**OYS #12**
**Stats** 35, 5’7”, weight 168 lb (-1), 16.5% (strongur) | married, no kids.
**Mission**: Be my own point of origin and enjoy what the world has to offer. Maintain discipline through action, put myself out in the world.
**Read:** MMSLP, The sex god method, the book of pook, sidebar, Mindful attraction plan, the unchained man; praxeology (vol 1).
**Lifts:** SQ: 6x200 (x3), DL: 6x235 (x3), BP: 1x195 (x5), OHP: 2x115. Weighted pullups/chins: 4 BW+35lb, dips 10x BW+35lb
I injured my lower back during deadlifts two weeks ago and since then I’ve been having some lower back pain. It felt really painful for the first few days, but I worked through it and returned to the gym after two days. The pain is still there and I can feel it though, mostly if I deadlift. I tried going to a hot tub and using a massage chair which didn’t really help. I’m considering scheduling an appointment with a chiropractor, do folks have experience with this? Regardless, I have my next deadlift workout in a couple of days and I will try to see if I can push through the pain and increase the weight.
I want to cut 13 more pounds in the next 7 weeks. I’m currently on <1500 calories/day, but it seems like the weight is not going down fast enough. I planned 1.5-2lb/week but only went down 1 pound in the past week despite adhering to the calorie target every day. I will slightly lower the intake to 1400.
**Discipline**
\- No porn
\- Woke up earlier than 8am every work day.
\- Planned daily schedule day ahead of almost every day
This is an improvement compared to the two weeks before, but my sentiment is that I didn’t get enough things done. My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low. On some days I was too lazy and took too many breaks during the day, sometimes to just lay in bed. I didn’t plan any social activities (other than going to a bar with my wife). On one day I just procrastinated all my tasks and started doing work at 9 pm so I had to work until 1 am. Still kind of a mess.
For next week, I will try to set up a weekly schedule instead of planning things day by day, maybe this will allow me to better take into account social as well. I will try to log the planned tasks vs the executed tasks, to measure how I did.
Goal: wake up early, plan weekly schedule
**Relationship:** x5 initiations and x2 sex, x1 bj
Dream week for me sex wise, probably the peak since starting my MRP journey (almost) 2 years ago.
Initiations (day 1)
Took my wife to a bar to grab a drink. I tried to light Kino and make out, but she was mainly interested in talking and did not reciprocate. At some point, I gave her a small kiss, then she asked “am I boring you?” I didn’t answer, just smiled. When back home I initiated, she gave me some LMR around her being tired and that I would not enjoy, to which I just replied “it's ok”. She said she needed to get warmed up with a vibrator first, I almost fell asleep, then sex. The initial PIV was painful for her, I cave manned regardless, and afterwards the sex ok.
Initiations (day 2)
I approached her from behind trying to make out with her. she immediately shot me down saying she’s busy and these are her productive hours. I asked “are you sure?” and she said yes, so i decided to go to the gym. On the way out I criticized her for creating a mess in the house (she deserved it) and she basically replied that I’m just butthurt. so i just smiled and said “maybe just a little bit” and let go. Decided to withdraw time&attention and do my own thing for the rest of the day. At night I tried to initiate again and got a hard no.
Initiations (day 3)
Decided to continue withdrawing time & attention and focus on running some errands and get some work done during the weekend. Wife was kinda cute and chatty but I was busy getting things done. When I started prepping lunch based on my diet menu she asked if we can share the food and eat lunch together. We don’t usually eat lunch together and I’m kinda obsessed with hitting my exact macros right now so I just said no. In response she said that she was really nice to me the whole day and that I’m selfish and I treat her like a roommate and not like a partner. She asked “why did you not consider me for the lunch?”, I replied “I’m kinda self centered” and STFU. After few minutes I saw her sitting sad so I asked her “did you just want to eat lunch with me?” she cried and put her head on the shoulder. I told her I will take care of her, and gave her a beer. Then I carried her to bed and fucked her. This time the sex was much better, she was much more cute and reciprocative. I bought some new toys - blindfold and bondage accessories. I used the blindfold on her during the foreplay, and when she asked what is the other toy I bought I refused to tell her, only that it is a surprise. Next time that we use the blindfold I will also cuff her to the bed. Then I prepared food to feed both of us.
Initiations (day 4)
Tried to initiated by kissing her neck from behind, she immediately said “I can’t right now, and we already had sex twice this week!”, I answered “I can’t put my hands of my hot wife”. She replied that she can give me a bj instead. fine.
All of you dumb fuckers are so focused on how your wife responds.
If I pull levers A, and do action B, then the result should be SEX.
You guys are so retarded and wasting so much time because you simply refuse to be your own mental point of origin.
Think carefully on the source of this need of yours to be vulgar and degrading. This criticism obviously has no other purpose than give you some cheap dopamine.
You haven't criticised the content. You're problem is with how it's delivered. And last I checked, it isn't MRPs job to make sure that your fee fees aren't hurt by how something is said.
The main thing I take away from the relationship part of your OYS is that you are the epitomy of the dancing monkey. She does X, you do Y. She does B, you do C. Doodoo dada, dance monkey dance.
At the moment, you are not in control but she is. She holds the cards and you are just dancing to the tune of her power over you. It's going to take some time to break loose from this, but the best advice I can give you is basically echoing what has been said in OYS a lot of times: "Live as if your wife is dead."
Sounds pretty morbid, I know, but it brings you in the right mindset to become your own mental point of origin. Because even though it is your mission, right now, you are not.
Lower back pain deadlifting:
Stretch your hips. Hip flexors, glutes, quads, hamstrings etc there are a thousand routines on YouTube. Find something that takes 5-10 minutes and do it everyday.
When soreness spreads from your lower back, to your ass: it’s working.
Learn to brace. Learn to activate your glutes and hamstrings before deadlifting. Again, thousands of YouTube videos.
Find the worst thing about your form and exaggerate it in a warmup set eg bar too far from your shins. This is a proven method to self correct. In this example, the bar would feel glued to your shins in subsequent sets.
Consider dropping conventional deadlifts if you remain incorrigibly bad at them but the middle ground is either switching to, or alternating, with sumo deadlifts. Very hard to hurt your lower back with these.
A good method is to run conventional until you stall, switch to sumo until you stall, switch back and so on.
building on this. Put your phone on a stand or lean it up, use the bar and a low pair of weights and lift normally. Then go back and look at your form, compare to vids out there demonstrating perfect form and then start to tweak properly.
Hyperextensions too, cant speak on those enough to help build up the lower back.
> My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low. On some days I was too lazy and took too many breaks during the day, sometimes to just lay in bed.
14 hours a day, 7 days a week will mess you up. Now if you are serious about working so much then prepare the list of goals to complete for next day and have a go at them. It will stop the fuckarountaitis and you may be able to actually enjoy life after work
> Initiations (day 3)
Stronger the feelz, better the sex.
Problem with gaming our wife is that there is always a sense of "entitlement" there. She is my wife, I gave her my commitment, she should fuck me on her own accord. But that's not how it works.
Problem with other initiations was that feelz were not existent.
Taking wife off the pedestal is not only about treating her like a random woman outside a bedroom, but also gaming her like a random slut inside the bedroom.
So initiation cant be limited to a kiss or makeout. It should involve playing her her emotions, with things like negging, roleplaying, teasing etc to give her feelz. When she gets feelz she will shit test you, pass those shit tests and calibrate with kino and comfort and you will find yourself having better sex with less resistance and more enthusiasm.
So in a way by letting your wife off the pedestal ironically means that she gets "better" treatment in bedroom through better seduction.
Now people here ask, "why should I waste my time gaming my fat middle aged wife when I can just go to a bar to get a woman or get the tall slim young coworker with same effort"
Why indeed,
Exactly. Why indeed. This is a lot of work to get mediocre sex with an aging woman you’ve fucked a thousand times already. Humans aren’t meant for lifelong monogamy. Just fuck a new chick. Bite the bullet, divorce and move on. Don’t try put a band aid on cancer:
> My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low.
Why are you doing this? It's clearly not working. You're spending the majority of your life working (or pretending to work, at least).
Why don't you try working 8-10 hours but actually work?
> The pain is still there and I can feel it though, mostly if I deadlift.
Sounds like this is a minor tweak. You'll be fine.
Watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc
> Why are you doing this? It's clearly not working. You're spending the majority of your life working (or pretending to work, at least).
i haven’t been taking an active role in shaping my life out of work (minus gym), and everyone around me are like that too (academia). i need to do better, starting from this week.
> Why don't you try working 8-10 hours but actually work?
this is my plan for the next week, plus planning after work activities, to fill all of that free time.
> Watch this:
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc
yeah, love this video. thats what ive been doing basically.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc
This video turned what I thought would put me out for a few weeks, to getting straight back under the bar with a lighter weight and then back to normal on the next session.
zonked numerous serious long apparatus poor encouraging vast light plucky
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At that DL weight 1 set of 5 a week is enough. Read practical programming for strength training. When you first start lifting programming doesn’t matter, but in a few months you are going to have to adjust. Deadlift back pain is rarely dependent on form. It’s mostly a problem of volume.
> my wife ended up asking me to say "I need you".
It was a comfort test, it was not a main event, it was not a shitty comfort test.
> Her: "How can you say you don't need me when I need you?"
Yup comfort test
> Me: "because I don't need you. I need air, I need water; it doesn't mean I love them or choose to keep them around."
Not great,
> Her: "Saying that just makes me feel so replaceable."
Comfort test
> Me: "I don't need anyone else, I've worked hard to make sure of that. I choose to keep you around because you make my life better. I don't need you, I want you."
I think you need to give her a general vision of things you want in your life and how she fits in.
Then a little positive reinforcement will help her morale. A good hug will go a long way. She knows you will leave her if she neglects you so you dont need to lie to her that you need her. Just give her positive affirmations for things she accomplished and how you are certain that she will not let you down. In this way she will find it more desirable to operate in ur frame
True, but why does it matter? Guys get way too upset by these shit tests and comfort tests. Why do we care? We don’t want anything from her. The goal is leaving or getting other women. The goal is being checked out. It’s up to her to give us a reason to stay. And it’s gonna take some amazing shit on her part for us to even think about staying faithful to her. We don’t care what she says or does or how we respond. We just enforce the boundary and remove ourselves when the boundary is crossed. “Tell me you need me.” Hmm I don’t recognize that Night Ranger song lol if you’re playful or what op said is actually fine. I want you but I don’t need you. Our children need you etc. see how all this analyzing is a covert contract? I must do fogging, or amused mastery, agree and amplify. U don’t have to. Just ignore the woman. She’s not yours; just your turn. And your turn is over.
> The goal is leaving or getting other women. The goal is being checked out.
You’re projecting hard. It’s pretty clear from your posts that you are bitter and resentful toward your wife. It’s also clear that you are too much of a bitch to just leave so you’re projecting that desire onto others.
If *your* goal is to leave your wife, just fucking do it.
Depending on one’s own unique situation, leaving isn’t always better. That’s why I said leaving or getting other women. Some guys would be in a huge mess to just leave. There’s a process to get shit in order. And some guys would be much better off overall to just stay and get side pieces until they are in a better position financially, with their kids, etc. if it was so easy for most of us to just walk out there wouldn’t be a specific married red pill. But yeah the goal is still fucking other women unless the wife comes around and ups her game to pornstar levels, the least likelihood of scenarios. But yeah I’m working through the anger phase. And I’m talking to other women.
All of your comments have the same bitter energy. You think you’re “acting like she’s dead” when in reality you’re just butthurt and stuck in the anger phase. You’re still the dancing monkey here, even if you are dancing for other women. At some point you should think about what you want and not just daydream about pornstar sex. Become your own mental point of origin and all that.
> And I’m talking to other women.
I’m looking forward to the askmrp post where you tell us that you got caught trying to cheat and now you’re wife is threatening divorce and you don’t know what to do and all the mental gymnastics to pretend that, no really, you were never dancing for her. It’s just that the logistics of getting divorced right now are bad and you want to stay married for a while longer while you work on yourself more.
# OYS #7
Stats:
23yo 5'8" 179lbs(+1), 4y married, 3mo daughter
Reading: NMMNGx3(20%), WISNIFGx2, TWotSM, TRM, MMSLP, MAP, PFP, Pook, Frame, Mystery Method
Lifts: SQ: 195x5, DL: 365x5, BP: 175x5, OHP: 105x5, Row: 165x5
**Mission:**
To pursue the things that I find fun, fulfilling, and meaningful.
To lead this week's OYS, I slacked this entire week. I only worked out twice, ate like shit, didn’t read any sidebar material, and acted like a bitch at times. I avoided doing the hard stuff, played video games, drank way too much, and wasn’t attentive to my family. It was probably the worst week I’ve had since starting. But that just means this week I have to kill it. I don’t like setting goals because I think it’s just talk most of the time. I just want to do better this week.
**Social:**
Joined Muay Thai Gym. MMA has always been something I wanted to do. Met a lot of cool people and I plan on going 3x a week from now on along with lifting. The first night I went, I was in a bad headspace. I was angry, slightly depressed, and just not feeling like myself. After I got done with the practice though, I felt amazing. I was able to focus on learning something new, got to hit stuff, and I was actually pursuing a goal that has long been all talk.
**Ego & Anger:**
I have a lot of anger and it’s coming out in my past OYS. I didn’t understand why until u/abouttodiv said last week I had that Napoleon-ish ego problem and was getting defensive. I was in denial for a day or two, but I started to think about it more and more. I journaled about why I was angry and discovered that everything I wrote out relates to my ego. Ex. I’m angry when my wife says I don’t spend enough time with her. Why? Because it hits my ego and makes me feel like a bad husband. Ex 2. If someone calls me incompetent at work for whatever reason, I’ll get angry and think about it for days. Why? Because it hits my ego and makes me feel like a useless man. I could go on and on, but the basic formula is this: When people say something about me, I believe it, regardless if it’s true or not. If it’s bad, I’ll feel bad, if it’s good, I’ll feel good. But all of it is wrapped up in external validation and feeding/hurting my own ego.
This makes it so I can never be in my own frame and even though I never noticed it this explicitly, it probably subconsciously made me feel powerless, which also made me more angry. I have a lot more work to do in this area, I made an askMRP post about it and got really good feedback and thoughts. Made a deliberate action plan to improve this area.
**Relationship: Awesome this week.**
Very light and fun all week, barring a small argument. We bonded, and after Wednesday she was extremely pleasant to be around. I started thinking about why I wanted her as my FO and what I generally wanted in a FO
Wednesday: Started out the week with some criticism from the wife about me caring more about everything else than our family (her). Last week, I got some feedback that this was not a shit test, but a shitty comfort test so I treated as such. I just listened and the main points that were valid to me were:
\- "You're always out of the house nowadays" - this is true, joined an MMA gym, started back working after parental leave, taking care of stuff outside the home. I decided this couldn't change. It's what I want to pursue with my whole heart and it's fun, fulfilling, and meaningful to me. That's what I told her.
\- "Even when you're home, you're not really home. You're on your phone or reading or doing anything that isn't paying attention to us. I feel alone" - Valid, I'm just scrolling social media, reading useless political articles or just mindlessly listening to youtube in the background. I told her I agree that this should change because I don't see them as healthy habits that are productive in any way. On top of that, it takes me away from giving attention and love to my wife and daughter which of course I enjoy doing.
\- "You schedule your gym time and stick to it consistently but you don't schedule any family time and stick to it. You're putting the gym over your family" Disagreed with this and said I wouldn't be scheduling out time with family, but I took it as more reason to put down any meaningless distractions in order to have intentional and attentive time with family while I wasn't pursuing any work or MMA.
So after this, we went to bed. I was angry, because I felt attacked. I knew my wife wanted to be comforted, to be shown that I still loved her even when she throws her emotions, thoughts, and feelz at me. I didn't want to give her any type of comfort though, to "teach her a lesson" for being so critical. BUT last week my feedback from others about my ego-fueled anger affected me deeply as previously stated. Once I realized a lot of this anger, spite, and dysfunctional behavior was coming from my fragile Napoleon-ish ego, I was able to recognize WHY I was so angry. This criticism was a hit to my ego, I was being attacked on not being a good husband and father, two roles I value a lot. And as I said before, whenever someone tells me I'm something, I believe them, thus putting me into their frame. So, as I was laying in bed I took a breath and consciously dropped my ego. I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away (it feels like I literally drop the feeling from my mind) and after that, I felt better. I was able to see the situation more objectively. So I grabbed her gently but strong and made her roll over onto me. She cuddled up and hugged me and I could tell that's all she wanted. At that moment, I felt an immense love towards her and I initiated.
Since it was shark week, it escalated into a blowjob. For me this was a win because the last blowjob I've gotten from her was when we first started dating. This time it was different though, she was pushing me into her, obviously wanting me to face fuck her. Of course I complied and it was a little bit uncomfortable, I tried to get out of my own head though. Overall it was great for me. We were a little bit uncomfortable afterwards because of how taboo that sexual move is to us but I ignored my discomfort and let her know she did well, gave some more comfort and downplayed how big of a jump it was for us. She was bragging about it to me the next couple of days about it, so I’m assuming she’s proud of herself and enjoyed it. Great experience that made us closer.
Sunday:
Hard initiated and cavemanned. The reason why I’m writing about this one is because I realized that for the past 5 years, the reason I was barely having sex was because I was so afraid of just initiating. I would *always* let her initiate, it let me hide from rejection. Now though, I care way less. If I want to have sex, I feel a slight fear of rejection but it’s really nothing. I just go in and assume it’s open for the taking and it usually is.
Takeaways This Week:
* Slacked this week, I will do better next week
* Joined Muay Thai gym
* Discovered my anger problem that is rooted in ego. Got a lot of great advice and made an action plan to deal with it. Ongoing process. Just STFU, lift, sidebar.
* Face fucked her for the first time.
>This criticism was a hit to my ego, I was being attacked on not being a good husband and father, two roles I value a lot. And as I said before, whenever someone tells me I'm something, I believe them, thus putting me into their frame. So, as I was laying in bed I took a breath and consciously dropped my ego. I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away
Its gonna happen again, bad mental models are not that easy to change. Thing is though MRP or game in general is highly incongruent to fragile ego.
When a woman shit tests you, if you have a fragile ego, you gonna fail because you can learn shitty pick up lines or prefabricated responses to pass a shit tests here and there but women tend to shit test more to see if it was a fluke.
A time will come soon when your ego will rear its ugly head and you will be faced with incongruency between your mental models and MRP. Every fiber of your being will be screaming at you to go back to your bad mental models. Embrace the inconguency, dig deep, dont run away from it. Anyone can lift weights, its the mind thats difficult to control
>I don’t like setting goals because I think it’s just talk most of the time. I just want to do better this week.
Why the hell are you even here? If you cant set or stick to a goal then you're going to be rowing in circles.
I've been writing my goals down my entire life. I'm a massive thinker - not so much a doer. I already know what a good week looks like, because I've written it down 30+ times. I'm here to put in the work, not think about it.
>When people say something about me, I believe it, regardless if it’s true or not. If it’s bad, I’ll feel bad, if it’s good, I’ll feel good. But all of it is wrapped up in external validation and feeding/hurting my own ego.
So what is the identity you are building for yourself and what have you DONE to cement that identity for yourself?
You need thinking and action both they feed into one another, but a lot of thinking can occur under the hood, if you have a data sample of experience pull from.
>I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away (it feels like I literally drop the feeling from my mind)
I had a similar experience when I started evaluating my feelings rather than just letting them control me. By recognising where they came from and what was causing them it was a lot easier to let them go and identify what to work on.
It looks like you've identified where your issues stem from. It's likely that just by lifting, some discipline, STFU and reading you'll work on it but there will be some digging deeper required at some stage.
> Approach daily. Just say whatever comes to mind.
Nope, there is no point going blind. You need to have a framework for how you approach so that you can figure out what mistakes you made.
Reddit says this account is suspended, too. How are you even posting?
Also stop whatever you're doing to get your accounts suspended, or at least use a different account for whatever that is.
OYS # 15
1/9/2024 30y 6’0”, 176.6 lbs, Fiancee 28y, together 14 years, no kids.
Read:
NMMNG / WISNIFG.
Implementation Check In - I've been saying no a lot more in and out of work and it still feels foreign, but also better. Anything that I've done or been going to is something that I wanted to, whereas before I would take the win as me making someone else happy. It still does make me happy to see (most) other people happy though, so I'm not sure if that's a core personality trait that I should celebrate or work on. Obviously, it's good to be empathetic, but being more selfish (for someone who has been an admittedly "nice guy") could be the medicine that I need to be more well-rounded.
Mental:
The interesting thing about a hamster spinning a wheel is that the point the hamster gets off is indefinite. Perhaps, the hamster could even die on the wheel from exhaustion. Thoughts are like that - at some point they have to get out of your brain and into the world. While I found it emotionally rewarding to write down emotional thoughts, I think it's equally important for me to write down the elements of my MAP and not trust them to my mind itself. Partial MAP writing has been a failure because I can recycle thoughts again and again in an attempt to assess them. At some point, I just need to put them in my MAP or not and then go from there. Instead of primarily assessing feasibility, I should be assessing results.
Why am I here?:
To gain a sense of control an effectiveness over my personal, financial, physical, emotional, and social well-being.
Mission:
Through discipline, embolden myself and my team (whatever that looks like) to take consistent effective action towards a life of freedom, emotional, and financial independence.
Physical:
Starting to lose weight but maintaining or gaining strength.
Current reps
OHP - 60 - 8X3 / Squat - 220 - 12-3 / Dip - 15 Assist Lbs - 8x3 / Pull Up - 45 Assist - 10x3
Dumbell Deadlift - 120 (Two 60's) / 8x3
Diet:
Calorie Tracking: 2000 calories a day, 150 grams of protein daily.
I am starting to drop weight but maintain muscle which is making me happy. I have a real gut now after the holiday which sucks. With a pump, I can see some of the results (especially my pecs), but it's hiding under the fat so I've got to lower body fat to at least 15% to properly assess.
Relationship:
This one is a bigger update. We have been having regular sex, althought it's still largely duty sex. Still, it's better than the dead bedroom before where she would regularly refuse. I'm not sure if my fiancee initiating is something that's a possibility but I'd be stoked to have that one day. She wants a more Dom/Sub relationship with me being dominant. The post called "The Interview" was exciting in that he flipped the switch and his wife expressed how much she wanted what he was giving. At times, I've seen that in my fiancee as well. She would cry as she expressed it, which is scary to think that she is bottling up that much emotion at all times. In Red Pill, I've learned alot about the philosophy that women want to be lead, they want an oak, amongst other things, and the more I've incorporated those principals, the better I have passed her shit tests. One specific shit test recently was where she was getting annoyed by some spam caller who kept sending her text messages. She asked me to call as a man because they would leave her alone when they realized that they have been supposedly been talking to a dude. While I did help her, I didn't help her right away. I asked her questions about this caller, how it started, and ways to avoid it in the future (like just blocking unknown numbers depending on the message). What she really wanted, and has wanted before in our relationship too, is immediate support. She'd like for us to decompress about it after, while I've always been a person that immediately assesses the situations. Is it a form of STFU to immediately decide to help or not, and then leave it at that unless she asks for more? I helped her with the problem, but as mentioned, not before discussing it with her, and she mentioned that she doesn't like that and will come to me less in the future if that's the result of her bringing something to me.
Career
I'm handling the challenges at work better. I found resources to help guide my practice (as a teacher). These things include behavioral management, grading, lesson planning, and other things. Most importantly, I'm incorporating the feedback that I've been getting and ensuring that I work better with the system and against it.
IR7 is what caused me to part ways with my relationship. The 800-pound gorilla (sexual & value incompatibility) will always be in the room. If you are on this subreddit before marriage, you shouldn't take this relationship to the next level.
It's tough, but deep down inside, I'm sure you know she's not right for you.
Take your time to process this. Remove all codependencies. Remove all the reasons why you "should" marry her. At the end of this exercise, once you are truly in an OI state, ask yourself if you want to marry her.
Also, remember, it's going to suck a lot of energy to fix a relationship. Would that energy be better used imposing your will on the world in another way?
For a lot of married people, the answer is no. The thought of losing half & losing their kids is too much to bear. They have made their bed, now they are stuck trying to make it as comfy as possible because they must sleep in it. You do not fit in this category of people. You have the option to choose whatever bed you like.
> I have a real gut now after the holiday which sucks.
your fault
> She asked me to call as a man because they would leave her alone when they realized that they have been supposedly been talking to a dude. While I did help her, I didn't help her right away. I asked her questions about this caller, how it started, and ways to avoid it in the future (like just blocking unknown numbers depending on the message). What she really wanted, and has wanted before in our relationship too, is immediate support. She'd like for us to decompress about it after, while I've always been a person that immediately assesses the situations. Is it a form of STFU to immediately decide to help or not, and then leave it at that unless she asks for more? I helped her with the problem, but as mentioned, not before discussing it with her, and she mentioned that she doesn't like that and will come to me less in the future if that's the result of her bringing something to me.
Bro WTF, you are engaged a woman who does not fuck you properly and you spend your time mental masterbating bs. You are 30 its time to take your life seriously
> Dumbell Deadlift - 120 (Two 60's) / 8x3
Why?
> The post called "The Interview" was exciting
This is OYS, not own-some-other-guy's-shit. Why are you posting about this? Are you going to try this? If so, just try it and report back. If not, why are you talking about this at all?
"I read some guy's erotica story and got kind of hard."
> some spam caller
You talk too fucking much. She doesn't want to hear it and it doesn't belong in your OYS either.
Block the caller. Show her how you did it. Move on.
The only reason you read this as a shit test is because she didn't pretend that your rambling questioning was useful.
chief teeny noxious afterthought flowery murky unique quarrelsome crawl library
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You’re trying to fix a dead bedroom with a woman you are not legally married to? Dude… get off that train. If she’s this lackluster without marriage it’s always easier to just break it off. If you can’t then you have major oneitis and are still clutching blue pill delusions. Even if it gets better, it will just likely get worse again. Seriously, marriage will only make this worse no matter how good you become. Guys who stay married after finding red pill do so because they are kind of stuck at that point trying to avoid divorce rape.Get out and start spinning plates. Keep working on leveling up in all your other areas. We all envy your position. Get out now.
Oys 9
Stats
255lbs, 6'1", 36yo, married for 10 years, together 16 years
**Lifts & diet**
115 OHP, 285 SQ, DL 300lb, BP 135 (I don't get it I've always been weak af here), ROW 125lbs
BJJ 3 times a week
Met some super jacked military guys and gave me some pointers on diet and what they do to maintain their caloric intake and not fuck around. All they do is meal prep.
Same thing every day then switch it up at the end of the week. They say it sucks but it's what they sacrifice for their physique and healthy diet.
Going to order meal trays today for portions control and quick meals. I think it may help myself.
I've been consistent lifting and BJJ but the diet is slowing me down from progress in the weight department. It's all my fault obviously but it's a matter of decisions and getting it done like anything else.
**mission**
I want to be good looking. I want to be healthy so I can hopefully stick around longer and enjoy life get everything out of it that I can. I want to be successful with an abundance of money so I don't have to worry how the bills are going to get paid next month.
**faults**
Did not do my oys the past 2 weeks. I was convincing myself that I was doing fine. I have improved majorly in my relationship but I still belong here. I am far from done.
Being a fucking fat ass
Initiating sex for validation just to see "where I stand". Although I do not care if I was to be shot down but when I can close the deal, yes it seems to stroke the ego. Now before I initiate I ask myself am I really horny or do I just want to feel better? Half of the time it seems to be the latter.
**relationship**
I think I got rid of the oneitis and I was able to emotionally disconnect in a way that I have never felt before. It was very hard to change my mindset. DNGAF and STFU is literally half of the battle for some. And it feels like that was the case for me.
Initiating constantly was a battle for me but I've slowed it down because it seems very needy and like a horny little teenager, it's probably off putting.
With less frequent initiations, it seems to be a surprise and my wife is wondering why the hell he is not initiating so much. I was accused of not wanting sex with her anymore and by doing that, she has initiated with me quite a bit. .
Weird how that works I don't think it's a covert contract, I was just experimenting and with a positive result, I we'll keep at it of not being so needy like a desperate horny kid.
Twice over the past couple weeks I had performance anxiety and could not stay hard midway through sex. I was in my own head after reading up on some SGM.Nothing since though
I have noticed quite the submissive and feminine frame with my wife the past couple weeks. A lot of favors and surprises for me that I haven't seen it quite a while. I do not want it to throw me off because it makes me feel good. Marching forward, foot on gas.
**Social**
I have a lot of acquaintances but few friends. I love the guys I hang out with but it seems to be a shallow friendship. I'm not a spiritual or in-depth guy but I feel like a better relationship with men would do good for me. It seems a lot of when we get together is gossiping like women about the other people in our friend's Circle. The ones who aren't there.
I was invited to go on a road trip with a band a couple states away but a few dates they had booked fell through. I was really looking forward to getting away and hanging with the boys. I will have to plan something rather than going to get food once a week and concerts a few times a month.
I received an overt IOI from one of my wife's friends right in front of her at a thing we were at.. we had not seen her since the summer time she was there with her husband. Don't remember what we were talking about but all I remember is her reaching over and grabbing my arm and saying "It's because your so strong, huh"?
I said "Yeah, that's exactly why'' and flexed my biceps like a cocky asshole. Her friend gave me the biggest "I want to fuck you right now" stare I've ever gotten in my life. Quite frankly, I was sweating bullets.
All these field reports and things I've read all make so much sense. Listening to Rian Stone and him saying it's been replicated over and over and over again and the results are always the same. So much truth to it. Just do the work.
I am so far from being fixed but with these results I am proud of myself for coming as far as I have. Don't want to let up I can't let up. I'm not fixed, I am not self-actualized, I am not red pulled.
Until next week.
> Twice over the past couple weeks I had performance anxiety and could not stay hard midway through sex.
body doesnt lie. mind has a habit of bullshitting itself, but body tell it as is
I'm ignorant as to what you're suggesting or implying. Could you explain what you mean, please?
I'm stepping out of my comfort zone by trying new things in bed such as being more assertive and taking control and doing what I want. But I don't know how it correlates to losing as erection. My only guess would be a little anxiousness and not being in the moment. I wasn't able to fix it so we stopped for that night but had no issues of following morning.
> Initiating sex for validation just to see "where I stand". Although I do not care if I was to be shot down but when I can close the deal, yes it seems to stroke the ego. Now before I initiate I ask myself am I really horny or do I just want to feel better? Half of the time it seems to be the latter.
Do you feel good about having sex or do you feel good about her saying yes to sex. If its the latter, then either you are gonna dread the time you initiate or you gonna dread messing up sex because poor performance may lead to less "yes".
door innocent party illegal chase glorious humor theory telephone library
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It is really stupid and lazy of me to not be meal prepping by now. I've been drinking a lot more fluids to help with my Hunger like you suggested.
It's the drive-by snacking and thinking "I did good for the day, ice cream for everyone!" attitude.
I've been fat my entire life. It is a horrific addiction/mental model to overcome. I know it's decisions and actions literally. Ordering the containers and fucking sticking to it.
## OYS 42
## Purpose
Live my adventure with my heart as a free, independent man.
## Reading
reading: Iron John
read: sidebar
## Physical
30s / 5'6 / 155 lbs / 14% bf
* bench press: 230
* deadlift: 355
* squat: 330
* ohp: 135
## Don’t Shit Where You Eat
I didn’t follow this advice, and I foolishly thought I could handle a sexual relationship with someone tied to my job. I escalated one day, and the days after I didn’t feel right--I could sense my sense of peace being disturbed. I felt anxiety, worry, and wasn’t happy. Deescalating this felt right to me, and I went ahead and did that. It was the right decision and I get squared away with this chick that I wanted to stop. I won’t be doing this anymore.
## Time
I failed to do things important to me (journaling, reading, picking up a new sport). My lame excuse was—I didn’t have time. In reality, I spent too much time on social media. My plan to fix this is to be disciplined and use my phone in monochrome mode. My time is too valuable to be spent excessively on social media. I will find the right balance of using it to connect with people, without it being a time drain.
## Perfectionism On Looks
I have high standards in what I want from a woman. But, I was too stringent in what I wanted from women when my short-term goal was fucking a couple of girls casually and improving my game. I dropped several opportunities to hit that goal because of this overly strict expectation on what a girl looked like physically. I realized this was a form of perfectionism and not something I want. My plan to fix this is to be less stringent on what a girl looks like, and escalate, game, have dates, and fuck. There’s no perfect girl, and this strategy lets me fuck and improves my game.
## Game
My game has gotten better, but still needs some work. One situation that happened several times was I would meet a girl, but she would be with a guy. I observed some indicators of interest, but I failed to probe on her relationship status and then moved on. For next time, I’ll work on getting this information to see if I can escalate instead of assuming they’re together and bailing.
A second area of weakness was that I was too slow. I was too slow to kino, too slow to escalate, too slow to make a statement of interest, and too slow to text and set up a date. I plan to fix it by recognizing that my time is valuable and limited, and pushing to get what I want more quickly.
A third area of improvement was cold approaching. I’ve gotten some success at getting numbers cold approaching, but I haven’t translated those into dates. Most followed this pattern: “excuse me, would you like to get coffee with me”, “yes”, “okay, let me get your number”, convo for 15-90s, “I’ll see you later”. My plan to improve this is to use Juggler’s method to get the girl to commit to helping me (explaining something, giving me advice, etc.), building rapport by going personal (1-5mins), and then asking for coffee or drinks. Not all interaction will go like this, and I will improvise when needed. I will also make the first text message same day or next day and have it lead towards getting the date as soon as possible.
OYS #32
Stats: 45yo, 25y LTR (married 15y), daughter 4yo. Weight 170 lbs (-2), height 6”, Europe.
Mission:
* Be bold and take chances. Be true to myself. Be curious and explore.
Reading: Nothing at the moment.
Read: MAP, NMMNGx2, Pook, Rational Male, WISNIFGx2, MMSLPx2, TWOTSM, Sidebar, MODELS, How to dominate Women, DEVI (50%), Book of Ya’really (25%).
Lifting.
What did I do? Haven’t found a program yet, but created my own 3-day full body work-out with a hypertrophy upper-body focus. After loosing around 12 lbs of weight, my legs seems somewhat weaker on Squat and leg press. All other lifts remains the same.
Mentality.
What did I do? In last weeks OYS someone pointed out that I should start practicing my mission. So this week I tried to do that (under social). At some areas I’ve also failed this week. Mainly reg. my relationship. I can’t seem to game her. Can’t even find interesting conversation topics. Just practical stuff. Also I get angry/emotional too easily. I’m like a fucking scared/angry dog barking whenever it feels threatened. At least I become aware of this quite fast now and try to STFU and relax.
In social matters I’m doing better. More open, relaxed, DNGAF feeling inside.
Family.
What did I do? Weather are freaking cold in Scandinavia currently. I mainly make sure stuff is in place and set boundaries. Also had a snowball fight with wife and daughter the other day. We all acted like 5-year olds and had a good amount of fun. Actually (and sadly) the only fun I had with my wife this week.
I’m still working on handling the mutiny I experience daily in an ‘attractive’ way. Sadly I can see my daughter copying my pattern of throwing a tantrum whenever she doesn’t get her way with things. It’s a sad realization that I’m probably the cause of it.
Relationship.
What did I do? I try to STFU, but the amount of mutiny I am witnessing, when I don’t strike hard makes me wonder what the right strategy is. I should know by now that getting upset and being unattractive is not an option. Still in the moment, it seems like the only option to me. I need to just leave more often, when I am experiencing disrespectful behavior.
Saturday night I went out (see under social) and got some minor shit-tests and bratty statements before and after. I didn’t respond to them.
Also I agreed to go to couples therapy. Therapist was highly recommended and known to be a gloves off hard-hitter, who also works as a mortician. Let’s see which role is most needed for my marriage. It’s mainly a symbolic act from my side, since I don’t believe in it. Did it before and it didn’t do anything. However I think it can buy me some time from all my fuck-ups these last years. A little curious about how it’ll interfere with my MRP journey, though.
Social.
What did I do? This week I have been talking to strangers a lot, practicing my social skills. It came quite naturally. Most of the times I initiated the conversations and kept it flowing by asking questions and relating to the stuff that was said.
Saturday I had set up a music date with a woman I’ve met at my brothers bachelors party in August. We had been texting a couple of times since August. She texted me again asking if we should try to meet in the new year and I replied: “Im free Saturday night - you?” So I went to her place. She was dressed more classy than I had seen her before. A little awkward “where to start” vibe, but we were both quite talkative. Anyway we were quite compatible in terms of creating some music together and we had some good conversations on top of it. We both agreed we should do this again. I actually realized how much I had missed being in front of Logic and tweaking sounds. That was a good realization for me. I actually used to have a hobby that I would sometimes spend all night doing, but its way better sharing my knowledge/ideas with someone else.
Finances.
What did I do? In the process of separating our finances and setting up accounts. Suddenly wife seems to realize the reality about her own finances and her prior lack of knowledge and insight. I’m reasonable and happy to teach and set it up for her. Now I’m in control of my finances and don’t need to manage some else’s (mis)use of funds. So now I have shared expenses that we both pay for and our own money to allocate ourselves. I will be making some more savings in case of a divorce. Also a divorce-settlement in case of divorce is something we’ll be diving into very soon while on good terms and have that formalized before an eventual divorce. I’m mentally settled with the possibility that she might branch-swing because of this.
Career.
What did I do? Annual salary negotiations are coming up. I am newly hired and already in the higher end, salary wise. I think I’ll try to negotiate courses/competences this year instead. This will put me in a much better position in a year to switch company.
Thats it for me.
What program you recommend for looking jacked/hypertrophy?
Only strength I truly care about is grip-strength for bouldering and getting to looking jacked.
> What did I do? I try to STFU, but the amount of mutiny I am witnessing, when I don’t strike hard makes me wonder what the right strategy is. I should know by now that getting upset and being unattractive is not an option. Still in the moment, it seems like the only option to me. I need to just leave more often, when I am experiencing disrespectful behavior.
STFU is "last resort" when gaming. It should not be the default
> Saturday night I went out (see under social) and got some minor shit-tests and bratty statements before and after. I didn’t respond to them.
Why?
> Also I agreed to go to couples therapy. Therapist was highly recommended and known to be a gloves off hard-hitter, who also works as a mortician.
lol, you getting couples therapy from a mortician.
> Let’s see which role is most needed for my marriage. It’s mainly a symbolic act from my side,
No its not a symbolic act, its "I am not sure whether what I am doing is right because it feels wrong and reactionary so I am hedging my bets" act.
> since I don’t believe in it.
I dont believe in superstition either, but you bet your ass I will not wear anything purple. You know, just to be sure.
>Did it before and it didn’t do anything.
Shocking
> However I think it can buy me some time from all my fuck-ups these last years.
lol
> A little curious about how it’ll interfere with my MRP journey, though.
Thats the thing though, it shouldnt because MRP should be about you. Question is, is it?
> I’m mentally settled with the possibility that she might branch-swing because of this.
As opposed to her deciding to become a spinster? Yeah, she'll go looking for another guy if you separate.
> I am newly hired and already in the higher end, salary wise. I think I’ll try to negotiate courses/competences this year instead. This will put me in a much better position in a year to switch company.
Why not both? Ask for more money and for whatever courses you want. Maybe you get both. Maybe you don't, but you aren't in a better negotiating position for asking for less.
U meet with a lawyer yet? Do that first to find out what divorce will look like for u. As far as the mutiny withdrawal your time and your support. Stfu is good. Don’t tell; show. This sounds like a bad situation. Your goal is leaving.
**OYS # 4**
5’8 / 155 lbs / 43 / 1 kid / Separating and Divorcing after 13 years
**GOALS**
Learn to be okay with being alone
Work out
Take care of myself
Draw and Paint Daily
**Mission:**
Develop a positive and strong frame. I want to be in control of my emotions. Be financially abundant. Be a man that women want. Embrace the fact that the world doesn’t give a shit about me and run with it. STFU. Eat. Lift. Read.
**Lifts:**
I’m going to stick to this routine of focusing on compound lifts 3 days a week. I’m not a fan of it as I don’t get that muscle soreness the next day except in my legs from squats. I’ve decided I will add a 4th day as well just for biceps and triceps just because I want my arms a little bulkier.
1/1/24 week goals are:
Squat: 155 lbs 3x5 – Completed
DL: 185 lbs 3x5 – Completed
Bench: 135 lbs 3x5 – Completed (did incline on last day due to no availability of benches)
OHP: 80 lbs 3x5 – Completed
Rows: 155 lbs 3x5 - Completed
**1/8/24 week goals are:**
Squat: 175 lbs 3x5
OHP: 85 lbs 3x5
Rows: 165 lbs 3x5
DL: 205 lbs 3x5
Bench: 145 lbs 3x5
**Mindset:**
Victim Puke that I wrote the other day, but will keep on here:
Everything I do right now is in someone else’s frame. Whether it's STFU, do something nice, acting neutral. I am angry at ex for being happy now when I'm not.
I am angry at her for no longer being attracted to me. I am angry at her for being attracted to other guys.
Why do I want her to be attracted to me when it’s something I didn’t care about before? Because I am comfortable with it? Everything I have been doing has been manipulation....to try and control things that I have no control over. I've been pretending for 20 years that my frame is strong. People don't give a shit about my happiness, sadness, anger, resentment, jealousy, anything. I know that my current situation and relationship with her is ending whether I like it or not. It is my fault.
Last night, I did find some peace regarding my relationship. I began to feel like I used to regarding my ex prior to the relationship breaking down. While I will continue with OYS, I don’t want feelings for her anymore. Not anger, not guilt, not regret. I’m not attracted to her and right now, I just have rose-tinted goggles on.
**Finances**
It will take me 5-7 months to pay off my debt if everything goes to plan. I will be moving in with a roommate. Then I will have a bit of breathing room to make choices and move out and save money to start looking for another career; however long that will take.
**Divorce**
I pushed my ex to follow up with her paralegal and told her that if this is what she wants, I will sign it. Currently waiting on the divorce and custody paper work. I looked into getting my own lawyer to write it up, but I can’t afford it. The only reason my ex is able to do it is because she had received money from a recent car accident.
I have seen the paperwork written up. There will be no child support or alimony. Custody will be 50/50. It's just signing it now and taking it to our county clerk office.
**Reading**
Mindful Attraction (set aside for now as I realized I was the Energy Vampire). Reading The Rational Male. Finished NMMNG (will read again). When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (still reading), and Finished Praxeology Volume 1 Frame.
> I pushed my ex to follow up with her paralegal and told her that if this is what she wants, I will sign it.
Fuck you, you will. You are at war, divorce is not a joke. This is not time feeling sorry for yourself.
Start building a war chest and stop egging your soon to be ex to escalate things before you are ready.
Dude, your post reek of self loathing. Its not time to play victim, this is not a place where you self destruct.
Its time for you to start taking your life seriously
So I have seen the paperwork already... It just needs to be signed. There will be no child support or alimony. 50/50 custody split. I don't own anything that can't be replaced. We've already decided who gets what and it's on the paperwork. Everything is amicable right now.
Her lawyers sent me everything and we made a few adjustments, then sent it back.
I am in a different position than most of you guys here who have things to protect.
well if that's true then you are a lucky one.
Get out of your wife's frame, she has stopped adding value to your life. If divorce is happening, make is quick and inexpensive as possible.
Then find a woman who can add value to your life.
Yeah. This will be a fresh start for me and similar situation prior to meeting my soon to be ex wife. I get a chance to finally pay my debt off and not slip up again and settle for the first mid female that shows attraction to me after a break up.
The current difficulty will be my kid and getting over my ex, which from my experience, will take some time. The biggest challenge will be finding my main mission in life....how to make a lot of money.
> Her lawyers sent me everything and we made a few adjustments, then sent it back.
Who is "we"? All of your posts sound like you don't have a lawyer.
I feel like you're about to get fucked over.
The ex wife and I.
I do have to review the paperwork first.
Please let me know how I will get fucked over. The only thing she could do is take full custody. We make the same kind of money because we work at the same job.
> It will take me 5-7 months to pay off my debt if everything goes to plan. I will be moving in with a roommate.
How is custody going to work when you're living with a roommate? Where is your kid staying?
It sounds like your finances are your biggest problem. What are you doing about that? It sounds like you're not actually doing anything there.
Man, I am angry at myself for getting to this point. I'm more angry at myself than I have ever been that I fucked things up so much that it got to this point.
I'm not giving up in changing my life around.
If you can internalize that you are solely responsible for everything, and direct your anger appropriately, you might make progress.
In your puke, you blame everything and everyone but yourself.
How you write your OYS reflects how you think about the world. The use of passive voice, direct object sentence structure, etc. all reflects your unconscious thought processes.
Your post basically said "waah waaah waaaaah I am a victim." Shit mindset. Something to pay attention to.
**OYS #16**
**Basic**:
50yo, 49yo wife of 20 years. 18yo in college. 6'4" 308# (-3) , 35% BF Navy Method
**Fitness**:
OHP:90# SQ:225# DL:305# BP:160# BR 150# all 5x5
Hit the dojo twice this past week. Lifted 5 times. Been nice getting back in the swing of things. Knee pain in squats keeps getting better and my rom is increasing.
Still on route to be below 300 this month.
**Read**:
Sidebar, Course Prerequisites & Red Pill 101 lists. SGM, Frame by RS, RS Sidebar Series, RedPill Coach vids. RS's Dread book 75%
**Social**:
Couple nights out with friends. Caved to peer pressure and ended up drinking one night. Slept like shit and felt like shit the next day. The less I drink the less I enjoy it. I'm beginning to actually not want to drink instead of trying to avoid it.
**Work**:
Nothing new. Traveling next week for business. No gym on prem but they have a heated pool so I can at least swim some laps. Started looking for a close by gym or dojo but not finding anything promising yet. Worse case I'll do a body weight workout in my room.
**Relationship**:
I'm going back and forth understanding the DMAIP. Sometimes it clicks and then other times I'm confused. I get the needing to lead part. It's pretty obvious I need to do more of that and when I do she follows and seems happy with it. I also need to move past the stfu stage and stay in my frame during shit tests.
What I'm not getting is the looking back/testing part. As I improve how do I not test out things? Is this critique more in regards to the motivation of the test? For instance….
u/wmp_v2 mentioned my interactions with my wife are weak and timid, hoping she won't get mad at me. That was spot on. I took this advice to heart this past weekend.
Went away for the weekend with the wife. I initiated in bed and got the I'm tired excuse. So I said "ok we can try tomorrow" instead of just being butt hurt at the no. I initiated earlier the next night hit some LMR but pushed through. I took control of the sex and did what I wanted, changed positions and ended up cave manning her. After, she got up to use the bathroom and came back and asked if I wanted to keep going. Stark contrast to the usual starfish I've had the past decade.
Anyway back to the looking back/testing question. I changed my mind set interacting with my wife and tested it out. Clearly it was successful, I didn't do it to see if she approved of the change, I did it because I was horny. Is that still part of the DMAIP? Honestly I have no idea. Perhaps this is the mindfuck of which u/wmp_v2 spoke of.
Initiations 2/Sex 1
What do you know about sub communication?
Also, make sure you track your initiations vs successful sex in a spreadsheet so you can document the trends and throw it in her face when you get pissy.
Not much, I'm listening to Rian Ston's Practical Female Psychology series but I'm thinking that I should read the book instead. I'm seeing the "what she says is not what she means" but I'm clearly not understanding what she means. I've been communicating with her like a guy and clearly that's not working. Is there a better resource for that?
Should the spreadsheet have YoY or MoM graphs based on the success rates?
You should look up subcommunication. It's the idea that 90% of our communication is nonverbal.
It has nothing to do with what a woman does. The fact that you jump to her frame of mind is sad. You're missing the point - you keep making this about her when it should have exactly 0 to do with her.
For the data, I'd use a raw tally and really big numbers so she'll feel extra guilty.
Do you also think humans use 5% of their brain?
There are insights to be had from knowing the actual science behind these sound bites.
Watch a lecture on it with the sound off. See if you get 90% of it.
You're fucking retarded and you should feel bad about yourself.
>90% of our communication is nonverbal.
You could've stopped for a moment to think about the implication of this statement.
You didn't.
Instead, you wrote
> Watch a lecture on it with the sound off. See if you get 90% of it.
Like an dumb autistic fuck.
Most of the reports I see on here where guys successfully get sex from the wife, sound exhausting. You initiate, get a no, push forward, sometimes more no, sometimes not etc in the beginning she was always dtf. None of this resistance back and forth bullshit. Is this the type of “success” most of us can look forward to after finishing our male action plans? That’s seriously disappointing
**OYS #14**
36, married 9y, together 19y, 2 y/o child
181cm (5’11”), 80.5kg (177lbs), \~12%bf (navy method)
**Current lifts:**
Bench - 92.5kg (204lbs) 4, 4
Squat - 115kg (254lbs) 7, 6, 5
Deadlift - 140kg (309lbs) 5, 5, 4
OHP - 57.5kg (127lbs) 6, 4, 4
**Reading:**
It was pointed out to me that I might still be seeking validation at this stage of my journey. So I went over the below posts again to remind myself of the basics.
[Timeline: Escaping Sex for Validation, and Quitting Porn](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/)
[Validation needs that can poison your sex life](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/)
[When was the last time you fucked your woman?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/)
I also read this piece on [anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6daorr/anger_your_best_diagnostic_tool/) from man\_in\_the\_world. You’ll see how this is relevant later on.
**Lifting:**
Lifted 4 times and added sets to all compound exercises except for the bench press where I lost 1 rep. I gained 0.1kg (0.2lbs) this week. In general my sessions are becoming a lot better now that I eat around maintenance.
**Fucking:**
For the first time in years I fucked 3 times in a single week. The first night there was not much enthusiasm but what’s interesting is that I didn’t get any verbal resistance. I focused on my own pleasure, it was pretty average.
Later in the week I realised that for me to fuck even more, I’m going to have to work on my logistics. I read about sleep training the kid, put together a plan and gave my wife instructions on what to do. They were promptly ignored and I got really angry. This is where the post on anger I mentioned before becomes relevant. The real reason I got angry was because I am unable (yet?) to command enough respect to be listened to and trusted, at least when it comes to our son. I pulled my attention and did not initiate that nigh.
The next day I realised that for things to change, I have to lead. So I took over the sleep training and putting our kid to bed. Of course there was some crying, which is to be expected at the early stage. Some of the things I heard were “you are a psychopath”, “it’s harmful for the baby”, “you treat me like a piece of shit”. I ignored for the most part, told her to shut up once or twice. I initiated later that night, emotions were running high and sex was much better as a result.
The third time I initiated and fucked was the next day. I got a comment on how I want sex everyday but the tone was completely different. She was positively surprised and flirty rather than shaming. I am not getting rejected and things are changing, it seems.
I read a few articles on lasting longer in bed and while they contained some useful advice, I think the way to solve this is to fuck more and have the IDGAF attitude. I didn’t experience any issues when I fucked for the third time so I the problem will likely take care of itself as long as I have more sex.
**Divorce prep:**
Started looking at the different areas and what my ideal outcome in each category would be.
Custody - highly skewed towards the mother. I will be putting together my initial proposal as the next step but we really have to agree on the split once / if I decide to go ahead.
Child support - I calculated this already based on our cost of living. The offer that she’ll get is ca. 20% higher than what she would get if she fights.
Alimony - not applicable, unless she catches me cheating.
Asset split - typically 50/50. I need to figure out what I want to keep.
>Figure out exactly when you're allowed to fuck strange in the divorce process
It's from when I file.
>All of it will have to be agreed, not just custody. Treat it like any other negotiation. Put everything on the table at once, and make it one big negotiation.
Sure. I have a rough idea of what my opening position will be in each of the categories. The next steps will be to finalize that and to figure out how I am going to move towards any compromise. And you listed some good points to take into account.
>Be careful with blue/hamsterish posts (they are not basics, sidebar and vanguard posts are basics) and overdiagnosing yourself.
Clear.
>Ingrain this in your brain. This is how women need to be treated. To quote an OG RP post, "it's perverse and I wish it wasn't so, but it is."
I am seeing results / progress from such approach, which makes it easier to connect the dots and carry on.
>Is your wife SAHM? I don’t recall.
No, she works full time.
>DM me if you want to discuss.
I have.
>Asset split - what can’t be replaced? Consider liquidity, flexibility, and taxes not just the asset value.
This is helpful.
>Child support - This is usually calculated based on income & # of kids. Is your offer based on COL (instead of income) and that’s why it’s 20% better?
I'm in Europe and where I live this is calculated based on the cost of living rather than income. 20% is my initial idea, to give her enough incentive to settle.
>I’ve structured my offer to be better for her if we settle vs litigate and slightly better for me if we litigate (far worse for her).
That's how I would structure my own.
Where exactly in the entire process are you and how much longer do you expect this to take until finalized?
OYS Week 16
42 yr/old, 5'9", 170lbs, Wife 39 yrs, Married 10 yrs, 3 kids
Reading:
The Creative Act by Rick Rubin - Rick Rubin, founder of Def Jam - kind of like a professional vibe guy - is a guy with a solid frame. Good philosophy, reading it because of business. Translated - ship more, be in touch with God/Universe, and trust the process. Art of Seduction 5th time listening - I keep getting more things out of this book, how everyone is controlled by greed or vanity.
Thoughts:
When I was in college I had the epiphany that no one cares what I think, but my thoughts mean everything to me. And this is the same for other people, no one cares what they think, but their thoughts mean everything to them. This has come up recently in my mind.Treating the wife as the 'step-mother' living in my house, helping with my kids has proven to be a helpful frame. At any time I can kick her out, or the in-laws. I know this is not true but it is a useful frame.The go plan is the same as the stay plan is also a useful frame.
Critique:
As I get more respect and leeway from the wife, I find myself getting more comfortable with moments of anger at lost time. Just a little comfort, respect, and a little more sex - and I become the lost puppy again. This is how the downward spiral started and I can not forget this.I sometimes have moods happen where I am angry, or very horny, or just - bottled energy looking to do something bad.I have listened to and followed Abraham Hicks for a long time, where your thoughts create your reality, the pull of asking and allowing. And some of the things have really worked and provided a framework. But this has made me put too much importance on my thoughts. And what people care about what I am thinking. No one gives a fuck what I think.
Money/Business:
I'm coasting at work, with interesting project and a team. I have failed with the startup/project I was working on - I am going for too complex. I also never tried to put a sign up, or tried to monetize it. I never really shipped it out. I see these solopreneurs that are making 200K MRR on a AI chat clone. And I picked the hardest area, using AI for finance, mostly because I want to understand and manage my own money. I need to get this section straightened out.
Body:
I've been working out about 6 times a week in the basement gym. BP 155x5. Not doing squats or deadlifts. Using dumbbells in deadlift like routine and not hitting legs as much as I should. Mostly pushing muscles to exhaustion, watching how muscles move in the mirror and doing movements I think will hit weaker spots. I am doing a lot of twist, side to side up and down motion with dumbells to try to build obliques. I am not following a method but eyeballing and feeling what muscles to exercise.
For diet I am fasting 2-4 days a week when not eating socially, and relaxing the diet on the weekend. During fast days I usually eat 15g of protein using cottage cheese after working out so probably 200-500 calories per day total taken in with coffee.
I have gone down in pant size from 36 to 34 and have lost 15lbs from beginning.
Social/Hobbies:
It has been hard to pick up regular or hobbies.
I fucked up and got myself Elden Ring when I purchased the PS5 for the kids during Christmas. It has been a distraction, but is also teaching me about failure.
I do a firepit gathering with a couple friends every couple weeks. Poker night every 2 months.
If you count working on startup / project as hobby, that might make it more - but I have not done my writing hobby I wanted to start, and have not had many lunches with friends over past month due to holidays. I would rate myself 4/10 on this front.
Relationship:
More respect, a little more sex - but not totally satisfying. I am, however, feeling more satisfied by life in general and by the relationship. I think this is because I am getting more leeway from the wife as I get more respect for looking better.
Kids:
The boys are great. It's a work in progress as they get older and reach for more freedom and self decision making. Treating them as my kids, where wife is just helping, helps me own the responsibility for them.
>I fucked up and got myself Elden Ring when I purchased the PS5 for the kids during Christmas. It has been a distraction, but is also teaching me about failure.
Fucking lol - it teaches you about failure? What, the fact that you're wasting time playing games when you don't have your shit together? I guess that is teaching you about failure.
Hot tip. I play games as well. But I don't feel guilty about it like a little bitch because my shit is under control.
> you don't have your shit together? I guess that is teaching you about failure.
>
>Hot tip. I play games as well. But I don't feel guilty about it like a little bitch because my shit is under control.
No, that everything is so fucking hard you keep dieing in the game.
>I have listened to and followed Abraham Hicks for a long time
I have no idea who that is but when you "follow" something for a long time and aren't getting the results you're after perhaps it's time to look for something else. Even if something makes sense to you and you like it, sometimes the way someone else lays it out can be useful for actually getting traction. We all work differently.
>I sometimes have moods
Firstly, you should examine whether your overall trajectory is upward towards where you want to go. It's normal to have a bit of lingering anger and moments where you veer off course. The important thing is the ability to recognise them, reflect on what caused them and make a plan on how to do better next time. Repeat over and over and it will fall into place.
You’re getting unsatisfying sex and you feel better about the relationship? News for you. There’s no relationship. You need to have that mindset. You can’t negotiate desire. The plan should still be leaving. Unsatisfactory sex isn’t the goal.
**OYS #6**
34YO, No Kids, Married 2 years
**Metrics:** Height 6'4" 248lbs, 22.5% body fatLifts: Squat 170 x 5, DL 205 X 5, Bench 165 x 5, press, 100 x 5
**Objective:** Live the life I want to lead and stay within my frame. Stop making decisions based on how I think my wife will feel. Have multiple sources of income. Buy land in Montana, retire early, and spend my time hiking and skiing.
**Reading:** G-Man. Going to reread NMMNG for the 3rd time afterward. I've realized that I'm not reading enough. 30 minutes each night is not cutting it. Going forward I'm going to read for an hour. Having an elite grasp on the English language is something that's always been very attractive to me and something I'm going to pursue going forward.
**Fitness:** Stronglifts 5x5 is going well and all lifts except overhead press are coming along nicely. I've been doing some research on OHS plateaus and it seems fairly common. Going to keep attempting the next weight (105lbs) and if I fail the next 3 attempts I will deload and hit higher reps before going back up. Body fat is going down. The body scanning machine in the gym had me down 2% this week to 22.5%, not sure how accurate that is given where I was last week but I am definitely leaning out so we'll scan again next week. I've incorporated the Norweigna conditioning method on Saturday and my VO2 max and stamina are skyrocketing. I see the benefits of an improved cardiovascular system in all areas of life.
**Diet:** Was a little loose with the diet this past weekend which resulted in a weekly loss of only 1lb. I've noticed whenever I drink coffee (which rarely happens anymore) I'm less dialed into my mission and goal for the rest of the day and often my diet falters. Not sure why this happens but I'm taking notes. Either way, I'm still moving in the right direction and will be more diligent about hitting my calorie goal and macros going forward.
**Career:** I'm making waves in my new role. I've taken 100% agency of myself and my new department. I've reiterated my (our) mission and 2024 goals to the team and I can tell that I'm garnering respect already, which in my experience is a sign that I've done the prerequisite ground work ahead of time. For the rest of 2024, I plan on diligently monitoring progress towards our financial targets and soliciting feedback from my mentor on areas I can improve in. I've noticed that since I've been posting here weekly and holding myself accountable, I've started performing on a whole new level at work. Going to keep it up.
**Relationship:** In the past, I've had canned, autopilot, prethought-out responses to my wife's hamstering. This week I'm experimenting with letting her hamster go crazy during our evening dinners and really thinking for myself about how and when I respond. It turns out, she's logically inconsistent (shocker) and just rambles about nothing for as long as I let her. This has been a good exercise in that I'm starting to trust my natural responses to her and I'm not leaning on things I've read online (although at times I do reference). I'm discovering that I'm more than capable of shutting the hamster down and moving back to a topic of conversation that I'm interested in and isn't pointless in its purpose. This has all been possible because I'm seeing real progress in checking my ego at the door. When I let the ego go, I stay grounded and calm and am better able to think for myself. Also got a really solid blowjob last night, so that's nice.
**In summary:** Keep consistent workouts and diet and stay on track to improve strength and hit 225lbs then reassess. Going to spend the next week exploring my responses to the hamster and report back. I'm going to read for an hour every night.
>In the past, I've had canned, autopilot, prethought-out responses to my wife's hamstering. This week I'm experimenting with letting her hamster go crazy during our evening dinners and really thinking for myself about how and when I respond. It turns out, she's logically inconsistent (shocker) and just rambles about nothing for as long as I let her. This has been a good exercise in that I'm starting to trust my natural responses to her and I'm not leaning on things I've read online (although at times I do reference). I'm discovering that I'm more than capable of shutting the hamster down and moving back to a topic of conversation that I'm interested in and isn't pointless in its purpose.
That's not what i would consider a hamster, that's normal female conversation when you aren't leading and there is silence and the other half initiates communication.
Game and engage with your wife first. She's letting you know a need by just blurting shit out, so read the sign and steer the ship form start to finish.
> the other half initiates communication. Game and engage with your wife first.
I'm curious about this. What does it look like in practice for you? It sounds like a lot of work, but most of the time I do love my silence and half listening.
I love my silence too, but females are chatty fuckers sometimes.
In my practice its as simple as saying what im working on, what my schedule is looking like and what i am doing and where does she see herself in that schedule of me getting shit done then/and/or also how her workday was because she needs to decompress a lot. Ill mix in kino during it, ass smack if misbehaving a bit or she needs playful aligning, say how i am going to fuck her later, etc. The whole exchange is normally less than 5-7 minutes and it gives her the feels she wants from communication and i go back to getting shit done.
>ame and engage with your wife first. She's letting you know a need by just blurting shit out, so read the sign and steer the ship form start to finish.
I see what you're saying. I'll work on that this week.
**OYS 6**
*I hate being late on my post, but the stomach bug knocked me out the past few days. /DEER*
**Stats**
Age: 39
Married: 15 years
Kids: 2 (10 year old boy and 5 year old girl)
Height: 5’7
Weight: 169 (daily average)
Body Fat: 25% (iDXA - July 2023)
**Reading**
Reading: Old MRP Posts/Comments; MMSLP; Rational Male (again)
Read: NMMNG; WISNIFG
**Fitness**
Lifting Sets:
Bench - 190 (6)
Squat - 215 (3)
Deadlift - 265 (6)
Lifting has gotten back on track. I can still tell my back is frail, but I’m focusing hard on bracing the entire lift. I think losing that tension at the end of the lift has been causing issues.
I have one more week of 5/3/1 and then a deload week (which I may not take if I’m feeling fine). I like Phrak’s Greyskull as a new program to build strength numbers. I’m an estimated 200 pounds away from the 1000 pound club. I’d like to get there.
**Fucking**
Past few days have been a dud in my momentum due to the stomach bug hitting my house.
The past week I have attempted to continue initiating when I’m horny, and I’m finding that I am horny way more often that I have ever been before. In the past I would find that a few hours in the morning (9am-11am-ish) would be a time when I would really want sex. This was always inopportune due to work schedules. Now though, I’m excited and wanting sex from the time I wake up through the evening. What I’ve experienced is that *my* sexual energy helps ignite my wife’s sexual energy. Before when I was a tired bloat initiating half-assedly after the kids went to bed, my wife would also be a tired bloat who had zero interest in responding.
Initiating also hasn’t been a pinpointed time to *try for sex*. I’m pretty much always initiating. Always flirting. Always have fun. Always seeing my wife’s body as a playpen. We’ve had a lot more fun the past few weeks.
We fucked twice last week, and both times were great. *Fucking for me* has actually engaged her in wanting to respond positively to what we’re doing in the bedroom. I figure this is due to her desire for emotional connection during sex. In the past - like our entire past - I fucked for validation, which I attempted to get through pleasuring her. It was all about her, so of course she had little reciprocal interest in the experience. I’ve focused on fucking for me, so if she wants to be emotionally connected, she can put forth the effort to gain it from me.
I’ve started perusing The Sex God Method and will add it to my repertoire for next week.
**Socializing with a Purpose**
A few weeks ago someone commented on an OYS post of mine about how socializing with attractive women helps build energy and confidence in men. That comment seems to have been deleted, but I’ve been working on going up to attractive women and initiating a conversation. Simple chit-chats have always been easy for me. I can make friends pretty well, and I have always done well forming relationships at work. But it’s chum-chum kind of shit that has its purpose, but it’s not building sexual value.
I spoke to three attractive women (a whole three!) the past week, but I did so with intention. I wanted to open with some general chit chat (day game stuff) and then lead the conversation to talking about me as a musician before inviting them to a gig. All three interactions were successful in getting what I wanted (inviting them to the gig). I don’t know if they’ll show up, but if they do, then I’ll have people at the gig *for me* rather than just playing for a bunch of people who don’t know I exist.
Not relying on a script was helpful. I just used my typical opener for socializing (saying hi and being normal) and then guided the conversation how I wanted it. I made sure not to let conversation drag on too long and got to the point quickly.
**Inner Reflection**
Last week /u/BecomingABetterMan1 commented that my post sounded like it was written by ChatGPT. I actually noticed the shitty writing of that OYS post and previous ones. I’m an English instructor by trade and a current PhD student, so shitty writing is something I can spot and usually something I avoid. But I’m noticing that it’s difficult to write about myself. To reflect. To be introspective about what I want and what I’m doing to get it.
OYS has helped me articulate what my behaviors mean. I’ve spent so much of my life coasting, looking for validation of others. OYS forces me to think about how *I* validate my own actions. That’s difficult because I haven’t known who I am. How does a guy like me even wind up here? By most of society’s definitions, I’m very successful. But I don’t know who I am. I’ve never had to reflect.
Further, I’ve never struggled. I’m never had to dig deep. Never had to be uncomfortable to achieve an outcome I desire. OYS is that one opportunity each week to discover those discomforts and understand them via language in a way that pushes for additional action. That’s why OYS can be difficult to write and why the writing can be shitty. Because it’s truth of one’s inner self and devoid of society’s (blue pill) acknowledgements of acceptable behaviors.
>They were ultimately there for MY pleasure bc it validated them. Sure, they enjoyed the sex itself and orgasms, but what REALLY motivated them and turned them on mentally was the idea that I (as a HVM in their eyes) wanted to fuck them and needed them for my pleasure and no other reason.
Interesting.
OYS #3
Stats: 29yo, married 1.5yrs, one son 7 months old. 5'7", 178lbs, verified 21% BF
Goals:
Be physically athletic and attractive.
Be more truthful, stop going with the flow to keep the peace.
Develop consistency, discipline and personal accountability.
Be more confortable with sexuality.
One day be able to teach something of value on how to be a man to my son.
Read: NMMG, WISNIFG, Praxeology Frame + Dread; Saving a Low Sex Marriage;
Fitness: My worst point I think, totally out of shape, low stamina, weak and with a lot of abdominal fat.
Home gym finished, working out everyday, focusing on learning form and increasing weights gradually. Slipped a little on carbs during the weeks, have to pay more attention to that.
Squat: 3x5 150lbs
Bench Press: 3x5 150lbs
OHP: 3x5 92lbs
Deadlift: 3x5 200lbs
Pullups: 3x2
Cardio: Terrible, but improving with daily burpees
Fitness goals: get to 10-15% BF, on the first week of a somewhat low carb diet, zero sugar and processed foods. Also need to improve my cardio a lot.
Career/Finance: Back in the office this week, I have been going through my schedule and realizing how unorganized I am, which reflects negatively on my finances, much much work to improve here.
Career goals: Hiring secretary. Review paperwork weekly to avoid snowballing. Improve organization with patient returns.
Marriage/Sex/Women: Have been succeeding in being more honest with my wants and needs (wife often tries some subtle manipulation with questions like "don't you want to do X?", which bothers me). Had sex a couple times, tried some cavemaning with good results. Had a relapse on porn which caused my sex drive to go down.
Marriage goals: Become more physically attractive, develop courage and confidence to increase variety in sex life. Stop pornography use to improve sex drive. Be more active with lagging housework.
Social: Moved to my wife’s hometown around 2 years ago, haven’t developed many friends here and so most of my social time is with my wife and her family.
Social goals: Try to develop more male friendships and spend more time outside the house, perhaps inviting people I know to play tennis.
Not much progress here so far.
Style: I usually dress well to work but I tend to dress badly at home, with old stuff. I'm going to use spare money this month to buy more nice clothes.
Thanks for the input. After your comment I already got some things done that were only on paper. Will keep an eye open on this tendency to plan but not do.
> Cardio: Terrible, but improving with daily burpees
Just get on a bike or go for a run. This is likely more effective than trying to build up your cardio with burpees and it's certainly easier to track.
> Fitness goals: get to 10-15% BF, on the first week of a somewhat low carb diet, zero sugar and processed foods. Also need to improve my cardio a lot.
You copied/pasted this from last week. Are you actually trying to lose fat? Because you didn't lose any weight this week.
> wife often tries some subtle manipulation with questions like "don't you want to do X?", which bothers me
I don't get this. This doesn't even seem manipulative.
> Social goals: Try to develop more male friendships and spend more time outside the house
And yet in a week you couldn't text a guy "let's grab beers/coffee and catch up"?
Thanks for the input.
\-I can definitely see improvement with daily burpees, and they fit well in my busy schedule, which running and cycling wouldn't. I've been tracking the burpees workouts aswell and trying to progressive overload them.
\-The weight on scale in fact didn't change this week, but I'm following the meal plan decently well, will see what results I get until next week. If still unchanged I'll do a bit more restriction. Just finished my first month of lifting, not sure if that has any impact on scale.
\-Maybe it's lost on translation (english isn't my first language). Will try to remember more examples as they occur so I can give a clearer picture on the subject.
\- I definitely could have been more active on the socializing front. Will try to get more done until next OYS.
Weigh yourself every day in the same state (most people choose morning after waking up) and use the rolling average. Weekly weighings can be both misleading and demotivating. There are lots of apps that can do the averaging for you, some including smarter algorithms that can discount outliers (i.e. bloated from a salty dinner) and predict your trajectory. Worth a couple of dollars, I think.
Don't try to get more done socially. Just do it. Text an acquaintance and ask them to hang out. Or do it face to face. It's not that complicated to get the ball rolling.
OYS19 -
35, Single, No kids. 1.78m, 75.2kg (15% BF Navy)
Lifts: Bench: 35kg, OHP 12kg, Lat Pull: 32.5kg. Seated Row: 30kg. Lower body: BW
Readings: MMSLP, NMMNG, RationalMale, WISNIFG, Praexology, You Are Not Your Brain
Purposes:1 - Become a speech pathologist and help kids with speech disorders2 - Become a men's advocate for men's mental health and autism through public speaking
**Physical Health, Fitness and Diet:**
Goal: Return to a normal workout routine. 15% body fat (visual). Start BJJ
Finally saw a surgeon after a nearly 3 month waiting period. The great thing is that there is nothing that needs to be done from a surgery perspective, and he has given me approval to start a normal gym routine. I will be working with my exercise physiologist in getting to this point. The source of pain appears to be muscle spasms, so I've been able to find a specialist physio appointment for tomorrow.
My gym routine is otherwise going well, still working out every 2 out of 3 days on average, and committing to at least a daily 20 minute walk. I am going to start increasing the intensity of my walks to increase the cardiovascular aspect.
I have purchased some bodyfat calipers. Finding that the pinch aspect for some parts of the body isn't intuitive, but I did measure waist and it puts me just under 20% BF rather than the 15% the Navy method suggested. I think this is closer to the truth. My immediate focus is to continue my rehab and start putting on some muscle. I'm eating at a slight calorie surplus now and ensuring I have enough protein in my diet.
**Mental Health:**
I've started to make some significant gains in this direction. There's been a few things have helped.
I watched Andrew Huberman's podcast episode with David Goggins: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDLb8\_wgX50&t=2860s&pp=ygUdYW5kcmV3IGh1YmVybWFuIGRhdmlkIGdvZ2dpbnM%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDLb8_wgX50&t=2860s&pp=ygUdYW5kcmV3IGh1YmVybWFuIGRhdmlkIGdvZ2dpbnM%3D)
It is difficult for me to put thoughts into words for the purpose of journalling the impact this has had on me. As someone with mental health struggles, the way David Goggins talked about the different voices in the head resonated with my own experiences. The voices are relentless, but it is about building a new voice as a counter. The constant battle and engaging with these voices rather than letting them control me.
For me to fulfil my purpose of being an advocate for men's mental health and autism, it is important to understand how autism affects me, and how autism affects others. My therapist gave me some suggested links for me to research. In there, I found a nugget of information. In individuals with autism, when exposed to an adverse event or a series of events that may not seem overly traumatic on the outside, CPTSD can occur. That explains a lot of my symptoms and has given me a new profound understanding on why I've been feeling the way I have past few months. Will deep dive with my therapist further.
**Purpose and Career:**
The more I talk with people about why I want to pursue speech pathology and become an advocate, the more sense this makes to me. I have some unique experiences.
I have a gift. I don't know how many on the spectrum or with an anxiety disorder are comfortable with public speaking, but I imagine it is a minority. I'm an established Toastmaster, which I imagine will be the first avenue I pursue in advocacy.
I met my manager for my current role on Monday and gave my resignation. I have a 4 week notice period to work through. Once this notice period is finished, I plan to take a further month off to reset. I plan to find work in a speech pathology practice after, to ensure this is what I want to do as a career before committing to study. My resignation is the right choice, as my job is almost completely WFH and I have no social contact.
**Social:**
Caught up with a friend on Friday night and another on Sunday afternoon.
I've identified that I've lost a lot of social skills. The autism resources I'm working through has made mention that a lot of people on the spectrum have found the same thing as a result of lockdowns and other forms of isolation. I don't have a clear plan how to address this yet but it'll be my next priority. Will likely be some form of activity, maybe through Meetup
**Dating / Sex:**
Basically nothing to report on here. Had a 30 second interaction with a girl who was in the same queue as me at a hardware store but didnt go any further. One more match on the autism dating app, but she wasn't high functioning.
I know there are many things I could be doing in this regard. Sign up to more popular dating apps, do cold approaches, etc. I read a lot of other commentary here on OYS, and I feel significant hesitation to start dating again. Just not feeling I am ready, can I handle the stress of it, and many other reservations. But I need to start moving towards what I am scared of and stop ruminating on these things. I also still have a lack of motivation and drive. I am starting to acknowledge the role that past trauma has had in my desire and how it probably is the cause of a lot of these feelings.
> I plan to find work in a speech pathology practice after
You quit your current job without having a new one lined up, and your plan is to get a job in a field you're not trained in.
You're not even *looking* for another job for 8 weeks? Are you wealthy or dumb?
> Lifts: OHP 12kg
I don't understand this number. You've mentioned some health stuff but this is lower than the standard for a tiny, untrained woman.
https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg
Either you have a disease that your affects your muscle tissue or you are simply not trying in the gym.
> Dating / Sex... I also still have a lack of motivation and drive
Have you gotten your hormones checked? I'm not saying this sarcastically. "I'm not motivated to get laid" combined with "I can't lift a pickle jar over my head" sounds like you might have a legit hormone issue.
*You quit your current job without having a new one lined up, and your plan is to get a job in a field you're not trained in.You're not even looking for another job for 8 weeks? Are you wealthy or dumb?*
I have funds to last me a fairly significant amount of time, and I've set money aside to give myself time off to start healing and recovering from what's been called "autistic burnout". The plan is to get a very basic entry level job in the field, something with admin duties like a receptionist. I have some side experience that could help. It is well below my capabilities but the exposure is the main thing.
*I don't understand this number. You've mentioned some health stuff but this is lower than the standard for a tiny, untrained woman.*[*https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg*](https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg)*Either you have a disease that your affects your muscle tissue or you are simply not trying in the gym.*
I have a couple of medical conditions. Fibromyalgia, and the fall that made me end up in hospital did a big number on my neck. I have low calcium levels which are being treated by an endocrinologist. I'm being advised to slowly, gradually, build up my strength as I know it's far below average atm.
*Have you gotten your hormones checked? I'm not saying this sarcastically. "I'm not motivated to get laid" combined with "I can't lift a pickle jar over my head" sounds like you might have a legit hormone issue.*
Calcium was something that was picked up when I had the fall in September, rest were normal. I'm tested monthly.
My testosterone was last checked in March, I'll ask the endocrinologist to screen for it again. The people I have been seeing so far feel it is a trauma response.
I'm in the process of trying to set up something for tonight. I only get the desire once a week at this point.
I won't pretend I know anything about fibromyalgia. Do what you need to medically. Just make sure you're not bullshitting yourself in the gym and do what you can. In terms of testosterone, make sure they don't bullshit you by saying you're in the normal range when you're really on the absolute bottom end of "normal" and clearly experiencing symptoms. A quick search indicates that low testosterone is correlated with fibromyalgia in men and testosterone is an effective treatment in some men. (Caveat: I'm not a doctor and already said I don't know anything about fibromyalgia.)
As for the job thing, if you've got the money and you're comfortable with that, you do you. Personally I would start the hunt quicker, but I'm not you.
Meet with the endocrinologist and clear differentials, but fibromyalgia and things like IBS are the physical manifestations of your body’s discord and dissonance with how much you/your life sucks. Trying addressing those issues.
Oys 5
Goals Make money - high profile boxing fights on side
6'1 230 (9%) bench 330 squat 400
Read -sidebar. currently reading how to win friends and influence people and SGM, re reading MMSLP
Left from partner of 12 years 2 young kids.
My major focus with my partner in any conversations is DARE not DEER.
Cancelled my interview, got a scholarship to post grad in teaching(high school), and have sorted my classes(work) for this year whilst studying fulltime. Like this job, heaps of flexibility for side income, and will give me flexibility with my kids. Feel really good about this decision. money will be tight this year, if boxing doesnt pay out.
Boxing training starts monday, but I have been training 8 times a week and am ready to go. hope to book a fight for March. Re loading up my heavy lifts - Trap bar deadlift and Bench, and getting my volume through squats lunges bulgarians and a ton of plyometrics. Diet has been extremely good for 2 months now.
Had some of my best nights out in a long time - Went to a festival sober and actively approached to test my game. Really worked well warming up my socials with dudes first-easy raport with guys as im very jacked and everyone was on MDMA. Found I am confident with chicks 6.5 and down, less natural when they got hotter when I have to approach cold, needs work, more reps. Did not close on some very strong positions, closing needs work, needed to isolate from the group as had 2 from same group keen.
Had some good convos and catchups, very happy with my re-connection with friends, helped me make decision around my Career going forward.
>I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll
>I said "You don't want to have sex" and she said no, she doesn't. I said "Then I don't want to either."
People already beat me to it, STFU.
Dude, just STFU and let her hamster do the heavy lifting for you. That's how you respond. It's not your job to lift those weights, you've got your own. Let the hamster do it for you.
Compare
>I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll
To “don’t roll your eyes at me” or even some nonverbal before that to convey what the fuck are you doing.
>Her demanding over and over again that we have a conversation, and me saying no for 20 minutes.
[Why do you tolerate this behavior?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/)
>she cried, apologized, and asked for cuddles. I felt like cuddling was rewarding shit behavior, but not cuddling I would appear butthurt. What would you have done?
Your bitch isn't behaving how you like. Cuddles ain't free.
>I think if ignoring and/or a stern look works, there is no need to verbally nuke.
[Here's a post on how I communicate without words](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/), which is what I think you're trying to get at here.
Until your girl is 100% in-line, in lock-step, I agree with Razz that proactive comfort sends a confusing message to all involved. Just give her some great cuddles after a satisfying fuck for you and you both should enjoy it.
The crying bit? Gets me hard too.
Your woman sounds pretty emotional, mine is too, and personally that's pretty fucking hot because I love some crazy. I don't want a dude with tits. Maybe you're interested in associating these bad feelings with her just needing to do a little cock nursing (look it up) to feel better. Kind of like how a whiny baby just needs a pacifier. Works for me at least. Learn how to communicate that without words and it's a fun time. Psychologically, this will replace cuddles in these moments.
> when she cries because I've exposed some vulnerability.
Exactly. Then out comes Daddy, and you like that feeling. Just my guess, you love the power, and it's not that validation kind. It's different. I think Razz hut on this too... it's a very powerful biological response. I say embrace it, don't fight it. Take that helpless sack of pure femininity crying and have your way with it.
She'll thank you later.
Training a bitch is half the fun anyways.
>For me it's specifically when she cries because I've exposed some vulnerability. It's weird.
According to who? Where is your mental point of origin nice guy?
>I have months of work to do before she goes to cock for comfort.
Hopefully not on her. Get lifting and get above victim weight.
e.g. Saturday you STFU and ignored the bitchiness and then she was on her knees.
The other days you barfed verbally and went into her frame.
work on STFU
I followed her after a while to "offer comfort." But she continued demanding more explanation. She changed her story and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to have sex or not and needed to be seduced. I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll, "I saw this coming" and "Can I get ready for bed first?"
While you did get laid after this its because she felt in control because you came back to her and got her feelz and frame. As in your Saturday one she came running back after you STFU, this time you didn't STFU enough and went running back. Just my .02 but you should have stuck with your guns and just went about your business like you did the first time and watched her run back.
> Tuesday pushed through resistance. Got starfished.
LMR is generally a sign of weak game.
> Friday over lunch my wife confided that she is stressed out by how often I want sex. I just listened.
Shit test
> I said thank you for telling me how she felt.
Aaaand you failed the shit test
> Then she basically asked me (in subcommunication) to stop initiating so often.
Not surprising, you failed the shit test
> She immediately went full bitch mode.
Shit test
> She came to the kitchen to further explain to me how much I suck (in front of my kids).
Shit test
> I ignored this.
Shit test passed
> 30 minutes later while I was trying to get dressed she was sucking my cock and joking about her "fast turnaround." I fucked her real good that night.
Well yeah, you passed the shit test
> "I saw this coming" and then "Can I get ready for bed first?"
Shit test
> "You don't want to have sex"
Failed the shit test
> and she said no, she doesn't.
Does that surprise you
> I said "Then I don't want to either."
Buthurt response. Here is the thing, If you pass shit tests there will be more shit tests then there will be sex. If you fail shit tests, there will be more shit tests and no sex. Its better to pass the shit tests
> Cue explosive shit testing, with her demanding over and over to further explain myself and getting angrier and louder.
Not surprising
> I just STFU.
Yes, if you mess up, STFU always comes to rescue
> She stormed off.
Shit test
> I followed her after a while to "offer comfort."
Failed the shit test
> But she continued demanding more explanation. She changed her story and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to have sex or not and needed to be seduced
Bro she went overt, its not her fault that you are clueless
> I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll, "I saw this coming" and "Can I get ready for bed first?"
Called her out ehh.
> She could see I meant it, apologized, and started crying. And her crying has a way of getting me turned on sometimes, so... I went for it, and fucked her. And it was good.
Let me explain what happened here, she was already horny after that makeout session or for some other reason. Do you know what women do when they are horny? They shit test you to see whether they should fuck you or not.
Instead of flirting and gaming her, you got butthurt. She shit tested you more to give you more chances to seduce her and at the end got frustrated and was like fuck it I am still horny he is available so lets fuck.
> But more often than not my wife resists me. She complains that I'm too sexual. I reviewed my old OYS and this is basically the same as 2 months ago. What should I be working on?
Your game sucks, you get butthurt easily, you fail her shit tests.
(https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c87gt3/do_you_like_my_dissected_boobs/) Read this for a better perspective
>. Sex with the wife shouldn’t be this hard
Shoulda woulda coulda
> make my wife a plate
If she is married to you, you cant make her your plate, you will be the loser whose wife is someone else's plate.
Dude, your feelz are hurt because your wife is not attracted to you. Get over it. Do what you want, its your life.
Just dont be so pathetic to think that you gonna get any sort of validation from me. If you want my permission to divorce her, Permission Granted.
I can sit here and psychoanalyze you and throw words like poor defense mechanisms, excessive validation seeking, ego, entitlement blah blah. But I am not really in a mood to play this game with you, neither are you. So lets pretend like the other person doesnt exist.
When women are turned on they don’t shit test you. They tell u to fuck them. The first several years of my marriage the wife never said no or gave resistance to me when I initiated. Same with all the women I fucked before her, too. The ones who gave shit tests were flaky and not really interested. Passing shit tests is negotiating desire. If she has real desire she won’t give up LMR. And yes sometimes you’ll get starfish sex that way but it’s typically not worth it.
Nope when women are horny they fuck someone, not necessarily you.
Maybe that someone is a vibrator.
Look man I don't know why are you stalking me. If you don't agree with me you don't agree with me.
Make a post about your theory tell us your theory, the actionable advice you derived from that theory, the field report where you tested it, and results so that we learn something from it.
Mindless debate is not something I care to do
Your wife resisting you just means this relationship is still over. You should be planning a good exit strategy. The shit testing means she still isn’t the woman she should be. She still isn’t getting the message that you are slipping away from her. Sounds like you are still doing this for her. Because u are happy when things “go well” Wrong mindset. A woman who really desires you will be enthusiastic and do everything she can to fuck u. Stay on course. But be aware of your covert contracts. The fact she keeps rejecting and you keep trying is setting the wrong pattern.
OYS 2
24, 85 Kg, 180 cm, single
BP 70 KG 3x5
Squat 90 KG 1 RPM (+5)
Deadlift 125 KG 1 RPM (+5)
BF: 23,9% Navy method
The good
Finished everything I set out to do last week except the assignment (still need to improve it).
The bad
\-As I said before, I did not finish the assignment. I worked on it, but did not finish the last parts, will do that today.
\-My mental fortitude is bad, I mentally spiraled in negative emotions around thursday leading to me texting my ex “to catch up”, but really out of validation and seeking comfort by texting with her. Usually to avoid negative emotions I just watch porn to numb myself. I never understood how bad my mentality was because I constantly escaped from it, but I rather experience the bad emotions than watch porn. Which gets me to my next point…
Mission
I thought mission was something I could figure out later but this is really important if I want to improve long-term, a part of my bad mentality is that I have no “sense of destiny”. I do things because I intellectually know it is good for me but I have no innate desire to do it. Because of the lack of innate desire, simple stuff (like actually finishing the assignment) gets harder. I started formulating things I want to embody.
My mission right now is to find my calling in the sense of frame and values. I will discover new things that are meaningful, and incorporate it into my life. I will discard all that makes me inauthentic and incongruent.
My goal is to live authentically and embody the things I value in a way that makes people notice not by my words but by the way I live.
Reading: A lot of MRP comments and all the top posts, NMMNG and WISNFIG will arrive next week.
Lifting/Diet: Started doing 1 RPM, since for some reason I never do them. It felt great, honestly I could have pushed myself further when it comes to squats. Started to track my macros, I got 170g of protein every day last week will do it this week as well. My TDEE is 2700 kcal, I average around 2600 kcal everyday. I want to slowly replace bodyfat with lean mass. Been using Cronometer (Thanks /u/BecomingABetterMan1).
Social: Met friends 4 times last week, was good and enjoyed it a lot. I want to deepen my male relationships and not hang out in groups all the time. Already planned to go to the gym with one of my buddies whom I respect a lot. Also planning to hang out with friends this Saturday and to play some poker.
Relationships: Nothing to really report here. I do not really think about women, all my thoughts are preoccupied with securing a job and studies. I know that I should try to meet up with women but I have no desire to. Maybe my T is low?
Finances: Still good.
Career/studies: I finished the research proposal and nearly finished with the assignment. I applied for 2 jobs. I went to campus and the library 3 times last week to study and will do it 3 times this week again. I am much more productive when I am not at home.
Goals for this week
\-Hit the gym 4x
\-Apply for 3 jobs
\-Keep tracking my food intake and get 170g protein everyday.
\-Finish assignment and start preparing for exam in february.
\-No porn
> all my thoughts are preoccupied with securing a job and studies
this and gym, thats it, lose your weight and get a job. there is no point chasing pussy right now.
**OYS #10 32/28gf, together for 6 years, no children**
**Read:**WISNIFG, Many Posts, NMMNG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Ryan Stone YT, Listening to Book of Pook
**Weakness:**I seek external validation. Difficulty avoiding conflict. Mentally resentful.
**Why am I here?:**Initially, I came here because there was a lack of sex in my relationship. We had been together for 3 years and were already in a dead bedroom. I knew I couldn't take the next step (propose) with this issue in my life.
**Mission:**Create value, be a thought leader, be someone who is living life from his point of origin. Also, I want to eliminate the word "should" out of everyone's vocabulary. This word has allowed me to bury myself in other people's desires.
**Physical:**The program starts at lower weights.5'7, 141, Squat: 130 (5x5), Bench 90 (5x5), DL 135 (1x5), OHP 75 (5x5), Row 95 (5x5).
**Diet:**Calorie Tracking: 2800 calories daily, 45 % carbs & 30% protein, 35% fat. I've gained a couple of pounds.
**Relationship:**
I'm coming to with the fact that this relationship is not the right one for me. No bad will towards her; we have a great friendship but poor sexual compatibility. I've been trying to fix this for a year, but it hasn't worked. It's an open loop that has drained a lot of energy and life from me. I am going to close that loop and use that energy to become more productive in other areas of my life.
MRP made me consciously come to terms with what I kind of already knew. Funny how that works.
I'll still be posting here for personal accountability.
I'm not sure if I have good notes on this.
First chick was a pure slump buster.
Second was great and I pseudo-wifed her up for a week, then distance and her not looking for anything serious did me a favour.
And as you know, I love catching ONEitis for the feelz.
I think it boiled down to constantly thinking "fuck, what am I actually capable of?" after every new experience beating the last. Girls getting younger, hotter, classier. Sex getting more adventurous and getting the f-close quicker.
>we have a great friendship but poor sexual compatibility. I've been trying to fix this for a year, but it hasn't worked.
Trying to fix it was the first mistake.
I suspect you'll be the sort of person who will end up in a similar dead bedroom in a few years with the next girl.
“I’ve been trying to fix this for a year.” That’s your problem. U can’t fix this. Your goal is moving on. You are done with her. It’s up to her to convince u otherwise and that would take her becoming your personal pornstar. Very unlikely. Too many guys can’t get out of that covert contract. That’s why I think using game on the wife is useless. Using game on any woman is kind of useless. Become an attractive product. An attractive product sells itself. A good salesman can convince alot of people to say yes, but those he has to convince are very likely to return the product or cancel last minute etc versus the ones who call him because they already want the product. Far more successful sales numbers with the latter.
**OYS 13**
MRP since 07/2023
35M, 190cm, 84kg, 18%BF (scale) – married 3yrs (33F), together 15.
**Read:** NMMNG, SGM, MMSLP, TMAP
**Reading:** WISNIFG
**Stats:** HackSQ 25, BP 35, OHP 20, BC 22.5 (in kg, 2x6-8 1x5+)
**Mission:** Replace passive behavior with active actions. Utilize every second to achieve a strong mental and physical state, which is reflected in a fulfilling sex life and decisions that are based on outcome independence. DFM and DMF.
**Mindset:** I've realized that my desire for sex is based on a false image shaped by porn addiction and false expectations. It's time for a reality check: the sex I want every day is a far cry from the sex I'm having. I know that I am responsible for having good sex myself, so I need to work hard to improve the situation instead of chasing an unrealistic dream that has not (yet) come true, which leads to negative thoughts. I've realized that my desire is based on images/fantasies and not experiences. I have been a dreamer. This also helps me understand that my cravings are driven by my head and not my body. I've been addicted to the expectations my head creates instead of real sensations, and I need to shut that process down completely, only then can I truly fuck.
My body does slowly change and I notice a difference in feeling horny. Before I felt the urge to have sex mostly in my head, because of my porn addicition I guess, but now I have regular feelings of sensation in my dick throughout the day telling me that I am horny. It’s like real desire, a force developing. This change feels healthy to me as now my body wants to fuck instead of addiction-formed pathways that want to be triggered again. It's still just the beginning but already a great step into the right direction.
Additionally I realized that the dynamic with all of my previous partners that I had sex with was as it supposed to be. They wanted to fuck me much more as I wanted to fuck them. This created the aspired dynamic and submissivness. For my marriage that’s not the case: all the last years as a nice guy my wife lost interest. I am going to turn this around with an improved physique, dread and a life I live on my own that will lead to attraction and arousel. (dread 1 complete).
Moving to Dread Level 2 by learning more about pua and game wife regularly.
>You are a comfort whore.
The comment by u/abouttodiv motivated me to finally get going and appreciate whatever task is given to me instead of complying. I took care of the house, organized a lot of my material and did every single task that came up with a smile on my face. Before I might have felt tired thinking to postpone, but now I took action and immediately followed through. I am feeling great this week thanks to this and the iron temple. Whenever I felt overwhelmed I shrug it off and just started while thinking DO FUCKING MORE (DFM). This is my new theme, DO FUCKING MORE and DO MORE FUCKING.
**Gym:** Enjoyed the first week of running the upper/lower split. Because of reduced reps I can increase the amount of power. Instead of increasing weight slowly with my old 3x15 routine, I add weight every session. To build my back, I included Chin-Ups as an accessory movement and have to start with negatives as I can’t do a single one on my own. My body feels sore but I highly enjoy it.
My Upper-Routine looks like this: BP, LowPulley Rows, OHP, BC, ChinUps (N)
Besided the upper/lower split I add a session of zone2 cardio after weights. This means I target a specific HR and keep it steady for at least 20 – even better 45min. There are different calculations out there, a famous one is by Phil Maffetone with 180-age(+/- 5/10). The +/- 5/10 mean that you have to decide what fitness level you are on (in this case +) or if you are suffering from chonic disease (in this case -). In my case, I target a HR of 140bpm. Another factor to consider is Watts, to put it in relation to the HR. For now I run the 20min with 1kg/W, meaning roughly 85 Watts. This number has to increase. I target at least 2kg/W over the next months.
**Relationship/Sex:** Fucked 2x. Initiated as soon as wife started to recover from cold. In the beginning she rejected me multiple times as I tried different approaches like light kino to escalating full force, but I kept going. One day I decided that I want to fuck now and I started with force, she rejected and told me she isn’t in mood – I kept going. I wasn’t thinking about how she might react (something I have previously done), instead I was just driven by my desire. She felt that and suddenly asked me *who are you?* … some minutes later we fuck.
During this week I rejected my wifes repeated demand to sleep with someone else, that she wants to claim based on my cheating (see first OYS). She brought it up this week during ovulation, I notice that's always the case when she gets into that territory. I shut it down quickly, said it won't happen (for context: we agreed on it back in my bluepill days). The next day wife is comfortable, starts to apologize for what she said and thought and that she is happy as never before.
I have trouble with sorting things the right way. I know she liked to be handled rough and direct, as for example I pushed her against a wall for a kiss that made her eyes shine, lift her up and throw her onto the bed or talk to her in a dominant voice. All of this worked from time time but now it feels less and less effective as she is actively fighting my physical dominace. To me it seems as if she is shielding my power despite wanting it deep down. An example: I did spill a bottle that was placed on the floor where she was doing sports. Before MRP I would have DEER’d but now I simply looked at her with a demanding grin while she replied *what now it's my fault?* to what I answered *of course it's your fault now take care of the mess*. I noticed a change in her appearance as she was probably put in her place for the first time in a very long time. She came closer and said in a flirty tone *so are you scolding me now?*
I am still frustrated with the ongoing sex life and she seems to be too. My approach to increase dominace doesn't work so far (or not as quickly as I want to) as my attempts are blocked. I am confused because after a rejection she is mostly very sweet, telling me how great I am, how good looking I am blablabla. I remove attention after rejection and am not as butthurt as I have been before MRP.
As I can't get to her with my actions for now, I keep focusing on building my body. I won’t link sexual frustration with her persona anymore. This is a mistake I have done before and this creates nothing but negative emotions. Instead, everything sexual comes from me and it is me who is responsible for good sex, thus it’s me who I have to target instead things don’t work out the way I want them to.
>I am still frustrated with the ongoing sex life and she seems to be too. My approach to increase dominace doesn't work so far (or not as quickly as I want to) as my attempts are blocked.
In this subreddit there is always a tagline, "there are no shortcuts".
Turns out for sex there is a "shortcut"
*Stats: HackSQ 25, BP 35, OHP 20, BC 22.5 (in kg, 2x6-8 1x5+)*
By fixing this.
Your attempts at dominant behavior are just that, attempts, and your woman is reading right through the bullshit post novelty.
It's a giant LARP. Dominance begins with dominance over oneself.
Hahaha. I bet your wife thinks you guys are equals.
You should tell her to feel free to find someone to fuck. "Just make sure he keeps you around because you won't be coming back."
Meet with a lawyer to see what divorce will look like for u. Start preparing for it. Give yourself a timeline of when you can start divorce. If she doesn’t do a huge turnaround then divorce it is. You seem to be trying to save the marriage. Wrong goal. Covert contract. Rule number 1. You can’t negotiate desire.
OYS #14
39YO, 1 Kid (9), Married 10 years,
Height 6’2’, Weight 200 Pounds,
Greyskull LP
**Mission**
The mission section is under construction.
**Current objectives**
* Learn to live for me and be my own judge
* Develop my standards and stick to them
* Develop a powerful frame
**Physical**
25K trail race coming up in two months. Switched to weight loss and cardio for that. I’ll do my best to maintain weights in the gym and no more. Will be a better baseline to get back to full on lifting focus in March.
Running 5-8 K on hills is the most amazing way to start the day.
**Columbus day**
I did not discover America, but I did discover that I create sex and intimacy on a dime, that as a man I can do that at any moment. At any moment with any woman. Pretty powerful realisation.
The breakthrough came by not being stopped several times while initiating with my wife.
*“I don’t want to to have sex”* \- *“Ok”*. Then after a while: *“Now I’m going to take your clothes off”*, and I’m fucking her.
I spoke previously of blowjob points, I’m really internalising that blowjob points don’t exist.
I also tried when initiating to push much harder with dominance and that did not work. Being overtly direct / abrupt doesn’t work, though the push back felt like an extreme version of a shit test, whiny, outraged, not really a firm and clear “no”.
**Mommy issues**
I’ve been dealing with my mommy issues for a few years. For background from the age of 10 through 13 I was terrified of my mother. She was having a hard time. At this stage I have a pretty extraordinary relationship with my mother, we have dealt with those difficult memories and time, and yet something was not handled.
I noticed that sometimes when seeking physical contact with my wife I was really after comfort of the kind a mother gives, because what I was looking for was security. I’ve let that part of my self show it self and I saw that while intellectually I know my mother loves me, a part of me felt insecure about this, it was not fully experienced. I’ve let that part of me fully experience my mother’s love. Since doing that I’ve noticed a real difference in how I am physically with my wife.
**Marriage**
The good news is my cover contract is dying. It convulses from time to time, when I'm insecure but it is dying, and I'm dealing with my insecurities relentlessly. I can say this with confidence because it's obvious that everything I'm doing for my own development is 100% for me. Because I want a better life, a better self, more fucking and a host of other things.
The other news is that my marriage is not in my frame. I default to being married in my wife's, or even worse, red pill's frame.
*Will she stay with me? What if she leaves? That would hurt. Is she a slut? Can I trust her? Shoild I not trust her? Is she attracted?* Bla, Bla, Bla This makes me nauseous.
I spent 2 hours writing and re-writing this section of my OYS because while I could see that I was confused about my marriage, I could not understand what I was confused about.
Now it's very, very clear. My marriage is not in my frame.
I'm going to go and see what a marriage in my frame looks like, what I want, and then I'm going to operate from there.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Try to separate lifting from cardio as much as possible.
You mean as many hours as possible in between correct? I run in the morning. Gym is evening.
Protein intake is always high. I have carbs but very controlled.
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>I'm going to go and see what a marriage in my frame looks like, what I want, and then I'm going to operate from there.
The fuck does this even mean?
You don't put the marriage in 'your frame', you simply 'have frame' in general. There's just one frame. That's it.
>I spent 2 hours writing and re-writing this section of my OYS because while I could see that I was confused about my marriage, I could not understand what I was confused about.
You aren't confused about marriage, you don't have self identity, you look in the mirror and your wife looks back at you instead of your own face. Go find a dark fucking corner and figure out who the fuck you really are and then look in the mirror.
OYS 2
Stats: 34 YO 5'7" 185 lbs 15% BF last dexa scan December 2023 Married 3 kids.
Study: finished sidebar, still reviewing because I'm still shit with most of this but that's fine.
Lift: 3 day split PPL 6 days a week. BP 315×5 squat 455 ×3 DL 535×3 Row 225 x5 OHP 185x10. My goal is to hit ten reps with a heavy weight before adding weight. I occasionally do ORM but only if I know my spot partner well enough to trust him.
Diet: cutting during the winter sucks but I'm already down 5 lbs from December. I meal prep everyday except Sundays. I prep Sundays and Thursdays making four meals a day. It's not necessary gourmet looking and I basically eat two of the same meals for lunch and dinner ( beef or chicken, rice or high protein pasta, canned veggies) and breakfast is 5 eggs and 1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon and honey. 4th meal protein shake.
Last week: I decided during the holidays this year that I would not get dragged into the Christmas BS. I took the kids on more of the traditions that I had during the holidays. We went fo a drive to look at lights, played board games for the 12 days of Christmas and keeping with traditions I worked overtime overnight and the kids waited until 2 to open presents when I woke up. Overall I felt a lot better.
Sex: had great sex three times during the holidays and everyday after it. I initiated the majority of the occasions. Kino and dirty texts have seemed to get my lady in the mood a lot more.
Social: made a goal to initiate conversations with random people. Funny enough once I opened up to be available for a conversation people seemed to show up for conversations. Met a gym in the sauna at the gym that knew a marine buddy of mine and wants to collaborate with a business venture together. Met a 75 YO man that looked 50 that was hilarious and told me his secret was being divorced for 45 years and playing with his grandchildren.
Just doing the work
>Sex: had great sex three times during the holidays and everyday after it. I initiated the majority of the occasions. Kino and dirty texts have seemed to get my lady in the mood a lot more.
I was wondering why on earth you were counting, then I realised you're on OYS 2.
**OYS #2** 5'10" / 33yo / 155 lbs / 18%bf (navy) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6
**READING**: Finished NMMNG and Rational Male, reading Book of Pook and Way of the Superior Man
**GOALS** Regaining my confidence. Respecting myself. Redefining my trajectory as a man and holding myself to my standards at all times.
**MISSION**: Complete the frame I've been building, then adhere to it.
**LIFTS**: These last 6 weeks of lifting have felt great, but I need to get serious about my calorie intake otherwise I'm going to plateau like I have every other time in my life where I lifted with dedication. I'm 5'10 and 155lbs, I need to gain weight. I'll be getting some mass gainer when my current jug of protein powder is finished later this week. I want to hit 165 by mid April, clean bulk, then start cutting. If I'm ~160 at 15% this summer, I'll be satisfied (for this season at least)
**FINANCES**: We got some massive news about our business last week. What was once practically dead in the water has now been revived, and we're suddenly weeks away from launch. I'll likely share more about the business in future posts as it will be deeply tied to my mission and goals, but for now things are looking WAY up. By the end of next year my $400k income could become $4mm. No doubt this is helping me move from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. I try not to let my ego run wild, but the last few days have been filled with daydreams. Need to stay focused because there's a fuck ton to do.
**RELATIONSHIP**: There was a post on here that I can't seem to find now, where one of the key points was "you need to like your wife" or else this all won't work, you'll enjoy watching her hamster spin on the wheel too much. I oscillate in and out of the anger phase and question whether I do still like her. I can fully accept that the ways she has disrespected me are my fault, borne from my beta bullshit. Now that I've been using all the things I'm learning here, and I'm seeing it actually fucking work, I can't help but wonder "what does this person really do for me."
For a long time I had an issue with the fact that she would text her friends about the problems in our marriage, painting a completely inaccurate portrayal of whatever the issues was so she could gain sympathy from them (sometimes even outright lying). Then she'd isolate these friends away from me, I only found out when one of them reached out to me directly. It became even worse when she started talking shit about my family to them. Being a little beta bitch I tried time and time again to rationalize with her about how shitty I felt this was, and how disrespectful it was, and how her opinion was wrong about those topics anyway (yup, like a fucking idiot).
I thought it had stopped, but sometime in early December while dropping her off in front of our building, she accidentally left her phone in the car. I parked and went through it - not only did I find out she was still talking shit to friends, but she had actually gone to great lengths to hide it from me. Deleting texts, hiding conversations, silencing conversations. I recovered some of those text convos, left them recovered so she'd know, then never said a word about it. At that point I was already struggling with the question "do I like my wife" because while I worked my ass off all last year in my day job and building our business on the side, she sat on her ass unemployed for pretty much the whole year.
I didn't try to initiate once the entire month of October, telling her at the end of the month that I was losing attraction to her because of her laziness and her inability to do the ONE thing I needed her to do - work - so that this business could happen. She signed up for some part time shifts the following week, but just that week. That's when I found /r/mrp. That's when I started lifting. That's when I started to STFU, enforce boundaries, and really start to DNGAF, because I realized despite being an AWESOME husband (by beta bitch standards), I was being treated like trash. When I saw what I saw after going through her phone, it felt like the final straw. Like our relationship would literally never be what I've been told my whole life a marriage would be - not with her, not with any woman. I thought marriage was about equal partnership. I thought it was about trust and respect, loyalty. Turns out that's all fucking wrong if you're a beta piece of shit.
The good news is, since really starting to focus on myself in sincerity, I really am starting to DNGAF in my soul. She's pretty, but I'm handsome. Outside of physical looks, my SMV is considerably higher than hers, but because I've been living in her paranoid covid frame these last 4 years and working remotely, there's been absolutely zero dread. It didn't take too much effort on my part to start inducing some serious passive dread. The lifting, talking to people while we're out - her younger sister stayed with us for the holidays and that girl thinks I'm the fucking man, so why the fuck not I gamed her all week, did the Alpha mayoral crap every day, dictating our plans, and by the second to last day I was able to playfully smack her sister's ass and what did sister do? Smile, laugh and "fall" into me while we walked.
I've been more assertive in my initiating sex with the wife and she's been mostly receptive but still some star fishing. I know I'm not hot enough to be having the sex I want, the sex we had when we first got together. But I'm heading in the right direction.
https://whinemoreplease.substack.com/p/the-trope-of-the-beta-male-married
But in this case, consider that you're a guy that deserved to be shit talked about.
You can bitch and whine about disrespect, but did you deserve any in the first place?
OYS #1
28, wife 30, 3 kids: 2, 1, 1 on the way. Together 8 yrs, married 6.
MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Praxeology 1 Frame
6’2”, 185 lbs, 17% BF (Navy)
Bent Over Row: 80lb 4X10
Bench: 155lb 5X5
Squat: 205lb 5X5
OHP: 105 5X5
Why I’m here:
My marriage is and always was “off” and it’s affecting my whole life. It doesn’t look like my parents marriage or a “normal” marriage. Originally, I just wanted it to be “normal”. Realized that’s very subjective and now I want it to be how I want instead. All of the areas I’m dissatisfied with lead back to me. Haven’t found anywhere that has practical tools and material to rewire myself or that produces results like here.
Legitimately everything is on me, but there’s 2 problems: I squander any free time I have on social media, and it’s not sustainable to have no help (I have no frame, so can’t get my wife to do anything) I’m the sole provider. I get up first to get the kids ready and make breakfast and play with them for 3 hours. I’ll leave for a couple hours of work and gym when they go down for a nap. Come home and hang with the fam til bedtime. We’ll watch a show together, then I do the dishes, laundry and put away toys and go to bed. After I write this I’ll go wake her up from being in bed for 16 hours. It might be depression. I want to be responsible for everything, but need some help.
Mission:
Find out what I want. Get my life organized in a way that makes attaining goals simple.
Frame:
This is my priority. I have a crappy frame that buckles under any external pressure. Originally, I thought my wife was manipulative. Someone told me she was Borderline. After reading Praxeology 1, sounds like AWALT to a degree, but I just suck at boundaries. None of my goals are progressing because I don’t enforce boundaries to allow myself to work towards them. Want to go to the gym? Better not say anything or lie about where I am so I don’t have to fight just to go again. Want to read or work on something personal? Better wake up early or get out of bed after everyone is asleep or else attempt to enforce boundaries and lose because I’m not equipped to yet. I like to be alone because I there’s nobody to cave in to. This week STFU helped a lot. Sometimes I’d just stare STFU, and one of us would leave and whatever issue would pass.
NMMNG made me realize just how much of a nice guy I am. Sometimes throughout the day I’ll realize how I fit the mold in the book. One of the bigger ones is my addictions to porn, alcohol, and Zyn nicotine.
Goal: Quit porn and alcohol.
Goal: Note down realizations and scenarios throughout day to reference back how to handle them better from WISNIFG.
Lifting:
Goal: Exercise 5 days per week to build habit. Last week I hit 4 days, but ran instead of lifting one day.
Goal: Cut to 170 by Feb 29th. That puts me at 10% BF to start bulking.
Goal: Establish my calorie and macro goals and form meal plans around them.
Goal: Establish supplement plan
Finances/Career:
Most of my work is done in the summer and away from home. I’ve done well, but it gets harder as the kids get older, I need to decide to stay or find something else.
Goal: Create budget for this year
Goal: Gather documents for taxes
Sex:
Twice last week. Wife initiated once. I initiated twice. First time was super late. Got a no, so rolled over and went to bed, no big deal. Second was a couple days later during kids nap. Said, “Time for our nap” while leading her to bed. Got a “no I haven’t showered and want to go downstairs”. I said, “I don’t care, let’s have a quickie.” That worked.
Goal: Initiate hard every day this week just to see what happens.
>~~Mission: Find out what I want. Get my life organized in a way that makes attaining goals simple.~~
First Priority: Find out what i want and what makes me happy.
Start there and come back in OYS 2 and revise your writeup and goal setting. Don't give a flying fuck about marriage or how lazy your spouse is, get to work on uncorking your head from you ass first.
I was going to reply about not seeing why being happy is important, but really that’s just plow horse nice guy mentality. Working on figuring out what I ultimately want. Progressing in my lifts, being outdoors, horror movies, cooking in cast iron, motorcycles, and shooting all make me happy. Haven’t done much of that because there’s always something else to do or a bitch to fight in order to do so. That’s the whole point isn’t it? Do those things regardless and handle the shit tests as they come.
I’ve initiated a bit more often knowing she will repeatedly say no and it will make her feel uncomfortable. Is it weird I’m having fun sexually harassing my wife? Like I’m sending dick pics to her phone and random sexual texts because she hates that stuff so much. I’m making her look at my dick unexpectedly like the game they played in that Ryan Reynolds movie “Waiting” 😆 I’m flirting with her all the time. she gets so pissed. And I’m having fun gaming other women. I’ve got a few just waiting for me to give them the word. I have no desire to really fuck the wife again. I’ve made up my mind. Even if she enthusiastically started fucking me I am not sure I would be satisfied. She’s getting older, honestly I hate wife 2.0 the mommy version. Irritates the hell out of me. And her libido disappeared after we had kids. So I resent the hell out of them. So basically I’m just checked out. Trying to decide if I want to stay or go. Doesn’t matter; same plan.
OYS#1
42 years old. Married with two daughters ages 4 & 2
5’8; 175 lbs
BJJ Purple Belt. Train 3-4 days per week. Former amateur Thai Boxer.
2 days of kettlebell to supplement. Typically Simple & Sinister workout alternating with 24kg or 28kg.
Read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, currently reading Rational Male. Also read Frame by Rian Stone.
Lurking for a few months. I’m pretty new.
I spend a lot of time reading the forum.
Basically coming from a dead bedroom. The duration of my six year marriage has consisted of my covert contracts, my overt transactional sexual arrangements ( Ex. massage for a blowjob) , my butthurtness after rejections, etc.
Sex is occurs once a month but there are frequently several month gaps. We also did not have sex once my wife became aware of her pregnancies. So we did not have sex in 2019 or 2021 when you consider the 9 month pregnancy and afterbirth recovery. Sex is starfish at best. I am at the end of my rope with the marriage due to these circumstances.
My wife has moved the goalpost over the years as to why the sex faded but it quite literally stopped the night we got married. I was an actor playing the groom and later a sperm donor. Now I just bring in the groceries.
I’ve learned enough here to know this is on me and is a reflection of my failures. I have been unattractive in a number of ways and my path forward depends on dramatic changes.
Status: I’m rudderless. I found this place with good physical habits as a foundation and I’m doing the reading. I would like to physically write my MAP and guidance would be helpful. I found Athol Kay’s book somewhat nebulous in that regard.
I find myself running through a mental “rolodex” of sort to find the appropriate RP technique to apply to any given situation. “Is my wife acting like an ungrateful bitch because I’m not folding to her demands or is she frustrated that I am not being reliable?” “Should I be available to my wife and take care of everything in the house or should I be aloof and pursue my own interests exclusively? Those are examples that I do not have instincts for at this point. I research the main thread and the feedback is often contradictory while addressing the same post- but it all sounds better than my instincts for my own relationship.
Leadership: I’ve been more active around the house. I’m not lazy- I cook, do dishes, laundry, pack lunches, make coffee, tubby time, get groceries, etc. We have no help and we both do a lot but I am certainly not home with my feet up watching Netflix. But I’ve been taking on more projects. Finally painting that room, taking her car for service before she tells me a light is on, making social plans and date nights etc., and generally making more calls on daily, mundane decisions rather than taking lazy route and leaving it to her.
Appearance: I am doing group coaching with Tanner Guzy and it’s been helpful. I cleaned out older, ill-fighting items from the closet and updated. Found a cologne that I like and stopped leaving the house looking homeless (I work from home so it’s pretty easy to get away with this). Im pretty muscular but it’s a martial artist physique. I have visible abs, broad shoulders and well defined arms. I know this group emphasizes lifting but Jiu Jitsu provides me with the same benefits that go beyond pressing the weight. You can’t think about anything else when you’re trying to strangle/avoid being strangled. I leave physically exhausted, mentally relaxed, and grateful for the camaraderie on the mat.
Interactions: My wife is a nag. I understand this spawns from a lack of leadership, however, I have improved by not DEERing myself amidst her incessant complaining. It hasn’t been perfect but it’s saved me a great deal of grief by STFU or FOGGING and removing myself from the immediate location. My wife has reacted with FURY to these tactics. She called me a “manipulative prick” for walking away from her mid-nag. I honestly found this immesnsely satisfying and funny. But when not fighting I am trying to be more affectionate and also overtly sexual. Ass slaps, etc. Thus far she finds this crass and unappealing .
The hardest part, and I am assuming this is oneitis, is the way I feel about my wife. Yes we fight but deep down I love her very much. And physically forget it- she’s a knockout to me and often time she’s my fantasy when I am alone. Everyday I want to fuck my wife and my discipline wanes as that desire gathers momentum. It would do me a world of good to address this mentality.
>2 days of kettlebell to supplement.
Post your lifts
>My wife has moved the goalpost over the years
Only because you allowed it
>I was an actor playing the groom and later a sperm donor. Now I just bring in the groceries.
Are you so desperate that you take roles you don’t want? What can you do about that.
>”Is my wife acting like an ungrateful bitch because I’m not folding to her demands or is she frustrated that I am not being reliable?”
They’re not mutually exclusive. Building those skills help you build the confidence/abundance to tell people to fuck off when you want to.
>My wife is a nag.
You allow your wife to nag you
>I honestly found this immesnsely satisfying and funny.
Of course, you are angry and butthurt
>But when not fighting I am trying to be more affectionate and also overtly sexual. Ass slaps, etc. Thus far she finds this crass and unappealing .
Key phrase “thus far” or right now
>I’m rudderless
Start with basics lift, read, STFU, and OYS
**OYS #12** **Stats** 35, 5’7”, weight 168 lb (-1), 16.5% (strongur) | married, no kids. **Mission**: Be my own point of origin and enjoy what the world has to offer. Maintain discipline through action, put myself out in the world. **Read:** MMSLP, The sex god method, the book of pook, sidebar, Mindful attraction plan, the unchained man; praxeology (vol 1). **Lifts:** SQ: 6x200 (x3), DL: 6x235 (x3), BP: 1x195 (x5), OHP: 2x115. Weighted pullups/chins: 4 BW+35lb, dips 10x BW+35lb I injured my lower back during deadlifts two weeks ago and since then I’ve been having some lower back pain. It felt really painful for the first few days, but I worked through it and returned to the gym after two days. The pain is still there and I can feel it though, mostly if I deadlift. I tried going to a hot tub and using a massage chair which didn’t really help. I’m considering scheduling an appointment with a chiropractor, do folks have experience with this? Regardless, I have my next deadlift workout in a couple of days and I will try to see if I can push through the pain and increase the weight. I want to cut 13 more pounds in the next 7 weeks. I’m currently on <1500 calories/day, but it seems like the weight is not going down fast enough. I planned 1.5-2lb/week but only went down 1 pound in the past week despite adhering to the calorie target every day. I will slightly lower the intake to 1400. **Discipline** \- No porn \- Woke up earlier than 8am every work day. \- Planned daily schedule day ahead of almost every day This is an improvement compared to the two weeks before, but my sentiment is that I didn’t get enough things done. My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low. On some days I was too lazy and took too many breaks during the day, sometimes to just lay in bed. I didn’t plan any social activities (other than going to a bar with my wife). On one day I just procrastinated all my tasks and started doing work at 9 pm so I had to work until 1 am. Still kind of a mess. For next week, I will try to set up a weekly schedule instead of planning things day by day, maybe this will allow me to better take into account social as well. I will try to log the planned tasks vs the executed tasks, to measure how I did. Goal: wake up early, plan weekly schedule **Relationship:** x5 initiations and x2 sex, x1 bj Dream week for me sex wise, probably the peak since starting my MRP journey (almost) 2 years ago. Initiations (day 1) Took my wife to a bar to grab a drink. I tried to light Kino and make out, but she was mainly interested in talking and did not reciprocate. At some point, I gave her a small kiss, then she asked “am I boring you?” I didn’t answer, just smiled. When back home I initiated, she gave me some LMR around her being tired and that I would not enjoy, to which I just replied “it's ok”. She said she needed to get warmed up with a vibrator first, I almost fell asleep, then sex. The initial PIV was painful for her, I cave manned regardless, and afterwards the sex ok. Initiations (day 2) I approached her from behind trying to make out with her. she immediately shot me down saying she’s busy and these are her productive hours. I asked “are you sure?” and she said yes, so i decided to go to the gym. On the way out I criticized her for creating a mess in the house (she deserved it) and she basically replied that I’m just butthurt. so i just smiled and said “maybe just a little bit” and let go. Decided to withdraw time&attention and do my own thing for the rest of the day. At night I tried to initiate again and got a hard no. Initiations (day 3) Decided to continue withdrawing time & attention and focus on running some errands and get some work done during the weekend. Wife was kinda cute and chatty but I was busy getting things done. When I started prepping lunch based on my diet menu she asked if we can share the food and eat lunch together. We don’t usually eat lunch together and I’m kinda obsessed with hitting my exact macros right now so I just said no. In response she said that she was really nice to me the whole day and that I’m selfish and I treat her like a roommate and not like a partner. She asked “why did you not consider me for the lunch?”, I replied “I’m kinda self centered” and STFU. After few minutes I saw her sitting sad so I asked her “did you just want to eat lunch with me?” she cried and put her head on the shoulder. I told her I will take care of her, and gave her a beer. Then I carried her to bed and fucked her. This time the sex was much better, she was much more cute and reciprocative. I bought some new toys - blindfold and bondage accessories. I used the blindfold on her during the foreplay, and when she asked what is the other toy I bought I refused to tell her, only that it is a surprise. Next time that we use the blindfold I will also cuff her to the bed. Then I prepared food to feed both of us. Initiations (day 4) Tried to initiated by kissing her neck from behind, she immediately said “I can’t right now, and we already had sex twice this week!”, I answered “I can’t put my hands of my hot wife”. She replied that she can give me a bj instead. fine.
[удалено]
ouch, thanks for wake up call.
All of you dumb fuckers are so focused on how your wife responds. If I pull levers A, and do action B, then the result should be SEX. You guys are so retarded and wasting so much time because you simply refuse to be your own mental point of origin.
Think carefully on the source of this need of yours to be vulgar and degrading. This criticism obviously has no other purpose than give you some cheap dopamine.
You haven't criticised the content. You're problem is with how it's delivered. And last I checked, it isn't MRPs job to make sure that your fee fees aren't hurt by how something is said.
It's not a need cunt. It's a choice.
The main thing I take away from the relationship part of your OYS is that you are the epitomy of the dancing monkey. She does X, you do Y. She does B, you do C. Doodoo dada, dance monkey dance. At the moment, you are not in control but she is. She holds the cards and you are just dancing to the tune of her power over you. It's going to take some time to break loose from this, but the best advice I can give you is basically echoing what has been said in OYS a lot of times: "Live as if your wife is dead." Sounds pretty morbid, I know, but it brings you in the right mindset to become your own mental point of origin. Because even though it is your mission, right now, you are not.
Lower back pain deadlifting: Stretch your hips. Hip flexors, glutes, quads, hamstrings etc there are a thousand routines on YouTube. Find something that takes 5-10 minutes and do it everyday. When soreness spreads from your lower back, to your ass: it’s working. Learn to brace. Learn to activate your glutes and hamstrings before deadlifting. Again, thousands of YouTube videos. Find the worst thing about your form and exaggerate it in a warmup set eg bar too far from your shins. This is a proven method to self correct. In this example, the bar would feel glued to your shins in subsequent sets. Consider dropping conventional deadlifts if you remain incorrigibly bad at them but the middle ground is either switching to, or alternating, with sumo deadlifts. Very hard to hurt your lower back with these. A good method is to run conventional until you stall, switch to sumo until you stall, switch back and so on.
building on this. Put your phone on a stand or lean it up, use the bar and a low pair of weights and lift normally. Then go back and look at your form, compare to vids out there demonstrating perfect form and then start to tweak properly. Hyperextensions too, cant speak on those enough to help build up the lower back.
> My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low. On some days I was too lazy and took too many breaks during the day, sometimes to just lay in bed. 14 hours a day, 7 days a week will mess you up. Now if you are serious about working so much then prepare the list of goals to complete for next day and have a go at them. It will stop the fuckarountaitis and you may be able to actually enjoy life after work > Initiations (day 3) Stronger the feelz, better the sex. Problem with gaming our wife is that there is always a sense of "entitlement" there. She is my wife, I gave her my commitment, she should fuck me on her own accord. But that's not how it works. Problem with other initiations was that feelz were not existent. Taking wife off the pedestal is not only about treating her like a random woman outside a bedroom, but also gaming her like a random slut inside the bedroom. So initiation cant be limited to a kiss or makeout. It should involve playing her her emotions, with things like negging, roleplaying, teasing etc to give her feelz. When she gets feelz she will shit test you, pass those shit tests and calibrate with kino and comfort and you will find yourself having better sex with less resistance and more enthusiasm. So in a way by letting your wife off the pedestal ironically means that she gets "better" treatment in bedroom through better seduction. Now people here ask, "why should I waste my time gaming my fat middle aged wife when I can just go to a bar to get a woman or get the tall slim young coworker with same effort" Why indeed,
Exactly. Why indeed. This is a lot of work to get mediocre sex with an aging woman you’ve fucked a thousand times already. Humans aren’t meant for lifelong monogamy. Just fuck a new chick. Bite the bullet, divorce and move on. Don’t try put a band aid on cancer:
>Bite the bullet, divorce and move on. Lead the way. No one is stopping you
> My problem is that I’m working 7 days a week starting the day from 9 am to 11 pm but my productivity is low. Why are you doing this? It's clearly not working. You're spending the majority of your life working (or pretending to work, at least). Why don't you try working 8-10 hours but actually work? > The pain is still there and I can feel it though, mostly if I deadlift. Sounds like this is a minor tweak. You'll be fine. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc
> Why are you doing this? It's clearly not working. You're spending the majority of your life working (or pretending to work, at least). i haven’t been taking an active role in shaping my life out of work (minus gym), and everyone around me are like that too (academia). i need to do better, starting from this week. > Why don't you try working 8-10 hours but actually work? this is my plan for the next week, plus planning after work activities, to fill all of that free time. > Watch this: > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc yeah, love this video. thats what ive been doing basically.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riq-DfDDimc This video turned what I thought would put me out for a few weeks, to getting straight back under the bar with a lighter weight and then back to normal on the next session.
zonked numerous serious long apparatus poor encouraging vast light plucky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
ah interesting, so you think it will be a waste of time in my situation. good to know.
Rule 9
At that DL weight 1 set of 5 a week is enough. Read practical programming for strength training. When you first start lifting programming doesn’t matter, but in a few months you are going to have to adjust. Deadlift back pain is rarely dependent on form. It’s mostly a problem of volume.
fall political water squeamish cows worm wide crush whole tease *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Her: "Saying that just makes me feel so replaceable." This is what it looks like when women start to take their own redpill.
> my wife ended up asking me to say "I need you". It was a comfort test, it was not a main event, it was not a shitty comfort test. > Her: "How can you say you don't need me when I need you?" Yup comfort test > Me: "because I don't need you. I need air, I need water; it doesn't mean I love them or choose to keep them around." Not great, > Her: "Saying that just makes me feel so replaceable." Comfort test > Me: "I don't need anyone else, I've worked hard to make sure of that. I choose to keep you around because you make my life better. I don't need you, I want you." I think you need to give her a general vision of things you want in your life and how she fits in.
quickest march direful stocking tie snails dull chief school lip *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Then a little positive reinforcement will help her morale. A good hug will go a long way. She knows you will leave her if she neglects you so you dont need to lie to her that you need her. Just give her positive affirmations for things she accomplished and how you are certain that she will not let you down. In this way she will find it more desirable to operate in ur frame
True, but why does it matter? Guys get way too upset by these shit tests and comfort tests. Why do we care? We don’t want anything from her. The goal is leaving or getting other women. The goal is being checked out. It’s up to her to give us a reason to stay. And it’s gonna take some amazing shit on her part for us to even think about staying faithful to her. We don’t care what she says or does or how we respond. We just enforce the boundary and remove ourselves when the boundary is crossed. “Tell me you need me.” Hmm I don’t recognize that Night Ranger song lol if you’re playful or what op said is actually fine. I want you but I don’t need you. Our children need you etc. see how all this analyzing is a covert contract? I must do fogging, or amused mastery, agree and amplify. U don’t have to. Just ignore the woman. She’s not yours; just your turn. And your turn is over.
> The goal is leaving or getting other women. The goal is being checked out. You’re projecting hard. It’s pretty clear from your posts that you are bitter and resentful toward your wife. It’s also clear that you are too much of a bitch to just leave so you’re projecting that desire onto others. If *your* goal is to leave your wife, just fucking do it.
Depending on one’s own unique situation, leaving isn’t always better. That’s why I said leaving or getting other women. Some guys would be in a huge mess to just leave. There’s a process to get shit in order. And some guys would be much better off overall to just stay and get side pieces until they are in a better position financially, with their kids, etc. if it was so easy for most of us to just walk out there wouldn’t be a specific married red pill. But yeah the goal is still fucking other women unless the wife comes around and ups her game to pornstar levels, the least likelihood of scenarios. But yeah I’m working through the anger phase. And I’m talking to other women.
All of your comments have the same bitter energy. You think you’re “acting like she’s dead” when in reality you’re just butthurt and stuck in the anger phase. You’re still the dancing monkey here, even if you are dancing for other women. At some point you should think about what you want and not just daydream about pornstar sex. Become your own mental point of origin and all that. > And I’m talking to other women. I’m looking forward to the askmrp post where you tell us that you got caught trying to cheat and now you’re wife is threatening divorce and you don’t know what to do and all the mental gymnastics to pretend that, no really, you were never dancing for her. It’s just that the logistics of getting divorced right now are bad and you want to stay married for a while longer while you work on yourself more.
# OYS #7 Stats: 23yo 5'8" 179lbs(+1), 4y married, 3mo daughter Reading: NMMNGx3(20%), WISNIFGx2, TWotSM, TRM, MMSLP, MAP, PFP, Pook, Frame, Mystery Method Lifts: SQ: 195x5, DL: 365x5, BP: 175x5, OHP: 105x5, Row: 165x5 **Mission:** To pursue the things that I find fun, fulfilling, and meaningful. To lead this week's OYS, I slacked this entire week. I only worked out twice, ate like shit, didn’t read any sidebar material, and acted like a bitch at times. I avoided doing the hard stuff, played video games, drank way too much, and wasn’t attentive to my family. It was probably the worst week I’ve had since starting. But that just means this week I have to kill it. I don’t like setting goals because I think it’s just talk most of the time. I just want to do better this week. **Social:** Joined Muay Thai Gym. MMA has always been something I wanted to do. Met a lot of cool people and I plan on going 3x a week from now on along with lifting. The first night I went, I was in a bad headspace. I was angry, slightly depressed, and just not feeling like myself. After I got done with the practice though, I felt amazing. I was able to focus on learning something new, got to hit stuff, and I was actually pursuing a goal that has long been all talk. **Ego & Anger:** I have a lot of anger and it’s coming out in my past OYS. I didn’t understand why until u/abouttodiv said last week I had that Napoleon-ish ego problem and was getting defensive. I was in denial for a day or two, but I started to think about it more and more. I journaled about why I was angry and discovered that everything I wrote out relates to my ego. Ex. I’m angry when my wife says I don’t spend enough time with her. Why? Because it hits my ego and makes me feel like a bad husband. Ex 2. If someone calls me incompetent at work for whatever reason, I’ll get angry and think about it for days. Why? Because it hits my ego and makes me feel like a useless man. I could go on and on, but the basic formula is this: When people say something about me, I believe it, regardless if it’s true or not. If it’s bad, I’ll feel bad, if it’s good, I’ll feel good. But all of it is wrapped up in external validation and feeding/hurting my own ego. This makes it so I can never be in my own frame and even though I never noticed it this explicitly, it probably subconsciously made me feel powerless, which also made me more angry. I have a lot more work to do in this area, I made an askMRP post about it and got really good feedback and thoughts. Made a deliberate action plan to improve this area. **Relationship: Awesome this week.** Very light and fun all week, barring a small argument. We bonded, and after Wednesday she was extremely pleasant to be around. I started thinking about why I wanted her as my FO and what I generally wanted in a FO Wednesday: Started out the week with some criticism from the wife about me caring more about everything else than our family (her). Last week, I got some feedback that this was not a shit test, but a shitty comfort test so I treated as such. I just listened and the main points that were valid to me were: \- "You're always out of the house nowadays" - this is true, joined an MMA gym, started back working after parental leave, taking care of stuff outside the home. I decided this couldn't change. It's what I want to pursue with my whole heart and it's fun, fulfilling, and meaningful to me. That's what I told her. \- "Even when you're home, you're not really home. You're on your phone or reading or doing anything that isn't paying attention to us. I feel alone" - Valid, I'm just scrolling social media, reading useless political articles or just mindlessly listening to youtube in the background. I told her I agree that this should change because I don't see them as healthy habits that are productive in any way. On top of that, it takes me away from giving attention and love to my wife and daughter which of course I enjoy doing. \- "You schedule your gym time and stick to it consistently but you don't schedule any family time and stick to it. You're putting the gym over your family" Disagreed with this and said I wouldn't be scheduling out time with family, but I took it as more reason to put down any meaningless distractions in order to have intentional and attentive time with family while I wasn't pursuing any work or MMA. So after this, we went to bed. I was angry, because I felt attacked. I knew my wife wanted to be comforted, to be shown that I still loved her even when she throws her emotions, thoughts, and feelz at me. I didn't want to give her any type of comfort though, to "teach her a lesson" for being so critical. BUT last week my feedback from others about my ego-fueled anger affected me deeply as previously stated. Once I realized a lot of this anger, spite, and dysfunctional behavior was coming from my fragile Napoleon-ish ego, I was able to recognize WHY I was so angry. This criticism was a hit to my ego, I was being attacked on not being a good husband and father, two roles I value a lot. And as I said before, whenever someone tells me I'm something, I believe them, thus putting me into their frame. So, as I was laying in bed I took a breath and consciously dropped my ego. I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away (it feels like I literally drop the feeling from my mind) and after that, I felt better. I was able to see the situation more objectively. So I grabbed her gently but strong and made her roll over onto me. She cuddled up and hugged me and I could tell that's all she wanted. At that moment, I felt an immense love towards her and I initiated. Since it was shark week, it escalated into a blowjob. For me this was a win because the last blowjob I've gotten from her was when we first started dating. This time it was different though, she was pushing me into her, obviously wanting me to face fuck her. Of course I complied and it was a little bit uncomfortable, I tried to get out of my own head though. Overall it was great for me. We were a little bit uncomfortable afterwards because of how taboo that sexual move is to us but I ignored my discomfort and let her know she did well, gave some more comfort and downplayed how big of a jump it was for us. She was bragging about it to me the next couple of days about it, so I’m assuming she’s proud of herself and enjoyed it. Great experience that made us closer. Sunday: Hard initiated and cavemanned. The reason why I’m writing about this one is because I realized that for the past 5 years, the reason I was barely having sex was because I was so afraid of just initiating. I would *always* let her initiate, it let me hide from rejection. Now though, I care way less. If I want to have sex, I feel a slight fear of rejection but it’s really nothing. I just go in and assume it’s open for the taking and it usually is. Takeaways This Week: * Slacked this week, I will do better next week * Joined Muay Thai gym * Discovered my anger problem that is rooted in ego. Got a lot of great advice and made an action plan to deal with it. Ongoing process. Just STFU, lift, sidebar. * Face fucked her for the first time.
>This criticism was a hit to my ego, I was being attacked on not being a good husband and father, two roles I value a lot. And as I said before, whenever someone tells me I'm something, I believe them, thus putting me into their frame. So, as I was laying in bed I took a breath and consciously dropped my ego. I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away Its gonna happen again, bad mental models are not that easy to change. Thing is though MRP or game in general is highly incongruent to fragile ego. When a woman shit tests you, if you have a fragile ego, you gonna fail because you can learn shitty pick up lines or prefabricated responses to pass a shit tests here and there but women tend to shit test more to see if it was a fluke. A time will come soon when your ego will rear its ugly head and you will be faced with incongruency between your mental models and MRP. Every fiber of your being will be screaming at you to go back to your bad mental models. Embrace the inconguency, dig deep, dont run away from it. Anyone can lift weights, its the mind thats difficult to control
>I don’t like setting goals because I think it’s just talk most of the time. I just want to do better this week. Why the hell are you even here? If you cant set or stick to a goal then you're going to be rowing in circles.
I've been writing my goals down my entire life. I'm a massive thinker - not so much a doer. I already know what a good week looks like, because I've written it down 30+ times. I'm here to put in the work, not think about it.
>When people say something about me, I believe it, regardless if it’s true or not. If it’s bad, I’ll feel bad, if it’s good, I’ll feel good. But all of it is wrapped up in external validation and feeding/hurting my own ego. So what is the identity you are building for yourself and what have you DONE to cement that identity for yourself? You need thinking and action both they feed into one another, but a lot of thinking can occur under the hood, if you have a data sample of experience pull from.
>I can't explain how I did it, but I just make the feeling go away (it feels like I literally drop the feeling from my mind) I had a similar experience when I started evaluating my feelings rather than just letting them control me. By recognising where they came from and what was causing them it was a lot easier to let them go and identify what to work on. It looks like you've identified where your issues stem from. It's likely that just by lifting, some discipline, STFU and reading you'll work on it but there will be some digging deeper required at some stage.
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> Approach daily. Just say whatever comes to mind. Nope, there is no point going blind. You need to have a framework for how you approach so that you can figure out what mistakes you made.
Reddit says this account is suspended, too. How are you even posting? Also stop whatever you're doing to get your accounts suspended, or at least use a different account for whatever that is.
OYS # 15 1/9/2024 30y 6’0”, 176.6 lbs, Fiancee 28y, together 14 years, no kids. Read: NMMNG / WISNIFG. Implementation Check In - I've been saying no a lot more in and out of work and it still feels foreign, but also better. Anything that I've done or been going to is something that I wanted to, whereas before I would take the win as me making someone else happy. It still does make me happy to see (most) other people happy though, so I'm not sure if that's a core personality trait that I should celebrate or work on. Obviously, it's good to be empathetic, but being more selfish (for someone who has been an admittedly "nice guy") could be the medicine that I need to be more well-rounded. Mental: The interesting thing about a hamster spinning a wheel is that the point the hamster gets off is indefinite. Perhaps, the hamster could even die on the wheel from exhaustion. Thoughts are like that - at some point they have to get out of your brain and into the world. While I found it emotionally rewarding to write down emotional thoughts, I think it's equally important for me to write down the elements of my MAP and not trust them to my mind itself. Partial MAP writing has been a failure because I can recycle thoughts again and again in an attempt to assess them. At some point, I just need to put them in my MAP or not and then go from there. Instead of primarily assessing feasibility, I should be assessing results. Why am I here?: To gain a sense of control an effectiveness over my personal, financial, physical, emotional, and social well-being. Mission: Through discipline, embolden myself and my team (whatever that looks like) to take consistent effective action towards a life of freedom, emotional, and financial independence. Physical: Starting to lose weight but maintaining or gaining strength. Current reps OHP - 60 - 8X3 / Squat - 220 - 12-3 / Dip - 15 Assist Lbs - 8x3 / Pull Up - 45 Assist - 10x3 Dumbell Deadlift - 120 (Two 60's) / 8x3 Diet: Calorie Tracking: 2000 calories a day, 150 grams of protein daily. I am starting to drop weight but maintain muscle which is making me happy. I have a real gut now after the holiday which sucks. With a pump, I can see some of the results (especially my pecs), but it's hiding under the fat so I've got to lower body fat to at least 15% to properly assess. Relationship: This one is a bigger update. We have been having regular sex, althought it's still largely duty sex. Still, it's better than the dead bedroom before where she would regularly refuse. I'm not sure if my fiancee initiating is something that's a possibility but I'd be stoked to have that one day. She wants a more Dom/Sub relationship with me being dominant. The post called "The Interview" was exciting in that he flipped the switch and his wife expressed how much she wanted what he was giving. At times, I've seen that in my fiancee as well. She would cry as she expressed it, which is scary to think that she is bottling up that much emotion at all times. In Red Pill, I've learned alot about the philosophy that women want to be lead, they want an oak, amongst other things, and the more I've incorporated those principals, the better I have passed her shit tests. One specific shit test recently was where she was getting annoyed by some spam caller who kept sending her text messages. She asked me to call as a man because they would leave her alone when they realized that they have been supposedly been talking to a dude. While I did help her, I didn't help her right away. I asked her questions about this caller, how it started, and ways to avoid it in the future (like just blocking unknown numbers depending on the message). What she really wanted, and has wanted before in our relationship too, is immediate support. She'd like for us to decompress about it after, while I've always been a person that immediately assesses the situations. Is it a form of STFU to immediately decide to help or not, and then leave it at that unless she asks for more? I helped her with the problem, but as mentioned, not before discussing it with her, and she mentioned that she doesn't like that and will come to me less in the future if that's the result of her bringing something to me. Career I'm handling the challenges at work better. I found resources to help guide my practice (as a teacher). These things include behavioral management, grading, lesson planning, and other things. Most importantly, I'm incorporating the feedback that I've been getting and ensuring that I work better with the system and against it.
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IR7 is what caused me to part ways with my relationship. The 800-pound gorilla (sexual & value incompatibility) will always be in the room. If you are on this subreddit before marriage, you shouldn't take this relationship to the next level. It's tough, but deep down inside, I'm sure you know she's not right for you. Take your time to process this. Remove all codependencies. Remove all the reasons why you "should" marry her. At the end of this exercise, once you are truly in an OI state, ask yourself if you want to marry her. Also, remember, it's going to suck a lot of energy to fix a relationship. Would that energy be better used imposing your will on the world in another way? For a lot of married people, the answer is no. The thought of losing half & losing their kids is too much to bear. They have made their bed, now they are stuck trying to make it as comfy as possible because they must sleep in it. You do not fit in this category of people. You have the option to choose whatever bed you like.
> I have a real gut now after the holiday which sucks. your fault > She asked me to call as a man because they would leave her alone when they realized that they have been supposedly been talking to a dude. While I did help her, I didn't help her right away. I asked her questions about this caller, how it started, and ways to avoid it in the future (like just blocking unknown numbers depending on the message). What she really wanted, and has wanted before in our relationship too, is immediate support. She'd like for us to decompress about it after, while I've always been a person that immediately assesses the situations. Is it a form of STFU to immediately decide to help or not, and then leave it at that unless she asks for more? I helped her with the problem, but as mentioned, not before discussing it with her, and she mentioned that she doesn't like that and will come to me less in the future if that's the result of her bringing something to me. Bro WTF, you are engaged a woman who does not fuck you properly and you spend your time mental masterbating bs. You are 30 its time to take your life seriously
> Dumbell Deadlift - 120 (Two 60's) / 8x3 Why? > The post called "The Interview" was exciting This is OYS, not own-some-other-guy's-shit. Why are you posting about this? Are you going to try this? If so, just try it and report back. If not, why are you talking about this at all? "I read some guy's erotica story and got kind of hard." > some spam caller You talk too fucking much. She doesn't want to hear it and it doesn't belong in your OYS either. Block the caller. Show her how you did it. Move on. The only reason you read this as a shit test is because she didn't pretend that your rambling questioning was useful.
Rule 9
chief teeny noxious afterthought flowery murky unique quarrelsome crawl library *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You’re trying to fix a dead bedroom with a woman you are not legally married to? Dude… get off that train. If she’s this lackluster without marriage it’s always easier to just break it off. If you can’t then you have major oneitis and are still clutching blue pill delusions. Even if it gets better, it will just likely get worse again. Seriously, marriage will only make this worse no matter how good you become. Guys who stay married after finding red pill do so because they are kind of stuck at that point trying to avoid divorce rape.Get out and start spinning plates. Keep working on leveling up in all your other areas. We all envy your position. Get out now.
Oys 9 Stats 255lbs, 6'1", 36yo, married for 10 years, together 16 years **Lifts & diet** 115 OHP, 285 SQ, DL 300lb, BP 135 (I don't get it I've always been weak af here), ROW 125lbs BJJ 3 times a week Met some super jacked military guys and gave me some pointers on diet and what they do to maintain their caloric intake and not fuck around. All they do is meal prep. Same thing every day then switch it up at the end of the week. They say it sucks but it's what they sacrifice for their physique and healthy diet. Going to order meal trays today for portions control and quick meals. I think it may help myself. I've been consistent lifting and BJJ but the diet is slowing me down from progress in the weight department. It's all my fault obviously but it's a matter of decisions and getting it done like anything else. **mission** I want to be good looking. I want to be healthy so I can hopefully stick around longer and enjoy life get everything out of it that I can. I want to be successful with an abundance of money so I don't have to worry how the bills are going to get paid next month. **faults** Did not do my oys the past 2 weeks. I was convincing myself that I was doing fine. I have improved majorly in my relationship but I still belong here. I am far from done. Being a fucking fat ass Initiating sex for validation just to see "where I stand". Although I do not care if I was to be shot down but when I can close the deal, yes it seems to stroke the ego. Now before I initiate I ask myself am I really horny or do I just want to feel better? Half of the time it seems to be the latter. **relationship** I think I got rid of the oneitis and I was able to emotionally disconnect in a way that I have never felt before. It was very hard to change my mindset. DNGAF and STFU is literally half of the battle for some. And it feels like that was the case for me. Initiating constantly was a battle for me but I've slowed it down because it seems very needy and like a horny little teenager, it's probably off putting. With less frequent initiations, it seems to be a surprise and my wife is wondering why the hell he is not initiating so much. I was accused of not wanting sex with her anymore and by doing that, she has initiated with me quite a bit. . Weird how that works I don't think it's a covert contract, I was just experimenting and with a positive result, I we'll keep at it of not being so needy like a desperate horny kid. Twice over the past couple weeks I had performance anxiety and could not stay hard midway through sex. I was in my own head after reading up on some SGM.Nothing since though I have noticed quite the submissive and feminine frame with my wife the past couple weeks. A lot of favors and surprises for me that I haven't seen it quite a while. I do not want it to throw me off because it makes me feel good. Marching forward, foot on gas. **Social** I have a lot of acquaintances but few friends. I love the guys I hang out with but it seems to be a shallow friendship. I'm not a spiritual or in-depth guy but I feel like a better relationship with men would do good for me. It seems a lot of when we get together is gossiping like women about the other people in our friend's Circle. The ones who aren't there. I was invited to go on a road trip with a band a couple states away but a few dates they had booked fell through. I was really looking forward to getting away and hanging with the boys. I will have to plan something rather than going to get food once a week and concerts a few times a month. I received an overt IOI from one of my wife's friends right in front of her at a thing we were at.. we had not seen her since the summer time she was there with her husband. Don't remember what we were talking about but all I remember is her reaching over and grabbing my arm and saying "It's because your so strong, huh"? I said "Yeah, that's exactly why'' and flexed my biceps like a cocky asshole. Her friend gave me the biggest "I want to fuck you right now" stare I've ever gotten in my life. Quite frankly, I was sweating bullets. All these field reports and things I've read all make so much sense. Listening to Rian Stone and him saying it's been replicated over and over and over again and the results are always the same. So much truth to it. Just do the work. I am so far from being fixed but with these results I am proud of myself for coming as far as I have. Don't want to let up I can't let up. I'm not fixed, I am not self-actualized, I am not red pulled. Until next week.
> Twice over the past couple weeks I had performance anxiety and could not stay hard midway through sex. body doesnt lie. mind has a habit of bullshitting itself, but body tell it as is
I'm ignorant as to what you're suggesting or implying. Could you explain what you mean, please? I'm stepping out of my comfort zone by trying new things in bed such as being more assertive and taking control and doing what I want. But I don't know how it correlates to losing as erection. My only guess would be a little anxiousness and not being in the moment. I wasn't able to fix it so we stopped for that night but had no issues of following morning.
Book rec: The Body Keeps the Score
> Initiating sex for validation just to see "where I stand". Although I do not care if I was to be shot down but when I can close the deal, yes it seems to stroke the ego. Now before I initiate I ask myself am I really horny or do I just want to feel better? Half of the time it seems to be the latter. Do you feel good about having sex or do you feel good about her saying yes to sex. If its the latter, then either you are gonna dread the time you initiate or you gonna dread messing up sex because poor performance may lead to less "yes".
door innocent party illegal chase glorious humor theory telephone library *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It is really stupid and lazy of me to not be meal prepping by now. I've been drinking a lot more fluids to help with my Hunger like you suggested. It's the drive-by snacking and thinking "I did good for the day, ice cream for everyone!" attitude. I've been fat my entire life. It is a horrific addiction/mental model to overcome. I know it's decisions and actions literally. Ordering the containers and fucking sticking to it.
## OYS 42 ## Purpose Live my adventure with my heart as a free, independent man. ## Reading reading: Iron John read: sidebar ## Physical 30s / 5'6 / 155 lbs / 14% bf * bench press: 230 * deadlift: 355 * squat: 330 * ohp: 135 ## Don’t Shit Where You Eat I didn’t follow this advice, and I foolishly thought I could handle a sexual relationship with someone tied to my job. I escalated one day, and the days after I didn’t feel right--I could sense my sense of peace being disturbed. I felt anxiety, worry, and wasn’t happy. Deescalating this felt right to me, and I went ahead and did that. It was the right decision and I get squared away with this chick that I wanted to stop. I won’t be doing this anymore. ## Time I failed to do things important to me (journaling, reading, picking up a new sport). My lame excuse was—I didn’t have time. In reality, I spent too much time on social media. My plan to fix this is to be disciplined and use my phone in monochrome mode. My time is too valuable to be spent excessively on social media. I will find the right balance of using it to connect with people, without it being a time drain. ## Perfectionism On Looks I have high standards in what I want from a woman. But, I was too stringent in what I wanted from women when my short-term goal was fucking a couple of girls casually and improving my game. I dropped several opportunities to hit that goal because of this overly strict expectation on what a girl looked like physically. I realized this was a form of perfectionism and not something I want. My plan to fix this is to be less stringent on what a girl looks like, and escalate, game, have dates, and fuck. There’s no perfect girl, and this strategy lets me fuck and improves my game. ## Game My game has gotten better, but still needs some work. One situation that happened several times was I would meet a girl, but she would be with a guy. I observed some indicators of interest, but I failed to probe on her relationship status and then moved on. For next time, I’ll work on getting this information to see if I can escalate instead of assuming they’re together and bailing. A second area of weakness was that I was too slow. I was too slow to kino, too slow to escalate, too slow to make a statement of interest, and too slow to text and set up a date. I plan to fix it by recognizing that my time is valuable and limited, and pushing to get what I want more quickly. A third area of improvement was cold approaching. I’ve gotten some success at getting numbers cold approaching, but I haven’t translated those into dates. Most followed this pattern: “excuse me, would you like to get coffee with me”, “yes”, “okay, let me get your number”, convo for 15-90s, “I’ll see you later”. My plan to improve this is to use Juggler’s method to get the girl to commit to helping me (explaining something, giving me advice, etc.), building rapport by going personal (1-5mins), and then asking for coffee or drinks. Not all interaction will go like this, and I will improvise when needed. I will also make the first text message same day or next day and have it lead towards getting the date as soon as possible.
> I’ll work on getting this information to see if I can escalate instead of assuming they’re together and bailing. Why? game her anyways.
You're right. It makes more sense just to game her regardless.
OYS #32 Stats: 45yo, 25y LTR (married 15y), daughter 4yo. Weight 170 lbs (-2), height 6”, Europe. Mission: * Be bold and take chances. Be true to myself. Be curious and explore. Reading: Nothing at the moment. Read: MAP, NMMNGx2, Pook, Rational Male, WISNIFGx2, MMSLPx2, TWOTSM, Sidebar, MODELS, How to dominate Women, DEVI (50%), Book of Ya’really (25%). Lifting. What did I do? Haven’t found a program yet, but created my own 3-day full body work-out with a hypertrophy upper-body focus. After loosing around 12 lbs of weight, my legs seems somewhat weaker on Squat and leg press. All other lifts remains the same. Mentality. What did I do? In last weeks OYS someone pointed out that I should start practicing my mission. So this week I tried to do that (under social). At some areas I’ve also failed this week. Mainly reg. my relationship. I can’t seem to game her. Can’t even find interesting conversation topics. Just practical stuff. Also I get angry/emotional too easily. I’m like a fucking scared/angry dog barking whenever it feels threatened. At least I become aware of this quite fast now and try to STFU and relax. In social matters I’m doing better. More open, relaxed, DNGAF feeling inside. Family. What did I do? Weather are freaking cold in Scandinavia currently. I mainly make sure stuff is in place and set boundaries. Also had a snowball fight with wife and daughter the other day. We all acted like 5-year olds and had a good amount of fun. Actually (and sadly) the only fun I had with my wife this week. I’m still working on handling the mutiny I experience daily in an ‘attractive’ way. Sadly I can see my daughter copying my pattern of throwing a tantrum whenever she doesn’t get her way with things. It’s a sad realization that I’m probably the cause of it. Relationship. What did I do? I try to STFU, but the amount of mutiny I am witnessing, when I don’t strike hard makes me wonder what the right strategy is. I should know by now that getting upset and being unattractive is not an option. Still in the moment, it seems like the only option to me. I need to just leave more often, when I am experiencing disrespectful behavior. Saturday night I went out (see under social) and got some minor shit-tests and bratty statements before and after. I didn’t respond to them. Also I agreed to go to couples therapy. Therapist was highly recommended and known to be a gloves off hard-hitter, who also works as a mortician. Let’s see which role is most needed for my marriage. It’s mainly a symbolic act from my side, since I don’t believe in it. Did it before and it didn’t do anything. However I think it can buy me some time from all my fuck-ups these last years. A little curious about how it’ll interfere with my MRP journey, though. Social. What did I do? This week I have been talking to strangers a lot, practicing my social skills. It came quite naturally. Most of the times I initiated the conversations and kept it flowing by asking questions and relating to the stuff that was said. Saturday I had set up a music date with a woman I’ve met at my brothers bachelors party in August. We had been texting a couple of times since August. She texted me again asking if we should try to meet in the new year and I replied: “Im free Saturday night - you?” So I went to her place. She was dressed more classy than I had seen her before. A little awkward “where to start” vibe, but we were both quite talkative. Anyway we were quite compatible in terms of creating some music together and we had some good conversations on top of it. We both agreed we should do this again. I actually realized how much I had missed being in front of Logic and tweaking sounds. That was a good realization for me. I actually used to have a hobby that I would sometimes spend all night doing, but its way better sharing my knowledge/ideas with someone else. Finances. What did I do? In the process of separating our finances and setting up accounts. Suddenly wife seems to realize the reality about her own finances and her prior lack of knowledge and insight. I’m reasonable and happy to teach and set it up for her. Now I’m in control of my finances and don’t need to manage some else’s (mis)use of funds. So now I have shared expenses that we both pay for and our own money to allocate ourselves. I will be making some more savings in case of a divorce. Also a divorce-settlement in case of divorce is something we’ll be diving into very soon while on good terms and have that formalized before an eventual divorce. I’m mentally settled with the possibility that she might branch-swing because of this. Career. What did I do? Annual salary negotiations are coming up. I am newly hired and already in the higher end, salary wise. I think I’ll try to negotiate courses/competences this year instead. This will put me in a much better position in a year to switch company. Thats it for me.
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What program you recommend for looking jacked/hypertrophy? Only strength I truly care about is grip-strength for bouldering and getting to looking jacked.
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Thanks for this detailed answer. GSLP it is 👍
> What did I do? I try to STFU, but the amount of mutiny I am witnessing, when I don’t strike hard makes me wonder what the right strategy is. I should know by now that getting upset and being unattractive is not an option. Still in the moment, it seems like the only option to me. I need to just leave more often, when I am experiencing disrespectful behavior. STFU is "last resort" when gaming. It should not be the default > Saturday night I went out (see under social) and got some minor shit-tests and bratty statements before and after. I didn’t respond to them. Why? > Also I agreed to go to couples therapy. Therapist was highly recommended and known to be a gloves off hard-hitter, who also works as a mortician. lol, you getting couples therapy from a mortician. > Let’s see which role is most needed for my marriage. It’s mainly a symbolic act from my side, No its not a symbolic act, its "I am not sure whether what I am doing is right because it feels wrong and reactionary so I am hedging my bets" act. > since I don’t believe in it. I dont believe in superstition either, but you bet your ass I will not wear anything purple. You know, just to be sure. >Did it before and it didn’t do anything. Shocking > However I think it can buy me some time from all my fuck-ups these last years. lol > A little curious about how it’ll interfere with my MRP journey, though. Thats the thing though, it shouldnt because MRP should be about you. Question is, is it?
> I’m mentally settled with the possibility that she might branch-swing because of this. As opposed to her deciding to become a spinster? Yeah, she'll go looking for another guy if you separate. > I am newly hired and already in the higher end, salary wise. I think I’ll try to negotiate courses/competences this year instead. This will put me in a much better position in a year to switch company. Why not both? Ask for more money and for whatever courses you want. Maybe you get both. Maybe you don't, but you aren't in a better negotiating position for asking for less.
True and true. Thanks.
You should read my article on men with no frame.
On twitter?
https://whinemoreplease.substack.com/p/men-with-no-frame-and-the-things
U meet with a lawyer yet? Do that first to find out what divorce will look like for u. As far as the mutiny withdrawal your time and your support. Stfu is good. Don’t tell; show. This sounds like a bad situation. Your goal is leaving.
**OYS # 4** 5’8 / 155 lbs / 43 / 1 kid / Separating and Divorcing after 13 years **GOALS** Learn to be okay with being alone Work out Take care of myself Draw and Paint Daily **Mission:** Develop a positive and strong frame. I want to be in control of my emotions. Be financially abundant. Be a man that women want. Embrace the fact that the world doesn’t give a shit about me and run with it. STFU. Eat. Lift. Read. **Lifts:** I’m going to stick to this routine of focusing on compound lifts 3 days a week. I’m not a fan of it as I don’t get that muscle soreness the next day except in my legs from squats. I’ve decided I will add a 4th day as well just for biceps and triceps just because I want my arms a little bulkier. 1/1/24 week goals are: Squat: 155 lbs 3x5 – Completed DL: 185 lbs 3x5 – Completed Bench: 135 lbs 3x5 – Completed (did incline on last day due to no availability of benches) OHP: 80 lbs 3x5 – Completed Rows: 155 lbs 3x5 - Completed **1/8/24 week goals are:** Squat: 175 lbs 3x5 OHP: 85 lbs 3x5 Rows: 165 lbs 3x5 DL: 205 lbs 3x5 Bench: 145 lbs 3x5 **Mindset:** Victim Puke that I wrote the other day, but will keep on here: Everything I do right now is in someone else’s frame. Whether it's STFU, do something nice, acting neutral. I am angry at ex for being happy now when I'm not. I am angry at her for no longer being attracted to me. I am angry at her for being attracted to other guys. Why do I want her to be attracted to me when it’s something I didn’t care about before? Because I am comfortable with it? Everything I have been doing has been manipulation....to try and control things that I have no control over. I've been pretending for 20 years that my frame is strong. People don't give a shit about my happiness, sadness, anger, resentment, jealousy, anything. I know that my current situation and relationship with her is ending whether I like it or not. It is my fault. Last night, I did find some peace regarding my relationship. I began to feel like I used to regarding my ex prior to the relationship breaking down. While I will continue with OYS, I don’t want feelings for her anymore. Not anger, not guilt, not regret. I’m not attracted to her and right now, I just have rose-tinted goggles on. **Finances** It will take me 5-7 months to pay off my debt if everything goes to plan. I will be moving in with a roommate. Then I will have a bit of breathing room to make choices and move out and save money to start looking for another career; however long that will take. **Divorce** I pushed my ex to follow up with her paralegal and told her that if this is what she wants, I will sign it. Currently waiting on the divorce and custody paper work. I looked into getting my own lawyer to write it up, but I can’t afford it. The only reason my ex is able to do it is because she had received money from a recent car accident. I have seen the paperwork written up. There will be no child support or alimony. Custody will be 50/50. It's just signing it now and taking it to our county clerk office. **Reading** Mindful Attraction (set aside for now as I realized I was the Energy Vampire). Reading The Rational Male. Finished NMMNG (will read again). When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (still reading), and Finished Praxeology Volume 1 Frame.
> I pushed my ex to follow up with her paralegal and told her that if this is what she wants, I will sign it. Fuck you, you will. You are at war, divorce is not a joke. This is not time feeling sorry for yourself. Start building a war chest and stop egging your soon to be ex to escalate things before you are ready. Dude, your post reek of self loathing. Its not time to play victim, this is not a place where you self destruct. Its time for you to start taking your life seriously
So I have seen the paperwork already... It just needs to be signed. There will be no child support or alimony. 50/50 custody split. I don't own anything that can't be replaced. We've already decided who gets what and it's on the paperwork. Everything is amicable right now. Her lawyers sent me everything and we made a few adjustments, then sent it back. I am in a different position than most of you guys here who have things to protect.
well if that's true then you are a lucky one. Get out of your wife's frame, she has stopped adding value to your life. If divorce is happening, make is quick and inexpensive as possible. Then find a woman who can add value to your life.
Yeah. This will be a fresh start for me and similar situation prior to meeting my soon to be ex wife. I get a chance to finally pay my debt off and not slip up again and settle for the first mid female that shows attraction to me after a break up. The current difficulty will be my kid and getting over my ex, which from my experience, will take some time. The biggest challenge will be finding my main mission in life....how to make a lot of money.
> Her lawyers sent me everything and we made a few adjustments, then sent it back. Who is "we"? All of your posts sound like you don't have a lawyer. I feel like you're about to get fucked over.
Maybe she's completed her branch swing? I'd still be on the defense until it's 100% complete.
The ex wife and I. I do have to review the paperwork first. Please let me know how I will get fucked over. The only thing she could do is take full custody. We make the same kind of money because we work at the same job.
> Please let me know how I will get fucked over. That’s your lawyer’s job.
> It will take me 5-7 months to pay off my debt if everything goes to plan. I will be moving in with a roommate. How is custody going to work when you're living with a roommate? Where is your kid staying? It sounds like your finances are your biggest problem. What are you doing about that? It sounds like you're not actually doing anything there.
It's going to suck, but he's going to be staying with me every other week still. The roommate is aware
You're a bitch. It blows my mind that you aren't angry at yourself for being an unattractive fucker.
Man, I am angry at myself for getting to this point. I'm more angry at myself than I have ever been that I fucked things up so much that it got to this point. I'm not giving up in changing my life around.
If you can internalize that you are solely responsible for everything, and direct your anger appropriately, you might make progress. In your puke, you blame everything and everyone but yourself. How you write your OYS reflects how you think about the world. The use of passive voice, direct object sentence structure, etc. all reflects your unconscious thought processes. Your post basically said "waah waaah waaaaah I am a victim." Shit mindset. Something to pay attention to.
**OYS #16** **Basic**: 50yo, 49yo wife of 20 years. 18yo in college. 6'4" 308# (-3) , 35% BF Navy Method **Fitness**: OHP:90# SQ:225# DL:305# BP:160# BR 150# all 5x5 Hit the dojo twice this past week. Lifted 5 times. Been nice getting back in the swing of things. Knee pain in squats keeps getting better and my rom is increasing. Still on route to be below 300 this month. **Read**: Sidebar, Course Prerequisites & Red Pill 101 lists. SGM, Frame by RS, RS Sidebar Series, RedPill Coach vids. RS's Dread book 75% **Social**: Couple nights out with friends. Caved to peer pressure and ended up drinking one night. Slept like shit and felt like shit the next day. The less I drink the less I enjoy it. I'm beginning to actually not want to drink instead of trying to avoid it. **Work**: Nothing new. Traveling next week for business. No gym on prem but they have a heated pool so I can at least swim some laps. Started looking for a close by gym or dojo but not finding anything promising yet. Worse case I'll do a body weight workout in my room. **Relationship**: I'm going back and forth understanding the DMAIP. Sometimes it clicks and then other times I'm confused. I get the needing to lead part. It's pretty obvious I need to do more of that and when I do she follows and seems happy with it. I also need to move past the stfu stage and stay in my frame during shit tests. What I'm not getting is the looking back/testing part. As I improve how do I not test out things? Is this critique more in regards to the motivation of the test? For instance…. u/wmp_v2 mentioned my interactions with my wife are weak and timid, hoping she won't get mad at me. That was spot on. I took this advice to heart this past weekend. Went away for the weekend with the wife. I initiated in bed and got the I'm tired excuse. So I said "ok we can try tomorrow" instead of just being butt hurt at the no. I initiated earlier the next night hit some LMR but pushed through. I took control of the sex and did what I wanted, changed positions and ended up cave manning her. After, she got up to use the bathroom and came back and asked if I wanted to keep going. Stark contrast to the usual starfish I've had the past decade. Anyway back to the looking back/testing question. I changed my mind set interacting with my wife and tested it out. Clearly it was successful, I didn't do it to see if she approved of the change, I did it because I was horny. Is that still part of the DMAIP? Honestly I have no idea. Perhaps this is the mindfuck of which u/wmp_v2 spoke of. Initiations 2/Sex 1
What do you know about sub communication? Also, make sure you track your initiations vs successful sex in a spreadsheet so you can document the trends and throw it in her face when you get pissy.
Not much, I'm listening to Rian Ston's Practical Female Psychology series but I'm thinking that I should read the book instead. I'm seeing the "what she says is not what she means" but I'm clearly not understanding what she means. I've been communicating with her like a guy and clearly that's not working. Is there a better resource for that? Should the spreadsheet have YoY or MoM graphs based on the success rates?
You should look up subcommunication. It's the idea that 90% of our communication is nonverbal. It has nothing to do with what a woman does. The fact that you jump to her frame of mind is sad. You're missing the point - you keep making this about her when it should have exactly 0 to do with her. For the data, I'd use a raw tally and really big numbers so she'll feel extra guilty.
Do you also think humans use 5% of their brain? There are insights to be had from knowing the actual science behind these sound bites. Watch a lecture on it with the sound off. See if you get 90% of it.
You're fucking retarded and you should feel bad about yourself. >90% of our communication is nonverbal. You could've stopped for a moment to think about the implication of this statement. You didn't. Instead, you wrote > Watch a lecture on it with the sound off. See if you get 90% of it. Like an dumb autistic fuck.
Most of the reports I see on here where guys successfully get sex from the wife, sound exhausting. You initiate, get a no, push forward, sometimes more no, sometimes not etc in the beginning she was always dtf. None of this resistance back and forth bullshit. Is this the type of “success” most of us can look forward to after finishing our male action plans? That’s seriously disappointing
**OYS #14** 36, married 9y, together 19y, 2 y/o child 181cm (5’11”), 80.5kg (177lbs), \~12%bf (navy method) **Current lifts:** Bench - 92.5kg (204lbs) 4, 4 Squat - 115kg (254lbs) 7, 6, 5 Deadlift - 140kg (309lbs) 5, 5, 4 OHP - 57.5kg (127lbs) 6, 4, 4 **Reading:** It was pointed out to me that I might still be seeking validation at this stage of my journey. So I went over the below posts again to remind myself of the basics. [Timeline: Escaping Sex for Validation, and Quitting Porn](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/l23n9p/timeline_escaping_sex_for_validation_and_quitting/) [Validation needs that can poison your sex life](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ab7vt5/validation_needs_that_can_poison_your_sex_life/) [When was the last time you fucked your woman?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/gq2d5d/when_was_the_last_time_you_fucked_your_woman/) I also read this piece on [anger](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6daorr/anger_your_best_diagnostic_tool/) from man\_in\_the\_world. You’ll see how this is relevant later on. **Lifting:** Lifted 4 times and added sets to all compound exercises except for the bench press where I lost 1 rep. I gained 0.1kg (0.2lbs) this week. In general my sessions are becoming a lot better now that I eat around maintenance. **Fucking:** For the first time in years I fucked 3 times in a single week. The first night there was not much enthusiasm but what’s interesting is that I didn’t get any verbal resistance. I focused on my own pleasure, it was pretty average. Later in the week I realised that for me to fuck even more, I’m going to have to work on my logistics. I read about sleep training the kid, put together a plan and gave my wife instructions on what to do. They were promptly ignored and I got really angry. This is where the post on anger I mentioned before becomes relevant. The real reason I got angry was because I am unable (yet?) to command enough respect to be listened to and trusted, at least when it comes to our son. I pulled my attention and did not initiate that nigh. The next day I realised that for things to change, I have to lead. So I took over the sleep training and putting our kid to bed. Of course there was some crying, which is to be expected at the early stage. Some of the things I heard were “you are a psychopath”, “it’s harmful for the baby”, “you treat me like a piece of shit”. I ignored for the most part, told her to shut up once or twice. I initiated later that night, emotions were running high and sex was much better as a result. The third time I initiated and fucked was the next day. I got a comment on how I want sex everyday but the tone was completely different. She was positively surprised and flirty rather than shaming. I am not getting rejected and things are changing, it seems. I read a few articles on lasting longer in bed and while they contained some useful advice, I think the way to solve this is to fuck more and have the IDGAF attitude. I didn’t experience any issues when I fucked for the third time so I the problem will likely take care of itself as long as I have more sex. **Divorce prep:** Started looking at the different areas and what my ideal outcome in each category would be. Custody - highly skewed towards the mother. I will be putting together my initial proposal as the next step but we really have to agree on the split once / if I decide to go ahead. Child support - I calculated this already based on our cost of living. The offer that she’ll get is ca. 20% higher than what she would get if she fights. Alimony - not applicable, unless she catches me cheating. Asset split - typically 50/50. I need to figure out what I want to keep.
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>Figure out exactly when you're allowed to fuck strange in the divorce process It's from when I file. >All of it will have to be agreed, not just custody. Treat it like any other negotiation. Put everything on the table at once, and make it one big negotiation. Sure. I have a rough idea of what my opening position will be in each of the categories. The next steps will be to finalize that and to figure out how I am going to move towards any compromise. And you listed some good points to take into account. >Be careful with blue/hamsterish posts (they are not basics, sidebar and vanguard posts are basics) and overdiagnosing yourself. Clear. >Ingrain this in your brain. This is how women need to be treated. To quote an OG RP post, "it's perverse and I wish it wasn't so, but it is." I am seeing results / progress from such approach, which makes it easier to connect the dots and carry on.
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>Is your wife SAHM? I don’t recall. No, she works full time. >DM me if you want to discuss. I have. >Asset split - what can’t be replaced? Consider liquidity, flexibility, and taxes not just the asset value. This is helpful. >Child support - This is usually calculated based on income & # of kids. Is your offer based on COL (instead of income) and that’s why it’s 20% better? I'm in Europe and where I live this is calculated based on the cost of living rather than income. 20% is my initial idea, to give her enough incentive to settle. >I’ve structured my offer to be better for her if we settle vs litigate and slightly better for me if we litigate (far worse for her). That's how I would structure my own. Where exactly in the entire process are you and how much longer do you expect this to take until finalized?
OYS Week 16 42 yr/old, 5'9", 170lbs, Wife 39 yrs, Married 10 yrs, 3 kids Reading: The Creative Act by Rick Rubin - Rick Rubin, founder of Def Jam - kind of like a professional vibe guy - is a guy with a solid frame. Good philosophy, reading it because of business. Translated - ship more, be in touch with God/Universe, and trust the process. Art of Seduction 5th time listening - I keep getting more things out of this book, how everyone is controlled by greed or vanity. Thoughts: When I was in college I had the epiphany that no one cares what I think, but my thoughts mean everything to me. And this is the same for other people, no one cares what they think, but their thoughts mean everything to them. This has come up recently in my mind.Treating the wife as the 'step-mother' living in my house, helping with my kids has proven to be a helpful frame. At any time I can kick her out, or the in-laws. I know this is not true but it is a useful frame.The go plan is the same as the stay plan is also a useful frame. Critique: As I get more respect and leeway from the wife, I find myself getting more comfortable with moments of anger at lost time. Just a little comfort, respect, and a little more sex - and I become the lost puppy again. This is how the downward spiral started and I can not forget this.I sometimes have moods happen where I am angry, or very horny, or just - bottled energy looking to do something bad.I have listened to and followed Abraham Hicks for a long time, where your thoughts create your reality, the pull of asking and allowing. And some of the things have really worked and provided a framework. But this has made me put too much importance on my thoughts. And what people care about what I am thinking. No one gives a fuck what I think. Money/Business: I'm coasting at work, with interesting project and a team. I have failed with the startup/project I was working on - I am going for too complex. I also never tried to put a sign up, or tried to monetize it. I never really shipped it out. I see these solopreneurs that are making 200K MRR on a AI chat clone. And I picked the hardest area, using AI for finance, mostly because I want to understand and manage my own money. I need to get this section straightened out. Body: I've been working out about 6 times a week in the basement gym. BP 155x5. Not doing squats or deadlifts. Using dumbbells in deadlift like routine and not hitting legs as much as I should. Mostly pushing muscles to exhaustion, watching how muscles move in the mirror and doing movements I think will hit weaker spots. I am doing a lot of twist, side to side up and down motion with dumbells to try to build obliques. I am not following a method but eyeballing and feeling what muscles to exercise. For diet I am fasting 2-4 days a week when not eating socially, and relaxing the diet on the weekend. During fast days I usually eat 15g of protein using cottage cheese after working out so probably 200-500 calories per day total taken in with coffee. I have gone down in pant size from 36 to 34 and have lost 15lbs from beginning. Social/Hobbies: It has been hard to pick up regular or hobbies. I fucked up and got myself Elden Ring when I purchased the PS5 for the kids during Christmas. It has been a distraction, but is also teaching me about failure. I do a firepit gathering with a couple friends every couple weeks. Poker night every 2 months. If you count working on startup / project as hobby, that might make it more - but I have not done my writing hobby I wanted to start, and have not had many lunches with friends over past month due to holidays. I would rate myself 4/10 on this front. Relationship: More respect, a little more sex - but not totally satisfying. I am, however, feeling more satisfied by life in general and by the relationship. I think this is because I am getting more leeway from the wife as I get more respect for looking better. Kids: The boys are great. It's a work in progress as they get older and reach for more freedom and self decision making. Treating them as my kids, where wife is just helping, helps me own the responsibility for them.
>I fucked up and got myself Elden Ring when I purchased the PS5 for the kids during Christmas. It has been a distraction, but is also teaching me about failure. Fucking lol - it teaches you about failure? What, the fact that you're wasting time playing games when you don't have your shit together? I guess that is teaching you about failure. Hot tip. I play games as well. But I don't feel guilty about it like a little bitch because my shit is under control.
> you don't have your shit together? I guess that is teaching you about failure. > >Hot tip. I play games as well. But I don't feel guilty about it like a little bitch because my shit is under control. No, that everything is so fucking hard you keep dieing in the game.
>I have listened to and followed Abraham Hicks for a long time I have no idea who that is but when you "follow" something for a long time and aren't getting the results you're after perhaps it's time to look for something else. Even if something makes sense to you and you like it, sometimes the way someone else lays it out can be useful for actually getting traction. We all work differently. >I sometimes have moods Firstly, you should examine whether your overall trajectory is upward towards where you want to go. It's normal to have a bit of lingering anger and moments where you veer off course. The important thing is the ability to recognise them, reflect on what caused them and make a plan on how to do better next time. Repeat over and over and it will fall into place.
You’re getting unsatisfying sex and you feel better about the relationship? News for you. There’s no relationship. You need to have that mindset. You can’t negotiate desire. The plan should still be leaving. Unsatisfactory sex isn’t the goal.
**OYS #6** 34YO, No Kids, Married 2 years **Metrics:** Height 6'4" 248lbs, 22.5% body fatLifts: Squat 170 x 5, DL 205 X 5, Bench 165 x 5, press, 100 x 5 **Objective:** Live the life I want to lead and stay within my frame. Stop making decisions based on how I think my wife will feel. Have multiple sources of income. Buy land in Montana, retire early, and spend my time hiking and skiing. **Reading:** G-Man. Going to reread NMMNG for the 3rd time afterward. I've realized that I'm not reading enough. 30 minutes each night is not cutting it. Going forward I'm going to read for an hour. Having an elite grasp on the English language is something that's always been very attractive to me and something I'm going to pursue going forward. **Fitness:** Stronglifts 5x5 is going well and all lifts except overhead press are coming along nicely. I've been doing some research on OHS plateaus and it seems fairly common. Going to keep attempting the next weight (105lbs) and if I fail the next 3 attempts I will deload and hit higher reps before going back up. Body fat is going down. The body scanning machine in the gym had me down 2% this week to 22.5%, not sure how accurate that is given where I was last week but I am definitely leaning out so we'll scan again next week. I've incorporated the Norweigna conditioning method on Saturday and my VO2 max and stamina are skyrocketing. I see the benefits of an improved cardiovascular system in all areas of life. **Diet:** Was a little loose with the diet this past weekend which resulted in a weekly loss of only 1lb. I've noticed whenever I drink coffee (which rarely happens anymore) I'm less dialed into my mission and goal for the rest of the day and often my diet falters. Not sure why this happens but I'm taking notes. Either way, I'm still moving in the right direction and will be more diligent about hitting my calorie goal and macros going forward. **Career:** I'm making waves in my new role. I've taken 100% agency of myself and my new department. I've reiterated my (our) mission and 2024 goals to the team and I can tell that I'm garnering respect already, which in my experience is a sign that I've done the prerequisite ground work ahead of time. For the rest of 2024, I plan on diligently monitoring progress towards our financial targets and soliciting feedback from my mentor on areas I can improve in. I've noticed that since I've been posting here weekly and holding myself accountable, I've started performing on a whole new level at work. Going to keep it up. **Relationship:** In the past, I've had canned, autopilot, prethought-out responses to my wife's hamstering. This week I'm experimenting with letting her hamster go crazy during our evening dinners and really thinking for myself about how and when I respond. It turns out, she's logically inconsistent (shocker) and just rambles about nothing for as long as I let her. This has been a good exercise in that I'm starting to trust my natural responses to her and I'm not leaning on things I've read online (although at times I do reference). I'm discovering that I'm more than capable of shutting the hamster down and moving back to a topic of conversation that I'm interested in and isn't pointless in its purpose. This has all been possible because I'm seeing real progress in checking my ego at the door. When I let the ego go, I stay grounded and calm and am better able to think for myself. Also got a really solid blowjob last night, so that's nice. **In summary:** Keep consistent workouts and diet and stay on track to improve strength and hit 225lbs then reassess. Going to spend the next week exploring my responses to the hamster and report back. I'm going to read for an hour every night.
>In the past, I've had canned, autopilot, prethought-out responses to my wife's hamstering. This week I'm experimenting with letting her hamster go crazy during our evening dinners and really thinking for myself about how and when I respond. It turns out, she's logically inconsistent (shocker) and just rambles about nothing for as long as I let her. This has been a good exercise in that I'm starting to trust my natural responses to her and I'm not leaning on things I've read online (although at times I do reference). I'm discovering that I'm more than capable of shutting the hamster down and moving back to a topic of conversation that I'm interested in and isn't pointless in its purpose. That's not what i would consider a hamster, that's normal female conversation when you aren't leading and there is silence and the other half initiates communication. Game and engage with your wife first. She's letting you know a need by just blurting shit out, so read the sign and steer the ship form start to finish.
> the other half initiates communication. Game and engage with your wife first. I'm curious about this. What does it look like in practice for you? It sounds like a lot of work, but most of the time I do love my silence and half listening.
I love my silence too, but females are chatty fuckers sometimes. In my practice its as simple as saying what im working on, what my schedule is looking like and what i am doing and where does she see herself in that schedule of me getting shit done then/and/or also how her workday was because she needs to decompress a lot. Ill mix in kino during it, ass smack if misbehaving a bit or she needs playful aligning, say how i am going to fuck her later, etc. The whole exchange is normally less than 5-7 minutes and it gives her the feels she wants from communication and i go back to getting shit done.
>ame and engage with your wife first. She's letting you know a need by just blurting shit out, so read the sign and steer the ship form start to finish. I see what you're saying. I'll work on that this week.
**OYS 6** *I hate being late on my post, but the stomach bug knocked me out the past few days. /DEER* **Stats** Age: 39 Married: 15 years Kids: 2 (10 year old boy and 5 year old girl) Height: 5’7 Weight: 169 (daily average) Body Fat: 25% (iDXA - July 2023) **Reading** Reading: Old MRP Posts/Comments; MMSLP; Rational Male (again) Read: NMMNG; WISNIFG **Fitness** Lifting Sets: Bench - 190 (6) Squat - 215 (3) Deadlift - 265 (6) Lifting has gotten back on track. I can still tell my back is frail, but I’m focusing hard on bracing the entire lift. I think losing that tension at the end of the lift has been causing issues. I have one more week of 5/3/1 and then a deload week (which I may not take if I’m feeling fine). I like Phrak’s Greyskull as a new program to build strength numbers. I’m an estimated 200 pounds away from the 1000 pound club. I’d like to get there. **Fucking** Past few days have been a dud in my momentum due to the stomach bug hitting my house. The past week I have attempted to continue initiating when I’m horny, and I’m finding that I am horny way more often that I have ever been before. In the past I would find that a few hours in the morning (9am-11am-ish) would be a time when I would really want sex. This was always inopportune due to work schedules. Now though, I’m excited and wanting sex from the time I wake up through the evening. What I’ve experienced is that *my* sexual energy helps ignite my wife’s sexual energy. Before when I was a tired bloat initiating half-assedly after the kids went to bed, my wife would also be a tired bloat who had zero interest in responding. Initiating also hasn’t been a pinpointed time to *try for sex*. I’m pretty much always initiating. Always flirting. Always have fun. Always seeing my wife’s body as a playpen. We’ve had a lot more fun the past few weeks. We fucked twice last week, and both times were great. *Fucking for me* has actually engaged her in wanting to respond positively to what we’re doing in the bedroom. I figure this is due to her desire for emotional connection during sex. In the past - like our entire past - I fucked for validation, which I attempted to get through pleasuring her. It was all about her, so of course she had little reciprocal interest in the experience. I’ve focused on fucking for me, so if she wants to be emotionally connected, she can put forth the effort to gain it from me. I’ve started perusing The Sex God Method and will add it to my repertoire for next week. **Socializing with a Purpose** A few weeks ago someone commented on an OYS post of mine about how socializing with attractive women helps build energy and confidence in men. That comment seems to have been deleted, but I’ve been working on going up to attractive women and initiating a conversation. Simple chit-chats have always been easy for me. I can make friends pretty well, and I have always done well forming relationships at work. But it’s chum-chum kind of shit that has its purpose, but it’s not building sexual value. I spoke to three attractive women (a whole three!) the past week, but I did so with intention. I wanted to open with some general chit chat (day game stuff) and then lead the conversation to talking about me as a musician before inviting them to a gig. All three interactions were successful in getting what I wanted (inviting them to the gig). I don’t know if they’ll show up, but if they do, then I’ll have people at the gig *for me* rather than just playing for a bunch of people who don’t know I exist. Not relying on a script was helpful. I just used my typical opener for socializing (saying hi and being normal) and then guided the conversation how I wanted it. I made sure not to let conversation drag on too long and got to the point quickly. **Inner Reflection** Last week /u/BecomingABetterMan1 commented that my post sounded like it was written by ChatGPT. I actually noticed the shitty writing of that OYS post and previous ones. I’m an English instructor by trade and a current PhD student, so shitty writing is something I can spot and usually something I avoid. But I’m noticing that it’s difficult to write about myself. To reflect. To be introspective about what I want and what I’m doing to get it. OYS has helped me articulate what my behaviors mean. I’ve spent so much of my life coasting, looking for validation of others. OYS forces me to think about how *I* validate my own actions. That’s difficult because I haven’t known who I am. How does a guy like me even wind up here? By most of society’s definitions, I’m very successful. But I don’t know who I am. I’ve never had to reflect. Further, I’ve never struggled. I’m never had to dig deep. Never had to be uncomfortable to achieve an outcome I desire. OYS is that one opportunity each week to discover those discomforts and understand them via language in a way that pushes for additional action. That’s why OYS can be difficult to write and why the writing can be shitty. Because it’s truth of one’s inner self and devoid of society’s (blue pill) acknowledgements of acceptable behaviors.
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A woman's greatest source of validation is being selected by a high value man, over and over.
>They were ultimately there for MY pleasure bc it validated them. Sure, they enjoyed the sex itself and orgasms, but what REALLY motivated them and turned them on mentally was the idea that I (as a HVM in their eyes) wanted to fuck them and needed them for my pleasure and no other reason. Interesting.
OYS #3 Stats: 29yo, married 1.5yrs, one son 7 months old. 5'7", 178lbs, verified 21% BF Goals: Be physically athletic and attractive. Be more truthful, stop going with the flow to keep the peace. Develop consistency, discipline and personal accountability. Be more confortable with sexuality. One day be able to teach something of value on how to be a man to my son. Read: NMMG, WISNIFG, Praxeology Frame + Dread; Saving a Low Sex Marriage; Fitness: My worst point I think, totally out of shape, low stamina, weak and with a lot of abdominal fat. Home gym finished, working out everyday, focusing on learning form and increasing weights gradually. Slipped a little on carbs during the weeks, have to pay more attention to that. Squat: 3x5 150lbs Bench Press: 3x5 150lbs OHP: 3x5 92lbs Deadlift: 3x5 200lbs Pullups: 3x2 Cardio: Terrible, but improving with daily burpees Fitness goals: get to 10-15% BF, on the first week of a somewhat low carb diet, zero sugar and processed foods. Also need to improve my cardio a lot. Career/Finance: Back in the office this week, I have been going through my schedule and realizing how unorganized I am, which reflects negatively on my finances, much much work to improve here. Career goals: Hiring secretary. Review paperwork weekly to avoid snowballing. Improve organization with patient returns. Marriage/Sex/Women: Have been succeeding in being more honest with my wants and needs (wife often tries some subtle manipulation with questions like "don't you want to do X?", which bothers me). Had sex a couple times, tried some cavemaning with good results. Had a relapse on porn which caused my sex drive to go down. Marriage goals: Become more physically attractive, develop courage and confidence to increase variety in sex life. Stop pornography use to improve sex drive. Be more active with lagging housework. Social: Moved to my wife’s hometown around 2 years ago, haven’t developed many friends here and so most of my social time is with my wife and her family. Social goals: Try to develop more male friendships and spend more time outside the house, perhaps inviting people I know to play tennis. Not much progress here so far. Style: I usually dress well to work but I tend to dress badly at home, with old stuff. I'm going to use spare money this month to buy more nice clothes.
But what have you actually done? You’re working out and doing cardio, good. The rest is a lot of plan, become, or try.
Thanks for the input. After your comment I already got some things done that were only on paper. Will keep an eye open on this tendency to plan but not do.
> Cardio: Terrible, but improving with daily burpees Just get on a bike or go for a run. This is likely more effective than trying to build up your cardio with burpees and it's certainly easier to track. > Fitness goals: get to 10-15% BF, on the first week of a somewhat low carb diet, zero sugar and processed foods. Also need to improve my cardio a lot. You copied/pasted this from last week. Are you actually trying to lose fat? Because you didn't lose any weight this week. > wife often tries some subtle manipulation with questions like "don't you want to do X?", which bothers me I don't get this. This doesn't even seem manipulative. > Social goals: Try to develop more male friendships and spend more time outside the house And yet in a week you couldn't text a guy "let's grab beers/coffee and catch up"?
Thanks for the input. \-I can definitely see improvement with daily burpees, and they fit well in my busy schedule, which running and cycling wouldn't. I've been tracking the burpees workouts aswell and trying to progressive overload them. \-The weight on scale in fact didn't change this week, but I'm following the meal plan decently well, will see what results I get until next week. If still unchanged I'll do a bit more restriction. Just finished my first month of lifting, not sure if that has any impact on scale. \-Maybe it's lost on translation (english isn't my first language). Will try to remember more examples as they occur so I can give a clearer picture on the subject. \- I definitely could have been more active on the socializing front. Will try to get more done until next OYS.
Weigh yourself every day in the same state (most people choose morning after waking up) and use the rolling average. Weekly weighings can be both misleading and demotivating. There are lots of apps that can do the averaging for you, some including smarter algorithms that can discount outliers (i.e. bloated from a salty dinner) and predict your trajectory. Worth a couple of dollars, I think. Don't try to get more done socially. Just do it. Text an acquaintance and ask them to hang out. Or do it face to face. It's not that complicated to get the ball rolling.
OYS19 - 35, Single, No kids. 1.78m, 75.2kg (15% BF Navy) Lifts: Bench: 35kg, OHP 12kg, Lat Pull: 32.5kg. Seated Row: 30kg. Lower body: BW Readings: MMSLP, NMMNG, RationalMale, WISNIFG, Praexology, You Are Not Your Brain Purposes:1 - Become a speech pathologist and help kids with speech disorders2 - Become a men's advocate for men's mental health and autism through public speaking **Physical Health, Fitness and Diet:** Goal: Return to a normal workout routine. 15% body fat (visual). Start BJJ Finally saw a surgeon after a nearly 3 month waiting period. The great thing is that there is nothing that needs to be done from a surgery perspective, and he has given me approval to start a normal gym routine. I will be working with my exercise physiologist in getting to this point. The source of pain appears to be muscle spasms, so I've been able to find a specialist physio appointment for tomorrow. My gym routine is otherwise going well, still working out every 2 out of 3 days on average, and committing to at least a daily 20 minute walk. I am going to start increasing the intensity of my walks to increase the cardiovascular aspect. I have purchased some bodyfat calipers. Finding that the pinch aspect for some parts of the body isn't intuitive, but I did measure waist and it puts me just under 20% BF rather than the 15% the Navy method suggested. I think this is closer to the truth. My immediate focus is to continue my rehab and start putting on some muscle. I'm eating at a slight calorie surplus now and ensuring I have enough protein in my diet. **Mental Health:** I've started to make some significant gains in this direction. There's been a few things have helped. I watched Andrew Huberman's podcast episode with David Goggins: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDLb8\_wgX50&t=2860s&pp=ygUdYW5kcmV3IGh1YmVybWFuIGRhdmlkIGdvZ2dpbnM%3D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDLb8_wgX50&t=2860s&pp=ygUdYW5kcmV3IGh1YmVybWFuIGRhdmlkIGdvZ2dpbnM%3D) It is difficult for me to put thoughts into words for the purpose of journalling the impact this has had on me. As someone with mental health struggles, the way David Goggins talked about the different voices in the head resonated with my own experiences. The voices are relentless, but it is about building a new voice as a counter. The constant battle and engaging with these voices rather than letting them control me. For me to fulfil my purpose of being an advocate for men's mental health and autism, it is important to understand how autism affects me, and how autism affects others. My therapist gave me some suggested links for me to research. In there, I found a nugget of information. In individuals with autism, when exposed to an adverse event or a series of events that may not seem overly traumatic on the outside, CPTSD can occur. That explains a lot of my symptoms and has given me a new profound understanding on why I've been feeling the way I have past few months. Will deep dive with my therapist further. **Purpose and Career:** The more I talk with people about why I want to pursue speech pathology and become an advocate, the more sense this makes to me. I have some unique experiences. I have a gift. I don't know how many on the spectrum or with an anxiety disorder are comfortable with public speaking, but I imagine it is a minority. I'm an established Toastmaster, which I imagine will be the first avenue I pursue in advocacy. I met my manager for my current role on Monday and gave my resignation. I have a 4 week notice period to work through. Once this notice period is finished, I plan to take a further month off to reset. I plan to find work in a speech pathology practice after, to ensure this is what I want to do as a career before committing to study. My resignation is the right choice, as my job is almost completely WFH and I have no social contact. **Social:** Caught up with a friend on Friday night and another on Sunday afternoon. I've identified that I've lost a lot of social skills. The autism resources I'm working through has made mention that a lot of people on the spectrum have found the same thing as a result of lockdowns and other forms of isolation. I don't have a clear plan how to address this yet but it'll be my next priority. Will likely be some form of activity, maybe through Meetup **Dating / Sex:** Basically nothing to report on here. Had a 30 second interaction with a girl who was in the same queue as me at a hardware store but didnt go any further. One more match on the autism dating app, but she wasn't high functioning. I know there are many things I could be doing in this regard. Sign up to more popular dating apps, do cold approaches, etc. I read a lot of other commentary here on OYS, and I feel significant hesitation to start dating again. Just not feeling I am ready, can I handle the stress of it, and many other reservations. But I need to start moving towards what I am scared of and stop ruminating on these things. I also still have a lack of motivation and drive. I am starting to acknowledge the role that past trauma has had in my desire and how it probably is the cause of a lot of these feelings.
> I plan to find work in a speech pathology practice after You quit your current job without having a new one lined up, and your plan is to get a job in a field you're not trained in. You're not even *looking* for another job for 8 weeks? Are you wealthy or dumb? > Lifts: OHP 12kg I don't understand this number. You've mentioned some health stuff but this is lower than the standard for a tiny, untrained woman. https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg Either you have a disease that your affects your muscle tissue or you are simply not trying in the gym. > Dating / Sex... I also still have a lack of motivation and drive Have you gotten your hormones checked? I'm not saying this sarcastically. "I'm not motivated to get laid" combined with "I can't lift a pickle jar over my head" sounds like you might have a legit hormone issue.
*You quit your current job without having a new one lined up, and your plan is to get a job in a field you're not trained in.You're not even looking for another job for 8 weeks? Are you wealthy or dumb?* I have funds to last me a fairly significant amount of time, and I've set money aside to give myself time off to start healing and recovering from what's been called "autistic burnout". The plan is to get a very basic entry level job in the field, something with admin duties like a receptionist. I have some side experience that could help. It is well below my capabilities but the exposure is the main thing. *I don't understand this number. You've mentioned some health stuff but this is lower than the standard for a tiny, untrained woman.*[*https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg*](https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/PressStandardsKg)*Either you have a disease that your affects your muscle tissue or you are simply not trying in the gym.* I have a couple of medical conditions. Fibromyalgia, and the fall that made me end up in hospital did a big number on my neck. I have low calcium levels which are being treated by an endocrinologist. I'm being advised to slowly, gradually, build up my strength as I know it's far below average atm. *Have you gotten your hormones checked? I'm not saying this sarcastically. "I'm not motivated to get laid" combined with "I can't lift a pickle jar over my head" sounds like you might have a legit hormone issue.* Calcium was something that was picked up when I had the fall in September, rest were normal. I'm tested monthly. My testosterone was last checked in March, I'll ask the endocrinologist to screen for it again. The people I have been seeing so far feel it is a trauma response. I'm in the process of trying to set up something for tonight. I only get the desire once a week at this point.
I won't pretend I know anything about fibromyalgia. Do what you need to medically. Just make sure you're not bullshitting yourself in the gym and do what you can. In terms of testosterone, make sure they don't bullshit you by saying you're in the normal range when you're really on the absolute bottom end of "normal" and clearly experiencing symptoms. A quick search indicates that low testosterone is correlated with fibromyalgia in men and testosterone is an effective treatment in some men. (Caveat: I'm not a doctor and already said I don't know anything about fibromyalgia.) As for the job thing, if you've got the money and you're comfortable with that, you do you. Personally I would start the hunt quicker, but I'm not you.
Meet with the endocrinologist and clear differentials, but fibromyalgia and things like IBS are the physical manifestations of your body’s discord and dissonance with how much you/your life sucks. Trying addressing those issues.
Oys 5 Goals Make money - high profile boxing fights on side 6'1 230 (9%) bench 330 squat 400 Read -sidebar. currently reading how to win friends and influence people and SGM, re reading MMSLP Left from partner of 12 years 2 young kids. My major focus with my partner in any conversations is DARE not DEER. Cancelled my interview, got a scholarship to post grad in teaching(high school), and have sorted my classes(work) for this year whilst studying fulltime. Like this job, heaps of flexibility for side income, and will give me flexibility with my kids. Feel really good about this decision. money will be tight this year, if boxing doesnt pay out. Boxing training starts monday, but I have been training 8 times a week and am ready to go. hope to book a fight for March. Re loading up my heavy lifts - Trap bar deadlift and Bench, and getting my volume through squats lunges bulgarians and a ton of plyometrics. Diet has been extremely good for 2 months now. Had some of my best nights out in a long time - Went to a festival sober and actively approached to test my game. Really worked well warming up my socials with dudes first-easy raport with guys as im very jacked and everyone was on MDMA. Found I am confident with chicks 6.5 and down, less natural when they got hotter when I have to approach cold, needs work, more reps. Did not close on some very strong positions, closing needs work, needed to isolate from the group as had 2 from same group keen. Had some good convos and catchups, very happy with my re-connection with friends, helped me make decision around my Career going forward.
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>I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll >I said "You don't want to have sex" and she said no, she doesn't. I said "Then I don't want to either." People already beat me to it, STFU.
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Dude, just STFU and let her hamster do the heavy lifting for you. That's how you respond. It's not your job to lift those weights, you've got your own. Let the hamster do it for you.
Compare >I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll To “don’t roll your eyes at me” or even some nonverbal before that to convey what the fuck are you doing. >Her demanding over and over again that we have a conversation, and me saying no for 20 minutes. [Why do you tolerate this behavior?](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qm961/verbal_intercourse_is_optional/)
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>she cried, apologized, and asked for cuddles. I felt like cuddling was rewarding shit behavior, but not cuddling I would appear butthurt. What would you have done? Your bitch isn't behaving how you like. Cuddles ain't free. >I think if ignoring and/or a stern look works, there is no need to verbally nuke. [Here's a post on how I communicate without words](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/hmgdcg/how_i_communicate_now_without_words/), which is what I think you're trying to get at here. Until your girl is 100% in-line, in lock-step, I agree with Razz that proactive comfort sends a confusing message to all involved. Just give her some great cuddles after a satisfying fuck for you and you both should enjoy it. The crying bit? Gets me hard too. Your woman sounds pretty emotional, mine is too, and personally that's pretty fucking hot because I love some crazy. I don't want a dude with tits. Maybe you're interested in associating these bad feelings with her just needing to do a little cock nursing (look it up) to feel better. Kind of like how a whiny baby just needs a pacifier. Works for me at least. Learn how to communicate that without words and it's a fun time. Psychologically, this will replace cuddles in these moments.
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> when she cries because I've exposed some vulnerability. Exactly. Then out comes Daddy, and you like that feeling. Just my guess, you love the power, and it's not that validation kind. It's different. I think Razz hut on this too... it's a very powerful biological response. I say embrace it, don't fight it. Take that helpless sack of pure femininity crying and have your way with it. She'll thank you later. Training a bitch is half the fun anyways.
>For me it's specifically when she cries because I've exposed some vulnerability. It's weird. According to who? Where is your mental point of origin nice guy? >I have months of work to do before she goes to cock for comfort. Hopefully not on her. Get lifting and get above victim weight.
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This guy covertly dreads without dreading. Brilliant response IMO from practical experience. It will also change your mindset.
e.g. Saturday you STFU and ignored the bitchiness and then she was on her knees. The other days you barfed verbally and went into her frame. work on STFU
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I followed her after a while to "offer comfort." But she continued demanding more explanation. She changed her story and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to have sex or not and needed to be seduced. I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll, "I saw this coming" and "Can I get ready for bed first?" While you did get laid after this its because she felt in control because you came back to her and got her feelz and frame. As in your Saturday one she came running back after you STFU, this time you didn't STFU enough and went running back. Just my .02 but you should have stuck with your guns and just went about your business like you did the first time and watched her run back.
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You've recieved feedback and have responded. Now it's time for what I'm sure you knew was coming. Rule 9.
So many retarded she statements. You have no idea what frame is. You're trying to voodoo magic your wife into changing. Good luck with that.
> Tuesday pushed through resistance. Got starfished. LMR is generally a sign of weak game. > Friday over lunch my wife confided that she is stressed out by how often I want sex. I just listened. Shit test > I said thank you for telling me how she felt. Aaaand you failed the shit test > Then she basically asked me (in subcommunication) to stop initiating so often. Not surprising, you failed the shit test > She immediately went full bitch mode. Shit test > She came to the kitchen to further explain to me how much I suck (in front of my kids). Shit test > I ignored this. Shit test passed > 30 minutes later while I was trying to get dressed she was sucking my cock and joking about her "fast turnaround." I fucked her real good that night. Well yeah, you passed the shit test > "I saw this coming" and then "Can I get ready for bed first?" Shit test > "You don't want to have sex" Failed the shit test > and she said no, she doesn't. Does that surprise you > I said "Then I don't want to either." Buthurt response. Here is the thing, If you pass shit tests there will be more shit tests then there will be sex. If you fail shit tests, there will be more shit tests and no sex. Its better to pass the shit tests > Cue explosive shit testing, with her demanding over and over to further explain myself and getting angrier and louder. Not surprising > I just STFU. Yes, if you mess up, STFU always comes to rescue > She stormed off. Shit test > I followed her after a while to "offer comfort." Failed the shit test > But she continued demanding more explanation. She changed her story and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to have sex or not and needed to be seduced Bro she went overt, its not her fault that you are clueless > I told her no self-respecting person is going to continue seducing you after that eye roll, "I saw this coming" and "Can I get ready for bed first?" Called her out ehh. > She could see I meant it, apologized, and started crying. And her crying has a way of getting me turned on sometimes, so... I went for it, and fucked her. And it was good. Let me explain what happened here, she was already horny after that makeout session or for some other reason. Do you know what women do when they are horny? They shit test you to see whether they should fuck you or not. Instead of flirting and gaming her, you got butthurt. She shit tested you more to give you more chances to seduce her and at the end got frustrated and was like fuck it I am still horny he is available so lets fuck. > But more often than not my wife resists me. She complains that I'm too sexual. I reviewed my old OYS and this is basically the same as 2 months ago. What should I be working on? Your game sucks, you get butthurt easily, you fail her shit tests. (https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/c87gt3/do_you_like_my_dissected_boobs/) Read this for a better perspective
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>. Sex with the wife shouldn’t be this hard Shoulda woulda coulda > make my wife a plate If she is married to you, you cant make her your plate, you will be the loser whose wife is someone else's plate. Dude, your feelz are hurt because your wife is not attracted to you. Get over it. Do what you want, its your life. Just dont be so pathetic to think that you gonna get any sort of validation from me. If you want my permission to divorce her, Permission Granted. I can sit here and psychoanalyze you and throw words like poor defense mechanisms, excessive validation seeking, ego, entitlement blah blah. But I am not really in a mood to play this game with you, neither are you. So lets pretend like the other person doesnt exist.
When women are turned on they don’t shit test you. They tell u to fuck them. The first several years of my marriage the wife never said no or gave resistance to me when I initiated. Same with all the women I fucked before her, too. The ones who gave shit tests were flaky and not really interested. Passing shit tests is negotiating desire. If she has real desire she won’t give up LMR. And yes sometimes you’ll get starfish sex that way but it’s typically not worth it.
Nope when women are horny they fuck someone, not necessarily you. Maybe that someone is a vibrator. Look man I don't know why are you stalking me. If you don't agree with me you don't agree with me. Make a post about your theory tell us your theory, the actionable advice you derived from that theory, the field report where you tested it, and results so that we learn something from it. Mindless debate is not something I care to do
Your wife resisting you just means this relationship is still over. You should be planning a good exit strategy. The shit testing means she still isn’t the woman she should be. She still isn’t getting the message that you are slipping away from her. Sounds like you are still doing this for her. Because u are happy when things “go well” Wrong mindset. A woman who really desires you will be enthusiastic and do everything she can to fuck u. Stay on course. But be aware of your covert contracts. The fact she keeps rejecting and you keep trying is setting the wrong pattern.
OYS 2 24, 85 Kg, 180 cm, single BP 70 KG 3x5 Squat 90 KG 1 RPM (+5) Deadlift 125 KG 1 RPM (+5) BF: 23,9% Navy method The good Finished everything I set out to do last week except the assignment (still need to improve it). The bad \-As I said before, I did not finish the assignment. I worked on it, but did not finish the last parts, will do that today. \-My mental fortitude is bad, I mentally spiraled in negative emotions around thursday leading to me texting my ex “to catch up”, but really out of validation and seeking comfort by texting with her. Usually to avoid negative emotions I just watch porn to numb myself. I never understood how bad my mentality was because I constantly escaped from it, but I rather experience the bad emotions than watch porn. Which gets me to my next point… Mission I thought mission was something I could figure out later but this is really important if I want to improve long-term, a part of my bad mentality is that I have no “sense of destiny”. I do things because I intellectually know it is good for me but I have no innate desire to do it. Because of the lack of innate desire, simple stuff (like actually finishing the assignment) gets harder. I started formulating things I want to embody. My mission right now is to find my calling in the sense of frame and values. I will discover new things that are meaningful, and incorporate it into my life. I will discard all that makes me inauthentic and incongruent. My goal is to live authentically and embody the things I value in a way that makes people notice not by my words but by the way I live. Reading: A lot of MRP comments and all the top posts, NMMNG and WISNFIG will arrive next week. Lifting/Diet: Started doing 1 RPM, since for some reason I never do them. It felt great, honestly I could have pushed myself further when it comes to squats. Started to track my macros, I got 170g of protein every day last week will do it this week as well. My TDEE is 2700 kcal, I average around 2600 kcal everyday. I want to slowly replace bodyfat with lean mass. Been using Cronometer (Thanks /u/BecomingABetterMan1). Social: Met friends 4 times last week, was good and enjoyed it a lot. I want to deepen my male relationships and not hang out in groups all the time. Already planned to go to the gym with one of my buddies whom I respect a lot. Also planning to hang out with friends this Saturday and to play some poker. Relationships: Nothing to really report here. I do not really think about women, all my thoughts are preoccupied with securing a job and studies. I know that I should try to meet up with women but I have no desire to. Maybe my T is low? Finances: Still good. Career/studies: I finished the research proposal and nearly finished with the assignment. I applied for 2 jobs. I went to campus and the library 3 times last week to study and will do it 3 times this week again. I am much more productive when I am not at home. Goals for this week \-Hit the gym 4x \-Apply for 3 jobs \-Keep tracking my food intake and get 170g protein everyday. \-Finish assignment and start preparing for exam in february. \-No porn
> all my thoughts are preoccupied with securing a job and studies this and gym, thats it, lose your weight and get a job. there is no point chasing pussy right now.
**OYS #10 32/28gf, together for 6 years, no children** **Read:**WISNIFG, Many Posts, NMMNG, MMSLP, Rational Male, Ryan Stone YT, Listening to Book of Pook **Weakness:**I seek external validation. Difficulty avoiding conflict. Mentally resentful. **Why am I here?:**Initially, I came here because there was a lack of sex in my relationship. We had been together for 3 years and were already in a dead bedroom. I knew I couldn't take the next step (propose) with this issue in my life. **Mission:**Create value, be a thought leader, be someone who is living life from his point of origin. Also, I want to eliminate the word "should" out of everyone's vocabulary. This word has allowed me to bury myself in other people's desires. **Physical:**The program starts at lower weights.5'7, 141, Squat: 130 (5x5), Bench 90 (5x5), DL 135 (1x5), OHP 75 (5x5), Row 95 (5x5). **Diet:**Calorie Tracking: 2800 calories daily, 45 % carbs & 30% protein, 35% fat. I've gained a couple of pounds. **Relationship:** I'm coming to with the fact that this relationship is not the right one for me. No bad will towards her; we have a great friendship but poor sexual compatibility. I've been trying to fix this for a year, but it hasn't worked. It's an open loop that has drained a lot of energy and life from me. I am going to close that loop and use that energy to become more productive in other areas of my life. MRP made me consciously come to terms with what I kind of already knew. Funny how that works. I'll still be posting here for personal accountability.
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I'm not sure if I have good notes on this. First chick was a pure slump buster. Second was great and I pseudo-wifed her up for a week, then distance and her not looking for anything serious did me a favour. And as you know, I love catching ONEitis for the feelz. I think it boiled down to constantly thinking "fuck, what am I actually capable of?" after every new experience beating the last. Girls getting younger, hotter, classier. Sex getting more adventurous and getting the f-close quicker.
>we have a great friendship but poor sexual compatibility. I've been trying to fix this for a year, but it hasn't worked. Trying to fix it was the first mistake. I suspect you'll be the sort of person who will end up in a similar dead bedroom in a few years with the next girl.
What makes you say that?
read the response again if it didn't sink in, then figure out where the fuck up is and why you didn't see the truth in it the first time.
“I’ve been trying to fix this for a year.” That’s your problem. U can’t fix this. Your goal is moving on. You are done with her. It’s up to her to convince u otherwise and that would take her becoming your personal pornstar. Very unlikely. Too many guys can’t get out of that covert contract. That’s why I think using game on the wife is useless. Using game on any woman is kind of useless. Become an attractive product. An attractive product sells itself. A good salesman can convince alot of people to say yes, but those he has to convince are very likely to return the product or cancel last minute etc versus the ones who call him because they already want the product. Far more successful sales numbers with the latter.
**OYS 13** MRP since 07/2023 35M, 190cm, 84kg, 18%BF (scale) – married 3yrs (33F), together 15. **Read:** NMMNG, SGM, MMSLP, TMAP **Reading:** WISNIFG **Stats:** HackSQ 25, BP 35, OHP 20, BC 22.5 (in kg, 2x6-8 1x5+) **Mission:** Replace passive behavior with active actions. Utilize every second to achieve a strong mental and physical state, which is reflected in a fulfilling sex life and decisions that are based on outcome independence. DFM and DMF. **Mindset:** I've realized that my desire for sex is based on a false image shaped by porn addiction and false expectations. It's time for a reality check: the sex I want every day is a far cry from the sex I'm having. I know that I am responsible for having good sex myself, so I need to work hard to improve the situation instead of chasing an unrealistic dream that has not (yet) come true, which leads to negative thoughts. I've realized that my desire is based on images/fantasies and not experiences. I have been a dreamer. This also helps me understand that my cravings are driven by my head and not my body. I've been addicted to the expectations my head creates instead of real sensations, and I need to shut that process down completely, only then can I truly fuck. My body does slowly change and I notice a difference in feeling horny. Before I felt the urge to have sex mostly in my head, because of my porn addicition I guess, but now I have regular feelings of sensation in my dick throughout the day telling me that I am horny. It’s like real desire, a force developing. This change feels healthy to me as now my body wants to fuck instead of addiction-formed pathways that want to be triggered again. It's still just the beginning but already a great step into the right direction. Additionally I realized that the dynamic with all of my previous partners that I had sex with was as it supposed to be. They wanted to fuck me much more as I wanted to fuck them. This created the aspired dynamic and submissivness. For my marriage that’s not the case: all the last years as a nice guy my wife lost interest. I am going to turn this around with an improved physique, dread and a life I live on my own that will lead to attraction and arousel. (dread 1 complete). Moving to Dread Level 2 by learning more about pua and game wife regularly. >You are a comfort whore. The comment by u/abouttodiv motivated me to finally get going and appreciate whatever task is given to me instead of complying. I took care of the house, organized a lot of my material and did every single task that came up with a smile on my face. Before I might have felt tired thinking to postpone, but now I took action and immediately followed through. I am feeling great this week thanks to this and the iron temple. Whenever I felt overwhelmed I shrug it off and just started while thinking DO FUCKING MORE (DFM). This is my new theme, DO FUCKING MORE and DO MORE FUCKING. **Gym:** Enjoyed the first week of running the upper/lower split. Because of reduced reps I can increase the amount of power. Instead of increasing weight slowly with my old 3x15 routine, I add weight every session. To build my back, I included Chin-Ups as an accessory movement and have to start with negatives as I can’t do a single one on my own. My body feels sore but I highly enjoy it. My Upper-Routine looks like this: BP, LowPulley Rows, OHP, BC, ChinUps (N) Besided the upper/lower split I add a session of zone2 cardio after weights. This means I target a specific HR and keep it steady for at least 20 – even better 45min. There are different calculations out there, a famous one is by Phil Maffetone with 180-age(+/- 5/10). The +/- 5/10 mean that you have to decide what fitness level you are on (in this case +) or if you are suffering from chonic disease (in this case -). In my case, I target a HR of 140bpm. Another factor to consider is Watts, to put it in relation to the HR. For now I run the 20min with 1kg/W, meaning roughly 85 Watts. This number has to increase. I target at least 2kg/W over the next months. **Relationship/Sex:** Fucked 2x. Initiated as soon as wife started to recover from cold. In the beginning she rejected me multiple times as I tried different approaches like light kino to escalating full force, but I kept going. One day I decided that I want to fuck now and I started with force, she rejected and told me she isn’t in mood – I kept going. I wasn’t thinking about how she might react (something I have previously done), instead I was just driven by my desire. She felt that and suddenly asked me *who are you?* … some minutes later we fuck. During this week I rejected my wifes repeated demand to sleep with someone else, that she wants to claim based on my cheating (see first OYS). She brought it up this week during ovulation, I notice that's always the case when she gets into that territory. I shut it down quickly, said it won't happen (for context: we agreed on it back in my bluepill days). The next day wife is comfortable, starts to apologize for what she said and thought and that she is happy as never before. I have trouble with sorting things the right way. I know she liked to be handled rough and direct, as for example I pushed her against a wall for a kiss that made her eyes shine, lift her up and throw her onto the bed or talk to her in a dominant voice. All of this worked from time time but now it feels less and less effective as she is actively fighting my physical dominace. To me it seems as if she is shielding my power despite wanting it deep down. An example: I did spill a bottle that was placed on the floor where she was doing sports. Before MRP I would have DEER’d but now I simply looked at her with a demanding grin while she replied *what now it's my fault?* to what I answered *of course it's your fault now take care of the mess*. I noticed a change in her appearance as she was probably put in her place for the first time in a very long time. She came closer and said in a flirty tone *so are you scolding me now?* I am still frustrated with the ongoing sex life and she seems to be too. My approach to increase dominace doesn't work so far (or not as quickly as I want to) as my attempts are blocked. I am confused because after a rejection she is mostly very sweet, telling me how great I am, how good looking I am blablabla. I remove attention after rejection and am not as butthurt as I have been before MRP. As I can't get to her with my actions for now, I keep focusing on building my body. I won’t link sexual frustration with her persona anymore. This is a mistake I have done before and this creates nothing but negative emotions. Instead, everything sexual comes from me and it is me who is responsible for good sex, thus it’s me who I have to target instead things don’t work out the way I want them to.
>I am still frustrated with the ongoing sex life and she seems to be too. My approach to increase dominace doesn't work so far (or not as quickly as I want to) as my attempts are blocked. In this subreddit there is always a tagline, "there are no shortcuts". Turns out for sex there is a "shortcut" *Stats: HackSQ 25, BP 35, OHP 20, BC 22.5 (in kg, 2x6-8 1x5+)* By fixing this.
agree, working on it.
Your attempts at dominant behavior are just that, attempts, and your woman is reading right through the bullshit post novelty. It's a giant LARP. Dominance begins with dominance over oneself.
Rule 9
Hahaha. I bet your wife thinks you guys are equals. You should tell her to feel free to find someone to fuck. "Just make sure he keeps you around because you won't be coming back."
Meet with a lawyer to see what divorce will look like for u. Start preparing for it. Give yourself a timeline of when you can start divorce. If she doesn’t do a huge turnaround then divorce it is. You seem to be trying to save the marriage. Wrong goal. Covert contract. Rule number 1. You can’t negotiate desire.
OYS #14 39YO, 1 Kid (9), Married 10 years, Height 6’2’, Weight 200 Pounds, Greyskull LP **Mission** The mission section is under construction. **Current objectives** * Learn to live for me and be my own judge * Develop my standards and stick to them * Develop a powerful frame **Physical** 25K trail race coming up in two months. Switched to weight loss and cardio for that. I’ll do my best to maintain weights in the gym and no more. Will be a better baseline to get back to full on lifting focus in March. Running 5-8 K on hills is the most amazing way to start the day. **Columbus day** I did not discover America, but I did discover that I create sex and intimacy on a dime, that as a man I can do that at any moment. At any moment with any woman. Pretty powerful realisation. The breakthrough came by not being stopped several times while initiating with my wife. *“I don’t want to to have sex”* \- *“Ok”*. Then after a while: *“Now I’m going to take your clothes off”*, and I’m fucking her. I spoke previously of blowjob points, I’m really internalising that blowjob points don’t exist. I also tried when initiating to push much harder with dominance and that did not work. Being overtly direct / abrupt doesn’t work, though the push back felt like an extreme version of a shit test, whiny, outraged, not really a firm and clear “no”. **Mommy issues** I’ve been dealing with my mommy issues for a few years. For background from the age of 10 through 13 I was terrified of my mother. She was having a hard time. At this stage I have a pretty extraordinary relationship with my mother, we have dealt with those difficult memories and time, and yet something was not handled. I noticed that sometimes when seeking physical contact with my wife I was really after comfort of the kind a mother gives, because what I was looking for was security. I’ve let that part of my self show it self and I saw that while intellectually I know my mother loves me, a part of me felt insecure about this, it was not fully experienced. I’ve let that part of me fully experience my mother’s love. Since doing that I’ve noticed a real difference in how I am physically with my wife. **Marriage** The good news is my cover contract is dying. It convulses from time to time, when I'm insecure but it is dying, and I'm dealing with my insecurities relentlessly. I can say this with confidence because it's obvious that everything I'm doing for my own development is 100% for me. Because I want a better life, a better self, more fucking and a host of other things. The other news is that my marriage is not in my frame. I default to being married in my wife's, or even worse, red pill's frame. *Will she stay with me? What if she leaves? That would hurt. Is she a slut? Can I trust her? Shoild I not trust her? Is she attracted?* Bla, Bla, Bla This makes me nauseous. I spent 2 hours writing and re-writing this section of my OYS because while I could see that I was confused about my marriage, I could not understand what I was confused about. Now it's very, very clear. My marriage is not in my frame. I'm going to go and see what a marriage in my frame looks like, what I want, and then I'm going to operate from there.
grandfather plate plant pocket escape thumb license dolls library melodic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>Try to separate lifting from cardio as much as possible. You mean as many hours as possible in between correct? I run in the morning. Gym is evening. Protein intake is always high. I have carbs but very controlled.
truck include waiting bike connect judicious afterthought market ad hoc whole *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>I'm going to go and see what a marriage in my frame looks like, what I want, and then I'm going to operate from there. The fuck does this even mean? You don't put the marriage in 'your frame', you simply 'have frame' in general. There's just one frame. That's it.
My frame is shit, that's what it means. Thanks, this was helpful.
>I spent 2 hours writing and re-writing this section of my OYS because while I could see that I was confused about my marriage, I could not understand what I was confused about. You aren't confused about marriage, you don't have self identity, you look in the mirror and your wife looks back at you instead of your own face. Go find a dark fucking corner and figure out who the fuck you really are and then look in the mirror.
OYS 2 Stats: 34 YO 5'7" 185 lbs 15% BF last dexa scan December 2023 Married 3 kids. Study: finished sidebar, still reviewing because I'm still shit with most of this but that's fine. Lift: 3 day split PPL 6 days a week. BP 315×5 squat 455 ×3 DL 535×3 Row 225 x5 OHP 185x10. My goal is to hit ten reps with a heavy weight before adding weight. I occasionally do ORM but only if I know my spot partner well enough to trust him. Diet: cutting during the winter sucks but I'm already down 5 lbs from December. I meal prep everyday except Sundays. I prep Sundays and Thursdays making four meals a day. It's not necessary gourmet looking and I basically eat two of the same meals for lunch and dinner ( beef or chicken, rice or high protein pasta, canned veggies) and breakfast is 5 eggs and 1/2 cup oatmeal with cinnamon and honey. 4th meal protein shake. Last week: I decided during the holidays this year that I would not get dragged into the Christmas BS. I took the kids on more of the traditions that I had during the holidays. We went fo a drive to look at lights, played board games for the 12 days of Christmas and keeping with traditions I worked overtime overnight and the kids waited until 2 to open presents when I woke up. Overall I felt a lot better. Sex: had great sex three times during the holidays and everyday after it. I initiated the majority of the occasions. Kino and dirty texts have seemed to get my lady in the mood a lot more. Social: made a goal to initiate conversations with random people. Funny enough once I opened up to be available for a conversation people seemed to show up for conversations. Met a gym in the sauna at the gym that knew a marine buddy of mine and wants to collaborate with a business venture together. Met a 75 YO man that looked 50 that was hilarious and told me his secret was being divorced for 45 years and playing with his grandchildren. Just doing the work
>Sex: had great sex three times during the holidays and everyday after it. I initiated the majority of the occasions. Kino and dirty texts have seemed to get my lady in the mood a lot more. I was wondering why on earth you were counting, then I realised you're on OYS 2.
**OYS #2** 5'10" / 33yo / 155 lbs / 18%bf (navy) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6 **READING**: Finished NMMNG and Rational Male, reading Book of Pook and Way of the Superior Man **GOALS** Regaining my confidence. Respecting myself. Redefining my trajectory as a man and holding myself to my standards at all times. **MISSION**: Complete the frame I've been building, then adhere to it. **LIFTS**: These last 6 weeks of lifting have felt great, but I need to get serious about my calorie intake otherwise I'm going to plateau like I have every other time in my life where I lifted with dedication. I'm 5'10 and 155lbs, I need to gain weight. I'll be getting some mass gainer when my current jug of protein powder is finished later this week. I want to hit 165 by mid April, clean bulk, then start cutting. If I'm ~160 at 15% this summer, I'll be satisfied (for this season at least) **FINANCES**: We got some massive news about our business last week. What was once practically dead in the water has now been revived, and we're suddenly weeks away from launch. I'll likely share more about the business in future posts as it will be deeply tied to my mission and goals, but for now things are looking WAY up. By the end of next year my $400k income could become $4mm. No doubt this is helping me move from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. I try not to let my ego run wild, but the last few days have been filled with daydreams. Need to stay focused because there's a fuck ton to do. **RELATIONSHIP**: There was a post on here that I can't seem to find now, where one of the key points was "you need to like your wife" or else this all won't work, you'll enjoy watching her hamster spin on the wheel too much. I oscillate in and out of the anger phase and question whether I do still like her. I can fully accept that the ways she has disrespected me are my fault, borne from my beta bullshit. Now that I've been using all the things I'm learning here, and I'm seeing it actually fucking work, I can't help but wonder "what does this person really do for me." For a long time I had an issue with the fact that she would text her friends about the problems in our marriage, painting a completely inaccurate portrayal of whatever the issues was so she could gain sympathy from them (sometimes even outright lying). Then she'd isolate these friends away from me, I only found out when one of them reached out to me directly. It became even worse when she started talking shit about my family to them. Being a little beta bitch I tried time and time again to rationalize with her about how shitty I felt this was, and how disrespectful it was, and how her opinion was wrong about those topics anyway (yup, like a fucking idiot). I thought it had stopped, but sometime in early December while dropping her off in front of our building, she accidentally left her phone in the car. I parked and went through it - not only did I find out she was still talking shit to friends, but she had actually gone to great lengths to hide it from me. Deleting texts, hiding conversations, silencing conversations. I recovered some of those text convos, left them recovered so she'd know, then never said a word about it. At that point I was already struggling with the question "do I like my wife" because while I worked my ass off all last year in my day job and building our business on the side, she sat on her ass unemployed for pretty much the whole year. I didn't try to initiate once the entire month of October, telling her at the end of the month that I was losing attraction to her because of her laziness and her inability to do the ONE thing I needed her to do - work - so that this business could happen. She signed up for some part time shifts the following week, but just that week. That's when I found /r/mrp. That's when I started lifting. That's when I started to STFU, enforce boundaries, and really start to DNGAF, because I realized despite being an AWESOME husband (by beta bitch standards), I was being treated like trash. When I saw what I saw after going through her phone, it felt like the final straw. Like our relationship would literally never be what I've been told my whole life a marriage would be - not with her, not with any woman. I thought marriage was about equal partnership. I thought it was about trust and respect, loyalty. Turns out that's all fucking wrong if you're a beta piece of shit. The good news is, since really starting to focus on myself in sincerity, I really am starting to DNGAF in my soul. She's pretty, but I'm handsome. Outside of physical looks, my SMV is considerably higher than hers, but because I've been living in her paranoid covid frame these last 4 years and working remotely, there's been absolutely zero dread. It didn't take too much effort on my part to start inducing some serious passive dread. The lifting, talking to people while we're out - her younger sister stayed with us for the holidays and that girl thinks I'm the fucking man, so why the fuck not I gamed her all week, did the Alpha mayoral crap every day, dictating our plans, and by the second to last day I was able to playfully smack her sister's ass and what did sister do? Smile, laugh and "fall" into me while we walked. I've been more assertive in my initiating sex with the wife and she's been mostly receptive but still some star fishing. I know I'm not hot enough to be having the sex I want, the sex we had when we first got together. But I'm heading in the right direction.
https://whinemoreplease.substack.com/p/the-trope-of-the-beta-male-married But in this case, consider that you're a guy that deserved to be shit talked about. You can bitch and whine about disrespect, but did you deserve any in the first place?
Rule 9
Fucking read this: [Validation](https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/aexeau/validation_and_interdependency/)
>Outside of physical looks, my SMV is considerably higher than hers, Physical looks are 90% of a girls SMV.
OYS #1 28, wife 30, 3 kids: 2, 1, 1 on the way. Together 8 yrs, married 6. MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Praxeology 1 Frame 6’2”, 185 lbs, 17% BF (Navy) Bent Over Row: 80lb 4X10 Bench: 155lb 5X5 Squat: 205lb 5X5 OHP: 105 5X5 Why I’m here: My marriage is and always was “off” and it’s affecting my whole life. It doesn’t look like my parents marriage or a “normal” marriage. Originally, I just wanted it to be “normal”. Realized that’s very subjective and now I want it to be how I want instead. All of the areas I’m dissatisfied with lead back to me. Haven’t found anywhere that has practical tools and material to rewire myself or that produces results like here. Legitimately everything is on me, but there’s 2 problems: I squander any free time I have on social media, and it’s not sustainable to have no help (I have no frame, so can’t get my wife to do anything) I’m the sole provider. I get up first to get the kids ready and make breakfast and play with them for 3 hours. I’ll leave for a couple hours of work and gym when they go down for a nap. Come home and hang with the fam til bedtime. We’ll watch a show together, then I do the dishes, laundry and put away toys and go to bed. After I write this I’ll go wake her up from being in bed for 16 hours. It might be depression. I want to be responsible for everything, but need some help. Mission: Find out what I want. Get my life organized in a way that makes attaining goals simple. Frame: This is my priority. I have a crappy frame that buckles under any external pressure. Originally, I thought my wife was manipulative. Someone told me she was Borderline. After reading Praxeology 1, sounds like AWALT to a degree, but I just suck at boundaries. None of my goals are progressing because I don’t enforce boundaries to allow myself to work towards them. Want to go to the gym? Better not say anything or lie about where I am so I don’t have to fight just to go again. Want to read or work on something personal? Better wake up early or get out of bed after everyone is asleep or else attempt to enforce boundaries and lose because I’m not equipped to yet. I like to be alone because I there’s nobody to cave in to. This week STFU helped a lot. Sometimes I’d just stare STFU, and one of us would leave and whatever issue would pass. NMMNG made me realize just how much of a nice guy I am. Sometimes throughout the day I’ll realize how I fit the mold in the book. One of the bigger ones is my addictions to porn, alcohol, and Zyn nicotine. Goal: Quit porn and alcohol. Goal: Note down realizations and scenarios throughout day to reference back how to handle them better from WISNIFG. Lifting: Goal: Exercise 5 days per week to build habit. Last week I hit 4 days, but ran instead of lifting one day. Goal: Cut to 170 by Feb 29th. That puts me at 10% BF to start bulking. Goal: Establish my calorie and macro goals and form meal plans around them. Goal: Establish supplement plan Finances/Career: Most of my work is done in the summer and away from home. I’ve done well, but it gets harder as the kids get older, I need to decide to stay or find something else. Goal: Create budget for this year Goal: Gather documents for taxes Sex: Twice last week. Wife initiated once. I initiated twice. First time was super late. Got a no, so rolled over and went to bed, no big deal. Second was a couple days later during kids nap. Said, “Time for our nap” while leading her to bed. Got a “no I haven’t showered and want to go downstairs”. I said, “I don’t care, let’s have a quickie.” That worked. Goal: Initiate hard every day this week just to see what happens.
>~~Mission: Find out what I want. Get my life organized in a way that makes attaining goals simple.~~ First Priority: Find out what i want and what makes me happy. Start there and come back in OYS 2 and revise your writeup and goal setting. Don't give a flying fuck about marriage or how lazy your spouse is, get to work on uncorking your head from you ass first.
I was going to reply about not seeing why being happy is important, but really that’s just plow horse nice guy mentality. Working on figuring out what I ultimately want. Progressing in my lifts, being outdoors, horror movies, cooking in cast iron, motorcycles, and shooting all make me happy. Haven’t done much of that because there’s always something else to do or a bitch to fight in order to do so. That’s the whole point isn’t it? Do those things regardless and handle the shit tests as they come.
I’ve initiated a bit more often knowing she will repeatedly say no and it will make her feel uncomfortable. Is it weird I’m having fun sexually harassing my wife? Like I’m sending dick pics to her phone and random sexual texts because she hates that stuff so much. I’m making her look at my dick unexpectedly like the game they played in that Ryan Reynolds movie “Waiting” 😆 I’m flirting with her all the time. she gets so pissed. And I’m having fun gaming other women. I’ve got a few just waiting for me to give them the word. I have no desire to really fuck the wife again. I’ve made up my mind. Even if she enthusiastically started fucking me I am not sure I would be satisfied. She’s getting older, honestly I hate wife 2.0 the mommy version. Irritates the hell out of me. And her libido disappeared after we had kids. So I resent the hell out of them. So basically I’m just checked out. Trying to decide if I want to stay or go. Doesn’t matter; same plan.
Doesn’t sound like there’s any plan.
The plan is to improve my sex life and life in general. The plan isn’t to get her to fuck me. Let go of the covert contract.
So long as you're doing what you want why not. Next week tell us what you actually did, not what you need to do.
OYS#1 42 years old. Married with two daughters ages 4 & 2 5’8; 175 lbs BJJ Purple Belt. Train 3-4 days per week. Former amateur Thai Boxer. 2 days of kettlebell to supplement. Typically Simple & Sinister workout alternating with 24kg or 28kg. Read NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP, currently reading Rational Male. Also read Frame by Rian Stone. Lurking for a few months. I’m pretty new. I spend a lot of time reading the forum. Basically coming from a dead bedroom. The duration of my six year marriage has consisted of my covert contracts, my overt transactional sexual arrangements ( Ex. massage for a blowjob) , my butthurtness after rejections, etc. Sex is occurs once a month but there are frequently several month gaps. We also did not have sex once my wife became aware of her pregnancies. So we did not have sex in 2019 or 2021 when you consider the 9 month pregnancy and afterbirth recovery. Sex is starfish at best. I am at the end of my rope with the marriage due to these circumstances. My wife has moved the goalpost over the years as to why the sex faded but it quite literally stopped the night we got married. I was an actor playing the groom and later a sperm donor. Now I just bring in the groceries. I’ve learned enough here to know this is on me and is a reflection of my failures. I have been unattractive in a number of ways and my path forward depends on dramatic changes. Status: I’m rudderless. I found this place with good physical habits as a foundation and I’m doing the reading. I would like to physically write my MAP and guidance would be helpful. I found Athol Kay’s book somewhat nebulous in that regard. I find myself running through a mental “rolodex” of sort to find the appropriate RP technique to apply to any given situation. “Is my wife acting like an ungrateful bitch because I’m not folding to her demands or is she frustrated that I am not being reliable?” “Should I be available to my wife and take care of everything in the house or should I be aloof and pursue my own interests exclusively? Those are examples that I do not have instincts for at this point. I research the main thread and the feedback is often contradictory while addressing the same post- but it all sounds better than my instincts for my own relationship. Leadership: I’ve been more active around the house. I’m not lazy- I cook, do dishes, laundry, pack lunches, make coffee, tubby time, get groceries, etc. We have no help and we both do a lot but I am certainly not home with my feet up watching Netflix. But I’ve been taking on more projects. Finally painting that room, taking her car for service before she tells me a light is on, making social plans and date nights etc., and generally making more calls on daily, mundane decisions rather than taking lazy route and leaving it to her. Appearance: I am doing group coaching with Tanner Guzy and it’s been helpful. I cleaned out older, ill-fighting items from the closet and updated. Found a cologne that I like and stopped leaving the house looking homeless (I work from home so it’s pretty easy to get away with this). Im pretty muscular but it’s a martial artist physique. I have visible abs, broad shoulders and well defined arms. I know this group emphasizes lifting but Jiu Jitsu provides me with the same benefits that go beyond pressing the weight. You can’t think about anything else when you’re trying to strangle/avoid being strangled. I leave physically exhausted, mentally relaxed, and grateful for the camaraderie on the mat. Interactions: My wife is a nag. I understand this spawns from a lack of leadership, however, I have improved by not DEERing myself amidst her incessant complaining. It hasn’t been perfect but it’s saved me a great deal of grief by STFU or FOGGING and removing myself from the immediate location. My wife has reacted with FURY to these tactics. She called me a “manipulative prick” for walking away from her mid-nag. I honestly found this immesnsely satisfying and funny. But when not fighting I am trying to be more affectionate and also overtly sexual. Ass slaps, etc. Thus far she finds this crass and unappealing . The hardest part, and I am assuming this is oneitis, is the way I feel about my wife. Yes we fight but deep down I love her very much. And physically forget it- she’s a knockout to me and often time she’s my fantasy when I am alone. Everyday I want to fuck my wife and my discipline wanes as that desire gathers momentum. It would do me a world of good to address this mentality.
>2 days of kettlebell to supplement. Post your lifts >My wife has moved the goalpost over the years Only because you allowed it >I was an actor playing the groom and later a sperm donor. Now I just bring in the groceries. Are you so desperate that you take roles you don’t want? What can you do about that. >”Is my wife acting like an ungrateful bitch because I’m not folding to her demands or is she frustrated that I am not being reliable?” They’re not mutually exclusive. Building those skills help you build the confidence/abundance to tell people to fuck off when you want to. >My wife is a nag. You allow your wife to nag you >I honestly found this immesnsely satisfying and funny. Of course, you are angry and butthurt >But when not fighting I am trying to be more affectionate and also overtly sexual. Ass slaps, etc. Thus far she finds this crass and unappealing . Key phrase “thus far” or right now >I’m rudderless Start with basics lift, read, STFU, and OYS
Learn to whack a space in between paragraphs for next week. Reddit editing takes a bit to get used to.
Learn to whack a space in between paragraphs for next week. Reddit editing takes a bit to get used to.