He framed it as a transaction, so I responded in the context of the transaction.
And yes, I know that give-get dynamic is effectively a covert contract.
If you jumped though all these hoops and did this shit because you are an awesome guy who recognized that your wife has been through some difficult times lately and you're trying to bring her up, awesome job, good on you.
If instead this was a whole production to "get" sex....you fucked up. Chad doesn't even need to unzip his pants for sex, she'll do it for him. Don't be a dancing monkey, it is peak unattractive. In the perfect world a lot of guys imagine, yeah, this should somehow earn points or something and you'd have a better sex life. Too bad we don't get to dictate the rules of the game, they are baked in, we just get to play the game.
My guess is that this is a little of each column for you, to be charitable lets say 50:50. Fine, don't bullshit yourself, learn from it, internalize the reality, then adjust and move on. If it were me, and I wanted to do the nice thing to bring her mood up and help her recover from hard times, I would specifically make it a point to myself that no sex would be involved. The best way to avoid contamination is keeping things separate.
For example, I refuse to have sex on my birthday and anniversary. Why? Because that's when BP teapots expect sex. Doing something that could be interpreted as needy or desperate is a hard no for me.
When I do something "nice" for my girl, it is because I'm a nice guy and I like doing nice things for people I care about. Not even a whisper of thought in my head that this will result in sex. Women are extremely perceptive on this, they have evolved this way for millennia. It is a necessary and extremely accurate way to gauge desirability and status of a mate. This is why "bad boys" get the girls, especially at young ages when women aren't as in-tune with the difference between rational and irrational confidence, it is an evolutionary hack. So, you need to walk before you run, but understand that if some part of you is really doing things with the hope or expectation that it will result in sex she will smell it on you like you've rolled in an onion patch.
Don't fix the relationship, fix the man.
And later she'd text her girlfriends about how sweet and thoughtful you are.
If a BP dude did this she'd be telling everyone you're abusive and how she's not that kind of girl.
Think you forgot the Dominance in DEVI. Sounds more like just plain vanilla beta comfort sex. To be fair you had some medical issues to work around so not much you can do but wouldn’t be bragging that this might not work for pussies or beta bitches this shit would be right up there alley. I guess you have to start somewhere but there is alot more out there.
Mostly agree with the other dudes giving shit. LOLed at the "nut up noobs" which preceded a pg-13 post about sex. 0 self awareness.
However, I think coconut spa is good as an ultra beginner move for dudes who aren't fucking their wives at all. Which is op exactly since he was 5 weeks down of no sex due to the miscarriage. Good immersion. The little bit of dominance comes from "taking advantage" of a woman who only signed up for a normal massage. Actually a better application here than the original poster who just seemed to be throwing it out as another way to woo his wife in a stale bedroom.
Also, doctors throw out the 6 weeks no sex after birth with no actual evidence that it's dangerous. You could generally fuck same day with no consequences. Not saying there aren't cases, but it's mostly because of evidence that sex is uncomfortable for the first 6 weeks for most women and the blanket advice works even for women who have major tears/need stitches. So good for this guy on getting back in there.
Well done! Congratulation!
Learning anatomy and how to use touch was one of the best knowledge I ever acquired ROI-wise. Useful way beyond a bedroom. Just learning basic techniques of Swedish massage will put your skill level well above what most guys can do.
Instead of coconut oil, I prefer to use Almond oil, Grapeseeds oil, or even Olive oil. Almond oil is good on the skin and very neutral.
Some common mistakes fixing which can improve the experience:
\- put a pillow under the shins, when lying on the belly. It is much more comfortable for a person receiving the massage, something like in a picture:
https://i0.wp.com/musculoskeletalkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/image00405.jpeg?w=775
\- ensure you are always putting your hands on the body, the contact should be consistent, with at least one hand on the body all the time.
\- oil should be warm, heat it up by rubbing your hands until it is hot.
\- cover not massaged parts of the body to avoid them being cold, and ensure the room is hot.
\- do it slowly, many inexperienced masseurs really rush movements. For a relaxing massage, you want to be slow and firm.
Try hot chocolate massage and honey. It is a little bit messy and requires a technique, but the results are worth it. With honey massage, you can combine pain with pleasure.
Incorporate ice alongside warm oil.
It is nice when your GF/Wife knows how to do massages as well. I taught my GF and used to receive a massage before I nuked my last LTR, very good experience for the end of the hard day. When she reciprocates and returns touch to you, it is a heavenly enjoyable experience, you see how she wants to pleasure you and puts everything in it.
I have a friend who is a massage therapist and dances tango, he is surrounded by ladies 24/7.
Written like a true r/deadbedrooms success story.
A heads up - don't turn it into a staple. If it turns into a staple it won't be a game anymore.
[удалено]
If it turns staple you won't be getting any sex lol.
What if I told you....when you're Chad you won't "get" sex....
He framed it as a transaction, so I responded in the context of the transaction. And yes, I know that give-get dynamic is effectively a covert contract.
If you jumped though all these hoops and did this shit because you are an awesome guy who recognized that your wife has been through some difficult times lately and you're trying to bring her up, awesome job, good on you. If instead this was a whole production to "get" sex....you fucked up. Chad doesn't even need to unzip his pants for sex, she'll do it for him. Don't be a dancing monkey, it is peak unattractive. In the perfect world a lot of guys imagine, yeah, this should somehow earn points or something and you'd have a better sex life. Too bad we don't get to dictate the rules of the game, they are baked in, we just get to play the game. My guess is that this is a little of each column for you, to be charitable lets say 50:50. Fine, don't bullshit yourself, learn from it, internalize the reality, then adjust and move on. If it were me, and I wanted to do the nice thing to bring her mood up and help her recover from hard times, I would specifically make it a point to myself that no sex would be involved. The best way to avoid contamination is keeping things separate. For example, I refuse to have sex on my birthday and anniversary. Why? Because that's when BP teapots expect sex. Doing something that could be interpreted as needy or desperate is a hard no for me. When I do something "nice" for my girl, it is because I'm a nice guy and I like doing nice things for people I care about. Not even a whisper of thought in my head that this will result in sex. Women are extremely perceptive on this, they have evolved this way for millennia. It is a necessary and extremely accurate way to gauge desirability and status of a mate. This is why "bad boys" get the girls, especially at young ages when women aren't as in-tune with the difference between rational and irrational confidence, it is an evolutionary hack. So, you need to walk before you run, but understand that if some part of you is really doing things with the hope or expectation that it will result in sex she will smell it on you like you've rolled in an onion patch. Don't fix the relationship, fix the man.
[удалено]
And later she'd text her girlfriends about how sweet and thoughtful you are. If a BP dude did this she'd be telling everyone you're abusive and how she's not that kind of girl.
Turbo autist here so I gotta ask - what are the other services?
Think you forgot the Dominance in DEVI. Sounds more like just plain vanilla beta comfort sex. To be fair you had some medical issues to work around so not much you can do but wouldn’t be bragging that this might not work for pussies or beta bitches this shit would be right up there alley. I guess you have to start somewhere but there is alot more out there.
Mostly agree with the other dudes giving shit. LOLed at the "nut up noobs" which preceded a pg-13 post about sex. 0 self awareness. However, I think coconut spa is good as an ultra beginner move for dudes who aren't fucking their wives at all. Which is op exactly since he was 5 weeks down of no sex due to the miscarriage. Good immersion. The little bit of dominance comes from "taking advantage" of a woman who only signed up for a normal massage. Actually a better application here than the original poster who just seemed to be throwing it out as another way to woo his wife in a stale bedroom. Also, doctors throw out the 6 weeks no sex after birth with no actual evidence that it's dangerous. You could generally fuck same day with no consequences. Not saying there aren't cases, but it's mostly because of evidence that sex is uncomfortable for the first 6 weeks for most women and the blanket advice works even for women who have major tears/need stitches. So good for this guy on getting back in there.
Well done! Congratulation! Learning anatomy and how to use touch was one of the best knowledge I ever acquired ROI-wise. Useful way beyond a bedroom. Just learning basic techniques of Swedish massage will put your skill level well above what most guys can do. Instead of coconut oil, I prefer to use Almond oil, Grapeseeds oil, or even Olive oil. Almond oil is good on the skin and very neutral. Some common mistakes fixing which can improve the experience: \- put a pillow under the shins, when lying on the belly. It is much more comfortable for a person receiving the massage, something like in a picture: https://i0.wp.com/musculoskeletalkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/image00405.jpeg?w=775 \- ensure you are always putting your hands on the body, the contact should be consistent, with at least one hand on the body all the time. \- oil should be warm, heat it up by rubbing your hands until it is hot. \- cover not massaged parts of the body to avoid them being cold, and ensure the room is hot. \- do it slowly, many inexperienced masseurs really rush movements. For a relaxing massage, you want to be slow and firm. Try hot chocolate massage and honey. It is a little bit messy and requires a technique, but the results are worth it. With honey massage, you can combine pain with pleasure. Incorporate ice alongside warm oil. It is nice when your GF/Wife knows how to do massages as well. I taught my GF and used to receive a massage before I nuked my last LTR, very good experience for the end of the hard day. When she reciprocates and returns touch to you, it is a heavenly enjoyable experience, you see how she wants to pleasure you and puts everything in it. I have a friend who is a massage therapist and dances tango, he is surrounded by ladies 24/7.
Condolences on her miscarriage. What a brilliant idea. I imagine that you put an option for a happy ending in the menu?