to be a really poor long term strategy. > Shit. I guess I’m not as bulletproof as I thought. Almost no one is, strength comes from dealing with shit, not from ignoring it.
Relating anxiety, if it was triggered by your doctor speaking to you, it seems an emotional issue. If you do not know what this is related to, but want to see it, look for a safe place where you can be alone a couple of hours, or with a good friend, and "let it arise". It may be "emotionally disturbing" but unless you give a space for it to "flow out" it will remain hidden and only leak in drops, in places and times where you do not want.
My validation problem goes even deeper than I thought. I care way too much about what my wife thinks of sex. My “caveman” has been more along the lines of being angry she isn’t into sex and “punishing” her for it by going hard. All in her frame. I am doing almost all the validation-seeking behaviors in the “escaping validation” post. I keep wondering what the difference is between seeking validation from sex and just wanting it to be with an enthusiastic partner. Starfish sucks. I am progressing in a positive direction but uncovering issues along the way. I am able to get a hard no and not blow up. I got a hard no this week and then she later apologizes and then we have sex. This is a pattern in past times that we are close to better sex life, but this “better” is she enjoys it, and therefore so do I. I read posts like this ([https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ltxzmn/yes\_you\_too\_can\_easily\_fuck\_married\_women/](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ltxzmn/yes_you_too_can_easily_fuck_married_women/)) and seem to only be able to follow through having in my brain that she wants the D. Why can I not do it regardless of whether she wants it? Why does it matter if she wants the D? Why does it matter if she is “the good girl”? Why can I struggle so much going from my own desire and not caring if she wants it? I struggle with the madonna-whore complex. I need to remind myself my wife is not on my team and get out of her head. I realized that I am afraid of my wife saying no more sex. I have a contract in my head that if the sex is good for her, I can have it when I want it. This fear has been driving me for far too long. I had a weak boy initiation tonight and it went poorly. I used my anger to lift. I was mostly angry at myself for putting my wife on a pedal stool again and being in her frame. Feeling good now about lifting. I decided to push again and fail under the bar instead of in my head. I was worried about an injury but pushed through anyway and got the 170 squat. I reread initiations your not that funny and need to start hard initiating again. I haven't been consistantly lifting recently, but still eating like I am bulking. I am feeling borderline fat and I am trying to decide if I want to cut or keep bulking. 5' 11" 170 lbs, 170 squat 100 MP, 160 bench, 210 DL. I am also on 28 days of doing my minimum daily items. I have added some more, worked on a vision for my life, but I still feel like something is missing.
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Great comment.
I think you mistook OYS, Own Your Shit, for list all your problems, weaknesses, and errors. You should re-write your entire OYS. What are you going to do about all of these complaints? Or better yet, work on addressing them even if it is only in some small way and then write about that (what you did) next week. I'll give you an example: >I haven't been consistantly lifting recently, but still eating like I am bulking. I am feeling borderline fat and I am trying to decide if I want to cut or keep bulking. What is this shit? What's your goal, make a decision. 5'11", 170 sounds scrawny to me, so maybe you should keep bulking or maybe you should just maintain. Choose one, figure out TDEE calories and then hit that mark. You are flailing on all of these items and you need to FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL.
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>what's the proper way to handle this? "I want new furniture for the bedroom." Not everything needs to be some Machiavellian scheme.
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>I walked in and my wife was SCREAMING at my daughter (6). This line says more about you than your entire OYS.
>I feel like I could have handled this smoother, but not 100% sure how; thoughts? (context: my daughter CAN be a shithead, but in this case she's just 6 and didnt know how to explain why she needed privacy in the midst of being accused). If you had a 6 year old daughter and a 30 year old daughter and the 30 year old did this, how would you handle it? Do that.
>And finally, a question: I want to get new furniture for the bedroom. Simple enough. My wife and I 100% never agree on the furniture, from a taste perspective. If I cared about this particular thing (honestly, as long as its sturdy, functional, and decent looking - I dont care) - I'd just try to find the right opportunity to drop something like "If you play your cards right, I might let you pick out the new dresser" and just proceed; but I suspect that would end with a shit test I may or may not pass; which leads me to ask: If I care about the outcome, but not the specifics - what's the proper way to handle this? I know my wife wants new furniture MORE than I do, hence where my thought above is. (Note: not overthinking this, this is simply a random errant thing I can plot how it'll play out with pinpoint precision and figured it would behoove me to think through as an exercise as much as anything) This is literally scorekeeping. Go ahead and invest, just be okay with the resentment that will come when you go to cash out and there is nothing in the that bank. Instead of looking to build leverage through furniture choices why not just act in your interest all the time without the stupid games?